Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant: Live from Montreal Canada
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I'm oprah winfrey. Welcome to super soul conversations the podcast. I believe that one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time taking time to be more fully present your journey to become more inspired and connected objected to the deeper world around us starts right now. Please welcome the thank you. You know that lesson of until you heal the wounds of your past you we'll continue to bleed. I remember the moment you set it on the show you've quote keeper and wrote it in my book. What does that mean move you. It means that there's like an impression that's made on your soul on your heart. What that wound that cutback bet dig that whatever it is and it starts to bleed it bleeds energy it bleeds power and until you actually heal that it will continue to bleed and that that that wound that hurt that disappointment is gone touch everything i heard you tell the story about your mother and i had a moment and what i heard then. This is so true for so many people you as a sixty something. You're a woman yeah what trying to forgive your mother but that's not who she heard she heard the six year old and louis using the language and the intellectual contracts of a sixty year old the china forgive her when it's the six-year-old shero who needs to say you heard me imagine you were mean to me. I'm not sure friend yeah. You understand yeah but we try to forgive where we are now and don't take into consideration where the wound happened. That's why the woman keeps bleeding so while you have forgive in your quiet time go back in that that six sure speak to her in a six year old language yes that makes sense. Yes i will say that six-year-old spoken before out loud to me many times. I've been able to hear that. Yes you say that lives fall all apart because they need to be rebuilt. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah because sometimes we build on a shaky foundation. We build on a rocky foundation. Are we build with false information and that information will only get us to a certain place and then when we get to that place we have to tear that structure down relate a foundation foundation so that we can build up again but we don't know that so we think the tearing down the breakdown of the falling down is the end this catastrophe you know we just want to bleed and it has to come down and so my mantra will not happen because that's happened to me very many times include glued last tuesday oh boy i can hardly wait to see the good. That's come out of this. I can hardly wait to you see because i know something good has to come on with us. Go back to that old spiritual this by faith. I don't believe these brought me this as far to leave me so this is falling down. It's going to be rebuilt better so yama has a new book and it's called get over it great title and this is what you say on page for anything and everything we experience is a function of how we think. That's what i'm trying <unk> to relate to be. We are where we are in our lives right now based on how we think about them yeah we are where we are as a country based on how we think yes we are where we are as individuals based on how we think because bought is energy and thought it's creative and we continually impregnate the environments with mental contracts every time we think we can't afford. I can't remember who wrote it. I think it's terry cole whittaker doc. I can't afford the luxury of a negative thought and now the way the energy is moving. We can't afford to have a negative thought so you are creating and everything thing that's in your life as thereby energetic invitation of your thought process sats invited in you invited it in what you're thinking yeah so you have a unique definition of suffering so many of us are suffering because suffering i define as our our voluntary participation in events circumstances and situations that disempower us <music> voluntary participation in something that will disempower you because you don't believe that you have the power to do any better and that create suffering so how people remain as you say in slaved to their circumstances in slave to the way things are dr because they think that it's out externally as governs us and it's not we don't think externally we think internally we don't feel feel externally. We feel internally. We stay enslave to our circumstances number one because we think we know what supposed to be going on. Sometimes i lives have fallen down and we're trying to fix it. No liangelo let that be stay as you say in the moment deal with how you're feeling about your life falling apart what you're thinking about what your life is falling apart and deal from them as opposed to getting in busy with trying to fix and change what's going on because that will enslave you more of our conversation in just a moment support for today's super bowl conversation comes from google google fi. Doesn't it feel like most plans to thwart made with us in mind between bad coverage paying too much for data. You don't actually ever use and crazy roaming charges. Does the list goes on and on. That's why it's time to try. Google fi google fi is a phone plan by google made with features that people like you and i actually want enjoy features just like free international roaming so you never have to worry about calling up your provider to let them know you'll be traveling and three networks in one so you can stay connected wherever you are from your home to your office and everywhere in between google fireworks on your favorite smartphones so you don't have to switch phones just as which plans in fact it's as easy as downloading me up and you only have to pay for the data you use plus with bill protection if you ever do us a lot of data you're bill is capped at a reasonable amount learn more at five five dot google dot com. That's f. i dot google dot com switch to google fai a phone plan by google. You would like actually people all to design what you call a spiritual maintenance plan okay. We all need a spiritual maintenance plan. Don't you have one on on your car. Don't you have a maintenance on your car or your refrigerator. When you buy a new thing even if you buy it at on my husband and these all the amazon services me all night long and the up at two o'clock in the morning with arizon- buying stuff out on me and he sells me slurp display on toasted coffee make ak- anything i want. He gives me a service plan but we don't want your husband. Amazon emanates on <hes> ooh. We don't have a service plan for our minds. What do you do to keep your mind in good repair for our hearts. What do you keep your heart in good repair after disappointment some rejections and letdowns in portrayals. What do you do to keep your soul in a good repair. We need a daily spiritual service plan. What do you do see. I know you walk among the apostles out then it was twelve my trees the apostle abby ebbe muscle yes yes what do you do and what would that look like so people here that a spiritual maintenance plan yeah. You don't know what that what does that actually mean well for me. I have it hanging. I have a lamp on my nightstand and i have on a sticky the paper that's now that tape on it. I know that doesn't sound very classy but what you gotta do what you can do when i wake up in the morning and turn sticky note hot pink is the first thing i see father into your hands. I commit my spirit. Give me this day my daily bread everything thing that i need to be in service to you. That's the first thought i have in the morning before. I p for brush my teeth doing it they. I'm on the sticky note because i'm programming my brain. That's the i thought the other thing for me. My daily spiritual plan is i read something. I think i read something in our repeated and then i journal about it plus. I do my gratitude statements. I'm up to forty five every morning forty five every night i write gratitude and i'm grateful for whatever it is you do some people read. Some people pray listen to a song but me my sticky note. Oh my gratitude statement and whatever i'm reading for that day and i and i do that every single day just to keep myself grounded and then when somebody pisses assist me off in the middle of the day i go to the sticky note. Give me this day my daily bread so that adults adult match this person's tongue out they head. How may be holy in this moment. I go go to the sticky note because i need help. I'm human. I need help. It's so wonderful. You have a gift for healing do you do you know that yeah i do yeah i do accept and it's a privilege and it's an honor and it keeps me humble humble and really work hard to stay aligned on that path so that i don't get that over to the ego and make it about what i can do. It's about service of healing and one of the ways you do that is by calling the thing thing all thing thing. I you gotta and that that'll take you out. You know you're looking at somebody. You not telling you alive in line with my grandmother used to say these are bald faced liar. I don't know what that that means. You know the person is not being truthful with you and you did grin and then go all along with whatever they say when you knew because we haven't been taught how to address that authentically so i learned and early on when somebody is lying to me or not being honest forthright with me. I say you know what beloved. I know that sounds to the u. Let don't feel true to me. I can't move on that right. Now can't move on everyone. It's so interesting because the the super successful show on fixed by life. Are you dow like a doctor so when people come up to you they're like. Can you fix my life with. Can you fix me up. Can you help me with my now. I'm just trying to buy so powder. Go away at the dollar dollar champion. You'll have the dollar tree here in canada. No that's what's wrong with you. You don't have no dialects the more of this episode after short break. Today's episode is supported by better help. If there's something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from cheating your goals better help online counseling can help better help offers licensed professional counselors who are specialized in issues such as depression anxiety relationships trauma anger family conflicts l._g._b._t. Matters grief self esteem and more connect with your professional counselor in a safe and private online environment and get help at your own time and at your own pace anything you share is confidential. It's so so convenient that you can schedule secure video or phone sessions as well as chat and text with your therapist and if for some reason you're not happy with your counselor. You can request a new when it anytime for no additional charge best of all. It's a truly affordable option. Oprah's super soul conversations listeners even get ten percent off your first month with a discount codes super soul so why not get started today go to better help dot com slash super soul then simply fill out a questionnaire to help them assess your needs and get matched with a counselor you'll love. That's better help dot com slash super soul. What has all of your relationships in love. You heard me speaking earlier about about the relationship. The partnership is there to teach you to heal those wounds to help you reconstruct. I've had three serious relationships in my life. One was forty years forty years in out married him twice the other one was fourteen years okay on and off between the forty and fourteen because i like to recycle stuff. Y'all recycled trash. I recycled men that let me fix you up. Come along now but if you don't get the lesson you going to do it over but the three things and then the seven one nightstand that turned into a seven year relationship. I don't know how to do this and you are being writing me for relationship advice savior inc honey those three things so i learned i learned the depth of my wound with my father because every man that i was in relationship with i was trying to get something that i didn't get from my father number. Two i learned the depth of which i would degrade myself to get somebody else's acceptance that thing ruled it took took melrose away yes but deaths to which i would degrade myself to get somebody else's acceptance and then the other thing that i learned is i. I have a right to ask for what i want and then to choose how i respond if you can't give it to me. That's where i learned you. Don't get to tell the people how to love you. You get to see how they're loving and then shoes whether or not you want to participate. Yes yes asked for what i want and you can give it to me. I'm not gonna stay in be mad at you. I'm gonna see okay. That's how you you loving that. He wants to be love. I'm out out out explain. How in this moment meant being attached to the light of our smartphones is actually dimming our own light because it keeps us inauthentic authentic and a key. It keeps us believing that was separate. I'm over here. You're over there. You know i don't have to be in your spirit. Just like we said earlier. We really haven't seen each other in three years but because we texan email it seems. She couldn't believe she had seen me for years. It's been three years years since we've been in space but because we're connected heart to heart soul to soul but for people who aren't it keeps us separate and and it makes us think that who i am doesn't matter that i can do and say whatever i want. We have to get to that place where we reconnect touching. That's why i'm touring because i want to touch. Take me off the screen. Put me on the stage. Let me speak into you not over. You and you have seen just just about every kind of pathology. I it's so funny. Sometimes that the the guests if they only knew i say help us jesus. What are we going to jesus. Take the wheel this is this is something special uh-huh and seeing all of that pathology has taught you what about the human condition well see. I don't see the patch biology. I understand about biology but i see the spirit i see the love i see the capacity i see the power i see divinity. I see the majesty and then i go in haul out a call that out. I'm not gonna let that appearance of weakness and broken this dysfunction. I'm not gonna let that stand between you and what you want. I just call it out sometime out the call a little louder another yeah but it has taught me also how divine we are how noble we are how powerful we are and how much to create a loved sauce when we think of some of the things that we've been through as individuals and then can still get up and put on online a straight girl. We are bad somebody body. Does everyone have a purpose you know. Everyone has a purpose but he is what people forget forget. You don't have to look for it. Your purpose gave birth to you. All you have to do is tap into it then get on the the path to walk it out. Don't look for your purpose. It's in call it forward and as it begins to come forward. Get on your path and walk it out. Walk it out yana. I'm over winfrey and you've been listening to super soul conversations conversations the podcast you can follow super soul on instagram twitter and facebook. If you haven't yet go to apple podcasts and subscribe rate and review this podcast join me next week for another super so conversation thank you for listening starting starting august twenty fourth own proudly presents black women owned the conversation of four part special love motherhood beauty mind body and soul watch this with every woman you know from your saturday all this twenty-fourth ten nine central.