121 - Dr. Brenda Wade and Dr. Cheryl Ep.2
Are you so full of fear? You can't even talk about money and wealth. Dr Cheryl is showing you. Shift your mindfulness with your wealth relationship. Most people don't even like to talk about money from a personal level. You can learn how to get past the fear and talk about money and wealth and free yourself to a healthy relationship no matter where you are in your life. Are you ready for some good changes? This really affects all areas of your life. It's time for the wealthy transformation. Podcast our special guests this evening. Is Dr Brenda Wade? This is the first segment of a two part discussion with Brenda psychologist television host keynote speaker founder of love money and see the seminars author. Dr Brenda Wade is best known for her. Dynamic love centered approach to transformation. She has earned numerous awards as a psychologist keynote speaker. Workshop leader author television host and producer. Dr Brendan known for her. Knock on the live. Interactive delivery offers keynote addresses and presentations on optimal health and success to corporate professional and generally general audiences internationally. She her presentations have been hailed as legendary and as a keynote speaker. Brendor doctor Brenda leaves audiences standing on their feet cheering but above all inspired with the takeaway tools to keep building success. Dr Brenda has consulted for. Mca The Disney Corporation. The Canadian Government San Francisco Fire Department and many other starter. Brenda chaired the Francisco. Human Rights Commission serves on the boards of various community organizations and has received multiple awards for her work in the field of domestic violence. Hiv and AIDS and service to family and children. Dr Brenda a clinical psychologist. In San Francisco. California specializes in couples and family therapy with a private practice that reaches internationally a protege of the world renowned author and Therapist Dr Virginia Sattar. Her approach is scientifically based humanistic impractical. She received her bachelor of Science Degree in biology at the University of puget sound completed repeat in development and child clinical psychology from the University of Washington. Dr Brenda is former a junk professor at John F. Kennedy University San Francisco State University and Antioch University West Afford Time National television host. Dr Brenda currently Co host healing quest nationally on PBS. An is in development for a new project with CNN net. C Net TV Dr Oz Dr drew and today show CNN and many others regularly book. Doctor Brenda as a guest. Pert A groundbreaking author. Dr Wade's four books. Include Ninety nine things you wish you knew before falling in love power choices. What Mama couldn't tell us about love which she co wrote with Brenda Lane? Richardson and love sessions guide to transforming relationships her fifth book. Unchain your love. The modern love guide is due in two thousand fifteen. Dr Brin also contributes to the national and international publications including bridal fantasy o the Oprah magazine Essence Forbes Ebony Ladies Journal Home Journal Jet Heart and soul and match dot com. This is the second segment of a two part discussion with Brenda. Wait Week till just that much time to learn how to love and I hung conditionally. Well let's start with just learning the steps of love way way to unconditional takes work for some couples just to get the first step is how do I speak to you? In a way that honors use a person isn't attacking lamey babies create. You know yeah exactly and it's like so it's learning how to get those steps it's true is true and and letting go and you know. I just would love to see everybody have that metaphysical just knowing that. There's more than enough just like there's there's enough money circulating on the planet for everybody to have all seven billion. It's true we have eight to ten million dollars. Those first thing the first thing we have to do is again going back to what did I learn A. That's what that's how my value my value as a person so one tool that I want to offer the viewers if this is okay with you is after you discover what your money pattern is match for mom a match for dad or some Amalgam of the two swinging back and forth as a FAV- for some of us the important thing is to say. Now how can I take that pattern and not turn it around into a one? Eighty one hundred and eighty degrees from sick is sick or sorry but how can I move it to a place that I feel and it takes us Alf love and it takes one step at a time? Even if it's a baby step it takes you know but as long as you stay with it you know the Assay sedulously discipline you just keep at it keep at it. You know peeling peeling the law and having the steps having the steps and sometimes repeating step so I know what my pattern is and now I'm GonNa Adjust the pattern so that I use. I have a question that I asked people to use. Will I love myself more if I do this with my money? Will I love myself more if I spend it over here or invested over there or say that because some people I've worked with one guy who had made a magnificent fortune in the arts wonderful magnificent fortune he lived in a basement apartment and it could not get himself to buy his boyfriend an appropriate gift. He wasn't doing it for him so of course there was. That's right verse. Apps first step for this particular guy was to learn. What was an appropriate amount? We literally had to come up with now. What's an appropriate amount to spend on gift for a guy whose guys millions and millions of dollars in the bank and he said? Well I really should buy my boyfriend a birthday gift. That's at least worth four hundred ninety nine dollars. I said that's a good start. Yeah that was a good start for him so he had to marching. That's the take the money out of the bank and go and spend that five hundred dollars on a gift and it was just saying you know what I'm sure it was? It seems small but it was huge and then all the feelings that came up he was terrified. He felt somehow he would be used and then abandoned because he had been abandoned which is wide all day in the bank pattern pattern pattern pattern and so we can be helpful. The first step is to see them and see where they came. Crores of the minute. We see the family history. We get compassion. The next step is we're going to shift it sometimes. It means I'M GONNA take money out of bank and spend it. Sometimes it means I put it in the bank and I don't end up with the patterns exactly but money and love are as you know inextricably linked how we use. Our money has everything to do with how we feel about ourselves. Be they overspending under earning peel. What I call money. Belichick's the feast and famine people. That go up and down. It all comes from. I'll hear back in those family patterns again. Well I was fortunate. I had granted always said Save. Your money saved your money. No matter what I'd hear her and I still hear her. Save Your money very important is. My parents weren't very good managers so you were able to use grandmother as your model instead of your parents which makes all the difference now. Here's one of the big secrets. How we handle. Money is how we handle our love lives and I have found so many people myself included. Murderering how I spend money and how I am in my love life so you heard me say earlier. The little people plate laser was at work. People pleasers always using their resources to take care of other people's so I would just spend every many usually to help somebody else to take care of someone else and it's very challenging for me and I'm working on this. I want to be completely candid. I'm get it out. I'm working on TV. That's my big thing right now. Hello yet they see receiving because it is so easy to go. Giving for somebody a yeah. It's the the lesson that's it's the journey that I'm expanding on and then I'm working on good for you. Will you have my wholehearted support right back to you? Thank you working on it here. I'm making all these discoveries and I'm working on my fifth book and the last book I wrote was ninety nine things you wish you knew before falling in love and of course money is a part of it so but in this new book. I'm getting to break some new ground and to really bring a free thing that I've discovered about myself and all the different tools and one thing. That's very different for me. Is Understanding how these old patterns can be transformed body emotions mind and spirit So I've created this four quadrant model that I used years and years and years ago I think in my second book the I wrote a book for African American women called. What Mama couldn't tell us about love with a friend of mine? Brenda Richardson. And in that book I had a chance to bring all the family dynamic work but in this latest book we go beyond that and ask what kind of dynamics to we have in the workplace in our community and how pieces. That ticket is huge. It is I mean what? I'm what I'm taking on with. My movement is huge. You know transforming that relationship yes and it has to happen no matter what. It's I mean it is happening and all the negative stuff is coming up at. It is happening exactly really happy that it is happening and I will continue this good. I'm glad needs it out there in the big picture out there indeed and connecting the dots. So that this is all grounded is important to me. You know one of the things about doing that. Monkey brain research. It took me a while to realize that was an essential part. Not just me hiding out when I was depressed about an essential part of hard science and being grounded able to we literally were exactly but being able to Ryan's as a way to understand what's going on in the brain and the body and connect these dogs and I'm so happy that the science the scientific community is actually waking up to the spiritual dynamic. You know yeah I mean you know admitting that they know that there's that force exactly. That's a huge step. Well we have so much research now as you know Herbert Benson the Harvard School Mind Body Medicine. We have Larry Dossey with all the prayer studies right here at cal Berkeley. We've got the center for greater good doing research on gratefulness and forgiveness and looking at Stanford Stanford as well Stanford in the Shyness Clinic Passion ahead. Fred profess thread. Yes come yes. We talked about forgiveness terrific. Yeah I love. His forgiveness work but the the shyness clinic is at Stanford doing work on compassion and how compassion is one of the ways to heal that social anxiety and again. It's having compassion for yourself. It's the only compassion for it all starts with within yourself. Everything does it does. So it's like hello wake up and you can be free and you can love. Freely can dance freely. You can do all the wonderful things that we're supposed to do to make us happy to allow us to be happy if we just focus on those things and and take one step at a time to heal it one step at a time and I do find. I know this isn't true for everyone. But it's true for me and I found a lot of people that appreciate having a research. Based set of tools and techniques that fit together smoothly so that you can use them and be able to use them in a systematic way and a grounded ways very important in of course. Then there's the those that that you know can do it and not totally be ground. Yes I mean depends on what it is specifically you know this but absolutely do you wanNA share anymore about the football situation. You know I mean it is important you know. I started out many years ago. Leading a group in San Francisco for men who have been convicted up domestic violence and it was the first domestic violence intervention program and it was a justice diversion program meaning. They were convicted and they were GONNA get jail or they. WanNa get my group okay and I had these batterer 's sitting in this group with me. I think it was on Thursday nights. I don't remember it's been a while but the judge was wise enough to give me a probation and parole officer. Who Mr Pugh was his name. Mr Pugh was seven feet tall. I kid you not know and well over three hundred pounds and he was in the room with me while I lead the group now. What I learned doing that group is that batters can change. And that's very important. Hard work takes a lot of focusing on where I learned the pairing. How I feel about myself being able to answer those questions about family history and then most importantly having other men confront and hold that batterer accountable then. I flipped to the other side of this issue. I was the chair of the Board of La Casa dillas Madras which is the shelter for battered women and their children in San Francisco was the only shelter for battered women and one fact is there are more shelters for animals than there are for battered. Mom Yeah I thought that was interesting. Is that nation organization? Line okay. Many workshops for animals and for battered women so we have a long way to go in terms of value wing. Women appropriately providing care for women when we have one million women a year ending up in the hospital because the battery it is still one of the leading causes of death for women. Is You know and thirty. Seven percent of all battering starts when a woman is pregnant. Oh my God. I didn't I wasn't yes thirty. Seven percents very high so with my background in this field. I've been paying close attention to what was going on and you may remember back the OJ Simpson of course issue at that. Same time. that O. J. was going through the trial of whether he'd killed his wife Nicole or not. Lend aller Who is somebody I was working with at the time and I greatly admire producer? Television host news reporter brilliant woman. Lend US said. You Know Pee wee. Herman was caught in a movie theater playing with himself right. I remember and he lost all his endorsements lost. His television job lost everything I remember. Jay was convicted of battering and he didn't lose anything so lend US said Gee it seems to be a bigger crime in America to play with yourself in a movie theater then to your wife. Wow then think about it. So we have the football commissioner. Who saw the video? Apparently this is what's being alleged. Solve the video of Ray. Rice knocking his wife out cold and not doing anything to aid her. That anyone could see on the video and not doing anything about it letting you. This sensational sick six sensible. It is sick but again it says something about in the third book I wrote is called power choices and a lot of it is about honoring the feminine. And why in my estimation we are afraid of women femininity. It takes us back to our conversation about feelings engineer. What men are still afraid to deal with the feminine? That's incited them that exactly. It's about feelings. Yeah it's about feelings because we equate emotion. Amenity look with the media with what what would they educational live. Churches and the education are doing to those role models. You know I mean it definitely has to change because it's not allowing men also are males to to feel comfortable enough to communicate their few. Exactly you know so. I mean this is huge. It's a challenge. It's a big challenge to own that if we put all these pieces together now that we grow up with this brain that is a miniature recording device as a child and we take everything that was only here in the family that got passed down. Nobody had an opportunity yet to heal. But it's up to us to go. I have the opportunity. You're watching the show. You can read books. You can take classes and seminars. Everything we need is available. We have the opportunity. Our ancestors didn't have to say I can own my feelings. I own mind that I can honor you as food. I can handle my money appropriately. I can create a relationship. That's a healthy. Yes it all ties together so absolutely thank you. Is there anything else that you would like to talk about? I'm a huge advocate of education because when we educate ourselves on a topic. We're back to that business about having a driver's license we need a love license. We need a family license. We need to study these things. That are huge. Parts of our lives that we get no training for. And that's why I started my seminar business because I thought Oh my God. I've been studying all this because I needed it right. I've learned a lot about the research and I've been teaching it anyway either with battered women with men who are batters over here with people who'd abandoned their children who were abandoned. I was always out some place teaching and I thought I'm going to create one place. People can go and as I continue to learn and grow. I can put it all here. Yes yes and help help others assist other and I have a gift for your viewers. Oh wonderful sweet anyone who would like to have a free class with me. Just send a note to Dr Brenda Way Dot Com and say I watch awake. Oh okay if they say that your viewers awake with show and they will get the class and this class is going to be just a taste. It's only sixty minutes. It's a Tele seminar but it's live so people can ask questions and we're going to cover just four things understanding your body your emotions. Your mind your energetic self and how you can take these four things and integrate them so that your money and your love. Life work more smoothly. And I'll guarantee you're gonna come away with something you can use sure absolutely and that's for you and your viewers you well. I'm always looking to learn every day. So you know there's and you can always learn even if it's one of the whole thing that will pivot you to the next level that's right and that's what it's about. Just keep pivoting to the next level keep learning keep getting freer keep loving more and I liked that pivoting. Yeah No. It's just another word but I had an image of my mind as you said it. You know pivoting okay. Civic because Russia whatever requires a lot. I mean yeah you know and I realized how important it is to be flexible. You know because if you're not you're gonNA break you know emotionally physically whatever you know so. It's well this has been wonder all so much. I love that we've covered all this wonderful wonderful educational information because this is what what it's all about in in healing our humanity. Yes that's what it's going to take so in our times coming down to an end already. I was like Oh. We're like two four minutes ago. I thought Oh my goodness we're almost out of time. So thank you thank you. I appreciate your guests I. It's an honor to have you here and I look forward to seeing you the next time. Beautiful and thank you. Thank you Cheryl. Blessings We hope you enjoy today's episode of wealth. Transformation we encourage you to apply the Information. You've learned with our wise guests to make your life better and make good changes. We appreciate you more than you know for being a part of our podcast when you were moved or motivated please let us know how the show influenced your life. I E mailing at Dr Cheryl Dot Wealth Transformation g mail DOT COM for a free consultation with Dr Cheryl to see how she can benefit you. Further please visit Cheryl Shire DOT COM or call. Four one five two four six six eight eight one as a gift. You can get Doctor. Cheryl's booked wealth transformation integrity integrity integrity for only the cost of postage seven dollars and ninety five cents until next time. Feel healthy and happy in your wealth no matter where you are in your life.