How BASE Jumping Saved Jeb Corliss's Life

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This episode of the outside podcast is brought to you by bose maker of the new beause frames tempo high performance sports sunglasses that deliver high quality audio science has shown that if you wanna be a better athlete you need to go from training. That sounds like this to training. That sounds like this. Thanks to the revolutionary bose open ear audio design the bose frames tempo. Lets you listen to your music without headphones. So you stay aware of your surroundings no matter what you come across when you're exercising outside to specially designed speakers embedded in the temples produce sound that's loud and deeds and advanced microphone system focuses on your voice and reduces the sound of wind and other noises so you can have clearer conversations and the battery lasts for up to eight hours on a charge. The lightweight nylon frayn's our sweat and weather resistant and feature soft silicon knows pads for a more comfortable fit. Plus interchangeable polarized lenses crafted for specific like conditions. The bose frames designed for sports engineered for sound. Learn more about how they can elevate your run or ride at bose dot com. That's b. o. s. e. dot com From outside magazine. npr x. this is the outside podcast. Hey everyone before we get started today. Please note that. This episode contains language and subject matter that may not be suitable for some audiences so this is a human skull. That's basically in in silver. This was from a tibetan bone called. Vat believed that the best thing you can do with human remains make arnold this a human flute flute out the human femur bone. Welcome inside the home of jib. In extreme sports icon known for his spectacular base jumping stunts more than two decades jeb has flung himself from the tops of massive waterfalls bridges and skyscrapers pointed towards the earth then pulled the ripcord parish so we can hopefully land safely not surprisingly base. jumping is an activity. That has a way of attracting people with a curious relationship to. I've always been very interested in death and the idea that we're all dying all not very early. This year time outside magazine contributor daniel dwayne wade visited jam at his home in suburb of san diego to interview for a feature profile that was published in outside november issue so his house his decorated with a lot of big framed color photographs of sharks that he personally told by sharks to their meguid on. That's a mega don tooth. There's one other kind of decor in the house. And that is death and made to be more specific skulls. There are just skulls of all kinds all over the house. I have huge human skulls of prayer bowls. And then i. This is a twenty four karat solid gold skull with rubies and diamonds for is and inside opens up into basis little world inside stars in the world. He lives in a very modest suburb. There's nothing fancy about it. It is not anybody's dream of where the elite athlete lives in splendor. or something. You know he just lives in a totally modest cookie cutter suburban tract home. This is a given to for christmas. One year by ex girlfriend gave me this. Little mouse peterson thing. Dean was writing about jeb. At a stage in an athlete's career when we often stopped paying attention to them jeb is one of the original madman of base jumping and he has managed to miraculously survive multiple crash landings in sport. That rarely gives anyone a second chance. Outside is published a number of stories about him over the years and he's been the focus of a string of documentaries and television specials but now he's forty four and no longer chasing the edge of risk instead. Jeb cordless has embarked on a different kind of journey. One that has i'm trying to understand. How his obsession a sport. That should have killed him. Instead ended up saving his life. Jeb had come to a moment in his life where he was actually taking a really good hard look at the path e followed and asking hard and interesting questions about that path. You know jeb. has this wonderfully clear. Unsparing way of looking at his own life and talking about his own life. He's not into sugar coating anything. He has this sort of determination to see to see himself with clarity and sort of the fascinating quality in a person who is simultaneously driven by such seemingly chaotic. And you're tional energies. So he has this kind of crystal clear intelligence looking at this complex and and seemingly tormented and difficult psyche dane made multiple trips to speak with jeb. In addition to all their time looking at skulls spend hours driving around southern california out to restaurants and also to skydive paris a facility below the san bernardino mountains that has been jabs favorite drop zone for decades. This is what i've seen with jumping through my twenty plus years. The ones who've never been hurt our most likely the ones they're going to die because what happens is the getting injured is what it really teaches. You and and these these kinds of ideas of like. Oh you know if. I follow these rules. Everything will be okay whenever you hear. Someone say that. They're they're in a delusional state. It doesn't work like that. You can do everything right and still die. That's not just for base jumping. That's walking out your front goddamn door. I'm sorry. I don't care how careful you are care how perfect everything is once you understand. What brain aneurysm is. You'll realize that you can die at any moment at any time period. It's at any second right. I and each time you do something. That's that's increases risk that adds risk to your life. You are increasing the chances of that happening to you. Period now and base jumping is literal apex of adding risks. Here you're literally adding so much risked your life that t to pretend that. Oh i have this. Under control is lunacy. That's just not accurate. You're being honest with yourself or anyone else and get this. No one believes you yeah. He's a good athlete and very fit and strong guy and the trains like hell and he's got great balance all his cool stuff but what makes him. A great athlete is not that he has the fastest fast which muscle or the strongest fingers. Or the whatever it is of anyone in the world would make him a great. Athlete is what happens in his mind and his relationship between desire. Fear panic all of these things right. He so he has always away. Ben an an emotional and psychological athlete then. Of course there's the the sailing had fact about jeb corliss which is really not true of a lot of elite athletes of any kind is that he is one hell of storyteller jabs just straight physical adventure narratives about his experiences. Doing this are totally gripping and astonishing right. The horrific accidents that he survived. But it's the emotional honesty that makes it compelling and in a way i feel like that's what a good story about based kind of has to be because in some way that's the question that's pressing on the mind of everybody who watches this stuff is. Who would do that and why to answer that question. You have to start with jabs childhood. Jeb was born in northern new mexico and his family lived a kind of vagabond. Lifestyle is father was an art dealer and after his mother sold her health food store for around fifty thousand dollars. His parents use the money to fund an extended international adventure idea of how crazy my parents were. That's all they had. They have a house never car in anything and he took out the decided to take their three children to afghanistan pakistan and india to buy art. Bring back to the states to sell. I gotta get over. I'm not gonna make it. I am going to make jabs. Father used a lot of drugs for a lot of years. And i heard a lot of pain in the way jed talked about that and i heard a lot of frustration from jeb over. Oh i don't know you know it it. It just has to have been hard for a kid to watch dad disappear into altered states in the late nineteen eighties gems family relocated to palm springs and not long after his parents split up. Jeb was sixteen and struggling with suicidal thoughts. Then he saw a documentary about base jumping on where i was sixteen would really depressing but base jumping. Kinda save me at an s. Sixteen year old depressed teenager. Who's going through emotional problems you know. The thought process of of that person is no at least me was quite twisted. And when i saw base jumping it would seem very perfect to me. Because i thought well you know. That's a perfect activity for me. If i succeed. Like if i jump and i survive then i've done something very few other. Human beings in the world are willing to do on. If i don't succeed and somehow it goes wrong. And i ended up dying while i get released my suffering on this planet so either way i get what i want. It was a win win situation. Jim was too young to actually start base. Jumping which at. That point was a fledgling sport but he never let go of the idea and when he turned eighteen. His grandparents paid for skydiving lessons. Three years and one hundred fifty skydive jumps later. He purchased a base jumping parachute and drove to a bridge in the sierra nevada. Foothills for his first attempt. It did not go well. Our first base jump was auburn bridge in northern california and i jumped in pitch black moon conditions. I couldn't see anything i put down. Three glow sticks on land area and the landing area at auburn is like this dirt road with like these. Little jagged rocks achieved greater. And if you go down on it just blazer flesh. And i overshot my glow sticks in couldn't see the ground because it was pitch black and flared to highest all my canopy and slid across this cheese grater ground shredding both my knees all the skin off my pumps i still have scars on my poems for shredding so deep and all my elbows i lost. It's gonna knees elbows in poems from sliding across this ground. And when i went back to my room i remember packing my parachute bleeding. My parachute blinds turn red. There's blood on the ground somehow on the ceiling. I don't know how that happened but my room looks like a mass murderer. It happened in there. And then i went jumped it again that same night after about twenty more successful jumps jeb. Down another bridge. He liked and he had his next accident and as bridges actually pretty high. It's like four hundred twenty but you can't use all the altitude because it goes into a ravine with big dead trees so you land on this little road and the road has cliff on one side and a power line on the other. The second time. I jumped it. I got a forty five off heading and i almost hit the power line. I grabbed rear riser. And as i grabbed the rise of the canopus stalled out to slam the asphalt and it might toes touch my ankle folded now and then had say the next one was me hitting how falls where i jumped at three-under for waterfall. South africa had not heading opening got sucked into the waterfall. Smashed the waterfall breaking my back in three places all of my ribs. Left-foot right knee cracked my solar plexus over. This thing is stirring up storm sternum. I why it crashed and broke all the ribs on my right hand side and i was eating live by animals for three hours. Away to rescue rescue took about nine hours. I seem to recall that. These are the animals in question. Were crabs freshwater crabs. Live no arctic when i hit the cliff and it's sliced but open like flayed me open and they were attracted the blood and we're eating the opened. Wow so what does that feel like to lie there and feel an open mundi. The helplessness like being helpless and not being able to move and having really small creatures. Chew on you is unpleasant. I would say if you can avoid that. Do good for that at all costs. Jeb was in excruciating pain. Mind there at the base of the and yet as he told daniel doing after the first responders finally got to him. He refused to take any pain medication. The paramedics got to me told him. I didn't want morphine. And they looked at me like i was a complete lunatic. And they're like Well your back is probably broken. Hip slipped broke in your legs. Look broken everything looks broken. And we're going to have to carry you out of here probably bounce off every rock long way and it's probably take six hours so you need pain medication. I want to give us good reason. Otherwise we're giving to and it's like well you know. I know it hurts right. Now when i go to the doctor and we'll tell him what hurts you. Give me that shit. I'm not gonna what's going on. He refuses all pain medication. Even when he's had horrifying injuries during really gruesome surgeries. And all that. I found that pretty hard to believe the first time i heard it. You know it almost sounded like pose or something. But i spent a fair. Amount of time with javanese told me a lot of stories and he returned to that theme over and over again and i came to recognize that it is intensely emotionally important to him. It's not just important that people understand or believe it about him but it is kind of vital to his sense of self. His understanding of life. this commitment to not using pain medication he will say we were given these senses in order to experience life to experience reality and all of its intensity clarity. And he doesn't want to hide from that he wants to have the full experience of life. It seemed to me that to jab that his father's drug use had come to be. You know perhaps self-medication for suffering you know for his dad's own suffering but also a way of sort of hiding from life and hiding from the pain of life and i couldn't help but wonder if jabs aversion to pain meds and even his embrace of extreme risk. Were not at least to some degree. Motivated by or shaped by that experience jabbing continued to advance his skills taking trips around the world to exceptional jump spots. Like angel falls in venezuela. He also took up other sports like climbing and surfer and scuba diving and it all began to draw out of his depression and isolation what i really liked about. All of these things is they would force me to get off the couch and do something. Like i couldn't just lock myself in a room to get these things done. I'd have to actually live. And i think that that's what's really interesting is that fourth these things motivating me to get out in the world and do things force me to live my life and by living my life i started finding purpose and he also began to find a community for the first time in his life in the late nineteen ninety s. Jim bought a came quarter and started videoing his jumps with friends including one from the top of the stratosphere hotel in las vegas retrain professionals maury in the beginning. I didn't like people very much. So i tried to avoid them. But over time. I started really enjoying the people i started enjoying the experiences and the almost brotherhood that you get with these groups of people because it it created very strong bonds. Because you're doing such dangerous things. That everybody in reliant upon each other and you know if somebody gets hurt you know. They're going to be the one who helps you. So you create these very tight. Knit on friendships. And and that became a big part of the joy but base jumping was not only about joy. This is a sport that kills people of the time. Something that jeb who get very used i seen so many people die that it's absolutely unbelievable. And then this sounds like your new judge but it really is and eighty percent of the people that i jumped with are dead or or series entered. Ken jumping one of the two as the sport progressed. It only got more dangerous especially with the introduction of wings which allowed base jumpers to soar through the air for long distances. If you've seen videos of wing suiting then you know that it looks like the ultimate threat like being superman. This creates some problems. Of course humans being what we are as soon as base jumpers figured out how to fly these wing suits started to become appealing to be like. Wow you know. let's have some fun. Let's fly really close to things. One of the sort of psychological problems of it is that everyone does it. Says it's phenomenally fun and that it doesn't actually feel dangerous in other words. You feel like you have great control. And they just people who do it describe it as absolutely the feeling of human flight just a thrill beyond all thrills and jeb will even say that like straight base jumping just jumping off something and then pulling the cord is terrifying proximity flying what. I have really heard from people who do it a lot. Is that the whole problem with that. It's not scared you jump off and as soon as that wing suit fills up and you get control of it and you start to bank along next things. This beautiful serene feeling of flight and control comes over you. And you're like you like finally are a bird but another sort of psychological problem with is that you know if you think about like in climbing for example the way to sort of push yourself in climbing is to ever harder klein's well how do you push yourself in proximity fine if the game is if you get a rush by getting kind of close to something do you. Then get a bigger rush by getting even closer to get a rea- rush by getting closer still well. That only ends one way that game that eventually you touch the thing and then when you touch it you've crossed the line into death in two thousand and three. Jeb witnessed his friend wayne weston crossed that line right in front of him and a base jumping festival at the royal gorge bridge in canyon city colorado during australian jumper. Who when i got into jumping. He was kind of the apex of the sport. Okay he was considered the greatest base jumper to have ever lived at that time wings. Were still relatively new then and jeb and wayne wanted to wow the crowd by jumping from an airplane and flying. The wing suits close to the bridge. Dwayne above the span and jeb below. It all started out just as they had planned but his jeb approached the bridge he noticed something strange and then all of a sudden coming up underneath the bridge. And as i come under the bridge. Ic- dwayne parachute point face. Which i'm like. What is he doing polling right here. Like it was a very weird place for him to be pulling his parachute and i. I couldn't understand what was happening. And i'm like chit. And i had to turn to keep hitting like. I would have gone if i stayed on my on. My trajectory ever gone right through so basically turn as i turn right just miss him then all of a sudden there's all this debris here like all this stuff and i don't know what any of it is and i remember thinking people through shows the braves ends all this stuff and then i come out of the debris field i'm like and then also like i can't think about that anymore. I'm at low altitude flying in a very narrow gorge time going shift on flying trying to get myself in a good position for deployment. I fly for quite a bit further than i deploy remember open the parachute opening and just being so excited. I kind of blocked everything that just happened out. And i'm like on allows amazing. I landed also. I look up and i see dwayne canopy hit cliff on my shit strike. Oh no you're somebody like next to me landed next to. They're like no no no jet. He had the bridges dead. I what dawson. I looked down on covered. I and i look over. I see severed leg lying on the ground. I always knew the sport was dangerous. I always knew stuff could happen. But this was so far beyond anything i could ever have imagined and it was so extreme and so violent and so just horrendous that i went into shock like instantly and all of a sudden the sensation is one of being in like a tunnel or tube where things get very quiet and n n time kind of distorts and all the sudden. You're like walking and you don't know where you're going and you don't know what you're doing and you don't know what's happening. I don't know how. I got back up to the top of the bridge. I remember that being top of the bridge. And i remember just getting on my knees. And then i'd start crying and i didn't and i never cry. I don't cry and chronic kind of person. And i just couldn't understand what was happening and i couldn't really connect the feelings that i was having near was surreal and and just so unbelievable. I couldn't believe. How did the dwayne experience affect you. You know i've had a lot of moments in my life. Were questioned what i do. And why do they experience. Would dwayne was one of those moments. That really made me question. Why do i do this. And is this worth it. And what's the point it out. It was one of those very powerful strong moments of you know. I don't know if this is worth it. And it took me months and months and months to reconcile. And i i kind of came to a realization which is okay. I can stop shopping right now. I can stop flying wing suits stop diving sharks riding motorcycles climbing cer- big surfing big waves could stop doing everything dangerous right this minute and i'm still not that's not going to prevent my death at all. I still dead. you know. it's it's just a matter of time. Really and the question is how do i wanna spend that time. What a one. What do with the big time. I have while i'm on this planet and i've come to the realization that jump ing shark diving climbing surfing big waves. These are things that enriched my life and give my life meaning and purpose and could be a happy person without and that's where the crux of all this is right. I'm wired in a weird way We'll be right back At the top of the episode we spoke about the new. Those frames tempo high performance. Sports sunglasses that deliver high quality audio without headphones. Research has shown that listening to music while exercising. Doesn't just make you training more fun. It makes you a better athlete by improving your mood. Lowering your perceived exertion level accelerating your performance. But don't just take it from scientists they could from real athletes just gives me energy. Your cadence of your run is just. I think music is meant to go with that. This jen galvan director of music for electric flight crew. A running club that synchronizes workouts in cities across the country with shared playlists. I love more upbeat kind of techno. 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Learn more at bose dot com after dwayne weston's death jeb continued to pursue the wildest base jumping projects. He could dream up in two thousand three alone. He circled the globe. Six times completing four hundred jumps in sixteen countries on five continents. He made a living mostly by licensing footage of his exploits for commercials and tv shows from the outside. It seemed like he was a daredevil. Who had made but the truth is that he was miserable and often terrify three to want. I very rarely go to jump. I don't have backfield. You know. I'll say this i would say ninety percent of jumps i do. I have a bad field. I don't have a positive feeling not standing at the extra-long oh this is exciting. Standing is one thing that sucks this is this makes you feel like shit in like all your adrenaline junkie. If i could jump without adrenaline i would. I don't like your at super heightened alertness. You feel like it is scary. I have been so gripped. I'm shaking like literally uncontrollably. Shaking at the excellent. I always described as a hurricane inside your head. Just every nerve ending is screaming. Don't do this. don't do this everything. There's nothing to tells me that this is the right decision. Nothing in something. I have to fight and struggle and and beat back. and that's what will appeal realized. I'm scared shitless. I'm terrified this for a long by her ballot per and really i haven't mentally. I've had him it. Throughout my and i've had to work through that mental issue and i've used these things to do and these have been the only things that have helped me do it if i die in the process of trying to work on my mind and try to fix damage. That's going to kill me anyway right. Then that's kind of in my personal opinion. An okay way to die. It's okay to die in the process of trying to save your own life. You know because without dying anyway. that's how i can justify the unjustifiable to myself. I needed this to survive without this. I was gonna put a bullet in my head. I couldn't exist without so when people are like. Oh this is like heroin your addicts is like this. This isn't heroin. this is food. this is water. this air is that i can't survive without it. That's what it was for me so jeb just kept going by the early two thousand. Ten's he become the face of base jumping drawing huge crowds for stunts. He carried out all over the world including flying through one hundred foot on in a mountain in china. Called heaven's gate for a tv audience. Estimated to be in the hundreds of millions. He was getting featured in espn in hbo documentaries. And making appearances on shows like conan o'brien in good morning america. He has done it again. That superstar daredevil jeb corliss wing suit jumping from all of this built up to jeb believing that he was ready to take wings flying to its most extreme pointy yet. Another sort of obvious end point of the wing suit. Dream is the question of is there a way to land a wing suit without pulling the parachute. Could you jump off something. Fly with enough glide ratio and control flare at the end in some way slowdown. Just land on the ground. Jab at one point was interested in exploring those limits of proximity flying by seeing if it might be possible to glide really really really close to the ground to a fixed object and even slightly touch or kiss the ground and then pull away again. Why did john flight mountain slope and then slide my feet through snow for three hundred feet. I came down to nominate fly back way in two thousand twelve. Jeb had an opportunity to do some preliminary training for this objective table mountain in cape town. South where he had just finished filming segment for real sports with bryant gumbel and what i decided was a tale mountain. They had this. Wonderful flat led to where we could put balloons right. Do more target training for precision to transition into this next project. So i have my buddy put a balloon on that ledge so he went down set up cameras set up the balloons on like six feet of strength. And just before i jump. He calls up on the walkie and his like jeb. It's kinda windy. I don't think you should go for the balloons. He's all honestly should fly over is. I don't think it's safe. And i'm dislike. Don't worry i'll see if they're moving and if they're moving ops flare is like all right so be careful. It's the problem and i'll be able to write. Which stupid three to one. What happened is hit. Put it on. On upper ledge and the wind blew it down and it connected on a ledge beneath it so they were two ledges on top of the other and as as the wind blew it to the lower ledge it hooked on a rock on a lower ledge which made it only about six inches off the ground and then because the two ledges were kind of stacked on top of each other it created an optical illusion which made me feel like i had more space than i did so i ended up impacting a flat granite ledge impact at the waist. So just below the important parts and it uploads my legs completely part. And as i impact i bounce and bounce tumble and then as i'm tumbling. Luckily i had decades of acrobatic experience. Because i was able to retain control very quickly. So i- impact bounce to a couple flip i think it's like two flips full twist and then i come out on flying again when i am packed and i knew i was dead wasn't a question. It was an uncertain survivable accident by wash. My friend wayne impact me severed in half. I had probably at that point soon. About ten people die in a similar way. And if you impacted at terminal velocity on flat solid granite dead. The thought my head was. I got kind of two choices. I know i'm dead. The question is do. I want to have a slow painful agonizing death where i open parachutes hit the ground and in bleed to death while i'm waiting for a rally rescue. The other thought was well. I could not pull and then just impact and be dead right away. Yeah you know suffering no pain just over and it was a strange thought to reconcile it now. And then all of a sudden the part of my brain that was doing calculations is people nari. That's this is right now. You pull now. And the part of my grandma actually remember consciously vagueness might well good like man but much timing that was it was like how can i get five minutes can again our wherever it is. I one whatever amount of time. I can get at this moment. That's what i so. I pitched and as i pitched. I can't at the open with line twists. I had about one and a half canopy ride or slamming into the clinton a second time which was also broken. more bones was quite violent. Then i was laying the under a canopy wearing all black on the hottest day in south africa. cape town. they've record. I think it was one hundred. Twenty two got a huge opening in my right shin. That looked like me. Literally disemboweled like muscle had been shredded and came out with almost like spaghetti. Coming out of my leg gross. I people me were to hikers. Who were walking and seen the accident. They are probably the me within ten minutes. And you're good. Thank you anything. Broken hersher joe. Corals jeb corliss swear you from jab from venice california resin more water questions thank you. At least i totally thought. I was dead all the way until i got to the hospital and then when i got to the hospital i heard doctors say oh. It's like a double amputation. And i was like. Oh jesus but it was funny. 'cause when i heard that the thought wasn't omega i'm gonna lose. My legs. Thought was human may not die because at that point i was sure i'm dead like i'm just waiting for the lights to go out. You know i'm like i'm going to die. This is just. We're just doing this for fun because there's no way you can't live through. This is impossible you know and then we said i'm a holy shit i might i might live and i was jibs. Injuries were extensive. I broke all my toes on my left foot. I blew out the. Aco rift shredded. My acl in my left knee blew a massive hole in my right shin needed four surgeries and skin grafts to close. It broke my fibula. It's ripped both of them. All must offer both my thighs offer bone on and pushed it down onto my knees as the doctors worked with jeb. In his first hours in the hospital it became clear there while he was in very rough shape he'd survive. He'd also be able to keep his legs and possibly even make close to a full recovery. Really important that day which is no matter how bad you think it is right. No matter how bad you think your life is what's happening to you. you know. you still should try now. I could have just given up and been done right then in there. And i'm really glad i gave it a shot As jeb explained it to daniel dwayne. The accident transformed his relationship to base jumping. I feel that. I finally got what i needed from it. You know i went through the exorcism and the demons were released it just all of a sudden one day. I'm like yeah. I don't have to jump i don't have to but jeb still does joe though. It's not like it used to be now. it's for fun. I never did this for fun. In the beginning in the beginning it was work. This was heavy like trauma. Like i was going through drama. Every time i did this. I was fighting the fire burning in my mind with fire. And that's what it was. I was like when you have a forest fire. You started the smaller fire to kind of block that fire. My brain was on fire. I was burning internal setting these firewalls. I tried to burn in front of it to try to like. Stop it because it was eating me alive and luckily i found something like base. Jumping was just extreme and just all intense and just took all of my mental energy to do and that hell just channel all the into this place then wasn't as negative. I really do feel like base. Jumping saved my life in so many ways. We've all heard a lot of stories like that right. That sounds almost like a cliche. When i say it now. Doesn't it right the athlete who says well you know. Yeah i was the best of world. But the hardest thing i ever did was getting over the pain of my father's disapproval child. Well as you get older you come to understand that those stories are true. Those challenges actually were the hardest thing and they actually did. Take the most courage in a way for me. The thing that jeb had done in decided to confront the pain of the life that he lived really is the great achievement. It really is the great base job. It really is the great wing suit or really. Is the one where you just finally rip off all your defenses face the pain that lives inside you. that is not easy and jeb. Actually is finding his way through that with grace and courage. And that's the most bad ass thing. There is right now no matter what happens. I'm okay. I realized that no matter what happens to me if i realized i'll be okay. I'll find ways to entertain my brain. You know if i die. i'm okay. Whatever pick a thing. I'll be fine. I'll figure it out and that's a really wonderful place to find yourself at forty three when you finally get to that spot where you know. You're okay everything's going to be just fine. No matter what you now and then you find someone you really love you get engaged and you start realizing. Wow i might actually have a kid. I love my little garden like have a garden. I grow tomatoes. And all these little vegetables. And we're trying different little peppers and stuff and i. I love planting and growing stuff. Now you know. I love my dog. I have a little dog and i like playing with my dog and going for walks and i like riding my bike on the beach now all the sudden after all these years i actually am happy. Just doing normal life things now and i'm i'm pretty. I'm pretty happy if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or self harm. Call the national suicide prevention lifeline. Toll free from anywhere in the united states at one eight hundred two seven three eight two five five accord their website. Suicide prevention lifeline. Dot org you can read daniel duan's feature profile of jeb corliss in the november issue of outside magazine smells on our website outside online. While you're there please consider making a contribution to outside to fund the storytelling we do on this show. You can do that right now. At outside. online dot com back slash podcast listener. We really appreciate your support. This episode was produced by luke. Wayland and edited by me. Michael roberts or music is by robin carver. Special thanks to jeb corliss for giving us access to his archival video footage this episode of the outside podcast is brought to you by bose maker of the new bose frames tempo. High performance sports sunglasses that deliver high quality audio. Learn more at bose dot com. We'll be back next week.

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