Nick Turner


You saw <music>. You made it weird with me homesick. What's happening weirdos something cool and new to say here at at the top of the show is i am releasing vinyl that is limited edition. That is something i've obviously never done before. I don't know anybody that's done it before. I put out out a record of a living at largo show but the point of the record is just what a normal stand up set is like obviously i'm working on my new our right now and instead of just releasing it when it's done <hes> quote unquote don or abandoned really. I wanted people to hear what it's like. When i'm doing a regular show at largo it wasn't exceptional show but there was a lot of riffing. There was a lot of finding it. There's a working it out and in my opinion that's what real stand-up is and that made me really really excited about the idea of releasing an album so the people can hear not a album recording special show but just a regular show that i didn't even know was being recorded <hes> <hes> except that largo records all their shows and then we were like after the fact we're like let's put this out as a vinyl and we did all of the proceeds go to the littlest tumor which is an incredible organization so this is a not for profit thing. It's all for charity and there's only five hundred of them. That's it we're only gonna do five hundred <hes> because i wanted to make something special that if you know a big fan of mine or a big comedy fan and you want to give them something that is rare and unique and one of a kind and support a wonderful 'cause go to the eight hundred pound gorilla website and look for pete holmes living at largo. The name of the record is is pete holmes. Living at largo was put out by eight hundred pound gorilla. It's not eight hundred pound gorilla dot com. It's kind of more calm. It's eight hundred dash pound dash guerrilla dash cash records dash dot my shop affi- dot com just google eight hundred pound gorilla homes living at largo and you'll be able to buy hi those while supplies last and then that'll be it. They'll be a special weird limited edition twenty nineteen record out there for the die hard fans <hes> and the end people that want to support this wonderful charity also. There's my book comedy sex god. That's always available <hes>. If you wanna come to a largo show. There's there's one every month go to largo dash l._a. Dot com if you wanna come see me do stand up in los angeles always great lineups <hes> and as always before we get to our wonderful guest nick turner who somebody i've known for over ten years a really really funny stand up really interesting guy this this was one of those episodes is that i kept thinking about a lot after we did it. It's also the only episode that i can remember where the guest stood up stood out because we were getting into it so thick about relationships that he was <hes> feeling so strongly that he had to stand up and the moat so we get to enjoy away that again and again in this recording as always. It's a free podcast. It'll always be a free podcast flat. If you wanna show your support for the show <hes> a great way to do that that is to get a pizza pick as you guys know. I don't do traditional ads on this podcast. I only promote things that i one hundred percent in real life for real love and loved before i started talking about on the show i love them that i reached out and said hey. Let's do something on the show and they they were into it. The first and original pete's pick as you guys know is charlotte's web hemp oil made from the hemp plant. One of our great plant allies out there to help us with this complicated life that we're in but they used science when you hear hamby thing. It's gonna get you stoned. It doesn't get you stoned. It doesn't have the same feeling as smoking or eating. We'd obviously it is the science to remove the t._h._c. and they leave the body and brain beneficial c._b. Compound that is what you want. That is what i'm into <hes> c._d. Is a wonderful for stress. Reducer for me visit mood elevator from me whenever i'm travelling or really when i take the oil one. I'm feeling a lot a lot of pressure and a lot a lot of stress and i know a lot of us. <hes> can feel that way and it doesn't take you out of the game. It's not something that's gonna make you just want to watch movies on couches not hampton that way. It's something that just takes the edge off in this almost sub perceptual way where you're a little bit quicker to smile a little bit quicker to laugh off and a little bit quicker to flow with what life is throwing at you. I get the original formula which is a little bit more condensed. It's a little bit more high percentage image of c._b._d. But that way i can literally just take a couple of drops of that and get that goodness in me. They also have extra strength <hes> for people that want <hes> it's not as condensed version and they make hemp bombs which are an amazing way to get hammered into your system onto your skin soothing. This can getting you to feel <hes> really really nice. It's hard to explain it. I always say it's hard to explain exactly what it does for you but the best way to do it is to try it every single day. I get emails from people sliding into mold. D._m.'s telling me that charlotte's web has become just like i say an ally in their life just something they don't have to go to a pharmaceutical or something unhealthy they can go to something plant based for relief. I love it. I swear by it. I want you to try. It and you'll show your support of this podcast c._w. Hem dot com slash weird and use promo code. Keep it crispy nineteen and you'll get ten percent off the only hemp grown for human consumption by the stanley brothers in denver. Yeah the other one is chuck. China had catava today. Child is a plant plant-based superfood drink mix made by incredible people who went and lived in the jungle to find the most exotic nutrient rich superfoods foods revered by tribal cultures for centuries. Put them all in one bag couple scoops in a shaker bottle with some water. You shake it up. Tastes incredible makes you feel even better than it tasted so it to me. It's all about getting those nutrients in makes me feel great gives me energy makes me feel a full for hours and hours a lot of people use catava as a meal in a pill basically like a meal replacement sort of thing because it has so many good things in it and it's healthy off the and so many people don't know how to start eating healthy or start eating plant based. I tell them could travel is a great place to go. It's one hundred percent plan. Basis basis got omega threes from chia and flax seeds. It's got eight super fruits into it at seventeen greens and veggies. It's gluten free it soy free though artificial sweeteners wieners or preservatives. It's got enough coconut nectar which is a low glycemic sweetener to make a taste great to this isn't like drinking sawdust. This is like drinking a chocolate or has has been nella delicious creamy smooth milkshake deliciousness. It's got digestive support built into it so your stomach actually break down the great stuff. That's an twenty four grams of plant based protein and nine grams of fiber and it actually tastes good. I like to put frozen strawberries in there with it but honestly it. It tastes good on its own just water. That's why i travel with it can be hard for me healthy on the road or i'll make myself when when i'm hanging out with baby lee and i don't have time to who i don't know chop onions wherever people are doing. I love it. It makes me feel great and if you wanna try and show your support for this podcast at the same time you get twenty percents off if you go to a child could you remember k. a. c. h. a. v. a. dot com slash weird and show your support in this show. That's it guys enjoy nick turner. I hope you guys enjoy those of you. That get the eight hundred pound gorilla record pete holmes living at largo check that out and support a great cause and in the meantime enjoy my chat with my friend nick turner get into it not saying oh salmon and type it into youtube and see you. It is incredible. It'll be warm and five hundred yeah. I always joke. We just can't can't here. We are not losing focus. You mean because there's always so hot podcast. Yes we gotta turn these. Damn fans off and i'm a hot boy <hes> so i was just watching you in montreal. Turn this off for for sure in your opener god god he liked i wanted to i wanted to say something. Though you feel really close to you okay i can tell you. Can i tell you like a forty five minute long story about why that's bad. I remember someone so politely. Clear my the next forty five look. Here's what we're going to be doing. Forty five this story hot boy the next forty five minutes prior by my dog yeah but just pointed neck uh-huh. Oh no well not for yet but it'll share happen okay. You're okay come on. Come on for abrego. Is that her name. Yeah yeah you what yeah yeah. What flavor is she. Something's something's some lateen. She's got a little team. Yeah i can't ask can ask you can ask which kind sued what state what state what a lahara great. That's what i was wondering. What are you after. That's a great docu series. What is my dad after when he's like come from what what are you doing with the information you need. I mean general cut got to the point when someone says they're from canada canada because we're on topic sure and then i always just go what part what am i doing is it the big landmass or is it the broken up island part just get out of here because i know one of the province and one's quebec and they've got the money and the zip saskatoon what i mean ascot and they just get crazier. I was recently in canada and some comics asked me talking about a took took. Yes it took casually. I was like what's that and they said you don't know what it took his. You know and it blew their mind. It's like a beanie like it had a winter hat. What do you call those took. I took from lord of the rings peer provo talk. It's an insult. He calls is one of the habits at took from. I think most canadian words are insults. That's not true. They're very good. I was in. I was hosting thing new faces and they were getting very quiet on me and i said what's going on and <hes> somebody in the audience. We're listening and yell yeah for ten minutes. I went. I didn't fly montreal to be respected. God it's just i told them and then they did. I was like just keep a steady titter going always that's called a role. Yeah you call a hata took. We call that a roll baby that they know i know do they know when the punchline came because i emphasize it with and i will tell you know it's like here's what you do that in montreal set talk close to you win and that's one of the great you said if you see me wearing just a t-shirt either swimming or having sex and then they didn't really laugh. No this was one of the greatest nightmares in my life and i think people are gonna look it up now. Why did guys. I think it's a good set it isn't and so why ah though yeah you stood with it you you didn't bomb the audience bond. There's if the odds on that audience went home and was like. I don't know if we should be audience. I quit my job for audience. I hope that's true. I wish that would be true. It is true. It's it's true. It's a great set. Good jokes thank you. I did bits okay. Thank you p. It's it's incredible what you wrong about it for a year. Kevin hart just came to montreal and he's like. I got three grand for everybody if you're booked on montreal you getting three-game grand for me to do his to do this show. That's what that or the then an l._l. Comedy streaming network to compete with net flicks. Kevin hart was starting one kevin hart. Yes it ended up to check the man who like bought weapons from saudi arabia so they made an alliance ultimately yes and then so no was prepared and they're like oh. You weren't ready to do no. You can't do anything you've done and i had like earlier that month done my the half hour and my album and i was just like i would doesn't count no no no it does but it's just like everything was like over anyway. I don't know just like here's some crap and i didn't. I didn't like it and give it hurts right there and not laughing. Oh boy is he right. They're just is not enjoying. It wasn't enough in the middle and he said sir hand me my three thousand dollars back. I wanna on a return on my money. No it was a a you everybody so i told you i was just in montreal and when you do one of the gals there it's kind of the opposite of what you're saying because this wasn't a kevin hart going up against the biggest streaming company in the world with an open mic show <laughter>. I can't do kevin haina yeah. Oh no good you can't king you. You can do whatever the hell you what i think you can use your pal. Hey ming. That's fine sure hey what's going against that because it's also it is yes. You can do it if you could do impressions. I hear what you're saying. I thought you're saying anyway. Guys can't do black guys because morgan freeman and now you can do some well. Maybe you get the keys. You just got spooky. I agree to that show katie. When i do sticker tree i almost exclusively to black comedians. Last one was nick. Read is when you get to go up and do another comedian zach yes and or as thieves call it any night for you. Guys shots fired. We don't have like a known thief like there's no like somebody. That would just be funny yeah. I think people really relaxed on it. Also no one wants to be that guy. It's a safe. The thief was fine and now it is the eighties things like nine people would know it was great now. There's like because youtube knows that. I watched standup. It'll always be like these mash ups of like here's amy schumer's parallel thinking super <music>. I'm like i think that was not by an internet troll. I think an actual trauma that earned finals dragged the clip appear yeah it would be incredible. How much wiped median you would have how much material you would have to steal to be known as the just to make it. You know well how much you would have to steal over the years. I mean it did happen why we are but that's like. That's the one why don't five here's our movie five opened. My i grew up salt five okay. We can cast real open mic you. You made me laugh. I had to clinch so hard to not fart. That's how funny that way. I really thought i was gonna. I'm so sorry i know farting isn't funny. Gordon is the funniest thing that also be like. It's not funny so funny. It's very funny. Farting is so funny. It's probably strain on my relationship ship but it is funny. You're hot beefs. Yeah you dating the same person from though montreal along million years. What do you mean it's almost seven years. He's having years that means like molecular. Lee your different people then when you meant yes we shed are all gone yeah yeah so that's your new girlfriend. That's why it's been rough. This month actually well. There is the seven year itch. Oh yeah but doesn't that involve marriage. I think it's just that's what i keep telling my so so when jack lemmon and marilyn monroe thing don't even google at katie just actually read that into the google search bar just to select all angelina. Don't dare are look that up but this is one of the first computers i've ever seen wearing a bedsheet yeah. That is a custom bedsheet well. This is my garage i. I don't want direct sunlight on it. Sure this is what happens neck. You got a t._v. Show next thing you know you're on amazon and here buying a sleeve. I got eighty five dollars. Oh i know oh i was doing you have eighty five. I know now. I would love to say that that's like one of those impressions. I can't do a guy with eighty five dollars. Daniel day-lewis can only do characters up to a certain income level zay. I can do it. How much does he may. I can't do forty eight grand. I am a giant fan of this podcast. This and i am really excited that we're already talking taylor. You want you want the hits might come on. It'd be talking to you because i was complaining to somebody. I did. Corden gordon last night and the guests were great okay. That's where i got that eighty five. That's that's actually james. Corden computer sleep mac is here no labor. He wants people to use all funny bird. I don't no no it's real weird. Yeah give someone a jacket jacket with crashing emblazoned on the back. You're like here throw this away. It's weird to have a whitney whitney. This dot com got it. You're in the clear the other guests we're actors and afterwards. I was just like wow i they were great and i forget. I just said to somebody who was like. I'm talking to turner tomorrow and i'm like legit excited dogs you because you're a real comic at comics comic at that. You're welcome to the show uh thank you. Hey it's me al pacino. Ask al pacino one question. What's what's your name already springboard into everything to do the impression. What's your name. Did that trip you up. This is my good doing it from. It's really bad property have to enter. No i love. I love of it. It's what made me almost far. That's why you've been dating a woman for seven years and you beef and dating a woman my lovely wife or you're married no but it seems dumb as f- to say dating like i'm dating with jiang lemon movie. Yes no one dated for seven years back back then. You're you're off the maps. We're trying to get an old timey expression about you guys. I don't think you're excluded from it because i don't know how many beat nex were just like just just checking out the seventy years even people with bongos. We're like we gotta do the right thing. We gotta do the respectable to save hip hop tippety dot. Will you take this enemy the why they really well the sixties man they don't know yeah no. She's my i sent out all your wife fourteen. I mean sometime who cares. It's like calling my dog a boy. We were girl. What's the difference in. He's like my dad. Why do you want what part of ecuador i'm from. What does it matter the capital. Let's follow the capital if the follow up his oh yeah then just a waste of time what i want to ask with roy from now in ecuador i keep trying to think from million yes no that's not real millennials and you'll sequitur made a bet. If you got in the cabinet ecuador and said take me to millennials they'd go. He means the club or something. You'd be close enough to something the town i wanna go to ecuador. Try this out and then have the taxi cab driver. Go what what's the millennials. Just twelve hundred dollars ks melania millennials. It sounds like a millennial club for hispanic millennials that watch the show a spooky starring and katie well. You gotta get the right cab driver then not. Everyone's going to know that you grow up a cabdriver. You're not knowing millennial clubs or almost a millennium goes. Millennial manila's is <hes> why burritos i couldn't think of i couldn't have thing you can't see food. Then it's racist. It's racist as soon as you're like requests but equally even like <hes> racist. Now that's our second. It's just too much of a goto her first movie. I didn't even finish the idea of the second one. Is these guys getting a ticker tape. Feed beverly on tax rises now getting numbers. You know it's in the green room. You can't say woke. That's funny. I would appreciate it. Maybe it's just a list every morning just to remind yourself why went to quaker grade school very very liberal so like it feels very familiar when people are like a certain group wants to be called a certain word. I'm like okay so much of the world is like audrey and i'm like but i wanna call them. Mm-hmm millennials my daddy did it my daddy kona millennials and i call them millennials and got them and if it's racist or not they do have fucking ingrate burritos burrito. You can only talk about burritos in english. That's true burritos. You can't say burritos aretha does. Could you imagine going up and ordering budi. Can you imagine naming a rap group migas. Isn't that like an egg dish. I i feel like if you went to brench place in ecuador and said because portable they would bring you eggs. That's funny because i think that's i can see it right. He goes. I ordered migos. Nicos megan means. She google that medicating oh that she goes hundred percent jake racing egg. I wanna be okay the guy's in migos when they're at a restaurant and they see me us and they're like oh shit. They were so oh close to being. I don't know how there's not like a twix commercial of someone at brench ordering migas in migos shows up and that's the whole commercial and then you like me <music> out and they still bother to write no joke that yeah hey us. There's that new. There's there's a commercially place before hulu ones or something. I don't know i keep seeing it as just two twins and they're just like you can't close before the ads done we closed. Let's tacos and i'm like that's the commercial and sachs's it worked. That's how interesting twins are. You're like well. There's two of them got. How much wish you had a twin just to fuck fuck wait. I'm just yesterday ending hold. On how about a clone of you okay. It's you okay but it's it's younger berbick. You can do whatever you want well. How are you gonna. I would've had to yourself. Let's get even more specific. Would i fuck myself would you would you blow a yourself. Do you think that i'm attracted to nick turner. Good low blow myself year. You would blow yea yeah. You are in your in my wheelhouse. When i was in college. I was like i'll give myself a hand what i blow myself and so many of my friends were like you'll okay you. Can you just give yourself a handy. I guess sure yeah. If i could blow myself i would. We would ni- if i if i got also be normal it wouldn't weird but horse resident blows himself. My brain's not my clone getting. I was picturing obama as my clone come on. I don't think you can joke about that anymore. I would not want a twin. I don't know i guess you can like. I was with the sklar brothers in montreal. Uh and i was like it's weird to see. You are weird people. I don't care one announce this and the lucas brothers. I think they lead into it though they lead. Jason are like houses. No we're different people and the lucas brothers like take a stab claim. Make a choice andy jason mixing up the louis c. to get sick. Yes and that was a conversation. The lucas brothers i. I know them pretty well by together not in a million years. Have i ever known which one i already said hi to. That's the one that is the hardest thing about being friends with them. I also friends with them. I also pride myself on twin. Differentiation wow twin frenchy aviation and lucas. I've never even taken a stab. I hope they hear this. I hope they hear this so one of them will go like i will get to know the surgery i mean i i will get a giant nose so much their personalities alleys are very different but you're looking at a ten minute conversation for that emerges sir whose personality emerges right away your your strong personality again again. I'm sorry so you've been dating the same woman for seven yeah. What does she do. She produces podcasts. Yeah katie yeah yeah. I would like to introduce you. You're into nick turner crazy toge- your job yes. It's crazy that this long. She is also not attracted to be as much as i am. Oh my god so she's a podcast producer. Yes which podcast <hes> is there. A big coup de gras and she's working on on a show called. I'm afraid that she does krummel brown's podcast chrome brown yeah this is arrested development and they're like actually he was a guest on the very popular podcast hosted by from oh brand kerama from queer eye crummy. He's not as threatening dan copy. Uh komo brown the irish coffee cake clown no no she worked on real podcast. She worked at this american lives as town krummel brown on the old require. I know he's on this one. Which one is chrome. Oh he's the black one and i hate to say this but i wanted to save a lot all the time. I know this short. Yes crummy lines. Dude got great line lines. You know what i'm talking about. Yes that beard did he looks yes simultaneously natural and the most manicured person in the world every time i get a haircut within your means around last one. I'm like look what i did and this guy gets up every day. I think that's a big secret of the good-looking community of which neither of us are both that they work on it they they get neither of us. How do you know how comfortable i am just because i'm not gonna show you what if that's your see-saw ah you're very down on yourself but you'd think the world is lining up saying forget if you can blow nick. Can we kinda true. Do they are the n._t._s._b. Yeah the world before he started dating your girlfriend wife. Does your genderless doug. It's weird. Yes <hes> dating no. No you know i had some. I had some good pockets in some bad twenty. S work great but high school is great thirties for grade. School is not great high. School is good really oh. You need a lot yeah but i had my show for much normal. American can boy just wanted to go yeah. No it was surprising. I never know no one cup to my balls. You know what it was. It was that i did theater and then if you theater <hes> we also had a very new plays so so let's be slops and you're all roll each other. I was in like every forensic. Someone tell the tell them them. Tell the professors they shouldn't be doing this. They were so bad but i did forensics and we traveled the country and we would like we would go on in <hes> trips yeah a couple times a month. It's a speech acting competition acting in speech competition what yeah so my category gray was h._i. Humorous interpretation and you do like a comedic play by yourself and you play all the characters your fun yeah so we go to like what we would win win states every year. Our school was like shit. We're am i picturing this right. You're john leguizamo and you're like you know. Growing up on a street brooklyn was among combustive done this cookie your haircut from fast fill exist only got five minutes. You need a fall yeah. It's not super cool but is cool enough. I think it also we. I do sound like a dad 'cause i'm like i think that i do think it's go but we would go into town on trips all the time and then just like being hotels outlet sleepovers in the the the teachers were terrible and they both got fired fired right after i left for just things you think they were fired for sleeping with students no just allowing just an air of just lawlessness business. They were boning student. One of them had a related bone at that point yet has just has to women so involved women bone nothing they do bone bound. They can bone but they don't. I feel like wearing comedians on couches bone because i'm like do do really really like in the lesbian community here we boned. I don't think so. I think you're right. Hopefully i didn't think the fun days. It's like when we all started. Calling women assholes us which i thought was really. I like in the eighties and you did that. What do you mean oh. I don't mean women are assholes. I mean like i feel like there was a long period. Eh asshole was only an insult for for for men and then i started to see it happening going both ways which i obviously enjoyed <hes>. Maybe maybe just maybe a different word asshole. Maybe it's because that's the one thing that i always say my forensic teacher would say opinions or like answer. I suppose i mean everybody's got one and you're not sure if you wiped it and i'm gonna go to jail for this. I'm going to the bus. She had sex with one of the female spicy chicken relationship and they were together. She would pull her out of class all day long from every other class and just hang out in our office all day. They weren't nothing's hiding yeah. That wasn't a good smokescreen. No there was a kid who had sex with our math teacher who he you. It's weird. We're in tricky territory. Because these are inappropriate relationships. I do believe eighteen still still and and he looked like he looked like he was thirty two. You look like he owned a motorcycle and she was young cacares. Was that guy now. Let's give them a. Let's let's give them a call. They said you do like this. Pod guys all right. Let's it's called drew and tell me do you regret it. I wonder if he does because they did that on transparent where j. d. pluses character has like a longstanding romantic relationship with one of his teachers and everybody's telling them that it was inappropriate and he sort of has to come to terms with that it was because it was very confusing for him because he he enjoyed it. Yeah that's always one of those weird areas yeah that comes up on documentaries point. Let me just pull the nose on this plane. Tell me about how we got here well. You were saying that in high school. You got your balls kept because you were a theater guy anyway. It's just probably the here first thing your first like experience. Sexually either we talking because mine was well after high school but you're no i had <hes> <hes> i had a confusing. I had a confusing time no i i had sex <hes> for the first time at nineteen nineteen yeah but i had that happen. I thought this girl the story working steve's ice cream. Where's this happening. This was in college which i don't know i just like i. This is a long time but this was over sixty years ago and it's hard to remember she <hes> <hes> she was a. I don't know man she was a girl. I worked with a restaurant. I was a runner. Z. should see me interest sweat. I've already seasons man like this <music> summer for only one season god i would just go sit in the freezer resist true. Yes like during rush. I would have to go sit it in the freezer for five minutes because you've always been sweaty boy yeah <hes> see i was like that i had the clam hymns. I still kinda do but nobody seems the care when you're grown or they they might they must have. They must've even doubt but when i was young they were extra clamming and remember what it feels like to be young and you kind of have to like you. Call yourself a hot boy and that's like a coping technique. Basically i'm not saying it's alive sometime. When i tell people person by loves it well well you found a way to own it though yeah and with me with claiming hands i would go like i found some of the little mermaid because i'm always underwater no. We'll cut that. I wanna know why i became yeah sure because there's a clam right. No i haven't seen it. I mean they were under the seat but i don't recall like seles. She hangs out in the clamor salah yeah up and they're always underwater. It gets claim hands yeah. I got it cool well i. I'm saying like in the good way. Oh i'm not i got it. It just wasn't very funny. I liked it like i wish in in college and high school when people got mad clammy claiming hands i'd be like i love the little what you say <hes> i would try and blame it on. This doesn't even make sense. I was i got home. I would try and bureau. Little mermaid was better. I'd be like yeah i'm like but i tried to and frame it as if i was a superhuman guy was overactive like i had so much going that they were like we gotta let this out in the hands. Yeah it's not a good technique as you can see. I do not have leg hair o._m._g. Arm hair really you are a very there's some they're crispy purdue chicken but that's my thing that's my cross to bear growing you shave you say i shave my legs very lucrative swimming career i also have i still yeah well. It's just light but i love it here. Who wants air everywhere everywhere. I mean nobody loves having a bunch of hair there right. If men shave their armpits that was like our culture female culture if you're like you're not a man unless like the fucking graphist officed factor driving man's man in the world in the shower like fucking shaving his pets. Would you like that. Would you be like yeah. It's fucking weird to have this moss under my. I think what it is is that it's manly to not do anything. Oh i understand. That's why beards are mainly in mustaches are kind of on the fence but there's one manly thing where you shave your armpits. Hell i'd do it don't get i don't wanna get caught up in manly. It's not in two thousand nine hundred ninety that really reminds me of being camp and looking at other like the guys would get together and critique where where you were the pubic. Oh sure schedule. I mean puberty months. Where would you say. I am your prepubertal. Creepy bessant begun yet. You're also wearing a hot boy socks. Those are the socks had like vince you. Get those hot feet. Yeah got these order these special those are not special thailand pokes so no i got them at costco got a whole pack twelve pairs. Can we talk about a costco. I don't want to talk about anything else. I've often learning a lot about cosco cost company sure corporation so it's the cost corporation operation cooperative that could be. It's it's a coup when i grew up. It was price club price well. It's confusing. I guess yes it is a cooperative. If that's if that's what that means when you like have a membership. I think that's what a cooperative is. We all throw into the pile and then we save on these cheese sticks but i always the start of a cooperative is like you have to work there for two miserable for two miserable hours a week or something. Everybody in the cooperative has to peel corey but again did are you thinking the food. Y'all that is exactly what i went to the meeting at the bar gslv corn. I was like no fucking way. I am a comedian and there was a comedian at the time. I was free all day and i was like i am not ringing up i can't i don't know why it just just so. I can shop here. How about some regular employees and i'll pay you a fee like i didn't even have any money i would've rather giving you twenty dollars then work to ten dollars an hour shifts two hour shifts yeah but they wanted community and they wanna tofu and they wanted armpit here. There's a there's a weird community thing going on in that water at what they live. You live in the village yet. There's this restaurant called. Thank you for coming. Have you heard of this. Thank you for coming. Yes it's only open twelve to four or eleven eleven to three something like that saturday and sunday twelve to four something like that yeah four hours saturday and sunday the whole restaurant the restaurant itself. You've just brunch is just like a lazy restaurant. It's just like the restaurant has the identity of a not hardworking. It has the identity of cult dude move them hips and ontario et is i. It's all and i actually have an in now because i recognize cult no well i mean europe and the food is great but they have this is no because people say calf grad. Has that culture vibe everything you can pretty much get everything begin or not icing but <hes> <hes> they have a salad on there that is from the source cookbook which also started as a restaurant obviously and the source restaurant right near the comics and and i'm obsessed with the source family well. They're here buddy. This is them. I'm not even kidding. It's like the same. Apparently i saw on my girlfriend lyra. She sent me an old menu and they have even more rest like recipes or dishes. Straight from the source restaurant is being run by elektra. What else could it be. Electrode opened the rest of the the week because they're cooking their own meals or something something their kitchens saturdays and sundays we open it up. We let the guests in the people and then i ran into what what are they wearing. I need to know here's to look in their eyes because there's a there's a look yeah and then i need to see what they're wearing. Well pete as i was leaving the last time i was there. Thank you for coming. Yes some somebody who worked there came up to me in stared dead my eyes and said no this is is this make believe you know. This is totally real. You remember me and then i i took a few seconds and then i got it. I said their name it's someone when then i gone on tour with like a comedian no it was he's a musician but <hes> to successful to tell you who it is but <hes> he was like oh yeah just like he was working their way to a successful musician asa doubt out working at this co-op. It sounds like a co yes. He gets to go there on monday yeah. He probably goes famous so suzanne. Theon stevens works at thank you for coming not that famous toward them. No it was a complicated. What is the well. Here's the thing i mean i was with five other people and we were all leaving and he's like he really wanted to tell me about it and he's like you can come in and i'll tell you about it and i was like all about it. There's no all about it at applebee's. You should come by right so going back and i'm going to get all the emphasis is so you're starting a a podcast with nick veterans right. Yes she'd be this. Yes i do know this is what i should do with lyrics. She makes real podcasts and we'll also doing the one with nick tonight but i understand. I wanna hear like docu series yeah. No this is good. This is a very good idea and lyra should should do this. You want to know my movie idea. You know i have to know it. I don't want to know i'm pretty sure it's come up on this podcast before why don't five decent open makers combine their best bits and give it to the most talented of them. Isn't that isn't isn't that incredible. What if if you're three funniest friends who will never make it gate wrote all their jokes for you wouldn't you be this is what it happened to kevin hart not that the joke thing but like he wasn't an accident. He got his friends together same with gabriel iglesias. He got his family he and his friends together. We not even not just to rise support just to support just to work like they're like we're doing this and then when kevin hart would do a show oh all of his friends would like get the emails of everyone at the show and the next time he came to the town the emailed everybody and then they do it again and it's just like a group effort here you know like his like gavin and his wife yeah genie yes. It helps to have another city. Are you kidding. Go into talk with perfect jokes. Everyone has such a pride love. It will never happen in. Yes all or else by a comedian yeah. I know i mean i'm pretty sure jim is talked about like he works works with his wife. Oh yeah well. That's very public yeah. Is that right yeah. 'cause i know i don't i didn't know if she was giving tags all the all the kids do what do you mean the five year old. They're all right. The rights are funny. They don't have a big family. They have a big staff. He comes home and yells at them. Every i need three jokes. Dad's dad's yelling at a second do my voice. He's going to be done in a moment. He leads you. That is so funny yeah but you would never do. It and i don't think you should should do it. No but wouldn't it be cool. Well that when you start working as. I'm sure you have in you do a t._v. Show you realize that it's like a room room full of people with one goal and since we've built the pyramids we knew the power of cooperation that isn't slavery joke slaves. You're yeah not okay to knock it out. It just came through on the ticker tape. No more pyramid joke. Excuse whatever saying is comedians when they get a show then they start to see like oh. This is what everyone's doing. We're kevin harding it but are are you like. Let's talk about this. What is the ultimate nick. Turner dream 'cause like for example like kevin wants to go and like light miami me on fire. You know what i'm saying. That is a different goal than approach wreck. I don't want to go and light miami on fire. I don't wanna be like verbiage. That's just need people tailgating at my show. That's what i'm saying yeah. No no offense to the k. Heart love that right and graphic in to is is sort of like in his own way wants to be like and at a certain point like i was like i don't know. I don't know why why i have this weird humility. I don't know if it's like a doubt in myself or something but i never was like madison square garden. I'm like that sounds like a like a terrible show yeah of course it is. What do we do. We madison square garden shows are good thousand seeds. That's steve martin quit. That's what i'm saying dude. Am i the only one no also backing up. This is another reason why i don't wanna do it because you know you see you see who what it takes just to get there. Yeah you give up everything yeah and you think every day. If you have to give up everything everything you cannot go to a barbecue ever. That's so funny right unless it's like eddie murphy's barbecue well then it's work then you're like man. I hope eddie likes me. You can't just throw frisbee with eddie murphy. That was very wise. Yeah well thank you. You're right you take kevin hart. Yeah i think legally we have to call him while we're doing this sure and let him respond when you get to that level. I think two thousand dollars and worked his ass off off. No he's worked very hard. That's what i'm saying what i'm wondering for you and just because it's interesting to talk about the ultimate career <hes> it's an interesting subject yeah. It's not just as big as you can. Be some people i'm telling you me. I don't want the stadium tour. I never saw it for myself and i'm a dreamer. You're and i never was like i want to be going like what's employee. Discount dollar store like it's never i've. I've always been like a thousand is a great size and even less can be so fun. What what is your flavor <hes> well. I you know it's you always you always think you just be satisfied. Just with a little more you know too little a little more four and then it's fine as a comedian who for many years has done like headlining. You know road weekends with no fame. I would love to do those same donkin road weekend where where people are like here here for nick great great goal see these are the goals yeah i i'm into it yeah and it's a a great one yeah because it's the difference because it's like you. Don't have to be famous but you do have to be famous. You have to be like to draw even even if you can just draw fifty percent of the room where people imagine and not like three people who come up afterward hey i. I loved you on you made it. We're exactly. I loved you. You made it weird with pete. Holmes is what i think my fans are. I love the way you guys riff about relationships with teachers. That was really funny. He ticketed joke really made me think that pyramid riff shero was over the line live as it for you ju- fantasy i just i just jewish people. Tell me it's okay. That is my career. Goal is just random table. Come up to me and go like whatever you're up to. We're on board right now right now. They usually come up and say are you jewish and then leave trae you jewish. Could you imagine no. You're not no wow yeah you look so much like a specific friend of mine. Oh recall very jewish. Okay thank. It's almost a toddler joke todd levin juggling because i have a phased that people call aggressively jewish which is such a great opener aggressively q few no. That's a great joke. You're not jewish. No wow what talion my dad know in in the booth yes. I can't wait to see what you're doing with this info but i my parents have both done twenty-three in me's my dad is actually actually big into genealogy isn't twenty three and us my dad e._s. He started looking into his own family and then he realized he was half english english and half english and then gave up and then started studying my mom's family because we are a mess really my mom's jamaican. She's she's third generation jamaican third generation jamaica. Yeah i need help because you're very no. She's also white wait but there is a ring pigment. We're all confuse those of you that have in google image search nick this yet. I used to back in my dad. Call you jon favreau because you looked a little bit like yes. That is one that i hear even to this day. I'm sure you do actually here. It is on the record. I was like i a._m. That guy that will latch onto something like that and my apologies sincerely every time i saw your how come on that's fun. Nobody we need a little bit him. No you didn't i i mean. I don't think you had strong opinions about it. Wasn't nobody likes that. Who was it it who's paula tompkins and i saw him in every time i used to see paul dunkin's. I'd go mr you mr plain view weight which is led and sometimes you need. People like people like me need people like p._f. In their lives every once in a while because he just goes like nobody likes that like to be known for one thing that every time i might say just do that other people other other people who have watched that movie over eight thousand times and then. I know that's my thinking is. I'm like i have to be the guys my favorite movie. I'll be the guy it's it's my favorite movie and you miserable a._m._u. View way. That's your line and then. He says he's not don't do that but actually i'm being real. I was like sometimes i need that course correction and so when i was thinking of you coming over i was like all i used i used to do when i saw nick was jon favreau references. I'd be great job on iron man. Oh yeah feel like because it's more subtle and then it takes me a while to get there. I understand they made chef into a show. Yes did you see that no. I have a weird thing with net flicks where i refuse to watch things that i feel like they're trying to trick me. We're trying to force me watching. It like watch ozark. I'm like i'm sure i'd love it but i can't. I can't let a robot telling me to watch it. This is so funny. I watch everything that flex comes really yes will and i will miles and i have a podcast where we watch everything that comes out that week. Why talk about all the new netflix show all the netflix originals. It will watch an episode if we can get through it. You'll watch all the netflix originals movie yes. This week was other hood starring angela bassett so so you patricia arquette putting your head under the running faucet because there's so much content well it makes it so. I don't really watch the other other ones the non i gave up my amazon prime. You know it's just like i'm not as prime do they put out as many things not as many we know they certainly make a lot of what is that podcast called unoriginal. Ooh oh i didn't mean i didn't mean it is burn but it's about netflix originals yeah so we call it was a good burn in a different context so i think we can do both burns and and churn. It's called recently added. Yeah better yeah much better recently. The ad is a great many bud kissed. You need is just so you can see your girlfriend. It's really funny no the other one that i was doing with nick and liars. It just took too long. What just taking too long so i started another one in the meantime wait. What is the one you're doing with it and then tell me about your mom. It's <hes> it's called. Get rich nick and every week nick at nite. Try a different way to get rid. Get rich quick. Yeah can't rich neck yeah i. It's one of those titles that sticks in your throat. 'cause you're not sure if you wanna wanna swallow it. It's so good. It's so fucking delicious incredible. It's the best name came up with a lot the names but this yes i mean i i. I'm gonna be honest with you. I like it because on this level that it's about knicks trying to get rich when you bring in the word play that it's get rich quick get rich man. I like it less interested. I like it all the well. I'll talk tuck to at least pass that forward but you're gonna what is the first scheme scam approach plasma plan. We went to give plasma rich well. It's yes guess what buddy hard to get rich and every week will prove that you are funny if it's less about how to get rich than it is like how to cover your bills at the end of the month. What do i do if it's the end of the month. Do you need a couple hundred dollars. Quick yeah yeah so. How much does plasma go well. They lied well. We thought we were going to get one hundred and fifty dollars the first time you're going to get seventy five dollars so we were going to get one hundred dollars and then each we went in and couldn't do it because he he had drank some water water right before hours of tests. You go through before you go in. There and one of them is like they temperature your mouth so he had recently drank some water water and that his mouth was too cold so they didn't let him go in. You need a warm mouth yeah. It's one of the really you ways that you can make seventy five five dollars that you need a warm yes so only i could go in and the prostitute. I moved my arm. Yes it's a sex work. Joke with all respect to the community but i bet a blowjob is about seventy five dollars a nick kennedy yeah. I'm trying to <hes> yes. That's what it was never paid for it. No i pay for it. I got paid that warm mind the clone or the got on my money. That's your movie. Mike clones got all my money and i begin your money. I gave it to him. He's very whereas ways him which elect to not tell you the full story you are not jewish asia and yourself yeah so he added a cool mouth a simple water and apparently the scientists wouldn't listen to just had a sip of water. Let's test it again. It's it's crazy when you go in. There's like fifty beds all lined up there you know in this in this group and then there's these two way mirrors up at the top and they're all dark and like they're they're folded in people. Can the people up top can stare at like the bodies that they're harvesting the plaza. The lizard people yeah they have extra. Tell me about as warm mouth again. I mean yes. Why are they tend to show me your face yeah so i moved my arm and then the what happens is they put a big needle in they put the big. It's not that big. They said it was going to be bigger but it isn't really bigger than like a regular blood i see and so but what they do is they pull it out of you and then they run it through this machine when they take the plasma out and then they put it back in your body and they do this five or six times over an our and so you have to pump they give you like a stress ball and you have to pump while they're while they're pulling the blood out and i moved my arm and so the blood blood this story here back into my arm and so i'm like pumping. This is the bloods and i ended up with a bruise pretty unless shoulder to my wrist hate this story. Yeah the stories happen to your and then they gave you seventy five dollars. No they said here's fifty dollars and i thought it was seventy five dollars and they said it's fifty. What can i do about it. I'm gonna go get my lawyer. It's like putting a christmas tree in your car and and then it goes you get paid. I tell them what the tree is before. The needles are in your flatbed. They've fifty bud. It's fifty your blood going in and out and nick did nothing. Katie is freaking out yeah. It's given all all of us a condition known as the willies so i well. Let's just talk about it. Are you going to do anything being like. Could you do a pyramid scheme or something yeah. Oh absolutely yeah. There's a lot of things that you know. You have to do like a long-term whatever i'm like. I'm doing things like we're always doing things. I'm wearing a fifth pick. 'cause i'm going to step competition for money with him. No just with thirty other people on the healthy way jap where i'm also in a weight loss competition from my you can enter bets yeah you very very expensive. It's like six hundred dollars and then i bet that i'm going to lose thirty pounds over six months and you have to get weighed in in a place with bias i well you can go into any weight watchers but you can do it away. Why did you can also just take a video yourself doing it. At home. You could rig the scale well you can but like i was for the show. I didn't like i could just tape waits to myself but what i did. I wanted to stay on a level so i just ate a ton of drank six pounds of water right before the way did it and it was not healthy you don't do that. I really ruined in my day electrolytes. Probably you need some salt bro. Yeah need some salt yeah. That's all gatorade is bro. Oh salt oh. Oh electrolytes are how disappointing. How can they get away with this dude. It's like rats and all over again. What's that search got rats and dude. Oh it's an insult in canada. That's a sixty minute. Call back on this show. I don't know if you listen to reason episodes. I've started time stamping thing. I give more points for how deep the callback jamaican yes ten minutes ah but she's a caucasian yeah from jamaica third-generation yanking so there are white jamaicans yes. They came there recently a third generation. She's not you know. I thought it was going way back and she just was the third day. I don't know what i was thinking. Oh there isn't that many general they came from europe and you can kick it in jamaica yeah but she was was raised there yet. She was raised there until she was seven then she moved to michigan seventy or you know michigan the most natural yeah let's go from jamaica whitesands to white people won't she was the valedictorian in michigan to make an immigrant. You know you see that trump which cameras trump who am i talking to the alexa alexa aw i'm sorry i can't do that well. That's interesting. When did you get into comedy. I start. I quit college. <hes> <hes> i was in a comedy troupe in college. They called it was called. It was called. What's the christ campus crusade for comedy. That's so funny. It's not it's okay okay. It's not that funny. It's campus crusade for comedy not a christian school. I wanted to call it the nick turner seven but no one agreed that is so oh funny yeah only hilarious troop would agree the nick turner said i mean it takes a bold hootie to call everyone else. A blowfish wow actually huge areas rudy. What's that he's blowfish yeah. That's what i was saying. We were saying the same thing but nobody's nobody hootie know who he i don't i don't think so why would one of those guys get to be hootie the bass player who looks like better than israel. Is that the guy with the long hair where he's got blonde hair. It looks like better yeah yeah better than as band. Who's ezra yeah. Oh no. Oh no we've lost. We've lost to the next ten minutes. Ah these guys are fighting foo- these guys are measuring themselves with the ezra stick. One is going like time a clock expense and then we come back and i'm just like none of them voting. That's not o'clock. I can't believe the crooked world world of betting on yourself so you were in something called the campus crusade for comedy. She is a bad name at twice and that was an improv team <hes> <hes> <hes> we made. I think we had like a two episodes on like campus tv. We made a sketch comedy tv show. It's really stupid and i would pay one million dollars to get it. That's all i want anyway. I quit school after two years. What will school's for fools george mason university city and i'll stand by that school's for fools school's for fools. Tell me everything you really believe that. Schools were really smart people and and it shouldn't be for everyone. I mean not everybody's brain sprite. Yes schools should be like you know bad. The schools are the minor leagues the good schools are the big leagues yeah but everybody's gotta play for some reason you were like. I'm out and everyone can study with their friends. I taking valedictorian yeah well. She would have gone to college and she did and then you didn't i did but then i didn't you quit i was. I don't not not not not a good student student pete. I'm great on standardized tests. Are you well. You don't get a study for those. I i just didn't like the studying year like smart but you don't like memorizing shit yeah. I guess i'm smart enough. I'm smart you know in terms of the world world social intelligence no smart boy yes. I just don't like cramming your brain school. You don't want to repeat back what someone just told you. Especially especially. I was a theater major. I mean who gives a fuck thinner major i did. I didn't graduate oh okay well. I graduated a theater the degree that's the same. There's no difference so i moved to new york to do comedy and had you done stand up. No i hadn't done anything and then i moved to new york and i started doing standup right away for a couple of months before something. Something really bummed out stand up for a while nine eleven because it's funny from nine eleven. Everyone was like when you can you be funny again like i don't know i'm not even funny yet right. I can't it shouldn't be me. I don't she's doing in this. You're in new york. When nine eleven happened yeah and you were doing howdy yeah i just just just baby started but i mean and then i stopped and i didn't do stand up again for like three and a half years and a half year i did <hes> some sketch took improv classes and stuff wow and at some point nine eleven did sort of change the tree of very much so yeah wow yeah because i've told this many i would have been doing stand up starting in you know spring two thousand one instead of december two thousand and four wow yeah we all buckled down and double like after nine eleven happened. We were all like life is short you already in. It was awesome jokes. Yeah yeah birds yet. You know i had a a couple buds actually tweet to say but that tragedy forged our beds yeah like we became better buds. I became really great buds with a different a group of people who didn't do comedy after that time like a bunch of comedians that quit no just other people whose comedy yeah i just thought that those are my friends and and then we spend our time together and none of them did comedy so it wasn't real pulled me out in yeah cared and i wasn't even and then he came back and lets worse than like some guy who's done comedy for a couple of months. You know just in general just in general not like he's a bad person person but like i don't know we'll talk about comedy with them. All the time like we're trying to get information out of somebody in the way we torture his lock. You in a room with somebody. Just started doing voice is this is this to hedberg. Should i say hi to the audience when i get on stage by god those early early settlers that have how you guys do now how you guys doing like what you have to do for a college show hello audience we were you have to rate even hello like when you get when someone introduces you like the student whoa credits that got out of crashing <hes> <hes> but we shot this whole thing that was very proud of. I'm actually sad that it didn't make the show and it was showing how when you colleges it was gonna show peed doing three different colleges is and getting terrible intros at all <hes> yeah it was like a running joke yeah and then when he gets to the city he gets a proper intro and he's supposed to feel at home because that is the thing is you. You tell me you whereas is boring. Have you said it here. What's that well. You tell me your worst my words tro yeah. It's always the same. That's why i was really excited to put them in the show as always like our comedian. Tonight is pete holmes. He's he's on v._h._1.'s best week ever and i think hannibal had one where they even said like oh. He had a college newspaper review him and said hamilton perez was the funniest performer within the price range search incredible but they so i would always say my name lance. It should be the last thing you say. I had one one time i there were like six people on stage and they brought me up. They're like here's your community. Bring them up like this is nick turner and then they read my entire bio from my website. The site that happens now yeah still happen sometimes and then another time they never have a book. Sometimes i'll in montreal. They were like pete. Holmes is a christ leaning. Thank spiritual secret. I was like oh my this stand up by. This isn't a book. I like on the n._f._l. Website it was like why bring christ leaning into this. That's so funny leaning about my stand. That's a box a box. I mean yeah. I got to break out of the by christ media and rights comedian. That's starting to happen more and then when they did the gallo my intro was he started in the christian circuit annoyed. There's got your bio from your tv that all this happened with a partner in henry thanksgiving his mom and dad or three feet shorter. No those are actors. Those are actors auditioned sitting down fred applegate who played my dad who is incredible at. I would've casted him anyway obviously but when he came to this one of you did this to me yes any who's a whistle. You ever see ghost. No let me go sorry. You don't believe in goes. No you're gonna defined. I get pretty rigid views. Oh that's okay no yeah. I'm gonna i'm excited but i didn't think he'd i know i know let me ask you this yeah when they were shooting the movie the longest yard sorry just just that turned. I thought this was a joke. This is very israel. It's supposedly one of the most haunted places in the world okay and apparently they gave one of the pe- as everybody chipped in and gave the p._a. Like thousand dollars if he would sleep in one of the cells because there was a riot in the prison and all of the prisoners got out put the guards in the cells is almost sounds fucking fake. I don't know these details right but like killed all the guards just as is horrible shitty massacre as opposed to be one of the most haunted places in the world. They gave the guy the money spend the night in the cell with the door closed and locked and you have to sleep in their that's all you have to get a thousand dollars. He did it next day would not talk about it. He was so he regretted it deeply deeply and would not talk about it. You don't believe in goes hold on. I'd never heard this. I do believe it goes. No you telling me this guy clammed up surreal. You're ever chains. You're like you're like a real. I've never talked to somebody. That's exactly finally like you wanna know what you really really staying when you say this. I think you're so funny and you're in a way that no one i don't. I've never talked to somebody. That's just just how you are and i love it. It's a bit abrasive. I get i sometimes my compliments are off putting their intense but let me ask you this because you don't believe in god yes no of course i don't believe in ghosts aren't gosar nothing i mean. There's no there's no i mean it's like toy story ory. You know it's like they in toy story story. You know how like the toys are in charge of if you see them or not. You know like you come in the room. They're like well like just listed. Every ever is just missing you just missing every time moving. That's the same way with ghosts like oh. We gotta pick but we just missed him. There's no picks. We can't pick a spec. We can't do anything you can't and it's just convenient that you can't prove it no but that the question remains oh yes sorry sorry in that sal and sleep there. Should i talk about shows. I mean not for that scary. It can be scared of other things but there's nothing scared sometimes banned in prison like who knows what's rolling around in there. I don't want like a mouse crawling on me that terrifies me more than like alcatraz tran- read of a ghost yeah. I have heard so many good goes stories this podcast and elsewhere. I had a driver dry. It's always long island yeah. He's driving to long island. It was doing the show. I wish i had recorded. I'd play it on the podcast. He told the greatest go story in the world. It's just all all your classics doors slamming the stuff so when you hear that you're just like this is just for fun now. I'm i'm. I'm not trying to candidature if he's like. I'm in the bathroom in the door slammed here. Well it was the win was nothing of course or you lied or sure yeah. I mean everything's explainable even if i can't explain it and you know. I know it's not a u._f._o. You don't believe in u._f._o.'s either ono. I mean i i mean it's like i don't know why it's up to meet and not believing it like. I don't know why i would have to to say that well. That's my favorite atheist. Points like the burden isn't on me to explain my disbelief disbelief. It's on youtube but isn't that right. I agree with you. I think that's a beautiful position. However who prove anything you got a tape into youtube mass mass witness you of us. I think the only way it can be proven as i gotta go to youtube. The argument is lost. There's it's gotta be some other place. It's like telling me that you read an article on breitbart. That really changed. Your mind about bernie sanders really funny. You don't put any stock and like it's it's kind of like not great. You'd think if we did see a u._f._o. And it was a u._f._o. Would i'll just run it on the newspapers and be like it's it's it's real. It's happen open. You don't think there's anything in place to be like the whole fabric of our society go away. Maybe let's kind of. I think if there was a u._f._o. And somebody saw it then it means nothing and if there's a u._f._o. And a lot of people saw it and there's a bunch of proof of it then it would mean something but there are mass mass citing. I yeah okay. I mean okay. You're telling me about some youtube. Video i haven't seen was a a youtube video of a show that was on the discovery. Yeah and i'm sure there's mass sightings of something. It could be anything it could identify something yeah. We the proper where i believe with that. There are u._f._o.'s because there's some things that we don't have any are you there alliens i do not we're floating in infinity. Eh sure are i appreciate that. I appreciate there's like a that. A lot of people could take him and egger. You're really i mean i guess need news and why and i need some facts yeah i don't. I'm not giving anybody an inch right to tell. Tell me that there's a bunch used to because some people that hold your opinion used to be more liberal than at some point. They're just like fuck it. It's fake. I grew up in. I went to catholic church and we would go every sunday. My mom taught religious ed. We went to church. Yeah and i just have no memory of buying into it. It never cooked. No i just from the moment ever thought about it. I just thought with my parents every sunday every little debates yeah sweaty return. Just don't go. You didn't want to go now because of sleeping in no it's boring as is fun but no i just like. It's one thing if you're if you're like into it but i'm just like. What are we doing here too. Great jim gavin. This is a good. It's tabooed book. It's doug it sure is it's very good. It's a good book. We can all agree. It's a good book. I actually a maybe you saw to read yeah. I am not a bible. I think they call it an apologist. I'm not a bible apologized. I because his it that great you know what i mean yeah. I know i apologize. I know you're thinking median. I saw ooh that's not many points because that was the only but even as a youth he didn't have like the. I'm glad you didn't have the fear of going to hell hell or something like that. Just didn't take hold either. No there's just not a day two of my brain that that can that has faith look at you. There's no faith in my body because i guess it would take faith to believe that you're going to hell for me. A thought like that grows in the fear soil not the faith soil but really it's also faith soil. It's been fertilized with faith faith that someone else telling me that thing it can happen be afraid and i have to have faith in them or the or the the books that the referencing to believe that that could happen and you're just like no no i'm. I'm a militant atheist myself yes. How's that working out. That sounds like a joke. I just are you know going. It's fine. I mean it doesn't it. Doesn't there's nothing actively actively you have to do. You just don't think you think religion is not only that it. It's bullshit but it's harmful harmful yeah yeah which camin proof yeah you do have a lot of. I got a lot of data a lot of data baby yeah yeah no. I hear that and what is how do you frame what's going on and again to your point. You're actually opened with one of my favorite. I think it was tim mentioned. That was like the burden isn't on me. It's on you. I just don't believe in what you're saying. You believe him so. I'm actually i'm the zero right. You're the plus one on and you're like. I don't know about that one yeah and you're you're just on the base level. I remember when i was talking to julia. Sweeney was trying to to kind of get in touch with the phenomena the phenomenon that you and i on a molecular level just look like a swarm of hornets. You know what i'm saying like this is just a tornado of molecules and these molecules think they're pete and those morals think they're your neck and these molecules are being couch really the same molecules. They're all moving around but consciousness exists matter became aware of itself. They mattered gained conscious developed consciousness so i guess what i'm wondering is it's not to test you. Just how do you interpret the world called like. Is it just sort of happenstance or an accident. I definitely agree that. There's plenty. I don't know and i don't really search out the information and i'm not i'm not like on a spiritual journey and not on a you're not looking for meaning. Even scientific lens either no. I'm not looking for meaning. I what am i gonna find. I mean could you imagine what is your journey. All you've gone through <hes> you know to find out answers or whatever and i'm just like. I you know i don't i don't. I don't need to find <music> out like i if i don't believe in religion or some other ethereal body like what why do i need to go find out about it. Why would i put more work well. That's how i i'm. I'm with you by a third party. Deity sure isn't in my belief system either but how did the universe or how. How do i explain how the universe i mean for. I don't know if but also how that infuses your day to day you're saying it doesn't which i think is really fun and interesting. No i mean everyone sad. You know everyone's so crazy easy. I don't know and it's like it all it all and just like here. I'm here right now. It's like it's another reason why you know i've been. I have a girlfriend for seven years and not a wife because i just like. I'm just i'm in this relationship. You know don't you don't wanna bring the fairytale retail of even legality contract. Well it just for what you know for. What reason there's good reasons. There's like insurance. There's selling like being there in the hospital whatever you have rights like. I don't think my parents are going to block lyra era from coming into my coming into my room. I just don't see i like those your room in the hospitals noble of you i have oh yeah oh thank you yes. I could never see my baby on that on that table. Sweet thank you. I can i just again. There's no part of me. That's debating yeah and i've just noticed that we can resist ceremonies but the truth is human beings hippopotamus different mammals are like get meaning out of ceremony so even though is my second marriage val second marriage we were and we were already living together. When we got married we were like why does this feel so good and i don't just mean like a a fleeting. There was no i am. I am a free man meaning. There's no like my first marriage was pleased. Mother did right by jesus and mommy. It was my first one. This was motherfucker. I can do anything it was the real nobody tells any of us mere vowel what to do things yeah all friends first wedding all family second wedding all friends my food my like my first wedding didn't even have any cake too nervous too busy saying hi to my seventeen aunts second wedding cake fuck an ice cream truck and afterwards. We were just like that still feels good thinking talking about it still feels good. Bringing other consciousnesses into our relationship felt better than the sum of its parts that is the that is a a short version of my argument for saying like we can look at things with reason volkan sort of way and we can look at things in a more poetic way and be like for some reason lean into our weirdness say like we're liturgical creatures were ceremonious creatures. We like declarations rations of love. I'm i'm getting that from certain entities. I you're fine. I love my girlfriend. I also i wanna be clear. I don't want to change that not just me saying like i hear here's here's what i mean. It's you know it's like i understand outstanding you. You had this ceremony and it was great and you enjoyed it and you think back on it. Fondly that's fine. I don't think that's a reason you know like a good memory good party. You know whatever i don't like. I'm not i'm not dismissing that it's like yeah feeling also if it's tied into my field field changes and how religious stances you could do hand yes but then why are you even what are you. It's like getting like a vegan chicken like why ama pretending this i'll. Why am i even nipping my foot into that room. First of all i just think you beautiful and too. I think you kinda right on our arve. Ceremony did not shy away from metaphor. Yeah like enjoying some of the idea of me and val reuniting is is the microcosm of the journey that we're all on to realize the singularity of consciousness. It's fun and if you're like that's nonsense or are. That's potentially nonsense but just not interesting to me. I sort of understand yeah. I mean yes i can. I think you yourself the interpretation of you. I love it but he i just don't think that the base level. I think that marriage makes it harder to break up and that's why it happens to the office. It's harder to get naked like there's more belts yes. Yes weren't shirt and a jacket had to leave her. Oh what a headache yeah and that's what pets appeal makes people feel secure. There is one reason reason i went to a wedding at city. Hall wants my friend who got married to his girlfriend. They hadn't been dating very long but she was getting deported and so he married married her to continue dating her and i'm like that's a good reason to get married so your girlfriend doesn't get taken by the cops. You know it's like you just want around what the fuck cover and my girlfriend very much wants to get married and why does she want to give him that would be because she's like ninety nine point nine percent of us the population they she got married just wanna all of her friends got married. She wants to have the guts to do. Everything everybody else gets to melanie's bit. Why by the cow wedding you go to with the cow. The cow looks at you jumping into my bedroom into much of my life. She leaves me. I'll marry her. That's so funny. It's true really yeah funny. If she we used real yes that is that is how you do sorry for all the star trek could trick me easily. She knows this. She can listen in case. He's talking to cut this kennedy's on her phone. She's editor kate. He's katie listens to all nine hour episode of this. I guess she's heard stories and yet she remains. I love her so much. Don't want her to go your girlfriend. Yes that that i mean but like this is an interesting question. I think is like the choice between being right and then like being happy they can't do it. He's standing folks. He's doing that. Why are we at war with vira i think she said those words dismissed to please. That's like the oldest line changes soon stewards cheese too good. I just life is in the negotiating. Oh she's not in the heart and the heart is wrong. The heart is not logical. Marriage is not logical. That's those were my wedding vast valleys that i i love you. What was the word. I used irrationally yeah. That is that's marriage. I think that's leaning into going like there's no such thing as love. You're like in love you click on. I'm in love now and you click off. Love later. Love is like constantly falling in love with that person every day and constantly make an person fall in love with you every day and that is my goal rather than being like across the finish line. Here's marriage right well. That's good. That's a really beautiful way to say well. You don't want it to be done and now you're in this part cobb hog marriage yeah and then the seduction over and that's really also everyone's mart and this is. This is just a big part of my thinking. It's been done a lot of jokes on it. My stand up and the people get divorced and people don't care about marriage people. Do these frivolous weird things that we re reality shows people like we just these people never seen each other. There are now they're married. That's what marriage is also ran. Why are you care about it so much right. I hear you i hear you. What do you think about the happy versus right thing no now because it's being right making you happy and is being right making in this situation. I don't i mean i don't i don't know different no. I don't think it would be different. I do want to be right. I do i do. I'm very i'm too passionate about it. It's funny because i am broken down and i may be but it also is just weird like be at a wedding and its mind and have everyone you know i've talked to about marriage. It's like then interesting though and that sort of is what marriage it's so interesting. I mean this consumes my lot. You're the examples that you just is gave what i what i find interesting is. There's a lot of identity tied up now yeah in not getting married and we're really struck a chord with me as you're like. I have stand up about about it like that's when i get it. Go like right reinforce that every night when i talk about it over run over you do talk about a lot well yeah yeah yeah. I have more than one joke about people. Oh you're standup. I thought with oh no but yes also lie yeah also with lyra lyra yeah. It's interesting but at the end of the day no now if i said that that would sound like i'm trying to persuade you these ideas. We have of ourselves our you'll enjoy. This are nothing nothing. Alan watts says you're under no obligation to be the person you were fifteen minutes ago right and i love that yeah i it doesn't feel like second obligate. It's just i don't know it's another thing on the list. You know it's just like it's not only that it's just my opinion. It's that it's my <hes> <hes> is that everyone knows that opinion about me so it feels disingenuous. That's why it's almost like if i were are rooting for you to get married. It would be because you were big enough to kill something that doesn't exist so the story of neck that doesn't believe in marriage is really just like a pattern saturn of thoughts. That isn't really real. It's not real no so it's not that i want you to be with lyra or have a wet. Greg greg is that i enjoy people just like why am i. Why am i spending so much. You know what he goes could be reading your i. It's interesting win of an old man. I just what is it like. What is that moment where like ask her to marry me. After all of this will you marry me. Do you really want that. Oh my you i mean what when and she said the right versus happy thing you did you just you just you just dismissed it. I'm such a jerk. No you're not a feel that way now and do not dismiss appealing. Oh no your feelings about thank you. You feel like you're yeah but i don't think your thank you but i didn't have as my conversation with you like i did earlier. My point was asinine. My half i understand regret it interesting yeah interesting and then and then here here's my <hes> food for that about the god thing or the meaning yeah. Let's take god out of it. Other than meaning some sort of way of interpreting reality last night i got stone ate a pizza and i vow was out of town or out of the house and she doesn't let you otherwise no she would. There's a weird fucked up part of my psyche. That's like when i'm alone. Let's do something that you don't want people to see. Okay me and it's always something like eat a pizza. It's not it's not horrible. Ship completely normal. I know it is but the baby was crying so the pizza was sitting on that and then val came home and the pizza and there's values not in on this conspiracy. She's not like i caught your pizza voice. She doesn't get what you might like the feeling of like back in fact it goes into. I wasn't even hungry. It goes into the decision of making ordering pizza. Is you go. No one will know like indulge old. It's what i call the room service phenomenon. It's you know it's funny. Get room service. No one knows val actually helped me break it down this morning. She was like you because i was like i always sort of regret it the next day. I'm like it wasn't grade. I didn't even enjoy it. She goes you want the feeling of ordering it you want the feeling of waiting for it you want the feeling of it arriving and he wanted the feeling of the first bite insurance after that you're just chasing a meaningless drags. You should always always get a small. I did get a small wow. That's already got their back and i ate the whole fucking thing and it's the smallest they have which they call them medium twelve inches. It's probably a twelve. That's a big pizza. Here's what here's why the last one in the world world who's judging you. I love everything about you. I've already made that clear to a point where you were uncomfortable. Including your anti marriage i just i want everybody. Everybody is all right. I woke up. This is why i keep looking for. Meaning is the feeling of dissatisfaction action i get from what forgive me for sounding a little scientologists here but like sensory indulgence. I find so deeply unsatisfying. That's fine that i found it weird that given a night at home alone despite all the study and practice that i've done and in the spiritual way that as soon as i'm alone i'm eating a pizza or i'm jerking off or i'm just like chasing feelings. I'm eating. Some weed need to feel good than eight a pizza to feel good. I watch a movie to feel good. It's just placating the animal when i know that much for me. Regardless of your beliefs your thoughts. The experience of being deeply in the moment is way way better than any of that and even though i know that i still given one night by myself. I'm just eating fucking pizza. So then i wake up and i go. I took baby. Leave for a walk and i just had to unpack it and it was like i think we've all been sold shitty story which is tickle as many clips as many nerve endings as you have calm as much as you can eat as much as you can see as many three d movies movies you can. This is coming from christian comedian. This is incredible but you are my spiritual. Pursuits are are on the other side of that going that shit don't work yeah. Even if you are an atheist that goes. I don't believe in anything but i believe that my thoughts are illusory three at best that the guy i was when i was eighteen and the person i am different people but what is what is stayed the same there was a base level of awareness and that's who i really am and when i spoke in that awareness and when i rest into the moment that's where real joy. The feeling of being alive is what gets me off. Not the pizza not the movie not the we'd not the entertainment not even the power or the money that people are chasing but that's why i go back to it so what's your alternative in that in that situation where she leaves then and instead of getting high and ordering pizza yeah. What do you do yeah. What are you supposed to do. I get so depressed. Tell me every day and i'm just home alone. I'm like i'm just like instantly sad. I think i'm with you. I can't watch any tv because we watched it together. Here sweet joins. You wanna watch that's off. I one hundred one hundred percent of the time yeah. That's that's me too so we're in there together and it comes from it does come from a place of loneliness. It goes like while i'm alone. I think it's indulgence but there's also probably probably like a discomfort being alone. You're like i might as well feel warm and tinguely because at least when you're high yearly babysitting your high you're kind of going like how intense and says it. Is it going to get worse going to handle it. You mentioned you're not you're not just with your thoughts yeah. You're monitoring levels like just getting in caught. Doing something totally normal that you're not embarrassed about is such a weird thing that pizza yeah like if i'm like i smoke more pot and larry does and if i'll like and we're just like together gather and i smoke smoking bowl. It's like i don't think about it but if i'm smoking when she comes home i'm like that is but if i just waited in two minutes i'm nick turner thought to have bits that are in your vein where i was like going to have your drink at ya if you're drinking and someone's there. It's not drinking alone but you're the only one drink like it's like. It's just optics yeah. Can i dress up a mannequin and get fucked up. Is that does that count. Who is this for the dog. Is the dog worried about me. It's crazy because you you also you just feel like most people in most relationships. The wife gets angry. When you do you this. You've seen you grew up with that on sitcoms and it's weird when you have your relationship with the girl you picked not the girl you picked i for the girl you picked that you want to be with forever and you're like you know how you you think i'm dumb. Dumb food and i'd do anything right and like. I don't think that's funny yeah. I i think does go both ways. I think you people see that stuff on t._v. And you're subconsciously i might even subconsciously be like you should could be mad that i ate a pizza. I watched king of queens. What were you supposed to. We make her dinner. She was she's gone valid. I talk about it. We unpacked packed even further. There's this weird thing. I talk about on stage. Which is no one tells me what to do. You're ordering a pizza to demonstrate that no one has control over you you which is really weird because yes they do. They're called the tomato pie pizza company and silver. They have control they. Hey are winning in this situation. They see your order. They see that address again. Amigo twenty eight bucks for something that costs us to go a but anyway that's why spirituality for me and that's why marriage for me and all of these things that we do whether or not there empirically a true sometimes have value greater than the than they're like greek scale value like getting married or believing leaving in consciousness yeah but you don't have a story we were going to that way. You don't have a story or feeling about the universe. Even benefit is nothing matters all just undulating bullshit ya. No i mean yes. I di- go into the ground yeah. There's there's a. I don't know how how how it started. It's not relevant. <hes> right doesn't matter where i go. Let's say i do go to hell hell or heaven great okay. I mean it's like what does it matter yourself doesn't matter and it's not real and i'm dead. I don't care ah maybe you care. I don't care that's like that's pretty high levels spiritual actually when they ask buddha what happens when you die said what is that business of yours. Yours is nothing yeah and also fuda where i'm at you are very where i'm at people like if you did wake up in heaven or for hell then it would be your job to realize that that is also an allusion. You sound like a buddhist yeah. I does buddha also have a very short temper. Oh really oh no. I got to read more about this. Please who cares. There's your movie real real guy buddha. He's like a regular buddha he smoking the ball in his girlfriend walks in whoops a doozy. I gotta pee so bad but i'm trying to hold it sweat it out. Where are we at a time when forty dodgers game in five hours. Do you really my first dodgers game books. Step up who books dodgers. Here's who stubhub stubhub i am going to be. I don't wanna be rush. Get be okay. I thought oh my question while i was peeing. How is your that's the question to the rhythm of a lot yeah a lot a lot a lot. How many times at night in the night getting up yes dude. Welcome to my world because i think about this a lot. I'll stop i. I have two tips for not getting up as much at night. Obviously one stop drinking around six o'clock. Oh i know what it it is too yeah. What's that oh you know. I mean i am but that's i will end the night mm smoking marijuana and then give thirsty and edrich a lot a lot before bed. Yeah okay if you're going to drink. Here's a here's my good tip. We're back to gatorade. Go ahead and throw some salt in that water or just like some off your hand. I'm getting some you wanted to be like like not that. I am very hydrated because i when i do drink too i drink soda which is just a lot of water all the time soda so i mean lena vodka soda like when you drink you know if you have an alcoholic beverage. You should have water yeah vodka soda. You're having wow you're sure and i will often order a tall with extra soda okay so you're saying hydrated salt. Get some salt in in their car because then your body while you're sleeping is trying to this is my understanding neutralize assault which takes water and it's water that you would be b._p._a. Is working on that salt so if you have a little bit of salt before bed he'll get up p less interesting. This is a free podcast four times four. That's it's probably how many times i got up last night. That's not every night but that was yeah. I don't think i did get up last night because i had a pizza which is salty doc. I also have train back to sleep sometimes so if i get up at like six up at six and like that view i like it you like it. I like like the mornings now. I love as i grow into an old man. Yeah get me up earlier. There's no meeting yeah then. I hear that i'm like oh. I'm like nine great. I'll be upper the three hours wow i'll be there for for having a baby to. I am a morning person. We've got into comedy love the six a._m. Love of the field vowel got up this morning. Bless her but <hes> most mornings not most. We split it but i like the sex. I like getting up but the sex you you. <hes> what did i say. Ryan holiday really liked it. We're talking about it. Was that like. It's like robbing a bank before anyone else's even awake yeah so so you can get like all this shit done you can reply emails or at least you can even have like some quiet time like some like you can start your day in a calm deliberate way instead of the n._b._c. thirty see that's. Do you want to be informed or do you want to be happy so here's my question. What is the meaning of life. What is the meaning of your life because i know you have meaning yeah. What is it <hes> <hes> like. It has to be like these couple of things or this one. I'm just saying it's actually an easier question that i think it sounds because it sure isn't a a a question that i ponder <hes> you know so. Couldn't we have a ready made answer then then for you isn't part of the meaning meaning of your life to not sweat too much what the meaning is most definitely. I mean life's just so hard like i just. How many people do you know with severe mental illness. You know i feel like a lot of my time's spent like how do i <hes> what parts of me are like spinning off into the ether and like i need to rain and blake here sanity yeah just like just being like actively understanding. It's like everyone's nuts and everyone's going crazy and just like trying to manage my own without ever seeing therapist in my life although i probably could could stand to go see one. Would you like to know yeah but it's good. Is it right you don't do it. I feel like no. I love therapy but you know this is what a therapist would do. Is it good. Why is it good yeah. They would want to figure for some reason talk about something that makes me that is more valuable. I was talking to somebody who is because i'm a big open book with all my friends and all my obviously with val. Why does talking help like saying to someone else helps. That is a mystery of the heart. You know what i mean. It's like it. It doesn't nothing changed. Just another other mammal heard me go. My dad texted me in the words of what he wished i had texted him and and then i tell you that and i feel better this is this is why marriage yeah. We're all just doing our best. Yeah i just tell it to. I don't know sometimes we sell to anyone. If i get like bad news or something happens you know. Lionize wants to give me a hug and i'm like oh. I don't want to think about at this right now. <hes> you know like this is fine. This is for later you so you avoid i do. I guess but not really i mean. I don't know i i'm sure do pretty in the moment. Honestly <hes> i have i don't i don't know i avoid with uncomfortable yeah and then what's not uncomfortable. I drive a mack truck into. I guess that's it so what i'm looking for is what like as the brits would say what fills your days. Obviously you love comedy. <hes> new love your girlfriend <hes> slash wife <hes> stroke stroke why yeah i do. I'm very focused on enjoying myself. I i i think priority ready for me is having fun enjoying my life being happy making you know other people around me happy. That's that's that's what i take priority over anything else but to the detriment of any long term goals or you know. It's like a little bubble to live in but it does. Maybe it doesn't tell about <hes> every aspect you mean career wise yeah but you don't have your in the moment allman. You're you're enjoying like you're able to like enjoy a show. Do a show enjoy. I mean enjoy a standup show booth. No no i mean that's not fun right fifteen years in go watch a comedy show. That's work just to watch standup. That's a barbecue at eddie. Murphy says i don't like i'm not gonna complements. I'm not don't compliment well because i i'm really i can come off as insincere a lot and so so it's like extra harder for me to be sincere like with a compliment because people might not take away. Take it the right way or think. I'm kidding like like we had earlier and so when i'm gonna show like the whole time i'm just thinking like what am i going to say to this person when they come on. I that's all i think what am i going to say to them because i don't want to say anything to the like good job. Maybe we'll get a drink while they're coming stitch. God checklist. I i just don't. I don't enjoy watching stand up but it's a big. Is it a cornerstone when we're talking about the meaning of neck act yeah having a bigger slice than than doing comedy no well. That's you know that i get a lot of my joy from from comedy and comedy successes and of course that's where i can't be. It's hard to be joyful. Never forget your answer. Go to heaven who cares. There's that is a funny bit. Who cares who's gonna care. Does you who think of me. I'll be there. I i guess i care heaven who cares. It's great fun sir. It's a great yeah who cares because it is sort of narcissistic thing to be like. I'll be in heaven <hes> getting blown by swan who cares. I'm sorry to circle back to that point but like the deeper spiritual people that i know now would be like it'll so just be another allusion for you to realize isn't real and that's what yours i. I think it'd be like okay. There's this it's it's it's very seinfeld. I was is watching that the king of queens scientology documentary looser remedy. She's back and they were talking about about what happens at the end. The scientology and what happens is that they just now. You're who you were all along. We can go back through it but there's nothing at the end. They're like now you're you should. They paid all the money out of the top levels. Oh i see and then what they revealed was. You are now the person you were before. You started scientology well. That's very buddhist too yeah. That's like in buddhism. They don't make you pay one point eight million dollars. That's well raza ask. When did this podcast news like scientologists similar to buddhism they just added a whole bunch of systems on top off of it but in buddhism the ideas like somebody's holding up their hand and they go what's in my hand and they won't xiaoyu and for thirty years you wonder what's in their hand and then they show you that's that is nothing that is sort of. That's a very buddhist teaching. You can't tell so you have a few eating. I find that yeah. What a waste of time. Can i offer my perspective on that. No would you say keep it crispy. The please say the thing that is feeling frustrating the thing that's witnessing the frustration the thing that's experiencing anything is the answer that is that is it so even the nick that's doubting is the answer. This is my whole thing. It's not in the next book. It's not in the next teacher. It's not in the next practice. It's what you're looking with. Is what what you're looking for. That's it it's here. That's what you're jesus. Your muhammed's were going around trying to enlighten people that the phenomenon with which they are searching for phenomenon is the phenomenon is this is what jesus is saying what he's like faithless creating the phenomenon. You are the phenomenon but like they made a religion they labeled the phenomenon and then they made stories to separate and then you don't need it. That's that's smith at the end. I opened my hand and i go. It's nothing but hopefully in the searching you realize that it's the searcher is what's being sought but then some psychopath had to build a religion around totally agree an ego built and religion round right and even egos wrote books about it and good books holy books folks but he goes are getting involved but that's the good news that's that's the joy and the smile on this buddhist face meaning me is i can delight light in anti marriage militant wasn't militant a neg- 'cause right hod baby because you totally agree i well. I get it yeah. I get it and it's not even about agreeing. It's just here. We all are yeah. This one thinks it's that and this one thinks it's there's were both probably fucking completely wrong but it's here how much movies that all of this brings you sure and just over so many years yeah no but i just <hes> it doesn't it doesn't bring me any joy. It's not real to yeah your cup of tea. Yeah and it's <hes> i appreciate that you know what religion is or or like churches and they're just like kind of place where they opened their arms and like everyone's welcome in. They let you sure and they let you can come in the door. You know right but then one hundred four times you get is that is that a statistic in the it is one of the biggest sticking points for me and what you know the harm is i understand and and that's a compassionate yeah. That's a compassionate senate. Act is to consider all the pain there yeah. It's interesting interesting. Character role is overwhelming. <hes> you know saying everything if we look at the fact now you gotta find your corner. What do you mean hide in it. It's too much. I mean learning more. It doesn't like put you at ease. That's what i'm saying yeah there was there was a short story i forget but it was like the guy that wouldn't eat fruit because he knew the types of little bugs exit. We're on the fruit that are vomiting on the fruit. My therapist end ramdas would agree that our brains are good servants but they're terrible the masters and when they they when they start running the show it can get a little bit lonely. This is why i'll occasionally occasionally it a cookie that has milk and eggs and fucking cream in it because it's like there's nothing i wanna stand on so firmly that i'm like completely changed to it except maybe like eleven protect. My daughter like that one's pretty not negotiable but <hes> any believed deleted to that change when you had a daughter to was it what you like your your purpose yeah did yeah. It totally delivered in that way yeah having something outside of you. It's a great maria's great in all the ways that you thought it would be great and having a baby is great in all the ways you thought having a baby with great yeah. Yes wow that sounds like a guy owner but i wanna be clear here here. I'm not running either of those scenarios through my brain yeah. I'm letting them walk through. My heart sounds like a riddle but it is a lot the time with a clipboard going this this and this and this and this it's heart stuff baby's heart stuff and the people that go like on paper hey per. Let's look at the data of baby. She's not maybe she wouldn't pay out in the numbers yeah but this is this also goes back to my marriage is like marriage is two things becoming a third invisible thing and a family is two people three three people linking up and creating a fourth invisible thing called family. These are just concepts. It's a metaphor three people. All three individuals are like one thing called family. That's a metaphor and that is where it's paying out for me in a very mythical illogical logical irrational way it also happens to pay out in a lot of rationalize but i can't the people that i see that are unhappy are often grading their experiences with their minds with their unhappy what we're bringing to it. You're a happy a person who thought of great potential in these things and then you went for it and then you reach that potential because you were already already happy about i i would go. I'm not always happy and i'm not about those things i mean. It's like about your relationship with your wife like it's positive it just is and so this is kind of an idea. We're very free. We have all these systems in clay marriage family parented but behind it were free. That's the paradox so it's freedom within constraints. It doesn't make any sense but that's why it pays out to me. It's not because i'm lucky it's because i'm free well and you don't have a person a lot of people. I'll have a person at home and abroad. That's let's like actively trying to find a way to be mad at them like when you come home you're like you don't know how why they're gonna be mad. That's great. I've had that relationship walking into it. Let's not see this is why you're so essential is i can get very let's look from the heart and everything's fine in the moment and and also underneath all of this is somebody that was like i will not have that i will not come home afraid that was in my wedding vows you. I said i never come home to judgement. I never come home to fear or anger. I come home and vows vows playing the piano. I literally come home to music so that is wonderful knots and bolts and hammers and nails just fuck can practical good old fashioned self help healthy relationship and then when you're privileged with that and find that then you can start walking with your defeat not touching the ground and just going like i'm free <hes> but it is hard to do that means everything to me to to not be afraid to go home yeah. There's no oh conflict waiting at home isn't that beat just excitement and the season finale of euphoria that's right. I get to watch my baby and you you did that. You know what i'm saying. Yeah i had other relationships. That's what i'm saying is if people are listening. They're not having that and they're like well. It just went this way. It's it's like you you can you can find. I know why everyone's together and why why we know so many people who aren't because it's not it's not a it's like it's it's all you all you know. One is unlucky in love that so there is no one. I see so much stand up about like my luck mike. How many people did you date and none of them yeah. He thought that person was right went for three years but like it's not luck yeah so much work irk and it's inter- win and it's them and knowing when to not do the work like next right. It's all there. It's so possible you don't it doesn't take too. Many people people yeah. You're funny. That's there's no. There's no soulmate doesn't exist. You and it's her and your relationship relationship is so often planting the seeds that are secret inside of you but for everybody to see and another person so you've got a you've got to find the right person person the right balance of calls you on your shit and also knows when to let some fucking things slide. It's so beautiful. I won't break up for this. Episode comes out. What's that you happy don't break. I'll text you to break up with our barrier. I would not have kids i hey let's just go for the all the whole thing. He's wrapping the mic cord around his neck. He i i i i have. I'm with a wonderful woman who is going to be a wonderful mother with or without me. That's gonna have kids. Maybe not my first choice and and you know she's so grit. She would but pop soda. I will have a child and i will love that child. You will have a job. I think i probably would lean to not have a child but it's not a question that you make by yourself. It's a question you make with your family and she is my family and she wants to be a mother and she he would be an incredible mother and i would like to make that happen for her and for me. I don't know what it will do for you and it's like who who has a kid and get it yeah. Whatever it's it's not something i'm striving for but but i know it's <hes> it's it's what my family wants. We should call this. Get rich nick very uncomfortable. The guys like i have to apologize. I have big life decisions decisions where it's like. I'm just i you. These are things everyone does you do this. You get married. You have a chat. Whatever whatever i don't i never i grew up not wanna either one of them. What did you want to be a comedian indian. Yeah i mean i certainly you know i just i just understood. How many people got divorced. I wouldn't it be cool if didn't get married and divorced and it's not even my my parents are very happily married. It's interesting. My parents are the two straightest people who exist in the world. I love that you forecasted that that is where i was probably going to go yeah but it's sort of like your hell attitude or your heaven attitude who cares. I mean who cares if i get married. It doesn't mean anything right if i have a kid. That's a much bigger deal. A kid is something. Marriage is nothing having a kid. Is everything marriages nothing. They're not quite the phone is kid's people like they didn't care then. You must not be upset. That's three shows yeah. No it's a nightmare for those kids yeah yeah. There's no way around it right you. Gotta leave that person to be happy but your kids would be happier with you miserable in your house well or whatever we're not the numbers an article cool in the late about bernie. Let's get lighter. Okay great one would is the hardest artist time you've ever left okay. Yes i walk in. It's my wife asking me to marry her. Okay ever laughed. You know how like memories get just really distorted in your mind. The i have always said that that that one once when i was a kid i was like ten and i was watching garry shandling show who's younger and it was just that that song whistling just the opening the garry shandling show and i just tickled me it got you. It was it during yeah. It was during some party and we were in like the kids. Isn't it like very hyper aware of itself as i as a show also this story is nonsense yeah. There's no there's nothing about this memory. That's real. It's so long ago and i've said it too many times. I love. It and i have no idea what it means. Don't even a story but it just like that and then i was just yell i was just laughing. I just laughed so hard that i got got really nervous that i was like going to be in pain and that's never that never happens to me yeah. Never i get the laughs from laughing so hard. I start to worry that people will think that i'm insane yeah. I snapped and i've told this before but one of them it was at a dinner party and this is my first wife. I was just laughing about how in the the eighties had horror movies that were so low budget that the villain was just a kite on a motorcycle and i it was the right click of pudding language to something that was only true to me. I'm telling you about a specific horror movie. I saw in the eighties so it has that nostalgia laugh to it. I was basically zigli doing a bit that only work so no one was really laughing and i would just like he just had a helmet on and i was like it doesn't doesn't make sense. There's no there's no rhyme or reason. That's what i mean so gary handling show gets you like how i would this legitimate one a couple of nights ago. We were watching storage whereas there's northern northern treasures. There's like eight of them. I don't watch them but we there's second season only on netflix. It's the only stories whereas i never is only the second season and we were like you know just like whatever's watch something dumb and we watch this and they they find this harmonium which is like a piano n._o. Slash accordion indian really incredible well. You got to get on this show so they're like. I know the perfect guy to take this is two and then they take it to this guy and he is playing some instrument. Oh you're a stupid drum and they're like yeah and he tell me about this drum and he said oh this drum yeah the one. You're playing asshole. He's like oh this is. I made this and i've been working on it for seven months and i took the steel drum out of a steel drum. Whatever which that's all a steel drum is it's that steel drums right and he turned it upside down and then he's been banging it with a hammer for seven months. It's this is his new instrument. I'm like who is this guy and and they're like. Is there any money in the harmonium. He's like it's very expensive. You won't you won't be able to sell it unless you know somebody who's in like an indian rock band it's like do you know anyone is an indian rock band and the girl says i know one or two and then he laughs like this is the greatest joke he's ever heard and he keeps laughing for so long. They cut to her and she's standing. There are like wondering when it's gonna stop cuts back to him. Keeps laughing cuts to the guys like in this and then it keeps going and then we rewound it for fifteen minutes over and over for watching this guy laugh that is like that's that's the most i can loud rewinding something dumb on television or two. Oh god aw love it is the most meta answer because it's the story of laughing at someone else's hardest time they've ever laugh and why was he laughing nothing happened. This is a man who turned going to drum upside down and started hitting it and call it a new instrument. This guy is a whole show. We gotta talk to this guy. We'll find this guy. Get him on the phone. He find that man column column when i came home there was a man in my house. Oh god you find that man. The fugitive did you. I got they were the exact same age yes we are. We yeah yeah well not yet. I will be eight within twelve months little bit younger than oh shit forty. Look forward to just have some salt before you. You go to bed and you won't be as much okay. I just feel like isn't there's enough. Sodium in food aren't getting enough salt more salt in me or it's just the timing doc look. I'm gonna need you the text me if it works. All i want okay deal. I think well i don't know what you're eating but based on your weight loss competitions yeah right. You know you can lose. Has anyone told you about intermittent fasting because he'd be yes. I'm i'm very old. I i have done so much. I know a lot about oh. This isn't weight loss and everything. I want you to win your money. Oh yes intermittent fasting yes <music> but what are we going to say. Oh no. I just like what i'm eating is like alternately really really healthy foods and really shitty food yeah and too much of both that's funny yeah. That's me i'm compensating for pizza with green juice today. My apartment like my kitchen looks like i'm a vegan chef. Half we have every alternative everything east yes one hundred percent nutritionally everything every flower flower almond flour coconut flour and yet yeah and yet are you just fucking the hippie too much yeah too much. Get i e tumor with nick turner my neck sample rate. You're so funny. Let's compliments that make uncomfortable thank you. You're so funny. I am terrible at compliments but i just i love you. Oh thanks wchs man. I just you're just one of the funny people really appreciate that ever and i yes big fan. That's so funny. I don't take this wrong way. I always would've pegged you. He was somebody that was like not at all. I it makes me happy. Yes i just like <hes> just your energy. You're just ability to just be funny honey where it comes out from the center of your body. Thanks man yeah. I love that well. I obviously feel that way about you and i'm excited for your life. You're at a crossroads. It's rhode. I sure we're going to have to follow up in one year on this day before are going to want to know <hes>. This is real drama. Yeah not mean we watched. Katie and i got to see it. Yeah i mean you're just weird. Having i'm just literally literally in these conversations i know said something that already do today so fucking weird weird boy get outta here. Go oh happy be healthy b-movie. Which would you say even crispy. Keep it crispy chris chris oslo crispy.

Coming up next