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Graveyard Jones


they want cash in in mid October two thousand and sixteen just before daybreak. There was a mild tremor in the heart of Harlem incredibly localized so intensely focused that no one outside of the neighborhood felt it at all. It made the nightly news only as an attempted hoax but there was one man who knew that it was not a hoax. He had in fact been expecting it some years previous his father had told him that events were coming humming and even give him a book to prove it a book that traced the history of the Land Harlem had been built upon from long before the Europeans at first foot there in every one hundred years give or take a few days the same sequence sequence of events repeated tremors plagues of nightmares sickness violent animal attacks Phantom noises in the night and then ultimately an onslaught of bloodshed and death at the hands ends of one man who would leave twelve mutilated corpses arranged in a perfect circle like the face of a clock always the same man. Timeless ageless the Delaware. Indians said that this man could cause an eclipse by plucking the sun from the sky in holding it in his mouth. They had called him. The man Dan who ate the son and his ancient temple lay underneath the center of Modern Day Harlem. When this man returned he would try to reclaim this place for himself? Once more and only one man knew it was coming and that gave him a chance. He was an urban urban shaman. An exorcist the protector of Harlem. His name was grading Jones. Better better known as graveyard when drinking whiskey in the kitchen telling scary stories around the fire. Music monsters and mayhem. Am Keller's cannibals and colts fearful fiction and furious fact tall tales and terrible truths. This is a scary. The home companion you the night. After the tremors came the first report of the white devils a young girl said she saw two of them through a sewer great and the his stat her. I say report like it was called in the somewhere official. Of course it was not got. It was put out on the grapevine into the whisper stream reported to the person next to you who passed it on to the person next to them two nights later someone disappeared a nursing student coming back from City College. That quickly turned into to someone's when when a local homeless man got dragged through a storm drain. His friends had pulled him back up but it was too late his lower body had been savaged averaged shredded bites. Taken out of him. No one bothered to call the police or the authorities by what they NYPD. The giving half a rat's ass about a dead homeless man in East Harlem not likely other homeless men. I kept watch over the scene waiting for Graveyard Jones to arrive. No one called him either. They didn't have to. They knew he would come and he did. He looked closely at the body. He went down into the storm drain and examined the whole area and then he talked to everyone who had been there making notes the whole time with as little. PUTT PUTT Golf Pencil in his notebook. He he always wrote everything down. Always that was graydon's weapon. When he was done he walked back across town to his a storage locker? Very Small Unit but jam-packed filled top to bottom with bookshelves and stacks of maps articles and handwritten journals. There were no computers no electronics of any kind. Nor were they needed. Because he's he's had the hand written history of his family an archive of Arcane knowledge that dated back centuries with those resources it only took him a few hours in Graydon thought he knew what was happening that tremor had unearthed something that had been intended to stay buried forever by sinister designer accident. He wasn't sure yet but he didn't know what had to be done. The next morning he had a full agenda. I you went to the history museum a new barber shop and then he had scheduled to meet with the clerics I e should as Roy was the owner Operator of the East Harlem Historical Society and had an office in the back of a small walk in museum and although it was not big. This museum was filled with amazing. Big Time historical memorabilia. From over the last two centuries Graydon I had known I Asia for quite a while and had contributed to her cause more than once with different artifacts and historical documents but but today he had come to cash in a favor he asked her about the display involving the orphanage fire of nineteen twenty due to an infamous very upsetting piece of local history. A- gang of clansmen had set fire to a black orphanage in the middle of the night ever since the movie birth of a nation had been released. There was. It's a resurgence in the Ku Klux Klan. And now what had formerly been a southern institution had extended its slimy tentacles panicles all throughout America. As was their custom. The clan was trying to stem the rising tide of African Americans Merican with a campaign of fear terror and intimidation in this case. They skipped the burning of crosses and just started with the burning of black kids as they slept. Three children died that at night but it could have been a lot worse. Two nurses and a doctor also died making sure as many kids as possible could escape. Keep the masked men they watched black people burn and they laughed and then they rode away day and that might have been the end of accept. What happened happen? Next was not local history. It was a local legend. It was a ghost story. Anyway Graydon Asha Isa for the nails in this display case it was just a handful of bent blackened twist nails that had been salvaged from the site of the orphanage. Fire fire she asked. Why do you need them in return? He asked her. Do you believe in the story. Are- of Buck Harp and she most firmly said I do not okay. Then you're just GONNA have to trust this time with the nails in his pocket great and went to iron. Earn Mike's Barbershop. It was the typical weekday morning crowd about two dozen old men sitting around and watching to even older men cut hair. Graydon politely declined haircut and then asked to talk to the old man and they all burst into laughter. What old man were all the old man? The soldier Graydon said the tunnel rat one of those old timers got to his feet in shuffled over to shake hands with Graydon. They both knew each other by reputation but it never met in the flesh. I've heard stories about you. Graydon said why could say the same about you said the vet. I heard you've seen monsters and devils down below the old man narrowed his eyes. Why are you asking because we have devils and I need a tunnel rat to help me find them next? He met with the clerics. That's what he called his small loyal group of local religious leaders that he met with from time to time. He asked them all to pray over these nails into bless them and none of them asked why they had long learned. They didn't need to. It was better to stand aside ride and let Graveyard Jones do his work. Graydon told the old man what they were looking for and what they needed to do. Do they found anyone else might have laughed. Thought he was kidding. But not this guy in Vietnam they had started calling him old man because he was the oldest member of the tunnel rats even though he was just twenty four at the time the handle had just stuck with him over the years old man had gone deeper underground underground. Then people were supposed to. He'd seen things both over there and here at home that would drive most men an insane and so when Graydon told him they were hunting for actual white devils metaphorical Malcolm X.. In euphemistic white devils but literal white devils dolman didn't even blink. They were looking for men drained of pigment blindingly white drooling insane who wanted to shred and devour anyone they could that they were here in. Harlem was no accident they initially come here to burn and destroy black people and now would continue on that same path until they were stopped following a very old hand drawn map. The two men went went underground. They had flashlights grade Morris Satchel on his back and carried a crowbar. The old man carried a revolver. He asked where Graydon's gun was. Oh I don't have a gun. Well then maybe you I should call for some backup. Oh I don't have a phone mother fucker. What do you have great and told him to calm down? Put The gun away. The only purpose that gun served was to make noise and to draw attention but not until they found the coffins what coffins and so- Graydon told him the story after the fire of nineteen. Twenty two the klansmen responsible had never been caught identified held accountable for their actions in any way they would have gotten away with it. This gang of evil men were it not ah for the vengeful spirit of a southern man named Buck Harp. Many decades ago bucks family had been killed by the clan and he had forged deal with the devil to hunt down clansman collect their hoods and exact the ultimate justice buck road has wagon filled with coffin would into New York City in nineteen twenty three and he collected the guilty men one by one normally he would have taken them back to his plantation where he would bury them alive in the field of other racist fucks for an eternal undying torment of darkness buried alive but never dying forever isolated forever screaming in fear but there were just too many clansmen so buck went under the grounds of the burned orphanage and and he buried them all their this tremor had unearthed some of those coffins and the men inside those violent racists racists who had been locked in darkness for well over ninety years now they were a perfect physical reflection of they're corrupted souls and these escaped white devils. We're going to kill maim and devour anyone. That they came across. There was no part of the story that made old man WanNa put his gun down grading explained. Listen we do not want to get on on the bad side of Buck Harp. They call him the devils best friend for reason. Buck one of these guys alive and we need to try by an honor that unless there is no other option the way I see it we need to catch these devils put them back in their coffins and reburied them between grays map and the old man subterranean savvy. It took them less than an hour to to find the old burial ground. Fifteen graves in one long row. Each marked with a cross. The bound sticks with a blood spattered white hood hanging from the top. The tremor had caused shift shift into coffins at the end of the row had been exposed. The Wood was split. Open the lids off. There was a third coffin that had been partially exposed but not enough to break the would old man in grading stood in listen to the screams and the pounding from the inside of that coffin just beneath that slightly muffled by dirt. There were similar. Sounds from all those other men still buried alive. Old Man was skilled skilled tracker both above ground and below. He followed the trail left by the two devils quite easily. They always seem to travelled together which was convenient for their purposes. Graydon followed up the old man watching his back carrying thick a piece of tarp and his flashlight. Those were as weapons when old man felt they were getting close he fired off a shot and then he engraved in both started. Making noise didn't take long before the white devils came for them. These were not stealthy creatures. They they were not clever. They were purely animalistic now. They're formerly human minds had been driven utter madness and now they were compelled only by their hate and rage and they're wrong hunger and so they attacked blindly they were both naked. Their skin snowstorm white. There is filmed over. Their hands weren't clause they looked like claws because as of decades of pounding on the inside of a coffin lid had torn up their skin and broken their bones. While these two horrific Google's rules might have been too much for a nursing student or a Wino- to handle her graydon. An old man were ice cold and well prepared repaired. Old Man used the flat of his gun to beat one of the devils to the ground grading blinded the other with flashlight and then wrapped his tarp around pending its arms to its side and then he cinched tight with a belt a series of Zip ties later and both devils levels were bound. The devils never stopped shrieking writhing wriggling trying to get away but but slowly they were dragged back to the original burial ground where they were placed inside their broken coffins. After Graydon Graydon replaced the lids he used the blessed orphanage nails to seal the boxes up as tight as he could and he hoped it it would be enough carp wielded the power of the devil which was something Graydon was not privy to they reburied the coffins. They found their way back up into the world where they went into the first bar that they found over there. Second Beer Graydon. Ask The old man you gotTa tell me. was that the craziest thing. You've I've ever seen old man thought about it for a second. Ninety said third craziest. My Name is Dr William Edward Harper lecturer at Howard University historian and and author of several books about the history and folklore of African American culture and in particular the oral traditions And I've been asked to say a few words about Grayton Graveyard Jones Today I've got more than a few As to me. The story of Great Jones exemplifies the tradition. There are no wikipedia pages about him no books. Although one day I will write the definitive book about him But for now he's just the man that doesn't even exist on paper and yet everyone shares the collective knowledge of him is a really knowledge or is it just a store that we all share where where does fat in and the folklore actually begin and who is the man they call Graveyard Jones. Who is he really now? Green Jones man who doesn't ever carry a gun or a phone. He doesn't own a car or property. He allegedly keeps a small store. It's Phil what is books. Some rare artifacts he's collected over the years and or has been passed down to him but otherwise we can say he's a drifting always always on the move but he never strayed very far from home from here from Harlem here members. Everyone that he meets he never. It gets a face a name or whispers story. He knows the name of every homeless person. Every street rat every every waitress every square John Citizen citizen every child every preacher in every Senate. He's men who everyone knows but no one really knows. He is a beacon but like that nobody can really touch all grass while he claims no religious affiliation of his own. He remains very very close with all the religious figures and the area. The big money preaches. The pro broke pizzas the aggressive street princess on the corner even the sex workers who listen to more confessions the average Catholic priests. He keeps his fingers on the pulse of Harlem on the people who inspire him and who he inspires every single day he also meets with a small think tank of local leaders on a regular basis a police in mind in Ame Bishop. He calls them the clerics and uses them to help keep us pink finger on that spiritual polls of the city. They say that he protects Harlem from the Evil Shit that no one else can handle. Great and Jones is protected in urban shaman. The newspaper called him once Harlem's excesses but that trivializes who he is and what he does and some sort of fantastical go story. You can't find your way but I will tell you this that brother great and Jones is not some mystical story without true meaning to scare children. Ed White Children often for that matter. He is not because aside from the people he protects Harlem itself places have their own energy places like this even more. So that kind of energy can attract things and generate the kind of stories or is that a respected historian can't even discuss and so called Formal intellectual circles for that reason. Listen I will not be speaking about the alleged white devil incident of two thousand sixteen its connection to the southern go store of Buck Harp or the hundred that year's eclipse yes why these may be entertaining stories. They can't possibly be true. I guess aren't even really. The story of who in what grade in Jones actually is the after that things started to move pretty quickly. It didn't take long before Graydon had almost forgotten entirely about the coffins coffins. He had to do that. The tremor had indeed unearth them but the tremor was part of the Hundred Years Curse in one hundred years ago those coffins had been there and so he believed it was just an unhappy accident. The white devils were incidental. The real trouble had yet to start. That didn't last long that very night the I. The Phantom broadcasts began sounds cut across all radio stations. FM Or am if you were listening to the Radio Radio at two twenty three. Am you heard. It sounds from one hundred years ago. Streaming streaming crisp and clear through time itself screams smashing stone crumbling brick rick breaking glass. Crackling fire gunshots. The sounds of twelve men. Having their hearts torn out of they're living chests while dozens more watched on helplessly. And then cutting through it. All a voice it sounded ancient in human in indecipherable. Blend of base envenom ENVENOM. That seemed burned your eardrums like acid to listen to it and although no one could understand what was Said said everyone read loud and clear what it was saying mine. The next morning there was a panic. Starting to spread through Harlem people had felt that everyone whoa knew something was coming something bad but no one knew what Graveyard Jones wasn't quite sure either but he was sure that he needed to prevent as much collateral damage as possible. If it had to be twelve he had limited to just wealth wealth he was gunning for zero regardless all signs pointed to a showdown and he wanted the streets to be clear when that time nine came suddenly Graham was very much a man in demand bad dreams had hit like a plague a a lot of people thought they were having nightmares when they were awake ghostly sightings angry apparitions panicked panicked spirits. Things were being stirred up for both the living and the dead but he didn't have time to help a bunch of of individual people he had the masses to think about. He started with Winston Salem who he knew could get the word out to the homeless community. Winston was a traveling man a holdover from the old days of the Hoodoo Hobos us that rode the rails. Winston did need to be told the word had long been out amongst traveling then. The entire tire island was being shunned at least for the time being. They were leaving their Hobo marks behind to warn away any others next grade and went to the garage that ten grand called his headquarters ten grand used to be gangster he he came up old school do drive bys on the handlebars of his cousins Beach Cruiser but he was retired now he could still get the word out to the right people title on the wrong side of the law. Some years back ten grand bought a necklace with a Gypsy curse on he'd I've been told about the curse ahead of time but he didn't believe the Gypsy curses were real. Which of course they very much are graydon manage to track down a living descendant descendant of the original owners of the necklace and she had helped him to break the curse and since then ten grand treated Graydon's Word as the Gospel and so great and said spread? The Gospel. Bad Times may be coming. Hold tight don't spill any more blood. I'm working on it. He repeated version of that same spilled who has childhood friend who is now a police sergeant in the heights. He told her to let the Blue Line know. That blood was coming but it was coming from Outside the neighborhood and they needed to protect and serve their own people then. He sat down with the clerics yet again and he told them a little possibility of what might happen. He didn't feel he could tell all them everything but he didn't feel he could tell anybody everything. Nobody needed the complete picture but him. It was a very upsetting picture so he told people who needed to know things what they needed to know. And nothing further finally finally. He visited the last person on his list. His greatest ally and the one person who might actually be able to give him counsel counsel for what was coming although he had the journals from his father's grandfather's great grandfather and so forth they're very little usable info in there. The last time this had happened. That air is great and Jones was with the Harlem Hell fighters fighters so he had stories yet legends. He didn't have actionable Intel NATOMA zone. I was the oldest and most revered psychic on the island she ran a small storefront the same one that she'd operated for the last forty plus years. She did readings dream interpretations and other mystic surfaces. But mostly she drank think she knew things. Graydon brought the old lady a bottle of Ginger Ale cement leaves a cucumber and a bottle. All of PIM's number one. He mixed drinks for the both of them and then sat down across the table. For Madame ooh zone. She tasted her. Pim's COP and scowled. But that didn't mean anything. A scowl was madame zones. Default face what can you tell me. Great master the dead are scared. She said they are angry. They're trying to warn us that we need to leave this place all of us. They keep showing me the hidden temple in the circle of the debt. Yes I know oh all of that great and set. Then why are you here young man. What can you tell me about the man who eight the sun so once again who is perhaps what is great in Jones Greeting Jones is a name with a lot of history and a lot of law behind it. Great and Jones is not just an individual Green Jones is a legacy. It is a name that was passed down from his father his father before him and his father before him in fact it's been the name of every male in the family since come into this country and this not due to Hubris but because the true name of family is closely held secret. The family changed their name when they left Africa. Apparently it is a revered secret. That gives a Jones blood lot a lot of power and for reason. I A dare not venture to guess discussed that today. The family came to America during the middle passage to be clear they were not themselves love stolen from their home. They chose to come here on their own power to try to provide some measure of assistance some measure of hope to those who had been slave and had their cultures stolen from them and were stolen from their continent. The Jones family chose make the decision to be that connection next to home to. What freedom was that? These people no longer know being born and sold in raising the country country that stole them and does not care about them who they are. The Jones family stepped up and became a legacy with there was none. This is nothing new to the Jones. Family this is supposedly what they did in Africa and Caribbean islands. In places all across African Die Aspirin. There was awesome man who helped free men and women find safe passage out of the south over the course of two years. He assisted over seven hundred people due to a settlement in Vermont and that Man's name was grading Jones. They traveled around the south the years some stores have helping on early inclinations of the underground railroad then working as agents provocateurs for the North Independent operates. Who wrote the confederate supply lines appeal W camps during the American civil war it it sounds like they will work but if anything they were scholars France scholars perhaps but they were both students history and historians themselves? They were self learned as they pass the stories in the information down from Jones to Jones keeping that history alive every Jones kept meticulous daily journal a running chronicle of Everett thing they saw ended in every person they met of essentially. The Jones family settled in Harlem today. Great and Graveyard Jones is known to carry a notebook with them always making notes keeping track of every single single thing like every Jones before him. They say he keeps the store. It's I can fit with. Notebooks endurance thousands of them they thousands of years not just the untold stories of Harlem of America or Africa but the secret history of the world itself so no one knew why he had chosen Rosen this place. For centuries before the Dutch arrived this island had been home to many different native tribes so the only existing stories about this hundred years curse come from the elders of the Delaware Indians. The Delaware were the ones who gave him the name the man who ate the sun and they believed that he had been coming there long before their people perhaps for for as long as there had been people anywhere they said. The man plucked the sun from the sky with his hand and held it in his mouth. There was impossible to look at him directly in the face. Without going blind there was a deep depression in the ground. Found just outside of the village it hasn't been dug out by human hands. But the sides were unnaturally smooth. He took the twelve strongest men from the tribe with him to this ancient spot of earth and he made the men dig it out deeper and wider turning putting it into a temple not a structure. You understand not a building but it was doug just to the right dimensions the perfect specifications and it was holy place of some kind and then he slaughtered those twelve men and tore out their hearts. He lay their bodies in a circle. Feed in the center heads facing outward like the tick marks looks around the outside of a clock face. He returned the sun back to the sky and he left since then he he returns this man every one hundred years and he eats the Sun and kills twelve people to complete his unholy unholy ritual. He does it to reclaim this place. This temple in this land as his so there must have been another reason as well there. There had to be some kind of purpose for such a specific set of parameters ramblers on the murders great and had no idea what it was. He told Madame mazzone everything he had learned from the journals so it wasn't a lot in return. She told him everything she knew which also was not a lot. Mademoiselle Mademoiselle had been raised on stories about the events of nineteen sixteen anyone who had been alive and in Harlem at the time remembered. Ah some of the old timers had some wild stories. There had been a massive ongoing influenza outbreak outbreak across New York City around that time and so the deaths the murders were never recorded in the history books for what they were for outside of the people who were actually there to witness the eclipse and the murders it simply didn't exist but they're very much had been in eclipse that day one that lasted almost twenty four hours entirely early. Localized outside of certain radius from the center of Harlem. It was a day just like any other but here on that day darkness rained. Mazzone ran through all the stories that she remembered but there was one that nate graydon prick up his ears was zone told him about hearing an old man talk. He'd seen the murders that day. He was a boy and was there in person. He didn't know what the man who ate. The Sun looked like because his face had been too bright to see so but he very clearly remembered the faces of the dead policemen. Soldiers gangsters fighters rough off customers harlem originals and they were throngs of witnesses women and children so the man could have killed a lot more but he didn't. It was just the twelve. The strongest members of the tribe had been sacrificed so the Delaware said that the man always took the twelfth strongest from the village. The man who ate the sun was looking to establish dominance to lay claim to what he felt was his and so he was making a display killing the best and the strongest showing. This place still belonged to him by the time the sun was up. The bottle of GIN was empty and Graydon Jones was putting a plan together. You went back to the garage and woke up ten grand. Listen he says Oh. I need some bad guys to do. Some bad guy. Shit is dangerous. Graydon said well we screw it up. We'll all die so I need steady hands and no questions wasn't a problem for ten grand. How many do you need great and thought about it and said twelve should do it? It took him more more than a few hours to get everything done. That needed done true to his word. Ten grand delivered twelve strong silent. Let men who never batted. I never made a peep not even when things got really weird the men went with him underground and then to a place called the temple and the temple was basically just a depression in the earth. Earth with very steep sides although Harlem had grown up around it in the last century city instinctively knew to grow throw around it leaving the place hidden behind grass weeds. Field of rotten trees in the middle of an old park. Graydon marveled at the power of the place it just looked like a deep hole in the ground but now that he was here that he was close he could sense it he could feel it running through him like electricity this place. It was on the edge of somewhere else else. When he went down into the hole the air felt soft like it might split open any any moment after the man had finished their work and silently left Graydon walked the edges of the temple? Trying trying to get a better feel for it. It was just after five o'clock when the sun disappeared from the sky in the darkness was sudden an absolute not only was the son gone but apparently electricity was to do. The accompanying silence was jarring but quickly replaced with a cacophony of concern calls and cries from the city. All around him they were all completely in darkness and then through the trees grading so other rays of the sun blazing in the heart of the shadow and the light was moving. It walked on two legs so and then he emerged into the temple stories. Were all true. The man's is face was a single blazing beam of pure impossibly white light. It was surrounded by a Golden Halo. The color of burning retinas and Nimbus of floating. Blonde hair the man extended his empty hands and roared in his ancient tongue. The Voice of Sunspot Graveyard Jones picked picked up his crowbar and went to the end of the semi circle of coffins that he had had the boys arrange and he pride the lid lid off of the first coffin he stepped back as a white devil. Leapt shrieking out of the box and attacked the first thing that it saw the man who ate the son grabbed the devil off the ground with one hand and use is the other tear open the things ribcage pluck out the heart graydon was already popping opened the next coughing trying to move quickly stay low and out of sight. He had not wanted to do this. He knew uh opening these coffins might come back to haunt him in a very literal way. But what choice was he given. He had taken ten grand's men underground dug up twelve of the coffins. Moved them here. If Bakar had a problem with that so that was just going to be a problem. For another day. He opened coffin. After coughing. After coffin and the man who ate the sun tore the hearts out of each and every pathetic creature after the final coffin was open oh great and quickly drifted back up the side of the depression towards the cover the treeline. He knew that running thing as fast as he could probably the smartest option but he couldn't resist turning back to watch. There wouldn't be another chance for a hundred years. He looked on as the man laid out. Old Twelve bodies very carefully very precisely decisively in that clock face pattern feed in the hub arms extended outward over their heads with a pile of twelve withered grey hearts in the center. The man knelt on top of the hearts he raised his blazing face towards is the dark heavens and shouted his burning face exploded in a Supernova of shadow and he was gone the sun was back in the sky as if it had always been there and the man who ate the Sun was is gone. The devils were gone. The hearts were gone a few minutes later Graveyard Jones. He was gone to Our in a personal so far away from the Chilton that I seek because the Kim bleak well with me involved so mushy aleve learn it. Thank you for listening to another episode of scary home companion find me on social media. FACEBOOK instagram even twitter. The red headed stepchild social media or email me directly at a scary home companion at G. Mail DOT COM. You can subscribe to the show through any number of amazing pod casting platforms including but not limited to I tunes spotify. IHEART Radio Pandora. CAST box pod chaser. Stitcher Google podcasts. Or right here bus Brown. I was assisted in this story with the fiery oratory of Brannon dukes greed with music. By Reverend Freak Child performing the Blind Lemon Jefferson classic. See that my grave is kept clean. Blair moon with few survivors show theme provided by Chelsea Oxen Dine Nine and special contribution the song dead man running by the savant of soul. I've been a big fan in this band for a few years now. I can't recommend their music highly enough. You can find this vence soul streaming damn near everywhere but look for them on youtube ban camp and that savant of soul dot com. The episode was produced and edited by Most Jeff. So if you're new to the show then welcome aboard. If you'd like to dig a little deeper you can learn more about the character of old man in the episode called the thing in the basement you can hear tales about his old squad wild tunnel rats in historical horrors. Although the man who ate the Sun has not previously appeared on this show the ritual that he uses seems awfully familiar. If you've listened to the episode called morning people the entire heartbreaking heartbreaking story of Buck Harp was recounted in the episode up jumped the devil. Just one of my personal. And if you think there isn't any connection between this episode Graveyard Jones in the Season Opener Cemetery Smith. Well then you just haven't been paying winging tension at all have you.

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