Episode 77 Transitioning from spectator to motivator with guest Angela Marshall
Welcome to the power of the purse podcast the only show connecting baby boomer women with professional peers advice. You can use to be more confident in your financial future inspiration to take control of your personal finances with Lynn. S Evans certified financial planner good afternoon everyone. My name is Lynn. S Evans and I am the host of power of the purse podcast. There was a time. I'm in my life not too long ago. When I believed three things about money number. One women are not supposed to talk about or being included in any conversations stations about money number. Two women don't have the natural ability to understand anything about money and three men know best how to manage money and those truths I made up about money guided me for years until I realized money was not a foreign language or some other their ups cure academic exercise and it was something I could not only understand but teach to other women too many times. I've heard stories from women who ought to know better but did until they were forced to because of divorce widowhood job loss or the approach of retirement. This podcast will add another chapter to an ongoing informative conversation about financial topics. Women's should be more knowledgeable about my mission is to help women reduce their financial illiteracy and develop a healthy relationship with money with that in mind mind. My guest today is Angela Marshall Angela Marshall also known as author stone at we'll talk about that how she got that name is a native of Augusta Georgia and an entrepreneur and positive words powerhouse. She's also the author of a book called reality. You too rags to riches the story in life of an ex. NFL Wife Welcome Angela Highland. How are You I am well. Thanks and I'm so happy that you you and I are doing this because I was so intrigued by the title of Your Book Because I'm I'm an NFL SAM okay marketing tactic work yet did it did indeed former jets season ticket colder so I can tell you that I I love football and I love the story and I think what's fascinating about to me. Is that the story. Oreo the life of an ex. NFL Wife to me is just so rich in all of the possible experiences you could have had good bad and ugly. I you know we all fantasize I think about the lives of the NFL players and their wives and their families and we look at people like what's her name. I can't find pronouncing it right. Tom Brady and Oh yes gazelle. Yes yes so you look at them when you look at their kids and you look at their lives and it's also glorified died and you just wonder what's really like when he comes home after a day and so I am so interested in what you have to say because it's probably really not the fantasy world that we all think it is and I'm sure it's not so let's just jump right in here and tell the thing I was curious about was a at article and interview. I guess it was that was done on you. By a man named Andre Johnson yes he talked about some of the little snippets that you had to say at one of them was said that you have a personal playbook and one that has one that was accompanied accompanied by the wisdom to call what you referred to as an audible pass and a run which is football talk are some people may not really understand what that means but then he went on to say then you had the proverbial good for the two point conversion as I lived each day so tell me what does that mean into you. What what is it that you did that was so surviving right so basically you know I have sat in the stands asset in bleachers. I've sat in stadiums and domes for the better part of my life and so I was able to watch flays being executed in O- on some flawed and others flawlessly he's and I just Kinda took those football analogy. Take the sports analogies once I decided to get off the bench and getting a game or myself. Those are just things that I just started to make a difference. I guess in my life to help me to be to have like an athletic. I guess putting molly or an athlete's mind set his love athletic mindset. They're so confident. They're so energetic. They are I do or die. They're unstoppable and from that standpoint. I knew who I if I was going to really really live in not just exist like I have been doing for so long that I needed to incorporate this this whole every single day fourteen goals or third one fourth in Long. I'm going forward every single day. I like literally. I would equate different incidents in issues in my life I would you know acquainted to a play and then I just call myself. You know like an athlete in our bisbee executing it to make that I would that I could win. You know that I could win the game. Yeah that's interesting. I love it. I guess you just never think about bringing that discipline that mental discipline into life and using even using the language which I think it's it's great because you are correct. They are so goal oriented and winning oriented standpoint of female. If you not you you know a female athletes. You normally don't utilize sports analogies old from that standpoint. That's why wouldn't you know throughout the book and then I tagged Egged on their the story of an ex. NFL Why just to give it a different possess. I guess if you would or give it a different presence so if you have three speakers offers or three presenters in all are equal in you know credentials what's going to or preferably hopefully what propels me to the top is just being able to have sports analogies that will make people go all right yeah. All I want her to come because I know not on the wishy motivate on among the crowd or or motivate does the attendees those that are in the audience but she's actually propelled them for you know for them to be able to get up and do something with their life not just listen into a to a good speech so altered listen to a good speech that go home and nothing semi different. You don't do anything like this is useless but you know I was preaching to the choir because been there done that so many times and in I will I will tell myself a a little bit. I still will listen to certain motivational videos inspirational videos our read the polls they could be my own personal original course or someone else's instilled there are days when I just kind of drag along or I feel like I always want to be bothered to be bothered and then yeah and then I have to open up that playbook look and say no Angela. Hey it's time it's time to get back in the game and get off the bench. quit being a spectator exactly. I love it so now your play devil's advocate here because I know you and I talked about this previously but there are those who would criticize you and say that you're using your husband's notoriety to propel yourself into a world that you know nothing about so. How do you respond to that. Will I will say this first of all. I was in that lifestyle for quite some time not just from an NFL NFL perspective like I actually dated my ex-husband in high school so I was around. I've been around football for quite some time. I've been around sports or by some time from the standpoint of utilizing his notoriety well. I will say this. I do use it as a marketing and advertising advertising tactic store in life of exit. NFL Wipe because my book is actually titled Reality. To rags to riches but I mean everyone and every entrepreneur every sales person knows that you have to have something unique in rare in order for people to pay attention. You Know Mall all high whole household appliances are not created equal. All books are created. Equal is is something that catches matches. Your eyes or catches your ear to where it makes you say okay. Yes I wanna read that book or I WanNa buy that particular vacuum cleaner because they I put this as a marketing tool or like McDonald's or whoever else when they're making themselves more appealing so I would say yes. I am utilizing that that story in life but I feel like I earned it. I feel like I deserved it. I was with this man for quite some time. We have two amazing children and we have a handful of a great smart and intelligent grandchildren and if I want to tell my story my journey in my life in utilize my actual own experience Washington not be able to do that or should not be able to capitalize on it and I will say this even though yes the reward award is is financial in get paid to speak in people buy my book in in basketball a monetary exchange the greatest feeling the most significant -nificant filling that comes from my story and from this journey from as they say not capitalized and we're trying to monetize on his wants career is when people read my story story they understand my struggles my strengths in my successes and they're not only are they freed or they're liberated on my story but they're able all to turn their stumbling blocks into stepping stones as will through my story yeah yeah. I I am using it in and I have a right because I lived it. That's you're oh you. Did you earn it as you said you did so tell us. What are some of those struggles that you had because you know. Oh that what's out there. I'm sure it's been told you several times. How could you possibly struggling if you're married to someone who has tons of money and you have everything that money could ever. We're by. How could there be struggles. So what are they stored right right. So some of the struggles was just feeling inadequate for myself. It was me not feeling like I fit not feeling like I know belonged in that particular world or that particular lifestyle you know had children. I'm very early so I did not acquire the higher learning education like everyone else beyond high school so you know you have most of the people there. They had college education or m beyond. I felt a little standing in the room. I felt a little what word the Mulligan for either adequate. I feel inadequate but also but I also felt lists. Dan Saying a lot of a lot of situations so that was one thing thing that Kinda plagued me a lot in a really another reason why I started you know flooding myself with knowledge reading in taking different courses and training in just a bail in myself to subject matter experts to help me to overcome that once fear and then of course there's the you know the stigma of the wives and girlfriends France what they're what they're supposed to look like and I just didn't feel my yeah. I never felt like I measured up to what they what they look like. In the whole world was the way the wives and girlfriends to look like you know so that was put a damper on things and then of course you never know when people are coming at you or they're coming to you even within your own family and friends low circles from time to time. You don't know if they're really there for you or they're there for that lifestyle how so or quite a few became suspect and so you start alienating yourself start isolating from different situations. Che's in circles because you just you just don't know you don't know you know who's really there for you and and who's there just because of what he was at that particular time so there are lots of struggles. I mean I said that in lots of interviews stated in Santa. My book is well. Issues plagued us from our children. You know like we had parent teacher conferences. He hit marital issues. We had off every other issues that money at that particular time. I was not one yes well but it was one because it created all the others so there you go yes from that perspective mislead. You're absolutely correct kind of it. Made a a wall of other things that is correct yeah yeah and I think the other thing too is that I see the so many times with athletes not necessarily football but all the other sports where you have professional athletes there are people that came from a place where they never had any exposure to a lot of money it was also a dog eat dog kind of world and survival and maybe there was something a little bit better but never the multi millions Saddam that came your way and without the knowledge of how to handle it. It sometimes goes astray. That's correct in that. there's the expectation that it's just bottomless floor. You can spend it on anything and everything you want to and I say this as a financial adviser so it's not just anecdotal evidence. I'm just saying I've seen people who have acquired major you of dollars through whatever inheritances sales of businesses whatever it was and it was not the world that they came from yes strike though when you talk about the struggles. I think a lot of people have the misunderstanding that because you have the money life is easy and there's no struggle struggle now because anything that you come up against you could buy your way out of it started and I don't think that that's what you experienced wasn't no no not at all. Tell about some of the things that you realize money didn't buy I realized that money did not buy love happiness. It did not by piece that by sleet. I don't care even though I slept on like twelve thousand dollars bid with while three thousand dollars sheets it I had mini sleepless night yeah like a ton of sleepless nights and not only that it just it never bought me like the self confidence self awareness the definition that I have now. It never bought got any of that. You know that is just. I don't know looking back over everything looking back over my life. If I had to do it all over again Dan I definitely would have taken advantage in. I'm just GONNA give a disclaimer give kudos to the NFL because one of these. I do know that they offer is as you know. They have this umbrella where you can have someone like yourself. I'm sure the field that that you were in do help you with your money to help you save your money investor money just it's just a vast knowledge of how you can enter enter into the NFL enter into that lifestyle if you've never been accustomed to money and you know be secure later on but a lot of us don't take advantage of it because because like you mentioned earlier when you don't come from you know that upbringing order that that might have that mindset where you're taught about money the in how to use it and not allow its use you you overlook a lot of those things and so that's basically what we did but yeah. I found out very quickly. Money did not by friends it did not buy or should I say friendships thereby did not by not by friendships and I I mean it was just couldn't by the lessons that I needed to help me to be able to be a better parent to be a better person just to make make myself a better citizen all around it just it. It didn't do any of that. You know that comes from life experiences in Bennett also comes from to in my opinion it comes from being in humbling and humility not necessarily real mom. You know how many Zeros I had in my bank account. Yes okay. That's a good way to put it yeah so I'm thinking of something that I'm sure people are wondering about now you said that you met your husband and you dated him when you were in high school and so he was a football player then did you know that he had aspirations to become an NFL player I sure did I knew he had talked about. It and I knew that he was working towards it. Now me believing that he was actually going to be elite player. That's something totally different like I. I didn't think that that was gonna the hat okay but I but he talked about it. We talked about it in. I knew that he was doing late night. PRACTICES EARLY WANNA practices in addition to some mother fundamentals in whatnot now would I will get mad because sometimes I wanted to spend time with them and he would you know have to go to here and there and continue to work on his craft on or or enhance his skills in so that's what got him so to where he was you know to the hi of his career but then you knew that in order for him to succeed as a team player he would have to travel title as the teams had to travel all around the country and now we can say around the world because some of those London performances right right but so knowing that did you release think that there was something that was gonna Alter or change in your marriage once that became a reality may you know that that would be part of the package if he did make it to the NFL. I guess I just didn't think that it would be to that magnitude. You gotta understand like yeah. It's like you see stuff on TV. So I knew games were played here and they were playing there yet. No I just I don't know why I thought it was like you get get on a train or get on a plane. You go you play you. Come back and say you know I mean. I don't know how it was a different different. I think because I was so insecure. I didn't have a life of my own. If I had things that I was into at that time which I did I just did. I just did not act on them. It would have been different. It would have been very different but sometimes I think when you make other people your world you know and you just make everything about them and is less. You know less about you having any sort of fulfillment. I think there's a a little resentment there. I think there's some little disappointment in disguise may going on it and that's what I had. That's going on with me and it wasn't it wasn't lackey wasn't exhorting me or encouraging me as little class at local. Do those doctors that you WanNa do that do this. You know because pins a little paragraph in the book. He knew that I always wanted to be a writer and he was like go. Go go take some classes or you know whatever but at the time our children were a young or they were younger and I just didn't. I don't know why I can't explain when people ask me what what was holiday you back. I mean other than myself. I just I can't I can't explain it. I don't know I guess it was fear that I would fail or fear that I didn't think I was good enough. In then. Maybe a little Uber Comfort in there because of course you know of your man is making a million dollars a year. Why why would I think that I needed to do anything you know so yes. There's a bunch of stuff that was going on in his brain brain. So what did that brain come up with when you finally said he's decided to get off the bench and get out on the field. So what made that happen. Well is actually a combination of things that why I decided to go from being spectator tomorrow Beta but I will say the I think the most compelling was a conversation that I had with my mom and I talk about that in a book as well. I actually watched my mom who was a vibrant just you we know mobile agile young lady that she she lives her life out loud in so watching her be diagnosed with circle cancer in April the twenty twelve and then eventually she died from it in August two thousand thirteen in set off from June twenty thirteen to August twenty thirteen and watching her deteriorate. I just felt like you know I don't know this may sound a little weird to some but it's like I was placing myself in her shoes in I was thinking to myself. I've really not lived like I live by standing by Arthur site. Which is my ex-husband? I live with my standing by the side of my two amazing children watching them helping them encouraging them as well as other people but it I had not done anything that was fulfilling. Angelo of course I had a corporate job. I went into that after the divorce in nineteen ninety nine two thousand but I I just I was not fulfilled at all and so after that conversation with my mom it was like she died in August of twenty thirteen after I handled her affairs from August in two thousand thirteen to January twenty fourteen January two thousand fourteen. I just wasn't a New Year's resolution thing just turned over a new leaf had a new mindset mindset in I just literally got up and start getting out in started making no path of making a journey for me to be able to find my way on my position on my power on purpose in I just I haven't stopped since it's been riding great books. So when did you start writing. I've been writing every since the age of like about nine or ten. I guess right around fourth grade. You know doing different stories. La- short stories essays and whatnot but my first book actually started painting. I guess around two thousand three two thousand four or stalled just a compilation of poetry. You know real of life portrait bedsores topics that I actually went through but I didn't publish it until two thousand sixteen and then autobiography I started writing. Eh Right around twenty Lebanese. Your soul started painting started journaling different thoughts about my story in my life and then I published in in two thousand seventeen also featured author in a bestseller which is women Lee at chronicles women across the globe that talks about struggles near successes with entrepreneurship. Okay sounds good. I probably would like that one to our Ah Let me ask you. One thing here that I think is probably what everybody's thinking but maybe hoping I'm going to ask but a- as what is the one thing that we would find really shocking about the life of an NFL wife who really shocking about the life of the NFL will say two things things one. We have to deal with a lot of outside women. You know yes is not not really a good feeling to walk around and wonder you know what the status is of your husband husband or your your boyfriend your significant other and all of these women that are like willingly throwing themselves at them. You know constantly. I mean if you're right there like they don't care. They're really really really aggressive. You know like most people they try to do stuff behind the scenes or download what no no no no you gotta part. You got your man or member that is you know celebrity as a position of power and he or she is televised across the the globe. No people are trying to move you out the way like can I just say like what would they get out of this. I guess that they want to replace you. Is that the idea I guess they want to replace me or maybe they want money or their law fifty minutes of fame. I'm not really sure the now but you know for whatever reason and they can't miss land aching give very very aggressive and then I guess the other shocking true you about the life of ex wife is because people look to us as being these glamorous creatures that have that exude this. You Know Oh strong confidence but a lot of us. Are you know we're very self conscious at conscious and we're very like we had these identity issues even though we're looked upon as being the most beautiful the gorgeous the exotic and whatever I guess this this is what I'm told now but it's just you know we we have times and we have moments as well where we feel. We feel insecure so so I think that will probably be giving you don't also thank you look like yourself. we do and we are not beyond say. They say that woke up like this exactly 'cause. I know I definitely don't wait a minute. Wait a minute girl hold on. I'm looking at pictures of you that you are all over this thing everywhere I look at you. The first thing I thought of is you are really a beautiful woman now. Now that's I'm you know I'm not planning on making any moves there. I don't know I mean I'm just saying would everything that's on on the Internet pictures of you. You are very attractive woman. I find it hard to believe that you would be insecure in that regard eight as just one of those masks that I talk about and I guess yeah it is pulling layers back in and we do it. We do it as a human as a society as humans we do that. We have many different talking about my hands. My man he ends up being beat. I mean this is different. Things that I feel like we we feel like we're not good enough for like we don't measure up from time to time yeah when people are snapping pictures in you know those airbrush different stuff whatnot which I don't have a whole lot of them. I can honestly say that because I'm I'm not real big on you know trying to cover up to Mitch rich because I just feel like those flaws in the scars and the difference on what some call abnormalities but for me you know different moles that I have I column Beauty Marxists make myself feel embraced them and it took me a long time because these are things that as a child people would get me no picking my completion they will pick it my hair texture you know the little the the beauty malls and it's funny because my daughter has has the same marks marks on her forehead as well and I told her same thing growing up because people were picking her and told her that that is beautiful emmys. You're pretty but yeah. I think people would find that to be shocking because again. We're supposed to be these creatures that are you know we were better than everybody else and we got it all altogether and no we do not at all well. I think that's normal for all of us. No matter what we look like we we see something different in the mirror than most other people do and I guess when you're in the spotlight like like you are even though you weren't the NFL player right by I guess by association you were so the players at the the wise or the girlfriends friends. They just look at US differently because they wanna see what we look like. They will receive word hearing so that's the scrutiny that we get. They don't care. We have athletic ability if we have if we have intelligence you don't have any you know they don't care. It's just will if I walk out looking like a hot mess own you know his wife or his girlfriend a hot mess. You know just one of those things is limited. I will say this now the skin that I'm in in the second half of my life like I am bowing to absolutely live and I want to live liberated and that's my mission and that's my goal yes from all of their from Ns socially financially spiritually emotionally mentally physically. I WanNa do it and right definitely financially so that's why I was really excited about being able to come on the power of the purse because you know it hasn't been noticed role paid in gold or roses for me you know prior to the NFL even during NFL indefinitely not after the NFL the divorce was very financially draining and a shock and a wakeup a call for me and I had to rebuild in now. You Know Entrepreneurship draining my savings. Try to walk in his purpose that I still i. I am you know I was put here. I was created. I was molded for is the same thing you know. They're days and there's times when I'm like Ha. You know check check the name. I'm going to give something to keep me from red. Put me in the black. Welcome to the world of entrepreneurs wonder for Noushin Russia. Yes yes so you know from time to time it. Does it get a little scare. Then you're not like for myself is not that my grandparents raised me. It's not they did not teach me about money. Because I guess the bays lesson I ever learned while it was that money does not grow on trees and that has helped me throughout my entire life yes. I'm I'm sure go groceries as any. Do you want it. You gotta work for bottom line. You know you gotta get out there and you. GotTa really grinding you. GotTa Hustle. You got what you do in honest illegal way to on to make it happen for you so speaking about that. I'm just curious to know now how a woman who felt so insecure about herself and her place in the world becomes a motivational speaker speaker which means you gotta be up in front of people so how'd you get past that. I faced myself so after after the conversation with my mom then you know I kinda went through some self evaluation self reflections. I mean like I just disconnected disconnected from a lot of things I was still working in the corporate world but as far as like being out is society social like different bits of that would have gone to a slight literally. I just stop doc in. I started writing journaling certain things about myself and the things that I did not like I started changing aerob- a plan out for what I needed to do to change whether it was mindset or retraining my brain in another things that you know I could probably. I felt like I could live with. I just said well you know. Is this who you are. You will embrace bottom line like you know I'll give you one one. That is really really shallow. That has followed me my entire life. That would be the texture of my hair. My hair is is really really curly tight texture. I hated it. I digested it for so long but now if you attention you see the pictures I've embraced it. I want. I'm going to tell you I I love your hair and I like to and they've told me that just about her existence but I I don't know like I think because my texture Asia was different and then there's this whole good and bad hair this other kind of craziness that kind of plays a part ways really heavily it just I don't know it really like turned me against my own hair and but now I'm just like I'm embracing it in and I will say this too is saving the lot of money to all. You know like I'm not getting it dyed anymore. I'm every now and then I'll go young. Lady will oh on trimming for me as it so as opposed to me. Having you know paying out three or four hundred dollars a month or Alabama. I seek the books yeah right yes but I also like that little streak of gray in the front. I think it's a raise gray all throughout Ms Leeann. Whatever but you know I'm a hundred percent gray so I just embraced the same way. I just thought you know what I don't see it. I don't get the thing is is that you know. I think that we pay more attention to than anyone else. Does that make sense so other people will all kind of overlook it or unit. Yeah you have your Naysayer. That may say I look dated or whatever I guess. I don't know I don't even allow it to permeate. You Know My oh my positive process so you know I mean I look comments here or there about different things but I absolutely love it and it's funny because I had an interview one time in your life. You could be anybody. You know who you want to be an. I sent me but offer you once upon a time. I never would have said that I would get our. How would you have answered the question? Let's see I probably would have said that. I wanted to be ooh like Holly Berry or something you know yeah yeah yeah and he's already. She's beautiful in our own regarding her. Was You know she loves her for who she is and what she is. She embraces races. You know whatever it is that everything that encompasses her from the She had big ears a little taller so I mean I don't know aw that's what makes you you but so many times we you know we get ashamed of our flaws and you know yeah. I just decided like I said we're not did that. Self reflection I even wrote a poem about one or two points is in competition with that URL mentioned earlier in this call facing myself Mike. I'm absolutely took a hard look at myself at my life at the Pitti to whatever and I just started making changes and I'm so glad that I did because now I'm able to help people globally. That may be a little insecure in you know maybe walking doc it. We're out once walked so yeah. This is great is isn't amazing feeling to be in service. I think it's wonderful but I think we've just about run out of time here. It and they're so much worried love to ask you so maybe we could do a second one with foul-up but at this point. I was thanks to my guests. Angela Marshall and Angela tell people how they can get in touch with you if they have additional questions absolutely so my website is in other words by stone dot Com or you can just do it you know the Internet Way Google Angela Marshall Augusta Georgia I'm on every social media outlet possible symbol even if you just google the story of an NFL why you all of those links will or all those searches will get you straight eight to Angela Marshall in thank you so much lead in power of the purse four. Does this consideration opportunity to be able to interact with your audience in your in your followers thank you it's a pleasure sure and so to all of you and my power of the purse community. I hope today's podcast gave you some freedom around money and even the littlest bit of courage to know more. You're if so please visit my website. Lynn S EVANS DOT COM and look around and while you're there sign up for my newsletter and a Free Free Guide and thanks again Angela for sharing your time and your knowledge and until the next time thanks for listening and remember money is not the enemy your ignorance ignorance of it is good by this has been power of the purse with Lynn S Evans certified financial planner for more information and a free copy of the seven minutes. Our mothers taught us about money visit online at women of substance. LLC DOT DOT COM. That's women of substance. LLC DOT COM be sure to subscribe for more inspiring stories and information to help you take charge charge of your financial future. Thanks for listening.