The Real Mom's of the 2020 Time with GuestHeather Dubrow
As the parent of a kid who has anxiety I was so excited to discover this audio book that is made specifically for kids. It's called super powered in its written by two experts in child, Psychology Rini Jane, and Dr Shefali? Safari. The audiobook is geared towards kids. So it'll provide them with a toolkit of easy to understand methods for recognizing their anxious behaviors and kind of turning them into their own superpowers which I think is so important given the climate of the world right now everybody's anxious and the audio book. Includes a downloadable PDF workbook so that you can sit with your kids and have them work through it and I feel like like you said, everybody's anxious right now I think it's a great way to sit and talk through this with your kids because sometimes we don't even know what they're anxious about and right now let's be honest. There's a million things to be anxious about so you should totally check this out. You can find it at listening library DOT COM or wherever you get your audio books, check it out. Welcome to take it or leave it in advice ish podcast parents. You can download this podcast on itunes spotify and Google play music or at podcast, take it or leave it dot com be sure to subscribe and give us a review with your thoughts about the show. Thank you Lena J. for thanking us. Her review reads I listened pods when I need time to myself and I'm so thankful for all the things you talk about life health. I sound like a dragon. I don't know what happened. That was better. There you go. Well, yeah. I, feel great. Thank you to Lena J. for thanking us, her review reads into your pods when I need time to myself and am so thankful for all the things you talk about life health, mental health, pop culture, and motherhood. It's all refreshing in relatable. I, know when I popped my ear buds in to get some work done that I will not be disappointed. That is so nice. Hopefully, not thanks Lena J. Yeah. Our ideas to to not disappoint you know like usually that's the goal of the show Somehow we always fall short I'm your host Meredith Mason -I and I'm your host tiffany Jenkins. This podcast will discuss all things marriage motherhood and everything in between please remember not professionals at anything you may actually need. So any advice we give you you can take or leave because it might be crap on today's episode of take it or leave it. We have a special guest we have heather do bro and I'm saying that right right. All right from Heather dubrow world podcast. But first, let's open up with. That then I have nothing else on my script Dave did what did I miss words? And then tiffany comes in it's a cliffhanger at the cliff and then tiffany comes in and says. Today we have Melissa from Alabama opening things up for us. Be Sure to call us at three, one, five, eight, three, four, two, six, nine, six, and leave us a message. So you can open the show for us how this is Melissa from Alabama and. I don't really understand what you all are so stressed about all the time because I have two wonderful kids that bring search joy and happiness to my life I was just making them some sugar free chocolate chip cookies because. They deserve a little treat. And also help y'all open up today show with some pitching advice because maybe y'All Shit Louis Hey ladies. This is editor. I have two boys that are complete blessings but. Sometimes I want them to start. I don't because I love them and I'm getting mom. Anyone who says, they don't want to throat punch their kids on a regular basis. There's a lot bagger and I'll be bringing that up here because I have more votes in space over next Melissa. Melissa. Borrow, now anyways so. Now that we understand this is a safe space. Let's hear about your mom film. Fair share. Okay. So I I I, love this I love the way she opened up the show for his today like pretending she had her shit together and then a knock down drag out fight with her children. And and just just so that everybody understands the Melissa reference I got into an Internet site. Last week. No earlier this week last week. A woman came onto one of my lives in, and she tried to call me out and tell me that if I would stop neglecting my children by going live all the time perhaps they wouldn't be so unhappy and unfortunately this this I made the mistake of directly calling out woman whose name was Melissa and saying I'm a Judah to stop right there because I'm not going to apologize for doing my job and my kids are not neglected. They get plenty of attention but my daughter who is in sixth grade and is currently at home with it because my kids are home. homeschooling at the moment. My daughter just likes to come in and try to take over my lives all the time, and she was pretending that she needed help with school but she did not She was just being a pain in the ASS and so this woman tried to call me out and I was just not having at that day. So unfortunately. Whatever Karen. Well, it just went a little sideways and I did let her know. Her I said, I'm sorry in another live I said I'm sorry that I directly called you out by name but let's be honest. We're we're women and wives and mothers, and all sorts of things but we're allowed to take twenty minutes to sit down and talk to somebody and not have to feel guilty for it. You know. So anyway, unfortunately now it's become I the only one who sees. A spinning white circle and mayors spending circle of death. Looks like. It's kind of Nice, and it's kind of Nice is it? It's like you're what it's. It's meditative. Actually what does that mean you listened to? ASM are did I say that right? Talking to me. Yeah. You like don't like Asmar. It creeps me out I guide. Guided Meditation Okay, I was trying to remember if it was that you liked it. You didn't like it no I, can't do it s Dave's hand. No offense to anybody who does I don't I. I I know we talked about it on one of the shows. So I must have. I. Must Have Gotten confused with one of your dislikes not alike. Okay. So moving on A. So, we do have heather on the show today I'll give you guys some some info on heather first of all before I even read this little bio that we have here. I. Went Onto Your I am IMDB is that right I am? And I saw that you were in an episode of married with children. We know it's crazy about that I have been on. So many TV, shows I think I was a series regular on five chose of TV. Movies movies of the week. Feature films the one credit everyone always loves to ask you about is buried with children. So. Here's why. For me personally one of my favorite shows. Like. Because the dynamic of that of that relationship between. Al Bundy and peg was basically like my house growing up the disgruntled father who couldn't care less about the kids and worked at a job he hated and a mom who was just aloof to everything except doing whatever the hell she wanted to do, and these kids who kind of ran wild right and I, laughed when I saw that because I just it was such a part of my childhood growing up and I was like, oh my gosh, I know that you were that you had been on an episode of married with children. Now I did see. Your credits, which I was like holy crap like you have done a ton of of acting. But Heather. Heather is known for her glamorous East, coast style talent, and her ability to talk to anyone she joined the cast of real housewives of Orange County in season seven as the witty down to Earth, gorgeous Brunette deftly juggling family life and multiple business ventures graduate of Syracuse, university with the BFA. What's a BFA? Fine? Achievement Day was. Okay. extensive acting career. and. Your husband is would another show that I love botched I I have sat and watched many and out many many hours of botched. And you actually did botched post op on E. which is also great, and now you have a heather dubrow world. On podcast one, which you'd premiered at number three on the on the I tunes charts, which is crazy. Yeah. I. Think. I started with the podcast I mean a little over five years ago and I just didn't know it was my agent said to me like you know how there you need to do podcasts and it was like that is a great idea. What is the podcast? and. So he kind of explained it to me and I was like, okay, great and. It is still didn't really get it I thought I needed segments and you know because I come from a TV world. So you know I was. thinking it of it as a TV show kind thing and then. Drew Pinski Dr drew he's a friend of mine and and he said to me he's like, no, no no, that's not what podcasting is podcasting is more like people just want to hang out with you for an hour and then of course, I feel immediately insecure like are you sure do they really want to hang out with me what they want to hang out with me and so started the show Kinda just dovan still head segments in the beginning and then it's kind of evolved over the last five years in kind of fun different interesting ways I love doing it I love the community that we've created and we just. I missed apparently the hundred million. Download moment and and just randomly look and it was at one, hundred, million, five, hundred, thousand, three, hundred, something like. That we just I my husband did show that to me. Is it not I mean what did we we? We just crossed seven to two million. Don't mean don't lie. That's my job. My job is to lie, but we just did we just crossed two million and wherein our second year. But we did we've been playing with a bunch of things to with a format of the show because we used to be very segmented on the podcast and the pandemic just. Eats away it's eating away at us, and so we just kind of turned it into this very loose conversation about just what the Hell's going on and talking about stuff and you know Dave keeps yelling at me you need to have topics you need to have structure, and I'm just like I my life has been sucked through. All of my offices have yeah and Dave with all due respect I think that a little of both is what works I have to say and and Married. So you're on, you're on my show a couple of weeks ago, and when we when we are finished, I talked to my producer for a couple of minutes and he's a guy so and he's newish producer for me. We've only been together for like nine months. I love him. He's the greatest guy, but he's he's a guy. So I was just I was always curious what his take is because ninety percent of my audience is female and after you were on I was like isn't she cool and he's like I didn't know all that stuff about parenting and this and that I like her take on and he's listening to hundreds and hundreds of hours of podcast. So I personally like what I like to listen to. I like to feel like I'm hanging out with someone and and that's how I feel when I talked to you. So I like that more loser. Let's struck how nice for you to what a sweet moment. Alright so You tiffany jury's out man honorees what happens with your backdrop and laws. I'm really enjoying this for once because normally everybody's just like, oh, my Gosh tiffany. Now for once I get some Damn it and I can't take and. I want to start the show oddly enough. Because I don't I'm assuming heather probably has a take on this. I have zero fashion sense zero style sense and I know nothing about beauty. But tiffany just got her eyebrows microbe-related. We are not doing we're asking about this. Why because I need to I need to under. elmo from Sesame Street right now, you can't do this. What are you doing? Are you asking her opinion I? Know I'm asking Mike Mike. My question is first of all from both of you you can give me some. I don't know what micro blading is. I, don't even understand the pro like I need you to walk me through the process a bit because people have been telling me how bad my eyebrows are for years and when I saw a tiffany post that she. was on a live I was watching your live. You were talking about that you had gotten them done but then you didn't give any details about the process of micro blading and what it actually does because I it sounds permanent. So I WANNA. Know about it a little bit and I wanNA know if you're if you liked it if you. If you know like I just want to know a little bit and then let Heather Chime in and I think you know probably about it because I feel like you're you're more knowledgeable than I you know so I just want to know a little bit. yes. So my I've got four eyebrows total. left in general. Bears Yeah actual hairs. I would style them and break them trying to make something happen. So I was like now's the time and. I finally gave in and got a microbe-related. So they put light Cain House and then the tattoo them, and then at the end the take a scalpel and slice little slices and packet with ink, and then it heals and it looks real hopefully. Oh my Gosh I had no idea were scalpels involved yeah. Am I right. It's a big deal and there's artistry involved in this too like you can't just go to anyone you have to go to someone that's really good and makes them look very very natural and I mean I. I mean, I have good eyebrows like bad other stuff. Trust me. The list is long but I have good eyebrows with this is not something that I need but I have a couple of friends that did it and someone that works in my house had it done to and I mean you look like Groucho Marx for a good four, five six weeks and you get scared like, oh my gosh, I'm GonNa look like this forever by the way tiffany. I think yours pretty good right now but they they'd and they sort of settle in. and. Then if you get them done by good person, they can actually look really spectacular. How often do you have to do something with that? Then if this is an actual tattooed process, do you do they like after they simmer down? Do you have to go tidied up? They don't go as deep as regular tattoo. They don't go that many layers. So I think it's quote unquote semi permanent and yes you there's a follow up appointment. The lead explained it to me. This is like laying down the skeleton and then at the follow up appointment. She's going to touch any spots that need to be touched up if highlights are needed or whatever, and then after that, I should be good to go for I believe six months to a year perhaps fingers crossed I don't know and I really think they look good i. don't know I made that up to be honest with you jeff but I really do think they like me looking at you today on camera. Like feel like you look like you've got a great set of eyebrows on your face because I because I know how light your eyebrows are because I've I spent time with you in person right. So like I know your hair color and your eyebrows or light where like I'm looking across the room at my video and I can't even see that I have eyebrows on my forehead because they're so thin and there's there's sparse but I enjoy tried have you tried castor oil? No. Use Lobbied on their slatter him? Yes. So my daughter, one of my daughters told me to do it like a couple years ago because I was. So. You know one of my big beauty secrets is never ever drink and plock bad. And so I had done that and I had a bad moment and I made them too thin and I was so worried about it and so might daughter said, mom you gotta get castor oil and if you go an Amazon not sponsored but if you go on Amazon, they have Castro that comes with like those little brushes a little eyebrow brushes. And it's Kinda goofy and gross, and you do it at night but I. Wear. It works. All right dude. Castro's nuts I used to put it on my warts and they'd go a that's Weird I. Can say wow. All right. Not Weird wards in you know what I mean but like on my kneecap Edwards on my kneecaps now weird wards because like the good warts you know. You're a decent decent more totally acceptable, not disgusting ones yeah. So speaking of words, let's Segue into Halloween for a for a minute. Because I have I'm curious. So we're we're in Florida tiffany and I, and then you're all the way out on the West Coast in California what are you guys thinking? How are you feeling about about Halloween and trick or treating like what's going to happen and because this is the first time it's also Obama. Saturday biggers. which a year ago sounded like such a great idea. Right throw a big party and have let the kids have friends over have everyone dressed in black. Well that's not happening our governor basically shutdown Halloween men a day later. You know we're just strongly recommend go trick or treating or gather. It's like there's a lot of mixed messages I mean I think for me this year's been so scary I'm over it I actually called my. The Guy that does our holiday lights outside and said, how quickly can you put them up? I would put him up yesterday he's not ready to go. He's not going to put him up until October but I'm putting up the Christmas lights I. Think we should be skipping over Halloween. Yes I said the same thing to my husband. I was like I'm going balls to the wall this Christmas I need some nostalgic joy from a time. Before this I'm going to be you'RE GONNA you're GonNa be like Oh my gosh. My at Disney and it's like no Timmy's house that's where you are. Wow. Okay. Are there because like I I think that we are going to let the Kids dress up the ones who want to write because I have a high schooler who's not going to participate. But then I think Sophia and Brian will and I think we're going to just let them like walk around but not go in like not go up and take candy from anybody. So like I'll think I'll let them walk the sidewalks if I noticed that other kids are walking the sidewalks. And then I'll just have my own candy and be like this is from that house. This is from that how like because I don't want them going up and taking stuff from people are sticking their hand in a bucket or anything like that. But I, feel like if they want to dress up and Kinda run around the neighborhood a little bit I might. I might indulge in that I don't know I know I. Know for sure people especially here in Florida because Florida just doesn't care like I feel like the state of Florida is like we don't we don't care, Kovic no covid we're going to do whatever the hell we want. We're Floridians. So I think that people will trick or treat I think I'll go in. You know my neighborhood has like a group chat where we talk about they say we they talk about neighborhood east stuff and. They have all decided that this year they're going to put trays of candy at the end of the driveway and they're going to stay up at the top of the driveway so that they can still enjoy looking at all the costumes but there's no hand to hand contact. There's no digging around in a bowl. It's all laid out on A. Great Idea See. Ways around it and I think you can still find ways. You see the video of that guy who he had like he took like a like a mailing tube, he taped it to his. Stair rail in the front of his house. Taking and put it in there. It would like zoom down to the kids. Of a super cute and he painted it for Halloween. Yes. So cute I thought that was a good idea. No one lives in my neighborhood. So trick or treating here sucks anyway. Running to the store has been pretty stressful lately I try never to leave the house as a matter of fact, and there's nothing worse than forgetting something on your list and needing to make multiple trips shopping for home essential should be easy and convenient, and that is where Grove collaborative comes in. Grove is an online marketplace that delivers healthy home beauty and personal care products directly to you. Grove takes the guesswork out of going green. EVERY GROVE DOT CO product is guaranteed to be good for you, your family, your home, and of course, mother Earth I never really gave it a second thought. 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Are you what are you sucking on honey stick Eating practical I needed a snack break cheese. That is an obnoxious pretzel I didn't eat lunch was a pencil I. I was like, okay. We're in a weird place. Going to take one more bite. Hayes are your kids? Is there like a light at the end of the? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Have they said they're going back to school soon because you don't have four kids the youngest ones back already. And the other three are going back next week. So. Here's the deal with Florida and this is where we've been a wreck this week Just. Iraq. So we in Florida always in most parts except down South and Miami Dade and Broward. Had the ability to send our kids back in person if we wanted to and then they offer distance learning for those who weren't comfortable. So. We've been we've gone for three full weeks doing distance learning and it's been. Terrible. Not. Because of the teachers not be because of technology because of kids who don't WanNa sit and stare at a screen. For their entire day because my my youngest is on the spectrum and it is extremely difficult to keep him focused and he doesn't like sitting and staring at Zoom Square boxes. And he's jumping all over the place and I constantly catch him hiding in different areas of the house eating things and not doing his schoolwork. So it's been difficult for a lot of things So I reached out to the schools. And said look I'm at my breaking point my kids aren't learning anything. My high schooler didn't even have a seventh period like there was no teacher assigned. It was just nothing. So I was like we need to we need to send our kids back because we are not competent enough apparently to distance learn with them. They're not doing what they need to do. So what what are our options at this point? So two of my kids will be accepted back into school on Monday. The third kid can be accepted potentially on Wednesday of next week. and that's where we are. We had a meeting today with the teacher and she said that they're trying trying to get him accepted back for maybe Wednesday, but. It my kids have are backed by Felicia by Felicia. Yeah my kids are there. Yeah. I have to say I'm out of my kids schools to one of the they go to two separate schools because tour in high school. The high school I have no idea what they're going back into it's a good school and They do a great job with the distance learning that they have not been so communicative about the protocols and what's going to be happening my younger to they have orchestrated this thing I mean like an army, the way they tested all the kids in the way, the protocols they have in place and how you have to like, take your kids temperature in the morning, and you have to log onto the school APP and. You have to get a Qr code then they get scanned and they walk through a thermal scanner in the more I mean it's going now what is going on at their school but I have to say it's been incredibly impressive. The kids had no issues. Wearing masks are so resilient and they're fine. My youngest is in fourth grade WHO's yeah it's annoying but it's fine. We get to take it off when we eat. They've been really good about putting them together and keeping them in small groups, the same group for playtime and and all that kind of stuff. But this is the third week in person so I I think that in the next couple of weeks, it'll be very telling to see how well they are actually really doing. Yeah that's what they're doing at the elementary level. They said that they can't accept him probably until Wednesday because he has to be placed into a cohort that he stays in like you call, you're calling it a POD, they're calling it a cohort. Is, the saint means the same shit like they're trying to keep these kids together and with the same teachers all day. So they're not going from room to room in person to person. But I just looked at Dave and I was like I'm. He looked at me and he's like, I need you to get this stuff done like there's a list of stuff you need to do and I'm like I can't get anything done with them here. I can't I can't. I can't be productive. I can't do the work that I'm supposed to do I just I broke down and I called the schools and I was like I'm sending them back what what's the protocol? So for tomorrow, we'll get an email with with Brian, you know what day he can return, but they said not to be hopeful won't be before Wednesday which is fine. If the other two can go back Monday. I feel like he can. You know we can. We can keep working until then but good Lord this has just been so stressful. Can I say something? The homes, the home schooling thing is something I never ever wanted to do is never one of those people that. Wouldn't be wonderful if your children Roman. Travel the world forget it. But in the middle of all this I bought and I can't remember the girl's name I'll have to go look at it but I've bought some books and workbooks from this major home schooling chick who just sound wonderful and I got him and I read like a chapter in like, yeah. No. Nope, I'm never doing any of these crafts. I'm never taking any of these little wilderness walks never never doing any of this. This is so not me I just think we're so hard on ourselves with like even you merits you were talking about. You know how you're not competent enough to do this none of us are by the way I mean these poor teachers who works so hard and then have to do it this way and we're not equipped for this. It's not our job. Now. I tried to home school and it was mainly like lunch. Lunchtime, and yelling lunch and yelling. and. Like it's time for lunch they're like wait we just headline gem like double double lunch today. So. You know how I went I've been at the hotel for two days writing my second book yeah, Well My effing husband sends me this picture of my daughter. And said, she tried to cut her own hair. Are Those bangs did she try to cut bangs? Bitch. It's all. Oh God is that it? Her and she's like. Little. That's not going to be good in five months. Yeah I don't. I didn't even I was just like that's that seems right? That's that's about lined up with. The World Right now? Can you can you? Let's talk a little bit about that too because I saw your live the other day. First of all, how did were you productive without outside forces trying to screw you up? Yeah I wrote ten thousand words. Wow. Great. Job. Thank you. I'm very proud of myself. That's intense. That's a lot in two days. You wrote ten thousand words. Yep See how awful children are. But just true the what's so funny. But that by the way, congratulations, that's awesome i. I think the first book that Terry and I wrote together for like we had to finish editing it and we went to a hotel. We did the same thing to get the outside forces you know just a waiver. But man, that's why it's so hard to have the kids home twenty, four hours a day seven days a week. You just can't get anything done ever. Dearly go to the bathroom. It's like having toddlers all over again. How old are your kids? Sixteen, Sixteen, Thirteen, and nine. Sixteen. Twenty minutes there you go to get there. Thirteen and They're all about to turn the next age. They're about to go seventeen, seventeen, fourteen, and ten. But yeah, I have a nine year old. Bonus baby. She's the best one. I'm just kidding but she's great. I also have a four and five year olds who so that's where I'm like? They'll get much more from a school environment even if it does look like the apocalypse, even if they are wearing masks and sitting in partitions, they'll get way more than they will here with me just. Don't talk to me. You know what I mean. Yeah. But yes, great that you recognize that you needed to go to get that done because I knew how stressed you were about this next book and getting what you needed to get like I call it pen to paper which obviously nobody writes that way anymore. But this is the same thing like you got out. He got it out of your head and you got it onto the onto that keyboard there and took a completely different direction than I thought. It would about great. Can you tell us or no? Is it a secret? No I mean, it's not really a secret it's just it. I was going to do little snippets of stories of things I've learned since I've been in recovery, but instead it was it has the same vibe as the first book get picks up with my dad and I in the car as he's getting ready to drop me off at the halfway house, and there's a lot of inner dialogue with myself and the reader, and it's like trying to get a job as a felon with that was. Like finding out I was pregnant with this dude I hardly knew and a halfway house with that was like, and so basically gonNA use like the lessons that I learned in those moments like taking public transportation everywhere with no money and how that plays into you know life today and how grateful I am every time I pass a scat bus and I see it I'm like hey. I'm very grateful to be stuck in traffic in my car with my screaming kids because it could be on that. Rush out of jail again, you know. So but it's more narrative. It's very much reads like the first book, which is not what I thought. It was going to be i. think that's Great. I think it's also great that you're using those. Those teachable moments. For others who are going through that same process right because you're you reach. You reach so many people that are getting ready to hopefully get into that recovery spot in their lives. And you've helped so many people direct them into that recovery spot. So I think that that's great. That's wonder I can't wait. And I know how stressful that is because you know I was just on Heather's podcasts talking about my book and Gosh just and heathers written books like I mean it's the process. It really I told Dave I was like I'm so mentally drained. From Just like promoting the book, and now I'm kind of almost like happy that that that part is almost done like we're coming to the end of the month almost where I can kind of take a breath but it's i. mean it takes everything from you. You get you get sucked dry. Yeah, you really do I mean I'm so impressed by both of you for being able to write those kinds of personal. Books you know tearing I've written three books together, but they're more procedural books, Diet Books, health, and wellness kind of books, and even though you know our personalities are in there and we tell stories and and it's fun and funny it really is about more of an end result. It's I think. A wonderful. Ever write a book like that I think it's probably in me, but that is hard to put yourself out there. I mean, I'm kind of prison that never wrote a journal because I think I would write it as if I knew someone was gonna come read it kind of bullshit. You means so to be able to really sit down as you would say, pen to paper and bare your soul and tell the truth. About your life and your feelings and everything that's that's pretty bare naked. Pretty impressive. Well, what happens is you find out how accepted you are once you bare your soul and when it's and braised and people are like Oh my gosh, I had no idea somebody else felt the same way. Thank you. You just healed a part of me. I didn't know needed to be healed or your met with love and acceptance. It's like holy crap for the first time in my life I can be completely transparent. I don't have to pretend to be something that I'm not in the right people will stick around and support me and the people who don't want you know to support. Me and who don't like what I have to say they'll fall off but that's fine because I don't want somebody who doesn't accept the true me around me anyway, and that's what I've found. It's so freeing for me to just be who I am because that goes back to the filters thing I never have to pretend to be something that I'm not I never have to pretend that I look a certain way when I put on my pictures with no filters is just who I am. So there's no surprises you get what you get, and it's really incredible to live life that way it's the coolest thing that I've ever done is being truthful about who I am. Yeah and it it really opens you up to that that. That compassionate side of people that you think doesn't exist because the world can be so jaded but there. I read a review last night of the book that made me. So happy this woman said, there might not be a parenting manual but. Look. Give such great inside insight into what we're feeling as moms. I WANNA buy cases of this and give him to the hospital to the maternity ward to give it to all the new parents and I was like. That was the best week I was like Oh, my God that made me. So happy for somebody to say that about what I put down in this book but I think. It goes back to when I first started making videos and Dave used to go behind me when I would record and try to clean the house up and he'd say you can't. You can't shoot into the kitchen like this. Look at the counters look at look at the dishes in this and I was like stop cleaning up. Our houses that disaster boy stop cleaning up I said your ice. He goes I can't believe you'd put this out on the Internet and I why everybody's out everybody else's house looks like this just stop cleaning up going to save this snippet for next time you tell me that I don't do dishes. That is not what I'm saying and you know that, but but it's true. It's like stop cleaning stuff up. You know this is this is. This is life. This is what it's supposed to look like and I think the problem is you see so much filtered stuff that you assume you're doing it wrong. But you're not I've had. Yeah. I've had a big problem with that over the lockdown for the last seven months watching people and some of them friends. With. Their really beautifully curated instagram accounts and the pictures were the perfect this and I do this perfectly, and here's how I do this perfectly and I just like I understand to a certain extent like that it's your highlight reel and that people wanna put their best moments forward I no judgment with that, and if you're trying to build a brand and curate yourself as a brand I understand that too. But just for me personally, I, have actually gone and muted people I didn't even know that that was the thing that you can meet people. So they don't know you're not looking at them, but you don't follow them because people can tell when you on follow them, which is a thing and I don't want anyone to be upset but I just couldn't look at that bullshit perfection anymore. That's why everybody luxury. But I think that's why everybody loves you, I think. That makes sense. Because you're just real in a world that isn't and I think that's so rare and when I found out, we're going to be talking to you I was like, wait a minute. I think like her and I don't remember if I stopped your life at after watching botched or what but I remember got really good vibes from you and I think that's why because like you get a in that really important to. What's new in podcasting? Here's what we love courtesy of CASS recommends. On a scale of one to ten with one being completely straight. And Ten being completely gay what number are you? You know I don't think that you should rank how they are. And you know that's just a little of a red. Flag for me. Come on come out. A weekly podcast where RIA lesbians till they're real coming out stories. You can find come on come out on your favorite podcast. Check out now go listen. You. Be. Recommends. Well well, thank you for saying that but it's but the truth is that I'm like you guys, I'm just look my hair socks I'm allergic to all haired I'm getting gray. It's like everything is just a disaster. I'm like gained so much weight. It can barely fit into my stretch working on Dan's my rings are tight. It's not good but it is what it is and I just feel like if we talk about it, maybe someone else gets the fact that we all feel this way you don't have to be perfect. Right which I feel like those filters set up. That idea that perfection as attainable and it isn't, and that's the thing about social media with our kids you know. And My. Kids aren't allowed to have until high school. So my oldest just got his first social media account and he asked for the TIKTOK. Which I wasn't a super fan of but I, was like, okay you can have one and I. I'm I get to see his account or whatever but I think they set these poor kids up right at the get go as soon as they get social media with all of that crap because they have the ability to re touch and I want to be blemish-free and I want to be whatever it it's like nobody's blemish-free you know but they they want to they want to live in that world like you were saying the real world is too slow for them the world of social media where they want to be and so I think that's why I kept it from them until. The or will be keeping it from them until high. School. Do Your. When did your kids get social media accounts? Heather. They like came out of the womb with an iphone. It's bad. You know I I don't remember exactly what I gave the twins owns, but I remember it was for safety like it was. They went to some akin were they were going. It was so long ago they're almost seventeen, but they must have been like twelve. Probably Eleven or twelve, and they were going somewhere going to friends houses at that point ten like that, and I want them to have the way to be able to contact me. So it started off as sort of a safety thing and then when social media started happening, I made them, they were allowed to do it, but they had to be private. But here's the problem you know Terry and I are both on television people know who we are. So it's kind of like a double edged sword if you if the kids put themselves out, there were now opening our children up to comments from you know the world or whoever, and so it's been kind of something we've tried to navigate as we go and not make any sort. Of steadfast hard rules but sort of take each kid individually what's good for them? What's not good for them I have one kid that super sensitive and I said look you can have this but you have to turn off commenting or you can have this, but it's gotta be private. So each kid has been different. Coco who's nine really just plays roadblocks basically twenty, four, seven, but. She doesn't really do any social media and the other kids have been good. But like my two oldest kids my son. He does snap chat with his friends and whatever, and that's basically it. He never looks at instagram. He doesn't post lot but his twin sister you know has like a big following and she's got a new podcast which is It just started last week. It's called I'll give it to you straight ish and it's on todd. Why? We didn't even touch on that. We didn't even touch on that and we're going to have you back on because. She she go ahead. She's shake came out as bisexual few months ago and so yeah, she's gay and she's so cool about it and I knew for a long time but she came out publicly and and so it kind of went viral and everything I'm just so proud of it. But I love how she's become his voice for kids. But she if you listen to her podcast which I hope everyone goes to. Listen to it's not just great for kids. It's great for parents because she's got a really interesting perspective on things and she talks bettering dieting. She talks about therapies talks about everything and I just love how I feel like. One of the things that I've done well is to create an and not that I've done everything well, trust me I'm sure they'll be in therapy for things about me eventually but this one's not. But I feel like I've created an environment where they all feel comfortable. They know if they need help, they can get it. They know they can always come to me. We have open dialog about everything. So I mean, that's all you can hope for. Yeah, and we'll have to have a separate show about that because we have gotten emails and questions about. How to have the conversation if if you have an inkling that your child Might be gay or when they come out to you ways to respond a good interaction and that's a very important conversation. You know and to have somebody who's navigated the waters that's a whole other a whole other show but it's it's when I read about how you and your husband. Dealt with it with your with your daughter I felt really good. My best friend is gay. So when he you know and of course I babysat him when he was very little and so when he came out. Publicly to the family, I was like I was waiting for the actual news because it's like I knew we we knew we knew this but at the same time, you know they have you have to, you have to wait until they're ready to come out and have that conversation but it was you know like I tell my kids all the time you know. I'm a love you no matter what no matter who you love or what you know what happens, but it's still it's such a difficult conversation for them to have because the thoughts they're having or not necessarily thoughts you're having. So I think that's something that we could touch on in the future that would be a good conversation for parents. In case they're having. Those thoughts as well but. I hate to be a stickler for time, but I turned forty this month and I have had a multitude of Doctor's appointments and checkups. Mammograms and pokes and prods and I have to go get private again today so. Yes forty. But. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on. Why don't you tell everybody where they can find you and your socials heather? So you can find me basically everywhere at Heather Dubrow D. U. B. R. O. W., and you can find my podcast heather rose world's anywhere. You find your podcast spotify apple podcasts or podcast one. Great talking to you. Thanks for coming on yes. grads view on the books yours that's coming and yours that's out. That's very exciting for both of you invested luck with school us. Well, hope you know fingers crossed you. All right everybody. We'll see all next time on, take it or leave it A. podcast hosted by to struggling moms who have no idea what we're doing you left me hanging with Jackass. All right. Sorry I love you. Bye. Bye. Guys.