Rock Bottom: Have You Hit It & Where Do You Go From There?
Hey everybody welcome to the addiction unlimited podcast where you get to learn everything you want to know about addiction and recovery. I'm your host Angela Pugh co-founder of Kansas City recovery life life coach and recovering alcoholic to learn more about me. You can listen to episodes zero on your podcast APP or find us on the web at addiction unlimited dot com. Hey everybody welcome to the addiction unlimited podcast. I'm your host Angela Pugh. Thank you for spending some time with me today listening to the POD. I hope you're having a fantastic week. This week has been a busy one for me and a little later in this episode I want to catch you up on everything <unk> happening in my world and all the great things I have coming up for you. I know some of you are finding yourself in a spot that is super uncomfortable and stressful feeling like a failure wondering if you're ever going to able to figure out this sobriety thing and I remember being in that exact same position I even in my most unhealthy times I actually believed that I was defective like broken beyond repair and and my connection to alcohol literally made no sense. I couldn't grasp why I kept doing it. Even though I was watching it destroy my life I was watching myself deteriorate and <unk>. I felt powerless like I just didn't know what the hell to do. No matter how much I hated alcohol and I really hated alcohol like the last couple of years of my drinking I hated it. I was so resentful because I felt like it had this total power and control over me and I couldn't stop it in even with all that resentment is still kept on drinking and I'm talking about this for two reasons one because I'm always trying to come up with new ways that I can serve you and can help you with good information and habits to build and a community full of support so you know you aren't alone and I have some really exciting things. I'm working on that. You're going to love and to because today's topic is rock rock bottom. Have you hit it. And where do you go from there. In rock bottom is like this figurative place we hit that signals. It's time to make a change right. It's usually very uncomfortable and unexpected and and and it's different for everybody. I don't ever want you to get hung up on thinking that rock bottom has to be some crazy dramatic event like mine was there are millions of people in the world who have a rock bottom moment moment that didn't land them in the hospital jail and I think we put so much weight on the term rock bottom that you start to think it's only rock bottom. If it's hugely dramatic or life threatening you know some some sort of crazy extravaganza and that is just simply not the case. You know one of my favorite rock bottom stories is my friend Jen couch. <hes> jen couch has sober cysts and she did a podcast with me. She's episode Oh twenty nine. If you want to check that one out that JEN has this really beautiful story of a family live being married raising kids a beautiful home full live she's active and for all intents intents and purposes. She's happy right in the midst of the sort of American dream story. She noticed that she was drinking more than she was comfortable with and she didn't feel good about it. She felt this huge like distance in her life like her words didn't match her actions like during the day she was doing yoga and eating healthy and drinking those dreaded green vegetable protein gene shakes and she was living a life she was proud of <hes> setting a healthy example for her family and friends and at night she was manipulating her time and feelings with wine right overdrinking feeling really crappy crappy the next morning where she would go right back into painting the picture of the happy healthy yoga mom. She didn't fall apart. She didn't get a D._U._i.. She didn't get in trouble with her husband. Her family didn't do an intervention on her her. There was no drama or chaos Jin hit her rock bottom moment she recognized. She wasn't proud of the choices she was making and she wasn't comfortable with how prominent alcohol had become in her. Life and she wanted to be better. That's it and I love talking about that too. How prominent alcohol had become in her life because for me? You guys have heard me talk about my story where like the very beginning of me realizing leising. I had a problem with alcohol was realizing my relationship with alcohol was different in realizing that it sat front and center in my life more so than it did for my friends right. I just knew my relationship with alcohol was different and what I want to focus on for a minute on that part I said about not being proud of the choices she was making is remember the episode about poking the bear. The bear is my alcoholism and as long as I'm sober he's in hibernation and I want him to stay in hibernation in anything I do that. I'm not proud of is poking that bear in tempting him to wake up right alcohol alcohol needs you to feel bad about yourself. It's the only way it can thrive and maintain control. When you feel bad about yourself it gives the committee in your head all that ammunition to kick your anxiety into full gear and talk trash to you all day long about how bad you are in how weak you are and what about parent you are and what about spouse you are and what about employee employee you are and you can't even keep your house clean and you can't get dinner on the table or whatever all of those things as long as the committee has all that ammunition to use against you you will want to drink drink because inactive addiction alcohol is the solution to quiet the committee in squash the anxiety the committee causes alcohol is the coping mechanism? You have used for so long so you see it as the solution Lucien when really it's totally the problem so it's so important to get this at its core level. That's why just quitting drinking will never work because just quitting drinking doesn't make the committee shut the F. Up. It's the core issues we have to focus on. We have to change what the committee is talking about. So it's positive in supportive instead of vicious and defeating you have to take actions every single day that you are proud of so you feel good about yourself and what you are doing and how you are living because when you feel good that bear has nothing to feed on you'll never get rid of the committee that ongoing self talk is just a part of life and it's something that everyone has people with compulsions and self esteem issues. Take it to a new level like we do everything else but it's just a part of life so don't be mad at the committee just put at some good time and energy into giving the committee new information to talk about instead of giving it ammunition to use against you. I loved that Jen recognized that she wasn't proud of her choices is an she wanted to do better in that literally was her rock bottom and I'm not saying that it was all rainbows and UNICORNS right like I'm sure she had embarrassing moments. Just like any drunk person does in I'm sure there were disagreements with her husband or whatever that that may have looked like for her but the point is she didn't ride the rock bottom train all the way to the bottom of the abyss right like she got off the train pain before it reeked too much havoc in her life and that's an option for everyone. You can get off the train whenever you want. Your rock bottom doesn't have to end like mine covered in blood face all busted up getting ready to go to jail right eight. That doesn't have to be your story. I hear people a lot talk about going to a and feeling like they don't fit or like everyone in the room is worse than them because their story isn't dramatic right the truth is it doesn't no matter what the details of your story are and it will not serve you well to sit in a meeting and pick out all the ways you are different from everyone and how you don't fit right. That's just giving the committee more ammunition to use. He's against you so it can tell you don't belong you. Don't fit here either. You are separate from these people then it can keep you isolated and alone in the bear has more discomfort to feed on instead. You understand that the details of our stories are not the important part and that's not what brings us together what connects us is our feelings about what we are doing. It's the feeling of being defeated by alcohol. It's feeling worthless and out of control. It's feeling as if you hate yourself because you can't figure this thing out and feeling like your piece of Shit for what you're putting putting your family through those feelings are what bring us together not the details you may get to that place of desperation in defeat from having a few glasses of wine at night and feeling groggy in the morning for me. It was more chaotic. It doesn't mean that my alcoholism was worse than yours or that. We aren't the same maybe you didn't need to sit in jail and feel like the biggest loser on the planet to sink low enough to make a change but I did. Maybe you look into the perfect little faces of your children in recognize that you WanNa be better you WanNa be the parent they deserve and the parent they long for to teach them and guide them to play with them and teach them healthy and strong self esteem so they don't turn to substance to feel better. Your rock bottom can be just that simple so once you hit rock bottom. Where do you go from there? The first thing I would say is get a good solid commitment from yourself. I mean decide to change. Don't try don't decide you're going to change until it's uncomfortable or until it gets hard but decide for for real that you are doing this no matter what that's one of the most important pieces when I quit drinking and I truly believe this is a big piece of my success in sobriety when I quit drinking I quit drinking was not an option for me. No matter how badly I felt it was off the table. If a thought of drinking popped into my head I would immediately say yeah but we don't drink anymore. I'm not drinking anymore. I gotTA figure out a different way. That's not how we do it anymore. I committed I decided for real. I committed to that decision. You could not have paid me a million dollars to drink. Alcohol literally tried to kill me and you guys have heard me say this before. I really like you but if you tried to kill me I wouldn't hang out with you anymore. So why would I continue to hang out with alcohol so for me. That's just how it made sense right so start there get. It's a really good solid commitment from yourself and understand that it is going to be uncomfortable understand. It is irritating. Sometimes you're GONNA hate it and that's okay right. None of us have ever died from being uncomfortable. You can get through uncomfortable. I think we don't challenge ourselves enough. That's a big big big piece of this to in relapse like it's like we WANNA fall apart under the pressure of anxiety and discomfort and boredom. We just WANNA crumble under that pressure. The truth is you are perfectly capable of handling that stuff you just gotTa tell the committee to take a hike. You've you've got to step in and know that there are solutions and be willing to find those solutions and act on them and get through that discomfort right. That's what being committed to a decision is really about once you have that real decision decision that real commitment then get my recovery recipe because it's literally a step by step guide as to how to start making the most simple changes totally fast and easy to give the committee new things to talk about. Honestly it's so simple it's kind of ridiculous and it doesn't have to be super time consuming either. It's not a pain in the ass but this is your guide. If you WANNA feel better fast. If you want the committee to stop beating you down down all day every day then you'll be willing to follow some simple instructions so you'll feel better in this is the first test really to see how committed you are and how solid your decision is. Are you willing to follow simple guidance science in do something that will help you or is the committee already making excuses as to why you don't need something like this is the committee telling you you can figure it out on your own or you can get the recovery recipe later when you know you will probably. Forget like you don't have to take action now. You can do it later or maybe you got my recovery recipe and you never even opened it or try to use it. You guys this is your alcoholism talking. It needs you due to stay the same and not take action so it can remain in control. The bear needs to eat and if you take action and do something to make yourself feel better than he can't eat. So of course. He's going to tell l. you to not do it. Of course he's going to tell you to wait until later. You don't have time right now or whatever the excuse is. This is how he talks you out of going to meetings or gets you to not look for a new job when you one or gets you to not work out when you really want to and he gets you to continue eating shitty even when you WanNa do better the bear is trying to maintain control and the hardest part of this is recognizing when he's talking shit to try to sabotage you in then doing the thing he's trying to talk you out of because you've made a decision to do better to be better. Try Harder in accomplish what you want tell hell the committee and that bear to sit down and shut the F. up because you are taking over now then go get the damn recovery recipe start taking simple actions to rebuild yourself and be proud of who oh you are and you can get an addiction limited dot com forward slash recovery recipe. It's totally free so don't think I'm trying to talk you into buying anything. It's absolutely free and again. It's addiction unlimited dot com forward slash recovery recipe and I'll put that link in the show notes too so you can click on it and get it right from your podcast APP but again. It's totally free. I know a ton of you guys have it. I love that you're using it. I get really great feedback about it and I appreciate that okay so make a decision and don't think you can't do it or it's too hard because it isn't. That's exactly what the bear wants you to think he will put up a fight so be prepared to hear the committee spewing all his lame excuses for why you don't need help or you don't need support guidance or you don't need to go to meetings or you don't have time because you're so busy or whatever the thing is. He is telling you. This is something that to me is both sad and amusing right because we talk ourselves ourselves out of things so easily or we let the bear talk us out of things so easily think about it this way. If you went to the doctor and you were diagnosed with cancer you would do everything in your power to fight it. You would follow the follow the doctor's recommendations to a T.. You would figure out how to pay for it. You would quit your job if you had to to make time for your treatments. Indoor surgery because cancer is fatal in we'll take your life well. Newsflash addiction is fatal in we'll take your life if alcohol will kill you so if you catch yourself making excuses even if they feel totally valid and rational. That's the moment you have to double down and be committed to your decision. I go through the same things you you guys. I work a lot on my podcast. I do all my own editing marketing. I make all my graphics. I do all my own social media. I write all my own copy. I build my own websites and on top of that. I have a whole other company with to sober living houses with seventeen guys to manage in protect on a daily basis. I understand being tired. I understand being busy at the same time I will never for a moment moment. Allow my sobriety to suffer because of the choices I'm making right. I can get up a little early and do a meeting online or watch a good sobriety video on youtube or listen to a podcast. There are a million ways. I can nurture Termi- sobriety on a daily basis but it's up to me to make that choice and to make a commitment to taking the action each day because I decided I will not take a drink again another example us when people tell me they don't have time is if you dropped your phone and broke it. I promise you you would create an hour in your day to go to the phone store for a new phone. I promise you you would because it's important to you. So why would you not carve out a small piece of time each day to nourish and feed your sobriety. Is your phone more important than your sobriety. I don't think so so let's recap. How do you know if you've hit rock bottom? <hes> I think rock bottom is the moment that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you're ready to make a commitment to change and you are willing to tell the bear and the committee to shut the F. Up so you can follow simple guidance to get better. Let me save you some time right now. You can't do it on your own because the bear has hijacked. You're thinking any broke it. It's just that simple. He broke it so you can't sit there with broken thinking in figure out your own solutions with broken thinking like it doesn't make any sense you have to follow the guidance of people who have had broken thinking and fixed it already. We know the path so let us show you. It's really just that simple. Really you know you really ready to commit and make changes when you cease trying to talk yourself out of help before I really decided to get my shit together. I was always against everything I I didn't want to go to meetings because of my anxiety. I didn't think I needed the things that other people need it. I didn't think I was as bad as those people or whatever I would never take any suggestions in that kept me isolated and separate and alone and drunk but when I had that rock bottom moment in a really decided I was ready to change. I took every suggestion I was given. I didn't fight anything. I didn't say maybe or maybe I'll do that later or I don't need that right. Now I literally took every suggestion and I ran with it. Even the things that sounded absolutely terrible to me in there were things right like I have terrible social anxiety. I'm not good in groups that I got there and they said you need to get connected and hang out with other alcoholics and this lady came up to me and said Angela a bunch of us. Ladies are having dinner tonight. We'd love for you to come in in my ahead of course the bear in the committee. We're going Oh God. No that sounds terrible. Were definitely not doing that. We want to go home. We went isolate. Let's be by ourselves. We definitely do not WANNA hang out with a bunch of strangers. You know what came out of my mouth. I said absolutely I'd I'd love to and I was lying because because I wouldn't love to but I knew because it was suggested to me by the people that had walked this path before me. I knew that's what I needed to should do and I knew even bigger than that. I knew that I didn't know what the Hell I was doing. I needed the guidance of those who had already accomplished what I was trying to accomplish think about it. It's the same reason we hire coaches coaches right because we're ready to do better and be more committed and we want the accountability to hold us to our commitment. That's why you guys hire me the same reason we hire personal trainers so they can teach us how to do better because we are really committed into doing better but before I was ready to commit to changing my eating habits or exercise habits. I wouldn't hire anyone because I wasn't totally committed so I didn't want that accountability. I didn't want someone to know I wasn't hasn't really committed right so screwed around on my own printing healthy recipes and googling how to eat well in joining free online programs that I never followed because there wasn't real accountability because I wasn't really committed yet when I got serious when I decided for real decided in committed to my decision that's when I hired the right coaches to get me where I wanna be a. and hold me accountable for my actions and my daily choices. I got guidance to get me where I wanted to be from people who knew how to do what I couldn't do on my own and that leads me to to catch you up on some of the things going on here at addiction unlimited and what I'm putting together for you first of all I wanNA give a shout out. I usually give a shout out in the beginning of the episode but as usual I just started chattering and running my mouth and uh-huh for God's shout out so I wanNA give a shout out to Katie who just joined my two K intensive platinum package. Katie has been struggling for the last year trying to quit drinking she would get like several as sober sometimes even a couple of weeks sober and then she would fall back into old patterns and habits drinking with friends or even drinking at home out of boredom. <hes> and I love Katy story too because she wasn't a hard core daily drinker like me. But she noticed that whenever she did drink she drank more than she wanted to and she would wake up the next morning feeling like crap usually late to work and then she felt embarrassed because she wasn't as together at work and she was just feeling all around crappy right so she decided for real decided that she wanted to commit to making a real change and she wanted that hands on support of my two K platinum package because she wanted to really understand drinking from the inside and she wanted daily guidance and support to change and that's what we do in two K it's daily support with me and I'm so proud of Katie because she's brand new to this. Her rock bottom wasn't extreme and she's totally committed to a new lifestyle and she's super excited so yea Katie's so happy to see her and have her in that two K and for those of you who want more support in your journey whether you want the daily support of the two K. Platinum Ratnam package or just weekly support with one on one mentoring with me you can find all the available coaching options at Addiction Unlimited Dot Com forward slash coaching. I also do group coaching every Monday evening that is really inexpensive incisive and a great way to connect with other people who are doing the same thing and are here to support you along with me supporting you and you can find that Info also at Addiction Unlimited Dot Com forward slash coaching and I also put that link in the show notes so you can get there and sign up right from your podcast APP Addiction Unlimited Dot Com Forward Slash coaching seriously addiction doesn't deserve to win right so decide commit get support report okay lastly. I am creating an online course for my recovery recipe. I am so crazy excited about this. It will be a great opportunity to utilize the recovery recipe the way it's meant to be used with guidance from me on exactly how to use each piece it will be fully online so you can do it at home in your undies on your own time. How amazing is that in his totally private David? I will keep you posted on that too totally private in your undies. Do It on your time so that's coming up. You'll hear more about that in speaking of totally private I get several messages a week asking me if our facebook group is private where can other people see that you are in there and the addiction unlimited group page is a private page so it will not show up in your feed or anything like that. Only the people in the group can see you in what you post but for those of you who are worried about the privacy issue. Remember that I'm a life coach right. I work with a ton of people who don't have any addiction issues at all. I work with people to change all kinds of habits. I work with people setting goals for their business business. I work with couples for better communication. I'm a life coach. I happened to also be a recovering alcoholic so I love working with people with addiction issues but if you were ever questioned about being a part of my group you are welcome to let people know I work on improving life in rebuilding self esteem and being a better human regardless of what you're recovering from. Just tell them I'm a life coach in. It's good information and it's supportive. That's all you have to to say and I hope that helps because I do get that question a lot so I hope you guys love this episode on Rock bottom. I hope it makes more sense for you and I would love to hear some of your stories to and don't forget to join is in the facebook group. <HES> FACEBOOK DOT com forward slash groups forward slash addiction unlimited. I will also put that in the show notes our show notes get long <hes> you can link directly to our facebook group the coaching page age and whatever else I said I would put in there. You can find that right in the show notes on your podcast up. We'll keep it nice and simple for you. I hope you guys are having a great day and I look forward to next week's episode we have Daniel Henderson coming on Daniel Henderson a young guy he got sober young and in early sobriety he went hiking with a friend and he felt two hundred feet off a cliff in Utah. This is a crazy story. Story and Daniels episode is next week so look forward to that again. I hope you guys are having a great day. Thank you for spending some time with me. I'll see you next week. You've reached the end of another great episode of the Addiction Unlimited podcast candid and honest conversation about addiction and recovery be sure to visit us at addiction unlimited dot com to join the conversation and access show notes and links do everything we talked about love.