Audioburst Search

Episode 45: Grandpa Hiram


Hi, I'm max, I'm an engineer and inventor a while back. I accidentally invented this thing. It's the bagel Tron two thousand. Well, okay. I didn't accidents invented I invented it on purpose, but it was supposed to be a quantum bagel toaster. And instead it turns out that it opens up portals to other dimensions. And I've been traveling through these portals or something close to a year. Now, it opens up to a different parallel dimension every time southern quite figured out. How to dial that in yet? But every time it's somewhere different and weird, and it's like earth, but Nodar anyway, I'm about to try it again. This thing's all fired up. So see where it sends me this week. All right. Well, it looks like I'm back in a garage pretty similar to where I just left from seeing this a lot of times gonna go ahead and close the portal here. Great. I guess we'll sneak out the garage here in sif anybody's home looks like it's probably Max's house in this dimension too. So. Yeah. Okay. The house looks pretty similar from the outside. There's a lot of cars parked in the driveway and kind of along the block, I don't. Actually sounds like something's going on inside of there. Hi, I'm max what? I thought you were gonna make a business trip or something. Well, I'm I'm here, obviously. Yeah. Why don't you just come in your house, right? Yeah. Whatever I don't know. My keys are in my bag, right? Right. Right. Okay. This is great though. 'cause like I was going to have to have Karen give the eulogy. But now, you can give your Grandpa's usually that'd be great. My Grandpa's eulogy. Right. Hiram grandpa Hiram is dead. Oh, my and I'm sorry. What did you say about a eulogy? Just now you're gonna give the eulogy. I'm going to give the eulogy for grandpa Hiram. Right, right. That's why I'm here. Of course. Obviously. Yeah. Yeah. That's also why all these people are here for the funeral party the party. Yeah. Yes. Grab a Hiram party. And I'm giving the eulogy candidate. But she's terrible. Really? Also, she didn't know much about the gum company. The grandpa ahead. So this'll be perfect his gum company chewing gum company. I thought he ran a shoe factory. Now, not shoes doing him. Yeah. Right doing. Okay. Okay. L zany flavors, but you do wear shoes. Galca? You've got shoes. Okay. Good. Yes. Choose exists feeling. Okay. I'm feeling great. I'm I'm I guess I'm ready now, I'm not ready to give. Baharamz eulogy just yet. I'm going to compose myself a little bit. I just came from a long ways away, obviously the business trip. Yeah. That so the gel Eggers on. Yeah. I guess you could say something like jetlag and kinda just a little disorienting. Yes. So grab a higher GMs Gump company. Okay chewing gum. Yep. Yep. Zany flavors right members favorite, right? It wasn't leather right now. No. That was his third favorite, right? Right. Not leather. No, no durian. Right. It was the durian. Yeah. Yeah. Grappa hiram. It's always been a big fan of durian. Yeah. I think that's why he didn't really sell much gum that being near flagship player. You're not a fan of the during yourself hit and miss. You know, sometimes it just smells awful, right? And then other times it smells like death. So amazing death amaz-? Okay. Yep. Sure. All right. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Well, how? How many people are here for the party then like thirty or forty? Wow. Kind of surprise we fit that many in this house. They'll take. Yeah. All right. So Wilson how well did you know, grandpa Hiram? I mean, fairly will I think news favorite Gump labor? Something. He's kind of like a second grant to me to not have to Grandpa's of your own either like mine, so they don't count. Okay. You think you'd know him well enough to know, if I said anything in my eulogy that was just completely factually incorrect, then well, I don't know he had a lot of secrets just curious. No particular reason. Yeah. He you guys had a way higher and closer relationship than I did with him. But sure sure. Yeah. All right. Well, you know, before I can be really ready to give this eulogy. I think I'm gonna need to at least a little bit of time greeting some of the people who come here to celebrate my grandfather's life C O is that is that my cousin Edith over there. Hey, Edith could come. Yeah. I'm glad I could be here for this. I love this. I wouldn't miss. I've been looking forward to this ages have you? Yes. Really? That's that's an interesting perspective. Were you close to grandpa then? Yes. Yes. I think I was I knew him when he was a little bit younger, you know, back in his camel racing days. Sure. Yes. Such a sweet man camel racing circuit. I guess was pretty exciting. It was more than a few times. He was run over by them. That he just got right back on the hump, right? Yes. I I do remember him telling me all of those stories about when he was a camel jockey? Yeah. It's pretty good came in the top twenty. Okay. Pretty good memories. Yeah. He was a delightful, man. Could just eat them up right up. I I mean, I guess sure. Good to see you. It's been really good to see you too. Yeah. I wish I wish. We're happier circumstances. I can his Mirela was a celebration of his life. Sure. Right. Right. Well, I better go say hi to some of the other people. Oh is that? It's joe. Hey, Joe they maxed. So I didn't. I guess I didn't realize that you you knew my grandpa though. Yeah. I know when of expected to see you here. I haven't seen you since college. How do you know, my grandpa again, come down to the club the club, right? And again, really haven't seen you in a long time. So you're gonna have to refresh my memory here. What kind of club would that be exactly it was a gentlemen's club? Okay. And where I work on a stage the one where you work on stage doing dance. Okay. I also use puppets. This is a little bit different than I guess what I would have had in mind for gentlemen's club. Does it means something different here than I'm sorry? Does it? I mean, I guess what? I'm trying to say is. What you have seen my show. No, no again, Joe haven't seen you since college back in the day when used to dress head to toe in Denham, right? And phase kinda keep to yourself. Right. Some of us kind of. Engaged in a secret conspiracy to harass you, really. I seemed you knew no no idea. Mostly kept to myself didn't pay attention as you can see I moved onto all for right? And that is a very luxurious. Is that real bear for that? Yes. You're onesie is made of real bear for right? Wow. Some scrat- and places. All right. And is this what you wear on stage as well in the beginning. Yes. In the beginning. Right. What are you wearing at the end not much? Just a puppet. All right. You're wearing the puppets. Right. Of course. If three of them, I don't really need to know more than that that that is pretty standard gentlemen's club. Yeah. Your love my show though, I've never been to any gentlemen's clubs. But certainly not that kind of bad. Is it though, here's some tickets. If you wanna join. Oh boy. Thanks. Thanks so much. You can bring a friend. Okay. Well, you know, I'll I'll think about it. Okay. All right. Well, great great. Joe? Good to see you. Sure. Okay. Bye. Now. Bye. All right. Well, I feel like I'm getting a little bit of information here about the semi grandfather Hiram in this dimension. But feel like I really should at least talk to one or two other people. See more. The cans of all this guy's really excited to see me. He's. Hi there hasn't. Hi. Hi. It's all good to see you. Cousin? Have you been? I've been well. I just came from a ways away. I was I guess on a business trip business triple yes intensity. I didn't know that your your grandpa was ill. You'll hugh. You didn't tell me why you know. Well, you know, I guess I just I lost your contact information. Yeah. You know, what let me get out my phone. Why don't you give that to me again? Cousin flout lucky? That's right. That's F L alka. I'll key. Okay. Yeah. Got that from sheep's sheeps right force. Yeah. Cheap. Right. And. Our got in your number was now five four three eight. H okay eleven all right. Great now. I can keep you up to speed. Yeah. So how did you know grandpa Hiram? Unless we knew him from back at home. That's very came from. Oh, yes, hometown. Of course village really small village kind of gathering the homeland of Schmidt house sheep boasts bus right next to sheep goes, right? Yeah. I I knew that obviously brothers city. Village. Right. And did you come all the way out from sheep host just for this just for this party? I wouldn't miss it. Okay. Right television. Looking very forward to it. Great. All right. Well, you know, I'm supposed to be giving this eulogy. I think so I'm going to and then after we have grandpa. I'm not quite familiar with that turn of phrase, but sure, okay, great. I still excited cultural communication. Hey max, we should do the Wilson. Oh, okay. Okay. Great well hungry. So we need to hurry this law. Nobody's nobody's eating yet known always say last gosh, I feel bad. Okay. All right. Well, okay. I guess now. Everybody everybody. Yeah. If you just down so max is going to give the for Hiram. Okay. Great. Will. Thank you all for for coming here. I know we all really miss grandpa Hiram. Some of us were were sad to see him go. I guess some of us were a little bit excited about it as well. For reasons. Always used to love the sheep back in his homeland in the town. She posts he always would tell me about that those times finally and. He always really enjoyed his days as youth back in the camel Racing League. I know a lot of us have heard those stories his Gump actually wasn't the biggest in the world. But it may have had the most heart, right? And the certainly the most interesting flavors and wasn't the best. But I wasn't the worst. Yeah. So I think he would be really glad to know that so many of his friends and family is loved ones came together after his passing to just to get together. And and celebrate his life. So, you know, I just wanna say again, thank you all for coming. You know, I know we all miss him. But it's great that we could we could just get together. Like this. You know, one last time just to share stories and celebrate his life. So thank you. That's that's all I got lovely. All right, everybody tonight guys go over to the dining room. We'll have grandpa. We'll have. Wilson. Listen, I heard flouncy said that same thing. I thought it was some sort of like she posts in phrase. I miss that. You said we'll have grandpa. Yeah. Again, I must be the jet lag thing. Sure, foggy brain, it's fine here. Take this. I mean, I guess I'm jealous cool. Okay. I'm excited to see what the flavors. All right. Why? I mean, it's green it. This is a really deep radioactive looking grain. That's strange. I was thinking it was going to turn out pink. You didn't know head. All right. No what I'm. Here we go. Wow. This. Wow. It's like it's like Kiwi. And I think there's like strawberry is so sweet, right? This is. Wow. This is like the best jello. I've ever had. The texture is perfect. The taste is incredible. Right. This is so many flavors complex. Wow. This is this is a thousand times better than nanna. This is something we she was just the nanna which was I mean it made sense banana, but it was kind of plan still mazing. So great flavor. But it just wasn't. It's not as sweet and complex as grandpa. He he made this before he died now is him after death. I'm still really. Oh, oh, my we just got that jello out of that casket over there with it grab it. There's a giant Grandpa's shaped jello mold in this casket. Jello, mold grandpa it grandma. I'm obviously having a hard time processing this. It must be the grief. Right. Well shock. Maybe definitely a lot of shock. Just washing over me right now to the point where I'm completely clueless about why there's a jello mold of my grandfather in this casket, and we're eating this. I mean, honestly incredible jello out of a casket right out of funeral party party. I I don't understand what's going on. Okay. You sit down like, maybe it's air sickness or something out toot sickness, but you're in a place that loves you. Grandpas passed and since he has passed he turned into jello like all old people. I'm feeling like maybe there's a communication barrier. Here is seemed like you're saying that my grandfather when he passed away somehow physically turned into jello. Yes. But that can't be what you're saying that his what can't be what you're saying. That is saying that can't be what you're saying. That is what I'm saying. Can't be what you're saying. It is what it is. What you're saying? Yes, has gone to wonderful, man. And now, he's delicious dessert and that happens to all old people. Yeah. Do you remember grandma? Clearly, I must remember that grandma was more of a watermelon flavor. Yes. I mean, I mean, it was just like delicate sweet not too sweet stern when she was. She had to be. All right. This is gonna be the weirdest dimension. I have ever been to dementia. Oh, sorry slip tongue there. I'd just here here. You know, take more. It's little bug trigger. Yeah. Maybe that's it. Maybe I have low blood sugar taking needs. Well, I mean, this is everyone else's eating this feels really weird. But it's hey, so good. It's incredible. It's always interesting what the different flavors the people turn into. You know, how like when a kind of mean more of a sour flavor, lemon pomegranate, nobody wants that one. But then when they're Sweden life. These really great flavors. Strawberry. Pineapple almost feel like grandpa Hirose will be like tropical player. It does kind of taste fairly tropical. I'm just sorry. How how did he turn into jello? I don't because he died. Yeah. We covered that part. I'm as the body changes from being living today. It goes from flesh Chiloe, right? Thank just, I don't know. How works. I just I just enjoy it. Okay. I mean, clearly everyone else says too I see and Edith over there and still such a sweet man Joe and doesn't flou- easy. Just and he's Brealey Alexis. Is really getting that jello. Yeah. Wow. He they must not have this often. I guess a customs are a little different over. Jay's not many people with defeat. But they do. Yeah. Well, all right. Well, you know, actually, I forgot something out in my car. So okay. I I need to go grab that. Do you want me to save some grant before you? Sure yet, actually. Yes. Definitely. Yeah. It may take a little while to find it. Yes. As some for me. I'll I'll be back eventually, I'll wrap them. I'll take the arm. Okay. All right. I'll see you in a little bit. Put the feet down. Okay. Wow. That was I'm really confused. What's going on in there right now? I'm gonna try sneak back into the garage here. Right. So the Puerto backup. Get out of here. Okay. Shut this machine off. Great. Okay. Well, that was just plain weird having so many feelings right now. I mean, my Grandpa's is alive still. But now I feel like I've actually started grieving him. And I also apparently eight some of him. I'm still think maybe there was some sort of miscommunication there that couldn't have been what he was saying. But I I mean that jello did taste like other worldly. So I don't know. All right. Well, this thing shut down. I'm gonna go and contemplate. Life death for a while. From the multiple is produced by Tim Ellis. Starring Scott trap. As Wilson who deserves all the credit for coming up with this universe and to Ellis as mex- with special guests Edith, Joe and cousin flow de music by L, foggy logo by Abe. Schmidt. Follow us on Twitter dispatches FM and visit us online at deuce batches dot F M.

Coming up next