The Amazing Race of Life with Caroline Hobby (#57)

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

What's up I'm wilfling from thrill us with some amazing podcast news? We just launched our very first podcast thrill his best and the rest every week. You can hear me and my amazingly talented colleagues talk about the best of the best in food drink travel and entertainment from the scariest movie of all time to the best hangover cure. Ever listened to thrill his best and the rest on the iheartradio APP apple. podcasts you know basically everywhere anywhere you can find podcasts. This is Kelly Henderson. And you're listening to the PODCAST. This week my guest is my friend. Caroline Hobby Carolina's both warm and kind. But she is also very real. We we sat down to talk about why she started living her life from the truth and how that's changed everything. She also tells me how she found love after years of being terrible at dating and how their love love has now expanded into a family. We're both currently extremely tired and hormone also. This conversation brought lots of raw emotion and even some tears however it also brought many insights into what we are both truly wanting to bring into this world and how each of our podcast conversations are helping us to do it. Here's caroline okay. So I told you before but I wanNA talk about why you came to Nashville. I came to Nashville to be a country and western singer. That what you wanted to do forever. Well kind of yes. I wanted to be in entertainment. I grew up in Waco Texas and I wanted to. I mean I would have done anything like acting modeling. Seeing too short tomato I did get a model search America when I was late. Model Search yes. Of course. Well you're pretty enough to model. I mean I just wanted to get in entertainment payment industry. Whatever it was yes so when I was in junior high and high school no junior high went to all sorts of America? Didn't Pan Out Dang it today. They say you're too short. I think so I mean yeah I never really made it past like the open casting call. So you're like okay. What's my second option? Second option then. I would sing in church hurts. I was in choirs and I always had like a good solid strong voice not like Carrie underwood or anything but like you know who dies rely. I mean that's like another the level of voice as like we can make this work you this okay I worked on it. took singing lessons tried to take guitar. Lessons Never learned guitar although I took guitar lessons since I was in a junior in high school and I never learned how to play guitar. What was it it just wasn't right? Just didn't yeah I just. I don't know what it was and then I tried learn mandolin. Mandolin learned at terribly like beat around on a mandolin. A little bit But yeah so move nationals. I'm GonNa sing because then I got into show choir and choir sir performing in highschool and are really loved performing and singing and so I'm going to Nashville so that was the plan when you came here. Did you immediately get it. Setup with stealing angels or was it like a top okay. So what happened so I went to College Belmont. So that's high got my parents are like okay. Go to Nashville but like go to college. They should have to go to school into college. Majoring in music business in English and I started interning all over music grow started interning for Victoria. Shaw who's a hit it's Aria. She wrote the river. Garth Brooks and Nobody wants to be lonely for Christina. Aguilera and Ricky Martin and she wrote some other stuff so she got me like involved with the songwriting community started writing songs and then randomly Jennifer Wayne who's now and runway June. Yeah moved to Nashville. She moved into a house that she thought on craigslist. She moved in with him with one of my best friends. Jen like the first day she moved here and she you moved here to d music and I was pursuing music and we both were like kind of nervous to be doing it on her own through like let's form a duo. Yeah formed a duo. We started singing around and then she was. John is John's granddaughter so she was hooked up with like ca big agency. And we KINDA got this reality. Show going where we're GONNA do a reality Addi show based on our heritage go distantly related to Daniel ask you what the connection with Daniel Boone. Yeah we dug it up because then we had they were like this is a great idea but you need it to be a little stronger. Can you find another legacy. Yeah child so. We can't Tayla Lynn Loretta Lynn's granddaughter. Yeah and so then. And we had Loretta Lynch granddaughter. John Wayne's granddaughter the descendant of Daniel Boone send it. Everyone's related to thanks. Oh isn't he basically was a strat. Did the show happen. We almost almost made it. We got to the final stages and on. TLC Yeah and then it just never panned out. But then after the show didn't pan out where like you know what we're going to stay true. Oh because we were so much stronger together and then we trio and the show went away. Obviously but we stayed stealing angels. And that's how we you created our little music group. So were you on the road like Y'all had a record deal right power early. Who produced the dixie chicks the record before us and we ended up partnering Sony and we were on the road nonstop like on a radio tour constantly? And we just or touring and a tour bus we went to Iraq we did a USO tour It was awesome. We'll deal deal so we had three singles on the radio to was like forty eight which is not great but we cracked cracked the top fifty. Yeah and then it just started falling apart like what happened. Tayla third single wasn't doing well. Are we had a private investor star because we are half independent half was Sony Sony distribution but like our main label was independently backed by this guy. Yeah and so. We're on our third food single wasn't doing well Kinda. He was Kinda getting tired of pumping in money. You know you kind of get to that point where it's like okay. Is this GonNa work or not right like you had to figure uh-huh and then so the Tayla ended up getting pregnant and her fiance lived in Seattle so she like moved to Seattle Kinda dislike like it just all started crumble all the time off the same time so then the vessel kind of pulled out Taylor left First Seattle and then literally from one day the next day it was just over it was crazy Roese. We had devoted seven years of our life to this band and then it was just done and Jen and I really like what are we gonNA do. This was our whole plan. We were both in our late twenties at that point and we had put all of our eggs in this basket. We're like we're going. I entered into like a panic depression. Yeah it was like my life is over. Isn't that so oh interesting. I mean I feel like I've talked to a lot of people in Nashville. And what obviously we know of all successful people is the successful part. But I've heard every single person story and there's a a story like this slagging you literally just think you're done so like what did y'all do I moved to Austin okay. I literally late closer to home. I like had a breakdown as cannot be in Nashville anymore. Ended up breaking up my boyfriend four years. Who's now my husband? Michael you used. We'll get to that later. Okay Oh my gosh. We broke up. I just like I had to get out. I just the the walls were closing in on me. The Nashville is like cannot be here anymore. You're I can't breathe. I don't know what to do. I've got to reset my life because truly I had thought for my whole twenties that this is what I was an ideal at gotten hooked up with a moved here and is nineteen to be a singer got hooked up with Palin was like twenty three twenty four and now here I am like twenty eight twenty nine and it's all crumbling thing. Why did you feel like you couldn't rebuild here in Nashville? I just didn't know where to start and I thought like okay. My shot is done like this was my one shot with music and I just didn't know how to even pick up again because we weren't going to be a trio anymore. I didn't WANNA so act. I didn't WanNa Songwriter Disa- songwriter so everything that I was putting putting it was just this band and now the ban was done. I we didn't I tried to get like another member and we auditioned people and it just didn't work and then like we didn't know who is seeing lead anymore because we didn't know if Jin either Jenner our strong enough to be the lead singer but then I didn't want to have a new lead singer. 'cause I just like I so wanted to sing lead but I thought maybe that was the reason we weren't working because my voice wasn't strong enough so it just was. I just didn't know even how to exist anymore. So so I was like okay literally I one day found myself on my knees hyperventilating. Like what the Hell am I gonNa do with my life and and I heard this voice in my head. It was God. I don't know what it was but it just told me Austin like screaming and my head awesome and I picked up on a move to Austin the next day you know the next day basically like the next week. Why would you do in Austin? My sister lives there okay. My niece lives there so I taught school music school music classes and it was really sweet and I stayed there for a year and just kind of like reset. Yeah but it was kind of intense like I. I feel like I would ever have to go that extreme again if my life apart. That's like a twentysomething move though. Yeah Heart Yeah now. It's falling apart so many times that I'm like okay. Well we'll rebuild over tomorrow or whatever but you know that first time when you best yeah so much of your life something rashes and you're like how do I live. I yeah well also I think when you're younger you expect things to work out and like I just remember thinking like this is just GonNa work out because this is what I want to work out. And then I realized like life doesn't work work that way so totally makes sense to me that you had panic so how did because you lived an awesome for year which I didn't actually know that but did you come back back. Yes and that is that when amazing race happened so I was living in Austin and I hit another wall I was like this isn't where I'm supposed to be. I could just feel it. Cost him but it just wasn't wasn't there wasn't the entertainment industry that I was looking for their. Although there's a great music scene it's like live. Music Scene Yeah. It's just totally great vibe. I but it just wasn't I knew it wasn't supposed to stay. Yeah and so. Jim and I randomly got a call from our agent. And then I guess I'd been in Austin like six months. Maybe and he is like amazing race is looking for to country singers. y'All WanNa do it and we're like. Yeah Ah we both have no idea what we're doing with our lives like police. We go around the world on a reality show so we kind of just got to like hop right through and made a video and we got on the show. Do they pay you to be on amazing race. No you just get paid based on what place you get So we got. We did it two two times. We see the first time we got fourth place. Okay and you get how Michigan for Fourth Place and you get twenty thousand for second in place you go from a million dollars to twenty thousand and we got second place. When we went to all stars we lost by four seconds so a million dollars to twenty five thousands of life changing money so okay how do you take off like? I can't imagine taking off that much. Tom Like how did you win. Do they pay for you to do the show. Okay no I mean like to do to live So what had happened was I had moved back to Nashville. Yeah 'cause Jin Jin having to move back to Nashville. I was up here visiting gin so like did you have rent and we will yes and we were. I was actually working as a song. PLUGGER had move back to the. I got offered a job after I live in Austin I got offered a job as a song plugger. Some move back to Nashville and they let me like take a leave of of absence for said. It's not as long as I was thinking about thinking it was longer and then had publishing deal okay. So she could could. Yeah so she just didn't write for a month so we kinda flexible situations. You have to have flexible situation. Doesn't it say I don't know how anyone does are like always wondered about people in the Bachelor. 'cause you don't get paid to do that kind of stuff either to so I round y'all guy or if play fourth-placed miss four seconds no that was all stars and then second second time we did it. We got second place in LAS by four seconds. Oh my God the torture and it was so fun and it was such an amazing opportunity to travel the world. We went to twenty countries. What was your favorite part of the whole thing? You know seeing seeing the world and realizing that like we're all the same everyone is kind of going for the same thing in life you're going for or just like a purpose in its family and friends and you know it's not that much different like people live differently but everyone really wants the same things and I also realize that people are really good and kind and generous and there's a lot of great people out there that will help you and it's just we're not so different you know in that I feel like also like we get so lost in The business alive that it just puts it in perspective that like you can be happy doing a million different things and there's so many different ways to go through your life and you don't have to do it a certain way. Yeah what what would you say like. If you think you can be happy doing a million different things what would you say you saw. Was it about like the people they were with. That made him the happiest the jobs they they had like. What kind of things I think? That's a great question. Thanks really good interview I think it is. I think it's I do thing it's like a state of mind and that it is involves. I think it involves community. I think you have to have a community of some sort short or or something some support system of yeah and then have your purposes even have to be your job. I just think it's just I finding joy in your in your life and I think that involves community really and then if you do have a purpose that you like a job that you love. I think that's icing on the cake. But really really the big thing to me. I think it's just having a community. Yeah support you. I think that's so true because I think about my life even the my job has become sort of my community are like like my people you know and I'm friends with all the people I work with and it makes the biggest difference especially if you're traveling with people or you know what I mean. I think you have to let people in you know I. I think that that's another thing like I've learned to live like it's okay for life to be big and messy and it doesn't you don't always have to get along with everyone and like you're not always gonna see eye to eye. Can you can show people you're vulnerable parts and you can cry to your friends and your family and that is really how you have a community is by letting people build you up and build people up because we need each other to lean on this life is too hard to do it alone. Oh my God they mentioned that. Yeah you need your people. Aw do well speaking of your people. You've so you've been back in Nashville. You've done amazing rates. You've done all of these things and you said I did not know that you guys dated before you left Nashville. But now you're married to Michael Hobby. He's the lead singer of a thousand horses right now. I need to hear the whole story. So he We met when I he was twenty. One Nas twenty four owner okay. Okay okay okay. Juniors Pumas there's like five or less like I okay glad you set us straight. Thank you Yeah so we were. I had known him because he was in music. He moved charity. Music News Eighteen. Yeah he always knew he wanted to do. Music and Met Him because we were working with the same producer for a minute and I saw him in the studio and like the first time I met them he and his bandmates were sliding down the hall and their tube socks like a little risky business. Nisa my wild like unloving rock and rollers and that's literally the first into the museum just like sliding up and down the hallway and their tips abso- so we're you like that's the man of my dreams are Kinda why I kinda like. They were fun. Thought they were so young. When when you're in your twenties like a twenty year old when you're twenty three or twenty four is disgusting? It makes the biggest difference that age difference. Yeah sounds like who I would never even consider that young grows so no I didn't even think of it romantically and then although I was boy crazy were what do you mean goodness. I just loved boys I wanted to make out all the time I was looking for. I mean I was like keble crazy. Make out band yes So are you dating a lot. I don't know it was dating. I mean I didn't know how to date eight. I was a terrible data because I was so nervous to let people in that way. I was like super scared to like show people who I really was like. Oh my God didn't see the real me and they're not going to like me because of my twenties you know you're just so insecure not willing to share who you are and I I hadn't I hadn't done my therapy. It hadn't gotten to the core of my issues. Yeah yeah is hat all my issues my insecurities and all that I was like. Oh no I'm just going to be mean to people and see if they will fight through it so it's kind of like hard asked to guy's not cute. It's it's just dumb but there's some guys like that I mean well okay so then what happened not really. It didn't really work out for me. I think a lot of guys probably they thought I was crazy. Yeah but then with Michael. What happened with him was I never really romantically thought of him because he was younger? And then a one night we. I was out at tin roof. Because he's going to tin roof. All the time Nashville. Yeah and it was like the hot spot hot spot. Yeah I mean it's still it's still hi everyone so young. I feel like the oldest person alive when you are are yeah. They're all like twenty one. Yeah I'm like I'm their same major. No I'm like fifteen years older than all of you. At least it's actually sad when you go in like you feel like that pathetic person. Yes I haven't actually been in in maybe over a year. Yeah I know so there is this guy there. He was trying to flirt with me. And he was like weirding me out and I saw Michael Michael. He was there with a bunch of his friends and I was like. Oh my God I know you so I was like wanting him to like help you out me out. And then we ended up talkie and he was so fun and charismatic. This matic and I'd had enough drinks by the end of the night and I was like getting ready to leave and he didn't come with me and I was like I went back and I'm like are you not gonNA walk me up out to like my a cab. And he ended up did he walked out there and I was like well I mean. Do you just WanNa come home with me. We didn't I was I was a good girl like I was approved. A DOC I wanted to shake up in the night. He can't go snuggled spend the night and the next day I woke up and I was like. Oh my God this is not someone. I was thinking that I wanted right to be with but his he just made me feel like I'd always wanted to feel. His conversation was so funny and charming and he was so easy going and had such a great attitude that we just started dating that day and we dated for four years never broke up and then you literally just move to Austin. Yeah because I was in an insane person loves me like I poor guy I think we really we. We went through it on our front end and so now like our second half like we had a two year break up and then then we eloped in the Bahamas after four. Four months of back together and our marriage has been great. Just easy because we've already dealt with all the crap like went through all the things in our twenties together and and now it's like okay. We know he knows my crazy. Non really not even crazy anymore. It's like I worked it all out what you said you went to therapy what was like the big takeaway for you you. We'll especially with dating. We went to a therapist together. Okay if anyone wants a great therapist in Nashville Susie and she's at the estuary. Okay great she a good couple therapists. Yes she was dying for US zone. Cheese have you done individual therapy. Isn't it such a different. Because I did years of individual well and I was like I got this therapy thing down went to couples and it was like Oh shit is so different and you learn so much about yourself in such a different way. It's so true. Oh yeah so. What did you teach you? She divided our personalities into three chairs. Okay have your wounded child. Yeah you're middle manipulator bellator and then your truth chair and so you're middle chair. MANIPULATOR is trying to protect your wounded child. Okay so whatever ever and it doesn't even mean that like something terrible happened in your childhood just whatever your personality has tucked away as painful moments in your life that you are insecure about trying to hide trigger. Something whatever you've gone through that hurt you as a child that you do not want to crack open and you don't even realize you don't crack it open but you don't want anyone to know and it's like pain. Yeah so that's your wounded child and then you're middle chair. manipulator is doing every single thing it can to never let those wounds opened and then you have your truth chair sitting over here. That's the truth truth. That sees it for what it is. It doesn't take any of it personal. So what we had to do was we had to explain how we were feeling about each other and the problems that we were having having an how we were viewing our life relationship and we would have to shoot. Make US sit in the chairs that we're talking so we'd have to if if I was like talking about something that I don't even I can't remember what our issues are back. Then but like she'd be like okay. You're speaking from your wounded child so I'd have to go sit in my wounded child out and have to like analyze what that pain is. And why I'm acting out that way and then I'd have to go sit in my truth chair and say what really he needs to happen. So it'd be like your wounded child is where it originated so it might. It might not have even really been about. Michael wasn't probably most times. Yeah God isn't that's so interesting. I interviewed someone the other day. And they said We recreate all the old wounds or whatever in relationships like we subconsciously seek seek out relationships that will recreate those wounds. Which I think is setting is comfortable? I guess yeah you're used to it and I think subconsciously we're trying to heal the old wounds. Said you're hoping someone will come around and do do it differently but really it's the same pattern totally so unless you start doing your work like you guys did. You'll probably just repeat old patterns over and over and over so you'll therapy to love therapy. I think everyone needs to go to my God. It's for me. I'm like when I hear people being like I don't need to therapy. I'm not messed up or whatever I'm like nobody you don't have to be and we're all like affected by whatever it was like. You said it doesn't have to be some traumatic terrible thing your experiences shaped you. Yes so just go talk it out. Talk it out. I know so. It helps y'all to do. I love that three chair thing. How would you get to to your truth dare chair? Did you have to just feel so safe because when you actually sit in your in your wounded child or your Middle Tier manipulator and you're realizing what you're middle chair is doing to protect your child your wounded child when you actually have to sit in those chairs in like say eight. Oh you realize that it's not the truth. Yeah because it's it's just It's not as she. It's not a calm. She said anything urgent is not real. Either that's good like if it feels urgent. It's not real because the truth is always. The truth is always the truth. There's no urgency with the truth. So it's it's like you feel like I don't know if you just if there's crazy energy around what you're saying then it's not the truth because the truth calm the truth is just what it is and so what was your question. She just had a baby which culminated rain baby brain so yeah the League League really. Well I'm Kelly of my house. I have on sock over stretch pants. I have shirt that I slept this outfit last night. Actually the last night slept in and built manifest that shit which is also David Hasselhoff on my. I'm just like like really killing the game. I can't even remember what I don't either. I'm sure it was great people. We'll just this uh-huh therapy go to though. How do you get your truth chair? But you just said because basically. You're realizing that it wasn't even about that person or that it's done and once you're sitting the other two chairs and you realize that you're acting spasm. Yeah and then you have to go sit in the truth and she makes you tell you. What the truth is you have? Even if you don't know the truth is and you reluctantly. Don't I wanNA give into it. You finally figure out what the truth is to help you get there but you know it. Because it's the truth isn't urgent. The truth isn't angry. The truth breath isn't really like sp as the jazz and afraid right truth is just calm and knowing you know and so how to get to that place other chairs aren't there so if you're feeling anything but that then you're not you're truth the truth. That's a good one. You want some therapy talk. I'm here yet. Yeah also that obviously says a lot about how you Michael Place you are now. But let's talk about Sonny's we just talked about the baby. So how'd what does she knows me weeks two weeks so yet to to nine weeks tomorrow how has it been is an amazing. Yeah Ah I wanted a baby so badly. Yeah so it has been. I had her when I was thirty. Six years old and so I feel like I had tons of other friends to look up to. Yeah I've never been one. He's wanted to do anything I I'm not trying to pave the way. Yeah I want to see people pave the away I want to study learn analyze. Talk to them. I think that's why podcast an interview people because I wanNa know people stories so I figure things take the little pieces as you like and use them yet because I'm just like the world is so big and overwhelming to me. I need guidance. Yeah so parenthood always freaked me out. Although although I always knew I wanted to be a mom I just. I wasn't ready for a long time. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks and gosh and we had. It was a long journey for us. We tried tried for a year and had a miscarriage and chemical pregnancy. And like I never knew emotional. The journey was because you literally try not to get pregnant right and editors and then all of a sudden you're like wanted any like so hard. Yeah a lot of the time some people would get pregnant. I try it is easy but that just wasn't how it was for us and so it was really emotional really like Really hard year but it gave me such gratitude and appreciation nation for four th the gift of sunny and to carry her and have her and be able to get pregnant. Because I don't know if I would have appreciated it like I did because I would've just I thought it was easy and it's just not an such miracle. Did you have to do shots or anything. No we were about to have to prove we are gynecologists. Is like okay. You're thirty five at the time right trying for a year I had done around climate. which is fertility drugs? That like helps you ovulate more and we had gotten pregnant and then miscarried and then she was like your body really needs a break now. Because it's been through so much in like just so many things and so we just kind of like took it off the table. WPRO our like okay. You can't even get pregnant like we got a got to take at least three months off and I stopped checking ovulation because I was like on On a clock like checking my ovulation like trying to make it happen and I do think that stress does not help. No I know and everyone's like don't stress but it's like how would you not not. You don't want us then all of a sudden when it hasn't happened it hasn't happened then because in the beginning it wasn't stressful great and then all of a sudden like six months it happened. We'd had chemical pregnancy. It was bad. It's where you get pregnant early and it doesn't stick like five weeks he'd never like It never implants but you'll get a positive pregnancy test so it's like it has the sperm and egg have connected but they just don't in their as your uterus. Yeah so how did you figure out that went away. Because I took a pregnancy test and got a positive and then I started my period like a week later. A No it's so sad. It's really the mind part of that. I mean like the emotional thinking about it. I want it so badly but I mean there's just a bigger picture to it all you know and that's the one thing that I have learned already with. Parenting has like is such A. There's you gotTa have faith with with having a child with the whole process because it's just so much bigger than a human and we can't control any of it you know all you can do is just try to be the best parent you can be the best mom you can be but like Sonny's her own person she's on her own path and I'm just here to help guide her. She's not not mine. My possession or anything for me to like hoard. I just have to help. Guide her. You know and she's learning that so quickly. I think with in the process of getting pregnant and may release control early. So I'm grateful for that and I think just when I did get pregnant. I had a lot of anxiety during my pregnancy because I was so afraid of miscarrying the whole time and I wish that I wouldn't have had anxiety but it's just so hard your mind is so is so crazy with the mind will do you know especially like once you've lived through something it's like you keep replaying that fear and so she came it was we had She came into this world. It was literally the the most amazing day of my life and Michael Sube like just meeting her like knowing that like she is the one that came here and like I kind of believe that she chose us her parents and that she wants to have this earth experience in that I get her mom and Michael Gets to be her dad and so it has just given me such a joy to be her parent and her mom and to get to walk this walk with her. So even though it's exhausting and I'm tired and I look like a Hobo half at the time I mean literally terrible every day but I'm so grateful that I get to have this privilege because I know it's privilege and she's just the sweetest little thing she's so cute smiles now. Oh that's the Sassy me when I start reacting acting that way as a precious thing. What's the difference between people who prioritize self care and those who don't is it finally only fitting into their skinny jeans? Is it Vanity Superior Willpower a fat bank account at my body. They know it's none of those things. My Body understands it. True Wellness. Honest comes from a focus. On the journey itself the fifty minutes punching bag instead of scrolling instagram. The Yoga class share with a friend the ninety minutes of peace for the new mom and her hairdressers chair. The well earned massage after a crazy month. At work my buddy knows that health and wellness are no longer about checking a box. 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Choose from one hundred percent grass-fed and finished beef. Free range organic chicken heritage pork wild caught Alaskan salmon and sugar and Nitrate Free Bacon. No antibiotics no added hormones. Just meet the way meet should be and right now you can get two pounds of ground beef and two packs of Bacon absolutely free plus twenty dollars off your first box when you visit which are box dot com slash iheart or or use the Promo Code Iheart at checkout. That's butcher box dot com slash iheart or use the Promo Code Iheart at checkout. I was going ask you how motherhood has changed you. I think you just answered. Because is that transfer into the rest of your life to sort of like a surrender. It sounds like yeah it is and Dan I did. I started this little mom chat thing because now I am a mom. I have so many questions about everything and I don't know how to do any any. Ah Babysit I think Ron kids. Like I'm not like this like baby guru person so it's an awesome to have the INSTAGRAM podcasts community. Because so many people have so much knowledge about everything so you ask questions and you get lots of great answers. Yeah so I've been doing a little mom chat and one of the last first podcasts. I did was on her. Burning Story and I said someone told me that when you have a child your heart literally is like on the outside of your body like it just. I'm still like hormonal hormones right now too because I'm reading my exit. We're like crying together. Yeah they're saying. Do you think that's genius. Yeah good decision thank you. Oh God yeah about your hormone shots not yet. I'm not to the shots pills. But I've literally been crying at the job of a Hash crime podcast. I'll let it out through a moment. Those folks really is. I know I've literally just been letting myself self do it because you don't really have a choice. It's like what's happening to you. What are you GONNA do? You can't keep an eye you gotta let it out so much better. It's like a release. Yes oh I'm so happy for you that you're using. Your big decision is a big decision. It's been a long time coming excited. I turn turn this on me. She's a podcast. Hosted is obviously they. I just I've been thinking about it for about a year and I just got to the point where I was like what you're saying. I got to the place where I was like. No I really do you want kids like The the idea of the choice not being there anymore is it really made me have to to look in the mirror and be like do you want kids or not I do. And so Yeah I had to just decide. This was the best route for me at this point. And it's been sorta scary but also kind of like powerful feeling and relieving at the same time so I think that is so awesome that you are just in. It's going to give you such a peace of mind so too and it's not gonNa make you like to rush into a relationship right skits pregnant. It kind of feels like they're a good match but like they're not really really who you want to be Your Baby Daddy. Right you know totally gets it. Took that pressure off. Because I I was like I gotta find a relationship and that just have a baby. Yeah and how do you like that. Like gossipy gossipy. Like let's also you're probably GONNA not end up with the right personnel. I don't WanNA settle and it has to be the right situation for me and that's always been the case so your the new things to just let it come when it's supposed to come. Yeah just that's kind of been deal for me and so That's what I'm doing. I'm proud of you. Thank you thank you. It's a big undertaking. Because you got it hasn't been so what is the process so I started on these pills. I and now this is disgusting but I just I'm gonNA tell everybody but I have to do suppositories twice a day like vaginal suppositories which is disgusting. But Do do that in a restaurant. Yeah that's what I'm I'm Yeah it makes me. That's the thing that's made me really weepy. I think I literally if someone in this is of course like my busy with higher to Oh. I didn't even think about that. I've been really tired but I thought it was. Just because I've been working so much I mean think about it on it but okay so we be maybe a little irritable and then yeah start shots December six spends two weeks shots. Two weeks shots. I feel like I'm crazy person in the belly I think so. Yeah and then you go in and they were saying eggs whatever they can get ya ask go under to stay so positive. Yeah I'm trying to so great and it's going to be so worth it and I always think when you feel we'll call to do something right thing the right thing. It's like the truth. It's got peaceful like. I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And now they're kinda sucks. I'm SORTA alike but it feels like even the bills right. Yeah and you're just like this is a season and you just do it and that helps me to hear about sunny and like you appreciating it because I understand that they will appreciate your because you've had to go through a lot and it's thoughtful like you really had to think about what you wanted and how you know like how Far You were willing to go to get it that that makes it even greater probably I think so. I think honestly anything that can give you. Appreciation life and I've realized a lot of times appreciation comes from the hard pain on the front end. You know and it sucks while you're going going through it in like I'm hormonal. You're on herself. which may like it sucks like having to go through it and yeah it it hurts your heart in some knows it breaks your heart? I know we're literally break your heart but to get your heart broke open because you want something and you have so so much love and your heart. Yeah or something that you don't even know exist yet like a child and a partner all that it's like you're willing to go through all this because you have have this big spot in your heart for it and you know that you want it so much that it just like when you do get it however it comes because I believe that God will not put that desire on our heart if it's not gonNA come so even ends up where you adopt kids or or write or children or whatever your family comes to you. I believe that not wanting a having the strong desire going through the fire for it you do like your love is so big and you have such an appreciation that you wouldn't have had otherwise I think I do too. I think that was for me like why ended up just saying okay. I just got to try this egg thing even if I don't get a ton or even if it's not EXAC- The outcome that I want I knew that I had to try every avenue to have that piece of like that you did. I tried so maybe there is another route for for me. Maybe it is adoption. Maybe I'll be a step mom. You know like whatever it is but I do know that for me. It was like to cross off all the things on the list and I know that I did on my part. And then we'll see what the universe has in store or you're not zone you half asses life. So you're don't you're like you're not going to take a shortcut and you got right right in your life where you're like okay. I've hit this time period in this lion. where I either? I'm GonNa do this freezing out thing or I'm gonNA miss this chance. It's totally you can't do it forever so you did it and I love that about you. Kelly is like I'm going for it. Yeah and whatever happens happens yeah. That's so exciting. I love how you turn this into a podcast interview for me speaking of that. Let's talk about the real podcasts. Because this is what you do on your podcast everything everything is based on you just want the real conversations with people right so tell us a little bit about get real. I think it started because I I like I struggle with self worth a lot and I think a lot of people probably do breast struggle with self worth a lot in my twenties and I was looking for validation validation and just I think that I always thought other people had life figured out maybe more than I did and that people they were like special people that were just they just had this like this like very magic wand that had been placed on their lives and every perfect. Yeah and I think that's why I wanted to get an entertainment industry because I'm like. Oh that's where all the special people are perfect. You know and so not true now. It's completely eft up. Those were all like just looking for something. There's amazing people people here. Actually I think everyone in the entertainment is beautiful souls but I started interviewing people and I. I got to know people's stories and when you interview people you get to ask all the questions that you member one to knowing you're not a total creep for doing right. You're you're awarded for your curiosity all of a sudden. I've had all these questions my whole. There's a fly that it's just circulating us. I mean it is wanting to hang out so hard. It's probably trying to comfort us. Give you a hug full of maggots. So I started interviewing all these people that I thought were so just perfect and they started sharing their life and their journey. And just what you said. You've realized that everyone that you've interviewed. We just had like a breaking point or like a totally moment where everything's falling part and I just started realizing that Gosh like everyone is like this everyone. Everyone has major highs major lows. Everyone has insecurities they've had to overcome. Everyone has like major failures and like I started realizing I didn't have to be afraid. Afraid of not being perfect you know and it was freeing and it just allowed me to actually start being way more real and share myself even more more than ever because I had opportunity doing all these interviews to really get personal gets no people on a deep level and see that everyone is going through struggles. Wasn't everyone has things. They've had to overcome and low and has it figured out. No one. Has it figured out. So it's given me just like total release to be completely honest list with everything and I'm pretty much finally sharing almost a pretty much anything because I'm like everyone is going through this. Everyone is is going through personal things like. I'm not going to try to be perfect because no one is. And that's not what helped me is hearing a perfect person facade. I want to hear the truth truth because I want to. I want to know that we're all in this together. And then on one. He's a total nut job. It's the connecting piece. You talked about earlier when you traveled. It's just like hearing people's stories that's for me when I'm like. Oh my God even what you just said. I struggle with the same thing I sit here. I look at you and your beautiful girl. How did you ever struggle with self worth those huge? I mean I still struggle to name and people think you if you are like working a lot or posting pretty pictures on instagram that you don't have those struggles our goal. Is this just not true but it helps me to hear that. I'm not the only one you know. Yeah what have you learned from interviewing people Just how much I like to connect with people. I didn't really know that about myself. I think I've done it my whole life just even being in the hair and makeup and styling world. That's what I do with my clients and I think that's why I've been with all my clients for as many years as I have But I didn't realize that's what I was just loving about that job because I'd get to be so one on one with them and then for me. It started on very cavalieri because when I started talking about being cheated on or even harder than our national is this I mean cause also it's like I guess it was still sort of embarrassing to me like I didn't really realize that but I had cancelled a wedding and done these the things that I didn't really advertise people. You know it's sort of maybe we're going to get married three months for my wedding cancelled a wedding. 'cause you default like it was the wrong because he cheated and I was like. I can't start a marriage that way. I don't know if we'll be together or not but I watched season one of this season. Two actually really love that show. There's this season theory. Yeah are still. It's still happening. Yeah there's there's still it's still filming coming but So yeah like you put that on the show on season two we talk. We had to talk about it because people were like. Why are you single? Like why and I for me. The dating journey has just been really hard after that. Like I've taken a had to take a Lotta time off dating i. That's when I started my real there. Oh yeah major trust issues and just like really look getting into why. I was getting in the relationships I was getting into holly like really hits. That Self Worth Button Leo. I did this happen to yet wrong with the you know. There's nothing wrong with you. It had nothing to do with me. That's what I know now that that took me a lot of years to get to and so there is that and then just talking about the exit and what that did for me though is being honest like you said it made me realize when people would message me or you know reach Out When I run into people in the street and they say thank you so much for talking about that. I'm going through the same thing or it's so nice to see a girl who I view as successful and whatever whatever yeah to hear that you're you know you have the same struggles as me like that. was I just loved that. And so that's what Kinda put into. My podcast is just like you said the curiosity step it also just connecting and isn't that like such a wonderful turning point to get to because I feel like for a long time. I wanted to have a perfect damage. I wanted people to think I was put together. I wanted everyone to think that I was like all awesome because I was hurting inside and I didn't want anyone to see that hurts. I'M GONNA keep this all like look and so good. I'm so busy like everything's awesome and then like exactly what you said doing this. PODCAST getting to to be vulnerable. Having people be vulnerable with me and realizing that that is really where the impact is is being wool in seeing the response of people on social media. Yeah it's like turn my social media into wonderful thing whereas more social media was it can be a compare trap you can fall through. Oh God yeah compare yourself now. I still have to take breaks sometimes. Yeah 'cause I do that I'll start and you just forget. This is people's best but you can't not life highlight reel but I feel like like being able to share real stuff has really helped me you social media and a different way. Yeah because I'll get tons of messages from women women who are saying the same thing like thank you so much for talking about that podcast. Thank you so much for sharing about that. Because I'm struggling with the same thing and I'm like this is where it's at. This is how we use this for good and now do you feel this way but I feel like I have. I don't want people to think I have a perfect lied shake. That's just not real. That's not who I. I still struggle with it. But it's not who I want to portray myself to be because unlike that's not a real person me exactly so let's just talk about the real shit Eh. I feel yeah. Amen reach all day long. Well so you can hear a lot of real shit on Caroline's podcast and get real and you mostly interview. Have you think you feel like you're branching out now but it started with the wives of country musicians because that's something you can totally relate to. What do you find like what's the common denominator amongst all of the wives? I feel well. I do think this is another reason. Why social media is great is because before social media the wives of stars were just more photographed with them and yeah I get to know who they were? Yeah they didn't have a CH- An opportunity to let their personality their interests their desires their passions. Be Known as much I mean still they could but it wasn't just as seen you know it'd be more dislike their famous has been their wife of XYZ. Yeah but now with instagram. I feel like all these women and anyone. In general general can have their own platform and use it for their own messages and whatever they WANNA put out there and I just feel like every single one of these wives a has beautiful hearts and they really want to use their lives to create to better the world to just spread Ed love. They're all wonderful women whether it's rescuing animals whether it's like starting clothing company whether it's volunteering and helping I children like it's the are doing something great with their lives and I feel like it's been so interesting to hear that story and also they've all had struggles like every one of them has struggles and they've had to deal with so much in their own lives and I I feel like it's just. Their perspective is so fascinating. It's so interesting because truly the woman standing by a man whoever the man is married to that woman is such a powerful person lately that it is the most important person in that man's life and so that's who he's going to sleep with every night that's who he's trying his deepest fears to that so he's bouncing ideas off of that woman is amazing amazing and jeeze influencing him so much and it's like who is she. What is her background? And so just getting to know all these wives. It's been amazing. I think people are interested. A totally thing. People are interested and I think it's cool because just like you said you always just looked at like. Oh the wife of so-and-so but leg what you said about their such strong women I mean I don't think maybe it's because we see this but I'm not sure that everyone understands what it takes to be the wife of someone either so famous or so successful people and busy. Yes that is a hard job yes to keep everything running amongst a career like that you know I have. All sectoral across wasn't really cool thing happening in country music in particular right now. I can't see for other genres but something about what's happening now is being married and having a family family is super cool. Yeah that's definitely happening. Yeah you know it's like something and Osama young yeah I work with all the Leeann Co guys. They're all married and proud to be married. Yeah totally it's not like back in the day like you didn't want to act like you're married because you guys like rockstar pursuing be single for the chicks right and it's just not that vibe five maybe it's like the the environment of the world like the how women empowerment movements and happening so much lately and like I don't know oh I don't know what it is but I just feel like being married and like respecting your partners. Such a cool thing doesn't make a man so much sexier so much I think it's just so much sexier Oh 'cause you're like you're talented. You're hot and you actually love your wife. Yoenis like stand by her. Yeah and like show off all the way the playboys playboy's Massa Q.. Not Cue that nobody I mean so you. So you're a playboy and some girl you have like a hookup. You get them for one night. The next night just left empty bill in anything and then that guy. He's not going to commit to you know he's going to be with you. Don't want to be. That's that's not that's not the goal I love that. Well you can hear these stories and more on the gate rail podcast. Where else can people find you? Instagram Graham Carol Hobby C. A. R. O. H. O. B. B. Y.. Body and then also you have a website right right I do. I need to do things with it. Always feel that way. I'm always like I'm updating my website. I'm GONNA constant state of updating like try to keep it up but now I'm like how did I get. I need any assistant. Yeah you gotta get an assist wants to win. This is my goal okay. Anyone listening wants to be an intern. Oh okay here. Amazing where do you find one. I got one but yeah oh can you teach me. Let's do this. Who knows how to do videos and can choose some youtube stuff? Because I would like to just do a little bit of Youtube. All the young kids can do these things these days by the way they. It's like I feel like another. That's another place Adama must I know it's like nothing to them. Dial Up Internet over there like over there just yes. Yeah so you need someone who do videos. I wanted the little youtube videos and then I would blog. I can put blogs. I just don't do it like if I could have an intern. Who could is laying all read the blog post it and then help me get little? Youtube videos edited and then really. That's it helped me link my podcast to my website so email you at care. Caroline Havi DOT COM. Okay L. L. Did your H. O. B. View I g mail dot com G.. Mill hobby gmail.com. If you want to be my intern and we this. I'm talking like one day a week. I got a baby so we got a two hour window. Yeah I'm not talking like much and I'll help you however you want. I don't know what you're supposed to do you. What's the trade you just like sign for for me? It was fill out this paperwork and sign off that. They're doing the work. Oh yeah so they need credit. My intern actually works for me now because she was so awesome so it could be the start of a great relationship guys. I'm Super Bowl. Yeah Yeah your fun. I mean maybe we'll come back on the tears. We'll work on that fire. Go get her. Who can like Hustle and get stuff done bass? Because I'm not trying to spend all day doing this I'll give you all the credit union young. He like a million hours. I'll say you did it. You don't have to come up with for as long as we can. Just knock it out. Okay we'll also. There's a lot of goals here. We're GONNA find Carolyn intern. You guys go listen to the get real podcast. Ask Her out on Instagram at carrow hobby. Thank you so much for doing this. I just want to keep talking to you. We'll have to do another one. We could just hopefully hopefully literally we should do another one and not cry the whole time or maybe. That's maybe people crying with us. Yeah purge of tears out today. I'm probably go crown away home or something I I know you've got to get it out man sad song and let it roll right. Well this is fun. Thank you for. You're listening by this. Is Kelly Henderson. You've been listening to the velvets edge. PODCAST I truly believe that every one of us has a little velvet and a little little edge so it's so important remember that's a be strong. You must be soft to thank you so much for sharing those stories with me. You can follow velvets edge on instagram Graham facebook and twitter as well as all of its edge DOT com. If you haven't yet go to apple podcasts and subscribe rate and review this podcast. Join me every Wednesday Wednesday for more conversations on lifestyle beauty and relationships. Thanks for listening. Oh getting pulled over for buzzed. Driving could cost you around ten thousand dollars in fines. Legal fees and increased insurance rates. Nothing nothing kills a buzz like getting pulled over for buzzed driving because buzzed driving is drunk. Driving brought to you by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the Ad Council.

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