#92 - Hitler Don't Hit or (#WellRedBonerJams)

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

What is going on everybody issue boy that show fuck mice stupid? But we've only got a couple of weekends left here in two thousand eighteen this week. That's Germany back yet. Didn't hear him willing? Got a couple of weeks here up this week by number. Fifteenth sixteenth going to be in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and north Hampton Massachussetts respectively. Then never twenty nine December second we're going to be in Washington DC at the Washington DC improv than on to Kansas City, Missouri and Saint Louis, Missouri. And then homecoming shows finishing out the year December twentieth through the twenty third Nashville, Tennessee at zanies go. Well, read comedy dot com. Spelled just like the podcast W E L L R day comedy dot com. Sign up for our newsletter that way, you can find tickets before anybody else does in you'll have to be like people on Twitter who were disliked. Hey, I know you only put up like five dates of how how the fuck come Wisconsin on there. I know. 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Carve your own path this podcast is conversation between me and the two other idiots about how much Hitler don't hit really breaking some ground here. And then we talk about a well read Boehner jams zone Twitter. You'll hear at the end. We talk about all the best love Megan and banger songs from our middle school dance. Parties have you can think of some a shoutout us on Twitter hashtag well, read boundary Johns. Ashtec whale red boundary jams? All right now on with the podcast love you buy skis. No. L shows don't have. How down wasn't next now? How long have we been going? You get. Brian forty five seconds. Well, so that again what I say about Alex Jones of worst. I think the worst part about Alex Jones is that by existing in the sphere that he does he creates space for slightly less crazy people to be perceived as like normal, non like, religion, or whatever or people like ROY Moore and other like crazy hardcore conservative, Donald Trump. Make like they make merit conservatives. Look pretty, okay. But really, they're not. This weird Laryea comeback. See like painting and isn't as shitty shittiest Trump. And it's like he might be a war cry. Right. He's real was a war criminal. That's so funny to me. Funny to think that like George Bush started painting, and because he did that they're like he's kind of a queer like he's not he's not completely Kate. Be completely that way. He just did a half Hitler thing. While I was thinking about Hitler. I did gory gestures and he did Hitler. Right. He didn't do a forward were they call that Sigcau Hitler. Yeah. He just went sideways super flamboyant. I was sitting there thinking about it. I was like I literally was thinking. Yeah. By that metric Hitler was kinda queer. And as I by that metric, Hiller was kinda queer. You did gay Hiller. Yeah. The gay I'll Hiller Browning. Well, we was telepathic. I'm saying I was in here with you. Speaking of Hitler being kind of queer don't. Don't they they being like the conservatives and stuff like that? They part of their whole deal. Is it Hitler was super left? Right. They say, he's a socialist. But also she was money. She was money. He was a major leftist. They say just like how you know. Abraham LINCOLN was a massive conservative. Right. Right. Right. That's what I mean. Like, yeah. I mean, that's all shit defining lift is a mistake controlled. You know, like he was, but that's just fascism fascism of any type for sure but and Hitler, don't hit Hiller. I'll put that. I'll go on the record right now. On the record on this show is as you know. Clarifying that genocide don't head genocide don't know sorta his whole thing. So we've kind of already might our stance on Hitler clear, right? How did you see what else did? I would you hurt yourself to kick. This booed off and the my foot slipped. And I kick myself an ankle rule that don't hit as you were saying about Alex Jones being the leading. I don't know if this is like an an accurate assessment. But where if Alex Jones is that for the crazy, right? They can back. Well, at least we're not this crazy like not even just the right? I mean, I know he's got a lot of that in just conspiracy. Right. I've always that's always like, Lena Dunham has kind of always been my, well, you know, whenever me and my dad are going to be well, at least, I'm not her at least, you're not you know, what I'm saying. And whenever she'd be doing some stuff. I'm like I'll have to tell my friends. I'm like, okay. I hear ya. But like that's different. She's this right? You know what I'm saying? Right. Okay. You're not that cool. Well, I'm saying. You know for conspiracy people are like, yeah. But I mean, even I can laugh Alex Jones. Right. And then I find myself being like, yeah, they can laugh at Alex Jones. Whereas should just be like NAMA, and you're crazy, right? Yeah. You're all crazy. If you need that guy to be your, but they can say that about you. If you need. Don't just we need lead. And I don't need Lennon. Figured out. Why we need her? Yeah. So that me and my dad can sacrificial lamb. She always did wanna be Jesus. Yeah. Chops. So that checks out like if you've shaved a baby lamb. That's what Lena Dunham looks like naked in girls. I don't know that I've seen her naked. I know that she's done that and another the purpose of her doing that was body, positively. So we shot that in the asked us now the man, I don't think she was the right one for that. But that's the whole deal with that. Oh, yeah. I think I broke my ankle you really know. But it's throbbing throbbing don't hit and miss much like Hitler now way. Yeah. No. Because the throbbing dick. Robin. Do any kind of way didn't know ways. His mustache looks stunned. He probably had I think he was like real anti-smoking. Okay. Robin. Dick. Nobody can smoke. I mean here we go. Really good. I mean, I'm not like he shitty. But like he did hit. I can turn to dislike. I mean. Yeah. But in this analogy like I kicked the shit out of myself. Yeah. It was a hard kick. Right. Because it hurt right? Yeah. No. You're not like Hitler. Way my ankles the Jews. Quote. I mean, hey did has. Iran, comma about Hitler. I know what you mean. It's just like we've had that same discussion some Aben Laden before he didn't fucking hit for what he did. He. Good. What he did was evil and gypsum awful. Genocide don't hit Hiller hit at it. Hit at a thing that very down hit which means, hey, don't let the hits in his name. I just realized that. Yeah. Well, save I wanna talk more about more don't Hitler. Hey there. It is. It is about what this smoking thing. That's that's what. What? I'm anne. I don't know. That's funny. 'cause then like when that was before like, we found out that smoking was like the worst thing you could do it super funny because it's like, all right? Here's what we're going. Do. We're going to violently. Take over the world. Vive kills all situ killing all the Jews because no smoking stinks. Was that grow Smith? So back. I bet he just didn't like it because he didn't want people take breaks. Exactly. We know. We must hate Jews for those fifteen minutes. I'm doing the worst German accent everybody I'm loving. Yeah. You find out some stuff on this the German movement during the in the. Late thirties. Early forties was the most powerful anti-smoking movement in the world. You don't say. Yeah. I was just imagine like America's anti-smoking movement being Joe, man. I'm just saying if we could kill some fucking paper. That's what it takes. I'm trying to find Hitler specifically book. Do I even where did that even come from like seventy eight Hitler documentaries because he hit. No. I know we didn't hit. But you know, he was fucking of a big deal. I'd say I don't like how many hit my my oldest nephew got really in the war documentaries. And obviously a lot of them are about fucking Hitler. And he like, you know, when you say to me core. He's a good general that I'm like. Wouldn't a twelve year old says it you're like, these documentaries? Gotta go, man. Hey, we got a good general. We got home with you know. No, I hear you. Hitler was a ex-smoker gave up the habit early in life. He considered it a weakness and used it to describe he used to describe it as the wrath of the red man against the white, man. Vengeance for having been given hard liquor. Indians into this because tobacco is American crop. The I guess native American. I mean, it is though. Right. So he was saying we came over there. We murdered all of them. They're getting this bags, and this is how they got us back. Apparently what he saying dude Hayler with something else. No shit. Proclaim cigarettes, the enemy of the people. So he smoked then he quit. And nobody else is allowed to fuck. Plastic. Ex-smoker? Course he did. Wouldn't their thing. We're like he he had some Jake's this is what did it for me? Like, wait a minute. I'm starting to think this guy was kind of a dick at least. What he's saying? No on a ex smokers are locked that like Hitler. But now a lot of smokers are the most hard core like fire vent shouldn't smoke. I'm people that exists. So. Now. Now, I'm already fighting that by the way, I do it happens all the time. I'm saying most people like that are Adolf Hitler. He was most people aren't. I've been smoking pretty serious for fifteen years. And I just decided I I'm now in week three of quitting. And I already when I say semi smoking this fucking pathetic weak-minded idiot smoking a cigarette. And I'm like who the fuck are you Andy smokes now? And she won't admit it. She's still like acts like it's just like does that like me like like I smoke when I'm out here. I put those cigars at your house and I'll like smoke too when I'm out here. And then since we've been coming here more, I don't do that anymore. So she's like sailing sometimes they're like I need to. And I'm like, no, they're in your car hidden new pack every now, and then I found him in the. Yeah, you're like you're a smoker. Yeah. Amber does that shit where she's at what it's the whole. Well, no, I don't. But only if I've, you know if I've been drinking. I'm like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. How often do you be doing that? Because she said, well, this is what we're talking about the other day, and she is like amber teaches she doesn't drink during the week. Therefore, she doesn't smoke during away on the weekends. She'll have some cigarettes. She'll be drinking except for sometimes she does. But she's like, but I'm not I'm not a smoker, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay. Well, like if you only smoke when you drink picture this. You know, we got some irons in the fire. We got some things going on you, do you know, what if comes situation where I hid it super big. You don't have to teach. You're not doing anything during the week. You're going to be drinking more. And therefore, you're gonna fuck. It's my whatever I'm not a smoker. Yeah. If you fucking by if you buy new pack of cigarettes every week regardless you only smoke one day because you're drinking that one day. I'm sorry. You don't get to be like, I'm not a smoker, but you are because I Davie mon- out throughout the fucking week well 'nother thing, and he said there was like these cigarette butts on the I was like what'd you drink? She's like, no just need one. And I was like, oh, you're smoker. And she's like, no we started having a conversation again. And she goes. Goes. Well, I just need it to relax you. That's what smoking. Yeah. That's all which is by the way, fine. But don't yet know. But I mean, I get that. Like, if you if you're a new thing you nobody wants to be a fucking smoker. Well, here's my thing with that. If you really don't want to be a smoker, wouldn't it be smarter to tell yourself? You are one before you ever get in the danger zone instead of being into now. Probably as you're going to become addicted while set now, but that didn't help to now logical. Yeah. Yeah. You don't denounce not on purpose? I don't guess hopefully denies a little logical even for on purpose. Definitely is. Yeah. No. It is logical. Not it's not voluntary launch. You just do it. It just happens. You'll brain just be doing it. Right. It just be that way. Oh, yeah. The nonsmoker who left me in Athens, Georgia this weekend. So we'll read well read nation as you may have followed on my Twitter, my Instagram and all migratory just post you boy was in Athens, Georgia this weekend to see the Georgia BULLDOGS play the Auburn Tigers on me. Plugged on me to make fun of you at the end of the story. Speaking of gratuitous post continue. Oh, I know what this is going to be about. And it's hilarious west wet plan said fucking crank me up. I can't like because I don't know. But go ahead anyways. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. We were in. And he's got a Airbnb we had fuck in. I mean, I'd rented this Airbnb a long time ago, not even knowing if I'd have time to go there but flew from LA to the game flip back from the game to hear. Well, what had happened was I'll have to leave out some details. Just because I you know, we don't be talking about them. But like found out I wasn't going to have to be back in LA until Tuesday and not Monday. So I'm super pumped because I've gotten an extra day that I can spend with amber at my house with my dog. Oh my God. So it's like the games already over when I find this out. I'm telling Ambra about it. She super pumped who was like, oh my God. We can grad home with each other tomorrow instead of getting naked, by the way, everybody. What are you doing? You just get. I thought dude I thought that you were about to Mr.. But and Mr. bud so hard that you wanted your pants to be off for it. Because like you had to Mike buck at the ready. I just driving the Mike, and it was dangling. Right. Okay. So I'm explaining to amber, it's a whole fucking thing. I'm going to be able to come home. I'm at this. Bar. I'm going outside. I'm working out my ticket with delta. Switching my shit ambush talking about all the different types of food. She wants me to make her when we get home because I can cook dinner, and whatever, you gotta yada, yada. So anyways, we get drunk. We go back to the place, and I'm woken up the next morning by amber already dressed and ready to go and walking out the door with her fucking brother and sister in law, and I'm just like what are you doing? And she's like I'm leaving. I'll see you later, you're going to LA, right? And I was like what we had a whole thing last night about how I don't have to be back in L A until Tuesday. And I'm riding with yawn. She's I dare potato have to bear. We're leaving. We're leaving right now. I guess you just rob Robbie or whatever. And I say we we had a hole in her fucking excuse was Corey it was last night. I was blackout. How do you expect me to fucking? And then I'm the dickhead. How do you expect me to remember this? I'm blackout and I'm like okay fair enough. But you know, as you pointed out to me. Me you have laid the groundwork for that argument for years. Yeah. I know, you know, I know I have it was that is true. What you just said. She did to you petard you've done versions of that. Yeah. To. Yeah. I mean may for one countless times that's why I didn't hit her. You know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, there's a lot of reasons, but I'm saying I was mad for a second. And then I was like all right luck in whatever let me so let me posit a theory here. Well, not a theory. But because I'll believe your answer to this regardless. But I'm just throwing this out there is it possible that she. That you lie in their light up drunk snoring about dead. Just so well hold on. But that so I don't even mean that she like she's still woke you up right before she left kids, but she woke you up. Right. Okay. I know that she said that I'm saying, but then she also was like, well, we gotta go we gotta go. So if you go and you better fucking get your shit together. Let's go because we got to go. And then she lets up saying I'm going to do that. Right. Is it possible that she was up, and this was a thing, and she you weren't up. And so she just so she reversed gas let me those you're saying, I think that's just gas lighting. Right. She lied to you. Yeah. No. That's not possible. It's well, I mean, it's entirely possible. But no, she didn't what I made is like, wow, we're hedge Allegri when she was blackout. Hedge all agreed on what time you're relieving. Do you know when they were leaving they need to be back by certain time. No one had ever told you that information was the only one that had any type of Tom thing. Because I was like I have to leave by this to get to the airport to do this. That's another thing. I was so pumped about I was like I can fuck and sleep in. So like, no, I was the only one that had anything that I had to be in a hurry for. There's was just mom and dad Taylor, and Derek they had not been out as long as us. So what happened was they got? They went back early in the they woke up early, and they're like, we're fucking ready to go and amber was part of the state. Well, I mean, I'm wrong with y'all. So I guess I'll go with you to. And then that's how it was. I don't think that happened. Okay. Not that not she wouldn't have done that not like she's way too. Good of a person, it wouldn't benefit her any is what I'm saying it benefits her way more if I'm there. I. Knowing that. There was no time talked about it. Whatever I'm saying. I didn't know if it was a thing where like you've knew everybody knew they were leaving in the morning, and then you knew your plan to change, and then you still just slept and slept and slept. And so then it became a, hey, we gotta go right now. If you're coming thugging, we gotta go and you didn't wake yourself up. It weren't that. Okay. Oh, you thought it was like kinda his fault. I wonder if. Wondered if it had been put out there when they were leaving. And then so he just didn't send alarm he just slipped straight through it. And so this was her kind of being like putting it. Yes. She didn't remember none of that. At all. That is a thing. Amber like when she's blackout often. Like, she don't remember, you don't, you know, I'm saying like sometimes I can look at her and be like, she's not remember this. But then there's sometimes where it's like everything like the machines running, you know, what I'm saying. And like everything I'm like, I think definitely tell she's drunk. But like because I do that often. They're like, how do you not remember this? You've seemed fine. Right. It was that. It was what it was that. Yeah. But I'm saying like, you know, it's always like now she's fucking find. This is a whole thing looking back. I do remember several times at this one specific bar here. We haven't to this this way. I hope this is so ridiculous. It's about. Of course. No, it's about debate. But again good understand that after all this. We then went to waffle house. She ate devoured a complete meal. So apparently had the temerity and wherewithal to steal your credit card and pay for said waffle house trip. That's true out of your wallet caused you to cancel my card because I thought I'd left it at this bar that I'm going to talk about we're sitting there at this bar, by the way, all of us pretty much. Everybody was just like we've been wanting to leave for like an hour, hour and a half. We're we got fuck in an ambush just like we're fucking in Athens. I know we're all old and tired wanna go we go to. We're never here. We got a tough it out Rosner, Tom. I want to leave amber is literally passing out at the bar like she keeps slumping her head over grabbing her head point backup going, babe. You're falling. You're literally passing out. Let's just go. No. And she's like, no, I can make it and I'm like, but no one wants you to like you're saying like, you're not being a hero for us. We all wanna go home. Let us take you home. She's I'm fine. And she'd sit there for a second, then not see your eyes. And then she just catch your head before it hit the fucking table when I'm like get up. She's like we'll be. Oh, okay. And to her credit. She kept passing out wake him back up. And then drinking more beers and stuff like that. And this is the person you can't believe what I'm saying. Is we got up after that went to another bar and like it's like she should. This too that she stopped passing out and it seamless gutters. We've all taken wanna take borrow your stories. They're absurd on the surface. Yeah. But it takes me less than three or four. By the way. I just gave muscle hiccup. I don't I can get to another level of absurd for sure that. I'm just like why would I bring this up? Oh, yeah. That's not normal. I should talk about that. That is actually the key to this whole story. Yeah. Exactly. But I would I felt like you were going to different direction where it's like on the surface it same. It is all absurd in every direction. But like, it's always when you find out more layers of it. You're like. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that do be happening a lot with historian. So this was I think shorter, but similar in the vein of absurdity mean Andy went out are the people who played our wedding. It's really just one guy the band's changed so much over the years. It's just the front man, but the burn Herman's were playing onset. Have the hiccups somehow on Saturday they were playing at Brisbane? So we rallied to go out because she'd been working all day and we'd been traveling. I was tired. So we drink a few beers. Got. There did a shot. We got our buzz on pretty quickly, but it was already eleven. So it was fine. I'm listening to you. I'm just paying. So I went to pee in the story and. I came back downstairs, and he's dancing with some guy. He's behind her. He's got one hand on her. Right hip on her leg. Like coming up like that. He's goes other. Lord. You look. Hey hammered fucking drunk right now. You pay it you off your shirts. You can't stop hiccuping. You you almost threw up just now. Yeah. This fuckers does. There's it's just started happening. If I like my throat, if there's a certain way that I go I give myself the hiccups forgetting, the not do it. What do you why are you doing to begin with trying to clear throat? You hear this? Already. Don't his right. It's hell, yeah. I'm gonna hill. Good good for you. And so I come back behind her the right here. He's got his left hand, they're holding hands air his hands. Not rogue Titi, but her hands over Titi and his hands on top of that and his face that would you board? It is like on her shoulder from the back. So I can't say I could just see his head. Everybody listens. I'm getting really weirded out nerve. It was her super flamboyantly. Oh my God. So gay friend. Donovan who the only time I've had a problem with him in the molester departments when he Malysz may. Right. But I couldn't see his face, right? I come back, and I see that. I would have hidden if his head hadn't been done. I thought I literally had the thought if you say you'll break your knuckle. So I grabbed him by him. No, I couldn't see me face buried internet. So you're about to commit a hate crime. I grabbed him he's black and gay. Grab him jeopardy. Shirt from here. Push him away from her heart like separate him from her about three feet hit two people. He flips his head gets rocked back. He sees. It's me he's like scared. But then also he recognized I recognize him. So I go from like, I'm about to kill a person. And then leave my wife to like, oh my God. It's Donovan, and he I go. Oh, fuck I'm so sorry. And he just responded by making out with me. All right. And it was so of we're like I didn't want him to kiss me. But I almost feel like I owed him know that. I didn't I pulled my head away pretty much immediately. But I had that thought of like, I guess. Okay. We'll kiss my just because of that to look fucking red reformed rednecks so used to pick on the gay kid or whatever. So I guess I'm wanted to let him something a deck. Now, we're ever really going to bury the hatchet. Barrett. My. But now he did leave. I think it did freak him out a little bit. Because of like, I kinda manhandled him which maybe why kissed me look. Ankle there's a huge. Yeah. I think is drunk. Happened his ankle. So. Hold on. No. I how many more bars y'all go to after she was passed out one more. Okay. And then waffle house. And again when we got to the second more though like it was more open lit up. Thanks. She came back and it was like second win situation. It was like, okay. You really were just tired. I mean, we've been tailgating all day and shit like that. She was one hundred percent Fontham. Let's go get some eight, and then we'll, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So like, I had no reason to believe that it wasn't. And she said, let's go get someday. You think she said something about the card? No because unless he lied or just not live, but like told the story in the funniest way possible to me earlier. She didn't tell him. She told him about the car, you're saying she also forgot no, I just meant you think in. He he just said she was like, let's go get something to eat or whatever. And I'm saying you think in that moment when he confronted her or when they he tells her I canceled my credit cards. She goes a habit. You hit it wouldn't she have said in that mom, I told you I was taking it both forgot. Yeah. A tale of two shows available. Chose drunk times. It was the drunk. Going back to what you're saying earlier about he the he tells story on the surface level. And then as you pay it back when he told us that she had left him. And I happened. He here's exactly what I thought happened. And I'm not I'm not saying that you misrepresented this was on this was on text messages, whatever. But it I came across to me as though he woke up, she's gone. He he calls her. I'll lift you gotta fight today. I'm I'm I'm on the way back home. And he was like latte told you fucking don't. I'm not fine L told him tomorrow or whatever. And she was just gone down the road. Right. That's what I thought happened. Nail knowing that like he played all munch of roles in the law. Intel your while. She was hammered. And then also she's still woke you up and told her before she left like you could have just got up and land. And. You. I know I was just mad. And again, I'm I shouldn't be this is done at the moment. In the heat of the moment. I was furious that her dumb ass had just forgotten all this shit, which is. Yeah. She was blackout, duh. Of course, she forgot it on the idiot for expecting her not to a fucking forgotten around me, the whole reason I told that fucking story is you've laid the groundwork. You said this you say, yeah, I can't get mad at her for using the blackout defense cabin using it for years. I can't get mad at Andy for the well, it was a gay guy defense because I've been using that one for years so and would like to in the future. You don't wanna fuck and berry that no I here. Yeah. And again, I'm will need this one in my back pocket too. So I just immediately shut up like, we did we, you know, if if this hadn't happened a billion fuck times on both ends, we would probably got in a fight. But it's happened. So many times like, well, we just got a I don't know we to start writing stuff down on each other's hands. Yeah. Yeah. Mementos the fresh Mike or if you like if we're blackout, and we really need the person. Remember this morning. We got nobody would pa- Minto. I'm I did. Okay. Well, before remember that's been a thing. Yeah. Somebody talking about his uncle had to do that. Or something. Literally the owners I didn't say it is because I it's a previous podcast to now. That's it Manta Minto. Yeah. Well, yeah. We just rotten stuff down on each other. We make up a Minto trailer. Where it's just him because he's a blackout drunk, and this is what he has to do remember shit hits. It has to be like food related somehow. That makes sense. Remembering that, he put a pizza in? Of. I've just got tight me to the airport written on her left heady that was where I was going with that. Okay. We learned today that trae has eaten a frozen pizza uncooked. But that was in college. It would then rape anything you do in college don't count and most racism, I just and nothing about this makes sense. Most right. Yeah. Because like I was about to say, well, you know, what I'm saying? Like, sometimes you too stupid, ignorant racism, not hateful racist. Right. None. Like a lot of things about this. Don't make sense, but you know, drunk and in college I came back to my apartment one night. Everybody else was passed out or not there. I was the only one there, and I guess I saw pizza box on the counter or something. I don't know what made me do it. But I looked and I looked in the oven. And there was a pay a Totino's pizza in there. And again, I just walked in the door. So I know I didn't do it. I know it ain't mine whatever. But I and again in my drunk and the head it was just like, wow. It must be my birthday. Clearly, someone has baked me paid. So I guess I thought you know, you thought. Thought you cooked. It you forgot you did. And that's how drunk I just got back. Like, I just got in from the barn. Don't. Anyway, I pulled it out. Ain't ate the whole thing went to sleep. And then the next day. I was in there hung oversight on the couch and Thompson. I think came and opened up the oven. Or whatever is like what the fuck and I saw him doing that. And I said, oh, that's your pizza my bad, man. I ate I last night when I was drunk, and he goes, you eight that you just pulled it out of here night. And I was like, yeah. He goes it did thaw out. That's what happened. It'd been sitting there song. It wasn't frozen out followed. Yeah. He was like he was like he was like, oh, did you cook it, and I was like it was cooked already. And he was like, no, it wouldn't who's like, I just I put it in certain or you didn't cook it because I didn't I pulled it straight out of the oven and ate it. I didn't do nothing to it. One hundred percent certain he didn't. And he was like, but he just said I pulled it out put it in there. I was good at bake it. But then I was super high and tired, and I was like fucking. I'm going to bed. I turned off and went to bed. He was like, but I did not cook it to me. That's the second weirdest. Part of the story if I'm stoned. Yeah, I'm still maybe maybe because he's gonna take thirty five fried. He's gonna false. I've done that before. That's probably what was he thought. He what he wasn't gonna make it to the end of it. So he just called to bed. Bed with ought to be like you. You're gonna sit on this fucking couch, and you're gonna nod off and you'll burn this God damn house down. Don't fucking probably was something like that. But anyway, I ate a uncooked thawed out Totino's party pizza every time I hear Tina the thing is Lance Parker. Did you ever meet last Parker hawker p a UK? Sounds New York comedian. He had this Joe the premise, I don't remember the whole thing the premise was talking about weed becoming legalized and how eventually that's going to lead to fancy we'd restaurants like fancy wine restaurants like a weed pairing. Don't they have those in Amsterdam? I'm sure do. Do. This. This is a nineteen ninety eight Bubba Kush. It's half sativa half. Indicates a nice Blinn. It pairs well with two Tinos pizza rolls. He would do like five more in the we keep getting more elaborate, and then every time he would go goes well with two Tinos pizza. Details. Pizza rolls last night. Party pizzas hit. Oh, I love them. I mean, you know, there's better ones of that out there. This is something. Frozen pizzas. Because I know I'm stupid when it comes to food. But when it comes to red sauce. You know, what's know? Well, go ahead. I mean, dude honestly in the world of frozen pizzas. I know what you're gonna say. No, it might be them. Don't tell us. Okay. They have you're gonna say the thing with whom stone also hits. Here's the problem with tombstone tombstone don't know who it is. It's living alive tombstones to close to being a real pizza and it pisses me off. But here's what I do. A little bit. So that's actually what you just said is exactly why I don't particularly like digiorno because I know their whole thing is it's not delivery is does your know that yet they tried to be just be trash trash trash too much. Saute knows this. A mystery meat with so much salt in it. I take I take Totino's pages to burn it. I put velveeta on top up. You know? Frozen pizzas. I I will do it within the of them. But I'm saying you Dr up a Totino's take Mitch sold it over. Folded. Over crust pizza something. Yeah. Kitchen out, California pizza kitchen, you dress those up, and you you basically have a pizza to write convince myself because it says something on the box that it's good for me. Red baron is red baron redbeard. Does the pepperoni don't taste like real pepperoni? And that his for me. I guess it's Kirkland because that's fun. You don't taste like onion? But you like it fucking love fun Jons. But you lack Rabanne pepperoni is the functions of pepperoni. I'm with that my favorite my favorite frozen pizza is Kirkman. Let Costco brands that's fucking great. They know that they have like a corn meal. I haven't fucked because contracts so far from my house. It's no one we didn't we fucked Sam's Club in Colorado. Fact, it's the only frozen pizza that I'd don't go in there. And like, you know shift show it up on. I don't have to say it just really good now speaking to Tinos pizza rolls those. And that I think it's Tony's go. Yeah. Only two brands I fuck with over this other than save a lot and the sable that thing is just because I grew up on. I Tony's pizza. I've had and hits. I don't think I've ever had Tony's pizza rolls. Opposite pizza rolls. I've only ever had. I've only ever had Totino's. And then like generic brands. Let me ask you all this. Okay. I remembered one of the topics I wanted to talk about non pumped about it. Go have bagel buys they hit. Okay. Fucked with them. That was a hidden. Fucking loves those things pizza. Pizza time with pizzas. Any time you poor. Signed to my house. But that's exactly like that. They got me. We had those like mom we need that. When I was a kid we fucked with that more than we did pay pizza. Rolls became. Yeah. Oh, we'll do that. But the bagel bites was the jam. My sister would eat them bitches Benton. She preferred him Benton LA's bagel about. So I mean, I've I routinely have bagel bites at the crib. Still pizza rose though for me, there's something in the pizza patrols a degree of right now. No, yield boys know is what it is. But I like, I think I like Google glass more. I understand. I know this is different sort of thing. But like how where y'all down hot pockets and how they followed this trajectory of things. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not anti. But they're not even close to frozen pizza or pizza bites. They like the pizza flavor. Hot book to me. It's it's so much worse than for about to having cheesed. Bargar cheese burger? What you cheese burger the burger? Well, you were just talking about. What about the pepperoni being like there was that fake shit or whatever the the hamburger meat in the hot pocket cheeseburger, one is so fake, and I know a horse. I love a horse. All that horse us for the bib. Right. I bet your phone. Probably did you just for now. That was my phone. That's a great sentence. Well, and Andy used to have our phone on vibrate. All the time. I would say your phone Florida. Yeah. And it'd make her laugh because the word for it makes her you said the other day, he was on your phone, and you had to fart and you instinctively put your phone your bud halted to try to record like like. Yeah. The way we do in the podcast. But when I say on my phone, I don't mean like I was on the phone. So I was like, no, no, I was just like on Twitter, and then just put my phone. Just put it right back to your face. Right back to what you were doing. Right back to what you were doing on the way up as I walked it far in. Oh, man. Realize what I've done. Larry was as I walked into my own mouth. I realized what a caricature I become. We're far Noma. I remember one of the things I want to do on the podcast, and like this is right. But. I had thought it would be a whole thing that I would do in advance. And then talk about it on here. And you have our fans chime in the night done. None of that. Because I forgot domino it hits. Listen. We'll tell them what you guys. All right. And then they yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. That's actually, that's better. So that this will work better. I wanted to do like a as usual one of us as fixture. I do usually the anyway, you right? Bracket like a. Tournament. Voted on. You know, how like they'll do. Yeah. Video game character of all time. All the time round March madness. This is only this only works for people that are around our age. I think but. Middle school dance jams. And I feel like one side of the bracket is slow jams and other side is bangers. Right. And so like on the banger side, we number one number one seed is probably not. No. Because if it is it because it just wins. Well, hell number one wins number one seed, you don't think he's going to give it a run for its money not pounding upset it in the phone phone. But he here's the seatings though on the banger side number one say gotta be backed at ASA, right? As one without a doubt window, the wall, the other one now we were in college by then I think hot and hair came out when I was in high school that was that was a big one. So here's my sleeper. Stand back. You're dancing kinda close next to close. Yeah, right now. But we're from. Yellow collar on the slow jam side. Hang on one second. Oh my God. I know the group what was the name of the fuck. Yes. What's the song? All my life. All my life. All my life. Laugh Joe Joe you did because that's a huge one this number one seat. And then a boy's, man. Boys. Demand. The slow dances. Y'all didn't have no country music because lonestar amaze. Oh that was that was that was like so parody song. I ever wrote was to that was because it was so annoying that we had to do it at every middle school dance. And it was baby. I'm disgusted by you. And me, and my boy will every time it come on. We would just start singing that she and all the girls who were like, they were like, you know, the the hand in the back of they man's pants girls are serious about that quid fucking assholes, and we're just singing the whole thing making their lives. Shitty. It didn't even rhyme. I'm glad you've improve. No. It's still great at matter. I'm just kidding. But. That is when I knew I think the first time that we weren't gonna make it my high school girlfriend or not not that. I thought we would. But you know, what I mean? Oh, great. Breathe by faith hill. Yeah. Yes. It was that Chenoweth twain looks we've made you're still the one. Yeah. You're still the one that was always be you. When you. Man, you know, that the girl was gonna come get you take you the dance. Get your tone with and I was like I do. And it drives doing math problems. If you sitting over there watching doodoo. Your little nerd ass. Bitch, kim. Yeah. This is a great idea. Oh, wait who's going to draw the bracket is is it sixty one of our fans. I don't know. Thirty two. So it sixteen eight we is. Sixteen. Sixteen bangers. We'll see whether the banger basis logjam. Yeah. That's the that's the championships. Yeah. I love this Twitter thing. So we'll have to wet to have our finance. Help us make the bracket. I in the next week will describe the bracket, and you could post it with the podcast the picture of the bracket, and then people can vote needs to make the bracket. Most of them. I have to physically make it. I don't need anyone to order them. I need to know what the sixteen hour. Then we can order them for the record. This is night in a large group of our fans, which is you know, y'all old Fokkers, which is fine. But like podcast list. They throw their middle school dance. And it's strong enough to make it in my bracket. Like, I'm thanking foreign we'll also though but to be fair like just because they weren't in middle school hit. They still heard these jams when they came out they've been when days at the club, they older, you know, what I'm saying. Like, it's not there nine hundred years older than us. Brown Brown is this go foreign born is gonna end up winning. Funny vindicated. I'll have to kill myself. What else was some God, damn jams? There were so many jams. No diggity, no, diggity, L D, ignition remix. Yup. Oh, what about when biggie? Don fucking to. Oh, I don't know if that's a banger or a slow. Evans. They were doing staying in them the police. Dude. Around boat. I laced the track you lock the flow. Notorious they got to know that things ain't always what it seemed to be words can't express what you mean to me. Even though you go we still at team till your family. I feel your dreams. If you can't wait to see how you opened up the gates for me Rimini, sometimes my my friend try to bag it out, but it plays. Again. These real hard to conceive can't imagine all the pain. I feel I give anything to hear half breath. I hope he's still living your life after death. You went into the police. You got to change the words a little bit. Just a sample. You right. This wasn't it. Not only. Hey sample. We bombed the goddamn Leary. Mo MO money. Mo problems was a. Also. I don't know about for y'all. But this was for us gave me a Ringling. If you want some dangling that for y'all Chuck Berry. No good. Do ring you won't some just give it at rang. Elaine now. You just reminded me of PD who paid you. Yeah. Definitely one for sure. Yeah. Y'all have never heard give me. L E songs like honestly do that. We're trying to fill this out. Nell is gonna fuck. And like, how'd you grammar was a huge one? Yeah. Spears? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hit me baby. Boomer time toxic owed town song. Yeah. Oh shit. That was the describing the girl all the she had. No he's talking about Lou liquid dream liquid dream. You know that we might be on the banks out. I don't personally I don't think there was a slow jam. What was that? Jim. Yeah. L F O. I let my girls look summer girls. Song is so fucking stupid. But it was that it's in that hotel. Girls wear Abercrombie and Fitch take if a had one wish you know, this is dead. What the lead singer? He did. That's fun. Yeah. It's okay. To look that up, by the way, probably wrong. Sure, sure, I'm way wrong. I'm not just killed that guy. Yeah. But also, I can I can't think of any more without thinking of Eminem, all or nothing. Oh, yeah. Is this fuck how'd that go? You could you tell the phone call to quote to quote book and big mouth. You could rub fronts for five minutes on that. Another slow got God must have spent a little more time on you think version. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. That song. I believe you. Oh, you know, it was. Oh you. Realizing that other than the couple of ones I could get the front rub going on with. I'd really just remember the bangers. Now, I hear you. But I remember I remember in the front Ruben was the most because I always have me girl because I hit. Antagonizing them during during that song because that's all I'm didn't hit for me. Oh town has a Twitter. How do they not break report before Twitter? They're still here. And it followed by George minus. God damn funny. I'm trying to think obviously any backstreet like instinct. Bye bye. Bye. Fucking backstreet boys them off the millennium album. The I want it that way that was one. Ultimately, I'm I'm just fucking tone out album shit here that. John mayer. You know, what's millennia? Actually, but was was also millennium Fisher room for squares around that same time. Yeah. But that that was right at the beginning of college for me, right? Did y'all ever get Gygi would? Oh fuck. Miami. Yeah. Partying the city where the heat is on all night on the beach to the break down. Welcome to Miami. Being the need though on me on me bouncing in the club would hate his own all night on the beach stood of break it down. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't light it. Yeah. Cigar. That's a that's getting it. Then he says Pitney goes into pig Latin ill way to Amei on day or flay Gygi. Make it feel. Gygi make it feel like four play. Yo macario was infinite. Now, all in it. We forgot about master p. Oh my God. Mike him say. I I didn't hear it either. But I believe I meant to say it after I was talking about. I said that asks up now, I said baller shock collar. That's a slow jam lesser. Oh, yeah. My way. Oh god. You might wanna. This is what you do. And all the things that come along with you made me make me. Make me a solace. So also shrubs. Yeah. Yeah. That was that was the pay. Good. Yeah. I remember that shorty fees. You never heard the parody that came out for no scrubs called no pigeons by them hood ass. Shorty thieves are sporty or something something like that. That was the forty games. It's pretty awful franker. Sounds like it is. Is also around. Missy lissi fucking. But in reverse it if it worked it, let me work, Marcus. Yeah. Yeah. I can't stand the rain, although work it was a much bigger than that one. What about? Thought of it a minute ago. You brought up Tamblyn him in was putting shit out back. Then what about the peaches and cream, peaches, peaches and cream the band needed because you know, jagged edge, right? Was that one twelve one twelve one twelve day had? They had a jam called body. Oh, that's anywhere. We can do it anywhere. That's. Ios your fantasy. Oh, what's your fantasy? Oh, my body girl. Was that key switch? I don't know. But jagged edge. What was that song jagged edge daily Bacardi something party? But where two party AC girls on the way that Bacardi yet? We're the party at I was a buying her that wasn't buying her. Do that again. You know, happy doing that from time to flip the first NPR d produced track Rydin. Yeah. Yeah. Man that might have been a little later that might have been high school do not from nothing, but an I don't really follow to banger. My fucking Nukii by limp biscuit, that was always play there because you dancing went biscuit, all about the he said, she said bullshit like also again, it doesn't really find any of these categories. But they they stayed playing Papa Roach last resort at that. Yeah. Oh, my life. Is this is my last race? Good. God you talking about giving some people a voice that didn't need one M do party up. Yeah. They had there. That's what I was down there today. You were doing that. Yup. That was the jam. What about Mace? What's the maim feel so good? I think it was smooth by Carlos Santana and Robert Thomas. The food. Jeez. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Killing me. Softly. Well, all right. We get it. We know stuff. Oh, yeah. So anyways slobber hose get. On this fucking bracket. You know, how you know how it is. Yeah. I wanna do that tweeted trae late nineties early? Oh. Four. For the will read election. Let's what is it hashtag? Well, read middle school dance. That's. Jams. We'll read boner. Sweet good way to narrow this down to because like that might cut out pop roads and stuff like but like. Here. The bracket of the songs the top songs to have or have upon you a boner if your thank back on the song. And if it makes you whiny wiggle or your waning Steph, or whatever or you remakes, you remember getting stiff weenie on you. And this obviously, that's just a metaphor women. You can get pussy Boehner soda. Yeah. Go and get a pussy Boehner. There you go so hashtag, which is by the way up that song is in the running here. Hashtag big pimping. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Well, read Boehner John. All of this at police. We'll read Boehner j just now when you said it, even though I said it I forgot it. And I thought you're about to say well, read Wehner Boehner's. No, well, read waiter Boehner's. Wait. Maybe we'll rid Weiner jam now. Boehner Boehner jam I mean, that's from what is still it's out. There have set it up. It's Boehner jam. Boehner powder jams. It's from forty year old virgin boundary jams. Paul Rudd's character gives him the porno type porno mix type, it's got Boehner jams. Oh, wait there. Whatever better for everybody loves, Raymond. He's a good show. I just type it. But but Boehner jams. Oh, there you go. That's my personal favorites up selected, so hashtag will the Beatles. Did I think he's still the song? But you didn't know it. Yeah. That's the thing. They admitted to they were not admitted to that. Now, they're the Beatles. When they're like, but if but not even if they did a bunch of that like they've had the same thing done to them. So many countless times since that lacked fucking happen with that case. Because like I mean, so in the case this dude knows a woman. It was a riff. It was a G CD in the way in the in the rhythm was the same in the breakdown was the same in terms of how you play those notes of the famous Beatles song, and yes, and George Harrison what he said was well, no, I didn't steal it. But I have definitely heard. That song. I have to admit that maybe it like worked its way into my brain. And then I accidentally stole it. He did it on. It may not have been even he might have done it once for the Beatles habit. That was something that happened with him and the song moss. Wait lord. Okay. It was just it was just his. Moss weight loss with that is like when it comes to musical progressions, specifically, it's like a language in like certain notes, just go together that I did that to people happened upon the same thing, of course, that that's what happened to maranda Lambert and Steve Earle, and when it happened to Marandus credit. She was like fuck that her and care saying she's like fuck that is Phil. All right. Okay. Let's settle. I mean, it's just it's just parallel thanking whatever the parallel, thank you one. And I think rightfully so especially with something that general, but yeah, it was my sweet Lord, I talked about this general topic before because I know you wrote up on the podcast, and this is the most mind blowing to me is the fish movie where she fucked a fish stick. Yeah. Yeah. What shape? Water. Some foreign movie that was basically the exact like seemingly the exact same concept, but GMO del Toro when he was like six, right? He had evidence of this concept he'd been working on for a very long time since before that movie existed, but not publicly so they also didn't steal it from him. It just it just happened. But it's, but you're right in that, particular instance, a fucking, you know, Bloom's like pretty here he had romance where a lady fucks a fish filer. That's a Wild Thing to be an example. Literally like a celestial bay. I don't remember the specifics. But it was like remarkably similar. It's just always been my thing with that, you know, in that specific movie people were not Jesus Christ. Really we're going to let the fucking Basie Audi movie win a goddamn Oscar. I was like he's a God. It's different. Also, there's also hold on on that note. Real quick we talked about this. After the thing I came out. Also, I pretty sure it's implied that she. She is that she's that thing. Same thing. Those scars Gaels she she is what he is. But she was raised on land. So that's why she didn't go full bore fish. But she was born the same thing that he was born. So she is one of those things. She can just be with him. And right, right. So you know, it ain't. It's all it all checks out. Give a fuck if she was like, right? It's a that. Dude is clearly like an alien God type thing like you're not just fucking fish. This thing can heal things. Like that. Don't mean, you gotta fuck it. But don't mean, you gotta fuck it. But I'm saying tonight weird. If you fuck it, it's still a little weird. If you fuck. I love that movie. I never had a problem with I'd FOCA fish if it could also name, dude, if some like fucking, I don't know hippopotamus, God just came up. Of course is hippo for Corey. Of course, Corey picks a hippo. Talking much hippopotamus, but she carries it. She got a good personality a hell of a cornbread. She started talking to me about scanners. Yeah. Real sweet hippo. Kids. She'd never fought it. Hippo? I'm saying if I found out through this hippo had powers, and like, oh, this is a special type of hippo, son. I'm fucking hippo in his. But you know, what I'm saying? Like. I can't believe there is there is a shaman and some tribe in Africa somewhere that could one hundred percent talk coriander. Fuck. I. Out here in a white robe. They've taken better man than me. Well, hippos have taken the best of man. That's true. Video that hippo far. Yes. It helicopters. Dr hail helicopter. Oh, no. You tell me though. Twenty. I'll tell me you told me you told me, here's no, I here's how I know what he's doing. No. Because you said that and I go I go word. I go you go. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'd take something great ruin it like always doing. I said to you. Honestly, I don't even care to me. Whoever did that. I'm glad they did it. They made it hit harder. They learned about that on the thread. I remember that. So maybe it was Rick fucking route is probably Rick coming in there with a don't hip. I mean, I know that'd be ruining stuff with the truth. But I just remember learning this within side this group. Well, that's so funny because I I had the exact same memory of it. Like, I feel like I remember us being together and that coming out and may being like fuck really like being really bummed out about it. But so I don't think it was me. But I'm not saying that it was you. I don't know who it was something. No. I topped in hippo. And the first thing that comes up is hippo. Farting poop. Played us Rotan. We've played this on here before I think. No, that's even hope funnier me. Here comes that family. But to get what it deserves. Buddy. Booker's tales going back and forth to swat next shit. It all in fucking low kids. It's it's such a bummer that that's doctored. And it is still funny either way. But also just it don't hit harder for me for sure it would hit way harder for me, if that was just genuine, but we'll you know that sound is either way that far though, let's give it up. That's the first ever had must by pro fast. That's a first by off. I'm yeah. Without a doubt. I mean, I don't know many. I mean, that's you got that far. And then Harry on the toilet in dumb and dumber. Those are the too far. What about it sounded like it did? You never can you never can. About to do a fart bracket. That's next. Yeah. Tag that. Joe hashtag well read, but jams? I mean to me those two contest, you're the first Mr., but your heart and in the entire pantheon farts, just in ones that I've heard in my life. Well, I'm honored. Truly we're going on like, smell and stuff this. And right here has got you for. But now, it'd be that hippos for Harry and dumb and dumber. And not can't think of any other ones. All right. We're in the weights, and we're should go. Let's go right. Ski. At book fish. I really wish you all had had a fart. Thank you all for listening to the well read show, we'd love to stick around longer. But we got to go tune in next week. If you've got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you. Good night. Angie? You.

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