Podcast Minisode 8: How to Show Gratitude
You're listening to the loving Bedia. Podcast many episode number eight. It's me delord alone this week but I'm alone the new office so in that Cooler Shit. I think so this week. We're talking about a few ways to show gratitude for each other in your ds relationship the loving media. Podcast this your first time listening. Glad to have you back for another week. Welcome back living media AMAS PRODUCED A re Tuesday and Friday for your pleasure in education and show. Nuts are found living media. Sam Dot net come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite podcast APP. Feel you here. We'd love a good review. Wherever you listen to us to help other kinksters find us. You can follow the show on twitter. Outliving BEDIA SAM ON FETLIFE. Eh Loving beady. Smp SEE on Instagram. That handle I will forever fucking hate loving. Ds In the number one. That's loving one or on Youtube at YouTube dot com slash loving medium own links in the show notes. So this week's mini sewed comes from a post. I wrote back in. Twenty eight team that also had a companion podcast episode. That was one of work. Typical long episodes all about gratitude. Jumbo Elston and I very much feel that gratitude should be in any relationship but because of some of the structure of power exchange relationships. There are people who don't always see it that way. And we would fundamentally disagree with those people It does not make you any less dominant of a partner to show that you appreciate your submissive and if you are a Miss of it is absolutely okay. One to want to show appreciation for the things that you're dominant does for you and also to expect a certain amount of gratitude and acknowledgment of what you do as missive so in this episode. I'M GONNA run through some different ways. You can show gratitude in a DS relationship. Is it everything? No because it's never everything it's okay if we have other ideas beyond this in the show notes of this episode We I'll linked to the actual blog post this episodes coming from if you WanNa kind of read a little bit easier for you and all linked to the past podcast episode. You can do a deeper dive in here. What number on center and I think about the importance of gratitude India's relationships so here we go. The first one is safe. Thank you okay. This probably should sound obvious and too many of you it does. But there's some people does not There is a belief that we disagree with. That you don't have to say thank you in Diaz The thinking being the dominant tells miss of what to do in the sub does it into. Why should they get a thank you? They were told to do it. Well because it's ruled out to do I think that every partner should fawn all over the other partner. Go thank you thank you. Thank you for everything you do. Thank you first of all if that works for you. Great for me too much. I'd be like okay. I need you to calm the hell down but to knowledge that your partner has done something for you and you are grateful that they did that thing because let me remind you it is all about consent you just because you're expected to do a thing they could at any point stop turned you and go get your own fucking cup of coffee okay. They could they don't so showing gratitude is it's acknowledging their service. It's appreciating their service and quite frankly it makes sure that it you know it keeps resentment from growing the The Times. I've been resentful of anybody in my life whether that was a partner or a boss was when they could not bend just a little bit to acknowledge. I did a thing and I did well to not be able to say. Thank you yeah. I'm not here for that. Let's go to another one. Acknowledged your partners efforts so there's different ways of doing this. The few that come to mind. Are things like saying good job like you did that thing? You did the thing okay. I'm so proud of you. You did the thing. Sometimes they when your partner the partner tries and comes up short. You'll do a better next time. Thank you for even trying. I said that to jumper down. He was trying to help me out and he was doing like some task that I would normally do. And he did not do it the way I would normally do it and he needed my help or you know maybe if I had to. Redo it or whatever. I'm still GONNA acknowledge that. He put the effort in because he didn't have to. You know the thing we have to remember is no matter. What our power exchange agreement is. We don't have to do anything and we certainly don't have to help in ways that we don't normally help so when you acknowledge the effort that your partner puts in not in a condescending way and a truly like full hearted like things even trying I appreciate that you even thought of it that is important and people carry that with them and they feel better the next time something comes up and they're more willing to help the next time something comes up and they know that you see them and appreciate them for the person they are not just what they do for you in your power exchange. That's that is powerful. In my opinion another thing that you can do to show gratitude to notice but the small things in the big things. It's very easy to notice the big things. Oh my gosh you bought me a car. Thank you. Nobody's ever about well not true. Somebody wants to buy a car. But that's a big thing but it's the small things you know. Jam Brownstone knew. I wanted to read a book that he also wanted to read and he handed it to me. I you read it I. That's a small thing he didn't have to do that. He has absolutely driven out of his way. Many many miles to get me a food item that I really liked. That's a slightly bigger thing when you acknowledged those things what you're saying to your partner is I see you. I see the effort. You're putting into this and I am thankful for that effort. That donelly feels good. When you're the one on the receiving end of that it makes it easier to put that effort in next time and ultimately relationships thrive on the effort. We both put into them. Everybody involved in a relationship applies effort then. That relationship can grow and thrive and making it easier to want to do that. Knowing that your efforts are seen keeps a relationship strong. So sign okay. So here's another one offer to help so I have struggled with. I'm really quick to offer my help like too much so to my own detriment. I am that person who's like. How can I help? What do you need? I'm here for you. Yes but accepting help very very difficult and it took me a long time with John Brownstone to let him help me What it tells me one thing. He does not think he is so big bad and important as the dominant that he can't help. That's important to know me personally. I am not here. Four partners with massive egos that think they are too important to do this small things that keep life running okay. It's also a trust building kind of thing. It's Brian there with. Knowledge is right up there with keeping a relationship on track and thriving and growing offering to help is one part of it and being willing to accept that offer of help is another thing and I know this isn't about roles because I know their dominance who are uncomfortable with being asked if they need help because they somehow think that they are supposed to be strong and in control and able to do everything and sometimes you know you just need help. Whether that's t need help organizing this thing or do you need to make that phone call for you. Would that make your life a little bit easier or seeing that? Your partner is struggling and the struggle is. What's you know hurting their their mental health. Or making you know making a little bit difficult for them and you have the ability to step in and go. Do you need help now. I would always ask to not assume because sometimes what your partner wants to help they. They want you to see that that. They're struggling a maybe they just want to talk about it. But that offer to help means that you don't think that you are so far above them or below them that you can't give that part of yourself. I consider a sign of gratitude and also especially when you accept the help in the new safe. Thank you thank you. Those are really great words to know. Thank you another great phrase is. I'm sorry but that's another. That's another thing for another time. One another way to show your gratitude is to heap praise on one another. I don't like false praise while spring. Not Cool I don't want you tell me what you think sounds good. I don't I if it feels fake. It's just gross. I don't like it. I don't I don't want that some people out there who who love that. I'm not one of them. I want the praise to feel genuine. I want it to be meaningful. I did a thing you know he did a thing. Let me tell you how great you did at that. And it doesn't have to be something big you know when John Brownstone cooks a really good meal. I'm GonNa tell them that. Dinner was really good. You know when he keeps his cool with a teenager and it reduces the stress in this house. I'm going to say later. You did a good job there. I know that was hard. I know you you wanted to drop kick that child but what you did not get all loud and Saudi and we were able to have a conversation and thank you for that not just hey you did that good for you but also thank you for that. We're encouraging the kind of things we want people to see while also building it their self esteem. They know their importance in our lives. Like gratitude is off lot of stuff and it comes a lot of different forms so The other thing I would say is yes. Missives should receive some sort of praise. Even though they're doing what they were told to do with their quote supposed to do let me remind you. They can withdraw their consent. At any time. They can choose not to do that now. There might be consequences based on the power exchange that you have. I get that but it is easier to do something for somebody for the relationship. That's good for our sounds when every so often we get praised for it. We get knowledge of that. Somebody like sees. Us sees our efforts. That's meaningful another way. Hugs now not a reason to hugs and I totally respect that But sometimes a hug is easier than words some times a hug. It communicates support. And I'm here with you and I know this is a rough time and sometimes it's like I love a happy hug. A happy hug is my favorite hug. Because I mean something good has happened. We hug it out. If you hug you can just be like a small touch. You know de Brownstone is really great at rubbing my I am really great at rubbing the top of his head. Now that he gives his hair short he loves that. And it's just that it's a silent. Form of communication doesn't require deep meaningful conversations. It's a point of connection When paired with like a really big smile or something else it's clearly indicative of you did good it. It communicates a lot and without a lot of words so if you are a hugger or willing to be a hugger with the right partner. Gopher hugs this last one is the one that I struggle with. But it's been very meaningful in our relationship and that is to say you're right so we have a joke around here. That's my baby girl self and I will say you know if we just start from the premise that I was right. Our lives would be a lot easier now. Am I right some of the time yes? I'm right more often than I'm not right but let's be clear times. I'm definitely wrong but it is actually more. That's an ego thing. I was right. You get into that disagreement that little verbal tussle with your partner. They especially as a submissive dominant partner makes a decision. You didn't agree with it. Din Love It. You were sure it was like the worst decision and they were right and it came out just fine and it worked better than you thought it would. Whatever say you're right you're right thank you thank thank you goes well with any of these dislike just do that automatically but saying you were right acknowledges that you can unbend enough to admit your way might have worked to but they weren't wrong and they did make tough caller. They did make that decision. And you appreciate that. They made that decision. I mean the overall thing of gratitude and the different ways you can show. It is acknowledgment and building the relationship. But it's also making sure that resentment doesn't have a place to live and grow and as the money who's had failed relationships that centered around many many things but one of them being that he could never acknowledge I was right and sadly I could never acknowledge when he was right. That is a breeding ground for resentment. That is where bad feelings and hurt feelings. An inability to communicate and to see the others perspective. That's where that kind of stuff grows so when you can show your partner gratitude. I don't care what your role is. You're never too big battle down for a fucking thank you Then you're creating a very positive space of it. Helps with communication helps with good feelings. It makes people want to try harder the next time. It decreases resentment fear in the negative things. Like I don't WanNa power exchange built on me being afraid of disappointing John Brownstone. Can that sometimes be an element? Like oh I don't want to disappoint him yes. I don't want to disappoint him but not because I fear the repercussions of disappointing him. That's not really a healthy space to be in. I want to be a positive force. I want the things that we do to be positive. And when they don't work out and when things do go wrong I want us to be in this place of being able to talk to one another and to say the hard things and part of being able to say the heart things means you gotta say the positive things that you don't have to say no you don't have to show gratitude. You don't have to say thank you. You don't have to acknowledge that your partner was right. You don't have to praise them just for making an effort. You know have to do any of that. But if what you're trying to build is a healthy long term relationship with a lot of trust that's open to communication that can grow and thrive as you both grow and change then part of that is unbending enough to to show some gratitude. So I'm saying so the top if you WANNA do a deeper dive into our thoughts are especially our mutual thoughts me Android Brownstone on gratitude. I will link to the episode. We did on that in the show. Notes also linked to the blog post. Where this week's episode comes from if you'd prefer to read or because I'm probably a lot more clear in my thoughts in the blog posts because I usually am all that'll be in the shutouts and Yeah but if you haven't said thank you to your partner in a while. Maybe today's a good day to say thank you. That's all I'm going to say but that's it for me and us on this Tuesday we will be back together on Friday for an unknown. Topically have not figured it out yet but we will and we will be there and thanks for listening y'All I.