597. Baron Vaughn, Zac Oyama, Ify Nwadiwe

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

This episode of comedy, bang bang is brought to you by query. This is a podcast with our good friend. Good friend of the show. Cameron Esposito sit in on an hour long conversation between her and some of the brightest luminaries in the LGBTQ, plus family query explores individual stories of identity personality and the shifting cultural matrix around gender sexuality and civil rights past guests include Lena waif, Alexandra billings, congressman Mark Takano. The Ellwood creator Eileen shaken president and CEO of glad Sarah, Kate, Ellis and more. It's identity. It's community. It's query fine. Query every Monday on Stitcher apple podcasts Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Come back. Bye. Bye. Bye. The sheep. She fought got peaches pitted. Foppish pigs sheep, that's fitted. Welcome to comedy, bang bang. And thank you to carpool cocoon for that gets raised mission. This show must sound insane. If this is the first time you've ever heard of before, but that was a catchphrase submission. I have been trying in vain for many years to replace my world famous catchphrase. What's hot dog that? I unfortunately gave away to weird Al yankovic. And as you know, he starts every concert by saying, it's a if he is to be believed. I've not gone to see any of his concerts to check up on him. I should because I gave him that cash. And if he's not using it, then we have a problem. So listeners submit me catchphrases, and that is a very interesting one. I think it's a little too hard to say though every week. So I think I am going to be moving on carcass cocoon, and what I say it's too hard to say. I mean carcass cocoon that is the first time catchphrase submitter, I believe and speaking of first times our guest today, we have a couple of first timers coming up a little later. We have someone from Alabama pest control. That is very exciting. And also an automobile salesman. Okay. I'm not sure where he's from the our other guests puts where he was from in the actual description, Alabama pest control that tells you everything you need to know as far as outta mobile salesman. It could be anywhere could be the in the center of the earth for all now. I know. In any case. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm your host for the proceedings and lettuce Terry, no further. We have a wonderful guest who's been on the show, many many times, you probably know him from mystery science theater the current series on Netflix as well as I think he was on some sort of ABC show or something some sort of sitcom for a minute. But our listeners know him primarily as our security guards Zeke from the comedy, bang, bang television show made some of the most appearances on the TV show only sixteen people I looked it up today only sixteen people appeared more often than you, including myself and Reggie and weirdo. Yankovic? Yeah. Please. Welcome baron Vaughn. Hello good to be here. Non Zeke, are you doing a character radio? I mean, technically, aren't we all at all time? What is your real? Because and I've known you for a couple years couple years, you know, and you were on the show even before that. And I you know, I did what I saw. I really don't. I don't think that I saw you having a conversation out there in the lobby that was like is this the real? Oh, that's it. Couldn't have been because he was so boring. The real baron is very very boring. I mean, that's a question. I have for myself as well, Scott. I mean every single day in the bathroom mirror, which I can't see anymore because I've covered in the lipstick. Yeah. How far down is that mirror? Go broke. We talk in ankles. Dow we're talking like a cowboy shot cubes medium. Yes. Down Bubes and up cubes. By the way, your comedy. I've always said, it's it's it's good for all ages. Yeah. Pukes up. Yes. If you have you laugh, so it's not like a thirteen in thing because that's so arbitrary there's late bloomers if you pukes, you're good. You're good. When it comes to my comedy. Yes. Exactly. And you check by the way, I noticed. I I luckily I've gotten to the point where I can I can hire someone I can delegate that that checking response pull a few out in and hold them up and show them to you. That's right. And that's that's right. And if and then I also have a rule about how thick they have to be because we're talking about like, you know, linen thread to what's the thread count on these pupils talking two thousand. Yes. And that's and if you're over two thousand and you will be admitted to the show for her in comedy, you have your wonderful stand up comedian, and you're on some show. I mentioned your honor show. You said a sitcom on ABC. Maybe I did a pilot for a sitcom on what am I? What am I thinking of? You might be thinking of a different Netflix show that I'm on on grace and Franco. Yeah. Yeah. Now, my wife watches that. Yes. And people's lives, watch it. Yeah. And their and and their mothers their mother, that's true. If I had if I had a dime for everyone who's come up to me like, my mom loves you. Then I would have about five times. That's that's very strange thing to say. So you're on Grayson, Frankie, and you have a new television program, and it's coming up this Friday, April. Eighteenth nineteenth. I didn't write down. I wrote down every piece of information except the actual wrote down April, which I spelled wrong. I wrote AARP. And by the way, speaking to grace and Franky viewers, the AARP. Yes. And then I wrote eleven PM because it's only Olympia. I didn't write what it was nineteen. Yes. This Friday at eleven PM. And I is it. Okay. For me to say the title. Now, I watched the first episode, and you decide you debate. Whether it's it's okay for certain people to say the title, do you want? Do you want to say the title? Do you want to force me to say this? I I don't know that I want to say the title. I'll say it first Scott, and they can follow in instep. Okay. I don't see this is like a gonyea west gold digger Ashraf situation. I don't necessarily think that's true yet. We'll see it's called the new negroes. Now, the thing about it is people don't know how to feel about the word negroes. Right. It was a word that we you know, was all in vogue decades ago. Vogue magazine that'll whole spread on the word negro. It was that was what was acceptable to say. Approximately nineteen seventy one to nineteen seventy-two nelin. It was actually longer than that historically, it kind of started. I want to say about the twenty. Okay. So a great man who was no longer with us name W E. D boys was one of the people that led the charge on changing the word that was used for black people to be negro. It was good. Then this is better. It was better than caller people. Okay. People were saying. And then he was like, I think I have something better sleep. Okay. So and then it was good for a while is good until about the late sixties early seventies. And then what happened in the late sixties? Why do people why where people got like this? I think what happens is people start using it as as a pejorative as a slam pasta certain time, and then people are like tongue. Oh, okay. Now, you're just saying it like, well, that's that's true of any word, you know? And I think that you know, it was the dominant word that was used to refer to black people, and then it kind of fell out of fashion, especially with younger people because I think, you know, the the time change politically, and there was a gentleman name Stokely Carmichael who sort of championed black to be the new word. Right. And then James Brown had a song. They allow them proud and Brown became black. And an irony is that black was insult before it became a negro was the word to call. Someone black was like fighting words. Right. But then then it was like, no. This is fine became the word and then black. Yeah. Blacks, and by the way, blacks black is back. The black is back is the new black because for awhile for awhile, then it became Afro-American and then African area. Afro African American and then and then it was like, none of just stop just please. Can we just go back to black? Well, there's a lot of there's some people still prefer African American people for afro American. They have big hair. I think that was Jesse Jackson almost feel like it was like Jesse Jackson singlehandedly tried to force that on everybody. We'll try to force afro American or African American African American they caught on in the universities, which is why came so huge. But I don't think that most people like that. I don't like it. I prefer black. Yeah. Well, the shorter the better. Dwell on it. It's about efficiency, you know, what I mean American is too many syllables. Now, you're trying to take this word back though. Well, the thing is I'm not necessarily trying to take the word negro back as much as I am reusing the term new negro, right? And that is its own thing rights. I don't get it. Well, white Scott what it is the way. If you're lizard of the showed haven't figured it out yet. I'm white Scott his wife, Scott Hoch urban. I know it sounds like a Nigerian that may be you know, that maybe causing the unease I have discussing this subject, Scott Chioma Offerman. That's specific. That's for like, the the fifteen Nigerian listeners that you have. I've counted they've all emailed me. They're like, I'm so happy. You're going to be on the show people from Ghana not a fan of mine. I don't know why gonna do. Got to do it. Right. That's exactly what you Harvey as George George H W Bush had a weird had a weird policy about the country of Ghana not gonna do it. Very strange. What the heck we were talking to talking about how you're the title of your show. And then we'll talk about the show itself. So the so the the the term in of itself new negro is was the title of a book from the twenties. Okay. And the book was an anthology of like fiction writers essayists poets musicians. Oh, as a compendium of like, this is the new this is the stuff that you should be paying attention to the art scene. Exactly sky. Hey, what I'm Mexico's with this show sort of is because let's talk about the show the show, and I've seen by the way, I don't like to brag. But I got a screener of the pilot. Oh, and I watched the whole darn thing. I appreciate your Washington. And first of all, let's talk about the hosts because it's you an open Mike and Mike we want to have on the show this week. But he's he's for and. We get we had to do it. We had to pull the triggers eagle? Yeah. But it's you an open Mike you'll now you're a standup. Yes. And Mike is a musician who, but he also is very funny. And as you know is himself in performances and does stand up shows and stuff like that. So it's you guys are both the hosts, and it's sort of like a premium blend dark roast, what do you just right now? What do you think premium blend dark roast sounds? Just call it. Let me just grind it down and see how how it processes. Yeah. I mean, Mike is a is a rapper a hip hop artist. Whatever you wanna call it. And so yeah, every episode kind of has a theme we unpack it a little bit on. I want to say like a vaudeville kind of way. I mean, silly our friend Lance bangs he directed to develop it with you as well. Or did he just direct it? Well, I we developed it. I always wanted Lance to direct because I I like I like the meltdown. So it's it's kind of like a meltdown type show year. It's like you guys have stand ups on. Yes. And you also have musicians on and in fact in the pilot. It's really good. You have Chris read chalet was sharp and Langston Kerman who's just on the show a couple of weeks ago here, and then Hannibal Burgas pops up in the middle of it doesn't really funny thing. And then at the end, Danny Brown musician. Danny Brown does video with Mike. Yes. So it's like, oh this in twenty minutes and fifty five seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's addeted pretty tight is. And no comedian that did a set. Did the time I asked what do they do? I said down by se how do they run the light? Well, some who'll did twenty who ran the light the worst everyone ran the light except for two people who didn't the only two people that came in at the time. I asked were Sam Jay, okay? And mayo me at paragon. Very you. Go. Guess how easy it was to their sets. So so easy. Meanwhile, the twenties meal how long did Chris read do because he probably didn't go that bad like nine minutes. Okay. Yeah. He's he's a professional to Langston lakes and actually was eighty four minutes. It's eighty four minutes, which is about the the Runtime of Annie hall. Yes. Exactly. Well, he had I think he had just seen any hall, and he's like I could do this for longer. He just did it word for word exactly from memory to very talented guy at some point. I had to edit that basically piece mailed his his the different words all the different dialogue from Asia standups into his set because a lot of people don't know in anti-holiday, speak everywhere to me English length any hold the very first line of dialogue is what he goes the quick Brown FOX jumps over the lazy dog. And then that gives you every single letter to use it doesn't every sound, and you can just just putting scale it together. Yeah. But it's a it's a really cool show. Who do you have on further episodes? Oh, yeah. I mean, you stand up wise we have people like George Wallace. Because there's another thing that I wanted to do which was extensively bridge gap between different generations accompanying bridging gas, actually, exactly Benetton United uniting these colors because when you see these standard shows on comedy central. It's whoever's hot whoever's new, and they're like, hey, you know, I'd love to have this fifty year old person ago. He's had his time in the sun. Exactly. And I kind of wanted to if you will pay my respects to those who came before us did they feel respected after the show. I believe they did especially like Finally, I got my respect that. Yeah. Except for one person. Who's like, I don't get no respect. Oh ridings on. But he wasn't. He tried to get them. Like, you're not black right? Oh, I don't get no respect that's respected Malek in my book. It's true. Who else who else? Do we have George Wallace? Vanni funny. One of the funniest they'll Rawlings. Sutiarso mehta. From the current generation the curve from the older generation of SNL. Yes, l'oreal. Oh, Candice Thompson tone Bill. Sonja, Johnnie who is a younger median there's a couple that we get to break. I've six she. She just started talking that babies on the show her. I joke was take my wife, please. And that's pretty funny. I mean, she put the young young men and seeing what say that who do you have for musicians who come on the show. We have Fonte we have method man, we have MSN doom M F tomb. We have a Sama's, Liz. Oh, wow. A bunch of different. Really interesting. Do they all do videos with Mike? Yes. Okay. So they don't come on and do live performances. They all do video. They do not and the videos are great the video in this. First episode has Jake Wiseman who was also on the show recently from corporate. Yeah. It was a weird thing. I wanted to do where it's like, you know, like rappers get to shout out other people. They like artists collaborators so in the videos, I kind of wanted to shout out all these different comedians that that I like like Jake Weisman Marcel arguello's in that or zone. Oh, so like, all these great comics and every single. I tell you you pack, so much in so many great people in in the just the first episode. I mean when I saw oh, wow. There's three people and a musician. It was like how are they going to do this and then Hannibal jumps up? And it's like oh. And then you guys are doing time in between. It's really an achievement. It's it's a really appreciate. That's good. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Hopefully, we get to do more and do it better. How many did you do? We did eight episodes eight. Yes. Eight is enough aid is. Yeah, it is. It is enough. But not for you because you want to do more. Do you want to do one more? I will like to do all let's see. Let's see what happens. I would like to do this show for a couple years because there's a lot of comedians. I loved that. I would like to get on to run out of comedians. Yeah. Surprisingly, no, Scott, surprisingly, no, they keep making them big. It's you. In a certain point. They would stop you would think that. But I tell you here in L A. It's like, oh, hi, I'm a comedian. God it they bust them in from comedia-. I just don't understand it. And it comes on this this Friday comedy, central eleven PM, the coveted. Is all the young people are at home watching television. When it's on eleven on a Friday. Yes. The post what do they call that on ABC on Friday nights? The you're looking no no back in the day. GIF TGIF. Yes. The post TGIF's going to have some fun. So you how it's done TGIF something like that something like that. He did it perfectly. Barron. So good in you and Mike have a wonderful report when how long had you worked with Mike a couple of years we've been doing a live show here in the Los Angeles. We were doing it to UCB Franklin. Now, we're at the Virgil I had started this show with Bridgetown comedy festival many years ago, especially because it's like comments are coming from all over the country to down to do that festivals. I got to meet a bunch of comics. I never knew before. Wow. Who's essences? I got absorb essences Neta pun note. That's that is a magazine. I didn't even think of that was still around. Yes. Invive? And well, yes. Of course, they still they're still essence vibe jet magazine still has the beauty of the week jet. Yeah. My neighbor got all of those and I would get because steal your neighbors, Geno. No. I was in number two, and they were in penthouse to and the male person would get it mixed up all the time. So quite often. I would I would just pull out a part of our mail ago. Oh, I got someone else's mail today. Because it would be a jet. I go. Okay. I could be like keeping it. This one's for me today. Excuse me. I got a. Well, it's a it's a great show. I hope everyone checks it out. I mean, you're on the rocket ship to fame at this point. After this Friday, everyone will you know, it'd be recognizing you in the streets. I get there. Well, sure. Oh my God. I love this as us usually older generation with the grace and Franky I'm talking to under sixty crowd is finally gonna come around to you. Yes. That's that's the crowd. I've been looking for sixty months sixty months to sixty years, and if they have pubis and by the way, if you better buke dot if you see barren out on the street show them, your don't I retract all bear on promise later. I retract what if you what if that became a part of your act, and then you sold t shirts that was like your face just said show mayor pew. I would buy that t shirt. Let's be on this. We on us. And I think just from this appearance could sell them, and it would be okay. This is really doing wonders for me merchant. How can I get talk about pubic breaks emerge? All right. We need to get to our next guest. Now, that's all right around for this. Around for this person. I do want you to sit around the entire show. Okay. That was part of the deal for sake. Mon you're gun. Tim show. Okay. But he is from Alabama pest control. That's exciting. Do you are are you a animal? Oh, I am. I'm also a fan of the John look was on the movie the pest. Oh, I don't know the past. What is the plot of that? I keep interrupting you is you're trying to sip your drink. What do you wanna do you want to answer? It. You wanna sit? Well, I'm glad you asked their Scott got. Given what he's really annoying. That's I guess that's what the whole point of the past is. So he goes around bothering beep. Yeah. I hadn't ever said it certain type of leg was on. Oh, man. Is he doing his one man shows? People who did not pay for ticket. Yeah. I flipped on HBO or Showtime or something one day. I need to start taking the the water here for a second. My God is that your real voice? Yeah. Just slipped into my real voice. All right. He's from Alabama pest control. But are you an animal fan? I am a fan of animals. Yeah. It's kind of mean to call them pests depends on what your relationship is with them. That's true. All right. Isn't a pest usually like the insect or something. I don't know. I mean, I think it implies like an unwanted animal perhaps favorite or a Mongoose gets into your house or something like that. We'll find all got a capi barrow problem. He is he's one of the Simpsons that this is fun. The Samsun sons, wait a minute. This person is one of the Simpsons. I think so his name's Denny Simpson. But he might be related to those the distant relationships. Welcome to the show. He's from Alabama pest control. Please welcome. Denny simpson. Hello though Simpson. The debt. Downtown. Not sure what you don't know this song. Oh, this is great Danielle van Byron bam. Incredible. And as that sounds like an incredible song. You never really is. It's really good. Have you ever heard of the show the Simpsons? I'm not aware of the Simpsons. Oh, I just know that I mean, my family's kind of weird. It could be its own show. What's your family? Like is there a dad and a mom and a ball dad who got a white shirt blue pants who wears all the time? My momma, she's got know. It's almost like your hair's blue because it's it's so great a him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blue haired old lady green shirt. Yeah. Really long shirt. Yeah. How'd you anyway? Well, I was just here to talk about your deputy Simpson. Oh, yeah. Danny Simpson's from the Alabama pest control album allied to also refer to it as critter control because. Yeah, I don't like saying Pesci there. Yeah. Exactly. It's mean, isn't it? It's made I'm all about the ethical capture and release of these animals and people for the ethical capture and release of animals. I've heard that or if I could start organization called Pekar, and you know, that that would join it. Okay. Good. You know, I would pay dues of upwards of three hundred dollars a year three hundred dollars. Okay. That's an interesting ballpark. We're going to have to do a little market research and see if that's viable. How many how many members do you at three hundred year? Do you think would sustain your organization we're going to be a couple thousand? Big big goals. Six hundred thousand dollars just to stay. Well, you know, there's a lot of animals endanger out there in Alabama famous. Specifically people have what kind of animals you got out there. Well, I can't tell you. How many times have crawled underneath the porch to grab a possible? I back who now or a cat out all kindly under porches, honor porches. They like to get under there. They pretend it's a little house for them. And then it's like a tiny house under a house like furniture like pictures of their family often kind of debris like that. And they're like, it's it's not really kept after and then the animals kind of, you know, we'll be animals, and it will be animals, and they go in there, and they kind of ruined the stuff a little bit. But yeah, they they will. I mean, they don't have a opposable thumbs. No. So they basically owns there. Oh, they do. Oh, yeah. That's true. Because they're opened up garbage cans and tell you how many times have gone down there and tell us how many times you've done these things. It sounds like you have you seen? Sounds like you have you seen stats it happened a lot and more. So than I count. I'm not great with numbers. But so it hasn't happened a little time, and you're just dumb, and you can't count that high. No, it's happened at least happening too many to think of a number maybe too. Well, this is why you couldn't tell us. It's not that. It's not that many. Or is that really? Hi, I'm not sure. But I looked I've seen these raccoons under there. Just short of a family. I see spiking Orage air. That's true. Yeah. I mean, I diet that color or this is natural. Imagine failure naturally. Half of us about have this hair. Maybe four out of five of us have Haley. Okay. Yeah. You have sort of a complexion sorta like the tangerine and chief Donald J Trump if I may be political for just one second. And now, I'm. Stopping I'm stopping so. Yeah. You have a jaundiced complexion. Yeah. You just sort of spray to ethically. Lets me handle animals. It's sort of orange spread. They don't like it. But it keeps them from biting me occas part. So they don't like to be close to it. So they don't bite your skin. Yes. Okay. But it doesn't make it doesn't make your hands slippery. So it's all a hundred times, it's very slippery. Wait a minute. You only have four digits. Yeah. What I mean? That's all you have to be honest, going under them porches can't tell you. How many times I've had fingers bitten off by? I would assume twice before the spray. Maybe be somewhere around two. Wow. So so what did you come here to talk about? Why just talking about? Ethically. Capturing these animals, I am I don't think I've been doing this long time. I've realized that we don't really need to to tranquilize animals or put these little that's what a lot of other pest control places. Do they see an animal and they're like get the gun. Honey, exactly, or they, you know, the husband and wife team. Pest control team thinking one of those big polls that has a little wire on it and the grammar around the neck. And I just use my hands. Yeah. I think that's more natural way. And they can come to understand me. And yes, sometimes they you know, I can't tell you anytime they called me up. You know, I take a guess though, four maybe four times maybe fifty thousand any of this a wide range, but somewhere in between that betwixt that. But we we gotta be more careful with these animals because they're they've been put on this earth. Just as we have. And we should let them safely get to a place where they can live their lives. Is there is there a reason for every animal, you know, how they say like, well, you hate bees. But you know, without them. Suddenly our environment is going to shit somehow, you know, or like, oh, you know, you hate snakes while they are there other catching the rats or whatever, you know, like every animal there seems like there's some sort of excuse that these people go like. You know, is is is that true for every single animal? Documentaries about that to earth. I believe I believe that fully. I mean, I grabbed this rattlesnake the, and it really it really went to town on my arm. Oh down. Yeah. Let me check that. That is you've not dressed that wound. I'm letting it letting it breathe. Do that. Because sometimes you know, you gotta let it gets mayor passed out when I put a band aid on assumed it had a corollary. So whatever orange and green whatever the mixture twos on the color wheel. Is that say yellow, I'm not sure I really don't want to say you have yellow. Not an expert in color, problematical. Well, but yeah, it's turning a weird color. Yeah. And it got me and that was part of that that snakes journey and that's next line. Right. Yeah. So what is the purpose of every animal just to kill some other MO? Can't we just kill the animals women? And then we're good. Are we animals though? That's the question. Right. Are we animals were Hyun us? That's true that an animal to be animals or pests that is interesting because I know that we have we what is the difference between a human animal, we can think. But I mean, they say the chimps can think there's that KoKo the gorilla supposedly could think. Yes, supposedly. But I believe it. I'm a co true. But I mean, I mean, maybe we live in a world where all animals can think, you know, they're living their lives. They're they're having full. Do you think our dogs thing? Yeah. I think there what do you think they think if they if their thoughts like have you ever tried to impersonate what a dog thinks he's probably just said it out loud. Just like, I'm hungry so hungry. Well, that's going to be true nine times out of ten. Yeah. Do you think dogs are hungry? All the time. I think they're always hunger. What a life. I mean. Just prevent hungry Scott. I mean, it's usually in the morning, then a few hours later, and then you come nighttime. I get pretty ugly then to. Yeah. I mean, I'm hungry about three times a day. I would guess give or take. It's really nice look fifteen for me fifteen. Yeah. But I like to eat small things. Okay. Do you like to micro meals to almonds? Yeah. Teen times times that's about thirty almonds. I can't tell you. How many times you've had thirty almonds? Yeah. I appreciate that. Because you're not necessarily eat animal unless you have to exactly ethically. Caught them. Denny you're here to talk about ethically capturing these animals. Yes. So talk about it. So listen, I want to say I don't use tools. But if an animal by any tools, I don't use tools these these mitts, and but if an animal hits me, I'm gonna hit it back. Okay. So the other day possum scratch me right in the face. Okay. What I'm trying to say come here come here and get out of here. A scratches me. And then and then I give them one right pal right in the face. So all it did was scratch you, but you decided to like hit lows fist punch him in the face, treat them like I would treat any of you hit me I'm gonna hit you back, but he didn't hit if I were to come up to you in meow and just scratch you in the face. You would punch me. I if he cut me across the face like this wound right here with your finger nail man. Maybe at punch you. But I can ask elation. Let me maybe I was ceded. Maybe I was seated maybe I got the Tipper got the best of me. But yeah. Clocked him right in the face. And then he fell fully asleep on the ground. I took him to the woods and he lived his life. And that's that's fully what do you mean by fully asleep? Well, I hit them. I hit him right in the chin. Right. He waddled back and forth as I'd or you look like a comical boxer. Yeah. Like when a boxers about to get Kayode. It was he went up on his back legs. Right. Then he fell out fell down. And right. And then I did the kennel in my head the ten count. Yeah. And then he was done. Did he ever like sorta get up? Like he reached for a little rope. And he couldn't he staggered. And then I thought he was good for second thing, you can do it. And then he just how just how ground again, so you so then at the ten count you've you've thought he was asleep. Yes, he fell asleep and fully asleep. He's well, that's how I fell asleep. He lights out. So I mean what I mean if I were to hit a little tiny thing, you know, I think the force. I mean, you're I mean, you're a you're not a big person, you're approximately like four hundred four hundred six or so with your hair hundred nine pounds. All right, wearing shorts flu shorts one hundred nine with my skateboard. So knock this little guy out. And and that makes it so that I can ethically. Take him. Right. I'm worried that you killed a raccoon with with a forceful blow that was his skull intact. I don't know why I'm saying his was there SCO intact their skull. I don't know if their school was an intact or not. I mean, I I picked him up and I didn't look down again. And I walked all the woods and dropped off. And I left without making sure that he woke up I'll say that. Okay. I think I think you killed a raccoon. I don't I really don't. I've really your hands, by the way. Yeah. I feel I'm feeling really good about my actions. And so I really don't think I do is it because you didn't use tools. Well, yeah. Because I mean, I'm not throwing a piece of metal on this animal. Right. I'm not. I'm not using something on natural like a chemical. Yeah. But I mean, can I ask you a question where you were? Did you happen to be wearing anything like brass knuckles at the time? I got these guys on I mean. Yeah. Oh, I noticed those when you walk this. I love and then and then we'll right. And they have a little spikes on them as well. I mean, those are the are derived, motorcycles or something. What do you have? I walk around, and I put my leather jacket on where my sunglasses, and you know, so you're like, a cool like those those t shirts that you would get at swap meets. Yeah. Like a different version of. Of yourself of myself. I'm thinking, I I go to swap meets a lot. And there's there's like an interesting Instagram channel that has a bunch of pictures of me, but little different rights, Michael, Jordan, right? That was interesting. Yeah. You with dreads? Yes. Yeah. Exactly. I don't know where they're getting these pictures to me. I don't know. But you know, and then you know, I've taken care of other animals has this happened multiple times. Woody. What is what is your MO when you approach and animal what you're not using tools? Yes. So what would normally happen? First things. First you go in there. You don't you shine a light or anything, and you just cross forward as fast as you can the dark in the dark crawl forward. Yeah. Are you worried about getting anything saying Hello? And then usually with comically exaggerated southern accent? I put on the accent a little bit. When I go there. Hello because I think sometimes imagined animals thinking, and it's like that. Well, I mean, I imagine it lowers their defenses because when you hear someone with that harsh of a southern accent. Usually think oh, this person isn't that bright? Now, there may be kinda dumb or something. But like, and so often, you know, it seems like last week a cat was under a house. No. You know, rather large cat, and I go in there. Hello, hello. And it looks at me. And it gets a little scared at me. And then it jumps. And it touches my back. And when it touches my back, I used sort of a judo move and flip it over pounding using the force of the cats against itself. Yes, judo. Yes. And this was a heavier cat. So I used that. I was able to use sort of its weight against itself right lifted over and then did sort of left, right? Kick combo. Wait with your fists and your booze right fist kick. And this cat fully sleep. Like a hard kick or short kick. There's a hard short kick out enough space in there to do you know, you can do a full long. Yeah. How long has a long kick to you, Barron? Well for him. It's not that long. I mean, he's so short so about two feet to two and a half feet. Right. We're talking. This was a straight kick for me. So it was like one foot. It sounds like you're using a lot of 'em may on these cats mixed martial arts mixed martial arts, or me Levin animals. Okay. That's the that's part of the what's ethical about it. Yeah. You mix love with discipline. Yeah. With these animals that makes sense, exactly. And you know, this guy was out cold. And that was he was fully asleep. Fully how many animals have you put fully to sleep gosh, anywhere between I would say three or four hundred thousand four hundred thousand and and is that why you need the six hundred thousand dollars a year for your organization is this some sort of defense fund, or you know, a lot of people don't like how do it? And so I would think everyone would disagree with you. I mean has there ever been a time where you've rescued an animal? I mean every single one I would say, yeah. But you're putting them in the woods. I mean in some sort of like mass grave shore of hundreds of thousands of of dead animals. I mean, what sleep in their asleep to you. But I mean, do the would smell do they call them, stinky woods, I'm often congested. I'm very allergic to animals. This word. I would have to say that. Yes. I every now, and then I passed hikers coming through that area. And they're like, you know, I can't smell it. But they're like you and that sort of west sound stupid. Yeah. And they're they're idiots. So it's like who am I going to trust that or not and say, well, I think that you're I mean, you're almost look this is how serial killers get started. Am I right baron? I mean, killing this this number of animals have you escalated to humans yet? I'd have helped some humans. Oh. Oh, look, look, sometimes a human will get caught under house. Schlemmer or other, you know. Wait your co workers. They're not there were no work at the same company. But sometimes I'll control outside. Oh, a competitive house. And then I'll run in there now go. Hello. Hello. And I will rescue and save both the animal that they're fifty use their harmful gadgets on and then the human down there. Oh my gosh. Yeah. You're year. I mean, you're a monster. I don't believe it's mantras for me to get between the animal and human and fight them would of this of these woods. I want. I feel like the authorities need to check this place out. The latitude is one thousand seventy nine hundred fifty eight okay. Good. Is that you gotta use my. All right. Look we need to take a break. Okay. I feel like, you know, you're you're as mischievous as as your namesake Bart Simpson. But I'm not sure. Yeah. But you're a little I don't know. He just he has a whole litany of things that he writes about on a chalkboard. He shouldn't be doing anymore. I would love for you to on our chalkboard over here. I will not put animals nor humans fully to sleep anymore. Can't make any promises he do that about fifty times on this chocolate right here. All right while I sing this data data. All right. We need to take a break. We'll be right back with more comedy bang after this. Hey, kevin. I'm supposed to do. This supposed to do is live read for Thomas English muffins. But the problem is every time I just do a read I get to hungry, and I have to stop it in the mill after eat them up. And I'm thinking what if I just started? And I did that while I was eating the Muffin is that. Okay. Is that going to bother to many people? I mean, if people have AS MR, or is that a thing you have or is it the thing you like, I don't even know. But I think people are gonna like is. I'm just going to eat some of this Muffin right now. And. That is good. Man, I tell you a morning without Atanas English Muffin is a morning wasted. Because you know, I like to eat Thomas English muffins topped with jellies jam. I don't know the difference. Put them on a Muffin. I don't care about the difference. Peanut butter. Hall. Thomas's would peanut butter that it does not get better than that. This one's dry. But I didn't put anything on it because I'm just so hungry. I'm just going to this is like swallowing an aspirin without water. And then I just goats my tandem bicycle. Which is how I get everywhere with cool up. We try to always make sure we go to the same places and leave at the same time. Even if it's hours and hours separated from each other. And she has her Thomas's. Of course, you know, she has it with margarine or butter cream cheese cream cheese out of Thomas's English Muffin. They know log that. Of course, I do this before brushing my teeth. So don't worry about that. I'm not going to smell like peanut butter the entire day. But it's a great great way to start your day. I mean, yeah, sure, I take a shower somewhere in there. Sometimes it's before sometimes it's after but. Is that what this is about is about how my day starts? I really don't know. Even what I'm talking about right now. All I know is this this Thomas English Muffin is the best. Of course. I eat the light multi grain God exercise, first of all that bike. It takes me three hours to get anywhere in California here in LA, that's mainly. My my main source of exercise, but I'm also doing key goals the entire day. Look, you gotta try these things if you've never first of all if you've never had a Thomas English Muffin, you're certified insane. I think you must be an alien from another planet. If you've never had one of these everyone has had a Thomas's English Muffin. And you know, it's been so long since I finished this first one. And now, I'm hungry again. Just talking about it. I'm going to have another one. Okay. So I gotta end this. Anyway, Thomas English Muffin. Remembered nine thousand nine hundred eighty nine. Remember june. When Batman came out good times. Remember biking around the city looking for Batman posters that you could take out a bus stops. I do but something. That was maybe even more interesting. Although I don't know it's hard to say that this is more interesting than the story about me biking around the city looking for Batman poster steel out of bus stops. But I'm gonna try it. But something even perhaps more interesting than that happened in one thousand nine hundred and eighty nine that was the year that the World Wide Web was invented. Of course, little me bike and around the city, not even realizing someone invented the entire World Wide Web. Well, we've come a long way since then. I have fifteen Batman posters and the World Wide Web has pretty much taken over society. So why does it feel like the software that you use every day at work is stuck in the past. Well, take a leap into the future. I mean, we don't know how many more Batman movies are coming out in the future. I one a year. I hope there's a joker one. That was too scary though. But that's coming out a little later, but you can take your own leap into the future by finding the right software for your business on capterra dot com. The leading free online resource to help you find the best software solution for your business. That's right. They have a reviews of products. How many review if I if I were to say how many reviews of products? Do you think they have three? I would guess I go to aside. And you say they have a bunch of reviews there. I'd go they probably have three reviews. No, they have over seven hundred thousand reviews of products from real software users. Capterra has everything you need to make an informed decision. You can search more than seven hundred specific categories of software from project management to Email marketing and sounds to me like they have about a thousand reviews in every category. If you do the math correctly, no matter what your business needs. Capterra makes it easy to discover the right solution and fast. Look, you gotta go on capterra with. That's all we do around the office here every single day. It's like, what's what's on? Capterra dot com today. Have they added their seven hundred thousand. And one three of you. That's kevin. He's strange. Look, you gotta visit it. Visit. Capterra dot com slash bang bang for free today to find the right tools to make twenty nineteen year for your business. Capterra dot com slash bang bang. Let me spell that for you. Okay. Capterra is spelled C A P T E R R A or CAP T E R R, A dot com slash bang bang. Capterra dot com. It is the future. Comedy, bang bang. We are back here baron. Vaughn. The the show is the negroes this Friday and seven Fridays after that. That's correct. And then gone hopefully back hopefully back. Let's see what happens. But there's what is it on after something can people get that? I think it will be it'll be a room. Yeah. It'll be around. But check it out this Friday eleven pm, and we're simulcast on BT's. Well, are you really? We're going to be on comedy and be NBA. No, not get outta here. What the heck? That's denny. A pest control easier. Easy hearing B's boy, I would like to try see you try to put these beasts of fully to sleep. I would love to. Good. I put a couple to sleep in my day a couple. Yeah. Bees a couple of beats. Yeah. There were a couple a couple. Okay. Yeah. He's stuck me. Precisely the same time. Oh, that's companionship. Yeah. We need to get to our next guest. He's an automobile salesman. Although we don't know where he sells these automobiles have. It'd be my first question question. Do you have your first question locks loaded biz? And did what do you got? Okay. Well, you can save it go tell me what I was just gonna ask what kinds of cars. So that's good. Like, what brand do you mean or okay? Good size. Save that save that. Yes. Size mid-size. Yes. Is there? They compact midsize. And then what I think it's I think it's grown. Dave NT, David small. Do you have your first question, Danny? Yes. What is the best animal for? For what for driving animal to drive a car? All right. Save it. Okay. That'll be your first. All right. We all have her first questions. He's not a mobile salesman. Please welcome Gregory Smith. They have going. Look a lot of questions right out the gate because there's a lot of questions and a lot of clarifications. I gotta do you you maybe you you. You were saying I say automobiles, but actually I feel more than automobiles. I sell experiences and stories, and I said one automobile at a time because what I like to do is. I like to trade up a get a get automobiles would stories behind them like by. I automobile was from from from a mayor, Omar Bradley of County, California. I bought his call. And then I was like oh well concealed is. This is a story. This is the mayor. Did you go fly it if you didn't think you could tell it? Oh. Because I was like I knew I focus on one thing at a time. You just wanted to buy I wanted to buy it. But I was like I could sodas this brand is called as a, you know, a sold. It flipped it sold. It flipped it. Next thing. You know, got got George Wallace on heard you talking about George wells had his call. You know that was a good one. It was Cadillac DeVille. W-won't flipped it sold it for the did sold. It. What is the flipping involved before? You like you flip it and you sell it. Then you flip it again. Then you sell obviously when I sell you a car went about a car you had. So like, you know. Yes. So for example, if if you Scott all or baron, if you wanted to buy a my don't Danny out of this because that's the story. I don't want that. You're not you're not interested in his car. I don't I don't want that store. So okay. No, no offenses to you. And and what you got going on. But those are stories I'm trying to tell happy stories you have happy story. So when you buy a car, you're buying their story. Oh, yeah. Because I have a whole process. So when I meet say, so a meet you we're going we're going by by the com- Baio call. I require three hour sit down. Yeah. Yeah. We sit down for three hours like talking to a minister, Marie get married. But condu- because I need to know. What story I'm inherited because I can't flip a bad story. Let me tell you. So we if we were to sit down you would ask me what all of my experiences in the car. You know, tell me about the time. You lost your virginity? What was that? Like who regardless of if it happened in the car, you know, because that might lean into it. You know, how sometimes you you wanna take a class? You got pretty wet Chris sits, I guess, but my car right now I'd had it for about ten years. And I lost my virginity long before that. I can't tell you. How many you? All right. So you anywhere between two and Laura we'll do not move onto the next question. Okay. All right. What G for breakfast every day? Every see. I've it varies as much as I would like dangerous meet the same thing. Oh, yeah. Every day. I wake up eat one a raw. Of course. Why would you burn the minerals? Okay. What about the shell the shell? You know, you definitely want to crack that open sharing of. Yes. Okay. Yes. You're saying it's a win. It was just going to say like one eight doesn't seem like enough but the shell. Okay. Adding Sheldon one it an orange juice and a toast. I want one slice over a whole loaf. What are we talk? When we say toast, talking about one slice of toast that unconfined, you know, because I'm on the road because I I drive around this road toast. Yeah. You said where from I'm from everywhere because I'm constantly dry. Was going to be my first question. Yeah. Because in wise, eat the same breakfast because no matter where you go no matter where you are on the road. You can always find an egg some orange juice and a Tokes and you said an orange juice before. Now, it some orange juice. This story is not adding I'm may or may not be swiping some of this. Oh, gotta keep overhead low. I gotta keep overhead low trying to sell one call it takes long periods of times. Well, shouldn't you be opening yourself up to other foods for breakfast? Then if like, you know, it seems to me like if you're if you're stealing food, you steal whatever you can find. No, no, no. Are you consistently finding a chicken? Oh, whoa. We'll get panic from. I don't know we get eggs at stores, they sell them without without the chickens, and you imagine if every time you had to buy to buy chicken with it. You know, those one time I had to live with a chicken in the call. But you lived with a chicken someone someone like you if you if you take the call, you gotta take my chicken. That's in the truck. It was it was it was a Ford. It was a Ford one fifty. Okay. Those are big truck. And I I know someone who would be interested in nineteen seventy five. Okay. So so it had a chicken in back, and I bought that from the foam, John, you know. Yeah. Me I've seen his picture on the package. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it just like, obviously, his grand grand grandson. But like, call them be foam, John, you know, another thing you really into the new negroes of about if I told you I had a Ford model t that was once owned by Frederick Douglass. Wow. Yeah. I would find that hard to believe. But I, but you know, still want to hear the store. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously, that's what took pharma John up up found a gentleman up north in Baltimore. And I was like, hey, I sell caused what stories what do you gotta sat down with him for three hours, and we just talk and he lost his virginity at the age of sixteen right behind the soda pop. Staying and next thing, you know, he's talking about how he inherited Frederick Douglass fourteen. And I was like that wasn't funny. He was going to sell you original. No, no, no, he that. He was trying to sell me some say shit, Mazdas two thousand six Mazda miata. Who wants me on it? Yeah. I shake me out. Well, who mean? I mean the daddy. This is you'll take me out to you know, he's not giving me. Why are you think he looks like you, you you look like see I would have priced. So tried to say that foam, John truck, you see you look like a man who needs to all lots of things may be animals and people. Okay. You need to call me up that small I'm trying. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out your process here. Because you say you say you sit down these people to buy their cars. You also say that you only buy cars with people that you give their cars to or you just trading cards with people after a three hour sit down up yet mostly lot of trade in. But sometimes, you know, I'll I'll get a little money like, especially apparently, so museum said that there's a reason they should have the Ford model t that Fred Delage drugs. This drove around in historical. I was like, okay. Well, if I'm gonna take ninety two Toyota Tercel a little money on top of that. How much did you get for dollars? Cancer cells, aren't that? Good. Yeah. So so that's why you're keep it doesn't seem like you have a viable business plan. I mean, you you need to keep your overhead low because you're not making any money. You're just wandering the country swapping cars with people for the mere purpose of listening to them talk about they're losing their virginity. Did what it's all about for you feel like me, and you will not so different. You know, you just record yo come six. Yeah. But I'm not I'm not immediately asking people when they lost their job. I mean, we'll get to it, by the way bear and Wendy's lose your Jimmy. I think I was seven to think you're seventeen interest. Pretty sure I was. Yeah. I'm pretty sure you more like a eighteen. Okay. Maybe it was. Yeah. Anytime anyone says seventy you usually add a year that the rule. Yeah. Okay. Any you lose the old v card? I haven't yet. I'm a little boy. That's right. I feel sorry. So sorry stayed away. You're in roughly second third grade. I think I'm in a four frame sisters in second or third. Okay. Who's your teacher? He's well, sadly, a teacher of my pass away. Right. I think I have some new teachers. Party with what's going on leave? Right. Confusing kind of burly for a little boy ELS. Yes. That's a short, man. All right. Thank you got some statutory appreciate out. So you you're just wondering the country talking to people trading cars, while why did you why did you get into this line of work because? It was ever since. I've I bought that. I call every time I, you know, pick someone up and they'd say, oh, this is Omar Bradley's call, you know, they named a a breakfast after him at the roscoe's and Compton knows lading. That's like a story. It was like that is a story was like you could probably so sodas call for more than you bought it because you have a story, and I was like. Doe. So what ahead? No one likes reykdal. Yeah. I want to treat these stories because sounds like a thing. My dad would say a little different though different there. He had an apostrophe in his what I remember. Because essentially you're going to get a story. That's that's the big one. Everyone searching for that big one. And you haven't found that one yet. I haven't found a big one. I mean, you had Frederick Douglass his model t that's pretty nice huge. But the museum, you know, the it was hard debating them. We that was a six hour conversation real. Yeah. And then they started talking about it was it was like the Frederick Douglass debates. We tried. I that's basically what brought to the table took one of his great debates and read it word for word. And they said, no, we'll give you fifty dollars in this Toyota Tercel, and I took it how good deal when it will be. Okay. You're waiting for your Moby, Dick. You're no pun intended, Janati stuff. But you're you're waiting for to land at great big white wail of of the story that's going to. Make you rich exactly because I'll know when a stop because I know when I could sell the car and don't need a trade a car because that's the story that's going to make me make big and I'm gonna go all the way back back to Alameda boulevard in Compton. And I'm a by my house back. Oh, so this is about that. Who who did was it will have sold my house to buy the the the car that Omar Brad, which was your house worth of miles. We're five thousand dollars. Okay. What year was this this? This definitely was denied teen. Ninety one definitely housing dollar house in ninety one. I mean, I don't really know what the market value is. I mean. Yeah. May of undersold it, but I need money fast that call was five thousand dollars, and he said look somebody else's coming to buy. So if I would have waited for the paperwork and all that. Yeah, would've. Yeah. Could've gotten way more for it. But I needed five thousand dollars by five PM on that Friday. She got a quick close. All okay. Yeah. It was how long has asked grow. Oh, man that like an hour. Pretty much was. They they ran through it to be on his you have time to get your stuff out. Did you tell? Yeah. Yeah. So they keep everything as is. Yeah. Because what's found out? This was a home are brand new car. I was like I can't live here anymore. This is gonna take me around the sun care a lot about Omar, Bradley. Yeah. You don't remember? Oh, my Bradley. Tell me about him while he was a male of, you know, everything about waiting Wendy. Do you lose his virginity? Oh. See now, you get into the juice juice is that what do you say spoke to him. He lost his virginity and nineteen eighty one to his injuries earlier in years earlier. Well, high school sweetheart how long was he out of high school at that point? Or was she in high school, and he was forty. You know? I don't ask the details. I just want these DJ. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He he he don't wanna tell either. He just said he. That's all, you know, eight five thousand dollars for your house for my how did you give him five thousand dollars for the car? Yeah. Give him five thousand dollars for the call. You gave it to me. And and I just hit the road. I was like now I gotta find a better story. So also you were homeless. Yeah. Then you say hit the road. What do you mean? Like went under the bridge for awhile. No took that car all the way down to Florida. Get good mileage. Wow. So then I was looking free thousand miles away. Yeah. Yeah. So let me get in Florida. Who knows maybe I could find a caught at maybe a Miami dolphin. Will. You know owns or somebody big down here. I I really didn't find anyone there was that Miami dolphin the kicker who. Fucked up the game who then got some sort of went through the transition. I believe and kidnapped adult the mascot for second of an investigator found a wound her eventually, that's right. I remember. Yeah. He was an ace investigate does L in the news. We write that down with with this 1993. Okay, right, January after you got this car in. Tune to me for a little while. Oh, really really investigator. He was investigating you use a Kaelin quick. Was it Africa or approximately two hundred ninety five? I I saw this rhino that. I wish for sure was not another rhino was animatronic about it. And I got out of there. You left Africa entirely entirely. Wow. Okay. You were spooked. So you were in Miami. And you were looking for a dolphin. We'll maybe somebody for Miami dolphin. Okay. And then what ended up happening is, you know. Abound around from spot to spot, eventually a found someone who recognized this, you know, someone you recognize that you can in Florida Florida that you can say who it is. This was years later, so this this so I was in Florida from nineteen ninety. Ninety one through about two thousand seven thousand six that's the long term help selling this car is why eat eggs for breakfast because it takes a long time to sell the car you eat egg for breakfast and some Moore's use and Tokes. And so so sixteen years pass, and you have the same car were you living rallies home? The I was living in the car, of course, in eggs every morning, didn't eggs more. Whatever toast. You can find look by the doors. Sure that if you found no stories, they'll store sixteen sixteen years to those little pop sensation by the name of pit bull. Oh, starting to blow up and he needed to get rid of his car minister, world wise to worldwide, and I was like, I'm I'm gonna sit this man down. And I'm gonna tell them. Luckily for me he was well versed in in Compton municipalities. Yeah. It was very very interested in Omar, Bradley car. So I was able to take his car. And when did he lose his fraternity he lost his virginity at thirteen? They give man. Yeah. If I were pit bull. Although have you seen those pictures of pit bull before he became pit bull. No. I haven't seen wearing a tracksuit is just like without the talks. He's not pit bull. You know when you use wore full tux, soft. So I don't know. He's driving around in the fall. What did he have a well eat his car was actually pretty interesting because it wasn't. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was a ninety five and I was like this is kind of new for someone who's just blown up. You know, visit two thousand seven. But it was new new or somebody who's just on taking care of it. Yeah. Yeah. Because I I like to keep my cars, you know, went out when I was when I was buying 'cause normally I would like to keep them five years from the you were buying cars. Normally before this. You know, when you when you drive it around before I was say, oh when you were just seeing them for pleasure. Yeah. No previous life. I was I worked in the government. But doing city government or city government I worked for the registered quarter in birthdays in marriage certificates. Oh, okay. Yeah. On his job. But I was like there's more money out this. So why don't I spend the rest of my left? Trying to flip one call. So in two thousand and seven pit bull has a nineteen ninety five Ford. Tourists, and I was like let me get on that four to us. They make Lassus beckoned. Cable with a car you might have been under. Hey, I kind of. We've done to your first question yet, by the way. I don't even know what it was. It was either this story. Those just so fascinating figure out the details. So I was like, okay. I'm onto something. I got I got move quicker. Sixteen years was way too much lagged because that definitely got bought down. I had to I had to take no money on it. He said, right? It'd be when you Twenty-three, you know, by the time, you know, that's in the future. Yes. To sell more cars. So it took that car, and I drove north to took took drove up missed three or four and before I left. I told him one thing I was like. This Kodak company that looking for something which Kodak company, the Kodak company Kodak family, coats, the allies like keep your eyes on him and hit the road. Okay. You gave him stock tips or I mean, I don't know if you all saw that d- that deal he had with Kodak what you're. One of his songs you use. I use pitcher that with a Kodak and apparently got a lot of money. Okay. I was like he took my advice because not a lot of people take my Outkast, you shake it like a polaroid picture. They got paid. How did mR worldwide get paid for just singing about God? I want to talk about things. Yeah. What do you want to? I want to get money from something. That's a that's a kind of a discrepancy is IBM's earned people should by IBM ze. Yeah. Wow. So then after that, I was like I got to move faster took this took my tours of the Boston bump into none. Other than probably one of the best basketball players have autom- Larry Bird, Larry Bird, Celtics on the cell walls, Dibble's car. Yep. You really run here. Larry Bird, where did you park parked it in public pumpkin space right next to a bean factory bird playing basketball. Wait a minute. Heard different bird is not good to drive a car. All right. So you didn't park it at Harvard yard. Okay. Okay. Good to know. I didn't. I didn't try do. I was like, okay. What about the advice? They give you. Oh, okay. Because I I heard, you know, bosses known for their baked beans. So let me go to a bean factory Sandro straight to a bean factory. They weren't given tours. Apparently, that's not a normal thing. So walking down the street kind of sad. And I was like the other day. Yeah. Then a went bumped into Larry Bird, and he comes into him bump, then he's I mean, if he's coming at you, he you know, I mean he was good on defense. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I use throwing elbows might have been pushed by. But I to sell it fell on the ground, you flop or did you get full disclosure threatened to sue them because fell into the street and got hit by a car? And I was like unless you trade the car with me, I'm going to Doherty's while she had something on them. I had something on Larry punched me. I'd make him go to sleep fully asleep. Police. Yeah. Yeah. So what kind of car did Larry Bird habit? He's he's in retirement. So is talk talking. We would go. Now, I'm getting I'm talking about a nineteen ninety nine Sadi's been see class when newer by four years. So I'm like, okay. Two thousand in ten ten yet two thousand and ten by this. Okay. Good guests on my two thousand fifteen year old car C class. Yeah. Okay. I'm like, okay. I'm on something. And when did Larry Bird loses for Janati a labor laws game. No, he lymphatic their Bert. Still averge. Nerd, yeah. Yeah. You know, Larry nerd Morlin? Yeah. Yeah. He's like he's like, he's listening, George. How can be as good as basketball as me and have sex. And I was like I can't argue with that logic. I don't know. How can you be as good at basketball as me and have said, yeah, I guess because there's where you have that thing where it's like you have sex. Suddenly your energy is gone. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, I mean, historically basketball players don't have much. No, not at all. One basketball player it's ever had a lot. I mean, maybe Kobe famously maybe look I think it's all just lies from the media just to make them. The cool thing is in basketball player has ever had sex. 'cause how you going to be able to shoot free throws. If you nagging your little singling true. Get in the way of free throws. Because first of all you're like bouncing the ball. But you're Boehner's out. You're gonna hit it with the bowl while you're bouncing as you prepare to throw the free throw this. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense as I'm concerned talking about. So you have Larry bird's C class. And are we going to go through every car or we could just jump to a gun? This last cost was the last car that you have now. Now, I have Dwayne Johnson's lime scooter Dwayne the rock John Wayne the rug Johnson. He was on the line scoot. And I was like I'm willing to trade you this tesla model three for that. But he doesn't own that scooter. Yes. Yes. Is that one of those scooters you rent that? We're there you're seeing everywhere. These days of the up there in age. What do you mean written scooters? Well, people are leaving scooters everywhere in cities nowadays. Did he have a word onto say bird? Yeah. Yeah. It says a lot. No, no. It's a fruit. That's a scooter. Oh, this is a lime scooter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a that's a company that you rent the scooter. So you saw the rock on one. Again. I said do you own that it was like, yes. And he sat down with me for three hours, and none of those three hours. Did he mention that? He did not own. He was just real interested in trading this tesla mount of three who did she get the tesla from oh, go all the way back. The tesla goes way back to Elon Musk because you know, on lease Joe Rogan experience that I was on because talking about my story about this show. Oh my gosh. He musk when did he lose his virginity and was it to Grimes under? Okay. We'll look. So you you now have you have the scooter that's the property of whatever company leaves the lion around, by the way. Why don't we just throwing these things into dumpsters? These days. You know, what I mean, you'll come after you ate who will come after you the limes. You just throw it in the dumps. If you see one on the street just throw it in a dumpster. I'm telling you there there there have been really scary anyway. So you have a worthless. Scooter that you're going to have to return to the company so it's been now nine ninety one. It's been eighteen years. You've been on this quest. Eighteen hundred twenty eight it's been. Twenty twenty years. Yeah. Twenty years you've been doing this and bamboos and you find finally got bamboos by Dwayne Johnson. Dwayne the rock Johnson out of all people the star of Baywatch. Ramp. I honestly I was I was ready to come in here. And hopefully sale the scooter the one y'all, but now that no I don't want it. I didn't know you're gonna have to give it back or throat and dumpster either. Either one of those things you need a scooter. Well, could you break the handle off and make it just sort of a flat board? Yeah. He's he's a skateboarder. I don't do the modifications. But I can't you know, control the modifications that you know, you might want to do after purchasing you. I mean, what what kind of are you into are you in the market for a new skateboard? Did you do something like land on top of a car or something landed on top of a car? And then I think my principal took it or something. It's hard to remember these tests. There's so many things happen to me. Yeah. Ooh. What what what would you trade me for this lump scudo, gosh, what about this sleeping turtle? Oh my God. You've run a dead turtle with you. I was on the way to the woods on the when I came in here, I'm going to have to pass only trade vehicles. And you know, I mean, a turtle is kind of like the car of the animal kingdom because it's got, you know, a hard top shell have you ever seen a duck? Right. A turtle. That's a vehicle does very true. I think you should make this trade. I mean, you have a worthless. Scooter you're going to have to give it back at least with a dead turtle. You can sell it to a museum or, you know, give it to the cops as far as evidence against den Denny over here or you can make some soup which could be its own breakfast. That's true already told you only one breakfast. But y'all drive a hard bargain. And I got to say I'm not involved in this. But you take out take that turtle. I'll take that. Don't give me that. Gonna have to have a three hour conversation. I feel like this felt look at the. He finally took the turtle or we're going to have to take a break. We'll be right back with comedy bang after this. Running a small business. It's a lot of work too much work for some not for you. Because you love it. You love it. You little work monkey don't you? Well, look, it takes time it takes money, and you want all that time and money to go towards growing the business. Right. That's the best use of your time. It's the best use of your money. But what happens when legal hurdles get in the way, we've all had them. We've you know from Ono someone is stealing our copyrights. We gotta go like this happened to me before I can't tell you. How many comedy bang bangs are out there there is there actually is a comedy bang bang in Indonesia? I'm going to get legalzoom on to squash them. Because it is an infringement upon my trademark legalzoom is there to help. No matter what it is when legal hurdles get in the way, legalzoom is there nearly two million Americans have used legal zoom to start their businesses with LLC's, Inc and more. And then even after your businesses setup. Legalzoom can still help you out with things like lease arrangements changing tax laws. They'll change just a year ago, and it's tax day today. This is the perfect day for it and contract reviews. These are precisely the kinds of costly hurdles that can take time away from growing your business. That is why legalzoom created their business legal plan. You can get advice for running your business from vetted independent attorneys and tax professionals available in all fifty states and the best part is you will not get charged by the hour of thank goodness. You ever call a lawyer up? It takes thirty seconds. They charge you for one hour these fight Burs. Well, you won't get charged by the hour. Legalzoom because legalzoom is not a law firm legalzoom we use it to start here. Wolf ear to do the LLC and everything it's the best. And I'm gonna sue those people in Indonesia, I'm gonna they're going to be poor. By the time. I'm through with them. If I have my way, and you have your way make your time and money work for you. Check out legal Zoom's business legal plan at legalzoom dot com now and get special savings when you enter bang bang at checkout. Legalzoom where life meets legal legalzoom dot com. Company. Bang bang. We are back here baron Vaughn. Of course. Mystery science theaters at how's that been going mystery science theater three thousand? I mean, there's two seasons up there on the net flicks right now, and they're long to like, well, the second part if you will season twelve is a little shorter than the first. Okay. Because I watched I started season eleven is that what it is and fourteen every episode every episode it was like two hours liars issue. It's unbelievable. It kind of is own busy. Great way of like. Wow. There's a lot of content there. But it's like you can't just blow through them at an eve. But the new one is very vengeful. Is it really the gauntlet? Okay. Yes. I gotta check six episodes. How long are these sixty five minutes? Okay. That's been jewel. We also have seventy minutes seventies. Okay. Sure. Speaking of digital. We also have Denny Simpson who his namesake's has hundreds and hundreds of episodes would be very difficult to binge. Those again, I'm not sure who these people are right. And we have Gregory. Who's an automobile salesman? Or more of a traitor in a way, sometimes money's own top. And now he owns a turtle. I'm a promise you next time. You see me you go see me in a car because I'm gonna do something with this. I do so animal you can turn dead turtle into car. It's you Gregory. I have I mean. Yes, it took sixteen years to make your first trae. But after that, you were boom, boom. But we didn't even have enough time to talk about every single one. So but speaking time it is time for one of our favorite features on the show. It's time for a little something that we'd like to call. Would you rather? All right. Would you rather? We all know how this is played people send us would you rather scenarios to our Twitter, which is at CBW. I are at comedy Bangui rather. I will read it aloud I will then open up the floor for questions. It's your prerogative to ask me any question. The like about either the scenarios in order to help narrow down your choice at a certain point. I will close the floor for questions there will be no warning regarding. So just be warned right now, there's never going to be warning regarding that so. Get those questions in soon as you can we'll tell you all the points, and then we'll figure out a winner. Okay. This comes to us from. At four Washington lane. I think that's a reference to something. I'm not sure what at four Washington lane. Asks. Would you rather have to give toast anytime? Someone says have nice day or oh. And this is working your side of the street. Gregory sell your car for a Flintstone mobile. All right. So would you rather have to give a toast anytime? Someone says have nice day or sell your car for Flintstone mobile. I'm opening the floor for questions are winded for influence to lose his virginity right out the gate. I mean that square jawed monster there. I don't know. I think that he he was probably, you know, like getting those rocks out. Pretty pretty early age. I think so I would say, you know, nine this story, that's turbine. That's yeah. That's the story before he had Bubes. I mean, that's barons interest. Right. They're not necessarily Hugues. I'm baron Vaughn. Are you in this reality good at giving toast? No, okay. Well, are you giving toasts right now? Yeah. That's why I say, no. I was saying that for you. Yeah. You're as good at giving toast as you are. But you know, I'm a little more interested in the other side of the equation. You know, the Flintstones are I'm not entirely sure. Okay. The Flintstones some neighbors that kind of a really bad house. It's a yeah. Kinda run rundown shoddy looking rock than anything. Yeah. Fred is that the dad might be read. Yeah. Wilma Wilma's definitely the wife. Yeah. But then there's a next door to them. There's Bernie bar next door remember? Yeah. I think they were right next door right next door because Barney show his window think. Yeah. Barney and then got who's married to that? Yeah. Yeah. Real Rosie O'Donnell type. If you know what? I mean. I don't know what I mean. I don't know. She looked like Rosie O'Donnell a kid, right? They do there's the kid. Pebble him. Yeah. Yeah. So narrow narrowing down. It's starting to. Yeah. They were on prime time television for a long time. Okay. Running for a while for a while. They were they were the longest, but no longer. So that's the Flintstones. Our question would you don't have to ask. If you ask you gotta just jump in my man, otherwise this floor is gonna close. Okay. When you give this toast. Does it matter where you are? It does not matter wherever you are. When someone says having nice day, you have to ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You always have to carry a spoon with you a metallic spoon and a glass, which you know, honestly, it has to be real glass. So it's breaking allot anytime. You forget about it. You sit down on it. And you're getting glass shards at the. But, but yeah, you go, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, whoever is there be it's at work be people on the street walking down the street just the other day. So a pretty lady, you don't know what to say regardless whoever is around you you have to gather everyone. And I mean, everyone if you're on. The street. You gotta be like, sir, sir. Comeback here. We're making toasts if you're in the car, if you're in the car driving, or no, you gotta make that toast. What's in the cook? What we sit on. So important to you. What do you like? I mean, we talked about your breakfast. Whether it's not orange juice, those just breakfast for dinner steak Malbak would lose Jimi churry stealing this back with the little Jimmy church. Skim on breakfast while out on the on the doing so based like a king at night. Yeah. And the Flintstones car runs on foot power. Yes. Yeah. You would sell your car for a Flintstone car that you would have to run which how fast can you run? Have you ever time yourself? Yeah. I'm probably about I'm really fast on about a fifteen minute mile fifteen minute mile. Okay. So your yeah. Your four miles an hours quick. Yeah. Yeah. I'm about thirty six miles an hour. So so I think it a little slow to get on the freeway. But yeah. Yeah. On my skateboard about ninety your ninety miles an hour on our skateboard that's too fast grinding rails. I the quickest route possible doing all these. Yeah. I can do a couple of hours flips couple kick blow my God. It's gotta be that venom in your veins. Yeah. Nine by the way. Well, at least you got rule that dead frog. Oh, yeah. The turtle cold turtles frogs while. Okay. When is the crossbar on the on the on the the Flintstones mobile been oiled with it'd been recently oil you concerned about the oil. Oh, you gotta you gotta know about all the time. We'll begin because you gotta own crossbow. So us. Yes. Oh, the stone can roll released. So no, I it was it every six months or three thousand miles. Oh, okay. This on the deal. How much you gonna get four your own car? It's first of all you're gonna ask, you know, win the Flintstones lost their virginity first of all. Yes. Of course at three hour conversation. Yes. And then you get about fifty dollars. Wow. So you sell your own car for fifty dollars. And then you. Which is I think some stick some rocks a bit of tarp. Maybe although I don't think they had necessarily, you know, woven tarp in those days. I know exactly what it was. But it seemed like maybe pelt is probably animal. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. How long have a toast? Do you have to give? Well, until someone cries you have to keep going keep giving tells until someone tells someone you move someone to tears. Yeah. That's the hard part you guys. Yeah. I don't like seeing people cry really not even a good way in. No you ever seen a toast where someone's like, oh my God. That's so touching that feels good. But then I'll think back to a time. I was crying about some sad. And then I'll get sad. So so that reminds you of someone crying tier what's this thing that what remind when you think of tears, what's the saddest thing that you can remember when someone's cried when to hit the road and start on this car. My kids would like dad you don't. You have them home the story. They went with the with the mom, obviously, you know, we would divorce at the time. And I was like yo little Bobby Jo and low, Jane, jeez, they're in their thirties. Now, they definitely ups right contacting them. I've sent the friend request on the Facebook. Lead. I left me did not accepted you the personal touch. And you're back in the states of California right now the personal touch of like wrapping on their door. You know, like actually going trying to show up and see them in person over the time for his own though. Everyone needs to know their father could around us for a long time and a certify ably insane person like yourself. I mean, I'm sure they would want some answers, at least your medical history that they can talk to doctors value. So. Yeah. Did that answer your question, Barron? I don't remember. So when someone cries, oh, then you can then you can pack it in. It's hard for me because I don't like being open invulnerable. Yeah. Which due to move have to try to strike down. See if we'll cry just to test it out on us. And this may inform your decision, you know, sometimes they say that a group of people that are together become bonded when they've been through something. Oh my gosh. I think Danny is Denny is as tier I think our bond is Kobe Bryant Denny is the waterworks not that I've ever group of people being together. I don't know. I mean, that's different than knocking animals out the bodies that you left in the woods. I just feel like I'm sweating. Okay. You're just we should probably get him to the doctor. You have some emotional issues as well. But I mean, if if Denny's around the there. There you go. That's a good question. Can you always have a friend with you that you know, will cry easily you can have Danny around. Okay. Only Dinnie you hang out with any in this scenario. Okay. Yeah. So yeah. So in one scenario, you give a toast until someone cries. And you're hanging out with Denny over here. All the time in the other scenario, you trade your car for the Flintstone mobile for fifty dollars. So I mean, you know. Not don't vote yet. Because obviously the floor is enclosed we still have time to get. I mean, I won't tell you how much time, but there is some time because the floor has no the floor is closed. I told him there would be no. All right. We're gonna vote. So let's go around the horn baron. What do you think I think I would sell my car the Flintstone car? Why? Now, why is that because I have a Honda can't be any worse than that. Is it also the hanging around with any part of it the hanging around with any part. I didn't wanna say LB. Yeah. He's got to murderous a murderous look who through the tears, but he might be dead soon. I mean, clearly something's don't have account. Okay. I'm not don't get. You don't have a cow, man. All right. Any how are you gonna vote? It's hard. I think I'm gonna go for toast, you go for toast. Oh, the tone. By the way, it's not by the way, this is going to be very hard for for Gregory over here because you have toast in one scenario, and you have card the other one. It's the two things he loved main drags. Yeah. All right. So let's get to him. Gregory. How are you voting? This is so fi choice here. This is not this is because when I heard toast owes real excited, but I realize that you've been a toast like the activity, you do it maybe a wedding or or of mass promotion in that scenario. You guys didn't ask about it. But you have a constant supply of toast. So that's gonna make it a little harder for you. Free toast for for life. Wow. Yeah. It's only by a small margin because I was definitely say margarine great on toast. I was because I was going with the toast. I was ready to go. But then I remembered that my current car is a dead turtle. And so I was like that. Definitely good trait. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good trait. Right. And they have a great story. I mean they were on for. Long time. They have a really funny stories. Yeah. No. That's the cod. Try and sell for million dollars. All right. All right. Well, let's tell up the points baron. You voted for the car and Gregor? You also voted for the car, and let's see Denny you voted for. What did you toast? The toast figured. I know I'm pretty bad at giving us, but I'll get better you'll have better better practice. Yeah. You might be the best added by the end of your life, Toastmasters even. Yeah. So toast master. Yeah. In any case. Let's see if you vote for Flintstone. You got one point if you vote for toasty get two points. Okay. You're a winner. Denny. Wow. Congratulations. And that's how we play. Would you rather? You want? Well, I think the snake minimum is given to me. Yeah. Gosh. Wow. That was a competitive game berry and Gregory. I gotta say you have the wisdom of Solomon with that. You you Wade both. And is this is a very tough one for you. Both parts of those babies that baby. Well, yeah. No, no down thinking. I'd. I need to get some o- toast. You know? You know, this was all just fun games. You didn't actually trade. You're dead. Turtle way. What this is just it was a fun game that we played you didn't literally try to play those kind of games. Oh. Does it come out of my mouth is real? All right, Gregory. I'm just saying, you know, we were it's like when you play risk. You don't you know, annex Russia yourself, you don't you don't get to keep Russia. You know? Are you gonna be okay? Are you right now? You're crying out what? No. Because I thought my left change back down. I was like this is it. I got the big woman to ditch Dennis hurdle change previous again. But on the big one, it's a pretty turtle mcgeough will take this turtle next time. You see me up from you. Go see me something. Nice and be riding in it. Yeah. And it might just sell it until then you can try to ride this turtle. Although it seems it mobilized you. So when does the Waco turtles wake up they sleep for about six hours of say? All right, this we're going on twelve year. But he's gonna wake up anytime soon. I doubt that turtles the Waco. Yeah. I don't know about that. Look, we're running out of time ourselves speaking, which but we have time for one last feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs. These. Two. No, it was beautiful that was don't waste this plug time by a shiny object. They've submitted before very good. Very good. All right. What do we plug in Barron me? Well, the new negroes on comedy central in be ET, April nineteenth at eleven April nineteenth just a few short days away. I can't I'm counting the days. It's a good show. I saw the first one in you should too because I laughed. It's got some great people on it. So check that out. All right. Gregory. What are you plug in here? You gotta turtle turtle. I gotta tell you less than a PC cafe because I go to check my emails to see if my kids have accepted, my friend quest. Still not a what to the site twitch dot TV news God on the if dis if d ez he's real funny guy. Really enjoy the funny name because it's like these nuts. He's trying to imply early everyone who inches that man's Chet says. But it really is just a play on when that guy if he his mom used to call them if dog and then when snoop Dogg started doing the diesel shift. So he was like, oh, I guess update it too if DS, and that's just been as gaming name forever. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. You're fan of this person a fan of he has a podcast called nerd, if isn't that drops on Tuesdays and candy dinner with man up DACA on Mondays cool. He's cool guy. You should follow him. And if you need to buy turtle Email me at Gregory, you have a car and need to buy turtle. You wouldn't you wouldn't take money for this car? I have I have ten thousand dollars. I'm willing to give you for this. Turtle. But no vehicle. I can't give the vehicle I have no way home that might have to pass. Okay. All right. So just fun me. All right. We were playing we were. It was another round of will. He take the turtle. I unfortunately, do not get the turtle one of our favorite features on this show. Just Gregory g one-two-three ABC edgy mail fund me g ABC one-two-three. Office Anita see picture of the car before my way, and you'll send back a picture of the turtle Nelson Becca picture of the two. Okay. And it'll be unique picture. It'll be unique picture not to say, you're not gonna reuse. Same picture this show different angles. Turtles going to change. Good. All right. And I wanna plug. Let's see I'll be cluster fest. There will be a live comedy bang bang cluster fest in June that'll be fun June. I think June twenty two or twenty three something like that. So check us out there. I'm also doing alive. Are you talking Romy out there without him, Scott? Okay. And Denny well, what do you plug in here? Oh, I'd like to plug a show called troopers on college humor's subscription service dropout. I think the second episode came out today. Okay. I was under house. Yeah. Tech stay special who will under house, and it was playing. It's fun. Okay. You ever seen like a wicked witch under house often that would be another genre of person, you got the animal control people, the plumbers Plum, we could lead them wicked witches. It's one of the three usually. Yeah. Interesting. So that's the only thing you're plugging. Yeah. And then. You know, Asian af at UCB theater Sunday nights anything on Sunday nights on a television station family kinda hangs out. And you know, we're on around dinnertime on Sundays. We're really on. We usually tell a pretty concise story with a lot of jokes. Okay. Great. All right. So check that out. All right. Let's close the old plug, man. I do. Yes. Could be twice as long now. I'm enjoying it so much I really turned a corner on that. By the way, I'm gonna give you an extra plug outside of our plugs. What was that Email address again, Gregory, Gregory g g ABC one two three Gregory, g one-two-three ADC edgy Mel dot com. Send us a bigger of your car, and you'll send back at unique picture of a dead turtle. Yes. Okay. And that's a promise. That's a problem. All right. Very good guys. I wanna thank you so much Barron. Always great to see you could see Scott and Gregory good luck with your journey. And by the time, I see you next. You'll be on riding around and something else. I hope. Odd guarantee. It's okay. And Danny you have you all color has has dropped out of your. I'm like I need a ride to the hospital. I'm sorry. All we have is dead. Turtle here. Can I get a ride Metron started up after this? How are you going to do that with stick something in it Ripcord? Yeah. Yeah. You gotta you gotta tickle the size. All right. We'll see XM. Thanks bye. Everyone. Thanks for listening and remember take a leap into the future with capterra dot com. The leading free online resource tell you find the best software solution for your business with over seven hundred thousand reviews of products from real software users. Capterra can help you make an informed decision. No matter what your business needs. Visit. Capterra dot com slash bang bang for free today to find the right tools to make twenty nineteen the year for your business. Capterra dot com slash bang bang. Capterra is spelled C A P T E R R, A dot com slash bang bang. Hey, guys. I'm the first the host of fake the nation where we talk about news. We talk about politics, and where we vet you about democracy, if you or someone you love wants to know what's going on in the world. But would rather year that news from around able of comedians were smart funny, and you know, gin secure fake, the nation is the podcast for you, our panelists people like John Lovett, John Fugel, saying John Hodgman and just like a bunch of people name, John. But also people like W Kamau bell Maeve Higgins bear today. Thurston Judah Friedlander, and like just the funniest people in America. So find fake the nation on apple podcast Itcher or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, and we will tell you exactly who's going to win the twenty twenty election. Like were that good?

Coming up next