Round Table Talk with Tyler and Hayley Hubbard and my hubby Michael! We have honest/open couple talk about navigating marriage, parenting, careers, trusting God, perseverance and so much more.
the holidays are here and there's no better way to get in the Christmas spirit than with a warm crackling fire. Time with Family Holiday Romances Winter Wonderland and new lifetime holiday movies. Twenty four seven all day every day all season long with more than one thousand hours of Yuletide themed programming and sixty plus days of holiday movies on lifetime. It's time to kick up your feet. Get comfortable Wonderbra and enjoy. It's a wonderful lifetime and you won't want to miss a special Thanksgiving week filled with even more premieres treat everyday Christmas and make lifetime your destination for new holiday movies. He's twenty four seven all season long queen. Anne it's no one cares. I I'm pretty cited miniseries now roundtable talk. I'm just calling it round table. Talk is not technically called roundtable. Talk but it's not just me sitting down having a one on one interview interview with one person talking about their lives and all the amazing things about their life. This is more about a conversation about real life stuff going on currently in this moment so I'm kicking off with my husband. Michael is joining me so excited. And then Hayley and Tyler Hubbard and we're having the real conversation ever. We're talking about marriage. We're talking about career. We're talking about babies we're talking about how babies affect marriage we're talking about God. We are literally talking about it all and it's real and we're honest and we're open and so I'm very excited to share this with you. Guys here is my husband. Michael Kaley in Tyler Hubbard and myself. Okay Hey hi everyone so. This is a first. But I've done podcast. It's a couples podcasts. which is really exciting? Exciting and my husband is joining me. How do you feel nervous? Well Michael. We've really been talking about personal things lately. So I feel like we might as well share them all with the world right just like getting to the core of ourselves. Yes that's what I hear the core Michael and turlough helium tyler have rejoining us in this. podcast idea came about because Haley texts me. And you're like I think we should really talk about some real life stuff and I was like I think we should do and then of course like give me a tiny little nugget. I'm like let's just do a podcast. It's like going going to share all the things and here we are and we made it happen within like week now brought about so. What inspired you to want to like? Talk about some real stuff off. You know I think just with our girls. Mom's texts that we have going on it. Just been so nice to have everyone to lean on to get advice into to help up share advice and circulate all of that Oliver fears and excitements and victories in life. And so Mike. Let's share that with other people but you know on our. I think our walk that we really like okay. We need to do this. We need to make this happen so there were all like Mike on are new parents. We have a seven week old two weeks behind you guys with baby Luca. Now you'll have two kids you have two month old and almost. She is live two years old Jones suit and I think that's what encouraged us to join. This mom's group are walk are walking group. Because we're all just like in the trenches trying to figure this out how to navigate marriage carriage navigate babies how to navigate careers and it's just overwhelming. Sometimes I mean marriage is a a whole nother ballgame game once you put kids into the mix as we all know and I don't know but just be good to gain knowledge and share knowledge in that department. So how have you guys navigator marriage starting with live with like a hedge. What was your love sort of like when I met the cottage on meet was instant and did you know right away that this is the one what tyler share? y'All try to make this short and sweet but we met through a mutual friend. Initially we were just kind of friends and we were hanging out and so much to the point where highly was on the set me up with one of her friends. And I'm like no. I didn't really feel in that way. anyways we so we were hanging and one thing led to the next and after a few months of Kinda hanging out. I was on the road at the time super busy so we weren't hanging out a ton but Ended up. We had wanted cigars night at one of our friends houses and Those July first and I remember that day because I was the first I night that Haley kissed me hailing you okay. We talk just play. We still debate to this a story but now that was kind of a night where we have kind of something here so we ended up hanging out quite a bit it shortly thereafter and I think we both felt something special on kind of new pretty quickly. You know this was leading somewhere and Haley Haley was moving to California a few weeks after that and that was her plan she'd already had a roommate in a room setup. Oh was yeah. Let me tell. The story forgot. That was when we were actually supposed to move was the first thing that we kids all right so yeah. They're not told her speak good. Kiss my line at the time the time was you should pray about it. So that's what I tell her house like I don't I don't think you should move to California. I think you should pray about it and I was kind of hidden but at the same time I think she took me serious and actually thought about may not have really haven't thought about this so kind of went home and prayed about asking for a son and she was signing her Lease on her apartment at work and her boss came to or behind her and told her that he would double her salary. She was staying Nashville Society. I and they really selling at times pretty pretty obvious like that. You know I think it's kind of got US humor too so good deal So yeah right. She ended up quitting her job. But just using that as a sign to stay in Nashville and you know we hung Out of town and shortly thereafter we were. We were engaged and getting married six months later. It was it. was you know. I think we both doesn't pretty quickly. It wasn't love at first sight if you will But it was definitely love pretty quick and we do some special and so yeah the kind of the short version of those store and Yeah that's pretty cool. I mean obviously it was something special because Y'all just had one kiss like you're saying of us have been real good kiss. You started dating yet. It's fresh fresh. Yeah it was fresh but like I said we were. We were so busy that in because she had just quit her jobs in between jobs and selfishly like hey we want to just come on the road with me and when I'm home can we just hang out all the time like we were together pretty much every day after that so you you had artists your nose going on. We had just gotten a bus. We were sort of past the really really rough and stage like the double washy probably. Wouldn't you know. Join me on the road but we were definitely shared about for for a while. That's fine we also had twelve dude on the bus so so you get to know each other quickly you know. least I'd say six or eight months later we moved into the same house together other and Just to save money to be honest and then realize how amazing that was and Yeah ask her to marry me pretty soon thereafter after and talked about raising kids that are farm and how amazing that was going to be and then She told me about after we got married. She didn't want to beat the form so but it was all it was all for the better anyways now that we live in town it's really convenient. And we have the farmer getaway to and that's started in the country together when you learned that men do not take hints. You have to communicate clearly to them because I told Tyler when I was ready when I wanted to move to town that I'd I had been hinting for the last year and a half that work out with the farm and he was like well. This is the first time I'm here. Communicate Hints So. That's true at that point. That was my turning point and actually really communicating. What my needs are to him? That literally was like a moment for ullmark time Like I have to speak up and say directly what I feel. Yes because I just thought people under could read my mind. They should you you just say syntax feeling but that was not the case. I mean. Obviously no one can read minds so I've worked on expressing my needs and was that. Ah something does that come natural for you express your needs or did you feel you had to like work on that. It's still something I have to work on be conscious about. I'M A to any Graham your ear helper. Yes so you probably put your needs lasts and you see how you can help everyone else. I probably specially the ones you love the most right. What are you on your almost three? That's an achiever your seven. which is the enthusiast four? which is the romantic? Okay so I think that's great. We all of the grant. We actually tried to play at any again. Any grand game failed Raleigh Guardian. Don't get that off for the birds instagram. So let's talk about that like how do your personalities Mesh because we'll talk about ours too because obviously I know ours a lot but we'll share that but how does an achiever and helper go together. Socially with very busy lives in kids how do you make that work in communicate That's a good question for me. I've just been really focusing on. She helps me achieve overachiever. Tain I don't know actually GonNa go with that one You know I think the Graham is interesting because you know. I don't think it's the end all be all I think it's a cool Help understand each other's personalities but I would say overall we're all we're just a really attain in this kind of been are are saying since we got married if I were a team and we're But but it does help me understand. I understand you know qualities about Haley that that helped me communicate better with her and in vice versa But overall you know I think I think we're just a team a this is a terrible answer but maybe next question so okay because I do think especially now that your marriage when you've been married for a while have kids. How do you feel like how do you feel like our team eighteen ninety year organizer and Scheduler your which I love the sheet and Michael's like Sydney Amy Day sheet of what I need to do for sunny today? Almost well okay type of environment. I mean team wise. We just being a good team and we work well together and we move while together new you let me be me and your flexible schedule. And you're not. You're not sentimental about things you know. It's like you know a birthday like you celebrate it early anniversary. Everyday's anniversary Valentine's Day is every day. Yeah Yeah like we can just laid back and cool like that. Which makes it easier on me? But that's just years of being with you and understanding your love. Language is words of affirmation nations. So and I sometimes for my birthday or Christmas. I'm like you don't have to give anything but please write me a three page letter. Like thank about it and take some time. I I want you to write out specific things that you love me. Not just your great. I need long long list awfully hard. That's all but like a quick breezy card. I want like a thoughtful car where you have like specifically listed things that you love about me and noticed together and with the plan to write a song and instead would just right. We'll spend three hours just right out. solid work to very specific song. That is a really directed. It's directed Missouri's thousand percent. Then Dan plan that okay. It's my it's her birthday. I'm you go get the card right the card. I don't want the car to have been planted viruses. I want it to be well thought out and I do think that is the different one. I duNno I don't know some men may be super sentimental abide I when we first got married started dating. I would drive to where you were in. Put a card in your windshield. All these thoughts and you didn't even care like you didn't even thought that you could have cared less sweet and I was like well you read it. Well it's really nice and I'm like but that would have been talk about me. I like quality time. Yes over any of that. Yes all about quality time and I don't give a gift like you don't have to give me gifts or anything but I'm if you want to you you want if you want to if you're going to buy it yourself because you're gonNa want like things little things for me. It's like you know get picked up from the airport. Report hate US works. No okay so tyler. You said yesterday about Haley. What inspired it was a song it's called invisible. Is this what you're dancing to live. A wake was cutest thing ever knows so cute. She made Monday Eh. But it's just the concept of sometimes like I'll be in the spotlight a lot of times people forget that how viable and you know for me. I just WanNa make sure I remind Haley on a regular basis like you're the real star in the situation like all. I do have been interesting songs or go right song or whatever but to me. You're like the you're the rock star in our relationship and and sometimes it gets overlooked. Can I do feel like just a good reminder. You know in a main to to make sure she knows that. Because it's a it's important and everybody around me to know that too like I don't know just a big part of our dynamic and I would not be who I am anywhere close to who I am without highly around so it's They just kind of that the idea behind a little bit. What is the things you love? Most Not Haley. The first thing I was really attracted to highly about `bout was attracted to was her overall kind of own how she's so relaxed and calm into that and just handles herself with grace like like even where I might be all tied or like anxious or like you know not nervous really per se but I would just anytime I get wound up gladys look at highly and she's just so calm and just like nothing fazes her bothers her she self spoken and it's just good energy so instantly like when I first met her I was like man I love I love being around this girl and she's just she balances me out really well and I learned so much from her so that's the first thing and then as I got to know her a lot of things that what I love about her I love how she loves people so much she is a genuine help her she wants to help everybody with anything even if they don't want help try to work on that a little bit but she's just such a loving person such a big heart and wants to help people apple and So yeah that's the first two things that come to mind and now having kids together washing her mom is like I this fall more and more in love with her but initially. That was the hour things that I really was attracted to. It was just kind of her overall or on how she carries herself. I Haley. You are the most relaxed laid back person. I have ever met your so calm like the word I would. I used for us. Just calm peaceful just very peaceful inca. And where does that come from. Thank you Thank you guys tearing up. Uh We're hormonal. We can any time you feel like it all these emotions. I think deep down it stems from just this innate knowing that that God's got everything under control and I would say that probably the root of it just like okay. How do you know that only a big deal in the big scheme of things were did that faith in God so strong come from from such a young age? I don't know I just I don't know I think it's just in me. Holy Spirit whatever you WANNA call it. That's often I don't know it just just part of who I am and I guess I've just tried to kind of laugh things off if and trying not to make things such a big deal just interject a little bit. I will say some of your biggest influences or like from your mom and from Mama Kim as well very I mean I would say your parents have pretty coming into pretty relaxed. And they're pretty easy going and they kind of have a optimistic outlook on life life and then probably her second her second family I would say is lighting name. Kim Who's the same way. Look to her so much. She's just so graceful graceful and calm and uplifting and optimistic and just good people to be around and I think that's that has the have a pretty big influence on you and I think that's a choice to that you make just talking about this morning that you wake up some days and not everyone just feels super positive in happy every morning. It's definitely choice. You have to make to be intentional about it every day I will say you do that better than for me than I have a natural tendency to get super emotional about and I feel like fall down rabbit hole of feelings I could really just like just sink into my feelings in like live at the bottom of them but you always find signed with spin it like you'll always spin it and you'll find a positive way to use something and how how do you how do you do that. How did you how do you find that I think it's like Haley. Said like you wake up every day and you make a choice. You know even when things aren't going your way or you know you're frustrated did you. Just there's a reason why you're frustrated so you just kind of always try to get to the source of that first and then usually you overcome it and then you look at you know gratitude a huge thing then you just if you look around you got a roof over your head you've got got you now. We have a daughter so it's like there's a lot of good to focus on opposed to just a moment of frustration emotion. In my opinion. We've always been that way. You have always a positive person you know and I never it's like cliche. Is the one door closes. Another one opens type thing. It's really is true and those things happen. For a reason I think navigating through those things is the most important way with a positive attitude. And you'll get your best results so let me. Life's pretty good when you wake. That's GonNa talk about this because because I know this is like a new thing that you're talking about lately and I'm just going to help you openness out you recently posted about your brother. Yeah for sure he passed away. And that's been a really hard topic for you to talk about in the past and but you're wanting to talk about it now unlike view view it and you're viewing it in celebration which always have it's just sheer. I don't want to go into a room and be like hey check it out guys going to get to know me you know. It's just a part of my life. That is a painful but also happy Florida my life. Everybody suffered loss in some way. You know how you cope with that deal with that. I think that probably is why you know. I grew up there being positive because I was always positive in that situation. You know because you had to. Plus I was a kid so you know I just wanted to play in the mud. You know ride four wheelers. That was what we wanted to do. So we didn't look at it. You know I think what what hit me most this year but it is now I have a child and like looking at her and then finally feeling what my parents not feeling what they felt but I understand understanding standing a little bit more of like the Holy Shit like what did that do to them like we were kids you know so. I think that's the timing wise this. Here's why and it was twenty years ago. Yeah flew by the. That's where I felt the need to express it. You know people always go understand understand. It's like so you don't really never been there now that we have a child it it just kinda hit me a little harder like looking at her understand now more than you did it before we mean like you said now you understand. More of your parents are coming from what I can imagine what their perspective of what they fell on a big level trying to keep a family together on top of all that you know. It's it's it's just a what a load to carry you know and a lot of people stay together in the big Bro. Do something like that. And most couples and families just disperse this one or two ways. Yeah so I finally understand both ways. more forgetful Ferguson. Grace people grossed me. Yeah Jeez yeah yeah totally you know and everybody deals with things differently so not too bad. Try but you back off what you were saying. I think off. You've had the heart of gratitude. Forget the phrase but basically it's really impossible to be to be unhappy if you can maintain a state of gratitude. That's not saying like always being happier. All are never looking at life in a negative way but we he played gratitude gang which sounds really silly but a lot of times like Haley. Like what are you grateful for and so I'll have to. I'll have to think stuff which is not that hard but at times it's like why not. Why Ah feel this way and then almost instantly the gratitude brings you out of that and helps you get a perspective of like okay? I have a lot to be thankful for you know. There's there's no reason to to be pessimistic in this situation or whatever so we've tried to incorporate that even with like live and stuff like like we're grateful for just start trying to you know. Plant does Dawson her mind and help her understand the power our being grateful you know what I mean for for every little thing you know even live in general -absolutely so it's you know it helps us shift our perspective a little little bit from just being kind of like the second I start thinking about something in a negative light. That's when I'm like okay. That's my trigger. Any to think of what I'm grateful for. It's so easy to go down that rabbit hole. It's so easy even Thir- laws or something super heavy like there's always like silver lining you know you can kinda focus on or situations to be grateful for and We've talked a little bit about that but yet just they live in general. I think there's a lot of power in the gratitude you know snapshot of Your Phone and you know it's just it works out how it's hard to do. Sometimes a lot of people don't do it you know if it's simple things that you know there's always going to be a bigger house nicer car or more money or success in somebody's doing this and better than you or whatever. It may be all shapes and sizes but he's focused on what you have like gratitude towards it. I think naturally you'll be happy and those things will grow to in total. I Dunno it's GonNa Channel great gratitude especially when you're having ship day something I've been really trying to the gratitude towards lately is now that we have sunny like I have the ability to let a lot of fear creep into my life like I could describing you like like because I can just go like these things Terrible things that you hear that happen to your Like People's children men. It's like how do you not live in that fear you know so how how do not live in that fear of God thing recounting in total you knowing that you know he's in control and it's out of our control but I think it was a Brunette Brown Book Doc. And she was saying you know every time you start having those thoughts because we all have those thoughts as parents like you think of that for riffing thing that could possibly happen and even if that didn't air did happen. Nothing's going to ever prepare you for that moment. So don't worry about it you know that's true And so that's where she says to shift to gratitude every time you're looking at your child and you have that that moment where you're like. Oh my gosh. What if this happened shifted to? I'm so grateful I've got this beautiful healthy child and my family and and it kind of snaps you out of it because nothing will ever prepare you for at that moment in what you were worried about is probably would never even happen right irrational fears that we have yeah natural though that that is so such a good perspective in my sister told me that to Catherine said she was like every day she says everyday has to be a good day and then also like why miss out on enjoying the moments that you have with people that you love the most with your children because you're worrying about something that most likely will never happen it's out of your control road racer then you miss out on your life with people that you love because you're stressing being out about something that will yeah you're not in the moment and that's ego and that's trying to control and not giving giving up to God so I guess you'd have to give everything up to God all the time but how do you stay in that place agreements leg be with your word word. Don't take anything personal. No Fear Al-Fayed. Oh I don't think anything personal domain assumptions also burnell. There's one more a support agreements. Or if you apply this southbound at the same time we're all human and it's obviously difficult not to land or at least at least half fears or you see your friend get through the tragedy and think man how the world would I get through that or whatever the case is but at the same time. I think it's being aware and having that mindset and no one man today I feel fearful let me just let me remind myself and as God to remind me hey like I am non control of my life. You know what I mean and right now he has made in this beautiful places beautiful kid did this beautiful marriage or whatever the case is and let's just living this today and not worry about tomorrow so I think there's a quite a few times in the Bob Bob where it mentions. Don't worry about tomorrow for it has enough whereas self or give us this day. Our daily bread like it talks about just worry about today. We can't change yesterday and we can't control tomorrow so just worry about today and then hopefully would that awareness. It can help us all because I thank as humans like especially in this culture like it's pretty natural to worry is pretty natural to try to control the situations and you know so. I think that's just a good reminder. Nothing were all there mentally so just yeah we just gotTa remind each other and be a support for each other and just know when we're having those fears. Here's to like you say give it up to God. I know that sounds so like Sunday school answer but but it's true. You know so absolutely Mike. Okay so I have a very softball question that I would like to see what your thoughts are about me. My Mom's a philosophy professor so we grew up having to like analyze all of our thoughts and lives. Why like I look at Sunny? You look at Luca in live and they're these fresh lives that have just come into the world. They're still so close to heaven you know like they're closer to heaven they are to Earth Right now is like I look at Sonnino. What are you know about the other side you know like? Why did you come here like I I think to myself? Like what is it that she is wanting to accomplish in her life or experience. Or like 'cause I personally believe that spirits will have spirits and souls were in this earth to experience something because then we're all going back to the other side back to heaven back to God so it's like why did she choose to come here like so. Why do you guys think we come to this earth like why are are we living like why do we not just all stay in pure positive heaven? Why is it that we come to this earth experience? Does that one the hard question. Let us that's a good question. I think that's a difficult question but at the same time I think it's simple and you know for what we believe in for our faith and what I've been learning lately is kind of going back to the one day time. Live a simple life and you know what like our ultimate goal while I think as humans were all built in made no matter what you believe were here for connection and I think we're here to connect with other humans and connect with God and the Bible says me again rivers the Bible. It says our number one calling is to love God and love people so I really think it's just as simple as bad bad thing. Is You know to kind of sum it up. I think it's just love people into love God and to connect obviously there's a lot of layers under that and there's a lot of confusion and a lot of you know the twenty the twentieth century. I think there's a lot of fog Innis around. What are you know what our purpose is in all this and that and I think we as humans also we put we put we wrap a purpose Aranda career or Rapa purpose around a relationship when we wrap a purpose purpose around a dynamic with a family or anything like that and say well my purpose is to be a good dad? My purpose is to be a husband and my purpose is to be a song writer artist and FRY. But I don't but I think ultimately all this all that's just the fun activities along the way or so you know. I think I still think that kind of ordained by God and I think that we're that is part of our purpose but the ultimate purpose for us being on earth is especially as believers is to love God into love. Love your neighbor into show them the love of God so I don't know I think that's at least least that's for me. That's that's where I kind of try to go back to try to keep that perspective on a daily basis especially in our busy crazy life where we think so. Many things are important. Wouldn't miss is important guy. Take this meeting like this song. Got Us on this artist. GotTa do this. GotTa play these shows and better. Donna's like man. Let's not forget the big picture here like ultimately when we pass away when people are talking about what are we want them talking about how we love people in my opinion and not how many songs we wrote how many shows we played or how much money we made. I think it's I think that can sometimes turn turn you know. Distract us from the ultimate purpose totally. Yeah having that human human experience is I agree with him. All that other stuff is just you just do and stuff you know but be nice to people love one another and give to one another you know like I said it's like it all just kind of feeds itself and I get. I get reminded of that often often win. Like I'll just take time to go have coffee with someone or maybe like help somebody out offer like it's just like this today and I'll actually go do that and I feel so fulfilled and so whole and so like wow like. That was the best done today. And maybe it didn't maybe it didn't pay me or maybe it didn't you know maybe I don't have anything to physically show for it but may Mahar was full and I can tell that's what my purpose for that day was and so I think just it just keeping that perspective is important and I've just been reminded that often late lately just through experiences and things I've had it's just like okay like here not to strike this week. Come probably constant strike right totally. Hey Caroline Hobby here if you know me how important sleep is to me. The quality of your sleep truly affects the quality of your daily life especially especially now that I have a newborn the second I lay down. I have got to be getting great. Sleep if you're struggling to get a good night's sleep you've gotta try a purple mattress. The purple mattress will feel different than anything you've experienced. Because has it uses his brand new material that was developed by an actual rocket scientist. It's not like regular memory. Foam the purple material feels very unique. Because it's both firm and soft at the same time so it keeps everything supported while feeling really comfortable plus it's breathable so it sleeps cool. Here's the deal you get. One hundred nights risk-free trial if you're not fully satisfied you can return your mattress for full refund. What it's backed by ten year warranty free shipping and returns free in-home setup an old match removal? You'RE GONNA love purple and right now. My listeners will get a free purple pillow with the purchase of a mattress. That's in addition to the great free gifts offering site-wide just text real two eight four eight eight eight. The only way to get this free pillow is to text R. A. L. to eighty four eight eight eight that's A.. L. Two eight four eight eight eight message and data rates may apply. What's your favorite holiday tradition watching the snow fall with a cup of hot chocolate baking cookies Christmas caroling decorating your tree? We'll mind watching holiday movies on lifetime of course and lifetime making all. Your Christmas wishes come true with holiday movies. He's all day every day through Christmas Day with more than one thousand hours of Yuletide theme programming and sixty plus days of holiday movies on lifetime. It's time I'm to kick up your feet. Get comfortable and enjoy. It's a wonderful lifetime. Some of television music's most beloved stars including Melissa Joan. Hart Kim Fields Kelly Rowland Island Hillary Burton and so many more. And you won't want to miss a special Thanksgiving week filled with even more premieres treat every single day like it's Christmas Day and make lifetime your destination for new holiday movies happening. Twenty four seven all season long. It's time to get in the Christmas spirit. Why do you think we have to go through painful experiences? Why does in that? Why is it such a part of this human existence? Why do we have to fail? Why do we have to feel pain? Why is that essential for us as humans inevitable that like? Why is it inevitable? Well it didn't have to be but that's the way this whole life has been designed and of course the higher power although the hard question when I did you go through hard things. It helps me have empathy for other people that are going through hard things and I find myself when I do need to be there for someone else. I refer back to the time when I had a really difficult time and so empathy empathy But I don't know why you have to go through bottle you know. It'd be Nice if God put us in a perfect world and there was no pain and there was no sadness and there was no but then again we'd be living in a very robotic world. Wherever will what did you learn? I mean when you when you go through pain you go through hard times. You're learning something and it's always a faith building for me. It's it's a lot about fake building. You know what I mean and actually having to Lean on God and trust him and no man we as humans can't even wrap Yep our head around what God's doing like we can't even begin to fathom like his ultimate purpose and plan and I think I think it just creates a demand for Jesus to be honest you know the hard times in life and and the way that he can give us peace when there's no reason to be peaceful or you know what I'm saying or give us a comfort in Tom's of you know Thompson need times of pain and you you know for me. I've experienced that a few times in life where it's just like okay God like I know you're here I know you're with me. I can feel I can feel you comforting me giving me peace and in letters that feel I it. Just it's hard to explain but it does feel like okay. I should be so upset right now and I am sad but like like when I lost my dad I feel like it was a moment where I kinda prayed right after our God like I need you right now like hardcore and I'm either going to go this way. I'm going to go that way and I really want to choose you and I really WanNa go this direction. So help me out and I pray that prayer almost instantly in I truly just feel like almost out. How just almost smile about it like and it lasted for a while and it was still a journey for sure especially like months after that you know of just the healing process process and the grief and all that but I could just feel God with me and I think to go back and kind of talk about what Michael was saying earlier about being a parent now I feel like you can kind of get the perspective of our relationship with God because it says that everybody on Earth is a child a son John Asunder daughter of God and to be able to take that perspective now of man. He'll do anything for me like he's gotten he wants to take care of me. He wants to protect me when when we fall and hurt our knees or whatever the case may be like. He's going to be there to help us feel better. He's going to be there to to help us. He'll niece but if you didn't follow hurt your knees you'd have no need for your dad so I feel like there's a big there's an underlying kind of I think God uses that to drop into him. You know what I'm saying saying. It also gives us more faith in it. Encourages us to have to rely on him. 'cause sometimes I've been there a few times in life where you hit the bottom and you're like I got nowhere where else to go but but a you know like I'm just GonNa Trust God here and see what happens. I hear I hear his. I hear he's a good father. Here is going to take care of us and all this stuff somewhere contested out in any does so the bottom is actually kind of a blessing. Sometimes yeah do you know. I think it's a it's an eye opening experience for anybody and you realize man. I'm not in control. I need help which we all do. You know what I mean and I'm not invincible. And not as strong. I think I am and just all those things. It's very humbling. So whether it's you know I think that many different definitions it hit the bottom but you know you lose your best friend or your dad or your brother or anybody. That's a that feels pretty close to the bottom I happen I get over this. You know what I mean so anyways yeah I think again. I think it's just part of God's purpose and planned to draw closer to him. I totally agree with that. MHM think about the Father Perspective like man. That's why I've been listening to some messages lightly in this even like the simplest things like that reminds me okay like like as a parent. Now we know like we would never we will never let our kids go out in the cold without clothes on on. Or if they're if they're doing something we would do anything for kids anything and I feel like to have that perspective effective realize man. That's what God will do for us and probably even more you know what I mean like. He did do that for us. So it's like okay. Let me just try to wrap my head around this level the love that sometimes we forget about you know because it's not you know. It's not a tangible tangible or audible thing right in front of us you know what I mean like. Obviously we're there to wake her kids up every morning and in Gaza not always stand in our living room shake and has to wake up the same time. In retrospect I feel like he kind of is you know so if he can have that mentality and know that that's the relationship that is designed in between us as humans and him as God. I feel like it just helps you stay in that mindset totally connect the dots enough rambling from learn so so okay. I WanNa talk a little bit about marriage and Dan. Parenthood not interested to hear your perspective two weeks what has been the most eye opening. Dang that you have learned about your all start with marriage I forget into motherhood and fatherhood what has been the thing that has changed the most in your marriage in our marriage since having a kid for the better and not worse because none of its worst but like things that you've realised. Oh Gosh I I need to work on this and I didn't have to work on it before a child but then also what has been. The most incredible thing has happened since having a child child within your marriage you know since having kids you lose a little bit of that freedom but we get closer together at the same time and can you really have to work together and you know we've hit points where we get to that that low point of like. Oh my Gosh I'm struggling. And what do I need right now like I need you here. I don't know have you found that you had been being 'cause you said like that was something you learned earlier marriages. You had to learn how to voice what your needs were have. You've I've found that you needed to do that now. Being among totally I think just being intentional about what my needs are and what I need because I can't expect act tyler to know what to do and vice versa. And I think being a mom. You just have extra little intuitions that maybe a dad ad doesn't naturally have and that they want to help you know they're they're they're wanting to help they just don't know how and so I mean you do but it's different. It's it's a mother instinct for a reasonably you know knowing what they're needing when they're eating and to the point where boobs tingle when the milk comes in and we're like we need the feed the baby. So just you know being intentional with our time together and our needs and communicating communicating is huge for us. And when I stopped communicating and I can tell you can what happens. Oh my Gosh I get emotional. And what's going on. Why am upset upset? I'm like Oh because I haven't communicated I'm feeling and at least you have to realize that right so you know that when you start feeling can you catch yourself. You're like oh I need. So then how do you communicate do like write down your thoughts jaw like a family meeting or do you like how does it. How do you take the time to get your needs out? Wherever we can't let mean wherever we can make time for it in our crazy schedule we just say? Hey we gotta talk How do we make time for that? You've talked to you whenever you feel like I feel like I in the fall asleep usually anywhere else this around bedtime stories stories or you're catching him like sleeping in the brand new places translate pretty good just about anywhere if I'm frustrated about something and he's passing using out and Mike others no way. He's sleeping now. Gosh I will say like I think with kids it just is it. Requires you to be more intentional. Because there's so many more things are juggling so you know literally will end another sounds a little bit surface level but like for us. Our calendars early like a really useful tool for us to be intentional. So like if if we stay on our calendar we'll check our calendars and if we don't have a date night on the books you you know within a week or so of that will put it on there and we're pretty good about us something on the calendar or schedule we're GONNA WE'RE GONNA do it. It's it's almost like our check list. You know and even if we have something that comes up that that we would like to do but haven't talked about yet we have a little system in place where it's like. We'll put it on the counter so we both see it and we'll put a question mark because that means we gotta talk about it before we remove the question mark making chaser so that way she. I'll do something and say Titan game on Sunday and she we're not going to the titans games like well. Did you say the question mark because we hadn't talked about yet so let's discuss it. That was just a complete has never really happened but a motocross race or something but anyway so it's just little you know being intentional about setting little things in place that worked for for each relationship I think is is Kim. I think having kids really makes it extra important because as you guys know like you can you can just go weeks and weeks and just be so busy and fill like mcman. Hadn't had one second to sit down with you and have any time. We hadn't made the time you know what I mean. Let's put it on the calendar. Let's go on a date night. Let's go on a picnic even with with the kids but you know just whatever the need is it helps you it helps you voiced that and implement and make it happen. You know I've been trying to make time for myself talking with my therapist. And she's like you've got to get out of the House for thirty minutes a day and just go do something for you and so just go to starbucks and I start writing a journal and that's like my alone time and so I can feel full when I come back to the house. I feel like I got my time. I got filled up and I can be my best. Try Be my best for the family. And I'm just touch on this and then I'll quit talking so much but I will say balance is key like in our life in every week. I look at a week and I say all right to have a balanced week. Anita have meantime. I need to have us time. I need to have whole family time. I need to have workdays songwriting days need to you know. There's a lot of things but I gotTa make sure I need to have my workout like all the things that make Ma Week. Holy God like one on one time a God and he you know what I mean so interesting making sure you have it all power. You know what I'm saying. And if each piece is twenty percent ish yeah sure so I mean I I can probably put it all in five or six categories the. Yeah I gotTa have all that to be a full week to be whole and not feel out of balance so it kind of go look at the counter and said we got her date. Nice got a Wednesday morning. Jesus while Gumma Tuesday Thursday workouts in Milwaukee Gemmell Monday or Friday workouts. My boys got in two days of songwriting. Eleven o'clock I got a couple of meetings. You know what I'm saying like just to make sure you're getting the and it's also I mean but then at the same time now I wanNa have I wanna live a life creates freedom so we're not completely living about escape so sometimes will literally put in the calendar a free day whereas like don't book anything I think we're going to see where the wind blows day. It might blow me up to the farm derived dirt bikes. I Dunno might blow us out. Percy Warner Park. Going to hide like or we might just it might rain anyway. My stay in the House all day. So I think there's a beauty in that too and you create freedom and create spot new any but schedule it. Then you make sure that your balance balance is regional bells. Yes that's important. Yeah I love that. How do you think our marriage has changed for the better? Or what have we struggled with the better. I mean we're fresh into it. You know so we're still it's just not we'll see if coming up for ear let's popped up that has been a str- waste Jackson. That's why do you feel like has been something that you've had to wrap your head around good and hard as a new new parent as a parent on up. The hardest thing is selfishness. 'cause like you know we've been together a long time the life that we live and thankfully it it it definitely caters to you. Being Selfish Can just all about you. You don't so I think that's been an adjustment for me with her is finding finding that balance of like okay. I mean it kind of comes naturally because you wanna be with them and you want you know it's a thing but I mean watching you become a mother has been inspiring because you just make it look easy you know. Thank you in. That's cool. I'm really just there to help you know you've cooked every single meal Nice pitcher role. He's like become the show hobby. The House like you've really done great little concern the thing I'm like you're putting it into food. Yeah but that's the thing if me cooking in you know doing all that helps you while you're feeding every three or four hours and you take the night shifts. I'll take the mornings you know it's like we have a balance of like an ecosystem that we've just gotten to the agreement worse so we're we're both happy so you know you gotta you were able to get out of the the house today for a few hours Faucet there this morning and you know took care of her then and you're GonNa you know you're let me out of the the house or something I gotTa do tonight when we go to the bar together. This is like we to do everything together. Like you and I would always go everywhere together and now we don't because we're still I think we're we're still adjusting. That's a change for me though is like I used to go anywhere anywhere all the time do everything constantly and now it's like really like I have to find a babysitter or higher the night nurse to come which is a blessing that we have these the people at our lives. But it's like you have to really prepare to leave that's so true to your calendar and scheduling. It's just you just gotTa think out your weeks or for months a little bit you know ahead of time and back in the day there's beauty about being newly married or just freedom all the time same same ain't got to worry about this week like do we WanNa do that day. And it's it's a lot of fun but when the kids come along it just requires that if you wanNA have healthy anymore. It's got to be on a schedule. Some people subscribe to that some people do. But it's just like well. That's I have to make. That added a priority now for a little bit of time. You know it's not forever and we did the thing. We were married for five years before we decided to have a kid together. Thirteen years. Yeah but when we got it forever he was twenty one. Ask Twenty Four. I'm older too much fine. Everyone aw to the point where we're GONNA do time. It's time and I think that's important for people that when they get married. I mean you do what you want to do. But I think it's important to have that time in the beginning to yourself you know because like you do with someone things like either buying a house together and your careers at your combining all these things. There's an adjustment period all that because you know our whole lives have been used to being us your me. We learnt how to weather all sorts of like storms together before we had kids. So it's like now even if things really intense or hard or we're gonNA season like right now a very intense season with a new one. But it's like I are. We already know every single single little nook and cranny personality and how interact together. So it's like almost I don't worry about surviving hard things as you because we've already survived so many things together. I will say something that popped up for me. I'll speak struggle. That happened for me with the beginning was I felt like you could continue living your your life as normal exactly as as a the mom in like obviously breastfeeding every three hours in like someone has to be there with the baby. All the time I I felt like I will never leave this house again. Like I will never be able to get out of this house but you can just leave you know so. That was something I had to like. Learn how to help. Did you know that it's not. It's not doing it on purpose. But what are you going to do. Sit there with us the whole all day while we breastfeed. Yes I still tyler. I'm like I just need you to be here. You're with me which I don't do very well talk about ten minutes all you get and then I gotta move but it took me so long to realize that frustration like oh my gosh. He gets to continue his life he he gets to go to his workouts in the morning. I I'm still recovering. I can't work out yet. I'm breastfeeding my body. Is Not what it was. My pants. Don't fit nothing fit and so you tell us emotional stuff and and we were on tour in the middle of tour. That's true so you're just jump right back into being on the road. Yeah and I'm like. Oh I miss being on the road. I want to go on the tour and and you're like how do I get back to that but it's like how do you write it. It does feel like oh my gosh one of my ever GonNa get it out but I mean thank God for our texts that we have going on with the girls and I'll say that's crucial to have after guys the same way about having guy friends who are new to urge that yeah. A support group of females going through the same things has been so important for me This guy but we do the same thing. I mean I've been really went out to your farm is like I just needed. I needed this. You know we're not going to go out to farm all day from morning till night. 'cause we can't I got against that. I like Ford six weeks like a shift change. Everybody's going through. I mean we're going to changes to you. And what are you the change. What what made you? Well it's like this. Is it like that. You're just you you have to have. Everybody has to have a grace period of adjustment to like big live and things things like marriage kids huge career. Things like it. You gotta just nobody just gets it just like that. I don't think One thing that I that. NFL In this kind of like just to change perspectives a little bit like for us as dudes you have your wife. It's like for the most part you know. I live for Hayley and she lived from me and it was like it was all about us like you said well as soon as that baby comes. Mom is all about baby and all of a sudden husband kind of gets pushed aside which is okay and that's expected but it definitely take some adjustment. You know what I'm saying in this kind of art you gotTa have grace on that just like you gotTa have grace on us to be floor. That is true. I mean very much so you know it kind of at least it felt that way where it's like. Yeah like if I'm on tour with me and it's amazing I get to have my wife with me all the time and you know we love that but as soon as baby comes it's like all right baby number one now and so you kinda get an even to the point of like you know Halo would cook meals and highly. Do things will all of a sudden. It's like that just takes a backseat. You know what I mean the priority shift and change and for decades AIDS and we don't have enough time or energy to do. We don't expect acid. I'm like you know props to all women who had a baby because it's just Z's but at the same time like hobbies said there's an adjustment for you guys and for us you know. Have you felt that like that. I have kind I have not well. We're not even sleeping in the same bed right now because I sleep sonny's room on a on a mattress on the floor. Because I know what positively by those. TV's as long as it is true. Felt bad that we aren't as like intertwined as we have been in the past ten years of our marriage that's interested in talking about 'cause us were that the other day. I don't feel anything towards it because to me. That's what it is and it's not GonNa last rush you're able to separate that. Yeah it doesn't sound like I'm like what's going on with our marriage now. It just seems like since the baby series over uh-huh perfect man. You're raising a kid feeding it every four hours waking up and like good on you for sleeping in the room on a little Palette. You know in doing that from midnight six. Am You know. But I think he's that motherly for that. It might be because I need to have more faith or whatever but I have. It's like a I have. It's fear that makes me WANNA do that. I'm so worried about her all the time. Kasese my number one. You know things I've read that's very common with a woman in the first child. You know but then you look at like some friends of ours or like my sister-in-law in Los he's got five and five kids. I remember Christmas time there. She was born in April. She's just like four weeks old and like there's kids running around and I was just like where's the new baby baby and she just laid on the floor and the Dan you know like she's not GonNa roll with. It's just think they get all changes. I'm sure it's different for you guys now with a second one in the first one and like you said it's just a chapter. It's just a phase. You're you're GONNA get your life but you're gonNA get your marriage. The dynamic that it was a lot more he'll get my brain back the brains ever coming membrane is in a rare win gone. Yeah I forget what I'm saying. I left my baby. We're as I yesterday. I was going to get my lashes. Duncan trying to like keep some and I left my go the baby the and I forgot my phone and I was like oh no panicking. I was like what if he can't hint like something happens. Like you have breakdown in need. It'd be but then I'm like he's her Dad GonNa be fine. You're only capable than doe that time with no phone. I know but it is it session learning curve. This is Michael Seven. He's always like it's all good pretty good. I think say to me I think are doing amazing and I think it's amazing to have friends in the same chapter. That's why it's so funny like hang out with like new parents who were like trying to bounce at all you know yeah and I will say like along. The same lines is like I think there's a lot to be said about asking for help. And not being ashamed of that and I don't mean necessarily having ninety per se I think if you can if you have the financial ability ability to get an anti. That's incredible but if you don't I still think you gotta use your resources in your friends and your family around you to give you those days where it's like. Hey guys like like for me and Hailey S I go. We're taking two days and we're going on a trip like the babies are going to be fine. We'll leave him with somebody. Here's the milk. Here's the deal. Well here's how we put them to bed like and just trust is gonNA work because trusting. Yeah Trust is hard but I think that's another thing about having kids he just. Yeah Yeah I mean you don't WanNa you don't WanNa go and get a babysitter dot com and just let your baby stays anybody but I think he but even if we were talking about this other day like there's so many of our friends that we love and older friends of ours that maybe their kids are grown or whatever. I'd love to come over and watch the baby for a day or I'd love to accept their health exactly. I really think that's you know I think that's important as parents as hard as it may be. Just just lean in on that a little bit with your with your friends and with your family Our family doesn't live in towns. That makes it a little harder but I can. I can name five people right now that would love to come over and or we could literally job live and look off at their house for two or three days. I think it'd be cool with it and So I think that's that's also something to take into consideration as a new parent is not saying that. It's not hard because I do think leaving your kid. This is special time and and I think as a mom me personally I feel I. Don't you know it's the mom guilt that everyone talks about in it's a real thing and have you struggled with that. Yeah especially because we do have a nanny and you know. I'll be downstairs in my office office and I hear them having fun upstairs. Oh I should be up there or I hear them crying and I'm like oh I should go do that. I mean I have to kind of make myself yourself be like no Haley. This is what I need to be doing so that later I can be present with them. But there's still struggle definite guilt in that. I'm just like Oh my gosh I should be. There should be making those members of them. I should go take them to the park which we do. But you know and I can't be there for them all the time because is that I can't be my bestself but it's that constant struggle when I'm not with them I want to be with them and then when I'm with them to find time for oh you. Yeah so just that balance again just something. We're learning in. It's it is a real thing to learn. It's it's very it's easy to like. Go hard one or the other way around. Michael Working Moms to like a ton of friends who had had newborns gone back to work and having to have their name their baby full-time care. You know it's like but they need to work and so it's just it's just you have to accept except so much of the parent and I. We talked briefly about this on previous podcast with my roommates but like when we ended up choosing having a C. section like that. That was a really hard thing for me to my head around the beginning because I felt guilty. I'm so hormonal. It's made me cry that like I wasn't having natural labor. The bailing in a way. I can cry the drive that it actually is a real topic it hits a personality. It's like my I call my sister. She was like the faster faster. You can SAR Michigan. The faster you can accept that parent is not perfect in like. You GotTa make a decision in standby in by it and I know that like they're all fine decisions. You know everything is fine like there's not a wrong there's not a right and just make your choice feel good about it and then don't go back and like your question it and that is such a struggle for me to question myself in my previous life before child. I just question everything a millionaire. I could analyze everything the thing I think I'd choose the wrong thing. Worry so much that like I should have done this or should on that or like. Oh my gosh this person's upset with me. 'CAUSE I did this but like I know. Oh my heart is good. I know I'm choosing the best I can. And now as a parent you have to stand by that question it good for you for like saying those things because a a lotta times we have such negative self talk and for you to be saying I know I'm a good mom you know I can do. This is so huge. And that's because self-talk huge. I've recently tapped into self talk like I didn't even know until like this year. Michael Chandler giannattasio enemy fighter. He's sort of our good friends. He always talks about self talk and I didn't even know how bad myself talk was until I started checking in on the hardest on ourselves in anybody. Yes it would just be foot Ruutel to myself. I am saying whatever you follow it with. don't follow it negatively check yourself. Yeah the Mongol thing we're too I think from our culture and our society I think also changes like even with like breastfeeding verse pumping a nanny verse. Not having any all are not working right. It's like man like like you just said just just do your best. No that your mom. And and don't don't compare your situations or listen to a cultures telling you because honestly ten years cultures going to say the opposite anyways. It's true like it may be on your back before. There's so many things that you could be guilty from refill that you know. Even I'm obviously not a mom so I don't don't really know but I I will just say just from observing from announced such perspective is like it's real and it's just it's Kinda sad that our culture puts so much pressure on mom mom and so many expectations. And if you don't do this then you're a bad mom well like you said there's not a writer of all how many months you should breastfeed or there's not a right or wrong on a lot of times. We should do it in public or not right. In the pet peeve Allah what is natural so anyways all MOMS to. Do you have confidence in that. It's different for everybody. You know so then there is no wrong wrong. A right wrote as hard. That's really hard to do that. But I've been trying to lately my motto is. It's just been kind of to celebrate the little victories. Even if it's got out of bed and I brush my teeth and I got my makeup on before the kids got up today's miracle I did it out the door on time and the kids are dressed in those little things. I'm like yes we did it. uh-huh so it's the little victories that are actually the big victories. I've been trying to really just encourage those instead of at the end of the day being like. What did I get done today? Take in kind of being down to myself. It's like no. We did a lot because sometimes at the end of the day. I really can't tell you one thing I did besides just keep signing alive in theater and like I. I don't really have the time and wearing sweatpants. I last night to sleep in like nice of brush my hair or my teeth and I'm like well those exhausted busy all day but you have to be alive. That's a huge job. Yeah and and so we don't give ourselves enough credit for those things. Why is he really hit a lot of times? Ed Thank you know. I like draft every podcast up with. Leave your light so just leave some inspiration of obviously this whole thing's expiring. We're talking about inspiring things but like how do you want inspire people like what's the wisdom WanNa drop on people just to spread transom height. Here's mine just that. Hit me right when you said that because it's kind of along the topic of what we're saying but I think whether you're parent whether you're not whether you're married whether you're not you know wherever phase alive I think there's I don't think we give ourselves enough. Grace I really think like. That's that's important supportive. 'cause like you said the self talk and all that stuff like you can be so hard on yourself so I think it's just giving yourself grace a main if Jesus Jesus can be can give us so much great walking give it to ourselves. You know what I mean. Give us cut ourselves some slack. Every now and then and don't be so hard on himself so there's my little light negative for either I guess mine would be Just to I guess we said this before. But just remember that God's in control and to just take weight off of your shoulders so true and and just live your life and enjoy in not be fearful. Because he's he's got us. That's so hard not to do so true so hard. It's yeah you just have to constantly remind yourself. Try that every day. And it's aiming that I guess mine will be covered. I said before this is my personal. Personal struggle is owning my decisions like trusting myself and trusting my instincts especially. Now's a new mom like a half half trust my instincts so our like trust your intuition. Trust your instincts and know that if your hearts in the right place and you're doing your best then in don't go back and over analyze it and beat yourself up just know that like you did the very best you can. And he felt like you were led to do and then you have to let ah go. And he's now have to do is going to last. You got this day I tyler grace thing. I think that's really important in both one thing. I always try to do every day's essay. I'm thankful for things that I don't have anything for for things that I do. And you speak that loud you speak that all in and and then find gratitude at least once a day take a deep breath and gratitude and something in. It'll change you day but yet I'm always been a believer that you know your journeys not someone else's your you know what I mean your own your own path plan so something doesn't happen for you. Don't mourn over it gets move onto the next thing but just be thankful for everything he puts in your life and got takes out of your life because that's the way supposed to be totally awesome. Good will I just want to say before we get finished here. We look up to you guys so much. You guys are incredible parents and incredible friends and incredible people. And so I'm just encourage you guys a little bit. We Love Y'all so much and look up to you guys lot and thank you for having us on your podcast at Y'all credible examples bulls of all things and very inspiring so we're grateful to have you guys in our lives foil. Thanks for sharing your heart on this podcast every much native. Thank you for coming on. Yeah hey thanks for coming on. Yeah okay by Theodore. Roosevelt explored uncharted. Amazon territory helped modernize American football and won a Nobel Peace Prize. I'm Erin McCarthy. The editor in chief of mental floss and the host of history versus a new podcast that shares the inside story. Behind some of history's ultimate fighters. Season One tackles Theodore Roosevelt. Who went head to head with seemingly unbeatable foes like corruption time and death itself listening? Subscribe on the iheartradio APP apple podcasts. Or wherever you get your podcasts.