They Are Holding Me Captive
Senior Life Journeys Presents Carol Howls. Let's talk dementia. A podcast designed to help caregivers find knowledge power hope and smiles lyles in their dementia caregiving journey welcome to let's talk dementia. Here's your host bestselling author Carol. Welcome to let's talk dementia hero Hallel your host and. I'm glad you're joining me today. I am recording a couple episodes. All on the same day I got a little bit behind taking in some time off for the holidays normally would go change shirts so you would think record among different days but I just decided it is just not worth the effort so so if you're listening to this then you of course don't know you don't care but if you're watching this you're thinking she same shirt on yesterday new right ideas but anyway anyway of God to do today. So I thought I'd give some of these shows done in advance and hopefully something. Data's going to help you. Well I want to talk to you about this particular item on holding. And for those of you that are listening to this. What I have here is a shoulder pad that was given to me by a friend whose wife had gone through every stage of Alzheimer's type dementia? This shoulder pads says on it. Police call the police. They are holding they are holding holding me captive. The other side says please call the police. my father I can't read it anymore. I it it used to say. My father beats me On a shoulder pat. He came at me. And I'm like okay. There's a story here. How about telling me why WII giving it to me and the story behind it well? It was very disturbing In hard for him his wife at that point like I said was living in the last stages of Alzheimer's in they were living living together she was remember care. He was insistent and they moved there. Because that particular event had happened that surrounded that shoulder pad so his wife was very good about getting up in the middle of the night wandering around the house and he had put all kinds of locks on the doors up high where she couldn't reach them so she couldn't get out and wander down the road and them not know where she was and he did all these precautions to protect our but one one night he woke up she was nine the bed. He cannot find her wear issue and she gone in the basement and she was in a closet and she had shut herself south in the closet and she found somewhere along the way a sharpie. I don't know how that came to be and this shoulder pad was in a coat coat that was in that closet and she took it out and she wrote on that shoulder pad the things that were going on in her mind. Now why would she. They call the police. I'm being held captive. My father is beating me when you see when she was a little girl. Her father did beat her very frequently. It must have been too horrific existence. Then he would lock her in the closet and she would have to stay in that calls it until so he decided she could come out and from what I understood. That could even be a day or so. He would just labor locked in the closet so when she awoke that particular humor night in the middle of the night She was so far back in time. That that's what she thought was going on. And she made her way to the basement uh-huh and locked herself in the cost. Now that is just an incredibly sad story and it sounds like something. I'm making up but I promise you this really. They happened and this was given to me as a result the the shoulder pad but to think that white she was going through at that point in her life was so horrific I tell you you don't know what people are dealing with every day You look at people in you seem you think that just got the world handled it. Life is good. They look great. I look at them and they. They don't need to lose weight happy for them in their beautiful too and I pretty much hate people like like that. But you don't know what they're dealing with in this lady on top of dealing with Alzheimer's and being confused was back in a time in her her life. That was a horrific time of her life. Now you remember with Alzheimer's we lose our memories in the reverse order in which we gained them him so we are sitting here in your ear. Two Thousand Twenty. So those memories are GonNa be Lost in that reverse order. So we'RE GONNA lose two two thousand ten and then we're going to lose two thousand five and then we're glues nineteen ninety the nineteen seventy to nineteen sixty go backwards. So I don't know what year was that her or Dad Was horrifically awful to her. But that's how far back life in history that she had traveled. That's where she was living in her brain and it was an awful time of her life as if Alzheimer's wasn't bad enough but to land at a point in your life where you were being abused in mistreated so so awful. I mean award it just it toward a heart out for her. I can taste yeah. She was not easy to get along with. When I would visit her memory care I would drink owning? I'm just being honest with you. Because she was angry. She was very uncooperative. I don't care what food you gave her. She didn't like it. I don't care what Song you're saying. She didn't like it. Nothing made her happy and when her husband has been visited it did not make her happy because she did not any longer know who she not was. She was that far back in time she was way past the time from which which they had met she was a young girl but then when I realized learned her story my heart got a little more sympathetic towards her so I kept trying trying to reach her and to be to be accepting of where she was but I can tell you what she didn't want. She did not want to be touched. An I'm touchy feely girl. You know I wanNA hold your hand and rub your shoulder stroke your face. Do you think she wanted someone coming towards her to touch her. No because to her. You're coming towards her to her her. That's where she was in her life. Being aware of that in your loved one. Hopefully you know their story on. If you don't you need to find it out from someone who can share with you or if you're caregiving in a professional setting knowing the store that person your caregiving. Four what did they deal with in their early life as a child. Maybe they had abusive husband Whatever I had a client that went through AUSHWITZ yeah life was different from her that anything I could imagine but knowing bad it changed how I responded to her and her interaction action with me was changed because of it. Knowing about your person your it's important changes your caregiving journey. You know this is true for whoever whoever you're dealing with when you go into the grocery store and you're cashiers just a little bit of a mode you know sling in your eggs down the conveyor belt and you're thinking truck up you're gonNA break my eggs it well maybe instead of saying back the truck up you're gonNA break my eggs. We might need to respond in a kinder way with. Let me move those eggs for you. Are you having a good day to he died. How's your day been? It might just cut the anxiety in that tension right in half and they might take breath and relax a little bit. I tell you something I've been doing when I go to wall or I don't like go into Walmart. I'm sorry sorry Walmart. I just don't like him but I have to go. Sometimes I call my cashier by nine. They've got this big name tags on that name tag is not there just to you know. Keep their Bra in place while they cook into their shirt. No so you'll know there nine nine call her name in if you go. Hi Anna how are you. Hi Suzy Hi John. You would be surprised at how they they stopped all of a sudden like Gosh they call me by name. I'm a person I'm a real human being not just someone that's ringing up groceries or your purchase columbine it says little things we do in our life life that makes a difference yes it is learning about your people being kind of them and realizing that they are living in a different time and place than you are in maybe trying to understand what that time in place is can change their their world changers to we don't want to happen like this shoulder pad with please call the police on being held captive said story all right. Well I hope you have a good day. Hope that you will share joy. I hope that you will receive joy. Blessings Miles let's it's top dementia would like to thank our sponsors National Association of Veterans and families. You can reach them at eight hundred three five to to nine one nine on the Internet at www dot in VF dot org. They speak veterans. So you don't have to and you tell them Carol Saint you when you call to inquire about benefits fits for the veteran the spouse of the better or both editor bed you can find Ms Beth crosby at editor Beth Dot Com. She is amazing. Looking at what you've written in making sure it represents you will find her at. WWW dot editor Beth dot com and HD imports located on Flint went straight extension in Rock Hill South Carolina. That's your county halo three nine eight five zero nine eight five. They are there for the hunt the repair and maintenance of your Honda Hyundai Toyota Kia. Tell Them Carol CINCI. Thanks for joining us today for peril. Howls let's talk dementia to learn more? We're about dementia. We recommend Carols bestselling book also titled. Let's talk dementia. It's available on Amazon. In paperback and kindle versions be sure to like let's talk dementia mentioned on facebook and leave us a kind word of review on itunes remember knowledge brings power power brings hope hope bring smiles and and we all need more smiles. Thanks for joining us today. And we'll be right here when you come back to. Let's talk dementia.