Audioburst Search

BONUS ACS EPISODE: Dan Crenshaw, John Hiatt, and Graham Parker Live from the Houston Improv

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Thanks for listening to reasonable. Doubt on podcast one. Hey It's Adam Corolla. Thanks for hearing me out. I did a live or live by live show. I should say in Houston with Dan Crenshaw. Who's a war hero? Your member from Saturday night live and the whole controversy anyway. He's a congressman. He's a hero. We had a great dialogue up on stage. And it's all here for you to enjoy thank you can't streaming live from the Improv and Houston Texas courtesy of live. I live and podcast one. This is the Adam. Corolla show Adams guest today. Us Congressman Dan Crenshaw bless president of the Houston food. Brian Greene plus performances from Graham Parker and John Hiatt and now such a pessimist. He sees today's socially distance audience as half empty. Not Half Full Adam Karol well. We got a lot of heroes tonight. Dan Crenshaw joined us. I think we have a lot of first responders here tonight so Tip of the CAP and a clap. Clap for you guys when I when I say Clap. I don't mean the venereal disease I mean actual come on anyone over forty who remembers diseases called the clap herpes sounding. So we're going to pay homage to a couple of folks that have really helped out here and then we'll go right into the show. I we should bring up on. Let's see got the wrong card here. Let me make sure got the right card. Oh Yeah I got the right car from the Houston Food Bank. Brian Greene is here. Come on up socially distance. But you're well I'm trying. Why don't you try into this microphone? Just Kinda tell us what the Houston food banks all about. Well foodbank normally we We provide food. Assistance for families in need is just right now. It's dramatically changed. It was almost like a curtain dropping on the economy and so we've been distributing about a million pounds a day. Wow through all these different site. Distributions been a lot of work and all the money from today's show is going to the Houston Food Bank. I've never been to food bank. I've been to drive through. Bank is their thing where like the drawer slides out it just filled with Chile and show up with your own. Ladle our people come to you or you bringing it to everybody. So food banks themselves distribution centers. So we don't actually serve people directly. We work with all these different charities. Muslims church pantries that are doing the distribution. Well not only is the money. That's been raised here today. All going to the Food Bank. But I believe Tom Castio. Who's the manager here at the Houston? Improv is going to bring out a check and I think we have a little matching funds situation Tom. Tom Maybe in the back firing employees right now. I heard him yelling at Some folks Tomor. You've come on up because We have a taste in here for Brian. We'll socially distanced but this is a ceremonial check. Do not try to take this to a check cashing place in Hammer. This check Brian. This is a ceremonial check. But yes go ahead. Go ahead Tom but I just want to say I wanNA thank first of all. Thank Adam because what he's done. This week is incredible. Guys realize he's donating all this all his money that he's made this week the staff into the Food Bank and Raton been comedy business for thirty years. I'm actually the owner and The Not a lot of guys like this. Okay you guys. I know you guys know him. He's your guy really appreciate that. Also want to tell you guys were matching. What Adams raised so I think the toll donation for today's twenty thousand dollars. Thanks a lot. Thank you guys and Brian Greene. Tom Castio you're doing the Lord's work. Thank you very much and thanks for what you do. It is true that all the money. I'm raising over. This weekend is either going to the Food Bank or go into the folks who work here the guys in the kitchen the folks making the drinks and bring the food but I also got a haircut and it was a nine thousand dollar haircut. We have to back that out so and I flew here privately and I've had surf and turf for every meal and again we have to back that all loud so I'm going to need you to pass the hat. So the servers could go ahead and contribute. Because I got to be made whole before I leave thank you you're all here. Dan Crenshaw Oh the book sorry fortitude. I'm looking for guys read or listen to Dan's book fortitude. It is it is all you need. And it's all your kids needs and that's all America needs a huge fan of this man. I saw him originally on Saturday night. Live like many of you did and I saw the way he handled that and I just thought it was so graceful that you had a sense of humor about being the butt of a joke and went on the show and show that you could take a joke and then give some back and I let why don't you talk about the mindset to that approach you up Sunday morning if find out that some scrawny kids been talking shit about you and your first reaction is what good question first of all. Thanks everybody for being here and supporting the Houston Bank really. Thank you for supporting Adams private flights. La Guys they needed to come here. Welcome to freedom. I'll it is. It was so weird the first night after being in total lockdown. I've been living in a shark cage. La You WanNa go outside your house. The cutout leg holes in a shark cage. You pick it up you can walkabouts like Hell Week. Coronado make it about eighteen feet down your gas down your teammates yelling as tough tattling on you. Were you went out and had a steak and a Martini on Thursday night and I just couldn't believe it because it's like the greatest thing ever for me is I work really hard and then going out for a drink at a steak is is the reward and of course in La. There is no carrot at the end of the stick but they do have the stick. Yeah they'll get you specially if you're surfing alone because there's nothing more dangerous than alone surfer. Oh my God you know given Corona virus to well. I guess sharks. I mean you brought up the shark. Katie so has your question though the man this happened so long ago it's almost surreal to think about getting from there to here and woke up the next day. I haven't watched Saturday night. Live live Saturday night since I was in high school but it but it was a staple of US growing up I used to watch it back before. Netflix's and TV and all that and but the next day all these text messages from friends. And they're they're mostly making fun of me like they got you. Seal team's this kind of people. I'm I'm with so they love watching. Just get just get raked over the coals. But they're also kind of pissed because they get to rake me over the coals. They don't like it when it's like some skinny comedian does it and it was more annoying than anything else it was. It was lost on me at the time. I was not aware at the time of the significance of that event for my own life yet. Now for for those. Who Don't know what happened Pete. Davidson with just showing. He was contributing to S. and L.'s. News and he was just showing pictures. Politicians mostly Republicans and then SORTA MAKING JOKES AT THEIR EXPENSE. And they put up a picture of you and said you looked like a porn. The hitman in a porno hit man in a porno of and that wasn't the offensive. Part that makes you think what does that look like. There's a lot of questions that arise that arise. Is that comment? That's not what made everybody mad. What made everybody mad when it's when he said he kind of sort of apologized for and I know I'm sorry. Lost his eye on war or whatever. Whatever it felt a little bit like an ad-lib felt a little bit kind of like an accident. But it's kind of like he meant it and it made everybody really mad and so the the way the way I analyze the situation in my book is I said there's basically two ways this could have gone and it was a perfect storm of events that allowed us to sort of make America. Feel good about it and but it could have gone much differently because what normally happens in that situation is we unleashed the outrage mop. And we just unleash the twitter mob and we'll we'll get these guys get good. Maybe we'll get him fired. Maybe we'll get him canceled. We'll get people to stop advertising with them and they were getting threats of that anyway. Actually and what would have happened? Well Saturday night. Live probably would have backed into their corner. Maybe they would have profusely apologized. Maybe they would have just weathered the storm either way nobody would feel really good about the apology would have been coerced. It would've been like Al Qaeda you know had some CNN film crew denounce America because captured them and some rat hole to Crete. So I know that world. Dan Explain it to you later after the show a baby country. The point is no who wants to forced apology. Either like that's unsatisfying right. But that's sort of what our culture forces right what our culture expects. These days forced apologies. But it's not a real apology and the outraged mob never really subsides. They still hate. You still. Try to cancel you. And and so instead we thought okay he clearly they were clearly making jokes aimed at conservatives. It was right before the election. That was obvious that bias was obvious but it wasn't necessarily as obvious that they also wounded veterans. Maybe we can. Maybe we can even though he said it. Maybe we can give some benefit of the doubt and I went back to a phrase that I that I had gotten from Harvard. Professor who was I did my masters just no big deal the Texas A&M of the East and they started off the semester. And he says while you're here try hard not to offend others and try even harder not to be offended and I thought that was a really deep but simple way of putting it given the atmosphere that we're in and I think this professor was tapping into what we all understood to be true about college. Campuses these days. And that always stuck with me that stuck with me from orientation but that really stuck with me. That's what I said. That was my statement at the time and I thought it was thought a balanced just right and because we gave them. That benefited out. They they brought me on and I got to go on and and America felt pretty good about it and I'll say this to I. Don't talk about this in the book. I don't know I should have maybe in hindsight because it's a great compliment to myself. Steven Spielberg was in the back on that on that night on that show he was. I guess he was in town filming for something that night you came in. I was there. So yeah they they give him. It's a very small stage. I mean honestly. It's not that much bigger than this. And they give him a little section on his own. He's got some cheese and crackers and wine and things just for Steven Spielberg and I got to talk to him. After I did my set and gave some really cool compliments he said you got great. Comedic timing even Funnier Than Adam. Corolla and you can have a real future in Hollywood and I was. I was like that's awesome. But it was just me and him. There was nobody else listening and I said this is not good. I need I need witnesses in my wife was somewhere across the stage right watching. Halsey perform or something because she was the guest that night and I was like Tarik mover here. Tear come over here and I said Mr Spielberg You. Just go ahead and say what you just said again. It was really awkward. But I don't care because I got a witness in my wife. Who is here now cannot deny that he did say this. I'll say hi. Do my wife territorial where she's at is then. Dan says the Spielberg. You should make a war movie one of these days. I love all the Shit. But make some grady like World War Two like normally a storm in the beach German pill boxes and machine guns so yeah. Let's talk a little. I always think about I think about war because I think more about the location. I mean obviously the parts were there bullets. Flying and bad guys everywhere. That's a negative but then there's also there the environment like you see all those Vietnam wars. During torrential rain monsoon season everyone's got leeches on the back of their neck. And either they got the rot foot rot and the mud and stuff. And they're sleeping on the ground with Charlie Sheen disaster. Then he is see saving private Ryan and they're going through the rolling hills of the French countryside. Will you still got German shooting at you but not too shabby other than that? You know what I mean. They complaining about. Yeah some of the places you've been and maybe just because I don't like dust I hate dust. It feels weird. I'm to shower up talk and then the helicopter landings with all the dust wine everywhere. Dust is what gets you right. The to the face and everything. But what's the dust? It's the little fear hair? Yeah it is true blown up by that was one thing but days later there was still dust in my hair. Now we're talking now. You're on my page true. So annoying you ever see one of those camel. Spiders when those giant spiders or or something. Good and deadline the desert. What's what's the hottest it's been for. You can get up and I think Iraq was hotter than Afghanistan. At least it felt that way to me. I was also blown up in June. I was blown up in June so I left after that and so I didn't know it gets a lot hotter than July and August but not the blowing up season there you want to get April or Yeah because it was getting warm warm. But you're looking at one hundred thirty one hundred and forty degrees and Iraq though we always operated at night so it's only like one hundred and fifteen degrees at night so miserable and your hairy and fifty pounds. I mean you're all I mean. You got the flak jackets on helmets water provision. I mean so. Not only like you know. Now look this may sound gay but I fight and a speed. You could argue. Maybe the straightest endeavor of all time but you're packed up your your layered and it's one hundred and fifteen degrees outside right. Yeah I mean you just kinda learn to deal with it. It's just uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable with the dust. As yeah dies he gets in your teeth. That's what I'm saying that there are some places in Afghanistan. That really are unbelievably beautiful. So it depends that we were we operated in Kandahar province mostly about the southern area. That's the desert moon dusty place that you're talking about you go a little bit north though you're in these beautiful mountains you're seeing these rivers. Come through it know. We're in the wintertime. We're trudging through three feet of snow with these crazy mountains that you've just never seen anything like it. It's unbelievable beautiful. So it's we would. We would think like. Wow we could. We should start some adventure like tourism company. You need zip line yeah zip line. Don't forget the ZIP line man. You're you can take all these rich folks. There's there's Taliban shooting at you it's it's exciting. Yeah yeah the ultimate tough mudder. Yeah right mutter again. You and your rich buddies can drive your Range Rover to the park and crawl on your elbows through some mud. Some guy hit with a host. But CAV you've been shot at. I've been Soviet rocket propelled grenades. They're not that accurate. They're not saying it's the the are much more worrisome. Yeah because you never know where they're gonNA put these things in right about these things in my book because they're random on this one mission where there was truly out in the middle of nowhere and improvised explosive device right right right and as opposed to an IUD. Which is absurd. Wife has a buddy story about that. We have friends who would be like to hang got hit by an IUD LOST. His side starts the wrong. Inner accurate to role. We don't have to okay. We don't have to do it device just in case okay. A couple of buddies of mine they. They actually sat on top of this random hilltop rand. There's a reason they sat there. There's a good view it's a good. It's a good fire position to take up well. People are moving through the village below. It's a good point and I guess I guess Taliban who had been there in the past also knew it was a good point and they sit down and the here this clack and it's a small explosion on a big one because any any detonation needs to be set off by smaller. Detonation just generally how explosives work and they set off the smaller detonation. But it didn't set off the main charge. Thank God because there was about fifteen pounds of extra charge there that could have killed them instead of just spooked him. It's just it's crazy where they put these things they're everywhere and it's a they make them do they. Make them on the spot like did they make them? You know are these locally. Sourced locally harvested three range myse- Afghanistan movement farming to some Chinese factory. Or they all kind of making them at the spot like a farmer's market it's more of a very locally sourced nick yeah you WANNA locally source this stuff just like made in the USA movement here. They've got that. The Taliban have that as well in Afghanistan. So they they we call it a little factories but really they're just abandoned buildings and they get in there and these are very simple so these are fertilizer compounds. They just put in there. Maybe fifteen pounds of APP as the explosive part some wires and batteries and some just wood panels. That's a really all. You need that the factory that makes the I like you know that. Sign the have up days since last accident. There must be a guy who never even gets off the a frame ladder. Like come on. Get down now so wasted time. Soon as I get down I gotta go right back up again. They have higher labor standards than you might really have is Taliban show. They're very concerned about safety. They bury them in the ground there. But they're remotely said detonated often. Sometimes sometimes it's much easier to have them pressure plates so because all you need to do is basically up to would panels wrapped in wire when those two wires hit each other it completes the circuit and blows it up a remote command detonated. Means there's a wire moving somewhere that's much more dangerous for them because they have to be You've got to be able to run away. Or ARE THEY GONNA. Watch us. They much prefer the pressure plates. The one that got you was one that your translator stepped on just in front of you right right right if I had stepped on it. I lost both my legs easily. He he lost all he lost. Both legs both Arnold Farms. Yeah Museum smaller guys. So he was How far physically was he in front of you are probably right here? Probably this distance have to jinx radioed. That guy the point to me. Now I'm GonNa step on something later and you never know you never know trial so about five six feet. Yeah so you guys were socially distancing and and you know it's funny. The six foot rule has long been known to seals. And this is why because but students. Buds is is seal. Training writes the first six months. It's the crucible that we all go basic underwater demolition slash seal training. Yeah right and so. That's that's hell week. That's all that and instructors always. There's a rule that students always have to stay six feet away from instructors. The reason is is because students are gross. They're yeah they are. They're gross and covered in bacteria they're going in and out of the ocean is not that clean and southern California because Tijuana is always dumping crap into it. It's Republicans blame Mexico. I can't it Carinthia. You got your crowd here but I wanna tell you my nanny. Mike Garner my pool man all for Mexico so when I'm yelling at them what to do I haven't certain respect anyway. A lot of bacteria in the ocean because the from Sweden. So you're covered in this stuff and it does spread disease like it's what makes people sick disease instructors. Are you know? They don't want any of that on them. And so you're always yelling at but students who are always running around the compound and sometimes instructors will actually get close to students just to be like six feet. Yeah Oh so sorry. So we've known the social distancing role on patrol. You gotta be six feet or way more than six feet. Actually because you don't WanNa be all bundled up and get hit with a rocket-propelled grenade but when you're talking about in the book going on patrol and you're talking about in an area where there maybe which is everywhere. You guys actually walk in a line together to obviously literally minimize your footprint on that road which obviously then makes it's a more dangerous configuration for combat. Yeah it's it's not a good tactical formation. If if you want to be in a firefight with somebody you want to be spread out. You WanNa have different. Maneuvering elements the base of fire. Maneuvering element but it's not that complicated but a line isn't so great you you only go in a line you know. Maybe you're going a long distance but even then we want to be staggered right but we have to go into line because one line is cleared. And you WanNa make sure you stay on that line and the abbots just what you do so your interpreters about six feet in front of you. He steps on this. It kills him although not instantly not instantly but he's very severely wounded and then you get hit sort of sort of everywhere right. You're always in this position and all of a sudden I wasn't and I don't. I don't believe I lost consciousness if I did. It was only a split second but it just it feels it. Feels like he got hit with a truck and a lot of people in that truck shot you with a shotgun and then Port Tabasco sauce. All over you. Wow It's SORTA SORTA whip getting. I was hit with the concussion of it but it was. It was mostly a fragmentation wounds. So just from top to bottom and they put all sorts of nasty stuff in there. Yeah because we'RE PULLING BOLTS OUT OF MY HANDS. Foltz bolts and screws and things and those aren't necessarily part of an IEP. They probably added those things. Let me tell you about the bolts. I bet they were metric. Now I like working on cars standards essay. That's made in America. My friend right. Pull out any three eighths half inch or nine sixteenths. That ship was seven. Millimeter nine millimeter. It's what the rest of the world uses to blow us up and that ain't American. May that much right now. You know what they say. There's two types of countries the ones that have won two world wars back to back and the metric system. That's right so you you remain conscious this entire time at least to the best year knowledge. You know you know it's bad you don't know how bad it is right. No I I mean I know I know I have the first thing I did was check my legs and I had those. So that's a good thing I couldn't see. I never for a second assumed that my eyes were damaged. There's I don't know why I didn't assume that I just didn't and I just assumed there was hurt him. It was it was a bit of self-deception a very healthy self-deception honestly in hindsight and that self-deception would continue for weeks. Frankly with changing from okay. I'm not even hurt to okay. I'm hurt but I'm easily going to see again. Even though the doctors really didn't think I would ever see again. And so I I remember very vividly the actual experience I remember talking to my good friend medic who came over wrapped me up here. Raft me up there. I complained about stomach pain. That was the hardest hit seemed to be. I thought I had shrapnel shooting through my abdomen. It turned out not to be the case moves. Badly peppered nothing that deep. I mean the worst wounds. Were just down here. Because that was the closest to the bomb face did not look good. I very few pictures from this whole thing but I have a picture a week later. I mean well after words and my face it looks like I got shot in the face. With a shotgun. That's that's basically what it looks like in the rest of my body looks the same but for the most part. I was able to actually get up by the end. It and just walk to the Hilo. Hilo not a chopper. Arnold Schwarzenegger calls it a chopper. We should just. We'd have to remind people of that. What is it choppers anything chopper? I'm motorcycles but not a Hilo technically now now know if anybody in the military ever says hey the choppers everybody'll make fun of them and say all the Java. That's so you know so like every military movie. Here's the thing. I don't know much about the military but I am a journeyman carpenter so every time I watch a movie where the hero is carpenter I go. It's so fake. Look at him. He's using a waffle ended framing hammer. When he should be using a Finnish Shammar movies like where they grabbed the framing gun and hold it at the bad guy and they fire you know Mel Gibson fires it. I'm like the compressor's not even on come on and you gotta pull the safety back at the end of spring loaded fake. Oh every fifth movie is a military movie. See for me. The carpentry movies are few and far between but the military movies are every other weekend and they're all ruined for you because they're calling this shit getting better. They're getting a lot better. You know all of these. There's a lot of movies that got made post Bin Laden raid. They were all a little too good in in a lot of cases. Where you're thinking you're kind of giving away a little too much really your know what else I hate though. Is this still happens? No matter what where every time somebody points in everybody will understand. This is we're in Texas and everybody's a gun owner but when you draw your weapon it doesn't make the slide action sound at Toronto really serious when you're really serious than it makes another. Maybe they cock it or just not. That's not what you do. I'm I'm a carpenter or not a gun guy but that drives me insane just because you point it doesn't mean it's GonNa make another noise serious. Also the one where they get about halfway into the warehouse and then at some point. That guy goes eight. Do that in the parking lot. Come prepared come in for paired. You run through halfway Dark Warehouse. Alya doing this. If you're in a platoon and you heard a guy like racquet right in the middle. Were not ready like five minutes. That started five minutes ago. What are you doing? And it's not like racking. The weapon is like one of those weird spring load timers in a sonnet bad hotel. Where like you have to do it again right I no. It doesn't work that way. The work that way the one. That's he the one that's equally as bad as the every time I hold. The gun makes it new noise one. That drives me insane but with drives remo orange saying is when the guys like wearing his toga and he pulls the knife out of his underpants shipping do that worse is Shinko. That sound come from. Yeah well that's true. Turns out. Movies are fake. Actually I've I've tried to make the make that it doesn't you're right doesn't make very disappointing show. I was thinking about you. I actually had a dream or out. You did yeah wasn't that was kind of by realize read. It was going to say right but I was. I was thinking what is underneath your patch. Do you have a glass I is? It just kept their a lot of glass so today I usually wear the Tridentine. Wow what is it's the Seal Trident. Oh this seal trident. So it's actually a twenty four karat gold earing that is that is implanted into that in this case. But I've like twelve of these things and do you have any Like sponsorships like Pepsi ups. It's a really good idea. Gatorade I mean come on man. You're leaving money on the table. It's true so much on the table. I've got a bunch of different. I've been build a few of them. I've got one of them recently. Was the Gonzales. Flag is come and take it hat. Strike flag is the that come in where we have the Canon. If you've seen that and says the Canon and then says come and take it from the battle of Gonzalez with started the we have this revolution. We have one in California. That says please tread on me. That's a it's a cockroach crime cockroach and that his huge boot worn by Gavin newsom. And it's like that. It's we we don't we bring it out of. Please tell me exactly what to do to stay safe. That's right it's ridiculous so you have one for that. We got that one and you know the reason I wear. The patch is because I mean you can't tell what that is like even from this distance so it's always an awkward kind of public thing to have the the prosthetic is without the patch. Patch tells the story right away so it's kind of like my public private life and also a little bit but a formal informal wear and have all the different class is and You know stop. It's too personal. But I I was thinking about it like dreaming about like my son has a retainer. He puts in his mouth kind of pack very similar to to what yeah. It's very similar to that. Actually because a lot of people think it's like a ball because you watch. Pirates of the Caribbean in the Rolls. Down the deck. He's like Oh put that back in there and it's made of wood which really doesn't make any sense because the splintering would just be terrible but you couldn't really do a soft. You couldn't do that. They put a permanent. I think spherical object in there. They wrap the muscle around. And it's so if I took it out it would. It would kind of just looked like yeah like you're under your lips that's sort of what it would look like your gums and you just slip it in there. It's like it's like shaped like this. You can throw it people it shaped like a homecoming. Queen is waving to her gallery and exactly and when you go to the airport. They WANNA take a peek under there. No I rarely. Yeah sometimes. Yeah a good question. Do they react. They don't really react very polite. Tsa's very polite. They know me by now implying so much really and so what is what is an. I just think I. I'm a big fan of Dan. I just sort of onto him recently but I I got onto you on. Snl Then when the book came out. I was listening to the book and I thought this is first. Politician really heard just talking straight pragmatism. Just nuts and bolts. Here's how life works. No shortcuts as when EAR BUDS? Instructors would say your last day was yesterday right and and really all the stuff that's been around. Stoesz is the way to raise a family. The Way to conduct yourself pride dignity and sense of community and for some reason so many politicians have drifted away from that. Because I think it's just easier to kind of feed the kids. The sugary empty calories cereal for breakfast and not be hassled by somethin- that's actually nutritious. And good for them so. I think the politicians have are almost just sadly taking the cue from the constituency. Who doesn't really want to get up and do the work that needs to be done. But I'm hoping that in the right vessel meaning you that these messages. These tried and true messages could return. I have because they're the only things that work and that's how I thank you. Weren't you clapping? Sir With My pregnant. Thank you sorry. I I like to describe my political philosophy that way. I'm a political philosophies conservative. And it's for fundamentally it's things that work it's things that have worked for a very long time. They don't always feel good. It's not always. It doesn't always feel like the the most compassionate thing to say but it is the right thing to say and whether whether it's about our limiting principles whether it's about the way we should govern whether it's about the way we should treat people in our society and the way you treat your own kids you teach your kids that they're accountable. You teach their kids that their actions matter. You teach your kids that they work hard. They'll get this. You teach your kids about fairness and sharing and how to treat others and it it strikes me as odd that some people would treat their kids that way because they love them doesn't matter if they're liberal or conservative but they wouldn't treat the American people that way and he would shoot him totally differently would tell them that they're victims. You would tell them that. They don't have control over their lives. They're not accountable. And that seems very odd to me and I think we should. We should actually treat the American people like we love them. Yes like you love right. I know that is the ultimate love. Being Nice is not love that is that is not love. Being love is what you do your kids I. I was sort of look at it this way. So many of these politicians that are talking about a lot of people can't get ideas so they don't have access to checking account so they don't have access to and they can't vote. I'd go what if your seventeen year. Old Son announced that he couldn't travel with you. Go on a family vacation Maui. Because he didn't have access to an ID or he didn't have access to check out. What would your answer be to that child? If the answer is what are you talking about? March yourself down to the bank or do it online and get yourself an idea. Well then if that's your answer for your child then that's the answer for society. Hold on why aren't you? Okay watching you. That's one of the more ridiculous arguments. Isn't it like well a lot of people don't have? Id First of all to say that a bunch of minorities don't have ideas racist I. You're telling these people that they don't have ID's in the way you go and ask them like of course we have ideas are you. What are you talking about well? All also where I'm coming from is if you are the politician in you're saying there's a lot of people that don't have access to ides's first off. I don't like the word access. It's this notion of like well hobby. Lobby's denying their employees access to birth. Control that's not denying you access to birth control. That's not supplying you with birth control. Hobby lobby doesn't make you a sandwich for lunch either. That's them not them. Denying you lunch. I'm not giving you appeal. T- The different. That's why are you clapping enough with the denied access it drives me and say anyone can get an ID now. It may be more difficult for some than others. So if I'm talking to a politician and the politician says many people don't have access. Id's I'm GonNa say we'll then. Where is your book mobile that got converted to the mobile which has DMV employees? And you can go to these under served neighborhoods and you can sign people that will solve that problem but they never go that round now. There's a problem solving as an idea is important for so many things and so if you actually believe that certain underserved communities didn't have access to ideas you would think that the the solution there would be to get them access to ideas because it's not just voting that we would want them to have ideas for. It's I dunno life because that's just what you need in life and so if people don't have an ID it tells me that there are probably truly underserved and probably need some help. So let's get the my ds wasn't meeting don't change. It doesn't mean to change election laws well result. Yes I if you in this. Modern era do not possess an ID as an adult. Then you're not a functioning member of our society it is. It is impossible to function. So if I say these people need to phone we should do it without. Id's well that doesn't really solve any problems. All it does is less than the barrier to vote but once they voted they're still now living a life that's ide- last and if you're a politician in your real job is to get these people not to be disenfranchised to join society. Pay Their taxes. Be Able to travel all the things that go along with having an idea if you were sincere person which I don't think you are but if you were actually sincere you would want to get them. Those ideas not not lower the barrier for voted. Exactly this is. This is one of the only things that my Democrat colleagues. Want to want to deregulate over-regulate literally everything else. But not this one and I find that strange voting. And what else is strange is. Is this this need to this this this idea that we should mail everybody their ballot and do mail in ballots because of coronavirus? Here's the thing. Get what takes less human interaction going to the grocery store or voting? Okay so the grocery store you pick up all your things with your hands and you put them on this little conveyor belt somebody else touches that thing with their hands gives it to somebody else who touches it with their hands. Put in a bag. Gives it back to you what you take home? And you put in your mouth I'm never going to another rotate your head this. You've ruined the shopping experience for this podcast. There keep going horse. Yeah of curfew voting. You go in you look at somebody. They check your. Id At least in Texas they do and you touch a machine right. That's it that's it. We can do that. I agree. It's not come on. I had I was. I was thinking about you where I was only dreaming about you but I was. I was thinking about. It's kind of unintended circumstances so I'm at At the hotel we did a. I did a show here last night. We gotta hear about ten o'clock. We went to. What's the local steak place? God POPs. Yeah want their freedom baby had serving turf couple. Martinis got back to the room at twelve thirty at night and this morning of sleeping in a little guy do show tonight and all I could hear all morning was people pulling their doors open and letting them go with the self closer with the pneumatic closer ca chunk ca chunk. So it's like the room to this side of the room. That's I mean they fling the door open. It's got the pneumatic closer. And it's like junk junk like we all know that. Sorta concussion of the door shutting on the metal frame because people are going in and out at seven thirty in the morning or eight in the morning and I thought to myself. Why do we need? That pneumatic closer. And the reason we need that pneumatic closers for fire reasons because a fire would not spread nearly as quickly if all the doors are closed but then I thought to myself who leaves their hotel room and forgets to close their door. Couldn't we rust? I've done that you've done only I am saying if you go. If you go to an old hotel. In France they do not have the pneumatic closer. You have to yourself. But here's a slippery slope the more stuff that kind of gets done for you where you just don't have to think about it. The more you know every car's automatic now it all kind of parallel parks and everything every door shut for you by the man maybe start getting a little softer. Maybe start tuning out. Soft Very Soft. Go ahead you go ahead. No you drive a car when you had were. You told me to go you if you drive a car. With a stickshift. You are engaged in that car when you drove an old car. You kind of had to be responsible. There was no texting and kind of drifting off now and I worry that everything is kind of being done for every everything's in the government as well and we're kind of drifting off and we're expecting more of it you know we're we're expecting somebody to take care of us. This is this is through and through been noted in the coronavirus pandemic and watching not just the United States. But the world react to this this notion that that we we can't even make decisions for ourselves that we feel unsafe. We should also tell other people that they should feel unsafe and that they shouldn't be able to go out to very strange. This very very strange notion that if that if our governor says hey we're allow people to go back to work and allow them to do this that he would get criticized as as dom in week from Beta today. I'm quoting Bego on this. I'm going to. I'm going to twitter. Fight with Beta today and it was so interesting. I'm like what I said was this. I said you're actually calling all texans dumb and week because Governor. Abbott is not. You'd Governor have it force anybody here my where I was just making sure. Did you guys get a letter from the governor? That said you had to come here and put yourselves in at potential risk. You're always risking your life when you leave the house no matter what but he didn't make you do it. You chose to do it at. There's there's an element of freedom there. There's an element of personal responsibility. I think we're a little bit more inclined think of think of it that way and Texas then maybe in some other parts of the country but the whole world has done this the first time in human history first time in human history with collectively really shut down this way and it's interesting and I hope we analyze it thoughtfully in hindsight and think about what we did right and what we did wrong because we really have lost perspective we really have you know about what is difficult and I talk about my book and like I have ancestors that came to. I'm a sixth generation. Texoma answers are coming to taxes this this Sarah Howard as my first ancestor in Texas came. Here she was kidnapped. Her child was killed in front of her. She lost one husband and lost another husband. You know they had to find water every day. And what do you find water every day in Texas and it was so much summer so easy. It was much dust ear back then. It is now no the old west movies as well and she lost her kids. But I'm saying but it didn't help. It's not that dusty here. It was so dusty back then very swampy and Houston needlepoint. I feel like you're just picky. Arctic care of like the wild west of Arizona's west coast. And you know some of Allen Allergies Think. We ride horses to work which should. Why don't you're so? Sorry Sarah Your great great assess. There's right right and then what we complain about. I get really pissed when I'm like flying barreling through the air at thirty thousand miles per hour and the wife is not working and I'm like my life is hard. This isn't fair depressed. I'm no no military pilot but you're probably not at thirty thousand miles an hour. Thirty thousand feet thirty. He's broncos light that southwest white guys from Burbank seconds. Washington Post Washington. Post is get a fact check me. I knew I knew. Thirty thousand feet at five hundred knots so I knew what you mad. Special government plane about it. Well nowadays man. I don't know if you've seen some of that footage on Tucker Carlson. Yeah I mean. We didn't even notice that there's UFO's now. I noticed. Well here's my theory about. You are my theories like we thought they were being hidden from us so we wanted to know. It's like we have the same relationship with your phone as we had with Lance Bass the singer from the boy bad. We're like I think that guy's gay. But he says he has a girlfriend and it pug this shit out of us and then at some point he went. I'm gay we went. I knew it and when we left. Nobody cares anymore with you. Perfect analogy to big box. So this was incredible. I mean this is the navy footage of of these objects. There was a lot of analysis. Done you heard the Joe. Rogan podcast with the Pialat. I mean it's so it's not new news so the last couple of months the first time it came out. I think I think the navy just declassified at officially but it had long been out and they didn't even try to hide it because they knew it was foolish to try and hide it. And you know you hear this guy. The Joe Rogan show. And I've really recommend this episode is on. I don't know how to find it. You just put so many episodes out but it's really interesting. Goes in real detail about how they how they analyzed this object sensors. They had on it how they were filming it. What it looked like to them why there was no rotor. Wash there was no heat signatures very strange. All of it was very strange. And everybody's just like. Yeah but I mean we'll tiger kings on so yeah it's crazy that we've turned the page that fast my entire childhood was sort of based on there's UFO's they're out there. Every third movie was a ufo movie now. Evidently they're here and we have no thoughts about it if they're listening and there are new overlords if you guys are GonNa need entertainment this guy. He puts his pencil all day. You need so with carpentry skills. You beat someone who can spread your message through entertainment through comedy I again. I don't know if I'm assuming you're listening. And there's going to be a few of us who you will spare because you will need to help work on the other much. Like what Gavin newsom is doing to California right? Now you're going to need somebody who's doing. Yeah they're out there it's crazy it's crazy so I'm excited about it though. I don't think they need carpenters. I don't think it is important to them as well. You know they have little tic TAC spaceships. That don't have any rotor wash. That can move like a thirty thousand miles an hour but ever had a slip of the time. Everyone needs counter tops. Everyone needs storage at some point. The aperture door for the spaceship is GonNa Cham- always going to have to score some wd forty on that bad boy and I'm just saying I'm your man do you do you carpenter. Is THAT VERB CARPENTER. Do would make really is a hobby. I wasn't a wood worker but I was a carpenter so I did for. I mean I know you did it before. But you still do it. You always work on. Projects always working on projects at my own house. I have warehouses with cars and constantly building studios and built my studio back in L. A. And all that kind of stuff and now I gotta rip everything out of the ground and drag it to Texas again so We're GONNA do. This tonight. Is going to bring Dan out and talk to him for about an hour and then do twenty minutes of Adam. Corolla unprepared and inbetween. We have a couple of songs from Couple of artists who enjoy who guys have enjoyed since I was a kid of Parker and John. Hiatt or couple of guys and they they recorded songs and then sent them here just to just to be played for you guys to not tonight and they did it for us so I think what we should do is give a Dan crenshaw a hand. I do I do this for another hour by so nice job. Thank you everybody to see. All Houston foodbank. Fortitude is the name of the book American Resilience in the era of our age show. Thanks see you backstage ready. You guys you guys you guys who that you guys get your one word one word for me to do. Corollas unprepared ready. Hold on we're GONNA roll in about six minutes of some custom songs that were done for us tonight and when we come out of that we will resume that portion of the show. Okay Max a pet sounds thank you for inviting me. This is GRANDPA coming from London. And remember you like the episcopal his record or no use that so this one is for. You Might Dan Suh on this bill now down this morning. Tokyo got a Asia Own side your body. The fall four years old LA. I don't even know. Ooh I soon rogue sue Choose stood out our so straw force me following morning Law All. Oh you're welcome some SC even talk tendon. Pratt law. How Gentlemen? Please welcome back to the stage. Adam right so You guys throw out one word. Raise your hand when you have it and I will build a comedy routine around it right up here Sh- magma. There's a whole family of young Christian girls sitting right here here. Eating FRENCH FRIES WITH RANCH. I just feel. Is that daytime audience? We got a veteran who was covered with dust last time he was in country. I don't feel it's appropriate. You give me one man who had their hand over here. Pg maybe thirteen. What does that baseball? Okay wait. What about the part where you raise your hand and then I pointed you all right. This guy's got his hand up. Snapper like a long snapper could be snapper. Could be a red snapper. Could be a long snapper. Could be a lawn mower. I think they make quite a quite a lawn mower. Snapper does could be snapping turtle. I gotta say this I was a long snapper in high school and our team punted a lot. The only thing I was proud of is not screwing up that that long snap in high school. But I can tell you that I always thought if you're in the mafia and don't raise your hand but you know who you are if you're a even associated loosely with the Mafia. You should pay off the long snapper on the next Super Bowl. He's the lowest paid guy on the team. He's getting the League minimum. You get one hundred thousand dollars you get one over the Punter's head you get one that. He skips back during a field goal attempt. You've shaved ten points and it costs you. One hundred grand people use your head and somebody needs to make a movie called the Long Snapper. Where they they kidnap his teenage daughter. He's a Chris'll veteran. He's been in the League for fourteen years. This is his last year. His team goes to the Super Bowl but they kidnap his daughter. And they're gonNA throw her and well if he doesn't snap the ball over the punter's head and then at some point he snaps it with such velocity he hits the bad guy in the head and the gun goes off. And that's as far as I've got. Do you know that there are camps? You can send your kid to to see who can for snapping now. There's like specialty snapping classes. What's going on man my parents ago? Here's a bowl of foil. Get the fuck out of the House for two days. Now it's like I'm going to pay this guy eighty bucks an hour and he's GonNa show you how to snap a ball. What the hell these kids. They're getting to specialized by the way. What happened to like when you say kid memory? When I was a kid so want to go to me. What are you good at go? Oh I want to go on this thing. I wouldn't go snapping and the cello and I'm working on an engineering degree but of course. I speak Mandarin as well. I was good at drinking from the hose and getting dudes in head locks. That's what I was good at. Oh and eating other people's food and then positioning it. So they didn't know pilfered half their corn nuts you now like there's a whole science like a whole funk sway like a whole snack functions way where you'd go to your friends you go into their kitchen you'd go to their pantry. Be like okay. Don't load up on honey roasted cashews. Though no way take a handful of cash us. Turn the label toward mce. Make sure everything is working right. Have a couple of space. Dick bars have one hit off the chocolate milk and then right back in the fridge. Don't get grady figure out. Just how much of this kid's food I could eat before. Dad was onto me all right. What else do we got bear weight baseball. All right I should be doing. Who raise their hand with baseball okay. I'm just going to baseball because someone keeps yelling baseball. That's the only good thing that come from this corona virus. They've pushed the baseball season back. And may we may only get in like one hundred forty games baseball. You know the best sport in the world is football. They both got to work. They go sixteen games. They've tacked on seventeenth and everyone's pitching a fed. You guys play Seventeen Games. The first weekend and I also liked that they had an act rules. Like hey no more eating in the dugout during the so corona thing like no more shooting flower seed husk out of your mouth by the way if you go all you need to know about baseball being an inferior sport is when you go to the sideline of any other sport like you go to sideline of a football game. One guy's got the headphones on. He's talking to the guy in the booth. The Next Guy's got the pad out he's going over. The schematic with the defensive. Captain this guy over here is seven hundred pound black man who sucking from an oxygen mask. You know you go to the baseball dugout. They're like Oh GonNa make a pyramid of husk out of my corn seeds in this other guys. Turn his hat inside out. Aren't GonNa make a rally had outta. There's these two guys over there playing pickle. There's nothing going on. So we'll get one hundred games. Who Cares and the folks the real winners of this entire virus? Of course you're Houston Astros. They were about to get more pitches thrown at them then Steven Spielberg at a starbucks in Santa Monica Void. The entire season of getting a ball thrown. I mean they were going to. Every one of their players was going to have to climb inside of a gatorade bucket. Just pull the bottoms up. Poke armholes waddle up and that just get being by balls all day all right so baseball good. We don't need it. Thankfully we'll get we'll do one hundred game season everyone. Ob Fine and the saddest person in the world is a person who keeps score when they're up in the stands like. Oh is that. A A four stairs unforced airways that hit an air also. Can I say this about baseball? What's put the Pine Tar? Has anyone ever been in contact with? Pine Tar. I touch some Pine Tar one thousand nine hundred eighty one in high school. My finger still smells like a Christmas tree. What is that thing where it has to be all over the top of the bat and all over the front of your helmet. Schwartz in the Sh- meg my there with the get your Damn Pine Rag get your Pine Tar Rag. Wipe your bat down and then go to plate. How do you think it works? And by the way how to baseball players work when they're not using the pine tar like at home. I think one of them's barbecuing. The SPATULA goes sailing out of their hand. Like I lost my sense. A gramp was changed. Your my daughter's diaper then and throughout the window gotta get some Pine Tar up in here so wooden stick that's made to be held by a man. How much Pine Tar do we need on? There's got to be all over the hat. Get the Pine Tar doing the Dugout show up and swing that Damn Bat all right so but he ever you guys smell Pine Tar. It's good it's good. Yeah Hey any kids thinking about huffing copier toner later on go pine tar too much better high all right hand up right there and crenshaw yeah or any crenshaw okay. We'll go with the one who's most familiar to US tonight. Dan Crenshaw I am. I'm a fan of his. I wish I had licensed to wear an eye patch. You gotTa have licensed to wear an eye patch. I could rock an eye patch but of it immediately be called a Douche because they go. Why are you wearing an eye patch? And I wouldn't have anything good you know what I mean wouldn't stepped on a bouncing betty and tick create. It'd be nothing like that. I just be like I was beating off and I use too much lube and I think my I just Kinda lost. There's not a lot to hold onto. I just kind of a grabbed the pine tar put. I headed infective cuticle. Just kinda hit the Radna there and so that I patch man. But what is the thing about now? Let me tell you something. Dan has made a very shrewd choice with the black eye patch. It goes around because he could have chose the other. I which is the flesh colored eye pash with the Weird Gauze and the adhesive. Back thing on it. That's the sad patch of all time. You go from international jewel. The've to junkie the Methadone Khalil. Mack just your decision in eyepatches. So I don't know if he has some valet or publicists who works on that but that black eye patch was the greatest decision ever and The he had the glass I with like what insignia? Here's the here's a flag on their. He has the have sorry. Has the navy seal crest on there? Like it's it's crazy kind of makes me wish you have is missing an eye but I'm not GONNA go. I'm not GonNa go that far that far with it but dad Cranchi war hero all around good guy like good sense of humor right plus the the only tough part about Dan Crenshaw is. Everyone feels the need to come up with their own story of pain and misery. Like it's like losing a dog. You ever lose if you took your dog an hour ago to the vet and is and you told so on. I'm pretty broken up today. I had to put my dog down this afternoon. They'd go. Oh Yeah I remember Sushi. That was my dog. We had to put her down. And I'd be like that was nine years ago. Mitch just as my story. It's fresh but if you tell anyone you had a cold they tell you how they had a cold. If you tell anyone you had the flu the flu a dog dog died and anytime there's an injury like if you tell someone oh man busted myself up snowboarding. Then they tell you a story about how they jack themselves up skiing one time so Dan Crenshaw pass to go through his entire adult life going. My interpreter stepped stepped on I and he blew up and I got hit with shrapnel and then everyone has to go yeah one morning it was really cold and I was barefoot and got out of bed and you know the metal frame sticks out a little further than the box spring but the dust covers. Oh He's hiding it. I kick that bad boy with my pinky. Little Toe wasn't even a big tau was a little house You know we've all been there. I wasn't I wasn't Chopard. Load out my wife did go online to Md Online. I think it was. It said hot cold compresses. I'm not I'm not calling myself a hero. I'm just saying a felt the pain of war cold autumn more every single days. What fucking talk to guys like that? Who after then give them their upper stories in the pain department but Dan Crunch? I think that guy's going to be the president. I really don't Yeah vice-president me yeah that's right that's right. Yeah three is on that ticket. There's only one I'm president. Wait a minute. How many is our president? One or two I have a I went to. I'm a product. La Unified School district president there. I'm president but their story is on this ticket pitch. I'm just spitballing people. This is not actually gone to work on the on the on the posters yet all right over here hand hand a hand in the middle. Dr Drew you'll be next mass. I yes Dr drew. He's a good man. He's a man of exquisite passion. And he he's a little bit gullible. Dr Drew and it reminds me of a story but he he wants to help. That's the whole thing. He's wildly earnest and sincere and so when he gets taken out to the woodshed by at all the ads wipes on twitter because he's basically talking about his medical knowledge and stuff that essentially happened. He has apologized for it because he feels horrible. But he's trying to help everybody but one time many years ago me and Dr drew were in New York. Where in Manhattan? Now Times Square used to be really dicey and then they've cleaned it up and it's now turned into a commercial endeavor but it was really dicey and we used to do love line if you could imagine. I would do love line from one. Am to three am New York time. Dr Drew and I would walk back to our hotel and then I would go to bed at four and then I would wake up at five thirty and go to Howard Stern show for four hours. Which is an insane. Sleep-deprived borst the navy seal training. I would say dance still here. But if he hears me I stand by. He knows them right. Got To get up early and tell Joe not to carry a rubber raft. Not Hard telling jokes sleep-deprived come on so we're walking home from CBS. Downtown at like three fifteen an on like a Tuesday night. And we're walking right through town and a big as a mini van. It was like a mini van filled with prostitutes. It's like they're trying to set a record. You know like they would do back in the fifties like how many freshmen could get in a phone booth. Well this is like how many horse can get in a mini van and so there's like fifteen prostitutes in this minivan and Dr during like walking across the street and three of them went like you. Can we get a little help over here? Sugar and drew those ladies are in need of my sisters said he started walking at them and I like grabbed his arm and I started pulling him back and he's like those young ladies requested assistance. What's wrong with you? It's Time Square. It's Wednesday it's three fifteen. They're wearing Lee press on nails and have hair extensions. Every part of their bodies extended their nails their hair all extended. No those are prostitutes and he's like prostitutes. What's going on so drew can be a little bit gullible. Sometimes he's he's also what I would I would call pussy whipped. I think he knows that I think he would admit that. But other than that Helvin American all right right behind that person sorry who Texas man. It's a little humid out here. I gotta say I'm doing a lot of sweating out here but I like the people I like. I like the attitude and like the fact that Texas is proud of being Texas. So we're I'm from California so are saying it's like California. Sorry about that I I know it sucks. Sorry like we have to apologize all the time when people come to visit like. I know you had to climb over Pyramid of homeless people that get your rental car. Sorry sorry sorry. Sorry about the pollution. We have barbed wire around our freeways signs. That's insane we have a horrible. We have the highest taxes. I think in the Union. We pay like thirteen percent taxes. Which drives me drives me nuts and then. Texas is Texas is proud and also I learned for the Great Randy white you. Don't mess with Texas. You don't litter at California. We have all the sides side of the freeway. Which is if you got litter that you didn't WanNa throw on the highway in Texas. Bring it on down. Toss it on our interstates because we love trash. So we don't have don't mess with and we don't have the lone star and we don't have the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders okay. The Houston Texan ads. Or whatever I don't know what I don't know what they're called anymore. The point is this yes. California has Zero Pride about California by the way California Texas is GonNa turn into this so you guys are GonNa have to deal with this well. No it's not it's not it may not turn into California but the problem with California is nobody is from California so we treat California like you treat a rental car go because no one's from California you know when you're in a rental car and you're like what have we got going about fifty five and then put it in reverse would happen. There's only one way to find out. That's what people do with California. They just show up there from New Jersey there from Pittsburgh there from Boston and they just show up from California. I can't find one. God Damn Rams Fan Sports Bar. Do you know callie loss. Angeles has more. Pittsburgh steelers sports bars. They do Los Angeles Rams sports bars. So everyone's just from somewhere else and why shouldn't illiterate or why shouldn't you take a whiz and that guy's mail slot or why should you pay your taxes are? Why should you not sleep on freeway overpasses? Or why should you do anything if you're not from there? It's all one big party. That's being thrown at someone else's house and you don't like that now is started off. I mean we talked today in Kranjska. That guy's nine generation at Texas. He's grandma bought at the Alamo or something tough woman lot of dust very dusty environment back then but there were tougher. True Grit Grit comes from dust. That's what HAP. Let's say they say true? Grit Techs Greedy Texas people with the with the dust. Look it up. That's a fact. But now you guys are GonNa have to start dealing with a lot of Douche bags for Manhattan and California Chicago and Boston. And they're gonNA come over here and they're going to go well. We fled are failing states and cities but let us coach you up on just what to okay so you just one one I. One hundred and fifty from the free three throws stripe. And now you want to coach me how to fuck fucking shoot free throws I don't think so so you guys are GonNa have to stay the course and not listening. Listen to all the ASS. Why come out here all right? Let's do one more. What are we got right up? Here millennials Boy My God we are. Listen I on I would. Fear millennials like I would have a very realistic fear of millennials. But you don't have to fear them because they don't fucking move so if we ever walked into a dark alley and there's millennials everywhere you just walk they won't even get off their beanbags. We'll move now. You must not fear them in a dark alley. Fear them in the workspace. That's really got to fear. The millennials. Fear The uptaking another me day or my soccer team over in the UK place at five am our time. So I had to stay up all night and Drink Guinness Sun not making it in tomorrow or you've offended my delicate sensibilities. Are You Gotta? Watch your tone when you talk to me. When I was coming up I worked on construction size. I had a bunch of guys that were Vietnam. Vets that were strung out on pain meds. Yelling your last easy day was yesterday and we got a dime holding up a Dalla. I had a millennial I had my nephew try and work for me for four months. I would've yelled at him for being late but he was never there so like I literally used to go. I'M GONNA go yell at my nephew. Where is they've got he's not here? Damn I can't even yell at him for being late because he physically wasn't there. Listen the good news is is my kids could be missing a limb have have Crohn's Disease Epstein Barr virus and lyme disease and still outworked half these little shits by just showing up to war. I don't know how it got to where it is today but we must reverse. This course something is going on. There's some enabling that's happening. I blame the parents I blame. The teachers blame everybody but me. I know that sounds convenient but I look it up. It's on record. I've been yelling at my nanny to raise my kids right for twelve years. She's Dutiful Guatemalan woman. Who Does what I ask? So this one ain't my fault all right let me hit GYCO. I gotTa do a quick spot here. Geico yes these days. Everyone staying home. You're not staying home. I'm going home and then staying home because I live in California. Now gyco realizes you're not driving as much as us to drive and so they're going to give something back fifteen percent credit on car and motorcycle policies for current customers because Geico's committed to the long haul fifteen percent credit and it last the full term of your policy. That is GEICO. I WANNA thank the Houston Food Bank for coming out here taking my money. I WanNa thank you guys for buying tickets coming out here today I wanNA thank Dan Crenshaw for coming out here and until next time to sad pearl for Dan Crenshaw saying Mahalo.

Coming up next