Rodney Dangerfield still gets no respect & Carnac the Magnificent is all knowing, 1979
Hey there and welcome to the Johnny Carson Show podcast. Today's show is from August. I nine thousand nine hundred seventy nine. I'm your host will Schreiner and we listened back. Act Too many of these great podcasts and try to put them into perspective for you. Jimmy Carter was president. All things in the country. Were good in nineteen seventy nine so we kick off our show is that always says you. ooh Johnny that was a reminder to all of us to get out of the bathroom and come in and listen to the monologue well tonight doc. Severinsen the band leader is often Tommy. Newsom mm-hmm is filling in Tommy was always the subject of a Of of a shot or two got a great shot on him about his close. Because Tommy was kind of you know a a dry wit and a good foil. Johnny Johnny got a lot of mileage out of that This show has A classic slow news day as Johnny's to say that was always a the premise for not being to top. But he had some things to talk about to do. He was welcoming the tourists and there was giving him some suggestions on what to do in town about like the southern in California theater scene and of course Janis visit the snail land. Next up he talks a little bit about Faira Faucets. divorce He has a joke. That needs needs a little explaining which China so good at explaining a joke but he saves it with great Killer joke end the bit on Farah Fawcett you'll enjoy that following the monologue Karnak them magnificent Visitor from the east as Ed but sets up so well. If you don't understand the remember the premises Karnak would give give the answer. And then Ed would read the question Johnny had always had fun doing this. Especially when the setup didn't go well or any time there was something that was just a little off off kilter ed got a great Great kick out of it and they really They really have fun together doing it. There was one off color joke. That gets a big laugh from Ed. And and there's one that bombs and Annette even says You'll hear it but as questions if johnny got it right or not. The audience is hot and cold throughout the monologue. But Ed milks when he gets to the. I have in my hand the last envelope. Well that was always a good setup for ed it was always a good reminder for the audience that this better be a good one and this one is and I guess on a show is the great comedian Rodney Dangerfield. Who We've lost a few years ago? I actually even went a to his funeral and it was one of the more funerals I've ever Attended and everybody got up and told Rodney stories and Roddy was a great guy to hang around with. He used to come in the IMPROV. All the time I sit around and the big roundtable improvisation on melrose and a whole court as we say because who as a comedian did not love Rodney Dangerfield I love this monologue and then of course roddy always comes over and sits with Johnny and then of course the model continues is but it's a panel so johnny would set up You Know Rodney on a couple of topics and if you listened closely you'll hear where he talks about How's your health and Rodney's he's not quite there yet so he takes? He takes a break. Because I'm not there yet so Johnny Oh oh okay. We'll get to that but it it for insiders that know the how the panel went. Johnny would have you know three or four topics to to ask Rodney and I guess health came who soon in the equation and of course my favorite and you got to hang in there until the end. My favorite bit is when Rodney has finished all his material there. He's got nothing and Johnny's not given anything so he just turns to the guest to his right and says So how's it going with you because it just floors Johnny that Rodney's out of material and he's already turned to the other guests. I enjoyed that. I hope you do too anyway. Here it is. Here's a another great episode of the Johnny Carson. Show podcast we've got Karnak and we've got Rodney so give give a listen. I know you're going to enjoy it. I'll see any other side and now ladies and gentleman Johnny Yeah thank you. I'll be I I enjoy. I'll be honest. I enjoyed the applause with amazing. How many people think the show is over Outta? Shoot for Billie Joe Bob. Anyway I will. Hey we got strings tonight right lots of strings. One two three four five six seven seven seven strings. Goes our budget for the month. Are you Tom Tom. Dhaka's off. Mr Excitement Mr Charisma Thunderbolt Tommy. NEWSOM only man. I know who wears medic-alert Bracelet says. I'm not dead. Trust me the you're on vacation tomorrow. You can meet and greet Tommy newsom personally. He's autographing leisure suits tomorrow at CR clothiers. Yeah we're GONNA talk. We have what we call occasionally and the entertainment busy slow news day you have to kind of make do with what the region as you can tell us a slow news day today and the La Times. The headline was runaway shopping cart. Career Ends Ladies Watermelon. Now you know it's going to be a slow news day today by the way is another historical day birthday of a famous person. You know. Francis Scott Key Francis Scott tweet see we give history also during the monologue. This is just not jokes. We give history. He was born this day. Seventeen ninety nine and everybody remembers remembers Francis. Scott key as the first man who couldn't remember the words to the Star spangled finished it and tried to sing it and never ever gonNA in many of you're on vacation right and you go to go go to Disneyland and go to the mission picture studios you make a tour of the television studios. been giving some tips to people out here because of the the gas crunch things you can do that. Don't cost too much money for example but we have some pretty good theater out here in southern California. It's not the caliber of of the Broadway theatre. I'll be honest with you. In fact there's a theater called Stratford drag on Pico. And they're having a limited engagement. There's I say you don't get the same kind of cast a run of Henry. The eighth starring Rob Reiner and Penny Marshall. Now you don't have to waste gas to see a lot of interesting things. Why go to Marineland? When right here in Burbank you can see l.? tipplers snail land. It's a very L. templer snail. And what they do every night at eleven o'clock Shamu the killer snail crawls out of a hedge and leaves a slick across Al's patio Al Templer Schnell land. Let's go to the the newseum Rosalynn Carter likes being the first lady President says she. Did you see the news the other night. She is becoming a very strong force in politics in this country entry. There was a poll that showed that Something like sixty eight percent of the people in the country did not have confidence in Jimmy Carter but we have a very strong first lady and apparently she advises the president or anything she when I told him to throw out the garbage and he got rid of his cabinet. All the press coverage of the the president's trip down to Bardstown Kentucky in Bardstown Kentucky seven thousand people turned out but if I were the president I wouldn't get too excited. There's not an awful lot to barged on Kentucky last week. Six thousand people turned out to see the butcher hangup rump roast in the window now a lot of people thought it was going to go small town in Kentucky. It was a waste of time. But actually I think going to barged on Kentucky was a pretty shrewd rude political. Move on the president's part because you all know the slogan as Bardstown goes so goes Harleysville famous slogan as soon as the president staff for they were going to the bluegrass state they stocked up on Zigzag Z.. Beeper the now that when the ban likes Jerry Brown took his first step in trying to run for president. They opened a the jury Brown headquarters Brown for president. Committee surprise. Brown made it official. He threw a sleeping bag in the ring. And the exact run. It might be good idea to have a youngster in the White House. For Change you know be gets angry. You can always holiest wrath and turn blue until Congress. It does what he wants or not. We'll be funny if the election turnout's be between Jerry Brown and Ronald Reagan. The young in the restless avenue. Sad News Farah Fawcett Majors. Probably heard this on the nose fair airforce majors and her husband Lee Majors. I apparently have agreed to split. Understand is suing a waring blender for illumination of affection. He was he was the six million dollar man. Biotic biotic attic man. See if you remember they really are funny folks no. They announced their separation during during their second honeymoon in Hawaii. Actually what happened. Was I understand the bionic man. shorted out and wine during foreplay. She had to find an all night radio shack. We've got a good show tonight later on. Paul Paul Newman will be out here. I'm sorry I'm just GonNa do a joke. He's not here. I was GONNA say the phone would be out during his racing car. And try to break the lap record around Orson Welles but you do anyway tonight. We have Rodney Dangerfield. What a great crowd we have tonight for our next guest famous visitor visit from the east all knowing all seeing hang all of the famous sears? Said's Soothsayer and former relief pitcher for the La Dodgers neck the magnificent welcome. Welcome a thousand welcomes upon your house and household so good to see you again sir. Tim is most enthusiastic suzy. Ask about your appearance here tonight. Never told me exactly what that makes him solemn him that it my three children I might mention their names solid youngest speaking of yes. We wouldn't expect speaking. It can happen speaking of children child. Four trying to have a child before trial the three could play. He's the envelope in bams. Could see this them knows that these are hermetically sealed. They've been kept in as jar on funk in wagons porch art since noon today. No knows the contents of these but you and your divine and borderline mystical way will ascertain the answers inside the question how he never heard the answer before. I love it when intense resigned below number so one would be proper hermetically sealed. I will give the answer having not seen the question. The answer this question. Seven double o seven the seven. What is energy secretary? Schlesinger's IQ DRACULA AND THE OPEC Nations Dracula and the nation's ages named do things. I WanNa suck you dry. In the wake of Karnik will entries on Gary Coleman Gary Cole- What is Wilt Chamberlain look like from the Moon Karnak Crime Karnak act the clean up pregnant camel. Rapper water over your marital bid Nicaragua Karaguanov. Why'd you what? Should you be careful not to do when you shave around your ugly. Five Hundred Laps described the Osmond family sitting down men aroused heard of yaks lasting commitment to your sister. No fooling what do you say one housebreaking a circus clown it really hit into Bedouin. bedpan Dan Roller Skates and Brown pyjama tops. What is Linda Ronstadt where to bid the escape from Alcatraz and rookie named movies and Fred Silverman's future at NBC? This school fever disco fever. What can you get if you use the same toilet? Seat is peaches and herb. Butch Cassidy was the daughter that hop along never talks about hot flash what flesh. What do you get when you expose yourself in front of a fireplace to hold in my hand? The crowd that would watch Bambi through a sniper scope the fire one fire to fire three describe president. Carter's last cabinet meeting the. Here's a very funny man but it doesn't help he's still he's still gets no respect. Would you wanna I want to tell. I'm all right now but last week in rough shape you know I mean the last week my wife. She signed me up for a bridge club. Jump off next Tuesday. It was rough you kid last week I looked at my family tree two dogs. We used it tell. You can't relax your no. We'll place I felt like having a few drinks. The bartender says surprise me showed a naked picture. My Wife my wife is always something. Her father died shutters body frozen. Every time I take a snacky force how to refrigerate in my wife could do nothing right well last week. Correct the crash into a tree. She said it wasn't her fault. You Poodle Sean. What a driver? She is over. The dashboard is a pair of shoes. Hanging belongs guy she hit. They couldn't one out. Some guys stole a car. I said to look like she told me she got the license plate number. I'll tell you what me nothing comes easy. Well last week it went to the track and field and gun to kill my horse. The last week I got stuck to a new book one hundred ways to make love how you ended up in. Traction action was a misprint. I never had any luck with girls. Anyway I know I'm ugly ugly and went to a freak show for nothing my wife. She don't go either in when she gave birth. I asked if I should be in a room. What does she said what phone I got pregnant? You WanNa Room with me. Since I'M A kid. Women always gave me a hard time. Signed my mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. My mother had morning sickness. After I was born. Tell you when I was I was a kid. I got no respect at all kid. No respect from anybody anybody. At the time I was lost in a beach cop and we look for my parents. I sent a copy. Dick will find me subtle kid to so many places that could hide man. He didn't help either. The tunnel was kidnapped. This like a piece of my finger. He said he wanted more proof. Could've went through plenty of my uncles. Dying wish he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chill today. No respect last week I was GONNA jump up my window. They call the priest talk to me. He said on your mark the I always have a good time Respect in your livelihood is over. You know it's really nice. Great crowd here. Serena hasn't been John Nice seeing always good time in Hawaii good. What's new in my life? I Dunno nothing new so just trying to keep busy working around trying to visit. Pardon Pommy Zero Hilton now. I Not Be Back in New York tomorrow night. The lobby there Thursday Friday and Saturday. The club working in Dangerfield's then I'll be a new England way next Tuesday. I'll I'll be in cohasset right outside of Boston told me and I'll be there could have been worse uh-huh I'll be up there August seven through eleven that he's south shore music search. WE'RE NOT GONNA be up that way too aren't you. I'M GONNA play Framingham anyhow. Chatto Deville you like. If they're nice people up there Jimmy. In fact I'm a friend of mine getting touched up a good guy. We've got no. He runs it all night trek game. He's the hello. You gotTA break of it. You can't bring on the big time I'm going. It'd be the place where we've been for my life Minnesota in Bloomington Minnesota one thousand lakes. That's right it'd be a lot of lakes over a thousand two thousand lakes. I'll be there. I'll be at the cotton celebrity liberty in Bloomington Minnesota Lincoln Minnesota certain places so far out in the woods my acting to be reviewed in field and stream manage the bears remember. Joe uh-huh I keep Bischel business rough shoe. That's why that's a hobby would mimic my money. My regular job. I sing a national anthem. It cockfights you know. It's a rough last week. My Fan club broke up. The guy died. Aw meet all kinds of people better guy in Vegas lists because working in wild guy from Texas as a big ranch down. He told me his ranch. Does your sixty hands working asked him why the Gay Ranchero Shit. You're all right. YEA nothing but sometimes people to class like a lot women sometimes they act so classy to go to the bathroom Shabazz's I'm going to bet. She's GonNa pout him. I know if that's what her nose a lot of trouble beat your strategy but last we have problems dream girl three months ago. He's going nuts. He didn't know what to do what what happened. The rabbit didn't die. It just stays in critical condition problem. I was talking to my brother today and actually I send my buddies my half brother. We have the same parents. He's just that way as wild having a brother who's gay I'll tell you it was kid and I tell them on the family tree section. You could kill. Everybody has problems. John Kid my meat you my marriage on rocks again. My wife broke up with her boyfriend. Madge always been shaky always day. I got married. That was a beauty. Everybody everybody was crying during the ceremony. Mother cried hotel. My wife cried. She got undressed. I cried I mean. Health is important. So we'll get. Take time out of my chemo. My kid forget it we it could get worse. I don't talk to my kid. He's a mean kidney he put crazy cool my preparation H my daughter. She's no bargain either. I in public school. She was voted most likely to conceive. It could still gotTA watch out for drugs bad drugs so many kids are using cocaine. Cocaine is very big. You know I mean kids today. They don't want to read about Snow White. They want to shove it up. Their nose always something new generation. Where my dog too? She gives me trouble. I got a female dog. Emma she wants fifty biscuits the female species rather it. Johnny terrible terrible. What happened today by PUSHUPS in the nude mouse trap? The quick pressure Johnny's birth. My hope is your L. Dollars Bug. Yeah that's the one I'm not kidding. Mom Getting Oh oh I know. I'm getting old when my legs both kick blue prairie fire holidays No my age. I want to girls at once and if I fall asleep. They've got each other to talk. Aw I assume you're back in a minute the what was I right. I mean that bit with Rodney at the end made me laugh laugh. Hope it made you laugh. I hope you're enjoying all these podcasts. I hope you get to download them if you don't Listen to them live and we hope you give a favourable review on one of the places where you get your podcast cast anyway. I hope you enjoyed all this. I'm we'll Schreiner. I was a comedian. I was there with Jani many times and the memories that come back listening to these. PODCASTS are fantastic. I know you're gonNA enjoy them week after week as I do and I hope to see you next week another Johnny Carson. Show podcast see you later.