The Pressure Of Being A Superhero w/ Brie Larson (& Jessie Ennis)


And this episode of the dolans wins brought to you by door dash use code deeper for twenty five percent of your first order of fifty dollars or more. What's up everybody. We head on a break. But we're back and we have beards. We look like we're living in caves but we were just living in our house in my room and it gets dark kinda cave. And that's why. His beard grew at a rapid rate. Does the opposite of photosynthesis hang on. Okay so today. We're very honored to be joined with brie larson and jesse and we're gonna talk about topics like the hardships today facing their industries. What are you looking at me like. I'm not doing a very good job. Just actually looking at you all thank you. so what. Are we talking about some of the hardships that brian jesse face in their industry such as rejection when it comes to additioning process the comedown after a huge role such as captain marvel and then also fun things like hobbies. They've gotten into recently and childhood stories so without further ado we also have a new dog and we will introduce you to her okay. That's all we had a great old fund learned a lot and that's one of the episode is the first episode to give it like a rundown of what's going to go on a season to we're going to have guests on and we're going to learn from them with them and with you guys and that's what's gonna happen. Deeper with the dylan's we're gonna different things before we dive into this episode. I just wanted to quick disclaimer. Everybody on our team. Who's a part of deeper and brienne. Jesse were all cova tested and got negative results before recording deposit deeper and deeper is going to operate for every episode during these times. Where's my brother. Where's the other host. He's doing a face masks. Wait a disley. The world has never seen that. Actually the world has seen avalon. But they don't know her name or anything like that. I i guess is this. Government name is avalon but we call her have vs. Oh that sounds like a cool l. a. club that i would not go to. It's actually named for australian beach. She's named after avalon. Yeah so christina's from australia and you just docs us. What should we talk show. I say that. I know i want a year. Okay vacation spot. Surely that we need to go to. I'm not gonna tell anyone so you can the cameras wrong. This got extreme. No run relied. Welcome i guess. We'll start here. Welcome back the deeper with adult twins of one of your host. I'm ethan and we are joined today with our special guests of season two jesse so much for coming out. This is the voice of breezy jesse. I'm gonna put down because she's crawling all over me. But i got something so we went to petco. We got her something. This was the this is the l. This is the only collar. Now that wasn't like a flat collar. It was only like cool color. They got just so happened to be what that so cool. Marvel i love it all. That's amazing i mean i'd say oh gosh. Almost one. Hundred percent of all captain marvel murtaugh found in moments. Like best people are like. Did you know you know your beautiful. I hope you feel confident. Look so good. Oh looking happy about it but Eat that makes sense. Yeah it was so funny. Because i think the data confirmed the date of the recording of this episode. We went to petco and the only non like boring color. That they had was was the captain. Marvel it was it was a sign. She thought she should wear it for the episode. Well so i wanna get into how. How did you guys meet. And you're starting a podcast together soon. Welcome to ours the congratulations. That's amazing how did you guys me. And and and then we'll get into the conversation. Why starting the podcast. But one has you guys meet. We met in two thousand and ten at the williamstown theatre festival in massachusetts. I was an apprentice unpaid. Like someone who has to do everything for the festival for experience the experience and and it was a very rewarding and lovely experience. i auditioned. They would let us audition for stuff. So i listened to be in our town. I got cast as like an extra basically and breathing samba samba member. But it was a glorified extra and and brie. Was emily in our town and they paired us together for the beginnings of a handful of scenes so her character headlines like the first line of the scene would be like not now lois. And so the director nicky. Silver right martin nikki martin. Who's nicky silver. I don't know. I don't know greg i know Nikki martin would be like jesse. Just say something. I was like you're not supposed to improvise. Thorton wilder like it's kind of known. What the lions in these plays are not supposed to just like coming improvising. And he was like just say something so i would like riff and come up with jokes and then brew like not now. Lois and really good at you. Got the whole house cracking up as soon as you walked in. Thanks so. I was pretty nervous as the first season two. And you definitely broke the ice when you walked in. Oh oh yes and the other part of the story. Is that three rehearsals in a row. We showed up wearing the exact same thing and very specific like red convers white skirt flannel. Always twenty ten and soon pattern though on the flannel and everything. Yeah it was weird and so like by day three it was like oh we're best friends and it's weird because when i think back in my head there's like a time gap that's just missing. It's like all of a sudden. I got it was just like. Oh we're wearing the same shoes again. And then then. I remember like sobbing on the last day of of this camp and and we're best friends but i don't remember any sort of getting to know you i don't remember. I don't remember glen for an ice cream and being like so. where are you from. I was just like oh well. That's it no. I remember being like four. Am want to go for a bike ride. Yeah i'll meet you there. Yeah that's how a lot of my friends are best. Friendships have started. I don't remember how we met. And the ones that i do like commonly started with us getting into fights or having some sort of beef overcame that and wait ways. Much better for you guys though. Yeah wait your closest. Friendships started with beef. Yeah that's a thing. I don't think that's the thing you'd be dude from new jersey thing maybe but yours is but not like we're internet beef but like real real real if you're in school on you're like i just don't like that guy. Only xbox live. that's what it was back in there. That make sense. Okay gotcha gotcha remember. Yeah my best friend on xbox live and he me he wanted to fight me for some reason we met in real life and we just became friends. That's how it went down but again that's some dude from new jersey thing i guess is magical you guys wearing the same thing. It was meant to be true. So why are you starting to podcast together Because we're curious people and we love hanging out and talking and for me. It was like to be totally transparent. I was starting to feel the pressure of being perceived as a superhero being perceived as like some sort of like mantle to uphold in some way and and knowing because i live in my body one hundred percent of the time that like. It's just not true. And not possible. Like i am capable of doing incredible things and also. I'm hard on myself about the things that i'm not great at and i want to do better and i wanna learn more and so to me. This last year has been like okay. Is there a way for me to like sort of undo an unlearn for myself. And also perhaps maybe perceptions of the public has of me of like where i am or where i'm at and so that's been like starting the youtube chan on the now having this this podcast like part of making that feel comfortable for me. Of course bringing my best friend with me. Who i think brings out the best in me and makes me laugh and so now we to like hang out and talk with really interesting people and And learn and be curious which i think is for both of us like just like the basis. When you're friends with someone for ten years you go through so much together that you're like i want more people to know about what that what that's like. I think some of my favorite parts of our podcast episodes of just reflecting on stories. And just like touching it all the nostalgia. Because i don't know yeah memories and that we value so much and having your best friend alongside to get into that stuff. I wouldn't be able to do this inauguration. Either it'd be waiting her. You guys have each other for. I was by myself. I don't know talk about ignored but have a built in best friend. I guess yeah yeah. Yeah by percent ninety nine percent of the time but it's not by choice i think would be you know what i mean. Don't get me wrong. Blake randomly on the street. I look like me. Obviously but that. If you didn't even know what you looked like would you be like i. I don't like we're so we're so similar the similarities which is a match up so much you can start. Beef is what you're saying. Yeah we probably we probably start with beef fight or something midway. Let's kind of our flights actually going to be honest. We kind of got into a little altercation last night. what was it about. It was because abbott was peeing also potty trained data. Because he didn't want part with that he likes he likes responsibility but just like rebel. The benefits yes. He's like the call honestly. And the i've been mom and dad so we potty trained her and she was about the rug and i know what it looks like what. She's about the p. but he doesn't so you came in my room shoes the rug and i was just let her go because if you pick her up it's going to get all over the room. And then he picked her up and he got all over the room and he put it down outside. And i kinda give swift just in the back of the head than than it wasn't violent though maybe the middle part got messed up a little bit but then he slapped me back and then then we apologize. I'm sorry i hit you. He's hit you back. And then i was like damn sorry i hit you. We it out. Yeah it was like immediate. We don't even really had this apologize to get over our arguments. But that's that yeah. So i think if we met each other on the street we would would fight in the become friends. I think your question you met during acting basically. That's what tied we met during summer. Camp for grownups. Yeah that's fun fun. Fun summer camp moments. We kicked out of summer camp. When we were little enough about us. I also wanna know. Yeah was it just like a classic camper. Was it like like. I went to a monopoly camp. What's that does that. I still don't know what i was there. The of time loves monopoly. More than monopoly is the mcdonald's monopoly diamond at me. Like the game where you get the little monopoly pieces on your on your fries or never even looked into what that was oh election fifth people do hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pieces because you can get them at the grocery store to my mom will collect them for me but like back in the day when i had my space i would like talk to people on my space and be like which pieces do you have my space no said my space and i mean i've never i've never even seen my space looks but my fortunately i feel like it was probably a cool place to be but i wasn't even allowed to have facebook i started on vine that was the first social media is fine every day your favorite buying off the top of your head. The dolan twins really wasn't visor. Quotable love vying for that reason. I love the t target. Remember that one. The target signed like the t vine originated so much like comedy social media comedy. Because i've seen that tiktok over and over again. And i was like this definitely came from buying. Yeah but we were talking about acting right or no summer. Classic summer classic summer camp and lake it was called the or recreational summer camp bug juice. Did you guys watch bug juice. You're too young for bug juice. You were born in ninety nine. I go gold anyway. Tell us about your okay. So both of my parents worked all year round so we had to go to summer camp every summer. Well i think the important pieces that this was just a summer camp ran out of our school. That are dead was the vice principal of oh and we got kicked out. So it's not a good look okay. We didn't necessarily get kicked out so what happened was playing soccer and my team and there was this new kid in town and i was trying to be friendly with them and i think i was like one of the only people that talked to him. I don't know i just like i know. I like new kids. Because i i don't know recruit kids into my friend group and stuff like that but and just make people feel comfortable but he was he was pretty cool and i thought we were best friends thought he. I thought he liked me more than anybody else in the camp because i talked to the most but he was on the opposing soccer team and we won and i didn't even rub it in his face or anything like that but for some reason he decided to bite me. I couldn't handle losing. He didn't have real world experience yet. He kinda disappeared and then he bit me and then i was like this is there. Let's get bit me on my hand. And i had a show like the owner of the or. I don't know what you call them. The super manager manager. I had to show him the bite marks and he's the bite marks and then then he didn't really do anything about it. I was really upset about that. I was this little bit me. Like i got put in timeout to because i was very young very young so i've rented okay. I was i was during like thirteen. Yes that really changes things. Framing all of this. I accept your apology. And then the next day. I was just really upset that they didn't do anything about it. And actually i got in trouble for it as well so i decided to run away and ran into the woods and then i started catching frogs for because we use to go frog catching after school. Catch and release quick release pat him put him back. Give them some affection. I mean our life experiences so different. So where are you guys both. But that's what happened. And then i ran away. Frogs really catching frogs and they call it me running away but was really catching frogs. Had run away. I think still the frogs cleared it up into conversation. Where where are you guys from from sacramento boston. We both moved to la when we were really young yeah. My family moved here when i was two. Because my dad's an actor and he wanted to make it in hollywood. It's what was that. What was it like growing up with a five uber wacky. Because my dad was in a sketch comedy group and they all live together in one house so i was like the kid amongst all these twenty seven year. Old guys and girls women and tiktok house. No i lived in the original hype house but it was silly. 'cause there was like all these men who would wear wigs as a profession and like we're constantly on like you know dinner was like a variety hour and it was really infectious like i remember being four and just thinking. This is what. I wanna do forever. And i just wanna be on mr show with these guys and it was so fun. And they were all best friends it just seemed like the most idyllic of having and they got paid like i just thought that was credible. Were they on camera in this house acting like just for practice yet. They were a sketch comedy. Show called mr show with bob and david that started. David cross bob odenkirk on. Hbo in the early nineties. And and no. I think they just live together out of necessity. Antics went on the house just because they were all comics. Yeah well that's crazy. That's that's you wore wigs. For a couple of times. I guess as our profession and some videos and whatnot and vines. But i can relate on that you buy necessities so you moved here from sacramento which is northern california. I've driven through sacramento and it's it's the capital of california right great point. It is in fact. It's the capital. But i feel a. There wasn't much to see when i drove through. It's kind of more flat land. Maybe okay well. Yes i moved from there when i was like seven or eight and it was really like my memories of it as a kid or just like. It's a lot of dirt and driving really far to go to school like i don't remember it's way more developed now than how it was when i was a child but Yeah it's just like a from my memory. I was just like sweet suburban place that grew up. I wanted to be actor so we moved to move to. La you're passionate fracking started in sacramento passion for acting. Starting to sacramento. Yeah what did that look like. What did you do that got you into acting like. Oh this is fun. I don't know. Because i was so young like i don't have a i don't know is the answer. My parents are chiropractors I don't have any sort of lineage in my family of performers. as my my My grandfather was a musician. But it's not. It's not really like in my family but i was a super shy kid barely talked and then i started telling my mom when i was like five or something that i knew what my dharma was and i wanted to be an actor and my mom was like what is she talking about and of course my mom. I just wouldn't stop talking about it and i thought i was just repeating what somebody else was saying. And then at a certain point she was like okay. I guess i'll get you acting lessons and it helps me learn how to express myself in talk like i was just so shut in and then my parents would just be so clammed up. I remember like some of my earliest members are being so nervous at school. And then like i'd performance school talent or something and do like a full tap routine and be like completely comfortable and then like the second. I walked off the stage. I just be like you know. And that. So i'm sort of interesting now being thirty one and it's my profession and it's this thing that i still feel like so it's so important to me. It feels so much. Like a part of who i am and to think that it started from like whatever pure like a child is really interesting. Wow that's very young version of myself has brought me to this point and so thinking about it. There's no character or anything that you must've looked up to then that you could have gotten into it. I don't think so. I i i. I know that i loved watching things on. Tv and movies. I loved going to like a local video store. That was in the same shopping as my parents Chiropractic office. And i loved going there. I loved watch. I'd like watch certain. Vhs tapes until like they didn't work anymore. But no i don't recall there being aren't i don't even know how i understood the concept of it to be honest that's crazy. It's very like mystical to me in some way and it's something that like kind of weirds me out. Sometimes when i think about my how did that happen and so it sounds really naturally got into acting when you when you really there and so when you move to. La did active. Become something less natural to you like because it was more common here like for me. Personally i guess when i when i used to do skits and stuff like that on youtube like living in new jersey. I had never met anybody else that was interested in it and so acting to me. It was something that i ever thought like acting in my in my own videos. But i never thought it or or even really thought about what acting was and then i moved here. And everyone's talking about like scripts in you know having to express their emotions on camera. And that's when i began to like think a little bit interesting do you. Can you relate to that at all or well. I was like seven or something by the time we moved here for pilots. Which is when you auditioned for all like the new show coming should potential shows that are starting so i have this this. You know. I've witnessed a lot of friends who've come in. They're like adult life. Come in from you know either out of the country or out of the state to come in and try to be an actor auditioning stuff get wigged out. Because they're like so different in. It's so crazy. And i guess i just because i've grown up in it my whole life. I don't know if you can really do. There's like a sense of like it's so just normal in the sense that like i get what it is. I also get what i do and they sort of like. There's just. I don't know. I feel a sense of like a distance to it like it doesn't it didn't wig me out in the other people. Did i guess. Because i was just i did it for so long time. I was like conscious enough for his even for the first couple of years of auditioning. It took me years to realize that there was more than auditioning. I thought the audition was the job so imagine appointment at like nine when i was like wait. There's more actually getting off this whole time. I thought i was doing really well. When did you get your first acting gig. What what age do you remember. You were like a decade. before me. i was fighting. I was eight nine eight or nine. Yeah my my. I like pay. Oh i did one thing. I'm mr show where. I played like a kid crying but that my parents had a rule that was like i could only work with people that they were friends with and that meant like i did a couple of things but none of them actually were on television. The days that i got to experience it as a kid But my first real job was when i was like nineteen. I think i was in a movie called. Gb f and it was thrilling. I got paid one hundred dollars a day. And i remember being like i can buy whatever food i want and it was great. I was very happy. That's really cool. That's cool no matter. What twenty twenty one brings you can spend it creating something meaningful with skill shares online classes because this is what we make of it because this time with skill share you can find inspiration in the moment and learn how to express your creativity right. I believe that it is very important to have a creative outlet. I have recently picked up piano. And i'm learning songs that i love and also kind of free silent a little bit coming up with some things getting creative on the keys and if he was really good sounds like shit. But it's important right now because it's giving back to my life a lot so having create about right now is very important for me. I got cal playing guitar talk about that. I need to learn some skills and skills shirt some guitar skills with this new callous. My sick rockstar. Cows there are so many classes on skill. Share such as find your style where it's five exercises to unlock your creative identity video for Telling engaging story and less than a minute or autism crete inspiring art for change. That's awesome i think I think i'm very i. I would be interested in taking organism activism artisan. That's yeah even that's what it is. Wow skill share is an online learning community that offers memberships with meaning with so much to explore real projects to create in the support of fellow creative skill share. Empowers you to accomplish. 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Honestly say top one milkshakes ever had in my life so you guys don't let us know what you think and support animals because animals are durable insupportable with the shake. Watch the rest of the episode. I already swallowed mine in the car. This is good. You guys can have this one. I swallowed in episode. Sorry when you found out that you were getting rejected. How did your nine year old self or have you are the time handle that terribly. I ran away from home really. I mean it was a progressive thing. I don't think it was like the first time it's so telling now like i am very much the same as that child because i remember going in for my first commercial audition and i had been taking acting lessons and i had like a monologue that i had prepared me to eight years old and i went in. And you you go in and they have in a lineup with ten other kids and they basically just put the camera across like say your name say your age and what your favorite hobby is. And they're like go to win kendall like hi. I'm sarah i'm eight years old and i love to sing whatever and then keep going and then they got to me like brand you know. What's what's what's your favorite thing to do. I like to act like anything else. And i was like. No i like to act. And they're like okay and then moved onto the next thing. I knew that it was wrong. Like i knew that. I was like i was like what i'm trying to do is different than this at like nine eight or nine years old. I remember bursting outcry. If like they didn't ask me about my monologue. You really just wanted to act. I really did. I really did from like a very very young age. But yeah like when i i remember distinctly not getting a job when i was like eleven that i really wanted. I ran away from home and that looked like my easter basket with a blanket and a box of cheeses. And i was very prepared. Ran around the block and then keep. Yeah but it's like you. I've been in this for so long but like you. I've had so many phases of how you cope with the rejection. You know you see the difference between like when you're a kid versus when and the stakes are different to when your kid. It's like there's more flexibility it's like you're still on track. It wasn't until i was eighteen. I was like okay. I'm still not working consistently like is this becoming a problem you know. Is this something. I should continue to pursue or should i like legit started thinking about a backup plan and have you ever thought about a backup plan. Yes i have so many times. I've i have i've taken. I've quit or like taking breaks or Yeah went back to college a couple of times and i don't know it's maybe the same force that was in me. When i was a kid is just. I always ended up coming back to it. It always just felt like this is what feels like my purpose. It feels like what i'm here to do so it just yeah in the interior design. Classes just didn't quite panel for sure and a. I mean we talked about earlier that you didn't get your first role until you're yeah so so my my like draw to acting was that i was around actors all the time and it was fun and i would go with my dad to auditions and wait in the waiting room or sometimes go in with him into the room and sit down and watch him audition and it was really something i wanted to do. It just seemed like joyous and totally. Something i wanted to do and i was watching all of that a lot. Which was like a sketch comedy. Show about kids really wanted to be amanda bines and and so i remember asking my parents was like i think i think i want to be an actor and my mom was like no please. No she said you're so smart and you want to be like your dad. Are you sure. And i was like i really wanna be an actor and then four or five. I started kindergarten. And i was furious. I was like how come none of the guys have to go to kindergarten. These kids aren't funny at all and my parents are like you're going to be a person who goes to school and that's the way it is the drop out in kindergarten and my parents were just like from. My parents were from boston and i just remember them. Being like we've created a monster. Is this what kids in. La are like they just don't want to go to school at all because they want to be in welches commercials so they put me into acting classes on the weekends and it was like bribery. Like if i went to school. Monday through friday. I could go to my acting class on saturday and i was like ravenous for acting classes and plays anything i could do that. Like fell into that category. But i was psycho like any time. My dad's manager was calling. I'd be like hi rick any opportunities for me to don't represent you for your old talking about so at a certain point at got like really hard on my parents and so my dad asset manager. Can you figure out the worst possible audition to bring a kid to take your time. You know it can be months from now really like look at all the opportunities. What is the worst audition for a kit. I want to like trump. Like i wanna make her. Make sure she doesn't want to do this. Because it's really suffer open with this about about that with you. I feel like. I feel like he was going to be real tough. Are you sure you want to do it. And i remember as a for chewy commercial. And i was in acting classes on saturdays and with all the love. There is for acting teachers. A lot of the acting teachers that i learned from early on where failed actors like people who kind of had a chip on their shoulder to begin with and entire member. Having this on camera acting class which is already kind of funny the concept of an on camera class and the teacher who i don't think had worked since the eighties was like when you come into an audition you have to slate and and i know now sliding and saying. Hey i'm jesse to and i live in los angeles. But he said to sleep in that you love to act. And i love but he said to sleep. I had to give them my profile. Which is something. I don't really think anyone needs anymore. Because we're not shooting movies. The way they didn't like the sixties So i went into this truly bar commercial on him in the waiting with my dad. And there's like forty kids and some of them are like three years old and their parents are like screaming at them. And this one kid's i want my crayons in the mom was like you'll get you'll like you will get your crayons as long as you go in there and you tell them how happy you are like she was just and i remember looking at my dad and be like these kids are not in it for the right reasons he was just like oh jeez pleased finds something unappealing about this experience. And i went into the audition room. And they're like jesse. Like will you say your name your age for us and i was like jesse and i'm seven years old and then i- slated by turning my head and showing my profile and the two women in the room started laughing hysterically and i remember being like you're not professional and i was like so full of myself and i was just confident that these women were amateurs the i was the only professional and i went out and i was like i'm going to be booked and busy in no time and and then like the next day i'd like to begin any any response to we now is. They're going to be a callback. What's what's the deal and my dad was like. Yeah you know now. We're in the waiting game process of this. You could wait for months. Never here like all right. That's cool what's the next thing we've got like what what's what's the next audition. And he was just like good. God this kid is gonna never give up. Wow that's great. Teach you to not give up. You just do it. Yeah i mean. I also witnessed his career. Which is like you do thousands of additions and get for jobs. So you kind of learn through observation that like your dad was grinder. Any was never gonna give up and you wanted to be like that too. That's great that's cool. So we're your parents like fully supportive of the move from sacramento l. a. to pursue the acting or. Was it something like convincing that you had had to do their no actually super lucky and i don't fully understand why but they were fully supportive Which when i look back on it. It's like it's such a crazy thing that my mom was like. Yeah we'll pack up our life and drive to los angeles and like try this out and like the seven year old is going to pursue her dream. I mean it's it was a that's a lot i mean. I think that's a big risk. And and she supported me for long through so many knows. I mean like jesse saying it's mostly failure. I mean even still today it's mostly failure I like to remind people that my job is like ninety eight percent failure. Because even when i'm on set. I'm doing ten takes. They're using one and maybe part of one you know so it's like even on the day like our batting average isn't great So to be in that into continually be in the sense of picking yourself back up again staying in the flow and continuing to move forward and trusting despite a lot of signs telling you know all the time i mean for me it was. It was brutally hard. Like i didn't have a lot of reasons to continue except i just believed in it and my family did too and even for myself once a Once i started wanting to pursue it more and and i was getting into junior high and high school where you have more teachers and it just became much harder for teachers to understand. They're like wow. You're not gonna come classes even audition like a fail. It was like oh. I guess i'm gonna have to be homeschooled to pursue this further which felt like an even deeper. Okay we're going all into this. And and i don't recall my any sort of stress from my parents. I ve lucked out in that way. Because i yeah i i really have a lot of respect for that for the fact that they were like allowed me to choose my path. That's great. yeah are dead was a superintendent of schools so when we wanted to drop out of school freshman year i say drop. We switched online Even just convincing him to do that and my mom as well Was it was definitely difficult. But i'm blessed have supportive parents fall in the same bucket with just like the. I had the support that now reflecting back. I can't even understand. That would not have said would like if if if the roles reversed in in your mom your daughter and she was saying the same things. What do you think you would've done. Like i can't even imagine i don't know because i don't know what i know what it felt like for me at that age and it was so clear and it was so true that it's hard for me to imagine as a parent denying that you know when you see your child light up and worked so hard at something i just. That's tough that being said like. I'm sure it was really hard for so long for my mom to watch me have to pick myself back up again. And the amount of pep talks and also. I didn't have a driver's license for a lot of this. Either she's driving me to all of these places like there for me running lines with me watching me go in listening to me. Cry when i come out. And they were dismissive or they weren't kind or getting the phone. Call that like no. You didn't do it like this and wished you would have done it like that or you don't have blue eyes or like it's mad you you know. The processes is really it's hard. It's hard to grapple with. I guess and so to have to have family. That will be there and like believe in you even in the moments when you don't believe in yourself is pretty remarkable very privileged part that broke your heart Yeah i mean yeah me too. It was sandy in grease. It was an elementary school wide. Production of grease. I was in first grade and convinced i would get the lead. All the leads were the fifth graders. But like i remember walking up to the catholic and being like this is going to be my moment and And i saw that. I was playing the principal and that was just like inconsolably. Upset went home sobbing. I remember i was so small. I could fit inside of my bookcase. I remember sitting on one of the shelves of my bookcase in playing the sad version of sandy and cry. It'd be like a give me. I'm not sandra tv. God oh mela. Dramatic stuff is like so important to talk about because i feel like a lot of the time. We're even here right now. Because it's like we're starting a podcast like we're doing another positive venture or you see us on a red carpet. Who's he's doing an interview for a job that we've completed that we for god like and so. I think it creates this this cognitive dissonance in a way for people to view that it's like easy or that it was easier than it didn't require like so much hard work and tears and sacrifice and like tough decisions and it's hard to like even in this moment expressed that completely but i don't think anybody who's listening or watching this is in the grind of auditioning right now it's like it's for real and like the struggle is is really. I'm afraid of rejection does reaching out to people to ask them to come on the podcast and if they say no like like we reach out to the start of the season we want to have some some more guests and when people say no i'm like oh you know and i'm like go bad. Her it hurts. And it's like i can't imagine you. Additionally i have auditioned a few times before i've never gotten anything and i think that it it really kind of like i kind of fell back and just continue to do what was comfortable because kind of afraid of that rejection. I've really found that like going on. A ton of auditions helps. Strengthen your ability to audition because it is a job how does it. How was it a thing like rejection in any form is like one of the hardest things i think a human being to deal with. And then you guys are continuously dealing with the time after time audition after audition do eventually warm up to it and as careers have have like gone is gone easier some aspects. Yeah it depends on how much. I really really want the job. But i also feel like i've Accepted that sometimes. The rejection is just for that part. But you showed side of yourself to a casting director that they're gonna remember like for instance. I have auditioned for the casting director gina mccarthy at least at least sixty times now and book three of those jobs but the last job My my current job quest wasn't a character in the script and addition for all the other women in the script and then jeannie like pulled the creators of the show aside. And we're like. I don't care if she doesn't have a part that's already written in the script. If she's not fitting into the mold that you think you want for these different characters she has to be on your show and so like having auditioned for her all those times she had seen all these different qualities that i have and strength and she was like no one's in the character that you're totally right for us so we just need to figure out what show to squeeze you into and she basically forced them to create a job for me and it touches on what was saying about feeling like wait. This isn't this isn't the job. There's another step after. The addition there is part of me that just loves acting and so auditioning is like five minutes where i'd get to do the thing that i'm most passionate about so even if it's not gonna move onto more days of acting for five minutes i get to create a character and have choices i've made about the scene and it's like an expression of what i what i'm here to do. Yeah i think that there was something that we didn't have behind us. We didn't have the passion. Delete become a character and so we weren't really in love with acting. I think we're in love with the idea of it. And like being on the big screen and love of film more. So and i think we've kind of found like are true passion and how we can be involved in film a different way which are obsessed with like directing working behind the scenes and i think we have like future goals of that but but yet thank you. We're really excited. And i think for a long time. I wanted to be an actor. And then i kind of just beat myself up over it and just it wasn't the passion kind of burnt app for you guys. It never did and clearly Clearly never phases. There have definitely been phases where it starts to burn out. And i think that that's totally normal like i go through peaks and valleys and i just don't want to audition for this like goth character that i'm not gonna enjoy playing. I don't even want have to go there. But then there are times where i'm mike. I'll do anything anything anyone wants me to do. I'll do it joyfully and enjoy every minute of it. So i'm curious about is when we ever get recognized and people like you know will stop for somebody that they're stopping us because they watch our channel which is for the most part. Just us being us. Is it weird when someone stops you and they treat you like the character that you've played like what does it feel like or or does that happen. Yeah i mean that's kind of like you know why. I started the youtube channel. That was because i was starting to feel like you know the thing. I was most known for his playing captain. Marvel and it was making me nervous to have people go like godhra marvel and it'd be like no. I'm brief it was like she was mickey mouse disneyland like she was just a stop that people could. Yeah it was. It was crazy being at disneyland with free. Oh yeah yeah. Yeah and so. I think for me like wanting to continue to bring lake to play different roles into have humanity. I wanna just as as hard as i work to like work at a really high level in my job i have to work twice as hard to keep my feet on the ground. That's like a really important aspect of it That i like. It's like brushing my teeth. It's part of the process is like going like nope. I'm not this thing up here. Like i am here like i am better. No worse i'm just here with the people and Yeah so i think for me find. It's been about finding the way that i can continue to feel like a human being when i'm walking down the doesn't mean it's not like when someone comes up to me and they're like oh my god. Captain marvel means so much to me or it. It changed this for me or helped me see this in myself or help. Overcome an obstacle that's like beyond my wildest dreams. That's that's incredible. Yeah it's not like a couple of your art to in a sense the way you became that character and you made it so real for them that they could learn exactly. But i think for me. It's like i've confused people. Sometimes because sometimes people will walk up and they'll go. Oh my gosh i can. I take a picture and you know no but would you want to go for a walk or like. Would you wanna like a like an art museum and talk about this painting together. You know back when we were out in the world but like and it used to like even when i was with other actors they'd be like well. You're taking more time like why not. Just take the picture. Because like i'd rather get to know this person and have a human interaction than feel like i was just like stop along the way that's really cool. I haven't heard many people say that before. Either definitely say. I'm more for the interaction to like if someone like. What brought us together. Whoa this thing you saw that. I worked on like it brought together in this moment. Like what do we have in common. What can we gain from experience. Not that there is value in like having a photo. I love when my phone pops up. It's like previous memories and shows me so it's not to say that that doesn't isn't a value it. Just oh my gosh. We're here live on this earth together like what brought us together. That's really cool ship stace in other in other warships station ship station. There was the cool version. Even though ship station is already cool and we'll tell you why because they sponsor this podcast and also because you sell stuff online. 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Dolan twins make ship happen and good luck with your online business. I forsee billions in your future back to the episode. So i like you said you. You have to work with her to stay grounded other any practices the both practice to keep yourself grounded on a daily basis or routinely. Yeah i go to therapy twice a week. And i have for a very long time when i started working on films. Sometimes it'll either. You know fluctuates or maybe. It's once a week but questioning my thoughts getting things out. It's it's so big and it's also a huge part of my job in this year. Where i haven't been on a set and i've been sorta recalibrating and thinking what is the representation that i want to put on screen. What are the things that i'm interested in sharing going to therapy for me has been like such an amazing thing because i see like universal truths and insecurities mike my fears and my hopes that come out and i go like so. That's true and that's what's in me. And that is what i'd like to share It's really cool. Yeah when mean you guys have dedicated your entire lives almost two acting you starting at four years old and then moving here and dropping everything and you. You've worked so hard to get these roles you face rejection countless amount of times when you finally do get these roles in its everything that unit you live sleep and breathe and then once once. That project is all said and done. I can imagine that. There's definitely come down. And say what do i do now. You might whole life purpose is like okay. It's done right now for your done. Because like the last week of production. Everyone onset is going. Hey what are you doing next. What's your next project. What's going on on like. I haven't even finished this episode. Can we just enjoy this happening. And like i think. I think for me something. I've really been trying to tap into is being grateful for each step along the way instead of thinking about the final destination like we don't know how far along the pathway really going get so i don't wanna diminish every awesome thing. I get to live so french. So that question is like really been swimming struggle with and lately. I've tried to be like what's next is that i'm here right now and i'm going to really enjoy this moment but to answer your question it's horrible. I personally hate wrapping jobs. I get i get real dark. And i just feel really alive when i get to live my purpose and then i kind of tear myself apart when i'm not doing that. It's it's tough it's like an adrenaline. If you've ever had like a comedown from drenica it's it it's that And it requires. It requires care and in the last couple of years. I've become friends with a lot of athletes and One of our my close friends is a big wave surfer and it's been so interesting talking with athletes and people. Who do you know. Incredible things like that because they experienced same exact thing. So i've been noticing that there's these through lines of like learning how to care for yourself after my version of surfing. The big wave is really an important part of the process in worth acknowledging because it's it's can be depressing and it's one thing when it's just coming off of the adrenalin of like there was so much in my head to think about to remember and then there's also like getting to live in the skin of another person that maybe you enjoyed like. I really enjoyed embodying. Carol and captain marvel. I liked feeling that power. And then you're like. Oh and now. I'm just what's on my couch again. You know like. I'm not out there like spaceships. Like saving the world. Hypothetically like i'm just here but then there's the other aspect of the job insecurity of like now. I'm starting from scratch again now. I'm going back out. And i'm going back to these auditions and trying again. When will it work again. When and there's a lot of sense of like a lack of control and that because it's like okay well. What are the projects that are coming through in. Does that meet with me. Does that match me as tough. But i've jesse got me really until last chance you have you watched it no is. Is it a show so excited for you. Yes documentary good. I'm so bad at watching shows for some reason and nothing against them. I just like prepping myself to sit down to like know that better. Watch the full season hard for me for episode time. You can watch one episode and decide. You don't want to watch the rest. I also like i'll i'll probably end up binging and then i'm like they're six out. It's definitely worth checking out. And i've just found it like a lot of the stuff. We're talking about it really. I feel so much more normal when oh it's happening in football and it's happening in surfing it's happening in basketball like these things when whether it's like flow state or the come down for these things like it's part of like whatever's happening in our system. It's not just like an actor thing so comfortable knowing you're alone yeah i'll defer to check it out helps a lot and thank you for speaking about this on here. Like that's not spoken about enough. I feel like it could really really help some people. Tell me a lot hearing other people talk about it like you said athletes and people in different industries and. I'm glad that it's a conversation that's coming up because for a while it was just like you see someone on big screen and then they probably live amazing life and for us could really today in a sense of like video did really well prefer performance. We worked really hard to get videos. It would do well and then when they did we'd feel really good but then there's next week we gotta post and it's kind of like we're laid off that day too and so i guess i didn't realize that anybody else and other industries dealt with it. So thank you for sure really appreciate. Do you think that starting youtube channel to help out with that time between roles where you have like an objective or some to work on weekly right you post. Yeah i've been posting weekly. Well i think i do better at. I'm a better actor. When i feel like i have something else that i'm controlling for me. I like the clear distinction of like if you've ever been in a car sometimes and you have your driver's license. Sometimes you want to be passenger. Sometimes you want to be the driver and it's totally cool to feel within yourself which one you want. And so for me with the youtube channel. It's like okay. I get to drive the car. There and that allows me to like let off and not feel like i have to drive the car and be feeling like what's happening here like i actually enjoy acting whatever's happening with that and how that's unfolding in particular with like the unknown of the pandemic because i'm doing something for myself that's nourishing myself it's keeping me creative and that's also like doing. It makes me uncomfortable. I've hidden by an characters my entire career. Like all press interviews. Everything was always like. We'll talk about the movie and that's it and this has been like something was calling inside of me to say like i think that i'm like holding hiding behind this and using this time each week like do something that makes me feel like. Oh gosh allowed is a really great thing. I think to keep doing for your life. Yeah that just reminded me my first like fancy job or you like fly somewhere else. Shoot on location. They put you up in a hotel. I remember thinking. I was like on cloud nine and got to the hotel. And they're like. We need to your card for incidentals. And they swipe card and they're like you don't have one hundred dollars in your bank account. You can't sleep here. And i was like but i have to sleep here. I the company. Put me up in this hotel. I'm getting picked up in the morning to go shoot a show. I have to be here when i was so i was like. I dunno life skills enough to know what to do right now. And they're like we'll just pull everything. Valuable out of the room will empty the mini bar. And you can sleep here. And i was like okay. Great thank you so much. I'll have a paycheck tomorrow. And then i can swipe my card for incidentals but i remember like that process. I was still so happy so happy. And then going to say like feeling like a working actor for the first time in my life and going back to the hotel room. Where there wasn't like a kitchenette or anything. So i had to order food or go to a grocery store and kind of like stock up the room for myself and i remember having this meltdown on the phone. My mom and i was just wanna make an egg. I just want control. I didn't have a car in atlanta. Anytime i wanted to go somewhere. Someone else had to drive me there. I definitely remember feeling. Like i was kind of at the whim of the job and i wanted to have more control over it Yeah i liked being controlled something else. That's bring you happiness. Like i figured that brings a lot of balance to your life. When i put all my eggs in one basket unlike the youtube channel it it made me off. I'm trying to think of the word to describe it but it wasn't like i had resentment towards it but like an economy almost did Can take the fun out again. Because i was relying on it. And forget why you're there and why you love it in the first place and that was a that was a tough reality check because it started as such a passion like when i first started. I wasn't even making money purposeful. I didn't set up my adds because it was like screw it. We didn't make a dial a dollar until we over a million subscribers and then it was like a ken say was more fun back then but are there any other things that you're doing for fun like hobbies that you don't get paid for you never gonna think about making money or business out of and you're just you're doing it for fun. Like what brings you happiness. I do feel like the podcast is more for fun. Like i'm getting to really dive in and i'm doing legitimate research and reading full books just to interview someone and it's really expanded my schedule. I'm really enjoying having all these extra things to do. And and getting to see my best friend frequently. You know in a time where we haven't been able to see each other that much it's awesome. It's been really fun hobbies. Oh i mean. I'm always i'm a big fan of a hobby like crafting. I play a lot of video games a lot of games. He yells at me. 'cause i'm addicted of i play a lot of fortnight a lot. I didn't really see what happened to you. I've heard there's been a lot of runs last time. You play the season two. Oh my gosh it's gonna be blown really. Did you play season two. Yeah you remember the original lobby music. It's jacob you hear it nowadays. I feel like that's what i still have or you could probably switch to og. Yeah i played probably season to season. I don't know how to change things like that But i mean i play. I play constantly. Or i'll just do challenges and listen to podcasts. I'm it's like a weird video. Games have always been like a meditation for me. Like if i'm on set. And i'm doing a scene where i'm like. You know needing to hold a certain emotional space and then after like move the camera around or something. I'm there with like whatever. Hand-held nintendo device. I have and i'm playing like mario tennis or or whatever it is and it keeps me in flow holding that space and don't have to go back on camera again and yeah so i play. I play a lot of video game so it was a lot of people that are like you're so busy like how do you do so much i'm like i don't know because somehow i still have time to three hours of video games. Don't you definitely need to escape. I don't don't know. I just i have hours of as everybody else but it is a way that i decompress. I mean i exercise. There's like all things that i do like that but like video games for me. It's like a hit. The deep thing from since i was a kid. And it's like where where i go and it's a way of with fort nine like even animal crossing. I've been able to connect with friends and family through the game. All my friends through xbox when i was growing up legitimately because we had like three separate elementary schools and one middle school and we were all in elementary school so i met kids from all the schools before i even got there and it was all an xbox so call of duty cops of one and just listen to like the lobby music or like just look at some of the maps and almost cry. Because it's so nostalgic made so many friends doing that but it's like it's like escape from reality for me where i kind of missed the real world when come back into and i feel good so important because like i didn't like really appreciate my hometown until i moved to la. And every time. i go back. i'm like oh my god. It's so beautiful that seeing this. So if you like video games like that and like just short-term like you escape and then you come back but yeah. Everyone always tells me that. I'm like i can't get off the video games because it's like a waste of time but i like the analogy you made about being a driver versus a passenger and i feel like video games is really the only realm in which you could be like fully the driver. You know what. I mean in the real world. You're if i'm going to be honest. Always the passenger because like anything can happen at any time yes. That's very true. So i feel like that's not the driver in life is just an illusion. Games are just. You're in control. And that's fun. And i think it's been like a stigma around video games that if you play them then you don't have time for anything else and it's like i mean that i completely know what you mean and something. I've talked about at length. Because i'm in defense of the video game because i think i think that's such a crazy biased. Like the people. I know the play video games like work at a very high level. They're incredibly curious. They're problem solvers. What i mean. I'm on a show about video games. So i'm i'm surrounded. Video games in every interview we do. What's your favorite video game. If i say. I'm not playing video games right now. People are so disappointed in. I i mean i loved them and i think getting out of that idea like i feel like that's like oh bias and zone. You play video games. It's the only thing you do is like. It's not really that's not really young. I mean you could say someone like someone that watches sports. That's not competing in sports. It's like you kind of doing the same thing you're sitting down for an hour watching something entertains you at the same thing as someone sitting down playing video games. No one argues about that. It's the question is like why are you playing. You know if the answer is like. I'm playing because i wanna completely escaped from my life. Okay something you should probably take some time and think about. It's like i really like for me. I i'm super curious person. I love fantasy. I want the opportunity to play on a team with my friends and family. So it's all pluses for me. Yeah did you grow up playing sports at all. No i missed like being on a team. Like video games too. That's a good point. But i mean being onset is a team sport. I don't know if like like. I don't know if that's like fully talked about like i don't feel like we are onset and people are like lafayette you. I'm like oh my god like there's so much parallel to like offense and defense like all these different like head coaches and things like on especially on a movie like optima. There's so much parallel to that. About how different teams turnover and how. We're working together to make this larger thing happen. I think shooting during covid has really hammered home. The team sport vibe onset. Everyone agreeing to be safe. Everyone knowing that we all got tested knowing all the procedures that we were going through to make a tv show really unified every department and it was. it was lovely may vary emotional school. Yeah definitely have. Things changed like a guest dramatically. How do you continue to film right now. We wear masks all the time. The only time i take my mask off his for makeup and then we wear it for rehearsal we were constantly and then the only then when we take it off as like right before they're gonna call action and and then immediately after they call cut. We put our masks back on. Everyone eats lunch separately But it felt really. I was so nervous that it was going to be distracting. And i felt when i was actually doing it was actually Removing distractions because everyone there had a very specific purpose we all had a unified goal and there were no visitors onset. Like there wasn't any of the unexpected executive visitors. Were who take a half hour of your day which is always really nice to experience like it's nice that they kind visit. I really like those times but there was. There was no distraction. It was. I really liked it. And and my boss rob mcelhinney was saying when when things go back to normal. We should just keep wearing masks. Every season people pass a cold around. This just would completely eliminate that and so you block with a mask on shoe over the shoulders. Yeah yeah if we're doing like a reverse shot so like. I was in a scene with with charlotte nick dow and she's talking to me in them and then we get a wide shot of both of us in it and then we go to shoot her close up so i'm still herd scene partner but i'm not necessarily in the shot or they're getting the back of my shoulder. I would have my mask on. Well yeah and then everyone on the crew has their mask and a face shield all day long that they're taking the that it's not like you said you're kind of like more focus on the job. Yeah and we had to hold health and safety department which was great too. So there was someone in every corner of every room monitoring our safety and making sure that we are following the guidelines. And not that we were trying to break rules or anything. Just kind of helping guide us. Yeah i don't think anyone wants to break rules like yeah. Let's it's crazy at these times of like separated us in a sense. But i feel like you said before unified us more than anything so i feel like when we come out of this altogether. It's going to be. We have the appreciation for human interaction. Like more than we ever have. It was something that overlooked entire life until now kind of we talked about. It will video games escape for a little bit. Then you miserable life or but but that's really cool things are still getting made and we're doing it. The safeway brand is everything like are you experiencing the same thing. I only have shot to commercials. So they were each like one day shoot and i was like totally like isolated in a car. So yes math. Everyone's mass everyone's tested from your speakers and stuff. You haven't shot anything major. But i haven't done like what jesse's done so i haven't had you know the full the full cova. Have you picked up any like new hobbies during these times that during these times. Because i feel like i don't know just like being limited. I really creative. What i wanted to do to spend my how i want to spend my time and probably made a decent amount of permanent decisions that maybe only made. Because i'm out of my element but yet it's wanted to know about how it's affected you. It's kind of fun to know everybody else's stories you know. There's been a couple of times that i've asked people like what have you learned during this time and i've been surprised when people go. I don't think i learned anything. Mike powell I think the concept of like what's essential. What's a central to our being in. I mean that that's something that we can have right now. You know you might have a strong desire for something that is absolutely against a lot of time but knowing what that is in going like oh you know that really inspires me like for me. I've been like wow. I can't wait to go back to art museums. Like they always mattered to me. But now i'm like gosh like being there or being in the movie theaters like those are things that i do when it safe like i really. I really look forward to and i also have. I've learned a lot about myself in this time because with when it was when life was more open it was easier for me to get confused about what was my business. What with somebody else business. What was the world is. Because i'm tired because i'm overworked. Because this was like well now. I'm at home and if i'm like feeling something hundred percent of the time i know it's me it's my own thought that i got to work on and clear on like you know and so i feel like i've become like mentally and an individually like a. I don't know i'm more connected with myself than i was in the past because it was easier without with their naturally being so much less distraction. Oh god this happened the other day in the podcast to i get so wrapped up. Let's unitarian be like she's smart. She's gonna talk and then she looks like i'm on the ball question. I guess hobbies like what you cooking. I got out of necessity. I wasn't. I was so scared at the beginning of this so i started cooking on my own meals which i hadn't really done before and i started following chefs on instagram and obsessively watching videos on youtube. And that was real real hobby. That i feel like started was benefiting from was eating healthily. Love her. she's a chef. It's annoying when you go out to a store and you forget the thing that you went to go out to the store for i every single time do that. I never felt not do that. Well then grace in you should look into using cash. you know. that's something. I have been recently thinking about jordache connected with the restaurants you love and right to your door. And now you can get the grocery essentials that you need with door dash to get drinks. Snacks and other household items delivered in under an hour ordering is easy. Open the door dash app. Choose what you want from where you want. Your items will be safely left outside your door with contactless delivery. Drop off setting we over three hundred thousand partners in the us. Puerto rico canada. Australia you can support your neighborhood. Go to's or choose from your favorite national restaurants. Your favorite restaurant dash. I'm going to bet you that. It is for a limited time. Our listeners can get twenty five percents off and zero delivery fees on the first order of fifty percent or more when you download the door dash app and enter code deeper. That's twenty percents off or up to ten dollars value zero refusing your first order when you download the app in the app store and enter code deeper. Don't forget that's code deeper for twenty five percent of your first order with jordache. Subject to change terms may apply back to the episode. So i wanna ask you about about backup plans before you talking about. Interior design briefly. Is that something you're still interested in now. I'm terrible at it really. I've i've seen videos on the interior of where you're filming. It looks very nice of my home. Yeah yes we'll took a long time and it was very stressful. No i you know i. I'm just going to throw out there and like whatever the internet can run with it like space and time are not my thing. i am not gonna specialization. And i'm not gonna keep track of time. I have to use a gps to get anywhere So with that said it's like the idea of trying to like figure out how a couch fits into a space is just like oh my gosh. I'm a very creative person. Just like not my. It's not my strong suit. Yeah i mean even now like thinking of backup plans. it's kind of. It's kind of hard to imagine. Just because i feel him so i'm so deep in the craft that i'm in and i just wanna keep refining up getting better and better that it's you know it's hard to imagine something outside of that. I was talking more about just like do you have aside passion for anything else. I guess i guess video games. I mean you're doing the podcast and youtube channels well. Those aren't backup plans but there are other plans into in addition of what you're doing and working on backup plan. Probably just other jobs within the same industry producing directing combination. I actually don't want world domination. Have that. I really actually don't want that. I've thought about it. i don't want it. Are you both interested in the other fields in in the industry. Like directing producing. Yeah writing writing writer causes. Yeah so what. What do you mostly comedy base of it. A lot of my jobs as an actor. Still of have to be a writer. Because i do a lot of improvisation The process of creating a character is really different depending on the job but there there have been jobs for like. It's very clear as you're auditioning that they're actually not gonna care that much about the script and that they're they're trying to just hire actors who can basically right for themselves so there. There have been a lot of jobs where i like. Have the sides for the day full. Well we're not going to stick to him and so the whole margins just all jokes but also been as an all writer so all sit on set all day long and then just come up with new jokes to keep the scene fresh and keep him saying that's cool. I didn't know that actors like that scr relied on actress for themselves. That's interesting not always pay happens. There have also been jobs like on. Better call saul. It's the punctuation matters and there's no straying from the script and that's really fun and in a completely different muscle for me it a fresh school. That's cool and you're into like what would you say is writing like your second most favorite next acting or are they all kind of blend together. I really love directing brunei director short film together and that was really fun. I directed another short film. I got to direct some second unit stuff on the quest this season. I really feel in my body in a different way as a director. I really really love it. So i'm excited to do more of that. That's cool Love it we've directed project before and it like i. I kinda got that like we live the project full month where we were like writing it. Every single day refining the scrip sending it to people getting opinions going over And then when we were when we were filming it like i just felt amazing like at my best. I remember. we weren't even sleeping at all and Just like getting up in filming was just the only thing on my mind. I was completely like captivated and then when it was over i was like oh god. What's what's what did you now get. Directions definitely a really fun thing that i always thought when i would watch movies would be gosh. The director must have been like. How do you keep up with. What was going on your. How does she keep up with what was going on here because some of these are so complex but then you have to really break it down on paper. It's just like it's really interesting. What goes into it. i also love as a director. You're with the project the hallway three you get to be in the editing process. The pre production process and as an actor. This kind of a pain. When you know that you're done with your job at the show keeps getting made like i. I really love going. They let me go into the at bay for mythic quest and i love watching them compile scenes and stuff because i just like have separation anxiety with which and so as a director. You don't have to deal with that. Have you ever done. Take in your like in usa. You do ten takes. There's one that you hope they don't use them they do like. Have you ever felt like that. Yeah there's one shot that's a tv show done. You can find it on hulu i. I am like counting my steps to make sure that. I hit my mark at the at the time. I don't know if anyone would ever notice it when i when i watch it. I'm like that is a young green actor. It was like one of my first jobs ever. There's just like i walk so awkwardly marcus four steps away so i was like right left right. You must be on the mark and then i look at my feet and i'm like i am just so unnatural is it. Is it challenging watching yourself like an in the completed project to put your watch your preference. Yeah i can't watch videos in front of anybody. Anything that i've ever made of myself. I cannot watch for someone i approach. It can kind of like an athlete. Does not sound pretentious. Like watching dailies. I feel like i've learned a lot from watching myself. Oh i've learned things that work or things that i thought i was doing that. I didn't really do enough of or things i'm doing too much of. It's kind of like watching tape like last chance to to watch tape. You gotta watch your previous games. And so i really enjoyed watching dailies. I get very self conscious. Oh i don't unless there's something really technical that i'm not understanding or it's like a really complex like i remember. There is like one scene in room. Where i'm lying to my child and i watched the play back a lot because i was like how do i. How do i make it clear that the audience knows that i'm lying but he doesn't know that i'm lying like how do i thread the needle there and so that was something that i felt like. I had a very clear purpose. I'm watching to make sure that. I'm writing this line. And that's thought but i clam up like i just if i get if i get too close to what it is that i'm doing if i become too aware. Then it just spirals out for me. i'm like what. Why is my face here like oh have you ever looked in the mirror for too long and you're just like what happened like i thought i knew. Now i don't think that's what is like for me and then like hello like actually no. It's just horrible so intense. So it's like. I've i've with time i've had more distance the way that i can separate as mike. It's not for me. I don't make the movie to then. Sit there in the theater and be like i love when i did that i did. I did it. Because i like being on set doing things like. Why don't i enjoy doing the thing. And then i can let everybody else handle the other but i do love like when when a movie comes out you end up seeing the movie like four times maybe and then you sit in the bar or like you know you find something else to do at other screenings after the fourth. Watch washing you. I will for like four times. And then i'm over at times four times. I'm like i'm not watching the same five times. You know it's funny. Is that if you if you have the privilege of getting to do a bunch of qa days for a film you end up seeing the last ten minutes of the movie like thirty times and it's like you start to know every single q. Of room i know the last ten minutes so well. I don't know a lot of the rest of it but i know those groups in your first year we'll because you're standing backstage or whatever listening to it and you're like oh it's at this line okay. I got this many minutes until they're gonna call me out or whatever like i can go. The bathroom right can grab some water. Whatever you start to become very part you become very intimate with but someone came up in theater so much of my training as a kid was about like holding for a laugh and like feeling the back and forth energy between the stage in the audience and really missed that sometimes working on sets a really turned to the camera department and like unlike talk to me like tell me if things were funny you can laugh like i want this like communication that i kind of was trained on and so i like my favorite thing when i'm shooting like seeing someone trying to like hold the boom but they're like shaking because they're trying not to laugh out loud and like like this thing from the grips. I just love it. I just see it out of the current miami mike. it's working. it's totally push harder. But i missed that. Like audience reaction so. I really love when the movie comes out getting to in a couple of screenings and actually hearing a the laughs. It makes me feel good. Here's a laugh. Rooney shot like no behind the scenes. Someone laughing from like like ruined to take or not. No i love it and usually the mike can't pick up a village. So it's like my favorite is when you can audibly here the producer laughing video village and you just stay in the scene knowing that they're really liking it. Yeah that's nice mondelez. he's pretty easy to get level. You give is laughing. Show what mono looked like 'cause he's kind of just a mysterious gent but now people people know what he looks like. There wasn't a face to the laugh. Laugh so we were talking when you first walked in about our new puppy and we went over the euro dogs right. Yes only as of like four. Five years ago. I became really milers. Are going away so i'm on the other side. I will say. I think it does go away. If they came to look at a nowhere. I was chris my whole life and now for some reason because of him. Yeah i second. Second anchors. But i have a dog now and it's changed my life entirely name avalon or government name is avalon dolan. It's so cute. The vet they say your dog with your last. Yes oh yes bring your in avalon. Have a and yes. He was like deathly allergic. And i never thought. I'd see the day we'll get a dog. I was so scared because he would have asthma attacks. Every time we're hanging out with their friends with does or even if friends came over who had dogs and they had the for on them. He would like it was bad. Have terrible asthma. If you didn't have an inhaler he'd have to go to the hospital. So i heard an interview that you are allergic to cats and like that and die. But it's really yes. I have allergy. I'm actually in the top one percent of people with allergies. Not to brag about allergies. Yes i think my role yes. That's the one thing. I can bring the top one percent. It sounds like it for when you were talking about it. It's it's it's tough s really tough so onset. I really hope. Somehow someone starts listening to the podcast right when you say. I think i'm in the top one percent and then you say i am to and then both of you say it's tough and i think we're talking about money is gone. I really hope that the if you're just tuning in now allergies my question was our question was so onset when you captain marvel has a cat. Yeah and it's goose in the movie. yeah or how. How does that work work. Well i on the movie so we have the budget to make it work but no it's like it's actually kind of a bit of a protocol. Yeah because i made the mistake of trying to be cool like the first time. Because i like to believe that. I don't actually have allergies to cats. Because they're i would also like they're cute and it's like right there and nothing's wrong news and you're just like i'm trying to do my job. Whatever mike. it's fine. it's fine but they're like one of the first days with with the cat. The cat was like rubbing up on my jeans and my boots and stuff and it was like one part of the day and then i filmed for like the whole rest of the day or whatever and then i took my costume off and it was like all over my hands. I didn't even think about it. I wanted to go wash my face and it was just like oh like like so then after that i was like we have to like redo this. Someone isolated helped me wipe off the boots or whatever they touch. Because it's like it's not. Just i guess i kind of thought in my head. It's like well. I didn't touch the cat but it's out dander analogies. It's is tough. Because i would want nothing more than to have a cat friend forever. It's weird. It's it's really weird because i also have like allergies trees and grass whatever and it's just like high love the wind. Yes i love earth. Why am i allergic. Those are the things that i love him. Allergic to animals on earth. So why would any of us be allergic with allergies. Is your nervous system overreacting to something that it doesn't need to. That sounds like me. I guess on headset. Sound like what i would say. This is the fact that like. I used to go the other dogs to catch everything like that and i was like okay. I'm just going to act like. I'm not going to be allergic so that might wonder if this guy and then it never worked but yeah. I'm truly blessed. We have a miracle doll. I'm so happy of a miracle dog. You have dogs of your own right. Yeah belly and jonathan. Yes sochi. And i'm i'm also like allergic. Yes but it's too late i'm already love it's doing. He gives it to me about not taking care of abba. But i do. I just do the hard part advocate. Sleep in my room and right now. She's a puppy so her her hours of sleeping roll out of whack. The my hours of sleep. She's a baby bladder. but i can't have recipient my room. Because i'm still kinda nervous if like i'd have an asthma attack randomly some. I'm trying to make sure. And he's you know he's blaming my allergies. Act like they're my fault. We'll watch a movie. He'll cut cut with her on the catch two hours and then i have to shower her and then take her out the p take at four thirty in the morning. That's when we're sprinklers. Go off and it's pitch black and it's really dads do it with love. They don't complain gets by the sprinklers. This is he was. He was like yeah. Five winkler's could have anything argument when we started sorry about that. It's fine here this year. That's what this podcast is for. I've just needed to vent parent twenty. So you mentioned room before and that's one of our favorite movies of all time. Yeah you're freaking out. Yeah yeah here's the order of events so we we were tagged in a from lord. Diy youtube video where you said you watch our videos and we were like wait a second like we were really no way and then when you make anyone watches them and you have millions of subscribers time. It's a weird feeling. It's such a weird battle. It has its own things to it and a lot of times. I think youtubers have like a bad rep blake when it comes to like the public. I forgive you. Say or youtube or people look at you like like you've done something wrong. Just because a lot of youtubers have and kinda group together at one point so yes seeing. That was kind of took us. What the heck so christina was a fan of the movie room and she was a heavy guessing room for some reason we had we wash our minds. Were blown we weren't. We've been talking about for like two days and we talked about on the podcast episode to wash it until everybody to watch. I knew that it was amazing. As well thank you thank you thank you even more mind-blowing after watching you watch videos. It's crazy so i do the same thing as like watching movies in like. Oh he's never been us. We made when we were like sixteen and things like they were like so if we ever said anything stupid was our fault look there was no script so like i've embarrassed myself publicly so many times and it just has to say out there because if i take it down then it's even more a big deal all down in the post it and then it becomes even more embarrassing but so i guess i'm just embarrassed but all video not all the certain ones and we were young. We did it for so long. So how did you come across our channel. How did i come across your channel. i don't even remember. I mean. I'm subscribed paint you fees. I was telling him out. Fortunately no kidding. I don't know. I don't know if it was like it might have been the algorithm. Yeah it really might have been sweet algorithm back in the game. I think that's what it is. And i find like like certain youtube channels and jesse and i've talked about this quite a bit so soothing and especially when it was like the the beginning of the pandemic when it was like really just a lot of like it was so there was so much separateness Just having any sense of watching videos even it was from the past just like normalcy felt really comforting through definitely. Yeah i watched it to talk one time of like just the skit filming the interior of a movie theater from back. In the day and i was it was very soothing. Yeah and i think. I because i like grapple with my own fear of like being like hi. I'm brian this something that might be like seeing people be themselves on on the internet and also like if you say something but then later is like hey. Don't say that to take accountability for that. I think i think there's there strengthen that definitely it's definitely. I definitely heard a lot. Because of people's feedback becomes a point where it's like. It's a kind of. it's kind of haters. i guess and it gets you. Yeah yeah the bakers bake. Yeah so unfortunately. You're subscribe and like we. Unfortunately i haven't fortunate thrown unfortunate bridge subscriber and you have a big head but like we were kind of like not making youtube videos and i feel that video where you said that i told you. Are you talking about at great. It's fine if you live. Yeah we're onto something. We're onto something different and i guess we're kind of entering or wanting to enter the industry that you guys work in making a documentary right. We have me once it were right now. We haven't spoken about publicly but we're working on something that we are going to be like the writers and directors of these guys. Thank you during the down days. Are we talking about having more free time and the how to spend and we jumped into activism and like a lot of fronts great human rights animal rights racial justice and those are all things that really interests me and i want to make impactful projects about them one day and i just videos weren't cutting it for me. I feel like it was definitely entertainment but most of the time it was kinda just fun and it's really important to give someone a laugh but i also feel you can maybe give them a laugh or give them another piece of entertainment that they can remember for longer. Maybe changed for the better. Because of that i want to get into in my older years and i feel i can do it for the rest of my life so i figured twenty one at start now so get just like with all the information that i've gathered about activism and stuff we want to turn it into a project on a larger scale or larger than i've ever done and so we haven't really said anything about it. 'cause i guess we're nervous just because i don't know nothings promise and i want to say that i'm doing something do seemed like a failure but we wrote like an entire script to a movie screenplay first feature so we just took a stab at it during during downtime. And we just been doing that. But congratulations thank you. Thank you a lot. Who knows what will happen. It's just like it's a good like i. I never thought. I would write anything in my life. I just i liked english class in school. I just i didn't like reading that much. I definitely like i feel like i. I remember like loving writing now. That i've been doing recently listening to podcasts. In books on tape to people learn differently. I think some people are visual learners and some people are auditory learners. Just going to say you like reading but listen to all the books visual means like looking at yourself. If you don't like reading i understand i'm dyslexic. Yeah i don't know the words are saying that's why a podcast listener like religiously and he gives see what. What is your first episode. Airing for has it third week in march. Okay thank the twenty fifth. Maybe maybe the twentieth. I told you. I'm not good with space. Not one thing we were. I mean i can speak from it. I was so nervous. Shooting that first episode i was like b yourself but be better and i think people will i mean. I don't know if people are gonna tell our nervous when we watched it back like off your so serious areas. Well we got our first. Cut it back but we were. I was like why we both laughing about was like why did i talk so call me the whole time. I will be non-intrusive on my own. Podcast is like oh god yourself with these. Other people aren't going to pick up so that's why core but it's more of just like okay. Here's the thing if we're going to do is podcast. And it's going to be like jesse. And i'm being bree i gotta be brie. You know. I'm not going to be like in a way that hopefully you life and that's hard it's really hard but that's like an and so for recognizing like okay. This might be a little bit nervous but that's good. That means i'm stepping in the direction. I will be nervous about walking away from this much easier for me to be a character that it is to be like. Here's me. I think but i also think like brian jesse different. On day to day you wake up having some sort of you have to record that day or you playing scheduled to record that day and so you just who you are that day. Good point. I mean i also feel like we. We shot our second episode yesterday. And i felt so much more mice my body myself and and i think our interviews on the first episode. We're really. I felt like we were totally ourselves. It was just the intro rows like very serious mitchell. Yeah right about like being honest with where you are. 'cause i am even though i'm very critical of myself. I'm grateful that. In that first episode. I was like i'm having a really anxious day and say yeah you'll so much better. There's any place to libya. it's a podcast. That's why that's literally the main reason we created this. I want to be able to talk about what's actually on my mind with the people that watch our stuff. That's so cool. And it's great for the. You guys have that now to it's learning podcasts. Lending lots podcast bringing. Jessie are learning. Lots so you guys are going to do research or have people tell you facts. Yeah it's been it's been both. Our first guest is rupee. Cora who's a poet so to prepare for that interview. I read all their books and reread the book. I had already read than the the books i hadn't read yet. And i watched a bunch of interviews of her. And i watched barbara walters the art of the interview and took myself like a little. I was like. I need a skirt suit And then and then our second guessing jimmy chen who's Adventure documentarian career. Rock climber and incredible. I mean they both were incredible guests and our first topic was comfort so we talked about both of the book. We talked to both of them about their understanding of comfort. And what makes them comfortable and uncomfortable Like our plan is that we'll have fan submissions. So fans can submit different topics and then we'll randomly select topics and that'll push us outside of our comfort zone to not just choose topics that were interested in but then at times dive into topics that may be like. I don't know if i connect with that. Or i don't know if i it's kind of braved learn on the fly publicly. You know you might learn something new literally on your podcasts. Or it seems like that's what the goal is. Yeah so that's breathe. It's been fun. I mean. I really yesterday was really fun. We had on yesterday. Well we can't say i. I definitely learned everyone listening to this. Is going to want to listen to. Yeah i definitely feel like. I'm learning a lot and it's it's fun awesome congrats. You guys want to come up with an episode topic for us for you to do. You should talk about also media. I think is a good topic interesting. This on different. Don't be afraid background. Be open about like the the bed sides of it. Because i feel like there are and you have to kind of talk about it seems to really polish world much like the acting was and then you don't realize there's a lot of things that are similar to like rejection or you know all unfairness in the industry so Yeah it'd be. It'd be cool for you guys. Thank you so had. I wanted to say. Oh oh you should just not the people listening you said fan suggestions and we've been trying to have this this hotline open for people to call in and we haven't been able to figure it out but i came up with an idea. We have our instagram account at deeper if you guys listening wants to. Dm a voice memo of yourself. This is more for spirit. Positively shouts but the voice memo to the account will be listening to that on. The podcast doesn't have a video in for the fans or is it just kind of figuring that out. You want to be able to do submission so it's not just like the two of us. We're trying to figure that for the longest time and we're flop so we didn't figure it out but those hoping resorted something quotable we'll let you know what we've figured out. He goes everywhere. Call in with the topic to -solutely also. Well i feel like we should feel good. I feel really good. This i learned is the play. You guys are great. Podcasters make for great hosts on your own podcast. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having us for having us. Of course thank you. Thank you for listening. Everybody out there listening to the podcast and watching. If you're and what else do i have to say. The least we'll do later. I thank you guys show. Well hello again. It's just us two and we are doing the altro if you've made it this far. Thank you so much listening to the episode. I hope you enjoyed it as much as i did because i certainly did. I learned a lot had fun. Bringing some talked about production old memories. There's lot we can take away from this episode. And i really appreciated the conversation that we just had and glad that you guys ran on it so thank you guys. Want to press a subscriber. So you don't miss any more podcasts. We're going to be doing similar to this one where we have guests on. And we just have open deep compass and Hopefully learn about something meaniful meaningful meaningful. Sorry you have to learn how to speak if you're going to be guesses Yeah that'll come to but thank you very much again for listening and we will see you in the next episode if you press subscribe and if you're just listening to talk to you in the next episode okay. It's been an app. thank you love you. Let's get next side of the cheesy deep next a while. I observe season to disregard that. We'll see you guys next time season two first episode back. Okay had the pressure over here.

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