176: Feedback Friday | How to Cope with the Burden of Being the Ugly Friend
Welcome to feedback Friday. I'm your host Jordan harbinger. And I'm here with producer Jason to Filipo here on the Jordan harbinger show. We love having conversations with our guests in this week. We had AJ Jacobs talking about his crazy, social experiment. Jason this guy. He decided to thank everyone that was helping him get his morning coffee. So he's flying to Colombia to thank the bean farmers. And he's thanking the people that are shipping the beans and all the barista and all the people that are grinding and processing, it's just crazy. He is a unique guy unique is a nice way to put he's at Lucia. He's a total loon. I love him to death. But he's a looney. Yeah. Yeah. He he spent a year living Biblically. So he only wore like cotton robes, and you know, didn't eat non-co Ida just all kinds of weird stuff. Like, he couldn't sit in a seat where a woman had been meant had sat who has menstruate. All this weird stuff from the bible like the Old Testament stuff, and he lived that way for a year in Manhattan, which is. Somehow kind of impossible. And then what's more impossible is the fact that he's still married agree. Divorce him, which is crazy. His wife must be a very patient woman. That's for sure exactly. We also spoke with Brian scooter more. He's the founder of one eight hundred got junk, he dropped out is school had seven hundred bucks into beat up pickup truck and started a I don't know two hundred million dollar company something like that. He's an interesting cat. He came in and talked about that story and had talked about what he calls, the the W T F or willing to fail mindset and good friend of mine. Interesting guy, really interesting show. And I also write every so often on the blog the latest post is it's about forming an opinion essentially, but when you have the right to form and opinion, when you have the ability to form that opinion, and this piece will make you better at thinking better arguing informing arguments and opinions, and it was inspired, my friend, Dr drew who was complaining during a show that we were doing that. He gives toxic colleges, and you know, he's a frigging medical. Later and inevitably some freshmen will stand up and be like right disagree. With your statement about the and he's like, I'm a doctor, right? Thirty years of experience. What are you? You're not you're seventeen years old sit down, right? So I wrote an article about that make sure you've had a look any listen to all of that. And the the articles are on the blog if you go to Jordan, harbinger dot com slash articles. They're featured there, of course, our primary mission is to pass along our guest, wisdom and our experiences and insights along to you. In other words, the real purpose of the show is to have conversations directly with you. And that's what we're going to do today here on feedback. Friday, you can reach us Friday at Jordan, harbinger dot com. Try to keep them concise. If you can't it really does increase the chance that your questionable get answered on the air. I was just at pod fest out in Orlando south by southwest in Austin, I met a lot of great people. I roasted John Lee Dumas, which was a lot of fun at podcast. And I I gotta tell you Jason. I love doing the comedy I jet jail D at the end of John leader. He did a thing where he goes, tell me who you think was funniest by show of applause. You're not really supposed to do that at a roast. But he did it anyway. And I got the most applause, and I thought that was pretty cool being mean is hard though. Well, you know, me and jailed ego back a long ways. And I think I would have probably one if I made it, but you can't win by punching someone in the face. That is not how you went roast. That's true. That's true. Oh have been fun though. I'm congrats on that. Congrats. That's a that's a huge huge thing. Thank you. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. I love being up there. I would do it again in a second. I think just there's something to the comedy thing. And it's really fun. I get it. Although I don't know if I could stand the going up there and trying to set and all the rejection that goes with it. It just seems really hard. But yeah, I mean, that's what I do on groppy gigs every week. It's fun. It gets the gets the juices flowing. And makes you more calmer person at the end nice. I can take it. Yeah. It is a little release valve. All right. Well, speaking of release valves, what's the first thing in the mail bag? Hey, guys. My seventy one year old mother passed away six months ago. Not exactly comedy that. We're going. Here for the first question in my dad, who's seventy four bought a five thousand dollar diamond ring for someone he met a week ago. So yeah, my sister, and I are furious. My mother passed away very suddenly in my dad was extremely distraught. In a complete burden to everyone around him is though he was the only one morning he needed constant care and attention. So we decided to send him on a vacation to get his mind off things. And there you go he met someone twenty-five years younger than himself in the mmediately started spending all of his money on her. He's planning on throwing a wedding, and he didn't even pay for my mother's funeral. We the kids did. And this is a man who would nickel and dime. The price of tomatoes with my mom when she was still around. Never once. Did he even by my momma gift he would calculate every single dime? He spent for the household in make my mom pay. Exactly half of it. I don't know how to react. I'm just so pissed and I feel extremely disrespected and I feel like with his slutty behavior. Disrespecting my mother, and her memory is it abnormal to be. So angry. I am. What do I do? Thanks daddy issues. Yikes. While through. Yeah. This is a rough one. I mean, here's the thing. Your parents were together for how long fifty plus years. And you gotta think this is a person who spent I assume the vast majority of his life with your mother now she's gone and your dad again, I assume is alone for the first time in a very long time. So it's natural albeit a little unhealthy to rebound or latch onto someone for company. And it sounds like his children didn't want to be that person. So y'all are now upset that he's found that rebound. And it's just a part of the grieving process in part. But you know, he is grieving it sounds like his process is finding someone to replace her, companionship. And most this is going to be controversial. But most seventy something year old men. They don't have a whole lot to offer. When looking for like, a companion a lot of the time who's twenty five years younger? So if he's looking for that he's going to use his money to do it, especially. If he's in sort of the grief process, I mean who knows what's going on? But it's normal for you to be serious. I would absolutely consider talking to him about it. But phrase it out of concern not out of anger. Right. So you might wanna say something like dad, you're acting a little differently since he met this new person, I'm worried you used to be so careful with money. Now, you're really throwing it around. I just don't want you to have money problems in a couple of years. If you spend all of it you've got longer to go than you think you can't be going on vacations or buying rings all the time. But in the end, your dad is seventy four he doesn't have that much time left to get out there and live, and he's probably thinking, why waste what I've got left sitting at home grieving, and he if he's anything like most men, he's not well equipped to deal with the grief in the first place. So this is an escape for him. He's been with someone for a long time. It's depressing as hell to find yourself sitting home, alone and bored with kids who are doing their own. Thing or that Cindy on a vacation, you know, they've got their own families. If you can talk to him about it out of concern, you might strike a chord of them. He's probably in the middle of feeling. Just completely upside down in confused. Also, I would persuade him to get a physical. Call his primary care physician in advance tell about his sudden change in behavior because sometimes especially in older folks, there can be a brain or biological reason that people are acting funny. I don't know Jason you remember this a while ago longtime ago, we got a letter from somebody and it was like the dad had taken in this teenage girl. Yeah. Totally remember that one and he suddenly was starting to like send her these tax messages in the family talked to the girl, and they're like look what you're doing is weird. Not. Okay. And the girl was like, yeah. I know. But you know, I don't really know what to do about this. And then the mom started to freak out because she's like, I can't believe you're basically striking up a romance with a teenage girl we've been married for like thirty plus years, and then she woke up and the dad was like. Standing over her. Yeah. Qripoli? Yeah. That was that was a crazy one. Yeah. That was crazy. And they're like we wanna leave the house. We don't know what to do. We think the dad might do something. And then people a lot of people wrote in and they were like he might have a tumor. Go to go get a scan. This is super strange, you might have a tumor. And I think that was a really good point. Like what the hell that's not normal behavior. I think with this guy. He's he's seventy four. He's staring death in the face because his wife just died. So you know mortality is right there in front of him. And he does wanna probably live a little before. He's gotta go. And he's lonely as hell, you know, if he's with that woman for you know, generations, and she's gone now he's got nothing else to look forward to. So he's just doing the best that he can to get by and make sure that he at least has something going on. So I understand it. I don't I can understand why they're pissed, but you also have to look at it from his perspective where he's just like he woke up one day. And his wife of all those years is gone. He's by himself. He's got money. What's he gonna do? He's going to go have some fun. And I'm sure he's still in the middle of the grieving process, and it's going to take them a while to get past it. But you know, I can't really fault the guy. Yeah. I get it. I don't love it. But I yeah. I guess I get it. I understand it. But I don't condone it. All right. What's next? Hi, Jordan company. I work at a university where there's no mandatory age for retirement, which brings me to the problem. One of my co workers is in his early seventies and his affable jokey and popular with the older staffers here, and let's call him. Joe? However, Joe is also unproductive regularly comes in late and daily has to rely on his other co workers to answer questions that involve web and digital matters attends training sessions, but doesn't learn from them. I can't stand him. And I make snide remarks not professional. I know but the other day I chided him because he didn't check on something that he should have. And consequently. We could have missed out on something important. He then suggested I take over this particular area of his job duties, then I asked him if I do that. What are you gonna do? Instead Joe had no answer for that. And instead started rambling about having worked thirty five years. Plus, and then he was burnt out from working. He said he was going to retire next January. However, I heard that he was going to retire this January. But obviously didn't I overheard him say to a co working friend of his I'm going to die in this chair said jokingly, but I really wonder a former co worker of mine who moved on theorized that Joe hangs on because this job is as main source of social interaction we have job evaluations. But my boss is very lenient. I've pointed out his own productivity to my boss as well in the boss. Just laughed it off we are short staffed as it is. I resent having to take on more work because of this dead. Would do you have any advice for the situation? I feel like sending an anonymous letter to HR other than that. I like my job get along. Well with other co workers, work hard and get involved in various. Areas to contribute looking forward to hearing. What you all say, call me chopper. This is a tricky one. Jason what do you think? I know you have some thoughts initially here. Yeah. My first reaction is what a dick. I mean. The guys in the seventies, relax, bro. You know, have some sympathy. If you're in your seventies. It had nothing else to do or anywhere to go. Would you want some snot nosed kid like kicking you out of a job that you've been out for thirty five years? I guess, but I have a bit more sympathy for the writer as well. Look, totally get it. You know, seventy doesn't have anything to do only social outlet. But fine. I mean, other people are picking up the slack that Joe's leaving because he's taking up a job position salary that somebody actually needs to do. But he can't do it. And frankly, look, I I know there are seventy year old people that can do IT related tasks. It's I think he just kind of doesn't feel like learning it, you know, he's gone on too old for this. And it's like, okay, but just because you refuse to modernize doesn't mean the university's not gonna modernizer that you can just be like. All the kids are going to do it. It's like what do you do? Or what is what is it? You would say you do around here. That's very very office space of you. It is right. But it's like if it would be different if it was like, oh my gosh. Well, we give all of our TPS reports to Joe because we handle all the tech stuff. But if he's just sitting around surfing the web all day, or I don't know reading the newspaper, and then all of these other people have to pick up the slack because he literally incapable of doing the job that that's not fair, but I would say chopper year a bit stuck because your boss is obviously not sticking up for you. And universities are almost universally inefficient to the point of absolute ridiculousness, especially public universities, which are buying large bloated bureaucracies floating on top of massive subsidies tax dollars inflated tuition. What I would do is document each time. You have to do work that isn't yours because Joe is unable to do it. And I'd also start looking for a new job. Immediately. And once you find something then when you're leaving tell them exactly why you're leaving hand in the proof send a copy to HR CEO, boss. Can't bury it when you're like. Yeah. And you did nothing about it. And you're going to continue to lose talent that way he can't just like throw it away and go like, oh, yeah, he quit because he didn't like the hours you can hand copied HR. Joe's welcome to come in. If he needs a social outlet as a volunteer someplace else, and look I know Jason thinks you're a dick. I think he's a dick. I don't think it's our job at our office to be someone social outlet or their source of entertainment. It's great if you can be that in addition to them doing their job. That's great. But if they're useless, otherwise, I mean, if he wants that he can be a volunteer someplace else get a free lunch. Don't be weight who makes other people have a harder day every single day at work. It's not like he's asking these guys to do the occasional. Hey, I've got to do this thing online. Can you help me with it once a quarter? This is like they're just doing his job because he. Like doesn't know how to work the emails, and I hear you on this Jason, but someone's right to a paycheck in a fun day at work ends when they're piling crap on my plate because they can't do their own job. You know, I I'm just looking at the time time served, you know, I'm just looking at time serve guys been there for over thirty five years. And you know, he's in the twilight what the university should do is just find some extra budget and bring somebody else on if they want to keep the guy, and they know that he's dead weight. Then just find the budget and bring somebody else. Yeah. Agree agree. But don't I mean, I just think this guy's gonna feel bad when this guy gets kicked out and he's responsible for it. I look down the line. And she's like, oh, man, this guy who's been there his whole life. You know, put all this time to the university. And I come in it just because I got to work a little harder. I get him kicked out. And then what's his guy? God he's gonna home go home like what drink himself to death because he's got nowhere else to go. He's got no friends. He's got no money. You know? I'm just looking at the the law of unintended consequences that can happen. If this guy kicks. Out. Joe he and I worry about that. I feel you. I agree. I think you're right. The boss should come up with the budget, and you know, chopper, you can find other job offers, and you can leave, and you could tell them why alternately if you're able to do this when Joe's like, hey, I need you to do my job again for me. Just be like, Nope. Yeah. And then when it doesn't get done in the boss is like, hey, who's following those TPS reports online. You're like, oh, that's Joe's job. And they're like, oh, well, hey, Joe where are those? I don't know how the machine works. Okay. Cool. Hey chopper, can you help? Hey, I got a full plate. I've been doing a lot of that. I did six months of TPS reports I can help later on on Friday. But no, I can't do. Joe's job for him every single day. And then make your boss ask you to do this all look, this could cost you your job to because you know, it depends. But that's why you should have another offer on the plate, but you can say like look I'll help once or twice, but I'm not going to do the guys will job for him. And if the stuff starts piling up and doesn't get done. Then it's easier. It's a lot harder for your boss to go uh. Good old. Joe not doing any work. It's like, yeah. We're not gonna do it anymore. It look if it's just you chopper who's pissed about it. Maybe it's an attitude adjustment. But if everyone else in the office is like I'm so sick of doing. This guy's job just band together and say, we're not doing it anymore. We're not gonna do. This guy's job needs to figure it out. It's not impossible for him to learn how to do this. He's seventy he's not one hundred seventy he can figure out how to use universities online to their guaranteed professors at that university. Who know how to use the online systems, just fine. Yeah. My dad's seventy two and he can work a computer like nobody's business. He learned when he was sixty five it's not hard. You know? Yeah, I'm fine with that. Yeah. Yeah. Just just stop stop. Being a crutch forum and let him stand on his own two feet. But I would just say don't proactively try and like kick his knees out from under him. That's that's my only thing. So I really Jordan on that let this guy standard fall on his own merit. This is feedback Friday. We'll be right back after this. This episode is sponsored in part by Honey book. Look if you run a creative business, you know, how to make your clients look good that is literally your job. But if you're struggling with tedious administrative tasks, let Honey book do the work and make you look good. If you've got a great idea for a business. What's holding? You back is thought of admin work is overwhelming. Honey book is here to help. You get that plan off the ground. It's an online business management tool. It lets you control your client communication, booking contracts and invoices all in one place, which is actually a brilliant idea which this existed a few years ago when especially when I was doing coaching stuff because this is kind of a one stop shop for this. If you're a creative freelancer, you're a small business owner Honey book helps you stay organized has custom templates a lot of automation, tools, and can consolidate services you already use QuickBooks, Google, suite mail chimp. That's really it's nice to have that kind of one. Dash Jason you're using this. Right. Oh, yeah. I've been set up for about a week or so, and I'm moving my my whole business into this. Because they've got some really really cool features in here with project management and workflows you can customize your entire workflow to your type of business. So as a podcast producer. I can get say oh, get client audio. Edit proof, all the way up to publish and then Bill all in one just time line that I can glance at it is so nice. I really wish like when I was doing client services twenty years ago this thing existed. But now does so it's so nice. I know you have a good deal for Honey book as well. What's that? Yeah. We do. Honey book is offering our listeners fifty percent off your first year with promo code, Jordan, payments, flexible, and the promotion applies whether you pay monthly or annually, which is really nice go to Honey, book dot com and use promo code, Jordan. For fifty percents off your first year, get paid, faster and work smarter. With Honey book dotcom, promo code, Jordan. This episode is also sponsored by med men. Twenty nineteen is just started. And yet history has already been made the new normal is here have you seen it brought to life in short? Film that runs only two minutes long. The new normal seeks to leave behind eighty years of unjust prohibition in favor of safer, happier world. It depicts a product that once drove good people to the black market as one that today is creating a new global market in this new era a plant that was tied to fear and madness now represents a source of common wellness from this day forward. What inspired the symbol of counter-culture is at long last just culture. The new normal has arrived to your city to your neighborhood to the inside of your living room. Watch it now experienced the new normal at men dot com. That's MED, EMMY dot com, madman dot com. Thanks for listening and supporting the show to learn more about our sponsors and get links to all the great discounts. You just heard visit Jordan, harbinger dot com slash deals. And if you'd be so kind please drop us a nice rating and review an tunes or your podcast player of choice. It really helps us out and helps build the show family. If you want some tips on how to do that head on over to Jordan, harbinger dot com slash subscribe. Now, let's hear some more of your questions here on feedback Friday. All right next up. Hey, Jordan and gang this week. I found myself in a situation that reminded me of yours last year. I've basically lost ten years of building my own business and have to restart. I'm also having to tread lightly regarding my former employer when approaching clients to come with me. What advice would you give to someone starting over? What do you think you did? Well, what would you have done differently? How did you stay positive through the painful process who helped you through the process coaches, friends, your network, are there any resources that you would have wished you tapped into sooner? Thank you for everything that you do and keep being awesome signed resentfully rebooting who this brought back some memories. Yeah. Triggered he have totally Turner warning. Yeah. So what you can do here. First of all, you can't solicit former clients you cannot say, hey, I'm leaving come work with me what you can do is make them aware that you've left and I did that threw. Either direct communication or back channels when we got the boot essentially from the old company. What I did is I reached out to my network and friends, and I said, hey, can you reach out to these ad agencies and reach out to clients and say, I left the old show. And I'm starting a new one, and it's funny because in the litigation one of the things that the old company is asserting that I quote, unquote damage the business by taking the advertisers. And what's really funny about this is I didn't take anyone they decided to come with us because they knew us liked us. Trust us. We did a great job for them a long time ago. And everyone heard how we had gotten booted from the company, and they just thought it was such B S, and we're we are pleasant to work with I have to say were easy to work with. Yeah. And that's not the case for for those that may have replaced us on they'll show. So you can make them aware that you've left in a lot of people will come with you because they like you. You're the one who has relationship with them. What I did well back then. Doug, the well before I got thirsty. I did everything in the six minute, networking course. Which is what I created for y'all. It's new course, it replaces the old level one stuff that I no longer have anything to do with by the way. And if you want that Jordan, harbinger dot com, slash course. That course is based on what I did to make sure we were successful with the reboot. So get on that ASAP, the sooner the better, and I have to say when we did start over you were apoplectic about how are we going to do this? What's going to happen? And I'm like, dude, you have the greatest network in the world you need to tap into that and get back on top. And you fought me for what like month, I think and once you finally realize you're like, oh, wait, we do have a great network all the guests that were on the show all the people that, you know, from the show that was that was your superpower. Absolutely. You're superpower. And that's what got us to where we are today. So this is this is no BS what happened with this new show. And why we're here right now is because of your network and all. The relationships that you made before we did it so. Yeah. Get on it. Six minute networking, Jordan. Harvard dot com, slash course. Get to it. Yeah. This is it's the real deal. There's no upsets free. I mean, that's the point is it's an it's a lifesaver say my, but and it will save yours to the stuff that I would do differently. I mean, a lot of that has to do with the litigation, for example, the guy who calls himself AJ harbinger is real name is Andrew chasm rows sqi. He's using my name. There's a lot of ego investment in making trouble for myself for former employees of the old company who have nothing to do with anything just petty vindictive stuff. And if I had known how irrational he would have been and that he never intended to honor the deal that we'd negotiated or fulfill his end of the bargain, if I'd known that he never planned on doing that. I'd have been much more public about everything a lot earlier. But I didn't want to go down a road of seeming petty about things and now that I see this is about his ego and not about business. I probably would have done. Things differently. The problem is I couldn't have seen that in advance. Like, you don't know what your former business partners intentions are. So this probably doesn't apply to you. But it always always helps to appraise the intentions of the people you're dealing with. And make sure that they are healthy emotionally and have a real solution in mind instead of just playing out their childhood traumas in the lives of others. So never make them a stake of thinking that the people you're dealing with our rational that they're emotionally healthy. That's just good advice in general. You know, I've I've been in business two speeds before where I'm like, why is this person doing this? And then you find out that like they don't have any close friends their parents were divorced as kids like they've got all this trauma. And you're like, oh, you're reenacting your stories right now. And then once you go from that angle, you're like, okay. So the only language you're gonna understand is force legal action, etc. And you can save yourself a whole lot of time in stress, and I also recommend when you do a new business deal in the. Future have a break-up clause always have a break-up clause. I made that mistake a long time ago and it bit me in the butt to we never had a up 'cause we're my old partner. And I were fifty fifty and he spent all the money of the company on things like always honeymoon and things like that. And there was it was it was a mess. So if you have a break-up clause from the get-go, it makes it easier when it comes time to sever the relationship, exactly and just bear in mind. A break clause is not going to be in stone. People can always decide not to honor it. I mean, we had that in there was it didn't matter. Right. That's why I'm suing them as for staying positive. I called a lot of other people who have been in business for a long time and ask them what they think, and they all told me the same thing. This will be one of the best things that has ever happened to you. And they turned out to be right. You know, specially valuable or the opinions of mutual friends because they were able to give me advice knowing who was on both sides of the equation, and those people especially people that are still in. With the old company were extra supportive of my new venture, the one you're listening to now the gave me lots of promotion, they helped with quite a few things. And since they knew the situation quite well. And they had known Andrew Kazuo ski aka j harbinger. In air quotes for years. They also a lot of people kind of knew what I was dealing with without me having to explain only a small handful of those people are still friends with both of us all I'll put that out there. And so I still get a lot of support from them, which leads me to believe that a lot of people who are good at fooling others into thinking. They're good people eventually that facade crumbles, especially as enablers of which I was definitely one especially as they lose their grip on those people, and they start separate from those people. So spend less time trying to point all that stuff out to others and more time working on your new business in working on yourself. I am very glad that I didn't sit around plotting revenge. And instead I worked on the Jordan harbinger show with the team here. I firmly believe that action ends suffering when it comes to. Rebuilding action. Focuses your energy on moving forward instead of awnings Ziobro about what you've lost in the end, the Jordan, harbinger show is now way ahead of where the old company ever was tons of people have seen the true colors coming from the other side. Also, we've we've showed our metal as a team here, and they'll see yours too. So you wanna make sure that you're showing the right thing. So the world you've gotta show grit determination, integrity, diligence let the other side embarrass themselves in flail without you, go get your best of apple twenty eighteen and whatever niche, you know, you've got and don't worry about what the other guys are doing. They will screw up their own stuff in due time. And even if they appear to be doing well, just remember you're probably going to look back on this is one of the best things that ever happened. You right now. I'm certainly happier than I've ever been more profitable than we've ever been less stressed than I've been in a long time. And I've really look forward to the future. I almost never had that feeling. When I worked with the old company most of the team left, the old company and joined us here in what we're doing now for that. Exact same reason we all felt we didn't like working with that with that side of the business. And I know it's rough now, but you will be better off for this. You can take my word to the Bank on this one. All right next up there, JJ and J as an entry level job seeker fresh out of college. I'm wondering how during an interview I would make it clear that as a type one diabetic that I have to allot time for appointments every three to six months to visit my endocrinologist on top of other appointments, including dentists blood work up, the Malla, gist, etc. Sincerely, men with many doctors. So none of this needs to be mentioned when negotiating a job offer. And it is almost certainly illegal for them to ask. There's just no need dimension. This that said, I know this is a medical issue that you have no control over. But I'd make darn sure that you make up for lost work time. So that nobody can ever say you spend. Much time out of the office. Whenever you need what some people might consider special treatment, medical or otherwise, you just have to work that much harder to make up for things. Never give anyone an excuse to see you as less than work twice as hard as everyone. And none of this medical stuff will matter at all is it unfair. Probably will it make you indispensable at work and make everyone forget about all these little doctor's appointments things. You need to do definitely. We'll be right back with more feedback Friday right after this. This episode is sponsored in part by hostgator. Think you don't need a website for your business brand figure. Having a presence on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter has you covered. Here's a wakeup call. 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Now back to the show for the conclusion of feedback Friday. All right next. Hi, Al on the show, you both talk about some of the wrong reasons to move. What do you think are some of the right reasons? My husband, and I are thinking about moving state and see some enticing potentials to this. We both live in the same area. We grew up in he wants to gain some different experiences, and I wanna live in a place that has a little more relaxed kind of environment in currently we live in the LA suburbs. And the expense is also a frustration of mine, we see some potential downsides to move. So when do you decide that the pros outweigh the cons? If we do move. How do you narrow down the potential options? Thank you signed ready to hit the road. I moved to get opportunities. I seldom look at the expense. Which is probably why live in the most expensive place at around. It was going to say you live in in cat money cash bag central. That's right. Silicon Valley up here. Yeah. I I mean, hey, I love it. Life is short. I live near family experiences. People opportunities. Whether those are my criteria. And so I would say if you're gonna have a massive lifestyle upgrade, and you can live somewhere else. Go for it. You know experiences. People opportunities weather, if you've got family that's close to you. Now, that's a problem, you know, for moving, but I would say if you can live with other family elsewhere or move closer to other family, and you don't have to sacrifice opportunities. And you're not you don't you can get different or decent weather, and you don't care about the weather, whatever that's fine. In those are the trade offs experiences people, and whether Jason you've moved a ton over one hundred times hundred times over a hundred times I lost count as one hundred and ten. Yeah. That's insane. Yep. That's the way it goes. I'm I'm a vagabond. What can I say? So what do you criteria of culture culture is key for me? You know, they're coming from LA or LA suburbs in wherever they go. They're going to have some kind of culture shock. I'm just going to tell you right now. There's no place like southern California out there anywhere. We are just an. Ecosystem unto ourselves. So you need to find out what bits of the culture that you enjoy. And that you need to sustain yourself when you move to a new place because if you move the Montana, you're going to have won a hell of a case a culture shock. That's for sure. So you need to find the things that really kind of resonate with you. And who you wanna be around do you need a metropolitan area. Do you need a a rural area because you know, your your husband wants to have new experiences, but you're not going to get that. If you move to some little town in Kansas, and I think that that's really key. And I'm with you on opportunities opportunities are key. Because if you guys go to a place, and there's only like, you know, to job opportunities for this type of work that you do you're going to be in trouble. You have to have the opportunities for where you're going to make a living and be comfortable. That's that's really important and finally lifestyle, you know, delight going out in make sure that there are options to where you're moving. They're going to fit your tastes. I mean, I moved back to Chicago. And the height of nightlife in the Chicago suburbs is Applebee's an olive garden, which is really not kinda my Cup of tea like I like going to Malibu and go into Nobu. And so like the food options in the suburbs of Chicago really were kinda miserable. I have to go downtown for that, which means travel. So you have to look at that kind of lifestyle. What's gonna make you happy on a Friday night? When you want to go out and hang out and have some fun stuff. So those are the things because I really look at it more of what are you going to do in your downtime because when you're working, you're working, you know, if you have the opportunities like we mentioned to get a good job. What are your weekend's going to be like, what are your nights gonna be like is that something that can sustain you in feed you and make you happy as a person. So I really recommend diving into that before you go anywhere in making sure that the place you're going can sustain you spiritually on that level. Not trying to do with it. But you have to have that kind of thing. When if you're like food, you have to go to a place where there is good food or activities that you can do do you like rock climbing you need to go to a place. There's rocks. And that's those are my tips. Nice. I those are solid. All right. Good lifestyle opportunities culture, experienced people, whether lots of think about, but it is important, and I there's something to be said for saving money, but if you're miserable, but then you're putting more towards retirement, it's like, well, you know, Dina boat during retirement or you can you live your life now right through that through that. Nobody needs a boat, by the way, you can always rent a boat facts are right next up high Jordan and crew often when I'm hanging out with a certain friend in public, and we both start talking to someone that person always seems to be comparing us to one another this, especially happens with one friend in particular who I've known for over a decade. He's just wait. Two charismatic and personable. And I feel like I'm being shoved aside for the more attractive person. I try to edge into the conversation. But all my efforts go to waste, I compare it to situations when I meet an attractive girl, and she's hanging out with her unattractive friend. I'm really only interested in the attractive one. But I don't wanna seem like a jerk. So I throw the unattractive when a bone every now and then with a split second glancing nod Aguado u k. I feel like I'm getting that treatment. It makes me feel worthless emasculated unimportant, and I often end up losing sleep over it days after it happens. What should I do in situations? Like these thanks tired of playing second fiddle. Well, all right. I just I hope that him writing. This makes him more empathetic to that let less attractive girl in the future in those conversations. Seriously. I mean, dude, come on Syria. Yeah. Seriously that you have to throw her a bone come on shish yolks. I mean, I don't know how old is this guy. Do you think it's hard to say early twenties probably has to be has to be. So look you're doing that aside judgment aside, which we've already completed successfully if you're doing this to yourself, and I get it. I used to do this to improve your game. You know, if you're in your twenties, which I assume you are you'll see the attention shift. Practice. Listen to this shell focus on nonverbal communication. Six-minute networking has the doorway drill. That's amazing for this specific thing. Jordan, harbinger dot com slash courses. Where that's at. If we haven't said at one hundred fifty times already my buddy is a model with great game. And we hang out a lot, and I can easily go toe to toe with now, we're also both married. So it's all an academic exercise at this point. But we were just at south by south west. And it's funny because there's all these like, promo gals and all these girls and stuff, and I was like gen Peter. And I are are getting our game on she's like good lot turds. And so she's like, you know, what are we dealing with? And I'm taking a toll I shoulder. She they're cute. And I was like, yeah. Let's see Peter's, you know, trying to get attention. And I'm you know, we're going to it's kind of fun. And but look as we get older and get married off. Man, this stuff all is just meaningless it is far less important these single and third. Fifty women. They have one Genda regular folks have another. You're a fit for one agenda and not the other man, you know, like who cares? Somebody is looking for a snack in oh year. Not it. That's fine work on your game. If you want that, but this isn't like defining your life. You know, when you're thirty thirty five you're not gonna care at all about any of this yet. Definitely not. And there's just some ego going on here. I mean, his ego is bruised so bad. Yeah. It's all ego, man. And remember that this is about the person you're talking to and their agenda. It has pretty much nothing to do with you. If you're hungry and you walk past a tax accounting office. But you don't go into the tax accountant feel bad about his business. Should he opened a pizza place? Instead. No. So what happens when people just eight, but they need their taxes done. You can't appeal to everyone, nor should you try. And that said the Borgen on those social skills up your game a little if you're in the dating phase, it's never been easier. This is a great reason to do it. And you'll also know if it's worth. Because you'll start being able to hold your own in conversation with your friend and toe, and that'll be great for you learning to be extremely adept socially is a skill that will last you for your whole life, dating aside. So don't underestimate that. And like I said six-minute networking great start. They're all as are the episodes. We've got on nonverbal communication and things of that nature are also very very solid. You know, if you're not in the remedial section, but this is the kind of stuff we're teaching to to advance professionals and special forces as well when it comes to intelligence gathering, so Jordan, harbinger dot com, slash course. Good place to start and good luck. Good luck out there could look, sir. Good luck. Indeed, a her right next. Hi, Jordan Jenin Jason. How can I approach strangers in educate them on the environment? Specifically single use plastic. The other day, I was at whole foods grocery shopping, and I watched a woman put one single carrot into a plastic produce bag as well as every single produce item even bananas in her cart. And she wasn't the only one it seems like everyone is just so unaware of the problems. We're facing today. And they probably don't understand recycling isn't the answer and may not even be an option soon since China stopped taking our plastic. I'm a mom of two small children, and I worry about their future on this planet, especially since Stephen hawking predicted we have one hundred years left on earth and the UN report about only having eleven years to fix the planet before the risk of a climate crisis. I don't mean to sound like an apocalyptic looney, but these are real problems we're facing today, and we don't have until Infinity and beyond fix these problems. I lead, by example, by bringing my reusable shopping bags and produce bags amongst other things. But I'm the minority here. I really appreciate your help with this one signed concerned for my children, and the planet Hausa so people are creatures of habit. Of course, I think it's more helpful to educate the younger generation, you know, at schools and things like that. I do gold plastic bag ban. And I noticed that the petroleum and plastic industry. Have a lot of fake information online to deter people from banning plastic bags? They'll say plastic bag bans or worse for the environment. I'm not sure how that works. I feel the same frustration. I really do. I think it's horrible and somebody throws a banana in a carrot and a plastic bag. It's like there's a fricken peel on their you're going to wash it, what are you doing? And then, you know, the throwing that thing out, and it's going to end up in a sea. Turtle. It's really sad lobby. The store get involved with the organizations that make this their priority. There are people that have their stuff together, you can call the managers and management and tell them that you can write letters things like that your check and your dollars. Go a lot further than harassing random shoppers at whole foods. You can tell friends you can enforce social norms. You can teach your kids at cetera. But the rest is going to have to be a movement and educating the next generation really, I really feel you on this one. It is scary. We are pretty screwed the lobby from. Sticks and petroleum companies. Really makes me sick as well. It's shameful. It's evil really last, but not least Jordan, and Jason I've been listening to you for two years and with your help, I just received a huge promotion, I'll be taking over my own retail store for the company I work for in my dream city. There's no way I could have gotten here without two mentors in my area. Both men are in their fifties. Who I struggled buying Christmas gifts for every year? What the heck do you buy for someone who has such a tremendous impact on your life? One of them is I'm guessing millionaire or close to it who often says he has everything he could ever want. The other is very well off as well. It doesn't talk about his personal life much. But we've known each other for over ten years. Nothing could express the gratitude, I feel in my heart. Thanks for everything. Grateful and gift Lewis. I reached out to John ruin who's been on the show about gifting 'cause this is always a little tricky. The key is this if they're married, which by the way is to typically likely successful men are almost. Inclusively married. I didn't realize that. But apparently, that's it skews that way. That's why I'm single. It's there's a lot of gift ideas, some are better than others, but in the affordable category knives with their names or if they've built a company, then you can use if their company, right? You can use the company logo the company, they built if not us their name or a quote that they love 'cause the wives are unacknowledged anything that includes the spouses, the key. You can put one of their quotes on it. You can put an etching if it's going to be for them as well. You get his in her knives. Literally. I know that sounds ridiculous. But they'll use it every day. They'll be talking about it all the time. They'll be talking about you all the time is the Gifter you can etch like their lake house on their their boats. Something they love with the year and date on it, quote, whatever then when the wives are asking and talking about you if you want to take the relationship further the option is much easier to do, and I thought that was kind of a piece of genius because otherwise you're sending them like a fricken gift basket. Nobody cares. You're sending them. A bunch of crap. Nobody cares guys who have ten million dollars. They don't need you to buy them anything. Right. They they they have whatever they want. So you can also look into the book it's called gift allergy will link to that in the show notes. It's by John ruin we talked about on the show before he's really good at this. He really really is. There's an audio version as well. He just he knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. So I would strongly recommend this. I've got one to this my family did this for me. And I was just so touched by it. If these guys have pets get a local artist to do like, a watercolor or an oil painting of their pet to give to them because my family gave me an oil or not an oil painting a watercolour of bam. My my big Rottweiler for my birthday. It is one of the sweetest things I've ever gotten. It's fantastic. I it sitting in my bedroom right now on the wall. And every time I go in I smile at it because people love their pets. So if these guys have pets think about. Getting you know, just a custom piece of art of their pets for them because they will appreciate it. Because everybody loves their pets could call on the Pat set even think about that, pets and wives livestock more than pets, though, generally. Yeah, definitely if you want do the knives. We can you can Email me you can also reach out to Heather at ruling group dotcom. She can help you with those knives. John offered her services for that. So Heather at ruling group dot com. And that's spelled R U H L I N group dot com. That's right. That's right life pro tip one responding to advice, and I noticed this the other day, actually, I was at a conference. Somebody was saying, I know I know, and I know what they meant. They were like, oh, yeah, you're right. I've heard this before, but the I know sounded a little dismissive. So when responding to advice or suggestions or feedback say, you're right. Instead of I know it shows that you're actually listening to someone that you care about what they say. And it gives them credit for trying to help. And on the other side of that same coin, if you already understand concepts in someone's explaining something to you like someone's explaining to you something that you already know instead of cutting them off or saying, I know or whatever let them explain it to you then ask insightful questions, you might learn a little bit more about that concept. You'll also find out how much that person knows about the concept. And then worst case scenario, you come off, even if you don't learn anything, you come off as intelligent rather than a know it all so if someone's explaining something to you, ask them in Scifo questions, learn more about what they know. And about that concept worst case you look like, you're smart. And when responding to advice say you're right instead of I know that is your pro tips of the week. I love that. Because I am a I always say, I know always in it makes me sound like an arrogant dick in love the fact that we have an alternative now. I can just say, you're right. You're right in that, you know, at least validates them for the advice. They're giving and I am going to write this down in spit on the sticky on my mirrors. So I do this all the time because I am really bad at doing the. Yeah. I know I know. Yeah. Uh-huh. And just as missing people, and it makes them feel like crap. And it makes you look like an asshole. So I really like this tip. Exactly. Yep. Exactly. Recommendation of the week leaving Neverland ho boy Jason have you seen this wa-? Yes. I have seen this one. This is a one of them barn burners. Oh my goodness. It's bonkers. And I don't even know what to say. I went from like, oh, it's a bunch of people trying to get money from the estate same old crap which it is. But it's sure that doesn't mean it's not true twenty minutes into the film. I was like guilty so guilty. Oh, yeah. It just gets so detailed on everything. And you just go. These guys are not ruining their lives like this to like make it up. Yeah. I mean, the guys that are basically in the documentary are of scumbags as well. Are they I don't know. Yeah. They are the the one guy basically slept with the Justin timberlake's girlfriend who was I don't know Britney Spears at the time. He's kind of been blackballed from a lot of the industry for like, his choreography and stuff. There's a lot on both sides that go this going on in here because since I live in Hollywood. And I know a lot of the people who deal with this whole thing, I do know that all of the allegations are true just from being around people who know that family and the people around him in his in his orbit who helped actually facilitate a lot of the stuff. One hundred percent true. Michael was a scumbag can't get past that the kids that are talking not the kids the the grown ass men who are also in the documentary kinda scummy too. So you got scummy on both sides. But the thing about this is I look at this. We have a trifecta here of from the R Kelly documentary, then we go to objected in plain sight. And then we go to leaving Neverland. This is a trilogy of horrible parents horrible. Parents who would leave their kids with a thirty five year old man and say, yeah, sure, you can sleep over in his bed. Yeah. You're right. It's so gross. Like talk about absolute just star fuckers, pardon me. That's exactly it. They are star fuckers. That's everybody from our Kelly to the Michael Jackson thing. They knew what they were getting into. They wanted the fame. They wanted the money. They wanted the notoriety for their kids, and they were just willing to turn a blind eye. You know, now never mind. I was going to mention the R Kelly interviews speaking of R Kelly. I don't even wanna go there. Yeah, right now. Oh, yeah. That whole freakout. That's just epic freak out. Geez. All right. So anyway, it's on HBO dot com, leaving Neverland HBO go. If you've got an app for it. Oh my goodness. I'm sure you can get on bittorrent. It is just bananas. It's long. It's four hours. Yeah. It's four hours long at least right because it's two parts. Yeah. It's four hours. Yeah. It's to to our parts. Yeah. Goodness. We watched it over two days because we'd just like you have to take a break in between. Otherwise, you're just like you're gonna explode. But yeah, it's to to our parts, and it is just it's riveting and just seeing all the footage and everything. And yes, there was the secret room where he had all of his porn stashed and Jesus juice and the whole nine yards. Oh spoiler alert. It's not a spoiler alert. It was in the court documents when they took him to court. You know, it's all that stuff happened. It's crazy. A lot of you have sent me this Dexter Goth is smarter than you show and asked me if I had heard of it, and I threw out some feelers. And then this guy calls me and leaves me a voicemail Jason I think he should we should play this for everyone hitting the play button. Now, Jordan, Dexter got fear. How you doing brother? You know, who this is got a pretty big social imprint you'll find me online at decks Goth. Listen, man, listening to your show to give you a couple of thought dogs a little bit of feedback here. Some of the questions in those interviews man, they are softball, brother. You gotta deep dive on some of those subjects, you know. There's just one thought leader to another one thing fluence or to another. You know, if you want to know what a deep dive interview is like listen to my show, Dexter governor smarter than you, actually. Hold on. Hold on. Now. Hold on. I got a bit of brain use flow in here, brother. I dare you to be on my show. That's right. Can you imagine that two titans of industry on some hot? Mike's of that. Would be very very cool, anyways, if this peaks your interest because might speak of it. If it peaks, your interest of finally brother at decks on social, you'll find me, you know, me, you know, this is decks Goth out. He'll who's within enticing invitation like that I had to go and do this show to see what the hell's going on here. And so that episode which you will love comes out on the twenty six on Himalayas and the twenty seventh everywhere else, it's called Dexter Gump is smarter than you can find it in the Himalayas app or any podcast player on the twenty sixth of the twenty-seven depending on where you're looking for it. And I will be in there. Trying not to laugh because your your, you know, your thought bombs dropping thought dogs not don's. Yes ago. Yeah. One thought link fluence or two and other. I hope you enjoyed the show this week. I wanna thank everyone that wrote in. Don't forget you can Email us Friday at Jordan. Harbinger dot com to get your questions answered on the air will always keep you anonymous linked to the show can be found at Jordan. Harbinger dot com. Quick sat out to everyone. I met at podcast and south by south west super fun events looking forward to next year as well as when I plan better because I kind of just showed up to south by and go back and check out the guests AJ Jacobson, Brian good more. If you haven't yet. And if you wanna know how I'm created amazing network. I've told you before a lot during the show, it's all about the personal professional relationships. It's all about giving before you receive and not even worrying about receiving give without the attachment to getting anything in return. We created six minute networking to replace the level. One course I have nothing to do with love one f- way. I I left advance human dynamics entirely, Jordan. Harbinger dot com, slash course. Six-minute networking, it's free. No upsell go. Do it. Don't wait don't kick. The can down the road. You gotta dig the well before you're thirsty. Once you need those relationships you are too late. And it takes six minutes a day. Quick cryan, Jordan. Harbinger dot com, slash course. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Jordan harbinger. It's a great way to engage with the show and Jordan, harbinger dot com slash YouTube is where the video interviews are on YouTube. Jason my personal website is at GP me. And you can check out. My tech podcast that comes out twice a week over at grumpy all geeks geo, G dot show or your podcast player of choice. This show is produced in association with podcast one. And the episode was co produced by gen harbinger. Show notes. For the episode are by Robert Fogerty, keep sending in those questions to Friday at Jordan, harbinger dot com. Remember to try to keep them concise. If you can't really does increase the chance that your question. We'll get answered on the air show the show with those you love, and even those you don't lots more in the pipeline very excited for some of these upcoming guests in the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show. So you can live. What you listen and we'll see next time. If you like our show, you're going to love reasonable doubt on podcast one join world renowned criminal defense. Lawyer Mark Garrigo goes he reviews the latest in our nation's most high profile legal cases with podcast king. Adam Corolla, download reasonable doubt every Saturday on podcast one.