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Its a Hit and They Get Kicked (Live From St. Petersburg, FL!)


Hello Everyone John was super sick during our regularly scheduled recording time this week so instead here is a live show that we recorded recorded in Saint Petersburg Florida. The location of my Alma Mater. ECKERD college so I spent a lot of time in Saint Pete when I was younger so he went back with my brother. I and my wife. We had a wonderful show and here it is for you dear. Haing John Live in Saint Petersburg. Hello and welcome the dear John and thank God. You're hanging John. I knew it wasn't going to ask forever but it it was wonderful. Well it did John Rain Screen. We answered questions. Provide you with dubious advice and bring you all the week's news from both Mars a a cold dead rock and space and AFC Wimbledon the single greatest achievement in human history. An important question about for for Floridians. Why are the winds and hurricanes? So fast I mean I have. I'm already he disappointed because if they were weren't very fast they would be slowly games because they hurry. Hurry I got the joke. What I resisted improving was the crown approval concur urges him? They're on my side. Do WanNa hear my John Anyone this week he was like. Hey what about this one. I was like not GonNa know Henry and I read a we read a whole book together and Oh my God I mean they made hanks jokes look like works of Genius and there was was whoever won quite good joke in it. Why didn't the crab share his toy with his little brother because he was a little shellfish rush cute? And it's funny. That's how that's how you write a joke John. You're look at a joke. I hope there's anything we've learned. We should answer some questions from missioner's do you want to do that. This version as Western comes from writes dear John and Hank my question is how can I find the time to be an avid reader of books. Frequent listener of podcasts a master's degree student and and a good citizen of the world. These are all the things that I love to do in it always feels like I'm neglecting one to become immersed in others. My seat is in row laugh. Hello this is. Fruit cheers cheers. Yeah I don't I don't know the answer to this question except that some of these things. Can you do them at the same time. You're so part of being a good citizen. When you live in Montana the best selling Florida is shuttling? Your walk and it's audiobooks and podcasts. While you're shoveling the walk perfect that here by the way people look at you super weird. Come out with this show every Tuesday and you're just like gotta get it off. You know how it is but yeah I ah yes double down. I think that's one solution. And the other thing is that sometimes in life you have to prioritize their ends up being things you can't do and and and that's okay you can be a good citizen of the world without being in it an expert in everything like you don't have to become like equally informed in in all fields to be a good citizen of the world or to tweet about everything you could be completely ignorant of issues and still tweet about them. I have discovered no it se- It seems teams. Actually not being an expert but having a strong opinion is kind of like the twitter secret sauce. So one thing you can do is to not be an expert and not and just like an actually understand that and I think that that's something that I work on. And then I think that like in this world war sort of all all asked to have opinions and be editors of the newspapers that our social media feeds that like it. Can it can be as if we are being asked is to be experts or that. We have to assume that we are or have to claim that we are and it's very good to not be and to shouts to the world that I am not and I. I am listening to people who know what they're talking about after a year and a half away from the social internet which by the way. Stop the clock on how long it took me to mention that. I'm not on twitter and after a year and a half away from the Social Internet one of one of the side effects for me is that I realized that I don't have a strong opinion on almost most everything I hear something. That's like almost definitely good news. I'll be like that's probably good news but let's wait. Let's see what Tuesday brings. This was a great week for in the moment being like. I don't know what this means. But I'm definitely freaking Out and then being like well. I was freaked H. M. I it's not. Okay now I don't know I missed all of that right away like I just I just read the newspaper and there was sort of daily update about everything next question comes from Cheyenne and Elizabeth on a eleven and twelve. Hey Hey thank you were two friends that go to UF. I assume that this is go. gator because it looks like go Gada and we're wondering if Cheyenne were to take her lower limb prosthetic and smack some someone with it would she kicking them. mm-hmm or hitting them posed this question too many a person with no definitive answer. So you look to you to settle. Settle this debate but there is something that we are experts on. Yeah you've come to the right people it's thing things that me gene. Nothing that are purely semantic. Yeah and that will never have any relevance because of the unlikelihood of this overall scenario right like. I don't know it couldn't happen. Oh Cheyenne how often do you hurt someone. I guess the thing the thing that is real is that you might have to say I will hit plank your kick you. Yeah and and you won't because you're not in the kind of person but you might be in a situation where we have to say. And that's a good point. What would then be reported to the judge in a court of law? It's it's a hit hit. Hit hit with what if we had a person from up to the stage and John took my leg and hit someone else with it but I wasn't in control. I was unconscious at the time. I've I've gone unconscious. Let's say I hit on my leg. Yes bags that's a hit. I hit someone. Hit someone with your unconscious leg absolute. They've yeah but they were kicked. No No oh you hit them but they were king yeah but is legs but also both van. Yeah Yeah it's a hit and they get kicked you're welcome all right. We got another question is bursting. rodenticide dear John and hanger. They're sitting in twenty-seven rhythm to say dear John. What is the oddest combination of food? You've stumbled on someone. Eating my son was eating pancakes this recently and finish them and then my father for some reason gave him some spoke salmon and I witnessed my son Sam and put it on the fork. Run it through the Syrup and eat it and then back for more and I was was like I don't know so I tried it and it was good. I mean I think we don't do enough desert fish. I feel like maybe we do enough overall fish that we don't need to be like introducing new forms to fish into the concept of nutrition. Yeah no no more. We need to eat more flesh. John Saying Yeah. More more products for dessert at struggle. For Steve Yeah. The problem is not Steve. The problem is Raymond's yeah. This actually inspired something. In in paper towns towns. One time when I was living in Orlando Ford I was at a public. It was very late at night and I was. I was purchasing beer. which is a reasonable purchase? You know at that time and the person in front of me was purchasing instant vanilla pudding one container one can of Campbell's tomato soup and alive lobster. The and I was like you know like that. That guy is GonNa go home tonight and he is going to not a new dish like there have been ninety three billion of us and this guy I is going to do something genuinely novel. The thing is like he's bought two of the least expensive offensive items in the grocery store. One of the nice been sixty bucks. That's the thing that makes no sense. Abounded Yeah you separate out any of those combinations and I can kind of make sense of it. Like maybe he's making some weird lobster bisque. But why the pudding gooding no no no no no. No maybe maybe maybe he was going to feed the pudding to the lobster. That's dark dark that some flog raw darkness right. I don't. I don't like that at all. We need to move on when I was in college serving on back when I was in college here in Saint Petersburg Florida we used to. We would throw chicken parts into the brackish pond. I was telling a professor of mine this earlier today. We would throw a like a chicken leg into the pond and if you pull it out slowly took a hundred percent of the time there would be a blue crab on the end of it and then we would put that blue crab into a steamer and then we would pull out another one and and this is just like. I don't know how clean the palms were at Eckerd college back in one thousand nine hundred ninety nine but we did eat a lot of those salty. peppery steamed crabs ABS-. We never fed them. We never fed them vanilla pudding and I can't help but think maybe we missed something. All right we're moving on. We're going to move on to a different question that unfortunately is still about animals But thankfully different different kinds of animals. This question and it was courageous of you to include your name in the question and I applaud you for that because many people people have submitted anonymous questions but you came out and you told us rate right that your name is I believe Leyland NC twenty five. Thanks I'm glad I got it right. I I practiced beforehand so I'm glad Leyland writes dear John and Hank recently. Something amazing happened. I got to see the movie adaptation of cats. I have loved the musical since I was a kid. What should I do when I seriously love something? That is so so widely hated. Do I continue to love it. UNAPOLOGETICALLY DO I devote my life to try explaining to people what a Pelican cat is. Do I write a paper. Defending my magical Mr Mr feelies. I can't finish. The sentence is better then run a ticker as what it says there at the Tom Tucker. I'm sorry I don't know very much about this question I I I'm not I'm not familiar. MILLEA with the musical only with the unbreakable kimmy Schmidt parody of it which I found wildly enjoyable. So if it's anything like that it's great. Look you of something that millions of people hate and they define themselves my hating it and there are so we live. In that era era we live in the era of defining ourselves by what we hate and by what sucks and figuring out what sucks in all hating it together and we decide. Oh this art is unworthy worthy and gross and it's a complete failure but like I actually think that of the things that have harmed the universe in the last like eight weeks like the cats movie. V is incredibly low on the list. You know what I mean like Hank pulling a blue crab out of that pond was way worse for the universe then. The cats movie movie was as far as I can tell and you like it and God great. God bless you for. I think we should all like something that other people hate Jews so we can know what it's like not to be on a bandwagon. I think that it's like I think it's part of having good taste and like having your taste of the establish that sometimes like the thing you love runs counter to other people's interests yes and that's like part of knowing knowing who you are and it's a great sign to be able to be like. Oh I like a thing that other people don't like you can look at that and examined. It'd be like what's what's different about me in this circumstance circumstance but the main thing to know is that you get yourself in a way. Some people like it's hard to do. so that's fantastic all from the clips. I've seen on twitter. It seems amazing. A little upsetting. Here's here's my example of this. What's yours job? I'm sure you have to hang so there with these. Three children's movies made called Madagascar and they're about like zoo animals that escaped various wild places and then the wild eld animals are like. You're not like us. And then they had to find a way to love each other. Every single one of these three movies existed for only one reason which was to allow allow for the eventual creation of the greatest children's movie ever made penguins of Madagascar. Matic ask on. It is such such an accomplishment. It is such a tremendous accomplishment about what life is like in the anthrax vaccine about what we value and where the limits of our power our and Verner Hertzog is and it is an amazing film. And if you go to right now you will see that. Seventy five thousand people have voted on it and that they have voted at lower than every other Madagascar movie. Each of which is crap like Doc. These people are just mistaking that is my aesthetic. And it's important for me to know what it is is and to be able to defend it and like now you're in a great position because you'll be constantly defending your aesthetic because a lot of people disagree with this next question comes from Patrick Patrick and P thirty. Hey guys I was wondering after ten plus years of producing various content was was there a period when it was extremely hard to get through and you consider throwing in the towel. Can you tell us about that moment. Patrick says tell experience for us on stage in front of six hundred people your worst. I mean I consider throwing in the towel last night. There have been a few times for me so part of this question presumes that there wasn't a time when when I threw in the towel and and you just didn't notice and there have been times when I through the tow and you just didn't notice because like I was able to carefully arrange for you not to notice in Twenty fifteen. I was in a really and shape mental health wise and had like three ethically bad months and then three fairly bad months during which I was able to make very little brothers video every every week but like you the whole week was Kinda oriented around that like you know that that one day of work. I've never not wanted to make blog. Brothers like my my motivation. Ovation definitely ebbs and flows by. I I know when it's waning. That that's part of the cycle. Yeah Yeah likewise. I've never not never wanted to throw in the towel on like nerd fight area. There have been times. I've wanted to be like youtube. I'm done with with you. What happened to this? And that's I think that's partly nostalgic but like the math kind of looking back at a time when it was different in thinking that it was better when it was just different. Yeah it was bad it was. It's always been banned and and and I think that there's been frustration in in that way with sort of like how I imagined myself as part of a creative community but not as how I imagined myself as part of like a creative cadaver with my brother. There have been times when I've wanted to throw in the towel. And other things of course and and have and we've had a number KNBR things that we've started in really wanted to succeed in the they have failed. And then I try to bring back truth or fail for a fifth time and it still doesn't work and that's okay And so like part of that is the thing isn't working and then sometimes I really. Yeah I do realize that I've signed on for too much and that it's not so much a throwing thing in the towel it's A. What are the things that actually matter? What are the things that are going to enable me to be a functional person and like act and also be happy and so it's can sometimes be easy to take for granted the things you should be prioritizing in your life and that's almost always the people that care about and in the moments when I have wanted to throw in the towel it's it's usually been because I haven't been prioritizing the things that matter more same for me? I think ninety nine percent of your happiness in life is for me is relational and based on the health of the foundational relationships in my life and when I feel like I'm neglecting that I'm right I'm correct to be concerned about that but I want to say something L. Tank. which is that you talked about? How you've brought back the truth or fail? Six six times in its failed six times. And that's true and then and I look forward to reminding you of that when you call me me about the seventh of your of your hit game show truth or fail but what it what it made me think about is that I would like I would just ask the people here to make sure because many of you will be alive after. We are to make sure that Hank's tombstone reads only Creator Peter of Truth and inventor of two glasses that they're going to be the ones ones in charge they will they will at your getting buried in Saint Petersburg whether you like it or I don't know if you've ever told the story. Can we tell I I had the same. Are we thinking the same story show. Yeah don't want about dying. Yeah okay I don't know if I should tell the story to an audience but I'm going to Saint Peter's wasn't in Saint Petersburg so years ago I was at a Harry Potter Conference and became quite sick and I had to go to the hospital and and I was in the hospital and they were like you're going to have to stay the night and this is you know potentially quite serious and I I so we left the left. Is Harry Potter Convention. I came out went to this hospital and the doctor was like you want you to stay the nine Hankwitz with me and I literally grabbed the doctors wrist and I said I do not want to die in Florida I grew up here I grew up in Orlando with but I did mean and the doctor said I don't think you're going to die and I said well I think I'm going to die either but I'm just telling you you now that if I am going to die I want you to put me in an ambulance and take me to the Georgia. Lon The question we're going to take some questions from the audience. I'M GONNA call some people down but I am going to ask a question of Roy nuke or row neck. Sorry is a nineteen year old stuck somewhere between childhood and being an adult when does one reach adulthood and learn how to deal with adult problems. This you only high you only learn deal with them by dealing with them. It's terrible it's only it's like. How do I forgot how how to do this? And they're like just do it and you're like I don't WanNa tell me they're like just do it do it bad for five years and then do it good for the next fifty fifty five before you die a very different take on. I just remember like a was new but I felt like kind of congenitally on qualified for adulthood by. I still don't know how to fix things in the house you know. or where am I I. There's lots of things that just don't know how to do lots of adult things and I don't think like I'm on the cusp of finding out how to wire and new sconces has gone or even really knowing exactly what a -Sconsin don't do electricity and stuff. This is no. Hey thanks Hickson. Advice is basically just stuff really bad for five years and then you get good at it and I think that's bad advice. I think you should not do lectures and stuff onto electricity Chretien stuff school. Yeah don't do electricity stuff okay. I think I've learned. I think you become adulthood an adult the way that you become a lot of things which is like like slowly and sort of without noticing it and it's only when one day In my particular case it wasn't event rather than a process in the sense that I was putting hang on a pair of pants a pair of Khaki Pants and I said to Sarah I feel like I looked like a middle aged man in these pants and Sarah paused for just a little bit too long and I realized it wasn't when I became a dad wasn't when I got married when I put on a pair of pants and I looked like the middle aged man I was that I knew I was an adult. Yeah all right. Who's WHO's got the first question there? Hello it's it's giral not Gerald. That's okay everyone butchers great name. Yeah my dad says I was named after a character in a book. He never confirmed whether it was a superman comic or not. It sounds like it all right. So what do we got so my question was over the last eight months. I've I've had Serious SOPRA Procedure I got an amputation to better my life and I got on you very fancy prosthetic and I mean I'm pretty. You Know Loki right now would jeans and all and but I do have one problem though whenever I shift my weight on it a little bit totally sounds like I fart. So can you could do. Do you provide an example. Does it happen every time. I can replicate a pretty easily. Oh it's like a little one. Wait hold John. I can do better. That sounded like a nice little fart. Sounds like a fort and as so the so the the situation is that you that you're you're like sometimes farts uh-huh and that people are gonNA assume that it was not your leg correct correct. How do you yeah? But of course his legs so so it's really all the same to me personally personally but the paint doesn't recognize the. That's that's a that's just what it is like. How is the question what to do or how to like should explain this situation? Sorry you know that was my leg. GotTa have a sign or a car that you just. You should have a car. Business cards are very cheap. To print out she'll get a card dark. I once met very tall person in the south of France and I noticed that he was handing someone else card art and so I asked if if I could have a card and he said yes and he handed me a card and the card explained that he was very tall and not he had not yet played basketball in high school but not after that and that he he was done growing and that there were no concerns about his height medically and I thought that was is wonderful solution and I've also heard sometimes famous people having little cards. They give people where they like. Answer all the questions. You know where it's like you David David tennant hands you a card and he was like yes. I enjoyed being doctor. who was a blast? I am no longer doctor who I am not doctor. Who in real life? I'm not a time. Lord Yeah and you you kind of know if you noticed people notice you just put the car and be like. I didn't bark the tax that was useful when you do Fart as well. Thank you very much. Thank you appreciate. It could help. Who Do we have? Hello this is Owen. Hello Hi so I was just graduated from college in May and in my first year of teaching high school and so one problem that arises due to both both my young age and my young face is that I look about the same age if not younger than many of the the students that I teach both makes me self conscious and sometimes causes some weird authority issues in the classroom. So I am seeking dubious advice As to how I can appear older in a room full of fifteen and sixteen year olds. Can you give me the name of fifteen year old. Just what's a good. What are they named these these days Sebastian Sebastian rate particularly troublesome? Yes Yup Yup. I could tell yeah I got Sebastian. Detect that guy inside now. I know everything about him already. I ask a certain amount of authority issues where it's just like when it's a bash. You can just be like Sebastian. Treat him dislike. Get Him to sit. I don't know if you're wearing in your here's your treat them like a little. Yeah yeah show him grow over Jimmy. You're shakes Jake right now. I'll give you a tree. I got a three piece suit. Yeah Yeah I do have a collection of very funky ties from stores that I look maybe get the elbow patches elbow catcher due to probably too now that I think about it and three put one on your back a couple on your knees one in the back of your hair many. Yeah I I think the way you dress matters but I also think like so. I had a twenty two year old teacher when I was in high school. And I mean I it was. It's it's inherently weird. I'm sure it was super weird for him but he was really good teacher and I think that link the relationship was kind of inherently different. But there there were also upsides to that right like he understood a little bit more bound like my culture than most of my teachers. Juries did like he was able to relate historical narratives to the present in ways. That like you know. My teachers in their eighties weren't able to so he had a different. He had a a different kind of authority. And I guess the thing that I I would just say to you as as an encouragement to me because he was just even though he he's just a few years older like he seemed so cool. New Everything you know like he knew he knew so much. And so. That's that's where your authority really comes from. Frankly like you know so much more than whatever you're teaching like you know like like I remember one time I was walking around with my very smart young My Best Friend's incredibly smart young child and he said you know Joe Joe. I know more math than you do. And I said no you don't and he said Yeah I do and I said No. It's it's annoying. I don't WanNa do this Coleman and he said I do when I say. Ra Coleman what's the square root of four. And he said to and I said what's three cubed and he was like twenty seven and I was like they thought it was nine three times three home. I want you to know more math than I do. But you're not in that Position Act wisdom I hope and hope and hope to God they are and I think we were not helpful. Thank you got one final question from the audience. Hello sorry I may not call shirt. Are you wearing pizza with left beef. Yes my favorite mean turned into my fame. Thank you for wearing my in your torso as well as my honor. My name is Becka last summer. I toyed with the idea of doing my duty and for three months I was in a very quiet right space all day long all by myself so I started taking an Improv class at sat comedy lab in Orlando. I've been there and and it is like the most wholesome uplifting group of people it is the most one I've ever had. There is no going back I have to do it forever now but when I run out of classes in July the only way to keep doing it is to make the ensemble do that. I will have to shows on weeknights and driving back to Cape Canaveral at night is very scary. How do I convince my husband been to move toward land? Oh so you've done with commuting you're done with good where are you now. We're we're in a little town called Rock Lynch we both work at Kennedy Space Center. And what's going on with the PhD. Well also I got a question. Yeah I mean there's there there's there's like oh I okay. What's what's going on with your life outside of the comedy troupe? Drops the puberty what happened with my master's advisor was fantastic and I wanted to keep working for him but then I started the PhD. Wake up coffee four hours of math lunch four hours of math and it was too quiet I was. I would have been great at that as you probably. I heard earlier. My husband was calling my Improv class. extrovert support group. So yes so are you. Did you say you were both working at the space center. Yeah it would be the same drive. It's about an oh so you're still still commute to work from Orlando okay. Because I was like there. There are no space centers in Orlando or anywhere else commute due to the space center from Orlando. It's a while it's a way already our up. US One this would just be an hour man for life. PODCASTS I mean I worked in Orlando. When my commute was forty five minutes from my house in Orlando to my job in Orlando? So here's here's what I'll say and believe you me. I am not getting in the middle of a marital conversation about where to live for the rest of your life. which is a huge decision? He's just finding out about this now. Oh Great in Orlando is really like nobody is more surprised to say this than I am. Cool Orlando is a wildly different place than it was. During my childhood in fact Lakey was only sort of like tamed in Nineteen eighty-six Like I was in the mentally school. The first time like lake you'll had a sidewalk. I'd walk or land finally got the gators out of it. Yeah Orlando is such a cool town now and there are so many great neighborhoods there and there are so many like there's is like record stores and like even like graft breweries. We're rid of mine from high. School runs a weird like Fancy Deli. I'm just like Lexi you you've a fancy. ANC deadlier they got like we're an anarchist anarchist. GotTa eat hang. They gotta have governments but they gotta have food. Yeah I I mean so. That's what I would say. If you're commuting an hour anyway Orlando a pretty cool place to live. They have an mls unless team. I believe it's pretty great. Do What's right for your family. But yeah the the thing is like a decision like that though. The only thing I'd say is that like we made a big decision a for different reasons but if somewhat similar decision to move to Indianapolis from New York where we had been living ving in like. I was a little reluctant to move to Indianapolis for for Sarah's passion because I didn't WanNa live in Indianapolis it turns out I love it and I'm very very happy there but in order for us to make that move and me have like me not like resent the fact that it was happening we had to come to a real deep consensus sentences where it was our decision. Not Like I'm the trailing spouse and I guess. I'll go along with this decision because then it's so easy for resentments to build up. If if you don't keep those communication lines open so good work it'll work out regardless and if worst comes to worst start Improv troupe where yourself. Let's talk about the world's favourite third during soccer team. AFC Wimbledon clinging clinging to their third tier status status currently nineteenth nineteenth in league. One only still got one relegation spot between us in real relegation. So we're in. We're in good shape for now. Hey you want to go to a website. Yeah so uh-huh that's fine. Everything's fine okay. So the cool news. No they didn't expect were. That's Ansi Wimbledon's new stadium. At Twenty Five Years Wimbledon fans have been thinking. Show me the way to Plough Lane. I'm tired and I want to go home. I had a football ground twenty years ago when I want one of my own. They are building one owned by the fans. It is obviously not finished also we. We don't have the money to finish it that is a problem for tomorrow. Ro Reality for today is that we are closer than we have ever been to being back. In Wimbledon where where we belong owned by our fans and to stay in that community forever. So it's really really exciting to see that progress and in news from Mars ars. I didn't know we were doing the new segment because we usually don't during live shows the Mars twenty twenty rovers looking great. It just looks so good I follow some people on twitter. Who got to go and look at it and they seemed very impressed? I actually have news for Mars. Oh God I'm so such because the because I've gotten kind of into Mars as a result of this podcast I now get personalized news. Feed at Google and I get a lot of Mars News and there was a study that came out. Hank that said that Mars ours is losing water much quicker than than was expected to see this. I have I have heard something about it. I I what I know. Is that the hydraulics hydrology. The of Mars continues to be a big mystery and we are learning things rapidly. It's very weird. It's very weird. These methane blooms are very weird out to be a weird active place where things things are happening. But we don't really know which ones we need to get there and go with and learn but regardless again we are so grateful to you you for being here with US tonight. It's been really fun to to come back for Hank and Catherine to come back to where they met and fell in love and to see that place again and for me to see that lace because I also I remember like when they were You know for first falling in love and remember coming here for Hank's graduation and so it's really really nice to be back here. All these years later finally feeling to to appoint into a question asked earlier like maybe I am grown up. Thank you for listening to our for Saint Petersburg episode our live show coordinator is Monica Gaspar. This podcast is a CO production of complexly and WNYC studios produced by Roseana. Sheridan Gibson edited by Joseph Tuna and our head of community. Communications is Victoria Giorno the music. You're hearing now at the beginning of podcast. Despite the Great GonNa Roller you can email us at hank and John at and as they say it our hometown. Don't forget to be awesome

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