UFYB 102: Internal Bias & Being a Better Ally


Broadcasting teaches you how to use psychology feminism and coaching to rewire your brain and get what you like and now here's your host on the only resistance because it makes stakes too high but you want to change it to feel better but you also subconsciously fear that changing it won't make you feel better it just is necessary to actually create the change when you try to change something from resistance it generally does not work and just a recap mm-hmm that you have to love something before you try to change it not because it makes you a better person just efficiency wise because Lal seem to love it I got a lot of feedback about it so if he skipped it seems like it was a good one I mean the second reason is that when you try to change something in your life that you can love it right whether that's your job or your relationship or your body whatever it is what great so when you are trying to change something because you think it's bad and you WanNa get away from it then you're in a rush and you can't actually fully understand the problem are implicitly doing is believing that a different circumstance a different external thing would make you happier and you'd think that would be motivating but it actually creates an enormous amount hello my chickens how are you is or girls or people who don't identifies either one or people who identifies chickens will be to avoid those thoughts which means you can't change them if you aren't willing to hang out with your current thoughts and be curious and allow them you're in too much of a rush to change your thoughts and so you try to do that without understanding them and that doesn't work because you can't solve a problem when you don't understand it by the way you should because I post random little teachings and obviously pictures my cat and various other things that I think are useful it's just if you don't quite see the brilliant yet anyway one of the things I talked about on that podcast was learning to love yourself exactly the way you are now before you finished all your self improvement projects before you become a mind management Ninja right or whatever you're trying to do and I talk about this paradox on the podcast all the time here's a leggings and I wear pants to work out and that is it all dresses all the times I don't have any belts but still got one hundred episodes in fact your brain out there I thought it was good one judging by everybody elses reaction sometimes I or things I think are brilliant and you guys are like whatever I just like to think so now that we have one hundred episodes under our belt that would be our collective belt I guess I actually don't own any belts if you follow me on social media if you follow me on instagram Catholic a new level so last week one of the things I talked about on the podcast was the human ecosystem which by the way if you haven't listened to that one you should can't look directly at them which means you can't change them this is going to be a really important part of what I'm going to teach later in the episode when you are in that mode my name on instagram there's only one me at Carlow Bell Anyway you follow me there. Ucla pictures of me and you'll see that I am basically never wearing pants I have a couple of has cracked right that's the secret truth which you kind of know deep down so you have these competing motivations where you want to change it to feel better but you are afraid of changing yet and finding out that you don't feel better than feeling hopeless and because you wanna feel better you don't WanNa dig into the problem because you anticipate that dealing with the problem for those of you who are newer to the podcast or to this work that's for two primary reasons the first is when you've negative thoughts about something you're Tennessee will make you feel worse rates you're pulling all these different directions and it creates all the spinning in place so I don't know if any of you remember that movie my cousin Vinny my brothers and I were obsessed with what happens when you try to change something about yourself or external to you by heating it or rejecting it and this includes yourself and your own thoughts right internal upped and teach you about why stepping out of the spin and accepting yourself the way you are not rejecting yourself rate even loving your changes well now all of that I have taught before and that's the short version but I wanted to give you the refresher because today I want to extend the concept of bias thoughts about different kinds of people who don't match a kind of conventional quote unquote norm now technically that growing up I was thinking about when they get their car stuck in the Alabama mud and they can't go forwards or backwards because the wheels just spin and spin and spin that active so let's start with the premise that we live in a society where a lot of people have thoughts about who's better or worse and those thoughts they're trying to change something by rejecting it right I see that a lot in their relationship to external things but today I wanNA talk about internal and I see this around their thoughts about that's tend to operate in predictable ways along gender race size ability sexual orientation et Cetera rate so obviously better or worse you might so we live in a society where people have a lot of thoughts that rank different kinds of people on various different appear anger frustration and resistance but out of understanding and compassionate love so I like those results and so I keep this thought and for believing it and I'm okay with the I like the results I get from it right this is a belief that for me fuels my work not out of how you can be an ally or part of a social justice movement if that's something you care about because one of the ways I see my students get into this stuck spin because there's a lot of different strands of thoughts in any society but I personally do believe that we live in a society where we are taught sets that people think and act on right and so they're replicated through society by both explicit and

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