#112: Talking To Your Kids About Sex (with guest Dr. Joe McIlhaney)

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Today's parenting great kids is brought to us by Byu radio friends. The Lisa show is a two hour weekday program from Byu radio for parents hosted by the friend. You never knew you needed writer, comedian, wife, and mother Lisa Valentine Clark Lisa. Show is now available as a podcast. So you're going to want to hear these fun and useful conversations listened to the Lisa show wherever you get your podcasts. For thirty plus years. I've seen every type of child. Throw up instead of giving me what I wanted. She gave me what I needed. Which was truth down? Emotions win. Let Truth when do your very best. You have a lot of fun while you're doing better. You get at something the more fun you're going to have at something you. MOMS and dads are wired with everything. You need to be a parent to a great kid. Welcome to parenting great kids. This is episode number one hundred twelve, and I'm your host Dr Meg meeker today, my guest and friend Dr Joe mcelhinney will be joining us, and he has quite the resume Dr. mcelhinney is a board certified obstetrician gynecologist. He founded the Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Nineteen, ninety two, he received his BS in chemistry from Texas Tech University and graduated from Baylor, University School of Medicine after completing both a pediatric obgyn residency, he joined the Air Force for two years acting as a general medical officer while serving as a private practitioner Dr mcilhenny was instrumental in introducing laparoscopy gynecologic laser surgery and microsurgery to the medical community in Texas Dr mcelhinney. Board Saint David's Hospital in Texas, where he started the state's first women's health centers, he left private practice in nineteen, ninety, five to start the Medical Institute for Sexual Health and continue to do research on the problems of sexually transmitted infections, non-marital pregnancy and HIV AIDS Dr. mcelhinney was appointed during President George W Bush's administration to serve on the HIV AIDS. Advisory Council and the Advisory Committee to the Director of the Center for Disease Control, he's authored eight books, and sadly Dr, mcelhinney lost his wife Marian of fifty eight years to dementia in twenty eighteen. He has three grown daughters and ten grandchildren. Grandchildren as always I'll share my points to ponder, so you can start using them right away and police as a reminder. Don't just download the episodes. Click subscribe because when you do that. You are joining my parenting. Revolution and every new episode will automatically show up in your subscribe list I promise. You won't regret it. We're not only on I tunes, but the PG Kate podcast is also available in the Google play store and on stitcher. So no matter where you get your podcast, subscribe today, so you won't miss a single episode parents. I have to tell you about a free Webinar that. That I just created about how to be an effective end, calm disciplinarian, I created it because this is something that I would have loved to had when I was raising our four kids. If your tired of yelling, nagging repeating and begging your kids to listen to you, you need to listen to my webinar cover, the foundations of effective discipline, and how to know if you're hurting or helping your relationship with your kids, I'll share the one thing that affects your discipline style more than anything else. I'll show you. The three strategies for defusing difficult parenting situations with your kids and the secret to. To getting your kids to behave without yelling or pushing them away, you can learn how to discipline consistently without blowing your fuse, you can get your kids to listen to you without yelling and you can quit bad behaviors like yelling or nagging you can nip the temper tantrums and be the calming force you, WanNa, be in your family. If you're interested, please head over to my website. MEEKER PARENTING DOT COM to day to register for this brand new Weber, their limited spots and I'm not sure how long will keep this training open force, so please go over register. You're going to love it. I want you now to listen in on a conversation that I had with Dr Joe mcelhinney. You're going to learn a lot from this conversation. Well Dr mcelhinney. Thank you so much for joining me today on parenting, great kids, it really is such a a joy and an honor to have you on. You really are one of the smartest men I've ever known. Rigor and you're talking. Right Hawaii non some smart doctor. So very much, you're very. Well you're you're very very humble. You're not attrition, gynecologist, retired and many years ago. I think it was in the late nineties if I. Remember correctly. You and some other physicians began the Medical Institute for Sexual Health. Can you take us back to that time? And what made you start that and why? You thought it was so necessary? Assure will make you know. We're hearing so much about being abused, but there are guys that really respect county, respect women and I'm one of those one thing at a why three daughters that I loved in. I've my patients were all women? At any right as my work was infertility when we for Scout, these impart ladies which. Include just destroyed infection from primary CLA media. Ask You are from her sexual had your back in, and they had no clue that fertility future when I got married in one at children. and yet when we are a hat, tech, national and international meetings without fragility here never was there any hyper? Not once about provisions of these problems that everybody they're newer is also. The sexual vomit were having soon so because my. Just hurt my heart. Disease Couples come in. And I couldn't say you know where this came from. Do that commander of having kids so in order to educate them. It's writing of its books than I started the medical institute primarily as a scientific group. Point this out. Through our science, and then through education, so I thought if we had good size then able to give this to people around the. Lake it in bed that in relation into their educational programs US alliance how the medical is is started nineteen, ninety two. I left on medical practice ninety five, because my wife and I felt like we were supposed to do that now. full-term in so that really. Really in a way, I was at the medical practice, but we just could not stay there. Knowing that there was such a lack of information, so many young women particularly get hurt. So you. Were aware as your. Colleagues were that Obgyn's knew that there was an epidemic of sexually transmitted infections, and they knew the havoc was wreaking on women. Why do you sink? Other OBGYN's didn't speak out about it. I think for a lot of reasons one is that if I did bring it up. With their patients second doctor just seated individual girl who has actually committee. all he has to. Say You have media. We'll give you some antibiotics for that occurred. But if he says you know, this came from your sexual involvement. Then, he has to go into the whole discussion off sexual behavior, multiple sexual partners, which is the. Problem of people infected with these. And it gets into home morass of information. He does not have time in his office renovation the thanks he does. I would argue with the I think doctors should discuss with every single. But I think is primarily that the time was an issue I think they didn't really quite know what to say. Actually Aleph listening developed a theoretical model of change of based on the Ferry Trans Theoretical model change. To help train positions in nurses and healthcare providers helicopter. But unfortunately most of the doctors country didn't study from that program. But, we could teach them how to do it. Authors listening tonight we, we are enlarging. You know I understand that because I work in a practice with a doctors and I have what I call the luxury of time to be able to sit down and talk to my teenagers because I see kids up to twenty, and it does take a lot of time, and it takes a lot of when I start to tell kids further in their parents. What's really out there? You know their jaw drops open and then I have to sort of walk them through like okay, but but what do we do now and I think so? So I. Think Your your time when we talk about why doctors don't do it really is a time issue because I think that when people find out about that stakes, ten plane their doctors. Why didn't anybody tell me give us a little bit of a run down because we know the CDC says there's a huge epidemic of sexually transmitted infections among teens and young adults. So can you talk to us about the gross of that from the nineteen seventies? Until about now a situation, you say, the nineteen seventy eight must would not say that. But Yeah You well know that in the one thousand nine hundred seventies. The evidence was beginning to develop, but nobody really paid much attention to. Arri nineteen ninety s Johnnie him along, and that alerted people to the fact that sexual activity could result in a really bad problem. HIV, we didn't know right away that it was caused by virus, but By the mid Eighties by eight hundred I'm sorry. My nineteen ninety-five. We knew what it was. And that it was resulted of sexual behavior, well a what people don't realize was about nineteen eighty to a Time magazine as cover. Article had the new scarlet letter about herpes. And it was about nineteen, eighty, two, three, four, five, the US physicians who saw when he started seeing an epidemic of warts, a genital warts, and then it was about that time we realized surgery. All cervical cancers caused by HP. Tap Loma virus. There hundred different strains, but several of those strange actually cause cancer because I persisted cancer, the painters cancer of all cancer John Cervix is more common today because young people are involved in sex so often We're seeing epidemic of cancer of the throat. In, PHOENIX. In a people that have been involved in oral sex in the past on, if addicting of that today now, the problem that really bothers me is at in the in the eighties and nineties. There was a lot of attention of these. but today you'll almost nothing. And yet there's a bigger epidemic today than we ever has been there twenty million new infections. AM probably at least forty five percent of that is among a young people below the age of twenty one. In most of its among a young Dawson kids in their teenage years, and he's a devastating epidemic. We're talking cancer the throat male. Cancer, the cervix and we're talking about infertility. Now one of the things that really bothers me about his to see. Don't get me started because. I know what I'm doing. Those tasks your question in there you go and now well. The problem that I see is that the low income people are the people that are suffering the mows. The behind come, people could afford to coming off as may treated for Inter Chelloti, but the low income people could afford to commute. There are two other people that are here in retail is. the low income. People are the ones that are suffering in. In l'aimable ladies just as much as anybody else does in their suffered because they. CARE. This message. You were talking about today about sexual. Until marriage and that is the answer. I'm up to put it bluntly, but that is the answer that young the amount of sexual involvement Jelegat married. Then is the answer for these low income. People would also for the. For Everyone? So how many sexually transmitted infections are out there? Are we talking twenty thirty forty different types? You said what with HP courses about one hundred? Years about a dozen that caused cancers, but it's really it's this what five or six or seven? That are a really. Bad HP viruses and those are the ones were starting to immunize against, but how many other types of infections are there? There are over twenty sexually transmitted diseases defined by the by the Centers for Disease Control Prevention. I'll just out. One of the people probably don't aren't aware of except the advertisement, so TV Hepatitis C.. Other one point three million people. Being Killed By liver cancer, ninety percent of its caused by Hepatitis C.. In Mesa sexually transmitted disease, but also of course transmitted by Abby druggies. But it's a terrible problem across the world in in this country, also unless somebody can afford it to get the medication to prevent. I'm sorry. Sure the hepatitis C. Yeah. You think will say tonight on. is destroying members in causing cancer to in this country. They're seventy six thousand people in this country, dying every year of sexually transmitted diseases including HIV. Thousand and end over fifty percent are concentrated among our young people like you said under twenty, which is really disturbing, because they don't make up half of our population, so there's a disproportionate concentration among young people rather than people older people. I'm sorry. Now, do you remember a number of years ago? When Dr Julie Gerber Dean came out and talked about prevention of cervical cancer in women. I think it was around. Two thousand free tonight testified at Congressional hearing. But anyway in she was talking about the ways to prevent cervical cancer, and there were two ways to prevent cervical cancer that she came forward, and said, and that was reduced the number of sexual partners to as few as possible one and delay the sexual debut as long as possible. which to me meant till you're married, so that sounds about really what you're saying here and people make say we'll wait until marriage. Isn't that sort of prudish thing? Just say, or that's very unrealistic. But that really comes from the head of the CDC. Why don't we know about that? Why doesn't the country know about these issues? One of the problems. Is that the people of every kate sex anywhere anytime with anyone as often as you want to have dominator culture. And I have a hard time explaining one, but they have Perhaps it's the fact that why plane here good, who is a primary? Producer of materials in education of young people in our culture today, gets five hundred million dollars from the federal government. In the groups around the country that are advocating supporting manhood in West is claimed period I'm using them as the group. because I have a coalition of Alan guttmacher seek US advocates for you the national campaign to prevent teen. Pregnancy which I think has changed ranger this past year to. An in a number of other groups and they actually. Stolen the attention of young people across peggie. Let me give you an example avenue. Regis thing to me it just just I was just brought in. That was just learned about it on the voice and other primetime popular television programs now there's an advertisement for prayer. Now that's that's a medication that person you say if they're gonNA have dangerous sex sex with somebody that job be any worse and I don't have an argument with Yeezy. Argument I have though is that there's a Domo's advertisements on Primetime TV. When our particularly lesson y'all were watching. This guy holds up appeal and says I can intersections. We'll personally all of the want to be. Now. Yes, she can be safe from. Get make driving, but you're not safe from committee, gonorrhea and syphilis and herpes HP. All these other things that are laugh. Devastating Factions May. But this is on Primetime TV and again against brainwashing kids. And yet that company makes a drug is making money off. We don't make money off of telling young people that. Thing for them, the way Taylor into adult life of the least baggage release. Just don't say. The message I want to get across across this country. Is. For young people say Oh, well. Of course you wouldn't have sex married. Let's stupid because you get diseases and you get pregnant and you have problems emotional problems because the brain is molding by these experiences. We don't want the brain to being moded against just a normal ago. Sexual that he might need. An so. I think it's time. For A Romanian groups around this country that care about young people to come together to change this culture. Not We need a new sexual revelation. Is Country in believe? It's about to start. I agree because what I'm finding is that? Taken care of a whole generation of kids now is that. They're wising up and they WANNA different decisions than their parents did and I think they know they're much more savvy about what's going on and one of questions I get a lot. About is the emotional aspect of sex. I think just to follow up one thing you're saying my belief is that the reason nobody hears about this and the reason that we're promoting so much sexualization of our kids and sexual activities money. It's just money you know. Know. Sex sells two young kids know that television is geared more towards young teens are rated. Movies are than anything else, and so I think once kids realize that parents realized that I really don't want an industry that they want to do is make money off my kids to explain my kids. Hopefully, parents will stand up. Many parents will say well. I really don't need to worry about this. Because my child is getting sex ED in school. Will you talk to us about what sex? Ed is in the Public Schools? What's being taught when it starts in that so forth because I know you're an expert on that as well. Okay. Let's just take what's going on out today. The! Planned parenthood coalition. Has Been Putting on a social media. Also on their website, information by Sipe for parents to teach sex ED in the home. If you go on that Web side. They immediately, and you put in the word abstinence. They will say abstinence in our coach. People listened may not even understand what out of course courses, but our courses. The genitals are against each other. Nakedly. Without having attraction. And when player who talks are encourages parents to teach about sex. Add about sexual accidents, which most parents were for their fourteen year old girls. Yes, they also teach the kids. How have? Outer Course and so this is sort of thing that's going around now about. The Kobe. But what they're doing in their materials. Tried to this when they were in schools was exactly the same thing they they are encouraging people. To have a sexual intercourse in the reason is because for one thing you're. You're right about money but the other is because they do not believe in the can be sexually absolute L. I just don't believe in, and so that's why. Push the condos contraceptives so much and yet they never tell. They talk about We. have been looking at these products for years making you have to. We have never seen one of those programs that actually tells the truth about how often common sale health murky focus not want. Don't tell the truth, parents I hope you're enjoying my conversation with Dr Joe mcelhinney. We need to take a quick break, but don't go anywhere. We'll be right back with more of my conversation. I'm glad you're talking about this. Because people here, parents will here well. They're two types of sex ED, comprehensive sex, education and abstinence and people. Parents will say will obviously I want comprehensive sex said because I want my kids to know everything. Do. We know if comprehensive sex ED reduces. Sexual activity or does abstinence reduce sect? What do we know about how well each of these programs is working? I'm subway Jessica question on. There's a researcher nine Stanley been involved in this kind of research for many many years. And he just recently completed a very indepth. Research hyper that he published just recently just within the past couple or three months, that shows that the company's six firms across the board. Almost none of them have any costed him back as a matter of fact A. Number actually caused more albums been they They saw with their programs. Any did show in the same study of sort of absence problems. If you WANNA use that word farther, but. Encourage young people not about sexy. That's our as actually a suggestive of there being successful. Eliza Martin. And the ACURA and weakened concern that people robot that paper Roosevelt I'm sure you. Know rates to. Commit Excellent research and anyone. That's our school board. A school district that has a concern about the second. You GotTa copy that. They need to bring that to their school board. Art To those who are in charges shooting their students. Unfortunately I think a lot of the teachers. Whomever is teaching the sex ED IN THE SCHOOLS Is Not. I don't I. Don't mean to be demeaning or critical of the people teaching it, but a lot of times the curricula. Medically sound and can be outdated because it has to be you know pass, although strict regulations of the state and I and I don't know I I, think the hearts of the teachers are right but I. Just Kinda wonder you know how much they know about the medical facts and I think that's going to have a huge impact on what they teach and how they teach it, don't you? Absolutely, and that's why focus on the problem of contraceptives, because in the compromise so-called I always tell him so companies of sex. A big focus on contraceptives, but like I. Say they never say that. If condoms are not used consistently and correctly, it's as though they weren't used it. All and CDC actually says. So they must be used consistently retrieved every single time incorrectly, which means I never can be turned inside out and use the light are titan all early. Thought to be affected. If that ever happens, then incomes are not effective. But even if they are perfectly only reduce the risk of the common diseases like non arena. Mennea Irvy's and a little bit. With reduce the risk of that fifty percent. Even whether US absolutely perfectly. Let me ask you. How many high or college has perfectly every day like I suppose to their kids? They don't do anything with that kind regular. and. How can we expect them in the heat of passion? Always use condoms contraceptives appropriately. A study that chosen it cohabit to young people. On Birthday girl control else twenty percent of pregnant by the first year because they just don't use your heart control bills ride even though the right there in Woodside table. Relationship and this is never pointed out we need. We need parents to hear what we're saying. They may because they won't. What's best for the kids and these things limit their future when the girl gets pregnant or she gets a disease. In moves on into college, while actually particularly lower income people when they get. They. Don't even get through CASTA lot teams, and we want those young people to succeed. Alphabet low income environment. Don't we? We do and it really isn't about trying to stifle kids or be controlling of kids or You know to be kind of prudish. It really is for their physical, sexual and emotional health. My far and away the the best and healthiest thing for them to do, and I really don't think that a lot of parents appreciate how much healthier and how much better kids feel if they postpone, you adopt a free to Bush wrote a fabulous book called hooked where you talked about the neuro physiology that that takes place during sexual activity. Can you talk to us just a little bit about hooked? Up to. This book came out. First came out two thousand nine. It came as a result of I going to see Joe J. Deed. At the NIH jagged in the nineties started in. Our own analysis because it's a magnetic can't brains or that we were can't ski in CD, Scams Use radiation, but when he could use these banks to start studying unless. Brains on sequential isis year after year he realized it ranges drawing in developing but the. Last three from CORTEX, and that's why you now. You're so much about that. Lessons don't have fully mature judgment until the mid twenties because the from Texas toby develop. It's not the southern brains aren't completely. They're yelling the mid twenty. So that's one thing. The other is that we now know clearer that are experienced Mos- our brain. Those folks in the brain that you see in those pictures are where things are stored. And when we experienced something I got wonderful. Play our our. Football game. Are here beautiful music, those things mold. Our brain physically changes the brain cells in the way. They're hooked up in some almost any experience. We have changed his brain. In one of the most powerful experiences we have sex when we are involved in sex are our skin-to-skin with the most rain. To adjust to that experience, and if we end, it's a beautiful thing, because if a couple gets married, and then begins having sex Moser you see, that is such a healthy, warm and wonderful thing. domains produce which makes them on. Sexy Ganz America all. The oxytocin Awan produces then when she skin-to-skin with her husband by answer to to hurt young, and makes her trusty, and in their sex video resulted babies. Will Bond bonded together about Oxytocin by suppressant in my way I can grow up in a family with the government debt. This is a beautiful mechanism. I think personally that God designed for us to make our lives better and he's actually if you do I attended. Obama's says introduced in Genesis as a very best wife for human beings to live together Ryan. So, we see this beautiful pattern, but he can be heard to be destroyed when young people start having multiple sexual partners of rain, most except that is normal thing Then they just do the next time there with another or girl have sex because it's whether brains in molded. Now, UNMOWN can have because people do often lately. Most people ultimately do get married at least certainly have up to this point in our society. and the May have this Tennessee to. Seek out, somebody also what we say today is if you start seeing a fractured your marriage, any fractured elsia counselor. Go See your pastor, your prese you're. GonNa Psychologists Yoda somebody. Don't let that fractured G. s she. Of every. Other sexual artist because it can destroy your ice chip. Absolutely so let's say you have one man and one woman that have never had sex with anybody, and they come together, and they're bound tightly. If you have an I, tell kids. It's like taking two pieces of fresh tape and sticking them together. They're hard to tear apart, but if you have Kids have had multiple multiple partners. Is that to say then with partner ten? They can't really bind to that person. Or. Is that an overstatement? I think it's more complicated than that thinker probably is an issue there. But I think the broader issue is, it's our brains in voted to see that it's just a normal way function, and therefore they. Often today on. The cause of the mode to to not accept that is the best way night them will go on with another sexual partner by the way of Meg that's one of the reasons why we you ju- The Urban Day. She said delay the onset of the sexual abuse latest fossil because we have very clear studies showed the later of persons starts at sex fewer sexual art. They have fewer sexual partners. I have in the less chance of having these diseases including HIV. I mention one more thing image time. We have I'd like to thank you mentioned the success. Because so much of the focus of our work now is to emphasize that it's not all we do is such power. There's a aren't as brooking institute in Washington DC, this sort of A. Liberal group about Ron Haskins in who are no harshly and Isabel saw Developed, this study that showed that you'll be. Will graduate from Moscow. And get a job. Even a minimum wage job, then get married and have children in that order that only three percent of them will end up in poverty ever. It's a dramatic scene. A Brad Wilcox at the University of Virginia expanded on that actually he produced a grocer, actually very informative of look what about that I would have to get a hold of interested in this area, but if we just get people interested. They were saw Hilton and asking for. Arming Bay, but you and I can say Hello Sir motion because we know. Studies clearly show that when guys are girls either one we. Could ask fewer Collagen. They're not married. They're much more likely to be depressed. As much higher hisses, suicide Timpson, says ideation a much higher rate off suicide sale. And this kind of research actually has been getting stronger more recently, not weaker. We don't want young people to be pressed in college because we're village their studies in. College s away in achieve writer So this argument for teaching, kids and young adults to Not have sex except for with one person really isn't a religious argument. It really is a medically sound argument and also psychologically sound you know parents want their kids to be emotionally healthy, and yet they never think about talking about sexual activity as a big part of emotional health, and I think that parents really need to understand that because Younger Diseases, and and that's horrible, but in my experience kids and parents will say okay. Talk to me for that about five minutes, but talk to me for about twenty five minutes on the emotional impact of. Sexual activity kids. What's the future hold for sexual activity and our youth? We've talked about this. We know that teaching kids to abstain until they're married is the best way to go medically. Do. You think that we can change the tide. In America. Yes. Raises. because. I think it's gotten so bad. That a paper finally, saying enough is the even parents, even parents that perhaps would not even emphasize sexual absence in in marriage are saying this crazy and I think that advertisement Where the guy says I can have sex water, three or whoever? I don't think. He really thinks that's healthy thing for kids so I i. think that we have splintered Kamara like Robert Tallies book years ago. we our culture that has really slip deeply into tomorrow in this. second I think because of that that people now are going to wake up to. What we're saying here that there is value not just from disease. The value in relationships coming timothy are connecting Percy is one of the key aspects of being a human the. And I think people beginning to realize that, perhaps his job in bars thing where we're having to be separated, reach other are. For people like me that my wife died two years ago I'm single. Are families that are having to stay together just in their home or realize there's something really bad. We'll hear going up for soccer, practice, practicing and Dane spices and so forth. So this could even be hard abyss. Motivation have far. Improving connectivity, and the most important valuable connection is that between a husband and wife I believe? That within five years, if groups will come together and actually we do now have a group of people began to work. Across the country with this message as we get this message out literally in five years like I said while ago, girls will say well, of course. She don't have sex before he married his. It's harmful in every way and Gaza. Thing I'm truly. That for a large part of the population of American that will get that message. Twenty percent of people might hate. Thank message I think twenty feet of love are saying this I think the big sixty percent of dinner saying we don't. I think we can get guidance Jaguars. Yeah, yeah I agree. Because I started to see the the tide changes well because kids and parents saying enough is enough. We know that sitting down and watching television seeing sex everywhere, and that kind of makes them feel ill. At least it makes them feel ill for their kids, and the kids are wising up and I just wanted to say on behalf of teenagers. Teenagers will abstain from sex, but you have to give them a good reason to. You know parents and and. Teachers assume kids are going to be sexually active. That's not true. Because studies show that only half are less than half budget, so we need to teach parents. Okay, it's not that hard at least teaching girls. You know who the gatekeeper said. Look, it's not that hard so I feel very encouraged. I feel more encouraged about where we're going than I did even ten years ago. Yeah I. DO WE? Yeah, we have? We have advertising on television primetime sponsored by the State on why teenagers should be abstinent, and they use that word world. That never would have happened ten years ago. Never would have happened so i. think that your message where parents and teachers and physicians need to come together we can really tip the scales and drive down. Infections drive down depression, drive down anxiety, drive down this whole culture of hooking up which is working in any way, shape or form for for young people I really really believe that we can change the type of anybody out. There is interested in finding out more of the work that the Medical Institute for Sexual Health is doing. They're interested in looking at studies or there look just interested in finding out the medical facts. How can they? Where should they go? Www Dot mad institute, just mad, not medical, but www dot met institutes dot org in. We would love to contact us. We love our website. And be involved with us. In any way they. Tell this is fabulous as I will end the show saying the same thing. The beginning. You're really one of the smartest. Guys ever known in the hardest working, so thank you so much for commerce on your so far MAG but thank you. Thank you for. I just love getting this message out. To a million so well tonight. Thank you. Now, under my points, ponder one talk to your kids about sex. Many parents ask. When is it time to have the talk? Well, here's my rule of thumb when your kids begin to hear about sex in school or from older siblings. It's time some kids here at age eight others at age eleven. The best way to find out what your child is hearing is to ask. I. Know The kids are or will talk about things that MOMS and dads do in private like kissing. Have you heard anyone talk about these things than watch your child's expression? You'll be able to tell by his response whether he has or hasn't if he hasn't let it go for a while, don't have the sex talk then, but if he has you need to tell them that you want to set aside some time to have a very special talk with you. Second review the SEX ED program in your child's school. Most parents don't do this because they don't think about it. There's a variation from state to state, but you need to know exactly what your child will be taught in a sex ED program some schools far too prematurely talked a young kids kindergarteners about sex, and this is far too much for them. If you find something in the program, you disagree with talk to other parents and put pressure on the school to pull the information. Remember is Dr, mcelhinney said. Shows that giving young kids? Explicit information about sex changes their behavior. Sir Don't be timid. When it comes to objecting to sexualization of our kids, many parents just stay quiet. They don't WanNa. Look like they're out of touch with cultural norms. Do this. This is absolutely not true, and even if it were who cares your job and minus to help your child, he as healthy as possible. Emotionally and physically, and this involves helping them stay sexually healthy. You don't teach your kids about the sexualization going on around them, and about what healthy sex is who will? Parents. Going to answer questions today because I'm going to do something new every other week I'm going to. Post a podcast with just me answering questions and talking about a specific topic, my first podcast like this. I'm going to talk about your parenting pre load. Your parenting preloaded unique to listen to it. Because I'll bet it's something you've never heard of. I want to thank my guest. Dr Joe mcelhinney for joining me on the show today to find out more about Dr. mcelhinney go to med. Institute Dot Org. That's MED institute DOT Org. Let's recap points to ponder one talk to your kids about sex. Even though it's very embarrassing to review the sex ED program in your child's school three. Don't be timid. And parents don't forget, go to meeker parenting, DOT, com, and sign up for my free Webinar on discipline, the discipline playbook how to be an effective and calm disciplinarian so until next time parents always remember. Great kids are raised, not borne. Hey, this is bobby producer of magny cours parenting great kits podcast. Thanks for listening, and because your dedication to raising great kids doctor Max Parenting Revolution has grown to over three million downloads head on over to facebook and twitter and follow at Meg Meeker MD and check out what's new MAG maker, DOT COM and while you're there, sign up for the newsletter to stay updated and get information about giveaways. 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