Two Girls, One Emily
Porn link is what you do or important. It's basically exactly it's oral porn where you're kind of touching it with your tongue from a distance. It's offered a camera. It's not going to help get anyone off. It's terrible education. Please don't do it. I mean if you're going to do what just put your face in there if you can't breathe you're doing it right. Exactly go. All the way in rating drops of Pussy. You're doing a correct. Thanks for listening to sex with family. I'm Doctor Emily and on today's show I'm joined by Alice. Von An event don't Traumat- from two girls one Mike. The porn cast talk about the funnier sides of porn and the true entertainment aspects of it. All plus and managing your sex and relationship. Questions topics include. Why porn can be great when it's too much what we should be bringing to the bedroom and what should stay on the screen. The plot holes. That porn parodies Leila's with why instagram is causing recurring problems. In your relationship and how to get people to stop putting you on a pedestal. When you're casually dating all this and more thanks for listening if you've heard me say at once you've heard me say a million times. Communication is a lubrication more. We talk about sex the better it gets but listen before you can tell your partner would actually feels good to you. You need to figure that out with a little self exploration. Because I promise you got places in parts you haven't explored yet enters sumio. The one toy that was designed specifically for exploration instead of using a wide vibrating surface. It has a fine tip that rotates in tiny circles. Mimicking the natural motion of a fingertip. And so what this does is it. Lets you pinpoint one very small area. At a time without overpowering brains that stimulate everything at what's the result you can discover so many new sensations take control of your pleasure. Zoom ao is eight speeds and it's pressure sensitive. Put the tip down gently for light simulation or firmly for deeper intensity and because it doesn't vibrate nothing gets over stimulated including the hand or holding with O. M. B. D. W. Zumo is an amazing add on for intercourse. It small tip in organic handle means that you can reach down and use it exactly where and when you need it most. I'm telling you just go take a look at it and you'll see why I'm so excited about Zoom Yo. You can see it at sex with emily dot com slash zoom. Yo that SEX WITH EMILY DOT COM SLASH Z U M. I L zero is exploration with rotation not vibration eyes of a man obsessed by six is that they call them in a bygone boyfriend because many here he just got his heartbroken. He thinks you're kind of cute standard. The women know about shrinkage isn't a common knowledge. What do you mean like laundry shrinks talk about sexual much? Kidney floor is pretty good but you know he's not the kind of just play. You're listening to sex with emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between from our formation checkout sex with EMILY DOT COM social media sex with emily across the board intentions with Emily for each show. Let's off by setting an intention. I encourage you to the same. 'cause I do it as well so when you're listening right think about it. Like what do I WanNa get listening to this episode of Sex with Emily? And how could help you? It could be. Oh I've always wondered if porn is good or bad for me. What is a porn plot hole or a much? Your how you feel about porn. This could be an interesting perspective. My intentions for the show is show you. That porn doesn't have to be super scary or serious and are actually healthy ways incorporated into your sex life. Enjoy the show. I'm so excited to welcome my guests. We have quite adopted into. I've so many questions. Alice von any vet. Don't remote indeed rest. They have a podcast called two girls one Mike and tell discuss all the storylines and plot holes. Which did you guys make a plot holes? Well someone has to review the holes and the Potholes. I of everyone's favorite porn errors and this distracts me from my orgasm and people need to know about exactly like the sheets. Were not that color. They are whatever happened. It was folded over. There wasn't a pillow. Look I can suspend this belief that somebody's going to bang the plumber but I can't suspend disbelief that they're going to do it on a certain set of sheets you know like I need. I need consistency and sometimes I want to know. How much did the subway tile cost in the bathroom? My fault they have fantastic grope work exactly right. Those are the things you this is not believable. You WanNa believe Your Porn. But how did you both get into this maneuver successful podcast about just this subject? So there's So we get the joke too far basically as the whole story behind this uh so I my main thing is. I'm a science communicator. I tell people when something is completely allowed to swear yeah cool. I thought I tell people. They're full of Shit burling. Basically it's great work if you can get a ham and I was doing a talk on bad science in the movies and why bad science in the movies. It's absolutely fine Because we're not going to get a lesson on quantum physics from the vendors. Were going to. Watch Tony Spark have homoerotic banter with captain. America and then I you know I said making fun of the bad plotline or the bad science in In Sci fi movies like making fun of the plotlines porno you take it on? You're still going to get what you want in there for and then I was like wait. Neil degrasse Tyson makes fun of these all the time right and there's a career in it. Maybe we can make fun of the PLOTLINES. Pornos and Alice is incapable of not running with an idea. She told me that. I said this is a great idea. Twelve days later we had a show. She's she's a force of nature. I love you guys been friends for great chemistry together. It's she's she's my head or a life mate. I love that so the same. I approach my relationships. The same exact way I say I want that I get it. I'm not even kidding you so she was killing someone's career on the Internet. Which was I I take no credit I just I say their bad behavior killed their career. I let people know about it in the way that involves jokes so she was while she was doing that. I was reading one of her articles. I think it was the first one that blew up. Why the food baby is full of bullshit or food bloggers full go read it. You'll enjoy it or you'll hate me whichever. Okay I read. That said she's my new friend. We became friends just reached out. Turns it okay but found at a at a conference like two years later and was just like I'm pulling you into my girl circle it worked? What do you guys live? Do you live here? You live dimension Los Angeles New York. Now Okay Oh see do the podcast like virtually. I had to do that for well. That's really cool but tell me about this. Like what. What exam pocket. How do you explain this? You you watch porn. Do you pick like topic. Every week about aren't sample. Because he bought a plot hole are a few different formats that we use depending on who were interviewing and sometimes we have. We'll have either comedian or a porn star on and they will review a porn with us And then sometimes we'll have someone from the industry someone who's important someone who's from behind the scenes amyloid interview them so there are a couple different ways we go with it But the main thing that we love doing taking a porn that we love parody porn and just and having fun comparing it to the original and finding little things that we can just like I mean. Part of this was Alison I are the type of people who will see something important that distracts us because it's funny and we'll say it and are are at least with me partner would be like baby the mood. I could not see. That's the real thing. Is that you like. That's not real because a lot of it isn't real like often talk about. How like I get. That porn is titillating. It's great for to get you in the mood. You even learn some things but a lot of what we see in porn just isn't accurate isn't true but you guys aren't even getting into the lake. The that that part of it are you. Are you saying like he's like he's nowhere near her clitoris? Look no way. She complained about the term porn. Lingus right horn lingus. No now I now. We were enlightened to that one from Nina Hartley. I believe Oh love Nina. Times dying love for her porn Ling. Ling is what you do or a porn. It's basically exactly it's oral in porn. It's where you're kind of touching it with your tongue from a distance. It's offered a camera. It's not gonNA help get anyone off. It's terrible education. Please don't do it. I mean if you're GonNa do it just put your face in there if you can't breathe? You're doing it right. Exactly go all the way in January drops pussy. You're doing it correctly so we have professionals likening on. We'VE HAD LISA and we've had people who are masturbation go just a foot fetish of expert researcher. On recently Medina was wonderful it. She's learnt. So what do we need to know so much talk a lot about sex and porn addiction which according to her research porn addiction? Really isn't the thing which seems to be in line with the other things. I read but hearing it from a researcher as opposed to you know groping on the Internet and try to find whatever you know seems true It was wonderful having an expert on. And that's what we love doing. Bring in people from all over the all over the place that are willing to come on a porn gas. Okay Yeah No. I love it so porn addiction. I mean that's interesting because I do feel that listen. We all know when an addiction is taking over our lives. Are there consequences? Like I feel like it's I have to say it's an addiction but if people are watching so much porn and they can no longer get it up with their partner can't maintain erections have orgasms or whatever it is and they can't even when they're with a real human they're just in their head fantasizing. It becomes problematic than maybe his scale back on the porn. But I'm not here to throw labels on it that said you're never gonna. Watch enough porn where you can't pay the rent so the most addictive putting you would if you ever so addicted that you kick to work in the morning or watching porn so I worked I briefly I'm proud of this but I really worked for the United States government It's so at the The there was one guy at the office who they just knew as porno. Bob and I guess he he'd been fired before I worked there because indeed there just always like cameras up on his screen and I'm like how they're like. Yeah took a while. It took a while for like a stamp right. Oh Yeah I had to do studies about studies. It was in San But it W- yeah like that's I would call that like if not addictive behavior like that is kind of a even if porn is not an addiction. You can exhibit those kinds of behaviors. That are definitely harming your life so I don't know if it is a chemical addiction or not but yeah you can abuse anything that you'd find that gives you pleasure that you can't let go of that absolutely so tell me what you've learned about porn like you've really got done a deep dive. You doing podcasts. For a year year and a half year and a half sling. You Watch that much. What's new what's exciting? What do we need to know? The biggest eye opener to me. Is that the women are coming more than I expected. I really admire. And they're coming for me. I heard I thought of it. That's way less. I expected that they were all fake. So when I found out that like like fi look finding out that Manuel Ferrara's Dick is apparently the orgasm bringer That was that was enlightening. I'll really that made me happy when he kayden. Kross kept together angels sing. She's hugs kitten a male cat. Because I'm talking to allison vet from the two girls one Mike podcast. You can also find the information to their podcast and their social media on our website if you go to sell me. Dot Com sex with only dot com. Everything we talk about on the show is available in the show notes at the top of the page. What about mainstream porn and ethically made porn? What do you think about that difference? Because I'm always like well civilians like oh. I wanted to porn habit. It was so disturbing like I want to find porn. It feels good to me. So what have you guys found so people always ask us well? Where can I find? Ethical porn will. Here's the thing people aren't forced into port. So what I mean by that is. You'll have people who he okay. Here's the thing when it comes to La just like any other Gigi show business. There's not going to be a lot of spots open so you know what if someone's being cast for specific porn? You know they have to be able to do the job. And if you don't WanNa be there it's GonNa show and if you can't do the job there's going to be someone else in our Gal or guy who's lined up to do that instead so I asked people. Hey Alice where can I find? Ethically May Porn. Well if it's filmed chances. Are you know Something professionally made. Its ethically made. The actors are going to be treated well on set. I mean nowadays. You can't get away especially with social media everybody talking to each other. You can't really get away with abusing your co stars or being a jerk onset. You're just not going to get hired again and The the other thing we tell people is if you like if you WanNa make sure that this is ethically source at the person who is in it was treated. Well enjoy what they're doing wants to be there. Go check out. Find someone who who's worked. Enjoy go to their only fans You know pay for your porn You know make sure make sure that you're that you're interacting with them in a way. That scene doesn't seem gross in CD and dishonest. And it's like you. You know you can tell that if something that someone is making it ethically if you know if it's on their own page like at least that's the way I look at it. So what have you learned porn for your own use? Are there things that you love in Ireland? Watch another gang bang. I'm just done can't gotta change. Even the pocket I would never say no gang. Bang that kind of girl. Do you take me exactly. But sometimes I'm like okay. Sex to his. I've so many of them to try like a sentence. I'm like I can't tonight so I think a weird thing that people would Would not expect us that we can. We regularly skip watching the sex one. We're reviewing the movies like if they're like watch every time someone stays in character But if I you know if it's just GONNA porn for the rest of it and I'm like I've seen this plot holes in the plot you're going into the narrative like one of the ones that we we loved like a big The Big Lebowski Triple X. was great Fat To the future was one of my few eternally have have a soft spot in my heart or a hard spot and my Metaphor for Dick for Michael Vegas because of that it was half plot and then half like it wasn't just sex. They were making love. It was good. It was a glare was making out and slowly taking off clothing. There was being the shit out of each other like it was a hysterically. Scripted thing and then there is good sex. That's that's exactly what I want. Yeah in something we review. So it's like I actually watched and was entertained by all of it and that's all we look for. Do you both agree on. What's good sex though because it's so subjective? It really is subjective We find that a lot of people not only us but a lot of people are in studios are realizing this as well. They're hiring actors. Who are have more chemistry? Who are more into each other where it's more natural. I mean you're going to have plenty of studios who do something. That's just very niche But nowadays the mainstream crowd we find is going towards you know what I want to see. The people boning are into each other You know believe it or not. There's actually a guys. The people who make porn are not married or in relationships they probably have not hold held hands prior to that day. I exactly no. You're right you're right. They people people think that they they WANNA believe it. It's like going to the movie at the theater. You're like I want to believe that they were really in love. And it's like we want lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper to fall. We want that to be real. It's see that important because we say after after watching them at the awards show. I'm just saying maybe they are but like I wanna I wanNA think that they were at least enjoying their day at the office. Like you never like. I think it was the avenger. It was one of many vendors parents that we watch that there was just an actor that looked like they were bored slash waiting for the scene over slash slightly uncomfortable and not in that fun uncomfortable way that you have sex sometimes but like in that uncomfortable like this is unpleasant and I don't WanNa be like that. Who Comes to watch that? Who wants to you know who's going to get off to someone being like? I'm bored like that's not good. Yeah I think he will just like kind of fast forward to to the sex proper. You guys are really taking it serious Stanley. Just saying so you've watched peewee. Herman's big adventure right here okay. Watch peewee Herman's triple X. Adventure verse five minutes. No sex at all. It is scene by scene recreation by Tommy pistol in the most perfect peewee. Herman DOWN TO LAUGH. He just dying as well it was. I mean he does kind of disappear into characters so like if people don't think they're acting in porn watch anything with Tommy pistol our Evanston like just watching it. They could easily make it in Waynesville Fun. You really are just having a good time with porn. Oh my God yes. And we've learned to love the people within the industry and they've been so welcoming which is the best part. Yeah it's I mean it's shocking. That people are nice to you if you treat them like human beings to say as they deserve to be freaking treated like I. I think it's kind of shocking that we bring people on and they're not like and we're I think people are surprised that we're not asking tawdry questions when we bring them on and that's what I would. I'd Todd Rubik. Tell me what you've learned in your body having an orgasm we're kind of like about the art in the late in life. Was that really your jacket. I like to say that we're the porn cast that your grandmother would listen to because we find us kind of porn as a launching off place for for a lot of comedy in a lot of discussions and I think there's there's a lot of comedy and a lot of conversations parents dealt with what you're doing or your family for friends. I disappointed them for the last twenty years. So it's okay. Yeah my mother is serious. I get asked all the time and like am. My mother is very proud. I love it. My father doesn't know I'm alive so that's fine or maybe who does who knows. Hi Daddy Look. I'm just saying I have a career because daddy issues with a lot of us do whatever it is. Thank you for dad for bad dads. What do you guys think about porn? You really still watching your relationships right now for couple like good for couples. I think in many ways couples his Co. Is there anything you'd recommend like anything that you saw that was surprising to your icon? Erica a theme or things that were like a trend that has shifted or I mean I don't I don't watch enough. I don't look at it like you do in those ways. Well we're all waiting for the phone s to stop me. God though what I l I I could die. Happy wasn't another single stepmother. Step whatever seen it's like big we wonderful guest on our show Steve Allen who suggested the reason they did all those is because well. It's a really convenient to have two people in a house I'm like has the myth of the plummer died. Has the myth of being the plummer died whereas the pizza boy when you need him exactly how someone to house? We don't need the system. Bring the takes us to bring an maybe. It's just that I didn't Maybe it's just that I didn't have any stepsiblings but I just don't see the appeal in in St- I don't I wouldn't either. What's funny is whenever friends Sean. He's now taken over to produce some of this stuff or a studio so we were talking about this. I said all right well. Now since you've stepped up to the plate now producing and directing this type of content. I have some ideas so for example. I mean ED mentioned the plumber. Why can't we just have a plumber go to home house? She's incessantly hitting on him very little very little clothing but he doesn't have sex with her instead he goes home and he's very loyal and has sex with this stepsister. Why not right twisted on its head. I love the way you're thinking about this tiny altogether we need some nights shamlan like plots in porn. I think you guys could do this. The Dick was hard the whole time. It was a real big. It was a real. It was a real turn on was not ago stick. Okay are there. What have you learned about that? Prosthetic Dix I. Deck Prosthetic Tech's how we have learned so much about fake come. Less about prosthetic argument. The fake come. There's laundering number recipes there. I know it's fake call in the gold mine wasn't McCabe was porn. It wasn't oldsmobile. Okay you guys. I've desk the five questions. We ask all of our guests. Rookie questions right. Okay no take biggest. Turn on each one. You can answer Being tired of and being powerless go Double penetration biggest turnoff off A guy asking me to do what I want with him about. Smell okay. What makes good sex communication London BLOOP and willingness to try new things? You would tell your younger self about sex and relationships fucking talk to the guy. Tell them you're clitorises. Exactly Right Lots of communication. Just ask for what you want. Number one tip. Don't be so afraid of your body talk to your partner and try new things but also use more loop and also use anal. Do Anal. Do Think Linda thank you. That two girls one Mike. They can find you your podcast wherever you listen to podcasts We got your social media. We have it all up at rational blonde and at the cy well have this show notes. Thank you for being here. We're GONNA take a quick break when we come back. Were to get into your email questions. So how often has happened to you? You just got done with a sweaty hot round a sex and night cleanup. So what do you use like? Where do you go? Especially if it's really messy drippy. I mean you know what happens. Well that's where fresh she's come in so my good friends. Lorne Michael in Weston at woo more play you know them. I've been telling you about their coconut love while for months because I'm obsessed with it. Will they created fresh? She's they're all natural. Pre Moist towelettes made with organic ingredients like Oliver Pyatt? Cranberry vanilla water and coconut water. And of course they're ph balanced free of alcohol parabens dies and they're hypoallergenic. So you're also gonNA love the packaging. I mean fresh whose wife are individually wrapped and come in a little package at look like an old school cigarette box with the flip top. It's just so cool. Each box has ten wipes the you can keep in your purse your car your gym bag. Wherever and the directions on the box are everything. It just says directions. If you have to ask you probably don't have a vagina. Brilliant Trust me. You want these to find fresh she's from womb or play. Just go to sex with emily DOT COM slash woo. That's my site sex with EMILY DOT COM SLASH W. O. O. And Use Code Emily for a special discount get dirty get clean and repeat. I am so excited to let you know you can now hear sex with only live five days a week on Sirius. Xm Radio you'll find me and stars Channel One. Oh nine Monday through Friday at five to seven. Pm Pacific eight to ten PM Eastern. But don't worry the podcasting right here. My brand new radio show will have everything you love about sexual emily and more every day. I'll be interviewing guests sharing the latest news and my favorite part taking your calls live on the air two hours every weekday if you're Sirius. Xm subscriber you already know how great it is if you never try to get a free trial for thirty days. Just go to SEX WITH EMILY DOT COM slash S. X. am that's sex with only dot com slash S. Xm today to try Sirius. Xm For yourself. See there are guys. I love answering your questions. That's why I'm here on the planet so if you want a question answered on the show go to sex with DOT COM click. Ask Emily Tab felt the form or email US feedback. It's sex with family. That combat always always always include your name your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Thanks guys okay Brewster Jamie WanNa read the indeed. This first comes to us from Ivan. Thirty one in California. Hello Dr Emily. I've got an issue that's looming over my relationship for the past year regarding my girlfriend's take on my social media since we've started dating. My girlfriend has called me out and had issues with the number of instagram models slash influencers. I follow because it quote hurts her hideous and repulsive to her and quote. She's asked that reduced the number of follows or completely get rid of an UNFO- all of those types of accounts a few times now. I've complied but the same fight. Keeps coming back? I respect her views. But in my eyes the occasional like isn't harmful or worth breaking relationship over. Can you give me your take on this emily? I really love my girlfriend and want to be with her but the same old fight is getting to be too much all right Ivan. This is such a great timely question because I think a lot of people are going through this right now because in social media we can totally track what our partners are doing and sometimes it doesn't feel great so what I have to say about. This is that it sounds like this is a deeper issue. It's not just about instagram. It's about her own insecurities in the relationship her ability to trust this could have come from a past relationship. Maybe somebody cheat on her. Maybe she's had some insecurity issues about her own the way she looks and the way she comes across maybe her parents cheat on each other. And there's just no trust so I would get more information about where she thinks. This is coming from the source of it. Because I feel like in these situations you can reassure her all you want but even if you stopped following all the instagram models. There's GonNa be something else like. Why'd you become friends with this woman you work with? Is She cute? You know so. I think that it's really about her. Own challenges their own insecurities and that it's about a deeper challenge in the relationship. Because if you're telling me that you actually have no. You're just like yeah. I like looking at these girls. I like your photos but I am so deeply committed to my relationship and the intimacy in working on it from a very like trusting loving standpoint and growing together. And she's she's my person than the really isn't anything for her to be jealous about. If you haven't done anything to leader down that path so just have some healthy conversations with her and again from a open without this conversation not the next time. She yells at you for following. Say I think we have to talk about this because I want this relationship to go the distance. I WanNa work on the strength of our commitment. And let's just talk about it. Tell me more about these feelings and be curious and be open without judgment and without shaming her her. Do you think sometimes when people are forced to not forced but more civic ask these questions like Oh so tell me why like. Why does this give you so much pause? Or why do you think it's so hideous that they haven't even really deeply thought about thank you for bringing that up 'cause like I just feel that way I just know every guy you're just gross at guys love girls in bathing suits? And it's just a waste of time like you're not getting. You didn't get a bonus at work this year. So you're wasting time on instagram. Let's row place. Then what I would tell Ivan. Jewish okay babe. I hear what you're saying just really WANNA know. Can we go a little bit deeper? Just let me know you know that I love you. I'm not cheating. I WanNa be with anybody you know. I'm just an American male looking at stuff and instagram. But I really want to know because I want to help you because it gives you so much suffering babe and I don't want you to suffer so maybe could you tell me when was a time in your life where you someone broke your trust. When were you hurt in this way? When did you feel less than let's go through it? Can you figure it out and then just keep taking it back to to that? Keep prefer that you wanted to help her. You WanNA figure it out and see how that goes into get. It might happen during one conversation. But if you can just be calm and this is a practice sexism. Practice communications a practice. I'm GonNa give you some answers and I'm going to go down a path and start but it's really going back to your center and saying all right. I'm going to be calm. I just lost my shit here. I yelled back at her. And then you can take it back. Take a deep breath and say. I'm sorry. Let me just listen. I really want to hear more about this and then help get there. 'cause you're right log people probably haven't thought about it before but this is the work we have to do when something is triggering us. Investigate win was the first time it happened. When was the last time it happened? When was the most intense time it happened in my life that someone cheated on me? Your I felt distrust. And that's how we can get to the roots of it. Okay this next one comes to us from Adam who is thirty eight in Oregon. Hi Dr Emily. After a fourteen year long MONOGAMIST MARRIAGE. I find myself a bit out of touch with the new rules of dating and relationships. Thank you for your incredibly open. Indirect information I've started exploring the possibilities of being a non monogamous relationship but found it very difficult to navigate. May main concern is. What is the difference? Earliest how to navigate the difference between non monogamy and casual sex. I have long standing evidence that I can love more than one person and my love. Languages are mostly giving. I want to love everyone. I meet and give slash provide for everyone while casual. Sex becomes the default single person in their twenties and thirties type of relationship. Read One night stand. I prefer to have the relationship aspect of non monogamy or maybe polly emery again. Thank you for all the wisdom and information you share as well as the laughs. Enjoy of spread lovingly forever hopeless. Romantic Adam. Adam. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed the show. Get some laughs okay so this is such a great time the question as well because listen things time they're changing and you're in a long monogamous relationship and now you're like meeting people and realizing I don't WanNa just have casual sex. I actually want to see these people again and several people and I think a lot of us many people can actually love. Many people are have relationship with many. But it's not for everybody so in order to like. Let me walk this with you because I think that you get to decide you get to make your own rules but typically Namananga me is sort of the umbrella term. And that's when you are you know committed to somebody but you have an understanding that you are both sleeping with other people are data people. But you're not gonNA commit to that. Maybe that includes like swinging or were you know You know we're just seeing people when we're traveling but we don't see them often. Or maybe it's threesomes and stuff like that but there's not like a commitment. There's not an ongoing relationship pal. Emory YOU PELLEY. I'm raise a lot of different facets to it but typically the you do have a primary partner in Pollyanna Murray and maybe you live with them. Or maybe they're just the one person that is your Go-to and then you have other partners that you also see that you might have commitments to. But it's like I see them once a month I but this is my primary person like something happens. I call them and everyone typically knows about everyone else and everybody else's poly-amorous or you know there are people who are I'm not saying everyone else's poly-amorous because you get to make your own rules. There might be people who are dating you and they're okay that you are poly-amorous but typically that's that's what Pollyanna is there's also like solo poly which sounds like something that maybe you might be doing right now while you're figuring it out you're meeting several women and you're enjoying spending time with them and perhaps there's not like a status thing where there's one that you're seeing more than the next to sort of figuring it out and with casual sex and dating. I feel like that's what a lot of us are doing. And we're not actually talking about is we will end up getting hurt. You know with casualties dating. You're not really committed to anybody but I believe that we should all be open and up front that we are dating more than one person and actually sleeping with more than one person and I think the more we all do that the more will be equipped to deal with these kinds of situations. Because I think that we should never assume that if we've gone on a date or three dates with somebody that they're not dating other people. I assume they are like. Why would you just met me? And we've been out twice and you're not dating or sleeping with other people and then and that's when you can have a conversation say so what are you looking for. Here's where I'm at right now right now. I'm looking to spend time with people few times a week once a week and having a sexual relationship I practice safe sex but I'm not looking for monogamy right now. This is what I'm about water you about and yeah there might be. Some people can't take that and that's not in their constitution. And that's okay but I think then you're more likely to have relationships that can be more nourishing and be kind of more what you're looking for so I think if you're honest and you state where you're looking for your you. Don't you'll find people that are okay with it. Surprised to find that people are okay with it and honesty. I think is the best policy. We're always so scared to be so honest. When people are like the theme people get mad at. It's just the lying. Exactly people are mostly okay with what we tell them. And the people who aren't aren't your people because listen Adam you know yourself you were married for fourteen years. You're a thirty eight year old man. You know that you can love many. That's not for everybody in effect. The people who are the people who are only monogamous will might say things and think you're wrong but you know we all get to decide so the fact that you know yourself means that you're not willing to give up what you know that you need. So you've got to be honest and fight for it okay. This next one and last one is comes from emily. Twenty one hundred. -Tario Hi Dr Emily. I've been in a few relationships and I found that guys fall for me a lot quicker than I do for them. A little too quickly. Actually I think what's happening is that they're mistaking their infatuation with feelings of love because of this they put me on a pedestal. Very early on in our relationship. It's frustrating because as a human. I'm very flood so after that initial wave of infatuation I can do nothing but disappoint them. What are your thoughts on this? Is it common for men to fall for or think they're falling for someone a lot quicker than women? What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen in future relationships? Okay Emily. This is a great question when I read it. I thought about you. I feel like I was you at twenty one emily. I was a twenty one year. Old Emily in this very position and I feel like many men would always fall for me and I felt that I was never able to return. They're like love and there and there was many of them and I remember seeing my friends and even the guys sometimes. I wish I could return what you're feeling but I just don't feel that yet but I like that. You're very sure of yourself. And you're probably intriguing to them and the fact that you know you don't fall for them could also be what's appealing and so I feel like that. The key thing here is this common. I don't know if this is common for everyone but it sounds like whatever you're bringing out there you know you're very like learning and smart and maybe you're saying. I don't want relationship or I'm just kind of figuring myself out right now. That could be very appealing. I was very independent. Twenty one year old. My agenda was about succeeding in the world and making a change making difference and when I dated guys I was like No. This is fine but I'm not looking for anything serious. And maybe they're not. I don't know if that's how you're presenting but that could be part of it but all I can tell you if I could go back right now and I had the skills that I had I would just be more direct and let them know that like you want to move slowly and relationships and and that you you know you're not ready to jump into anything so but what I wanted to say. Here's it wouldn't go back to something because you said after that initial wave in fast infatuation I can do nothing but disappoint them. So what I'm hearing here is that you're saying frustrating because as a human I'm very flawed. We're all flawed everybody's floods. I think what you're saying is maybe they're falling in love with you. 'cause you're exciting in you're beautiful and you're all these things and they don't see your deep dark whatever however you perceive as flawed and so. I I understand that as well because I still feel flood. So maybe there's like a part of you that saw us to work on loving yourself and feeling like you you know because like I said we are all flawed. But what kind of work do you need to do to feel that you are worthy of love and you are worthy of all this? You know attention for man and stuff like that and that you're in a place where you actually want to return it and you're you're twenty one years old so this is still a journey so either take a break from dating right now or let the guys know that you're dating that you're actually not looking for anything serious. I found that the more vulnerable I am and I lay out. You know not like right away but if I feel there's room for it I'll say this is what I'm struggling with and this is who I am. And so you don't feel like there's a duality like they're just falling in love with the superficial emily and they don't really know who. I am in my core. I think that's how you really get to get to know people and you get to you know but then sometimes guys. Jamie they fall in love with your vulnerabilities to so it's really hard. It's like it's like do you keep sophomore locked up and be mysterious or do you let it all out and then they love you for being so open. It's like I've played all those cards and I. It was never the thing for me. It was never conscious. It was just like nine love that you love me but I'm so stressed about work and it was pretty much probably the same as I am now in many ways in the sense of like I really wanted great at my job and I care so much about my friends and I'm trying to keep up with everybody and maybe the fact that I wasn't singularly focused on them. What made it appealing? And maybe there's some of that emily. All I can say is that that it's okay to feel flawed and I just say I'm going to say this to everybody listening especially in your twenties like do your work figure out who you are and don't go along with men. Who would. I did emily as I used to be like. This one really loves me and it felt really good for awhile and it felt safe until it didn't and I felt like I got kind of got talked into relationships and I realized that I wish if I could go back I would've taken more time to be without a relationship in my twenties. I kept a serial monogamist and so that's I recommend you emily. Keep doing you those therapy to my younger self business with emily finally on Sirius. Xm radio it is a blast. It stars one. Oh nine and it's five to seven Pacific now. A lot of you have been calling in which I love hearing from you all because it's literally like the doctors in Monday through Friday five to seven. Pm You can call triple eight nine. Four seven eight two seven seven. Get a free thirty day trial. If you'd like it sex with emily dot com slash S X M. I've awesome vibrator necklaced called the crave. It is the sexual vesper super elegant vibrator you wear around your neck it works. It's amazing it's literally I always have a vibrator on me now and a cool piece of jewelry the phrases they make great gifts or for yourself. I can I turn me on. Meditates masturbate manifest. Could I love them? Sex WITH ONLY DOT COM slash vesper also rate us. Leave us when you're listening whatever APP. You're listening right now. Rate US REVIEW. Us gives five stars comment. I tunes that helped us a lot. And just thank you for supporting the show. If you think a friend would enjoy this episode share with them right now we all need to learn right only better sex. Thanks TO MY AWESOME TEAM. Can Kristen Lisa Brian? Our INTERNS PRODUCER. Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sex with EMILY DOT COM. Here's what's happening. It is getting cold pretty much wherever you are and I get it. It can be hard to WanNa have sex when you can't pry yourself from the bundles of blankets or under trust me. I've been there. I'm cold right now. I'm cold just thinking about how cold it's going to get even in Los Angeles but I'm here. I'm coming to the rescue. I'm making your sex life hot like literally. I mean I get it just because it's cold outside doesn't mean can't get all steamy inside. This has been incredible year because our subscription box has been killing it. It's really cool Jamie. How many people have actually subscribed to it and loving it? I know we get good feedback. And they're like I can't wait from xbox to come. This quarter theme is my getting warmed up subscription box. It's all new for the new year and it's packed with stuff you're gonNA love. I Love Jamie lifezette. These are the good is the next box. You'RE GONNA get a super cute and compact sex with Emily relaxed candle. I was so excited about. 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