The VOICE, The FLOW, and The RV | 045
Welcome to the churches broken podcast. My name is Samuel nighter in the mission of this show is to spread the message of the kingdom because God didn't call us to be church people. He called us to be kingdom people bringing light into darkness bringing the kingdom of heaven to the earth. It has been a crazy crazy week for me and my family. Last week. I was at warrior week where we fifty six as a lead coach stepping into leading that for the first time leading twenty three men through a pre-training process done virtually and then leading them through the event itself and something very strange happened something unexpected happen through the process of this event. So on the second day in the evening. There is a meditation in that meditation. I had a vision it was a strange vision. It was a vision. I didn't understand I'm still trying to unravel and put together, but I think I've figured out a part of it. So in this meditation. The first thing that happened was I felt or saw or sense this dark presence walk right in front of me. It was very it was crazy. I actually thought that someone had gotten up we are in a circle sitting around in a circle. And I thought somebody had gotten up in walked in front of me. I had my eyes closed didn't know what to make of it. And it passed in front of me. And then wasn't there after a few seconds? And so I just kind of stayed in my zone in the meditation. Later on in the meditation. I had a vision of. What turned out to be my wife like rising from the center of a fire and she had scales. Almost like a mermaid and she rose up, and I didn't recognize her at first because the scales covered her entire body and head and then eventually the scales fell off of her is in her face, and I recognized that it was her, and she was kind of their floating, and she grabbed my hand. And she began to lead me, she was just kind of floating along she grabbed my hand kind of looking back over her shoulder, and I touched her and her hand to call the vid and she just kinda lead me forward later on in the meditation. I'm not sure how long a period of time. It was I began to see light. She had grabbed my hand and was leading me off in the direction kind of to my left later in the meditation. I began to see this glowing light way off in the very very far corner. My left eye and. The light was yellowish at first it was kind of dull. And then it kinda grew in intensity. Until was pretty bright was bright yellow golden, and then it grew even more into this orangish light. And it kinda would go through this, abbot and flow. It would grow in intensity and then dim, but it kept growing in magnitudes throughout the course of the rest of this meditation actually throughout the this sequence of this period of the meditation 'cause I'm not sure exactly when it occurred or how long it occurred, and then it grew into this. Big huge, bright, reddish light. And then it went out. And I had no idea what to make of it. This was on the last part of day two of warrior week. The next day. I woke up and something was off like something was off. Like, my whole being was not it was not aligned. And no matter what I did to get myself aligned. It wasn't working. And I thought it was because of my disconnection to my family. I hadn't talked to them. This was Thursday morning. I had not talked to them since Monday night, and that's abnormal. Typically, I talked to them on a daily basis or multiple times a day when I'm on the road. I talked to my wife and my kids had not talked to them. And so I attributed it to just this this angst that I was feeling. It was kind of this. I called it this fuck all energy, just basically like fuck, all like everything. And just this angst that I was having. So I went through the day. And as I went through the day. I wouldn't say I experienced any the angst through the day. I kinda got it normalized by a couple hours into the day and was focused on the men focused on what we were doing and moving. Forward throughout the date. And as the day on folded. I noticed toward the end of the day, again, eight o'clock nine o'clock at night this energy started to come back into me this angst. And I started to feel it in my body. And then the night on folded in the night went pretty late to about midnight. And by the end of the night. Something very drastic came clear to me. It was a feeling that I had had it was a very very similar feeling that I had had when I was in ministry work. And I was part of this group that was led by a lead pastor, and I was part of this thing for about five years, and I had invested myself fully, and by the end, there was something in me that was being it was almost like a magnetic repulsion. Who was like, I was it was the the two magnets coming together that ki- you can't touch them together because they're literally the have the same polarity in their pushing apart. And I felt pushed to get out. Like, I felt this inner drive in every part of my body was just being repulsed away and pushed out of what I was in the ministry work, and I quickly. I recognize that it had been growing over some time that I had been doing that. It took a little bit longer for me to recognize an acknowledged it when I was a younger man close to thirty years old at that time. Than it did last week, but I had the same. It was all the same feelings. It was like this magnetic polarity thing in my body. I could literally feel it in my body. And by the end of the night, I realized like my body and everything in me all this angst. All this fuck all energy, all this desire, and this kind of thrust. That's pushing me somewhere is actually pushing me out of this meaning pushing me out of being a coach of warrior week. She's very strange because coaching in Warri week is a great honor. It's a huge honour. And it's an awesome is an awesome experience as a coach. It combines the physical the mental the emotional, the spiritual. There's nothing like it on the earth. There's no event that I'm aware of that is like this where it combines all the aspects of a man who. He is. And as a coach you get to lead a man through this amazing processes been something I've been looking forward to for quite some time. I had even daydream about what it would be like to coach within this to coach as a warrior week coach. And yet here I was standing at midnight on this latte. The third night of four there four days, total of the the physical experience and something in me like everything in my body is telling me, you should not be here you need to get out. And so then I began to focus on my heart and listen to my heart in my heart spoke, very very clearly as it does. And it just said this is not for you you need to go. This is not for you, you need to go and often when my heart speaks in these kind of moments. There's no there's no grasping. There's no understanding. Right. I've learned to simply trust my heart. There have been so many decisions so many steps so many steps of faith because listening to the heart requires faith. And nothing in my mind. Understood this like I had committed notch just to coaching at worry week, but to taking the men who stepped through into a ninety day challenge after warrior week I committed to this like I had committed and I'm the kinda guy when I commit to something when I say, I'm going to do it. I do it. Okay. Yet here. I am standing on day number three of four at the end of the day. And my heart is telling me. I must leave. This is not for you. Go. As so in that moment, I realized I have to act quickly like a lot of things that are going to happen over the next day. If I don't act if I don't respond if I don't obey and submit to what my heart is telling me right now, I'm actually going to create a cluster fuck for myself for the men for warrior for all these things like this is something I need to act on immediately. So I met with the lead trainer coach Sam at twelve thirty that night. Let him know what was going on in. His response was simple. If your heart is telling you to do that that you need to follow your heart. This'll take care of itself. We'll take we'll figure it out. We'll take care of it. But you must follow your heart. As what I love about this, man. I love this about garett white and warrior, and the message that is preached within warrior. It's all about ultimately learning. How to listen to the voice in your heart? Not listening to the voice in your head. But listening to the voice in your heart. In fact, Garrett ran in Evelyn the day before and the whole purpose of the evolution was exactly this. Learn to listen to your heart. Learn to listen to the voice in your heart. Not the voice in your head. And so in this moment, I was tested. I was tested literally the coach began began became the coachee the leader became the one being led. And I was tested to see if what I had been preaching. What I had been teaching what I had been leading these men to do the listen to their heart not their head. If it was something that I would actually do in the moment, though, it made no sense and still on some level makes no sense. And so I did and just like that within a span of twenty four hours actually within a span of six or eight hours, I had removed myself from being warrior week coach. Although I wanted to finish out were week. What came clear the next day was that coach Sam realize like he needed to just invest his energy toward those men. And if I was out my energy is going to be different the next day. And so he felt it best that I did not participate in the last day though. I wanted to and I respected that was like, yeah. I get it. I understand your show. Do what you gotta do. So I didn't even get to finish. I did not even finish the warrior week that I had led the pre-training and was the lead coach through the first three days kinda strange several of the men reached out. They just said, I don't know what happened. But they thanked me. They Fank me for what I had given them and done for them in that thirty day period. And I told them it was my honour. And so here I was. Something I had planned on doing for this upcoming year for two thousand nineteen was now completely up ended in a span of twenty four hours and one decision one heart decision. So I'm driving back home the next morning. And I relate to my wife everything that had happened. We have this long discussion several hours driving on the road and something beautiful began to unfold as soon as she realized number one what had happened and why I had done what I had done. And this is the beautiful thing about my wife like she honors. She honors me following my heart. She honors me taking these steps of faith, even though I had not consulted with her because it was twelve thirty at night when I made that decision when it came clear to me, I knew that she would be fully supported because we've done this so many times throughout the twenty years of our marriage. So as I related what happened. Explain what happened. Explain my process with all of this. And then just was kind of done. I had gotten it all out. She understood she said, yeah, I understand I can see it. And she immediately something began to rise up in her. And she started talking about doing something pretty radical which is to take a trip for a year in an RV across the country. This came out of nowhere. In fact, we have never once in our lives in our marriage ever talked about doing this. We talked about maybe taking an RV vacation for a couple of weeks and going to couple national parks and things like that for summer trip or something like that. But we have never once ever discussed going on the road like literally packing up packing are shit. Putting it in storage and going on the road in an RV like a three hundred square foot RV with my wife, myself, our two kids and our dog for a year, and yet somehow this began to be the flow of our conversation. And as she talked something kept flashing in my mind, it was the vision I had had in my meditation. It was the vision of her taking me by the hand and leading me. Leading me in a direction. Ultimately leading me wear leading me toward the light. And so initially as she began to say this. I mean, I was so discombobulated by everything that happened. Like literally my world got turned upside down in one decision in less than twelve hours. And boom like my whole world was different and on a different trajectory some already discombobulated as she's talking about this. So I didn't have a whole lot of resistance in me. But normally what happens like when she goes off on some of these ideas, my mind, my logic, my thoughts immediately come in. And I kind of I kind of say some things that shut it down. And that close off that path because when she goes down this direction, she's putting herself invulnerability like this is a dream. That's coming out of her in through her in her heart and one or two words or sentences can just Pierce it. And then she shuts it down because in that Volmer ability. I didn't protect her and nurture it and love her in that. And I didn't do that. And every time my thoughts would begin to go like this is fucking nuts. I would remember this vision in my meditation. This vision of her my Queen taking me by the hand and leading me. And leading me alternately wear toward the light. So here we are. Five days later, as I record this five days later, and we have decided and it was actually decided that day that day. I was driving home in the car having this conversation where dream turned into a reality where the heart got opened up both of our hearts in union got opened up to a new idea and new path and the new step of faith. Is very similar to actually what brought us out to California. My wife has had health issues. I've described those and other episodes of this podcast, they manifested in her lungs, and ultimately, we realized or we had Opole Manala just say, look if you have the means or the the ability to move to a warmer climate with good air quality. Now is the time. And so from that moment. And from the moment where she and I both independently had began had begun having thought of maybe we need to move. And then the pulmonologist comes on the heels of that. And then both of us independently come to this conclusion like we need to move. We don't know where we need to move. But we need to move. We need to move from Cleveland, Ohio and move somewhere else. And within four hours of both of us independently coming to that conclusion talking to one another about it realizing we had come to the same conclusion and the same heart decision within four hours we had and she had looked at every area of the country and by process of elimination. Landed us pointed us toward the central coast. Of california. Literally. And within that four hour timespan. We had redirected ourselves and decided to take this leap of faith. Not knowing anyone never having been out here. Other than driving through as college kids. And landed out here. And it was very similar with this whole unfolding of this RV thing like it happens. So quickly in this time. It was within an hour within an hour of. She said I feel like we're free now like you don't have any obligations and as soon as she felt this freedom. This flow began to come out. I've been talking about flow in the last two episodes, and I've been talking about flow in particular in the marriage between husband and wife. And so this flow began to happen between us, and because of the vision, I had I didn't allow my logical dream killing nature to come out and Pierce, the beauty of what she began to express and what began to flow through her. Instead, I let her take me by the hand and lead me. Toward the light. Is so starting in June. We have decided we're going to buy an RV. We're going to either leave all our stuff in this house that we've been renting or pack it up and store it, and we are going to go on the road for a year. And focus on our family our kids and make love our purpose throughout this year. Make love and loving one. Another our purpose through this upcoming year in allow that love to become the fuel to create. Like to get out of this mode of having to produce as a man, I'm a producer. I must produce and get into the mode of as a lover as a husband as a father in union with my wife together with my family. What am I called to create? Like, what am I call decree? Now, what am I call produce to make money for vocation for my calling whatever you want, whatever you wanna call it? However, you wanna define it. But this thought of producing and production instead of that, what am I call to create out of the beauty out of the union out of the flow. That's between us and in us, and especially between, my wife, and I. And so this upcoming year is going to be a crazy year is going to be an adventure. Like, I don't know how we my family are going to go from we lived in a five thousand square foot house in Cleveland, we live in a thirty five hundred square foot house in California that also has a Caserta, which is another fifteen or eighteen hundred spur feet. I don't know how we're going to go from that to a three or four hundred square foot. I think three hundred square foot RV and not murder one another. I don't know how it's going to happen. But this is where the flow is taking us. This is the expansion. We are being called into. To go on this grand adventure. So a lot's going to happen like lots going to happen. We're probably going to create a YouTube channel document our trip. My wife will probably start a podcast. My son will probably start a podcast. I plan on transitioning this podcast this podcast. The is broken. I plan on transitioning it to a new podcast something along the lines of the pit Walker. Finding your power your purpose and your path on the other side of the pit. Like really, this has become more. Clearly, what is in me. I'm not here to thrash the church to thrash organized religion. I did that somewhat at the beginning of this podcast. Like that's not what I'm here. That's not what I'm here for. I'm here for something. I'm here for the kingdom of God. And I've had many experiences over the last twenty years of traveling through the pit walking through the pit. What is the pit? The pit is the darkness in the pain inside of us. The pit is. The thing we fear. The pit is what we tried to avoid to not have to go into. And yet I've found throughout the twenty years of my adult life that there is no way to move forward. There's no way to grow. There's no way to become more. There's no way to find the light except to go into the darkness of the pit. And in that in that in finding the light in the deepest darkness in my soul. My purpose gets revealed and the power to live my purpose and the path forward becomes clear in the pit. So I'm gonna talk about this. And I'm gonna share my experiences along this line on my transition this podcast from the church is broken to the pit Walker. So hopefully, if you've enjoyed and found value in what I've shared here. You'll transition you'll listen to the next one. I'm planning on going fifty two episodes fifty two seems like a nice number. I've been going one a week. I might speed it up here and go to a week to I hit fifty two. I believe this is forty five. So it will come in the next three four five weeks. And then I'll transition it over and this next podcast and all the things that I begin to produce not to produce all the things that I begin to create out of the beauty of this union with my wife, and my family, we'll put out there. Will make them acceptable for others who may be on a similar journey. But my question for you today is this. It's very simple. It's very simple. I'm the leader of my family. I'm the leader of my wife from the leader of my children, and yet in this instance, my wife is leading me. My wife is leading me. Why because I was open. I was open to her leading house open to her leading us toward certain direction. Now, don't get me wrong. Like once that direction is clear once we knew the central coast was our destination. Once we knew that taking an RV trip around the country for a year is our destination. They it's my job as the leader to step up and make that happen all the things that need to go into that all the things that need to happen. And there are a lot. I've been mapping it out. I've been creating my lists like there's a lot of stuff that needs to happen. A lot of things that need to happen to make this trip happened guests who that's on. It's on me to lead into execute. But here my wife led me. Lead me in the direction that we needed to go. So where in your life is my question to you today where in your life? Do you need to be open to being led? Even though you're the leader. You're the leader where in your life. Have you been resisting being led because at the end of the day? If you don't know how to be led how can you ever lied? More to come. Stay tuned. And I'll be back with you soon.