Fathers Day Reflection

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Father's Day the day when Dad's all around the world are celebrated for well being dad's for fulfilling the responsibility of helping to mould young lives. It's a time when you'll hear friends. Family members hell. Even your own kids exclaimed, best dead ever welcome to life in HD personal growth podcast that shines a spotlight on how we live our lives. I'm Joe Lee. Researchers are learning more about what makes a good dad how to be a good dad every day so far they know that kids who grow up with present engaged data less likely to drop out of school or wind up in jail, compared to children with absent fathers and no other male caretakers or role models. When kids have close relationships with father figures, they're less likely to have sex at a young age tend to avoid other high risk behaviors. They're more. More likely to have high paying jobs and healthy stable relationships when they grow up when fathers are actively involved with their children, children do better. This is according to poll a motto, a sociologist who studies parent-child relationships at Pennsylvania State University. He says research suggests that fathers are important for a child's development. It's a big job and thank goodness for all the surrogates out there like my uncle's Mike and skip. They play important roles and filling in the gaps. Humans are imperfect. Make mistakes all the time in every aspect of lives including fatherhood. It's the nature of who we are, so it's no great revelation that many of us DADS despite our best intentions get things wrong. Father's Day is a day of honoring fatherhood and paternal bonds as well as the influence of fathers in society. It isn't a competition to determine the best dad, or at least it should. For me it's a time of reflection. What kind of debt am I? What kind of dad do I hope to be? How can I improve my relationship with my children? I think you're wonderful father. You're an excellent father, the best of the best and now I am not sugar coating well, if I reflect on who I am today Jim. I'm pretty happy. Person, an excellent, Wonderful Childhood and You were definitely you were involved in all the fun parts. That's my eldest daughter Imani. She's twenty eight and we call her big city. How would you grade me as a dead? Grade you? I'd give you an a plus plus plus plus. Because you're always there for me. And I know you love me unconditionally and. Yeah, you've just. You've just been a great daddy I. Love You and I couldn't ask for a better daddy, and that's the bub, my baby girl. She's twenty I. Don't doubt that my girls love and respect me, but like all dad's. I'm not perfect who we are as men at the time we have. Our children has a direct impact on the developing personality of our kids. You know actually in my one of my education classes of and like one of my textbooks I was reading about how. Different, even siblings off of like just a few years apart how different their lives can be and their surroundings, and what makes them up? And I definitely think that the stages that our family was in when I was born, and when I was at certain stages versus a money definitely had an impact on me in addition to you know my surroundings like me and my Monte going to like different type of elementary school and living in like a different type of environment during her formative years versus me so obviously. It wasn't just you guys just where you were in particular, but you know it. It was all of it I had a very specific vision of how I wanted to raise my children. My involvement was very intentional. I read every book I could get my hands on books on caring for infants books on fathering, young girls books on fathering. Black Children I was hell bent on getting it right, but I'm human full of flaws and prone to mistakes, and for sure mistakes were made one of the things that I had a envisioned for. My first child when you were born, so you were born at a time at the height of my. Black consciousness, I was glad to say and black power and I. Leave and I had this vision of my first child or my child. Being. Extremely conscious! And fighting for. Justice and Equality all that good stuff do do. Any of that into action throughout your life, but that was the vision. WAS THAT UNNECESSARY PRESSURE? Does that did that help create? Any part of your identity, certainly certainly to help create. A big part of my identity When people ask me how in feeling these days about everything that's going on Unfortunately, I have to tell them. That I'm not surprised. It's just something that I've been living with my entire life and I. Sight you as my father, who, at an early age? perhaps a little heavy handed at times would let me know that you know, the white man white people, some of my earliest memories for that They were bad. I would go around repeating that. And then you and mom realized okay. That's A. That's a bit too on the nose lose. This is not what we want to teach her. We don't want to teach her that. I think what was it I told emily? You can't play with US 'cause. You're white. I, think that was the tipping point. That was that was one of the most embarrassing moments. So in that regard I appreciate everything you had to teach me and so I also understood the importance of having a diverse group of friends which I did. at the time I understood about my own blackness, even know it was constantly questioned because of my complexion but I think you did a good job to ensure that I knew who I was from day one. That kept it into perspective for me my entire life. The injustices as well Not that many. Many things have happened to me personally but I saw a large. and it certainly emerged more in high school. Molina move to a district that was predominantly white, and then we had the first election of Obama. In Oh eight. so. That was when a lot of stuff about racial tension was really starting to get into my face, and so whenever that happened, I would just kind of always remember you and mom and just think about everything that you told me. And it was just sort of dawning on me. That yet says all pretty real. and I just can't let go of who I am and I can't let these people get in my face. And tell me. you know what is right and what is wrong when it comes to race and You know where I fit. In the whole picture I don't know if we truly take stock in the kind of impression that we make on our kids. It's important that we recognize and correct are missteps, so you go into the bathroom and cooking at the same time. No cooking it was. Rough. That's my dad. Joe E Lee. He's eighty one years to take us to. Uh. Beaches recreational activity. And to me. It was the world. Especially, if you have a meeting, several overcome i Saturday's with people. My other car memory. Is that I didn't I? I never do a man who were hard when his family and eighty one. My Dad is from the silent generation. Children of the Great Depression for them. Fatherhood had a different meaning in meant being a provider and came with all the pressures of taking care of the economic needs and providing safety insecurity for their families. They married and had children at a young age, a far different set of values my. Most, Casey real quick. and. Easy place with live them get out of his face when I'm living trying to get some sort of promotional. The inventor provider so. I always wanted to have a boy and I had two boys, so I was very lucky, but I'm very sad about it because they told. Things didn't work out I. IT seems like I'm only like maybe after like. Maybe I might have abandoned my voice, but I. I know I did the same time. It makes me feel that way sometimes. Is that your? Biggest regret father. Yeah and what's What's the thing you celebrate most as a father? What people crow and? The thing they wanted to be. My friend has memories when you. Really were inseparable. And if you, if he lives in trouble, he would come to rescue. The baby was. Over the seed, Astra and up and down at the saying when. We get. It was just never been A. Moment to happen. Is that was on your face? You. You just can't do pictures as you can't can't rely on any other way. At the same thing. But different, way. She fulfill her academic stuff human always. Wanted. Parent that I would hate to have been in one of those families where like they force their children to do things that they hate I think that probably would have created a lot of resentment in me definitely, if you force me to continue things, I didn't WanNa, do but on the other hand It probably would have been beneficial to have someone kind of pushing me to stick to something and not just give up every time. I felt like. I remember teaching you how to drive being A. Very tense. activity. Yeah, was it for you? yeah very Y so. well one just driving general me, you know I'm a very nervous anxious person and I I hate being behind the wheel I feel like there's much pressure, and all these things could go wrong so for me. It's just incredibly uncomfortable situation, and then I felt like. If I did something wrong, you know you could get you get over excited very easily I remember when we first started driving, you remember the first day we went out in your car and we pulled out the driveway, and I started like turning towards the mailbox you remember and you started yelling at me and I hit the brakes, and I listen to. You and I was like this isn't going to work. I mean did work eventually, but as we all know, it took me like three tries. We dads get things wrong all the time. What's what pops into your mind? When I'm when I say, tippy bear hunts honey. Oh, my Gosh! ooh! Triggered I love I couldn't get the word would, or should or was. There was some of those words whatever it was. tippy bear hunts for honey makes me think daddy's very impatient. He is not always the best hand on teacher. Sometimes, he loses his camper and screams. Then I cry, but then he apologizes immediately, and it's all good. That's the whole to be. Bear hunts for honey scenario, and then after that and like I might go to mommy. Maybe, the DAD is still fun. That's still fun, but mommy doesn't yell. So. What frustrates you about? Your father a lot of things. Resonate me that my father well a lot of things. I like about him I. also find very frustrating about him. Such as he's very tenacious, which can be great, but it can also be like okay, Daddy. It's time to move on. He's also very hot headed, and sometimes its timber can run away with him, but on the flip side I always know that. You know you have my best interests at heart and I like when you get passionate about something for me. There's this fantasy. I think that all fathers have about teaching their children how to drive and other rites of passage I. Don't it didn't the vision didn't happen for either of you? It was extremely frustrating. Teaching. Both of you to drive. Yeah I remember I also remember. Every time we come by this certain. Stop on our way home. I remember being in the back of the car when you were teaching money drive. You're going should. We would choose pulling up to the remember like the stop sign and you're like. Stop Sign of money. Slow down and she's like yeah. I got it. She wasn't really slowing down and remember young the stop. Sign and you're just both yelling at each other. which now looking back on? It was funny, but at the time it was kind of terrifying. Through conversations and modeling behavior father hopes to impart wisdom. He hopes to help shape his kids into well rounded individuals who make valuable contributions to society. We don't always know if lessons are being learned sometimes, it's good to check in if you had to If you had children of your own and they asked you what one thing stands out that your father. Imparted on you, what would that be? Well the first thing that came to mind, but I don't know if I would not something that I would blatantly communicate to my children, but I always had a a very deep respect and healthy fear of my parents growing up I, think that very important to have. especially when I see some relationships. that here's have parents. That might be a little bit more loose. I talked to them any kind of way, and it's just sort of weird. It just doesn't seem like there's a relationship with a ton of respect. They kind of their parents. You know like. They're their friends, and not mom and dad, just kind of something like that, and it always kept me out of trouble. More or less I didn't want to get in trouble. you know, I always really cared about what you guys start. I was wanted you to be proud of me and ever wanted to do anything to disappoint. And that was definitely something that I think you imparted very early on and stuck with me. throughout my life I. Don't know if that's something that you then turn around and tell your own kids like you brought. Respect me. That's just sort of something you have to do. But if there's something that I would tell the kids well like I said You were the Fun Dad doing all the fun stuff, I would just really want to get involved with them on that level. You know not Patronize. SORTA be a teacher, while also you know kind of just being somebody there that they can relate to as well even though I am the parent, honestly I think the biggest thing that both you and Mommy has taught me is just like a deep. True love of family. There's no one on this planet. I love more than my family and I couldn't ever see there being a situation where I wouldn't. Do you know anything for you? Guys? I'm and I think are certain situation of kind of being isolated from extended family, and it really just being like our core family. Just really solidify that for me, so if I had a family in the future I would want that. You know that through deep true love. and you know connection with family. I think that's so important. The Pride in working. Your children. Parlor there pad. Odin above the path you had pictured to them. The reasons that would return from work. Home was to see I had provided the right things for my kid and I. Love the happening sex out when I was with. Especially when you enrolling with there and I could give you guys a hook. Rolling. was difficult pay to go to bed. So used to taking for drive. Round the clock Edna. Follow MOMS feet. That I could put him in there. I mean bid you will never had with fiery. Always put a fired Fox. You would cry scream, Tommy love. But didn't you would be? Extremely happy like when you jumping up down that fit thinking Batman. And, then you hit you hit on a cement floor. Had An accident which is go? That was That was earth shattering to meet. And adrover by two hundred miles now hospital. Army ambulance to get this deep okay? Be Good Kid! Maybe not. GonNa hit her to. You know for once I'd welcome an honest approach from the greeting card companies enough of the Perfect Dad Cards and the best dad ever cards. There's a wide range of fathering in the world from shitty mediocre and from good to great. Let's get some calibration in obviously. I'm talking to you. Yes fathers play a critical role in their children's lives, and it's an awesome responsibility. I salute all the dads out there. No matter how hard we tried no matter how hard we pair, we're GONNA. Make mistakes. Some will be minor and others can be catastrophic if you let them. I, think every dad will second guess as parents as we all should. We should never stopped growing. There's always room to do better and be. We will have regrets big and small. What's important is what we do from there. Being able to completely. Being involved in your aromas. Cleaned up until you became twenty for twenty five twenty six years ago and this period between. A maternity you about eight or nine and. Every pay me when at time you got shot, but when Eric in the. Woods outside of a Cherry Hill. I just felt like you know if I had been here, you was me. Would this happen? All kinds of things you know the those are the only regrets. If. You weren't able to do the best you could possibly do. I can guarantee I can guarantee you this. Whether you were there or not? I would have got shot narrow I was I. was that adventurous and reckless as a child? You remember when I used to steal your your your hunting knife, and I would take it in the woods and try to because you at one time showed us how to throw the knife and stick it in the tree. And I was so fascinated with that. I would take your knife and go into the woods. And sitting in a tree and you would, you would have to come in. There happened to probably two or three times. You come into the. Would you find me and you would You'd have to take knife back, but not before showing me again how to stick it in the tree. I really I guess so like I can't remember that far. Left it out of every bay. Yeah I was when I did I. do remember having a skill for throw a knife and you got fascinated by where we went to picnic areas. Yeah I could have probably cut myself, but it was just It was way too way too much for their own good I have that we don't get. As much as I love you, but. I'm good with what I got. Yeah well we'll do better. Thanks for listening to life in HD I'm Joe. At Fall Asleep.

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