Successful Parenting Interview with My Mom Part 1
Welcome to the kingdom mom podcast. I'm your host Lindsay Anderson Founder of Kingdom coaching and helping homeschool DOT COM. Here are King Demaim. We grow together in identity. Marriage parenting home management and in our finances. We would love for you to join our community go to kingdom on PODCAST DOT COM to join paid monthly coach community. It's basically like the podcast but on steroids and you get to hear weekly coaching halls. Plus you get live the IP QNA's and we also have an affiliate program where you can actually earn while you learn but you can also join our tribe of mom binder masters absolutely free by taking our free ultimate mom binder video course. Just go to kingdom mom podcasts. Dot Com all right. Are you ready to take back? Your territory King Demaim. Let's begin. Hey and welcome back to another episode of the Kingdom pod guest. I am so excited about these episodes. Y'All I've finally convinced my mom. Mary Baldwin attacked better all the time. to a series of interviews and. I am my mind is blown about how powerful these episodes are you know. Sometimes it seems like I'm just talking to my mom but as we were recording these I was literally blown away by how helpful these are going to be for so many people. You're just you literally are getting to be a fly on the welfare conversation that my mom and I are having together talking about my childhood talking about her strategies Her and my dad for marriage for parenting for spirituality their identity and for whom management we talk about all of these things and I. I learned so much from listening. You'RE GONNA LEARN A ton. I feel like I grew up in a really stable great household and I know that a lot of people didn't and so I think it's important if you want somebody's results You GotTa talk to somebody who actually has the results at you. Want right if you want to see success in an area and my mom definitely was a great success at being a wife and a mom Two three children who are now self employed entrepreneurs People have good character not to toot my own horn and my siblings. But I think we're all pretty great people. We grew up to be great people Who Do the right thing? And I hope that you take notes and listen to what my mom has to say because these are really powerful things. I think that these interviews are going to change some marriages. I think these interviews are going to change some people's parenting strategies and just how they kind of approach life in general. I'm so excited you you're literally just GonNa get in right in the middle of the conversation One thing though is after this series of episodes is done My mom is going to be joining us in the MOM binder Masters Group on facebook to do a live. Qna So if you have any questions be sure to share those with us there all right. Let's listen in my name is Mary Baldwin. And I'm Lindsay's mom and I grew up in a town called Mitchell South Dakota and when I was a teenager I met her father and we dated for a few years and then we got married when I was eighteen years old. And that wasn't unusual back then a lot of people got married when they were eighteen and then I got moved to the town of bone. Steel South Dakota which is a little town of less than three hundred people. And it was kind of shock to my system to move to such a little town but I- adjusted and actually WanNa live anywhere else and Michael and I got married in. Nineteen seventy nine missing and in nineteen eighty one. Our daughter Lisa was born and in nineteen eighty three Our Son John was born and in nineteen eighty seven. Lindsay was born and raised all the kids here on our farm just outside a bone steel and they went to school at both still Fairfax High School. And then they all grew up and moved away and we still live here. I don't know. I think it was a good life forum. They all seem to think they had the decent childhood. So that's where we are today. My husband Michael Steele farms were trying to get semi retired. But that's a hard thing on a farm. Okay so you raise your kids on the farm so first question that I have to ask is obviously. It is no longer the norm to get married at eighteen years old. Do you feel like that was a good thing. Do you feel like like knowing what you know now. Would you do that differently? Like what are your thoughts are I? I have thought about that over the years and I. I think I'd had a fit. If one of my girls came home in eighteen and said I've found the man of my dreams. I'm getting married but at the time it was so normal and when I think back I always say I wouldn't do it any different. I you know and I think. I think that I'm lucky because my husband is five years older than me. And he's always just been to the core common sense got just commonsense guy and so my parents liked him before I even met him and I think that him being common sense guy helped for me to to grow into became and it. Because I think I was young and could have been easily influenced and I thank God that he was a great influence. I agree he's pretty stellar guy. Okay so question is a second question is how do you feel like parenting is different for? Us moms today versus the way that it was for you back in the day. I think that MOM's today in part of its social media and part of it is I don't know it. Seems like the world feels like they have a right to impose their beliefs upon you. It was a lot easier to discipline your children back in the day and I'm not talking. I'm not just talking spankings although you could spank them without being judged but I just think it will you feel. You were so much under a microscope. Managing your children as much as I think. Young people are now. Yeah I mean I guess I do feel like us. Modern moms are under a microscope. Lake literally everything that we're doing is constantly being watched or judge store or at least we perceive it that way because people probably still had opinions back then but they weren't so you didn't have easy access to other people's opinions well and I think that you when you grew up and I think you would agree with this. We were around so many like minded people and I think part of that is small town farm community rural South Dakota community where everybody just wanted to raise their kids to be good lead god-fearing hard-working moral people and that was just the norm and nats who we were round. That's who we had our kids around and I believe that made it a lot. Easier plus social media wasn't looking at us that's really true. So can you kind of talk about that leg wet? 'cause I had a lot of questions about this like making friends like making sure that your sphere of influence is good. How did you guys you know looking back now as an adult? I can see how you were Intentional about it. But what steps did you take to make sure that you know we were around other adults and other families who were going to be good influences for us. Well I tell you the truth of the matter is we were around people that we liked and we liked them because they they liked the same things we liked in general. They had the same principles we had. I don't I don't think you know you guys now. Have all the You know all this learning and trying to make yourself better and listening to things that that help you to have a more positive attitude and and I mean there's just so much out there that you guys can be kind of fed on that can help you with things and I don't know sometimes I feel like we were just flying by the seat of our pants but we just had ourselves around. I mean if somebody was at the bar every night after work and whatever we'd have something in common with those people you know and so we had people that had the same things in common as us and I think in a small town. You know you tend to you know. We hung around with a lot of people that went to our church. Although not all of our friends weren't the same church we did but I just think that. That's that's what we did. And so that's why our circle of friends we were always okay with you guys being with their kids because we knew that if you spent the night at Tony Marianne 's that you're going to following the same rules you would follow at home if you went to Joe Blow's House for the night and I was unsure. I didn't know if they were going to let you go uptown. And and not pay attention to when you got home and all those sorts of things and so I know kids always said that the people at school we were mean and I never thought we were mean. I just felt like you guys work hard to discipline because we had the rules. You knew the rules and that's how it was. You don't follow the rules. You have trouble. You don't do the things that that you know are expected of you so we just didn't have a lot of problems. We didn't start trying to parent you when you were thirteen years old. We started parenting youth. The day you were born you knew from the moment you knew that this is how things are. That's a lot of problem in the world is is people. Get a thirteen year old sixteen year old than they think. Oh my God I lost control while I think the problem was they never had control and I remember. I remember you guys saying to us like if you if if you're three year old knows that they can run all over you. You're never going to get them to behave when they're thirteen. Never remember you saying that to us even when we were kids like if you if your three year olds can control you. You're never gonNA have control over them. And frankly I never cared. If you were my friend you had plenty of friends. You did not need me to be your friend. You needed me to be your mother and I remember hearing that several times on your friend I Well and the thing is I don't know I don't know what the thinking is. When people brag alive five year olds my best friend. Will bats a joke to me. That's a joke because if you raise your children I mean I feel like I'm very close to all my kids and I feel like all my kids feel like we can talk to me when they want to but I very much understand that that there are some things I don't know I understand all that but then I say to myself. They have the tools to handle bat and if they need us. I feel like whenever anybody needs us. They never have a problem to come because they always know. This is a soft place to land. They just always no. I think that's really good. So for those of you. Who are listening. And you don't really like no my parents and my story I think I I really feel like we had a great childhood. I all three of your children and myself included are business owners. They're all self employed. Yes I'm not saying that. That's like a measuring stick necessarily for success but with all three of us are hard workers. All three of us have good morals. All three of us have pretty good relationships skills We have good working relationships with each other. We have relationships with you. And Dad still you know we. We all still have good relationship and I feel like we're all three moral people of good character. I mean I had the exact same thing about my brother and sister and so I I really feel like you should listen to people who have kind of the stack to back up. What they're saying. And I really have to say I feel like my parents. My mom here that we're talking with and my dad. They have that they literally have the results. And so that's why I think we need to hear from you. Mom is because people WanNa know like how you think how you thought about parenting. Even how you think about parenting. Now that you have adult children your grandparent like what your actual like inner dialogue in her thought process. What your process was because so many people you know. They're not like me. They didn't grow up in the leave it to be your house. You and I had this conversation before and so they want to know like what did that actually look like in the leave it to be. Perhaps because that's what I want to provide my children so my next question is. Is You know before having kids did you? And Dad sit down and kind of plan out like how you're going to parent how to raise your kids like at. What was that process like? How did you guys determine how you'RE GONNA parent? I kind of have to laugh that that I liked the thought of having a plan because we were just so by the seat of our pants and and you kids all say we grew up in a great home we do. We grew up in a great home. I like every other mother in the world went to bed at night and said I was a horrible mother today. I hope tomorrow I can be a better mom and and I think if we don't go to bed and say that I think something's kind of wrong with us and our thinking because nobody does it right. You just gotTa do it right most of the time. 'cause WE ALL SLIPPED. We all have a bad day. We we all those things but as far as having a plan I we didn't have a plan we did. I saw your father and I saw where your father came from. Mostly I know you've talked to your friends and to to your people your GRANDPA Roope. Who would have been your great grandfather? Who WOULD HAVE? Been Your Dad's grandfather. He had a huge impact on your father more so than his parents. Your father's parents you know that they divorced when he was in high school and I'm not saying they're not good people because they're both very. Your grandfather was a good man and your grandma to this day is a good woman. Your GRANDPA Rube was the enemy of how you should live your life him and his wife. Frieda. 'cause freedom deserve some credit here. She doesn't get mentioned a lot. 'cause she was so quiet and in the background well and she also passed away when I was younger. So I don't have had as much exposure to Graham Afrita as GRANDPA Rube. Yes but those people were good to their very core and they didn't care who they were around. They never hid their love for Jesus. They never hid their love for their family. And right was right and wrong was wrong. And there wasn't there wasn't a great area and they weren't stern people. They were lovely lovable. Amazing people and your father to this day that is so deep within him and there are situations where I mean. We have some extenuating family circumstances outside of our children and who grew up in this house. We have some outside forces that sometimes get very very difficult for us and sometimes I just want him to. Just get mad and tell them how it is and to a fault. The man remains calm. The man thinks it through the man is steady and even and in the long run. It always pays us. It always pays off to be calm and measured and and so I saw that from the very beginning and frankly I should go back on my story a little bit. I grew up in a house. In Mitchell. South Dakota that was near the Vo Tech School and so in our basement we had an apartment actually two apartments when I was in high school. And so eight guys down there. It was always guys that my parents rented the basement too and my husband actually moved in to our basement and I can remember I never. I never paid any attention to those guys in the basement but I remember hearing from my mom and dad all that Mike Baldwin. Oh He's such a good kid. Oh He's such a good kid is just wonderful. You always pays his rent on time and one time. He couldn't pay his forty five dollars rent because he wasn't selling pigs until the tenth of the month and so he came up and he said to my dad. I don't I'm not gonNA have the rent on the first bill. Have it by the ten? If you can wait till I sell my pigs in all my gosh. What a responsible guy you know. He came before his rent was due and asked for permission. Because let's face it. His Father Dad's dad would have given him the forty five bucks for his rent but but again dad wasn't going to ask his father for money you know it's just it's just who is banned and so by the time a year pass as he moves in for a second year of school and I meet him because he's a musician and his band is playing practicing all the time in the basement and I go down with my brother who wants to sing with them and still by the time I said can I go out on a date with Mike Baldwin. They already loved him. I mean so so. They knew he was good. I knew he was good and and so I think we went into this raising children with like thinking and so we didn't sit down and make a plan. I knew who he was. He knew who I was and we knew what we both expected. That's really good. I mean I think that's real. I'm glad that you said that. Mom that you kinda fly by the seat of your pants because sometimes people can get judged for flying the their pants but it I think and basically what I'm getting from what you're saying is it really does come down to identity and who you are core to the core as human and like where your beliefs and morals are because you just automatically parent that way. That's why like you know so much of what I teach in kingdom is just the stuff that you guys just did. You just naturally did it and so a because you did it. I naturally do it. Because it's the core of who I am and like you know when you come from that Biblical worldview and you come from being secure and who you are and knowing who you are you just naturally parent that way which is why we teach got. Kinda gotta fix some of that inside stuff. It's not necessarily about a parenting strategy or technique so much as it is who you are to your core because you naturally parent who you are. Does that make sense yes? It does and as far as flying by the your pants. It doesn't matter how good a plan you have. Let's face it. Everybody's flying by the seat of their pants sometimes because your kids are not following your plan. Your kids are being kids and you. You'RE NOT GONNA plan for today for them to have somebody be mean to them and have to deal with that you. You can't plan all the circumstances that are going to happen in your life. Okay next question is what do you feel? Was the hardest age two parent. Oh Gosh the hardest age had parents. You know. There's nothing like a junior high kid to test you got but I mean you kids were just. You were very lucky in in. I don't know if it's locked because we did. Control your circumstances we you weren't you didn't have free run to go be a town every night. We're definitely not a free range swertz where we're not having it but but I don't feel like we had you in jail. I mean if ask to go somewhere if we knew the circumstances if we knew who was going to be there and what was going to be happening then we let you. I wasn't the kind of parent that called the head to Joe. Blow House and said you know what's going on but we knew the people and we weren't. We were winning. We didn't live in some bubble. We knew who to you. Create an environment that we were more likely to succeed in you. Didn't you didn't put us in situations where no we're asking for trouble. No and I always told you if you ever need to get out of a situation just blame it on me. Say My mom won't let me. We'll we'll take the blame. Just my mom and dad will not let me in so I don't care I I didn't need little Suzie Q. Two likely I just needed my kid to be safe and my kid to be okay and not be in a situation that could harm them so like okay so as far as a hard age parent. Do you feel like other than junior high. Do you feel like it was may be different for each kid. I suppose it was. I think your brother was such a busy busy toddler and such a busy little kid that I felt like that was kind of an overwhelming time in my life and and of course. I had a miscarriage between John and you and being pregnant and having a two year old that was just I mean there were times that fell quite overwhelming but then you know as he grew up all he wanted was work. It wasn't like I had to keep him at home. You know because all he wanted to do was be able to go out in the field or go into the truck tractor with Your Dad's tractor with your GRANDPA. So he was you. Were probably the the most difficult not the right word but you wanted to be out with friends probably more than the older too and so that didn't make it harder. I wouldn't say but that was you were different than the other two Lisa. Everybody that knows Lisa knows that. Lisa's more comfortable by herself or with with Herkie Bull. That's how Lee says you were way more social you know. Then then frankly the other to John's pretty social but he would rather work than then. He's still kind of like that. We're all very much. I mean you all grew into the people you were as children. I yeah you did you did. And I'm not saying Lindsay that I didn't need you know. I say that we didn't have a plan and things but I didn't. I think I grew up in a very good home. I have a couple of siblings. That would say that their childhood was not as good as mine but my mother came from a abusive abusive husband. Her father was alcoholic. Her mother was a HYPOCHONDRIAC. I mean she grew up in a home where she came home from school and sometimes to hide under the bed before dad came home so she wouldn't get beat because he came home drunk and for me that grandfather went. I knew him he was recovered. And all of that and he was a genuinely sweet. Sweet man that's not who she grew up with and so I have to give my mother when I think back at my childhood. I have to give my mother a little pause because she did so much better than the generation before her and my mom was a Holler and and she did a lot of hollering and so to start out with you kids. I raised my voice. Those were the nightside. Go to bed and say man. I was a bad mom today. But I'm GonNa try and do better about this and and then I just thought you know. I think I've done so much better than my mom. Did I think the more we know the better we can do? But when I talked to you kids and I think I've asked all three of you did. It seemed like I yelled a lot when you were little and all of you are like no. I don't really remember that. So you know hopefully I I did rain it in and you know but I I think we you know we just see the faults. I saw my mother. I tried so hard not to repeat but I think we all find ourselves being our mom at some point. I Find Myself Doing Mary Baldwin. Things quite often. I hope the good thing mostly just like not buying certain generic item being having high standards for the cleanliness of my home. And there go. That's okay don't hurt. We hope you enjoy this episode of the Kingdom mob. Podcast don't forget to head on over to kingdom on PODCAST DOT COM and click membership to join our community of Kingdom moms. You can also check out the free ultimate mom binder video course. We'll see you next time kingdom mom.