224: There are no accidents in life | Jay Williams
Welcome to the my Buddy Greene podcast. Op Jason Walkup founder and co-ceo of my buddy green and your host this episode of the Mind Body. Green podcast is supported by priors. Ice Cream. Briars has been making ice cream for over one hundred and fifty years now. So you know. They're the real deal and now briars has a line of sweet treats called CARBS that fit right into the low carb lifestyle with only three to five grams of carbs per serving the Briars carbs. Martin range includes tubs and bars and flavors like chocolate covered almond vanilla or my personal favorite caramel. Swirl if you're living a low carb life and missing that taste of your favorite ice cream tribe briars carp smart and good or briars dot com slash. Go to get a coupon that's BRIARS DOT COM SLASH. Jay Williams was arguably the greatest to ever play college possible. He was two time national player. Veer Duke NCWA champion. And I remember watching him play he just dominate Games. He went on to be the second overall pick in the NBA draft in two thousand two. But after just one season his basketball playing career ended after her rift. Motorcycle accident in an instant. It was all gone and Jay was fighting just to live in his New York Times. Bestselling book life is not an accident. He shares his story of being athlete. The highest highest and the lowest loaves after his accident. We contemplated suicide twice now in his thirties. He's convinced at the crash that almost killed him age. Twenty one was no accident but it tragedy the taught him how to live and learning how to live finding purpose and reinventing oneself are all so important right now as we look to emerge stronger and our covid nineteen Parl. Jay is actually my neighbor here in Brooklyn. He's a doting father devoted husband and h. Mendes human being so Jay. So great to have you here and let's start. Let's rewind. Walk us through that. You know devastating injury. You had what happened and just walk us through that talk about the severity. Yeah I always I got lucky to be the second pick in the draft. A played a year for the Chicago. Bulls really cool moment for me as a little kid. Got a chance to take Michael Jordan's locker only for a year and You know here that anthem being played being introduced that way and you know I think the most uplifting thing about their experience Jason was that I was able to get my mother and my father as it would have helped him achieve a level of success that they'd Wayne to achieve their entire lives. But my my accident per se was a lot of my ego. It was. I had a Yamaha R six. And a Lotta guys had motorcycles around that time I saw Kobe shock Mj had a motorcycle. Racing Team Amber me it was it was it was something that coming out of was so so attached to a lot of my teammates and they'll some being drafted on a team. That wasn't as good. I felt extremely lonely right. Wasn't that same sense. A commodity that family type atmosphere that was conducive to success that we had in college in. Nba A LOTTA. Guys have their own families. Didn't spend as much time together. A lot of guys were doing different things On the road than the lives of their actually portraying at home which is easy to get caught up into a lot of guys were messing around with drugs. A lot of guys had their own personal agendas as related to the Games and you know scoring points and selfishness and things of that sort and was very difficult for me to adjust to that life. Because that wasn't the world I came from know playing basketball dukes so writing for me was a sense of community because I rode with a whole bunch of guys in the level. Communication was extremely high with something I felt. I had in college that I didn't have in the League but I found to riding with all these different individuals and riding at incredible speeds. I knew I should have been writing at but was like a pack a pack of wolves so for me that day. I wasn't riding with anybody. I wouldn't go see my agent and leaving my agents place I had the bike in third year in was coming towards the stop sign nose rubbing it as the car you know. I click the buy from third into neutral because it goes third neutral. Second I and I read the bike. The first time pretty loud because I think my ego just wanted my agent to see the exhaust system that I had on on the tonight is put in as he stared at me from doorway. That pretty loud second. Time rubbed it louder than the first and Had no protective gear on no helmet. No jacket twenty. One years old. I was only a couple of miles away from my home. Downtown Chicago and In the middle of my third rib discerned by go click. Click in die. Wish I would've let go of the bike but once again my ego was at stake. There are a lot of people that told me. I shouldn't have been all my bike but I want to control my own destiny which is kind of like the underlying thesis of my existence. At that time I wanted to be in control right So I grabbed onto the handlebars knee jerk reaction and now might momentum was throwing me backwards but grabbing onto the handlebars kind of pivoted. The bottom wheel of the motorcycle. Kind of put me on angle so instead of running stop sign actually pivoted about thirty five degrees to right and as I grabbed on my brisk and throttle back the throttle you more in I was going about sixty five seventy miles per hour. As I looked up I was going towards my destiny which was a utility pole and try to turn the bike at the last second to the right in the whole left side of my body so as you can imagine your momentum This way but the poll is silent so my body stopped by Lasantha Body. Stop while the right side of my body kept going and The injuries I sustained were a joke. Oh my wife. I can relate to new child. I separate my pubic emphasis by about thirteen inches Which is what happens when a woman has a baby their splits. Essentially I dislocated my knee. Tore every ligaments in my knee and I had torn my new owner. Which is the nerve since signal from your brain all the way down to your lower extremity your toes about picking your foot up yeah and proceeded to be rushed to the emergency room for life a life saving surgery and hemorrhaging. Yeah Yeah I told my finger artery which is one of the biggest arteries by so That moment for me was very surreal. Because you know you always have people that tell you. Hey you make this decision. These things can go wrong but I think being twenty one years old feeling. I don't think I came across like I was invincible. But my actions came across the. I was invincible. Because I got Boston a lot of the moment stay in. I think that's when things really could for me that life just turned for me like in That's when everything changed while twenty one I think we all think were invincible. And I think everyone listening to go back to twenty one and think about all the stupid things. We did the decisions as part of life as part of the process. I am I I do remember when you got hurt and reading about it and seeing it on TV at the time and saying you know while like a man that this hurts and then reading your book Which everyone else to pick up because it's not just a book for basketball fans like me. It's a book about Adversity perseverance The Human Spirit reinvention lot of teams. That are very important right now during covid nineteen much bigger than the basketball. The reading the book. I remember reading the details just like on a level of pain and detail of what you endure word. I just started like feel the tension like as like you know you know any watching injury on. Tv Yeah he never. Joe Eisman I grew up is Lawrence. Taylor. I remember watching that it break. Legis or Gordon. Haywood are ever washing. Just you start at a reading. Yours is like Oh my God just a level of pain but at any rate like the story did obviously and there and want us to walk through the process. You went through in terms of what you did go through to get back from potentially almost dying to to being able to walk. That's like phase one then phase two of trying to compete at the level. You were competing to before we get on the other things. Just give people a sense of what you do. Endure and the length of time Until people that I died that day now as we born that same day I think there is such a completion. With what you do to who you are in today's time in age and his no with unemployment so high out of know what Marcus added this twenty. Six million something around there The first question. We asked people when we meet them. I am Jason. Hi I'm Jason. What do you do is exactly where we go in? So for me from somebody who was so used to being in tune with their body athletically and physically I I didn't know of I was GONNA survive after I after I I I started thinking about. I threw it all away. I started in actually going through his basketball because that was my identity when I got hostile. Things kind of quickly changed me about like. I don't want it right like I think the severity of the entire situation cut hit home for me but I woke up Essentially going surgery which is really scary. New Dock Mallet Ham Hand. She told me that they were going to do life. Saving Surgery because I tore my famour artery and You know as I had the mask over my face and they were trying to get me to relax. I. I couldn't help but think those have been last brats. I took net that moment in my life very much like a dream. I don't know if you've had a lot of these dreams where you wake up in the middle of the night The energy around this pandemic has been barely disturbing way of wife. And I been having a ton of dreams distancing like you know their stuff billy out there in the universe right now feels like things are a little bit up in the air chaotic in. We all have those rings or wake up in the middle of night and you look at your significant other or you take a second to take a moment for yourself and you say. Damn. I'm so happy. That was just a dream. Move just a dream and you can take breath. Maybe a sip of water. You re permit any by the way to go back to sleep so for me. I think coming out of that with my is kind of slowly opening up this drink. This has to be a dream. This can't be my reality. I can't have to metal pins inserted into my covers that are extending about two. Fbi The sky connected to a halo. I cannot my left leg air. Three metal pins stuck in my Shin. My Niemeyer Hi Thi- holding my leg up in having to in my throat thinking what the hell does happen to me. And I felt so rog in kind of hit me when I over to my left and I saw my agent who is the same agent that I left doorway. That was reverend engine for me and guy looked like yet. Kevin would like me crying for hours. Is His soldiers look empty. He looked Pale There there was no juice in his body was just Exhausted in in so for me I think a lot of depression and heaviness of centered itself. Were been me at that given moment especially when I asked the doctor you know not will I be to walking. Was like why be able to play basketball game with her walking back in that room. And I'm sorry my answering your question. But it's just hard to smell up those two years in a in a in a quick short way because they were filled with animosity. They were filled with anger. They reveal with ten plus surgeries they were feel with. You know hours and hours and hours in two times a day of physical therapy. They were filled with psychological therapy With issues I had with my father issues. I had with myself issues. I had with thrown away the one thing that I worked so hard to accomplish that it was my reaction. It was my decision that had shifted the course of my life. It was me dealing with other people reminding me of my decision other people reminded me of what I had thrown away. Other people trying to find a bridge to compensate with me about what I what's but trying to reflect the pumper okay. That's what I did was at who I was Emmy also being frustrated Jason. Because I never took the time to think about who I was who I want it to be. What I stood for. It was this world windows. This tornado of chaos Because I I did try to come back after a year and a half and I wasn't myself but I was comparing myself to Hawaii was in. I was physically different. I didn't have that same thrust. I didn't have that same bounce But everybody else perception of me. I was struggling with allowing that to be my perception of myself and I hope I'm doing a good job of the no. This is anything in in your story in the book. I think for me. There were a couple turning points. If you will as process one was you were an dark ways. Understandably at one point Thought ABOUT ENDING IT. Taking your life twice yes and then so obviously. That's pretty heavy. Let's let's start there and I'll go to the other. I think turning point in all of this yet will the first time. It happened After I was in the hospital for about a month and a half two months between Chicago Masonic there for a month in ICU. For about three weeks and then I got transferred down to Duke in a private medical plane and I was in that hospital for about a month and We are into the home in North Carolina and always in my hospital bed. And had you know? It's very humbling. When you know two months prior year on a billboard going down I ninety And you're competing against Michael Jordan. Kobe Bryant and Albertson me Tracy McGrady Jason Kidd's on the biggest names in the game that you've dreamt of doing since you've been a little boy to the next moment You know me not being able to feel anything from my waist down Me Being Oxycontin in oxide coating you know becoming addicted to that in time Me Still Having Sutras in my leg and you know be frank with you might not being able to work for very long time and not knowing if I was going to get Rejuvenation back I had such severe nerve damage down there wondering if I will be you'll have a child and things of that sort so the heaviness of that moment was just Exponentially deep in having a woman named Judy who was I mean literally holding me so I can go to the bathroom but not knowing when I would have to go to the bathroom or not not being able to do that for myself so I I this tattoo on my left wrist. That says believe here and I just remember staring at it aimlessly one night just thinking to myself like I don't believe in anything anymore and trying to take some Dole scissors and just kind of go over but I was. Sola may she aided I mean I was a maybe weighed about one hundred and fifty hundred the divide pounds You know I met my playing weight right now. I wait one ninety five. You know that was a pretty stocky individuals displaying so skinny in just not having the strength to go over that night and be on a really a break. The Skin Greeks so fragile. This week I and my mother coming. Just kind of praying with me After seeing misusers being by my bedside and just being exhausted That I am talking to me about you know begging me not to take my life because there was still. I was still hearing that. There was a purpose for me. I know that purpose was in the second time it's years later. I was even darker because I was addicted oxy codeine in Mexico and then know still taking ignored need to take visit singing and more psychologically because I was Linear city in had so many people that would stop me. You're that guy that played all your play or you got. I May to do everything. Wait what what happened to me like? I using the product to numb myself. Psychologically of the pain that people would force me to address in when I didn't take time to address it so yeah I tried to overdose on ad than gotTa was unsuccessful at both attempts in so in many ways you need talk about this in the book you know you you obviously bounce back. You're you're you're you're here with us today. I WANNA give away too much book phenomenal book but you bounce back. And they're obviously turning points in one's life when you think about ending your life and you don't and it's me there. There was another turning point in the book. When you're trying to make your comeback years of past and just not working an you eventually say having a work in my whole life. Yeah eventually say I'm done and I'm going to move off and I'm curious to of thinking about that and I wanna hear what was going on your head and grief grief top of mind right now. I think they're everyone's experiencing all sorts of grief with covid nineteen talk about collective grief and whether it's grief you know APP for for missing. You're not being player missing a graduation. Or what have you grease extends beyond you know losing a loved. One and experts will talk about grief their stages of grief anger sadness acceptance healing and a dollar of work on this. I'm curious how do you think about the stages and you went from doing everything to get your self back to normal? Which is a painstaking process than getting yourself to a level which you are on the cusp of making a back like you were you. Were there like he were. You were right there. I'm curious like the stages of grief. Did THEY RESET. Walk us through that moment of deciding walkaway again it was that was at a relief for the grief reset itself. They need to experience it again. Or that point Was going on in your head. Yeah I don't think it was transition in the the moment that kind of started to finally provide some light clarity to what is what this experience is to be alive right. We're having role having inexperienced right now regardless whether you look at this you're washing his interview or you're paying attention to conversations you're avenir you're interacting with a set of energies on a day-to-day basis. And if you don't try to push yourself to become aware of how gifted we all are to have opportunity to experience these things I think it's very easy. With all the distractions out there to to just Kinda roam aimlessly with your life and I think at that juncture in my life. I was trying to come back to G. League I played for a guy named Dennis Johnson that play to Boston Celtics with Larry Bird and one what will championships in. I toured a hamstring off. My come back to the G. League and just a series so just torn having just it's not like roll an ankle. I remember him kind of spending time with me in the hospital. Because I this has been you know. Two and a half years of this journey ups and downs so tired knows emotional. And come back and you're GONNA be bigger than ever and I'M GONNA be right here waiting for you. I'm in hold your spot and you let me know when you're ready and who would have thought that. Dj would have been prolific in talking about life more so than the game of but the game of life at that given time. You know I went back to Durham. I was doing more physical therapy and I got a call from my team mate Just telling me that the guy that I felt like was my last bastion of hope. Give me a chance in the G. League at randomly just died from heart attack and on the court working out with team I just played on and I think that was a moment. It was a different level because agreed had nothing to do with me. A wasn't any more about what I lost. I started to think about his son that I was close to his family. What our relationship was in the words that he has said to me in the hospital just kept resonating with me and that was a moment where I said. I would do a disservice to myself if I kept chasing personnel was in. I think that transformative moment that transition moment I started the process of. Let's find out who this has made me and An start from there so I you know I think there was a sense of appreciation and you use the word gratitude because I recognize that damage. I'm actually here like I'm looking at my feet. I'm building my hands. I'm seeing the people I love. I'm here in those moments of grief and anger had taken away from the things that were actually present in right in front of my face and while I was not paying attention to those things. I was so focused on what I lost. I didn't pay attention for once about what I gained. Mo- I started to reshift my energy towards that now is a a humbling. Ground Zero Process for me But I think that was kind of like the first time I started. Be Like Upul like this. Kinda who Jason Williams is now in this given time and place. I wonder who he was back thin in. Okay like who do I WANNA BE? I never spent time thinking about any of that Jay. So you've done such an incredible job of starting over do numerous times and reinventing yourself and I think it's suffice to say it sticking it's working and this is a theme. I think for so many people right now. I think there are a lot of people out there crossroads Right now covid nineteen You mentioned unemployment is tough out there and so this. This is a time for people to reflect. Go Diva and asked like the you know what is my purpose. What do I really WANNA do? So what is your advice for people out there who were trying to ask those questions and trying to reflect and figure out what is right. What is next? You're kind of forced into that. What is your advice for? Selling right now is asking some of those questions. First and foremost I think a lot of the life that we live in. Both you and I live in building which is amazing. Year via skype at face base A couple of floors apart but it is think my first piece of advice is it's okay to be still for second We live in the Matrix and a listen to a lot of executives. Talk IN ONE. Executive was talking about neo. Sometimes you have to symbol the plane after you jump off the cliff in like. I've been doing that for a lot of my life is like jump off a simple simple symbol. A symbol a symbol. And and then you're in a matrix in your scattered in this person. Polls new direction ego. Go here kidding you got your job. You got your wife another by the time you get through all these things that have happened. You're like wow. I just had a day what happened. What happened today? And I'm a firm believer in that regardless of how difficult times are I have to believe that there is a purpose because if I didn't find purpose in those difficult times than I will be doing disservice to myself in my overall growth in my outlook so I think the fact that we have a chance to be still is really good because maybe that would help people Kind of reshift or repurpose. What their original intent was in where to where to put that energy into and I know we are going through a lot of challenging times. Mother has gone through to kidney transplant and almost died this year from lights in. She hasn't been able to see myself my wife or a ranch out for the past three and a half months or months it's been challenging that have lost family members And I I know it's tough when you're in net that amount of grief and anxiety and anger to try to find a place with into holistically. Haven't outlook what I'll tell you what this really makes me time. I have with my kid my wife from it the face time that I have with my mom and my dad like I'm present like I'm in it because I'm I think witnessing how special moment this is instead of displaying I can do this in year. Seven of Miami my NBA career. Or I don't have to do this now like I'm like no more sense of urgency. About what my intent is for right now because as meaningful. I don't know what else can happen. So said of always being four thinking beach heuristic with where am I going to go? It's it's good to recalibrate about where you are in with yourself about. What's right in front of you? I because that's the only way it's not until you stop climbing the mountain to realize where you climbed from and I think once you stop and you take a second to. Oh Wow I icon. This is I didn't recognize it and he look up but why was just climbing without any intent without any direction I was just So take a second to stop to realize where you want to get your foot one underneath you. Yeah Hey everybody. Thanks for tuning in. We're just GONNA take a quick little break to hear word from our sponsor. Today's episode is brought to you by my money. Green and our incredible magnesium plus sleep products before this product. It took me hours to get to sleep and end up tossing turning than hitting the snooze on the alarm as I woke up in the morning. Yes I slept but it really wasn't quality now with magnesium plus I fall asleep faster. Stay ASLEEP AT. I wake up rejuvenated and without an alarm clock. Look we all know when you don't sleep. It's pretty brutal. And it is terrible for your immunity terrible through your health and I slept but it wasn't quality sleep and now I never knew that sleeve could be so good. I hope you check out our pioneering. Sleep formula at my buddy green dot com slash museum. That's my buddy green dot com slash museum. And now back to the podcast in so I would say purpose for a moment you know purposes so important especially we had a couple of experts in the PODCAST shares. Is Their husband. Wife doctors experts on brain health. I ask them a very specific details of one of the things with regards to diet. You can do for your brain because the statistics on brain health or absurd. I want to say at the pace. We're going I think by twenty fifty I wanted to say. Half of the population over eighty will have dementia. It's something crazy like that and I asked him specifically what's the number one thing you can do for brain cells and they said purpose. They didn't say like you know eat. Kale was permits. And so you know purpose. there's a quote from your book which. I love them when I read it to. Just stay on it for unpack little bit by life has always had a purpose. I had just been too obsessed with trying to recover what I lost instead of focusing on what I'd found that's when I realized there are no accidents in life. Yeah it's I think what I found was a person who has lost a person who never put any time or energy into himself about what was meaningful to me. I think I also found that I was allowing external things to dictate. What my own internal thought was of myself what. It's that leaves me by next passage from their quote from the book. I'll grab which is a up until that fateful day I needed recognition and affirmation from everyone and so I read that I was like Whoa. That's an appropriate message. Because if I see what's going on in the world social media this is like we're all falling into this trap and so so. What are your thoughts about look recognition in affirmation? It's it's important and I think we all we all seek that. We all crave that. I'm curious like your perspective on that. With the just the average person with social media and just how in some level we do need that but what does it cross the line and become unhealthy. Well I think a lot of people. We're still navigating that I it's for me. I think my purpose is growth and I have a platform on TV that allows me to be very transparent with how I have grown in ownership of mistakes. I've made try to provide people with visibility into the complexity sometimes of decision-making I know that that there's a lot of responsibility that comes along with that. But that's something that neglected for a very long time. I think the more I focus on different ways I can grow in different people around me that I surrounded myself with. Continue to challenge made to grow Ultimately housing become a better. Father helps me become a better husband and house may be more self reflective in continue to learn lessons. I think one of the things are SEE MELODIC. People currently is this The perception of success in that P. Bull want to showcase how successful they are. But you know I spend time with people that are quote unquote successful and money does not translate or equate to happiness and happiness is another word that I think is interesting because happiness is not something. That is sustainable. Twenty four seven. It's about finding those moments of gratitude and appreciation in in kind of taking this approach. Jay that this is a this is a journey in this journey is going to be filled with highs and lows but is our job to try to find that medium to put this journey into perspective. So I don't know that equates exactly what if bites is for people that are trying to showcase what they have but it might thing is I look at people all the time to showcase thing monetarily materialistic and the meaning almost in a way it. You a little bit okay. They're a little bit loss. I've been there been there. I I know that is so there's more realtively than anything. I guess that I see. So so what does success mean to you today? How do you define success for you Teaching my daughter something new every single day trying to do something that will make my wife happy. You know our our relationship. I think I brought a lot of baggage into our relationship that there are things that aren't necessarily address relationship wise myself because I was so focused on me in my own growth. I never been in a relationship in books about relationship growth. You know what I mean. So listening to Esther Parole. Who is incredible by the way this analogy about? I think I had become so I repurpose a lot of my own intention towards my new career right because this is a whole deep conversation. Get your opinion on it as a guy like I couldn't I couldn't give my significant other I wasn't ready to provide a family so I can. I had to figure how me I and I had to be able to provide. Because that's what a man does sure so. Think I kinda reshift allow that. My new career and Esther gives his great analogy about you know when you walk into your home. What's the first thing you think about? It was the first and sation walking into your house after a long day gives you and I was like oh. I found myself answering pockets. Like home home along their work and she's okay so you had a long day at work. That means what you're saying to your significant others that I just you so much energy and time into my job that my energy and my job is more important than my significant other guy. Just walk in the door dynasty. Be and dying to find out about my day. Exchange my energy. But you're saying no. Your job is more important God before doing such a disservice to my wife at. I've found things that we are going to work. I'm strategizing how can I articulate this differently? How do I do more research here? Well how come on that Brennan Time Energy and effort into my relationships. Why am I saving all that for my job? So what I'm saying to my wife is that I've never thought about that. Before I've just been running while valuing my relationship more than I value my job and it just a. That's the kind of stuff that being pushed around. The right people helps me. Think about my growth in those categories to. I love a Sarah. We have a class with her and I also love. I think some of her message. There's another Famous therapist Dr Sue Johnson. Who I also love. I think so much of what they talk about is the I would describe it as the slow erosion happens in relationships. Where typically the big thing that happens that you hear about is the result of all these minor breakdown in communication patterns that lead to like the significant significant thing whether it's cheating or a big blow up fighting typically that's the result of something as little as like coming home. And what you did. You know it's it's so sue. Johnson talks a lot about that. Yeah she's fantastic but I'm curious. Also you mentioned your daughter. How is being a father? Changed you with regards to wife. Perspective is in. I'll be very transparent with you. It wasn't until I met my wife that I recognized that I was extremely selfish. Wasn't done with malicious intent. Which is everything have been about me my mba career was about me. My accident was about me. Reinvention finding a job my career was about me Nelson. I met my wife knows this is about us right but still it was. But it's still Kinda Kinda about me to a degree right My Job Kinda dictated to us. We're we're gonNA live Jewish strategy things around my schedule because my schedule was pretty demanding or my daughter came into the picture I was like. Oh says nothing to do with meaning more not about me and I think that lesson. That is still ongoing for me. I think has helped me make things more about my wife in a because I understand it now. I think I've never sometimes. You don't have experiences to understand things until you do in. It's it's exponentially more rewarding to me than things being about mean anymore. It's been such a unique transition to that because that what she learned something new that brings a different happiness outside of me that I've never experienced or felt before what school is. She GonNa go to. He know how how this covid nineteen effector education See Her grandparents to learn from them. In what kind of things should I be talking to her about? My wife reads voraciously about lessons. How do we potty trainer right? I just found myself in whole other. World requires a lot of attention almost in a way about the other stuff that requirement to just kind of taken a back seat. But I've also found my eye on all the things that have taken a backseat to my daughter. I serve to thrive at those things in my hold on a second. I haven't out gated as much time to those other. Things with those are thriving. Now because I'm putting energy into something that's meaningful and actually matters is interesting to me it's it's a completely different vortex at a haven't experienced before so you also mentioned you know having a platform and feeling responsibility what would you want your legacy to be? What do you want people to think of it? Ajay Williams five years. Ten years from our way beyond that I am. I'm a human being. I think we I think we have really lost the definition of what the what that means the especially now day We walk on Street and walk asked my family and their other people walking on a sidewalk in the other sides. Walk or the other side of the street. It's like I feel like our world is going like this in so many different ways politically Internationally regardless of whatever people's opinions are about any of that it's just feels like we are extremely isolated in very divided. So I think when I go on Air. I try to bring simplicity to complexity I tried to example. We talk about Michael Jordan today and obviously Michael Jordan is maybe the greatest athlete we've ever seen he's Jordan but also try to describe the complexity of the way. I was raised being African American. I I'm sure you and I in the area grow may have had different upbringings. There were things that my father made me way more conscious of young Asia. Maybe your father did not to worry about you. Know if I see an officer at hood on a take I take your hood off or you know hands on the wheel and it just didn't seem to be as much leniency. My father would talking about things like that so I remember having conversations with my dad about people that spoke up about injustices at a very young age by people. Epi No really use as a role model to me about. They were sensitivities in. How you had to articulate what those investors were because people have different backgrounds this into Jim Brown or Muhammad Ali that we're to draw a line in the sand at one of the things. That was a little bit disappointed from even though he's done it in a different way was that Michael Jordan was the most powerful athlete ever had him a planet but he never felt like he took a stance on something even though he wrote in his way. Yeah that's a very complex conversation and I can have that conversation not alienating Michael Jordan. That's a beautiful moment about the journey that he had how he had a navigate that Accident in which he had navigate that but that that is more related ability to me. I can't relate to it. Takes off from the free throw line. I can't seven billion dollars. I can relate to that person that struggles with the complexity of hobby more than athlete. Though in that that's bringing it down to human that I think is really beautiful and related and I tried to find note similarities to build a bridge between people about. Yeah we all struggle with this even how our perception of successes well you mentioned struggling. We all struggle with our journey and your depression. Mental health is the does not discriminate. And I'm curious what you do when you're just having a crappy day do you have a you have a go-to How do you get yourself out of it? We all have them. What's your what's your Go-to when you're having a bad day. You Know I. This moment that happened to me this year. I woke up with my life in got a call from my mom's doctor that my mother had average colitis in septic will England. The call was call where the tonality quickly translated to. I don't know of my mother's going to be here anymore and I'd call a friend one of my friends very helpful because it was in the morning to give me a plane. I was on the playing on that now stress out of my mind. I was sad because I spend so much time with my kid in my wife that I didn't really spend much time my mother's at used to but I was also a father and husband just the the challenges of that because my mother is in North Carolina North Carolina alone. My Dad and my mom are still legally married. But they're not together all the time and in a way with what I've been able to do I kind of been like that Her some also kind of like that Other adult in her life is like to our home down there and she looks at me for responsibilities and things of that sort feeling guilty inside and I was listening to be pop talk about acceptance in so I found myself kind of going through the alphabet. Like Him. And getting lost in that. Much of acceptance of bonding of compassion. These words that he expounds upon because he goes into such larynx about what these words meaning about. Neuro this for me. That brings me back to the moment. I was twenty one. I want to control the moment we all do. I want to control and it always helps recalibrate about. I'm not in control at all. It's okay for me to experience this and it is a sad moment and I don't know if my mother is going to be here one of the things. I WANNA talk to my mom about when I see her. What kind of instead of this being sad me making us about me. How do I reach this moment to help? My Energy beat more towards my mother in about me but make it about her. How do I help her? How do I help her? Be at peace or help her fight through this or it's funny because whenever I go to those moments I realized that ozone where it's not maliciously with I make it about me so what. I'm feeling about what I'm going through. And to a real retransmission at energy from me to you or them that helps me visit outside of my own funk and it gets what they're going through a set of what I'm going through so is something you said. I'M GONNA go back to your lots chapter again. I love the LAS chapter. Guys got to rebel book. They'll those calculus chapter but you also say people ask you the question if you could give yourself advice to younger solve and you say you never answer that one. We you answer that today. You could go back in time and give yourself if I thought about that. Water is it still. I don't want to have I. I don't know I can't answer it. Billy's is not that I can't answer. It is said this is how I learn. This is why my spirit is here on this earth in almost twenty one. I'm thirty eight years old. These seventeen past years have been never thought I would be a child. I know if I was ever going to be able to find a Substance type of relationship with somebody that challenged me that love the mentally change for in grow for another that. I don't think any of this happens that way. Our to go back and tell my younger self do it this way earlier. It just changes the entire trajectory of my life. Sure and I don't I don't know if I would have found this type of purpose. I didn't go through that Ray who I would have been if I played seventeen years an MBA in May two hundred and fifty million dollars and what that path were. That would have taken me. I don't know I would have been if I have to go through my last relationship with a girl that I love in. But it just wasn't in the alignment in. I went to a lot of pain that helped me redefine who I wanted to be my next relationship with my life Those are all things that were put in my life for a reason for me to take those lessons to become different in better in. That's how I look at life so don't want to go back and give myself advice so as a as a young child. I remember my mother telling me that the parable of the boy with no shoes cried and cried until he met the boy with no feet. And what is that about? It's about perspective. It's about gratitude. We all to some degree go through something like that. Various degrees of severity. Whether it's a loss of loss of someone we love or loss of something that's important to us but I'm curious like what is your perspective on how we can all gain more perspective how we can all live in a constant state of of gratitude. If you will for someone who's been the Jalan back you've lived it. There's there's real world experience. What is your advice on how we can get caught up in the BS of the minutiae of every minute of every day. There's only one way to do it. S to discipline yourself. Psychologically about the choice you give yourself with all those moments throughout the course of the day in it's tough it's challenging but with all those decisions you have a choice on what your outlook could be and I still find myself making the wrong choice but it is such a different approach that I have now because I feel I pay attention to myself making that wrong choice and I could go back to. Why do we make this choice? Why are we going down this road? Okay let's not do that so it's It's retooling your mind with the way you think and a lot of times look. I I understand. I talked to people I try to. Approach the slight with empathy and compassion. Not so much with Vijay. Do that I try to understand what magic to a place of why you would do that. And then try to find a bridge that would help you think differently about your experience. Because it's I think there's something that not I've ever in down three or four things that just from our conversation. You're interviewing me that I've learned from you and I so I think there's it all depends upon what type of mindset that you're bringing into your experiences interview inter experiences with growth mindset. That could be a change maker but you have to. You have to want to be aware a walk growth opportunities around you because you can easily choose with all the shiny objects I joke around. Like one of my friends Every time you send me a random a random note and I love his notes sometimes I reply back with a Gif of squirrel right and like a job. Because it's like my my dog like highway heavy rain right and it's the there's so many squirrel moments that we have throughout the moment each and every day so many shiny objects that can take our mind away and I think retooling how you the squirrel moments how you see those shiny objects Johnny object. Okay let me put it into perspective that takes discipline that takes practice in some practice on how you think should be overlooked. Should be some of that should be cherished and he will try to take moments of course tonight to to work on my last question for you. What's the best advice you've ever gotten? The best advice ever gotten worse off. If that's I want to end on a positive note but if you're say in my book I think to a degree. This is including reflection now to in the past should be left in the past. Is this easy for to steal. Your future is still your president and thing for me. It's really easy for me if people disagree with what I say or if people try to use worse to hurt me for me to live in this world about what was and I'm thankful for what was at allow me for what is right now and I think that's important but I also think that sometimes I mean a lot of people J. that don't spend any time reflecting about what was going in going leads me know we talked about Lakers. The victim mentality versus the Victoria and tolliday in in in creating we tell ourselves stories. And it's do you get wrapped up on them and there's a lotta pack. There you know is something that should should happens to everyone and others various levels of Shit and I think you have a choice of. How is this going to define me? What is my story? What do I want my story today at difficult? There's a lot of work that has to be done to someone that this may be agree. I ended because FRINCIS one time just random brain is should happen to everyone right. Should builds me it builds me so it goes back to toys that you can allow a moment to define you or you can allow a moment to help you. Grow in those are Syria moment. Man should happen to me every day right but it ultimately comes back to your willingness to get up and say. I'm still here. This is what I've learned from the should happening to me and will continue to happen to me. Yes but I'm also lucky enough to be here for Shit to continue to happen to me respectable. That's my thing. Nobody said I have to be here. Amen to that Wilko's there. Thank you so much for all that you do and for spending time with us and everyone you gotta check out. Life is an accident will link to the book in the show notes Jay. Thank you appreciate you being patient with me for all the time that had to cancel TV this TV in your home. You can't escape it anymore so I appreciate it.