226. A Total Letdown


Dum so he and so sorry. Sorry i've been running and having a sausage sandwich. Presumedly running very slowly. None of us want to imagine you'll see some have lots of sauce on it. It was delicious. thank you very much. July brown suit tomato ketchup. I had sausage onion chutney tomato ketchup or do like onions out an americano more milk. So you're very nice by did but this was because i'd had to run and i promessi wasn't just like a sausage sandwich for no good reason. So you have sustained yourself. You are ready for the fray though in a way even though you think well there is lots of news around. I actually don't find the suspect brilliant newsweek. so we've got we're going to talk about the tier announcements free trade agreement or lack of it. Something fishy going on there. I think get it. We'll talk about sa- philip green and the imminent apparent collapse of his retail empire. The death of diego. Maradona nicholas sturgeon on independence And i'm going to ask listeners for the nominations for best bits of twenty twenty because every christmas while this is only the third one obviously but we like to do a best stove. Don't we liked to do a world to do at christmas predictions or something. Yes are people of the year but that might be slightly different might at the sierra. We allowed to say anything about my own. No we know not the moment but we we. We have a nice surprise. Because and i might be in. Your is a bit more over christmas. Oh he says tantalizingly. Nobody lovely things in your stocking. You could get into my stockings in now. I'm not going to stay next history. So shall we get started on brandon. Lewis i listened to the podcast very good question so the big political news of the week i guess it really has to concern coronavirus with the christmas arrangements being announced on the tearing arrangements being announced lots together teeth into that. Let's start off with christmas. The more i think about it the more. I think it's the wrong decision that they've come to. I think they followed public opinion. They followed the agenda of the tabloid or mid market newspapers. And i think they're going to live to regret it. I think in the middle of china railroad to the end of january. The will mean there will be another national lockdown. But don't you a little bit your little you in sort of two minds on this as we soaring on good morning britain on e. slightly. Well yeah because your bit lax. Only your missed angry from tunbridge wells when it comes to the comes to the tears but then when it comes to christmas you want everything to be super strict. No i think the two different things The i have no problem with tears. I think it might have been better to have done. What nicholas sturgeon has done more tears rather than ninety three. Because it's a bit ridiculous when when you've only got cold war and the are silly and the olive y in the i hear it bother makes that a auden and you look at some of the places that have got very low infection rates want. They entail now. The only moldovan for example. Well or here. The only reason i can think. And there's a bit about this in the papers. Today is the really worried about hospital capacity in some areas so some areas have been put into a high tea at not because of the infection rate. But because i worried about the hospital capacity now. I don't know whether it would be a good idea for them to admit that or not Let's be fair. they do. They have something like five criteria for deciding which tier in one of them. They've been very clear about ese hospital capacity so they have said that explicitly alongside things like the not just the full but the rate of increase of infection and and the level and forget what else but there are a couple of other things but the the main thing i think is the if people don't consider a system fair they abide by the rules of the system. You have to buy into it to really make it work. I think they are going to be. We already know in the so-called national lockdown that we're in the middle of at the moment the traffic on the roads is higher than it would have been on a normal. I think and. I think we're all these people going shopping. What what are they doing on the rights all the time so i think even in tier three. I don't think it particularly in areas like this where people just cannot see While you've got tunbridge wells three just over the border and he sussex's here to you. Got village groombridge next door while about fifty miles away from where i'm not my am now. Well one pub in the village has close on december. The second and the other one can stay open now. I know there will always be that when were borders. But it is a bit incongruous that you have a a huge area the size of kent all in one tier mainly because one small part of it. The north kent coast medway towns. They they all the areas of the highest infection in the whole country and yet nobody really from this area goes there. It's not it's just not not an area. There isn't a lot of sort of intermixing it's really. It's really too much into mixing in some of them townhouses but that's another thing too. Gay comedy trees too often on the show. I can tell you. I used to work with lots of people from the ship. E yeah worked on a cross-channel ferry that went for ns. Jackie smith the triangle is that it was it was. It was an interesting cultural experiment because the first year all of the crew of finish and the the the sailing crew finishing the sort of person stewards which is another word for cleaner which i was. We're all english. And the fins used to out drink us by an absolute mile. Then the next year the ships were upgraded and all of the sailing crew would german and they were all extremely german. Shot me too. Slow to serve racist ordered sensible way everything has its place. The brits that with the with a sort of ball star and the cleaners and that type being promoted to work in the shop by the. I think i've mentioned with middle but i was also nineteen and i have to say i was not the only one who didn't get a lot of sleep and did quite often king. Because you've got off cheap booze from the crew bombs and Anyway a paid well. There was a lot of drinking and there were good looking german sailors so were what was not to like about a summer holiday job to be honest with you on them. I'm not sure it comes as a great surprise that the finns heavy drinkers kisses. Bugger allows to do evening anyway. But it's a little rhody corporate trans Let me come back to christmas. Because i took you away from christmas and i i feel unusually. I'm sort of concord. Make up my mind about christmas. Because i'm a bit of a because i'm very much looking forward to spending christmas day with my sisters and my mom bought. Jeez to that you call. It's too early in the morning and you haven't turned this happened and this is really pisses me off about them. They send you. These alerts nothing to do with news. It says no hugging singing or board games. How to have a covid save christmas. That isn't news. That's comment if they think that. I'm going to be prevented from playing a board game over christmas. I've got another thing coming. Thought board game is exactly what you do need to do because you can sit quite far apart from each other playing a board game county. Do love a game of trivial pursuit. I most board games. I do not enjoy. But i do love a game of trivial pursuit but yours competitive as i am. I'm utterly competitive. In fact it will ruin my christmas. If i did win i would be throwing those little those little slices across the room the the other one that i used to like Which we used to play university law scruples that you'd get moral dilemmas and you had. I can't remember exact little cards with things on you. Had to say what you would do. It can get very very upsetting for some people that game. I seem to remember you played played cards. Not really no do like a good game of cards. You see my my ex. Husband is a big card player. And i was always. I'm so many ways. I was a disappointment to him. But i never for example could lend breed joel was particularly interested. In card playing rec- we grew up in a real code playing family and we would have family whist drives and my dad and i would go to village with drives. This is when i was at school. would go all over the area sometimes three or four nights a week and playing with strives. I love a game of west and that that then led onto bridge and my history teacher crossing us in the sixth form. We used to play bridge every lunchtime. And he taught his that. And i've i've remembered how to play. Ever since when i lifted in docklands in the one thousand nine hundred ninety s In one of these yuppie blocks of flats we formed a little bridge club. There believe it or not but they haven't really played much since. But what when i retire I do want to take up bridge again because it is the most fantastic game but my my grandmother was a brilliant card player. She taught us all sorts of games. Like pontoon gin rummy. Used to play lovely one which we will cease to play when we were of school. Ill spider venom and venom. Sounds like myself a game and the other one which it turned out we found out was the queen. Mother's favorite card game was one called racing demons. And that you you each have your own pack of cards in there and you sort of throw an ace into the middle of the table. And then it's nice of spades in somebody else's go to space in the little rover cars. They have to slam that on the top and it can get very violent and i remember a few years ago playing with my two. There's about eight of playing and it honestly does your head in one seventy playing and i remember my one of my nieces. He must have been about eight or nine slammed card on top just before. I was going to just yelled at her. You f ing bitch about eight. It didn't make her cry. Her mother thought it was very funny. Responsible mother review our sons into vouch to be fair. Probably rightly anyway. We've gone off off off the westerly twelve minutes in wait. Okay law going to do a quick. I'm going to do a question because it is just. It will take us back to where we should be so h says all you both is amazed as i am at the number of expert. Virologists nicodeme eulogists professors. In human behavior in public health are in the uk a different one pops up on tv and radio. Every day and their best advices quotes. Don't mix at christmas. You'll give your granny housing karenni. I'd quite like some stats on this avenue. One in one hundred chance of dying or is it more like one hundred thousand. H ye big mistake here is to imagine the ian i in an i have actually got any hard facts. Were to back up our opinions so we haven't got any idea. But i think you're right that the certain loss of experts and unfortunately the general view led by chris with t. Appears to be. You can have christmas but you can't have any fun older any hugging with any. Yeah i think that's about right clear. It seemed clear from the press conference the other day that he really didn't like the idea that they've done this at christmas and he'd draw that they hadn't but do you agree with me that the decision was effectively led by the fact that while they just had to do it. They couldn't face the backlash if they did anything different. I think given the backlash that they're facing from conservative. mp's over the tiers tier lockdowns and given. I suspect that some of the behavioral device might well have been people are going to get together every christmas anyway. They probably thought we stand a better chance of holding the line. If we free it up for five days over christmas then also people to sort of closed down again in january. You may well be right that it might lead to a spike in january. I don't know About that but also by that point. I'm quite optimistic. That we may have started the covert vaccination program so hopefully we'll be beginning to get to a position where we can provide some protection for those people who are the most susceptible to this because they're clearly going to be the first people who are going to get the vaccine. I mean it's a really difficult. I would prefer them to have done. Maybe two days and two families. I think they've just gone too far but they they could quite rightly argue. That will go by your maximum that people to buy into. If they're going to obey it they wouldn't have abated. It's happening is a valid argument But i do think they're going to read the decision. Come january I still wonder whether people gain to bay anyway. All bubba or whichever one is impressed. No dude dude is impressed. That'll bubba christmas stalk that quite intrigued by a tree when we eventually put it up. I keep trying to persuade jomie up early. The shakers i've been asked by a particular television program to do one of these. Do they know. It's christmas things where i have sing. A line for from maria callas mariah carey. So what so. I don't wanna say christmas in front of the christmas tree what. Tv progresses possibly reveal. It's one on well. Because i've heard you sing anyway. I'm going to be held strictly so f. The lot of you just you on. You hopefully probably fleeting appearance. The group downs. That's junkie at the back anyway. Back to not very disciplined this morning really on people. Yeah but only only tune into this podcast for incisive political with went with twenty minutes. None of that so far really for it. I was just gonna say. Actually one of the things that i saw lost. I was out running today. Because i did run. Not just sausage dog wearing an adorable christmas elf. Jump over say sake. No i have come home with the intention of getting my docs. Some christmas jump. Yes i dog abuse. No it well. What dogs for apart from to a detainee you the friends and companions and because of my friends. I want them to share in the joy of christmas so they need to have a christmas jumper. They normally where the cooter mines. They do wear coats because they oh yet. Because that lurches of flesh on them so come when it starts getting cold. They wear little coats so the quite used to wearing coats. They happy known to wear bandanas. 'cause i've gay. That's what those utah whereabouts donna. No you should do watch. Have we really no. I have to ask you an incisive political question. How big is the rebellion can be next week big. What i don't know guy is if it's voted down what you won't be because labor won't vote against it. If it was voted down. What happens do we just not have any tearing into all it. Everybody makes us to their hearts content. I don't know is an interesting question. Because i'm afraid so not even quite sure how they're doing it. Presumably through regulation. So it's not if it's if it's it must be being done through. A regulation and regulations are take him or leave from. He can't amend them so it's not even as if somebody could say. Actually could we have few of the parts of the country in Lockdown or could we review after a day or something like that. I mean is going to be reviewed. Every fortnight isn't of course so the next reviews the sixteenth of december and it will be interesting to see whether or not the pressure that tori. Mp's are bringing to bear on the matt. Hancock will Bear any fruit. And if they're going to be big changes by the time we get to that point because they're all it does appear. I would say from my experience in my hospital. Trust there is a slowing down of the increase in. There is a slowing down of the numbers coming into hospital. There are still massive pressure on capacity. But it isn't going up the speed at which he was going up previously. Well that's good and when you look at the the alright. She's now apparently just below one throughout the country again. But you see that makes people think well if the all rates below one why is most of the country into three or lots of the country into three There is something that just doesn't quite fit. Because that's how you keep the alright down. Pretty easy answer isn't it. When do we think that what what level should the alright be before. We think we've cracked it. Well it's more than just the ra. As i was saying. I think it's it's what direction. Era is going in how many how many numbers you've got to begin with anyway. What's the pressure on. Your hospital is state How am back to this point about you know some sympathy. Because obviously i mean worcestershire. We were previously entail a one we now in tier two largely. Not because of anything. That's happening around where i am but because of things that are happening actually in my constituency in other parts of north to show so you could argue for sort of cl- a more granular approach to the tears. The trouble with that is as you yourself pointed out there's enough confusion. And incidentally this is the argument against having nichola sturgeon. Set more tears approach to this. It's hard enough to remember what the differences between tae won t to take three as he is let alone if you had more tears. So the communication the simpler and the large the areas. The moonlight people ought to know what the hell's going on even if they're not happy that so many tears. Can i say like what isn't it. no sorry. Excuse my language Everybody isn't everybody. Wants to rule the world. Tis yes every body wounds to. I rest my case. You've ruined my confidence. That was actually quite uniform. And i lost confidence halfway through faded away. I'm going to ask something. I was going to say. something else. Incisively political about matt hancock. Now do we think. Matt hancock has been hung out to dry. I by being given responsibility for the extreme popular announcement about tears or is that just his job and is growing in confidence all declining and confidence because i was having this discussion with patriot boy yesterday evening. I think that is his job to announced the the himal- the prime minister i didn't see who else So i don't see anything about him doing it Is he growing in confidence somewhat. Rela to that question is i think. He's being relatively consistent throughout. I think he had a bit of a wobble. I think he was getting extremely frustrated particularly with the downing street operation at one point but given that that's changed now if you feel that he's increasing confidence. That may be the reason why i think that is. I think that is the reason. Because i think he was beaten quite outrageously briefed against various points during the course of covid crisis and being set up to be a scapegoat. Presumably that was comings and co. That were that were doing. That are now. He does feel probably. I mean to be honest. He's getting used to it. I suppose and now he's feeling confident because that particular irritant is gone from the system Now in terms of where we go from here. Should we talk a little bit about the autumn statement because we recruited wasn't stay podcast before that happened. We did you and there was nothing in the we hadn't really anticipated. I don't think there was no great surprises in it But the foreign aid announcement. I think was the one that slightly dominated things Which we covered on wednesday suit early to rehearse too much now. I think there is going to be another big rebellion allow. I'm not sure they'll be only get that through the commons. So i was wrong because i said i thought possibly she soon. It could briefed both the public sector pay freeze and the cut to foreign aid Then he was going to back off at least one of them and then everybody would go. That bad thing didn't happen and be distracted. He didn't back off over them so There will be around from neighbor about the and the unions about the public sector pay freeze and is quite difficult now. even with a sort of allowance for frontline health workers. I think they'll be plenty of teaches police officers and others who feel a bit cheesed off about that. And of course this argument for well The private sector is suffering so the public sector has to suffer as well even if that were true is a sort of everybody has to have shit argument which never goes down very well. But of course courses pulled johnson from the irs does pointed out actually private sector pay over. The last ten years has risen considerably faster than public sector pay so it's not as if the public sector because of being. Yes yes that's true and so public sector. Workers have not been in clover for the whole of the last ten years so it hasn't quite worked in the other direction unit when it comes to equality between the private and public sector. So that's a row. you know. That's i mean to be honest. They'll get that through. I suspect because they were be rebellion. But i'm i think in the. I think you're right about foreign aid and i've said this before what a shift in the tory party. David cameron should be proud of himself. You know the the number of tories including thank you. Harriet baldwin my mp who have been criticized for this decision. I just think he's a phenomenal turnaround. And the argument has clearly been one with the political elite out a foreign aid but to be fair but what is where she soon doing. He's doing something that is clearly very popular with the public. But sometimes you know there are times when actually you need to lead the public to something that is better for you country's interest exactly. Roy couldn't agree more but i was quite shocked to the opinion. Poll shows eighty three percent to seventeen percent to approve. This and i think that's you can't describe that necessarily as being populous because they have got a all for them now. I don't agree with that but they have some justification for doing our suppose i just think is incredibly disappointing and text. David cameron said. Would you come on and talk about. Yeah well it was more in hoping expectation. But i won't tell you what was in his reply but it was. Shall we say i could tell that. He was slightly tempted but he thought better over it. It was a very fruity reply. Shall we say. I'm not not fruity against me. But so interesting email. It's just come in a downing street of just announced that nadeem hallway is now going to be a health minister as well as being business minister. And he's got direct responsibility for the kobe deployment reporting into matt hancock. Now that's a good thing. Because i do. It is a sort of mixture of departmental responsibility there and he is somebody who can get things done. And he's also somebody he's capable of explaining what he's doing so i think that's a good thing. Yeah and shows you. As i suggested that the whole thing is ramping up. I think we're gonna see a lot of progress quite quickly which will be good. That sounded like a parrot. It's my son laughing. Let's like it when my children are joyful. Outling is quite so much he's looking at. There's also a bit of reshuffles -regulation at the moment isn't that. Oh yes rachel sylvester wrote a column in the times. It's always assign when they've got buck roles to write about jenny. Always right about potential reshuffle. However there is a reason for that because there is going to be on either before christmas or after christmas can we will share the joke. James insects. Can we will share the joke. What you're looking at. None of business entail quite polite him actually write well. She's speculating that Sergey java will become the be the new foreign secretary on the move. He's bessie mates with carrier oversee. She controls the government of the moment. Good i'm dominic. Robb will replace. Michael gave at the cabinet office. I suspect on my bevan issue with that because it s fairly. We did a bit of this wednesday by the way willingess. Yes yep oh but this part. Yeah 'cause you said we said then a microwave was going to be the home secretary. Just always be out. No no not. Just say because it's interesting. Some people of course only listen to saturday. Listen to wednesday calmly boy. They would do that but also to be honest with you. I suspect quite a few of our listeners or basically as of old and slightly losing as we are and therefore they listen. Listen to a podcast. And i forgotten what we said. The thinking is also that then there wouldn't be any woman in the top three positions. Which i'm not sure that boris johnson could really justify their. It's it's difficult to see. Who would be ready to step up into one of the top three positions. I hope he brings penny more than back into the cabinet but he's unlikely to give one of the top jobs. The thinking is that jeremy hunt might come back as education secretary which i think he would be really good at but he would regard that as a bit of demotion from where he was before so that there's a lot of egos game play here. I think we quite difficult reshuffle for boris. Which you've previously commented. He's not very good at getting rid of people making those tough decisions when it comes to individuals so to be fair bit like tony blair was very good reshuffle so It might be interesting and for that reason you right at the end of the term because that tends to be the time people liked to do reshuffles because you do at the end of the parliamentary term. It gives people a couple of weeks to sort of get thinking into the new job before they're going to have to be in front of parliament and it takes people away from the limelight for a while. They're feeling really pissed off at having been demoted. Little fire to ever do you use facebook messenger. Yes if you do you get people that you know sending a message saying is it you in the video. Don't click on the video. Well it's quite easy to do. If you've not thinking about it properly and you get something from someone that you ni- but in some scam or virus or something or other. I've had three of those in the last twenty four hours so just a warning to our listeners. Bill wire So we're not public service burned. Cast here don't we we. We are in so many ways. It has been said before by a few people. I'm mark like jackie. I used to be the government. Chief whip she's go. And i have the gets their own street. Do need a big pair of jugs the free trade deal not so not very much progress there it seems what did you make michelle bonnier saying that he would be prepared to give us fifteen to eighteen. Percent of our fish catch back. Well clearly didn't make of it. What you and other Brexit is made of it. I thought it was an attempt to try to find a way through this stalemate around fishing naught a we all of it. What you about me. Sort of approach. Which i think you were. You would say king i. It's it's one of those you have consistently said they steal is not going to fall down on the basis of fishing. Well it's not been solved yet either. I suppose also the level playing field issue is still around. And that's why they have managed to get to a deal yet but they are utterly running out of time now even now. It's going to require reading the other day. The european parliament to sit probably on something like the twenty eighth of december in order to approve this. All it's going to require a provisionally approved deal. That can come into place on the first of january on the basis that the european parliament will subsequently approve. And that doesn't seem to be very likely to happen. Either of the big problems here in a sort of forget these practicalities in order for it to be approved. There's some parliament the domestic parliaments. That will need to approve it. It needs to be translated into twenty three languages hartley. Not oh well that's good. I was reading the other day. And i've tried to remember where this was that that they're cut that category categorizing in a different way to the canada. While i can't remember the details of it but they reckon that it wouldn't have to go through all the national parliaments. Obviously it's not usual not be done free. Trade deals for a long time. But i'm not sure what the president is for. Trade deals get going through parliament anyway. I'm sure it will do But you could make an argument that will. It's not something. That parliament needs to approve. I don't necessarily think our parliament needs to approve it. But i think there are some other european member parliaments. That need to approve in order for their ministers to be able to approve it. That's what i understood. And the other thing i was saying. Is there a twenty three different languages at least needs to be translated into an. I doubt it'll be a short document once once it's finished so the suggestion seemed to be the unless by next weekend. It's tied down. It's not gonna happen in time so it really it really is. We really are up against the buffers. Now we're if you think about those thirty two days to go until the end of the transition period and in terms of working days. That's probably about fifteen. Yeah and you know this. Christmas decorations be put up everything. If it doesn't happen say one side. Walk away or just isn't possible. What a tremendous failure of statecraft on both sides. That would be. Yes you have to say you have to say it would be on both sides. You can't just say it would. Because i'm sure all of the the fbi p. cult would certainly say. Oh it's all our fault. Well it's not. I mean it takes two to tango here. Although only one wanted to start a tango in the first place. I mean you you often happens in international things it takes to to do to do a deal but we put ourselves in the position where we need to do this deal. And it was supposedly oven ready or according to folks it was going to be the easiest deliver cream and that wasn't the free trade agreement. I mean if you're gonna make that argument at least get the facts. Roy but i thought this was all going to be straightforward. That was what we were told this. Time nas incidentally. I can remember saying to you. Last december way can it be back here next december and that's essentially going to be facing no deal again and i think you poop who'd me in ill will. I was right. Well i don't remember five per you or not. But if i did it was probably because i didn't imagine michel barnier would be doing the negotiation hung. It was always going to be the case that maintaining the single market and the common position of the remaining countries in the u. Is going to be fundamentally important. They say they couldn't have said it more clearly than they did. Well vo console what they like but the truth is that was already a free trade agreement. All we had to do was to take out the bits that both sides wanted to take out that ought not to be as difficult as it apparently is proved to be and the fishing thing. I just do not understand how the eu cannot get it into their heads that we are now an independent nation and an independent coastal state and therefore those waters under international law belong to the uk. And we have always said when we not. We don't wanna cut off access to eu fisher people as as we now call them but but the bonnie's in trying to make out the we're trying to ban eu boats from our waters. Not not not a sausage of truth. Not such as a theme of this podcast. Those no truth in that whatsoever always saying is that we want to be able to negotiate quotas in the same way that they do every year with norway. Now we have to leave. Let me finish. They've also said that we can have a sort of three year transition period into that. So it's not so no. No french fishermen would have to scrap their fleets overnight which seems to be the main hurdle for the french. So i think that's been a degree of flexibility on our side which the other side haven't shown at all and to say that. Oh you will be tiger to keep an extra fifteen percent of the fish catch. Well thank you very much. That's not for you to determine that's roster determine what we session to try to come to an agreement. It's typical arrogance from barnier thinking that they can still dictate terms to us when they're not entitled to do that given that we are now an independent coastal state. Well we managed come to an agreement right and the idea that fishing has never been controversial. When we've had flipping court wars in the past in living memory. You know you can't say all. It's all very very straightforward. Just everybody fish what they want to fish. That ain't what's happened before we have the common fishery policy. I didn't say that at tool you teach you said. It's all very straightforward. He said. I didn't say people can fish what they want to fish. It's for people to negotiate quotas just as they do with norway each year and if you can do with norway. Norway has just as much a bigger area to covers we do. I think i don't see why we should be treated in any different way at all. Not argument against even know. I'm just. I'm so tired of fish and i'm now moving onto the argument even it no. It's not because i've lost the argument. I think i made the argument with my cold war lesion but actually even if we came to an agreement on beginning to now understand why boris wants to increase on navy sides even if we came to an agreement on fish. There are other things as well as stopping this agreement from happening. So it's not only fish. We use we full to be fair even only fool we would only be at fish by this point or more fish would be conceited at this point but that doesn't seem to have been any progress on the other things either. Well let's hope next saturday when we do the podcast. We are much better mood about this. That it's all been sold. I still remain hopeful that it will be. I'm beginning to wonder i have to say. Should we move on okay. Because i'm going to get in an argument with you all all you a customer of dorothy perkins no top shop. Occasionally even now is not fully sang. It isn't that for teenagers. it's become top-shoppers become quite trendy for all sorts of well dressed women of all ages which of course i categorize myself us top turn. They specialize in sort of skirts. It's just about cover you know. They're a bit more there. There are other sort of Fast close outlets that specialize in those things to shop dues do have those sorts of things but they also have of quite fashionable fashion or things. Tally this this new. You'll note that berate me for this. I'm i came out of obesity. The other night and in mind at the moment is virtually no one walking down the street tool though these two i would say maybe twenty twenty two year old girls one of them stick thin the other one. Should we say rather more voluptuous. And she had one of these skirts on that literally. The mean was about just below her bottom cheek. shall we say like like a white belt. She had a big bottom and very big legs. And i'm thinking did do have no friends who can tell you how ridiculous you look. Dress live that bad of me. Yes she has. Perhaps she has real friends who won't hurt to relish her body. Ambi body confident however large is and don't forget people have loads of flipping money to me there bigger now. Yeah one of my friends on facebook was had been had. One of those adverts popped up. That's actually a bum pad so you know what you yes. You probably don't know this but you can get padded bras cert- obviously to make your boobs bigger now you can get pads that you that you earn tights that you have on your buttocks to make your else bigger offer people have almost implants to the have ones that you can use on the other side if your man. We don't you just use a pair of socks. I wouldn't know don't need to darling. Do you should know that's not true. Everybody that is not true. I have never seen in deals. We can beverage. If this is wasn't style. I would respond to that bar. Took maintain my decorum Anyway the reason i asked you about dorothy perkins to get back to the subject. Because philip green's retail empire. Looks as if it might be on skid row now. I'm sure there a lot of people that think. Well justice prevails and all that but think of the thousands of people can. at least. i'd jobs not just dorothy perkins top shot. But he's got various others as well Maybe he'll sell a of his yachts to help. Rescue trouble is here as you rightly. Say your first reaction is okay. Good philip green is going to suffer the trouble is he's the sort of man who as we've seen in the past. His poor staff will end up losing their jobs. You'll probably find a way to not give them the support that they should have. he's already dodgy with his pension provision. He'll come out of this as you say with yachts intact and the poor bug zoo actually worked for him will be the ones that lose out. So this isn't it isn't a cause for celebration and the this will be the biggest retail casualty of keva. Because i suspect his co. would have happened anyway at some point but because i don't think his businesses really gone online in the way that competitors half so they don't competing in the same way Site might be something that would have happened a little bit down the line but tragedy for everyone involved who inevitably is going to be thrown in the donkey kong. Now diego maradona. He died this week at the age. Tender age of sixty whatever you think of him as a person he was. The most outstanding football of his generation was knee. I would say I mean the worst comparisons with pallor. They were very different players. I was never quite sure whether they really worked. But that goal he scored not the hand of god one. The other one against england in at one just incredible. Yeah anymore so it's quite side. John smith whose his agent he's a friend of mine he came on my show on widened. State talk about him and i. She's quite wednesday. 'cause we we had him as well. Then we had andrea mitchell on for an hour to take phone calls for an a. I'm we beat newsnight. Because they they got both of them on as well as it's always nice to get one a header unease night not competitive and johnson me a pitcher last night if maradona in one thousand. Nine hundred seven. At wembley with gary lineker and john pennington england rosette on him and the only time. He was ever photograph with an england. Rosetta on so. I tweeted that. Really good action actually. So it's yeah he he will be missed. You think he would. If you think about competitor. Ronaldo or messi. Do you think better than either of them. Well this is really interesting. Because i had kevin keegan being interviewed about him and he was also exactly that question. A twenty two year old Maradona or a twenty. Two year old messi. Who would you want in your team. And has kevin keegan pointed out even missy said that maradonna was a better player than him. So i think you would. You would choose at his prime maradona. Obviously you would want him to then have the football genius without having the personal demons that i suspect are partly responsible for him being Dying you know so really young at the age of sixty But he had he obviously had around him. This aura of glamour author for the for assis. Brits will always be tainted by the hand of god goal. And incidentally my One of my sort of politics chums tom fletcher. Who was the promises foreign Adviser and then went on to be an ambassador including in lebanon now principle of my old college hartford. Did this lovely tweet. Actually a couple of days ago. He said the beijing olympics. I tentatively approached diego maradona to ask if he would like to say hello to the prime minister. Maradona glanced right. Fainted left and inked passed me. I returned slightly crestfallen to an amused prime minister to mumble my excuses. He said it was the cold shoulder of gold glow. Brown eight must be could beijing olympics. Two thousand and eight. It must have been brown by that point. I'm thinking squad. Gary lineker similar tweet On the day which. I thought possibly he might get into trouble for being bad taste. He said i. I hope that Diego maradona was a troubled individual. But i hope he finds comforted in the hands of god. Gary lineker go right to say that. I think i think i'm crazy. Scenes on the streets of one is areas. And i mean clearly. He was a national massive national era. I wasn't he. Yeah absolutely and i'm an tina. Should we say it's how to troubles few decades hasn't it so they latch onto anyone who can take their minds off some of the that they've been going through nichols you have to remember. It was nine i think. Didn't they also play argentina. The nine thousand hundred eighty two cup finals right after the fulton's for So thirty forty years old. It's difficult to think how controversial those games were. but i'm really were Right let's up move on because we've got a lot to get through of questions as while Nicholas sturgeon has hit the headlines again this week. It's the smp. Virtual conference opens today. And she's saying that an independence referendum would need to happen early in the next scottish parliament. Now that early could mean well any time in the first two years. I suppose be really imagine that you could have an independence referendum this year can you or next year. I can't but another argument was having yesterday. Evening was the such. Do you spend time having arguments. No we discussed We were discussing people who had made twenty twenty and might make twenty twenty one The the case was being made that nicholas sturgeon would be extremely significant in twenty twenty one because of the scottish elections and that if the smp won a big mandate in those elections it would be impossible to resist a independence referendum. My view is just say no referendums only ever caused you trouble. Here's a scenario. There is a school of thought that nicholas sturgeon might not be leader of the snp or scottish first minister for much longer because of partly because well mainly because of the alex salmond situation. There will be things that come out. That mean that she might not stay. Now i think it's fairly fanciful civil this. But there aren't exactly a queue of people waiting to take. It was probably is a cure but we haven't heard of from this is the interesting point was also made. He hasn't always been at birmingham university. He was at stirling university pre earlier on in his career yet so what. They used to be a good university. I do a lot with birmingham university. Incidentally not just that. I mean do you know. Obviously we are the hospital. I'm responsible for one loss responsible for is on the same site as birmingham university. So i wanna have a word said against them anyway. I so actually. I'm an onery i'm onery. Dr affirm university arm honoring professor. Get you or visit visit. Visit saying you visit the difference. Did you yet. You do some work and you just have the title on to got to wear the outfit and have and have the The ceremony environment. I was the glamorous ceremony. I got to make a little speech and everything. Excuse me you were the glamour loot odd. Didn't i didn't like the hunt. It was it wasn't it's not a multiple it's like one of those slightly floppy hats or yeah it's not it's not very body core on you know if you if you have a doctorate gown it sorta of splendid in one way but it's not very flattering. He didn't accentuate my waist. Padding it needed a cinch again with a bell but that's not the anyway. Listen to distract me. The point about this is the. Smp is a broad church as we know and there are thought of more radical hotline independent supporting smp members. Who would who was sort of putting pressure on nicholas sturgeon. Almost trip of udi and see her. We see her. As being a sort of crazy independence-seeking scottish nationalists they see her as being sort of slow and insisting on the democratic process the those types of things so that's also so if you combine the potential alex salmond issues with the fact that there are people who are impatient about her leadership. You may well be right right just a little bit of news about the prime minister's my new book. It's been named the times of name. Bits one of their political conifers books of the year certainly in the online article. I gather times every day. And i went to see where it was in the paper and it hasn't made the count in terms of the print edition which is a bit gutting but anyways nice nice to be mentioned and One other thing before we get into questions we would like your listeners. Nominations for our best moments on the for the many podcast in two thousand twenty for our end of year edition. Now what we'd like you to do is if if you can remember when they were trying to listen to the whole year. We haven't got the time to do. The research on this might be asked. Is what you so. I'm trying to find the episode where we said what you thought was good or funny or insightful. Or whatever and give it give us the time code on the side and you're on coal then we can put a put it together otherwise. It'll be a bit random. I suspect so just email Ian i n at ldc dot co dot uk with your ideas and we will see what we can do. I'm i've got the questions in junkie. Well sometimes roy. Let's move on to questions from you are revered looseness Have you got one to start with from twenty to josh. Powell says after watching. I'm a celebrity this week and the conversations the camp who are having. I thought i'd ask you both. Who is the most famous contact in your own. And when was your first. Kiss was an awkward moment. She lose to a. Is it your first case with the most famous called. Dighton your phone or keep up the great work. It's really appreciated. The i think you've just you've just told us. Do you do you text while. I've got boris johnson's number. I've got an. I do have the odd text with him David cameron go How i got any one more famous than them. Don't think i do. I haven't got tony blair's and i haven't got to. He's got no i'm theresa. May's ondo have you send it to me later. Go-to prime ministers. You've got to prime minister's plan brown. I she hadn't got just checking. I didn't think of brown no got no. I've got And and may yet Back back on where to come. I shall have go. I've got email addresses for quite a few famous people. Rovan failure members. Barry humphries email address. Possums i go on now. did you see that. Wonderful documentary about kenneth williams on channel five the other night charles rating. Oh it was just magical not nearly two hours and you just think oh. What a tragedy that. He died when he did because he was just so funny Anyway kit. I kiss my first kiss was with. Rachel elliott lucky girl and it was at primary school it. I don't remember any details. My first kiss was with somebody called peter and it might be listening. That's embarrassing and It was by a. I think it was by a railway line if i remember rightly The that's the that's sort of the problem with first kisses isn't it things get more exciting. The more cases in my experience joke take that as a bit but by right he was quite young. Says who do you think will be brought back into the fold when the next reshuffle happens. Should jeremy honky brought back in for jackie. If there was a labour shadow cabinet reshuffle. That may contain mike silent. Who would you like to. That was me not him. Who would you like to see. Drop toe brought back. Has jonathan ashworth done enough to distance himself from the previous regime. Yes i mean that's so you'll not. Let's not forget. Jonathan i schwartz was the one who one of his supposed- friends Reported him saying extremely on Friendly things about jeremy. Jeremy corbyn was still the leader one. He's done a good job and to he was always distant. He's a bit like kissed armor and You know he's very successfully managed to make the transition to the post cool venire. So who would you like to see. Dropped from the shudder cabinet or brought back. You can't say rebecca bailey. Because she's not she's not she's not anywhere she has been a very good perch. Dare i say till ready The good people are largely. Oh no funnily enough. We talked about the other day kris bryant of course isn't in the shadow cabinet is and he is very effective. And i'm surprised at that. You're not going to you a job. No i wouldn't Just not been any of them. Brilliant brilliant great. I doing a good job. I think it would be a good idea to restore bit of experience to the cabinet Jeremy would be good. Appointment as penny mordant should be brought back so drove it. Yep i bring him back But because then we'll say he has got to drop people now. I think there are quite a few candidates that he could potentially draw. Think alex chalmer. I think he's on death row. I think he's covered himself. Gloria tool over the past few months which is a shame. because he's a really really nice guy. Williamson gavin williamson. What he people always think he will be saved because he's better to have inside the tent pissing out and there is an argument for that but i am not sure if pissing over the tent. Then essentially he's he's inside the tent pissing inside the trumpet permanent semi so he can't do it he's a waste around. The place at the moment helicopter is being sprayed. It's disgusting i. My gut feeling is that he will go back to being chief whip. Don't think forest get rid of know. I the trouble. With that is enor-. I agree that he was a very successful chief. Whip but in order to be successful chief whip. You've got to sort of have either the fia all the respect of your peers and i think he might have lost a bit of respect his peers and i think they might slightly at him and think you're on your way back down again. So why do i need to do what you tell me. Yep you may be right but I think i don't think he's going to sock him. Altogether i think if he will be moved but i'd be surprised if he got rid of him polling job though hasn't he don't you think i think he should never be put in that job I don't think he's done a great job tool. It was not a job that you would really imagine that did fit like hand in glove. And that's the problem with cabinet reshuffles it. It doesn't seem to matter where the people think that s Right now the twitter question. No keat assim in. When was the last time a caller on. Lbc changed your mind and jackie. How important with the media especially the press during your time as home secretary. Well i can answer very important One of the things about being home secretaries almost everything that you do things that people really care about an likely to if they go even slightly wrong and your phone. The front of newspapers in not in a good way So and of course your subject comment of the time so possibly romley do spend a lot of time thinking about how things will play how you will sell them and how you will explain them and that may be rolling set. The need to try to resist the something must be done. Which but it is quite difficult. I can't remember the last time. An individual caller changed my mind on something. But there've been quite a few issues where a succession of callers over a period of time half alter my vs i think particularly on disability issues I think on some welfare issues too. That's been the case But i i can't pinpoint an individual Necessarily that's changed. My mind was second bit The second bit was my about the press. When i was. I'm sorry i'm david archer. Is there anything not that one. He's a leading character knee. Arches era david. F is any little thing that you say and interviews that you cringe at i keep saying Are apparently would you ever pull out of an interview with somebody. He pushes your buttons. Somebody that really irks you or would you just do the interview anyway. Incidentally my verbal tic. I think is i say it's the same as trevor brookings while i mean i say that far too often and i tried to eradicate it so if you have noticed it maybe half educated it would i pull out of interview. Somebody you push your button. There are people that i won't do interviews with either. Because i just behaviorally badly or whatever reason. I don't have a long list of these people. There's probably fewer than ten people on it Bod yeah that some people you just think what's the point. You're not gonna get an answer out to them. They're not going to say anything interesting so doing an interview with them. I have no. I think it's a very bad look for politician to stop an interview partway through and i never ever have done. I think he just needs to take the beating. Whilst you're actually being interviewed but ins ri- you would. There was some people who i would have refused to be interviewed by particular. When you when you when you're in the cabinet and you've got a choice either who you are an interview by But econ obviously there's the joel naught standing up and storming off still having his microphone on thing which you will be forever remembered for if you do Peter anderson says he's got a smutty joke for us which i haven't read own so i'm going to take old. Three nuns are on the way up to heaven. After having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the italian alps that killed them them in the driver. He went the other direction as they're approaching the pearly gates to be interviewed by some peter. They requested by attendant to form a single line. Wait sister agnes is first sister bernadette behind her insistent carmel on the end finally some peach or purchasing us to determine their worthiness for entry to heaven. He says to the first nun sister. Agnes have you ever seen the penis of a man since the agnes burst into tears and says yes. Peter i have but please don't let us prevent me from entering the kingdom of heaven. Some pe- says never fear. My child safe thousand hail. Marys and then go over to that font of holy water and wash your eyes out then you shall enter the kingdom of heaven sister. Carmel sees what's going on and tap sister bernadette on the shoulder somewhat urgently. St- hey bernie. She says sister bernadette asks what is it a little annoyed. No a little annoyed sister. Carmel says if we swapped places sister bernadette replies what four sister. carmel says. i wouldn't mind go before you stick your else in that. Go there in the end. Nothing jacobs a joke right right tomko queens first of all love the show question and we are currently re re re watching the west wing to keep our spirits up which your favorite characters on. Which one would you be and he says. Ps i want sauced campbell alastair campbell the same question at an event and he said he'd never watched it doesn't it isn't it. I wonder if he said that. Because it's a cliche you know. Everybody thought they were in the west wing when they were in number ten. I has given me an idea. Because i want to watch boxer over christmas and it sold on since i've seen at dot com. I might be washed that the trouble is i. Think the sues one series tour. In norfolk. And i won't be allowed to go to norfolk before christmas because we are not allowed to three areas. Are we know. actually she does that. Mean are not allowed to go to work. You all think you were key if you're sort of key worker new can't work from home. You are allowed to go to work even into three areas. But you should be working from home if you can or don't want trouble. I think radio people do count key workers don't we. I think he d like i'm graham. Not that won't go down new drug queen names actually may not one then jacobs ready pussy. Graham they're not any good if you have to explain them. Michael gablers michael gave grunting. Shag scrunch shops olivia down. A- oliver dowden rubber johnny messy. That's quite good. That's a good one. Well for wilkins. Yeah we'll give you the be plus for those you'll turn johnny says the prime minister's he's fantastic in really coast my sixth podcast. One of many big audience. Tell you i was really surprised when i got listening. Figures is not bigger than ours. Is it certainly not not nothing. Could be bigger than ours. A really great and informative read an idea for follow up. How about the president's. And then he says jackie. How about the home. Secretary's it's interesting. You should say that that way interesting. Jackie because ian. I have been meaning to write. That book for about ten years would have to sign a contract to do. It didn't you. I'm she signed tonight. My memory is did. I may be miss remembering. I'd say to have a contract. Say let's put it that way. Well it's funny. You should say that. Because i have been mulling over. What the next book should be an as of yesterday i i put into My agent a four book proposal was the american presidents. If anybody wants to nominate somebody who thinks should write the chapter on a particular american president. I should be all ears. I've got a few ideas. But i think that's going to be quite difficult. One to fill the slots at much more difficult than the prime minister's was in some ways. But i'll get there in the end they usually do. I'm graham. Yes that one aka page three boy. I edison to the podcast. Because i want to know jackie's up to write another twitter question I've got one from the our own in the week. Oh yeah no. We still have covered. This political thinker asked earlier in the week about the poll figures with respect to the foreign aid issue genuine christian. For your saturday podcast. Why do you think results of this yougov. Poll of this is a lack of understanding or that most believe in charity. Starting at home. I mean the point is that is a that is a fatuous but powerful slogan isn't it charity begins at home. The point is of course neither mystic spending nor foreign aid spending is in fact charity. Bought this whole idea that the other the other analogy. That's quite often used. Which is about if you're on an airplane. You have to put on your own mask before you help somebody else. These things are fatuous but powerful and they are clearly playing out with the public of whom up soobee right. And i have that so often when i did a tweet about this on one stay instead i thought it was entirely wrong Had so many people just saying charity begins at high. And i just replied each time saying it doesn't end there full ryon newark coins correct. Whoa qian strikes again. I'll be blamed for that. Some are another upturned. You this quite louis bull says. I'm still really enjoying the podcast. You sound surprised. Louise if you could invite anyone into your home to cook a three course meal. Who would you invite. And and what would you ask them to make fully greetings and have a nice vulcan and speak german otherwise that would be sort of slightly. Would it you. Can we go rhino fake hat. Since for people accent is appropriate accent. No the the the the focus was alright right but the big four that was slightly sorta pretend german language. My name is hans. I am from germany. And i did not have a sense of humor so please do not tell me any jokes because i do not laugh. Do they have no jokes in german. You think actually. I have a bo. One fucking is in my bedroom. A wonderful book called vits. A death site Just prattling for a few seconds. Nassir talking pressure out. I don't know how far away from his bedroom is listeners. Because i suspect his house is quite big so it could be several minutes whilst he makes his way to his bedroom and looks up. This looks up this german book So god own whilst we waiting. I will thank jacki. Safes for having sent me an absolutely lovely present of some coasters with a picture of bombers which is very near to where my caravan is. And i really appreciate it. Jackie thank you very much. But that doesn't mean that lots of other listeners. Now feel that they have to send me presence. Because i feel a bit guilty. 'cause in the in the letter that she put alongside my present she said you sort of hinted that you wanted presence. So she's made me sound like come so demanding the listeners centers presence i genuinely and but if you desperate to send me a present as jack jiang doug genuinely leonte what kind of not. I was just thanking the lafi. Jackie says for having sent me a present but saying no no listen. I don't want anything else. Oh no ono. She's very polite lady because she deemed to thank me for sending me the sending how the prime minister's spoken. I thought we did pay for it. Love she's very nice right here. I found this. I i recall this bedroom. I'm jokes d. Best to best invinci- debt site to the best jokes of our time is actually the best jokes in the insight newspaper right safe. This one get sugar going really common. See dan. how does see napoleon's in got their hair. Hatice mia kazakh te stim- oust him into court. Does this niche harbor. Kyd and togas walked. He sold my level. German ran out after about a code. Let me let me use that. Some translate how come you all the polian answer. Because god told me. I am voice from the background. That's not true. I haven't said word that huma. Can we get back to nuns. Lessees another one but that's fine. We could we could make this a regular feature german jokes about time higher. Let me just read. This one is the Right i know you. Adama kitsch nass. I'll stay bart in hotels. Cima amna item hunter silken a young woman. A hotel room and hand towel is it. She stopped bollock naked. Gets out of the bath in her hotel room to find a time to try and find a towel. I'm festers eat z and fence to put some indo dazzling lena does he wounded and leaked. Yes out window. She sees a window cleaner. Who looks at her in astonishment. I'll i'll see damon spotless and start zonked. dow hamas did not knee unin fence. The puts puts kazan again. That going on but that was the punchline the punchline you ever seen a window yes i can remember off with my german family going from pavilion to cologne and i would read these jokes out to them and i was pissing myself laughing in the back of a cow and they didn't utter a single off the whole journey. That's not that. Let me just wanted me to shut up anyway. Get back to louise's question which was who we would want to cook a meal in us. Be get on. She said greetings from germany and usa. I would now. This'll surprise you. I would ask christine hamilton. Do because she is the world's best cook each she though yes. I have eaten at her table many times would you are. You also thinking there'd be some dances. Well that would be lots of bounds. Because she's no nothing if not bountiful. She told me off. Once when i went to their house in cheshire this was at the end of the nineteen ninety s She she said. Would you stop leaning back on your chair because it's very old and very valuable o. I was suitably admonished. He would you. I'm social. i'm quite gelfand fan. But i feel in tim. Niger ways enter programs with incredibly middle-class people sitting around a table eating saw quite see myself in that mold tried light together. Some of my incredibly cool friends denied gelatin. Come and cook for us. I corps a piece of pro up. No no it was on google books night and they had two of her program and she's making a chicken sandwich. Yes seriously dove. I mean anyone can chicken. Yeah but she. She already well to be fed so i don't like about her. Is these constants slightly sexual sort of things that she does where she pretends. She doesn't know what she's doing but we all know what she's doing. I never cook a meal without my finger and gazing over my shoulder. Sexily as somebody. I mean can say everybody does that. Don't me paul. James noble mother should be doing really on with it. Can you hands slightly serious question now. From saudi frederick. Who says one for saturday should we have confidence in. Hmg's latest commitment to finally address. The wind rush scandal. Because it was this week wasn't it the h. l. c. condemned them for failure or was it for the hostile environment. Anyway certainly the that does not appear to be a lot of progress in addressing the recommendations from the independent inquiry into the windros scandal. And i think they need to. I mean obviously precipitous other things on a mind but she really ought to pull a finger out and do something to set the that scandal straight. Yeah not report was very damning. It has to be said and i think if you to be released on a different day it would go far more coverage than it did. We did cover it before waiting monastics but it yeah You do wonder why so. Few payouts are being made were whether people aren't coming food or whether people whether the home of his system is just not functioning properly perish. The thought that could happen now. Remember that question. We owe anecdote. We heard from alex last week about why. He said something about anal sex in his garden. Remember what it was in. His neighbors overheard tried it. Was it more. He should do when they come around for christmas. Cbs well somebody who wishes to remain anonymous. How some advice regarding your question in the state podcast. He was concerned that his state neighbors had heard his horticultural ejaculation. Surely he could just sale meeting them again. I'm really embarrassed. I was on a phone call. We were talking about john. Mcdonald's play for people to vote labour. Last year i think i shouted out the annelies eck. I'm elise eggs. Try it once and you'll be fine. I hate you didn't think anything else. Nice troy in other news. Finding that i s is still rocking labor antisemitism. I think that means. Jeremy corbyn just won't leave it elaine and there are regular. This is a dark stain upon the parties. Briefs kiss them is matt about it and has vowed to butter up former recipients. Got that have you seen this thing. Where jeremy corbin's wife laura alva- lower probably alvar as his. Her twitter account is has on more than one occasion. I think this week posted exactly the same words that jeremy corbyn has posted on his facebook account. In other words it looks as if he or wherever does is facebook also doing his wife's twitter typical man. Now the sorry. I was going to do but it's a bit. No oh guess goodwin allen p redfield says when was the last physical fight or brawl by. Mp's in the house of commons. And what were the circumstances. I asked because i saw this in the guardian pigs guts. Flying in the taiwanese parliament is. Mp's fight each other. This is like reality. Tv gold lull in anything like that. People haven't really squared up to each other but there is some time in in my day. There were occasionally some of lively slightly. Do you want some moments as people went into the divisional base. And i think i've previously settled the podcast although he's now sort of worthy and serious Leader of plied comrie. Adam price was one who had a little. Bit of a sort of jubilant. Some attitude about manila at least one occasion. When i 'cause you know. I find it quite difficult to back-off row when i'm a bit angry will haven't had enough to e tool ribbit tired when i'm a bit yet. Exactly what. i'm slight being slightly fight. Stay as a latest sometimes. Have gotten sick to be so. That's the only one. I can really remember i ca. I can't really remember. any physical. Altercations has been plenty of verbal ones. Think pull it. Pull a sheriff woody. Quite light of clot. Boris one where she really lost it. But right. Richard has got a joke. Glad you light nuns it. I don't know. I haven't read it yet. Glad you glad you like my gulf joke last week. Here's another one to keep you going. That was great jake. Superman is flying around one day when he spots wonder woman laying on the beach but naked. He thinks to himself. I'm faster than a speeding. Bullet fly down that. Take care of my business and be gone before. She can blink an eye typical man so he sweeps in dowling. So he's sweeps in does his thing and disappears into the sky sensing the commotion wonder woman cries. I what the fuck was that to which the invisible man replies our neighbor all of a sudden. I've got so ross. That is third jingle on the. I shouldn't really be laughing. I'm going to have to ask permission to ask you this one. Because it's a bit rude. Do i have to hear it before. I can tell you whether or not and then i'll look like i'm a bit no i'm not going to because it's it's a bit inappropriate. You can tell me about often but you can also be on windsurfing. He's a nice. You know on the basis that quite often a crisp question can catch people out. Or elicit a good answer hugh pugh bali recruits which is probably Has asked a good question he says. Is mr speaker getting fed up. That's is mr speaker getting fed up. I think the suggestion. He has been getting fed up. Hasn't he's been getting fed up with the government failing to make their announcement in parliament. He got slightly fed up at the prime minister Losing his messing up his remote answering questions the other day and but largely do we think that lindsay hoyle is doing a good job as speaker. Yes good concise concise out since ago. Concise question certainly compared to its predecessor. Yes well i as you know have always said that. John burke who is a game of two halves because he was actually many ways a brilliant speaker in terms of the way that he shifted the balance back to parliament from overweening government control and yet the bullying allegations. I think meant that. He should have stepped down earlier than he did. Margaret beckett would beg to differ. Of course yeah right now. I don't think i'm going to give your name here atom now. This is a kind of wooden question. But it's quite good one dear uncle in an anti jackie during lockdown become friendly with my neighbor. I live on my own. And she's a single mother with a son at university now. My elderly parents were in a care home. And i won't be able to see them at christmas. She's invited me into her christmas bubble to spend the day with her and her son who will be back for the holidays. What she doesn't know is that and has son have a friends with benefits arrangement when she knows. I'm only ends bus but we've never really talked about that side of my life and certainly doesn't know about her son he's already been sending me free t. messages about seeing each other secretly when he returns we get on really well supported each other three lockdown. This is the mother lockdown loneliness but i feel unto saving now. I don't want to be on my over christmas but would feel uncomfortable spending the day with her sons her son with a background. We have please help by god I think that just sort of make sure when she's cooking the christmas dinner you take full advantage of the fact that she's in the kitchen also pay a. Oh i'm just thinking how would i feel. does presumably. The mother knows that this is the sun out. No the only god. Because i would say i think the son needs to tell his mom before christmas. Spur to do that in your own time. You can't pressure people to do that. Think look. I'm sure you can enjoy your christmas day with them. Both and not feel awkward and you can have compensations. That don't revolve around gay sex and she brings. It may be an opportunity for something to be a christmas to remember. wouldn't it. i think they're going to need to be quite a few board games. In order to pass the time otherwise people might get on the whole place. Scruples is all. I can say most of us do manage to spend christmas day without having the urge to have sex over the christmas turkey. So probably you can manage it. Yeah and i wouldn't want you to be own adam. Oh no though. I'm sure that your your friend could bring around a present. You just you just trying to be rude now. No we back in sausage sandwich territory show he could bring you something that rant notion really at the end yes i think we ought the tether to be honest with the afl after. We haven't lived up to our standards. I think we've slightly let us That has not been insight for political as you say people people. Can we apologize to everybody for having sell stone listeners. Down and the port cost on the country as well. We'll talk. we'll be better next way. At least we recognize when we've been a bit shit all need to tell us about ninety minutes being a bit shit right. I think we better stop here before we say anything that we might live to regret. Not that we have no ready. And so i'll have you got a very very busy week next week. Do your hostile things. I've got quite a busy week hospital. I'm not i am. I doing any. I'm doing any showing off things. I don't think yet will do. I might be I'm yeah it's meetings meetings meetings actually. Now we'll have to recall the wednesday podcast a bit later than we did this week. Because i'm doing jeremy vine wooden stay can't you so are they out that that's what might happen at some point. Yes they will be go back. Apparently they they liked me. Hope you're not be really good for your be I combs. Yes no. that's fun. I'm going out to dinner on wednesday evening. Because i didn't really go out to dinner. Much pre lockdown. Because i was keeping myself pure for strictly of keeping yourself disease free. It's well if you want. But obviously that's an evening. And before that i will be ready and waiting for you goodbye cheerios. Thank you for listening to this global original podcast from lbc. If you enjoyed it would love it if you could leave a rating and review on whichever podcast app. You're using it helps. Other people find us she see. And if you like this podcast do try my other. Two weekly podcasts. The ian del book club where i interviewed with is about new books and cross question my weekly political panel debate show with top guests from the world of politics and the media. The book club. Podcast is ready for download every friday morning and cross question from ten pm every wednesday night. And don't forget to listen to my daily show from seven to ten pm. Monday to thursday on lbc.

Coming up next