S2 E9: Hanging By A Moment with Xavier Dolan


Active of two black gay men adulting Philadelphia. These ex-boyfriends turned best friends are not afraid to present their contrasting opinions of pop culture relationships hi listeners if you like chosen family you should check out category is hosted by Justin Beddis Maurice Smith category is speaks from the unique had helped me do that well chosen family hi Trina and it has certainly brought me closer to the people that I really love that have helped me get rid of the bullshit the friends the friendships like instant movie star but more than a movie star because he also wrote and directed it yeah at nineteen years old and he funded through his Albert King savings basically and then he wrote directly to the programming director of can to have his film featured which to me is still quite impressive out now ten years is Queer Francophone out there in the world so I of course as a francophone gay men in all of us I heard of him his film was called Gee man I killed my mother and I remember that time and in every Montreal Quebec I can tell you in which way I'm becoming more and more of myself and how success has made it easier for me because that's just so long to tell you all I was before and all I am now the newspaper TV show everyone was raving about him talking about his standing ovation at Khan and for me it was really witnessing the birth of this Thomas we have been waiting for this day for a long time on chosen family we're ten minutes away from speaking to actor writer director the line and it's this is podcast own I have been becoming more and more of who okay with that but when I look at you know people in their like early twenties now like even if you're doing great stuff like I can't admire them too embarrassing Internet I never actually saw it I've seen about half of his movies but not that one what do you think it was about that film that resonated so much the relationship with his mother I mean he so exhibit is a phenomenon this year we're celebrating ten years since his first feature which premiered at the Cannes Film Festival he is that there's this like Freudian Dan Freudian there's this like Freudian undertone to the whole thing that like if you want to live your life you need to kill your mother you know John It's not Dolan or the law I I know me too I was once called it on the radio for pronouncing his name correctly I can't believe we're just figuring this medicine ten conceptually or symbolically yeah so yeah that's I film really set the tone for executives career to come and then he went back to candy you're after and film heartbeats and then he went on to direct aid films in ten years that is so insane it just makes me feel what have I been doing the last ten years of mine the movie he plays a gay teen who wants to leave home and hey him and his mother fight a lot and the mom is played by undervalues like a Genius Quebec actress in the movie the I have always been doing director script writer producer shot his first film and each night famously dubbed the French Voice of Ron Weasley in the Quebec version of Harry Potter so Quebec has a shared history with him he's a he video the sort of marrying of darkness mixed with like this is a super pop anthem and I really love that contrast in juxtaposition yeah he was life it's crazy and most of you know this piece of work maybe you didn't know he directed it but he directed Adele's hello music video which is such the Child Star right yes he was on a bunch of kids movies he was also some ad campaigns here in Quebec and he's done a lot of voice acting most the video type thing that's my favorite of his work honestly that music video combined with the song just like I mean we all felt it was mass himself very seriously and that he's pretentious artist but when you look at his influences they're like super pop and we see that in the Adele directed one film in English that hasn't been released in the US it's been released in Canada it was kind of a controversy because it took so long longer so many rewrites I mean the cat is incredible Kit Harrington is in Kathy Bates Kathy Bates and Natalie Portman and Jessica chastain who got cut from the move exactly the title I mean but I think like that's what's also really interesting about him because I don't know about the French side but I think on the English side there's this perception of him as sort of being someone who takes but also knowing that something else is possible for you from a really young age yeah I think like a lot of queer people can identify with that right I mean no something else entry all I look up to him even if he's younger than me I have a weird history with them we'll get into it originally you really don't like looking up to people who are younger can you admire people were picture was in it and it was like who is this kid like what's his deal and he just had this energy and this flare around him he was featured because we had this like streets and when he posted it it went viral I thought it was the sweetest thing and it was I relate to it like that obsessive and being attached to your favorite artists character talking directly to the camera to put his I can't be her son cliff is able to I could be younger than you and I are basically the same age so it's fine like me Hemin Gaga our lake and he went side but but not hers so the year after Jeatstream Mayer he released in you is behind me in that moment I had to be like Oh sorry guy histories calling me so I was there I was sitting actually on the stairs I don't think there were any seats the fan all the way up to having started with you and there's a little bit of that film that kind of mirrors executives real life because he said all is a death and life of John F Donovan and it's the story of this TV actor who is like a huge star and is caught having a pen pal relationship with a kid very different from Michael my mother very funny we should go for a drink and I'm like okay I to me was just like a professional encounter really and then at opened the door I estimate he was writing letters to actors was a teen tween I remember he posted a letter that he wrote to Leonardo di Caprio of which he wrote as a kid sal section where we'd profile just people random people on the street who had good style and it was just like you look like a dandy just with like his long curly hair this like is almost like a charity so distributor agreed to give us tickets to the opening and exchange of the AD page not knowing that they gave to many tickets so when we got to the opening it was packed it was sold out were halting from the magazine we can't get in and then we're in front of the theater him a bunch of questions and I I I I was like twenty five and he's really cute like he's he's handsome he's so smart film and I asked to interview him so this is kind of embarrassing because we met in the office where his agency is here in Montreal and I was since the beginning it's like you're sort of full that we met before he even releases first film I remember he was it was a Friday night just in front of the venue when I killed my mother came out to launch the Promo for the film he actually called me at the magazine and he was like can I get a free page of advertising and we don't comprador he was wearing skinny jeans you could you could tell that he had the sense of details even in his outfits as a seventeen year old right anyway so I like to think in Montreal I'm waiting waiting for that call waiting that call he and then when I tried a few times to reach out but eventually we spoke and he was like listen one iconic scene is where the three main characters are singing and dancing in the kitchen to selene the friend the plotting has a rear when he was eight and how they're saying he's like he's thirty now but like it was twenty five years in the making yeah you know you've been following him judging the wedding and imagining yourself with them and like I don't know at some like award ceremony and when he's back and I know he's back as he's been in the media Oh I think here in Montreal and I was going to see a show and he must have been seventeen or eighteen I was working as a magazine editor at the time and he was started talking to me recognize me from the magazine today when I'm obsessed over a Situa- or you know it when I'm angry or when I love something like I get very obsessive but at the time I wasn't really conscious of it and not New York Montreal people when they aren't TV on the radio you take metro like everybody else through did you do it did you book them a car we had pop out of the door and he looks at me and my friend is like you to come in I believe I had to leave my bosses the posters for heartbeats moving matching everywhere who is a story it was a love triangle between him a girl and then the straight guy they're both in love with them think that I'm kind of the forrest gump of His Holiness did in the background I mean so okay lipped out he was back in Ken for the Second Year Wall to wall media coverage his heartbeats going to be number C ready made up change the right outfit we finish the interview with an he's not there the pianist Gonzalez is on in between it's too busy and it's not going to happen God I know but I loved it in that story I'm like I'm the fool when I think back of that Thomas at twenty four twenty five and I still oh my God and that moment was such a scene and so- representative of who the segments a few minutes go by and then there's one minute left before he goes on air so we're back from the commercial break the second segment and when we start the show which is live it's really it's live in Rio he's not in the studio he's not around this I don't know where he is we start the show and the actress in the first segment we have eleven minutes to get him in story I think is the best one Somalis big film came out in two thousand fourteen it stars undervalue again that's my favorite of these for anyone listening who hasn't ever seen and they start the countdown twenty seconds fifteen ten walks in the studio five four three two one he's in the chair it really feel the energy with something special was happening it was a new voice Jalen La Salle de in the opening of the film executives because the film is in French but there's a commentary on the use of English words in the French language which I really liked I just love the idea of Savvier writing a movie that like one key Lami won the jury prize at Cannes and it even got a seven minutes standing ovation when he came back to Canada I booked him on the TV show was working ah three rivers the he's in a studio they're gonNA patch him into us and God willing this works out live like we're learning media you don't give out advertising but did you we did I went to my boss and I was like Oh this is cute like we should do something we should like I saw it as a the show he's literally like five blocks away from studio like it makes you could walk but we still send a car he's scheduled to appear in the the S. and how he does he does everything the way he wants to each samosas meanwhile I'm backstage sweating I'm getting nervous this can fuck everything that's like peak vivier it is so we're about to talk to him now they just don't call yourself a sappy of sexual never never never anyways he was flying to candidate after the interview and these like wedding come back from Kevin one of his movies mommy is the perfect entry into his cinematic universe dull moment of extreme woo that sounds mm-hmm is not really queer but a little bit but not opened makes out with girls very interesting film about fluidity friendship and even language song called the Shelter Pa beautiful we never change yeah we never changed never changed I wonder oppose the song to what's being said in that scene I think there's a meeting and and they heard me and they actually came back and said okay we'll we'll give you the we couldn't actually get face to face time with him because he's all over the province promoting the new movie so he's actually going to be joining us from a studio in twenty talk me into a tailspin and a sort of bottomed emotionally over that situation right he has nothing to do with it nothing and then the finals including a Britney Spears Song in Maxim which I believe is a first and it could be coffee when I was watching film and the open doors my friend on how they feel about each other because none of them is queer or out when his girlfriend Mata's and maxine associated that world but I wrote them a letter and said listen I don't think the reading here is is right I have a lot of admiration for Brittany and when you yes I you know the these these artists are guarded by a lot of representatives. I don't want to spoil it either but it's a song that plays this is not good you have to go back to school this shit and so you know they were hardships along the way which is good and which is normal I guess but uh doc with programming director at can when you wanted to release a kill my mother you asked and the leading actress to be in your first feature on called solvent thank Marianne and then the week of the show he's like I need a car like I need a car to pick me up where we live we don't do that where it's not La and a strip club strippers bar what do you what do you call it yeah yeah so obviously they don't want her music to be it's not only that you go after what you want is that you're not afraid to ask for what you want you write letters to actors or Britney's representatives you've got in automatically labeled as Queer that limiting to you I don't really care I'm queer so you know when I grew up all the a lot of things about myself that I loathe in that constantly questioned in doubt I've been told no so many times you know when I was handing out my first script people would say Ross candidates called Matyas Maxim Exhibit Plays Maxime He's in it it tells us tour of two childhood friends you end up kissing onscreen for a student were you always that self-confident You know what I don't even know that I'm self confident I think I'm confident because what do I think it's so interesting to hear you talk about those because they think that there's this perception of you being this person that has sort of been able to get elms that I would see all the shows that I would watch featured nothing but I don't want to sound like I'm exploiting the popularity of the word but white man do you I mean she means a lot I mean you can imagine I as a young teen and her entire world it was something that I can relate to and she's been very generous them out from Fu set that Nizhny meason waste look people spend the whole time eason can I'm obsessing they want does that tie into the way that you feel about how your work is categorized like is that something that you push back against for example when your work is just sort of the existence but promised lab but they were just exotic to me they were it was a foreign territory in which the sixty s but the one thing I was not surrounded with were gays that was not a part of my culture I knew it existed I knew the gays exist I knew what I wanted to do and I knew I wanted to be an actor and director and anyone standing in my way was a hurdle that I needed sues sort of circumvent and go around and they were very generous this this story is is the exact example of one of the things I admire the most about you I've been following you of course for ten years in New Mexico ten years after coming to Ken with I killed my mother he's back with his aides feature film his six in Ken latest film just came out I was not to venture now that I had been forbidden to my mom actually would say these things like you know it's okay to thing that a man is is handsome and it was like yeah the WB freak and I would rip them off of the my satellite TV for which I was playing with my child acting savings politics and beyond say you can find category is on your favorite podcast APP or wherever you get chosen family family of Egyptian people who were screaming at each other table and all talking you know another and I am grateful for that upbringing and having my grandmother cooked that food and tell me just hearing the story could cancel on US within the next twenty seconds multi demarche you in Orland Mateus I four we're not going to see which song it is or what's happening in the film I don't WanNa know but when that happened ice cream in the movie why Britney what she means and I would transfer it on my computer and burn DVD's of these episodes and watch them over and over again but the one thing that I never signed there were queer is it wasn't a question for me I had to survive in just do my thing I have confidence perhaps not in myself but in my ideas and in what these things and teach me stuff about her own culture and where she came from and how they had to struggle with racism you know when they arrived in Montreal in in is or queer people but just two guys trying something but there were movies were suddenly I could see male contact and male sex but these were also very then who were heterosexual and you know whiteness is not something I was especially aware of as a kid because I always considered myself although I'm actually Egyptian and was brought up Zafy a hey how are you thanks so much for doing this I've been speaking a lot of English in the past days but it should don't worry I want to start by thanking you for you people never and then eventually when I got older there were movies like mysterious skin or Tambi n where it's actually not really even a movie about Queens Intel people is really handsome and you know it's okay for men to say that but I realize all the cultural references around me the movies worshipped I tonic other shows that I binged Roswell charmed all these WBZ show that you were a WBZ head so Tom Skilling Alison thank you kiss will you said you said we should have league stories about suicide about bullying there were always tragic stories never really see myself presented so maybe for part of my life struggle of my life be with my works or being categorized as queer but I certainly don't anymore I am queer and if I tell a love story about two men I'm just saying into it or not that's one for my shrink your astrologer okay thing has to be hard to get then that also transfers to my personal life it's true that I've always been it was it's it's a phase or did you feel that pressure yourself but you know I've been with heterosexual men my entire twenties and they were ambiguous and they were trying to be gay but not necessarily able to and so but when I graduated high school you know were gay or we were straight and then they were the you know I find easy stories more boring onscreen I feel like a movie is always about a problem so something has to be wrong girlfriend so it's a bit more ambiguous why are you so interested in that sort of dynamic where you're unsure if the other person is in Ah we are cinema if you will your are so much more about ambiguity and not rigidly defining things that something that's a part of your life as well out your films you know you're talking about the media that you consumed as a kid which was so you know heterosexual so heterosexual but I think that your films even though they get labeled as do you want to see the culture move into this more ambiguous era area or at least an area where we're more comfortable with ambiguity instead of always having to put things in box make movies about homosexual people for the rest of my life they'll still be stories and movies and that's just that's just the way it is I'm GONNA sneak its costing opinions of pop culture relationships politics and beyond say you can find category is on your favorite podcast APP or wherever you get chosen family I don't know because in addition to that idea of like the unrequited there's also the ambiguous one of the things that I love about attracted to people who are not necessarily interested in me or even if they were queer were in a relationship or lived abroad are you there hi hi yeah I think saw the job the line I thought he didn't want to answer my question hi listeners if you liked chosen family you should check out category is hosted by Justin Beddis Smith category is speaks from the unique perspective of two black game adulting in Philadelphia these ex-boyfriends turned best friends are not afraid to present their control says I maybe I'm the one who's not comfortable with embiid witty because I've been living with good my entire life not my own meagrely is and we're like wow what was that even a thing because for me it'd be sexual was not an option for for I remember bisexuality was like you know you have to choose very fine so watch this is the punctuation may little stands watching chess maxim it kind of reminded me of heartbeats where you have a a man queer character who falls for their straight ISH male friend in Madison makes him maximum is not explicitly gay admits Yes has I was at the ceremony on every word that night and you read quite a beautiful note to your mom says superior you do you remember that sure I mean I I don't remember actually what I what I wrote but I remember certainly I I remember to circumstances in the yeah well all these mom characters all these MOMS they're not therapeutical for either not it's not a cathartic it was so beautiful because in our personal lives we tend to deal with these issues on a really intimate level one on one or in a family context but you work out these big issues like on the screen literally as that helped to deal with that that relationship with your family your mother has it has it helped me dealing with my own issues it's a different story but what I'm trying to tell you is I just read about women women just inspire me and when I write about mothers I uh-huh the thing is I've been asked about my about mothers and my mother for for decades now not a lot about mothers he talked I'm not putting you in that Category Ah Quebec film gala award for Mummy for best film it looks i Lou Iowa excuse by Amazon God is at least Berg alone not correct because you see the person you are the person I am today I teared up because I had my own challenges with my mom at the time drain you said in every word I write in every reply in each frame you are there we don't collect got everything off should we just pick up where we left yeah of course you want to do actually I have a story share with you is in Twenty fifteen a complex thing to be a woman already and then when you become a mother there is a part of yourself that you sacrifice are a lot of things you renounce to to be and foremost for me these are women with a more I don't want to say that you know seeing that peak the women were not mothers not complex I'm just saying that it is I've been inspired by my mom clearly but not only her some of her friends and some mothers that I've met and also the mothers of our friends whether they mean to us there's a care the an internal function with year when your children with your child that makes for very rich and interesting characters and I've always I've always been inspired by that the two people in my life that I could really tell anything to and I think what's really interesting looking at your film is that Lake in addition to the archetype of the mother there's also sort of the like really worshiping them me too I they're gorgeous and liberal and open minded and they're the first people I actually mation between the mother of my very best friend when I was when I was in high school and my aunt by the whigs of you trenice families also Egyptian and she came out to Oh my God you know it's so funny you say that because I was going to mention that you know even though I don't think that I grew up with them as closely as you did like I always felt like they were assuming they've always been and it's really so oh yeah that's great I always looked at them as like to the coolest women just like grew up augie just went this is this is like no that's two games just shut them down archetype of the man with a secret you know in the character of Matias and John Donovan and the character of Louis in it's only the end of the world the east sort of had highfield toured a lot of different things whether love or Brotherhood or family or society or or language Yeah Bulwer you feel that there is none of them no part of them in these films that they could have been made by anybody else and I make these films with all things that I don't feel like I've concealed anything from anyone also these films there are a lot of films out there that are made by p dozens and comment but not blood related yeah Nicole and Pascal tires you how are you kidding me here my second cousins you know my cousins or I don't feel like I'm secretive I feel like I've opened my mouth and so many things so Asian that it should shut up I have no regrets I've always been I don't know I I sort of thrive romantically in by that I'm not I realize that I love patterns and now there's another factor in there that's that's hard very frontal and very direct about how I feel about certain things I've obviously you know I said a lot of Shit and in time realized that I was wrong about a lot of love declaration I I mean I think I do especially if you don't machias seal shock movie clip lick if I don't have a boyfriend so there's no mystery there is it because you work too much and that's where your focus is or has been I don't know my heart and I make them with a huge part of myself and so when you talk about mystery I don't feel there's mistry because these films talk a lot about what withdraw from the equation and it's the fact that I'm someone that my notoriety is something that I cannot extract from you can't just walk into a bar it's true do you think of yourself as a secret of personnel in regards to sexuality but just do you see yourself that way do you feel like you've been really an open book hey that even if someone doesn't know me it's hard to live with someone and the lifestyle that have the travels the work the fact that will disappear do you get a sense of anonymity sometimes if let's say you go to city like New York depends Yuli gravitate toward circles I do feel like these films are my open book I may not be out there with you know the boyfriend and and talking about my private life but that's because I don't have it privately go to places where I love you know the ambiance or the energy or the music or the people the crowd and that inevitably will bring it up mad passionate love where we'll chase each other and then it won't work and I will be stranded in an airport and listen to Ernst it it is hard to have a career and do something and feel that you are fulfilled and that someone next to you is striving for something do everything by life nothing greater than writing movies when you are heartbroken or when you are striving actor in it and that doesn't Maxime unlike related because I remember some of my friends mothers meant a lot to me growing up that that that character in madame x is a sort of come out that fuck well I'm not I'm not gonNA validate for you is day I mean I don't think it's wrong no exactly I I think it's wrong I don't feel ashamed places where yes people will know who I am I'm not saying it says a crushing reality as if I were out like Sean mandates or are John Donovan era to write something that's hardly fathomable for people who have not experienced it themselves and then for the rare times where I've expe- impress someone that you wish loved you do you scream and relationships that where you characters screaming your films no I don't have a relationship so else in another in another domain and they don't feel as fulfilled as you are that makes for a lot of tension and I'm not really looking for that anyway ZAC same way in my life and I think sometimes looking to validate that feeling so when I see someone Meyer like you or like whose work I really love it's like Oh if they're like me then it's okay Lee unrequited love I feel that's why I think that already I'm not putting you on the spot it's just because I feel the our be on dating APP I would love that but I can't it's weird but it depends where you could've you it in Montreal you couldn't do in France I'm looking for romance I'm not looking for stability and relationship and selling down and I'm looking for Sion's and which it is to meet warranted that you would scream I mean this is life people in salt each other and then laugh about it and then hug each other and at least this is the and and feelings are feelings I make movies out of feelings things that I felt and the most important thing about these films are not I'm not I am not that celebrity I'm not that famous but it has rewritten my entire private life in a way oft and and always ask permission before you hit someone before you scream at someone or before you you feel betrayed or things are not always polite and courteous that that we know you know that I would only go in places that know me but I mean as a as a prescription but I feel that it's just one hundred percent right because I feel that I've been that I've embarked on this path I don't know like twelve years ago because every life that I had also some complex some people are afraid of conflict of course they're afraid of conflict with things are not always you know easy the acting they're not the sets are not the light they're not the names of the actors on the sheet they're not neither non my little stupid ideas of how he can the violent and they're toxic violent emotions and I know that that's unbearable to a lot of people that they're exhausted by that they find that exasperated I know a lot of people have said about my movies that people screamed all the time I just these are movies that have been very emotionally demanding and challenging situation there's

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