Dave Navarro OD'd and Was Left for Dead

Automatic TRANSCRIPT

Aren't you tired of hearing opinions. That are just plain wrong will hi. I'm trey kennedy comedian. And host of correct opinions podcast. Every opinion is correct. Live each week. I'll rose the internet's craziest trends in the most baffling baby names to hopefully make you laugh. But also to make sure we're all the same base because you name it get like moon or something you on the show okay. I got internet for the funds videos. And cringes moments and i give you my opinions on everything on the web which luckily for you again correct. So police subscribe to correct opinions with trae kennedy available free on apple podcasts. Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to another episode of worse. I it's been words. I wasn't going to do a podcast this week. Because i was so depressed and Today's microbes data bed. Some proud of myself for that But yeah we lost wicky last week after sixteen years of life which is a long time. It's a really long time. And if i might add you. Were going to cancel this. I was gonna cancel the at i. I kind of pushed you sorry. I was like where you're grieving. Maybe the best thing to do is to sit down with somebody who knows grief. Yes and talk about it rather than have it spin in your head so here we are here. We are guys with dave navarro. Obviously without engineer doesn't need an introduction But i'm so glad that you did. Tell me let's do it because i was dru feel better already i do. I just feel better. That i got like outta bed got dress. You know got myself going. You know that's like helpful you know and obviously you when we go through like incredible pain and grief like our own self care suffers began. Were so just mashed within the grief. That like the idea of getting in the shower. It's like for what my life. I'm not showing up for anything. Yeah it's like. I know the feeling and i have a dog and i'm already worried about when he goes. You know the dog is he. He's he's like a yorkie mixed mutt like a rescue. So but like i kept telling my my girlfriend i was like we're spending thousands of dollars and thousands of hours. Yeah into something. That's going to eventually tear our hearts my nine. Tell me about this wrong with. I know i kind of feel like that's it's like that's the hardest thing but i feel like the love they give is so pure and it's so worth it. It's like grief i read. Grief is the price you pay for loving so much resonates. Yeah right isn't a. I'm going through grieving process myself right now. But it's it's manageable. Because i know that the the decision that made that would made that led to that grieving process. Was the right decision for myself for everybody around. So it's okay to grieve even if for instance You part with somebody and you still love them and you still honor them and you still want them to be happy and successful. You're still going to be sad like the sadness isn't there's no shortcuts around that. What is admirable about you. Is that you you lost something you loved and you felt it and you flooded out and you've expressed it and you cried and you did all the right. Things were a lot of people will turn to substances or stuffs that down with some other behavior. Whether it's sex shopping. You know what i mean. I just i couldn't. I mean i just was like oh i just. I don't know i get like physical. I don't know. Did you feel physically. We're going to talk about everything that you've been through because i mean i don't know if my listeners might not know this But you know you wash your mother vero tragic tragic way as your fifteen years old and you am. I allowed talk about your dot year documentary. You can talk about anything you want. Okay so dave. Did this amazing film. Which i really hope gets released for everyone to see called morning sun. And it's about the whole experience of him losing his mother and all the details about kind of you know use solid coming which is kind of scary. That was one of those things at fifteen. I had this sense that my mom was going to die. And i felt the energy and when it happened for some reason i was so a muted all those gifts i had all that intuition trusting myself trusting my judgment and then when you ever fuck thought and you're like well the last fuck thought i had came true so now this one come true right knee whereas case scenario all the time but you know us it's like we just think fucked up. I think are over completely untrue. My husband literally calls me. wcbs worse case scenario. Because 'cause i will find worst possible thing that could happen. He'd be like. Let's go to bali and i'll be like we have a heart attack in the forest. What are they gonna do. I'm not down with that. I have to be medevac out of thank you. I want cedars-sinai right down the street with you see But okay so. I wanna get back to like so you were fifteen and i watch documenting and i'm not gonna give away obviously too much but your mother was murdered. That's the whole ending. You gave it away But i'm not gonna say how like how do so many details that are in it. That will the movie is about my mom's murder. She has a domestic violence situation boyfriend who she broke up with decided that he was gonna kill her. That's his solution. Which is which is by the way about the most pussy solution ever because most people deal with pain and move on and learn to grow. And if you can't. I mean like so that aside and that's my resentment showing The of the film deals with with with where i went as a child Turning to music turning to really seriously bad drug addiction You know cut myself really really a bloodletting a lot of really just extreme measures. Whatever i could do to get myself out of what. I was feeling. You know what i mean. And i'm here to tell you that they didn't work. They were fun when i was in high school. And i remember like it was like yeah like the bloodletting when i would see all the blood come out. I remember being like like relief. I know you release endorphins. And only and only people who are as Diagnose as we are Understand the lure of that and then when it got into syringes and take out as much blood as i wanted that was you know it was. It was on so Yeah so then. I went through the drug phase. I went through the self harm phase. I went through you. Know whatever whatever destructive phase. Even if i thought it was in the name of art like i would convince myself that i'm gonna do this. Great big huge thing and it's okay and it's in the name of art but then it would really be kind of a dangerous dangerous poject for me so and the movie itself turned it out to be a little dangerous because it was really triggering because thirty years ago my mom was killed. And then you know. Six years ago. I started digging up archival footage and court transcripts and and had to hire private investigators and and news organizations to give footage of stuff that i lost and found out information. I didn't know so it was really a. I mean you had so much footage i mean. Just even all her as she was. The most susan actress an actor. It'll like just looking. It was like watching like a like it was like you know watching like a famous actress in like all the commercials everything. She did always. I've always you know. It's my mom's of course i feel a special towards her but i've always liked endure to having a sharon tate quality. I was just gonna say that. I was gonna say i was like. She literally reminded me of sharon tate which are like so tragic. Yes no matter what. Yeah what angle what. She's doing what she's saying like if she's in the middle of a sentence and they snap a picture and she's talking still gorgeous. You know that thing. Her making a making food at the counter paying attention to slip beautiful beautiful and such a loving mother she. Your bond looked like it was. So i and i still have it. That's the thing. I still have that. I lost it for a long time after making the movie and after doing a lot of work and doing cognitive therapy and some groups in an shit together on on a mental health level I'm able to get a good memories back of my mom that it used to be mom. Death don't wanna talk about it now. Like oh man remember how great christmases were. I think you can get into that and And feel it and own it and have it bring a smile to my face as opposed to sadness and you're an only child too right. Yeah so yeah. Yeah well yes. I had no no sibling to go man. This is fucked up. You're supposed to be there that night. Which is so also supposed to be there so I in reflection like if i was supposed to be at the house on the night that she was killed. I would've been killed. So if i reflect back on that and say you know why you know the the obvious question god. Why did this have to happen. If there's a god why would this happen blah blah in we. We all ask that. But god was looking out for me. You know guide did take an i can find spiritual gifts out of that situation because as horrible as it was as sad as it was had it not been for that event i probably would not have gone into the arts and the creative world that i went to and been able to share that story with us. Whoever else and the reason i chose to put it out mean it's been out it's on amazon. It's called moa is on amazon. Yeah it's all you guys have to watch it. It's called morning birds. Mou u. n. i. n. g. morning sadness. Earning son on amazon. The reason watch. It's so good. The reason i made it free because we're ending the year in the whole world is kind of dealt with ptsd of the lockdown and the covert and you know not making a living in store everything. We've been through the election. And so i think the world has a greater understanding of boy. Ptsd and suffering is and i just wanted to share a period of my life. That seemed insurmountable yet was in so when you made it through it and it made it through so to show that now in this current climate things will change. You know and i have lost. Maybe eight friends this year a couple of suicides a couple of overdoses just because the isolation that people are are having a hard time with and i think about someone like you and me who have a mental health issues sitting alone in a studio apartment on sweetser for a year and the shit. You're gonna think up in that time. Yeah you're damn right. You're going to get high. You know what. I mean unless you take some action. I definitely not. I mean even my girlfriends who are single and they were just like i have friends that have never had anxiety or depression really in their whole lives and now because they were like at home alone lost their jobs like didn't have money for rent had to scrounge for food and like they were like i am having. I had a panic attack and i never even knew that was like called me. And they're like. I'm so sorry forever. You know making you feel like that was something really weird and crazy. Because i've never experienced it now. I had one. And i would never wish on my worst enemy. I'm actually really glad that you brought that up. Because know i started. I started a an art clothing line of thing. That's geared around mental health and see and raising that stigma. No so like we used. You know if you think about the twenties and the russia has sin they would say look at. This ain't plot is no right or wrong answer yet if you get the wrong answer you're locked up in a horse or is it a guy tearing his face off. Yeah you better say horse. Yeah so You know the the healing and the progression that we've had in just in just self help and self care has been so phenomenal over the years and our line is called detailed analysis because there's two of us And it's all about just accepting you are so this is this is our original design. Which is that rohrschack test. Are they butterflies. Are they guns. We don't care what your answer is. Because we're not gonna lock you up because we're gonna accept you and then here's another one this a random. One insanity is its own cure which is just south acceptance. I got this thing. And i love myself anyway and i'm special. I am so glad that you're here saying this for so long and even still now like i have people because i talk about mental health so much you know because it helps me god loves it helps a lot of other people so many other people but every once in a while i'll get some random dude that's like tommy is gonna leave you because you're fucking crazy and like why are you so anxiety ridden just chill the fuck out. Don't get it you commented. I know they're like like like people. Just don't even understand and so like you know the people that do understand you know are like oh my god. I totally get it. You know it. And that's the thing is everyone is different. You know. I think a lot of people understand. And i think a lot of people are undiagnosed and i think that There's this myth that it's a vulnerability. Share the vulnerabilities a weakness to share. And ask for help is a weakness where i say. It's fucking superpower if you have the strength to reach out and ask for help when you need it. You're you're fucking hero. No because friends of have we lost. That didn't do that bro. You know what i mean. And and tommy sitting here by the way. That's why i'm talking to you but we've lost so many friends to this kind of stuff it's overdoses or depression or suicide and you know these are talented beautiful souls and and i always thought about it and always related especially when chris cornell kill himself because and tommy i don't know if you relate or whatever but i know what it's like being on because he did a show and then he went to his hotel room and he hung himself and i was like. Wow 'cause i know what he felt like during that show. I know what it's like to be there into hating everybody. Aiding yourself hating what you're doing and having to do anyway and i think he just said enough's enough man. I can't do this anymore. Nearly as as young musicians we we have these goals and dreams if we get signed then. I'm going to be cool. If if we on the radio that i'm going to be called. We get nominated for a grammy. Then i'm gonna be calling all these little little finish lines that we keep happening in your stomach. Yeah there's just no finish line. I feel like everyone does. I mean even with me with my own life on my once. I'm a millionaire. Maybe cool once. I'm this. I'm going to be be happier once i like. I'm not having zayed's anymore and it's like it doesn't know 'cause thanks trauma physiologically lives within your body. Yeah on a physical level so we carry it like my hands. Aren't shaking now but typically they are sweaty. Yeah get all those symptoms. But so what dual diagnosis wants to do. Raise the stigma of that being something to be ashamed of. I we like it to soldiers who oversees and they serve they serve our country and they come home with ptsd e and they get a medal right their heroes their fucking shit they saw and they can't like you can't get those images out of their house. They have to live with that the rest of their life and the right. Here's why is it. Why is it that the people the people that suffer and are striving to live through it anyway. Yeah that's shameful. So what i'm trying to do is say no man anybody who's willing to stick around through their struggles and do what it takes to get into a better place in with the key being share that with others You got it made stepping into your power into your light and While we're on the subject of dual diagnosis. I brought gift for you dead. This was handmade by myself. And my partner. Padilla and tommy is gonna hate it. I'll show you why. Yeah so. I'm gonna say where this tommy's car at all times where this to bed at all times but this is all we handed all this and this is just for you as a gift and Yeah that's all and then. This is a trigger finger. Just a trigger. It's not real. You know what. I mean just to remind you. It's all it's a trigger and then this is this right now. That says trauma kids. But it's in a different font that i created and i feel like trauma. Kids are the ones that that the ones that survive are the ones that carry the message. Ray welcome and yeah. I am pretty sure that glitters going to stay put. So if anyone wants to get that. Is it just all diagnosis. Dot com okay. We'll diagnosis dot com and we do an array of different things in smaller. By an end items and higher end items a- an artwork to street are two. What is your diagnosis. While the dual in that name is because i have a part okay. Okay so you don't have to probably have multiple multiple in the name dual diagnosis. If you hold it up. It's two guns. Making a butterfly and two guns would would be necessary for dual which is a battle but we spell the dual. Because there's two of us because we're actually stopping the battle and having a meet your partner. How did how did you guys come together. She's a great street artist. Named fuck yourself. I've heard of her brilliant. And she. And i we connected on the street just working together doing art and We we. I hope she doesn't mind me. I mean. of course she won't mind but we both struggle and we both have grandiose dreams and we'll call each other the next day and say i'm under the covers and it's not going to happen today and we both get know what i mean Those days yeah so so But she and i met just really aren't seeing the street. Artsy we decided. We didn't really wanna make a brand. We wanted to make a movement so we encourage people to just take our imagery. Take our clothing. Make your own. Cut it up that tacking on a back of a jacket with safety pin. You don't give a fuck just represent and and take pride in who you are. Because i for instance you said where my diagnosis is. Why got bipolar disorder. I've got anxiety. I've got depression. I got drug addiction sex addiction. I you know you name it I had to eating source for many years did you. What like anorexia. Or well i i. I tried that. But i got to hungry here. Like i'm just going to throw it out like this is much easier if you and this is not a tip knows ted. This isn't like Inspiration pro tip. Yeah all you want then shoot heroin and it all comes out. Oh up right well. Yeah you get sick when you when you hit when you hit a blast but i'm kidding but the drug addiction and and and vomiting from the just use of needles all the time. Got me into a place where i felt i felt best feeling empty and then when i quit doing the drugs i struggle with the anorexic eating disorder control issues all the fun stuff and like nobody ever noticed a fucking difference but me and one day i was just like i'm suffering for nothing especially for men because a lot of people like eating disorders are affect men so much as well. You know well you you have to be married to one of the tallest skinniest most handsome guys in the world. mother fucker. He hi are you kidding. Whatever the fuck wants fucking clam on. The planet smokes thousands of cigarettes a day. We got his lungs. Checked clear as fucking by the way i had to do it. I had to do it. Even though the whistle in my long he has a was. I heard you ever whistling at night. I'm like a balloon deflating. We're actually going to go again. But i mean here. He did get a check and they said he was all good. I mean he's just like invincible. Like a moment. Like i was telling you we were reminiscent earlier when we were doing the rockstar show rockstar supernova. You got many many years ago like we would be set for like we get there the first thing in the morning first of all tommy would come in it a yeager machine in his dressing room and he would start hitting that thing at nine during the minded bitel this stuff. This is the best. This is behind the scenes stuff and by the time it was go time. Like we're live and mark burnett creator survivor. And all these fucking huge shows ready to go and tommy sitting on the panel naked and he refuses to put clothes on and it's going live so people. Do you remember that. That role is just getting naked. Let's do it and we were just sitting there naked. You are too. I think i did i. I must have at least. It was not hard to get me naked back convincing you to take out. You're like oh good. I'm not taking my dick out around. Tommy but those those days i was i was a little bit freer with the looseness but but anyway so we would have those days. They will go on for twelve hours because there's rehearsals through. There's all kinds of shit then the show happens and you're fucking white dust and then. Tom was like bro. We're going to the club right. Now get your shit and my are you out of your mind. How do you do this. And it's just like you know. Has this energy. He'll never lose it because my singer perry farrell is that the same way. It doesn't matter. I mean just wired. God willing doesn't matter what he does. Were you know how how much damage is done to his body. How much harshness has taken place on the stage. He'll look younger and stronger. And better than everybody else. It's just fucking it's unreal. We run into him in hawaii and his wife and he looked great. It's crazy look like the same. He's looked since he's old a six years old do every good but Almost of you look good. But i mean fuck. It's kinda crazy you know. It's it's interesting and did your ban members know you're going to do this stuff too. I know i mean well. I mean in the in the early days like in the eighties and early nineties and jane's addiction. Like i was a kid i was seventeen. Eighteen years old. You know. I don't know if you know this is all tommy is to load motley crue gear into the troubadour. He told me that. I used to just show up to help load jerk just to be close to it. Yeah because it meant that much to me. Was he nice guy. Well get their way before he gets. Oh you know some just loading in gear like you'd be like you guys need help you just learn to do free and then we will go in and watch the show on fucking loaded that cabinet up there myself and the so stoked and that's what we did you know you had i. I really miss that time of music where it wasn't just so instantly digitally available. Although i love that we have that. But being down in the trenches doing what it takes and doing the work and doing seven guys in a van for three years with a fucking no cellphones or computers. Like people don't know how to are like that anymore. Now i'm you know he killed himself. We had to pick up payphone and hope. The person was home to answer the phone if we wanted to reach anybody. I mean lives fucking isolated. When did you guys get your big big break. Like what was your biggest break. I think i think in around nineteen ninety when nothing shocking came out we started getting a little bit of airplay and and all of that but You know we. We imploded As a result of my you know my drug addiction in all of us had had yes some something or another but we've were still abandoned. I mean we play. I love that and that's years and years later like it's amazing. I think it's like You can identify with this. It's like every time someone says they quit or it's over. I hear it as hiatus. Because i just i just know it's like it's we're joined together at the no matter what we're family no matter what. There's a great eagles documentary. Where the guys it'd be. We haven't seen that. It's fucking because it's warts and all do they go off on each other. It's dough and but would they came to conclude is that we are all stronger together than on our own. Yeah married you guys are married and it's like being married for a really long time you're gonna like someone also married to three other people. Have huge egos just like you and everybody wants the same fucking day. And that's your family whether you like it or not and you're in a fucking u-haul pulling van that's taking you from orlando to jacksonville and you hate each other. It's it's you gotta love the music to put up with Yeah yeah you gotta love what you're doing. That's and i get asked all the time by young musicians like bro. Do you have any advice you know. I'm just trying to guess my advice is make sure you fucking love this because there's no guarantees first of all if you're doing this for the house or the car the girl put it down. Yeah it's not for you. You know what. I mean like the just this is not how it works bonuses but yeah i mean if it works in those are bonuses. That's great but that's your. That's your intent. Talk more then. It's not going to resonate with anybody. You know what. I mean and So that really mattered to me. But get my my history with with molly. crews i mean me and are the drummer's of jane's addiction would stop those guys you know that is so funny none of their homes but right but i mean just where they were playing right because it was like yeah and then and then stephen ended up playing with tommy and methods of mayhem and went on tour with him which was a dream. Come true for him. Oh yeah i mean the The incestuous magic of all of this small. It's great it's great but like had it not been for the happened. I wouldn't i might not be here began guitar. You think but i. I was already playing guitar but i think once i got to go down into the i was thirteen. Fourteen fifteen and also right around the time. My mom died which was really special for me to have some ten escape and then we had that i. I don't wanna make this an interview about tommy and we'll get back now we'll get back to. How fucked up. We are second. But i think him all the time. Let's talk about something i'd say. At an original it was an independent release of the too fast for love. Or as. that's the one we had. that's one we knew and And then they guess remixed it for electro whatever when they got when they got big. But i mean so for me in our drummer to be having to discover something and look at the record and see the guys. Look fucking cool. I wonder what this sounds like and put it on like holy fucking never heard anything mixed guitar. Sounded like a fucking. He was using a buzzsaw on his. You know what i mean instead of a pick like we were like what is going on and we went and saw them and we were blown away from that moment on. We just stayed in hollywood and just like if they were playing we would show up. How grew fucking whatever we could do at a couple run ins with them and they were always very cool You know but. I'm sure that they don't remember was like we were the kids. We were the kids and and that that was the moment where i got into those rooms and i smelled stale beer and the cigarettes. And the fucking cable's in the house lights and the grime and anos like this. Does this candle was like. I really felt like yeah. I know what i mean. I love it. There's nothing i don't want to ever come between the in this and So i made it my life. Yeah so when you were playing guitar before your mom passed and then after she passed you still you did you say would you say more immersed into way more something to take you away once my mom. Yeah luckily i had something creative to to funnel that energy and just like you're doing this. Yeah that's that's the key. You gotta have some need something. Yeah that's channel through multiple things. I mean you do the art. You do the music i paint like i do. This is so many things many things as you can to kind of funnel that energy and being who we are we have to watch the mania of trying to like scrambling get eighteen projects done in an hour and then you go to sleep like a whole day to like resorts he's laughing. He's married to that girl. Yeah he is awesome. It's awesome and you're great. you're gone. I mean i'm like you know and the funny thing is is. I think there's like again this whole stigma of like if you have mental health issues that you're like a fucking psycho and you're crazy and all this shit but it's not even like that. It's like mental. Health issues can look so many different ways for people like you know like you said the mania like i can get really invested in a project that be all and focused on my husband will be like what are you doing like you're running around the house like doing all these things and it's like oh i gotta do this like you know. It's not like it's like a thing where my running around with a knife being fucking crazy with. It's like many actually for those of us who don't suffer from. I don't think i have bipolar. But i definitely have like days were all. I just have so much enlightened. Like those are my favorite best. As i would say that i would say that if you suffer from bi-polarity or depression the mania is your gift. People love it. Because i can get thirty things done in a day. Yeah in that state. I just have to be aware that there's gonna crash from and how long do you usually get out of how many days you get usually of your mania. I made it really. I mean i could wake up the next day and be fine. It could take two weeks you know. Sometimes it's followed by a lot of tears you know because it's just such an outpour but i hang heidi's exhausted physically exhausted but i've come to welcome the tears because i know that that's energy that needs to leave the body. That's so bad. So when you're driving down the road and you almost hit a deer and the dearest ending the road and shaking like that human beings don't have that but the deer shaking because it's traumatized and what its body is is releasing the trauma in the deer. So he can go on and have his life so as human beings we don't have that component where it's built into our physiology but we do need to let these things out or they will run our lives and then ended up dictating future narratives. That are completely untrue. That will they keep us in the dark really. So i'm i'm just super i'm just in a place right now. Where i'm i'm happy to do this project that that can spread that kind of. We're not trying to make raise the stigma of mental health. We're trying to make it fucking cool. Put it this way. You think vincent van gogh was the most well balanced guy in the world. Now fucking genius air so many artists and every one of my favorite artists are fucking people musicians. Artists were fucking crazy. Yeah you know what i mean. People are i'd say that otherwise it's fucking boring. I mean he's thomas crazy in his own brand. I don't think he has like mental health issues. But you're definitely just fucking he's just under fucking crazy man. I mean well. Here's the thing. He doesn't mental health issues but he instantaneously acts upon any thought that he has. And just like. I'm doing this. Fuck yeah and he just fucking goes that. And that's you know what i mean. Yeah yeah yeah whatever it is. You'll have the idea. And then he'll have like the tempo ready for five seconds. You know what i mean. And then it's just non stop until that things done. That's his thing. Our thing is maybe a little deeper and we. I know everybody's troubled everybody's law something. Everybody knows sadness Some people are more sensitive to it than others. Some people have had upbringings that have made them more sensitive to it and I certainly have so Anything i can do to help you know. Cool you out with your mental disabilities your a magician. You get support. It's like it's nice to know where you're welcome and this is a place where you're welcome and this is the place where you're supported and understood and it's not you know not shamed for it because you're not shame thing. We have a phrase endure diagnosis. That says shame never saved. Anyone know can spend all the time you on feeling ashamed. But you're not gonna get better. Yeah so dropped the shame. Shame and So that's i mean that's our whole our whole messaging and that's our whole thing and like i think it's fucking cool man i look at somebody like I look at somebody. Like van gogh was very troubled. Guy who did incredible paintings change the shape art forever and he had yet studio that he worked with gauguin in and they hated each other guy cut his ear off for a girl like that guy would be put away right but look at his art so whatever whatever mental disability he may have had he found a way to channel that into something that's greatness. Just like you're doing now. You're finding a way to channel something that's going on with you into greatness as probably reaching a lot of people that need to hear it. We have a lot of listeners. Which is really fantastic. And i'm so grateful for you guys. That's what that's what we're doing with that. And that's how. I wanna live my life here man. We're in the back nine yeah. I don't got time for suffering. I did that. What are your views on death like. I'm very curious. Like what how i mean. Obviously going through so much trauma and death. I handed the thing. I i have a big fear of death. I mean holy. Here's one thing i can tell you. You don't have to be afraid of it because it will for sure happen. Feel better dave no fear. I can't get our way from it. Which is a horrible thing and my dad tells me he's like well everyone's going to die. Doesn't that comfort. You like no one. No one's gonna live forever. Mike yeah but like i just feel like other people will be able to handle it better like me. I feel i'm own death or the others. I am obviously care if my loved ones die but my own data. Because i'm so aware all the time of everything going on in my body to be nice to take a break from that. Look at look at it that way. You won't be thinking about nothing not community that way. It's it's true lies. i'm constantly going dreams. I'm like all that kind of i do remember i. I had kidney failure when i was eighteen really randomly. I was just like in a bad place doing bad things. And i got kidney failure really randomly and i almost died because it turned into sepsis and i was in the hospital for a week and i remember they like pump. You full morphine. You're like really on the edge. That sounds good and it makes you not feel anything. And i remember the doctor coming in and going i said are my guys i i was so out of it. He was like. I honestly do not know. And i i remember like normally that would have been like go to shit myself. But like i was on some big you so much more of you need so many drugs tell you. They're conscious of that too conscious of the fact that they are about to deliver news. That is very elevator They keep you just kind of like you're like this so like we get the worst news and you're kind of just like oh yeah you can't really process it and that only that almost comforted me when my dog was passing and he was barely able to breathe in. The doctor came to the house. Ida that come to the house. And i asked her to save him and she's like he's already halfway gone like i can't save him and she's like what i do is i give him like Morphine in one shot for a dog and it puts them in like a sedate. Completely sedated spot a suffering out of suffering. They don't feel a thing and he just kind of want complete relax and then they do the injection and it slowly stops their heart in it. It's just very peaceful Euthanasia accidents good death. That i didn't but it makes sense because it's a it's a it's a humane death and and you and you were there to witness it. You can hold him. it was on. I mean you even added to got to have it be on your terms you know in a in a strange way to be the most comforting loving thing you could do a pains not gonna go away and quicker but know that you know you were there with that dog till his last breath and he knew it Yes my my feelings about it. Like go back and forth. I you know The happier i get the older. I get the happier and happier. I get the less. I wanted to scary when your life starts to get really good. That's the thing with me. Is that my life has gotten used to want to kill myself all the time in high school. I used high belter on my neck style. I used to myself. I was institutionalized. Made many attempts believe i used to pray to god to just kill me and my life i got away from all the things that were hurting me and i moved out here and i got my life together and i became really happy and i was like fuck shit. No wish death upon myself so many times in those years mike. Is there like a backlog. Is this going to get to god. Like at the wrong time backlog. It's all it's because it's all evolving and growing and that's what it's about so there's there's no consequence for thought. You had thirteen years ago but the thing the thing for me is that You know i just. I know it's going to happen. I'm not too terrified of it. I'm not cavalier about it. Like a rather. It doesn't but you know. I feel that if i've looked at all the signs in my life. Here's a little story so my ex girlfriend Was in desperate need of Outpatient treatment we wanted to get into like a little group that she could go work on her recovery And so one night. I was out with a friend of mine named magazine. And we will your team and we just spray painted. This building help is on the way because we found this building. Had this really long black wall help is on the way because we just want the world to know that like we're gonna be okay. Two weeks later my ex girlfriend shows up for her. I'll be that building. And so i think to myself if magic in cosmic Connections happen like that on such a profound level throughout my life in my look at them. And i'm and i really eight. I try to take them in and i become aware of them than i am at peace. Because i know there's way more to it than just what we're looking at. You know because there have been evidence. There's been evidence of cosmic interaction in my life. That's undeniable. what else. Tell me more. I mean just i mean i can't even just the way people me just the way people the way i went to see molly crew and now there's a band. Jane's addiction that kind of evolution. Do you know what. I'm talking about like things. Get better you just it takes the time and it takes the work and in in the work is the hard part so for that. I do a lot of a lot of one on one therapy. I do some. I do a lot of Trial studies that our. I would say that people. There's some trial studies with ketamine. All i've heard about the Have you done the ketamine treatment. Tell me everything how did how did you feel. Is it like just doing ketamine and unknown certain no and the same thing with mba. It's not like you're going to some dudes house in silver lake. A two in the morning government going to get he'll bro- trust meals. Cook it on the stove. A medical facility in like you know there's iv drip and. That's what i don't like 'cause. I dissociate regularly myself where i feel like myself is over here. Sometimes and i hate that ketamine. I heard does do that. It's very dissociate but dissociated in the sense that you wouldn't even know your brittany anymore you're just in a thing your your soul is in you leave your body. I'm not gonna say that. I'm just gonna say sense of ego is gone which is sense of who. I am what i'm doing here. What i'm about my name like all that goes away. It's ego death. You feel calm and you feel like relaxed and only with a doctor. I'm not. I would. Never i would never advise someone to go. Get some k- yeah. That's stupid ray. If someone suffering from depression it's an option that is actually legal. Now that's what i've heard about. What the what the thinking is that. It helps create new neuro pathways in your brain time. So you and i run the same fear we the the center rain that goes to the middle which is a fierce. Enter your brain. It's just and it's going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. what this does is open another panel. Oh wait a minute we can maybe try this path and maybe another solution craze. So you're just not spiraling out and spinning on something that you have no control over anyway so when you walk out of that treatment how do you feel like how so how long you're like thirty minutes. Forty minutes You walk out of it. You feel like You know base income spacey but you come back to earth pretty quick. it's not You know. I wouldn't recommend driving car home but come home and There's no there's no magical like a ha moment like everything's better. Yeah because this is working on a neurological level. So with that kind of treatment you have to go multiple times there's sessions and there's an ethic and there's integration which is really really important part of it which is discussing with either team or the doctor whoever what came up with you through that journey how that how that applies to your life and what about that you can change with love. That's what we look for. You know on. So how many times have you done a man. I don't even know like a lot. Oh yeah okay so do you feel like the you that when you started versus you now you see a big change. It's hard to say. Because when i started i was in crisis you know i had a big crisis happening in my life so it was very hard to weigh any benefits of anything. I was doing because once i came back just back in crisis again so there was like you open up. I just told them you're opening up new era pathways for the same information to get to me faster but it worked eight so i tabled that for a while. And then i got into just some straight up therapies straight up relationship therapy straight up you know psychiatry and working with with that because there's just fucking no shame in encina psychiatrist and and having a little support if you need it. If you have a headache you can take an aspirin so if you have clinical depression yeah like you need some fucking hell right. You're right. I mean and there's a lot of You know and i do work with psychedelics. Right you know as as a tool not as a solution as a tool. Hello everyone and thank you for tuning into another episode of worse. I guess what makes me really happy poppies. Because what else makes me really happy sarabi. That's right therapy is very helpful as you guys know. I'm very vocal about my mental health on here and pretty much just in life in general. I don't think there's a need to be ashamed or you know. I don't really see the stigma behind it. I think that you need to talk about how you feel and express your feelings and communication is great and talking about expressing your feelings Better help has come along for an offer for you guys. So anyone right now that struggling. See this as your sign to get the help that you've been wanting better help dot com slash brittany b. r. I t. t. a. n. y. Gives you ten percent off your first month. Okay of therapy. So that's all line therapy. You don't have to leave the comfort of your comfy home. You can chat text whatever however you like to communicate they match you up with a therapist you. If you don't like that therapist you feel like you're not by been they can switch up with another one. Everyone on there is licensed professionals. You have to worry about your information getting leaked or anything like that. They specialize in anxiety depression all kinds of different things. Lgbtq matters Pretty much everything. You're dealing with specialty Person on their four you to help you so You really you know. This is your chance to give it a try. Even if it's just a month you do that. Ten percent off code with Better help h. e. l. p. dot com slash brittany. And if you're curious head to better dot com and just read the testimonials. There's a lot of really good stuff on there. I was even reading some and yeah. I'm a big advocate of therapy. You know get it out. Don't hold it in. Even if roy have to ride it out. Talk to somebody do whatever you have to do. And now in this virtual world. You don't even have to leave your house to get help so i hope some of you take advantage of this better. Hope dot com slash brittany joy. Hi i'm trevor noah of the daily show with trevor noah which is also a podcast. Did you missed last night's episode catch up with the daily show with. Trevor noah is addition. It's everything you love about the daily show except for the dimples but we are working on technology to make an audio version of those two. You can listen to the podcast. Monday to friday mornings everywhere. Podcasts are available daily show. With trevor noah subscribe now support for. This podcast comes from. At and t. All right so to stay connected. At and t. Business has the only wireless plan your teams need with mobile hotspot data up to one hundred gigabytes. They can easily use their phones to connect tablets and laptops to the internet from really virtually wherever work takes them giving them the power to boost productivity even on the go upgrade to. At t. business and get our best plan with nationwide five g and one hundred gigabytes in mobile hotspot data visit att dot com slash business elite terms and conditions apply support for this podcast comes from progressive. What would you do with an extra eight hundred dollars by plane ticket paid on your student. Loan treat yourself to those shoes. You benign with progressive. You could find out drivers who switch and save save an average of seven hundred ninety six dollars on car insurance get your quote online at progressive dot com and see how much you could be saving national average annual car insurance savings by new customer survey. Who saved with progressive in twenty nineteen support for this podcast comes from progressive. What would you do with an extra eight hundred dollars by plane ticket paid on your student. Loan treat yourself to those shoes. You benign with progressive. You could find out drivers who switch and save save an average of seven hundred ninety six dollars car insurance get your quote online at progressive dot com and see how much you could be saving national average annual car insurance savings by new customer survey who save with progressive and twenty nineteen. Is that a dual diagnosis sticker on your. He stuck it on his phone. K- so the character is so that character. He's short movie. That's his own insulated environment that he built to surround himself at babe there. It is the dual diagnosis guy. Who's a short film on our site that you can watch about him and what. That guy has been so traumatized that he had to build his own environment with his own air where nobody could touch germ dow in his own little in environment and that way he could interact with the warwick. Would you went short film as he from. Or what are we on the on the dual diagnosed him. Oh yeah heart of your creation this multidimensional. It's not just swag dimensional film are watch your film. It's really cool. No the film on this diagnosis film. He's in there. So yes. That's so i love that okay. So we were talking about. Yeah like just the stigma behind taking anything or trying to help yourself. If you're struggling. Yeah i don't. I think that the days of feeling bad about that or over folks ask. Let's let's let's let's do away with. I feel bad because and don't let anyone in any twelve step program. Give you shit about something that you may or may not take because in the literature it says outside issues and some of us need other other help and it's and if you really want the fucking truth in bill story which is in the alcoholics anonymous book as bills partial story. They left out a lot and they left out all the part where he worked with psychedelics. To find out who he was. What kind of psychedelics. Ls everything lsd at. The time at the at the time was alyce right. Sometimes you do to help. It helps with depression right. Obviously but then isn't come down from that so the md main again. This is not me advising any right right to anybody's hearing this and has any interest. Look it up Dr your research. Don't contact me. i can't help you. These people start message on britney. Get some ketamine. I don't you know we go through you. Know it's it's we're in trials with with the md may not even out but If you if you you know if you apply the except you then you can get jar and so that is a whole nother experience where you are cognitive. And it whole it holds your heart and safety so you can access the scary things that you otherwise wouldn't access because you know you're safe and the comedown. Yeah it can be rough. But there are. Now that this is becoming medically tested and done by scientists in laboratories. Those come downs are not as bad because they're gearing this medicine for this kind of trauma. Work so I've had great success with it But it's it's not for everybody. It's not and you don't have to you. Don't i never done i want girl. Let's go to. We'll do it but you'll want to do it in peru or something now. Tommy wants to do it. There's no help just in case it goes wrong. i wanted to do it at the peninsula. We have a lady. We actually are friends with our our my friend sara lee. She's a actually a pet communicator. Which she's amazing and she can talk to animals which is fucking crazy. I know it sounds crazy. But she's actually so good and she has a shaman that she's to shamans a male and female and she's like all come anytime you guys. I'm i'm veasley not going to do it because i'm out of my gourd as it is but i watch you guys you know. And that's the next layer then there's d. m. t. which is the five amiya which comes from the toad so there's right now. There's all these pens floating around. La you know like dm t. Pens and people are hitting them and that's not the shit that gets a little trip d. Whatever that's not the deep dive shit. The deep dive shit comes straight from the towed in the sonora desert and they extract from the glands and you have to make sure to let the toad go have you done d. m. t. Oh yeah okay. So that's like the spirit molecule. Yeah and what does that make you feel. Like there's absolute. I don't really think that there's any possible way. Heck explain it otherwise. Because i wasn't there you know what i mean. That's that's the thing i wasn't there i was just down loaded with cosmic information. It was just instant. I had nothing to do with it. You know what i mean. That lasts fifteen minutes and you can get in that. You can drive home with that. That's crazy because that chemical lizard our bodies and so it assimilates quicker. What i mean so like there's no hangover. Isn't it like a lot only lasts. You said what fifteen minutes fifteen twenty minutes. So and then you're in you're out. Yeah and you can go back and if you want you can go back in and feel like fifteen minutes or does it feel like an hour. I asked after my first time was like how long was that. Was i gonna really eight minutes. I'm like what felt like three days. It felt like a lifetime. You know i mean. I don't remember what you saw or what you went through. I mean i have images in my head of what i saw. But it wasn't experiential like that it was more it was more breaking through this layer of consciousness. We scared yeah. There have been well. I've had times when it was scary and have had times when it wasn't at times that were beautiful. May think that you know there's a lot of there's a lot of prerequisites when it comes to this kind of stuff. Which is you know the set the setting the intention who you're with what you're working on like you don't just go fucking hit the pipe in hope for the best like there's a whole thing for it you know what i mean. There's a whole whether it's an. It's it's essentially the same thing that the shaman do except in a therapeutic form which is like. We want to know why we're here. We want to make sure that we're safe. We wanna make sure that we're in a comfortable environment and then we're good to go if you're not scared but if you take with you my experiences that can come out with you know what i mean. So it's not for everybody kind of where your mindset is you know what is not necessarily but i just for me my experience and i can't speak on that but my experiences that i've gone in with a bad mindset and came out with about mindset and that was dangerous and have you done the microdosing with mushrooms to help at all. Have you done. Because that's just a new thing. That's that's nice. It's like that yeah. I do that on days when i have a lot to do. And really inspired. But i'll do it every day. It's like it's sub perceptual. So you don't feel it. Oh so you don't even know your. There's no there's no wiggly's there's no laughing. There's no stomach is just like little. Lift like a little happier. I wouldn't even say happier because it allows you to access your own happiness. Oh so. I don't do anything that makes me feel different. I do things that helped me. Access how i feel a big difference right right because it is within us and sometimes we just need help getting their because i have so much blockage of You know mom's death drug addiction. I'm not good enough. I'm I i'm terrible at what i music. Whatever the messaging is of the day because it changes You know it depends. So i i just really try and stay focused on just the cosmic joy that that i received i wouldn't i wouldn't i wouldn't do that. I wouldn't migratory. I wouldn't microdosing on a day that i thought that it was having a rough time. Right as a solution right. We don't do anything well it could. I don't know i mean for me. I'm not into the hi. i'm not into like let's party and drop these and go to the thing i'm into like i'm using plant medicine to enhance what i'm already doing. Right and what. I'm already discovering about myself and in conjunction with serious team of doctors. You know it's fucking above board safe. That's great that's so good. I have an. And i just wanna tell you guys if anything i'm talking about sounds interesting like i can't stress that enough. There's a lot of people out there who call themselves shaman. Because they had an eye alaska experience and now they know how to to give you a couple of iowa. He careful who you pick i. I would say in the same tone with who was in the room gauge. The energy of those people like you moved here and then you got much happier. I bet you disconnected with a lot of energy that you wasn't serving. You know what i mean. And i've gone through a process of my life. Forever reconnected with the people who have brought me positive. Energy and i have distanced myself from people who bring negative energy. Because like i said in my fifties that is not. I'm planning on spending the rest of my life right. You need to be surrounded by happiness and have you had any children. Do you have children or don't want to have children. I don't i don't think Amateur at fifty. Three to have a kid right now. I don't know if that's the stars. I'm not against it. I love kids. I just i just don't i don't know i'm not i'm not shut down to it and i'm also you know not necessarily stoked on it even right. You're not. I want to be a dad. It'd be so important to me too. God kids that And lola and todd. i'm gonna make them watch this so they can hear their names Let you know. He's a he's a he's a teenage guitar player. So i go over there and teach them rock riffs. I'm like dude. This is what you need to know. No listen any of this and teacher taught you that. that's cool. forget that Yeah so i love doing that. A little start doesn't really matter doesn't like you learn learn. I teach them to learn techniques and then have the techniques as an arsenal. And then make up your own thing and you taught yourself. Yeah you didn't have any lessons ever had like you know. When i was a kid say basics and then you went from there just kinda did it once i discovered jimi hendrix at about maybe ten or eleven as escape park. They go skate parks pools and do that. And i heard i heard hendrix voodoo child playing over the loudspeaker. I picked up my skateboard. I looked at the speaker. Were what the fuck that went into. The office and i was like what's playing jimmy hendrix jimi hendrix. And i went the next stop. Was the record store from the skate. Park to the record store and That changed my life Got you into music. James lawrence so gray. I love that. I'm so happy. I feel like you. You're so your energy is very peaceful and it feels like you really reached a point where you know who you are and like you know. Call me next week dead. I know how to act this podcast. You're gonna go says the peacefulness. When i know there's a camera on kidding i'm kidding okay. What about like a bad like sexual experience or like crazy sex story or like. I don't know anything. Maybe on tour like some fucking crazy thing or like a girl like you know. Tommy somalia sounds like throwing up on his dick all kinds of. Yeah well things who hasn't thrown up on his. Let's be honest God i mean you wanna give me a scenario like a sexual scenario about like a worse like have you ever had an experience where you were just like. This is the worst experience i mean. I feel like i've so many to put me on the spot. I don't even know how many. Yeah i mean because sometimes the worst experience doesn't manifest itself to later so like you meet a girl you hook up. You're going to have one of those nights and you're stoked and it went grade and it was hot and you're like fuck. Yeah that was a great night and then you wake up to her with luggage at your front door. The next day where she's like move out so worst that's worse. She's moving in. She thinks us. Oh my god. I kinda shit deal with loving loving league as the grown up. Last night was what it was. We made that clear. I'm sorry that misread. Read this right right right. There is no chance that i am ready for anything like this do you. Are you ever going to get married again. I don't i don't i don't think so why I'm not sure that. I'm you know i had a great marriage and i'm still super tight with carmen and i love her to death. But i don't know. I think that was the one and it was good and it lasted as long as it did and i am. Why did it end. I'm asking or is that too. We became best friends okay. So it wasn't sexual anymore. It was but it was. We became best friends which meant that. It prevented us from living an expanding in our lives. On you know individually you know what i mean we were just like kinda locked down together and He didn't want to hang out with anybody else. You didn't want to do anything on. Like i know i would. I would say that we just became used to living together and then like sooner or later my wife became my roommate and it was like i didn't love her. Any less just was like what are we. She felt the same way so we were just like well. Let's let's Actually what happened was we took a break and in that break you know i had a break and i and i went out and did what i did. And then i got blasted by a speak lee and people and all that shit and it became a big fucking up now so the press basically just took my relationship and squish. Didn't traumatized eight into a fucking heartbreaking story but what else is new. That's what they did. And so then she was like whoa. I don't wanna go back together now because of you know all this stuff or whatever. It wasn't so much that i think it just after that. Like and then after the explosion everything it was just like and we'd had some some time apart it was just like let's be fucking cool each other really happy about that. Like do you feel like that was like a content in the moment no in the moment no but i'm super happy. It worked out that way. Okay because i gotta rad friend out of it. And i had a million amazing other experiences and i've met other really incredible incredible women that have inspired me so i don't regret that at all It's anything a long term relationship in hollywood with two people who aren't home very much. It's pretty tricky. Yeah know so. She shooting whenever she shooting. I'm on tour. We see each other like we had to book our wedding around her shooting. Schedule in my touring schedule and like fly in and get married really quick and then had to fly back out like it was just. It's insane. Tommy told me the same thing the same situation and it's so funny because now like we're marrying married for a year and a half the other four years and it's like we spend literally every day together and like literally every day other every moment together. It's kind of funny and you know he was saying he's like i didn't get to really do that in my other relationships because i was always or think this is a first relationship where i'm like in a real relationship i like you know. There's the good days there's the bad days. There's the sexy days. There's the not sexy day the days when you want to you know it's like a relief real life. That's a really nice thing for you to come to a realization and just be like. Wow this is this is what they're talking about owning mean like it's it doesn't have to be chaos and drama and plans and it just you can just flow and in being in in the acceptance of what kinda day it's going to be in that doesn't dictate like well if she's going to be like this then i'm out like fuck that. Well i think the thing is to marriage is like it's such a commitment to blake. You know whether things are good or bad you you have to understand that it's like nobody's perfect and not every single day you're going to be you know completely head over heels with this person knowing to go up and down it's just lay funeral and i also had that i'm not one hundred percent certain because i've tried and tried and tried and tried and i'm okay with this but i just don't think that i'm not a monogamous guy. I just don't think that. I am and i just tried and You know and then. I have to be okay with that and i have my partners. Have to be okay with that. Actually relationships do you tell your partners. I'm gonna be with other people or no no. No i'm saying like in this new phase of my life like i'm not i'm recently out of relationship but were super close friends and i just. I'm not looking to to lock up right away. I'm enjoying just being able to have space. I don't even being single implies that i'm seeing other people. I'm just enjoying that. She has the space to do what she needs to do. And i love to see her flourish. That way. And then in the meantime i get when i'm doing i'm i'm naming thinking about dating right now. You know or anything like that. But i think that what what i meant by that was my whole life. I've never really been a monogamous guy. And i've tried to fit myself into a wedge that i'm just not cut four. So what does that mean like when you're in a relationship with a girl and you really like her. It doesn't matter how much you like. are you still want. You still find yourself wanting to sleep with other people no matter what well. What's your favorite restaurant in the world. I know what you're gonna say. I know exactly. Do you want to eventually want to drive by in and out but what about. Here's another thing. I dated a guy like this restaurant won't feel bad about it. Dated a guy like this. And i told him i was like okay. So you wanna sleep with other people so like let's and we experienced like escorts like we would do that together you know and like that wasn't enough. It was like he had to go. And do it behind without me to a very not a healthy dynamic. Wasn't no 'cause. I'm a very like i've been in those relationships to where we've had like the open connection and we've brought partners and it's all above board. I've never really been much of a cheating guy. Yeah and guy. Because i have a theory and you probably know this is true. Tommy lie for shit. Nobody probably knows that this theory is probably he's gonna he's gonna factual is it for us. Women will always find out no matter what you do. They will know. So don't lie. They're gonna figure it out it's going to happen. He calls me the internet police. Because i see everything. I know every louis especially nowadays nowadays. Even the girl that runs into your girlfriend starbucks. I saw dave last night. He was out with so and so and you know that is going to happen so before all that you could literally get away with. What would murder pretty much. Tommy mrs those days when there was no cell phones for parade. There's no like you had a ca- get on a phone. Her now of what. I respond in a text to people because now they screen shot and send those everywhere. You know what i mean. It's like i know it's some girl would write me something and all right back. I sure would love to reply to this. However in this day and age of screenshots. I think i'm just gonna say thank you in socks. We gotta live in these fucking. You know this cancel culture fucking bubble like questioning our every move and when we had an opportunity to live free and fuck like the indians. He literally says lake. Tommy tells me we used to get away with murder. He's like some guys would be having their wife come up that the elevator as their girlfriend was going down on one side. Yeah literally. He told me it was unreal. I mean i've never been so funny for me. Like i don't even know i know it's so funny 'cause like i don't even get i'm i don't get you guys because like i could never like when i'm in love with somebody say the restaurant. Can you relate to the fact that you got this going on right but you couldn't just do this twice. It has to be this and this. It's still two times but it's not twice with this one. It's once with this one wants. Yeah that's where we came from. I know but you feel like even as you're getting older that that's kinda changed or no like i don't know i wonder like i just kind of feel like as you guys get older. Like i feel like tommy's very monogamous. Like he is very like he is. I mean we have like a very open relationship in terms of like he can look at my phone anytime i can look at his looks like very very nice and very loyal and i don't know if i would say that about thirty year old tommy but i mean you now you're not fifty eight you. I feel like i got the best year. The my last girlfriend who i told you still just yeah at over heels lover forever She got the best version of me. Yeah you know guys get better with age. And also i feel like you. Don't you feel like that. Not that that you've been tame sort of i feel like do you feel like kind of winds down a little bit and you like as you get older. You cherish a more now. I just realized that sometimes the memory or the idea is really hot and exciting but the planning and the escape and scheming and the texting it so much fucking award. Like i'm just like i just don't want to do the work i just don't wanna do it. I'd rather do something fun. And he's got that awesome studio downstairs. I would just be in the studio all day. It'd be just as happy. So that's you know in understand. Like when we were touring a hate. Hate bringing this up because it sounds so callous. But i think there's some truth to it like there was only i worry outlined what those tours could be like and how volatile they could be and then you add liquor to it and it could probably get more of a little more fun. That's a crap. Shoot you add drugs. You don't know what that's gonna do which you know that meeting someone new and having energy and chemistry and ceremonies flying around is gonna fuck him. Be great you know what i mean and that works every time so i think that's why a lot of musicians have been Slapped with that. Hate to i hate us. Were groupie now but just like sleeping with their fans but the fact of the matter is as much as as as you know. They wanted to have an exciting time with us. We wanted an escape with them and Are you codependent in any ways or do you do. Are you pretty like good on your own like you're like okay. I'm i'm okay. The book the giving tree of corey justed an art piece called the co-dependency. Because if you really think about that. Tree is a tree and a kid and the kid takes and takes and takes and takes now. I met this girl. I wanna borrow your would to build a house for her. Now i want you know what i mean. And the give and the just keeps giving 'til it's a dead stump at the end of the book. Is the most unhealthy story any any children who expects the relationship to go that way and their life is got another thing coming Some people are like that though. Like i'm a really big giver. And i'll give give give give until i'm a tree stump like so but that's that's those are boundaries that you can work on exactly whereas the teaching of healthy boundaries in this book whereas the tree the kid to fuck off and how about the tree saying listen. I need this branch to live. But i'll be happy to give you all. These sleet whatever. I want to rewrite it. I'm gonna do shit. That's such a good idea. Yeah but such a classic book and it does make me cry. But i am calling codependent in the sense that if i'm worried about someone that hijacks anything i can do really. Yeah so if. I'm in if i'm worried about like someone safety or someone's mental stability or someone i care about and love and then being potentially unhappy then yeah i can be a little codependent in the sense that i will put off what i need to do to take care of. You take care of them to make sure they're okay because once i know they're okay then i can xl. And then. i can do this. It's really giving it's giving but it's also like where's the part about. Oh maybe they're just not answering the phone. Like i don't go there i go. Oh my god it's a problem. Maybe they're in the shower. You know what i mean like. That's what i'm talking about. Nats code pin. Because i'm just like ono the you're okay yangos tests let me know. You're okay so i can feel better like yeah. I have that to a degree. And i'm working on it but Also really big to learn that. Like and i and i have a lot of trouble with this is like you're not responsible for other peoples happiness and i'm like i'm kind of like i'm always trying to help people almost trying to make people feel better at my own expense often as well and the hardest thing is to realize that you know you're not responsible no anyone else's happiness neurone no and and also when we feel responsible for someone else's happiness who is not taking any action on their own should be happy right that's really challenging know so So i try to watch the goethe penalty. I'm you know i'm no. I'm not perfect. I got i got it all but at least you know the i've intellectualized all of it so i have such a firm grasp understanding on a what i need to address and where it's coming from and all that but it doesn't it doesn't take away the feelings and life united say pain and suffering. Is there as contrast joy without pain and suffering. We don't know a joyous. So that's why being suffering is the gift to have the valleys to have the highs. You have to have the loews because everything was a high and great. What would what would you know what it was. Also talking about burning man arm. You wouldn't know it was great because it's great the normal. You know exactly exactly. So that's that's Yeah that's what. I'm really all about with this this thing. Yeah the messaging and I just i love what you're doing because there's so many people coming out now and just saying this is who i am owning it and finding power in that and i'm okay with it like i'm okay with like i. I knew a lot of people are going to be very like just and like it's affected me in terms of like you know. I think jobs. Like i booked a lot more acting stuff when i wasn't talking about the stuff as much but i definitely don't care because i'm like wow i'd rather be no who i'm really am than you should be more than okay with it. I'm glad you'll pay with it. But i would like to see you get to a place where you're fucking proud of it. You are doing something that takes a lot of strength and you take a lot of guts and the fucking balls delayed out online. You know dislikes slice yourself open and spilled on the guts for the world to see and say look. My insides are just as disgusting yours. You know what. I mean if not worse or whatever you know what i mean. It's exactly and the gift from that is how many people it reaches. That don't feel alone anymore. So many people and then also like just in that and i don't mean interrupt but that gift outweighs the one or two people who are like cloud she's crazy. You know what i mean like. Fuck you dude. Literally like i i think all the time the amounts of messages i get every day where people so you've listened to the podcast because it makes me feel normal. Listen to them. Don't listen to the person that's gonna judge because that's the energy you don't want your life anywhere the dude is like i just need to give you some good dick and you'll be fuck you fucking normal. Mike read all that stuff. You only because like i do submit submissions for worse i i have. People submit their stories. Yeah i didn't really submit one just because you take your pick you know i've had. Okay here's a here's a worst. I i d was in england in late nineteen eighty-nine in a a squatter flat or it's just like just street. Kids live in there. We had no power you know. Just we squatted. I need to make sure this is going. Not a great story so we had a. We found this abandoned building in me and these street kids. We're all junkies. I was on tour with jane's addiction and it had a day off and hook up with these dudes. Want this flat. I shot up. And i went out and i'm talking. You know right away you're gonna you oh deed no because i woke up maybe six hours later with one of the guy's going to you were dead. You're dead so what they ended up doing. I didn't know this because it was all candles because we never electricity. Who's really dark and so there were all these other street kids and they are freaking out. Because they didn't want to get arrested so they split shoe. This guy's dead. We're outta here other buddy who i did know drag me down the stairs and lean me up against like something an embankment on the curb and just call the paramedics. Okay and then like ran away and like watch around the corner in. The paramedics never came so he pulls me back up stairs. Blitz me in a bath. Tub runs water on me and i start to cough and choke and come back to life and then On never forget. This i i. I'm like lane. Like this. And i opened my eyes and i go what's going on. He's he's looking down. He's like dude. You're fucking dead like no paul. No pulse i got him. Oh my god wow a. Why'd you bring me back. More dope left first question first question with you guys. Motherfucker used to shoot jack daniels when he ran out of heroin. Yeah we'll because the fixing is part of the addiction to. I just want to stick a needle. In my vein. It's not really matter. What's in it coke speed math whatever you got you don't remember your death. You don't remember anything during deaths. No not for me because it just went black. But don't don't take that as a as as what it's like. I think that i was meant to come back. So i didn't get to the light. You know what i mean. There's a lot of things that you can we. Can you can manipulate these things into the things. That are the most positive for so. I think that this guy saved my life. And i didn't go to the light but it was all just like within a snap. Six hours went by. And i have no recollection of any of it. So that was the war's worst your that was your worst od. I don't know if it was but it was pretty bad. You oh deed I mean god. Over the years. I don't know like multiple again on hand or more than one hand. Yeah yeah so. Here's the way i look at it. If i was saved from being home with my mom in not getting killed. And i've overdoses many times i have and i haven't died and i'm sitting here with you. Who someone who is like minded and we struggle with the same things and we're sharing to them. That is fucking magic. That is god that is the cosmos. Whatever you wanna call it. That's evidence of god working in our lives. So that's how. I i look at all those mistakes and all those things in an and i i love. I love some of those stories. And wouldn't you know some of my worst experiences. Just make for the best stories today. And i'm glad i had them. Yeah it's life man. It's colorful it's colorful. We've had some amazing just the most beautiful experiences. And she's like the darkest most horrific experiences like that. You could any that humanity could even want to think about and i and i know way too much about the entertainment industry and what's going on in it and what's going on right now. It turns my stomach and You know it's just Their flavors everyday's a different flavor. You know and and today on a good flavor man seeing you guys are fucking in this beautiful space and and we're talking about stuff that matters. Yeah that's the cool thing and it is like you know it is so important to say that stand up to four in the morning doing lines with you wouldn't be great too. I can't even do like weird. I used to be able to do coke when i was younger. But i can't even take a lick five milligram. Adderall out having a panic. Attack like my chemistry change like twenty five. I used to slam coke. That was my thing. So yes i used to shoot coke and when you shoe co. get last like ten fifteen minutes i would do it over and over and over and over and over again all day all day all day and it used the heroin balance it out so i could keep shooting call you or skinny skinny fucking look. Great favorite like i know. It's so unhealthy like kate. Moss just like which is fucking weird. Because i grew up. In the era of kate moss. And i'm looking at the girls today going. How did this happen guy. I don't understand what's going on. Because like body positivity and thicker the vicar the better the more power to you. But i'm whatever crazy it's just era you know from a different era so But yeah i. I don't even know where to go with this. Because you said you used to do cocoa so like so now it turned on me because of the highest. I got no business going near anything. Speedy nothing weird. Your kind of like changes. Because like i was i did. I was on adderall for years like five years when i was younger. And like you know twenty two between twenty and forty milligrams a day. And i was like ninety pounds and i was just a little tweaker but i was so hot kidding. I'm kidding kidding. Anyway so But yeah then i now. I can't even drink fucking coffee or have anything was caffeine. Or i'm over the edge or your heart's gonna jump call having heart attack. My husband's like you're thirty four. My doesn't matter. I'll be the first ones. There's some good calling the cops and fire departments on myself stories that we do that can tag. Could i give you a rational answer. That would make sense. Can you know of course not like. I'm like you know five o'clock and like i'm convinced they're out there. Who's there then paranoid schizophrenia. They are right. You do enough coke and they show up there in the trees can make up a noculars got helicopters and all that stuff. I mean you know. I used to hang out with scott scott weiland. We were talking about scott earlier. We use together and that guy went hard. I mean we. I went but he went hard and and like so he the the difference to me was like he would. We would be seeing ghosts. You're up for eleven days. Do you start to elucidate literally. Not sleep for eleven days are here. Can't you die after like three. I don't i. I didn't But i had. I had a supplement to keep me away. Oh my god you guys are fucking crazy so scott. The difference mean scott was scott would be tude. This house has coast. Senator looking at right now and i'm like that's me on no drugs. I'm like i know but you're just seeing them because you're on drugs. Like i knew the difference like he would get spooked by am whereas i would see him and no. That's a hallucination. From drugs he went one step beyond where it was like He was seeing. We were both one night. Seeing we spent time with our current friends from their future ghosts. So like for instance. If i went home tonight and got into that behavior and talk to your ghost after you die fucking fifty sixty years from now. I come in to come back. But you're still alive in the real plane like those are the places we don't you kinda part of you think that maybe these drugs have enabled you to actually see what is really happening or do you feel like it was just the drugs now. I think the enabled me to have a fast track to find a goddamn solution. Yeah you know what i mean like meaning had i not gotten into my drug addiction. I would never been turned onto anything to help with it. Which means i would have lost all those tools of coping. I would have lost the support. That i have now. I would probably be a totally different person. So the drugs led me to self healing In a strange way i survived the process. Some people don't survive it Which is why. I think it's really important that people seek out there self-healing now so they don't have to go through what we've gone through In order to get the same thing go to the same place. You don't have to kill yourself or come close to dying to find the the light and i enter the tunnel. You know what i mean. It's just it's a waste of time. Yeah what are you. What advice do you have won't keep you much longer. But what advice do you have to anyone. That's struggling with addiction right now and feels hopeless and feels like stuck in that cycle with. I mean there's there's so much right. Now with the kobe lockdowns and stuff there are so many zoom meetings and they are twelve step oriented and you just do a random search islet absolutely advised that because and i don't care what twelve step group it is or even if it's just a process group or even if it's just finding therapists that you can facetime with Professional help is out there. They're all working. They're all doing it with the with the digital technology which is one great aspect of it and So i do. I do three three groups a week. Rally there like an hour each. And we check in and it establishes Relationships it establishes a connections with people who who are struggling. So you don't feel alone there's laughter there's community antic their structure within the week so it used to be. I didn't know what day it was. Because we're in this lockdown like who gives a fuck with day it is right. It's the same day while now. I know where. I have to be monday wednesday and friday and so having that structure in place is also a great gift because it takes me out of my own head. That's running the show. Most of the time you know that our homeless are struggling right now wrapped up. I mean whether it be like depression anxiety. Whatever i know there are online meetings for pretty much everything for everything and there are support line. And even if it's calling your best friend. And saying i never told you this and i really need to get this off my chest. You will feel better you do. I mean you have to talk about it. I try to keep my grief bank empty. You know means crying out or talking out or whatever you know you have to. You have to keep it empty. Otherwise it's full on builds up. And i mean if you if you and i can sit here and talk about this stuff is openly as we have to as many people who watch you i mean which is millions you know and be comfortable cool about it and feel like proud of it like yeah man. We're fucking survivors. Not gonna let. I'm not gonna let some drug addiction or some dark thaad or some loss of a girl or some whatever like ruined the gift that i've been given you know and i refuse digest about that I mean thinking about. I mentioned chris earlier and i went to chris. Cornell's funeral or chester bennington saying four chris cornell and then a month later. I'm sitting at chester zero a month later. I mean like these. It doesn't have to go that way. And these were two of the most gracious loving nicest guys chester would fucking show up before the crew and he would leave after they fucking closed the venue like he was a dedicated diehard. I've never seen anybody work with that ethic before Scott was a fucking sweetheart chris. Chris and i used to do. We used during twelve step panels when we did lollapalooza. So obviously of and jane's addiction ryan thing and during the day we reach out to rehab facilities and say. Hey bring bring your kids to the concert. Immune chris will hang out with them and they get to see a free concert with guys doing this with no chemicals in their body and having a fucking blast awesome so mean. Chris got to do that. And so when when when he lot when we lost him. I really really. It really broke my heart and especially like the kids that came and saw guys were probably like. Aw fuck like. I went and saw those guys and they told me it was. Okay now here they are. Well you know no not even that. I think it's valuable lesson them for them to know that is no guarantees. You know and like one of the guys that invited us down. Didn't make it sadly but one of them did and he's still doing something about it and you know why that is however that worked out that way. I don't know i'm not gonna question it. But i still have a responsibility to carry on that legacy that he and i started in his name. You knows that's always tell that story about him because people don't know what to giving guy he was. You know the kindest people often are the most damaged. And i feel like it's because they they don't want anyone else to feel the way they feel you know and they know what it's like for me. I know what it's like within my family structure. How different phrases intones and in the way things land on people you may not mean something a certain way but the words and the tone that you use and choose in the moment can land harder than the words and so. I think it's just about choosing your words. And not an owning for me. What i do in my relationship with my ex relationship now We still talk as I just show what's going on with me and my side of the thing. I don't sit there and go. You're not doing this. You're not doing that. You're not doing this. That's not my business. That's her business. My business is what i'm doing. And if i'm doing why do for me. And she's doing what she's due for her and we can communicate but that's how it works. I see that with you guys. I mean you know where you guys are at. It's it's a beautiful thing see so it's absolutely true. Communication is the biggest thing. I mean we you know. I'm a big advocate of therapy and big advocate of couples therapy. I'm a big advocate of therapy for yourself and you know just talking to people. It's so important. Because i mean even tommy's tons of fuckin- hard lifting heavy work on him. So yeah so you guys have that connection our you know how to phrase things. Yeah we work on. I mean we're not perfect. We definitely work on. Millwood is your nas. And and that's the thing is i will say that we definitely do you know and we have our moments where you know if one of us does say or do something. That's not like the favorite thing of the other person will be like okay. You know what. I'm gonna take a minute and like let me come back to you and were learning to like go and take a minute. Come back and go. You know what actually said that. The way of way you wanted to say often times. I think when we say things about how we feel it's coming from a place her or anger fear and then what happens is the other person's defense immediately. Goes up like that like that. Like hey you hurt me. What do you mean. I heard you. I'm everything perfect. what are you talking about. Take care of everything. You know what i mean like. That's where you go but like you pause for a second. You look at that thing fucking come down and then you can talk and say hey. This is someone i love. Who's hurting and i heard them out. Yeah there's a quote that you don't get to say whether you've heard someone or not like it's like you know you don't get to make that call it's there. I needed to hear that because Thank you welcome. I do take that on. you know. Sometimes when when the co-dependency thing comes up it's like yeah sometimes put myself i and taking care of myself. I fear that it hurts others. Really what i'm doing is attending to myself care. So i can be present in the future somporn. I feel like we touched on so many amazing things. It's been such a great podcast boosted two hours. I love it Guys make sure to follow. Dave and you have a dual diagnosis. Has its own instagram right. So it's just dual diagnosis on instagram. I'm tagging dave and everything so you obviously need to know where to find davies right here. So just go ahead and click the links. follow him. Followed you'll diagnosis. And you have so much going on right now you. You're doing a charity thing. You're doing the dual diagnosis stuff. You're doing you're constantly playing everything. So just keep up with him on his socials and wanna see what he has going on right now. It's his busy so It's really gray and try not to unseat him with a personal messages. Even though we. I love it. When i get them and i appreciate you guys saying how much it's helped you and whatnot. That's always a producing what i tell people. Yeah i love. I love the personal stories. And i do read them. Yeah i do too. I try law people. Ask me for what to do. And what i always tell them is like i have said everything i know i mean i. I'm not keeping some secret off this podcast. That the real answer like it's fucking hard work you know so i just i just tell them with love like. I wish i could tell you more. But anything that i've experienced where i i know i've shared already and those are the things that work for me. I love it. Well thank you so much for being here and you're the best than anyone out there who's struggling. I know i share better help as advertising howard cash. They support podcasts. Needs one third better. Hope dot com is a great resource. I thank you guys so much. The listening and Any postseason how to sleep in the comments below and.

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