3 Ways To Talk Your Way To A Stronger Culture | Marlene Chism

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Would you like to accelerate your career and reach your full potential ingest minutes a day. Welcome to the lead X. Show with New York Times Times bestselling author and eat five hundred Entrepreneur Kevin crews. Hey Guys Kevin crews here. Welcome to the lead X. Leadership. Show where we help you to stand out and to get ahead at work now as you know. We like to switch things up here. Keep it interesting and continue that tradition and today on the podcast instead of me interviewing an expert guest. We're going to have the guest deep dive into their topic. You see you'll be hearing audio audio from a lead X. Webinar now of course there are dozens of great webinars on Leadership Management Communication Productivity and more all archived lived in the lead X. APP just visit lead x Dot. Org for more information about our Webinar archive so enough on the setup enough background on information here is venue mathis to introduce our guest and handed over to them enjoy hello everybody and welcome to our Webinar today with Marlene Arleen Chisholm Marlene is a consultant executive educator and the author of three books including stop workplace drama no drama leadership and stop drama in your healthcare healthcare practice today. She's going to be showing you how you can learn the language that re- that promotes a responsible culture how to understand the relationship dynamics that shape your company's culture and how to discover how executive conversations can drive performance and y avoiding those difficult conversations can be very very costly so before we get started. Please just make sure you're closed out of all your other browser windows and programs. They can eat up your bandwidth slow. Things down caused some audio issues issues. If you have questions for Marlene she's GonNa take them at the end up to her presentation you can submit them at any time in the chat box or in the QNA function. It's located at the bottom of your screen so we're ready to get started. Please welcome Marlene Chisholm. Thank you so much and yet and I WANNA say welcome to Oh you. I'm really excited to be here with you. Know what kind of a commitment that takes in today's time very difficult to live program so I hope I if you the value and it was worth it so we titled. This three ways to talk your way to straughter culture well. If it was really that easy I'm going to give you some language though and and some techniques that you can use today because I believe that it needs to be practical so you've heard the saying watch your thoughts they become your words and in heard watchwords they become your behaviors and watch your behaviors because they become your culture her and you know there's been some definition of culture that it's all about behaviors however when I was working with bad some of the experts writing my last book no drama leadership it's really more than behaviors inch really about shaping culture and behaviors just just being a part of that so the real question that we're here to consider is how leaders shape culture well we shave culture through thoughts words and behaviors it really. WanNa be clear to that. It's not just about leadership in it's not just about thoughts words and behaviours although that's the scope for today and just want to say very briefly that there are many influences that that come into play when we talk about culture and one of those that was brought to my attention was by Dr Edgar Shine one of the the the best the most well-known leaders in culture the MIT sloan professor just a genius when it comes to culture and when we were talking about my book look and I was seeking his endorsement he said you know it's the way we do things on the inside and get along so that we can produce results for the outside so in other words we have the internal influences of external so today we'll be talking mostly about those internal influences. That's the leaders can actually take action action on so I I WANNA share with the foundation that is it every single bid of my work in every single book. It's something that I share workshops at something I do in speaking engagements because it helps people to get a visual framework of how look at the ways that we achieve results and and the barriers that come into play when we're on the on the journey of it achieving results so this is a new language that I often referred to in workshops call the language of the island and the ideas that were always trying to get from point eight point beasts. He's seen the little guy in the rowboat you see that island and that. Little Robo can represent just you as your as an executive you as a leader <hes> origin represent your entire team so this is useful no matter what your what your roller your title or always he's trying to get to what I call. The island called peace and prosperity so you could call that your prophets your revenue goals your end of the year you're in the quarter goals nonetheless we refer to it as getting to peace and prosperity because there's only one reason we want anything and that's a cause we're going to have a sense of completion and peace about it or windex index and in some ways either revenue or personal growth so we're always trying to get to peace and prosperity but then we have an obstacle in the obstacle as you can see the shark and in my body of work. I talk about drum a lot. I've written a lot about drama but I used drama in a different way than what we typically think of it so oh my definition is that drama is any obstacle to peace and prosperity so wherever we're trying to go there's this drama this something that stands in the way on the middle level management arena what I see from those that her in that level or those that are leaders over that level. We see a lot of relationship problems. We see that someone won't get the work done or we see <hes> complaining and gossip is that relationship issue becomes drama or it becomes the personal issues that employees have and the reason why there late at work or the reason you're having turnover. There's a lot of obstacles that come up that keep you from getting into peace and prosperity and so I often ask in workshops. I asked the audience to ask you. How do you know someone's drama is when I pause for a moment. How do you know what someone's dramas doesn't matter what their level well. How you know is that they talk about it because we human beings cannot help talk about whatever bothers us and becomes this becomes my shark my shark but you don't understand my shark and as you can see the more we focus on the problem the bigger the problem gets and we then become enmeshed in a problem oriented way of thinking instead of an outcome instead head of thinking about what do we want to create and so what happens is we have these sharks and the cultural issues include both visible and the invisible and I talked about some of those visible just a moment ago how it shows in relationships the office drama the backstabbing the gossip the power struggle struggle that happen but it happens on a major level in major organizations or seeing a lot of visible drama and politics right now and jokingly people used to say well. No no wonder we have a lot of drama. We have a lot of women in our department and then I jokingly say well. My next book is going to be called men and have drama too because all you have to look sports and politics into much bigger form of drama but the point that I make is that we all have obstacles to our growth and to you the the bottom line to the end results about. We're GONNA look at both the visible in the end this because I think it's really important to understand that what you're seeing being on the surface may not be the facts and the reality is just what you're seeing on the surface and so the question then becomes how do these obstacles does. How does drama manifest well in the workplace. You're going to see that manifesting communication relationships with their bats with your clients your patients your the customers your employees the productivity levels you're going to be able to measure it on some way you're gonna be able to see observable behaviors and observable results but on the bottom level on the invisible realm where the drama and we're the cultural issues are really. I guess Redid or where they are unseen. It really has to do with the thoughts emotions beliefs and decisions and that's really becoming a big part of my work right now is to help leaders gain that clarity on what thoughts when emotions what belief sweat decisions are driving these cultural issues and that's outside of the environmental environmental and legislative impact that we have regarding culture so I also have a little test ask people. Do you think it's really important to had drama in the bud as you can see us a lot of analogy. I use a lot of pictures because I want people to get out of their logical thinking mind and into more a picture type of mindset you can clearly see what's really going on and there's cultural issues and of course everybody agrees yes. We should drop it in the bud. Well that is a trick question because if you drop in Nevada it's as if you have a field of Dandelions and you clip off the bloom and underneath you have a root system awesome and the next year you have a field full of Dandelions so culturally how we often nip in the bud instead of getting to the root is that we move if someone to a different department and I've heard this even at very high levels while they have three years to retire and we just can't let them go. We have to kind of ride this out milkis out until the retire or we play a lot of games like we're. GonNa show them who's boss and make their job very difficult until they voluntarily quit. This creates a culture of mistrust. It creates a culture of drama and this avoid into we're gonNA talk about this later. I'm also willing to share with you how identify roots and poetic so this is kind of a layered approach to to talking about culture so I'm going to answer the question. You know where we're going in the presentation. HOW LEADERS SHAPE CULTURE is to clarity connection and conversations and that wasn't on purpose that I have the three Cs but I absolutely loved the way it sounds. I loved the way because it's easy to remember so if you just start to think throughout this presentation I as a leader or my executives as we're running the company. Here's the three freeways that we are shaping culture. Perhaps without even knowing it. It's in clearly it's in our connections and it's in our conversations so that's. GonNa be the remainder of what I talk about but as well as the root systems always present because what she see the roots of drama and the obstacles that prevent you from creating the culture that you say that you want awed you now have that piece and you also have the the clarity connection in conversation piece which you can then design some sort of a initiative. You should have a program a training a leadership development so that you can consciously create your culture instant of leading it. It ran a chance so the first apiece is that we need to get clear and clarity is a big part of my work. It's it's been something that's been part of my own development. I have struggled with clarity in my own career path and developing my consulting practice and the good news about that is because I understand it. I'm really compassionate about it and we do not need to fear the lack of clarity bet. We need to understand the distinction of where we're clear and we're we're not because I I root of. All drama is a lack of clarity. Now I talk about this a lot and I'm gonNA give you resources along the way that you can jot down. You're more than welcome to email email me afterwards as well. This gives you other places to look for some of this content on a deeper level so in the first Book Stop Workplace Drama published by Wiley that <hes> this was a premise that I've used throughout my career. I use it in my life because it's a it's a universal principle that in all drama there's always a common route and the first rate is is a lack of clarity so here's the thing that you should know about that. In all drama there's lack of clarity and then the second component of this is the one with clarity always navigates the ship now. The reason I have that piece in is that I have worked in you know years ago I work. It's a lot with middle level managers. They were growing and as as the counties were developing their their leaders they would ask me to come in and do some you know frontline line or like middle level leadership training and the questions would come up. You know I've got a pasta or I've got at Queen Bee. I've got this person truly difficult the cult to to handle and so I would ask the question why does I'm they give what they do and the and the answer is will because it works so if you're not able to guide your team if you're not able to create that cleberation there's someone who knows what they want more than the leader and so the woman's clearly always navigates the ship so if you are in the boiler room shoveling coal so to speak it means. You're not on the top neck. NGOs lost your vision. It's means you've lost clarity but here's the good news and I love the refer back to every common coaching. Someone in the problem seems overwhelming every time I've doing a strategy session and it seems like Sony Parts and pieces I just say site at myself and I remind my client that clarity can change any situation and it will change your experience and it will truly start to shape your culture mandis year. Some interesting facts are clearly being a lot of study on this and have found you can find this all you have to type it into Google and you'll find gal up. You'll find talent want management. You'll find it's out there everywhere that only have employees strongly agree that they understand what's expected of them at work. My belief is that that's because we are changing so rapidly and were throwing. I would say we're throwing tennis rackets at at your employs insane row harder and faster. They really don't know and can't clearly define what success looks like and especially in the more entrepreneurial. Maybe small to medium enterprise businesses. It's maybe the job description style written down. We continue to put people in different places. We want them to be Nimble. There's nothing wrong with that but if you really ask the employ what does success look like thanks they cannot explain it and their shows you why there's a lot of areas to creating the culture want and unfortunately managers are equally at a loss to explain their <music> own jobs so if I don't know what your view of success is I can't be successful in your eyes and I can only guess and that guests in create create assumptions and judgements and a lot of what I call workplace drama obstacles here peace and your prosperity so let's look at an example of what creates a lack of clarity policies that are not enforced. I see this a lot and I often say if you have a policy policy and it's not enforced. You're only setting yourself up for bigger problems. Just get rid of the policy or alter it because the excuses well. At least we have a policy if we ever you want to use it but the truth is it won't stand up in court if it hasn't been enforced in the past so that confuses employees. It's the elephant in the room. We don't talk about it. It's kind of okay. Okay we get it and so you want to make sure your policies aligned with where you are now <hes> disciplines that are threatened but forgotten. I'M GONNA. You're going to be suspended if you do this again or this is a mistake that we can't afford to have and yet the mistake happening. <hes> something that I hear a lot what is what I've told them a thousand times and I'll say you know what that means. It means that you've allowed the improper behaviour nine hundred ninety nine times and if you told them a thousand times there's someone else guiding the ship too many changes too fast food or any talked about that. This is a big one too. You can just ask through self. Are People surprised when they lose their job or did they see coming when people are surprised that tells me there's conversations not taking place. There should never be any surprises if you do it right. People will want to leave because you try to help them grow and they just wasn't the right. There wasn't bad hiring or the changes came in but ever the reason they'll they'll want to leave but they won't feel beat up. Poor performances allowed from certain people. I'll hear this a lot while they're a rainmaker so oh yes they're. They're a bully their persecutor there but they're rainmaker. They bring it in or they really are. The only one understands the inventory system or they're the only wind understand the way that we do our cost accounting whenever it is there something that person knows or has that has seen a value and therefore they are holding holding the executives or the company owner hostage this should not be and the reality is if they're really a good performer they would also be. They also behave properly because behavior should be a part of that performance evaluation with the way that we view performance. If you're really good performer you're also did with people. Oh you also fit in you collaborate and so you have to decide what you're going to allow and why and that's a tough decision. <hes> Tom went on the walls isn't happening in the halls. An example that comes to mind is I'm thinking about this. Is I see a lot of healthcare websites. It will say we we're we're all about compassion and I worked with a healthcare organization that their top values compassion. We're doing a strategy session and I said how often do you use that word in your conversation never and I said so what is compassion look like and what does the absence of of it looked like a hard time answering that and in the conversation we find out that there's what they would say is drama. They say mannered nurses are just on edge edge there a eat their young. You know they just they don't they're really mean and yet their mission is compassion <hes> and so they WANNA workshop and come to find out their nurses are working seventy hours a week so it doesn't take much strategic thinking to see that there's a misalignment there really difficult to be compassionate when you're when you're physical needs are not being met a workshop. A bunch of Cranky nurses not going to do a whole lot again. It's GonNa be a waste of money. It's really within the structure so you can start to look at what creates a lack of clarity. It's when there's misalignment help. I need a workshop again. That's what I hear. They've diagnosed the problems in their mind and they say things like our top performers. Destructive are nurses too young. We we have a hot head in our department. We don't want to do that. That hotheads a relative of the boss. Turf wars are going on between the managers and their silence. I think I'm being I undermined and no one knows who's really in charge. I get these kind of calls on a regular basis and I used to just be happy to Boudou. Stop replace drama workshop. But when I've realized is that if it's in the structure if it's in the environment if it isn't then culture workshop is not going to be enough commitment so often jokingly say it would be better to get a clown a pizza because if you just want it to be a checklist and you're just looking at we've got a certain magic <hes>. Let's just do something that's going to get. People excited fighting for a day and let's not pretend any kind of workshop or any kind of expert could come in and change these cultural problems without a real commitment without diagnosing the problem because if you are clear what the real problem is you'll apply the wrong solution and wonder why you can't get the results you cannot get to the island so here's the quiz quiz. We'll see if you got news. So why does that gossip hothead Queen Bee Posture Troublemaker Crybaby Tattletale. Why are they doing what they do. I've said this several times. Why do they do because it works but one with clarity always navigates the ship yeah it always comes down to leadership. You can't fix. It's like asking if the parents were saying. We've got a disruptive child but disrupted child keeps doing cygnus keeps doing that. Please come and fix my child most of the time. It's a leadership issue. The parents are not aligned during not clear. It's not always the child. It's mostly the leaders so that's the way I look at an organization. What can we as leaders do and then we can figure out needs to go or needs to shake up. What are we he doing. That's allowing this kind of behavior again my white just remember that and repeat over and over and over clarity can chain. GimMe situation so this is the first rule of thumb and giving you all my consulting secrets here when you find there's some sort of disturbance some sort of drama something you carapace. You're out if you will save yourself. Clearly can change any situation. Your brain will start to now search for areas where you're clear that I'm GONNA. Give you some things that you you can do right now. Get Crystal Clear about who's in charge and how citizens are my. I A lot of times we'll hear middle level managers. Tell tell me that they are afraid. Their decisions will not be supported by the top and there's evidence to prove that at the same time when I'm in the organization the executives I'd say we have micro managers that won't make decisions in their keeping our door open so it becomes a symbiotic kind of problem where her the executive that it's the managers. The managers think it's executives. The employs think that it's both the executives of the managers so what it is is that we're not clear about who's in charge and how decisions will be made and how they will be supported. The next thing that you can do is get crystal clear about the roles and the responsibilities as get it in writing. If you haven't done that make a draft you can even ask your people to write up their own roles and then you can have someone that's good end forbid writer put it in the proper grammar learn for Matt but at least we get agreement about what we're here to do. Who's doing what check yourself to see where you might be giving mixed messages just do that for a week. Just just ask yourself the question. Is there somewhere where I might be giving mixed messages because if you can figure that out you're going to change things. Even if it's only in a department <hes> you'll you'll see amazing results by just kinda clean that up and owning it so we're. GonNa go to step two which is to get connected and this is really about how relationship dynamics hammocks shape culture so here's the quiz. What do these things have in common patients changing physicians. Good employees is leaving marriages ending and turf wars relationships and relationships. This is the second route in all drama so the first rate is the lack clarity the second route. There's always a relationship issue and when we talk about relationships were not always talking about the way that people get along. We're also talking about other connections however today we are going to be talking about the relationship component component but I do want to just make the distinction that we have a relationship with everything so we have a relationship with the word leader. We have a relationship with authority. We have a relationship nations ship with our geographical location. Our own culture within a culture are being American or Canadian. Whatever we have connection to that influences us in a big way so if you look at these connections a lot of talk about five connections you can start to take a look at these within your culture of self boss customer peers and your job and the job itself so the second piece of here is to get connected versus get clear now to get connected and so this is something? I really as I do a lot of personal kind of personal professional coaching on this sometimes we human beings just get completely disconnected from our our own values and when we are disconnected with our own personal lives and be going through a divorce wager midlife crisis wondering about our life purpose when we we as a human being are disconnected. There's no way we're going to connect with the boss appeared the job and so sometimes it's just personal disconnection. We've lost our connection. We've lost our alignment to our spiritual wellbeing physical wellbeing and until we understand that component nothing's going to change it so this is the first thing you want to start looking <music> as a leader and my just disconnected and my in the wrong position am. I Not Aligned company values because it might believe that you have to be you have to be aligned with the company values values because if you're not you're GonNa Struggle <hes> so you've got to be connected within yourself and <hes> I wanna give like sort of Mike a little short scenario that had to do with it was my personal experience. As I was writing this was really based on my Third Book Civilized Talk Drama in your healthcare practice and since I'm helping to care actually caring for my elderly mother and that includes a lot of doctors visits a lot of surprises and this particular instance was <hes> I had to change my mom's doctor because <hes> her her primary physician which is it became a hospitalised and so she had to now get another doctor well as you imagine that caused a lot of personal drama because she absolutely Laterna Laterna doctor and we got a referral and we got in and I can tell by sitting in the weight room with my mom. When I saw this doctor he was yelling at his nurse. I I could tell he was having a hard day. I made a lot of assumptions about his character. Obviously because I'm concerned about my mother and I told my mom. I don't think this doctor is going to be quite as frazier other one so you just need to be ready for that and when he came in first thing he did was get onto me for not bringing the paperwork and then he started kind of raising his voice about the medications she was on and saying that she shouldn't be on these medications and you know if you would've asked me at workshop. How would you handle this kind of conflict. I would say I would take a deep breath and I would really get clear about what we're here to do. Then I would refocus the energy I have to admit to you and I often tell my audiences. I'm willing to share some of my dirt to show you that humid and that I take my journey seriously that I mess s. up just like everybody else. I'll tell you what I blew my stack and I said listen Mr. You haven't reviewed her files. You don't know who she is. and Are you going to be a help to us are you. You want to cause trouble well. He kinda straighten up in jerk and it was very uncomfortable but what I can tell you here is there was a disconnect from the purpose of his job which was him with the patient client that customer and it caused a huge disconnect. Now we finished the story here. I actually clear this up an excuse me this ticket. I am I pol and we got it cleared out because that's how I believe that I can tell you that if you're losing your connection with your customer whether it's a hospital whether it's a automotive whether it's is aviation. If you're forgetting about your purpose for being in business you're going to see some results that you don't want from that. You're going to have some drama and then there's a disconnect from the boss and a culture so you might have your employees might be connected. Your leaders might be connected. They're connected with their job of their peers but maybe they're not connected with administration. I've seen this a lot and it's not that I specialize so much in healthcare is just that I used a lot of examples in this that I had seen so often where the administration is worried about the money that they're losing and they're so worried about the prosperity that they're willing to give up the keys and we have to learn how to have a both and world and so I've seen nurse managers and therapists leaves because they felt so misunderstood from the administration Gratien because from their point of view their healers and they need to spend time with patients but from administration point of view. It's getting and get him out and tie while you're doing so imply that and glad to take questions on that later about how we can disconnect from either the administration the boss it can be on a personal level with a boss awesome can be the upper level of the entire top layer of the organization that when there's disconnect you're gonna see a modest turnover going to see a lot of unwanted issues of people leaving and finding jobs and in fact in one instance hear a great there is that we had left and now the the organization station does even have that kind of therapist and so you have to look at the whole picture and find ways to bridge that gap through conversation so here's what you can do we now look at your own level of connection in the five areas and where are the disconnects and if you don't know how to find those you can certainly reach out to be a little bit of guidance but but need to look at south. Here's off customer client patient and the job. Where are the disconnects because that's going to tell you where the cultural issues are number. The three is initiate executive conversations so this is the third. We talked about clarity. We've talked about connection and now we're talking about what I call. Executive conversations conversations and I have a manifesto on the front page of my website and give you a resource because you do not even have to sign up are not going to measure you with emails. Of course I bought for you too because you'll get you'll get some content every two weeks but I have a manifesto. That's called how executive conversation drives results and in the manifesto talk about this principle that conversations either grow your business or slow your business. I have had just personal situations before I started writing books where I went to a maybe a massage therapist or even a private practice -sition some sort and they spend their time talking about their divorce there drama there whatever it is they're workplace. That's not driving more business because I actually left those practitioners and so you have to understand that that when people are unhappy right or wrong a your front line they're going to talk to your clients. If they have any type of a conversation with in your your client. They're going to whisper in their ears about ways that they don't like their job. Even the let's wrong. They're going to do it so conversations either. Grow Your Business. Slow Your Business. If you have managers that are my way or the highway is slow in your business. You might think they get things done but look at the week in the boat. You'RE GONNA have turnover in a department. Look at the manager in charge. Look at both the job is such a difficult job that you can expect any many to stay. That's the nature of it or it's. Oh my college kids or it's just hard dirty work early for a few years or is it the leadership because if you've got it in one department it's almost always related to the leadership so my talk about this principle of executive conversations <hes> my first example is about a coo that was avoiding conversation with his CEO and subordinate and in a nutshell the issue was the subordinate become friends with the CEO and was going around his back and getting her way in other words clarity navigates the ship and he was extremely frustrated. Now we'll get in the mindset of this particular. Coo Oh his mindset was my job is to support the boss regardless and as we dug a little deeper we find that there are many times he should have had conversations but he didn't and he agreed read with some of her hiring decisions and some of her policy changes and without getting into too much detail. What I really saw was that he needed to have have to harmonization's the two different people there needed to be a strategy to this and what made it reach out to me was when we actually had the first exploratory call I asked the question. What is your avoidance of conversation costing you. Is it hundreds of thousands I mean. Can you put a number to it and he said you know when you consider the turnover that we've had and the retraining and you consider that we are now also in a lawsuit it's millions over the last three years and so we often that's that visible shark that we don't see our avoidance our little patterns. It's costing US money and we don't see it and we're doing a 'cause. We think I think we have to be a certain way. We don't have the skills so that's just one example of a hidden barrier in the way that we connect with other people and here's another another example and this was a small business owner and he had a client that owed him two hundred fifty thousand dollars and I just couldn't figure it out. He hasn't been paid and he didn't pull his services and I said we've got to figure out a way for you to have a conversation and his underlying fear was. I'm going to lose a big client. I said Said Bannon paid you yet and so you see this conflict going on internally which is sort of the head drama part of this. We'll talk about that in a moment but this there's an example of how your conversations either slow your business or grow. Your Business also have an example that I think you'll be interested in and this also is in the <music>. I'm the manifesto one page of my web. This was in the section of the conversation of today's the lawsuit of the future and this was a human resources manager that had really fall in love with my work and we'd have this conversation about what was going on. She said I just about the end of a year. While process of managing a disruptive employees the situation ended up of lawyers involved and should reach a settlement today. It's been a long and painful process as this employee had you've been tolerated for eighteen years and as employees was occasionally talk to that since she was considered a high performer she was allowed to carry on hurting patients in Stanley and staff along the way as well as creating chaos in her wake of disruption. The entire process is taking a toll on me my team and the employee. I didn't realize how hard hard emotionally mentally it would really be so you see by the time that real conversation had to happen. It had been allowed a thousand times and what people don't seem to maybe understand that just getting rid of a problem employees still is difficult because you need those hands you need their brain in need what they bring so doesn't it make more sense to identify these issues early and set very clear expectations of the kind of coaching and support that they're going to get ed so that they can determine whether or not this is really going to be a fit before you did invested eighteen years and then finally a lawsuit and said this is unfortunate but I see this more often often not and what happens. This is one of the telltale signs. I WanNa give you these because I told you we would talk about not just the language of the island in the way. I really the identify obstacles barriers but irresponsible language. How do we notice when we got a culture where there's irresponsible language while here's how you notice their Stinger pointing not my your fault. There's a lot of talk about the past well this is how we used to do well because of what happened in the past because of Disney law and there's a lot of focus on the past. We're focusing not on the future not on the new opportunities. We have to admit the past happen but when there's focus there it's kind of it's going to be a problem with your culture. This one is <hes>. Perhaps a little bit more difficult to notice that it's it's sort of a disempowered kind of language and what you're going to hear in the language is the absence of choice. Why had no other choice y'all but because of that? I really had to do this. Yes and as long as we accept the idea that there's no choices what we're really following into is a victim mentality so when you hear an absent of absence subtract it means that we're not being resourceful. It means that we're not empowered that we believe are at the mercy of the law that a policy that other people the way things are the way things have been. This is an issue that when you start to spot this you can start to change with with really coaching and then disrespectful once it gets to certain places starts to become personal and you know I am on social show media. I posted a thought of the day on facebook more than welcome to join me there if you want to a lot of people use it in their morning meetings so very positive and for removing but why I I notice on social. Media is a model of disrespect. We're getting ready for too long to have another election year and when people disagree no longer longer. Are we willing to listen no longer. Are we willing to learn and to really use critical thinking all of a sudden we'll just name college or just name calling and going really we really deepened dirty and that's what we're creating in America right now. In our culture we're creating this through this irresponsible language the finger-pointing appointing talking about the past <hes> proving while you're wrong the disempowerment no more choice because of some leader and very disrespectful respectful in contrast responsible language is just the opposite taking ownership focusing on the present and the future we really we have our power is in the present and in that power we create a new future wheat we step into the act of creating a new future versus problem solving which which are two different mindsets sets and they both have their place. I'm really about is creating. What do we WANNA create. Here's where we are. What do we want to create and then empowered. Why on my choices says what are our choices. What choices could there be once we start exploring. are twice as we start to get our power back and then find me respectful. I respectfully respectfully disagree. You know I see differently but I'm open to hearing your point of view. That's tough for me right now. Let's talk about later. We don't know how to be respectful anymore. We're also triggered by what we don't want to hear that we are creating cultures in our countries were creating cultures workplaces and we truly. I truly believe we. We need enlightened leaders to guide the way because we've lost our way here so i WanNa just give you a snapshot of the differences so that you can just see the difference between responsible language and responsible fingerpointing versus taking ownership focusing on the past versus the president and the teacher being disempowered versus being empowered and disrespectful disrespectful versus respectful so then how do you leaders shape culture through executive conversation by neither ability did initiate difficult conversations and when I talk about excuse me we talk about conflict in I've got got a am performance conversation model that really is a blueprint of how to talk about difficult issues in the workplace how to drive performance formats through coaching and through identifying the real issue what the premise of the idea is that there is no conflict unless there's an inner conflict so if you're sociopath and you don't hear how people feel no conflict for you in my beef other people but all conflict involves all these these two arrows going in opposite directions and I look at conflict instead of being personal this has helped me tremendously in my my personal and professional relationships and my consulting work in my guiding other executives in there were <hes> if you look at conflict is simply opposing <unk> hosing drives desires and demands a relational emotional that they're simply opposing drives desires and demands once we understand that whether people I can have conflict by myself without having another human being involved but once I understand that my conflict my drama is truly just just opposing drives desires and demands and it's really don't lack of clarity and the same thing with other people there's opposing drives desires and demands once we get clear we call around now then we can move. We can move forward so the question here that I want the entertain this. What is it that makes a conversation difficult so we were in a room together and I really wish that we were because I love to learn from people in the room with me? I think the collective is better than in the gym stage any day so what as conversation difficult while there's all kinds of things on the bloom <hes> well it's personalities. It's while they're on the disk. They're different than I. I'm on the Myers Briggs on the Colby. We just disagree well. I don't convert. There's all kinds of things on. I'm about getting to the root and at the root is resistance. Dot Com makes it. Difficult is our own resistance to the conversation and so therefore there's a trend which is avoiding difficult conversations nations. A lot of my work is about that right now and anyone that says I don't avoid what I found with people that are in that category vitamin avoid. I believe we all all do I think it just is a matter of degree and if you're not avoiding all I would say ask others if they think you're a bully because if you're never avoiding either you've worked at it and you become so smooth and you just know it's part of life war. You're rough around the edges. No it so that's what I'm finding in my work. What makes it difficult. Is that we I have an air conflict. I want you to like me but I also need to tell you something. You know I want you to improve what are afraid you might. I leave it can make you angry. It could make me angry so I'm afraid of emotions. I'm afraid I might blow up. I'm afraid they're gonNA get me roped into what I call Ping Pong. Yes idea now you didn't. That's not fair. Yes it is if you've got roped into a game of being you got distracted in the conversation foster clarity or a lot of time at the lack of skill and so I worked from the premise that if people have the lack of skill there and making get their inner conflict inflict cleared out the fear of emotions dissipates tremendously there will always be a little bit of that era because we're human beings were supposed to connect supposed to care about ourselves. We're supposed to care about others. That's that's how we're wired. It would be hard to say otherwise so as long as we have the right intention and we can clear our inner conflict then the the middle peace the fury motions will still have it but we'll have the skills to overcome it. We'll have the skills to actually address the elephant in the room once we're able to identify unify what that elephant actually is and so what I want to share with you. Now is what we do instead and this is one of our distractions we get into what I call non-productive conversations in. It's where we waste valuable time. You can put money to this by saying. How often are we in these conversations. I'M GONNA give the levels are so the first level is clueless nece and I give this with a lot of new managers and it'll level managers like this a lot of human resource professionals channels and here's a call a clueless not to be mean but to say unconscious and here's what is I'm more out. I'm working overtime on the weekends to to get my actual paperwork done to get my work done because I can't get it done during the week because I helped so many eruptions and so why I call this clueless nece as they don't understand gambler choices there disempowered. They think that it's because of everybody else because of their job but in reality they haven't recognized their choices so it's like this is happening happening. The open doors become a revolving door what they don't know how to set boundaries how to how to really guide to focus what happens next hour is when they do have the awareness ernest what it is a lot of times it's from working with a coach and they have the awareness from weapon are like this they go into mind. Grind and mine grind is this. I know Oh this is happening and now I have aversion to it. I'm beating myself up and I'm going back and forth in my mind. Is that too harsh was that right. Should I have done. That should a closed doors. Should I say should I sit back and forth back and forth now you how that conflict once again that's inner conflict. I know it's happening and it feels worse to know what's happening and did not know why that's the mind grind that leads to the third level which is avoidance okay. I'm just going to bury my head in the sand. I just I can't take it. I know it's happening happening and so I'm just going to avoid. I'm not going to be at the office to take my work home but everyone is. There's this avoidance and it's it's draining energy and that leads to the fourth level pitches anger. I blow up and now people think I need anger management by the way I've got a class on that. It's three win dot com look that up but in this anger and I think it's anger management but when I tell people as most of the time it is not an anger issue. It's an awareness issue. We didn't notice the first irritation and therefore it built up an ALA voidance. We actually had the anger and so what happens is where either one of two stages where either avoiding or angry reappointing angry and they feed each other once again. There's a symbiotic relationship. The more avoid the more I feel resentful over more resentful the more I avoid and then I do things to to distract myself whether it's gambling shopping drinking working overtime and now my body needs connection it needs rest and I blow up so the best kind of the cycle that happens so here's what she can do now. You can get clear about how whatever the issue is that you're facing how it affects your culture however you define culture. What is this issue that you've identified the elephant or in. How's it affecting your culture now. If you can articulate whether you're at middle-level high level frontline if you can't articulate how the issue affects the business in other words there's turnover because of this. We've increased our unwanted wanted turnover. We can't afford that in today's marketplace. It's affecting us that way. We're losing our best. People never lose your worst right so articulate how the business <unk> how the issue affects the business financially. You can get a free assessment for me if you wanNA email me later if they're one sheet. It's not again. I'M NOT GONNA ask you to join anything but it is a culture assessment to see if you have a culture avoidance and Tom. Region a couple of is coming up here. Here's what it looks like. It's just one she and so. It's like a poor performer continues to collect a paycheck. There's an excessive amount of turnover were departments and the top performers bullies so it's just a checklist checking off and and I'm even willing to go over with you. If you want to send an appointment. I'm taking some time in December January to do that. Where you can really look at the cultural issues that this can shift snapshot is just just a checklist. Give yourself ten points. If you're fifty or above gossip avoidance problems <hes> identify what kind of skills training your managers need to initiate conversations that results because a lot of times. It's just scale is even adding people didn't get quite the training. There's no disagreement needs to be once you get that line. Ian Recur Investment Ten Times over so I often save leaderships about anything it's about alignment and alignment is about focusing energy now I know and that's kind of complex and leaps and just take snapshot of data. Write it down thinking about it later. I'll try to make this clear. You can't have a live. If you don't have clarity you've got no one island. You're going to before you can do it. If I don't know what direction I'm going. I can't align to that so a value of your company of your organization. That's an issue that you can align to or not it can the embodied or not and so leadership about anything yet to be clear. I the linemen and alignment is about focusing energy in other words. I know where going and I'm focusing on the island peace and prosperity and now I'm getting others to row in the same direction instead rowing to the island called look what Sally did or that's not fair fair. I'm now getting alignment with my entire team and that's when it starts to get really really fun so what I know. Is that the shareholders or the owners. They simply want to get the treasure chest on the island. That's their if they want to get there. That manager wants everybody to row. Harder and faster and rower just wanted to see pictures on the boat so what you have to do. Is You have to understand that you have to see all these parts. He says the company wants to grow. The culture is probably going to have to change when the end by saying this will open up for some questions. Leadership is is not easy and and the one way you know your leaders started to get criticized. People can point out what you should have. Done could have done what they would better. You're going to truly he is this ownership entrepreneurialism and leadership those three areas. If it's really going to show you who you are that's going to be your greatest opportunity. For personal growth outside of marriage and children life offers us all kinds of avenues to get our personal growth and leadership truly is an act of courage and here's why I say that there's certain things that the leader only you can do you can get someone to be the payroll and do the hiring but only you can do your work work and you can get someone to clean the office decorate but only your inner work and when you're a leader. Peter you have to really spend more time looking in the mirror and looking out the window because if you're looking out the window you're going to say things like well. There's no budget and that may be true or everyone said alarm employees are engaged and you can find evidence and you're going to say we've got some porn performers and there's really not much. I can do and you can say I really didn't get the training that I should've gotten and are expecting more than they should and that's probably accurate to but when you're really and truly a leader you take responsibility and you look in the mirror. You say you know what this this is me. I'm the leader what are my choices. What are my next steps and what I'm why trying to get to and when you do that you're taking full ownership and you're really representing leadership from the perspective that leadership is truly an act of courage and thanking so much for being with me and I I want to open it up now Banya to see if there's any questions great. Thank you so much marlene. That was a great presentation. <hes> I've got a couple of questions here the first ones coming from Anna. She says how can I screen out dramatic employees hiring. That's really great because you can catch the end <music>. I'm Boston said the best sales job that anyone ever gives us the one where they sold you on hiring and so there are certain things were never going to really know that one thing I would do as always listen for responsible language. Listen for empowerment on. Everybody knows the answer in a workshop. Here's what I would try to listen for. Tell me a time when you weren't the hero when you messed up and what you learn from it and you might even give them that question in advance because I think sometimes I think about myself l. I don't WanNa be tricked going into an interview. I want to understand and really think deeply about hound an answer my question so I kinda come from a different place and let people have some in preparation and then do some questions that are are <hes> you know on the spur of the moment that left people think deeply about <hes> where they've you know where where they struggled dislike what. I told you with a doctor whenever I I told him off and I was pretty aggressive. I'm embarrassed about that because of what I teach I do but what I learned from it is that anybody can be caught off guard and I cleaned it up. I Apologize. I set up a meeting and we clear the air now. Unfortunately my mom didn't get to want to keep going to that doctor. Even though the next time he went he was very very nice but the trust hit already been broken so like I share that story because I never want someone think more marlene doesn't walk talk and I will say I don't all the time that I do try so you want to hear a little bit of humility of I'm introspective. Give I have made some mistakes and I have learned from it and this is what I would do in the future so I would say that would be my number one suggestion so you're looking for signs of hi emotional intelligence. I would say like what I've learned and like. I kind of know myself like I know for me. When I travel. I have to be there if I'm doing a project or seeking engage h rider workshop whatever I know myself. I have to be there. The day before that has to be included in the contract include travel my trying to be a diva now. I just know oh myself. I'm not going to be my best if I'm struggling and stressing to traffic because of the way our it's not an excuse. It's just the way that I am. I have tried to do it. The way everybody else says. uh-huh flew right in I got there. I barely made it in the naked time. I gave my presentation for about this. That's just not the life I wanna live very clear about that and so look for people that are clear clear about who they are. Either values are what their unemotional intelligence is because you'll get a lot more for someone that wants to grow as willing to share with you how how they'd learned over past and stakes thank you if anyone else has questions just <hes> type them into the chat box or use the QA function. I have another one here that says is it done. Do you have any culture team building activities or exercises you suggest to clients absolutely we can talk about that more on the the phone. I think it really it's all all be also relative. I would say as far as activities focus on the relationships because when people start to have conversations with each other and they start to feel those good endorphins and it's not just flavor of the man I think that's the problem I wanna I wanNA address it from this perspective I see initiatives like engagement and culture and he mark being very much a checklist and so it'd be very intentional and really creating conversations to hear ideas and to try to start using the ideas audiences of the people involved in what I'll say about that. Is this verb over twenty years. I was a blue collar factory worker. I mean people don't know that less they. I did on my website. I had a major trend transformation and jumped and got my degree and my masters and all that since then I've written three books and I've traveled to country all this that when I was at blue collar employ I write about this in no drama leadership a lot of times we were really asked our opinion hinge on things and there were decisions made for marketing a corporate headquarters that made our lives horrible and and I know the reason that we're not ask sometimes that front line level level is there's the mindset of Omega understand. The business will precisely that's true so a bad idea doesn't mean it's bad employees or a stupid employees. It means they don't understand the business how decisions are made especially in the fortune five hundred in the bigger businesses which I was a part of so what that means is giving bad ideas it still means they're interested in engage because they're initiating conversation so bats an opportunity to teach outs done and teach the to understand the culture of health things are done in a bigger business and wider done that way and distilling knowledge that they're engaged so I say the first focus is relationships relationships in conversation. That's when I started this. My whole intention was to improve communication of relationships everywhere because relationships they can get everything <hes> so I would say rather than worrying so much alike your question but I would say rather than thinking of it as activities think about how we can build conversation and relationship Asian ship because that's going to guide you need to go okay. That's great to maybe like building. Little teams are building groups of people to to work together to converse about something so let's say that you got an obstacle. If identified you could you could have little groups that come up with potential solutions or why they think it's happening or or you know that kind of thing you could have meeting. We're going to have a two minute. Conversation divide into groups and let's talk about this because once people feel engaged in the problems and engaged in the solutions. You're creating trust. You're creating camaraderie and then when you report back and say we had great ideas. Here's some ideas that we thought were great. We're not there yet and here's why we're still the ideas because it led to this and so when you start sharing ideas even on a small for example me working in a factory there was times when the rotations were horrible because of some dignity that marketing given us and one time I came up with a new way to rotate gave her many a break the factory factory culture. It's all about seniority doesn't matter if the lower level people are doing the harder work all day long but if he truly start talking about what's their what's right what makes life easier ear. It's about rotating in a way that gives everybody a little piece of hard work and everybody a little piece of the difficult work and when you start doing that and then you can say let's try a pilot for two nights or let's try a pilot for men and let's come back together and talk about what worked what didn't now you're not making a promise that there's a major change also not doing the flavor of the roughly talked about it but nothing happened so you actually have to execute on some of that but you just were find ways to engage conversation. Thanks <hes> and hit the next question here. How do I coach an employee. Who Doesn't take responsibility there? We seem to skew says that's I love that question. Rob Hall Workshop on that so you have to be willing first of all to understand. Why are they not getting any consequences from their irresponsibility because you can't create accountability how to build if they just keep getting my with it and so what I try to look for the short version of my excuse me I call I coaching empowerment. You want to find out if the issue is a skill a priority clarity issue or if they're just not willing because if it's a skill issue and you you know this is probably on your part may take some coaching to really get this to to help you. I I want to give you as much as I can. What you're testing for is their willingness so if you say well so I need you to train again with Kim this week because I'm thinking he met you miss this documentation. Would you be willing to train with him. Well I mean I'd have to come in early to train Kim so their best shows resistance. Which is the third third reading all drama. Yes you have to train with. Kim and you'd have to be an early willing to come in early so you don't start going to the island call bill. I ne- we're going to do it and they're like yeah but you're trying to make it more difficult to you know. I've got three kids no babysitter. You don't get into those conversations just test for willingness. Would you be willing to train being with Kim if you come in at nine thirty eight so it removes the barrier or asked him to go against the mirror because you're gonNA test for their willingness. If it's a willingness shoot you're not I couldn't change the person they're perfectly happy getting by with poor performance. You're going to have to decide what's the next step and unfortunately if they're not willing to release them yeah very true okay. This is our last question here. If a department has a lot of turnover how can I increase engagement well. I wouldn't worry about increasing engagement. I would look at the leader is if a department has turnover you. I have to get conversation and you have to understand what the real problem is is is is the lack of engagement even causing a problem. Maybe it's not so don't make an assumption that again. I worked in a factory there. Was this kind ah checklist mentality well engagement. We didn't call up that back. Then it was called something else there's always new management techniques and so on well if there are dissipating dissipating in the safety slogan if they're joining us a focus group if they're on a committee for whack history month if they're on the steering committee and volunteering your time that that's engagement and it can be but real engagement is about initiative and involvement. It's about an excitement. It's is not a checklist to have an activity to fill out a sheet so I'm not saying that's what you're doing it all but I wanted to do you provide the framework for me to talk about the ways we view which is a relationship issue. Were viewing engagement as a checklist I would really I would hire a consultant to come in and find out why there's the turnover. There's the reason and you may not get underneath that reason but I'll say it's probably the relationship with the boss because if it's the same kind of work in different departments it's either the work is not rewarding or there's the leader is negative or the leader doesn't know how to lead. I take dance lessons. I loved to do the hop and and allowed to do a swing and all this kind of stuff and I go to different places and there's different cultures different and dance instructors in different clubs where you go to learn how to do the skill and in some places. The instructor takes command of the room. You don't want to lend fifteen minutes late. It'd be chatting and nobody's ready. You know there's another place where it's like a laid back culture and not criticizing that I want to make the distinction and all has to do the leader not the people that are coming. The leader sets the tone so if there's a lack of engagement that signifying a lack of interest. It's signifying feeling beat down or disempowered empowered so it's either the work is so difficult so dirty so unrewarding whatever that is the job itself or it's the leader or or both and a Lotta. Times are really good. Leader can either make dull jobs really find an interesting and so I would say look at the leadership that you're going to have to again find ways for people to express why that's happening instead of assuming that it's because they're not engaged right <unk> <hes> this. We actually have one more question here from. Jenny just came through when building a team that is it or is it important to hire someone who has a characteristic as a leader while it's all that's such a big question. It's kind of like saying I want to go to the I wanna go the island on in the middle of the ocean which way I think it's more about clarity than it is about that. Yes it's important to relate but if we're clear like let's say for example. I'm on a team and it's really important that at least one person be able to argue and NBA like they have to have been an attorney. We'll do I need them to be my best friend or is that just part of their skill and we know that and that's fine. That's what we hired them for so I think it's more about clarity clarity. It's not about Kunai. We all have to get along. We get along because we understand the roles. Each person plays so we can all all incredibly personalities. I've been doing this for twenty years. I've got lots of work left to do so it's less about that and I do believe some of the Kobes and the all these things that we take that can really help us to get the right team members in place on not discounting that I think clarity comes I if we understand why and what people do their roles responsible also what we need a what those works are being to us. I think it's just a lot easier than expect everybody to just get along at agreed each other all the time <hes> well this. We've got a comment here. Someone said just wanted to say thank you. This was so timely and relevant to me. You're awesome. I really appreciate this advice. Don't stop don't style doc. Thank you so much. I love that because it's it's really a challenge to not be in the audience and hear the feedback to answer the question. I appreciate that comment with a live in a really do want to invite you to go to Marin Chisholm dot com. RV WANNA email me to get that culture assessment. Just pop over by so you mail great. Thank you so much merlene and then you everybody for joining us today <hes> if you WANNA watch the replay of this Webinar or any of our pass webinars head on over to lead X. DOT ORG to pick up a free three day trial of all of our webinars courses. Thank you everyone and have a great weekend friends. If you'd like this this episode of the Lead X. Leadership podcast. Please take a minute leave. A rating on itunes or stitcher ratings are invaluable for attracting new who listeners and like to convert those listeners into leaders because you know I'm on a mission to spark one hundred million leaders in the next ten years and if you want to become the boss everyone fights to work for and nobody wants to leave check out the lead x platform with coach Amanda at Lead Dot Org and if you have ten or more managers who could use some binge worthy training send me an email at info at lead x dot org Elliott X dot. Org Orgy and we'll talk about getting you set up with a totally free pilot for those managers see if they like it if they don't that's fine. We go away part as friends but if they love it you just found yourself a new resource for them. Remember leadership is influence. You're always leading GONNA lead today.

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