36. Julia Louis-Dreyfus


<music> W._G.. You is an online university. That's changing lives by changing higher education <hes> they have a competency based learning model designed specifically to fit the lives of busy adults. It's about at half the cost of other online universities. You can get a bachelor's master's degrees business I._T.. Teaching nursing graduates have gone on to work for leading companies like Microsoft Amazon. You should check them out. Get your sixty five dollar. Application fee waived if you go right now to W G U Dot E._D._U.. Slash Conan. I'm a very competitive guy and so I root against most other podcasts cast I really do that's just my nature a soul as competitive creep but the jump is a new mail chimp original podcast. It's hosted by claim singer-songwriter Shirley Manson and it's pretty cool man sits down with <hes> great musicians from the last two decades like big boy away Esperanza Spalding Courtney love discussed songs how they came to be how they influenced their own lives so listen to subscribe to the jump today available on Apple Podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcast hi my name is Julia Louis Dreyfuss and Oh shit. I as I was saying had a hard time with your name as I was saying my name I thought what if I can't pronounce my name is it now. I'm having incredibly anxious about being. No I feel anxious about being this fucking thing right now right here. Let me try again. God God here we go okay and I feel a tad hopeful but not really about being CONAN's friends about <music> back to school being woken up. Some <music> welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend <hes>. This is a special episode. This is the season finale. I didn't understand anything about podcast when this thing began. Dan didn't know what to expect and here we are thirty six episodes later and of course it takes a village and in my case that village is my trustee assistant Sonum of sesame and hey sonal high Conan <hes> and Mr Stor Matt Gourley. How are you meant? I cone and I'm good how are you. I'm good. I you know we we banter quite a bit and there's a lot of verbal jousting and <hes> attacks upon one another mostly me attacking you guys be honest but I I do want to be sincere for second say this has been a delightful surprise this podcast I I started off with no expectations <hes> and got talked into it and we started doing it and I think from the get-go and having a blast fast and here we are thirty six episodes later and it's been really fun. I don't know how you guys feel. I love I I think now is a good time to thank you for asking me to be a part of it. It's awesome. It's really fun. I think <hes> I felt always a little nervous about podcasting because I didn't think I would be interesting. I guess I don't get people love you on the podcast. That's the thing is it's great. You're very good at being yourself so your natural disdain for me. It's it comes out very naturally and but also you're great counterbalance to as we are in life of what I've always say. I I say this all the time the way Sonya and I are on the podcast. That's us all day at the show right and if you rarely just drop a microphone <hes> well you and I are yelling at each other about coffee or whatever right and you mocking me you think my hip hop free styling is is full awful. It's the worst I heard I disagree. Oh you disagree. It's terrible but let me just say also. I know we make a lot of fun but I love you. I love working for you and this has been an absolute blast end. I love that I've met Matt Gorlic. Throw it over to Matt. Gourley means the world to me because this has been a joy for me. I literally got off a plane from doing another Goddamn podcast and was told hey you're going to be working on the Conan O'Brien podcast and I went well. What's that and they didn't know who I was? I knew who you are but I didn't have guests on okay well. What were your preconceived notions about co Brian? What do you mean I'm Fan? I knew I no all your stuff. Are you kidding. I'm not wasn't convincing to me. What are you want? If you like a guy that's covering sign an affidavit listen. That's I'm not going to go fishing for compliments. It's clear there. There's no fish in that pond. Also I'M GONNA pack up my rod and reel and move on Gowrali. You're very good at this. You're very good. I do give you a hard time because you're an absurd person. You really are telling me you're going to you. Do give me a hard time in in the same sentence a hard time yes. I'm very good at this and I can do two things at once. You do a very good job on the podcast. You know your podcasts terrific job. You do the edits you set it all up. You really are a pro. You're also a one of the most ridiculous people I've encountered can respond into your you are I will just respond with I._M.. Rubber you yourself are made of glue. Whatever you say ricochets off of me then to the glue which is when you are hidden? Your mother's name is winifred Welford. Oh I'm sorry how ridiculous of me and you to go to the park and sketched together. You Own Dwight Eisenhower into the Talamona. We thought we were really going to land that. Stick that Landau you are. You're a strange sprite from another land. Who Somehow maybe there's something elfin about about you? Even though you're dimensions are are quite normal. You are a sprite. You're the I am. You live in a woodsy. I'm going to lean into this and I think I'm GONNA come next time lederhosen you are you. I know we've just scratched surface and no that's the problem but it's not all the way you characterize it good judge of character now. This is the season finale episode today but that doesn't mean the fun has stopped starting on August fifth. We're going to have six weeks of mini episodes with my really good friend. Dana carvey these shows are called deep dive with Dana Carvey. It's six episodes of hilarious madness courtesy of Dana who's who's just two Brantley funny guy and his brain is a magical silly ridiculous thing and I just love playing with him and so look for those. There's going to be six of them. Dropping once a week <hes> we're going to be back with season. Two of Conan O'Brien needs a friend in a couple of months and we look forward to seeing you then and I just want to thank everybody who contributed this season's all my guests. We just had thirty six terrific guests. Actually I think more like thirty. He's seven because it's remember when we did Schwarzen- middle ditch that's right see right how good I am wow that was pathetic anyway all my guests <hes> my team here here wolf of of course <hes> you know we got will play over there working hard. What do you do here? What are you doing? I keep it all going man. I it's okay to stay. Stay stay. I Apologize Apologize Aja. Anyone who has I apologized anyone has driving and just veered into a tree overeager need monster jump through your speakers anyway thanks to the ear Wolfgang and of course you the listeners <hes> for tuning in every week you Adam Jen Yeah Paula Paula yeah I mean I didn't know if you wanted to include them well. No I wanted to cut them out. Oh I'm sorry I didn't know if we were still recording but why would I like to do is withhold praise from some people so they try harder next year six game play no and guess what I looked into it. Caligula did this to his people right Guy Napoleon Fella a lot of the Great Hall Pot Yeah Pol Pot. Did this a lot and it's how he sees power listen. I've done my homework Stalin. Did this a lot in the forties so no no Jen deserves a tip of the cap pollen Gina who apologies everybody Yeah Yeah Adam who is my runs. Adam is got the most beautiful eyes of any man of eyelashes too yeah. He's got eyelashes for days. Seriously I wanNA lick his eyeballs this contribution to the podcast. I don't know actually what he does with the podcast be frank I don't either you know what very little money's been trickling my way and I do notice that he's driving around in a Bentley now so I'm very suspicious of him anyway. We just thanked a whole bunch of people. I know you all probably fast forward through that part because it's like at award shows. We're thanking a bunch of people they don't know and that's why I wasn't going to thank anybody. I was going to pretty much say this was a one person effort Conan O'Brien. You're welcome because that's faster come on. It's faster. That's not nice well. Are we here to be nice. If it was just you you'd be sitting here just talking to yourself and no one would be recording. which is what I do at home anyway? Ah My wife is always hearing me talking to myself in a room in the house and she's always saying I'm enjoying the show here really love listening to your one man show. That's absolutely true okay. We don't have time to mess around because as we have a very special guest today I want someone really fantastic for this our season finale and damn. Did we deliver my guest. Today is a comedy icon who was one eleven emmys nine SAG SAG awards a Golden Globe and the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor Lord she played one of the most iconic Sitcom characters of all time Elaine Benetton Seinfeld. She won six consecutive Emmys for her role as Selena Myer on the H._B._O.. Series veep and it's hard to stress this enough <hes>. I'm truly delighted and honored that this insanely talented person is with us here today. Julia Louis Dreyfuss <music>. Thank you for joining us I mean. Are you going to have me over to your house for dinner. Yes I would have you ever did the problem is you have to you have to be you to reciprocate. What does that mean? I WanNa be in your life a lot. I WANNA be a regular part of your life. I want to be able to tell people I can't. I'm going over to Julia. Louis Dreyfus's US saying it with es Yeah Yeah. I'm better at saying your name then you are. I would love it because you are beloved. I'm not here to embarrass you. You are absolutely beloved and I would it would be good for me in the business it'd be. I'm not lying. It would be good for me if I said love to can't do it hanging with Julia Louis Dreyfuss. I'm going over to her place. Can't she's making me a custard. Whatever and then people like wow CONAN? Is the shit you. Would say key lime pie okay. Is that what you like to make. Yes okay and yeah. I'll have you over. Would you really yeah how old are your kids. They're in their late forties now. I I have no my daughter is fifteen and my son is thirteen. I'm going to tell you something we made a some parents. Think was a controversial decision but my wife made the decision and then I went along with it to let our kids kids watch veep because when a well how long ago <hes> they started watching it a year ago and quickly caught up but you know it can be quite adult in its language I think <hes> <music> but we decided it was the best comedy they could be watching. We let them watch the simpsons and we let them watch veep. We have like a very it's rarified air and my kids died. They just loved it so much good. I'm so glad so I told them yesterday. They don't give a shit about my career. My kids in a really healthy way. They actually have contempt for it as do many. They read the trades and they but I told them when I was coming your way my children don't give a shit about my credit's good right. Oh yeah because come on it's I mean it's it's what you do for a living but whatever exactly yeah exactly anyway I would like it if they were a little in awe but no they uh-huh or just pretended but they found out that I was coming here to talk to you and <hes> my stock went through the roof nice yeah. No you're absolutely adored. I mean many places but in our home you're so fucking funny and <hes> no I mean I would hope that you would know that at this stage. Thank you very much while I'm very proud of veep that's for sure and that's a lot of swearing stuff for your thirteen year old but I figure here's what my wife does. When someone goes on a long run on the show of just I mean the land back at all yes and it's the intense come Jisr Guzzling Cock whatever the Hanes and the whole thing and it's this intense run my wife because Lila and I'm like they can hear it hasn't hurt the comedy it? It's ridiculous so we'll be watching V. and should be going. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry Mike Okay right but also named dropping. I just went to Ghana with your friends Unsan Richardson boy. I saw that because I didn't know he was doing it and then I saw on instagram is first of all. How much do you love Sam? He is Johnson is so lovely a nice but also so so damn quick and funny and you forget he's just one of the best improvisers alive and by the way he's part of royalty in Ghana <hes> which is so incredibly exciting and cool but I'm so happy up. You have that experience with him. I mean that was like you're gonNa week or something. I was going to break yeah. That's so cool I with grave phones on okay all right. You couldn't pronounce your name and you have a live phone in a podcast. I'm just going to excuse me it was on guess what we're good friends fifty percent of the time that'll be me saying I'm coming over me or contacts right now okay. I'M GONNA say I'm coming over for key Lime Pie. I'm just going to say Kay L._P.. I'm an idiot now. Oh Yeah it's true because people like you so much I did on the way today I was thinking. Wouldn't it be funny if I just went after you in the podcast due to take down do it. I'm I'm up for it and you call publicist hopelessness afterwards. You went like how was it was an unusually. I gotta say it was just and I was like you know what you've had a free ride for too long and then I just came at you with all this stuff in love it summit will vote was true. Some of it isn't true and it was just what is true that you're going to come after me about you motherfucker. You know you know what you did could you. You're getting all read. That's happens is out with my okay. Okay something unplugged. Now I just fixed had you're the you're the finale season finally guests and you've had more trouble with the easiest things your headset pronouncing heroes name the simple things are giving you a hard time share. My insurance is clear when I drive out of here I can feel myself driving straight into the Warner brothers gate. I feel that coming on it was going to happen. You do this thing that absolutely absolutely Chui Lu Dr his if that's even your real name we did a little research on the Internet you do. This thing that I think is so essential to all my favorite people on comedy view because in a lot of ways you've been a trailblazer and you have been. I know you've been iconic in I would say let's be fair in <hes> probably the biggest Sitcom of of one of the biggest sitcoms of the second half of the twentieth century and that's really the only time T._v.. Existed so why even say that Conan <hes> it just shows that you are good with numbers and years and stuff like that you're much better than those sitcoms from the eighteen eighties <hes> but you have meant a lot for a long time to a lot of people and then I you know sometimes I've read articles where they say that your heroes among women are like Lucille Ball Clarice Leach men as these these different people and you said something that I think appeals to me across the board regardless of gender. which is your not afraid to look silly? You're not afraid to humiliate yourself. You're not afraid to put yourself in an undignified position when you're doing comedy Eddie and I always think God bless you prefer that a lack of dignity as where you're sort of headed yes yeah. I mean you have to do that. Yes yes you do but but it can be kind of agonizing in what way well aw in two ways one is if you fail doing that. It's a humiliation that has no bottom. It's just deep humiliation and if you succeed they're still an element of humiliation sir. Yes because you know it is still you have to look a fool and so there's great. It's great to have success doing that but it's also kind of win. See at the same time if that makes any. It makes perfect sense to me because you had a lot well. I'm no. I've had a lot of experience with. I'm very silly and I'll I'll take big swings a deck. Are you really mean. Do you get mean. I'M GONNA throw this to my people. Do you want to go so you've got more history all right. I got that Real Blake. People really perked up. Oh my God they climbed out of their coffins. They came to life. I would say that I have a gear that is i. You told me if I'm wrong. I think I may genuinely nice person and I do care about people but I am so talented at being mean Yep. I'm so good at it and when I do it with my staff or in the writer's room they'll be laughing ping so hard. They're crying but I'm like none of this can ever be on T._v.. Because it's just too you know what I mean. It's well wait a minute but I'm not. I'm not sure I follow in other words. You're saying that you're a mean streak that you can direct them. Is that what you're saying. You work where I can sort of. Take on. I don't know so it's GonNa say unique being passive aggressive and art but it's it's enjoyable and it's fun in a way but it's still oh being passive aggressive. He's not being a dick in the sense that everybody hates him. He's being a dick in the sense where everybody just kind of admires. It's a very creative way. I'm GonNa tell you something I think she's being super nice and in China. Keep her job. I'm telling you I think you're real deck. That's right now. I don't care about losing my job. She doesn't she would be happy. You told me you're newer to this really cock. sucker yeah got it got it okay. I love how your eyes got really wide and sparkly when you got the the good juice on Conan Conan just you I saw they just sparkled and you you large. Is I understand you. Have you come to save us. I'M GONNA drive us out of here straight into a wall. When you come to my defense holiday this defense yeah amy here who you know Paul I just want to say one thing has been with me and since nineteen ninety-three and we knew each other before then I started live so you'd know me like thirty years longtime meantime yeah so? Do you want to say anything here. Here's what I want to say he he ripped to shreds. It's really funny but to the delight of everyone else so you have to avoid being victimized like if I have to ask him something. I do it alone because otherwise I'll be victimized right right right right so would you say I'm a bad person. No I'm crazy about you know the problem is this doesn't get to come out that often. There's this gear I have. They can't be on TV like it's been there a little a bit every now and then I do have a huge Catholic conscience so I don't want to die a morally bankrupt person. I don't get that sense like Comma Harris Sangha Joe Biden. I don't think you're a racist but anyway let's talk. We've established that enough about me. I I do think that there are a lot of people in comedy that want to <hes> they want to be in comedy but they also want to be cool and did you sense that. Sometimes we're there people that and they don't understand that you kind of it's this weird deal where you have to risk not being cool you know like being worried about being cooled shouldn't probably go with comedy. It doesn't come. It doesn't go with it at all unless unless you're making fun of yourself for wanting to be cool unless you take it to the IT turn it inside out but other than that yeah doesn't have any place now when I watched veep which I've established that I absolutely adore <hes> I was watching. I was thinking this must have been somehow therapeutic. Fee You to play Selina Meyer because you got to be completely. I mean it's fun to be that uncaring about other. People are at least two to inhabit that role for a chunk of your day yeah it is fun. It was spectacular fun. It was enormous hard work to do that. Show but once we got it you know when when things click into place it was a dream like the best job I've ever had in my my whole life really and had a few good jobs like incredible that cast to just through is not very deep bench we have yes. I thought it was almost to the point of absurdity where I kept adding up the the you know like Gary Cole's there and I mean I just could add <hes> so many people <hes> um every single person. There's so many of them. I can't even come up with their names right now. We know they are fantastic. Tony Hale get Kevin Dunn Reed Scott and Clump Ski. Sam Richardson goes on just. On on and on and on Tim Signs Yes <hes> I was blown away by whoever is getting all these people. No one plays a false note but I thought for you particularly. Did you leave a day on that set where you felt kind of like hey I got that out of my system like I got to be got to be such an uncaring. <hes> you know <hes> personally. I got to be so mean in so many different ingenious ways now. I didn't sort of that no not that but I would leave set thinking if assuming the day of gone well that we we nailed that scene but it wasn't like about being in the risk of sounding to actually about this I came at it from a different angle. You know of not being mean so much about being you know what her point of view is right. which is the only point of view? Yes yes yeah. She has what's interesting now because that show did such a brilliant job of being funny on its own but also being hyper relevant to what is happening right now yeah that was by the way in a complete accident most of the time it's lightning in a bottle it just I could tell you didn't start out to do that. Oh my God no no the opposite I mean we had sort of a line in in political history that we didn't cross timeline. I should say so. I don't think anything beyond Carter Reagan was around there and we didn't go anywhere near real history after that yeah yeah and and and we're very very deliberately never identified party which turned out to be a godsend so you know all of those but and yet the show we would do things is like the vaccination stuff that was in the most recent season and then the next thing you know everybody's getting measles and looping cough and everything else and I and it's a huge political football also it was so interesting that this character of Joan Ryan who is comically comically inept and unlikable and to the point where if he had existed on television eight years ago Oh you would have said well he's funny but he's little like Larry. Lynn Vallone Mash like no one can exist in the world is that you know what I mean. Who's always to cartoon? Yes but sadly it became wait. Wait a minute. You can go on stage and say we've have proof now that you can go on stage and say seven hundred fifty absolutely reprehensible things and still become the president United States. I found a liar included. Thank Extraordinary Stupidity and just let it out there. Yes you know like the talking about the airports. During the revolutionary war that was a very veep like moment. Orange was trump did mention that during the colonial revolution we did <hes> we captured the British airports and then he <hes> he blamed that on the teleprompter because because it is though it's so fascinating to me say if if if I said well we all know oh that seventeen years ago I married a cactus and my children are three sailboats and then people said Cohen what the hell was that and I went hey man it was on the teleprompter. That's not an excuse. It certainly is supposed to know that wait a minute. That's not right. I approve my speech for example but <hes> yeah there were just so many things with with Joan Orion where I thought that character it went from being silly and kind of cartoony two. Oh they really were show was making the point that he he can say and do anything and survive it and even go up in the polls exactly yeah rise up yeah yeah all right. Let's soon to happier topics. You talk a lot. You've talked a lot in the past about frustration in how you think frustration has been part of your career and that it's been good for you. Is that how do you how do you explain that. I guess yes it's been good for me in retrospect but yeah I feel frustrated all the time so so an it's sort of fueled I guess my ambition and maybe it's fueled my take on playing different roles to certain extent. Maybe I mean when you say you're frustrated all the time. Does that mean if we got a time machine went back to you at eighteen you you'd have a frustrate a level of frustration. Oh Yeah Okay Yeah Yeah Yeah. I mean I wanted to like when you get on. I wanted to get on with things and you know get doing other play and I couldn't be bothered with school and I just had to. You know we had to get this. Show up and we had to get you know there's always <hes> for me sort of an attack a to do list of things that I had to get done that was sort of frustrating his little pejoratives but <hes> I think somebody coined that in an article but I think maybe <hes> <hes> there. There's an element of that that's true. I mean it it it but it implies that somehow I'm unhappy and I'm not really unhappy. What about what if we changed the word to impatience? There was like an impatience to like. I've got something to say. I've got stuff to do and I want to get don. Yeah there. We go and that that I can relate to yes. I felt the same way at eighteen nineteen. Let's go and people would say let's go. What and I would say you? Don't understand I gotta go. I got shit. I gotta do that's right. People bowl thought I was crazy yeah and I was <hes> but I understand that I understand the impatience and how that can fuel you and then you get to the interesting thing where you've had these terrific terrific achievements but the impatience level probably doesn't really drop much now. It doesn't diminish at all yeah. What's that all about well you gotta keep going right? I mean I don't WanNa like I wanNA keep working so now. I gotta find something else to do. Oh right yes well. That's very I'm in somewhat impatient to try to cool it a little bit because I could use some down because it's been a rough couple of years but but I gotta find and another Gig that's really excellent and you know that's really that's low hanging fruit finding really good material as you well know so never really went looking for it. I was just happy happy with the giggle here and there yeah no. I know what you mean. There's a I want to keep working. When I like doing this shit slaying like this yeah so I want to keep going? There is a point that I think you could probably relate to where you have this. You look at your career and your in this very rarefied air of these this these great accomplishments and then it's easy for people to say <hes>. What more could you possibly want and they don't understand that it's like for example you get the Mark Twain Prize and that's a huge deal and it's fantastic can you do you deserve the hell out of the Mark Twain Prize but there's a there's a part of me that might be thinking this is nice but there's a lot more to do yeah and and this is nice and by the way you gotTa make a speech to prove that you they say here? Take we're giving you this award and you're like Oh. That's so exciting and you have to make a fifteen minute speech after we give it to you for me. That was a profoundly terrifying like Oh my God the pressure for that moment it and then and then also I'm not done I mean as I was watching this thing we're at the Kennedy Center and Center and all these huge stars are coming out and singing your praises and kind of like being at your funeral. Yes and I said to Brad Glad I did say to him. Am I dead. I mean is this like this is intense. You know it got to be kind of like so much you you serve would feel dizzy. You know I mean it was a little much I've been there to to perform for other people and they sit up in a box at the Kennedy Center and they preside over everyone talking about them. At the Kennedy Center. I now and I was thinking you need a real healthy ego to be able to handle that with no qualms to know what I mean like of course yes. I didn't have an of course feeling exactly no. I could tell you I would think with your a anxious. I enjoyed it it was I was glad it went off. Okay all right. 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They've been selling the top names I hop names in the business. I hear that their mattresses are comprised and made up of a bunch of cool stuff like what would that stuff be well. I think you know as well as I because you're holding the paper I am but <hes> there's a phrase I love to say I just just love to say cooling jazz. They have layers of cooling gel and I like that because I run very hot sorted Mozart so did many great creative geniuses also it has eco-friendly memory foam so the bed actually remembers how you like to sleep these are very thoughtful mattresses with a long memory and they're also the incorporate green tea charcoal so there's no creepy petroleum-based based products in their easily ordered promptly delivered a great prices. I mean a twelve inch. King mattress costs just four hundred eleven dollars. The Queen is just three hundred forty one dollars. I haven't priced mattress in a long time. It does seem like good prices to me. 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S. dot com slash on Zina's no B._S.. Just sleep baby calling jazz. I was visiting my mom the other day and <hes> she reached into a drawer and she held out a picture of me and my brothers <hes> this picture was taken a long time ago when we were little kids and she said didn't you all look so sweet and karate kick the photograph out of her hand. It went flying across the room and shattered. She said Conan why and I said mom. I'll tell you why that's a boring old photograph. It's not printed on glass and she said and what I didn't know that was possible and I said mom fracture fracture prints are made by printing directly onto glass and they come ready to display out of the bucks they even include the wall hanger she said Yeah but why did you you have to karate kick that photograph on my hand and they said because you're not getting it ma every fracture print is sleek. It has a framework design it goes with any decor and she started to get interested and she said well wait a minute. Tell me a little bit more or about this. I mean she was still a little stunned that I had karate kicked a photograph of myself and my brothers out of her hand but she was getting more interested she said worthies mate and I said mom they're made in Gainesville Florida from material source right in the United States and then my mom was really interested and she said Conan. Is this a green company and I said yes. It's a carbon neutral factory and she said well I mean I think I might be interested then she sort of doubled down on. I still think you shouldn't have karate kick the photograph out of my hand and I was like mom. You're missing the point. Okay maybe that wasn't the right way to handle it but I wanted something dramatic that would get your attention and fracture printed on glass sleek cool. They've sent us a couple of these is <hes> to the office. They look really neat. So what are we talking about here. So the next time your mother tries to show you a photograph and it's not printed on glass and it's not fracture just karate kick it out of her hand visit fracture me dot com slash Conan for a special discount count on your first fracture order. Don't forget to Connor O'Brien needs a friend in there one question survey after checkout to tell them who sent you fracture me dot com slash Coenen all <music> pretty cool idea something called care of care of as a subscription service that delivers vitamins and supplements customized for your specific health needs. How do they know? Apparently you take a test like a short quiz is he just answer questions about your diet. Your lifestyle fitness health goals all that kind of stuff then they put together a personalized plan for you and send along the <hes> supplements Jen samples <hes> who works on our show you <hes> you have experienced. Don't you know a lot of friends use it and I would find myself. Maybe lying a little bit. I might I might say I'm healthier than I really am. I don't know why but that's a weird thing I would do is I would be telling the supplement company that I'm buying supplements from that. I'm healthier than I really am just to impress someone who I will never meet. It's probably not even a person. It's probably just like algorithm just one. I'm just as bad with algorithms and robots. If an algorithm thinks badly of me or thinks a slob where I don't get enough fish oil then I feel bad about myself so whatever you're looking for a better energy sleep. <hes> you want to be your healthiest so the online quiz takes only five minutes find out your personal scientifically backed Vitim Min and supplement recommendations so once you fill it out care of delivers daily vitamin supplements all that stuff right to you. It's customized packets. Have Your name on them. <hes> care of also offers protein powders available in an individual on the go packets. I like anything that's on the go because I'm quite a busy bee. If you know what I mean so you can modify your subscription at any time if your life changes. Let's say you start only eating salmon then maybe you can cut back on that fish oil or only eating hamburgers than you. You should probably go get professional help so for twenty five percent off your first care of order go to take care of dot com enter Promo Code Conan. That's take care of Dot Com Promo Code Conan for twenty five percent off your first order <music> and we're back. Isn't it like there's no time at all went by Yeah. That was cool. It was like we just popped into a time machine out again right out again. Yeah Tom Notice there says here. All kinds of stuff says go after Julia Louis Dreyfuss. It looks like he did a shit ton of research new even fill out the first this stuff you too but I don't like to use the research. I didn't know you're on Seinfeld so I lifted this. You Played Alani Alani beans. Have you made your peace with the fact that you will never walk by a T._v.. Set that thirty percent of the time isn't playing Seinfeld. Now I have not I have not and but I don't maybe you can appreciate this. I don't really like to watch any of that. I had had a great time doing it and stuff but it makes me anxious to go back and look at it and so I just sort of avert my eyes for the most part right you're in an airport. You're someplace and it's in the background and you just you avert your eyes correct. You turn to the side uh-huh yeah <hes> S._N._l.. I did and you as I I was a writer there yeah <hes> but I look back on my S._N._l.. Years People must say oh. You must have so much fun as fear S._N._l.. Years and what what I'm fond of is the experience I liked being thrown into the deep end at such a young age. I know you're much younger than I was. When I was twenty four when I was on Santa Live and you were much younger than that I appreciated getting being thrown in the deep end? I wouldn't change anything I did kind of find it terrifying even as a writer and I don't know what it's hard to explain that to people. How many years were you there? I was there for three seasons. Yeah me too <hes> yeah. It was very scary and I was ill-equipped. I was not a writer and so I just came in as a eager actress right. You know how that works. I've been in your actions sir. I know yeah so it was it was not exactly what I thought it was going to be right at all but you met Larry David David my third year there he was only there for one year and and we bonded in misery and then a few years later Seinfeld came about but I will say that being their learning sort of the the sort of the agony of doing the show and how that is as I'm talking about S._N._l.. Doing a live show and having the heartache of that 'cause I didn't really excel there in any way except I did learn certain things by failing and in retrospect and so it sort of informed my life moving forward from that point for sure. Would you agree with this. I have a thought sometimes which is I wouldn't change a thing for everything. I wouldn't change it. Everything that's happened all the ups all the downs. I wouldn't change a thing <hes>. Would you say that about about your own career which you if you could go back and change a few things. Would you change them. Oh sure you would change. Oh Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah. I change him yeah but I don't but I don't say that sort of regretfully. I mean if you're really asking yeah yeah yeah. I think you would change a thing I would. I was trying to trick you into yeah. Because that's an honest answer. I was just saying I was lying to guess one to get into your trap. which by the way I avoided completely? You'll notice that I'm stealth. You know what you man. You're eyes are working overtime your eyebrows darting around your you are a let me explain to you. I'm not aware of that. I'm just talking to you. Okay and people and uh-huh people friends mine will say you what are you doing. You've made it so clear that you hated that this or you don't like that person. I'm like we talking about just doing nothing. I'm just sitting there listening and I don't have any control over this. It seems no face. It's U._S.. Goes off on its own. It's so great it's so entertaining and what's fascinating is one thing I've always loved about soap. Opera acting is the my headphones came on just no. I'm not saying you are this but I'm saying that you're saying no. I am not what I'm saying is in sitcoms. This is in soap operas. Someone will say jeffries coming to the Party and the woman will go Jeffrey it'd be like is everything alright and she'll be like I mean it's fine. I'm looking forward to seeing Jeffrey now in real life it's clear I know you're not looking forward to seeing Jeffrey but all you have to do in his soap operas. Go I mean I can't wait to see him right and then everything's OK okay. Your face will has been doing that to me. That's route and showing absolute disdain and disgust for some of the areas took. This is the face that I'll be giving you when I come to my house for dinner and I'll say Ooh what did Q.. Ontai Cornyn. You don't like it really I do really see us hanging around a lot at your house. I mean I becoming around a lot first of all. That's not true and second of all I would love to see you and have you accept the only thing I will say this. I don't really like I like to bake but I don't really like to cook that much and I used to live to cook but I've lost patience with it. So that's the one issue we're GONNA have gone over. Host meets right post made at something yeah that's fine. I don't really I don't believe in post mates because I think that's not gonNa work very well. I feel like the food is GonNa come cold. Does I mean I don't WanNa put them post mates because maybe they're spying into something here but no they're not we'll fuck them then. It's not gonNA work the food's cold and they often get the order wrong. Sorry Post mates but you just do you know I didn't order this. You know this isn't what I asked for took two pizzas and you put a hamburger in the middle of them and wrapped it into suburbia. That's not what I asked for. So sorry post means you had your chance he could have bought an. We're going to figure this out. We're going to figure out a way to get dinner at my house. What about your your husband? I've worked together before I really like him but he made he may not want me around. Why because you're so good looking? I didn't think I was honestly so I know you're these guy like. 'cause you got that red hair thing going and I like that. Let's say on Thomas Topic for a little bit so I'm your type is what you're saying well you were until you just asked me that question. I could feel that slipping being away sorry. Did I handle that badly. You Yeah you did yeah. I read it fuck. I just got way too happy about that. We'll we'll recover from that and we'll move. Move On. I know that you are in this position now where everyone's saying okay. I want to be part of the next Julia Louis Dreyfuss thing. Do you know what you're GONNA do. Do you have any ideas <hes> no. I'm I'm right now. I'm in post production on this movie that I made with our friend friend Will Ferrell and <hes> so I'm working on that film but it hasn't come out yet and other than that. I don't have a plan yet. I'm formulating it. Why do you got any ideas? I'll do anything you want to work. When are you going to catch a break yeah I? I think that probably is the I'm going to say it again. It's just the way you've always been. It's this is this is who you are and this is who I relate to it very much. which is I like to make stuff? I've had people say to me because believe it or not now. I'm the old guy in late night television an and people say like yeah. I'm the old guy now I started out as for two thirds of my career I was the young punk and then overnight. You lasted long your the grand old like like what happened. It's switched in one day from you're not old enough to have a show seizing but anyway I find that I've had people now say to me so do you think he'll wind it down soon. Drift off into the sunset and I think I like to make stuff you really like it. Hopefully you know why are you. Why why would you wind down? I mean unless you're need to go wind down and you're desperate for a break but I don't get the sense that God no yeah well. I'm not that way ther no. That's why you and I will work together one day. I know I do that. It's a movie I'm writing yeah called. He's her type. Starring Conan O'Brien and Julia Louis Dreyfus your name. You can go first but it's all about you. You're in a really good marriage. Yeah everything's solid yeah and then you see this guy on the beach to it. I think is a Belgian woman but then you get a closer look and it's called. He's my it's a rom com and nothing ever happens. It's just he's my type right because it's a senior citizen Ron. It's one of those. Are we seniors. We're not we're getting there. I got news for you friend. We're getting there. Don't you speak to me announce tones so I'm speaking to you like that and it's not gonNA stop. Oh my God oh man yeah. She looked fantastic. Thanks my hair blown out. So that's what happened. We know this is what happens on a podcast. You come in looking absolutely stunning and then it's a podcast yes no. I thought I was doing your show today I didn't I didn't realize it was a podcast. You don't WanNa see more tape on you till you're ready to do the show WanNa see more proof that you've got what it takes because this show is a high honor. This is our this is our finale. This is our this is our final podcast of this really fun season and I'll be honest with you. I cannot think a better person to end this really lovely season that we've had it's been such joy and such a surprise when I found out that you were willing to come on the final episode I was filled with absolute absolute no incandescent joy because no no no. I I mean that and I'm speaking for everybody in the room and everybody in our this whole building was just like Oh my God. I can't believe she's going to do our last episode. Let's just first of all thank you and second of all. I'm surprised you have that reaction in third of all. I think maybe we didn't talk about anything. That was interesting enough. We didn't do enough. Oh my God. I think I'm having anxiety all. Can you lean lean in and just to know. Should we say about anything. No it was fantastic. Lots of things about lots of things was yeah. We're not supposed to talk about. It's not it's not one of those where we talk about. You know the cooling of the Earth or the heating of the planet Orlando Yeah Well. I'm a scientist. It's too bad we're missing. You have some theories don't you. You Bet you know all right sitting here. Getting to mind Meld with you is a joyous thing from it. Really is is pleased to be here and I it's a treat to do a podcast with people who are laughing when you make a joke. It's so nice is that they don't do that other places. I've been a podcast before we're nobody's around and you're just sort of like in the ether. They usually go yeah right. I don't I don't he's a podcast. He's a huge star in the podcast world not girly. That's going a bit far. No no it is. He's a maestro. Throw it <hes> podcasts. I'm told not witness it myself but you didn't bring your game to this quote in this one yeah owing from Michelle Obama I don't think did you say a word with Michelle Obama Tom no I didn't pretty quiet that go to that on my way home. She was fantastic rockstar that visa rockstar yeah and but I have to say it spends season of you mentioned. We'll always start with will ferrell. It's just been all these terrific people but I well by the way will is a absolute delight and he is that person I had the joy of sitting with will on a we're flying like American Airlines ends years and years ago and we're both flying from one coast to the other and we happen to be seated next to each other and we did a comedy routine together for the entire trip. We were not once real with each other but it was too much fun and he couldn't stop. I totally get it. It's just one bit after the back. That's a guy who comes to play and in the most amiable way yes cannot be described how much fun it is to work with that guy and that's at the end of the day I I really enjoy people. Obviously there are different types but when people are there to have fun and they're willing to be we we mentioned Sam Richardson earlier but people who are willing to be funny when you bump into them in a restaurant and there are no cameras and they're willing to play and they're willing to just go with it that that always makes me believe when I was a kid I thought that's what this business would be and then I've had some people disprove of it and some people prove it and I've always thought <hes> I want to be one of those people that tries to prove it. Totally you know you can meet me at a Walmart in an aisle and we'll have a really funny thing happen. Yeah you know that's an there's no record of it and no one tweeted about it and it just was a happening it's incredible and when you find people like that that went to to that prove that theory hang on to them for dear life 'cause those are the real ones. You know right yeah the way I'm hanging onto you. Oh God I didn't mean it like we're changing the title to Conan's creep anyway. Thank you so much. I love you. I love your work and I'm just so happy you came in today. Thank you for having me. I'm delighted and honored to be here really yeah great stuff about the summer vacations beach days barbecues summer's just a great time one perk that they say outshines all the rest is summer themed undies courtesy of you guessed it me on dis this man. I love seeing me undies I really do. I have almost adult children and I'm saying the UNDIES. They sent us some biondi's. You know that you guys can talk yeah yeah. They're great. They've sent me me UNDIES and I've tried them on. They fit very well. They're very comfortable house. The support very personal questions talks about with underwear a support yeah I feel I feel supported. I feel nurtured. I feel renewed and refreshed when I wear for me. You know what here's the deal with me on these they have scientists making this underwear and the miandi scientists spend countless hours in their underwear laboratories testing out the softest fabrics fabrics in all the land. That's that's what it said. You're reading. It's true you're reading says they have scientists in a lab making and testing this underwear cubed you imagine that how the Guy who he became a scientist and then he's like well. I'm off to work. What are you doing today? How's that cure for cancer coming on cure for cancer? What are you talking about? I'm testing underwear. I'm going to be wearing airing some briefs all day. I'm imagining like a James Bond Q. situation with flame throwers and stuff this micro modal fabric they use micro model fabric and you know what that was my suggestion. They went ahead with it. It's three three times softer than boring old cotton so screw you cotton. It's micro modal fabric for me but you can coordinate your bottom half what you can coordinate your bottom half with with acting top right. What do you think with your with your partner coordinate? That means a fun. Wait wait a minute. I'm confused says bottom half with your better half so I see so I could <hes> will get my wife to wear that underwear that matches my underwear yes well. That's something I've always dreamed about. I'm glad that that's come true. There you go there. We haven't me UNDIES has a great offer for my listeners for any first time nine purchases. When you purchase any product you get fifteen percent off? You also get free shipping. That's a big fat. It says wow this ad is forcing me to ensure the big get fifteen percent off a pair of the most comfortable and he's ever going to put on there is so much attitude in here from me. UNDIES I love it has a great offer for my listeners for any first time purchasers to get fifteen percent off your first pair free shipping hundred percents satisfaction guarantee go to me undies dot com slash CONAN yeah. That's me UNDIES DOT com slash CONAN. I have grown children. You guys want to review the reviewers. The itunes reviews okay wait. What is this this is where we take a look at some of the reviews written about the podcast on Apple podcasts terrifying? You've done this before you can handle this. I protect you through these you don't need to there's really bad ones. You're not reading. No no this is. How is this honestly how my brain works? I know I know I don't choose any yeah but you just said I don't choose any of those. GotTa eight go anywhere on the Internet without that happening. They're bad ones about sonal in me bad ones about everything just told me there's really shitty stuff about me that you're not going to tell me why because it's to be discounted because it's creepy crazy people and I'm not saying there's is not relevant criticism. There's just some people that go to town in a way that says more about them than you. Do we get down this whole you just put me in a bucket and lowered me into a deep. Will that's not what a well no. You made it quite you O'Hara me one of the highest rated podcast. I'm saying so what all I hear is one of why not be hold it. I'm not done yet and then you tell me that there's people out there that wish me Dead No. That's not to say come on man what happened there. What are you a drug dealer? Hey man this is some good shit all right. Let's get into it. I can handle it okay. This is titled. Can I work for you dead serious five stars by SMELLY Y see. This is one of my all time favorite podcasts. I've been a longtime fan of CONAN's gone too many tapings and enjoyed everything he's ever done. I'm super serious about wanting to work for you. I will help out in any way possible when Conan yells for his lunch. I'll get it if sonal or Matt that need their feet rubbed of Rub. Please consider hiring me to work for any of you. Your energy is awesome and I feel like I relate to each of you in so many levels keep up the great work and thank you for the laughs okay and then also who wade who was at personality why C. T. Awesome Smelly <hes>. I thought that was a lot of Nice things you said the fee rubbing the those times are over. No no no yeah I want to join team. COCO GIVES FIVE STARS BY COCO hopeful. Oh what I would give to work as SONA and Matt's assistant or just in any away that's connected to team Coco and the macab witty and hilarious banter that goes on with Conan love the podcast wait. What did you think there was more? Oh God you're or a strange guy strain on yellow. You are an odd fellow man. Your comebacks just fantastic. You're throwing high heat. Oh my God credible fast trying to come with our man this. They can't come soon enough okay. Let's get into it. That's Nice sonal. I would like you to note that the job you routinely complain about is one people really want to have. I know they can have it you with you wouldn't no oh I wouldn't I need to I want to buy a house. I know why you wouldn't because of your love and affection for me. I want to buy a house and I deserve a house. Thank you and so yeah. I need this job but if someone wants to come in and do everything I'm supposed to do we have that it's Jeff assist justices. David routinely does the things that you don't do 'cause you're goofing off. You know what for reals though I know how many people want this job because people tell me they want my job on a regular basis and that I appreciate that I have my job but that doesn't alter your behavioral work. Does it was fantastic. I mean I find that fascinating. Why but I think it would take three three weeks for anyone to get in that job and being the exact same out look as you yeah? You ruined this job so quickly. How did I do that because when I do you remember I think we may have talked about this but I'm not sure I came in? I was professional. I took notes notes. I cared and then once I talked to my grandma on the phone and I was speaking to an Armenian and I hung up and you're like what was that it sounded like you were arguing with Dracula. Can I just say I was in my office and I heard all the sudden only here you go like oh hi CONAN okay CONAN. Hey good show Conan Boba Conan and then all of a sudden. I hear you pick up the phone and you started to go bad you do about these Da. The Sun is coming almost catch to the car and I was just like what the hell's going going on. I didn't know you could do that so it was just a little bit shocking but then I think we were off to the races because it was soon after that that I started Michael Jackson passed away and I I called you and I said I demand a private viewing but I don't want us run into Tito and you believe that I knew Michael Jackson and I I when I came to work. I saw your pad and it was like private viewing avoid Tito you were writing it all down and you were trying to figure out got us thinking that he's going to get a private viewing with his body was like how do I do this. Who Do I call publicist? Do I reach out and then this later showed up. I don't know some one of the tabloids did a thing of the meanest people pull on television and I was in the list like the meanest people. Are you sure it was a tabloid or The New York Times they also print a lot of fake news but no they said Come O'Brien is a you know horrible boss who forced his assistant to get him a private viewing of Michael Jackson's body because we talked about okay we may even have talked about it on the somewhere where we talked about it and got out there and they printed it like it was a real thing which was hilarious like I just loved and I was in the Pantheon of the cruelest people so I'm what I'm saying is I started off being very professional and wanting to do this job. Properly and then you came in the picture just ruined that well I think other things to your predilection for edible okay matter one <music> okay. If you're a fan of your drink match we hired insistent. Let's do it your drink. You like a drink he winky although you've you've. You've married life. You've cleaned up a lot. I have you were a you're a crazed pirate three three years ago you really were you. Were an insane crazed pirate. I you know what we would go on road trips for the show and you would be swinging from ropes from the rafters with you know Ado do be in your lips holding a jug of triple X. Tequila. You know I'm laboratories recluse in the homebody but I would love to party with you. I just seems like you would be the I was a great partier by I believe day yeah yeah yeah who's not a partier me. I can be fun. I like to talk but you're not the guy who's going to do a keg stand. No that'd be worthy guy. It'd be everyone laugh. Make people laugh but if I did a take standard B B somehow be the first person to be paralyzed takes no yeah you don't party well. I mean what would it mean by find party well. That's what I mean. I went on I like to I got yeah well. He likes to do is mom likes to get winifred online offered Welford and he likes to get together with his mom and he gets all those really you know those wheat thins have the caraway seeds actually get those crazy and some Stilton tilton cheese and then feeling and then he loves to get just a mellow yellow soda and then just chill man. Just watch the sunset you to have so many similarities. I think that the one friend so you really made Conan is is Matt and I think you need to admit that nope okay never mind. I'm not quite ready to admit that either stick around for season two. We'll see if it happens to see if I sign up with freak freak show over there. Sorry Man Hey man you had to come in man. I sure did a nice watch again. Don't complement me. I'm not complimenting you. I'm wondering how you got that Nice. Watch someone here is taking the podcast money because I'm certainly not getting it. WHO's getting the podcast money we got a look at that? Watch you always make fun of him for mentioning something. The listeners can't see and you complimented his watch and no one could see it. I am a master HYPOCR painting a picture. I didn't hear what you said. I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear it ex-pm a expert at paint double sanders pictures so when I see other people and I come why people oh stones glasshouses when I paint a picture of people can see it when you say things they okay so you didn't describe it though you said it's a nice one I didn't even have to. It's the way I said Nice. Everyone could imagine guys yet and you know what whatever watch you imagined was the watch. That's the kind of powers I have. Let's go home to our podcast home yeah well. Those were good reviews. was that what we did. We got lost on Earth Long Tangent and <hes> now. It's like a nine hour podcast. I I've liked that I've always wanted to keep this podcast toit we do and that's what I've always with Japan. Why did you pronounce it like you? Just did a Mike Meyers from Goldmember hoyt the Dutch guy that's not. She's freaky. Yeah I think you're I think you're trying to be like hip and like noise or something like Internet Portland's Toi Toi Toi. That's that's GonNa come around and people are going to start saying that because I said it anyway. I like to keep this podcast like my body nice and torn. I don't like podcast in Dole. Oh it's two and a half hours long meandering and blithering in blathering. I want this podcast to be like my naked body Nice as see through Roy tweet you WanNa podcast that you can see blood coursing through veins. I am remember those models invisible man yeah. Hey did model the system yeah yeah get the woman in that's me toit toit. The podcast should be toy. This is so stupid all right that does it for our season finale. We are coming back for another season season. Two of Conan O'Brien needs a friend but <hes> but yeah this is. This is our last episode for this season and it's been an absolute joy started out as a complete lark. I didn't know what to expect and <hes> I have had a blast and if you've enjoyed listening half as much as I've enjoyed doing it then that's a bad ratio and and I should definitely improve so stick around season two will be coming up <hes> I believe in October and hey checkout <hes> Dana carvey insert starts in August and <hes> that'd be August August fifth. I think those those are going to be really funny all right. Thanks for sticking with me and we'll see a soon. I don't know how people sign off on podcasts so you can see him struggling tip your waitress Sousse. Be Kind rewind. Come on. I'm all I'm so let's let's get Outta here. CONAN O'Brien needs a friend Sonum of session and Conan O'Brien as himself produced by me Mac Orly executive produced by Adam Saks and Jeff Ross team coco and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at ear will special thanks to Jack White for the theme saw incidental the dental music by Jimmy Viviana. Our supervising producer is Erin blared and the show is engineered by will becton you can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode got a question for Conan call the team mm cocoa hotline at three two three four five one two eight two one and leave a message to could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend on apple podcasts stitcher or wherever find podcasts are downloaded download eighteen cocoa production in association with hello this goalie. I just wanted to let you know that you can listen to add free episodes of Conan. O'Brien needs a friend only on stitcher premium for a free month of stitcher premium go to stitcher premium dot com and use Promo Code Conan. This is Tony Rodriguez. This is Carlos Antos. This is Risa Lisa. This is Oscar Montoya. When our powers combined we are jockeying presents? We have a brand new podcast here on ear wolf bringing you the best of the best of nomad horde of the ladder next comedy join us every Tuesday as we chat about what's going on around lead next culture and look topic on don't worry we'll tell you what that.

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