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Carolla Classics: State of the Unions

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Thanks for listening to the Adam Corolla show on podcast. One well here. We are new New Year's Day. What are you doing? What is your resolution Share mine with you but come up with it by this afternoon about that. Want to fully protect your home. How about protection? How about protecting your family? There's a good new year's resolution with the award winning twenty four seven security That's simply safe. They have a huge holiday offer coming down the Pike and well it's here and it's going to end soon. Dan and burglary spiked during the holiday. So families are traveling leaving the homes. Empty there's all the great deg gifts left behind and the burglar uglier snow that so everything you need to protect your home and family smart. Lock video doorbells army of sensors and cameras that guard every room doors and windows windows two is in their simplisafe. It's two thousand and twenty. Well it is two thousand twenty now officially. So let's take care of security. Let's let's do this year. Plus real time video confirmation police will respond three and a half times faster when they see that My listeners get twenty five percent off plus plus free security camera on your system start the new year off right. Let's get going. People visit simplisafe dot com slash remember. The sale ends January Eric Seventh simplisafe dot com slash Adam and welcome Karol classics for January. First Twenty twenty start of a new decade. But we're planning some more clips from The almost eleven years of podcasting Adam has done. We're doing right here. My Name's Chris Locks Iman executive producer. The Adam Corolla show and with me as always Corolla Hirola archivists superfan. Giovanni this twenty twenty Chris. I feel like I'm in a cyberpunk novel I know it's a little too twenty twenty just means to many different things man. I'M GONNA go hack at risk in the future right now. We're in people's ears and we'll happy new year jail said it'd be us well with you. You this wonderful all right we have an interesting show for right. Now we're going to play All the state of the Union's Adam Curle has done over the last In the history of the podcast so Ba- I show of every year. Adam does a the state of the Union and where he just he addresses the audience. And lets everybody know what's going on with the show plans for the future things like that and we you have the first one he did back in two thousand and ten. It's unclear where the state of your entitled came from if that was just lazy thing and throughout the State of the Union came up some like that better or don actually picked the name with strange kind of had to start doing this back in the morning. Show because the format changes so after two thousand six with Brian Theresa and damage at close out the year and crazy ratings this either gonNA put in place for two thousand seven only opened two thousand seven. They had to kind of explain the cash changes and then after Adam sick out on duty at the end of two thousand seven next two thousand eight they had explained the cast changes and then two thousand nine. They didn't really have was Kinda like over to keep going. Everything's great but I think by that time Adam knew the station was gonNA flip in two months. It was right about then so it was kind of strange and I remember the preferring to stay at unit time of the. They might have done that. But somebody's Donnie for this one. Is Adam mm cruel show to twenty-eight Curl Donnie coming back on January fourth twenty ten. It's these state of the Union show. Donnie shares the real. Talk Plan for the network. Doc The sports show the parents show cannabis show and Adam Curle was just talking bowl time along with them kind of trying to help them along the way they're trying to like pitch the network to current listeners. Here's chunk of it. Yeah get it on get it on no choice but to get it on. Welcome to the first podcast of two two thousand and ten. Now what we thought we'd do is a little state of the Union. Look back and look forward what we've accomplished no nine and and what we can look forward to a no ten and years beyond my guest is buddy the we's why the we well we couldn't get a guest be we can get a guest and see this whole thing was his idea and we're GonNa talk about what direction we're going and how that includes you people and we're going to thank you for what you did for us in O-9 and kind of tell you what the plan is and Donohue correct me first off off Onward and upward We're going to expand we're going to go to my other warehouse. There was a gentleman of Armenian descent. Who decided not to pay his lease and to leave with a shit in the toilet in a cloud of dust? And this is the warehouse that The Hammer was filmed in the final fight scene was filmed and for those trivia buffs. And it's also the one that Jay Leno said to buy lie essentially because his warehouses are right next to the Burbank airport and he said you know you should get a warehouse near the airport work because security is sort of taking care of for you and there's little things in life that way by the way that you don't really think of you know you think well let's go to the warehouse district but that's the crappy part the town. Or let's go to Koreatown and by a warehouse but it's scary to be there at night this is right up against the side of the Burbank airport. So they sort of patrol troll and if there are any suspicious primer colored vans without a state play park too long in one spot the Burbank. PD will be on top of them like shit on rice right shit or either way to combine the two. So we're GONNA in a move and we're going to move into a bigger facility and we're going to have better sound quality and we're GonNa have better production and we're GONNA have a lot more video and we're going to have employees and we're going to have edit bays and we're going to bring you a better product The the plan as far as US making money and you guys getting your quality in your programming is a combination. WE'RE GONNA go out on the road this year. We're going to do a lot of live dates. We're going to do a lot of live shows. You guys seem to enjoy US going out to the Irvine Improv. A couple of weeks back six. So we're definitely going to come to a town near you is a matter of fact Let us hear from you because we have to decide. Is it worth going to. Oh Seattle or should we go to Arizona or should we go to vegas or should we go to Kentucky. I don't think we're going to Kentucky. But if there's a lot of fans a and you're in the Seattle area and a happen to know we do have a lot of fans in that area or if you're in the Arizona area or the San Diego area let us know because We'll we'll come out and do the Improv in your neighborhood Either way one of the ways we're going to generate income. This year is coming out and seeing in person and doing the live shows Another way is through ads now. These ads should not take over the show. There's not going to be five minute commercial breaks. I mean radio you had set in and they'll be integrated nicely into the show. They'll have our own They'll they'll have they'll have my voice and kind of our own spin on things and Yeah it'll be a slight speed bump for you the listeners but it won't be a pullover and let's go kill seven minutes While while these guys ramble on about Car Insurance They'll be a minimal amount of advertising on the show very minimal amount of advertising on the show Also though be things that we ask you for Like the Goddamn cellphones offered fucker recorded. Now we'll be things like like when we did ball. Brian's event bent we'll be asking you to come out to those types of events when we did ball Brian's and we sold it for Buck Ninety nine on the ultra net a. We'll we'll be asking you to do things like that again. What we're GONNA TRY TO DO is strike a balance I'm done being paid by. CBS Radio Danni has no job. Ganz has no job. Nobody here has a job except for this job. So yes yes. We're going to try to turn it into a business We're not going to. We're GONNA try as best we can to deliver a pure version shen of the content that we've always delivered and hopefully if it all works out right you won't even notice it but will be able to make an income on this and thus keep it going and what we're going to try to ultimately do you know make this network grow and hopefully hopefully there's going to be programming for everybody from the parents to gear head to the sports head right and it's going to be real programming. It's not going to be hit cancers. Just give me potentially. We might even have a leader cannabis show somewhere down the line to that's in the works But it it's it's GonNa be real programming something it's going to be re it's it's like a reality. TV They tried to do. It's gotten overproduced now. It's over Polish overworked. You're you're going to get some real programming. Be at the parent. Show be at the sports show. You're going to get the real talk what you want to hear. What normal people talk about normal people wanna hear and you'll get it in a very unfiltered way and again we're going to fill out the row the roster we're going to look at where are in Were in contact. People have come up to us. I don't WanNa get into all the specifics of all the comedians and all all the personalities because a lot of it's just hearsay but there's folks you've heard on this show in the past that you've heard on the radio show in the past people that you like people that you enjoy people whose sensibilities we share for the most part or at least people we think would be a good or fun fit on the show sometimes an alternative politically but either way provocative funny. And we're GONNA look at some of those people and bringing them aboard and supplementing this show and having them do their own show and essentially. What a fledgling network does start filling out the roster and start creating programs so you can look forward to that like I said again? We're going to be hitting the road a lot and doing the live things which I I don't know why I never really thought of it before but it just seemed seemed we used to do the live. Radio shows and there were four hours long and different than live shows that we start to begun to do. Now I I know four hours I is a long time to be talking in a bar. It really is and when you're talking to one of the Super Boring Malouf brothers from Vegas. Guess it's just Comedy death but doing our ninety minute shows from a comedy club in that environment is a good time again. These aren't going to be overproduced. Your radio the show not to take anything away from those those timeouts for the commercials your segments. The live shows you're doing now are free. Form they kind of go. We're also doing these. Live live show from the big O.. Tire Center Ontario's probably not the greatest comedy venue. You know we will come to clubs and We will do show come to places that were built to accommodate doing live shows sometimes musically oftentimes comically or both. But either way. That's the event we're going to. That's the venue we'll be at so bigger facility better facility more reproduction more editing. More video more stuff to look at speaking of more video We're working on live streaming so you can expect to seen in some podcasts. That it'd be live streamed live Yes so from a technological standpoint. We've been sort of doing it on a shoestring budget budget and we've been going a little caveman on you guys though we once again. It's organic we don't want to. I don't know if I should say they bring in big investors and have crazy easy money and then once again turn it into a corporate right production machine overnight. We WanNa keep an organic and yeah but I'm saying in the past we've been going fairly low tech with the phones the recording and all that stuff so but then also designed for us to travel so we can take the show on. The road stopped shitting on my points owner owner when we moved to the new facility. We are going to step up the technology. The phones the recording the sound quality not the acoustics. All that stuff is going to be stepped up quite a bit so you will be getting a cleaner better higher quality product. Now What are we ask you to do other than sit back and listen well sit back and listen I come out? And she s when we do an event Dan when my book comes out by my book When friend tell tell a friend? That's exactly what I was going to get to you can be a We can deputise all you to be ambassadors for the show and go out and find your friends Whether they be at work or at play who might share our sensibility or your sensibility or fuck me. Maybe they like spider and the henchman. You know I mean maybe there sports guys and they're currently listening to some shit on you know some boring. She had on Fox sports. Whatever and you turn them on to Our sports cast either way Go Out and help us build an audience and again the way this works ultimately it's a business and we can bring you a better product the more ears we can get on the show the more eyeballs we can get on the show the more money we can get from sponsors and other people the better the product we can bring the Eh promise that money comes in we will be putting it right back into the production and the network work and a little up my nose. Let's be honest. Tell me about that. Well I'm just saying I don't mean actually putting in coke form format my nose. I mean rolling up the bills in feeding them up my nose by the way that that that magic trick where people do that thing where they like they roll up like the dollar bill they push it into their ear and then pull it out of their nose. My the only one finds it disgusting. Like if you really did believe that like you know that move or you go the guy goes. Yeah let me hear me twenty dollars. Bill say switch and he puts it pulls out a bit. I really believe them. Like if I was a indigenous tribesmen. It's been there something I'd punch a guy in the face as he handed it back out by the way. Where's it coming out next? And they don't do it with the ass because that is the best orifice to pull a twenty the day and age. It's about the next move knows a little boring well either way We just wanted to give you a heads up that in Otani it's onward and upward and we'd like to thank all you guys for making o-9 such a surprise absolutely amazing. I'm completely surprised and amazed at how far we've come from. You know you stopping on a Friday. And that's starting on a Monday and we had no idea I'd never really heard of podcasting. Oh Casting Donnie forced upon me. We've gotten You know the The lots of accolades like the I tunes podcast asked the year and entertainment weekly must list and all that kind of stuff Not to mention tons of great articles and press and all that sort of stuff stuff so people have taken an interest in the Senate really once again because it's not over produced the Jack Silvers of the world aren't involved and and really I mean Adam is taking his content content really exactly where he wanted his mind in his heart. He he's really giving you what he wants to put out one hundred percent well I couldn't have done it without you. We thank you so again. We'll do a just a shorter How do you do thanks for Listening Oh nine and welcome. Welcome to ten The full length podcast will Begin tomorrow and run uninterrupted all the way through the year for your listening pleasure but again this was a Sort of quick state of the Union. Hope you enjoyed your holidays and I believe Andy Dick on tomorrow show. Yes act crazy and now newly sober Andy Dick. Although he still wears his We heard alcohol anklet bracelet. But let me say this. Is that thing off and let me just say this in nineteen fifty three. If I said you you see that toaster over there anyway yeah you put a piece of white bread there. Yeah how long they take the toasted two minutes I did in two thousand and ten I will have the exact same. It will take ten seconds longer to toast bread but we will have a bracelet that you can strapped your ankle that will detect whether you've consumed alcohol a hall and back then a high ball whether you've taken a high ball and will then radio it to a dude who can call the cops and Ham. I am so much show for your house with no wires whatsoever on it just strip around your ankle like this picture us in. Not Loosing Ricky's he's apartment but the merchants apartment Ethel Mertz and Fred Mertz and we're just standing there and I'm showing them this bracelet so str- attract this'll go on your ankle and it's GonNa tell the man if you have a drink you drink a beer right now Fred Mertz It will magically tell a guy five hundred miles away. The you've you've been drinking and he'll call a guy five hundred miles from him and he'll show up at your door but yet the toast. No Change Zero change in the exact- same thing every morning just standing by the fucking toaster thinking. This hasn't moved along one. Just just some filament. It's turned red and it's a AH toasting the side of the break as Sandy Ganz the professor would say. You can't mess with perfection so I don't I don't know I wonder. What Thomas Edison? Jason we think about this device if you told him as. He's trying to invent the LIGHTBULB. Guess what one hundred years from now this device is going to be around Well I I'm you're full for Shit. I also think some of those guys would be freaked out and disappointed to well. This does sound very apocalyptic Orwellian and big brotherish doesn't nine a pack of cigarettes strapped your ankle essentially. That's GonNa let a guy know. Oh you don't know that you've been boozing the second who served boozing but anyway I'm a little disappointed in the toaster and disappointed in is the microwave. I've been drinking. Can t lately and you take a cop and You fill it with water and you put it in the microwave takes about a minute and a half it takes ex justice fucking long in the microwave is it does to handle to put the same amount in a tea kettle. Play in the center of the microwave on the ED the outer edge get solder outer edge. Better Listener Yeah. Yeah I just like it. When there's three months I have right where I can't touch the mug mugged because a mugs hot but the water's actually colder than it was before I put it all right? Let's not digress. The point is lots of toaster microwave. Talk Oh oh ten. We'll be doing some live. Shows will be will be Taken it on the road. Nice step up in technology streaming video and streaming video. Thank you for Listening and Oh nine keep listening. You know ten and Tele friend until next time this Adam Corolla for okay. Good Buddy the we saying Mahala sh and now as two thousand ten state of the Union show and so weird here to hear the podcast network in its infancy like that. Yeah just the idea is like here's what we do we're GonNa try to do and it's just it's like you wouldn't think of these things about having presented to go back over him. Oh that's right and some of the shows are still on the air in an maybe in a different a different name or different. Look but Yeah that was. It's the beginning of what is created cruel seasons. Seventeen of Donny's cannabis show is killing it out. That one is doing very well. So were you on staff at the time they did. This sustained sustain the universe. This is before me came on right around friend Jello. Yeah exactly so all right. Let's keep going more state of the Union shows this next one. Two thousand thousand eleven. We're going in order here for this. One Yeah Yeah I was. Adam breaks down. Do they know it's Christmas over about twenty plus minutes so you just decided to go off on the song so he doesn't chunks throughout up giving also a state of the Union about the show. Sam Crucial Four Sixty Nine January third twenty eleven featuring Adam Corolla and from Corolla one studios in Glendale California. This is the Adam Corolla show today. Adam takes your your calls and gives a state of the Union on East Broadcasting. And what's coming up in twenty eleven and now the man who can make all your New Year's resolutions come come true Adam Corolla. Yeah get it on get it on no choice but to get it on man day or I would have state of the Union address with the ace man. Well it's been another successful year when I say another what we do ten months the first time but we twenty months into this bitch. Yeah I guess it is I just want to give you guys a little heads up on where we're at First off thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for telling a friend. Thank you for being so loyal. Thank you for coming out to all the live shows and selling out so ninety something percent of them. Thank you for getting my book up to Pass the fifty thousand units sold than keeping us on I tunes up above Bush's book I always think about that. You think there's any the I don't know what Bush probably doesn't spend and a bunch of time on I tunes but do you think that guy. Do you think one of his aides or maybe one of his secret service guys accessible mate check I tunes boss and see where your aunt. She's like the art of war above him and Mark Twain above him and then he goes. Who Says Jack Off Adam Corolla? It'd be weird. I don't know if you've stopped. Bush tapped him on the shoulder. And you want to you know Adam Karol is do you think he'd say he's got a book out or I've never fucking her that guy or that I have him killed in the late nineties I'm just GONNA go to bed at night. Assume that he has no fucking idea Let's see what do you guys need to know. Well we're going to start streaming video soon. Start will start the network soon we will decide on a news girl. Soon we will do the show and Crate is as best we cannon and as you can tell we're doing it little by little bit by bit you know I We work the audio out that took a little while. Then we're going to get the video. Worked out wow that's taken a little while but it's always onward and upward and again and you people have made it happen. You guys buying the merchandise Jason coming out to the live shows getting the books and Just listening just telling a friend. I mean really if you don't have a penny if you do not have one cent of discretionary income and you go look An atom curl a bumper sticker for buck. Ninety nine is a little too rich for my blood. That's cool if you want to contribute to the show you don't have to and I'm not. I'm not telling us for everyone who has a job but let's just say you're unemployed. Let's just say you're listening to this podcast from a refrigerator box in Van Nuys underneath the the one on one off ramp that as it goes into the four. Oh five and you have a dog and You're using a jump rope for leash and the dogs got a Bandanna and it looks like that dog from Road Warrior and you've got you just shat upon yourself. Let's say that's how but you have an MP3 player. That's how you're listening to this show. You got nothing all you have to do is tell another one your bum bodies to listen to what to and we're cool. It's really just about ears. It doesn't have anything to do with You buying stuff. Buying this stuff is great and it helps us out a a lot but For All you who do not buy anything. God Love You. Tell a couple of buddies at work or tell a couple bums at the park. That is all we ask all right a couple of Christmas thoughts. I something that hit me when I was getting my haircut over the Mexican Barbara Lady Eighty couple of days ago. Love those ladies. You realize no reason to spend more than thirteen dollars on a haircut. I off no matter what happens. It's going back to the way it was and three to seven weeks right number two. It's all just how much you're how much hair stuff is. Just SORTA jacking off. You know if you think about it like I tell my wife. Every time. Whenever John's docile does one of those reports the swamp stuff the stuff? That's a buck. Ninety nine is is exactly the same as the pantene stuff which thirteen dollars which is exactly the same as the one from New Trees that Sarah Jessica Parker talks about the essence and the oils and all the bullshit. It's all bullshit they smell a little bit different and that registers in some part of your brain and that makes you think it's different. It's not different but between that and the super expensive haircut between I I would love to see especially on a dude if anyone could tell the difference difference between a hundred and ten dollar haircut and a fifteen dollar haircut not to mention the fact. It'd be like you going. I need you know what I I need a five hundred dollar lawn mowing this week. And then someone's tap on the shoulder and go now it's just going to. It's going to grow back back at all. It's GonNa look the same a week from now two weeks from now. It's just gonNA come right back anyway. I go the barber and I. It's the greatest thing ever because the haircuts are like twelve or thirteen dollars and when I give him the twenty dollars Intel keep the change half the time I get blown own. Yeah the other half a hand job. No these women are like oh I yeah I am daddy warbucks in that place and I just just walked out of there with the tax and tip and twenty bucks POW but I was sitting there. Only problem is the magazines. They got all chick magazines casinos in there after read after. I'm sitting there reading like us and Spaniel figuring out what Ricky Martin's up to and getting my haircut haircut and they've pumped in Christmas music and all the businesses around town of pumped in the Christmas music and it's kind of a good vibe like it's Corny Corny but you're hearing about snow in the you know figgy pudding in you'll logs and kids excited and people dress into the nines and there's some more contemporary ones and there's some older ones and the older one sound pretty dated but they're Kinda cheery there about going on sleigh rides ads and You know opening presents and eating pie and it just kind of you know it gets it. Gets you in the mood and so I was listening to have I dunno white Christmas or whatever whatever happy whatever happy sort of You know feel good warm and Fuzzy Christmas Song. I was listening listening to and then it went right into that Do they know it's Christmas. Time that feed the world that That that live aid thing or whatever that was from one thousand nine hundred eighty four and I started listening to it and I started to get bummed out but I I got because I realized that songs over twenty five years old the and nothing has changed in that region. The world's evidently the song didn't help and nothing has helped all this mosquito nets all the malaria cures all the sacks of grain rain in the last twenty five plus years have done nothing. I don't know if they're better off now than they were. When Bob Geldof the boomtown rats decided come up that song wrong or not but it just became it was it was just sort of British Jack Session and I started listening to it and I thought you know at this is bumming me Out and I thought. Why am I being bombed out when I'm getting my haircut at the Mexican Barbara Right in the Middle Christmas time and the whole idea a Christmas Christmas song is like a kid song for adults? I never really thought about that concept but really just think about that kids songs. You're like you're so special worse so happy were GonNA party. It's like yea let's have a good time and as adult. So you listened to these songs about the rack of the Edmund Fitzgerald or you know some bitch that got shot or some shit like that or is some bitch and needed backhanding or whatever it is and you know or some Vietnam War protest song and you start getting bummed out a little bit but the only kids version of an adult adult song. There is is Christmas songs. Hey we're going on a SLEIGH RIDE EH GONNA open presents. Everyone's going to be there old Saint Nick but but but it's it's the only it's the only real good. I mean other than gay songs. I guess gay songs are like kids songs for adults. Do you Leave in life after. Yeah there are the gays okay. So there's gay songs. Why Gay Song so Happy their parents hate him dying of AIDS but yet the songs are happy man all that. Ymca and everything. Gay Songs are the happiest songs I guess they. I don't sing about war. That much You two should go gay pep it up a little bit all right anyway. The point is this for straight great adults the Christmas songs those those are the best and those are the kids songs and those are the happy finger pop songs and and then this thing comes on and just just dig the lyrics to this as we go through it. I think we got a little time. We'll play some of it for you For whom the Bell Tolls Smith Yeah you should turn it off right now. If you don't want to get bummed out keep it going good sir uh-huh in uh dreaded beer beef On a second only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears coming another piece of pie feeling good again like I'm not GonNa do anything. I'm just bombed out now now. I feel bad because I got a trunk. Full full of bullshit from China from toys R.. US and I'm going to give to my kids already have a house full of bullshit but all I'm saying about this song is I'm not saying it's a bad song and I'm not saying it wasn't a noble effort at its time I'm saying pull it out of the hopper. It shouldn't be in the Christmas time. I'm I'm just saying what if what if I wrote a song like like here's the thing what if la had a horrific earthquake and and millions of people died and the rest were amputees. So I wrote a Christmas song called Save the of La and where we're going to bury the Mexicans. Okay that was my Christmas song and everyone okay. That's good well. Let's get some money together to get prosthetic limbs for these people. I don't know what rhymes with prosthetic but I would work that out and I came up with a hit. But here's the thing. Should it be played next. Twenty five years from now. Would you wanNA hear it in between Bing crosby and Ella Fitzgerald or whoever else is singing about their Christmas song you know what I'm saying. Man Manhattan transfer. No leave it in for that one time period raise the money and then pull it the fuck out of the queue. Would you want to hear about amputees in La Twenty five years from now. Oh and we should the world here about this when they're sitting down for their suppers trying to enjoy their honey baked hams. They gotta hear about all this dreaded famine Katie. Don't go anywhere where he's gotTa play the rest of the song but by the way making note if there is a horrific earthquake in L. A.. You know what let's pre we will. Do you know how newspapers right obits for guys that I'm a guarantee every newspaper in the country has has a Larry King Obey. That's already written. They just leave the date blank actually second parts as two thousand and and they'll do it but here's the point when you get old newspapers do this with guys are all they're sick or whatever you know presidents ex-presidents luminaries dignitaries celebrities. They have that. Oh bit already already. Can they just have to dial in just a little bit at the very end they just massage it run the next day Katie. Let's work on a Christmas us. L. A. Earthquake Song and evitable a big ones common. And when it does we cash in immediately and then all those ass wipes are going to have to hear about it for the next. Thirty years I'm saying is when I'm sitting in the barber's chair at the Mexican hairdressers. Do I need to hear this fucking bummer of a song. I'd rather hear Janice Ian it's seventeen it's more uplifting. Let's let's hear the rest okay. So the tears are the only the only water that's flowing but here we go Second hold on hold on hold on a second. This is the part. I take huge umbrage with this that fucking blow heart Bono. Bano Sonny Bono is that thank God. It's instead of you now. Let me tell you when you thank God when someone else instead of you. That's when Shit comes down to a coin toss see what we got here. The reason Bano we got water and we don't have famine or ethnic cleansing or spare tires. Being put around people lit on fire because we got a little something call the society that we built see the thank God. Now here's where you thank God when when your friends get pancreatic cancer and there were non smoker. And they're in their thirties and go. Wow Man that's tough. That's when you thank thank God or somebody gets t-bone by drunk driver. That's thank God it was them instead of you. There's lots of thank God instead of you. You having no infrastructure no government and no way to feed people that any thank God Bano we got our shit together over here that nothing to do. With God's got bunch coach got to do with a bunch of super hard work and people that are motivated not corrupt. So he's got nothing to do with that. It's really really like like the difference between a student in an F.. Student is like Oh man thank God you got lucky. You got an A. on that test and that guy's unlucky he he keeps getting APPs on his task and then you're going off the Stanford and then he's going off to junior college. He so lucky he so now. Now not luck not luck. Bano one guy studied one guy didn't go out and party. One Guy did his homework. One guy took the the PSAT's while the other guy was ripping a bong load Not Locked Bano not luck and by the way if it is like thank God. It's them why he's got keep sliding them. They're smitten their smited. GotTa work that one out. The point is this. They've been on a bad role with God for a lot of years. Now what do you think think. He's got a beef with them. Think he hates those people Well we'll just thank God bound. Thank God luck of the draw could could just as easily be us with our armies and our taxes taxes and our roads and our governments and our skyscrapers and our dams and our laws Yeah maybe we ought to get a little busy with the ethnic cleansing all right. Let's let's keep listening This is the second imagine dropping that bomb like I know. You guys are pretty bummed out right now about the famine and ethnic cleansing and all that stuff. I got worse news for you. What is it Eighty four you got something coming in eighteen ahead call. Jesus Christ and the last line we just cut off on was where nothing ever grows if nothing ever gross it's it's time to think about Pulling up stakes but anyway let's keep listening Part bums out. How are we supposed to joy? Are Excellent Zest Eggnog. All here's to you. Raise a glass to everyone. Here's to them underneath the burning sun again. It's all all about the fucking Christmas is about forgetting about your problems putting your differences aside getting a little buttered up with Some rum in the EGGNOG. And just call me. You know light that fire in the fireplace and just fucking hugging it out with the family this thing bums the Shit Outta me I last I checked check. They're not making any money out of it right. That's not like someone's driving in a car listening to this and goes oh man I gotta cut a check out to Bob Geldof so let's pull it pull it pull it from the ranks of Christmas songs. It's a fucking full blown bummer. I know oh it has Christmas mentioned in it but if I mentioned I saw Mama Getting bought fucked by Santa Claus. You wouldn't be. Oh well sorry legally it's got it's got the word saying it so it's gotta go in not appropriate threat to bomber all right. Let's hear the people go I. I've argued with people about it. They go to good song and you go. Okay well let it be a good good song so play light during the other months and don't play around Christmas. Ironically I I. I'm not saying it's a bad song and I'm not saying it's intentions are bad. I'm saying it's bombing my shit out when I'm getting my haircut by the way that's pretty ambitious beat the world could barely keep Belly top RAHM myself and my when I was in my twenties whole it from the Christmas half. Or that's all thank you very much. Katie you guys should also so no that I- returned my Audi to McKenna Audi and I think BMW. And I took a good picture of my car car with the dealer plate the Cardboard the card boy board dealer plate that said McKenna Four. Goddamn years no no front license plates and no license plate so I could drive through all all the bad intersection cameras. I wanted here in this chicken. Shit land known as La So Fuck you to the man. I took picture that will be a toss up on the website first GYCO. Everyone's got the to do list how. `Bout you add. Save hundreds of dollars on your car insurance. You don't have to go anywhere. Scott GEICO DOT COM fifteen minutes could be saving fifteen percent or more on your auto autozone Sheri- you take that extra money put in your pocket save for a rainy day at GEICO DOT com. Just go to GEICO DOT COM spent a couple of minutes. Find out just how much you could be saving on your auto insurance at Geiko Dot Com all right. Now is the first show of two thousand eleven Look Geo you we. We did the ace awards and everybody heard the greatest show. We do every year and Adam asked me before every show. How many? How long is this show show if we just played the clips and I tell him and he goes okay so it's already pretty long so adam goes okay? I'm going to keep it tight and I'm not gonNA go in anything and and then he here's an old rant or something that reminds him of something that he's upset about and he just goes off increasing the length of the show by about. I don't know an hour and I was thinking a little Miss Sunshine Review Rant and I just saw. I saw Zombie double tap and whole time. The young actress from that movies in there and she's now an adult and I was like. Why did you make that move? You make atoms so mad really did make. Let's keep talking about because Adams listening right now and I want to to finish the show before. AFC possibly over one of his neighbors over. Walk and Phil to I talk about essentially all right this this next up as I said we're going and order state of the Union. Two thousand twelve got to get it on no choice but to get it on on mandate get hit on. Did you see a ball. Brian eat more pussy and Rosa. But I started a new year's resolution. uh-huh oh million and ten things to talk about just got back from Tahoe. I was working. We brought the kids. I have stories stories. Look Out World I WANNA talk about. Alison Rosen. She had a procedure over the vacation. after Christmas Day after day after Christmas but the day after Christmas was the day that I took a bunch of laxatives so that had a certain special panache. All don't I don't feel like you met the porcelain punisher file together. Have some sort of like we need to live in a two bedroom five bathroom. Yeah Yeah like I'm trying to think of the Was it Cheryl swoops who was the NBA. Like like Yeah I was this. Cheryl Miller's brother Reggie Miller Sheriff Miller yeah like if Cobain Cheryl Miller got together to have a kid hid yes whether it was boy or girl that could play who'd be like percent heard twenty percents. Yeah ten percent ten matt. Yeah yeah so I ask you. A question was show soups and a Cheryl Miller. Otherwise they're going with the broncos. I couldn't figure out who played both played hoops or swoops anyway. So how can procedure go. What did they have to do? Well the good news is that it's endometriosis not cancer They were. They removed the SYS- yes they were able to save both ovaries good. And there's not a lot of scarring inside which was that's one of the concerns with endometriosis and Dimitrios when uterine tissue. You just kind of grows all over the place and so but but the good news is things are not all stuck down in disgusting in there. But the here's here's a little little fun thing I've discovered. Is that sometimes after surgery when you go to the bathroom yellow bright liquid shoots out of your ass is viewed used big bird as a suppository. I'm I'm currently having that matches the by the ASI. Wow it's like it's like liquefied big bird and a tiny dusting of grief. No one told me that was going to happen. Let's stop talking for A. How long were you out for? I think about two and a half hour now tame that you'd never been I've never yeah I'd never had surgery I'd never had its general anesthesia. Okay it wasn't as bad as I expected but it wasn't as good as everyone told me. But obviously we're blowing a little bit of smoke up your snatch because we want you to feel good but I wish they had belonged smoke up my snatch. I was like very with it up until the point that I was out. And Oh yeah you are pretty with it. Could use less with it and but but there's that thing of just there that moment the moment between being lucid and being completely under where you're just you're just lying there and you just go and I don't have any control and I don't care I'm just here I'm just here there. There's there's a beehive of activity around me I'm wearing no underpants and I don't give a shit and best of all of the next two hours or whatever is going to be. I'm not to be asked to do or say or go for autographs right. Flu can turn any text. There's nothing it's just I'll just me and my own fecal matter in this coun- now the fecal matter unfortunately had been excavated more leftover. Yeah and and shower recap thing they put on in those little. Booties but anyway You know I had come to the decision. That was gonNA look like a light switch. They flip it off and then for the back on and I really didn't find that that's what it was like at all it was more like power goes out and then it's like a power surge lightning storm. It's flashing midnight over and over like coming coming out from being under was very weird. It was like you know when you're coming out of a dream and things are weird and then the more you're wake you're like Oh. All that weirdness was in the dream. This felt like the opposite like the more I came to the more I was like. No I really am in this room and I'm naked and I'm paying and there's always people walking around around me and everything feels weird. But then they gave me morphine and then depressed my breathing so much that everyone around me freaked out and the thing kept beeping breathing enough and everyone was reminding me to breathe and apparently I actually said. Do I have to really have to brave. How'd you is a fucking lazy? God give me a break even day. Yeah can't you do that for me. Yeah Yeah Yeah. And what about Sunday breathe. Breathe on Sunday. Scratch breathe breathe for me so anyway. It's all basically turned out. Well yes none of that you you got all your ovaries in your words. Yeah I think old I was thinking parts in pieces and ovaries and hot flashes and menopause us and and you know spotting and periods and watching Rosie o'donald being being interviewed and she was talking about hot flashes and how menopause kicking in and stuff like that and what a cruel joke to play on a lesbian whole. I mean it starts off off at twelve and a half thirteen. Oh my God. You've ruined your panties your school. It's so embarrassing. Lifetime you know by the way if I if I had to go through a period once a year at kill L. myself to kill myself at seventeen this once a month with three days of clothing and if you're lucky days yeah and the ability and the spotting and the cramping and the thing and use tampons after surgery I had to wear a fucking diaper which is what I call. Pat Just came the point Dr and then a life of a life I mean literally spending millions on Kotex millions handle hinder. God God millions of dollars on Kotex pads and tampons and oh by the way they have a new. They have a new commercial for favorite Tampon. Am Pont Commercial. They sort of in your face a really really remember. Remember the commercial where all the chicks went to Joan. Jett Song Yeah Graffiti. The building building new decorative Tampon box that you don't have to hide your tampons anymore. Finally wear my jewelry I stick on. I'll be dazzled that string and hang out how you will sister so On the show has reached new poor Rosie O'Donnell and all the rest of the Lesbians Lesbians Fuck and life of spotting and in bloating and cramping and all that and then you know forty five fifty years of that and now how into hot flashes irritability by the way as ever is there. Nothing a chick does that doesn't immediately. Irritability I ayush irritable rights like. Hey well she was awake and that led to their being. Sorry so irritability irritability everybody. So here's Rosie O'Donnell she's a lesbian right jeeze. You're not gonNA have any kids. She's got a by you allergic to hot talk to him. She's GonNa stop some kids from China or something or maybe her lesbian partner is going to be. So you know knocked up by David Crosby or something like that. But she's not going to have any kids yet. She had to go through this entire life. It'd be spending spending your entire life in water wings and never coming near a swimming pool but yet zero to fifty growing those things up before you leave the house. I was put them on. And you're like we live in Yuma and there's no swimming pools within a mile of my house and like now sorry. Put them on a life of tampons. John's and pads and bloating cramping now. It's hot flashes and more ramping and more irritability and it's nothing but that it's it's literally it's thirteen to fifty five. No kids your lesbian feminist. That him I'm just saying there should be some assertive procedure or some dealer ended. Make with Jesus Christ or something where you just go. Look I'm fourteen. I'm going to be eating pussy. Thank you for the rest of my life. I don't need the eggs off a lot of people who have been in Manhattan. Just use them to store shoes and things because they don't Cook uh-huh you should be able to store things in your uterus extra person in an in dry purse yeah we're we're we're am. ISP Tyrrell's spread 'em baby. Yeah yeah if Rosie had been able to store shoes or Kush balls coach balls in her. Yeah whatever she's into Vagina. It would've made eight cents. But she had you know I don't know period starts twelve and a half thirteen fourteen years age to fifty five by the time. I guess you're sort of coming out of menopause whenever it sets in or whatever it lets up that's a fucking hell of a pussy related run it really is and it's a daily of the menopause hot flashes and the whole you've for nothing there's no there's nothing ever coming out of there except for vibrator or your or your your lady friends tongue in onum saying yeah. Yeah besides no wonder. She's pissed to Walter thing that's right it's cost me to keep. Hey I didn't thing I use it right right. Now I'm not so happy with it Yeah all right anyway. So that's that's what I wanted to talk about. Rosie O'Donnell's China. I'm glad that I offered you a Segue as you guys can see from. What's going on in the back? Did you take a walk and poke your head back. There started everything's gone. The cars are gone honest who starting. The Demo started the roof by the way. There's picture Gary during the Demo on CNN Corolla Dot Com Strip the roof. Let me just say this about stripping a roof I didn't do it then. Christ I've just been working on it because a lot of it's rotted out God knows what else is going on there. That's my back you're looking at you know again. This construction thing people think a bunch of good looking dudes like building barnes you you know some kind of montage with some hot thirty eight special song crank and in the background someone wearing a yellow rain out a bunch of bunch of Mexican do just out in the dirt. That's all all this just strip stripping three roofs on this thing. And and you do it with a flat shovel and pitchfork like the same way you would have done it one hundred years ago. There's no mechanized anything. There's no tools it's just there and then you take out dig out. All the rotted plywood from all the leaks over the years and all the little undersized to four parlins and you replace those per lens and and you put the plywood back on and then you build a cricket wall so you can get the slope going the right direction. And it's just me and Sweaty Ozzie. And stupid Gary up on the fucking room and got Gary No that's his name. Yes and you gotta drag stupid or not. And and everything's heavy like an air compressor heavier and Shit and you gotta get to the roof. Be a ladder and dragging everything up there. So I spent my Christmas vacation. Stripping the roof and replacing Rodney would yeah and Weird Tan from the hat iron ac now I I did. I did have a moment. Oh I thankfully I went back down and drank myself soda. I didn't spend too much time up there. I had myself a moment where I was at the Home Depot and I'm at the Home Depot. Buying like actually the electrician is meeting me the Home Depot. 'cause he's buying a whole bunch of you know EMT and couplers and rigid pipe. And conduit. And all this Kinda Shit because we're moving around a bunch of electrical stuff and I'm going to meet him there and pay for right and I meet him not picking up some tools and some shit we need to strip the roof and again. You're just pulling rusty. Rotted nails out and replacing. Rotted per lens which are like sort of these joyce that are in between the main roof rafters and putting more half inch ply on there. And you're buying ten penny ring shank nails that are galvanizing shooting. Those things down the gun. You're trying to find the right now and Blah Blah Blah and. I'm standing there. And this is mid week last week and some guy goes. Hey man show. And what's going on there. And he goes. Where's your buddy? Where's your buddy Jimmy Kimmel and I said He's in coli. Actually uh-huh I felt horrible because I was sitting in Glendale Home Depot. Jimmy was in yeah. This is the Home Depot. I'm sure chimneys by plywood fly home depot and as he said do we need a Hawaii an Kawai because how fuck and confusing using is that. I'll pick you up at the airport where you gotta be on. My phone's breaking up at the airport. All right I'll see it do. No I mean really how lazy easy to have to go. We have a Hawaii name this island. I never name well. The only have a Baker's dozen letters in the alphabet so they gotta make it last it sounds so it'd be like if I named Talion Italia and then and then sunny Could tell you like it'd be a lot of confusion with me and my wife on the phone like who. You're going to pick up. The tally from the from gymnastics. No He's with me. No Net net that Talia. I mean you know what I'm saying it'd be like can and can't let me see. You're right let me see the chain. They're just saying we have a Hawaii. We don't need a we really. Don't yeah call it Steve or something so I think feels worse about itself Hawaii or Hawaii Kawai probably because Hawaii gets all the glory. Yeah and I'm sure a Hawaiian would tell us that we were pronouncing it incorrectly. And then Koi. There's something and there'd be some way that they'd be l. to tell but I can't tell anyway that's where Jimmy is while I was at the home depot so restrict the roof air and were building. Oh look out baby. I'm bill. I'm building bitches. I got myself myself. Metal studs were tearing out or tearing things out or building new studio radio. Big Jumbo is home for you too. Big Professor's talking to you know we're building brand new state of the the art studio. We're going to build phone screener room. We're GONNA have some sound rooms Dawson's GonNa have as video calls. Yeah which will quickly turn to Dawson's Austin's room because second of a lot of ventilation you can see the HVAC stuff going on up there. We're gonNA conditioning and heat going everywhere. They'll be pissed if anyone ever turns it on. Yes we'll have some offices will have some edit bays. We're going we're going we're going big big dog whole Hawk and And it's because of you people you people who listen you people who tell friends to listen you people people who turn on office mate's to the shows and Co workers and girlfriends and boyfriends and fathers and sons and mothers and daughters all of you who have told the people to listen to the show over the last few years have built it up enough and all you people who shop via Amazon people who click through our banner and go damn crawler dot com and hit the Amazon. You guys have made this next move possible and you guys who do the go to my pc and by the man grades and you guys who patronize sponsors. And all that kind of you guys have a maid this dream possible and it's Nice I mean This is my grandmother's ghost around very now. Okay let me Brag for a second because otherwise my grandmother's ghost will jump in here and start time on Jon. Bon Jovi we have of. I don't know how many employees do we have and not only. How many employees do we have avenue but then how many employees just demand great guy have and how many employees does the foundry that makes demand great and then? UPS ships the man. Great and there's a little trickle down effect here but I'm paying a guy to do the roof and paying electrocutions and I'm paying guys to do the Hvac work heating and air and all kinds of stuff. I'm putting some money back into the economy here and it's all basically a pyramid and it starts with you people who are listening listening you people by the books you go to the sponsors you go to our website you download the show you go to the live shows and that's all you that's that's that's the top pyramid. The next rung underneath that is me off in the employees here. The underneath that are all the companies. Is that advertise. And then like I said all the answer Larry everything from the guys who make the bottled water that Matt or the toilet paper that the porcelain punisher more more fresh yet needs to buy a carton of because we have ten employees. And they're going to come here and Sunday says Shit but the point is to see a lot it all just as a pyramid that starts with you people at is sort of the top brick because that top brick goes away and everything underneath it goes away and I'm I'm not just kissing ass. I'm just saying without your support without you turning people onto the show without you buying the man grades and going to my pc the and do an Amazon thing and buying the books go into the live shows. Thank you reno. Sparks for selling out to shows by the way yesterday and the day before New Year's in new years eve New Year's Day without that top brick there's nothing underneath it or whatever's underneath that doesn't exist you guys are essentially the battery and we just become some kids toy or the batteries got popped out. There's nothing there's nothing to trickle down so I want to thank all of you for making two thousand eleven a great year and thank you for in advance for two thousand and twelve and making that much you better and all you have to do is tell a friend. We will continue to provide a free show. We will never charge for the show. You simply tell a friend now. I need to talk about a topic that everyone's been asking about and it's sort of sensitive which is where is Danni. Everyone wants to know what's what's going on and for me. I will tell you the situation with Donnie and his cousin sandy and I will keep it brief out of respect for Danny and Sandy and Danny's family and his mother and his dad and the people I work. I've I've worked with his MOM for a lot of years and I have a great relationship with her and the family and dining. I are not on good terms now but I do have a lot of love and respect for his family and we go back thirty years so you know I don't WanNa get into all the gory details tails and the he said she said part of it. The bottom line is the business grew and it grew faster than we anticipated and again and because of that top brick on the pyramid you guys things started happening and they started happening and it quickly went from sort of a hobby to a Jesus is a business and As I said before I walked away from a contract that was a Multi year and guaranteed seven figure. Deal in terrestrial radio which doesn't exist these days to basically do this full time and I realize is pretty quickly. We needed somebody to handle the business of the business. And it's something that I've gone by in my life in my whole life. which is I have a business manager and he does the taxes and he pays the bills and he pays you guys and they cut checks and I have some bonus checks for you guys by the way on the on the on the table Mike? Yeah I gave me the biggest one this year so I realize in by the way. It's not cheap. I mean do you know it's it's you know what would sound like a payment on own expensive Ferrari expensive frying. I mean it causes once several thousand dollars a month to take care of all the accounting and all of the Companies Inc Inc and of course. I realized from the word go that I needed this. That I would screw up that I would be being Raped by Wesley. Snipes right now. Hand to God hand got to God. I'd been debtor's prison with Wesley. Snipes thank God. He did so many prison related movies that he was so prepared. Like you just walked in like he was on the set like role so I knew very quickly that I would screw this up I would owed the irs money. I would describe the paperwork. I screw this up so I got a guy and that guy it has been doing but also realize it's not free and you have to pay a lot you have to pay these guys but it's good money because better pay Tony couple grand month then the. IRS five hundred grand. So that's the way I've always approached Tony. Explain this year right. Don't you so when this business started to go. And it became clear to me that it was a business business. I looked at Donnie and I said You and I together have about a ninth grade education and I'm being generous to both of us. We're both warehoused your creative and you're great at what you do a comedian. I do what I do. You handled creative all handle the comedy Eddie. And let's get Mike N and let him do the business of the business and clarify because there's a lot of my surroun- here there's often this is Mike August. And there's eleven months I know. And and Mike August who is an wasn't attorney. Ernie worked for William Morris for twenty years has yes yeah and and has an MBA. So I I said you know what let's let my i. I don't mean I didn't say we don't get a vote I mean. Let's get a guy who knows business to do the business and we'll handle the creative and let him. We'll send our kids to private school and honestly Danny could not. He was not not down with that. He just wasn't down with that and Mike. I would say Mike wasn't down with it except for Mike doesn't have nerve endings like Mike. Just Mike Mike say whatever whatever you want in front of Mike doesn't give a shit he doesn't he doesn't know what's going on but dining was just not down with that plan and yeah I was like. Hey there's nothing to worry about. He doesn't pose a threat. He's just here to try to make us some money. And if you have any questions we can all sit down down have a beer about it. It's not he's not in charge of anything. I just want somebody handling the business of the business and there was a lot of. You know we'd have these meetings. There'd be a lot of arguments and a lot of bad blood a Lotta who's he think he is and finger pointing. It was uncomfortable and I just got to the point where there's too much acrimony it's like okay. I was I didn't want to go to my own company meetings because there was way too much finger pointing and blame and all that kind of stuff and I said at a certain point about about four or five months ago I just said look this has to stop. These are the people and it's not only Mike. It's Mike and other people. These these are the people everyone in this room is here for reason. You're here because I think you're good at what you do and I know a lot of you aren't fans of each other but that has to end right now because if you're here it's because I think you're good at what you do and I'm not wrong about people and I wouldn't hire bad people so even though you may not all like each other trust me. I've done the vetting process and by the way we're not camping. You see pretty infrequently really. Let's just get along. And furthermore if we can't get along something's GonNa have to change and it's going to change pretty quickly so let's all just get along and I really can't take the infighting in the finger-pointing anymore and it actually just sort of ratcheted up and and I just kept saying knock it off get along just be nice. Be Nice and get along and It just basically came to a ahead where it got to the end point and I said look Donnie lets me you and Mike August go out and let's have a beer and let's talk about the future future and he said Does that does he have to come with us. Another words and I said Buddy. That's IT I don't I can't can't I don't know how many times I can ask bag. Whatever I can't do it anymore I just can't? We can't have another meeting where people are pointing and calling each each other names. So that's it you're out and that's that and I'd feel worse about it except for I. I begged for for months. Just I get along and let's just make some money together. It's there's there's a and you know he'll he'll have his version of this as well and I don't want to get all the gory or details but the rally is ultimately in life you have to have a sort of divining rod that's built into to you like are you being fair. Are you not being fair. Are you just seeing things through the prism of your glasses. What about the other guy you know? Are you know you. You do that thing where it's like you know we all have that instinct when we're born of like well. Yeah you made the meal so you do the dishes or you kicked off to start the first half so you kick off to start the second half. That's how we all start as kids and then a certain point you go all right. Well you did the coking's all do the dishes or you're buying the beer so I'll make the run or you kicked off on the first half so I'll kick off the start the second half we hopefully society SORTA beats that India. Right I have a meter in me. That says when I'm being fair and when I'm not being fair and went off crossed the line and in the case of Donnie and I love the guy. He's a great guy. I felt that I was being more than fair. I never stopped being fair. I basically just said let me make you money and it's going to be easy and this guy over here who you don't like good. Don't like him just let them make us money. There's a lot of that in this business and there's a lot of like you know James Baby Doll. Dixon gets ten percent of everything I do. It's like ten percent. That's a lot of money. It is except for it ends up being. I ended up making more money. Because if he can get the deal from fifty grand to one hundred grand that I'm happy to give him ten grand and and keep ninety grant but that is the business wherein and you know ultimately right or wrong. I said here the people in the sandbox. We all need to get along or we need to move. Move along and Donny. WHO's now starting his own business assists in doing his own thing? You know I mean to be fair to him. He's got a lot of pride like he's just like I WANNA do my own thing I want to do it. I don't WanNA listen to this guy I want to do. Things is my way and now he's doing his thing and he's doing it his way and I wish him all the luck in the world and success in the world and you know it's it's it's tough because our you know we're not talking right now. He's angry he feels like I pushed him out and that I screwed him over and you know he's entitled to his feelings I I. I don't have that feeling because my stuff is sort of based on what I know I did and I was there every step of the way and I have. The emails is where I'm basically saying. Just get along and we'll make some money together and it was not in his DNA just really it was he just really resisting. The more people getting involved I think he looked at it as his baby and he didn't want on outsiders getting in and you know to be honest. You know Mike August a pain in the ass. I mean it's not Nice Nice. He's Mike August he. He doesn't know what he's he sends an email he's she's rough around the edges. I'm not defending my mouth. But the entire email is in all caps and it's all in the subject line. Yeah I'm not. I'm not GonNa Defend Mike August but let's give the audience a little example. You tell me something personally. I'll be back August. You told me something personally. Devastating and Harry to react feet smell or something like that or whatever something impartial about years. Right it's not like the way you blank like the way you kiss. What's what's going on in that conversation with him? No I'm not GonNa Defend Mike August or linen. Alex and other guys that they couldn't get along with which is fine and again How do I get along with my money manager? I don't know I see the guy twice a year. He makes me money. You know. That's that's the deal. It's one of those things where it a certain point. You just have to sit back and go look. It's business that it's not. They're not family members. I don't see him that often. And you're going to get you're going to get a curt email once a month from the guy you don't like you're not supposed to like all right. Money will soften often that blow but ultimately I started this because I wanted to enjoy myself. I mean I wanted to make money money but I wanted to enjoy myself. I wanted to work with people that I WANNA work with. And who want to work with each other and I love the crew. That we've assembled and I I love the family atmosphere and I love the fact that people all sort of like each other and break each other's balls and yeah there's a lot of different personalities here and some are different than others but for the most part everyone here really feels like they're part of something they really enjoy hopefully enjoy their workplace. Hopefully as the as the pirate ship is is it. Gains momentum will be more money to to to spread around and that that I can be generous and and have people make a living and and and make a nice living and and support their family family and and we have you know have Christmas parties and whatever parties. I don't know we'll. We'll cut a ribbon when we finish a new thing ultimately. That's what I want and I couldn't. It just wasn't happening. It was just way too much vitriol way too much sort of terror people feeling territorial and pointing fingers and I don't know this guy and what's what's he doing here and he's encroaching on my shit and there was a lot of people going into other rooms in. Yelling is a lot of that and I am wired. It's weird because everyone thinks Just some grant. She doesn't give a shit but I'm so fucking sensitive to the uncomfortable meetings. Were somebody thirty point at someone and goes. I don't know what he does. What's he doing here like that to me? I'd rather someone just punch me in the face. Then have to sit that uncomfortable meeting where people are pointing nat each other. And you know in slinging insults back and forth and I just couldn't take it anymore and I at a certain point as you guys. No I'm not a fan of being the boss I'm not like You know I'm building offices back behind our new our Our new facility. I'm going to build a big studio and I'm going to build offices and none of the offices will. I'M NOT GONNA have an office. I don't it's not my office it'll be coming coming out of mind. The porcelain punishers yours or the news. Or whatever like literally will not be. I don't I don't like being the boss man. I really don't but sadly every once in a while you have to put your foot down and be the boss man and in this case it was with one of my best friends and it was horrible but it wouldn't end it just wouldn't end I just I couldn't there weren't enough words in my lungs to just say. Please Stop An. Let's please get along and move forward. Yes you can have disagreements in in yes you can discuss the merits of this versus that. But we can't have the finger pointing and the shitty emails that we need to stop this and after about four hundred of those warnings I just went. Well I guess I I have to be the boss and that was it. We parted ways. So you know keep you. Josh updated He's he's doing a new. He's doing a new companies. Doing this thing's doing basically a version of this and I I saw his website. It looks fantastic and I wish him and Sandy and Kathy all the best. I wish them well and I wish there were still here and it has nothing to do with money and my sincere wish for everything was just work out. I just want everyone to get along and work out but it was not going to happen and and unfortunately that was on donny and his camp it was not on me and Mike August and that camp. It was again not defending Mike August but it was not happening on their watch and they just wouldn't let it happen and I had to make a decision and that's what I did and complete peace with it but I thought you guys should know because you have not heard his voice running around here in a while and I. I didn't want to come out while the wound was still fresh and talk about it and I also didn't you know I but I also don't want to leave. One is listening to sort of in the dark either and so the bottom line is i. I Love Janis family. I love his kids I love his mom. LOVES BROTHERS BROTHERS KIDS LIKE I've I've known these people for thirty years. I don't know what to do. I hope that you know time will heal this and we can smooth things out and be at Pebble Beach Sometime Soon soon. I don't think he's going to go for that ever. I don't think so I really don't but I in Annan life Always worked by this. which is as long as I know that I treated people fairly early than I can sleep? And then that becomes your decision. I would like that not to be your decision but if I felt like like I did not bring that on you ultimately. Obviously I did because I said that's it but I gave one hundred warnings before that and then it happened and then that then is on on you and it's sad but it is on you and everybody in life needs to sort of adopt that I mean in terms of you can't have your feelings. You can have them modified but you can have them changed in a big way on what other people think of you. If in fact you're not responsible bowl for those feelings right. If in retrospect you would have done what you did the same way then. You shouldn't be upset about it. It's them you can be upset that that you don't have this relationship anymore and you can be upset that this person feels that way about you but you don't have to internalize it versus. I was driving drunk with some teenagers. I picked up and hit an oak tree and one of them has brain damage. The other one's debt that is. Oh I fucked this up up. This is I'm giving you fair warning as to what is going to happen if you continue down this path this is now your second warning. This is your third warning now. It's over and if you choose to never speak to me again in your life. I won't be happy about that but I will sleep because that will be. You're choosing right now. The state of the Union back in in two thousand twelve that was January fourth. Yeah I'm cruel. Show seven twenty. Six Alison Rosen Brian. Bishop that's right all right before we keep these role in. Are we going to keep these rolling but first. Let me tell you Adam Corolla. We'll be in Milwaukee January twenty four th Chicago January twenty fifth to also be making a stop up in Cleveland and Indianapolis in February. Doing Adam Corollas unprepared his standup show featuring a lot of Improv. As well so come out bring a friend rand have a great night and meet Adam too fun. Okay let's keep going with some clips this next one. Two thousand thirteen came along and We came in on January. Second to record this one out of girls show nine hundred four state of the union thirteen back to the program. House in Rosen and happy new year. It's going to be back. Thank you and Bald Brian Hey. Hey Hey the new year's here's how fucking narcissistic I am. And and what a mess I am. I was driving on our show. Okay Okay Ninety minutes come on Buddy I'll I'll I'll give you the reader's digest at cliff notes. I've drying with my daughter played at the park with my daughter. And then I said let's go get some Froyo and she's like what's fro. Yo and I said Oh we're so lazy. We can't say frozen in and Yogurt but it's frozen yogurt and she's like I don't know I think I'll pass and I said it's like ice cream but it comes out I'll swirling yummy coming. You get what your own toppings on there. And she's like yeah I'm good. Let's go home with her fucked up to do to this kid like beater shoe to get her into some Froyo. And could you imagine Chian. You'd be like what is this. delectable delightful substance that smooz forced from cold Ambrosia the guy. That's right next to have the rosen nectar nectar of the gods right. So I was like. Are you kidding me. Are we having like a showdown over Froyo in the park. Like getting the car we're going L.. Space Basic drives my wife Insane. And that's why I've realized that all women over forty are basically clinically insane because they have a daughter that drives him insane. My son sits in a corner makes a tent out of a beach town. Plays with fucking Legos for nine hours. And then he passes out. That's that's it little tap water. Maybe a small team is all you know. He'll trouble you for her. Show tug on you and Yank on you and pull you in every direction. Put my makeup on. I put my hair up in a bun and I was like it never ends and then at a certain point women who unfortunately are wired to give a shit. Yes yes we are so you don't realize like lean to sit there and like my daughter can sit in front of me for two hours and daddy and guess what Jason said a school and all the speed some other distant land hand in my head working designing something laying. Something out in another room can be in a bad mood and I feel like I need to fix it but women. They're tied in. So you just hear this like once every forty two minutes like Lynette. Voice come from down the hall like what what what what you want. You want your way. Eighty two the problem. Is You gotta tune out the defensive. Your way of being isn't it. I took my chill pill I crush it up and I- snorted it. I just blew your mind because I made it sound effects on top of my self-satisfied snort new for two thousand czar rocking START I said look we're getting some Froyo anti put her in the back and we went over to Montrose area there. I used to live out locker center. That's best Froyo in town. and Oh it's real easy. I'll tell you say what these two are like sunning attach real easy three days before we went to Montrose beautiful little town outside of Pasadena and I'm going to get ice cream with the kids and sunny. What do you want says Vanilla he gets vanilla goes and sits down the Italian. What do you want? She says. I Want Vanilla. Okay gets vanilla then she tasted. I don't like it I said what do you want. I want chocolate on. Okay put chocolate on. It puts the chocolate taste. That pushes back may decide. She wants chocolate. I scream so I had to do three laps with her versus zero with Sonny Sonny owning a can't that's not even alive but dead cat stuff stuff cat. So it's it's a real so She's on bowl of water involving more for you than for him. I'm right I'm driving. I'm driving new. You out the Dean armed driving to Montross with my daughter in the back of the car and I'm just thinking New Year's resolution like New Year's New Year's when we got here there's always that could lose a couple pounds take it easy on the junk food but that's like it's so try it. It's like they every year every year so I'm not interested on the take it easy on the desserts. That's not really my that's nothing Asher ye okay all right all right that same one that everyone else has is that that doesn't sound interesting and then I thought Focus be attentive. Be a better father and husband. I thought well fuck that you know. I don't know about that too much much and I kind of went around and as I was going around in my head insert thinking about shit that I needed to do to improve myself. I we know where it came up with this. Everyone needs to get their shit together. That's what I came up with because I just thought fuck that I bash my ass of a deep look into the mirror. Deep Look into the rear view came back with everyone needs to get their shit together. This year well I was it was a lot of it was a lot of you know I'm paying taxes for twenty five people. I heard some stories where some bum with lit on fire by somebody walking outside of a donut shop. You know. Hear hear these stories all everyone's firing pistols off in the air on New Year's and the bullets or raining down killing me and I thought the fuck do I gotta change for. We've got a long time before we get to me about all the fucking deadbeat dads and all the assholes shooting their guns in the air on the fourth of July dowries of what needs to change. Imminently you're no not really I nine pounds or you guys could all get your shit together and make a better society help society more. That's that's right arguably selfish for you to work out a flu. By definition it selfish. Shell fish dish. It's it's quite self. Yeah I just started for. Everyone got their shit together. So how are you going to work on this. Just get on this. I'll get on this year. Microphone and I will complain every night. Now I I want to thank all of you speaking of Taking the focus away from me for a second but making a two thousand twelve so successful and or or growing by leaps and bounds We have I don't know I was thinking about ten eleven twelve employees now and it's all too many. There's too many. It's one too many but I won't say which one the one is and it's because you people listen. It's because you tell friends it's because you click through Amazon banner it's because You get the main Gloria. It's because you you back our sponsors. It's all because of you. It would be impossible because of you and as a matter of fact I tunes owns name. This podcast the number one podcast of two thousand twelve and there are two hundred and fifty thousand podcasts casts on itunes alone and we were numero uno according to them so we will take that nowhere down. That's right that's right absolutely absolutely. I feel like we need to hear it a little horn pretty fucking good. If I didn't have such low self esteem I'd be making a much bigger deal of that Also spiking the ball in the end zone for you. Yeah my Audio book was on Itunes. Best of for two thousand twelve to which which is Really Nice Meena Co bear only comedy books on there so I will take that all right so thank you tell a friend and thank you again in two thousand and thirteen lots of good stuff coming up in general just doing what we do and doing it better. I mean Jay. Moore's coming in tomorrow tomorrow Jay Glazer's coming in tomorrow. You know good gas could formats good shows and the best we can do even better. Also Larry Miller back but only only guest named jd right only guys named Jay Chandrasekhar and then we're sort of out of bullets. Well there's Leno and then there's an the Americans okay all right and we'll keep he's going so semi as we can get to fall off the cliff Larry Miller coming back January nine. So that's good me and Dr drew will be doing shows three times a week drew in the his. Mike said two times a week to me and the s by the toilet and I looked up and saw three times a week. Oh that's the Dr drew show Then there's me Dr drew will do that a couple times a week and then Me and Mike Tyson which will be interesting while it lasts. So that'll we coming up and all that in two thousand and thirteen Couple of interesting things went to Christmas party my sisters ran into you. Know High always marvel at how uninterested everybody in my family is over what I do. Yes especially things like books books and things like that and when I say interested. I don't mean mean-spirited and I understand the part where it's like. I'm not their cup of tea. Creatively or whatever but I would have questions wins for me. Like how many other things did you shall or like. What's it take to get on the New York Times bestseller lists you gotta sell ten thousand or a hundred thousand like what is that? The most sold dessert counting the audio or the e books or I'd have questions for more interested in their lack of interest. I'm fascinated donated by their lack of interest. So I wrote one book and I've never discussed it with anyone in my family. And then I got a second New York Times Bestseller Book and I've never had a discussion with anyone about that either but there I do have the rogue step family and their normal so they do a lot of. Hey what's going on with this and I got an extra copy and could you sign up for my friend. Tony I worked with him. He's a big Fan. I get a lot of that out of them. Highlighting the weirdness of your it does kind of underscore it. Yeah it's like if if a chicks is six and she's got a little bit of an ass and bad skin and then Heidi Klum stance extra she drops down three notches see. I have a lot of hot friends and I've always I felt like if I hang out with them. Then people will just think. Oh she's one of them but maybe I'm actually making it worse for myself. Yeah yes and hang out with you guys know. Like yeah you'd be like a coyote hanging around a bunch of purebred German shepherd's Franck enough to fuck that coyote back so my I have a step cousin named Kim and her dad who passed away recently is named Gaby originally. My you know everyone's stap everyone's a half everyone's confused. I have no idea how it goes. But she's really nice woman. She's couple years younger than me. I grew up with essentially and she said there's a picture in the book of all of us on the porch of my mom shack that I grew up in and she and her brother and her dad or all on the thing and She said Hey somebody told me about your. It's always some like God. Forbid anyone just go out and go. Hey I guess this guy. I've known for forty years has got a book. Maybe I should go but somebody sent them or told them or did something something and and they sent them the picture. They showed him the picture of all of us on the porch. And she's a little cute blonde girl. Stand there little flower dress and she said I've ever seen that picture before. I don't even have that picture picture. Where'd you get that picture? I said I don't know I found it going through some old shoe box full of pictures and she said Yeah. I went online and I want to Amazon Assan and read quite a bit of the book. Pretty good we'll now rich now. I'm rich thank you no problem and I thought did she realized with sarcasm when he said thank you know nobody. I think that's I think whenever I say thank you people take it a sarcastic. At least I hope they do. I mean even if I pulled from a river I I hope that that would be a digging. Take out you hope. It's always taking sarcastically. But it's just a weird thing birthday off it's like what's it GonNa take for some squeeze the trigger on a thirteen ninety nine bucks like you already on on Amazon. How many books are there with pictures of you in it a little more than one picture of her? Evidently she got a second picture. Degrade sales pointer pictures are. They were books out there and pictures of you in them paperback Then I'll make the move This is the the picture you can go to curl dot com and take a look at it but I thought wow my family's really committed to not being committed That's her on the on. The right those are my two front doors is always like to laugh Adam. That's the entire miserable miserable brewed but Like I said the St commitment to what's IT GONNA take like like we know we've established a picture view in this book and a picture of your dad and a picture your brother and stuff that she's never seen before maybe there's more there's more The Guy who essentially grew up with road it. It's on the New York Times bestseller bad. And you're already on Amazon You Cook that mouse over and get a used one nine nine nine. I mean you can accidentally purchase things on Amazon. I think you'd be more careful not to click. Yeah so but she did tell me she read a fair bit of it via via the Amazon sample thing which and start to get me pissed off at Amazon right away. If this is enough to satiate gate my cousin then perfect stranger. You know what I mean like the person who has a picture of it. Perfect Stranger has read too much. Read enough to know that. They're not squeezing the trigger on that You got the you got the used it Twelve dollars and forty forty six cents seemingly a little rich for her. I have rights all right. But I'm saying there's a picture you and your brother and your dad in it. So who's the joke on. Well you sally tally all right. So and that's as close as That's that is officially the most book related conversation has relatives over here. This conversation if they did they quickly tuned out. You know like when you're on the subway A black dude yellows old lady. You do that move. You know what I mean. You're not going to get the eye contact. Maybe it's called try. Yeah we don't understand you can't judge and you could get hit with like you know. Just the collateral fist for you too so mind your PS and QS barrier face in that people or US magazine Have you ever been next to the person who refuses to bury their face though and decided to be a good idea to get involved. It's always a small woman who's a little bit trunk. Oh it's true like yeah and and like wave Timberland. Well there's a point there's a there's is a fighting age and that fighting age is somewhere around like after your period's starts to ten years after your period stops that's your fighting aid and then at some point you become judge Judy and like waiting to punch out a seventy one year old woman passed so they can come up and go. Excuse me Sir. I don't excuse you don't think it's polite and talking to an ex linebacker in the NFL. But that guys can't pound her she's now I'm a regular sized dude who can't come up to that guy because I come up to that guy then we might have to scrap. I'm in fighting range age age and size. Yeah you're right you can't get the Estelle. Getty Judge Judy right right. Yeah so she could do it or a nine year old you you know whoever could come up and do it. But when you're in that fighting age that Fourteen and a half to fifteen to like fifty five depending me on. How if you take care of yourself or not now I had a couple Speaking confrontations you know who I Never stop complaining that everyone is just getting worse and worse and worse and and especially young people and everyone has an excuse. And there's no more like well you know the customers king. What will my bad one you know? There's there's like a lot of laps you deal with a lot of arguing like like in the past. If you took something going back and said excuse me I ask for this toast Rhine. It's covered with butter. So can I stay in the past we. Oh sorry Sir just about now. It's like I heard you say and then you go. I didn't because I know I'm pretty sure I didn't well somebody it's like. Why are we doing laps? And why are you lying about like what's in it for you to to lie about how you actually ordered. Who is this new breed of monster that we've created that has to do multiple laps and a realize? Oh these are the kids who got the participation trophies have never done anything wrong. I'm raising two of them myself. If they do laps you know. But why but I don't feel like well how come but what about you you you know. It's like everything's Selana right and then you get them in a position where they're working but you can't shut that party of brain off. I got I got inspiration for my next movie and I met my Buddy Kevin hench over the break to start working on it and I met him one of those little breakfast. Cafes where you order order at the counter that cash register and then you sit down and they come bring it to you and you know how when a certain business takes on a personality and sometimes it's is just dumb this one on dumb like I walked in and I said can I sit down and she said yeah and I said. Do you bring the coffee or I get my own own Chicago. I'll bring it to you and I just sat there for like twenty minutes waiting for Hansa staring out the whole time. She's just staring at me. And I was like certain point I went. How do I get coffee? Oh no you come them up and Bhai it was like okay everyone. Here's dumb so I ordered an Omelette and it was like What do you want your arm and give me some onions? This and Give me some Turkey sausage and What kind of cheese? GimMe Jack Cheese. And she said okay order. I sat down and I started. Started eating this Omelet and I realized very quickly. This wasn't Jack Cheese. Can I say this. We need cheese clarity. Because I I feel there's times when I order I'm late and I get a square. American cheese melted on top of it. And I'm like that's not what I'm talking about and she's off there. There's a difference between cheese like when you have nachos. There is such a thing as Nachos with cheddar cheese and then there's nachos where they take the one pump from the Velveeta thing that's nothing placerville. Yeah but that's cheese is dairy based not oil-based and then chemical base that stuff stuff tastes like fucking Dow makes official when I was nine and you gave me a piece of American cheese and I bit and I was like what the fuck is this. This doesn't taste like cheese. I I liked jeeze especially in an amish. There's nothing worse than the fake cheese. And they don't tell you now. They don't usually synthesize the cheddar cheese but once Johnson awhile they'll synthesize the the Swiss cheese like sometimes goes at real cheese. They do. Here's read as they do. American cheeses synthesize cheese. Okay there is such a thing as a synthesized a Swiss and a check to they they call you they come they come in those squares like American cheese right right or just a different flavor Little cheese product. It's GS Roddick. So they don't go. This isn't cheese. This is the synthesize oil-based. Whatever so I'm eating in my omelette and it stops melting? It's still in its square like shape and it's coming out and it's like it's got jalapenos and peppers and stuff in it and I said what is so it's fake cheese so and it's always way too salty and it just fucks up the meal so I said I said this is pepper Jack. This fake pepper Jack Cheese. It's the fake version of Jack Cheese. Somebody find me. It's like I know Velveeta makes fucking Jack and a pepper Jack. Whatever it's not? Who are these fucking retards? That like this stuff. I mean it's okay. Here's what I will give you American. She's on a burger. Patty melted doable. Fine but when you're ordering an Omelette or you're ordering Any anything nothing else like anything that has to do with Mexican food or anything that has to do with chips or anything like that in the fake fucking gelatinous hot gooey masses to fucking nightmare. Eight mayor sorry. This is where on the American cheese and all that process. She's never okay now on a burger. You gotTA M M higher in your life. Put a partic- Cheddar on there. But now I know when you go oh do in and out and you order a cheeseburger. You don't have a cheese. There's no cheese selection so you can go no go that and I don't I don't like it I I'd rather have real tschetter melted on it but it's the only time horrible uncertain that particular in and out cheeseburgers fine with me. I don't have to pick the cheese off if it but in an Omelette is fucking horrible. It's synthesized salty weird oily shit and it doesn't never the right level of multi. It doesn't melt correctly. 'cause it's not real. It doesn't melt like cheese so I went to the counter and I said at first off I did ten minutes with Hansen. Who the fuck wants Pepper Jack Cheese. Why Not Jack Cheese? Why are we fucking putting a flavor and everything and by the way I okay I you know I've been going going nuts over under on passion? Fruit was for this year and who won the pool but passion fruit everywhere every vodka every yogurt. The everything everything. There's not there's not there's not there's two hundred and seventy thousand flavors of yogurt now an eight hundred number five flavors and like I said there's no such thing as just getting cranberry juice. It's Cran Apple. Orange nattering Cuban. Yes it passion. It's just so I said I did ten minutes on that with hedge and and I walked up the counter. Fuck once pepper Jack Cheese and as I'm walking up to the counter course. There's a line that weird thing right. I don't WanNa skip in front of the line but there six people standing in line our fuck fuck this thing up so as I walk up I hear the guy go Pepper Jack Cheese pizza a good. Thank you and I'm like okay. Thanks Dick like who would fuck an animal once fake cheese. Now they don't tell you it's fake cheese but it'd be. It's up if you hear Pepper Jack. It's not real Jack Cheese. Okay so I go up. And there's the ubiquitous twenty four twenty five year old semi attractive chick behind the counter. Zoned out and I said Excuse me I sure this Omelet with Jack Cheese in IT and in the we have this pepper Jack Cheese and could I just have it remade with regular Jack Cheese. And she said all our Jack Cheese Pepper Jack which I again. That can't be true. That's the only g they carry now. That's the only Jack Variety they carry so I was. It's like I have. My head is just spinning off because I said look you order ice tea or coffee you order whatever. Don't you just want that fucking flavor like Gimme Jack Cheese and they go. We'll have half Jack Cheese. We have the Jack Cheese to taste like a Mexican shadow snot rocket I go. Oh Better Oh hold on hench leave the peppers put him back in the car mill mon cheese but you already have it premade pepper and the giants. It's about time and take the crate of peppers. Bring them back to the car fantastic. I didn't know you guys should made this marriage because normally I do at the table if someone orders Jack Cheese. Don't you think I think they might like Jack Cheese and pepper. Jack and Jack are so not the same at all because one is disgusting and Really Spicy Jack and one this fake cheese Jack. Cheese is real cheese pepper. Jack Cintheaux Jack so I said I said well you know if if pepper or Jack is the only Jack you have. I don't know what I'm doing. This is part of my. This is part of my New Year's resolution where everyone else gets is their shit together. I said when somebody orders something with Jack Cheese. You should probably tell them. It's going to be pepper Jack. Because that might you know shape shape their decision and she said I'm pretty sure I told you so first off what happened to the math. Yes yes. I ordered Pepper Jack Cheese and then got back to the table. And they'll look. The has four other ingredients might complaining about those because I ordered the Turkey sausage sausage and I ordered the fucking mushrooms and I ordered the onion so I'm not coming back going. What are these onion things doing my no? I ordered that but I ordered Jack Cheese. GimMe Emme fake cheese and peppers in it and ruin the Omelet and she goes she goes. I'm pretty sure I told you and I said trust me you did did not tell me because if you did tell me would have sounded an alarm. I wouldn't want Whoa Pepper Jack that to see why I'm staying here. I'm going to pause and she. He goes I definitely heard it somewhere and I was like I wanted to just dive over the counter and just start beating her head with a fuck and cooking cookie fan. You know what I mean like really can't really this fucking retarded square square off in the middle of this thing. I heard it somewhere you may from someone else in but not part of your order the right so I said listen. I know you're GonNa think I'm Dick and I had to apologize to everyone else. who was in line too? But I said if you heard it somewhere you heard in your own head it did not was not audible. You did not say to me. I did not order pepper. Jack You did not tell me you had pepper Jack Understood. And she's like okay and I knew she was like what deck and so everyone else in line but what are we do. How do we stem this fucking horrible tide side of this crazy fucked up? Nurses like she was willing to leave it at. I heard Pepper Jack like yeah. That's what I'll do like sometimes ordering bring Omelette I'll go is that Ri- or week perjure Bloomington between the Hash browns and the home promote. Yeah that's what I do. Did you hear that As you were ordering what answer. Sergio sworn I heard Pepper Jack. can I order my nail on break. What is that a Colombian whole roaster mister? Coffee damage what I swear swearing. I listen does it ever happen when you order macaroni. I gotTA use the pepper jerk scrap. I have the keys or the door open. Yeah I know she heard Pepper Jack somewhere in a fucking feeble mind pepper Jack and listen bitch. You guys have made this horrific decision to only offer pepper Jack in place of Jack Cheese and I'm sure you save a nickel in the hyenas coming here and he don't know no and different but let's not try to not this ain't a bitch. Let's not push back on me for the love of Christ. I heard Pepper Jeff but the thing is like what you're saying about the idea of the customer always being right in the day even if you had order pepper Jack and then you came up and said you didn't want Pepper Jack. She's supposed to say oh. I'm so sorry all right. Let me fix that for you. Well this is bigger because yes agreed. But it's bigger because it's not about me getting a new Omelette. I'm I'm getting a new omelette. You guys put weird synthesized cheese in my Alma at fucked it all up that that's a foregone conclusion I'm getting a new omelette in. This is about you winning the battle at the counter. This is about us walking away and me going Knicks time. I'm going to bring my stenographer like this is worse because I understand when you I once had a Taylor so buttons onto a Tuxedo jacket. And then he returned it to me inside like one of those white slip covers or whatever and it was in my closet for like nine months and then I was going out and I pull it out and they were brass sailor. Alert buttons like there. Were put on a blue blazer if you were really rich in the late seventies and early second literally anchors made of brass and I walked back to the guy and his two Taylor and I said hey man hello my name is Graham. Welling put black buttons on this big brass buttons on this thing and he's like I didn't do that. Let's take a lot of balls for me to walk into a strange tailor shop and try to save three bucks on buttons. And he's but at least. That guy was arguing because his sold thing was if I eat this yet. I'm going to be out ten bucks worth of buttons out an hour worth of showing so there is a reason a man that just madison he wanted art. I was getting a new. I was getting a new omelets. She was just GonNa Wind Alaska. She's GonNa win the battle of the words. Yes all right Sadly in Memoriam Something to report to you guys which happened near the beginning of the break. Fill up the juggler. My dear friend and I think we have I told you about his case. He's a dear dear friend of mine. I went to Youtube and I found I looked at his act act and just marvel that it but I remember when I he passed away and and I thought when he was the biggest celebrity in the world to me. When I was working I met him at the groundlings handlings and like one thousand nine hundred eighty six or something and he was like a working comedian and He was making like six thousand dollars. There's a weak opening for Andy Williams. Yeah Andy Williams right and it was just. I couldn't believe it and then I came across this This commercial and you guys can go to Adam. COROLLA DOT COM. You've got youtube and and check it out but it was fill up in his prime doing I think it was a it was a bud. Light Commercial Yeah just run. It is my buddy fill up when he was of course. Light Juggling Act. I need some fours light lots of tours with plenty of hot dogs. Lots of fun. Risk Relish told predict the charcoal. And how about something to life but there is an easier west. You'll find everything the life of your favorites. Thanks to the silver bullet. You won't get caught up in the air. This is amazing. Using to know that guy's dead it freaks me out he was the most vibrant coordinated to stay. He'd do that on a UNICYCLE. Just incredible I I one of those guys who is just so fucking comfortable in his own skin. Not cocky at all. Just you know he'd be one of these guys where like he'd go. I don't want to return the island you know. Why shouldn't yeah? It's your arm Lynn. You don't but he wouldn't go like fuck them. Go Up and fucking. Tell that person or you wouldn't be like command of trouble because I don't WanNa get spit my on. They just be like once you have it the way you want it and you should go. He was like one of those guys he he he he he w- he was like not almost naive. In a certain way it was just so comfortable. He was so easy way. We should all be almost almost innocent. Innocent yes just a great guy. So Philip you will be missed dearly my friend and We will oh ooh love to one of our fine sponsor. Speaking of a guy loved Jimmy Kimmel by the way moving to eleven thirty five. Yeah that's what happened at at Katie's resurfaced finally ten years in exile. Eleven thirty five and this is a big. GD deal finally continue to those E.. Specials where are they now have to worry about seeing himself. Eleven thirty five. This is the best tip of the camp you can get put ten years in and can you believe it's been ten years. New Week is going to kick off by the way with Jennifer Aniston and no doubt on Tuesday Ryan Gosling. Sophia for Brad Paisley Bruno Mars. That's just that's just the first week. Jimmy Kimmel live eleven thirty five starting Tuesday. God bless him ten years and Younger smarter better looking possibly thinner. Now My There's a big billboard up that we pass big picture Jimmy Jimmy. It's Freaky for my kids. Go to his house for the Christmas Eve thing and you know he's all over them. Here's your present sunny. Here's your as the most gracious guy on the planet. Here did this. Do you have a serving them pasta Italian. You have positive always makes pasta for the kids and everyone else eats the sea food and everything and he does a seven. We're driving home and there's a huge billboard with him and we got up the driveway and my daughter said Is Jimmy Middle Name. Live live and I thought I said that's a good one to tell you. That's a good one. Jimmy Kimmel live I and and she said I'm not kidding and I was like all right credit now but it's it's interesting how the mind of six year old works and boy does she love her. Some uncle Jimmy so eleven. Thirty five starting This Tuesday and couldn't happen to a better guy all right quick break Mike. And now it's twenty thirteen state of the union also featuring news. Girl Alison Rosen and Brian Bishop in in studio and before we get going with this next clip atoms book. It's called. I'm your emotional support. Animal navigating are all L.. Woke no joke culture. And it's available for preorder now AMCOL DOT COM Amazon Barnes and noble and let and support atom by. Doing so really does help him out. Also has an audio book coming out soon and in EBA but definitely preorder this book doc and get the hardcopy nice substantial okay this this next one. This is from twenty fourteen. This is the state the Union Featuring Allison and Brian again and let's just roll right into it. Shall we girl show twelve thirty three the final. Stay the a union with Allison Allison Roses Adam. Corolla and Ball Brian. Abbas top-drawer of the year. Thank you so much for making two thousand thirteen such a great year coming into year five of this is can you believe it and it's all because of you guys definitely too many. We're definitely Gilding the lily here Thank you so so much for making a success and the only way it's made a success through you sharing it with a friend and You know supporting us when we go out and do a live show. Brian's got a book coming out my books coming out two weeks later citing Kobuk door straight. Yeah just really. I was looking looking at it on the computer today. Just a straight two weeks drop on a Tuesday. Yours is the twenty ninth minds on the thirteenth or whatever May and You can can preorder both our books if you like. I don't know if you've got. I'm sure you'RE GONNA Amazon. You've mentioned before going to Amazon. Look into your books and how it's addictive to see the numbers rise and fall over the course of minutes sometimes and always says customers about this also about this books up there used once it'll higher than the other. I won't say who's right. It's nice to see people buying both. I didn't know my book was on sale at Amazon I just was sort of cruising around and it was and I shot it out there and you can pre pre by it. It's called the president. Me and shrinkage is Brian's cover to be revealed for yours. I'm excited to see. Yes had one of those awkward ones with my wife with Lynette. Yesterday and she said what are they going to be done with the cover of that book and I did the Oh. I don't know we did it like three months ago. Oh you did. Yeah you've seen the cover sure and then then you start doing that. The backpedal RETREA. Yeah I mean I had options but nothing carved in granite. That's all mockup talking about some really rough stuff mainly stick figures done done out of charcoal by people that are alive anymore on the size of caves. I was like a computer somewhere. You know me I don't like the burn you with me so That should be up there soon. Enough in. Thank you once again for the support. get them angry. It come to live shows. We've got some live shows coming up in Chicago and Buffalo and Vegas and that's all on the calendar and that's us doing the live. PODCAST live standup coming up in Detroit and all that good stuff. So we'll talk about the New Year's resolutions and things like that I had a lot first off. I was supposed to be shooting. My movie rode hard during the month of December. So I did not have Mike August usually horses. I me out all through the holidays and all through the New Year because that's the good time to go to Tahoe and play the casino and all that kind of stuff. That's your it's one one of those You know it's like being a dwarf or something that's your busy season and dwarf accountants right this spring right so I would say Normally I would be working and traveling and doing a lot but I didn't end so mercifully I was able to stay home for two weeks. I spent a ton of time with my kids kids and my wife and I just took them to the park and I really. I really had a fun time with everybody. I had a sh- he's just a small breakdown after my resolution which was and everyone is familiar with last year's which was everyone else else gets needs to get their shit together which I still stand by but this year I internalize it a little more and I said Gratitude I've I've always always known gratitude. Good one to get your shit together. Everyone should appreciate me more. Gracious around me. No I KITA heat. A key to happiness is gratitude. It's just it's just. It's just plain and simple gratitude. People WanNA talk about. What's the key to happiness? I don't know family of God religion success Education whatever community. It's really gratitude dude. It's are you. Do you feel happy to be alive to be in this position that you're in to be living I I mean just the fact that you're alive literally doing at the moment. Yeah doing what you're doing or even just being amongst the healthy and on the planet at this particular time. I know we all skate past that one but just the fact that the alarm goes off in the morning you get you get to get out of bed and have another day on the planet. Plenty of people who who wished they could have that many people who never saw their twentieth birthday plenty of people who saw their eightieth birthday but that was two hundred years ago. You know what I mean. It's a pretty. We take a look at the earth and those who have been on the earth is pretty small minority of people that are on it right now and healthy we. We need sort of take a look at the calendar Earth counter philosophical. But this is the time you were here for such a short amount of time and when that hits me and then I think about how I spend my time you know being upset about this or being irritated by this then I get I get I think I should also have more gratitude. We should all what do that and I will tell you doing things like being knee deep in documentary about a guy who's dead named namely only Paul Newman helps you because you look at a bunch of footage of a guy from one thousand nine hundred eighty seven going like. I don't blame the car. I blame myself when I drive. Ever something. That guy's dead and yet whatever he's talking about or whatever he's doing at that moment the most important thing in his life and I guess that's how we're wired. It's going to be hard to get away from that. Probably Society would implode if we all just hung out with my dad and went on long walks at dawn and didn't pay taxes but there is a balance and I had this crate. I was I had to good moments. which was Lynette got me industrial strength? Thank you sir for for Christmas and I was every year I now this year I start choosing I start juicing. Nineteen eighty-seven juicer. You announce this before. You had a juicer. I probably announce it enough that finally but every time I see one other juicing commercials I am fucking inspired and it's one of the rare things that is really good for you and it actually tastes good no matter what you shove into that thing as long as you follow it up with a green apple a little bit apple right you're fine and you put Kale and shoes spirit. Toss Asian Asian in there. Whatever you're juicing? At the time he followed it up with a green apple boom done so to two moments first off. I got the juicer and I was like yeah two thousand fourteen. That's year every morning every morning to wake up and choose head of time reviews for j I used announced this is it. I'm cleaning myself out. All the figgy pudding and Eggnog and all the throws all even all the all the junk. Okay I've been I've just tons of everything was the booze and pound cake or pound cake dipped in booze you now. It's all now cleaned myself. Jews so I did that and then about ninety he minutes later. I said if you want to go the hotdog drain and it was smashed. Got To me eating Chili fries about eighty six minutes later you should have juice them but only ordered one hot dog. That was my that was my compromise. Said Yeah materially fries. Shut down through the through the juicer. So speaking of dogs so that was again. I had about ninety good juicing minutes before I waited for the Chili fries and then I had about twenty any two minutes of gratitude before throwing one of my like crazy dance fats out on the lawn. which is we moved and most host? The reason why I moved and we moved was to have a yard for the kids lived up in the hills. Kids couldn't ride their bikes around around. That couldn't play in the yard. Natalia just announces you know I want a rope swing on a tire swing and I want to zip line. I want this I want that would play tetherball and stuff like that and then Lynette goes into this defcon five things like she announced. She wanted a tire. I told my parents I wanted a dog my entire higher life so what. They went back and sat down and watched Mary Hartman Mary Hartman or whatever it is. They're watching the point. Is they ignored plenty of my please. I wanted to mini-bike go cart. I WANNA dog. I wanted to parents of cared. I wanted many things a football with the laces this time so you you should have started with much higher. I want a dog on a rope. Swing can have our. How about just the rope swimmer? So she got. She needs to tire show. We moved into a house with a nice community. That was sort of kid-friendly the house. Not as exciting but a nice big yard not as exciting as the one you had before. Yes but a nice a nice yard so that the kids could play in the yard and molly immediately started shooting up the yard in which case I found myself in the backyard having the catch with my son with the football that were never able to have when we lived up in the hills hills because we're on a slope we didn't really have a yard but now having this catch he's going out for pattern stepping dog shit and sort of having to run serpentine need to get around the dog shit and everything and I was molly shitting up this entire back yard and I and it's just it's all over the place so I say hey look to my wife. I say wha- We gotta we gotta get her to go like an aside like where the dog run is and what are we going to do. So what I do is I put a little fencing in the side side yards ten foot wide and it's about forty fifty feet long and it's super low fence in there. There's a doggie door. Let her go through the dog door. Let her get used to you. Know Start going the Internet. Ask Caesar how to get the dog shit over here because he's shitting up the backyard hard. Yeah because I want to understand it. It's real easy to old dogs new tricks so this should be heard that. So the tally going down there. Zip Line nine. And I'm running next door. But I'm dodging the dog shed and we're getting these arguments like. That's the Gardner. Pick up the shit. Yeah he does. One was a gardener here yesterday. While there's ten new piles of Shit is that the garnered not pick up the shit sitting in your yard. Lynette bought the plastic spring loaded jaws of life scooper. One by the way. Don't get too high Falutin with your shit scoopers. Just simple mini rake and the flat panel Pan on the stick always as she got the weird talents that come down at the hinge. Yeah it immediately broke. So she's she's you know. Where's the scooper picker upper? It's broke. She options out there with the bag. So we spend my vacation nations sort of arguing about where molly shitting and how to get her to shit somewhere else. and WHO's not clean up the ship not Germane and yet I want to know. How did the chicken handled at your your old house? We'll see the shit at the old house was in a small section of the backyard which was on a slope which was allotted just sort of Burton dead grass and nobody wanted to go out there for catch or for tire swing so the res. It was one of those things where the reason we didn't have the tire swearing. And the reason we couldn't have the catches a reason. We never stepped in Molly. Shit it was all contain to a thing that had a thirty percent grade on. It was no good for tossing the ball right now. We have the yard. That's made for tossing the ball around in the shed custom made for Molly's Amos. She's a set. You're playing ball yard right so she also likes the shit down this corridor. Now the the thing that made my new year's resolution turned earned. A shed was I was the the garage is in the back of the House and you actually have to drive across a portion of the back lawn to get to the garage it sounds a little Kooky but it works fine. If you have kind of car where you'd park and drive at once a month it wouldn't be good if you parked every night kind of thing but you just drive across the lawn and that's fine so now as part of the moving process I'm going to take a couple of my cool cars and bring them over and put them in said new garage and so there I am and I call my Guy Rob and I say Dr One of the cars out Al drive you back and I'm staring at this corridor and I'm seeing some mammoth piles of Molly Shit and I remember thinking first off. Why and then thinking okay? When he drives the car crossed this lawn? I gotTa make sure it's an old school nineteen sixties car with the tires on it. Very Nabi ask many places for Shit to go non not a nice slick of for the Shit to fall off and and so here comes rob now pulling up the driveway. And I'm doing this move way. I'm going to run out in front of him as he's you know sort of work in the clutch and working gas and coming up and doing the sort of wave move out front. Come on come on come on then at a certain point I see. He is on a collision course with the biggest pile of Shit on the lawn. And I'm picturing it already pre pictured at getting pushed in times three three thousand pounds of pressure into between the tire in into the tread getting pushed up into the fender the back tire then running over the same spot and then leaving. The imprint went on the court in the front of the in front in front of the garage and so forth. So I'm doing this move. Thank God add something my hands to throw. I was carrying some like home. homedepot bags back to the garage and I'm doing like come on. Come on come on in about thirty feet before the Shit I see. He's just going toward the shit. Of course why. Why would he go anywhere else? It's not his fault. He can't see where he's going driving on grass and I do the Ho Ho Ho Ho hand up hand up hand up and he just keeps rolling along and I'm like now it's going in slow motion. Stop Stop Stop. He can't I'm in a position where he can't like Austin powers. He's just looking for going to any just Mur third right just drew I. You couldn't move the tire three millimeters to the right to left just right under completely flat and the fresh fresh pile of shit goes right up pushes up around the side of the then goes then goes onto the concrete and it's leaving that track that every every revolution solution. There's a print every you know like like when you do a potato stamp when you're a kid and I'm just holding this bag full of like the Home Depot. Shit you know little wrenches and not whatnot and socks and I'm just like throwing it into the lawn like screaming up into the heavens like what. What are we doing would ride? Why did you see yelling? Stop and then but why is my lawn covered in and I was doing like my Tantrum from dance. Your gratitude dance realize yes. I have a big beautiful house. This guy drove a beautiful Italian cars through a pile of shit. I should be grateful because he can just hose it off the tire. But it's because I was staring that shit an hour earlier going. Let's not it let this happen and I feel like I steer into that stuff like I like my my no Mayo means. It's extra Mayo. Every time when I saw that pile of Shit and said well I'll tell you there's one thing rob can't do with this car. He cannot run over this pile of shit in this car. You're it was done as far as the shit entire concert. It was written down Roy. What is the Tantrum dance? It's just a would you Abu can't see you. which is the listeners? There's lots of arms up in the air waving around and ahead kind of bobbing back shocked. All the garden stuff that I had bought at the Home Depot starts to rain on onto the ground. Done the God damn it sort of couldn't figure out where the run toward rob and start yelling. Yelling at Rob Rob Rob didn't do it on purpose. He just went. I was yelling. Stop and my hand was flailing about. He didn't I should've thrown myself in front of car. Thought I'd run inside the House and start yelling Elliot Lynette about. Where's the worst going on? Why are we picking up this shit? Why can't you train the dog the shit and the dog run? It's called the dog run. have her shit in that in just I just. I didn't know which way to run. But my whole gratitude that Elaine muscle surprise. You did potato stamps as a kid. Oh yeah absolutely big in the seventies any anything anything that didn't really cost any money and consumed huge amounts of time. The Corollas did I mean we didn't do him at home school or whatever there was a weird thing about make it stand out of a bottom of an acorn make one Out of potato. I don't know I don't think kids are going to give a shit about stamps. Stamping things anymore. Well we're a big deal right funny you brought up gratitude on the very top of the show I Christie and I were doing some early spring cleaning tech a couple of days off to clean out some drawers Organiz ship. Who at Christmas stuff and we're Clinton doors that have been gone? We stack aplastic drawers. We have brought from the apartment hadn't been gone through in years. Let's go through this and get rid of we. We don't need and come across a mole skin. nope that is right about this bay with the plastic or the rubber band around it where dishes take notes so S- Christie's so it's crises sees that she bought when I had gotten sick when I first got diagnosed and she was lurking. I wasn't working. And she had just started her her food blog pardon my crumbs dot com start. The food blogs is really into blogging because he was helpful for her and everything on the very first she hadn't looked at the thing since she started the blog a few pages of notes recipes and whatnot on the very first page. You won't read and we're just word gratitude today and there's only thing that she was like let's really take stock of what we have an obvious symbolism but it was It was a very sweet thing to be like. Oh you've got about this eat. It is the only it is sort of the key to happiness the balance part is. How do you get things done and get multiple things done and to have that gratitude at the same time you know appreciation another words? Hey you got a beautiful house beautiful car and a beautiful wife. Beautiful Kids Beautiful Dog. That shit's up ironically prescription dog food. So it's the most expensive offensive hyacinth kit. But how do you balance that with. Oh come on. This isn't really a problem be happy. You don't have any real problems with that. I don't want this dog shit in the backyard again like that. So how do you get that sort of Momeni motivation and and that gratitude. At the same time I think so much of that is just who you are. I think probably fostered but my grandpa who just passed passed away when he was my grandma who passed away many years ago a series of strokes and she was not doing well. She lived at home with him because he was capable and they were advanced as or my grandparents my parents and he would say to her. They'd sit on their balcony and he had to help her feed her and get her ready and everything Bob Lout and he would say you know what we got better than ninety percent of the people in the world right here right now found. That's an absurd thing to think. He's helping feed her and they're old and they're barely getting around but it's his perspective and you can knock that out of them. I think it's an awesome thing. If you have to the challenges fostering it. I I love it. I'm envious of it. There's part of me that always finds it pathetic but I'm always envious of it as well. That sucks it's funny. Leave out molly that Natalya said and she's completely right. It's made me laugh my ass off. I tweeted out over the over with a break. If you want to rob my house simply bring a dustbuster or anyone's house with the dog just bring a dustbuster because they're all scared shitless of dust but I don't know why hi so. We were pulling up the driveway. Molly does that move where she's laying in the middle of the driveway. And then I come pulling up and she sort of looks I mean. Does the hair you what you want me to move can just park there. I'M GONNA. I'm planning on shitting out an grass later on your drive onto that part and I do like the honk the horn and she kinda gets gets up and she meanders about and at certain points she gets away from the car a little bit. I start going forward again. Then she sort of worked your way back out in front of the grill and it's like just fucking dog has no fear of six thousand pound automobile zero and it's also the point where I can't see where she is. Sometimes if I'm either going forward or backing up as she will sit sit or stand right behind the car or right in front of the car and I said to my kids were in the car. I said it's crazy the stock. It has no fear of automobiles and my daughter without missing a beat said. Yeah but she's scared to death of the hairdryer and I dot show truth. You fired up a hairdryer she would. You could sprinting to the other side of the house now that I think that's what makes your stupid. You know what I mean. Here's something that could kill you. Here's something that could make you. Look Fluffy and your hair look shining manageable and one volume and one. You're completely I mean you're fucking sprinting. To the other side of the house the go roll over. Take a fucking nap in front of Natalia came up to me at our Christmas party and presented a balloon and told me that she tied it by herself for the first time that you tell you this achievement with her tongue which scared data just a little bit just a little bit. I can understand concern. She didn't tell me that she did it. Well I told her. She said it with a wink. The Bite I said Bite that thing. You know the balloons with all right. That was the state of the Union from twenty fourteen and cruel a break it down as I show back we came back in January fifth that year so we got a little bit more of a cushion. Break all right this next one. So a Lotta People Wanna hear the transition from Alison Gina and it all started in two thousand fifteen. You guys hear about it here but this is Adam breaking down what happened. A portion of fourteen eighty two. They had patent Oswald on a guest on the State of Union so which they never do as it was. It didn't really work. So they had a guest segment the first aid explained with the new cast changes and it was all kind of sweaty like Adam. Look sweaty sweaty in Portland. Looked like it was like did. Didn't look like it was a very easy for him to do all this kind of cramped and so then what happened is after this episode people further explain Glenn further explain and there was another side of the story. Side cannot Moore show and then people like what happened. What really happened? It was as simple as what happened states here. He just wasn't happy with it and he wanted to change him. That's they did so here. It is Adam Corolla show state of the Union for Twenty fifteen with new news girl. Gina Grad and Brian Bishop. This is from January third of twenty fifty. Good Day Cina Grant Hello and Bald Bryan. That was the number one drop people were enraged. That was snubbed at the you know what I say that what I do now Winter I can't are you at the voting committee. Dr Drew All right Gina Grad. What is Gina Grad doing here? Alison Rosen is not going to be part of this program in two thousand in fifteen. Why nothing personal? I like Alison Rosen. I think Alison Rosen is very talented. Had An very funny. I think she's a great writer and I think she's a great comedic voice but I don't think she's a great side it kick I think she's a good sidekick but I don't think that's her calling and I sat next to her for a number of years and I tried tried it out and it just wasn't a fit as far as sidekick and it's not a personal thing and it's not a creative thing it's not even an ability thing I just feel like she wasn't side kick material which is probably a good thing. No fence to Eugene Gina Grad but I don't know can question Texas. Certain kind of dashing charisma charisma shoes. I don't know if I'm good. Incite kick material either. But I just didn't feel like that was her role even though I thought she was very talented and very funny. And it's not all about about who's funniest and who's the best writer and who's the best jokes during who's the best whatever there's a certain genus aquatic to sidekick and. I felt like she was better as a lead than a sidekick so we went a different direction in two thousand fifteen so far Ron Gina Grad when I say so far good Gina. We Know Gina. I've known her for a number of years. I really love Gina and we go back to the KAYLA sex days. But I didn't want to just have the first person coming here and go. Hey this is your job for perpetuity. I thought it'd be nice to have people come in. Audition is not the right word. But I shouldn't have said audition if I didn't mean audition but come in and sit in and see how the chemistry was how the flow was so Gina Grad First Talk. You can tell us about yourself are passed in your pass. Well like you said you did the morning show at Kayla's Ex and I helped out on the conway show at night. And that's why are pads pads. I crossed and super happy. They did. WHO's next by? By the way I loved Him Conway and it was one of those situations blissful blissful be get Houston not be on the finish any of your thoughts but she's been here for all right when we were on air at Kayla sex. The the Great Jack Silver came in and said he was my full name. People said we're GONNA pack it up and we're going to tell everyone on Friday morning morning on your show. There were packing it up and I said what time does what time are we officially packed up and he said five pm that good evening so you announce it at six. AM on Friday and at five PM on Friday. We're officially packed up. And I said well Tim Conway has been on the air longer than any of us on this station. Probably ten eleven years. At that point he comes on eight o'clock or ten o'clock or whatever for was seven to ten he will not be able to say goodbye because we will have packed it up before he gets to say goodbye so his last show is going to be Thursday. Going see see you tomorrow and then there'll be no see tomorrow so I said that's not gonNa work for me because I liked him and Timson on the longest. Tim should be able to say goodbye by to his audience that he's been with for decades and this was not the pedis idea correct. No this was no one's idea but me doing the math of the guy's he's been here the longest is the guy's GonNa get clipped and not going to be able to say goodbye. You pull at Your Station your bullet my station mine. So I said since nobody gives a shed since no one ever does give a shit. Why don't I say it on Thursday? That way Tim Conway will be able to say a junior will be able to say goodbye on his seven o'clock show Thursday night and then when it comes Friday. We'll all say our final goodbyes and will sign off at five o'clock and because of that we had a nice sendoff that night. So thank you for that. I concur except for when I tuned in the following day to hear Bonnici explain. What a Douchebag I was and how you never how we'd all agreed to send off on a Friday and a jump sweet? I jumped the gun and did it on Thursday and Jack Jack Silver never walked into the studio no we discussed it it was always just. What a huge douchebag I was for jumping the gun and saying it on Thursday well on behalf of the Conway Conway team? We really appreciate being able to say goodbye. So thank you well thank you. You can't back it up and just stopped at Jackson over. Never walked excusable so Either way gene and I go way back to Kayla sacks and now Gina your job then became what it became everything it became plug and play fill in which is super fun and Super Awesome. been doing it ever since I started doing stuff a. KFI Did show here with. Dr Drew's lovely wife Sue. He was in good times. You stuff all over the place and I'm happy to be here. Can I tell you that I went to dinner. At Laurie's unripe. As did I won't you go. We want the day of the beef bowl oud later but it's the straightest straightest gays Doniger vetiver is. Well let's put it this way. I challenge anyone to come up with a straighter event. That sounds Gayer than the beef ball. Did you play around. PUT THE MR on the man like incentive tail on the donkey. 'cause that exists. You know what the people is. Nobody sounds pretty. Good Ball is the to rose bowl teams coming together at the prime rib place from nineteen o one and seeing how much beef they can consume in an afternoon rose bowls It has to do with flowers the plant something to hold them then we went. We went there that afternoon with just my kids Dr drew and his wife and crew. Yes in a certain point. I've a great relationship with Dr Drew's wife. which is she knows? I know she's not an I. I don't mince words with her at all. And at a certain point after about our six go round with the waitress I said. Do you realize every single time the waitress has come to this table. You have had a special alternative requests that has sent her back to the kitchen never to turn never to return. The rhythm completely literally couldn't order glass of wine without the What do you like is going to give him the Pinot Noir? Whatever you like what are they got and then they always throw out to stay ago? You went you went to Wolf Creek or would you like the Russian River Hills. Fuck you I know. Who Am I? Earning Bernie Bernier Giulio Gallo. Like I don't fucking know who. Just give me the one you like the one. That's more expensive right so anyway. She reordered every single thing on the menu but the kids had a good time. Must Have Larry's Zepplin cut the meat for you. It's called the blimp. Yeah bring over the big iron cart. Yeah did they school where they match the cart of meat over. Yes if it got any older they would just drag a cow endoscope. Just fucking right now. which in the wake of all time they were it would make a French maid outfit? Look Conservative or duty. Okay Call Me Mrs. So and so and it's It's very good times but anyway so Gina Grad is here and she's GonNa be here and and hopefully she will Stay here I have Thoughts about Many things and there's so much get to patent Oswald it's going to be here as well well there's a lot to talk about As far as the break goes I thought I would try to catch everyone up on two thousand fifteen and since it's a coming around the corner or since we're here now and I thought it started sitting I was sitting over Kimmel's theater watching football with cousin hasn't Salva and I thought I should tell everybody. Sort of what. Two Thousand Fifteen has in store for me and We can kind of figure it out in March. I start catch a contractor again season three. That'll be season. Three of catch a contractor also March arch my independent Rom Com rode. Hard will come out but I don't know exactly how it's going to come out yet. Limited release with some VOD Indians usual. Shit April the Newman documentary will come out and again. Some limited release ace was some vod stuff and then really fast. I haven't even seen a frame of it. Well I shall show you frame but just one okay and and Then in June my book will come out bad. Signed by the way talking to Mike Lynch earlier today working on the book I said Once this book coming out he said Father's Day I said what month this father's Day. I Dunno both paused went. I think that's a bad sign. I think that that doesn't do not usually celebrate father's Day. It's always just a surprise to you when it comes up. Yeah that's my dad. I think that there's a window and that window is the same window you have for state capitals. It's the same window you have for. How many days in in February there's that window in when that window get shut and then painted shut like minded for for holidays for birthdays for whatever days whatever whatever whatever it is there is a window it goes well vice presidents march on okay? Yes there's always adding more the I'll I'll I'll put it to you this way my birthday for my entire time on this planet. His Been Labor Day or Memorial Day. What are you which everyone comes? I I don't know it's never and everyone says. Oh you know when I go once the indy five hundred they go memorial day and I go or Labor Day I go once that may twenty four and I go. Oh that's my birthday. My birthday always been on that weekend. I've never known if no what I should know but it was never celebrated so you didn't get a cake in barbecue gone from Mr Corolla right so we didn't it never got cemented so my parents birthday never got cemented. Father's Day never got cemented. Mother's Day never got cemented. Once you get past ten and a half without those dates getting cemented just like the capitals. It's really hard. The cement hardens right. Nobody nobody says I went back when I was forty four and learned the capitals of all the states or learn which months had twenty eight days or any of that in which had thirty one like it doesn't. There's only one for twenty eight days. Well I know June. Don't step on my point is there. Is that window and that window gets shot. It could shut and you kind of move on and then forever more. You don't know when Mother's Day is when Father's Day is when your mom's birthday is and that's how I how I am and I think Mike Lynch that way too because it was sad that neither one of us knew I thought Father's Day was in May but I was relieved to find out it was in June. Give yourself an extension got another month you reprieved to write this book all right so the book and catch contractor and rode hard and The Newman dock. And all that good stuff as well as a bunch of podcast all coming up and you're doing contractor shows in Vegas now I should say there will be some episodes out of Vegas. Yes yeah sweet doc. Wait to meet those folks so that's GonNa be good times also all right so just some general thoughts and I think this it's GonNa be SOMEWHAT UPLIFTING I hope so my kids got a bunch of shit this year a bunch of helicopters that started off his trucks rocks and then break broke free of their wheels. Lifted into the air and Blah Blah Blah. They got another thing that was like a drone that you could put a camera Brown and Bubba bubba above Gary trained shots. They can't get the Gary fluent in the ceiling of the warehouse and then rob fluid into the wall of the warehouse and now it's at home and I have no idea you had operated. They got three of everything three of everything and they're all more technologically advanced than the necks. But somehow it's not moving their a needle the number one gift that we got the the entire Christmas vacation and I've been home and I've been relaxing blacks ing and enjoying my family during the entire Christmas vacation. The number one gift is Jay Joe. He's Assistant Jay Assistant. J. J. Miller came to the house with his lovely girlfriend a couple of days after Christmas and he said I got a gift for the kids and I said what is this skift. And he said it's a it's a mobile ping pong unit and I said how does that work and he said I bought it for myself during the grab bag. Actually I bought it for a friend during the grab bag. But somehow during the grab-bag wide elephants Soi Yankee swap secret. Santa thing he somehow finagle that back to him. The camp was twenty dollars so was seventeen dollars or whatever it is it's to Ping Pong paddles. Three balls and a mobile net and the net is an accordion. That will pull out to six feet or go in as close as two feet. And then it has to sort of l shape clamp hooks that go into the bottom of it you can turn any table into a ping pong table. And he flat surface any flat surface right. So if you have dining room table ping pong table so plastic. I'm sure it's from China. It was well under twenty dollars and he brought it over and he said Yeah. Let me let me get hooked up over here on the dining room table. We had to add a leaf in leftover from Thanksgiving so little extra length. He slid it in the middle. I got my daughter on one side. I was on the other. And we've gone at it ever since she comes home from whatever and says you WANNA play Ping Pong. My son comes home. Says the number one thing we've played is a thirteen dollar plastic pieces shit game. That's as old as all our childhoods goes back to China two thousand years ago better than the unmanned drown better than the unmanned drone but there's something satisfying about the simple physical men men versus man one versus the other. Just this back and forth to one. I don't know that that will ever be replaced. That and then when you do this. No one's going anywhere until we volley ten times and I don't care for. I don't care if we don't go to dinner tonight. I don't care if we never leave the house. We gotta get back and forth ten times. One you know to you get to seven. It goes off the table start again. There's something so insanely visceral pragmatic and whatever about that simple. Just that simple interaction. I don't think it can be replaced with the video. Game or drone is one of the kids better at it than the other. Yes the girl kicks shit out avoid. Aw He wants nothing to do he. He basically gets down on one knee and runs across like in tennis tournaments and grabs. The ball runs back again. That's all Shagong. He's a sugar but the thing that's interesting is I say to her. We're not going anywhere until we ten and we'll get to six and Mama Balance Time to go to dinner and I'll go. We're not moving until you get to ten and have realized it's sort of how you get better at everything. Yeah if you're if you're skipping skipping rope and you do that crossover move. Don't drop the rope until you get five off and if you screw up at four sort of start over again and no drop in the rope until you get five or ten or fifteen or whatever that number is but keep it going. Anyway Jay. Joe's a Little Ping Pong game aim had turned out to be the hit and it's under twenty dollars involves zero technology. There's no one we didn't know that had didn't have one as things is in their basement somewhere growing up it's not one of these You newfangled whatever your plasma screen and your digital whatever now just old school super satisfying sound. Yeah there's no cheating it you have to Kinda US little finance. And that's that he take to a backhand more. How does how does that work? She basically just smack down on it each time but is but gets good enough so we got up to twenty one. Look our best volley it height an issue with her. Because she's the over Ryan throw on a stool. She's right but she's right there. Just it made me think that that the simple things in life are really the most satisfying things in life. When you're eight years old all the technology in the world takes a backseat to you and daddy trying to get to ten with the ping pong ball and the noise and the o one off the saved it? Oh you know pop up in the air you know just kind of just satisfying yeah. It's like a kid from the twenty wearing knickers and running down the street with the Hoop and the stick. Finish Interstate McEnroe than it's she's not getting mad no not yet speaking of which are you are you there. Are you playing at your full capacity when you know the thing is I'm attempting to keep the rally going. That's my entire effort. And now is the state of the Union. From twenty any fifteen Adam Corolla describing the what was a very messy breakup From our previous news girl Alison and yeahs ask. Jia said we further address it a few episodes later when the backlash was just so huge. One here that you can go into podcast one premium. Well home life podcast. They have a full back archive. Go the next two episodes after this one. And you'll hear more of the fallout discussion. What happened and the details but overall all worked out for the best Gina's their shows great allison still flourishing with her show on Koa show stronger? It's ever been no hard feelings between. Maybe I know yeah. I think we're all good. Good all right. We're GONNA keep the state of the Union's going. This is from two thousand sixteen and we had a guest this year. Two cousins sal came in this is kind of the the collapse of the state of the union becomes less and less about the future of the network and more about some shit. That just happened This one is the Latest a dinner with a baby doll and maxing out his card and how they got away with it and what they did. Cousin Sal tells the full story. He was in the studio that brought him in and it's kind of impromptu thing they're doing and they call this the state of the Union for two thousand seventeen or for twenty sixteen but it's really cousins. Sell telling the story and everybody kind of getting back together in January of twenty sixty get it on got the choice to get on mandate get it on and thank you for joining us for going into now. Our seventh seventh year could not have done it without all of you making this business possible got everyone health insurance this year. It's been good so so thank you and again. It's all because you guys now. Okay Tina granddaddy you. Happy second year to you and happy New Year everyone all all right A little bit of good luck. Everyone said Oh. We WanNa hear the Big Dixon Story. How much money is spent now to dinner and that whole story but talks talks and dinner for Dixon twice? Eerie comes into town twice a year. COUSIN SAL runs the bill up. That's the big joke. It's try to outdo ourselves every year. Well I realized cousin sows watching football in the warehouse next to ours. And he's here so I thought well he was sober. He was there Aaron. He was doing most of the ordering so why not cousin sal from ESPN sportscenter. Making picks on Thursday night. Ten o'clock although I seem to see earlier than that I'm not sure why I also of course Jimmy came alive weeknights eleven thirty five cousins Sal. Thanks for having me my pleasure. I saw cousin sal on on Christmas Eve. At Jimmy's house he came by our house with great kids on New Year's Eve so it's been a lot of cousins. I think my great kids are throwing going nerves lamborghinis right nervous about getting back to the TV. Viewing we'll get you back. I just realized you're on top of this. I mean you're orchestrating the whole thing with Dixon and the dinner. You're doing most ordering real curveball. This year with the truffles. Oh yeah that's a wildcard black or white the bowl. I got really lucky with that. Those strange well. It's total serendipity. Because EV everybody can think all right. You want to run up the TAB. So what do you do start with expensive bottles of water. I think we had some twelve hundred dollar Saudi drink wine and they bring bring it over for me to process shaking it. Whatever Allan this is good? This is great dance because the person should have said it back up the person who's doing the waiting his run into this gold mine of insane saying white people with black cards. It's a white guy. This is what you want White Guy. AMEX best color combination nation on the planet. That's the orient the Oreo you want when you're the waiter right. So he's got the black AMEX. He's got the lily white table and everyone's ordering during trying to break the car black lungs to smoking which is another thing because every time Dixon gets go smoke I'll ordering we huddled around like idiots but he has to smoke so that they gives us an opportunity to meet with the waiter right. Well we'll put the pictures up on Amazon DOT COM You can barely see me. I'm behind Jimmy over there. And then Simmons and Simmons in the back The usual suspects. Jimmy was there. Bill was there Mike August showed up and ever ever. You know Mike August wasn't supposed to be there but there was free food and when there's free food he finds his way. Yeah so he So we're ordering the thing. The thing is again. The wine lot of you know you can go with caviar so they had these speckled caviar or speckled potato chips which is one hundred dollars for a does in this race. I'm right back to my childhood. My mom would bring out a plate of potatoes. Tena come on. I'm going crazy because for the first or this is a whole different part of the conversation with the first ninety minutes of the meal was all fish or weird stuff off right. But I didn't care I just said bring everything right but I had. Here's how this stuff works. The most expensive stuff is the fishies weirdest stuff out there so they come out. And you're like what is that. It's a cow zetter. What's it feel quitting? Would you squirt good someone. Give me a flight saying give talk piece of chicken chicken expensive enough. So we're getting live octopus thrown out onto the table and it's like it's but the first nine courses are all what we had. We had this. We had octopus all nonsense. No no meat be chick now it was it just disgusting. Daniel Jamie or Maddie's offset many times like I've traveled the country contrary with these guys and their whole thing is. They don't want seafood. They Want Appear Pylon scraped onto their play like bar. I don't mind a piece of swordfish. Swordfish it's been cooked over some mosquito. They want fucking molly particle particle since yet. They want to eat. Wouldn't leg of a sea captain so they're not into seafood weird stuff you like like if the if you ever went like Tom. Hanks trapped on an island with these guys. They being MM fucking paradise because they turn rocks over and tidal pools and go my God right right right. No you're right. You're right about that but I think we had different agendas. There's I wanted to run the bill up infinity and you wanted flank steak. I wonder if one piece account that we eventually a piece of state came out. It wasn't enough for the table. Fifteen rounds of potato chips with Caviar Yara on them now the truffles was we all like some kind of pasta dish or something and this poor waiters leaders assistant comes out with five softball-size truffles aren't it was an orange base blow bigger than baseball growth. Yeah exactly and they're fifteen dollars a gram which. I don't know what Graham is when you're shaving that stuff off but it seems expensive so then by the end. We're just taking the full truffles breath and throwing them against the wall and cracking in our hands against the wall. They're unusable and baby screaming at the waiters. Like get the fuck out here with these truffles would she probably hadn't heard before guy. Yeah normally that language in truffles. Don't go together. It's more of a ruffles than on that land. Imagine sal the delight bottles. There's trays coming out. That are you know hundred bucks a tray or or whatever it is but he gets hold of this thing is a Christmas ornament. It's worth thirteen hundred dollars. Essay fifteen dollars a few shaving. I was like holding the jewel that the one hundred and thirty two year. Old Woman at the end of the titanic. What it was I knew everyone started grabbing the truffles and play like hot potato with truffles and Dixie was like monkey in the middle and like he he scaling? I'm not paying for these truffles. Like what what are you going to do and what to do what did not against the law and and then he order at a certain point Dixon. It was just weird thing. I wanted to limit and certain point when our eleven tray of potato chips with with now. Here's the funny thing. Dickson has the pallet of a nine year old down syndrome. Like he wants steak well. Well Cook like burnt steak. He wants like a burnt steak. A baked potato with some cigarettes on his Palette. He still gets the rudy. Tutti fresh fruit I'm not even only silly adult male who has fifty million dollars in the bank who goes to McDonalds and orders like desserts like power phase and stuff like this. I don't know anyone who orders desserts at McDonalds. So that's his thing so a dentist had deserts. McDonald's with the potato chips and caviar completely he record dog what is more bullshit. He takes one of the potato chips. That's got the cream fresh. And the caviar top of it and he just chucked it against brick wall pouch to spot twelve's to it and I said that's going to be there for a long time because nobody's looking for it. I'm loosely basing this on the piece of fruit roll up that stuck to the ceiling of my Stepdad's room with me and my cousin Greg when we're nine and check their in my forties and it was still there formats so this is this potato chip. I was studying it. Yeah there's there's physically picture of dot up there. The ceilings like thirteen feet high. You can see all the cracks in the plaster but I stuck a quarter size piece of fruit roll up to the ceiling of my Stepdad's room and everyone says your mom and and your Stepdad. They sleep in separate rooms. Why is that? I always say you think John came in my hair wants. That's it. It really really think I want to know that. I don't even know my fucking mom's maiden name much last why they sleep in separate rooms are you. Don't worry rail find out I found out they met in a primal scream therapy and counter group and told me that ruined my fucking holidays. Yeah he's always like where's your mom and your Stepdad. Me and I'm like I don't care don't WanNa hear I don't know I don't know he found out speaking of primal scream that wallpapers pretty serving from nineteen fifty two okay. TANNIN's and soldiers. The house was since torn down but either way I love the escalation of money wasting at these. It starts off the back into the guys who don't oh drink orange specimen bottles of wine the towers for other tables or destroying things. Now who wasn't listen. David Cross he ran into was Davis Bacon Jason. He had a great line so you. You're this one I was not at. Its probably out of town and you're ordering seafood tower and it's at the sunset. Tower te coincidentally two years ago right. We ordered seafood towers and we had three at our table and it was getting a point where you quit. We couldn't even see each other at the table. There's so many daycares walks by was like. Wow even the terrorists knew to stop the two towers she for. It's it's nice when comedians are comedian. Waiting waiting for it right so the final bill and then everyone gases at the end to what the the final amount is. Is it a cat and mouse game now like his Dixon trying to subvert the spending or is he just like throw his hands up is like I can do do angry when the more chips and understand Dan. We still haven't seen a piece of meat and it's been an hour. been all weird barnacle food and he can't eat it either so we're still got you a side of beef to go. Oh can. And he doesn't like southbound sweat shirts with the logo of the restaurant and gift certificates we bought. We ate at a restaurant that was inside alltel hotel once and I got robes for everybody. That was nice. He's going to invest in the restaurant. Shares were looking at like windows. We could break. Ah like what can go on the TAB at this point no longer about the food. It's shit that was again. Dixon doesn't eat caviar and he doesn't really drink wine wind so this is all that much more painful for him and so then we bat everyone puts in twenty bucks and we'd decide. WHO's you know who gets closest assist? I want why was way off this year. I want low because in the PASOK. You guys really got to think about it. You know there are seven guys I think maybe Mike August shows late guys. You know everyone goes up ten thousand dollars or something. But it's really hard to Iraq I've in the past asaid fifty five hundred and it's been thirty eight hundred dollars I. It's hard for a small ish group of people to get to crack the five thousand dollar. You're going to thousands of person. That's that's insane that they did say it's really hard to get up. Did you factor in the troubles this year so I sat because I was doing in the ordering so I sat out of this twenty dollar game because you didn't know how much wine was the tropicals or anything. There was a wildcard. Truffles wildcard because Gibson which yelling. I'm not to pay for us. Goddamn truffles and the waiter was kind of what they do. It's a great. It's a great thing in the world. That's like if if you had an argument with anybody or money discussion with anybody and then you know the person said I don't want to pay for this or I will pay for that or whatever and you went. That's fine I'll just go into the back room malone decide whether you pay for it or not and they'll come out percents. They always go again. No no no no no and then they go. What's better for US later? Yes truffle bonanza is better for us than it was negotiated the trouble because there were twelve fifteen eight hundred bucks a pop and we had them. He had six hundred dollars worth of troubles in his hair and declaring. I'm not paying truffles so Talk to build now. Then the other thing is okay so I'll tell you what the bill came to us. Okay Gina I'm going to say fifty two hundred thousand eight thousand eight thousand Sweden it. What was the most expensive item on the Bill O.? Jerry's got the bill I do. I do have the entire bill because so long could not fit but I have have what I assume. Yeah can you reveal the name of the restaurant I believe I think so. Yeah that was a republican great. Ah Looks Gary I don't have the Russians I'M GONNA I'm GonNa go find the chip that's on the wall tel.. I'll wait for the one month anniversary and that ship will still be up there. Mostly menu was a bottle of wine. Probably for eighteen hundred dollars in trouble. Baseball game might tie. What are the most expensive well? Also that's not for sale so they probably charge them whatever it cost them like. They don't sell trump in the shaving but they took the whole thing and threw it that each bottle of wine eighteen hundreds. I guess Brian's right on the item but gene is very close second. Here's the bill right here. Eleven hundred dollar bottle of wine most expensive one on what we can see. Some people were mad at the table. I wish I knew it was eleven hundred dollars bottle of wine. I would've enjoyed it more. I guess if you can buy in the black and the white truffles Gina's right because that's the top fifty grands forty four undersold the block double. Let's seventeen dollars a gram stupid. got a bargain on that chocolate cake. Seventy three hundred dollars nine cents side of French fries nine dollars. That's probably Dixon at that point. Did they go ahead. And take the liberty of doing the tip for you. Don't get royally screwed. No No. That's where the second argument argument. Don't be tight you know. Come on twenty percent. Yeah there's search healthy l.. Hr I'd never seen that before it there at the bottom one hundred dollars off six those. What does that in I imagine they siphon that money off and it goes to USD so we can fat in the Mexican kids. That's what I'm guessing. This appears to be a surcharge to cover the healthcare of their workers. Listen when when when he's physically assaulting the assistant later they got torn with that chip flying in the air full caviar. Yeah so who tipped a baby. Oh yeah absolutely fine come on. I think we ended up at eighty five hundred bucks ninety percent at eighty seven or something and we were. We were mad. He didn't hit twenty twenty percent fucking tip on twelve hundred dollar line now. Was this cousin Sal Hanging Out in Studio Twenty sixteen now. He was at the other warehouse watching football. That's an atom. Pull them away from their. Has He ran into hotels. Your royal quick and then they let him go and he very graciously joins us on air and we had a blast so that was a really great way to kick off two thousand sixteen now at twenty seventeen seventeen. We kicked it off pretty strong. T- We came in on the second to record this little ditty basically Adam GM. Brian Catching up. A little. Bit and really Levi's Stadium's by this time are just becoming. What did you do in your holiday? Break Here's what Adams going to be doing this year project wise and there's about as much as you get out of the network plans aren't really discussed discussed like on because there really aren't any changes that way they were. I guess early on or what they're doing is they're gonNA keep doing more of the same or ran. This is not really like here's our plan. And here's what we're GONNA launch your the existence. That's right now as of today officially officially demanding more from his deodorant. Adam Corolla. Yeah get it on got to get it on no choice but to get on mandate Sunday get it on welcome to New Year rounding the corner heading toward our eight year. And it's all the and I'm I'm not paying lip-service it's all because of you guys. We couldn't do it if you didn't listen to the show if you didn't tell people about the show so thank you. Thank thank you. Good Day Gina Grant and ball. Brian Happy new. Everybody I got much to talk about first things first Chris Max Paddock got me Possibly the best gift of the year new bucks slit and he did Header on top spell. Tell you name it did something interesting. And it's smart again over the Brick D- buck slip is a three and a half four inches by eight and a half nine inches tall but it's sturdy. It's made of cardboard not cardboard dirty. You can write on it without having a back using using someone's back. What he did is what I do? Get my whole big fat list of Buck slips going and then I asked him off and I flip them over because it's a nice sturdy piece of cardboard I often times with my old blank box lamps because that's what I had just Steve Blank ones not this special order ones that Chris got me first off. I don't know whether it's the monogram in the cuff of the dress shirt or the bathrobe throw but the initials in it. But there's certain things. You should do a luggage. The Buck slip with the name on it. It makes you feel like you've arrived. Feel like you've done something He has the anchor show in Orange at the top of What I would consider the the frontside and then facebook did something something did something smart? He did in small letters on the backside in a different color Corolla digital now this has saved me a ton of time already because because I've always flip them over wondering if I wrote on the back side or whatever it is now I have a frontside backside and I know that if I'm looking at the backside it means and the frontside is filled up you know he did. Did your best. He did my best now. Look everyone's like what is so what. What the buck slip I don't know I've I've found it to be very tactile through system. It's a system and I would i. Would I would ask you all to employ which is just. Just start writing stuff down that you need to do as you go along as you take your dog for a walk. Take your buck slit with you. Write it down at some point. I find myself at the other shop with eleven of these things spread out and I ended up crossing stuff off and then transferring them to the master very satisfying slip and and Mass clock. Yeah when John. Candy's most controversial movies Masta Buck. You don't want to release it in theaters in terms of slave oriented movies. One of the funnier ones prequel. So that's a good idea. I do you want to get into this. Because it's a new year and I want you guys Feelings on this and I I stumbled as as I as I as I get older. I think a little more about motivation. And and a little less about Other other topics because I realized I sort of everything falls under the heading of this. I was having a conversation with somebody over for the break. And they somebody said to me Adam. You're wired this way you're wired to to do your TV shows and write your books and make your documentaries and do your podcast. That's your wiring. You can't expect other people to be wired like you or even even halfway like that and I said I'm not wired this way I wired myself this way not wired this way and this is a concept. I want people to think about because you're not a durable good. You're not a microwave or a toaster oven. You left the factory wired this way. Well you did but you can't rewire that microwave. But you can the greatest gift you have as a human being is to potential for rewiring hiring us the polar bears don't have the potential. I mean unless you're doing a children's book and the one on struggling with his sexuality procrastinated. Nixon gave me very sad realization. We're watching football yesterday. which is He was he was like reading a Children's book to his child and he was reading thing about Panda bears and the average weight of a full full grown male panda and he said he weighs more than the fly how that blew his mind waking average male pandas under fifty pounds all day. Long moving down using procreate. Right so It was one of those you know you do. Have those little sort of moments in life when you go. I'm older like you'll do. I'm older than you know I'm older than you. Feel in general macarthur after Pearl Harbor or something like that and you know. I'm older than this one day Barbara. I'm making that one was right right But his way more than full grown grown panda male. Panda Baron GonNa look in the mirror. Ohio State of the Union for twenty seventeen. We have a couple more clips so that was a cruel show. Nine thousand nine hundred seventy eight by the way yes it was all right. I want to remind everybody that if you want to request a clip we usually do listener requests to email us classics Adam Cruel Dot Com. You can tweet us at Giovanni Giorgio at Chris Locks Monta finest instagram facebook. Just less than what you WanNa hear or let us know what. You're thinking of crowly classics. We love that you guys are involved as well and it means a lot that you listen to this show also this Friday. I'll be playing at Chevy Chase Country Club in Glendale so come came out and live a few tunes place finger pop and stuff and we can talk about the show. Everybody's welcome except for Donald Glover. Everybody is welcome except for Donald Glover. Oh yes no no dog lover. Unfortunately Chevy Chase's country club a right now This next one this is this is a big show from from me because this is the state of the Union for twenty eighteen and it was the first shell with me as the lead producer. So let's listen last last New Year's resolutions. Yeah so for me Address for success. Two thousand eighteen. You look very spooky. Thank you down. A hair is looking at your shoes. I'm looking into ties as well old Hi Tie but I'm looking into time. Start wearing ties up wearing athlete her. I I assume you're pregnant all this after after three years elephant. He's like you know I don't sweat the details expensive sweatpants I I've I've always do the rest of us to keep the water on the high tide raises all boats. No a tough sell around here man. I was talk how I was thinking about it. I had a couple at a cup. I had a couple thoughts about dressing for success. One is always talked about school. A uniform kind of keeping Kim people in line because the kids that are wearing the bad to the bone t shirt with the pit bull on it with the big biceps. Those kids get into way more fights in the guys wearing the ties. The jackets it's just it's just mellows you out. You know what it is. There was a skating rink and The skating rink when I was growing growing up. Was it like Laurel Plaza or something may company Big Mall twice a year. We'd get out rent skates and going a circle when they would play. Today's your birthday by the Beatles. Everyone Start Hustle around the guys. I'll send a slide in and out of people and they're moving on Ana Anna Skating and the arms are swinging back and forth and then when they play I've been to paradise. Never been to me. They've never been to me. Everyone would slow down and I feel like a school uniform so same thing you put people in a wife beater and and GM trunks and they start fighting you put them in slacks and a tie. They start they start acting different way so I sort of observed. Even I was eleven years old. That the skit that we were all in the skating rink. And all you had to do to control the population of the skating rink is pump in different music. When everyone mellow out you you're pumping speed? Don't want people that get into fights getting accident Sir Slam into each other. Yeah Points Museum parts to it at the end of the night. A music faster to Glam. My Dad used to do that. You've put on Kenny loggins life. Really the ago we loved it handed it killed the party abacus too so the love log as it. He's like in a good way to get him to leave. So I realized that I also thought that and then I talked to Dennis Prager and he wears a tie. He does a radio show every day but he wears a tie every day and I thought I liked that and he liked it. He likes everyone entr producer dress up and then then I'm sitting around thinking about today thinking about well Leno. Leno doesn't do that but then Leno has a uniform. Yeah Denim it has a denim his addendum uniform but who are tied at work. Obviously Oh yeah I mean he would daily thing what a horrible traveler traveler from the future he would make. There is no denim. There's everything that basically in the future every movie I've ever seen has cars as airplanes has. TV's has phones has a little better version of what we have. And it's always the same zero zero zero ten. It's been around for one hundred. Seventy a years I'll have to do is go thirteen years future. It's eliminating apparently it ends. There are no more jeans and no more Jean Shirt so I thought well I wonder if this then I realized I think it makes a difference. It makes a difference in your attitude makes a difference in your professionalism and this that and the other and then when we were going to Seth Macfarlane's Christmas party a couple of weeks ago. I started to put a suit on and when let's put the suit on. I was doing the weird. I don't know why Brian why does suit pants have to have three points of contact in terms of regular one button or one whatever these having inner one into outer ones maybe it's maybe the implications you're going to be raped. You look so good. I think it's definitely that and I think you're supposed to be able to see any exterior buttons on the on the proper suit pants. 'cause all the latch all the buttons on the inside that that it also makes the front of the pants lay flatter. It's supposed to be smooth. Yeah well it's three points belt with proper suit. Oh you don't know your suspenders or simply fitted for cummerbund. Oh really no one hears today now known it here so you're not supposed to wear a belt. I believe as far as I know like formal pants. Don't have belt loops and saying well. Maybe you're saying hey we're not doing our job. Is Taylor's if you need about that's exactly I think. That's the implication interesting but can feel like every I have has loop. Yeah it's mine too and it's the way it's the fashion today. I don't have a lot traditional formal formal suits so pocket. I noticed the little pinch when I was putting them on. And I realized because I'm always wearing GM trunks and sweatpants and stuff with a lot gotta give you put on that suit. It's not forgiving. Tuck your shirt and before kind of feel like I've been eating a lot during this Christmas break so you're talking to more layers shirt shirt so I thought maybe for my you know my New Year's last year obviously demanding more my daughter and that worked worked out pretty. Well how about this year I start dressing for success so That's GonNa be my move now. I'll have to give myself off days on days. I have to go to the shop like maybe physically work on stuff but then you can give yourself the excuse to do with politics. Roller Sleaze Ratty ratty. So Sunday's Football Sundays. Yes so huge. Grinding Tuesday's wait. I'm sorry we have. We establish a wheel to do this. Do we need a resolution. Oh yeah so I do you guys think about it now I I would reckon just from my my loose survey at the table able with the kids and the adults and in general I would recommend that in nineteen ninety. Seventy one percent of the country had some sort of new year's resolution or at least was aware of it. Or if you ask them they'd go. I'm phil narrowed it down narrowed down yet or something but it wouldn't be We're we've we went from like seventy something percent to the high teens. I I feel like in the last three. Yep last twenty five thirty years. We dropped waist down. People think it's a punchline like my resolution I've never met a resolute New Year's New Year's resolution in my life ever in my life but I've made changes obvious a mutual lost fifty five thousand one point in my twenties and he's like if I'm making a change I'm making right then when I think about it not waiting for an arbitrary date in January I had. This was the first year consciously made in the years resolution like the call went out like New Year's resolution to go. I I can ya I to. I had a media one and the long term one is it to elbow no other people out of the way of their resolution back now and so far checked bucks on my I messed Lucian was to get organized over the last month especially with with testing off daycare for a week and Christie for a week and a half and our brick I soon as life is very cluttered and organized. And like that doesn't need to be here. newbie there that should be somewhere else else and so a while we were away thinking. This is what I'm GonNa do on January first. We're going home on New Year's Eve on January first. I'm getting organized. We haven't parked. My car are in the garage for several got at least a month because Christmas took over we had to move a bunch of bins again. All the Christmas stuff that we're getting rid of all the old baby stuff all the all all the test celtics grown out of all the old baby toys and things she doesn't need me more give those away donating them. We're GONNA reorganizing. I throw stuff away that we don't need a went through the drawer. Everyone has the junk. The key drawer reorganized that batteries. Nearly all the stuff lamest. That's the lamest Hammer in the world lamps weakest weakest as a carpenter when I picked up by weep. Look an easy to sing garbage. I see the blameless weakest hammers ever the weirdest thing you always know a week hammer are by the claw. The Claw Ben's way down like two months. I knew a lot of talk. Yeah cheap I I don't know but that's the saddest hammer in the world lives in that drawer or with the batteries and extra keys. Aren't the extra scissors that don't work anymore. All gummed up from cutting through whatever else. I purged fifty t shirts I that I haven't worn in years. Donate those clutter eight and and then I met a more long term goal which was to stop wasting time. I feel like I wasted a a lot of time in my life through big things and little things like as a result. I haven't tweeted since I left for vacation. And I'm sure I'll be twitting stupid shit within a week but it feels nice to not have to go on and just tweet stupid responses or ideas or jokes or half range. Yeah just nicely like. That's off to the aside. I'm going to enter the junk drawer or whatever it is just not wasting as much time and as a result I've always had it to do list. Always keep my phone but it Kinda sloughs off. Forget about things but I'd be more diligent about that of already. Scheduled Handyman to come over and take care of a few things around the house that I can't handle so it feels good to sort of stop wasting that time that like you know. Stop putting things that he's GonNa make love to Christie. Always wanted things. Are you looking on that. That looks good man. I like it. Gina Grant Yeah. I actually used in the past. I never did resolutions. I always for my birthday until I realized how stupid birthdays. Where thank you so I changed? This was kind of a little self help. But it's kind of just in the reflective state. I'm in right now. If you're kind of codependent or if you kinda always busybodying adding worrying about other people this just really had posted this online. I said my wish for myself in all of you in two thousand eighteen that we give ourselves the attention we need to take care of ourselves. Mind Body and spirit. He's if we're not putting on oxygen mask I will never be able to quote assist those around us. Taking care of ourselves is not something we should eventually get around to and it's not something anyone one can do for us so I take a little trip to me and I realized in my highlife with relationships with family. I'm so split in a thousand different directions trying to sort of keep everyone else floating that. I'm just sort of walking around in a today's the rest of the time and I I don't I don't really. I need to reset a little bit. I need to just be a better be a better than me than the people around me will sink or swim more. Be Better because I'm better. Well here's my thought. My thought on a C.. Minus Brian Ryan. You're cool so long suckers my here so I I have this thought. which is I like the self improvement? I like the Reflective mode I like the long walks on the beach and the ear buds and thinking about life and thinking about change and thinking about taking care of yourself and like not judging yourself and others and all kind of stuff the downside is. I hate almost everyone who does that. Oh because the turn out to be colossal douches. I don't need a me day. I'm just saying I need to be better so I can be better for the people around me and then I also wonder the how much of that becomes just becomes your life so I'm fine with it in a and I will allow it this time I can look the other way is long that come two thousand nine hundred ninety. That's over no as long as it doesn't become the people who make their fulltime job like rescuing themselves. Not It's like I remember like the because I come from this like I remember You know it's like the person that takes the class taking therapy because they're not certain enough. They're not being assertive enough. And then next thing and other at the supermarket the ten item line and the person from has eleven items and this is where they decide to broke out and they're gonNA take stand here and it's just weird unnatural way of of using this and it's like now they're screaming at the person with eleven items who probably doesn't even know they have eleven items because God dammit they're not going to be trampled on ever again and they're misusing this thing now and then now they turn it to weird side project and we're all kind of guinea pigs with them and there's a real arrogance attached to that. There's nothing humbling about that. So I'm all for the get better be better exercise more breathe. Whatever I'm all for that stuff but don't everyone I know who's made themselves into a project is miserable and they make everyone around them miserable? Make yourself a part time job. You know what I mean. Don't get full time. This is more in wonder. You're absolutely right and I think that that's a good cautionary piece of advice and I think just in my case it's about Because I think my kind of like codependency and busybody nece is selfish. It's like I'm I'm too obsessed with worrying about how everybody else is doing. Because has it feeds me in some way so take care of myself worry about yourself. You still don't believe everybody else. Yeah it's good care about yourself a little bit just A. Let's not overdo it all right. I'm telling you there's there there's there's narcissism to trying to improve yourself it sure its own thing. The first episode we did in two thousand eighteen. Barry Stole Gary's job come on I'm just teasing and very very strong year. That was now twenty. Eighth Grade Team is very reminiscent of two thousand thirteen. Actually there was a lot of echoes or can things that sounded the same they rhymed with that previous year. It was a very good year for Gina and Brian as well as Adema Kroll show twenty to thirty thirty. It's very interesting. What numbers started out the year of these episodes to like twenty to thirty is the first episode of the year? I know it's wild. We've as rich thanks to sing. We've done two thousand podcasts. Well all over now and In two thousand nineteen we came in for episode two thousand four hundred eighty exactly two hundred and fifty the episode later first show of two thousand nineteen no state of the Union title used in the billing of it so it wasn't delivered to a state of the Union and there doesn't seem much that in there it's just kind of everybody catch-up recapping and caps off the evolution of these first shows of the year. And what's gone from the beginning to what it is now. The first good day geographic debut Bryan. Maybe so it much to discuss. We'll all Kinda give a little state of the Union. We'll give a little What we did over the holidays and we'll get everyone sort of caught up up on where we been and where we're going I WanNa thank lows for this half show at Lowe's dot com slash blue shoe at blue dot com enter in Toronto in Madman at Madman Dot com interim. I got back from Maui very late last night. God It's insane. How incredibly crowded? Lax can be twelve forty five at night. He just go. What's what's everyone doing? I mean it is. It's a mess. Lax is a mess and the things we could do. But I'll I'll get into that later. I the thing about out vacations and the thing about traveling is The destination is fine And the part where you stayed date the most beautiful resort Maui. You got the room service and the SPA treatments and everything. That's all fine but it's really hard to pay your way out of the general pop. When it comes to the airport part of the experience now I can take a break? I get the part where people go. Well then take a private jet to mount. I'm not gonNA spend in sixty grand to do for for twenty five hundred bucks for the whole family all in but so I just go to the airport getting line whatever I have have to do with everyone but now it's always a little more intense because they're the kids and the wife and I'm used to traveling me and and Mar me me and Mike August. We're like Mark Walberg Film. The two guys from shield teammate. Get trapped behind whatever like. I'll just look at him and give the look cinnamon to go go go go and the sign in. He knows to go forward also. Is the thing that there is a guy wiring that all women should adopt which is women. Nobody from seal team anything. After one of the copters went down and caught up propeller blade. Outside of Bin. Laden's compound went to the other seal team guy breached a wall. Now no other guy went. Watch your tone to ask that. There's something going on or you could just breach the wall me. Are you asking me. Yes preach that wall please is what you meant to say. I just WanNa say all women. We're in a combat situation. Please understand that people are speaking short term. And you shouldn't get your feathers ruffle I that every woman I've ever been with I've fifty go call the guy now and they've got a bring your voice down it's like okay. I love that combat situation. It's a combat zone the LAX. So it's a weird thing because I would yell at Mike August go go to kiosks now all behind when it comes with your family have to kind of go. Hey you know it'd be awesome. Hey here's an idea floated out there. So let's get your take on this great we don't even. I'm always we sort of looking for like. How early can this trip get fucked up? How early can we fuck this trip? Case in dream big. How early can we fuck this vacation? Location up and it starts as loverboy would say at the start. We get dropped off Kaelin. Whose House watching House sitting. Yeah oh I got I got some news for Kaelin. house-sitting goes it's interesting. I'll I'll get into that in the second the slim to win so we get dropped off. Ceylan dutifully drops us off limits at Uber X and Annette Uber Start. Start from the start wearing her. Tesla Hack we get dropped off and we're all gonna check our bags expand. Now I'm lean and mean. I never have to do that. But if everyone's going to check their bags and why am I tote around my bag. You take more than a backpack. I took it back. I had a well I have. I take full bag and the backpack and the reason I take the full bag is half my stuff and then half whatever shit everyone else went needs to play catch a ride back. La with my toiletry bag or whatever it is so that's fine. I were then checking in everything and we're not up against it but I don't get to the airport earlier than I need to but we're fine but as certain point with the last bag league checked in which is Sonny spag. The woman behind the counter has a issue. Now the issue also can we get some like just shit kicking dudes in these positions some dudes where you could go l.. Like come on man fuck. You know what I'm saying like you can't there was just sort of A fifty something year old women of Color. And you can't really come at him too hard because it's essentially essentially a hate crime and come on them. Yeah you can't do the come on Bro. Where's the guy played a little tight end on Jaycee junior college now? How has found his way to the delta security? Whatever and you and I got my own fucking walk out of Laughlin Rose Bowl? There's none of that. There's always just sort of semi proud Out Woman of color and you can't really come at her with anything and the can't do me a solid bro. Because you're not you're not abro she goes Yeah I got a problem with the suitcase. So all all the all the all the bags are checked and then sunny suitcase. And we've got a problem and I go What's the Prom And she goes. It's got a battery and I go is like a charging suitcase. Yes charging cast and I go oh and she flips the lid up on the charge and she flips a little lit up by the handle reports. There's just like the phone Jack One and the cat flon and the USB when there's a flat piece of black plastic with three reports. And I said Yeah and she said Yeah can't can't come on the plane. What five every flight? Yeah what's what's the big deal right. If this was the junior college tight end dude. I would've come on. That's F. drill right so she goes. Yeah can't come on and I said why not she said okay. Got The battery in it. We can't can't come on with the battery and I said Oh and she goes once you just have the key for the battery and I go No I don't I don't know what the key is. I'm I'm I'm looking at a face. Plate face plate looks like a solid black phase plate with three input into it all stuff familiar but no place to put the key. No you know a new way to pop it off there. No like finger pop thing or depressed this and pop this off. And there is no Allan Bolt and there is no Philip Chad. There's just nothing it's just a facebook. Why no company would invest the time and money inventing and developing producing a thing that is designed to go on airplanes and it couldn't go on airplanes lanes right? That's absurd so I say well I don't I don't get it and she keeps saying well. Where's the key? Where's the key then? Then this one. This is the part that makes traveling family. Great the key. The key is there's also a key like an old school school gold skeleton type key for the little lock that goes on in which case now Lynette chimes in. Oh there's a key for the lock and then I go. Oh not not that. That's just a little miniature padlock key. This is a key that somehow unlocks doesn't look like a key. It's something that you turn. That unlocks something and then four and a half minutes later when the woman says for the twenty third time. Do you have the key then chimes in for a third time. There was a key not the key. Now that's that's a little lock or padlock. There's no place to put it. And so she goes well then I. We can't take it on the plane. And so now time's a wasting again. We don't leave ourselves a ton of padding padding and now a lot of discussions Lynette wants to buy a piece of cake. She wants to your heart. Yeah she wants. Go find a piece of luggage by. She's like I'm going to go to the Caesar's Gift Shop in Vegas and get some Tumi luggage. Janika what no word. Lax Too but it's thirty percent more expensive over there. And I go. No no if we have to do it we'll do we'll get gouge. Your hearing me. Led lights are aren't thinking about buying a piece of luggage in the airport. Your luggage. Well presumably thinking the thrill at that point snake. The skin is yes. We're multi. I think they call it so I don't know what to do. So is there room and other bags to divvy. We're trying to figure out we take everything out of Sonny's bag leave the bag. DVD Bag. I then have this conversation which is now my my new favorite conversation to have with other adults. which is I then say the Nice Lady behind the Counter Delta after terror? There's two moves this park. Drive me nuts to go. I don't know. Can you ask your supervisor. Something suitcase suitcase company. I don't know how to the battery out. There's no there's no I also have no key. I didn't. I'm not familiar with it. Well the key should be with it. She says I don't no no word in so now it has to go full key stone hops. Lynette has to open the bag on the floor. Of course now we do the move all you need to do in two thousand and nine thousand nine. Please make this year New Year's proclamation. Pull your ass out of line when you're having a problem so many people just go. I'm settling settling it long form right here in front of everyone else. WHO's waiting to get on the plane steers it clears if you unpack step back? Come on talk talkback step back. So I'm like I'm luck out of you guys. I feel like we got blindsided here. We also waited in line to get to the kiosk to check in the bags. Thanks but I'm a human being and I'm going to step us out of line so that other travelers who are hustling don't have batteries and their suitcases can get on board Gordon checks so we get out so now is comically opening the suitcase and then tearing out all of the junk and the suitcase looking for the key presumably comes with the Suchet's but we're not aware probably do a third or fourth lap on the key versus the padlocks belt and Kim Harrison other key that Do that tears. Everything apart can't find anything now. We're starting to talk about the possibility of abandoning the suitcase. I then do the move. Where can you talk to your manager asked the manager? You have that thing. We have to interpret body language where they go and talk to the other guy. The guys cross where we got No no no we remember that God. dammit he comes she comes back now now. Now not GONNA help. So now. We're thinking okay. Do we start taking everything out of the suitcase and spreading it out amongst the other by the way everything else has been checked. There's last belt. This is the last bag. Natalia the terrier who just isn't helpful is the one who's like stands there and come on. We're GONNA miss the play tomorrow. We're GONNA play and you go you you quiet. Let us finish this. And then that'll by twenty one seconds before she goes we're sitting Zaidi around just stands. There makes everyone one now. She's the character in the movie that only exist create tension right and you want to die. I right right right. My God Brian. I L in a rocket. Speed hotline. Ordinate here's the problem with me is my Mo- my mood and move with this. is she will drive nuts and so ideal move or I go. You GonNa meet us in the lobby like wherever we go ahead me in the lobby go in and then Lynetta stop and go door. You're standing in the lobby or then they'll go okay and then ten years when what are we gonNA shut up already. You're driving me nuts and I'm going. I'm sending her getting her out of the way because she will just stand there and just keep sounding the alarm arm as to why we're running late so now we're tearing the bag apart. Can't do it. The woman is looking at us and then basically my favorite favorite conversation of all time. which is I say? And this is my new favorite and I don't know if you guys are noticing more and more this in life I go what hold on. What if I take? The baggage through security can take the baggage through security and she goes. Oh yeah sure and I go okay. I'll just just take it through security. And then she pauses. She goes but you can't get on the plane. What is happening? I swear to God. How many times have you heard this version of this in just the last year and a half where people like? If I had a little more breath in my lungs I scream. What the fuck are you talking about impractical jokers talking? I can't tell you how many of those answers I get. I used to get one of those every seven years. I now get three of those day where it's like. Okay what do you think. Come asking the mad hatters tea party. It's your birthday. She's like yeah. You go through security jared. You can't get on the airplane and and I'm like I didn't even know I by the way I don't know where to begin with this I can't I can't normally I would go back and and breakdown this conversation we're having but not Lynette at an attack screaming. Let's go let's go. Let's show. You're lucky sweetheart. I'm in a Goddamn rush. I did How how did when he wanted to the trailer park and he had that little piggy lady going teach you not hear me? I don't give information out on gas asked. And then here's the toilet flush and that was an Italian. We're running late. I was like okay. Let's keep moving so brush with death. She goes at a certain point. She's staring at US tearing the luggage apart and doing everything and she goes now all the now all the clothes and everything are out of their pristine Florida. Lax Yes again. Thank you al-Qaeda and thank you dumb people thank you dumb government government. WHO's afraid to go round who can't discern and thank you all postseason who don't WanNa profile all you fucking non profiling heroes? This is what you create a fucking stressful cluster. Faulk at every airport around the country times a billion when it's totally unnecessary. It's completely glean utterly unnecessary but thank you heroes. They'll shelby no more profiling and we'll have just one gate. We'll all pass through it. You can be the Corolla the family you can be the new face of Kedah you can be Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. You're all going through the same fucking metal detector awesome awesome some Utopia you fucking do-gooders created for everybody. It's it's Kinda the essence of dumb because it's imposed on ourselves but anyway I say she's looking at us she's kind of feeling sorry for us and she keeps going. There should be a key. I've never opened the suitcase before. I have no idea what's in it. Sonny's trying to be helpful. Not really like Lynette brings up the skeleton key for fifty fifth at some point. We empty the whole thing out. We just sort displayed open and put it in front of her and she unzips the lining and when she unzips the lining of the bottom of the suitcase it exposes the battery. Pack not the removable Battery Pack. Just a battery pack sticking out from underneath the town chows and I go. That's it. That's the battering she's like that's it and I can't travel with battering she goes. No no no and I just grab it and I just start fucking ripping on it now. I I start going at it like the Samsonite monkey kit guerrilla dammit like I'm so pent up and and I bust like one ear off now. There's just that one other air frantically skinned my knee Gina Grad. It's funny Oh okay hide and ends up getting a little infected and stinging me the entire time in the salt water and remember that night just laying in bed at the hotel at this and as it was beautiful facility. They're rolling around at night and a cadre needs really stinging me and I thought Oh yes because because I was on my knees earlier today I was and I cut my hand so I'm bleeding on my hand and eye skinned my knee because I'm down in my shorts. It's like wrestling with the suitcase on the ground. Like a mad person. This is the first world airport. You're talking about. Oh yeah there's my well we'll put the pictures up on curl that kind of let it took a picture. My wrist wrist which was cut open and bleeding my knee because I was like fuck it like adrenaline adrenaline. That moms have and the kids are trapped under the station wagon. That's what I had with this Goddamn bag in the fucking battery so I was like a grabbed it. I just started tearing at I pop the one get down it. I just snapped off the other end woman and she stayed there. I pull the fucking whole pack out and I'm like you know the screws ripped out and the plastic broken everything. Could I go here. You go throw it away. Put the bag on the conveyor belt. We're leaving and she goes. You don't WanNa keep the battering okay. No I don't WanNA patter hit the play with it. What am I doing? I don't want the batter she goes. Oh Okay we'll take the battery your funeral. No I don't WanNa take the battery. I want to just get on the plane. Their their checks their phone chargers on every plane now so the the thing in terms of the luggage. He's going from the the lounge which has a jacket head to the airplane which is charging Jack in it. He turned the Uber that has charging Jack in it to a resort. He'll charge more than four feet from Jack Wright and his phone is fully charged. We don't need what's coming off the thing and Jose calling right so I I pull it off and a hand arrigo throw it away. Now throw it away and she's like you don't want it no I don't want it. She Goes Oh okay and I go to start away and she goes in. Take it with you if I go you can. And she's like yeah each take take you through security and then put it back on the thing I go just ripped it. I broke it. I tore it off okay. You don't want it. I know thrown away. Just throw it away. She goes okay now faxed like now. We're going through security security. I'm like what the fuck. What do you mean she kept handing Rigo and take it? You want it you wanNA take one thought. One thought. Only the only thing I could cobble together is like like your computer and cell phone need to go like a separate basket or something like here's take. You can't take your cellphone packet now your luggage take your a computer and put it in a separate basket. I'm guessing you can pull the battery out. Put it in a separate hostel face plate for a rate for an old car stereo or something like that. Yeah I put the separate basket go through security and reunited with your suitcase again. I guess she's not explained. Well obviously suspending me while but this is a company that makes suitcases suitcases. They'd be out of business in day. I could not be brought onto a plane. These cases are becoming very common by the way. So what are we doing. The the person behind the counter and this is another one of those things are always really tight fisted with the information if they had simply said. Here's a situation just just like your cell phone or your laptop computer. Unfortunately it has to go through separately. Is this effort device when it's attached to the suitcase. It's tantamount to pudding not that she would have used. That work is equivalent to you putting your cell phone in your suitcase and trying to pass it along so I know that sounds weird but you pull it out you put it in the little basket with your cell phone. It goes through security. Then you can plug it back in. That's why I'm looking for the key but then your blood pressure would have stayed the same. So what is the best. I could never figure out what you're saying. And then also the whole part about bringing the whole suitcase to secure the not getting on the plane. It was another interesting for me. So that's how it started. I cut myself. I skinned my knee and took off Asian Asian when we landed so we didn't get through. Lax or through the Hawaiian. The MAUI airport without incident all right now is the kickoff to two thousand nine thousand nine hundred so we'll be able to hear the next state of the Union address or at least the first show. Hopefully it'll be a CD and we're going to do is call state of the Union Golfer. Show I gotTa talk to Adam about it but I'd I'd like to do. I actually like them when you come back strong with an ace awards. Yeah that's a good idea to that we would be coming back very flips clips. You make up for things. That haven't happened like that movie black we already have Some nominees that happened around the end of December. That didn't make the cut for these words because it's too close. I know aww looked at the end of December on the girl show. It's okay now because we'll play again at least in the next day so awards should have as awards for the last twenty certainly cheer. We really ended shrug. I know all right. I'll do it for for this show. The State of the Union addresses that last ten eleven years of the show. Oh that's right. That cruel show returns January sixth so tune in for a week kickoff twenty twenty till then. You're getting cruel classics every a single day and we're happy to be here so we'll see you tomorrow until then my niche Chris Locks Monitor that superfan Giovanni welcome to the future uh-huh.

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