99.5 - What Men Crave
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That's my problem okay but tell me more about that I just I don't know I just yesterday was an so okay well we're supposed to have I guess we were supposed to record and then we get a call that your grandmothers on her deathbed so like we drop everything everything and we drive over the P._i.. And you know I not to say I'm like I was looking forward to that but I I do. There is something very there was on the ride over yesterday. There was something very like I was feeling feeling like yeah. You know what we're GONNA tear. We're going to see Sofia. We're GONNA see your mom. I haven't seen your mom forever. We're GONNA see Nanna and there's something about people coming together for death that I I very much enjoy like I and I was really looking forward to like being here being present <hes> and on the drive now which also means that we have to fucking like we have to drop our guest. We can't have a guest we can't record with a guest we bring our recording gear just in case we can like make something we've got to put something up today and then on the fucking drive over in Amherst I we stop for stop these the bathroom at a gas station and we let big P. and biggby. You're in the bathroom and I'm with big and he just has a seizure in front of me and I'm holding his. I'm fucking wholeness like dog. He becomes lifeless and I'm thinking in my head. Oh my God big. He's going to die in my arms fucked with gas station parking lot. He can hear US talking about them. Big Hey come over here could Luoi Him and he was just like it just it you know so anyway he he stopped the seizure stopped and then he kind of like after shitting himself a few times he like sort of came to and then and he's been he's been fine since it's been less than twenty four hours but he's been basically back to his normal self but like that shook me so hard yesterday and I was so sad about that. Do you think that there with all all the stuff happening in one week there's like and then Taylor hit by fucking car like Taylor over the weekend gets I mean not just like bumped by car Taylor's laid up in a fucking hospital bed with broken pelvis broken ribs and his punch puncture kidney and like in immense amounts of pain because he got fucking hit by car on his on his road bike going fifty kilometers per hour the fact they didn't Diet fucking astonishes me and yeah. I guess it's because it's all yeah it's all happening like the same fucking week. So what do you think that the universe is trying to tell you. Buckle up because you're next you think the universe is a threatening place. I don't know I feel like it is right. Now and I'm like I don't know if this is I don't know I honestly don't know if this is connected at all but I've been having I've been having like as of late like last week and a half two weeks. I've been having like a lot of like intrusive thoughts K. and not really used to that like I don't really like that. <hes> like aggressive yeah like aggressive lake got on the plane and I was just like well. This plane is GonNa take off and partway through the takeoff. Let's go straight into the earth snap in half. Everything's going to catch on fire and me in this woman next me with their newborn. Baby are going to burn to death and die like that Kinda Shit Yeah you know and then I'm like Oh God why like why are you think like and not just thinking like thinking about like thinking that's going to happen. I'm I'm talking like the the the whole scenario is like working at my head and what would it fucking sounds like an smells like and you know. It's like really horrifying we you you also consume a lot of pretty horrifying <hes> Lloyd domes entertainment low. I watched I'm watching Chernobyl but like Chernobyl horrifying. No I know you know what Chernobyl's like a walk in the park well anyway. I I think <hes> if I can go there <hes> like a lot of first shocker stuff is about feeling safe and secure error and like one of the mantras you can use when you're trying to like work with creating that feeling of stability and security is like repeating a mantra something you repeat over and over while you focus your mind end and try to get really present and and like one of the ones that that has always been like really challenging for me and I think when you don't necessarily believe it. It's probably more powerful to like keep repeating is that the to the world is a safe and loving place and we're surrounded by messages that are telling US elsewise but there is a part of that that keeps us so ungrounded and so unstable and so afraid that we can't do are higher work <hes> we're just constantly in survival mode and you know I wonder if like underneath like all of these things are happening in the world big. He's having a seizure Taylor's getting when you buy a car you know people. My grandmother and millions of other people are dying and it's like you know maybe it's kind of like your reaction to that is or the the intensity with what you're feeling that with this week is because of this instability that you already feel about safety and security and grounded nece like I don't know I'm thinking specifically about what you said yesterday. <hes> about Becca maybe moving up north for six months and that's like you know an either talking about going elsewhere and starting a business <hes> like a retreat business that would take me away from home and so maybe and your parents are separating and you know there's all this stuff happening. That's like maybe your maybe your foundation just feels but shuck and there's like some. Maybe there's some practice around there. That might be really powerful for you. Yeah I think you're right. It's all things to ban him sick well. That's your health and your safety in your security. Also it's like <hes> yeah I don't know and also like I've been so busy from <music> basically from like September up until now and now just coming to a screeching halt but like things are really petering out and like okay cool the Salt Lake. I have the summer off yet and <HES> and like I. I don't generally do well with free time without having stuff to like fill every time the yeah you're probably right. I just need to end financial. Stability is a part of that so like you're facing a chunk of time with no income and that can also be he like it's really hard to do your creative work and like be really loving and fully expressed in giving and thoughtful when you feel like you have to just attend your basic needs. Maybe that's as part of it too so that's that's what my that's what my problem is. Yeah you go in and do some work on your foundation to build a foundation. You have a foundation just gone through earthquake. I need to just fix it. Just fix it anyway. So we just watch the video that you WanNa talk about. I think yeah so men crave. I have been working with coach the last few weeks. It's a coach of mine. I'm from Los Angeles who has worked with me before. Jamie is a voice and movement coach <hes> run Madam. I don't know I 'cause I remember I remember when we were down in Los Angeles <hes> he's. He's like mutual friends with one of our friends. I don't think I've met him though but I remember when you first started working with them I was like riding on a fuck this guy now no it was. It was totally convinced that you were like in love with this man now. No and it's very similar her. There's a lot to unpack here. I think it's very similar to the feeling that I had working with madman higher like this pretty edge edgy is the word is feels pretty edgy but it feels safe at the same time right but yeah so Jamie does a lot of voice and movement work and a lot of it has to do with like well. He's very influenced by Tom. Tra and just for people who are listening who like art theater majors what does voice and movement work mean gene 'cause like someone what someone who fucking listening to this podcast right now who's crunching accounting numbers for their daily job in their cubicle might be like what the fuck do you mean voice and movement like I don't even know what that is. So voice a movement practices like something that probably is generally reserved for people who are pursuing some sort of profession in the arts <hes> it is basically very like in the simplest term term <hes> as far as applies to that is it's teaching the person how to use their voice and their body as the instrument that it is to convey emotion and nuance and depth and connectedness to if I'm an actor I wanna be. I WANNA feel like I'm embodying my character and so a voice a movement practice might is is well for those who are professional performers. They probably have a voice. It's a movement practice every day pretty frequently like a hockey player using their skates or their stick as their tool like you gotta practice you gotta practice drills on your skates. You got to practice stickhandling like if you want to be a good effective you've hockey player you need to you know how to use the tools at your disposal to be the most effective and acting or performance your tool is your body and so this is this is like those drills yeah and and it's interesting because it's a little less drill like or a little less like say in a yoga practice where you have like a sequence and you have a series of poses as like they're. They're more like theories or approaches to movement that really call. I feel like on your imagination to be able to like like it's a little it's not as easy as like well. If you put your foot here and you put your hand here then you're going to end you and you breathe deeply then you're going to open up your ribcage gauge and have a bigger capacity for your breath. It's more like okay. You just told me that I had just had a voice coaching session yesterday with Jamie and so jour-jour Jeremy you're now sitting across from you and you're telling me all these things and I'm watching watching your body and I'm hearing you say all these things but like I wanna know how feels like i WanNa know like where does that. Where do you feel though like those emotions that you feel like one of those sensations in your body when you're really a letting and yourself feel that instead of like just stating it and it's this and it's this and it's this and it makes me like think this thing and that's all very that's great but like if you needed to use all of that as circumstances MHM stances for like a monologue that you're about to tell me than you need to embody that more you need to like show me show me what it feels like to feel that and he let me hear it in your voice instead of just anger and frustration like Lemme earier sadness sadness and you're you know like your sense of humor sneaks out there too and so basically yeah it's like tapping into the range of your voice and your body <hes> so I've been working with voice coach and we're just doing it through skype and and we're a group of people so it's a lot of discussion and then a few breathing voice exercises and then working on reciting poetry <hes> but it always ends up being a lot more than that with Jamie like I remember I worked with him a couple of times uh-huh <hes> in Los Angeles in person and then I took him out for coffee and I was like look I need a mentor and he was like Whoa Whoa whoa like? Why don't you just go produce a play? You know like I was like I need a mentor because I want to be like a big fish player in the theater community like in my country and he was like you know produce a play like that's start there and which is <unk> such amazing advice when you think about it like think about the people that we know that have just completely like change the game yeah in their own world like Jordan Tannahill <hes> you know or or Jacob my cousin Jacob like just just just going out there going. I'm going to play and then they produce this thing that gets that people adore and it just propels them forward like just do the thing that you want to do good. It's good advice and it's it's it's good advice for me and I'm a pisces so I like to have like big wild extravagant dreams but I'm not necessarily as like skilled at like putting one foot it in front of the other and making things happen really practically which is why I work really well as a team player and especially like I work well when somebody else when I could trust somebody else like take the reins 'cause. I'm used to just just looking around me like who's going to do this job. This thing that needs to be done and then it not getting down to me be like Oh i. I guess that's my job like I feel that when I'm working on film sets like learning my roles or production manager learning my role as like an event planner and and like even sometimes you know what the podcast it's like yeah well we. We don't have guessed Oh that's my job like I have to actually do that then you know or like doc. I don't have a job at all right now. So it's like yeah well. I guess it is. I guess I have to make that. My job is finding a job or no job yeah so anyway Blah Blah Blah working with Jamie and so the point of this so I had this coaching session yesterday and he really called me out on that a little bit he was like he said some some so he's very influenced by entre and that's what his he also gets coaching and he also as teachers and he's lifelong committed to doing what he does which coaching people through through these things and he is widely regarded to be like an incredible coach and in the Times that I've spent with him alone and in groups. I've never I've often felt that edginess of like okay is it safe and is it okay especially in today's as climate to permit this man to put his hand on my low belly which is like we would do that no problem with each other as actors in an acting class like you put your yeah you tell somebody like put breathe down here like breathe and my palm like appear for you. You're supported. Is it okay for me to be to allow that because there's a part of my brain that goes careful careful careful full like this is a red flag like you need to you cannot be vulnerable to two men in this way because it's too easy for them to then take advantage so I've walked if told that line with Jamie and I told that line I feel like with Matt Man Higher when he took those photos of me and in other situations as well. There's always been a little part of me. That's held back because unlike I have to be back. I have to hold back a little let because no one's looking out for my safety here except for me but these are two people that I genuinely feel like I could let go a little bit more and not risk there being some sort of strings attached attached or some sort of breach. You know it's like it's actually much more of an exchange like we have to trust each other enough to know that like okay. I'm willing to go there that means as you have permission to go there and you're trusting me that that I'm I'm aware I'm not gonNA misconstrue. What's happening not gonNA for people who don't <hes> who might not realise Matt Madman Tire podcast of Term Yon also photographer and you did some like pretty amazing photos with him but didn't really know him yeah when before going into that <hes> like how do you I mean I think that's really wonderful like for the sake of art in for the sake of like working together somebody else and being able to like shed that that that notion of like of having your guard up all the time like I think that's great but also so there's a part of me that's I'm? I'm wondering if there's people listening to this like how do you. How do you know though you know what I mean like how do you what's the thing in that scenario? That makes you go that makes you like what are the signs is. That sort of take down. Those red flags or is it completely. Instinctual like is like a gut thing of going. I get the feeling that I know that I can trust this person. I I think it's incremental movement totally like very slow very mindful like I'm aware that I'm I'm feeling resistant to this and then going okay okay. Is there anything in my conditioning that leads me to believe that the risks of this are or are are more probable then the benefits of this. There's always a reason to believe something more negative or more risky than and more scary than it is to go. I can trust the situation and I can like. I can be free here and you know. Are you like that in dating like not no maybe not that very specifically but like that way of being very <hes> like every incremental step within that dating process like are you. Are you very calculated. I don't think so no no but this practice to me I mean and I what I respect about Jamie my teacher and the video we're going to discuss in a minute <hes>. Is that <hes> just one second. I'm it's right there on the dog. Don't say anything where is is it is that for me. This practice that I'm being coach through is is practical in that it helps me develop my voice and my body but there's also something really spiritual virtual about it. That feels like it's something I'm craving anyway. This like sensuality this. I'm so curious about entre. I'm so curious about like living a really like vibrant alive life with all of my senses and then there's a part of me. That's like thinks that's only reserved for people who do like ecstatic dance. It's and you know take Iowa Iowa and you know like it's beyond my reach or if I participate in that it makes me flaky or airy-fairy or woo. You're not as actually able to keep my feet on the ground and walk with like you know confidence like I have a lot of judgment. I guess is what I'm saying yeah totally so during this fair because I mean I mean I think there's something there's there's a reason why you feel that way. You know what I mean like the there. There's there's no reason why you couldn't go into that and not be that way but also I feel like there's a lot of people who are drawn to that that like way of living that really are like that like those airy-fairy not fucked like they are not grounded. They're so they're so often the clouds that you're like the fuck is going on here. You know what I mean like a little bit sort of just detached yeah so I think there's there's a your there's nothing wrong in having that sense of like judgment judgmental I dunno thought Yeah Yeah I think of a bigger fear of mine is like I don't want to abandon reality to like follow my spirituality right right which I see very close to home in in some of my family members of course now so anyway <hes> Yep so you know when we were in acting school. I always felt a little a bit like the teachers wanted more from me anytime. I've had a professional gig in the theater acting in the theatre. I've felt like my directors wanted more for me like I it. I was very hesitant going into the process took me a while to develop my character and like and people would say like I just didn't know if you could get there too that like point that you need to be to be able to perform and I think all of this is has to do with my my resistance towards like surrendering control because anytime I felt super connected to something that I'm doing. I felt like I'm fucking channeling something. I don't feel like it's me doing things and saying the parts of moving my body in a certain way to like reached the peak of performance that I need you. It's like okay. I've done the work of trained my body of trained my voice and now I'm why like I'm I'm just all I am is like souls. My feet are open. The crown of my head is open and I'm just a fucking channel for this embodied this character to live through me and that's as pretty much like out there that I allow myself to get but in like exercises or practices or whatever I'd like to be able to get to that point even in just like tuning my instrument. Is it something I'd like to feel a little more because I think it would boost my creativity as or boost my confidence as an actor because generally I feel like I don't know what the fuck in fact. I'm doing me and I feel like you would respond really well to Wasco or G._M._T.. Yeah honestly like I yeah. We don't have to go there but I I feel like like you would have such a breakthrough my fear with doing those things or like my resistance to doing those things is is all I think tied to this like sense of control that I feel like I need to have at all times and then once you lose. Is it once you lose that sense of control. It's as simultaneously as is scary. It is just as fucking like wide eyed wonderful and beautiful and I don't mean to derail yeah. I'm not I'm yeah we'll have. That's a different conversation okay. Let's get into this video then okay but wait so so in my session yesterday with Jamie <hes> you know I I I basically like shared whatever <hes> he said <hes> he suggested that we're all masculine and feminine. We're all we all have these like <hes> sides <hes> <hes> parts of ourselves or there's certain things that you know I don't I don't WanNA put words in his mouth because I would be just paraphrasing and I don't know the world's Dondra at all but I get the sense that it comes from that world that this masculinity femininity and like embracing both both sides as existing within each of us and is is really important to developing this range and and he suggested that I spend spend a lot of time in my masculine which is exactly what I just described you as like I'm the one who has to do this job. I will get it done like I am. You know have to be my own leader in a lot of my life and career career wise and stuff like that and even just like around the house and like managing the household and taking care of big be and I know I've been like that too in my relationships with you and with todd and and he was like basically just so we did this exercise right before so I read my poem and then he goes okay this beginning Blah Blah Blah he's like how are you with accepting praise. I was like not very good like I'm very uncomfortable. Roll with it is okay. Here's the exercise giving and receiving praise is very it's got a very it's very feminine and quality like whatever He's talking about you know again. I'm paraphrasing is like so what I want to do is take the next next two minutes and I'm just GonNa Barrage you with praise and I want you to sit up tall because I have this like a bit of a thing when I'm working with my voice where my shoulders come forward and put my hand on my chest passed a lot like in front of my heart and like I have a lot of just holding myself end protection mode. It's production mode a little bit yes so he was like I want you. Just like relax your setup tall true soften your sternum your go soften your shoulders will and I don't like don't put your hands across your chest. Don't touch your face like just can you just receive it and so we did that and as he did that. There is definitely like a voice my brain going like well. What does he know you know and feeling like you know? Part of me is just wanting to pull me out of it and be like this is like fake and Blah Blah Blah but anyway I stayed with it it softened I listened and what I started to feel was like and he was just he was saying things about like how I chair the palm like really vulnerably and really nuance and you know he wasn't like talking about my looks or my appearance or anything like that. It was like how you show up and your vulnerability and your your willingness to like share that with us and Blah Blah Blah. I started to feel really without without ego but without like being proud of myself or patting myself on the back I started to feel really like goddess like really rooted like I was sitting on my shins. I was sitting on the floor. They're gonNA missions and I felt like if I could explain the way I felt like my body was like I felt like statue a little bit like my my foundation might legs that I was sitting on more like solid and like earthy or not like concrete but something more organic than concrete really rooted and this like rising through my spine and the softness through my chest and this left like this proud nece this worthiness like rising like through the crown on my head and I'm sitting there and taking it or because of the things he was saying to you not even because he a combination of both okay and it felt very much like an exchange like he was saying things and I was receiving them and I was like rising to that occasion and then it was like a symbiotic thing and then I read my poem again and I had that you know at a certain point. It's like the poem took over me and when it was done I was vibrating. You know that feeling when you're really like there was butterflies in my in my deep abdomen amend like just this like vibrancy author my body and still really grounded because the first time I read it. I was like nervous. I was like vibrating but I was really in my head and you know like it was not my body anyway. So so is basically his challenge was to meet with Su investigate that like embodying my feminine as much as I do masculine so so he suggested this video by by his coach John Wine Lind who is while we review as little quick little explanation of who John Wayne Linda is I had never seen before but now I'm watching this video unlike reminds me a lot of Jamie actually <hes> okay so he says this is. This is the about section on John winelands website. I believe we all crave the deepest forms of romantic and sexual intimacy. We want to experience love that is pure and unconditional. We WanNA worship those we love and we want to be worshiped in return. I believe we innately want to be able to share what is true in our hearts and be met with compassion and understanding without being made wrong or told we need to change. I believe we want sex that blows open our hearts and makes us grateful to be alive. The problem is not our desire to love well nor our our innate capacity to make it real. The reason we struggle is that people know that they want these things even if they aren't quite sure how to name them very few of us were taught how to create and sustain this type of sexual actual intimacy. We were sold the meth that beautiful connection just happens. Great sex is a result of natural attraction with the right person find the one and your life will be a never ending collage of vacations intimate moments beautiful children and mutual success so John Wayland is an L._A.. Base Speaker and teacher leading men and women in the practices of embodied masculine leadership spiritual intimacy and sexual polarity good yeah. I don't know what any of this means. This is just this is just dipping my toe into it and we watched a video that <hes> Jamie suggested called what men crave and it's on Youtube so. We just watched it. You didn't WanNa talk about it. Public didn't WanNA talk about it. You go ahead so I felt a lot of the same and I don't don't know if I would have felt this watching it by myself but you were here and Tarot was here and I was listening to it and it's really hard for me to experience something when I'm around other people without wondering how they're experiencing using it and it completely disconnects me from my own feeling so most of the time I was watching that and I was thinking about all the problems that you might have with it that Tara might have with. Maybe I should have with it over the problems that you thought I might have with. I thought that you might have you might be like well. It's not the climate to have that conversation. Okay so yeah kind kind of like so. It's it's interesting listening to you. Speak About you know the class that you're taking or or doing stuff with with your coacher with Matt and it being like <hes> edgy. That's what I got from the video and the thing was like I'm watching this video and there were there were some things that he said in there in that in that that video weltman crave that I was like that's like very well put very well said I kind of enjoyed a few of the things that he that he brought up <hes> but then there were also a lot of things that that came up that I was like I don't know man I don't Oh love you should be. Who are you being uncomfortable for their though probably myself I don't know because there is like there? Is this kind of their. You're you're right. You're almost exactly right in saying that I had the sensation of like this is not the time for a man to tell women what they need to be doing and I felt that for like eighty percent of the video but then there is another you know twenty percent where I was going. I may in fact that's like you gotTa. You gotTa really good point. There and those things were things that he was. He was shining Mir back on me as a man right right so like it I yes. It basically boiled down to me. Watching this and feeling like like this is edgy. This is making me feel a little uncomfortable. This is making me feel like but the message the message that he's basically trying to give in. This video is like we've we've fucking sucked. Men have at suck we have sucked for thousands of years and we acknowledge that and now we're here to like extend her hand out to go. You know what can we do so that we can all work together and I guarantee you. There's GonNa be some women that watch that video and go fuck yeah man. This is great and then there's going to be someone like I was just thinking Michaela watching that video Michaela would tuned out now. I don't know I'm just guessing our friend Michaela. I'm expecting Michaela to sit down and tune out within the first ten seconds and go fuck you. I none of what you're saying matters to me now. I don't know maybe she would. Maybe she'd watch it and love it. I don't know but that's like that was one of the things that came up in my head. That's why didn't WanNa talk about it because I the reason I didn't WanNa talk about it is because I I know that that that the in a lot of really great things to say but I also don't want to sit here and be like take away from any of those things because of the way that because of my own shit yeah that's. That's the only reason I didn't WanNa talk about it. Yeah the part that I was really wanting to get you something that Jamie had set in our session <hes> he was like you basically was talking about me like the way that I was receiving the praise and like relating it to like. How do you receive love because I was saying? I don't think that organically I have. I don't think I was raised to express or receive physical or verbal affections. He asked me what my love languages ages are. I don't know if we've talked talked about that. On this podcast before love languages have language for sure we have well. I shouldn't say so. Basically you know real quick like pill form. <hes> love languages are is this theory that there are five major ways universally universally that we give and we recognize love when it's expressed or or X. or we express love and those five ways are quality time acts of service physical touch words of affirmation and gifts and <hes> generally everyone's got a couple of those maybe one more prominent than the other some of them don't matter at all to other people and generally when we pair up we try to give love and the way that what we like to receive love so like I'll spend all my time with you or I'll make you a cup of tea in the morning or all make the bed or whatever and those are all things that like I would love to receive by for you. It's like while I need to be touched and I need to be told and those things I feel like I was raised not to really do and not only that that that some of it was actually quite shameful and I think that's what I bring in with. You know with all this everything else I've said so far. It's like what I walk into the room with already when it comes to trying to access in all those things but anyway <hes> yeah he he was like. Can you accept you know praise an recognize it for the love that it is that this love all around you and that it's there and I'm like I guess so but there's almost always a part of me that feels really resistant to physical or verbal affection like there's a part of me. That's like what strings are attached here. What do you want from me and I mentioned it to our friend Brett the other day and I told her about kind a little bit my childhood and how I I had to like learn these skills because the family I was raised in was not that but the family that I'm really connected right now to like my mom's side of the family is very physically and verbally expressive and there's always a part of me that presents presents a little bit and feels uncomfortable in it <hes> so I was like Oh maybe that had gets in my way like not? There's I've had a lot of good love. Love given to me that I haven't known how to receive or that. I've actually felt even the little resentful of and then the other thing he said was like you you know after we I read the poem is like that was so generous and like really vulnerable and you know whatever and I was like yeah but I trust I trust you as I just said. I was like a trust you and he laughed so hard. He's like I was like I am. You know I am GonNa poly-amorous relationship. I have good love coming at me and he was like you know the sexiest thing that like a woman can say to a man is I trust you. I trust you to like I trust you with. You know my body. I trust you with my heart. I trust you like lead me where where you like where you're going or whatever and and I was like Oh yeah I'm not really good at that either like I know with you like I recognize a lot of the things from our relationship of dynamic in in what Jamie said and then in watching this video which is like I don't. I don't express a lot of trust and I don't. I definitely know that my passion when I'm upset is much much stronger than my passion when like I'm really grateful vaguely. It's not exactly what I meant but like you know I'm much better at recognizing things when they're not working out the one they are working out and that's something we talked about in like therapy B- before too but anyway so so I watched this video and I was waiting for those parts those parts that had resonated with me when Jamie said them to me but then you know it's like an I'm watching this guy on like so easy for like a sexy white man to like sale of these things and you know he's. He's you know he says right at the beginning which is interesting that he he was talking to like. He's like eighty percent of the people in this crowd or super a powerful successful business women and what do I have to like. Bring to the table for them and that you the audience seems quite engaged they did. They seem like they're enjoying it. Yeah there is also this part of me that at that and I again I don't I don't want to say this because I kind of don't want people to know this about me but there is also a part of me when I watch a video like that where I just start to think of like it just makes me think of like <hes> like people like Osho and like l.. Kulti not ninety not not in the cult sense but in the in the in the like dangerous charisma yes yes exactly like in the in the sort of like. I wonder like it makes me sit there and go. I wonder what this guy's personal relationship life is like. I wonder what it what is XS might say. I wonder what you know past lovers. I would would have to say about this person because like I I guess I've just like I've become so cynical and like non trustworthy that like I see someone talking like that and I'm just like Oh. You're just using this pussy right like you know what I mean. That's like that is the immediate response that I have as opposed to going. Hey let me listen to this person with an open heart and an open mind <hes> and maybe that's because a lot a lot of times when you hear someone speaking in this way as a man a sexy white man two women that is very charming and very like alluring it often ends up coming back to be like Oh yeah they. They were actually like this manipulative wt like horrible person you know and so it's like it. Just I guess and again. I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying that that is the case here like I really want to stress that. That is not what I'm saying. I am just acknowledging that that's exactly exactly where my brain goes because I've been conditioned to think that way based off of the Shit that I've seen and read and watched yet growing up as a as a fucking white male and and going not me I don't WanNa. Be that guy like I don't WanNa. I don't WanNa do that. You know so I know it's really perplexing because the people that I think of the people that I think of when it comes to giving out like advice or or speaking from a place of like hey here's some stuff that you should hear that will be very valuable to you in the way that you love or the relationships that you have or going forward in your life the people that I hear that speak to that that I really believe in wholeheartedly Headley and we'll fuck him throw every ounce of belief to our people like you are ugly. People know it's like people like Dan Savage. Yep People like <hes> esera peril people who who don't who don't don't and again this is probably me having all this like you know I have a lot of I have a lot of issues with things like homeopathy and and like anything that just fucking like deals with the Wu I almost immediately toss away way but it's like when I listen Dan Savage I know I'm just getting like logical reasonable. Shit coming out of someone's mouth and it just like real talk or esther parral exact same thing whereas like with someone like this where it's backed with almost dislike mystical magical tantric sort of other worldly you know half of this is coming. I'm from my dreams like that. When I hear that stuff I go okay but nowhere in there? Did you say magical coming from Joe. I know that was all quite practical but you know what I think. The difference is what is the quality with which she talked about sex because it was extremely dense averages and talk about sex like that no and esser barrel does not talk about sex like that and he was very extremely explicit and yet in the in the in the in the sensual -ness of sex like the Yes yes one hundred percent right and I think it was we have a shared experience in the way that we were raised in that there is something inherently evil and well. Maybe not evil but dangerous about the about that and about <hes>. I don't know I'm probably jumping and ahead here but like that kind of sensuality is extremely feminine in terms of this polarity as talking about now. I don't know the other thing that rings bells for me too is like how does this work and like a non binary larum like how does all of like that play in also like the conversations about gender and what's the difference between masculine and feminine and male and female and so on and like I want to ask those questions but I also <hes> but I also trust and believe that that those things are not mutually exclusive one at one another and it's just the way that I'm interpreting it. It's really just hearing you say that that I'm like yes. That is what the red flag is like that kind of talking about sex and that kind of way is dangerous. Maybe borderline on like abusive you know like there's one fucking thing that he said and they're very specifically. I was like what the fuck are you doing. I know where he was like. You know like we want. We want everything yeah. Once we want range we want the we want. The like the caring mother we want the the Isaq insects. Yes I know we want the carry mother we want the herb or maybe didn't say mother but like the the caring nurse the sexy co Ed and the Kak worshiping horror and you're like Oh God dude but yeah you're right. He says like Jesus man come on and then they go right and that's the thing it's like there's a lot I think to investigate there and a lot to unpack there because I I think that embracing we're asking people to have conversations about sex and we're getting lots of people who listen to the podcast who've listened to everything we've put out and are writing it. It'll be like I'm still in a sexless relationship. What do I do and it's like well yeah may he and you? You know what there are thing the right like in in hearing use like you know yet. It's those long monologue there where you're talking about the work that you've done and what you're gleaning from all this here and I'm going wow. The sounds like it's the sounds like it's very valuable for you it this sound and this all this is all stuff. That makes me excited for you that that you're feeling this way but then I'm also there's like this little voice in the back of my head. It's like just don't to in the cult well. That's just it like maybe the difference is that I if I really want to open my heart to this like wholeheartedly with and be able to you know surrender to my character or to my lover ever more to you know in those much really enter that space of like ecstasy and bliss and like the flow and like being in it that that I need to trust myself that that I'm not going to get lost yeah that is not going to become escaping nexium yeah. I don't know at that references. It's a reference to a sex re- very recent sex cult in L.. A. 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Actually a podcast called escaping nexium fascinating and follow up and this is exactly one of those things where it kind of like reminds me of that resembles for here just a we have a fucking skype calm like thirty seconds. Oh we should do that. You ought to come yeah yeah. We should do that for sure. Germany on we'll be right back after this word from our sponsors and we're back and those are good skype call. Wasn't it really exciting. How about that so I guess we'll move on now to other things? The first thing I want to say is remember last week how we total episode eighty five and then so I was was like yeah I guess like I forgot. I thought I forgot so when I when I input the episodes. Put Them Up. Yeah I just number them so I go all right. What did we do last week? We did ninety two or this week we ninety three and then I put the episode title so Ooh someone was like I can't find episode eighty five and then somebody else's like I can't find episode eighty five and then I went to Lipson which is like our podcast hosting service and I was like fuck. There isn't a eighty-five it just went from eighty four to eighty six and so I was like Oh fuck dude I must have put eighty six meaning to put eighty five and then just never noticed and we went on from eighty six up so we never had a technically eighty-five upset well someone from Germany reached out and was like hey guys you do have an episode eighty five but I can't download it and they sent me a screen shot and it was the incest and pair bonds. That's right but that episode is fucking gone and I don't know where it is what it's not on Lipson and do an I didn't delete it now. So part of me is like did I don't know if someone I e one accidentally accidentally made like I I don't know if somebody accidentally deleted or if Lipson or or something was like we can't have you can't have episodes named incest or something like could it. Could it be something like that. I don't fucking know so technically. This is episode ninety nine but because we we actually did have it eighty-five direction. No this is absurd one hundred but don't tell anyone because our next week is one hundred extravaganza special one hundred episode. That's right so technically. This is actually ninety nine ninety nine point five selling a radio station but in that eighty fifth episode that wasn't eighty fifth the episode eighty-five last week. I told you Brady about some sex that I hadn't had been ten recently where my my sexual partner who I had just met was orgasm ing every fifteen twenty forty seconds and and and I I didn't I've never heard of this before and I brought it up to. You and I thought it was bullshit. I shamed that person's shoe shamed. And shamed her said that's bullshit. She was lying like come on. I did not say that's what comes to mind. That's bullshit. She's lying. She's fucking. She's a fucking liar. Give me your number. I'll text her. She's the liar so you thought it wasn't true. I was just I just kind of. Had you know the Shrug Guy Emoji. I was just that because I was like it seemed pretty real. Well my my did we he ever realize how badly put my phone my mouth badly you put your foot in your mouth because we had so many women right to us to tell us that they experienced the same thing that they go through. The same thing. So here is the letter I got <hes>. That may be realized how I didn't realize that I was shaming the person you're telling me about. It was very well written glad that this person sent us in and I think it's really <hes> important to like remind myself of this because I think I actually said it that that other <hes> episode we had to take down because of the girl was getting shamed by sharing firm Sharing Langer story we talked about shaming people and how you might actually not realize it your shaming someone Rosa here we go I do that. I probably do that ten times a day. Okay so I won't use is your name because I didn't get explicit consent motorcycle. Whatever just go okay Hey Jeremy and brighty first of all I would like to thank you both for your insightful and wonderful podcast your conversations with each other in great guests such an eye opener for myself and my relationships? You are fantastic thank you I wanted to send an email in regards to Jeremy Story about a sexual partner in Edmonton with many orgasms. The story resonated with me as I also possessed this ability in quotations and yes a lot of the time my sexual partners are friends. I've told have responded with a variety of negative or incredulous responses usually either you're faking it or you haven't had a real orgasm then which are both things that I said both of those things yeah well. I didn't say this person obviously having real orgasms. I may what if wow come on no need for you to shame shame you for shaming me. Okay a brief history you for context. I was raised in a very loving but sexually conservative home. I didn't know anything about sexuality including my own university gaming the opportunity to explore during my first sexual experience some dry humping in a stairwell true romance I I had multiple physical reactions to writing the sky's knee returning to my apartment. I asked my more sexually experienced roommate about it. When I describe the sensation she responded with Oh yeah? That's an orgasm when I told her that this had occurred multiple times in the ten odd odd minutes her support for my sexual debut immediately diminished. Apparently there's no way you could have come like eight times just from dry humping. Unfortunately this was the common response to most people I told so began years of self doubt regarding eating my sexual experiences and sensations nowadays I have a much more sex positive approach to my body and sexual stimulation. My current partners both understand that this is a unique ability and don't shame me for it as far as I know I don't have restless genital syndrome P._G._A.. De Nor am I in a constant state of arousal. I can just come super easily and a lot in a regular penetrative sex session with my partner. I can have twenty to fifty orgasms in one marathon session with previous partner. We stopped counting after one hundred. Sometimes this is accompanied by a very obvious physical reaction squirting but sometimes it isn't I can orgasm from listening to music from thinking myself to orgasm with no physical touching from masturbating and of course from sexual activities with partners personally. I've experienced that there is sometimes a stigma attached to the ability to come a lot. Although we have made some major strides modern media still puts a lot of emphasis is on the male orgasm in this instance I refer to sis hetero normative approaches to sex that are still the norm in most major forms of media. Women are thought women in conditions are thought to just only have one orgasm if they're lucky and if they have multiple the partner who has caused us is given an almost heroic or godlike fawning by other characters. I've always been able to come a lot whether by myself or with a partner but because of this ability I've been accused of lying by previous sexual partners been told that I can never be trusted and worse and worse for a time I pretended not to orgasm as often as I did because of rejection and distrust thankfully I no longer feel I have to hide my ability to come a lot as I've learned learn to cultivate much more positive and open sexual relationships. Some people can just come a lot. It doesn't mean they're faking. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. I know that my experiences aren't common or the norm but they are valid human sexual experience <music>. If you ever want to chat more about this topic please let me know I love her podcasts and love talking about sex positive subjects. Thank you well. How about that yeah? Some people just come a lot. Some people just into some people just orgasm very easily and some people have a very hard time with it and as it turns out like at least from the population of people that listen to our podcast. It's not completely uncommon right yeah because we've had that that wasn't just that wasn't the only message we got <hes> we we've. We've got several from people reaching out to say that they too have a very similar outcome when it comes to penetrative sex and when I explained my Faux Pas I think that's the right word for it to someone else in my life. If I was like yeah I like getting these messages but how I shamed someone in a completely obviously respectful passionate respectful on that that personal so it was like Oh yeah I had a sexual partner that Dave exactly the same thing yes and couldn't have penetrative sex as often as you know or maybe not penetrated but couldn't couldn't would have to do other things essentially because it would get too intense to be too much yes and and then the other thing that they said which was interesting as like they said at first it was flattering but then I realized that there wasn't about me it was just this person's ability obviously feeling good. I'm sure I felt that I felt that in even in the experience with this with this woman yeah was like halfway through a quarter of the way through I was like Holy Shit. I think I've tapped in leveled out. I think a fucking level the I eight the fuck in Mareo like star Star power and then like halfway through I went oh no I'm. I'm just the exact same I was before. I came in here. This is just this is just her thing Jim so but it's you know it was fun. It's gotta again like I was saying. I said this last week. It's like it. It's it's fun not only because of there's something fun about that. Add it because it's new right whose novel it was like but but there's also something fun about realizing how different everybody's body completely. Is You know everyone's so different. Everyone and everyone reacts to you too sexy differently in it's like it's just such a fascinating little adventure through the world of of of people and communicating in that very specific way with your clothes off and inside each other yeah and are you down to two opening up to talking about it and more edgy and risky am I. That's me and I'm always down uh-huh sit and watch the video yeah. I was just acknowledging that there's some things that come up in my head that I also acknowledged that those things exist in my head yeah yeah well. I feel good about it. I feel good about that conversation and I am sorry to your previous sexual partner that I I that I perpetuated listened and had her feelings hurt. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I don't know if she did I. I haven't spoken to her too much. <hes> all right well do you want to do you want to call it a day. Yeah I think we should go visit my grandma. We should do that all right well. Thank you all so much for tuning in this week <hes> we we love you all the server the the confusion with episode numbers. This is just one of those things that happens when you're next week episode one hundred APPs or the real episode one hundred one hundred point zero zero. That's coming up next week. It's going to be extravaganza. We're going to be do it do we. Do you WanNa say what we're doing. Well it will tell you this. It has a lot to do with MOMS. It's going to be a mom Ganz especially mom mom Ganz Anyway. We Love You all thank you so much you want to support us. You can head over to patriots dot com slash Termi on <hes> and <hes> find some perks over there. We've got some sexy short stories and poems that are going to be loaded up over the next few months read by yours truly brighty McLean my new embodied voice and and if you ever want to reach out to us like our lovely guest did to tell us about Brady's shameful shameful behavior that turn me on podcast at gmail.com or you can slide into the deums run instagram yeah. I'm actually super curious to hear your thoughts on this conversation that we had today today's Day's episode and go watch the video watched and tell us all about all the feelings and thoughts. I'm curious to hear people's opinions on that <hes> and <hes> I think I think that's it for this week. Share sure is until next week back yourself yeah.