Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone Ep 62: The Ed-man Cometh


talk to you live from the Ray Horsemen Studio in North Hollywood California. It's nobody listens to Paula. Poundstone your comedy field guide to life tonight tonight. Ed Begley Junior Coaches Paula edition skills in another episode of outside the Actors Studio you seen Ed on all those great Christopher guest movies you loved him in Pineapple Express an this past year he was rudy on bless this mess with the help of this brilliant actor Paul finally nail her audition plus plus. How did Police Ping Pong Bargo was table tennis etiquette honored? We'll hear how the ball bounces for her guests tips on acting etiquette and how to avoid death by Jesus poisoning reasoning you can only find it here. I'm Adam felber. The man who tries to keep this shows cheese consumption limited to what's on the conversational platter and now it please welcome to woman you can always find rating topical refrigerator in the kitchen of her mind Paula poundstone welcome Pala so nice to be it's good to have you and it's also good to have you tell you one thing before before I even introduced a house Bandeau uh no no introduced now thank you to our house band singer Songwriter Violinist Oughta pasternack so nice lovely start out and a and there was just the beginning. We don't even know what's going to happen so so now interrupt me again okay so let me interrupt you again. There's something okay so do you know about my left Nipple. Yes yes for four our listeners your cat accidentally we think pierced your left nipple about a month and a half ago my cat clue right but yeah I picked her up and she her clip my cats front claws but I can't to the hind claws and so one of her hind claws went through my left nipples various said your nipple painful took quite a while to heal a kind of an unusual amount is it helium I think so just in time for my cat brittle to jump up to my lap last night and then dig her hind claw into my right nipple. You're kidding and you know what I can't figure out and like you won't cats for forty years. Never has that happened and I've had nipples. Yes for even nationally prominent no. There's you know it's been very hot and bright so nipples don't protrude in the heat the way they do. My understanding of them is exactly that yeah so no I keep watching youtube videos or why all the sudden be happening but I can tell you right now. Got Got a band aid over my right and you really yeah was it as bad or worse than let very painful because it's similar and then of course it's Abrasive went anything rubs on it and and although I do have available a remarkably software I poly blend t shirt which doesn't exist which does remarkably so t-shirt does not upset my nipple at a particular teacher that I referred to is Paula poundstone t shirt with a self portrait on the left breast a memorable quote on the back but really I haven't heard yeah yeah that wouldn't create an abrasive problem but oh boy wow so I'm going to return to my question is worst the left nipple injury comparable or comparable I think they were using they watched a similar video. Wow anyways. I just thought it was important to get that out in case you saw me gently cupping my right nipple tonight. You would know why I still prefer that you don't just straight out speaking hotel soap though you had a pain Pong party this weekend. I hope that your injury didn't interfere with your performance. That was the Ping Pong party was prior to pull a Ping Party was prior to the piercing to my painful. Yeah it was great. It was so much fun and Varo came and he brought an e Mu an ema which was sort of the Harry Byrd from Africa right yeah or or yeah yeah and it's not good at Ping Pong Party kept pecking at the ball and kind of didn't shelter and bring an animal that he does have some other luminaries from our podcast there you had jay deal was there right j deal was there with my ramp songs to rap song that we premiered just last week now last week we had on Elaine Swan to hedican expert exactly and to help me with manners that would be required us and because she gave you some good advice I wanna see how much of this you followed yeah. Did you get the party set up in time or did you as per usual. It's not get it set up in time and draft. You're first arriving guests into helping you set up. No we were. We were ahead of the game this time really we were all set up when people came house a fabulous bill fair of candy and chips as you can imagine I can imagine it is in the center of our table your copy of crap that we have here yeah. Ah The podcast yeah fruit plate that I I it was everything was some influence on you yeah yeah. Did you remember people's names you know. The irony is that when he lane was both times he lane was here are manners experts. She brought with her a guy named and D ran wasn't even yeah and he came to the party. Yeah I could not remember his name for the life the until a second ago. You couldn't remember Elaine's name either yeah. I reminded you of that Yeah Yeah. She didn't show up at the lane told me last week was just be up front about the fact that I can't remember to say oh you know get a little overwhelmed with a party. Now I want to say I know he's not formerly here until the next segment but Ed Begley junior on your has just walked into the studio. Now we're recording. Thank you welcome. Welcome Ed yeah but don't talk. 'cause the illusion that we're having here that you're not here yet. You're not introduced for a little bit weird. We will win to you okay. So paulie had this Ping Pong party I want to ask you there. Were a lot of famous in great people there. We had durant obviously we had. We had Jay deal did ED Begley junior show up Ed Begley junior did show I would love to ask you about that when he shows up later yeah yeah I think he had a fabulous time. He Played Ping Pong all all night Lonzo. Stop in my hand. Eye Coordination is not to be believed. We're just GONNA have to reveal to the crowd that Ed Begley here this. It doesn't crisis early. Becoming early wasn't enough traffic and Miranda Street. Did your guests go home on time and did you have to employ floyd techniques to get them to leave all this advice but you you said that you prefer that guest day forever I love. I love the party. I like people staying late. I likely late Night Ping Pong. I did have one friend who kept saying you know because I sit up this ping pong tournament. It's very hard to do. It's very stressful yeah and I did have one friend who kept saying like digital me and yet. Did you put me in yet. Am I playing yet and I finally turned and said you know I had a manners expert on my podcast. I that's how I handled that wow because Elaine Swan did not say that about this guest. This guest doesn't know that okay listen to your podcast now. She wants me. She glad it went well. I'm sorry I just listen. I just wanted to know that wasn't about you. Yeah sorry I couldn't be there your your party Paula. I had a previous engagement then that ran long yeah you didn't call and say that in call and say we're not coming my wife. Did she called. We might not come no and you seek to her. No yes in fact you. You told me so. No Elaine said for me to tell you and your wife Laine said it's too bad adam because this was the time you were going to win. I want once I was assistant and he can play and we weren't one time yeah when when the now speaking of etiquette you had an encounter with Avis car rental I did and you know what in order to explain to the encounter. I had with Avis car rental. I was simply read you. The letter of complaint that I sent to Avis car rental net should explain everything you sent a letter I did so we're GonNa hear this letter that you see before me that I'm about to who read from is typed it's long but I copied it in handwriting to send to Avis because they thought it was important that they receive. You've a hand written letter dear Avis. I am an Avis preferred member several weeks ago. My travel agent reserved vehicle for me at the at Logan Airport in Boston. When I arrived at the rental office I was given a Toyota Tacoma? The Avis clerk didn't talk to me about the gas but I've never understood the explanation explanation that give about buying the tank ahead of time or bringing it back full anyway. I did not make note of how much gas was in the tank. When I got in the truck I drove from the Avis rental to two different locations in eastern Massachusetts and back to the Avis rental place a high level of detail? I'm surprised you haven't mentioned the banana in your bag yet as unfortunately unfortunately as I drove back to Boston I had to swerve for a banana as I drove question very late at night accidentally looked at the temperature gosh instead of the fuel gauge. I only realized I was looking at the wrong gauge. When a light went on that said refueled now I was panicked because I was passed the stations just off the highway? There were detours near the airport and I get lost really easily. I feel like this is a higher level of gripping narrative. Avis employees generally getting a letter sent to them. I I'm sure shows up on the wall there. I didn't even see the shell station and I was really just relieved to make it to the Avis parking lot without running out of gas when I got there the attendant said and then if avis filled the tank it would be expensive. He didn't say how expensive and it was late and I was flying out early. I opted to have avis fill the tank O aw according according according to your paperwork I drove one hundred ninety two miles. I read online that that truck has a twenty one point five gallon capacity gas tank and that the four wheel drive versions get nine thousand nine hundred twenty two miles per gallon. Even if it was all city driving nineteen miles per gallon that would mean I would expect to us about ten gallons of gas yes so if I only use ten gallon Anita how was the tank empty when I returned it and even if the tank was empty you charged ten dollars per gallon to refill it if I only we used ten gallons you charge me twenty dollars per gallon. I would like my gas money back. If not I can no longer afford Davis to be my rental company of choice. That is an unacceptable unacceptable charge. Remember when your advertising slogan was we try harder. I guess you've given that up. Oh us through their own words at them. Uh I'm happy to come up with some new slogans for you. If you want to do suggestive you I didn't I just left a little dot dot dot and they never called me back. They never wrote me. Back sounds familiar my ex American express spill the charge was taken off the whole chart. I can't remember if it was a whole charge you. You're just part about giving you that tank of gas I think they I think they did give me the tag. I think they only stent I think they did I mean I don't question your math. I clearly didn't spend the I didn't use that whole tank of gas by myself every fuel now light coming on it wasn't full when I get in. You didn't check no I said that graph two or three interactive so f y they regularly send it out and they make note of what it is normally normally now. He's only half old. It's only three quarters. They're supposed to make note to you when you take the state that it's in kind stranger. We're going to introduce you soon and now I'd meddling kid just so we can finally get to these meddling kids read from from Scooby Doo surprise ending to the story others know the surprise ending was not a surprise you don't Oh you feel an occasion like this. That's a surprise I'm surprised but like couldn't have semi fuck you go to national. That's that's why I bring this up because like you wrote a similarly brilliant letter to frontier communications lets contrast which is Response Essay contest for frontier communications nations and the Stranger Ed. I'm sure you participated in this as well frontier communications. Put Down Your smartphone contest though I don't know it wasn't what you could win is the right to not use your smartphone for a week you get a ninety s survival bag as well as a thousand dollars and a flip phone so you're using a flip phone. You're listening to ninety CDs and you're not looking at your smartphone all week. Paula entered this contest with a brilliant brilliant Elliot. S A winning essay right a winning essay that one there it's been said and they have communicated to US repeatedly with repeatedly lower employees down checking that now there's not the winner you're in fact an honorary winner to which we have to say. Where's the fucking money an uh-huh honorary winner imagine the last email we receive from them came from just a guy named Bob who sweeps up at night and involves it? He was transcribing for for his canary. Yeah Bob Pump said as soon as you get a bag with a t shirt in it I think that's what he said and I wrote back to bubble and I said I I hope my thousand dollars is wrapped in shirt club. A We've been hammering frontier communications relentlessly and they have not been they have not been responding now guessing because they don't have Internet back. It's possible that they're not nobody listens to Paula poundstone listeners and stranger in the chair the most frustrating thing about this is that just what was it two weeks ago we had dame same Maggie Smith in this chair in which I say she didn't she was GonNa do the segments about to segment. She was in her car she. She wouldn't take pay for doing it the way we're paying you but what she what she asked for that. I donate a thousand dollars to her favorite charity already. I said absolutely because I knew I was getting this thousand dollars from frontier communications when the money didn't chain chance. She just sat in her car. She may still be out there for I now so when you guys straight I wouldn't give a great odds of still being. She may be a drug addict. Just off brand on the next read over nowadays over the summer months. There has been a fantastic TACO truck setting up out there. There's one out there right now. It looks great and the Knicks have dined there repeatedly heatedly and really enjoy it. That's why was made it here to students. Pen was ethnic isn't the to- main poisoning is not an easy thing to to recover from shirtless. Yeah you know Roger Federer has shop just up on the corner or did you see it's not Roger Federer. Even Federer is no it's Roger Federer fritter aw Roger Federer players incorrect stranger. He's play very successful. geddes trying to bring up before this is Mrs sock puppet she didn't lose your sock puppet emperors. Apparently the world's first sock list sock puppet Komo name is Mrs Colpepper. Mr Stranger and we have culpepper introduced a couple of weeks ago in the word of the week was triaud toxin with which which sedley captain culpepper died of trial toxin pass stone from trial toxin poisoning. I'll who'll explain which is the ankle cheese on the milk brought oaks shut up sorry Mrs culpepper. Ah My man is expert says you are talking back there. She was trying to record a podcast. Talking crinkle served with captain. Captain Crinkle is a is a favorite of mine who talked to doing that man. I fill by to apologize. You enjoy my dress tonight. I'm wearing a tavern address of honeysuckle Hugh. It looks like Mike looks like the emperor's new dress to be honest with you and he's not the emperor's new captain culpepper bought it for me before trial is tragic passing of trial rial talk schism. What kind of cheese was the goethe? They caught him. I'm glad we got to your catchphrase. Mrs Culpepper Guard About Pilot Pilot Organization frontier communications bathed in a scoreless Mana scurrilous indeed Mrs culpepper manner towards Ms Poundstone. Yes now Paula Paula if you're in there or MS culpepper rather do it. Is there a word of the week this week. We have a wound of the we thank you for asking what is happening to this show. I don't know where the word coming. It's not you at its US. One is choosing. No excuse me cousin listen. COUSIN COUSIN CEO's E. E. M. C. O. Z. E. N. He's going for them and and tell me what cousin means dupe deceive in a way that frontier communications nations has engaged in it's a great crossword and scrabble word. It is indeed use that letter you do that to keep your brain shops. It's not working that well. He's squad shop. I can tell shop oh my God what a Menagerie came up with tonight all right MS culpepper. Thanks for dropping by coming up. Thanks for having me introduce our guest in just a moment. I'm going to Segue Aguayo into a little bit of music and then introduce guest coming up stellar Adler said about acting quote you have chosen a field where you're going to be hurt to the blood blood but to retreat from the pain is death. Wow that's cherry stella well Paula retreat from her edition or why be sitting here splattered in the blood of my friend and and enough to him in Polish rap song. Is it a chart buster answers to all these pressing questions you answers to all these pressing all right fine there. There are three WS in a row here answers to all these pressing questions when we return on nobody listens to Paula poundstone nobody listens to Paula poundstone is brought to you in part by arm and hammer cloud control cat litter what I love. What are you love Paula my cats I? I love cats too. I Love Louise Blue Eyes. He's like a really fat Paul Newman. That's a cat okay. The see where you're going with this it's harder to love cleaning up Louise Litterbox which is why Armand Hammer created new cloud control litter or no cloud cloud of NASTIES here. It's one hundred percent dust free free of heavy perfumes and helps reduce airborne dander from scooping so what happens in the litterbox litterbox stays in the litterbox and I want to add for those of you out there who don't like Paula have forty seven cats but have like one or two like I do that those clouds can arise from just a single litterbox. Oh yeah it's just disrupting the litter at all that stuff and it's like clapping and racer yeah exactly Jackson made it is yeah yeah. It's like it's like a building being destroyed. The Big Vegas Casino implosion kind of thing we say sleep is what I'm saying saying. litterbox looks like unless you're using new cloud control cat litter by Armin Hammer more power to you. Canada Week is Sonny from Port Augusta South Australia thank you we're back and auto pasternack. Thank you so much singer Songwriter. She had a Gig in Hollywood this week. I wish I could have gone and I am honored to be sitting across from a man a mystery man who is both a superb superb actor and a superb leader on environmental issues. I actually used his dish soap from his roles on saint elsewhere and this is spinal tap a mighty wind and from his own own green reality show living with Ed to creating a home with a minimal carbon footprint. He is the real deal as both an actor and environmentalist. Please welcome Ed Begley in junior boy. Thank you thank you thank you so much for coming. I hope that you found your your fair share of mattresses out on Maranda streets. There were a few matters now. Did you reuse and recycle them on your way in. I did not on my way out. I'm GonNa make good use of of them. It is hot in here probably be late so I'll need a nap yeah yeah I gotta I gotTa warn kind of Fall Asleep on Miranda Street. You're likely to lose your hubcaps opt. Even if you weren't driving a euphemism. It is in this case yeah well Ed. We told you why you're here. It's no secret that Paul is terrible. I don't believe that for a minute. I bet she's a great really I love your positivie. She gets called in for roles and then she would you how dishes addition you've loved the audience that she came in red four. She's so good she's so funny. Well I agree. I agree but you can't audition audition. So what we've been doing is inviting distinguished actors to come and help prepare her two additional. I think the the most recent one before you was lily Tomlin row boy the show to help out and wow lily just frankly threw in the towel really really hired are are bouncing her yeah. She seems to feel. There's no hope for me but ed you sound more positive so maybe this'll work tonight. We're hoping you can help out Paula on outside inside the actors studio. I leave this job this welcome to outside the actors studio tonight. Junior will coach Paula poundstone on an edition for role Ed. Paula has brought insights role role. She is up for these great. I'm we'd like you to read the scene with her and then offer your coaching tips. I'd be happy you to do it. I can't wait. I'll be honest with you. She's been writing these sides and I've been really enjoying little developing story but I'll read Paul's description. Paula is reading waiting for the role of Marta. Marta is a strong woman. She suffers no fools. She doesn't feel she needs demand but when love comes knocking she can help peeking through the blinds she smart a little a bit quirky and really into pugs she has worked on campaigns for thirty years and it's beginning to suspect that sexism has played a role in not having climbed higher on the career ladder. She has hit a rough patch in her life and deciding to be proactive has sought help from her friend Ariz therapist so that's Paula's role Ed your characters Bob the therapist I wipe all you have described these parts of saintly. Let's get going Bob. The therapist is seated in an Ergonomic chair with the Hasek that brings his knees up above his hips CBS. He wears a TUNIC and Brown business slacks on one wall. There's a framed black and white photo of a naked woman lying on her side staring into the camera with was one Mascara dripped here coming down her cheek on the opposite wall. There's a photo of a man in the same style on the table. Beside Bob is a box of Kleenex Wchs and an Intercom Marsha sits ilise on the edge of a sectional couch and the scene begins. I hope I didn't freak you out by calling your name over the Intercom Com in the waiting room. It was very hard to get out of this chair nice to meet you Marta. I've got degrees up the pituitary but you don't have to call me doctor. You can call me Bob. Are I probably told you we're a little loosey Goosey in here but the benefits trade for fifty years. I don't always go by the book but I like to think I've helped people. So what brings you to see me. I don't no no. I just feel like I need someone to talk to. I don't want to burden my friends or maybe when I talked to them. I just feel like I'm not being heard. I certainly don't think you're tired. That's a good place to start though with couch you can move it anywhere. You feel comfortable. We're a little loosey Guzzi in hair. This is fine. Are you sure this is your time. You might want to move a piece sectional couch. You move it. No one thinks you're turned in here. It's fine okay. I'll tell you what I like to get. Things started with a gut check so we're going to do what I tell you right now which is to just sit up straight straight close your eyes and breathe deeply as you can feel like an idiot closing my eyes a worry about your thighs here we go. I'll do it too. Oh five oh my gosh. I just fall asleep so sorry. My Gut is telling me I went with my wife a little too late last night. I went out with my my wife way to a we've been married for forty years. She can still ring my bell. She's a beautiful woman in the photograph up there in the wall. I think I'll face the window there you go. You're starting yourself. It's a gut check. It's a beautiful tool. I've worked wonders Ferrari. It's how he found out. He's is a foot fetish. Bob Therapist Therapist is not supposed to talk about their personal life nor their other clients so we're a little loosey Goosey Loosey Goosey. You're out of your mind and how the fuck is supposed to help me. I got passed over for a job with the governor that I worked my ass off to get elected just before my apartment was burglarized. My pug is licked off from her belly and I had to borrow two hundred dollars from my mother who thinks I'm a loser to begin with to pay for a therapy session with another who unless I missed my guess is lying saying naked with his dick hanging out in a photograph on the wall to my left which is why I am not turning my head in that direction. Wow we don't usually get the primal screaming for at least just a month but you are really responding to therapy. So what time would you like to come next week. She slams the door and we hear through the income in the waiting room where thick socks around Ari now. I do have a reaction about that scene. Okay my reaction is you. You were much better. Why am I working in? You're not my question much better than May I sucked in. You're wonderful well. I'm familiar with the words in a way that you know I'm familiar with the words but I though you were very good Paula. I shoot a national looked at it. I should have really prepared better. I'm sorry no but you know when you audition. You're you're often reading with very casting person for it doesn't newsletter you gave the script last minute so that he can giving a cold read. She gave it to me a yesterday and I want her to look at yeah. I should have looked at it some more advice have you for me on on focusing on ed here and his relation to the part okay totally forgot to talk about. What's the matter with us is? Have you had any bad addition experiences. I have actually I've had a couple of them. One quite notable event was when I I did addition foreign got. This was not the bad part. This was a good part. I got the part in the late seventies of the country free time eliminate guy member country timely the country as a young guy. There was an older man. I remember him. He was in my mid twenties at this point maybe even late twenties doesn't matter late twenties now I think and I played the country time lemonade guy the old Geezer as a young man since yes yes it was a little flashback kind of thing with his wife when we met her. I can't doesn't matter. Can you remember this job foggy lots of Veselin on the length yea crosstalk filter kind of stuff and I did that and it ran very good. I made some good money so now the story begins okay. I got a call from my agent. It's a year after we do those first ones which I made some good money they say I feel we are making this call but they're doing the country time lemonade commercials again and they're looking for an ED Begley junior type. I said that's really weird. So why don't they see me at the looking for Ned beg no no they want to see you but they're gonNA see other people for two wow so I went in and so you sit waiting room within the waiting waiting room with about four other guys ties on all dressed like in character for the thing I didn't come and character yeah you know they came like what the what I was is in the commercial right. They did a better job of me than me. They have the little bow tie on and the whole thing and they're all of the Sepia tone as well. I think they might have had a Sepia tone filter. They hold them uh-huh and they they all will like about five years younger than me. At this point. I'm in my late twenties ever like mid twenty s or maybe early twenties auditioned for myself and don't get it now to be clear. I hadn't put on any weight. I had all my hair back then. It wasn't like I changed in some ways. We're like okay. I see why they didn't want him. I didn't look any different. Wow I went to audition for myself and Ed Begley Junior type and didn't get it. That's a rough audition. I'm sure politics at the same way when she went to the movies and saw who wasn't in Paula poundstone story by streisand Barbra streisand uncomfortable Tell me about your uncomfortable auditioning stories. One of them has been uncountable apparently doesn't audition so much. Get Nervous and tell people stories I talk a lot. I'm like I'm stores. Reagan was to the presidency. Yeah I just keep talking and then eventually I say the wrong thing so traditionally really what we would do right now is you would impart some of your audition wisdom to follow and then applying that knowledge. We'd do this scene again okay but will I get any better in the second time that's right yeah. I'm wondering I will my my advice to you is really advice to myself. Prepare work on the scene beforehand. That's my advice so let's try it again. Let's see if I can do it any better okay but again. It's not really about you ed so much is improving. Policy performance seems almost completely uninterested in improving pony. Now really I just WanNa. I'm not getting quite enough work. I want to get a little more work now. I don't want to save any for Paula. poundstone onto Paula poundstone can get one day on a reality show that she might have gotten. I want that to all right goes. I haven't got you here under false pretenses. There's not really a job the television show that's being made. I I don't want you to actually existed job is in turn around and now it's set up at Sony. I think it's a big for me to come here thinking that you could get the job of Bob he could totally get this job. I think and pay for electric motor full disclosure. I get it the right here. What's going to happen guys? Hey Director. I'M GONNA ask you to breathe and you're in addition. Recall asking you to direct that up to you anyway of Geez. No thank you actually pushed. The plate achieves right next to me. I don't trust that she's at all got the captain Muslim okay so you read this description again. I want you guys to just take get in and then we'll start to see okay. I'M GONNA take it okay. Bob Therapist is seated in an Ergonomic chair with a half the brings his knees up above his hips. He Wears Tan Hand Tunic and Brown business slacks on one wall. There is a framed black and white photo of a naked woman lying on her side staring into the camera with one Mascara dripped tears coming down her cheek on the opposite wall. There's a photo of a man in the same style on the table. Beside Bob is a box of Kleenex and an intercom. Marta sits illegalities elegies on the edge of a sexual couch and the scene begins Elbow Freak you out by calling your name over the Intercom in the waiting room and very hard to get out of this chair Nice Nice to meet your Marta. I've got degrees up the Tutti but don't call me doctor. You can call me. Bob Alright probably told you we're a little Loosey goosing here at this trade for fifty years. I don't always go by the book but like to think I've helped some people what brings you the seamy. I don't know I just feel like I need to talk to. I didn't want to burden my friends awesome. Maybe when I talk to them. I just don't feel like I'm being asked to bring that down a little bit to make some more room for ED's character. I was thinking the same exact Zack. Thank thank you. I didn't WanNa say if characters going to kind of spread out and relax into it. I feel like you take it down. Maybe maybe thank you. You're welcome bed Paul. You WanNa do that line again. Yeah okay. I don't know I just feel like I need someone to talk to i. I don't want to burden my friends or maybe when I talked to them. I just feel like I'm not being. I heard well. I certainly don't think you're a third and that's a good place to start though you know that's the section with couch you move it anywhere. You feel comfortable. We're a little loosey Goosey in here. This is fine. Are you sure in here. This is your time you want to move a piece of sexual couch. You move it. No one thinks you're at Teradata near here. It's fine okay. I'll tell you what I want to start with a little gut. Check so what we're GONNA do sit up straight. Close Your eyes and breathe deeply as you can feel like an idiot closing my eyes. Don't worry about your thighs here. We go. I'm going to do with you aw lab fab. I'm so sorry I'm sorry sorry. Did I fall asleep. Just my gut is telling only meow went out with my wife a little too late last night. We've been married forty years. She can still ring my bell beautiful woman. That's earned the photograph up there on the wall. I think I'll face the window there you go. You're hurting yourself to gut. Check okay to beautiful thing work wonder for airy. It's how are we found out. He has a foot Fetish Bob. A therapist is not supposed to talk about their personal life nor there are other clients. We're a little loosey Goosey here. Let's see Goosey. You're out of your mind. How the fuck is this supposed to help me? I got passed over for a job with a governor that I work my Azoff to get elected just before my apartment -partment was burglarized. My pug is linked all the furrow for belly and I had to borrow to order does from my mother who thinks I'm a loser to begin with to pay for therapy session with Notre Sir who unless I miss my guess is lying naked with his dick hanging out and photograph on the wall to my left which is why I'm not turning my head in that direction. Wow we don't usually get the primal screaming for at least a month but you are really really responding to the therapy. So what what time would you like to come next week. She slams the door and we hear through the Intercom in the waiting room where thick socks around Ari seen really much. It's better much much better much better than I was really focused on you much but I can't really give any notes because I really wasn't paying much attention but I can tell you. The Paula did did great there. I felt like I had to pull her back a little bit to make space for your character which I think once again it's kind of the focus of the scene here. Don't you think Paula what is the focus of the scene Bob the therapist Oh bob the entire scene okay might have really incidental and I do want to point out is kind of incidental until her great monologue towards the end but it does seem like another problem. That's getting into way of your audition processes that when even when you write yourself audition scenes you seem to be writing more interesting scenes for your scene partner yeah I knew that Ed would be great at Bob and I wanted to have plenty of room to stretch out move that sex's this. Let's go to network soon or when do you have to call for this really podcasting. I think Ed Ed podcast. Don't make a lot of money now. Editor have any any auditioning advice that you want to impart to Paula it can be mostly about about you but like we do like to leave here with a little advice for seriously. I won't give you some advice and this came from the guy whose name was Roy London. I work with Roy London. In one thousand nine. Hundred Ninety three was a great acting acting teacher and was the first time I worked with him. We work with a lot of friends of mine are doing very well and I thought I'd give it a try and I was working on the scene for show I was doing and doc was going fine and then he said said you know what I think is really the most interesting thing to watch in a scene in a movie a TV show or anything onstage in a play is how a character deals with pain and I thought yeah that doesn't sound very interesting. That sounds like stupid fucking thing he said and I went home that day and kind of thinking more about it to dismiss it further. I realized that's not what he said at all. He didn't say person writhing in pain. He said how a person deals with pain yeah and he was absolutely right. Laurel and hardy are carrying a piano down the stairs not only do they fall but the piano falls on them Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice. You get your point here now. There's no piano that happens that happens off off-camera piano one of her kids buddy be complete. See you really understood so choice but comedy or drama. There isn't how her character deals with pain. I'm saying it's Universal Ursel comedy or drama how a character deals with pain how they dealt with an comic sense with piano and the fact that they weren't really hurt somehow with a piano fucking falling on them yeah yeah and she's very much hurt by what her choices you learn the end of the movie. What Sophie's choice is what that means? Yeah and it's a terrible thing and you understand why that character's been such pain in all along and so that was kind of universal rule for me going forward how a person deals with pain pain can mean conflict that can meetings -iety can mean physical pain and and do not see as I at first thought a person suffering and pain but how they're trying to keep the lid on the part time to keep the lid how to not react with the thing how to not cry has Denzel Washington and Glory. We see that tier go down his face right. It's a beautiful moment well. Did you notice that Paula poundstone was in terrible pain in her right nipple throughout that scene no she she did and the truth is I bring because she did it better than me. You could see her conflict and difficulty and her pain and her frustration that was all what she was carrying and that's that's interesting to watch Howard character deals with pain is what you need to find in any scene and deal with it for a comedy drama doesn't matter play movie Uvi TV show our character deals pain. I thought for sure you were going to say that Roy London said to you I think the interesting thing to watch is how a character deals with pain and and then he punched. You should have points because I wasn't listening when he first said you were just trying to slot me to wake me up and I got the ride home so it doesn't matter I got it and I've used it to great advantage ever since and again. It doesn't in fact it's worse you know really somebody flagrantly flailing and pain. That's not always the best thing to watch. I'm person tries to keep from crying from yellow on from reacting to keep the little suggesting Mr Begley that I was over the top not at all. We're not make you kept the lid on it very good. There was a point which you were fulminating a bit because you had to at that point. There was no way to keep that steam under pressure and control it was wonderful but you did at every turn was wonderful. I was maybe forty. percent is good. It's you you even time time you bring that up obviously back to my original note which was quite sincere. Preparation prepared did not look at the difference that's interesting. I think it'd be too hard and he said I thought you were fantastic but you know what I was GonNa Button up this segment. I don't usually after this but auto pasternak. Who Will you sing out the way you're saying us in with the help I get it? Okay okay so thank you Ed Begley Junior for sharing your expertise on this episode of outside the Actors Studio this job freeze God I in this case. That was very very nice. Wow she's good all all right coming up next the dysfunctional family and Ken Lewis Ebonics America continues their road trip at a time. I have to stop you the characters in Ken Liz Knicks America Erica are on hiatus this week there herring adventures have taken a toll and they're recovering here so then how will we gracefully mention your upcoming New Year's Eve appearance at the North Theatre in San Francisco. I guess we'll just have to let our audience down and they won't know they can find your unique. Comedy Style Ends on September Twenty eighth in Los Senlis at the theater at the hotel. It's tragic really they'll never know an October fourth. I'll be in Troy New York at the troy savings bank musical really a savings bank. That's a musical. There's an interesting story there. I'm sure but our audience is now cheated out of that information. Damn you characters in Kenya's Ebonics America Erica. Can't you get off your asses and plug the upcoming appearances of Paula poundstone. Don't be too hard on them. Timmy just got out of the well and Nellie was subjected to a lot of things that I don't even WanNa refer to again. Okay okay. That's fair our apologies to our faithful listeners. Maybe someday you'll get a chance to hear about the upcoming appearances of the iconic American Humorous Paula poundstone. I believe they are on her website. Paula POUNDSTONE DOT COM but I don't really know but I do know that we have another taste of Polish rap song about butter fingers. That's coming up right after this according to climate scientists we have ten years in sixteen weeks until the the earth begins to become uninhabitable evolve the things that need to change their there are many in the butterfinger recipe. There weren't any providing opportunity. That's that's not anyone can see. Can't they address that deep regret instead of just fucking with my chocolate. Some things need to change so some things need to change but not my butter fingers but not my fingers. That's an excellent different governor rap song that you created with producer Jay deal producer songwriter extraordinaire ping pong enthusiasts now to to you J. J. Came to the Ping Pong Party. He loved it. I love that you had an iconic hip. Hop Producer there at your at your show and he was very low key is he is he can be very low key. Yeah he's hung back. I have an announcement to make about your J. Single is that it's available on Itunes at least according to Captain Craig Captain Crank unless kept in crinkle. Let's down and when is that ever happened. Upton Greenland never misses killed pepper a man you might not have called not kill Pepe. Pepe must be my accent culpeper culpeper of course you might not have been here for a lot of episodes. This is pepe colpepper. Captain Crinkle has let us down on many occasions with butterfinger candy that that she made not delicious. Yes I'd say I let us down by not making it instead embezzling eating all the ingredients chips shit you and I I would say let us down even more by coming through and making it for us because that was a fucking disaster in that's ever it was inevitable few moments. I was jealous of captain culpepper. At least he had some good before he waits then India killed him. I had to live with the homemade thing all living with it now Mrs Colpepper all right but assuming that Bonnie didn't let us down people could go to I tunes right now and get that butter fingers wrap of yours. Yes called not my butterfinger not my butterfinger by Paula all the poundstone or do you have some sort of hip hop name now no no. It's not poundstone polyp. I didn't confuse MVP. I didn't want to continue this chart dozen listeners. We have thousands now. Now you know we started the show with the discussion of etiquette early on and I wanted to share an email from a listener about that Ellen Ellen brachman ultimately I won't do an impression. I'll just quote quote. I just finished yesterday's podcast first. Let me say I have a newfound love of the Tuba. I'm thinking the of incorporating it into my daily meditation secondly. I truly believe my nine long months. At Stevens College for women left me in good shape. I found myself answering during Paula's manners questions right along word for word with your expert. It was like a frigging do it. I'm so proud now. Ellen ladies don't say frigging the lady I notice she graduated from Stevens College just like our producer Tony Anita Hall and she tells me it. I used to be a finishing school because one of the things I noticed what she mentioned nine long months which usually I believe a college. Education is longer for years plus yeah she's zipped through. I believe in Tony can correct me if I'm wrong. I believe Stevens College model used to be if you've gone to Stevens. You're finished four seventy financially. Yes drew to there. Are you still paying off your couch. I yeah only about one hundred and twenty twenty thousand to go and you know what caused only all that was Kandla Zevnik who founded the Stevens College. MFA AND TV and screenwriting programs and he apparently didn't see Stevens memo about etiquette because he's one and this is interesting who week after week writes that incredibly juvenile fart and vomit jokes folks that I have to perform in his name segment that you have to Adam love doing the I've decided like any actor to throw myself into the part but does a program teaches for the school Stevens College which used to be finishing school now has made a name for himself in the world of podcasting with Kenya's F Knicks America which is steeped in Fart so uh-huh so so don't hold the Stevens College. MFA AND TV and screenwriting against that program because it's not a reflections not a reflection Mrs Mugabe inevitably really it is all you both run the Labor government Stevens College and jokes but you played them to to the the excess that that what is is the quote from Blake the road to the road to Nirvana's pay for access to God that totally Robert Blake cause a call from him is there. I'm sorry I is totally screwed that up okay. It's all right. It's not like you're an academic was supposed to be the coach just just no believe me please these Stevens in college and TV and screenwriting we really do not have a special seminar and Fart jokes and projectile vomiting not part of the curriculum people. I've met for example Tony Anita Hill who is a crack producer on our show. The people that I've met who've been can students are fantastic and shudder if they read Ken. Liz Knicks the listen to the well. I know Tony Anita whole does the right but she's no longer one. She's a she's a long. She's an alum so it really used to be a finishing school. While do you know in Massachusetts. That was historical Jordan Marsh Marsh Jordan Marsh had a and what's not to Jordan's fine furniture. No that's Burien Elliott. That's another yes another Jordan toward store. There was another word word for it. I don't think it was finishing school. There was another way it was something like that. Maybe it was it wasn't Masha. Yes it did and my mother told me one time I must have been in about high school and she told me and this is the woman that like every life had some things in it but she told me Pacific. It's awesome some challenges some bad decisions some challenges but she said to me one time that the biggest charm school that's what it was called okay she. She told me one time the biggest mistake she ever made was not sending me to the Jordan Marsh charm school. I loved that they named it that because that's Boston again so it's the Jordan Marsh Chops Mash chime school. That was the biggest mistake she'd ever made in a life of mistakes so that was her biggest. I don't think it was allies. I would love to be able to say that myself that the biggest mistake I ever made was not sending my children charms either that would be a great life to have or what a wonderful belief to have about your life now does Stephen still carry on this tradition of etiquette and find manners can with you're accepted center was quite genteel. Yes it is quite yell and Stevens College Undergraduate Program sow full four year wonderful wonderful college located in Columbia. Missouri has nothing to do with T. service or not not not nothing like that anymore. It's wonderful still a women's school. It's the second oldest women's men's college in America. It's just lots of old women well no. They're actually very young and our the oldest women's college this. This is a very fair enough are. MFA Program is located as a low residency program here in Los Angeles based out of the Jim Henson resonances. Let's see what else do like us. Tony experienced students come from all over the streets yeah. What does he know? Residents heard of that. I'd I'd homelessness. What is now residency? They come to intensive ten day workshop in August from all over America. We House them very nicely at the garden Beverly Garland Hotel all in the same room not everyone has their own rooms and then they get to go home to their place residence around America and work online with mentors each of a online but college hybrid yes yes and all the mentors members of the writers guild all working writers the I guess I claimed this current crisis apparently to my detriment this podcast current club. I I mean I wouldn't Ah Wild One word by the way I could explain I because my father taught at Stevens and he taught back in the fifties I can explain the origins of that term finishing school and explains the nine months reference here that they girls there when they got knocked up. No no no oftentimes what happened is a young woman would not want to complete her high school year ear and would instead go to Stevens College for her final year off she would finish high school. I thought it was he's like like polishing. Dot Com school. Yeah like layer was that ending the rough edges yeah there was definitely that in the fifties and forties where it was there there was an emphasis on etiquette and Ellen Brockman ultimately only thing so Joan Crawford went there at the point yes she didn't last but she went there at the point finished. She didn't graduate. I'll put I always felt a little bad for Joan Crawford in a way and here's here's why okay because my guess is my guess is that she said no wire hangers really nicely nicely several times. I am not suggesting that it's okay to you know uh-huh. I'm not believe in corporal punishment but I do think that when the story got told it sounds like just one night she blew up over wire wire hangers and my guess is just every night you go honey. Remember no wire hangers remember. These are very expensive. 'cause mommy doesn't want you to put these on wire hangers hangers and remember what Mommy said about the wire hanger in fairness to Jeffrey Dahmer I think yeah those pizzas were always late so infrequently use fairness. Joan Crawford is kind of my point here. I just think Jeffrey every dahmer the Cannibal. Yes yeah ordered those pizzas. They didn't come what I don't. What did he order pizzas because it didn't come e e people oh I I see what you're saying because pecking yes? I was kind of doing the Joan Crawford thing. It's not the same becca ironic fashion thank Mrs Culpepper Take Paula side only the same do not make still reiterate when she era rated just fine the first time I got two minutes culpepper gentle listeners please write us with your thoughts about etiquette or if you have a theme song entry or a short description of our show please emails at nobody listens to Paula poundstone at You could win a bar of hotels soap. I would say a Abbar Fresh Hotel Sacred Win Bara fresh hotel so but I think that the real features that it is autographed by Paula poundstone on rapper not on the soap speaking of hotel soap nope and of Kenya's ethnic and we have Ken right here. Can I just WanNa say you've done an amazing job with Ken Liz Knicks America which started as a travel log in turn really really really weird really really fast I was I have to say it all could us go to the incredible acting company that constituted Calisthenics America. Your role is timmy was memorable to me. Okay Hall. I think you're the Boston mother was just priceless. Absolutely and Tony Anita Yuen Sung hero of Kenya's epochs America thank her work as the heartbreaking taking heart breaking out all the time and Cameos by my son Ben Right as the the Hobo thought very amendment rubbing the things that this cast are going to be the actors that are in the breaking bad movie a really great I I I. I could see how that would work really well yeah. I know you've got something great cooked up for us for next week. I can't wait to see how this ends right. I'm I'm really looking forward to to hearing everyone's dulcet tones one more time and by Dulcet tones you mean far we come back right after this on this day in unremarkable history Ronald Reagan said Mommy you know I'd like for us to to redecorate Ron Juniors Room just so I can say to you. Mrs Reagan Tear Down this wall paper. Have you ever watched a movie so bad. You just needed to talk to somebody about it. Well here at the Flop House House. We watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Yeah you don't have to do anything we'll watch it and we'll talk it. We do the hard work featuring the beautiful vocal talents of Dan McCoy Stuart Wellington and me America's rascal Elliott Ceylan new episodes every other Saturday at maximum fund or wherever you get your podcast dude by I welcome everyone to the live wrestling spectacular in Los Angeles so far the world's most boring wrestling podcast has been destroying the competition. Isn't there anyone who can save us from this if Torralba Steve Fleet be tights and fights the perfect wrestling podcast title fight is here to save us from the monotony of boring wrestling cats with leary's conversations woke trips through the history of wrestling and joked about the finer points of people wearing expanded and the podcast every week Thursdays used as a maximum fund out a word or wherever you get podcasts please these also have families Welcome welcome back then Paula boy any message this week for the fans listening to nobody listens to ball bounce stone. You know I I have have a message a message a message succinct. One right is very very hissing at we're so lucky not only do we get the option of sleeping on any mattress. I'm Miranda Street that we want to clean up for the wounded. Ed Begley is currently other than that one complete with a nightcap of the few remaining drops of liquor from a tiny discarded bottle. We also have such loyal fans we do listeners often. Come up to me to share the impact that are goofy. Little podcast has had on their lives and thank you. Nobody's your somebody's to us. The fact is though that we can't keep making the show if we don't grow our listenership we we really need our audiences help with this and if you're announcement every week ended right there I would be so in agreement with you but it doesn't add up the problem is yes yes for many of our listeners sharing with their friends and loved ones that they listened to nobody listens to Paula. POUNDSTONE can be an awkward conversation because nobody talks about podcasts nowadays well. It's something that is spoken in whispers so I have written some simple sample dialogue to ease that that burden try this listeners friend. I have just invented a way to download all the world's knowledge into anyone's brain listener. Oh Oh listeners friend may be the most fantastic discovery of all time pauses for a minute because like a simple sample dialogue simple sample. That's something that could be conversation to be having people so when you talk to someone who's had this experience where they've invented continuing I don. I think you'll hear feels is a little unlikely unlikely. You'll see it's not unlikely at all. It may be the most fantastic discovery of all time listener. I like the wheel and fires nights have used carefully listeners friend. You just push this computer. Flash drive into your temple. It hurts a little but within seconds there I know everything. The MON is two hundred thirty eight thousand nine hundred miles from the earth sweet after a male be meets with the Queen in the end of his penis falls off his testicles explode any dies. You can buy property and monopoly your first time around the board. You don't have to wait until you go round wants. It's my DNA is only passed through the maternal line listener. That's great. I knew that already listeners friend did you spend hours studying studying in isolation listener not that that would be the worst thing but no I learned all of that and more from nobody listens to Paula poundstone the comedy podcast had cast with the gentle reminder about the limited time we have to respond to climate change that upset listener Randall Woods children. We're going to bring more than climate change range itself. I I learned it in an atmosphere of love joy laughter and occasional frustration of the Casey Anthony Brings in inappropriately large large dangerous animals to the studio. Sometimes there are even funny little stories that relate to the facts which often included banana as a pivotal structural turning-point turning-point Zag crime listeners friend well then this device that I've devoted my life to inventing is worthless. I I didn't know you listen to. Nobody listens to Paula poundstone. I'm going to start listening myself okay. Do you see how yes one. The listener was able to talk to their friends so I can make them. Listen as well and in this way we grow are listenership. I'll say a couple of things number one. There seemed to be a couple of shots at me and they're gentle. Gentle is a conversation that happened between two people. I don't know what your message you're ever or met. These people this is a random listener and their friend but you wrote this and based on what someone would say to a friend. I really put myself. I want to point out is what we're saying to our listeners out there. Yes is that wait around. Don't talk about our podcast but when your friend it comes to you having invented a device that allows you to download the entire knowledge of humanity to your brain then then you can tell your friend about our podcast one listener at a time over time I mean I've written many simple sample dialogue. I'm really have and each of those when they come to fruition will grow our listeners listener that wrote in and said that the having fallen fallen down a well dialogue that you wrote where we're a listeners friend has fallen down a well and the listener drops their phone down into the well so they can listen to our podcast yes while while they're down there we do have a listener. That said that that happened to him. Yeah but I'm pretty sure is lying. Yeah I saw that I saw that note and I thought it was sincere and that that had actually happened. We actually help someone and gained a listener and you thought that that person was just making fun of me and I orme. I just wanted to say to that one listener. We don't need all of you all right. Nobody's remembered that at our email address again is nobody listens to Paula poundstone at and you can find man Adam on instagram facebook and twitter. You can't get rid of you can find my fine. Try Poly Blend teachers remarkably soft with a memorable quote self on the left breast us and a memorable quote back at Paula poundstone dot com. That's our show nobody listens to Paula poundstone hosted by Paula poundstone and yours truly Adam felber produced by Paula poundstone Adam felber Bonnie Burns Kenley Zednik have a good time back in New York and Tony Anita Hall Technical Direction by Ray Horsemen and mixing by Anthony L. Farro special thanks to tonight's house band singer songwriter artists and violinist out of Pasternak fantastic. Thanks to the one and only Ed Begley junior this week week we had no security muscle and ED mounted his bicycle pedal down Miranda Street without protection so again yeah. I'd like to dedicate this show to the memory of Ed Begley Junior. Can we run the real of ED's most memorable parts okay transcription services for the show provided by transcribe me for your Special Paula poundstone discount use Code Paula poundstone when placing your order at transcribe me dot com. That's our show for tonight. Won't somebody please listen to me. Change our type of fuel make a powerful public school and if we don't let love rule we're it done. Some things need to change. Some things need to change but not my butter fingers but not my fingers yes but now I'm about a fingers whites but now I'm about a fingers please but not my butter fingers skip the maintenance and Greens grains like to bring back the telephone booth deserve the truth we redesigned. Stop worrying about how much peanut butter at the time we've got a gold plated reserve the trump we we deserve

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