Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-16-21
Hey what's going on is bill. It's time for thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning. Podcast and jazz checkered on you. Just checking in on you but about boo. I just did kansas city. Kansas city kansas city at good out here in kansas city. I just did this. Amazing amphitheater outside. The crowd was absolutely fucking amazing. Who was a whole bunch of people and people would just. You know they weren't all liquor it up you know they're having a good time but like You know people shouting at stage a little bit but it was all fun stuff and I just had a blast. I just want to thank everybody for coming out and you know i was joking on stage about how i struck out trying to get a smoothie. That's my move when i'm on the road. You know. get the smoothie for breakfast that way. I don't become belly fat tits out here you know. Start off with bacon and eggs. You got the salt and you want some sugar. You still with the pancakes and you take a fucking sugar nap. Ten minutes later or i go out and i get a smoothie. That doesn't have a bunch of sugar in it. I don't go to one of those fucking chick smoothie place with the silly straws. And all of that i go to the The ones where they have the gross shots that you should drink and they're supposed to help you live or whatever the hell they tell you to do. I try to go to those once. Whatever they are. They've been working for me so i sort of like you know google where to go or ask the fucking robot chicken. The phone way to go tells me this place right up the street so fucking street and it says it's open right so i go up there. I go updates fuck fucking closed and the sign on the door. Says it should be open. It's just locked. And i'm looking in there. I'm trying to figure out what the fox going on. So i lose my shit is always you know and then i find out there's another place up the way about a quarter mile away so fuck it. Whatever that'll be whatever half mile away from my hotel half-mile back. I just walked mile leno. drink a smoothie. uk wind right. be happy you have a show fair enough right so i fucking walk over there. The juice thing is inside of a whole foods. And i go into the whole foods right and it had some sort of sign there that was like passively aggressively trying to tell you to get the vaccine that read it. I don't know what you know. I go in there and the dude behind that fuck counter his backed it's weird because he's surrounded on three sides where people can approach him so he's just facing that one wall you know that doesn't have a counter and i'm standing on one of the side counter so i'm looking at it like a bomb perpendicular to him so i can see the side of his face. He's fucking sneezing as i walk up. I see the guy's fucking sneezing. I'm in missouri. These people don't give a fuck about cova generally speaking so he's fucking sneezy micah. Jesus needs a hope. He watches it and then he sneezes again ni- come around the side. I'm getting into the side of right like that. Nfl camera you know where they spin around the fuckin- huddle i'm walking around the side like that. And i see him spit into the fucking trash barrel like he hawked up fuck and lougee as they used to say back in the day then he sneezes again blows his nose and then takes two index fingers with the brown napkin and fucking shoves it up his nostrils spinning thing. And i just go. Jesus fucking christ. When i walked away. He was still sneezing. It's like if you that fucking sick. What the fuck you going to work for right. I literally just told the story on the fucking podcast. I do with had because i know you guys don't necessarily listen to both but had it tell it again because i was fucking beside myself that someone would go to work. That fucking sick. That is now going to handle. Somebody's food shaka. Whatever i just don't have an enemy as the old guy to say that to a young person like just out of curiosity why you come into work. If you're sick. I'm fucking traveling here. See i can't say without cursing messing it up. It's going to be a nice way to say it like. Hey buddy maybe you should. You should go home man. You sound sick. Because i was going to spend some money here and now i'm not what. Sei still made about myself. Whatever i'm account. So i walk out and then i say to this lady you know i see zip place around here where i can walk and get a decent breakfast. She goes down. I'm sorry. I don't know god's cool that's cool. Whatever so i just start walking back. And then she yelled across the street she goes. Hey right here. And she pointed to this little coffee shop. It looked like a mom and pop place. It's funny. I was thinking of going there to begin with so i get there. Goes you guys still doing breakfast. They're like yeah. We don't have any breakfast burritos or any of the yummy stuff. What are you got left. They go quiche. Are you got the baker one we had the veggie one. Of course you do all right let me get the veggie ones so they give me the veggie one. I go outside of sitting in the sun. I'm like fucking whatever. Take off my mask. I finally got the right fucking mask for on the airplane. It's fucking white is the driven snow. And i cut into this quiche. And there's a big fucking tomato and had been heated up so much in. The microwave was like piping hot like mcdonald's coffee heart. I slice into all the juice goes flying to the side in lands right on my mask. I actually burst out laughing. At that point. I was just like of course of course wiped it down. Tasted like shit. It needed like a fucking. I need a salt lake. To get this fucking thing down. And i walked back and i come back to the hotel to do my podcasts and i was saying just here this guy microphone. Check check to to check on to check check. Yo yo yo yo yo yo check one two two right. I'm like what the fuck is that right. And i see him putting a stage together like maybe they're going to have a symphony here later tonight. Whatever so dove. Sunday here this band tuning up on like what's going on like this fucking jazz band started playing. They were great. But i couldn't do the podcast early. They this check on the drums. That was fucking killing it. The guy in the trumpet play and all that fucking kansas city jazz shampoo fucking like trumpet. Or whatever the whole goddamn afternoon and now i'm back here at the hotel i swear to god. It's eleven o'clock at night. And i keep hearing this jackhammer so i don't know i don't know what's going on here. It's just been it's been a loud loud fucking afternoon Anyway whatever. I'm grumpy. Because i literally was on the road for ten days i came out for a day and a half and to go back out to knock out these two things. I just missed my kids. Or whatever you know ben a tough. It's been a tough week here. You know for obvious reasons. We lost macdonald this week Which was just you know. I had no idea that he was even sick and He's a guy that i knew a little bit. I was definitely friendly with them. If we saw each other we set alone we shot. The ship wasn't like someone that i talked to on the phone or anything and i was such a huge fan of his and our just always end up running into him and he's always had that smile on his face. Like as you talk to me would have just a really great warm guy. And i remember S- trying to think what norm story to tell you. This one isn't necessarily funny was just sort of random. I went out to go see bill cosby and concert before all the bullshit app out in pasadena and he played this theater out there which interestingly enough was where they had. The twenty fifth anniversary of motown celebration. Which is the first place. Michael jackson publicly did the moonwalk I saw bill cosby that theater. And i remember they had it all set up where like the almost built them like a little living room. He had like an archie bunker. Tight chair a little square rug and then like a side table where he put his water and he just came walking out and it was the mike snow mike standards just sitting on the chair and he just came out you know he kind of walked a little bent over came walking out wave to everybody sat down. Picked up the mike. Inflect almost two hours. Just you know hour and a half just kilt just fucking killed. Had the crowd and the palm. His hand masterclass of standup right. So i leave with my lovely wife. And i go out front and who stand. There's no mcdonald say a bill. Hey talked is like no is going on. I was so psyched that he knew my name. And all of that stuff. And i think i had met him before and then we just stood there talking about comedy and our amazing it was to see bill cosby and how good he still was like. I said this is before all the bullshit heaven and My admiration for the guys that went even higher. That i understood why i was there but i didn't. I thought normal so good that he didn't need to be there and he was still they're still trying to learn and everything and i was thinking like. Wow this is why. This guy is so fucking amazing and You know he's just with somebody that We couldn't just watch one video of him. Like i was saying like guys like rick. Flair norm macdonald is few people if you click on their videos. It's like say goodbye to the next two hours the life because everything that they did was is so interesting. It's so different it's so funny and One of my favorite norm macdonald things that he ever did because so many people like pretend that they don't give a fuck you know both in my business and other businesses you got the. I don't give a you know me. i don't give a fuck. You knows people that advertise them like that guy. Clearly in the best way didn't give a fuck. He really cared about people and stuff but like like he did what he wanted to do and when he was on. Snl how big that was because it was so few channels. The internet hadn't blown up yet and even with basic cable and everything. I mean it was still. If you're on saturday night live and you were doing weekend. Update it was one of the most coveted gigs. A comedian could have and you apart of this lineage of at that point it was You know chevy chase Jane curtain right on through to dennis miller's rain when he did it. And you know. I did colin quinn. Come after i think calling came after but it was always just like the best of the best comics that they had doing it and continued on with tina fey and all of them and no one's walking away from that job. And if some suit at nbc tells you they don't like the joke should do and be funnier shaken in you i would. I would be like fuck. You know i'm gonna lose this big gig. I don't want to get fired. I wanna piss these people off. Or whatever i guess. He was doing all those. Oj jokes and somebody. I forget how the story went. There was somebody there that new. Oj or something in was telling him telling him to back off and move on to something else so what is no do he just doubles down and he just does even more oj jokes which is like the you know the ball st- that took to do that ended up losing the gig. He got fired. Any was and people loved them. Maybe was fucking hilarious. But he you know he didn't back down to the to the to the big fucking guy over there and he ended up losing the gig so you know as luck would have it. I think it was dirty. Work came out like a year and a half later or so so he has to promote it. He's on the press thing. So lauren has them back and has some hosts. The show i remember. He went out there in his opening joke. It's opening joke. It just comes out and he was just like Yeah yeah it's something that goes yes Good to be back. I actually got fired from this show about a year and a half ago because they said it wasn't funny and now i'm hosting this show so that means wanna to thinks either. I gotta lot funnier. This show sucks that big shitty. They started laughing and then he proceeded to do a bunch of oj jokes and it was just like like that fucking thing about him the whole time the whole too. I just felt the whole time when people were fucking with them or whatever trying to take what he had he always still had that smile on his face and he just still did exactly what He wanted to do and I got so much respect for him. And i feel so fortunate that i got to see him live. I remember oh my god. I saw him right after nine. Eleven the aspen after nine. Eleven aspen comedy festival. Is this big fuck festival. That was always a nightmare to get in and out of every year it would snow and people would get stuck in denver or you get snowed in you couldn't get was fucking nightmare and as a comedian you had to perform it was like a mile higher than fucking denver and no one could breathe and you perform it in front of all the super fucking rich people in front of industry and you just go up and you would eat your fucking balls and you're like why did i come out here and i remember i saw I saw joe rogan. Do a full set. That i still remember. And then i saw norm macdonald it was at the same theatre and And i remember norm. Came out he. He was doing bits on royce racial profiling and all of this stuff. I'm not going to butcher the guys bids. But i remember just watching the full set and i was like this guy is one of greatest comedians. I've ever seen in my life. And i thought that every time i saw him and I don't know it was a pleasure to know the guy even on a little level Just a massive massive massive loss to not have him around a and especially now with all of the stupid fucking cancel coach horsh it that is going on which has way way way overstepped its bounce as it always happens. No matter who's behind it always ends up. You know starting off with something that makes sense and then that becomes the overreach and then it just becomes like hay. Is it me or did you literally become what the fuck you were trying to stop and we you know that was a comedian really needed a guy like norm out there to be eviscerating at making fun of it still doing what the fuck you want to do. So if there's any of the young comics out there if you wanna see how it's done watched that guy. Because he was the real deal all right so with that all right. Let's do a little bit of ad reads here and then we'll wrap it up all right head space. 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Looked back smiled again. It was so cute and then she handed them to me and he gave me the biggest. Like he's a really good hogger. 'cause we hug him all the time so already knows what love is. Which is the you know the job a you of as a parent so they don't end up as fucked up as you all right so he literally gives me a hug rested his little head on my shoulder which is the greatest thing ever you know. Have a one year old do that even if they only do it. For eight seconds. You know for when you're old to do that for eight seconds. It feels that they did did it for an hour And then i was making them laugh and he was playing with the strings on my hooding i walked into the kitchen and it was just me and him and he laid his head on my shoulder again. For like another ten seconds it was like the greatest thing ever and then Got down on the floor. Played with them and then i went and i picked my daughter up at school and she freaked out. It was fucking awesome. It was just so awesome and now back out on the road. But then come back. And i'm back for a while so thank god for face time. Thank god to forever. Whoever works over at apple and didn't get the credit for creating that. Thank you to you. Here's to you. The unsung heroes at apple. So anyway i am at red rocks tomorrow. If you end up with the u2 made that video this great backstage footage. I saw one time stevie ray. Vaughan there Anybody the beatles played their. I mean anybody who's anybody That ever sold tickets. I think eventually wanted to play red rocks. And i cannot believe that i'm gonna get to play there tomorrow and i am filming it. I don't know what i'm gonna do with it. It's kind of like you know when. I make like an album of vinyl or something like that. I always try to with each tour. Have some sort of extra thing that i make for people that are just you know interested in hearing how you know. My shit jokes develop over the course of tour or just want to hear like a different set of the same material or whatever You know. I'm definitely gonna film it and I think i'm losing money. Because i'm i'm doing the filming special. Because i don't want to have this thing and not have it like look. This is what happened. I was like if i'm playing red rocks. I want video it. Because i don't know if i'm ever going to be back. I just want to document that. I got to stand on that amazing gorgeous. You know amphitheater whatever the fuck you call it built into the side of the mountain it is fucking gorgeous and then it just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger so now it's like a whole big production but it's gonna fucking amazing. I can tell you that it's gonna look fucking amazing and I'm really psyched. And you know. I'm just not putting any pressure myself and i'm just gonna go fuck around and have a good time. I'm doing a show tomorrow. And then i come back in the beginning of october which is kind of funny. 'cause we're trying to figure out what i should wear suet matches because right now you know. I don't know how cool it is there. I think he's fifty nine sixty degrees. So it's not that bad so who knows ten days you know because you know how fucking weather is now. It goes from like fucking summer to winter. Now there's no fall. So i don't know what we shall see. We'll see we'll end up so we'll see what ends up happening. But i got a feeling that it's gonna be a it's going to be a i think it's going to be it's gonna come up great And i don't know watching all those videos and that type of stuff. And i think it's going inspire me to go a little harder or whatever in a good way Speaking of going hard man did you guys see the moto. gp race this week. I finally got see that Great to see marc marquez. Up in the lead again not the league but amongst the leaders and was it pecking Big guy as you say his name on the final three laps mark mark has passed him seven times and then pekka would just undercut him and get back in front of him again. It was fucking unbelievable racing. I heard the formula. One one was amazing also but Fabu quarrel ended up coming in eighth. It was a moment there were looked like he just kept getting past something going on with this bike. Which i just don't understand i really don't understand. How like with some of these guys. How their their motorcycles can just from race to race like this man racist this year. We're from the jump. You couldn't even catch the guy like the race was fucking over and then like the very next race. A there's something going on. It's something going on that they change mechanics is different altitude. Is that the temperature. The tires is all of that combined that you could dominate motorcycle racing at the highest level that much and then the very next week. It's like you know your team ran out of money and you're riding a motorcycle that i gave you something like that. It's really crazy. And it's also making me have more respect for like you know the honda team with marc marquez or or You know davinci. Osa was racing and he was on the Do qadis how they just were consistently you know. Top notch and up there competing with The leaders and then you look at valentino rossi. Where all of a sudden all these years i know. He's been slowly dropping off. He's been doing it forever. now he's just down at the back of the pack every single week and he's still riding the same bike. I don't know but i do. Well we'll tell you this. I went to vegas one time. And we got no supercars. Took them around the track and it beats the shit out of you. I could not fucking. I felt like i got slapped around when i got out of the car. Granite was driving like an idiot. I didn't understand how to drive a car around the track. I just like slammed on the gas salon. Throttle slammed on the brakes. Where it's like. No you wanna smoothly. Go around the track and save the car and the tires and i was not doing that at all. You just think racetrack was fast as you can. And whatever i only went around. Like i think three times and by the third lap do good. I'm good. I'm ready to go. Get back in the crowd and drive home. The speed limit So anyways another just amazing race motor gp. And i haven't been talking about it much. This year. I just been so super busy and i try to watch them online as much as i can look fucking on in here all right. Let's see for those of still awake after this fucking yawning here man. I'm sorry all right. Here's something to wake you up We got a new thing here with mgm being pulverize era going head to head gambling on football games. Nfl football this year so we actually have a clip instead of the music here transition into the bonus half hour of a previous thursday afternoon just before friday. Monday morning podcast. We're actually going to play a clip from the anything better. Podcast of me doing our picks for this week. Nfl football up to get yourselves caught up the first week. Paul varzi went one in three picking four games. I went to and to so neither one of us is setting the world on fire but paul version was still very proud of his pittsburgh. Pick against buffalo. Which is classic kim. He literally shits the bed three times. One time he makes it to the toilet both and he wants a cookie. Just always wiart anyway. I'm just fucking with you. Enjoy the gambling clip before we get into week to everybody was jumping on losing or winning. Or we'll get into that but guys mgm if you haven't signed up for bed mgm yet used bonus code. Burr doesn't get easier for letters and two of them are the same b. You are and you'll get two hundred dollars free after placing your first. Ten dollar bet as long as tom brady completes a pass. Okay i mean just giving it to you but giving you this money to jump start your season. Here's how it works download. Mgm app and sign up using a bonus code burr. Place your first ten dollar money line on the bucks to win. You'll receive two hundred dollars in free bets as long as tom brady. Completes a pass regardless of the outcome of your bet. Just make sure you use bonus code. Burr be you are when you sign up. Here we go. Let's get into our week one recap and again here. He is the two-time jimmy. The greek champion gets out of the gate to an early lead. I loved by the way. I want to apologize to everybody who came at me and said you told me. Bet the farm on aaron rodgers. You know what guilty. I'm not doing it anymore. Every time i say aaron rodgers is gonna do they got fucking blown out all right. Thank god. I lost the ravens. I won the steelers and my new york food ravens. I the first half of that which by the way. How great is it. Fuck fucking raiders. Finally have a stadium. You're the what they've achieved although they've kind of stunk for forty years but like you know forty years. They went to soup. Like you know your old ass. Oakland coliseum and then they played an old ass fucking memorial coliseum back to their old digs. I feel like they finally found love. They got the perfect woman. They're out there in vegas. It looked amazing. I still wish they were still in oakland personally just for. I still wish the cultural baltimore. Those fans came out man. Those were rate or do they got a triangle. Now coming from la oakland and then all the lunatics indian kid in las. Vegas dude. i gotta take something vegas those vegas night fans are fucking insane. I guarantee i don't think that they're going to get a baseball team. Because i heard they were. I heard it's in the work How much hotter does it have to get paul. Before we stopped building stadiums. Yeah i heard. What are we doing more and more natural materials. What for while. well. I don't know but degrees out. They god they can close the roof. We can crank liaise see. Go up another fucking ballpark with an artificial fucking atmosphere stupid. I'm against all of that. Shit dude. I think that if you're not willing to sit outside of the elements that includes basketball and hockey. I think they should play in the winter. Paul the generation some generation has to step up in. Pay the fucking check for what we've done to the environment and you just have to sit there and take we're gonna have to go back to like caveman days. Only for about thirty years like ben. Franklin stay right. He was a caveman wasn't he was getting animal. I know that flying kites in the rain drinking beer hanging broads. Here's guy you want to talk about a guy that state at the party too. Long ben franklin kept his hair long stewart. Dumb hat down. Oh you're bald bed. I'll give you all that except you can't play basketball outside. I'm fucking worth you know. But listen i know i know you can't even look at a star in the league. It's a foul. you're gonna make them play outside. Go flop because a win. No one hit them. Still lakers could sign a couple more people. You know i yeah. Tom gets worried. I'm worried for them. Yeah yeah because you know we talk about all the time. It's like four hall of famers but you know more famous says not. Make a lakers basketball team now. It has to be five hall of famers from other people's teams are. Let's get into the well. You went to into bill. And i went one and three. So you're let's talk about the games here. Tell you what. I had good pick. You want to know my pick was taken. The pittsburgh steelers on the road getting six and a half. That was i went. I went your route on that one. Because you know isis you sound like a fucking political talk show host you. Fuck the t leave ron taken. Now i wanted. I'm saying but i'm just saying but you lost three. Yeah i know that's what everybody to bed too far green bay. Now we're going to sit there watching you stroking deck about the pittsburgh dig. Paul pittsburgh thing was my was my one for four. Now i want for three won't one for for four. Yeah yeah yeah wanted one one my talk shit about two and two you win some you lose some your five hundred wife could do i flip the coin stroking your dick about the pittsburgh fucking steelers. Who will widely considered a favorite. No no they weren't. They weren't considered the afc. They are favored to go to the super bowl. Yes they are. i don't know about that. No the favorite to go to the super bowl. Afc the chiefs and the bills and pittsburgh and you got that. But you're right. I want one and three one of three. I'll take my medicine my medicine you were sitting at. I gotta tell ya. I watched this. I lost that lost. I gotta tell you that pittsburgh was point. The only thing you at the foul lie you hit one out of four shots. You're going sit there and talk shit about it. Was the switch. It was a nice was a nice switch fucking disease. I i made mistakes. Yeah i bet with my heart in the new england patriots not know what they were gonna hats off to the miami. Dolphins is forced three. Fumbles giving them the credit paul. Marcus say we fumbled three times. They were good hits. They knocked the ball lose. We were in the red zone in the end probably would kick a field goal. I still would've lost. But if he's scored a touchdown. Maybe i could one but like day came up. Paul they needed to make a play play and we lost the jets lost in the dolphins loss. I mean so. The bills loss giving the dolphins after the first week so possession of first place. It's theirs to lose paul. Yeah i mean look everybody's right in the giants off because it giants performance was fucking abysmal. It was hard to watch saquon. Barkley didn't do much. You could tell. I think i could tell he usually likes to run on the outside and get the edge. He seemed like he wasn't doing that. daniel jones fumbled. The ball again scrambling. Because he didn't slide feed. I so i don't know i don't know all i know is this. You can't write a team off after week one. I always say it's week five is when you know who team is but the new york giants look bad. They look bad. It was tough to watch. They should win that game at home with the moves they made. Teddy bridgewater looked like fucking joe montana and a super bowl. I mean it was. It was our defensive backs. Look horrible it was really tough to watch man. I'm not gonna lie like the game wasn't even over yet and people are like i'll just go to the browns chiefs game. It's a better game when you do that with your own team week. One fucking brutal hoping something changes do. They're talking about fire in the. Oh fuck and offers a coordinator jason garrett already. I mean you know it's brutal. So i watched that casey browns game yeah. The browns are big on them. Casey came back chopped them down in the second half came back in one now. I actually think that that's good for the browns. Because if they play the casey again it's gonna be in the playoffs. They just lost to him twice. And you learn things in losses in both arms. They lost close games. I mean the last time they played they actually would not. Patrick mahomes out of the fucking game and they still couldn't make it happen. So this thing. Patrick mahomes rested up first game of the year. I'd feel like they played on the full on chiefs and they just i don't know they just. They couldn't put him to bed. But i got i got an old man. I don't know they play him a third time. Paul here's my question. Alright is if they beat kansas city in the playoffs those colin cowherd finally give it up that he was wrong about baker mayfield because he baker mayfield has got that team. Like that's one of my favorite little little little dramas sportswriter versus athlete. Or whatever whatever sports broadcaster. Because he's been doubling down. Paul like reminds me a you left pittsburgh day. The answer is no and know. Colin cowherd will only give baker mayfield credit if he wins the super bowl because because colin coward if baker mayfield goes to afc championship game and loses. He's going to say but he couldn't get to a guy like coward. You don't think that because my thing is like this guy is already proven who fucking brit. Who leads the browns to the playoffs in thirty something. Nobody you gotta go back to fuck and bernie kosar. Yeah well on. Creaky on the mike. I don't think cowherds got make up to give credit. And i think he does. That's the episode. I wanna see all right. He sits there lower ses desk and says baker. You know what i was wrong. I was wrong because when he was trashing. My was fucked up that he's trashing. But i'm also thinking like he's going to cleveland. I mean first. Round draft picks. Go to cleveland to die. You go to detroit to die. Matthew stafford broke that curse and he looked great with the rams last week. He looked but like baker's got nip. Nick chubb kid is good and they got who else. They got a great team. Show nick job. It's me no. It's nick nick snake families. What's his name nick. Nick fuck money on that. You could double down like coward. I still think it's nate covered. Abs- still right. Allie plays like a nate baker. Mayfield trashing cowherd. By the way. I used to think baker mayfield which was might be too small and he definitely proved that wrong because he's not too small and he's got a nice. He's got a nice makeup but can't you look at it a flip side. Oh can you look at it. Like the chiefs. Were down big and then figured something out so if they play him again they won't get down like that again No no absolutely. I mean it's definitely still like the browns have something to prove here but like there. They made unbelievable strides last year. This is the first game of the year. Yeah okay and i just feel like you know. I think it's almost a good thing that they had them and they let him off the hook. Because i think they're going to be mad at themselves and i think that that's the kind of lost that you really a coach can really use asian. Yeah and You know like gun. 'cause they lost in the playoffs. I shaped like you said like you know. Moms out for part of that game. This was the game like he was in the whole game fresh from the off season and they still don't give them a hell of a run so i i got family out there from back in the day so i am a browns fan. So take that all with a grain of salt Arizona one. I didn't see a second of that game. I watched some of the seattle game. That was that was. That was an easy win for me there but Fucking casey man. They got down on one drive. Thought they were gonna come down and you know you just you just sitting there looking like you know. I have a chance to go for and all and then just two drives. It's like fuck them to into it sucks because at one thirty my time i'm going oh i'm going three one four no and then all of a sudden have time and you're like and then i'm going. The giants studio giants are home. We're gonna turn around. I was actually like ombo. You're like you're in optimus. Optimus i am. We were at penn state and we we give twenty two points to ball state and penn state gets the ball ball. State goes through penn state. Gets the ball goes right down the field scores seven. Nothing got so cash cash in blood back. It's a bloodbath my. There's a long fucking way to go. Let's do the. Let's do the fucking you know what i got to pick i last week so you got the first pick bill all right. Let me see by like anything here. There's a couple gimmes. There's a couple gimmes cheese. How many times he gotta get your ass kicked by fucking vegas before you realize this guy seriously on this one. Bet the farm on this one on this one. I sound like mercy. Who's never lived on. A farm has no idea how many acres he's giving away. I'll tell you what game i love. Yeah just that. They're playing each other. Steelers versus the raiders. What a rivalry. That was paul in the nineteen seventies. I i came into when both teams were old in the late seventies but that From seventy four to seventy seven it was it was one of the best rivalries that steelers and the cowboys was incredible All right. I like a couple of these games here. What do you got which i'm gonna take. How do i know whose home team here. Andrew who's ever second jesus christ You know what. I like to bills given three and a half in miami. I think miami was when i saw them on. I watched miami a little bit. I watched the jets a little bit. And obviously i saw the patriots because they played miami and i watched some of that bills pittsburgh game and i just thought the bills even in losing look like they were a lot deeper team. I liked that bet. I don't say that about my bed. Paul can jinx all right. Here we go i. I'm gonna take man you get these right andrew man. The bengals and bears is interesting to me. Hold on. I don't know if i'm going to go there yet. I liked that game. Paul who you thinking you tell me joe boroughs not gonna come in there and light them up. I'm thinking i'm thinking the bengals. But i think the bears will shut them down. I'm actually going to do a patriots jets. Bet one year. Could you say the bengals punk. The bengals were with an all girl group. The bengals football team. I'm taking the new york jets. Getting six at home against the patriots. You bill frozen. I'm taking the new college trying to think why the fuck anybody would ever read the new york fucking jets crazy. That is so bizarre. A and peg as i'm still freezing freezing. It's low you're right back. I was also not speaking. Because i was so shocked that anybody would ever put money on the jets especially to tell you something paul. I like you to win it this year. The jimmy the greek. I'll tell you why because you've switching game here. This is what all of a sudden jordan started passing and chuck daly lewis loosen tiling. What's going on here when paul mercy ever taken underdog i know. When does paul versi bet on the jets. I mean that is such a debt is so like can character. I never met her never night before considering the almost one last week he got bill. Out of your fucking real house that you. I almost feel like you know something. Not just you know. They're coming home. New quarterbacks got a few other fixes in you got some. You've got fucking like. I would never do that man. I'm sicilian i wouldn't do that to a friend. Whoever told you tell you to keep your mouth shut you would. I wouldn't do that. I am going to take. I hate this. Because i'm going to favorites favorites. I am going to bet against the colts again. A dance with who brung me ben. Betting against the colts both weeks of taking the rams given for a hate that fucking number given four the colts. I know you can't judge somebody after one week. But i just felt they got fucking trampled because you know seattle has those weapons and they have a great coach obviously in peak cara p carol right the fucking rams have a great coach. Got a great quarterback. He's excited to be there. I feel like the colts are fucking limbaugh. They still haven't recovered for andrew. Luckily even taking the fuck and rams given four by the way paul. How soon before you start shitting on the head coach of the of the rams whoever he is. Sean mcveigh before you start going like brad. Stevens enough with the big bob boob. You started shitting on brad stevens. It's the whole fucking league is you know is starting to pylon teams. Nobody's winning. i don't know if i ever. I don't think it's fair to say i shit on brad stevens. I didn't shit on them. If you absolutely should on disrespected you said he was overrated in. You ignored the fact that the darn his time. The golden state warriors fucking bought kevin durant after they already winning a championship. Never called you. Never call them overrated. I said he's got a do. I said it's something needs to happen soon. I never call them under any number shit at such a fuck in new york sports fan east coast sports fan due to happen soon. A what paul. You're going to step in and show them how it's done. He's not even there anymore. now he is. He's celtics went upstairs. Paul he's moving up like george jefferson. My second pick is going to be my farm. Pick ready for this something soon with your dumb fucking t shirt and your chain hanging out. There were no better. Do some two when i got the fucking wings no use. I only way know. I'm not talking about brad. Stine like he he fucking works for you. You said i said he was overrated. I never did never did all. I'm gonna throw a bucket drink you face on my own laptop if you don't love that is it. I'm just trying to buy time here. Because i don't know who i know shot. I don't who's not. I am gonna do something that that is my theory. You know my theory bill. It's my homecoming theory. I am taking the cleveland. Browns laying twelve and a half against the texans. Because the cleveland browns are gonna come home after that heartbreaker and they are gonna shit on dude. This is going to be listening to me right now. This is going to be like thirty. Four to fifteen game. You've looked down. Why don't you look down. Where where did you just pull you. you like. This is going to be a thirty four to fifteen game yet. Get a check to spread to make sure you'd still win. You're giving so many points well and a half points. I like the cleveland browns to come home and absolutely shit on it on them shit on him. That's my lot. Say why. I kinda like that bed. Then why don't two touchdowns it's not like it's twenty points. All right shawn watson is playing right. He's got the massage parlor shit going on so he's not in the fucking game. They're really who do. They have for quarterback they put they won last week didn't they they. They i didn't take those games. I don't know if i don't even remember they want these. We're beat the packers saints. Murdered the packers alert. Last week the saints murdered the packers for real Where's that monday night game here. They're playing monday night monday night. Gangways texans beat the jaguars thirty seven. Twenty one yeah. They beat a rookie quarterback. The rookie quarterback got three touchdowns first game in the nfl. Ever and they were beaten them bad and then the jaguars started to play. Decent texans are not going to go into cleveland and win that game. But i think the betting the money line here you bet spread twelve and a half love it over loves to predict a bloodbath that i do paul the day you take vegas for a ton of money you gotta get the gold bracelet or you got to get something to hang off your chain. That says bloodbath. It's gotta be in diamonds. Where do i mean. I'm telling you what your personality. If you moved out to vegas your bloodbath pick the week. You gotta have the bloodbath. Pick the week. And it's got to be the cleveland. Browns yeah i called it. The farm pick. Because i always save big the bloodbath bloodbath of the week is the cleveland browns. All right. he's a game. That just sort of jumped out ami fano fucking reason you got the the new orleans saints coming off kicking the shed out of the green bay packers by the way what is. The packers. Spread the monday night game. I don't have it in front of me. tell me aaron rodgers isn't gonna come back with something to prove he is he is and when i heard his press conference afterwards and all is mine is ten and a half lines are getting ten and a half lines again. Ten at half. Jared goff through the lines last week. Not good no boy now. I don't know i don't like double digits spreads. I'm staying away from that game. But here's my thing. The new orleans saints are a kick the shit out of the out of the the packers last week. The going in with the panthers at sand denard. What's his name. Got the jets castaway quarterback. I'll sam darnold. Yes and darnold therapies. I love the saints. I think they're fucking. I love the coach. I love their positional player. Who's running back they got. Who's that guy kamera nasty. yes jameson. Coming back jameson. Look good the saints. Defense lloyd yeah and he had a decent run there with tampa before. Tom brady came to town and they ship them out. I just think he's a way better quarterback that sam darnold. I think they have a better coach. They got better get the happened. The bucket panthers picked dog yet. I'm not getting any points. All right. I got the bills who i got. I got the bills. I got the saints. And who else did i run. My yup about rams. The rams have taken all favorites. Paul paul this is your year. All right guys you ready. I'm taking two new york football giants getting three and a half. Let's let's let's listen to me. Just hear me out. Just hear me out. I heard you. I heard you out. the washington football team starting quarterback is out. Such patrick is out. They got this guy hint. Ski coming in okay i. I didn't know that. I like the giants got humiliated in the new york press k. Saquon had to look on his face. The coach looked mad. The defense guide embarrassed by teddy bridgewater. The giants are going into washington. It's not across the country. It's not a far trips. Low hop skip and a jumps hour. Fifteen minute flight. We'll we'll up the wheels down okay. You're going there pissed off. And i think they're going there. Although they do have chased good defender new york football giants going to get in three and a half. So i'm taking points. If it was it was minus three and a half. i wouldn't give them three and a half. They get three and a half. I've to there in three and a half after an embarrassing thing and they're going against a second string quarterback. I'm taking on new york football giants not based on my heart based on those facts. All right i'm shaking my head and i put my hands on my head because you're betting with your heart like i did on my patriots last week. I wanted the mac jones. Our that kickoff with the big can win and a i. Do you know what. I like about paul. I feel like division rivalry. Games are always close. They see each other twice a year every fucking year. They know what they do. Washington just has a history of just letting their fan base down giant's heavy history of starting slow but that years old that era. The starting slow is over. I almost feel like. I have to take a dog here. You right what the what the fuck. The eagles only getting three and a half at home. I thought they stunk up the joint. No they jalen hurts all right. They won last week. They look pretty good okay. Everybody was saying that they were gonna. They were gonna stick all right. Teddy bridgewater well. Bill loves the dog making no mistake about bill. I love a dog. I can't find one this week that i like poets slim pickets now. It is slim pickens. I don't know anything about the bears. Defense i keep going back to that bengals game. I had brown's houston game. You motherfucker bills dolphins and you got to add it. Some of this out. Jesus turned into fucking to degenerates talking to the computer screen. As only couple of dead steelers in pittsburgh giving five and a half. Why do i only little like favorites this week. I'm rubbing off fine. I have two kids now. And i don't know what i'm talking about. I don't know why. I like to steal at home given five and a half i just i his. I don't believe in the raiders. I believe in. Jon gruden not so. I don't think this is the raiders that they were wait. They covered last week. What happened in the second. Half of that game paul. Who won by the way. I only saw the first half raise dealers raiders. One over the raiders. One yeah the raiders morning. I like to steal us in good. I think the rate is that gonna make their fan base. Feels like they turned it around. They got jon gruden bed. They got the shiny new place to play. They're gonna be going all skippy hopping all fucking pittsburgh ben. Rothlisberger the wildly veterans gonna come in in juju smith and all of those guys that defense look pretty good fucking. I'm taking all favorites. This we saw all right so andrew. We have one left. I have one left. So what did i pick. So far. Got the giants i got the jets. Who else and the The cleveland browns favored cleveland browns minus quiet. So my fourth and final. Pick while i took the jets that she i mean My fourth and final pick. What's the what. I hate my picks. I'll tell you right now. You know when you play pool. You just can't see the angles the fact that i'm just sitting here being like yeah. Yeah i liked spread. They're gonna they're gonna do that and they're going to do that and they're going to do it and they're going to do it. It's fucking so stupid. Did bill picked the packers or no. No what's that. What's that game ten. It's ten ten and a half division rival man. I'm taking. I'm taking it. They're covered no-no patterns Packers are our favorites raw on taking a lot of points this week. I'm taking baker. Mayfield gotta get covered. Thirteen and aaron rodgers got covered. Cover eleven so there you go. I got jets giants packers and the cleveland browns. But bill. you're off to the lead. So i gotta get you up by one game. I went to until you win. Some you lose some this week. Got in bed with my heart. I stayed away from the patriots. But i just don't like that. I only like the favorites this week. It just to me favorites. That just says you don't know what the fuck you talking about you watch. Espn for five seconds looked at the scores to turn this ship in the right direction. Paul 'cause i'm like you know i'm not excited about my record the way you were. I'm not excited. That i went to to get this ship going in the right direction. Paul because if you go to until you still lose money with the big you know right now. I don't know what you were skipping around about. Paul no idea. Well let's say right now. That shit adds to that. Well neither of us did the unforgettable unforgivable. Thank god don't drag me into your bullshit. I was close. I was close. The unforgivable is owned for either. Be not as good. A father should do bill if one of us go. We gotta keep the record of unforgivable for the year so if i get too unforgiving unforgivable and he gets to unforgivable it's awash but if one of us it's almost like getting a birdie or eagle on a whole you gotta make a little kind make a little more gone it. We got to know how many four twice and i went. Oh and four once. You went on for two if not three times though. I know telling you not to pick favorites. The exact thing that. I'm doing this week so i don't know i early in the season. Alright guys bet. Mgm if you haven't signed up for bid mgm yet used bonus code berbie you are. You'll get two hundred dollars free after placing your first. Ten dollar bet as long as tom brady completes a pass. It's as simple as that. Here's how it works. You download the bet. Mgm app and sign up using bonus code a. b. u. r. I first place your first ten dollar bet on the money line For the bucks to win. Okay so if you place your first ten dollar money line bet on the bucks to win. You'll receive two hundred dollars in free bets as long as tom brady complete surpassed regardless of the outcome of your bet. Just make sure you use promo code. Burr be you are when you sign up. The disclaimer is right here. Guys visit bet. Mgm dot com conditions twenty one years of age or older to wager arizona colorado. Dc iwa indianapolis michigan new jersey pennsylvania. Tennessee virginia west virginia or wyoming only excludes michigan this associated persons please gamble responsibly. Guys gambling problem. Call one eight hundred nextstep arizona. One eight hundred five to two forty seven hundred colorado nevada wyoming and virginia one eight hundred two seven zero seven. One one seven for a confidential help michigan at one eight hundred gambler new jersey pennsylvania. West virginia one. Eight hundred bets off iowa call or text. Tennessee redline eight hundred eight nine. Nine seven eight nine tennessee or call one eight hundred nine with in indiana guys there. You go that responsible By the way. Paul shooting a special this weekend at eleven life. If you're in new york and you wanna go see it All right that's it. Listen to our picks what's again. Thank you everybody that came out here in kansas city. I apologize for being so So tired here and Once again rest in peace to the great norm macdonald Just truly one without a doubt one of the greatest standup comedians. I ever saw my life and Just such a great guy and it's just so sad that he won't be around anymore. But i am also. I actually got off the plane in a better mood from just watching literally the beauty of who he was and his work. When i got off the plane i was actually like. I don't know something about him. I just thought he understood life Just a really warm guy God damn it. It's always those guys that go so there's your lesson don't be nice you'll live forever there right. I'll talk to you. Hey what's going on. its bill burr. And it's the monday morning. Podcast from monday september sixteenth. Two thousand and thirteen hopeless doesn't sound weird. I don't know what happened. I think my dog laid down my mic son. Weird saana weird to me man freaking me out and how was your week good. Why do i ask questions that you can answer like. I'm talking to a listener on the phone. I'm not. I'm not doing that. I'm laying here by myself as always excited to be back home For those of you who have lives for those of you who just happen to i dunno and up on this podcast welcome. I do one of these every single week at. I have a website name bill. Burr dot com. Feel like what you hear here. You wanna hear my fucking a stand up specials. I have a hard copy version and five dollars downloadable version. Whatever the hell you wanna do. It's right there for you. Taken aright there poured myself out early people showing a lot of leg. Early in the podcast. I don't know where to begin with this weekend. We not start at the beginning first of all just when i think paul virzy is a smart man. Just i know you know what this guy isn't like little. I don't know what the word is. Do you know. I bet you guys have a lot of people like this. I know a number of guys in this business. Who have these unbelievable like perceptive powers like they see somebody they can read them and and they they can figure out situations but you know you simple math problem and you just see the look on their face and the whole time. You're friends with them. You russell you'll is this guy a smart guy or is he a moron just guesses really well now fucker with you. Obviously think paul's a smart guy. But you know we all have our moments. Paul versi had a moment but right before we went to texas. And this is the deal with doing el paso on thursday night would doing san antonio friday night and saturday will go into the the alabama and texas m. game. We're going to get back and we're going to watch the mayweather fight. That was basically the weekend. That was the plan. That's what was on the books. Okay el paso is a makeup date on the billy red state tour and we added san antonio okay so one step back two steps forward. That was the game plan so me inversion ridiculously excited. Because we're going to fucking game and we're gonna drive from el paso to san antonio and everybody in texas is like you're driving that. Oh my god good luck. That's you're not gonna see anything. There's nothing it's going to be like driving on the surface of the moon in all this shit. This is what they tell us so. I don't know what somebody told version. But evidently he's watched a couple two or three things on these mexican drug cartels and he was freaking the fuck out like he's going to. I don't know about this Pass like these druglords down there and blah blah blah blah and. I know we we talk about paul. He goes yeah. I mean i i just wish we had a gun or something. He kept saying he wanted to bring a gun and paul. We're not going across the border. I'm not saying it's not a dangerous city. I'm not saying that's not right next to a really dangerous city. And i'm not saying that something fucked up might not happen. You're freaking out. And i need you relax. And he just kept going. Do we should take the tire iron and have that under the car. I mean under the front seat of the car like before when we like. This is a guy who lives in works in new york city at night. All right this is classic. Classic fucking new yorkers. I'm telling you they are no different than somebody who grew up in the middle of nowhere and lives on a farm that the exact same way all they know is their world. He's so used to the danger. That's familiar in new york city that he doesn't even see it anymore and he watches one one or two of these fucking hard copy. Sixty minute things on you know. People getting their faces peeled back and getting tortured and kidnapped and all that shit down there in mexico and all of a sudden he's freaking out freaking out about mexicans as he's driving by the puerto rican day parade. You see what. I'm saying worried that he's gonna get robbed. When wall street is right. Down the fucking. I don't know right around the corner from where he lives. Those have their fingers in you fucking account already worried about some hypothetical ship. All right where you live is third and short el paso. It's fucking hail. Mary when it comes to something actually happening so kept going. Paul will you fucking relax. It's going to be fine. It's going to be great. It's going to be part of the country we haven't gone to and we just kept doing. I'm just saying i'm not an idiot. I know him from just kept escalating at one point. I'm yelling at him on the phone. And i screamed the words drug cartel trying to reason with them and i just stopped and you can ask him this. I said listen. I just said drug cartel. I'm done with this conversation. I'll see you in paso so fucking hang up. So i get to the fucking airport. I fly out. And i'm ridiculously excited. To go to el paso texas and then fucking do this drive down to san antonio texas all right. That was the game plan and to let you know a left turns common. How little foreshadowing. Here's a fucking letter in email. I got from some somebody. I don't know where they live either in new mexico. I don't know what or in texas this is. What it says the my heart is like. I can't wait to go here. Can't wait to make up this date. I'll probably do an hour and a half on stage. This is going to be fucking awesome. That was my attention. This is the e mail. I get monday morning. Thanks for nothing bill. I'm done with you twice. You've ditched el paso and yesterday. He means like the day of the gig he goes. I wasn't notified until four twelve. Pm the show was it. Eight o'clock after a five hour. Drive to el paso basically that the show is canceled. He goes apparently you. Think nothing of el paso right now. You got to be sitting at your desk. You gotta be sitting in shop. You've got to be sitting cubicle. Maybe you're sending a busta. Maybe a waiting for that fucking plane to take off. And there's some telling you you have to power down your device and you don't feel like doing it because you want to know what happens in el paso all right so this is what happens. I fucking island land in el paso inversions already there. He's meet me at the terminal el paso a great fucking airport. It's one of those ones. Where there's no am i in terminal terminal. Be the whole fucking thing is in one area. It's like a mom and pop airport. Get in get out the securities grades fucking awesome. I love it all right. So i land there and get off the plane and there's versi dressed like he's gonna clean. Somebody's fucking pool you know. He's got these fucking basketball shorts that are hanging down below his knee right. he didn't have on flipped. Lafayette a black socks. Black sneakers and i think white shorts mesh shorts that hong down below it was a fuck it was he was. It was already a shit show. He's got his t shirt on. And he's sitting there with the backpack like a book bag like he's going to class or something and then like some sort of duffel bag like he's going to go to the gym in one thousand nine hundred seventy seven. This is how the man travels okay. And he's standing there with like this excited relieved and nervous. Look on his face. he's at the airport. And he's fucking nervous about being in el paso because he's convinced that he's gonna get kidnapped by some drug cartel dragged back to mexico and held for ransom and evidently obama's gonna get on tv and be like you know we gotta get this this citizen back. He's done so much for this country. You know this. This is what he's fucking concerned about and immediately he starts going yet do do you know i was just over there. You see the selling. A bunch of skulls sound like all these skeletons and all these skulls in the the gift shop in a set mexican holiday. No that the day of the dead. I don't know when it is but they celebrate the dead. It's a little weird. But whatever santa claus isn't you know some fat coming down you goddamn chimney to give toys and if you're a cont he puts some sort of fossil. If you're bad you get cold. Well you still give me a away to heat the house. You dumb count. Why don't you just leave. Just once you leave a terse letter in my stock ever think about that. It's not santa claus. It's billy gibbons grandfather people don't know that blitz continue speaking of texas. So i'm already laughing. I'm just like paul. Come on man. it's it's the day the dead and i actually went up and i bought. The magnet is actually into that shit. So i was like all right. Let me grab one of these fucking magnet things here and so i'm just laughing at him so now we drive over and it's it's like already starting to rain. Which in our world is. No big deal wasn't even that bad a rain. It was kinda bad but not that bad so a driving around. I'm fucking all excited. Just checking out the landscape. The different buildings. And it's a really cool city where you know they have some corporate shit but for the most part the starbucks is in those kinds of things. I don't know the skyscrapers. Not really fucking with el paso like everything's kind of like you know like no more than like a five story building. There's a few but generally speaking you drive down. The street looks like one. Giant main street is all these places right. The lady at the hertz rental car tells us where to get some good mexican food we go there. I forget the name of this shit that we had. But it was on fucking believable. It was great and of course we walk into the place and it's a mom and pop kind of place that the locals go to we walking. Everybody turns to look. I immediately thinks he's going to get kidnapped. Because did you just see that. Everybody's everybody's looking at us. It's like pull that happens in a dive bar where you're from. We fucking relax. You're gonna get us fucking punched in the face with that fucking look on your face. All right jesus christ. So we sit down. We have an amazing fucking meal. Virzy starting to relax a little bit right. And i'm sitting there. And i haven't this might this little fedex envelope. I have the four tickets to l. Pass up to el paso to the the aggie game. And i got the four cigars. We're gonna smoke all right and You know for for the four people into the game. And i just keep holding onto that thing like i might. As well had handcuffed to my wrist. I was so paranoid that i was gonna lose the tickets crush the cigars and just fuck up the whole weekend. So we it's awesome. We drive down the main street in verses do that. I don't i don't like this. I don't like this right. And she's all fucking nervous and we get to the hotel. It's a fucking hotel they check us in. Everything's all good. We get up to the rooms and I called venue. My t shirts for the red state towards shown up. Everything is looking like. It's gonna be good then. It starts raining a little bit more but once again you know all actually when we were going to there was. Some streets were blocked off because of flooding. And i'm like i you know it's kind of a desert out here so i guess don't handle the rain too well but i wasn't thinking anything. And then all of a sudden my agent called up along with the promoter and they said listen. The first thing they sent me was that it the venue it got switched which should have been the first red flag. They said the venue is supposed to perform at lost power and they were having a little bit of flooding or something like that. I was like you know. I'm looking at my hotel window like really. I had no idea that doesn't seem right. So then they fuck in. They said change of venue. It said please wait. Let me confirm that on. I said alright. So i sat there and all i'm thinking is people are driving into the fucking show. I don't want to start the show and half of them go to the wrong theater. The other half girls right the so. I say fuck it and i tweeted out. I say The venues been changed. It's now over here but blah blah blah blah about a half hour after that my agent in the fucking promoter. Call up and they say listen. We're now having problems at the the other theater like there might be a power outage and because of the flooding and roads and all this type of shit people like maybe half the crowd is gonna show up so i was like all right. Wait a minute now. Only half the crowd shows up. Does that other half get refunds. And they said no. So what do you want to do. Do you want to do the show or do you wanna reschedule it so at that point. I'm gonna fuck over half the people so i said no. Let's reschedule it. Off-line back out here. It's only a couple of two three hour flight. I'll do it again. And you know all figure something out you know. Let's rescheduled as soon as we can so went on twitter. I deleted that one. And then i sent the thing and i knew that there was going to be people like this guy. Who's fucking pissed. All of that happened between two and four o'clock so my apologies to the person who's done with me but what you know and i said on twitter to quote breaking bad in h- you'll slash lavelle crawford who's fucking phenomenal comedian and actor was an act of god. There was nothing i could. What was i supposed to do. So i apologize that it didn't happen. And then you know me and versi went out and got absolutely fucking hammered and spend as much money as we couldn't el paso killing our livers and brain cells. I actually we went to a bar. We iran to a couple of people though supposed to come out to the show and they kind of explained to me that because it doesn't rain out there a lot that the grounds really dry and it can absorb it and you just kind of slows down right over the top of it. I have no idea because that look like a above average rainstorm to me. And so whatever. So i am going to reschedule it surf. You're done with me. I understand. But i was not my fault in the first time. I guess it was my fault. Because i chose and acting gig and a movie but what. What am i supposed to do. I have to do that. That'd be like sir going to go to my my fucking show and all of a sudden that chick. You always wanted to bang says. Hey you know what you can hit it only tonight. What are you going to say. You're going gonna come and see my dump freckled redhead. You're not so there you go all right. So that's just the beginning people of texas trip. My tech my trip to the great state of texas. All right let me. It's not one of these things out here. People little advertising for the weak dollar shave club. Everybody there's so many things in the world that irritate me Raining in el paso texas that causes to shows to get canceled. This guy walking around telling everybody wherever the hell he lives a piece of shit. 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They've also got a new new product called. Wipe charlies people. You have to watch this video hilarious. It's a butt wipe for men and it's classy. Check out the video for that. And sign up. For your razors. Today is basically the poor man's day what it is is it's a it's a baby white one. Wipe charlie baby. Go to charl- charlie go to dollarshaveclub dot com slash. Berbie you are. That's dollarshaveclub dot com forward slash berbie. You are go to go to bill. Burr dot com and click the dollar shave club banner. Okay hulu plus. I'm sure you've tried. Hulu dot com. Everybody but i wanna talk to you about hulu plus hulu plus what let you watch thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere streaming on your tv or go with your smartphone or tablet. Why start in Why stand in line a ride on a train. Just stare at your feet. You could be watching your favorite shows on hulu plus hulu plus is a great way to binge watch. Your favorite tv shows And has tons of episodes from great comedy like snl community. Modern family southbound family guy and thousands of other shows. It's only seven ninety nine a month that seven ninety nine for all the shows and movies you can watch catch up on current shows ben john old favorites or catch a great movie. You can do it all on hulu. Plus right now can try hulu plus for a couple of weeks free on me when you go to the podcast page bill. Burr dot com and click the hulu plus or go to hulu plus dot com slash bill. Please make sure you use who who hulu plus dot com slash bill. You can get an extended free trial and so that so. They know that we sent you all right. That's it hulu plus dot com slash bill. Okay all right. Let's continue once so unfortunately for the second time the el paso gig did not happen. I don't know why. I have no idea why it didn't seem like it was raining. That bad i definitely saw a lot of emergency vehicles. There was definitely a lot of flashing official lights. I know i had to make like three detoured turned because the roads kept getting blocked off. But i don't know. I'm determined to make this show happen. Maybe the third time we'll be a fucking show alright so anyways so inversion go out and we watched the The patriots jets game and he's cracking up. Because i have the entire patriots offense in defense and jets offense and defense written down to cheat sheets. Flip them over that type of stuff. So i know what the hell's going on because i'm obsessed with watching the offensive line this year you now and i'm also enjoying watching brady playing with the level of talent that he has at the wide receiver position and watching him Getting frustrated trying to get those guys on the same page and our. He saw huge improvement between the first week. In the second week. Especially from That tompkins kid the first week he had a brutal week. I think maybe at one catch bumped into another receiver on the pick. Play down by the end zone. I know i thought he was one hundred percent better and i know it was a sloppy ugly game. But i like this shit. I like watching a team rebuilt like i said it's very very healthy for the fan. Base is kind kinda like a forest fire where it's said it's a very very healthy for the fan. Base is kind of like a forest fire where it's it's necessary. It's kind of a horror show. You don't wanna see it but it's necessary and when a team has to rebuild what it does is it. It burns off the bandwagon Actually got into with a buddy mind. He was sitting at saying. That belichick is overrated. And what does he done since two thousand four. When last time we wanted like i dunno went to two more super bowls for grand total of seven super bowls. That he's he's been to. Is that right three five seven. Yeah and he's one five seven. I mean i don't want to fuck you. Problem is isn't we went through the super bowl two years ago. That's like some new york philly boston shit where it's like date they get this so fucking so quick to pull the trigger and be like fuck this. I'm outta here. you know. i mean a lot of shit happened. We lost welcome to free agency. We didn't want to pay him. But we've always done that. That's been our motto. We let tye lago lawyer malloy all the way back. We let all those guys go when we felt they wanted too much money and that it was going to affect the overall level of what we wanted to do. Bella check is always traded his way out of the first round to get a second round guy we could have dez bryant. Because i don't wanna get that fucking guile he doesn't like that flash type shit he just doesn't want too much money let you go. He's been doing that forever. And it's worked. So i'm not questioning the guy and i'm going to enjoy watching them. Try and You know winsome games this year and the very what looks to be very weak. Afc i'm gonna say some really obvious shit this week about football I watched the broncos giants yesterday. Tape that game and Broncos are obviously the team to beat I didn't know they had holiday to being an lsu fan. I was trying to keep an eye on him when he went to the texans. You just was so exciting to watch when he played for lsu. I didn't get to see him too. Much I took backward kickoff punt a playoff game last year but now the broncos have and we took one back so now they're special teams or a threat they got a great defensive offensive. Line is ridiculous. They got that dude. the hell's his name there No sean marino. And peyton looks better than he ever did. so obviously. That's the team to be usual. Powerhouse teams the patriots steelers in them. They're not look too good. Somebody for the love of god figure out the fucking san diego chargers for me. Jesus christ those fucking guy what. They're doing to their fan base. If i hadn't been down to a game and had such an awful time. I would actually feel bad. I actually still do. I feel bad for most of the people. Because i'm sure most of the people cool just to sit in behind me but anyways but i gotta tell you even after watching the broncos handle their business with the giants i have to tell you watching seattle and the forty niners was it was it was a whole other level of professional football and And even though seattle really manhandled that manhandle but really handled the forty niners I've just watched enough football. The realize it's only september and that doesn't mean shit. It's definitely a good thing. You won the game. But that by no means basically says while you'll definitely beat him again and then you'll beat him again. If you have to win f you gotta play in january. It's probably going to go back and forth but Do richard sherman not always a fucking phenomenal player. But that guy's fucking hilarious Somehow i missed last year when he yelled at brady. I miss that you know what it is. I don't watch pre game and post game analysis. I just can't sit there and watch about people talking about people getting it done and getting it done and what people have to do that day. It's like i don't know. I that's shit you what i really like. I like when they cut to that guy who knows the rules and he can break down. What the fuck just happened. I like that stuff. I like listening to former players. Tell stories but like analysis of what just happened. Or what's going on. So i usually just shut the thing off So whatever i saw the brady thing. And then i watched that thing where he came at skip bayless. He said i'm better at you in life instead of the top. Whatever in my field. And i would not put you in that level in broadcasting and i just thought it was hilarious and I don't know. I thought he could hit him even harder. You should have said at some point. Richard sherman should've said to skip bayless when skip was disagreeing with the with with sherman. That he was one of the top guys in the league. Whatever the hell the argument was what he should have said to him was he sort of said. Yeah what do i know what do i know. I just played for a real professional football team. I don't play in a fantasy football team. I just do this for living. I play football for living. You watch it. Yeah what. Why would i know. Why would i know better than you please. You you sit there with your brand new knees shoulders. That have never been fucked up and your brain. That's never been concussed. Because you never played context sport you bad bit and playing jackass with the a fucking game show host hair. Why don't you tell me why don't you tell me who the best fucker quarterbacks are the if he went that way. I already love what he did. So i'm looking forward to that. He was funny. You went up pat loeb coach on the asset. Free beat them. I think that. I think that's really funny Especially if you get the job done but if you're going to run your mouth better hang out on the field. If they lose which. But like i said i don't know much about him but seattle looks fucking. They look amazing. And i i was laughing my ass off when i saw p carroll doing the he's got more of an edge tool no he used to just look like he was robert. Young on father knows best to bring out a fucking reference from sixty years ago. He used to look wholesome. I don't know what happened to him at usc. I know some dirt went down. You know and because you the cover of this. Why don't fall pete carroll. Did you guys see the cover of sports illustrated this week. Talking about all the stuff that happened at osu and all the filth and the sex scandals in the boosters and all that type of shit. I think at this point. Sports illustrated has done a cover story about probably half the football programs. They write that article every fucking year and a half two years about some sort of scandal about either football basketball whatever sport that's going on. And they act like it's shocking. Here's the deal okay. If it wasn't for the football and basketball programs in the money that they generate most people's fucking campuses would look like el paso. Texas a fuck with the el paso. But you know what i mean. They look like there would be nothing there. The sports programs build all the dormitories. The i article. I read the pac twelve signed of three billion dollar. Tv contract in these kids are going out there. You know doing lifetime damage to their bodies. Fano fucking money for money. I know a lot of people go. We mean no money. They give education to joke. The foot say they had time to fucking go to school. Okay let's just say they had time to do. Let's just say that the schools also only drafted people who could actually only signed people could actually handle the the school workload. You know what i mean. They didn't get somebody who flunked everything fucking high school and found a fucking loophole and then stuck them in the basket weaving class. Let's say they actually fucking tried to educate. You don't have time with that. I don't know. I don't think you do anyways. Skip bayless fucking play. And then secondly if you get hurt they take away your fucking scholarships and they're not trying to educate you and even if they do fucking educate you the amount of fucking money generated versus what it costs to sticky when fucking dorm is a joke. It's a fucking joke. So i don't know what the solution is. I don't know if you pay him. But i understand why those boosters come around and give the money. I get it. It's fucking ridiculous. Look if i go to some fucking strip mall a great show. And i sell a bunch of tickets like i get compensated. You know what i mean. I don't and these guys play in front of an entire stadium. Tire fucking stadium. Sold out nationally. Televised fucking game. And they don't get any they gotta get fifteen dollar like stipend fifteen dollars. I mean i guess you could feed you and two other teammates. If you went to mcdonald's i don't know what but anyway i'm just saying it's filthy. Fucking business so I don't need sports illustrated to expose what you already know what's going on. I mean jesus. Christ story doing forever. And then they get some hot girls there and they fucking bang the recruits. They feel like. Wow i'm going to be a rockstar here. Yeah exactly exactly. They're doing what they're supposed to be only that trying to make money. That's out games. Plight all right so anyways. So the el paso gets rained out and I was anticipating way more emails like that. So people of el paso you very understanding and the person who's pissed at me. I get why you mad at me but i. I can't handle the the the weather or the topography is not is beyond my control. All right so i'm gonna reschedule it and You know if you don't show up i understand. Why go fuck yourself fucking rain. And they they can't i did you don't use. I'm done apologizing all right so next day we wake up in the morning. And we're gonna go drive to From el paso san antonio texas and everybody is telling us that in should there's you know there's nothing out there. It's going to be driving that. They like laughing at me. Then i'm going to do it because it's like a seven hour drive eight hour drive or whatever and i gotta tell you where the most beautiful drives. I've ever gone on in my life versus freaking out like he was worried that el paso and san antonio somehow we were going to get abducted driving. Speed limits eighty miles an hour. I'm doing like eighty seven. Eighty eight got the cruise control set with fucking flying. I don't think somebody's gonna jump off. You know down a highway. I dunno what he thought was going to happen. And if you saw what was on either side of us. Anybody who comes at us is going to be like hallucinating. From lack of of water it looked like a spaghetti western out there. It was absolutely fucking gorgeous. You ride a motorcycle. That would be a great one to go. I definitely wait till it wasn't so fucking hot I'm telling you we saw fucking everything we saw them. We saw them vultures on the side of the road. The real ones the ones. What the hell boy. Heads that fucking all red head and and the fucking those black feathers just picking apart. This carcass was fucking. Oil was unbelievable absolutely gorgeous. It made you wanna ride a horse. Who is one of the great drives. I've ever had So underrated el paso texas and then driving to san antonio texas fucking great time And people saying that there's nothing out there to see basically means you can't go to subway sandwich there is no mall. There's no outlets. There's no movie theater. The classics shit. Well when i go out there. I can't see what i can already see here. Therefore they got out there for me to say. I shouldn't have done that in a southern accent because they appreciate the outdoors though southerners hell half of them live in the outdoors. Don't they a stereotype. Sorry so it now is enjoying. He's enjoying a he's starting to enjoy texas. Look at this poll. Every fucking twist and turn every going up and down the hill. Look at this valley. Look at that look at that plateau. Look at that. I don't those rocks. Look we're not gonna see. Meanwhile our buddy who's going to the game he'd already arrived in san antonio and thought we would drive and so he's like dude amari at the hotel bar. Where are you guys. So rather than text and back. We made him. This fucking does video that we actually did with two. We did it with two iphones. We use the music on my iphone. I ran through the radio and then version filmed it and we did it and I think it was to take the i take. The music was too loud and then the second take was the one that we actually used and he fucking laughed is balls off. It's basically a video from us to our buddy who's sitting in san antonio letting them know that we're driving and we're on our way so definitely check that out. That'll be up on the The podcast page gilbert dot com. Check it out now. what am i saying. It's going to be up. It'll be up by the time you're listening to this. Hopefully so anyways would drive in and as far as finding places to stop. It's definitely slim pick and so we ended up We stopped at a this. Mcdonald's we had to get gas and we just stopped at fucking mcdonalds. There was nothing else out there. Any port storms. We go in there. We walk in. Mcdonalds is something i love about. Mcdonald's you know you should be avoided but when you finally given that you've got to eat it. This is certain level of excitement. Dislike i fuck from going to eat it up throwing it down so i went in there. I've been in there. I can't remember the last time they got something. They got a triple cheeseburger. And it's like absolutely. I'll take one of those fuckers. That's perfect. I'll take one of those. Give me a large fry. And then i got a water. That was my way of trying to be halfway healthy version. Orders like a fucking smoothie. I love it at mcdonald's orders of fucking smoothie right it's probably ground up squirrel tail with some. I don't know what So he orders that so we're standing in line waiting to get food and all of a sudden virzy just creeps up on me gets right in my ear and he just goes do. Don't turn around. I don't look but there is a guy right behind me sitting down in a red shirt with the mustache. Who is trying to stare me down. He just joke dude. Just gave me one of the most hardcore fucking staredown looks. I've ever seen in my life right now. He's got me fucking nervous. Costa flexi talking. About so i kind of do the pretending the stretch and i glanced over and i look over at the guy and he has like some sort of brain damage. Okay he's sitting there. You know that. Full metal jacket. Look where your heads kinda down so you looking through the horizon of your eyebrows with your mouth hanging open. That's what he's doing does barely any brain activity. I know some sort of head trauma or whatever. And then i kinda scan around him and there's like seven other adults with the same look on face and then. I look in this to reasonable not reasonable to regular adults. Whatever adjective i use. It's going to be offensive to adults with all their faculties. Obviously they brought these people here in van to fucking mcdonalds and i look at palm. Like the guy's fucking idiot scott special needs. You should have seen the guy though he looked like fucking know. Jack nicholson one. Flew over the cuckoo's next when he fakes that he got the lobotomy. That's what's fucked this guy. Look and ask so. Finally virzy starts laughing. He realizes that he's being an idiot. And now he's so into texas with driving for the rest of said to san antonio he's looking for a place to buy a cowboy hat and a couple of cap guns because he wants to make another fucking youtube video of him standing on the side of the road of this of this highway on iraq. You know doing some shit about how he loves texas and this is the same fucking guy who like two hours earlier wanted to have a tire under under the seat. Some sort of fucking pistol to shoot whoever. The fuck was going to kidnap us so long story short. We got the san antonio we did. We did that. Gig had a great time. And i think i'm going to run out of time here because i to read your letters. We ended up going to the The next day we we go to the aggie game and we will coming up from houston drove over to houston's we basically drove across the state of texas on the tenth from el paso all the way to houston and houston. We fucking drove to a walmart to meet this booze bus to drive up now. They had to boost buses and eight in the morning and one of eleven thirty. Everybody jumped on the eight in the morning because they wanted to get fucked up. We showed at eleven thirty one. It was like us this older couple. And then a group of four people in the back the whole bus to ourselves. And they were alabama fans and they were all cool as hell and it was awesome and they had all these beers and they had like this You know some brisket beans and all this shit that they made for. You was fucking great with shaolin. The food was slamming beers We got the cigars we've got. The tickets were ready to go drive up. There is no fucking traffic. Because everybody's already they're partying and we pull in college station. We see the stadium. We see everybody up there with the fucking aggie colors on. I never noticed how much how much read a brighter. Red alabama's colors are than the aggies until you saw the to fans stand together which was fucking awesome. We had a great time going into the game right as we got him. We got an just right after the flyover emmanuel starting to drive down the field and dude. I gotta tell you when they scored those first two touchdowns. The stadium was going fucking crazy. Aggies go up fourteen nothing and You know because we were thinking alabama was gonna win. I didn't think they were going to cover. But i was like. I think they're going to win. And he goes up fourteen nothing and they was shutting them down on defense and then it was one us stadiums. I fuck in bed and then all of a sudden oh by the way that whole fucking thing with the seahawks fans trying to set the record to be the loudest crowd is one of the gayus things. I think i've ever seen in my fucking life. You know what are you guys doing. You know you know what that somebody tweeted me. That and i said well you know when you've never won a championship. You've got to hang your hat on something. What is the purpose of that seattle fans and you might win one this year but as a right now what what are you guys doing. What what is the. Do you guys have a team song. If i if it is. I guess it's going to. It's basically there's we are the loudest my friend ed's keep up screaming we lose doodoo. We are the loudest we noticed paid because we are the loud boom because the architect designed the building to make it sound louder. You're a bunch of cheaters up there. you're not louder than anybody else. you know. Louder than those aggie fans they had some rooftop orchestra fucking pit to keep it. All you know contained. They'd some loud to this. Is the thing people. I went to a game there. I heard i'll fucking unbelievably loud. It was but i looked at the fans. And you weren't yelling any louder. There was no guy like like fucking punch himself like how you could yell louder than any other human beings your were basically create. We came out of the same fucking mud puddle. You can't yell louder passionate and nothing. You just got that little rooftop thing there hold it in. You know why 'cause for all these years you've needed that extra help but enough just win a fucking championship when a goddamn jam which might happen this year. I hope it does because when it does. You won't waste your time on stupid pointless. Things like trying to be the loudest you think he allowed that. Kansas city chiefs fans. Those fans allowed okay. And they've had nothing to cheer about. Cheer about for fucking years so anyway so we go in there. The fucking aggie game ridiculously loud all natural to pd's no architect trying to help them out. Just fucking completely natural christ. They didn't even have half a fucking. A third of the stadium was missing one of the end zone. They just had these little bleachers. You could see the dorm rooms. The traffic going by you look far enough. He could probably see a cow taken shit out the field twenty as they go up fourteen. Nothing and then here comes fucking. Bama fourteen seven fourteen fourteen twenty one fourteen alabama twenty eight fourteen alabama then halftime and. I gotta tell you. They took the fucking air out of that stadium. All right fucking aggies. Did they get the ball back. I think alabama had i. I don't remember. I was pretty hammered. But all i know is that they stopped them. Whatever but then the aggie start fucking drive and then they throw a fucking pick and the guy takes it back. Thirty five fourteen five unanswered touchdowns and one of my buddies with who's in the Pro semi pro football hall of fame all right which is a fucking accomplishment. More than skip bayless did. Why am i attack skip. I just think it's funny to make for the guy. I don't give a shit about him either way he was just talking about alabama's offensive line just saying like that blowing them off the ball. I don't give a fuck what weapons you have. If you win in that war you're gonna win the fucking game. And he was saying how What's his face was going to run up the score because they They they lost last year. Or they beat the they got beat last year and So i can't believe once again. I get unbelievably depressed. I just wanna see alabama fucking loses is the second year in the road but then all of a sudden he come the aggies thirty five twenty one. Okay the kind of back in it. Then it was then fucking alabama scores forty two twenty one people start thinking it's over but then the aggie score get forty two twenty eight then they finally got that number four alabama to fucking do something wrong all day. Fumbles the ball. They get the ball. Throw it to that number. Thirteen kid fuck. I should know his name. The guideline two hundred ninety seven yards receiving. I got damaged. I'm the worst. I really should know his name. And i should say the name of every fucking offensive lineman on alabama they will fucking unreal anyways. They're on their own six or five yard line. He johnny football throws thing like fifty yards thirteen catches. It's stiff arms dude covering them and runs the rest of the way of fucking like ninety six yard touchdown and now all of a sudden. It's forty to thirty five sec. What the fuck here. Come the god damn yankees. And they're right when you think they're gonna tied up this mike on overtime fucking alabama scores forty nine forty nine thirty five and then fucking aggies combat forty nine forty two and that was it and it was fucking over that. How many me was seven seventy six thirteen touchdowns thirteen touchdowns the aggies head over six hundred yards in offense and still lost the game. I don't know it was on. It was unbelievable. Unbelievable gain your self. At some point. You got to go to college station. Go take an aggie game. We didn't have time to hang out the dixie chicken and all those places that look cool as hell because we had to catch the fucking bus going back and All right as great as the bus was going back. It was an absolute shit show. I mean coming up. It was great going back. It was an absolute fucking shit. Show first of all we get back to the thing. You know where we're supposed to meet and everybody's breaking open and at this point with drink any now because i'm gonna fuck it fall asleep and i want to watch this fight and i'm there and then this this lady comes up to me and she starts talking my buddy and he said something really nice about his. She asked him a question and he said something really nice about his wife or she said what do you think about all these aggie girls out here and he goes i. You know i'm married. I love my wife. I don't really look about baba. And then she goes good answer like all of a sudden like he has to fucking get her fucking approval and immediately. I'm just like cont. Cont a whisper it right. What a fucking good answer in another thing too was. Nobody's talking to you. Just fucking walking up so she says to me. What are you doing here. I said i'm just hanging out with my friends. Who came out. She goes she goes. Is this your little issue. Little guys weekend out right. I'm just like looking at. And i just looked i was like no no no. What is it is. who are you. Get the fuck outta here. you know. Then she went over and she started throwing a football and she can throw a football so that i think i should have whispered cut cut. She's not right. Throw football issues. There's got to be something that's our right so anyways so this guy on the way up on the bus like thirty year old guy from alabama was a cool guy funny guy and all that now he's completely loaded and is one of the biggest jerk offs. You're ever going to meet in your fucking life in amelie's like you hanging in college station. You hang here you go. Hey come on you wanna hang because it was two buses the early one the next. We'll left for another four hours. This hanger college station. We you're hanging in college station. And i'm like no. I'm on the early bus in thinking his thank god this fucking jackass is not on the early bus. Because i don't know what happened to him because he was a great guy in the way up. Shut the ship with them. Almost like the whole fucking right up. We were all taught. His group group totally cool. But i don't know this fucking guy. One of those guys add. Alcohol becomes a completely different person. So now we gotta go meet this booze bus back. There's a bunch of people. I know it's going to be packed. And who comes walking up this fucking shit bird right. We know no one else is hanging ads. We're taking the bus ride. We get on the bus. I sit down version states next to be in this fucking jerk off. And his buddy his buddy was cool. They sit right across his sorta diagonal so immediately what i do cause it's pitch black out sun's gone down. I just close my eyes. And i act like i'm sleeping because i'm like i'm not making contact with that fucking shit show right and are the buddy sitting right in front of us and This fucking guy telling you the whole ride back would not shut up. And he just you know. Hey twelve man. I shoot you guys quiet as a couple touchdowns then he just starts saying i suck dick. I don't know why i don't know what's spawn. Did he just kept going. I'll tell you suck dick. I would suck a dick right now. If i could fuck and he would name somebody famous. He's playing that game. would you fuck kathy bates. If you could. I tell you i would suck a do not talking about a hermaphrodite. I ain't doing no liquor liquor stick stick like just wouldn't i know this sounds funny but it wasn't. It was like old people a couple rose up and then at one point this girl got up. This lady gets up to go to the bathroom and he does this war like this all of a sudden. I felt like i was like in the accused like he was making her uncomfortable. In like a fuckin- sexual way it was really fucking bad. So i don't know it. I don't i didn't fucking remember then. File virzy keeps going. Like i'm going to say something to keep saying i just keep going. I mean the guy is a jerk off. Okay you got a wife you got kids you got a house okay when a lose the fight you're gonna lose all right just disguise in our life for another fucking half hour. Just ignore them anvers. I don't know why i dunno started gave. I finally just said to the guy because he kept button into our conversations. And i would just go. Listen i'm talking to my friend. You know i don't wanna talk to you or whatever and then virzy just goes eight you know base based virzy basically just told me shut up. Ted you being drunk asshole. Nobody wants to talk to you all right to shut the fuck up and all i'm thinking is i have my sneakers off in five fucking police guys apart. I gotta run in my socks on a bus. That verdict couldn't handle. This guy was drunk idiot but anyways and then the guy just turns around faces front like he's been scolded any shot up and i'm like thank god. We found out. Afterwards people around us will like thank. God you said that shit. But then i don't know what happened. Then he just started back up again and one of my other friends started talking to the guy and then he started going again. You know i'd suck a dick. Hey would you fuck blah blah blah. He was a fucking moron day. What i need. I need a loose horn some mexican food. These are direct quotes telling you. This is too cute old couple like two seats in front of it was it was an absolute fucking shit show and by the time we get off the bus. It's like i don't even want to. I don't even want to go to the fight. I'm so over people at this point but of course we get back late. We can't find where we where we stand at this shower. What we finally get back to the sheridan. We go up. Don't even shower. Just put on some remotely respectable fucking close and we run downstairs to catch the shuttle where we're gonna go see. The fight is like eleven miles away in the shuttle will go in a five mile radius. So we go fuck. I call a cab call a cab but guy calls a cab never calls comes. He calls another cab. It never fucking comes and at that point. I'm looking over at the bar. The hotel bar. And they're serving food. And i just say his four of us. I say one of the guys. That go look i go. I'm done man. I'm just going to get a case the go to bed just fucking so version the other dude i looking at like what the fuck come on. We're going to make this happen. And then the other guy. I just don't name names in the podcast. The hall of famous friends like yeah dude. That's what i'm doing so we go. Saddle up to the bar and it was fucking hilarious sitting at the bar now. We're done. I days done which is going to get some eat. Maybe get a drink. And we're gonna go upstairs and go to fucking sleep but if we if we look to the right we see the tv with the highlights and the scores looked to the left. We can see into the lobby. And i see version my other buddy and they are still in the way of trying to get to the fight so i say to the doing of sitting at the bar with i go. You know what's funny that over there. I was point. Diversity in the lobby is going to become way more entertaining than this shit on the tv in about five minutes and sure enough for z. Starts flipping out. I swear to god. He must've said sheridan. Like fifty eight fucking times. he just kept calling. I will share it. How can you not get a cap at a sheridan shower. I i don't understand this. How do you not get a cabinet. Sheridan right and then he walks over to the bar and he's leaning in between me and the other dude just going to ask. You don't understand where we're at sharon it right. He's drunk this sitting in. They walk back and forth like fifty eight times trying to get the guy the front desk to get a cabinet. Show up for some reason. They're not showing up so find. And then mike paul. It's fucking to wrap sit down and get some food because no fuck dead fuck death. This is one of the best fights of the year. And i'm gonna miss it. I wanna see it live. I wanna see why. I never been in a sheridan where you couldn't get a cab so now the cat doesn't show up twenty fucking minutes later. Whatever we got a couple of drinks in front of us and my fucking burger shows up with the french fries. I got a coq the other guys got. I don't know what he had a salad with chicken or some shit virzy at this point. He's like invaded my space. He's literally becoming like that jerk off on the bus i suck a dick. Except he's going on a shared not get a cabinet sheridan these fucking leaning on the bar and all that by food finally comes in before the plate even hits the fucking bar he goes. Hey can you give french fries. And i looked at him. And i was so fed up with people i looked at my said. You know what no no. You can't and the lady goes. The kitchen closes in five minutes. I go paul. Just order cheeseburger. Because i'm going to this fight. And then he sits down on the other side of the guiding me because you know what that was fucked up that was fucked up what you just did there right because by its french fries. You have to ask me i in mind grabbing like two huge handfuls. I go here. I go here take these. Take these and i lean it on for. I don't win over people's food. Fucking get cabinet sharon so finally i look at them and i just go. You guys realize you have a rental car sitting out there in the parking lot. I don't know if you to doctor. Dr but if you're not drunk enough to drive the fight as start enough just go jump in the car and drive down fucking street so go find. That's the plan so the other guy goes up to look for the keys. He's up there for like twenty minutes. And i'm polishing off. The burger in verse is telling me that he you know what a piece of shit friend i am at one point. I go paul. I didn't look you like an athlete. Who doesn't know when to end his career. It's over we're not gonna see the fight it's fucking over. You know so. They tried to order a fucking cheeseburger by then the kitchen's closed then they find another place that's within five miles that they can see the fight so they run up to the front desk and they go on the guy drives the shuttle just went home and virzy is fucking losing his mind and that guy upstairs could not find his keys to the rental car. It was a shit was one of the most almost as entertaining as a game. Watching those two guys trying to get to the fight and they finally find that oh the guy was sitting with. Had to go up and find the fucking keys. He finds the keys and then they decide. They're going to jump in the rental car to go. Watch the last half of the fight and they like you don't want wanna go and i'm like dude i am paying for this and i'm going to go upstairs and i'm fucking going to sleep and and that's exactly what i do. I go upstairs. Do go upstairs. And we're just laughing arrest off and those fucking guys jump in a car to go find this fight like dave and buster's or whatever whatever they went to some espn zone place and they go there and they don't have the fight so the whole thing was a fucking wash. I'm laying in bed right just about ready to fall asleep just laughing my ass off just thinking what a great game. It was a wonderful drive. It wasn't all that stuff right. What a great weekend and all of a sudden. My phone buzzes. And i get this picture in the underneath it it says pussies and i fucking look at the picture. And it's a picture of paul virzy with a mug of beer. You can't even see his face. He sucking it though and i laughed and i just texted him back. Don't get arrested. Because i'm gonna have to get out basically fucking bail you out. And then he fell asleep fall asleep. And like three hours later i started dreaming about chainsaws out of nowhere. And then i fucking woke. Wake up in the bed next to me. He's in the other twin there and he is fucking snoring at an olympic level. So i'm wiccan. Virzy buzzy and he's like that. And i'm just like i as fucking kick in the bed and he's whipper and i'm like dude dude you snoring. I'm sorry i'm sorry right. And then two seconds later co like immediately would fall back to sleep and sound like. I don't know like someone was choking fucking warthog. So i'm sitting over there. I'm making like a pillow sandwich with my fucking head trying to block them out and he swears that he heard yell motherfucker. I don't remember saying that. But i kept fall asleep and awakened back up to this fucking jackass. Amelia sympathy for every housewife out there. If your husband was like that right. So i fuck in. I went into my bag. And i got earplugs out that i wear on the plane or whatever. Jam those things in there and then there's like four pills to bed had two on one side to on the other and you know if i was possible to put myself in a headlock. I would have to try and block my years in Hilarious woke up the next. When i woke up in the morning he was already gone. He had an early flight at that point. Of course we were laughing about the french fry. He's still pissed he's still pissed on on. Some level is questioning my level of loyalty to him. And i don't give ship all right. That's the deal. I would never. If you're listening to this i would hover over your fucking food. And i would never ask you for any your fucking food before you had a chance to get bite number one. Okay this this etiquette this etiquette. You don't show up to pitcher right. You don't sit on somebody else's motorcycle you don't play somebody else's drums without asking them. There's all kinds of stuff all right. You don't tell some criticize about somebody. Parents their own kit. You don't do that and for the and you don't fuck and take seventy french fry. You'll fuck do that before the plate even hits how dare you. How dare you pull versi. You weren't raise right all right. I fucking stand by that piece of shit out there that defense you know what. Go eat with your not welcomed at my table here. We go. i haven't got into the fucking got into the the letters for this week. Well that's what catches their voice. Everybody if you're an entrepreneur and a customer calls do you want seem like you're in a high rise window view fancy pants office or do you want them to know you're sitting in your in your underwear with voice. You can create the appearance of entire building. Sales customer support tech support. You name it the person on the other line. They're not going to know what you're doing. Give your customers the royal treatment with e. voice even business calls to your home mobile or any number you choose wherever you are evokes will find. You don't have time to make a call. Don't oh sorry. Don't have time to take a call. 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Plus they'll provide solutions to help you run a successful business. Legalzoom can provide self-help services at your specific specific direction or connect you with an attorney but they are not illegal offer Just go to legalzoom dot com today to see what's right for you. Form an llc incorporate or form a nonprofit all starting at just ninety nine dollars a month can't beat that plus you'll save even more when you went to burn the referral box at checkout. Please don't forget to do that. That's legalzoom dot com promo code berbie. You are one more time. Legalzoom dot promo code. Bor right. they have it. So those are those are my my my texas stories. This has been the texas diaries. Everybody and is bombed a kid. Say bumped now knowing that that means ass raped in england sodomized is. I felt disappointed. As i was that we didn't get to do the show in el paso the upside is i get to go to that wonderful part of the country again and i think what i'm gonna do this time is i'm gonna do the show and i'm actually going to do a road trip the other way. Drive out to albuquerque new mexico where they They shot the unbelievable show breaking bad. I got to do a few episodes of that and but they also shot one of my favorite movies of all time. No country for old men and i want to drive around and look at some of those shooting locations like the motel with a shoot brought killed josh. Brolin all of that type of stuff I am converted. I the southwest. All of that stuff is some of the most beautiful scenery. You can never see right up through colorado wyoming montana all those places they fuck make fun of man i'm telling you they're unbelievable and my apologies to that guy. I'm gonna try to get his email from the guy helps with podcast. I gotta try to smooth shit over with him. Because i feel bad about that all right here we go. Let's read some stuff character. Assassination hello billion. I'm a freshman in the university over in england and everything is good in the world. Apart from one small annoyance. I have just got in from a night out on the time. I just got in from a night on the town and it's seven. Am i experienced something. That i feel. I need to ask you about. And i'd love the advice. You give love the advice you give so feel so feel. You're the best person to ask are granted you're hammered. You're writing this at seven in the morning. Okay i've been at the university for five days and everyone is getting on really well. I have been the guy that cracks jokes and make sure everyone is included. And make sure everyone comes out to drink every night this evening a new guy moved into my flat and immediately the group dynamic changed he seemed to be very sure of himself and it felt as though he believed he was better than us. He constantly made remarks about the lack of girls in the group and at a general air of complacency to put a long story short. He tried to humiliate me in front of everyone. He made me feel a little by making a big deal out of a remark. I made sarcastically. I said that. I had a cousin who is quite attractive. I was clearly joking. But he made it his mission to say it was incestuous. And because i'm from wales. He suggested that i have sexual intercourse with sheep. Oh you guys are the ones who get that out there A well known. Welsh stereotype but is potentially true. He wrote the little smiley wink face. I sense that the entire room new. I was joking and founded strange that he made such a big deal out of it but due to his highly confident. Almost cocky personality. They were scared to argue with with. While you gotta nip that in the but you gotta step to that guy immediately. Be like dude. It's just a joke. Why do you keep talking about it. Do you secretly wanna fuck fucking sheep trying to put it on me because you dick. It's a little hard as you're talking about it. You fucking weirdo. You gotta you gotta come at that guy. You don't have to do like get fucking down you for control. You don't have to go there yet. you don't have to all right anyway. Let's let's let's let's move on here. I sense he tyrone blah blah blah blah blah. I explain myself for several minutes. And he continued to make a big deal out of nothing. I feel most room agreed with me. You give them like to a guy like that. That's a sign of weakness. Few keep explaining where he goes. Not i think you wanna fuck a sheep. No joe i was. Just i thought i thought you said you were right. Spider becoming spider. Here you can't do that. I felt like the best course of action was the punch him as hard as i couldn't face all right. I like that good move. I resisted the urge the punch him and remove myself from the situation. As i have a feeling that the best way to deal with shitty people's to avoid them well depends on wolf avoiding him. Means not hanging out with the friends that you're making you have to address it now. You don't need to punch him in the face. So i'm just joking. The problem was that most of room came with me as they felt. I was in the right. Thus isolating him on his first night. This is not what i wanted to happen. Dude you gotta stop being people. Please being content to sit there and think about it. He said it's not what i wanted to happen. Is the first night in universities. The hardest and i didn't want to be the cause of his lonesome. This even though it was somewhat self inflicted somewhat selfishly. It was totally self inflicted sir. He go this made him dislike me more and as we left to go out drinking in the nightclubs he came up to me and locked me in the eyes. And said i hate you and this guy is just an insecure kant he goes. I did not handle it. As i was not set out to make enemies and he seemed to want to hate me. I say all right well. Cool all right. Well we got. We got that over quick. Enjoy your time at the university. We don't have to be friends. Have a nice evening. he goes. I feel like i've tried to be nice but he has beef with me. Don't be nice to this guy. Fuck this guy because my question for you is. Would you have left the room when the guy tried to humiliate you or would punching him be the best option all right at this age i wouldn't left the room giving him shit and i wouldn't have punched him in the face at your age. I probably would let them roll all over me. Bully me and then what have for some reason become friends with them and let them treat me like shit for the next five years of my fucking life. That's what i would have done at your age. So that's basically what you should avoid this guy. He shouldn't take any shift. This guy this guy has got a lot of issues. He probably has a bad father or home situation. And he's basically in the beginnings of going out into the world and taking out his childhood on other people so the only way he can do that to. You is if you allow him to. You don't need to be friends with someone like that but what you do need to do. Is you need to draw a line in. That guy has to respect the fact that he can't get out of line with you all right so if it comes up and says i hate you just be like know you know it was going to do about that. Have a nice evening. And he said yeah. I really fucking hate you and just be like listen to do. You have a problem. Is it something you know. If you're going to do something do with the fuck you feel. You need to do or get the fuck out of my face and just leave it at that. Because he's not gonna throw a punch. Maybe comes up and says i hate you. Sounds like a fucking seventh grader. That sounds like you have it in you to punch somebody in the face. If you already know that about yourself you don't have to prove it again. So don't don't go with violence man. That's that's stupid vice. Just when he comes up. And says i hate you. Just be like all right. It's not going to do about it. It's unfortunate wish it wouldn't happen. I don't i don't know what he wants out of you. But the biggest thing that i've got this because i can't tell you what to do because i'd have to know a lot more about the situation as to how to handle that guy but the biggest thing i got out of this is your need to try and make things better and be a people pleaser with someone who doesn't deserve their. You sound like a really nice guy. All right what happens the nice guys they attract assholes because people who don't tolerate assholes they can't get in there so some of the biggest conce in the world hang out with some of the nicest fucking people in the world who don't know how to stick up for themselves in certain situations so this is what i've told a couple people. My life may make somebody earned. How nice a person you are. Don't just be giving it away and just being nice to everybody This guy has an earned it so fuck him all right. Fuck that guy. Don't take any shit from and But don't don't let them. Don't allow that guy to make you mad. Yeah and then you throw a punch and you got issues at school. Because this guy's a he had a bad dad. Fuck that fuck that becomes up. Says he hates you again. Just really like dude. I got you already said that i understand. You don't like me so get outta my face and get on with not liking me all right. If you really didn't like me you wouldn't be coming up to me. So why don't you prove to me how much you don't like me. Don't listen what i say everything. I say always escalates into a fucking rolling around on the floor kind of thing. I hope something in their helps you all right here. Ashim documentary to check out dear. Billy vaughan renton bill. An american living in hero shema teaching english. It's a great gig where i get to meet a lot of the locals and teach them how to pronounce things the way we do. My dad was in the army. So i grew up learning a lot about american history especially military history since it was such a big part of our lives being a military family. And all i'm a huge fan blah blah blah blah blah. He writes and. I'm happy to hear that you were getting into world war history in a big way the last few weeks. The podcast almost been weird as you are discovering a lot of the same things i did about our past and about how the modern world came to be when i was a kid world war two aviation especially in this pacific had a profound effect on me and the book fly. Boys was the first time i ever read about about shit going down in the philippines. And how we got all these oversea territories in puerto rico and guam and all of that before that i was just brought into believing that we were the good guys and everyone else was to blame for everything wrong. I also have to agree with the last person who wrote in that. The dan carlin podcasts. Ghost of the austrian. I gotta listen to the ost front o. S. t. f. r. o. n. t. Everybody dan carlin spelt the same as george. Carlin c. a. r. l. a. ghosts of the cost front t. f. r. o. n. t. all one word from the hardcore history was life changing the fucking russians lost between twenty and forty million people and many of those were civilians. We lost a half million in the whole war There is a saying that world war two was one with berlet british intelligence american steel and russian blood. Wow man jesus christ. That's a sacrifice and a half understatement of the year. I gotta listen to that. This could not be more true. He's saying about that expression after the war when we went to rebuilding western europe and the russians basically occupied everything to make sure. This never happened again Let me read that sentence. In a better way. After the war we went to rebuilding western europe and the russians basically occupied everything to make sure that this should never happen again. All right now the cold now. The cold war from the russian side makes total sense to me. And i think it will to you after you listened to the podcast and also. I know you mentioned that. You hate ancient ship before cowboys and indians. But you have to check out the podcast. Also from dan carlin called death. Throes of the romans republic. I'll do. I'll listen if someone's gonna tell me about it. I can listen to anything but to sit down and read it. My brain doesn't work like that. It just goes. When are we go get a beer man. Why we read in all this heavy stuff. Man ancient rome you see used to be a democracy before the roman empire and it faced a lot of the same problems. Jesus christ we actually learning things here. My god all right. Stay with me people. I got a little more to read here. Ancient rome used to be a democracy before became roman empire and faced a lot of the same problems. We face today before alternately became an empire rather than a democracy. Jesus that sounds familiar. You see there were two groups in ancient rome that basically ran shit. The public canings. I hope i said that right. Who were rich and conservative. And the populaires the populist who sought power through gaining the support of the poor on my god so basically what. This is their fox news and cnn and ultimately it was this struggle that led to the imperial rome. Check it out Last one here you need to check out fog of war. It's a documentary free on youtube. That won the oscar back in two thousand four. I think it's about robert s mcnamara who is most famous for being secretary of defense during the cuban missile crisis in vietnam before all that he was a statistician in world war two. He was one of the guys who crunch the numbers to see. How much destruction could be caused by daylight bombing in germany and later in japan in this documentary points out that by fire pump firebombings japan. We killed more civilians in tokyo in one night. Then we did in the bombing of hiroshima. And that's also amazing when you read the the that fly boys book as you just realize that you know. 'cause i always learned that we would try and demonstrate our dominance. That's why we ended up dropping the bombs that we didn't need to but like when you see how their people were taught that we were devils. Had tales had green blood and we were going to eat them if we won and when we approached the civilians they would throw their babies off cliffs in jump off to that. I mean we were going to have to lose way more people. I don't know there's an argument for both sides. It's nuts it's crazy. It's nuts that there's actually rules in war and that it somehow legal Anyways the bomb looms still to this day in the town of hiroshima and there's an overwhelming belief that it should not have been used no matter what. Yeah of course absolutely. You'd think that they would think that you know and over here. We like well. You know we're going to lose a lot of guys But here they seem to to miss a few things. First of all a land invasion would have resulted in a million more japanese dead since they would not surrender. And we're told that the americans would eat them and their families ya. We read the same book. Second if we had blockade of the island rather than invade drop the avon millions would have starved to death. Last of all most often overlooked is if the allies had invaded japan then russia would have invaded to and just like in europe. We would have given a large part of japan to russian route to rule over so northern japan could have been like north korea. We dropped the bombs. I'm not a hippie. And i'm not writing from some idea that america is evil in our enemies did nothing wrong but is amazing to see how much was going on from all sides. Good in bed and it gives a richer fuller version of what was going on all over the world time exactly. That's why i love reading that book. I like you know. It's like listen to people. Trash the patriots. How what is your viewpoint of this. How do you look at it. You know you gotta listen to some of that right anyways led the podcast come to here ashim into the bomb museum sometimes for a pretty sobering history. Keep up all definitely do that someday. Keep it up and most of all. Fuck yourself all right. It's probably most intelligent thing has ever even uttered of course it was written by somebody else all right on plowing through all of this people. We got a couple more to go. Henry kissinger dear billy west winds Oh billy west the great voice over guy. Voices of renan's stimulant done both right. Steve eightieth. you don't deserve to leave. Sorry terrible impression. Do you know how evil kitchens is. The man is a war criminal. He carpet bombed cambodia. Oversaw the coup in chile that practically destroyed destroyed. They're great nation jacked off to the dropping of agent orange. All over vietnam. This is very slander. Sir he's pure evil. He's a zionist. Who believes in ethnic cleansing cleansing and has gone on record promoting policy that promote depopulation. Not the hey everyone. Hey everyone's cool. what not the. Hey everyone cool it on the fucking depopulation more like. Let's get guys to fight those guys. Both sides will have civilians. Die and go hungry. I think you've left out some words in that because i'm jewish. I love jews. The good ones. I love all people no matter their religion. I've been israel and believe it is a beautiful and moving place but the state of israel is pure evil not the people the government. My father worked for a company that did business with the israeli government. That's all i can say about his business. But i can say that he was privy to some insane things the type of things that make you lose sleep. The main objective in almost all policy he saw was to create money and wealth for few families for the few families that run israel true judaism and love for the religion is almost obsolete when you get high enough in power. Yeah that's kind of true everywhere. Kind of all goes out the window When she gets to that eyes wide shut level. The heads of the state used judaism as a way of silencing. Anyone who questions their actions where we use support the troops call someone anti-semites and how quickly they shut up Collagen anti-zionist and it's the same thing they shut up us. Jews have suffered but so of lots of people who can't be quantified into that group anyways. Fuck kissinger all right. Well i guess. I have some reading up on to do on that. That's one man's opinion. But i mean it just it. Doesn't it all just what you start reading about. It all just seems to be the same story over and over again because we really are all the same. And i think that like you know once you go beyond a certain level power. I think there's maybe a handful of people in the world that can handle it and the rest of us start to feel like we're god-like and We start summoning people to come in and give us blowjobs drinking wine out of some yaks bladder or whatever. The fuck they did that. It's disgusting all right last. But not least i probably shouldn't fucker. Hey there kuby the freckle-face kid. Hey cool was it last week. Where they gave my character First name. I don't wanna ruin anything but i was sitting there on pins and needles watching that stuff and by the if you're up to date i'm not gonna ruin anything breaking bad but i'm asking this people outside the united states because i don't know of any united states show that has ever been better than breaking bad. My stomach has been an absolute not watching the show and each week. It just keeps getting ratcheted. Higher and higher. Like last night's episode was like almost disturbing things i've ever seen. And if you live in another country okay and you know of a show if you've watched all of breaking bad and you know of a show that you think is on par or dare i say better. I want to know what it is. And i don't care if there's no subtitles i will sit down and just view it because what they've done with the second half of the fifth season i've i've never seen anything like it in my forty years of sitting in front of the idiot box. I could actually say it's not an idiot box anymore when this something like that on tv. It's just unbelievable and if you're late to the party by all means when all five seasons come out you owe it to yourself to download them by them and don't blow through him okay. It's a fine wine. Open a bottle and night. Sit there with your friends and discuss it. it's incredible. I mean a lot of the stuff that we're talking about as far as people handling power. It's it's unreal. It's un fucking believable. Anyways last one era go on a lot of people have asked me about the sol Saul goodman spinoff I know as much as you guys know. I just heard it. I heard it's going to be a prequel so if it's a prequel i would feel that. That's years before. I don't know if he gets to albuquerque and people have been asking if i'm gonna be on it. I have no idea. i hope so. I have no idea. But whether i am whether i'm not. I'm watching every episode anyway. It was prequel. Should i come in at like the very last one. and then we all moved to albuquerque. See that right there. That's why don't write terrible idea. Sorry anyways i probably shouldn't fucker is the last one here. Kuby the freckle-face. I need some help. So there's this crazy broad at my job. Who's who i'm ninety nine percent. Sure i could fuck if i asked directly now. I feel free to now feel free to think this because she isn't exactly top shelf trim but she's certainly worth trying a shot if it's free I gotta tell you do this. That's one of the biggest lies in the universe. It's never freaked. There's never been a free. There's never been a free piece ever the history. It all comes with a price right. It all does especially when you trying a bank somebody. You're working with right. They shit where you're eaten you take. That could go very bad very quickly. He goes. I've worked with her for about two years for a while. She was putting on what seemed to be a pretty strong press. Excessive hanging out at my desk finding random ways to mess with me laughing at anything i do. You know office flirty bullshit will. Maybe she likes you. She might actually like you see. This is the way guy looks at. She wants to suck my dick right. So she's going to be sitting there thinking you making love and your comment mouth right and then you treat her like i'm telling you that's how shit starts so anyways Then i launched a passive attempt to smash told her we should get drinks on now. Do just the way you talk about women in the Which is hilarious. Coming from me but the way and totally hypocritical. The way you talk about women like this. This is not going to end well. I told her we should get drinks. We went out to catch a movie after work. Didn't make a major move because of fear of her having a story to tell the office about rejecting me very smart nothing happened and things cooled way off Long story short since then. She's exhibited advanced signs of female dementia. While before i go any further. I'm going to guess that because you didn't make a move. She thought that oh he went out to see what kind of person i am and was expecting. Maybe a follow up date and when it didn't happen that's sending her the signal that you didn't you didn't like something about her. So maybe now that's why she's distant. I don't know he said the worst one being an incident where she invited me to hang out with her. And i taught her how to ripa bond. All right this one wholly different direction totally different direction she got unreasonably high and up locking herself in the bathroom calling her mom. Just say how she invited me over god high and was worried. I was going to take advantage over. Her mom was about to call the cops but she did. Stop or for what it's worth. I'm six five two hundred pound black guy. And she's a small asian girl. So i really saw bad into that. Storyline of jesus christ absolutely so we are now back to normal with her being a two hundred proof bottle of crazy and me wondering if the crazy too good pussy. Positive correlation holds true. That's fucking hilarious. If i figure she can't get any crazier. If i just asked directly we can eliminate the chance of confusion in calls to the police. M i totally insane for still wanting to fuck this girl. Thanks and go fuck yourself bitch. All right i hope this women listening to this because right now because you don't have a dick you probably and this is why you guys are so dumb and i want you the same way. This guy was talking about world war two from the other perspective. You gotta look at having a dick from the other perspective with. I swear to god empathy. I'm going to pause while you roll your eyes ladies but this is how powerful have an addict is. This is how much it runs your life like the amount of shit that just got shot across the bow of this guy's dick okay. And he's still thinking like think. I can make it. What if i just said. Hey you wanna fuck and we just fucked. I could somehow get this urge outta me. And then i could then go back to work. You know. it's funny sir. Is the fact that if you fuck this girl and if it is as good as you think it's gonna be like you're gonna be able to go back you know to work. Were you never gonna bang again. You already know. This girl is fucking nuts all right. I'm removed from the situation. I haven't seen her. So i don't have any desire for you. I could tell you one hundred fucking percent. Do not repeat. do not fuck this girl. Stand-down sir abort one other military rub one out before you go to work. Okay go out you know what go out and find some other crazy fucking woman that you don't have to see at work. Okay that's it. that's it all right. Do not do it. You're not totally insane. Fucking this woman. If you didn't have a dick you would be but you do have addict. So i understand because god knows. I've made never-ending mistakes with my dick. Trust me all right by the time you figure out you dick women don't wanna fuck anyways so it's pointless so i'm trying to fucking fast. Forty two where the hell on our in. Thirty minute podcast. This might be one of the longest ones ever all right. That's the podcast this week. Everybody before. I do the little wrap up here. I want to just let you guys know where i'm going to be this week. Hang on a second. hang on. hang on. Hang on bill You can't. I can't even type with two hands. Forget about one. One finger official website pink mega-boom. I know i'm going to be in west virginia pittsburgh in toronto. This weekend This week i should say so. Let's see if i can get the right on september. Eighteenth duff fuck outta here. I gotta fly out wednesday now. Jesus christ i have. I have no fucking life all right. Evidently on september eighteenth and keith albee provided. There's no rain whatever the fuck could happen. What could happen provided nobody's still blows up near the fucking venue and lights on fire. I'll be at the keith albee theatre on the eighteenth on the nineteenth. I'm doing. What's the west virginia university in morgantown. West virginia on the twentieth. I'm doing heinz hall for the performing arts in pittsburgh pennsylvania heinz hole and then on the twenty-first i'm doing queen elizabeth theatre toronto ontario That is it in the following week. September twenty eighth. I'm doing the chicago theatre for two shows. First one is sold out the second one is almost there for the love of god. Get your ass down to the show all right and with that. Let's do the studio wrap up here. The old wrap where the hell is now that the show is over. Don't forget to sign up for your free trial of who plus hulu plus let you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere on your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast and get an extended free trial on hulu. Plus when you go to the podcast page bill. Burr dot com and click the hulu plus ben banner or go to hulu plus dot com slash. Bill that's hulu plus dot com slash. Bill that's the podcast this week. Thank you everybody for Listening i apologize. Everybody in el paso was enacted god. There was nothing. I could do bother. I'm definitely coming back. We're going to get that update as soon as we can. I don't give shit if i have to come there fifty times. I'm doing a show there all right. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. We'll talk to you next week.