SO Unbecoming Episode 21: Operations Project Manager, Candina "Dina" Janicki
hey friends and welcome to episode twenty one of so and becoming. I'm Jamie Moskovsky. We are three weeks away from the end of two thousand nineteen. Can you believe it I for one am excited to wrap up this year? It's been a rough one for me honestly Making a lot of changes as a result. So I am very ready for twenty twenty. There are a few really exciting projects ahead including season. Two of so unbecoming ANU podcasts. That's a collaboration. I'll speak more about in the next couple of episodes but for now let's talk about this conversation coming up. With former Microsoft software and systems academy site miniature now Operations Project Manager for MSA can Dina were Deana Jiechi Dina and I go pretty deep here into a few key things that I hope will help those of you who might be in place of transition right now. Think about how to frame things as you move forward grab a coffee or tea and please enjoy my conversation. With Dina Jinnah. Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me today. So let's go ahead and talk about you. Tell us who you are. Introduce yourself your name. what you do and how long you've been military spouse case so my name is Kim. Dina Gimmicky can dean very difficult for people to say so feel free to call me Dina. It makes it a lot easier I am currently a site manager for the Microsoft's military Excuse me Microsoft Software and Systems Academy program which is means. I'm a part of Microsoft's military affairs team and my focus is professional development so I may global career development facilitator and a career services specialist in. That's where my heart and my passion lies is in that I have been a military spouse for twenty plus years. Now Oh my goodness. You're like my hero already. We haven't even started all right Okay so today we're GonNa talk about a few things I know that are really important to you Because you do so much to serve veteran community and the military spouse community but let's start with a military spouses and your thoughts on transition. How we're always transitioning. It's it's interesting because I had heard a podcast from another spouse at one point. She talked about military transition when Servicemember leaves the service in goes into the civilian world. Which is something. I deal with on a daily basis and have for years and she made the point that a lot of the things that they go through are similar emotions to what spouses go through when we transition with Pcs MEMPHIS when ever our spouse has permanent change of duty station we've gotTA follow along. You're leaving a job or community or support system and you go through some of those similar issues and for me particularly the area of transition that is deepest to my heart has been career. My career has definitely not been linear and it's been back and forth and sideways. I've fallen in some holes and jumped over some branches and gone backwards and forwards. In any which way you can had transitions where it's taken six months to a year to get back into more than just a job ads to build a career so you kind of learn some lessons along the way It's a hard position to be in but it's one we gladly do for our spouse but that doesn't mean it's any less difficult go so I'm focused more now in helping other spouses to make that portion of the transition. Because that's something I feel like I can help with. I can't replace your support system. I can't Replace the community that you had or how you felt there how your kids felt but if I can give tools in ideas to with how do I build a professional network? That's wider than just the location that I'm at In what ways and tools can I managed to have a career while my spouse is still serving? The old joke in our household was always the day you retire. It's my turn and your following me and there's no you don't get a say about this we're GonNa go and then here we are in. You know he's hitting twenty years him were going will now. Have all these open possibilities? And I don't know what to do because I haven't had that option every decision I've been made it's been based off. What the military dictatorship for him. There are a lot of similarities to a military transition for the service member as a spouse such transitioning with each move they make so. I thought it was an amazing point and I wish I could remember. Give credit to the spouse that set it in half but it was just really struck home with me and I mean I'm feeling it one hundred percent here recently. I've been very candid about the fact that This particular pcs move for me has been I had. I have everything lined up right. I was amazingly had a job lined up three months ago. I had you know. Schools picked out. And all the things you know all the organizational things that you do but then in here has been really hard emotionally because it's just it's processing a little bit of a loss you know the loss. I missed my co workers at Microsoft. I miss my friends and watched. I missed a community that I was part of because when we left I felt like Gosh you know we. We did a good job like you know making connections here and so now. I've I feel like okay. I already signed up and went to like a you know a few networking things and you know that feels great but it's still like it's kind of a reminder of. Oh my gosh I'm starting all over again and this is a new place and I'm not familiar with everything and everybody and it. Just you know. In the meantime my husband just picks up his bag and goes to the Pentagon and gay him. You know like just plugs right back in Not True for US rights. Non-euro might that plug and play so definitely not true and you have it. You're exactly right that it's a sense of loss you build a reputation you build a body of work you put in the effort and it seems like the moves always coincide with right when you finally have your full stride right when. You're you know exactly what you're doing at your job you've major connections especially if you're someone. That's in a position where you have to do outreach to the community or you have to do outreach team employment's so you get all that network together in your nice and happy and then the south comes out and says we have orders and it's time to move and the next question is well. How long do I have an It's restarting it's recreating yourself. That's a challenge for spouses with transitioning. Especially when it comes to the employment side is really getting an idea of who you are what you bring to the table and what you really want to do and when I say what you want to do I don't mean just what's your job title you're looking for. What's the career title you're looking for because you have to be open to opportunities and it's almost more of there's an exercise we do called job framework that. I learned from a wonderful instructor. And you basically look through job applications descriptions that are out there and you start notating what you would want to do and you have done and then by the time you dine. You've got this long list of job duties and skills and things that you'd like to and then you break that down to fifteen. I had my ideal job I would be doing these things. And that's your job framework. So that when you're in a new location and it doesn't have an exact match you know I'm a site manager here. We may go from Fort. Benning where we're currently at to Fort Riley and Mike position doesn't exist And they may have a site manager or something that the equivalent of it so I would have to look towards my framework and what I want to do to be able to find something else. That's going to further develop me in those fifteen areas that I'm still building career. It just might not have the same title. Yeah that's such a good point and such a good Strategy I was just having a conversation earlier today with Amanda Huffman. Actually who has also been a guest on the show and we were talking about podcasts and how in at in that realm. You know what what's really important is that you're always very clear on what's your purposes like. What what do you do? What message are you trying to convey and you know what is your show specifically about what what do you want to get out of it and I feel like you're telling me a very similar thing in that you know no matter where we go no matter what we do you know even if we have to change jobs or job titles? It's really important to know what things you really want to accomplish. What are the things that you're may be good at and want to get better at I think this goes along more with like values to you know swift. What are the things that are? Y- you don't WanNa live without and you definitely don't want tolerate also right because it's like. I you know military spouses as you talked about earlier. One of the challenges. Yeah you can get a Job. Anybody can get a job from place to place but you know you might go go from being a an attorney to being a Barista the next time. If you can't find a position that is something that you can do. But maybe there are positions out there That are more in the vein of law. Maybe you can't be an attorney at in the first six or twelve months of where you're at but maybe you can do something related And how do you do that? I think having a framework that should've shows that list of here are the things that I I want to do and here. Maybe here's the things I don't want to do and working off those I think that's really great. That framework with you when you're networking you can have you know. Nice copies of it that are Particular to you and take them with you. One example that I remember when I was going through my career development courses My instructor mentioned that they had a client. That took one of these frameworks with him to just a networking opportunity with a company and as they were talking about. What what what are you looking for? What kind of position you're looking for this client was able to just slide over there framework and say well. This is what I'm looking for. And she said that you know the the HR person just up and left and walked out and then came back in and when they came back in they came in with someone else because they have been looking on trying to figure out what to name a job and that job had a majority of this skills in needs that were on that person's framework so they walked in giving what this company was already looking for but the company didn't know what to call it So they had been working now. That's an amazing lucky. Didn't but there is a bit of luck and opportunity. That comes to this. And that's where it comes to the Nice thing about the the modern age of you and I have this podcast and to talk from totally different locations and the Advances of Lincoln and networking opportunity. Is We have the opportunity to continue to network even while you're working and for spouses especially that you know that that transition is going to be coming constantly professionally developing so even when you're comfortable and you've got your stride in that job you're still keeping yourself open to opportunities you're still developing your skill. You're still keeping in touch with people we know. The military is a small world My daughter loves to say she graduated high school with somebody she went to third grade with Carson but they graduated from Fort Betting beyond that. Kinda stuff works. It's a small world Well the bigger world still a small world and the Internet's made it even smaller. So you just never know who knows somebody knows something so if you are putting yourself out there and you're not just using Lincoln when you're job searching mature continually building those networks and the and keeping your professional network. You know people that you work with in the past we don't. We're not the age anymore where it costs me five dollars to call you. Say Hey how are you? So I'm picking who I really am. GonNa keep in touch with now. You can keep in touch with those professional references. And you never know when you're headed back that way our win. They know somebody at that next installation so I was blessed like you were. This was the first transition in over twenty years That I had a job when I came and I had a job from the network that I had built up ten through that network once. I let it be known that I was coming here. Somebody talk to somebody who talked to somebody who found out something and I get a call saying hey can can you be on this phone call in five minutes and that's how it kind of works? But it didn't happen overnight. I mean I've been everything from the office assistance in Abell Bonds Company which some interesting stories there. I've worked for retail. I've delivered pizza to the barracks in checkered pants. I have worked in education in career. And it's just been for me. I liked his help. People you know when someone asks me. I don't charge when I help with resumes. Since the Mike that military's abouts is in veterans Because I know how hard it is and maybe one day that will change and I. I will decide that. That's my path that I want to go for right now. A lot of it is. I feel like I've I thought the bruises to prove that. I've made those wrong turns if I can help someone else. Not Triple of that branch. That's going to cost them two or three years. I wanted to help to do that. Yes I want to do that. Yeah completely So let's let's talk about that because we also talked about a little bit about Failure and trying to not be afraid to fail In inject just one more thing I feel like sometimes when I talked to military spouses They see the sort of randomness of their resume as a failure of some sort or A. I'm not it like makes them less valuable. Or you know and I personally love the analogy of it. Looks like you're in the witness protection program you got all these crazy jobs You know but I but honestly I just don't think we should see ourselves that way and if nothing else it it to me I kinda resume on an from a military specials looks amazing. It looks like wow you have you. Were trying to do whatever you could to be fulfilled to making an income. Those are really valuable qualities and traits and people that drive and that initiative. I think that's really what that shows Especially you know if you know I mean clearly you might have an education or a an initial career experienced that something besides delivering pizzas and Checkered Panther. You Know You. You had to do it at one point in the end. Good for you and there's nothing wrong with that so let's talk about Being okay with kind of failure not seeing certain things as failure but really true failure being okay with it and taking risks. I think there's there's two parts to which kind of asking here Saw the first part that I am kind of And I'll make an admission. Hey so up until the last few years I was very hesitant to ever mention that I was a military spouse to put that on my professional arena at all Even mentioning a military spouse on Lincoln is something. That's only been in the last year that I've followed that. Hashtag or allowed myself to share articles on that and I was one of those. How do I hide this on my resume? They're going to see by location and I looked at it as a fault. I'm and I think I looked at it that way. Because that was the perception I was getting from everybody around me. I did have employers and I have had an employer. Tell me straight out that they were not hiring me because I was a military spouse and they weren't they knew I was not going to stay so it was do I lie. And pretend like he's going to retire from here and we've made the decision. He's getting out Which I could never ethically do Or just accept that. I've lost this opportunity so I did everything I could to kind of hide that portion and I think it didn't benefit me and it took me years to realize in. I'm still realizing in putting myself out there that there is strength in all of those different positions and all those different positions have led to where I'm at now. What my brand is what I believe in and what I'm looking for so when it is time to move again when it was time to move here I knew what I was looking for. I knew what I wanted what I didn't want what I'm good at and what I'm not good at and that's a lot of trial and error. I know that I am adaptable. I learned quick. I know that I can accept change. Change Management is huge. No matter what field. You're in the ability to be resilient managed. Change is a huge skill that military spouses have. I can't speak for the majority. I can only give my impression but my impression of military spouses. We ARE RESILIENT. We do adapt we can learn really quick we can be independent. Which is great for those that are looking at like remote positions in those kinds of things. I mean I worked remotely for a university for a short while and I think I did that successfully because I was used to having to do things on my own and not rely on someone else to take care of things like being willing to ask questions and find the resources because how many of us have ended up in the middle of nowhere with no family no friends and you gotTa Find Walmart Right. Find the Walmart and the target when she found those every now and then the dreaded. Let's find out WHO'S GONNA be my hair. We wanted to share and the family photo in the horrible other things that go. So there's that part of that. I think you're extremely correct that we bring some strengths And recognizing those strengths. Instead of focusing on the other side. I also had to learn that. Did I really WANNA work or company? That didn't value that. I was a spouse because if they were already saying that from the front or they were already counting the out from the front. That meant if my spouse got called up on a deployment or had to be gone for a long time. They weren't going to give me that work life balance that I was going to need right to be a spouse of someone in the service whose career is not always predictable. Normally not predictable. So that's the first side of the second side of it with risking failure is because you're constantly being put in new situations. You're always going to run the risk that it's not going to be perfect. It's not gonNA work out and this is an opportunity. I'm trying to say how I WANNA put this so to me. Doing this. Podcast was risky. It was scary for me I talk in front of a class every day. I network with people all the time but I am a true introvert when it comes to it but it was not just that it's very vulnerable to put yourself out there and say this is who I am in. This is my story and these are my beliefs and not everybody's so pleasant to military spouses. There's lot of negative stereotypes and things so for me. This was taking a risk of failure. I'm taking a risk of not saying the right thing or something coming across wrong but if I don't take the risk I also don't get the opportunity. I don't get the opportunity to help someone or to move forward and win. You're constantly having to face change which we everybody faces changes the only constant but we seem to base it a little bit more than like my sister. You know you have to be willing to take those chances in asking for those chances and that they may fail. And that's okay because you're learning something from the failure absolutely and like you said there. There are opportunities. I think it's brilliant to Kind of look at this a definitely learned this while I was working with the military spouse. Technology Academy is You know to not get stuck on. It's it's not the opportunity as in. It's not the only pertains it's GonNa come your way. It's very hard to put yourself out there to even apply for job to interview for a job to talk to you about a job but if it doesn't work out all it means is that wasn't your Opportunity Act and it has nothing to do with whether or not you're good whether or not you're valuable none of that it just it wasn't your opportunity next and just and it's so hard it's easier said than done but I think over the years probably because I'm older now and I'm Kinda like over it okay. If this didn't work out for me next there's something else but always be working on that something else like you said earlier on. It's not just about trying for one thing and hoping and praying that you get that. It's you know cast a lot of lines out there you know See what is out there and put yourself out there more than one place not just. I'm putting myself out there for this one job and that's the job. I'M GONNA get or whatever if it's not just another opportunity or something. It's okay to not have that workout. 'cause there's something else is going to work out exactly an interview understand who you are in what she want. That's easier to do you know. And and the biggest struggle is figuring that out. And you know I'm in my forties and still learning and still figuring out daily and what I wanted to do at twenty is totally different than what I want to do. Now and that changes and adapts in. That happens for everybody but for me my advice go for that is. There's a tie in between lock an opportunity and work and you bite lock into a position but you still have to put in the work. The luck just doesn't happen. The luck is I've been working on my link Dan. I've kept it going. I kept my professional relationships and an opportunity came across that somebody thought of me and then they just called me and said I think you're perfect. Pay We call that luck but it's not really lack. It's it's a combination of taking those extra steps in consistently looking for what's out there. And where can I contribute? And sometimes you're GONNA be at a location where just doesn't match up. That doesn't mean you can't take as you're doing and go network and go reach out to volunteer organizations A what can I do in that aspect that might eventually lead to an opportunity? So there's if you have to have a job. There's going to be times that you're going to have to take a job to have a job that doesn't mean that you can't still focus on having a career that career just isn't going to be a straight line like we picture it when you graduate college and you think this is what. I went to college for and I'm GonNa find a job in it and that's what I'm GonNa do for the next twenty years Nice Beautiful Watch and retired. Everything's GonNa be wonderful. That doesn't even happen. Outside of the military spouse world anymore. That's just not reality. Most people don't stay with the company that long. And we don't work that way so accepting that your employment journey or your career journey look more like tree is going to branch out and it might even have some broken branches. But that's okay because what happens when a branch breaks out far rose he kinda just clip it and learn the lesson. It grows back. So that's how you're growing and as long as you're consistently moving forward you're going to get to where you want to get and that's looking for the opportunities. Sometimes it's as simple as doing a google search in putting in military spouse and available training in the area and seeing programs like the one that you were involved in for Microsoft that give people an opportunity. They're taking those small steps and for a lot of us when we talk about failure. It's different for each person risking failure. One person's risk threshold might be lot lower than someone else's risk threshold so for me. I might be more willing to go into a chamber event and talk to someone because it's something I've done in the past worse for someone else. That might be a complete risk that scary. I don't want to even try it. Nobody's GonNa like me know what he's GonNa talk to me. And it can even be social events so we each have our own What is the word? I'm looking for tolerance. We each have our own tolerance. The ideas pushing yourself past that tolerance and being okay with win it fails or if it fails that as you said. It's just opportunity for something else and we learned something each one of those absolutely. Yeah it's just something getting out of your way so you can get to the thing you're still do factly look at it exactly so anything specific that you want to talk about with regard to like job search in relationship building because definitely you brought up some really good points about how Sometimes it's the people in your network. It could be your neighbor. Anybody somebody randomly doc. Do that connects you with different opportunities. you just never know and to me that takes more. That's we we go back and forth between the networking idea and the relationship building idea but I honestly think it's better to look at things as relationships because I wouldn't say I'm networking with somebody that I just met at the grocery store right but you know I may neck. We may be making a friendship. We may have something in common and I'm trying to build a relationship with a drink. Here's my card in your bowl. And there is a difference yeah networking I think we fall into relationship building but yes definitely building relationships when it comes to your job search in stuff is realizing a two way street giving as much as year taking a perfect example. We were talking in class About facebook. How people from high school will reach out to you. And you haven't talked to these people in forever and they'll say oh you've never changed. And why is that? It's because at the core of us our values in our staff what we identify with that person. That person still identifies with that. So that's what they see that's why they say you haven't changed even though you've changed immensely in the twenty something years some since high school but you built a relationship based on something. A foundation and maintaining those relationships in your personal relationships and professional relationships can lead to opportunities in the employment world. And sometimes I think your personal ones even lead to more if they are constantly inconsistently developed. But it's being genuine And I go back to and I know it I keep Kinda of harping on this but it really goes back to being genuine to who you are if you can figure out to us a a key frazier brand. What makes you who you are what you like to do? What value you bring then even when your networking you're building relationships because it's coming across and they're seeing you as a genuine person in. It's not a elevator pitch. That's rehearsed in Steph. I'm GONNA throw using the key words out here you may be still throwing those same keywords out but if you believe it and it's truly who you are and you have that understanding of yourself when you present that to someone else whether it be at a social event that you're talking to or somebody run into a in the commissary or you're just talking about who you are. Your professional identity becomes a part of your personal identity and to me. There's not much of a separation who I am in my personal life is not really that different than who I am in my professional life and once those matched a little bit more. It was almost like that's when I found my calling When those two things came together I could feel passionate about what I was doing that. It was like now. I'm on the right track right. Yeah I think that's a good indicator by the way like if you feel like you have to be two different people in your work and you know which is probably not a good thing to say because I think sometimes people when people who serve in the military sometimes that that's a reality for them but you know the military is a very specific environment so I could understand why when very specific way in that environment in another way at home or with your friends and family Get that but I think as far as my own experience. I think you're absolutely right. The more the more time has gone on and the happiest I've been is where the the person who I believe is the real the real me quote unquote and the person I show up as at work are the same person in And I think yeah I hear. I've read so much talk about that. You know like oh he must be provisional person in your workplace and you can be this person here. I you know why not be the same person in both places I mean. And that's like the dream thing to be right because I don't WanNa have to be anybody but myself and it goes back to what you're saying about when you're representing yourself as a military spouse. I don't WanNa be hired by a company whose off put by me being a military spouse. I don't because my life is going to happen and if they can't be Compassionate or understanding about that will then there there goes that job right off the bat so it's just much better in my opinion to be upfront about those things. There's nothing there's no opportunity in my mind. That's worth hiding who who I am 'cause there's already so many things about each of us that people can tell when they meet us when they look at us when the hero voice whatever it is. People are already reading those things and being military spouses. A huge part of my identity at this point in time so I definitely. I'm with you know hiding anymore but we understand why I mean. There's a lot of conditions out there in the workplace and a lot of judgment stereotypes but at the same time you know spare yourself the agony. I've been the people who don't understand the skin or our community and let it be out there Is there any other advice that you'd WanNa give to military spouses? Who are either looking for jobs or just contemplating like what's next. What am I GONNA do next? Don't be afraid to ask. Don't don't be afraid to reach out there now especially in studying. See more of a turn towards a focus in military spouse employment. That hasn't been there in. You know the unemployment rate alone is just outrageous. I think the last time I had looked at four times the national average which is just a crazy number. But don't be overwhelmed by that to think that that means it's impossible. It's not impossible and going back to what we were just saying you know being yourself professionally and personally wouldn't really getting to is the core of who you are so yes you know your language on. Saturday may not be your language on Monday. That's that I don't think that's what you're implying are buying but just being comfortable with who you are. And as you said a military spouse is a part of that and that's something that's been a journey for me and I'm finally accepting it because there are so many negative stereotypes and even using the term. I'm a military spouse. I've heard people. Well why are you defining yourself that way? You're just a spouse like any other spouse in the world in why are you making that a thing? But the truth matters their strengths and weaknesses that come along with that identity and it's not my full identity all right and it is a portion of my identity so I agree with you with a not being afraid. Put that out there and going along with that. That means don't be afraid to take the advantage of the opportunities that are now being offered. Look for those resources. Ask the questions. Don't don't be afraid. Assume that it's just not going to happen the hardest. It's like when you start college. I was hit. The hardest thing about starting college is not college. The hardest ing is calling the admissions counselor and getting started once do that. Everything falls into place and job. Searching is a twenty four hour seven day a week thing when you're doing it especially when you don't have another job but it takes being willing to go to a network event. Put yourself out of your comfort zone. Take the chance that you're going to fail talk to people and that's where I go back to you know what your messages so I know who I am and I know what I want to do. And that's like again. That may not be a job title but I know I WANNA do this. I want to serve people. I want to help people are. I want to be in charge of a project. Whatever it is that you want to do if you can communicate that it's GonNa Communicate in natural conversations and those natural conversations at a barbecue or at a networking event or anywhere else where your message is the same across everything because it is who you are. That's where those opportunities are GonNa from and then it's just keeping your eyes open to the opportunities because I can think back to times where I let opportunities right past me because I wasn't focused on that. I was so focused on what was wrong with the duty station. We were ad or how much I didn't like this or how much I didn't like this. Instead of focusing on while the best advice my mom ever gave me as a military spouse herself for twenty years. She said every installation that you ever go to no matter where that may be has something of value something beautiful and something worth looking at and that means you have to leave your house crying because you left the perfect place to move forward to find that. So it's taking that attitude attitude goes along with it A crazy little piece of advice. I'll throw out there. It's something I embarrassed myself in my class. I embarrassed myself with every class that I have about this. That it's the idea of power poses and power songs and being willing to take a two minute break in the bathroom before you go in an interview or before you go into that networking events or that social event or you know the new club that you're trying out because you're in a new place and you just want to try it and doing your little power pose for two minutes Or listening to your Song I do. Both and my are completed garrisoning. You gotTA share it so my power pose is John Travolta from Saturday night fever. Also if you picture him with his hand up in the other hand doing the nice seventies That is my power pose. I is the screen saver on my oxidative. I need a little pick me up and my song is staying alive by the BG's who I happen to absolutely love and it makes me laugh at. It makes me smile and it puts me in the mood to be positive and if I take a moment and go into a bathroom or do it in front of a classroom of ten transitioning soldiers who are GonNa Laugh thirty minutes. After I knew it I walked away while to you about it. I thin ice melon. It makes me positive so I think every person there's a wonderful lady who does a tedtalk on body language and I. I hope I don't butcher her name. Is Amy Cuddly? I believe And she talks a little bit about power poses in her speech that she gives an. I show that to every class that I have before I embarrassed myself with power pose so they at least understand it. But it's all about getting yourself in the right frame of mind and it's proven that if you can smile and if you can feel happy and you can put yourself in that state. You're going to be more confident and you're going to be okay with walking earth. Not going to be perfect. The nerves are going to completely go away. But you're gonNA come across better. It's silly I know it's silly I get about it all the time. But today I did have One of them mentioned that they think they have their power post and was even willing to show it and I if thrilled activating it'd be my question was does anybody in your class. Are they brave enough to stand up there and be like all right? My power was among. Is You know white stake here. I go again. I don't I got a couple of power songs today. One power pose one in the past and my last class they all. They were a little bit of a smaller class. They were a little more willing. But as I've told people nobody has to ever know your power pose. Nobody has to ever know your power song. But it's kind of like rocky and rockies got that song when he's running up to his statue and everything he's doing that's what it entails is. Just what's going to motivate me to be in the right frame of mind and anything like that to me is probably the last piece that I would say. That goes along with being willing to step out and take those opportunities and risks. The failure is pumping yourself up before you do it and learning to laugh at yourself and laugh at some of those and I have to come home in decompress after all that because I am very introverted sunny by neocom downtime after I get on there but I call it almost like putting on a uniform and in the morning when I get in my car and I opened my phone to hook it up to my Radio because I don't have actual radio in my car. I has to do from the ipod. The first thing I see is John Travolta in that post and it makes me smile and it makes me ready for the day and if I'm had a really really bad day the day before I might even start off the next morning singing staying alive at the top of my lungs in my beetle on the way to work hoping nobody can hear me. Oh my Gosh I love it so much. I know I'm already thinking what is my I would like to know your power pose so you will have to think about it and get back to me on that I so I think my power pose would be like I think it wasn't Napoleon dynamite. But it was his brother in. It's a mean that everybody likes to share all the time where he's cuts. It just makes me laugh hysterically. Think about like I am so cool. I've done this. Yes and I think I actually had considered for a little while getting like a little miniature figurine of. I don't know if you've seen the animated movie trolls but I've seen it about a thousand times women and the poppy. The princess poppy with pink hair. She's fantastic because she is like the most optimistic person in the entire world and she things that song get back up again. And it's you know the whole song makes me laugh because she's just constantly getting beat up or like spin out by monster plans. That's crazy you know in the end. She's like completely destroyed. She always gets killed but she's just like I do okay. I I like that and my kids are older so I have no clue what you're talking about but now I'm GonNa have to go watch this because that sounds like the ultimate power Song You. It's called get back up again and I'm sure it's on youtube but it's just hilarious because she's just like She just gets so beat down. She's like okay pretty much. What it is with the Will. Bring yourself back. When you're you're beat down how do I pump myself back up again? She talks about the most famous one of course is the wonder woman pose. Wonder woman or this superman pose. But what speaks to you and it's going to be different for every person and some people aren't going to like the idea of the pose they like the idea of the Saul. I happen to live the combination. Has It because it does put me in the right frame of mind to go or so? I'm stuck a little bit in the seven. Yeah I love it I the seventies I love the beach I was GonNa say one of my favorite movies is Sergeant. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Which very few you'll have seen but it is it stars the BG's on. I was reading an article the other day saying that that movie single handedly destroyed the BG's NPR Frampton career. I think that is alive. Bringing how many of their songs are still around being and I clean house to them about once a week at the top of my long lost their career at all a so but that. That's we have to stay positive. And there's so much. Negative things around the military spouse world even when you're reading online. It's so focused on what we don't have our wet. What's missing in the challenges in getting to you know that growth mindset type of thing that it's okay but it's not gonNA work out but I'm willing to ask the questions. I'm willing to look for the information. I'm willing to try the resources and the wonderful thing for the other introverts out there like me is that we do have the Internet. And I don't necessarily have to go down to the goodwill career. Solutions are the Department of Labor and walk in any more there you know I can reach out online and make a connection and then build myself up to to go do that. Listen to my power song on the way but already have some of those things set into place in. There are so many resources out there now. That are inviting spouses in. Some of them have been veteran only for so long but now they're inviting spouses in and I think part of the struggle is getting to the military spouses end getting the message out that there are these opportunities. Marina. These are resources are there in that. It's not just the location that you're at so I don't know how to solve that challenge you buy dead. I'd be fabulous But I think small things like what you're doing here is just amazing and I'm grateful to you free opportunity to talk to you. Even though I've been a nervous wreck in pick up stumbling over words This year taking the risk to put yourself out there and do this and others that I can think of that. I have seen in other organizations that I have seen lately in some that. Even saying you know. We are solely focused on military spouses. That just lows my mind. The idea that they're willing to be brave enough to say I'm not tying it in to the service member. I'm not tying it into anything else. I'm saying I'm willing to help a military spouse and that's okay to me that's just progress. Yeah and I think people more more are recognizing that the military spouse is kind of the the way to Connect with the Servicemember. Also because we are kind of the center of the household. And I know there's a great organization that I plugged into Before I left Washington it's run by Two great guys Bill and Chad but they run an organization called that tribe in in kitsap county Washington state. And what I loved was the very first moment when they called me. And we're like do. Would you be interested in coming to our meet? Ups because they're just trying to have ups for veterans because they don't have a lot of 'em networking meet ups for transitioning veterans up in kitsap county. It's mostly down by joint base Lewis mcchord client and so they're like we're going to do something for veterans appear so. I'm sure yeah. 'cause and their rationale was well you know we think we get spouses to be supportive income that maybe get more transitioning service members to go. I think that is very wise. Is corrine that and I can tell you that my husband would agree with that has said many times. He'll come back from a brief or something and I'll say well. What did they say. We're getting ready to transition. What happened I I don't know So in his job what he does with the military net. I won't reveal too much but he works with the kind of on the opposite side by of my position but he will tell people when he's counseling them. Bring your wife right are bring your husband. they may be because they're so they have so much already on their plate on the military side that those details are not what they can focus on so the spouse he or she comes in and is able to kind of focus on those details and ask those questions that maybe just because the situation. They don't feel comfortable asking when we can ask. Yeah we'll that's the truce in. That's definitely a struggle. My husband and I have been having recently. Is that whole you know like what are what are you doing? What am I doing in the family but I I have to step back and kind of remind myself like when I listened to him have a conversation about work I understand maybe three words out the three thousand that he speaks because he's dealing with something extraordinarily technical a lot of the time. I just you know nothing. I couldn't imagine having to retain all that and not get any sleep for like two days and you know things like that so I understand. You know it's like no you don't really know where the dentist is the right now and I get that and that's okay. I'll write it down the counter just in case you know So I was just yeah. Spouses are Kinda that that spot. Where we're we're the connector for many people and the keeper of many things and all the more reason why I feel so compelled to to support other spouses and to give other spouses of voice and a place here. So I'm so glad that you were willing to do this. He did a great job. I'm so proud of you and so we'll just wrap up I like wrapping up with something that We're grateful for today so once one thing that you would say you're grateful for today today. I think I am grateful. Honestly for my spouse and my two kids One home from college and wants to get ready to go to college him. My oldest graduated already. So she's already working. Gosh but you talked about the relationship in dynamics in figuring out your connections in what your role is and when you do. You are a spouse who has a career there. There's a fine dance that happens in the relationship between you and your spouse is vital how that fine dance has so. I'm grateful that I have a spouse. That is downstairs right now making hamburger helper and the kids which I absolutely hate refused to eat and they took it as excitement because it was who mom's not cooking tonight so we get to have whatever you want and I was thinking meatloaf I the Gaddi or something like that. But they are downstairs and I can hear the music where they're playing games and I'M GONNA go downstairs. Smell this horrible hamburger and it's GONNA turn my nose but so grateful that I have a partner that knows that this is important to me and knows that my career is important to me so right. Now it's it's a podcast with you and it's getting the opportunity dialogue and have the conversation which I greatly enjoyed but it could be a meeting with a coworker. It could be a volunteer opportunity. I'm doing or a mentor that I'm talking to. And if he wasn't willing to have that relationship with me it wouldn't work so bad so I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for the crazy man downstairs making hamburgers. I love it. I'm grateful for my crazy man. You're making something not hamburger helper. I Dunno but whenever he makes the kids love it anyway they just love spending never failed. They always love what they cook better. I don't know why won't after the second to go out to dinner and hang out with more cool military spouses so we're doing great today. Well thank you so much I appreciate your time and all of your insight and just your wonderful personality. It's been a pleasure and I've learned a lot in this and I'm definitely going to keep thinking about my powerpoint. I might have might be. I be if you're willing charrette shirt. You could just share it with me. A message on Lincoln Right now but I would love to know what you finally decide. Is Your power pose and where you went and hopefully I made sense and people do get resources after I feel like I rambled. Sometimes that I greatly appreciate Your wanting to speak to me myself all day. Do I really have something to say? That's worth saying but you may feel like I did so I greatly appreciate you. Do be confident that because I talk to a lot of people about all the stuff and I learned. I learned good new things here. I think I learned some really good I'm like to say coping skills but certainly some really good skills to apply to like when I'm thinking things struggling with things I think you. You provide a Lotta great advice for that so we all have to get out of our head. Yep Use the power back Louis. Alright thanks so much thank you. I'd like to wrap up this episode with a special listener. Thank you and shout out to my friend. Lisa relay who's been sending me notes with her thoughts on some of the episodes lately and I can't tell you how much I appreciate and learn from that anytime y'all send me feedback it. It's so fantastic and I can't thank you enough for taking the time so thanks Lisa. It's been helpful and insightful and thank you for giving us more to think about what this conversation one thing. I want to mention since it's the end of the year is. They've jumped on the Danielle Laporte Planner Bandwagon for twenty twenty instead of planning based on what I want to do. I'm making twenty twenty about how I want to feel. If you're interested you can learn more at my affiliate link at planner dot so and becoming dot com and check it out as always you'll learn more about me and the show so unbecoming Dot Com. I'll be back next Tuesday with episode twenty two with my guest Gems Collins. Take care of yourselves. And we'll chat soon tied for now.