RETRO AIOTM (Series 3, Episode 3)

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Hello. Welcome to another retro occurs to me is the twenty-fifth one? Can you believe put out twenty five of this? That's how long lockdown and this virus has lasted my Christ as our silver jubilee we mentioned the baby, the Paris want to mention their gender, and in this episode that baby is now nine year old child of indeterminate gender. I wonder if it knows yet what gender dis but we've learned I'm we gender is not important my fine friends. Let's not put labels on things. They were right all along. I've learned many things since nine years ago. If you want to preorder my book, the problem with men that would be lovely it's available everywhere you preorder your books you know those places head over there the more we can sell in advance. The best chance has there is an audio book as well. And we're doing a very special podcast within that audio book with Special Guest which I think you'll enjoy as well. So they'll be extra content on the audiobook which can get from audible all wherever you get your audio books I think okay. Thank you very much. Let's sit back. Relax enjoy yet another as it occurs to me my friends from the old days. Abby. To. Hang. Still sounding. Somehow I'm still going. I'm running on fumes. I'm still hello and welcome to the silver jubilee is the twenty-fifth edition of the show the. Driving instructors. Cooling? The sepals for? Recycling Buddhism. And Wonder popular of everyone. The stand up and sketch show written at the last possible minute by a man on the verge of a nervous breakdown who should be getting on with this proper paid work i. come to the next square theater every Monday to repeat the same five jokes in a slightly different Hoda. Said no money. Yes twenty episodes in a way we should be celebrating in a way and to celebrate this incredible achievement. Every schoolchild in the land will be receiving especially minted commemorative come Pumpkin. Me Come Kim as. We all know is to find us you make the gentlemen. Getting these five men to come. Inside. Jack. ORLANDO. And then throw in a pack of Polo. Stir five minutes virgin delete they get a woman to put Ito. made his sleeve made especially with the kids. It's less brackish. Any way to win those sweet tooth idiots onto the real thing you. Might be thinking we think. Were you thinking? You're taking hold on his stomach now grand that. You'll be responsible and perverse to give Duncan's to schoolchildren is wrong. You made me sick for even thinking about that and anyway it's minted Kins now granted. It's a week where I have them about the exciting news that my unique brand of excrement excrement and desecration of the sacrament jokes are going to be preserved for future generations on Tuesday waiting patiently for. Together to the microphone. On Juice Day. Seamless on juice. The. Rest of the trips. Coming in you'RE GONNA come. On team busy with enough beads buzzing away. Last Tuesday I received an email we'll set. The British library would like to all the following website www richard herring dot com. We select archive sites to represent aspects of UK documentary heritage, and as a result, they will remain available to researchers in the future. He's right. It's amazing. It's true. Not Making this up my website and my blog, my podcast considered of such historical importance. They're going to be preserved for future generations. That's bad. A Sony. What isn't it? All Man from answer me this year. So Need Gold Sony Award. You might not. You might get to review the newspapers on Sky News at six thirty am. Next on interested aim hose which I know because I was up at that. Tornado. Of course you know holly but only when you're hanging around the toilets hoping for bumming hundred polling. USO The box in that range. You wish you and becoming. That's how low you'll explorations. Why share on? My blog. Taking down the rival. Blog will be used for historical research. I am the new Samuel peeps although we got lucky with some of his source material eager to write about the great fire of London whereas I have to do with the great we of Caffeine Niro Hammersmith, which isn't as good. I still did well with it by God's. I'm glad this happening because my humorous. So sophisticated that only the evolved human brains of the future will be able to fully appreciate to. Show you fools of today like apes that Mohan. Chatter get some simple enjoyment from the swear words and reputat repetition of phrases high backed armchair. fucking idiot. You're not mentally equipped to understand one really doing it. There's levels to this. You can't even say. So let me just say this is the people in the future hello. Getting I'm actually doing enjoying this week's show. Don't worry. disembodied rain in this. I know you'll love that in the year twenty, five, twenty, five even. It is it's Surreal. Quality. We, think, as you listen to this, every person in this room will be dead, just dust and dry bones. Every laugh you here is laughter and these. These people want so full of life now, nerves that skulls and permanent silence screams in the soil, and whilst you few jacket America full of life and join now one day she'll return unto the dust and so whilst you can laugh heartily as I talk of come Kuenz Dunkin's and many companies. Will be when you're listening removed. Zone Kim's probably China see. Twenty four twenty five comes up your happiness is tinged with the dread of what is to come your own denies demise. Tonight's audience the walking dead because you've paid to come and see the show live downloading it for free all the idiots. So you have a chance to commune with the future across the unbridgeable chasm of time. Is there anything you'd like to sham out to your silver to send? A message message. The few willies is it is the message. May he had one shot. That's the that's your hallway. That's all that's going to survive. From your life is huge Zhang with you'll be the player who was that he was not only did in his life. Showing. Some five hundred years into the future. Academic. Once your listeners will remain anonymous and forgotten the names of you others will live on. Thanks to maybe on that tool relies remarkable those names are. DVD's Emma Kennedy. Was To this week I. Ten. This morning from a weekend with my partner's family, they took a house in old. People, families. I. was quite a beautiful place, a toy boats boating lake by by the front and I was struck by. A. Healthy and looked. So I decided by sex government. and. It's also this excrement of my sisters sisters. My daughters. My my partner sisters no. My partner system. They were not to kids there. Anyway. About them. All little toy, wooden toy boats, handmade boats that beautiful. Lovely. And Ruined by them being called eight inch. He's one of the reasons kept. Attending bump leases but. The said that. Damn Academy Happy Birthday this week fourteen. Forty, nine years old. Before nine. Nine years. Forty. Four associate. Fan Pretty bad before i. Nine be amazing shave. And the this week in the wake of you. Just reminded me what you said about the Chevy's. Is. Staying in East kilbride and was. Around this week, four times to them focus. Staying with a friend of mine, he's a homosexual gentleman and he's just moved to his kilbride and I looked A. About six months ago he showed me the brochure to his new house and I pointed to the address said surely surely. Surely joke and he hadn't realized because his new house is twenty four, inch Keith. and. That's given any gay listeners in East kilbride's some lead their way you may want. Give to live up to the expectations. and My mother I saw him of the best luncheon. She s she asked me how old was. I'm Christie and was. To you this week I, can't wait. Always my favorite show. For is. More dangerous than asking people in the audience. Likes Wonky face does he? He's he's liked it on facebook like he's liked him. Liked it. Definitely him you will pretend to be. Somebody another comedian wrote to me last week. The last week song should have been called. He said I know it's really annoying when people do this. Should have been called here comes the bone. Is Right it's really annoying yet. But making lake six pounds. And you would some. Joy Imagine than, Texas child as. Well as occurred to me this week Tuesday twice long rapture predictor. Harold. Camping came out of hiding to reveal the once again made a mistake with. The rat, she's not going to happen the twenty first of May that was released the twenty Tober now, which is actually mine not girlfriends automatically birthday. She was annoyed with this news not because she now only five months to live which would warrior but because it's going to really still focus from me on my shoot. We pretty. So she's right about that, but it's more no information because I'm going to have to waste money on a birthday present that she's not going to have any time to us. Come on. Jesus Zero PM Mate Make Day earlier and I'll be quits in. Module. That far pit some hell. Any fees it's going to be really tempting for me to push. Sunday ten people have died in Germany as a result of eighteen Kellyanne cucumbers, which is the second most embarrassing waiting to be killed by cucumber. They say. They say they beaten the kid can can be a coincidence that all the deaths of happened in Germany a place. What makes all its food an easy to answer a? Country Spoon Dan Tassell the famous. Anal dildo factious as ain't within his name can a cucumber eighty kill you if you eat it always more likely the Tom did dantesque smuggled those cucumbers back through customs in. New. York. Fell natural to him. I can't come can't kill you on as became infected. Other Jim and people who owes cucumbers they were going to eat vegetables Germany, they were gonNA. They inserted this is why haven't if anyone's relatives die to business I'm sorry. But. Cute comes to trying to expand. We've been horrible to the cucumbers in the PAS sliced in the not putting you in Salads and sandwiches then removing them from the side since I'm throwing them away. It's no surprise cucumbers trying to guess plenty of the cucumbers situation. I think. He's developing you see if I'm wrong laughing now some of you. You See Monday Canadian couple Kepi with to and David Stop have been defending their decision and this is true to keep the sex of their four month old baby storm secrets msuic told the Toronto Star the idea that's the whole world must know what is between the baby's legs is healthy safe and virus eighteen. That's what she said is genuine cook. Too Much More of that to come. It's hard to argue with isn't it? Unless you have a tiny remaining vestige of sanity in which case is easy much healthy. Of course, is between the babies like should remain secret shameful and unknown and cause of speculation. Around the whole world in the media goodness, we know from the super injunction thing don't we that that keeping things secret doesn't make people desperate to find out the truth so all they're doing and keeping the secrets making it more obviously more people we want to look at that babies gentles weekly would never have wanted to look at them before they will now be desperately trying to look down in that baby's nappy. And that's disgusting I'm they set themselves on almost impossible challenge because they know what sex the child is, but they after the rest of their life, they've got to talk about the baby with Ashi. Saying him or my son and my daughter they've gotta try go eight to all. He Mohur, they've got to talk with. Him have call him or her chemo her and the band to slip up at some point and say him or her. Instead it. Quickly saying all her all all him depending on how? They said, it'll be obvious which one as because we have. So. It's going to be very difficult to get through that whole store maybe only four months old but you can tell from case is obviously a boy. Just looking. Have you seen the Patriots it's there are more ways of talented sex with his genitals. I don't know if these people like staff is a big fat little boy. Put It on the picture on the on the podcast blitz me how. You can tell from his upset and confused face that he already knows his life is fucked up beyond. January I'm seeing the look on the face of that look on the face of a baby since I last checked Amazon and so one hundred books about baby massage exactly the same. Output up they're exactly the same face. Shoot you ain't to ensure the storm doesn't find out that he is a boy because he is a boy is to in blinkers for the rest of his life. I'm tired hands behind his back. So he can't touch himself I. Don't need that money's parents saved him from untold psychological damage. As it occurs. Laws as. Someone had passed. In my one good here. Sweet that's a one star. Review our that came. Through some great Terry and Man, he has no comment on Monica given us so much information about person in so few words and yet let so many questions tantalizingly on answer who is this great big terry in what way is he great doozy big or is he just fantastic? Direction is big broad toll new both how did he lives here in one of his ears? Why would even consider the possibility of someone shifting in his cavalcade? Has It happened before? Is that how he lost the hearing in his one? I can only think of great big terriers Pinhas Brimming with excrements unable to enjoy. This show worrying might be stereo isn't. Don't worry you're getting into the get out of this God bless you. Great. Big -Tarian only defecate in your you know Canales. Our Canal. Plant. She. Now we was. Inside this weekend I was Filming the Amsterdam I'm comedy festival and in International. Needle. High flee with Easyjet because I enjoy being stripped of my humanity dignity and being treated worse than being transported to the abattoir on the way back me and my fellow victims on my flight will hurt it into a tire and with no seats in. Down for about thirty minutes having to stand waiting for the plane to arrive and to be elapsed. This seemed no need for such treatment. I can only imagine the Ian Easyjet, the the owner of Easyjet Easyjet. Gets off. On same extreme discomfort. He's watching the whole thing somewhere on closed circuit TVs and high back down chair semi sick the toilet Matt around it. Is, going to be. Thinking about as life to pay extra money get what's called a speedy boarding pass right which means you pay like ten pounds excellent it and you get go in a special cordoned off area where there are a few seats enough to accommodate everyone that's why you waiting and then you get to go on the plane. I and sit wherever you like the front if you but the thing is you're still travelling on. Easyjet. Doesn't make me those people walk around looking kings of the we get on the plane. Bad Ben. Still Easy Jank. As if you ban me in first class that doesn't make I getting to sit way you want in the lane and it's actually better to wait until the end like I do because then you don't have to stand up for ages and then you can see where people are say and you can choose you want to sit near night found a whole row empty seats want for him. So fuck with you ten pounds you're better than me. The Scar on top of the skull. Anyway stood with another comedian waiting for this to be a man we just talked rousing tug draw forced me and my aunt excuse me I was yourself. Use it going who motorcycle around the world with McGregor. Not I'm knocking. The show. I am pretty sure. I think covered remember most likely. It's just been studying looking at you and I thought you look like someone and I was. Pretty sure you might be solved around the world with the UN McGregor. Now do get that that's happened before, but the blood could the guy cycle motorcycle around the world Immigra- over six foot tall and hideously ugly. So I'm not. I'm not him thinking. Sure recognized you from somewhat seems fishing. Now you recognize they didn't know I wasn't going to help him because the rules of minus celebrities saying that if you can identify the minus celebrity correctly by name, then they must chat the for at least thirty seconds. Maybe you get the wrong monitor name, we'll the perse no obligation to Converse with you can shutting you and you have to shut up you might say, Oh, come on half recognized you. He's Maiden Ingrid. Nice Guy Happiest. Misery. By reply I have some fucking prides. I'm not gonna pay for Johnny Bowman scraps. So I said. Even is it even if? Two. Favorite scrape, it isn't different persons. I read this. Is Why set just wanted a pause for dramatic. Even. If I had been the guy mode slugged around the world. Yoga. fucked off, you referred to me to my face as the guy, you most likely around the world with Humor Greg. Them by actual name. So I probably wasn't the most I've been around the world would you and Rebecca even if I was the guy most around the World Mcgregor? That mean you. Know. Just maybe you should get your facts straight before you interact drum up right into russell then weighing the easyjet's. Person I know him. So there you go. If I go around the book, McGregor Jimmy Think, I'll be flying on easyjet out at least the paint priority if I was. Just wrong up via McGregor and said, Hey, do you WANNA do some most like were made from Amsterdam to London because what a right you were busy this. What about? Another, day. Oh, you busy then this well, I didn't I didn't actually tell you what the other day was. You show you. You sound like you know about life I am not I'm not the. It's just been really bugging me I over that. You Talking Back TV show you've been on so I thought he might be. He was getting greedy. Now listening to our conversation, I couldn't help overhearing give them the plans quarters we've been heard into by the Easyjet, Nazis? Yes. That's why I'm saying. That's all I'm comparing them to. But, to blatantly admitting bring out the he'd been listening what was wrong with him. I said, no, I'm definitely not the guy he mows like around the world with your McGregor right. Morley. No needs to be a prick about it. Of course. I could've prevented all of this point satanist curiosity Megyn the and afterwards I regretted the way behaved it was childish I do differently the term. Thanks to the magic of. I can't. Ten. would. Leave. A. Excuse me can I just ask us a guy you motorcycle around the world with McGregor Yep? That's me. That's the guy most around the world McGregor Nice to meet you how you doing. What can I for? Recognized I just wanted to say hi, sorry. A half got nine. Don't worry about it. I actually prefer just being called the guy he mows. With you and it's easier. Spaces. That defines me I have done nothing else in my life. I just remember you're not film The forest no, no I wasn't I wasn't I have done is most around the world with Yoon recognized could be worse. I'm proud just plugging looks like the guy knows around. With the in regularly better than that guy on. At. least motorcycle around the world and I am friends with you McGregor. Autograph yet anything for a fan and anyone who's found enough to recognize me is the guy who around the world with you and McGregor Oh that makes you a big enough fan for me. What's what's your name? Go to Simon. Great to meet you love the Guy Around the world. We Ewan. McGregor. Yeah love most likely make. Cash rings. No would you know? The longest catch raisin I love most likely me some people like. I say around have a guy that doesn't need to be peddled an engine and stuff. On my cat ASAKI. That's up. Give McGregor. then. Spices. His is mcaliskey. Right. I think. When you come on stream, you could be the guy who most like around the world guy. Around, the world with you McGregor people might Hof recognize you apples. We'll think other people when they know imagine being mistaken for the guy he mows because around the world with the guy he mows around the world with you McGregor how small that make a minus lepetit failed Sorry, do you WanNa come around the world me on. A Going by most. Funded. By most like being close. Some good show. Then come to my house, he's my drinks. So. Yes. This. Burden. Then later when he turned up at my House Go You macos around the world with McGregor. It's me that guy who works around the world with the guy who. With you and McGregor. I'm ready to go around the world. Any that's interesting. This actually you mistake. Not. Guy Most likely around the world regular. I. Am actually the guy used to be on that thing back in the nineties member Arabic talking pumpkin something. We shoot late McGregor Stewart Lake. So I can't even motorcycle I tricked you babies you get better at in vaguely recognisable. One is something I hope people in new lesson. Concern. To. Be the. Second round the world with. A practical joke. Mistakenly thought I was the guy who cycled around. The. Water Cycle. I feel that I watched the guy who pulled the second around what? Could. Sketch. So let's go down. To See can do on the TV. Audience to see cutting them this week remembering member said. Andy Mackay your. La Witness. This week. Fifteen minutes ago. He's Listening to have a story about East kilbride. These Bryant I. Grew up in Tennessee. Three. Well. It's twenty four inchcape. Miss some fun to be at a young gentleman in. Top I'm not going to judge you show about not judging. Don't prove me wrong by being a thought. Was Surname. Louis what's? This week. You listen to me in history and I. I have to say. I saw this on twitter. Apparently I am. So what's the worst? In history the. About his religion religion. Religion and Culture Britain Richard Herring is and as a wrestling match, I would like to. Genuinely is this on the school curriculum we'll just as your teacher. In religious studies this was in history. And he's Inspire is a terrible thing to think that. It's in the same weeping archived in the British library. Those two things actually came into my twitter same extreme. Actually, dead I am dead. Yes is it? What is this? Or remedial. Where's IT fooling? Property is. Also. Used to be. About three hundred. Eight. NAP. Just. Perfect. It'd be who said the best in the they decide one half. The paint your school. Yes I am I am the best. And we'd excuse me crazy. IS A. Disparaging down to a frontier, the front. Tell us. You're fine from Mumbai to London. To Catholic nuns on your plane. And of course, they do they racist is a racist. When they do they dressed the same. The same. Any given time, there are at least two nuns on the same plane as. Saying numb Fannie Magma's. What's your name? Sadda-. I've got A. Proper. Indian accent. So. That's good. Yes I. Nuns stalking maybe. I. Understood it. Too. Told A. Joke didn't get. Comedy. EUCLIDEAN geometry. He pleading Joe. Machine base joke. Amongst my favorite. Over and over so he doesn't he. Says the same thing over Me I do. Do. were. Showing. ME. Across. The, stroke yeah. Ghost you. Well, thank you. Thank you for coming from Mumbai is the. Two nuns every two hundred. Takes we'll go for a lady. There's a lady there. Hello. Hello Steve on. What could Christie this week is. Supposed to go see. Duran Duran. Not The only one yet. Kennedy also even worse to tell you carol. Not How Is. Lebron's lancs is gone. We think needs to man up. This morning. Big. Picture and Listen to this listen to this this. This is Jim Leyritz the Rio because it was. The. Topic of Fandey. fucking lyrics. You think you're easy on me, your bags, easier nuclear war I fucking. Draft. He. Off. Because it was gone. Morning. Because it was my best day. Why they? Registered to sink. Thing had arranged for me to be given a birthday cake by Duran Duran backstage I fucking hate. People on. A and B you WanNa let down the people because they will hunt down and kill you. Some sorry about that. I'm here if that makes sense that makes. You love me. You don't know all the lyrics to my. Clothes. Was Thank you want me to world. Ranchi friends. She left a copy of my ten in San Francisco. This could be a new book I left my copy. You should write this syncretic Abba Candy can wipe. Account I'm telling you that. This stuff to write and the stuff as in that remained a bookshop. You hoping to get a free. Cup because it's not going to fuck. She holds onto the I, bought my copy of a book. See, I went to actually give you haven't got any left now. Because they will out. Go to war stones go meyer copy and. Combat. For you. You can come back next week. Okay you. Are, you can't wait is such an exciting book. You couldn't wait a week. One more. Request hello is. The first off you've been hearing. Aid. Have Seen. This is actually wrestling this woman. Remind. Me Of your name Meredith, of course, it is and what's your? What's this week? attack. Attack you. fucking witnesses. I may have sexually is. Verbally sexually assaulted, you is a very different crime. WHO. Your tax or are you gonNA test. Take say Oh my God had how deep shakes. And it was wrong. From your friend Young Lady. Young lady in the. Said, she might consider having sex with that four hundred. Has There's an expansion shaming up became. Worse than that. Would be funny to Shame Hula. Smiley face and she's actually if you see she's actually now showing. Signs say. He's fourteen to come and see. What he's. Bad at least to. Say You. Should've could've seen thanks thanks for sharing that. What's your name again, Emily Emily. So where where'd you go to college? In Rye Gate. So anyone listening right game. They want. The most we now anyway because. Trump bomb. Once you've got you might as well show off. If you go, I'll do it next week I'll try and get my cash into. Probably be some kind of Anderson. There's no much man can do. Once you start taking the away a man is not it makes a gray. That's the thing to remember maybe you take you. Take it away from the base shave around the base. I'm sure you've seen this important. Maybe. They. Shave. It makes makes gives the parents is bare than. What some people do is they cut the ropes in. Not themselves don't do the. Search, to do it. Is like. Kind of iceberg the penis I know I, did. Most of its well, hopefully, most of us on the ASS laugh so we'll reverse. These great. Grave drinks. As a good penis, they're just kind of. Fear. Bit, Chubby baby within an inch if you're lucky. You cut the guy and he can push. This is education who is. Being this is a beautiful thing. It needs some problems. Because they're now. Left my ten in. San Francisco Leave it. And gave you should other each. But what I'm saying if you worried about this, he's been email Alabama and I thought is the Otherwise, the best on discussing. Graham. Is. Just shave some of the people. Don't you. Oh, he hadn't even done. He can take I. Wouldn't actually US The cost this on Saturday came from Amsterdam and at my house having a pie because you know it'd be good to get drunk two nights in a row when it had become. The party was come as teenage self. So I went to that party and everyone thought I was making this up I went wearing a no man's jacket and three times. Three times in a row. Never good one. Teenager date. On occasion I'm usually at one but sometimes. I was wacky and the sector. Fashion. Show A G was about the same time as the. Why why not least virginity when I was nearly twenty I'm calling understand that you think a man a young man with an old man jacket in three capitalize on. Would go crazy for that. Do you have any members of teenage? He's They're all horrible remember. I. have to wear waistcoat I. Think possibly the go to your party that would have been embarrassing. Memory of telling some talking a great length about Britain theory. Trying to impress a girl. Work? No, no, no, no no. That little success. As reject from haircut one hundred. And the the best thing that happened an teenage plaza I went to apologies if you've heard this story of Our we had a racy go ask Ole. Monica. And she had a brace. And it was and it was one that you know when you get. Also. People here for brace. Snip that in the middle. When about a month or from not having to have any more. Catchy lipitor and we're. So she goes to Gordon shed with a young. And the next thing we know. Blood curdling screams. Blood curdling like a wounded animal at sounds I have never heard before losses and. Brace at become impaled in. The young minds. But the best is. Because she couldn't get the Brazauskas. He's penis and we all stood. Watching. While this boy was carried out on structure. With Monica West scuffling loan signs. Head under a red blanket. Wearing teaches give me dance. To come and see the show to get. Buying DVD's. Remember we brian bankrupted. We had a very well party. Has. Away. So if I'M W in Bryan. We we did all kinds of terrible things, but we did draw cox behind all the pitches. KNOWS, the houses up for sale I tempted to. Say is. Owned by. The Cox. Still by. We'll move on. Do that do a sting the. Sting page fourteen say. ME. The, all good audience insurrection is over now it's ready for the on which material. World onto. Thank you. Scorpions you've been right good old. The best. Not much to this season after say. Diaries have always been popular having night from Adrian. Mole to Bridget Jones hit the did and then pretend you didn't going about some of the stuff he said. Now. Fancy him. Now. There's a new skit on the block is time for the diary of PIPPA Middleton's disembodied anus. It is a truth humorously knowledged women in possession of a good Budig must be tabloid newspapers taking photos of US without permission it if we give an opportunity but the truth that new one of knowledge. Is that the anus the bomb bleed whom if you? It's a more important part when this is one sleater that is prepared to make a stink about it. It's me pivot Middleton's disembodied. Humble disembodied anus of the sister of the future queen just trying to make a skit. Malcolm the world. This unexpected diary? This week I got a call from my manager seriously Middleton's disembodied is you have to stop rigging my gut nothing for you. Nuts picky about the food who shoot. Don't you lis- they have. NO IS A. Like An said? No will. Cool be. Discoloration Ring Picks Display They cost standards always framed picture you know. One of the pictures of honorable young actresses we did fingers in their pants. Pressed, the bracelet novel Vulnerable Young Actress Whoa Sucking on their fingers if it wasn't this. Imaginary disgust a few rule rife. There was a picture of a disembodied tradesmen's entrance air instead. Maybe who good deed from blue. From bluish no interested in addition boating decent bodine. Very extremely. Someone, attack. soiling. Nearly minimums Irish public. Already for celebrity disembodied much we'll be saying it's. got. It was a long colder comment for. Dimension. These do anything anything to overshadow. Buttocks it's almost liberty. Give me out of here. That's launched. Just. I'm going to be a stall fish. And by the end of the week. Indigent. To. Thank you. Chris, you've got four stars. To keep this. disembodied on certain. School. On TV. As business now I see. On TV just. Raiders here. Female. Other increasingly desperate millions disappointed. She slash it will be back next week I expect. To. Fit This For Reagan each section on the shot, which many of you enjoy the. The ethics of something I've done fail to do in the last seven days I'm the audience decided five acting Marley immorally or already for those of you what being amoral this is lacking any moral sense to all robin being immoral, which is deliberately not conforming to other people's sense of morale thing that's Clearly. This section I must have a notion of morality because that's what it's about. So if you vote I'm aimal than you ever. Sing I'm still going to give you options worry. As moral as it's immoral tomorrow bees borough. Get, hazy out scruples get lazy. Our conscience goes crazy with it exclusively to the music of hazy. You. Get trapped in the maze. Ways to borough. Days. Things obviously backpack. This week on the moral maze beaten Porn Sephora. Zero six. Days. Old. When I was travelling out from London I was flying Easyjet. Remember that we at least in London we add some we could wait we go sitting down waiting to board somebody would desperately trying to get on the plane I explained they should've understood that there were seats for everyone in the don't you don't get any quicker. We okay. There at the same time you have to wait for the train at the other end you fucking idiot. Ian Easyjet Carter arouse if you'll see too. So do sit down and don't queue up they were there are lots of groups of nasty looking men going down the down for the weekend for some reason I, don't think they were going to see the van Gough Museum I have to say though if they didn't say naked ladies, they were gonNA. Tell you prob is where you have to go. For the deluxe pussies ask. You Got APPs I'm just GONNA see normal Dutch Pussy now. That's where. There's was anyway anyway. I look at what everyone was queuing up on the front of the queue I passed and been in full. So everyone in the queue I lack glanced into the been I, know someone into that been in the morning time on Friday, they thrown away a porn was open and you can see a picture of this. There were so desperate for that porn fix they they needed to have a Mac to get them to the airport tide them over. The dam, they couldn't go for that two hours with avenue pull marijuana bravely just before the I'll. On our flight can cope from an hour what then I'll pick up some more on the other end these through customs we've my poem. They. Smell with the red light from where they were and they went to guard. The Pool it was a sad I- topless woman staring out from amongst the rubbish. I felt uncomfortable about this situations I thought I should ask about it because there were there were there are reasons why not leave you that Hey, the pool magazine by Char is open on top of it and they should be protected from such things I think secondly. The magazine was paper have been placed in a regular been. If he was going to be throwing they were of recycling bins around it sounds. So that was built, wrong should at least been recycled property, he has a gentleman. I wrote the young lady in the picture the dignity of not being displayed that inner billion of Isis. Galant man would rescue from this humiliation that's was thinking fourthly, the young ladies in that magazine, it kindly posed nude for masturbating pleasure gentlemen and just throw away on news. I think deeply disrespect. To them and what they did for a living shouldn't I discreetly take the magazine and then later when I was alone masturbate, facetiously over every single image in the magazine. Path. That would only be polite. But. Conversely tomorrow as it looked like a fairly softcore porn magazine, which won't be enough to get me going explained. Getting old now, but it's the kind of Paul Maggot teenage boy might enjoy unable to purchase themselves. That's like Manna Heaven, is it been bold and that's why if you fourteen years aw, that's the only place you can get pulled over. Tougher leads. You. WanNa Retro. Tonight, like I was that was that was a rarity that came along. I was saying if I took it into used all three away, then they wouldn't be able to have a plus I was conscious as well. There's a lot of people around I'm a nationally known comedian. I don't WanNa be recognized by anyone and then become nationally and internationally known as the been porn comedian man. So desperate masturbate you material that he would take discarded and secondhand magazines out of been also wife to remember this is something that I don't have to worry about their moral lives is the most people when they see me do think I am Charlie bomber so. I have a responsibility to hey, Mommy's reputation baby ways that might cast Pablo on screen people thinking Charlie. Would take second. I left. I left I actually decided I would leave the magazine I waited off my left magazine independence I just wanted to. I didn't take left in the bedroom had acted morally. Couple of questions. So did you at any point take? Out of the just a quick look now. She'll understand through the. Coin. that it was so cool which would suggest to me. You've had had a decent look through. minute. Finish the job judging by the picture I could see it was just the Lady Anna Pants and I would say even a hardcore porn my doesn't bother me they don't. Know How I imagine. They're going. So I that show. I. Venture. She. Actually every orifice wanking off to the next page. They don't do that. They just go straight to the anal penetration. Rations. Forgive me in the mouth. About this. Getting, you should have done this master mind. Vatican. Soft. What? Did it. Look If in a toilet, there had been a high on jazz. and. Semicircular match. have taken the. Now seeing mom taking it for all those reasons before. So I'm not sure what did I do this from my own reputation I'm pretending that I care about Charlie Bormann's reputation. To decide I'm just relate because when you sit. With skull fucking cokes it. Terrorist. Anything from there up, with this. Morning I would've the first thing. He deserved it wasn't a man or woman on this. Earth? Wouldn't cheer me if I was doing that I go to that site ground zero with the do that. Back, would stand up and cheer me while I was doing. Is what they want to say. I think I. Think. Is. fucking the ice. Okay of Muslim he around you go down. In America. Don't do enough Ghanistan. Pakistan. Situations. You've done this show we. Do the show, fucking bin? Laden. Baboo that now I wouldn't do that. Is it different? On. Zero would. Road in Belfast. Through that 'cause I don't think there's no. Maybe He did the right thing I think. You know one man's mate should be left the room. But even though your child could have walked past to make improvements breasts. You framed it completely. So you have to do is close to cover of the magazine ended up. Touch it. Took, another man's. See Now we get into now we get into it. Yeah. It has. The point. Sad I'm Paul. Is promptly. Thrown away but still it's not is not anyway it's up to the audience had the arguments. If I gave, you decide I was immoral. Then why would do as a punishment by my own pool I masturbate over every single Pane Pane Michio v Smearing Bite. Days covered. Completely covered respect for the people what they do. What they want everything even advert pages even address because. Our cover those then after I've done that I, then give that magazine to a needy adolescent Amex. So. If any boys listen if you want a magazine, we'll be covered in the same before and three year old man the dried on semen. By the free Mac. So if you think I was immoral. That If you think leaving the porn bill. That and everything was. In order. So if you think it was I think I behaved in model fashion G now. Why and If you think doing more in the Emil immoral fashion call create how Me More. Easily the punishments more. Immoral. Crying. They still away if you think it was a moral. Gee Now. You. Beginning. If you still don't understand the difference between being amoral and being immoral. Gee Now. That's the same people asking. The win as I was amoral each. These. Days. Sunday. Fourteen. Fourteen Four between fourteen and seventeen if you're listening to you have to come in. Dental because I wouldn't want to give same inchoate. Under the age of fourteen. Questions will be. Sort of. Separate pages or So. I hadn't really considered I didn't think I built the audience that was so awful they. Must have been three things. The other things I was definitely. was moral they just. Don't trust the public anything I will I'll work on hot. Take some work. Re A. Pool Maggie next week. Leave. Merge on the Orange Express. Dishes go. He's. Go. Now Kristie. Highly. Weekly. Song. It's an appeal on behalf of this guy. I, don't know if you'll be able to relate to it but. Bit Sixty him tired from a night of PD. With, is not imagine there rib girlfriend. He's got a lucrative TV drama to right but it rather making. and. National Lampoon's European vacation. System beyond. That systems. That To be to. Please the NBA until now, all that system to. Leads. This seat belts to. Put flight two months to them. Let's see. Full Report Maggie in a trash can wondering how did it come to this? One Week it's have I got news for you. The next season, the Cafe Nero patrons, Lou standing in giant who is. Talking to speak to us. Sister Be Yonsei. Tilly now, all that. Seems to be to. All that sister beyond. Be until. Now, all that won't be on. Kiss. He's crying in the midst of physical skip where. Is My golden joy stay. The. Going Son Self. Record. So. That's near the end of the show only three more opportunities to. To me life ever. All the next three Mondays at the theater. So did come down a lot of a lot more fun. Isn't even come then. I'm. Doing cliches this yet the ember fringe Kook. Eh for boys love anyway at the Underbelly Arish Hearings Edinburgh Fringe podcast stand take his legacy. The venue websites I'm appearing poppies flat share slammed down, which made the thirty first. That's Tuesday the Phoenix in London if you want to come down with. Funny Boys that'd be available to download for free from my teams and British comedy clips stupid system because why would you say? Do that through spending any coming up, Dan, you want to publicize going to be on novel bill this week it's good. Coke pledged. To literary festivals. Sante. Michio has taken a fucking down to. Should be paid to be. Around. Me But Chris you'd like to. For the next week. MA-MA. Land. because. Negate undoing list highlight unless on Saturday night. That, that's the best thing was off match. People in the middle. Christine Riley they can. Going to be songs about me or you're going to broaden. This weekend. We're. Talking about so Just. Coming up to the end of the show and the point where I'm. Traditionally interrupted by some tax I'm going to make the edit so if you could jump ahead now. China thanks for listening. See you again. On their don't end the show yet. So. You say oh. Does whichever one is eight. Four she is A. That's the Canadian for the Canadian, comedian. Canadian. Couple who say they say what sex their son or daughter is obviously boiling? As good. Is. You know. We've flown. From Toronto. Disappointed any riches. People for the nest that chooses to make A. Critically, he's your lifestyle to knows everything about the way you speak because your life is fucking ridiculous and unworkable. Is Our son or daughter not sees I. Said, that's All. Pick. Mama all parents imposed systems on their kids I mean look at any religious family, they tell their kids to believe the same. Is is that not. Ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's still knows this what you are doing. Keeps be. Cat. Just you. Not WanNa say what sex, but you don't want to give them any accent aggregate. Every single say in a different accents or your child when Kunst accent. Keeping the. We, ask it'd be be french-canadian but. Toronto's infringe Canada but I, do they call them kids called me a lot about themselves children of fucking idiots if you don't tell them what to do frightened. Made up ghost made up Jesus then they will kill themselves pretty quickly. I. Agree with your gender stereotypes a bad thing we should. BE OVER THEY WANNA babe. I also think. You. Shouldn't child's life in order to make that point and you would just equally creating your own moral system, which is just ridiculous. You oppose it I mean the boys who play me douse evaded me. Maybe Maybe. down. Stand. Maybe. Income. But we. Were Like Cheryl Cole. Road. It's going to ruin. CIANCI's Mexican think Canada's pretty much. June's candidate. We don't GonNA talk ten next. Bomer again. Race this foot. Good different races was I think the whole idea of willing child is weird I'm disgraceful that's the thing. People should dispose of their sex improperly even to Kim semi secretariat map onto secondhand having magazine. We say then to fourteen year old, we'd evidence as fourteen. Ib Future Generations are listening to this in the Bristol Irene if you respect. And revere me as as much as I think you will. You'll stop having children altogether and let the human race diet natural death. We're all doomed. Any explained we're born astride the grains we plop into the dirt beneath we laugh at a couple of PODCASTS and bad Canadian. And seriously, I've actually WANNA have time. Now writing the script is three, forty five I have to print the scripts up from there S O. Explore this sketch as I had hoped to in the time available to me as it turned down. because. I've written however Britain was no. What he said, that's the end of the show Kennedy. To me, we have one thing happens on this show we never improviser thing. PIGGIES tightly scripted by. Bad. TV's. Kennedy Qiming Greece. Friday did all the Bad. Man. Matt. Agrees. Scape. Thank you. See you next week.

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