107. Cross the Bridge
Hello there Peter. of though the Jennifer. Do People in. Australia give advice using the following phrase cross that bridge when you come to it. Yes most definitely most definitely they do. It. Wasn't sure if that was in a mirror can thing of you I find that to be truly terrible advice. I got a feeling. I had a feeling you say that and. It's funny 'cause I'm kind of like. Is it. We should definitely talk about. This is the love of the short of it. Is this an episode of things that drive ten crazy again is that this is Kelly? I know what drives me crazy here know what drives me crazy. Yes it is. It is. And I'd like to open this episode with story time. Please One Sapan fame in the early years of the twenty first. Century. I was doing a Broadway show that some people might have heard of it's called wicked. And at the end of the First Act, the wicked witch casts a spell and flies like literally flies on stage. And we had we meaning the cast had asked what do we do? If she doesn't fly. So. We had no plan. B.. Now I think you've probably gotten ahead of where this story is going and you're right. Olympia. So one night she goes to sing her. Big Number. And she's grounded she's not flying. Now, at this point, the stage is divided into two halves. Half of us are on stage left. That's my side. The other half is on stage right and there's no way for us to communicate with each other. We start a huddle stage left so that we decide what to do for our entrance, which is coming up imminently unfortunately, telepathy was not our thing and we came up with two. Different solutions to this problem. My side ran onto the stage and I'm not proud to say this. But we all laid down on the floor and pointed as if she was above us. A. Stage right I'm not sure they did any better. Out onto the stage and did their original blocking completely ignoring the fact that the which was not where they were pointing to. Of course after that. We came up with a plan B but if we had crossed that bridge before we had come to it, we could have actually given the audience performance that we were proud of. You make a strong case. You make a strong case for crossing said bridge before you come to it. And I can relate this now back to the present moment where I've been having conversations. In recent weeks with clients who are starting to get some requests for auditions of some job opportunities. and. When we start talking about their discomfort with not knowing fully what that employers safety protocols are going to be or what the cleaning regimen is or will audiences be required to wear masks while they have their temperatures taken and all this kinda stuff sometimes the responses oh well, I'll just cross that bridge when I come to it and know we must cross the bridge. Now, we must see the looming bridge approaching and in a moment where there's not an. Urgency. Ask what do I care about? What's important to me? Where is my comfort level so that when the bridge eventually comes, you don't have to scramble to come up with the answer. Do. You think there's a parallel here between. Crossing a bridge before we've come to it I having a plan B. And a pre mortem. Yes. Yeah the first thing that's the first thing that came into my head like, oh, it kind of sounds like episode one where we talked about pre mortems. Yes I. Think you're absolutely right I mean. There's so many directions we could take this but one thing that we spoke about in episode one in a long time ago. Is that in a pre mortem process, you actually name all the things that could go wrong. So that you come up with what you're GonNa do to prevent those things from wrong. And there's also another way of looking at this which I'm sure I've spoken about whoop at some point. During, this podcast. Wish Outcome Obstacle Plan, Gabrielle ITN's framework, and the ideas that you are more likely to arrive at your intended goal. If you give yourself permission to see all of the possible obstacles, then create a plan for when those obstacles arise. So in both cases. Whether it's with the pre mortem or a Wu plan, you are setting yourself up to make. Better decisions. As you become aware of what's actually happening in the process Yeah. I feel like I want to say both both have value because the thing that is so top of mind is the pandemic for example that has taken twenty twenty bucks dorm flipped it on its head. And is not necessarily a bridge that I feel like anyone really could have seen coming except for maybe some really smart people who've talked about these kinds of things bill gates comes to mind is Ted talk about four or five years ago. The kind of predicted that this is going to happen. I'll link to it in the books good Saipa, but the point of that is I feel like. Trying. To work, out, in my head. How do we? Get clearing what the bridges are so that we can prepare for them come up with a plan B. and Not Hiding. Trying to identify all the bridges and and never do anything. And acknowledged that there are probably going to be. Things that we can't foresee that we have to be out to adapt on the fly full. Like a pandemic. So, I'm curious about that tension of like at what point do you know you've prepared for enough bridges? Is it like you need to have plan A. B. and C. You need to have seen three bridges and then you're okay to go. Because in my head, I'm thinking about the person who is never prepared to take action because they always thinking about how many different bridges there that they need to prepare for, and then you never do anything and I think as we've kind of addressed in a number of these episodes. I think I'm probably sometimes to opposite, which is I tend to be the. Figured out when I get there across the bridge when I come to it. And I totally have recognized in working with you especially. How many pitfalls that house and so I'm just trying to find the middle grant he of the tension point of what the tipping point of you like. Do you have any thoughts? Yes. Yes. Yes. I do I do okay. You can only cross a bridge that's in a path that you know you're walking down or that you're driving down. So if you hear yourself say I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. That's a good moment to stop and think about what the bridge might look like. Of course, life is going to throw all sorts of curve balls in our direction and we can't know what we don't know. But when we do know when we are able to name that there is a bridge that will ultimately be crossed all cross that bridge when I come to it not if I come to it but when I come to it, that's a great cue to ourselves to take stock like here's another example. I have a lot of clients who right now are pursuing employment in new industries. And They WanNa talk to me about it which I think is great. So I'll ask. If you are offered a position. What's your salary requirement? I don't know I haven't thought that far ahead I'll cross bridge when I come to it. Yeah. So you know that should a job opportunity presented you will have to have a salary conversation. Let's have it now without the job the table without all that urgency around it. Yeah Gripe. Point. Gripe point I feel cold out I feel very cold out. I didn't mean to call you out I. mean. That's how I've previously approach things. I'll figure it out what I get that. Gen, that's my super appellate. No no cool NOCCO. So the thing, I I'm I'm speaking to myself here and I it may. It may apply to others the thing I think you just unlocked for me. Is Honestly and avoidance of emotional labor. Of. Yeah of like our cross that bridge when I come to it when I say that I have said that in the past four Shaw, it's me reacting to like Jen's just pointed out a blind spot basically and I'm like. I don't have time for that emotional Labor I'll just figure that out when I get there. I think that's that's actually what I'm saying I say, Cross that bridge when I come to I'm saying. I can't be bothered dealing with that emotional labor right now. I think what you just mentioned about. The avoidance of emotional Labor is really important. So I mean just going back to the wicked story like what was what was that about like? Okay. So if I'm thinking about it from the emotional labor perspective. It's that we have to admit that we that we might have made something that isn't perfect. And when I think about it from the job seeker perspective, it's I have a dysfunctional relationship with my value with my worth and with money. So I'd I'd rather someone else make those decisions for me, and then I can have an emotional reaction to the number that's put in front of me. Or when it comes to safety. I don't want to appear difficult to work with. I don't want to seem pushy or overstepping my bounds folk. So I'll just stay where I am and I'll react later when I'm dissatisfied with what the protocol is. Yeah Yeah I mean it feels like everything you just touched on his. So important to think about in the sense that it feels like in a way in your wicked story was maybe. An unwillingness to accept that they had a blind spot pointed out to them or an I. Think I think about this a lot in the Corporate World that I've been previously involved in still working where because of the way the cultures are often structured and a lack of trust exists. People don't want to admit when they've made a mistake or they don't want to admit that I haven't thought about something they want to be seen and perceived as someone who thought through all of the options and so rather than saying, wow, gripe point gen that's a huge. Blonde let's talk about it. It's like it's easy to say to dismiss your idea by saying no, no no, that's fine. We'll just cross that when we come to it like it's it feels kind of dismissive in a way of like you giving me some generous feedback and I'm just like dismissing it as almost a way of dismissing it in order to protect my my ego. Yeah. Something like feels like this something there. Okay. So what I'm hearing based on what you just shared is that they're really two directions that this advice takes one is. Telling someone else don't worry about it, Cross that bridge when you come to it, which is. Essentially. Dismissing someone else's concern. And when it's an internal conversation with yourself, I will cross that bridge when I come to it, that is a cue that there is hiding going on that there are some emotional labor that needs to happen. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm obsessed with Hot Sports I. Think we have infinite numbers of hiding spots I. Think we can never not have a hiding spot. I think we're always seeking comfort essentially and in ways trying to avoid certain labor, emotional labor, physical labor, whatever there are always moments where we're trying to avoid that and so the practice of coaching the practice of asking questions a practice getting feedback is to me it's really about illuminating some of those plants sports so that you can decide what to do with them. So I wonder if we have any tools or frameworks or ideas, we can share to help nudge people in the please cross the bridge before you come to it direction. So one of the things that's been really helpful for me and for my clients is to identify the bottom line ahead of time. So people have all different ways of doing this I like to think of having different scales that I have to know where I stand with each of these scales on any given day where actually wrote a blog post about this a couple of years ago called should I take this job? and. So those for scales were real life financial concerns like will this allowed me to pay my mortgage and my health insurance and can I invest in my retirement? You know all the financial concerns. Then there are the artistic and creative concerns artistically fulfilling. That allows me to feel the best of my work can shine through. Another scale is. Personal Development. Is this going allow me to grow am I going to be expanding the circle of people that I know am I going to feel elevated by this experience and further developed myself, and then number four is social responsibility can I put my head on the pillow at night and say have contributed something to the world? So those are I four scales and other people have different ones but ideas that you know ahead of time the kinds of questions you're going to ask yourself about the kinds of things that are important to you. So that's the bottom line exercise, and then the other one referencing back to the whoop framework is the if then if Saabs to Cole then plan. and. Talking yourself through what the obstacles are ahead of time so that you already know what you're going to do if you encounter them. And I think I've just like noodling on. Again being called out about myself and using this this crutch of like across a bridge. When I come to I, think there's a direct tie to. This idea of decision making and the thing that we often we I'll just use myself as an example. The thing that I often forget and hiding again is that not making a decision is still a decision and sometimes I forget and sometimes I think well, if I don't necessarily decide to math out that bridge if I, don't necessarily decide what the plan is. Then, that's a better because I'm not thinking about it. I'm not making a decision. I realized how irrational that sounds now that I'm saying it out loud. But for some weird reason I guess it's again the avoidance of emotional Labor feels so much easier to avoid that decision. But what I'm forgetting is that's a decision on its own. So by choosing to use the Crotch of across that bridge when I come to it, I'm ultimately deciding to. Potentially make my life a lot more difficult if and when a certain situation arrives that I probably could have seen coming or had someone else helped me see coming. and. So with that, I guess the practical take away the ID that listening could use pate talking to you is like. What. Am I hiding from or am I hiding as a question to ask yourself? Or is this an avoidance of emotional I? Think that's a juicy question that would be. That if I asked myself, I would know the answer deep Dan and I probably wouldn't like the answer but I think it's a question asking are you avoiding emotional labor? So I think to bring a back around. There are certain things in this world that we can't know that we don't know. When there are things. We can know that we do know we've got across the bridge. Before we come to it. All right. All right. All right.