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Ep 48 | What Would Aliens Say About Donald Trump?


My goodness goodness. It's another episode of the Chad this show. We're hanging out here in studio. Twenty two silent. Herbert looking over my shoulder there. He is the deer the deer that has nothing to say. But when day day he is going to speak have very special guest in house today. Mr. Andrew heat and the host of blaze TV's something's off Hello, injure Heaton. It's. I'm glad to be here. I know we got to be like in your garage. Fireman. This is laid back the aura of Stevie Ray Vaughan's resonates in the room because apparently he recorded here in no one can tell me, otherwise, I don't care if it's true or not. But I will tell you who legendary has graced us with his presence. And that is party fell. Steve sitting there in the peanut galley gallery sitting over there. My lovely wife. Jade hot news Natalie is sitting right over there with their feet exposed. And that's disgusting. Hates that. I know and showing ankle at everything Mary, you're so non-purified Hannibal. You really are. I now need you. Get more Elizabeth une. I do have. That's my one tattoo, and of course, puppet master Markus sitting over there in the chair in once again, we're missing candidacy the Queen of the of Europeans. It is good to have you over my friend. I like I'm just gonna go ahead and say, you're my favorite person on the entire network. You are. Wow. I know you sit bridge a resonant leftist progressive definitely everyone resident progressive I have never come to that conclusion. I've never I like it because you're a free thinker. Thanks. I don't feel fit in one of those boxes. Very well. It gets me in trouble casually. What is it that you call it the orphanage the political orphanage yet because that's kind of my my main thing is the last few years. I I started out working for congress. I did work for Democrats when I was in congress for blue dogs for the conservative Democrats when they were still around, and then I got into libertarianism, and I wound up working as writer and FOX business for awhile. And then I worked for reason. And and now I still like, I'm I am very skeptical of regulation and government, and that kind of thing, but the the main thing that just your Tate's me today is this like super red team versus blue team thinking. Yeah. And you know, there's there's a good team and everybody on the team is evil and trying to everything down lane. I I've been to some fun cocktail parties. Democrats. I've been some good barbecues Republicans. There's a lot of good people all over the board. And so that's that's what I start doing that in a lot of the people like zero on the other team. Right. And I guess I I guess I'm the other team. Then whatever that is the problem that I have is every. Wants to label everybody, and that's the thing if you can label somebody that you can put them in a box put the box on a shelf, and you don't have to deal with them. Because now Andrew heathens name comes up and says, yeah, but he's a an defined by the label. I don't like that. The other thing is everybody has anybody in America has their own interpretation and their own version of patriotism, you cut them. They bleed their type of red white and blue sometimes it's a little bit lighter blue, maybe it's a little more purple, but whatever they have their own sometimes it's rainbow colors, but the people blade bleed their own version in and that's the thing. I love literally everybody until I don't love them because of the same. I feel like if I don't like you. I'm basically a labrador retriever and cowboy boots. So I if I don't like you something either I will point it out. I don't like it. But it's really nothing to do with you. It's I didn't eat lunch today or alternately like you must have done some because I like most people too. I'm in that kind of will Rogers mold as well. Exactly. And so I mean, let's look at let's just take a macro view of my life. I have assist. Gendered male identifying man who is the director of this show in Mark finally quaffed. He likes women as far as I know. I can't talk about his Orleans experience when balls for flying in his face that was little league. But I, and I have I have my Jamaican slash Chinese co-producer shown, we call him black. I have my my Guatemalan. I'm not sure if that's where he's from other co producer, Jason Hernandez. We've got my gay agent Willie Rodriguez who also Cubano and claims to be a Republican to weird mix and my Jewish manager out in Beverly Hills. Arthur speed that you are the most diverse person highly diverse for dude that wears a cowboy hat. Yeah. Yeah. I love them. All I just love everybody. If I dislike you, you did something to be disliked saying, I think that's fine. I think another big thing that that that I'm trying to push in my work is just this basic premise that Gooden intelligent people can disagree on matters of substance. You can you can you can. Have lots of people in your life that you don't have to agree with them. You talk to and be like, hey, the thing you did. Did you do because you're a bigot? Oh, you didn't. Okay. Well, okay. Let's talk about that. If they were like, yeah. Just hate black people. I'd be like, well, I'm not. That's terrible. Do no just I thought it was a bad idea. Okay. Exactly. So so I say this to you often, and it's it's not only a claim to fame. But it's a it's a it's a huge compliment my wife sitting over here. She got introduced you on the news and white matters. And we had done an episode together something and she said I'd like him a lot. And I said what about him? She goes. He's not. I'm gonna put that on my dating profile chatting freighters wife of not an ad. Not a lot. I hold a lot of ways. Exactly, deeply flattered. Well. And so and so because Jade Jade's never been a person whose background I in deers her to any real political leanings. She's not she she sees something. She's a commonsense gal. And so she sees it. She's like, yeah. Like this. And I was just saying way I was like heat, and because he thinks any smart and in and you're younger than a little bit younger than you. Look not told significantly. Hope I'm significantly younger than because I I looked like ABRAHAM LINCOLN impersonator dressed show host. I'm gonna shave pretty soon. It gets like eighty degrees. As I'm gonna fail now. Morrogh? Yeah. Probably shape tomorrow. Yeah. So what I need you to do if you're gonna shave the beard, first of all, it's a nice beer. Thank you leave the stash and get you a Matt Kibi curl get the hippie of the he looks like czar, nNcholas the second. He he has the slightly Prussian warlord. Yeah. Moustache? I I think if you're a white guy you wanna grow moustache, you have to either have you have to jowls. That's it. You really have to be a cop. You really maybe a fireman. I look like a nineteenth century French doer or like a very questionable wrestling coach. And so I don't think I could pull off the bus. Just look like the dad on family ties stick Steve Texan Keaton. Yes, Steve your heat. Yeah. It's it's that end we probably have some kind of ancestoral alliance with the dishes had that conversation with a picture of them. I think like a week from that. He's got worse car. Hey, everybody. How was your day at school? Here's a lunch pail. Like, I'm so close to being that guy. I'm like have had that conversation about him looking like, Alex peak Eaton's dad, and that that's funny. That's funny chat. I like you too. I enjoy I enjoy your very nice guy. You're very funny guy. And and you have a way of making everybody feeling -cluded in comfortable. I've never been around you where everyone in the room was not a part of whatever we were doing. And it's a really nice quality that you have I feel like you're you're like back in high school. You're the cool kid that's like grabbing the dorks and bringing them along. And I'm in the door. No that actually talk. I it's funny that you say that because I still to this day have the guys who were considered the quote doors in highschool. They reach out to me. And they'll still say man, we appreciate that. You were an athlete and a jock. And you know, you chose to hang out with us during cleared. It will exactly because I had enough forethought to realize these kids, we're going to be changed investment strategies, you nice to the debate kid, exactly. These little doogie howser. Nice tennis racket kid. It's so, yeah, they, you know, what that stereotypes exist for a reason. And I will tell you. I do the news is breaking today. It's just things are going crazy. I don't wanna talk about the news. I wanna talk about us. This is this is we're more important than they should do a show called this is us. Yes. Yes. I think it's been done. Dammit. Where do I want on the news, though, the the Muller probe ties it has an earlier this week? I I never covered that on my show. Yeah. Because I was just I kind of bored with it demands with you. And I thought it was probably gonna mostly be smoke, man. I one hundred percent was correct. You're a hundred percent. I only people most thinking people were correct mentioned nNcholas the second earlier. I wanna go there. Good Tony round. Which is actually the Bolshevik revolution the Russian revolution. And the era of World War One is actually my favorite in most versed piece of history. I I really enjoy that time frame because I think it was then that okay? So first of all the optimism after the civil war. The optimism. In the world, especially in America was very humanist. In thought they were as they would say in every day in every way, I'm getting better. And they would encourage people to look in the mirror and twenty times say that to yourself and so people thought. Long Robin's period really was in. So people thought that that one men were inherently good, and they thought that people were involve ING and becoming a more humanitarian and humanist state in an essence man was God in that respect. And then the stories in the songs and the poems of men going off to war in World War One. They were very optimistic and enthusiastic about going to war. Ten million deaths of men in France alone later over the four years of war one. We realized the world is is quite an evil place. Altima tely the rise of Adolf Hitler in almost what is your favorite period. I mean, do you have you ever looked into that thing and just looked at the human condition because I feel that history is being forgotten. I so I I really enjoy the enlightenment. That's that's the thing. I've been really jumping into the last few years because I think that for most of human history. I think the natural the state of man that the thing that we on some instinctive level want is we want to have an authority figure, and we want to have social betters, which is an thing that when you look like, I'm from Oklahoma. You're from Georgia. I think but if I say the Queen you don't go Jimmy Beatrice of normal. We we've got this desire to to get them. And then we have this desire to have like a like a an angry dad or a good dad, or whatever and the Enlightenment's the first time in human history. Where people went maybe we just don't need like bettors to tell us what we're doing. Maybe can do your thing. And I'll do my thing. And like actually it's going to work out pretty well. And I'm kind of freaked out now because I feel like we're going the other way where like like our friends over in Europe with European Union. They've gone feudalism. Turbo idea. We agree. Yeah. But but the basic idea of lords is awesome. It's just that. We're gonna put in like Ivy league sweater vest people. Instead of you know, blue bloods. No, no. That was no I was against the I was against the structure of it. So I like the light I'll say with World War One though. I I've been listening to Dan carlin's podcast. I don't know if you listen to hardcore history, but I had no idea how lake crazy violent all that stuff was because you World War the moment, the snappy uniforms, the the body of evil, we're we're one they're putting gas masks on horses and things they were in. It was it was, you know, World War. One was really a demonstration. Man's inhumanity to man, which is what human history is made up of its goes from one epoch to another in where people are just really being cruel to each other and World War. One was was an ultimate demonstration of that. Because now we have the advent of things like air power, and we have cameras where which can reveal a lot of these things. I don't know if you've seen Peter Jackson's documentary where he took actual footage from World War One actual I've seen previews, and I wanna why colorized it, and then he found people because it was silent film. So he found people who could lip read to interpret what these soldiers were saying. But then, you know, being a New Zealander were one buff. He brought in people from these different villages in these different areas. Who had the same accents as where these soldiers would have been from to dub the words. So it's like, you're watching them talk in their own accents tents. Yeah. It's incredible. So Peter, Jackson course Lord of the rings fame. You know, incredible moviemaker he has this museum world one museum their New Zealand, and he'd collected all these artifacts. Among. Was these films? He did. This thing says an interesting interesting little piece, I would love to watch that. I think that'd be great like World War One. The like I said they're putting gas masks on horses and things I think that would have been really freaky time in the previously. You got your job loan offer, something you just died like we're one we have all these things happening, and like battles that are like, you know, forty thousand people dying in an hour and the battle goes on for like, months, and months and months that was a a horrific thing. And then I think like this this is where the nerd me comes out where I'm like, God, the the amount of where it is Andrew where it'd be further happened. Sokaiya question if you could time travel for a week just as a tourist you can't change anything. You can hang out where would you go? Where would you hang out? Those are good question. It wouldn't be the twentieth century bloody been there I've been there. I don't want to go back to that. That was a bloody mess. But you know, I think that I think going back to the age of the renaissance, you know, the damenich family, and these these folks I would love to go back in. I think he would be great at all like a medieval of exactly I think I would go back to the renaissance and see these things that because the beauty of it is you could still see these things, you know, you can go to Rome and go to Florence. You can go to these places you see these things but to go back and see how these oh God, what's a good term form not power mongers? But just these influencers of of government, and society, and culture, and art and influence changed history. And so many big waves because you mentioned the alight and the renaissance was the same way. I mean, there's this thing where all of a sudden human history just steps up. Sticks his head out of the sand. And goes, hey, we're here. This is going to be a revolutionary change for all of human history in terms of influence, and that's one of those things, you know, that or I would say the reformation, but they probably burn me at the stake. Killed his way. So when I lived in Edinburgh, they they had a really good kind of national pastime killing witches in Scotland. And if you go to the castle esplanade, there's this placard that says over here, the burned lots of which is, but in retrospect, a lot of them were good witches, and we apologize for killing him. Tawny about none of which is it was for like nineteen ninety. They were still like to tall. Yeah. Killing the wrong. I'd go back. I would be curious to get into the mindset because I you brought up cameras a minute ago. I do think like we are kind of for good and for ill living in this panopticon moment where I don't think we quite realize how different would have been one hundred fifty years ago, where if you were at a bar or a restaurant, and you just shouted something. It would never affect anything. You could just be a complete dick and nothing. That's that was your wife's very kind of camera. Never you never. You didn't go to the pub with Enver the grid down. I'm like hidden, rakes and stuff. The thing that freaks me out is do you have like a like an Amazon Alexa or a series anything like that? I've got them. All I'm a nice guy. And I watch these these period films where like some British Lord is. How dare you bring pulse at this hour you stupid throw something, but never say that. And then I'll get home be like, Alexa, play electric light orchestra. No, not that one. You stupid robot? Ladder. And I'm currently I'm evil person. When I don't have any pushback on me. Play. Every day in my apartment by fling the door open. It's quite a yellow bitch. That is exactly. Would j what were you going to say? Oh, remember, if you could travel back in time, where would you go where would you go? What would you do just to be an observer, not change it? But just being go back to you know, when Jesus be born. Okay. So they can come back and be like told you. For the win. Luther is all about it. Well, I don't wanna go down that trail because I could be a fun conversation to get interesting. I give you my best part question. Come this to you? If you could shoot out a different liquid from every finger on your hand, you got five liquid. You can shoot out you're crazy heat. And this is an something's off. Like, I can't believe you're not married. Such random hot girl in the corner. Jay. Risky. Well, I can tell you what would shoot out of this thing. Have you choose tell you why this question. Yeah. Good question because I feel like so much of the time we go on auto pilot when you meet people because if you like most people that are bad at remembering names, it's like, hey, what's your name? Bob. I don't care moving on with my life. Label box auto pyrite thing. I don't really like asking people what they do for a living anymore because they're excited. I'm excited. I like when people are stoked about him. But if they're like, I'm a mid level accountant. I don't care. Let's move. So I'm like, okay. We think about ghosts. Let's talk about ghosts money. Raise the five fingers thing people, they get this bug. I look, and then if they if they'll join me onto might when our we have a real conversation. I'm going to see how your brain works. Let's see. Okay. So whiskey has come right thumb. You suck a specific vintage. I mean, you know, with whiskey Brown liquid, you know, right now index finger because that's your okay nice. That's good talking to the microphone say this. You're going to have a really good night out of the Mark. Steve getting getting wasted and Milton faces. Can think about what comes out of that one? Out assuming sperm. The asks on his arguments mixed up redefining biology. We don't have to have sex to have babies I gotta middle finger. There. It is somebody helped me, I don't know. After that. I'm gonna so cotton. I feel a gasoline quite help. That'd be guessing. You just be standing there by your car right there by that probably healthy to have some water water's good idea. I mean me so soup. I feel like Mesa soup. Your finger five water, whiskey and be so soup. I can live anywhere in the world. And I'm perfectly fine. You could drop me off at a desert, and I'm okay. My stupid brain goes to vodka tequila. Rum beer. A mobile hatted bar at that. Exactly. Great call me Alexander zioka taste that would that. Would that would be really good superheroes? The walking liquor camp. We just do a halt. We could do a whole Long Island sweet tea right here. Just put all my fingers in the glass and fill it up. All we need is a coke. I love it. That's a great party question Heaton, leave it to heat and come up with stuff this. Oh what what time period? Would you? Go back to party foul on a pretty good day yesterday. You don't remember it? I wish you could go back yesterday and just observe yourself. How you were all captured on film. Pretty good. Wait Jade, how about you. If I was just observing because I know it's been rough for females for a long time, which I think it's funny that females complain so much now when we've come quite a fire I wanna repeal suffrage. I really. I have if I was just there to see I would like the medieval era. Yeah. That's always been very winch. Yeah. I think that's a very romantic era. Oh, Jesus cry. They asked was what I how I felt I wanted to romantic alright he'll back to Bill Clinton's office when Monica visited back to. SE erotic thing. Clinton, and Monica Lewinsky, that's where you're gonna go. You just want to see if it really happened. Oh, it really. Dress me see what did I t's? Okay. So we have this saying around here. Steve gets his news from memes Steve gets all of his news for memes. So we're going to we're going to we're going to get a t shirt. Herbert would probably go back to when he had a body. That's a good deal though. History is fascinating. The I enjoy it. It disturbs me though that we have so much revisionist the winners. Get to tell the story first of all the winters get to tell the story. And how that's interpreted from the winners standpoint and viewpoint. You're not gonna remember my father who was stationed in Germany back in the sixties, mid sixties. Any army? He was the core of engineers. And was fortunate enough not have to go to Vietnam. But he can remember going in German homes, and they still had pictures of that off Hitler, really because in their mind. He was a great leader. Wow. Okay. So sixties because the sixties this is enough to win years after you know, he committed suicide. So so, yeah, it's it's it's weird. How people interpret? Yeah. Their history, it's like my. So I went to college in history. And it was also it was it was interesting because it gives you these sort of mental frameworks to realize that people think about things differently like like doing history, if you take the election between Grover Cleveland and McKinley. I'm not sure let's say those two guys ran against each other. I don't remember the for whatever reason there's kind of like range of people with really good facial nineteen hundred eighteen eighty to nineteen hundred I don't actually know anybody. And like if you're if you're a Marxist, then you would look back and go, well, then I'm gonna look for economic. Economic signifies. I'm going to look back and go, you know, what were the what was the average income in the United States that time that kind of thing or you might look and go, well, I'm where religious oriented. So I wanna look and see where there people that was a surprise versus Catholic thing was the secular versus Christian thing were maybe I'm I think it's ideological and it's more. We were they, you know, classical liberal or were they were they progressive, and you can you can begin to see these filters that people put on things, and I find that. That's a very helpful skill set to have particularly when you get into a Vincent in day where you can go. Okay. 'cause I'm when I look at the news, I might be approaching it from very different lens in somebody else's and helps them figure out what they're talking about. When I realized that they've got this very specific mindset that they're bringing to it. Mckinley got shot nineteen. Foot story with McKinley. And this is probably made up, but I like I've been tour guide and three cities. I was a got gotten Edinburgh to guy in Washington DC and for one day in New York, and in DC the story that I've talked about with McKinley was McKinley got shot. And I believe he got shot by a disgruntled guy that hadn't he wanted. He wanted to become postmaster Jasim postmaster McKinley is shot. And and it's not it's probably not gonna kill him. He's probably okay. Like, he's these tough guys back, then these are all like, you know, like civil war vets. And they they bring him to the hospital and they call the smartest. Scientists of the day. Who is who's the guy that invented the lightbulb Edison, Edison? Thank you. So they bring it out supposedly there. Yeah. You know, the the one we know right here the bringing Thomas Edison, because he invented the very first medal sector, and so they brought an Edison to to bring his medal and locate the bullet in the most incredibly specific and targeted way, you could do ten logically. So he brings his. Thing in like, you know, there it is. They dig it out. And they're like good job. Everybody is like hold on. Let's do another pass in case. The the lead fractured. So another pass. And yet there's so us. Okay. There's still more lead in there guys keep going and they keep doing export torture. They can't find anything. They another pass being keep doing sports or surgery this point. They're all like, you know, risk deepen the president's guts looking for this thing. And he's I'm sorry it somewhere in there. You gotta find they keep doing this. And then. After forty minutes of the back of the room goes, excuse me. Mr. Edison, the fact that the president's on a metal cot with the issue here today, just president McKinley with his technology. Yep. So Edison Edison killed McKinley. But but that was to your point. I mean, it's like everything is kinda tainted and filtered the whole thing. And it's it's a crazy thing. It's in. That's. By the way, on that point before we go any further because we've said this in a recent episode Millan Millard Fillmore had to have the most integrity of any president. Ever twice. Everybody's favorite president. Everybody loves Miller Fillmore Millard Fillmore in the middle of the podcast and every body in the room was like who he was fifty. This pecker head googled it. Nobody else knew that he might. He might have been our first gay president Millard Fillmore is it became an I can't you can't be cancel one that like a gentleman. With him. Yeah. So, but no, I I love I love this thing. And here's what I want to get into. Here's why was Millard Fillmore the most hitting. I just love say names that people are like, no, I do that is he's president United States. You should have a contest where you make up one factor week at see who can nail to good idea. That's why I keep you around yet in this people. If you're not watching and listening to something off the enter you gotta be doing this thing. I'm telling you, you will learn you'll laugh and you'll learn and that's what pre shit about you. Here's the thing. I say all the time the phrase, you said it, and I love it the two hundred years from now aliens are going to invade earth. And they're going to dig up. Artifacts are going to Twitter records isn't going to say, oh, look they had a washed up gameshow host and they made him their king. I love that. Thank you. That is the best analogy of Donald Trump. I think that's about right? I think like I to a weird extent. I think about what a future civilization will think of it. Because like I said I was history. Major right. Keep talking glasses or thank you. So the the. If you're if you're a historian almost all of human history, everything we know about it is from one of three things it's from crap people left behind by accident like pottery shards, it's from propaganda, right? Like arc the Gulf war from the perspective of Saddam Hussein. That's most recorded history. Right. And then the third one is letters mostly from Benjamin Franklin, but letters and missives that we have we have found, right? So I look at Twitter, and I'm like, oh my God. In the thousand years now, they're going to understand our civilization based on all the asinine crap. We'd head on Twitter. So they're gonna wake up and go the twenty first century. People hated Mondays. But they love memes of cats playing piano that it'd be everything you've done in your life. They get all the wonderful your wedding all that stuff. There. I'm day was a fun day. Thank goodness. It's Friday cash tag week. That's going to be the most asinine not. But we're going to be percent as the most Jerasia history. And then if you were Elliot's sifted through all the stuff, if you're going through VHS tapes, you would go human life is nothing but birthday partisan going to the beach. That's all even know of. And then now it'd be like and they elect game show hosts president like, yeah. That's that's the that's the world. I have this philosophy in put it in your head and just get your take on it. So everybody news heard me say this million times throughout history. People have put their story on wall. Whether it was a cave drawing gypsy hieroglyphic, or whatever it was. Now, we're putting it on a digital wall used to be. We kept the words of posterity for posterity of the poets in the prophets in the kings in the philosophers in these folks, you know, we remember what Plato and Aristotle and Socrates said now now everybody has a voice not everybody is responsible with their. Voice. And so we're putting the stuff out there. And we're going to be interpreted by history based on the pablum that we have produced en masse social media, and that's how we're going to be interpreted throughout history. I mean, it's it's not gonna Bill through says I seen you on Facebook like that. That's that's horrible. So maybe Facebook will wind up being the Rosetta Stone. In which like, I like resented stone. Bond ex it's just horrible. It's like if aliens come down, I think there should be a lot of aliens come down immediately just destroy every single YouTube message board because I don't wanna be like, hey, come check out the Grand Canyon. And then like everybody shuts down because there's so dark stuff stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Well there too late. You think about like reading a book about I'm talking to a guy about Adam Smith on Thursday PG works going to be on. And I really love it. Yeah. Yeah. He's a funny. Funny, man, he's coming on to talk about and, but but I was going through when when he wrote the wealth of nations like the the amount of people that could purchase books was like one percent of the population. So if you're at that time, if you were writing your writing for this, very specific set, and clearly, it's awesome. That like now, we're all literate and could talk like, I'm, you know, my family was living in a dugout three generations ago and. In. But at the same time Loma. Yeah. Oklahoma get now, we got there. It was there wasn't anyone even trees we had to dig a hole on the hill in limited. But. The way you are the smartest human that has ever come out of Oklahoma. Thank you very much. We'll take that. I don't know that it's necessarily a compliment, but you are head and shoulders above the general populace. I I am the Frazier crane of Oklahoma. Doc except that mantle I'm gonna take. Okay. Yeah. I lost my point. I know you're talking about more awesome heat analogies. But nobody it has like the whole kind of shift that you're losing to think we've gone from quality to quantity. Where do you wanna make a splash? You wanna get the biggest outreach and make the talk to the most people you can as opposed to honing tweeting every hour. I'm relevant. Yeah. And that's why I'm not huge on Twitter because I try to say things that are meaningful and you'll need to follow him at mighty Heaton on Twitter today. So Backley, I'm the same way. So you have very thoughtful tweaks. You and I are the same. But where you're you're making fun content. You're making regular you go to promote it. Yeah. But at the same time, like you're a thoughtful person, I think you're also a focused person. Yeah. Select like, I don't it bothers me when I hang out with my friends that are in their twenties. I'm thirty five my friends that are in their twenties are constantly tweeting or they're on Facebook. Whatever in it kind of weirds me out because I don't want to if I'm spending time with somebody. I just want to spend time with them. I don't wanna be out in either. And and it it's that kind of that that off balance being present. And being you know, in that moment. Exactly. Yeah. So I had dinner together, you know. Don't wanna put neither one of us ever took our phone. We talked the whole time. Exactly enjoy being with that person. It's weird to me that people. There you're with someone that you're not with them. And then all of a sudden, you know, you're texting somebody else we're talking to somebody else. But then if I'm with that person that I was texting I'm gonna be texting you. It's weird phenomenon. Like, we're never satisfied in the moment with the human beings that were with anyway, I wanna talk about you for sick. Oh, that's my favorite subject. Let's get you were getting all zinn focused. Let's talk about the career path. How did you and you alluded some places you've worked and you've done a lot of different thing. I know you have to Oklahoma City zoo. We I that's that's good, folks. The dolphin show. They kept catching strep throat. Sorry about that. They wouldn't be by never touched dolphin. That was just say to enter Heaton is not only a comedian he legitimate. He's a comedian stand up comedian. But he's also master of improv and a student of that we'll get into that the second. But let's walk me through the process of of what brought you here today. I think I'll be zoo. Yeah. No. So I okay. So I graduated college. And I I went to a I went abroad for a year because I wanted to live in another country, but I didn't wanna have to learn a new language. So I went to Scotland that seemed like the easy easy way to do it. And then I lived in. I lived in LA for about six months live in a tool shed behind my best friend's house because I I wanted to get into radio when a great friend. He couldn't give you the gal. You if you're twenty three you're moving to L A live in a tool shed. It is great. I it was like living in a big Easter egg. And it was really nice. I did that. But I wanted to get into radio with time. But like the, but it was it was eight and so the recession it just hit and an NPR purged everybody. And so I I wound up being background actor like like an extra in film for and I didn't really luckily, so I I moved to DC and I worked for congress for a little while. And then I got a scholarship to go back to Edinburgh where I lived to get a degree in international, politics and through this process. I'm doing stand up at night. And I kept doing it. When I was in Scotland, actually, I think the the highlight of my comedy career was I got asked to be a regular comedian thank called Saturn Edinburgh. Saturnalia cabaret. So you're doing comedy in Scotland. Yeah. Yeah. I was doing county. Scotland I was the comedian at this this Merican accent. Yeah. Well, it it. I'm sure it would have curb slightly because at once you're if I think they're new one. Yeah. Drop your ours come out. But but but but I was doing that. I I went on between a lady that took her clothes off in a guy that eight light bulbs. And I think that was like the best guy. Yeah. Yeah. So I did that for and then and then I went back to DC. And I thought I was going to get like a suit and tie job like is a bureaucrat, and and then eventually I was going to try and get New York and do comedy. And and then I was there for like six months year. Now, why am I doing? I don't want to be a bureaucrat. I'd rather be funny. So I up and moved to New York and was doing comedy up there and a few people over at FOX business found out that I was a stand up comedian. But also, I like free markets, and I like Bilton Friedman, and there's not a there's not a huge pronounced intersection. That's not a big convergence circle. So they went sina stuff about congress. But also you like capitalism, and I was like, yeah, Andrew funny. And I was like I am one of the three. And so they hired me and I worked on that odor. I worked on a couple of shows doing that. And then in worked for reason for a bit which is a wonderful, libertarian magazine and publication at a New York, and then I out shooting DC in then then about six months ago. I just I finally kind of I'm is a Senate from. Oklahoma originally, I just kind of got worn out on New York overall. I was tired of direct contact being prelude to murder in. So decided it's about time for me to head home. So my walks in the park and then rape. Yeah. No, I say hide it like I'd leave the apartment of the morning and go like, oh, good morning and my neighbor go, I don't wanna buy drugs. I don't belong here anymore. I never belonged here. So I moved in. And then I got I got scooped up by the blaze, and I went, okay. That sounds like a fun game that happened. I mean, what was the process there? I think they found some of the stuff of noon for reason because they've been making a lot of funny. I I did I hosted a show called mostly weekly which was kind of like a Craigslist last week tonight for libertarians do this so much people really need to listen to what you just said. There's a lot see that's comedy to make that really closely analogy like a Craigslist. That's awesome. Yeah. A poorer poor late night show, but from a decidedly free market perspective. And so I think the blaze watch that if you people have been fans today hit me up, and then brought me on a now, I'm doing this and colleagues with you love it. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate that take my wife room. He doesn't gallery. Hey, the difference between you and my wife. She is a. During the headlights. You've done a bunch of comedy all over the place because every time I talked to you just got back from a gig somewhere. You've done it all over the states. Do you find that in have have you done it internationally either way the questions same? Do you find that humor changes anywhere? Do you find you have to change your game? When you're the prizes. Surprisingly, you know, the thing about international stuff is, you know, obviously, we're not talking about Nigeria here. We're talking about the UK. Although I one hundred percent go to Nigeria if they if they flee down there a grad time, it's not I've been there time to trust me. It is on the do not fly list is humor is hard to translate. When it's your culture, it's that much harder to try to do it in a culture that that's totally different beers. I find that my humor translates well in Australia. Yeah. It translates well in the UK in in Austria like like they're too is basically Georgia. It is. I mean, like really light like demographic amazement found this had like four months ago, like everyone industry area that came over in the seventeen whenever they as prisoners. They had Georgia was a prisoner caller to like the British for sending over there. They're felons to the to the colony of Georgia. And at some point the when my then making lot of noise. I don't think we should send them anymore felons. Let's do any islands in the Pacific. It's like a straight basically, they're Cowboys from the British. And they're all and there's a lot of Australia's who are watching this podcast. Listen this podcast in my heart goes out to you. Because I know you hate your progressive government. And it's gone. It's just been crazy for twenty five years. It really hasn't in heart goes out to the tragedy and Zeeland, and I'm also sorry that now that you're having give up they lost a prime minister one time herald Holt, they don't talk about this. But they literally just lost him. Not swimming. If it came back like imagine of Gerald Ford with swimming during the Cold War and just never came back. That would be the biggest frigging conspiracy theory all of history. Swimming. He didn't come back. We go to new palm minister and. Hey. Talk about that. That's amazing. My mind flash is back to the movie. What was it nineteen forty one ninety forty two the John Belushi movie where the girl goes out swimming? And all of a sudden Japanese subculture. The Russians went like grabbed and put them in their subway. Face in Moscow, and they're gonna thaw out, and they kidnap Hollis Hollywood. And they're like, where's Hollywood? Hollis would. Who would any of box of cracker, Jack and the gift the little prizes a compass? And that all he grabs. Go watch the frigging movie. It's funny. How would anyway? That's what happened to the bridge. Newseum? Yeah. Yeah. Have a surfing friend in New Zealand. Yeah. Back to your point. And he says every year every surfing season, we lose at least one person to a great white shark. If you if you serve for sharks on the north coast. He said, we there's at least one person that goes away. Surfing from great white, shark, which would tell me I don't want to surf in New Zealand. I don't. So there's a good chance the prime minister Wade out. I think very like I went to stray for about a month and everything's trying to kill you everything. Everything's trying to hold place exists whole place like like if like California exist to take your money trail, you have you have duck beavers about that from an adult Bill. It's a duck beaver dot created a pervert beaver put on this island at the far into the supposed to live there. It's supposed to be in Australia. Give you a wide shot under your Charrette. Look look back over there. Studio. Twenty two we got heads laying around here. Listen, there's Holt. He made it there. He is. There's the prime minister we've got his head. If you're not watching the Jeb their show, you frigging missing out. We had an Oklahoma. We lose like a hand every year in the in the noodling festival in the y'all know what who Ling is. Yeah. Okay. Because you're you all for proper America. Let's do it. But you said. Yeah. So if he'll right after that guy, if he if you're listening to a home, you don't know, what noodling is noodling is when you go into a lake and you put your hand down the biggest hole, you can find an you hope something bites your hope, it's GATT as you pull it out, and it usually fish, but sometimes it's a beaver and beavers bite your hand off. And somebody lose a finger every two three years somebody will die and the whole thing. Just like a Cormack McCarthy novel set in Ireland, Texas, it's an amazing amazing thing players takes population. One nine one when nineteen. My good friends Hannah. And her dad Jeff baron earned south Alabama. And that's kind of their claim to fame is their outdoor people. But they they noodle. I don't like being in the water. I don't care what watery is going to get in the swimming pool. I will be on the water or by the water. I don't wanna be in the water, especially the ocean, seafood. Really? But I don't wanna be in the water. Now, the last time you and I had sushi together. I got sick. Angry AM poisoned you. Sure. Pounds over twenty four hours. I don't want to kill him. But I just wanna test. That was great. Nice. Thanks, Dave galley, this why keep this guy around. No. But they get in the murkiest water and stick their hands and muddy holes and hope to pull a fish out. That's the dumbest thing you could do in murky waters. Now some. Some. Hand and our anyway talking about people disappear in. We were in Kabo this last summer in Jade had an accident. We won't get into with the serve because I tell you don't get in the water there because it's it's the undertow is so bad the tiger so bad in most of the beaches in combo, but they had a couple who had came out to renew. Their vows. They were in their sixties came out to renew. Their wasn't lapses. Exactly. You got it. You we do. They're not they're not they're not for straw till death. Do. Count. We do couples called an Oscar base. We you've heard of couples massages tissue. We we've been overlook each other in the. You know, we were in new are very of it. These folks are in their sixties and went out to the water to just kind of look over the ocean and guess wept away away hit them. They never saw him. Again. They renewed their vows and that went into eternity together. Okay. Yeah. So I don't I don't do Meriden rainstorm, folks. Do it in Kansas tied not with your tone that you can't untie with your teeth. That's the deal. Okay. Make it forever. But no, I eat. So you wound up here at the blade how you adjusted to live in doubt you in Dallas. I'm in the Bishop arts district Dallas, which would be I would be. I agree. Yeah. But it's like have you seen this show the good place Danson? It's like that. If it were in Texas dance is one of the nice nicest. Nice nice guy. I like Dallas. I like the whole thing's been really good. I mean, the the the my blood pressure is noticeably lower because in New York, like it's, you know, some of my best friends of New York. There's a lot of really good things going for New York getting raped in central park. I well, you know. Yeah. Those that Tuesday ribs terrible thing. I don't wanna show up. I have to the the New York. It got to me because it is so frenetic like, it's it's very the the friction of the the energy level necessary to live there. And it's also the etiquette models. Very different me being from Oklahoma. The etiquette where I'm from is that you show respect buying gauging with people. So like my faint. My the heat and family is our strongholds alva-, Oklahoma. And if you if you're driving into Alvin you don't wave at people, they're like, why aren't you waving like, what did you what are you having and the home of Blake Shelton? And then he's from that sounds eighty eight don't. Yeah. I think I'm not very modest modest syllabi. The ruin Oklahoma's all of our towns are named after the last red guy or the first white guy. So there's a very specific pattern that you can see playing out over the, but, but it's it's a very very gregarious place last. The I in in in New York, though, you give respect by giving people space. Right. And I'm never going to reconcile that. I couldn't square that that, sir. Whereas douse is lovely in that capacity. It would I could I could do a little bit friendlier in that. Like I've been to like small towns in the south where like you come in. And they're like, hey like you wanna live with us. Like there is a certain like in really over the top that I quite like, no, it's been nice. I like having a car again and me drive everywhere. I call people on the phone a lot more and more connected to my friends and family. It's been good. You're talker. I mean, when I say that I mean in a good way, cause you you're communicators. So you like the talk on the phone you actually have the over the table conversation or the telephone commerce. I get all my energies from other people say that to the older, I get like the more important. Those relationships are to me as well. We're like Nick now, it's very important. Mark thirty five. Think you're very magnetic over here. We've been talking about you. And Jay this like a panel home. My god. Thank you. This is that there's you know, and you can't put your thumb on it. But Steve has a crush. I'll take it from all three. Thank you very much the same time. Great except your tripartite. On mystery. See the back of your head. But it's not until finally lofta retract back. We went on a date with you. You would ask us like what your favorite cereal? I'll say this wouldn't be boring though. Anyway, boring. I never had. I've never thought about you know, what if I had to swap the bottom half of my body with an animal. What animal I'd pick. And you know, it'd be interesting. Yeah. I would like to see in Fort Worth. Because if your blood pressure is decreased in Dallas, we would bring a chair and have it behind you at all times in Fort Worth because we're doing to bring come over. We'll. Dinner at bluegrass over there. Because I haven't found any bluegrass. Really, I think I think this area's gone full Hilton country. Not really there's no real good bluegrass anywhere anymore. I it's I wanna I wanna bring it to Fort Worth it put up at the Hilton downtown. We'll take you to find enter Australia. I've Tom told Denton too. I have not been good just as far away from where it's at, you know, didn't kinda grownup so big that it's like every other metropolitan areas trying to figure out his traffic situation. But didn't you know? You know, you need come over. There are friend. We went to a tasting the other night for Stephan Rochelle is a good friend of ours. He's a chef. And he's opening a new place called wish bone and Flint there on the south side of Fort Worth fantastic. I still don't know what I ate. I had beef jaw beef jaw go beef young. It was it was apparently jaws very Tinder, very tasty meat. I don't know. But it was good. And so we have all these schifrin's over there. You gotta come to Fort Worth your town fully shift, can I will. And I'm told I'm told where it's a little bit more gregarious to which I do like that. It's a little more laid back. It's a big small town and it held onto its heritage albeit it has grown very cosmopolitan within its countdown to write you tend to like, particularly as part of the country tend to be cow towns and oil oil-town's that's true in Dallas oil town in. Yeah. Now Dallas is oil is where the money came from. And in Dallas is a weird place. You only about ten percent of the people who live in Dallas are actually from Dallas. Really? Wow. Yeah. Checks checks. Everybody. I'm meets somebody. They're always from somewhere. But now I grown to enjoy Dallas. I was conceived in Dallas. So my parents thing and horrible place. But I I have this. You know, I believe that birth begins at conception. And so I'm a Texan. Okay. And there you go, but I was born in New Jersey. So there is a New Jersey. Four months of my if I would have put you in as as your by John? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I I do love John. Yeah. I was through there. It is the Hoboken of. See that habit. Well, I just love saying as your Johnny. I'm johnny. Oh my God. You like you like being here me on the tax only initially move down to Austin in Austin is a quirk based economy, and I like that I like the quirky. So like like, I fit very well in Austin because I showed up I got out of my car. And then I here's your ukulele or you come into the turtle race. And I was like is that we're doing that today though? It was today. We're going to turn rates, but you go to these things like were at south by south west. Yes. And I'll say like Dallas has Dallas. I think Dallas is like Oklahoma city's older hotter sister. So I get it. Like, I get down. I I understand what's happening in Oklahoma City is the same way where there's really cool stuff having Oakland city. You just have to look for it. Yeah. Austin's very it's very. You you you need a Pliono effort to find weird stuff in Austin, Oklahoma City, I'm into like I've been to prison rodeos, I've been to a rattlesnake Derby's. But you have to have a car, you have to know some people like a big foot hunts hippie hollow. No am oh in Austin. You did. Is that is that the newest thing they do in the comes out. Have you been nudist camp? I've been a hippie hollow. Have you ever been to Andrew you've ever been to a new like no I thought about going for thanksgiving one year? But I. But I, but I actually I was actually give serious thought to this time. I thought it'd be interesting. Yeah. So I went to three day weekend thing. I swear to God this I like I just had to go see whatever this was in. So I got invited to this thing. And I was like, okay. So this is a nudist. They there are things there. You cannot unseat. Like there are things. You don't wanna see their things you can't unseat like it's not this is not Sports Illustrated issue. This is not these people the it's a weird. It's a weird thing, man. The first nude beach over went to I went to I was in a Barscelona. I never been. I'm again, I'm from Oklahoma. It's like a Norman Rockwell painting. I've never I've never been to a nude beach. And I went to Barscelona, and it was a nude. I found out. It was a nude beach after I showed up I didn't go because it was a new major. I'm glad because I would have been so disappointed. No one no one that was naked that beach should have even been an extra in a documentary about craps. Put a single one of those people on camera from eighty feet away. All terrifying. Horrible horrible people that want to go to beaches should not be nude. No. However, there was this great moment where it was. It was ought ought seven in. And there was this. He says there isn't he doesn't consistently. There. There's a protest going around Europe where everybody would ride bicycles naked to protest the war in Iraq or something. And they they went past this beach in Barcelona everybody came out, and we all started applauding, and and they happen to go pass this this name, the nude bicyclists went past this eighty year old man in electric wheelchair. Who did not know what was going on? He's just riding his wheelchair back to the house or whatever. And all these naked. And he starts looking around and his face was just filled with this beatific joy at he kicked his wheelchair in high gear. And it was like the eight year old version of the running of the bulls. It was like I've never seen so happy about life. It was great. The. Thank you very much. Love hearing him. I love the oh. Gosh. That's funny. Enter oh, God, Andy Heaton. I don't wanna stop yet. I just don't wanna stop yet. There's there's a couple of things. Okay. So wanna stop? If you can't me I'll come back. We work thirty feet away from each other. And I like, whiskey, and you so we can make this happen. You gotta watch it. You gotta you gotta listen to it. You have to subscribe to something off the ender heating, you can see it. He's got snippets on Facebook YouTube. It's it's all over the place. You gotta see it. I appreciate the fact that you as technically a millennium. Yeah. I'm like a fifth year. Money are an intellectual. Thank you, they exist. Yeah. Thinking critical thinking, intellectual, and I always learned something by being with you. I always laugh being with you. And I enjoy being with you. So I think that anybody listen to your show is going to do the same thing in in in this is in and I'm not kidding. I don't I don't like Sara Gonzalez. I've spent a lot of. It's been a long time, but she's really needy. He's a. That's why I came. Here was the slag on Siragusa in in in a really I wish we'd a built the wall long before her family. I appreciate you. Appreciate what you do. I appreciate everybody. Watching listen to this. I need all the thousands tens and tens of thousands of you. Go follow my friend. Andrew heating. Party foul. Steve did you learn something today be I just wanna know back hippie hollow with Natalie there, you wanna hear that story. Get naked hippie. Actually, I was a news reporter there was a story there now in covering the heat investigative journalist is we have your best things are left and former Dallas Cowboys earlier, I've never seen a. To what you were saying a place like hippy hollow. I mean, I know there's tally Wacker's flapping in the wind all over. But it's not really a place. You wanna go? That's not the most they tend to not flap. They more pokes. They kind of like they just kind of look at you like a porpoise that leans a little key. Right. Like the fat that they got the Fuca. They got the typic-. They're not a typic-. They got the Dickie do or the dick. Did you belly sticks? There's got to be a German word for what we describing. There's got to be a German word for the phenomenon of brick. The new one eight two beach when you should never go to beach. I bet usually. Yeah. You should prosecution. Buckets. No, I I r I j nice I knew beach experience was in Jamaica. We just happened to walk too far. And suddenly we were there, and we immediately turned around and walked back. It was wasn't good. Well, it was almost uncomfortable. Because we had we had a bathing suit on. We really stood out dare you. Over get naked. I'm like, but you're always that way. We get naked somewhere another show three times you've never worn pants single time. Every time I asked what I wear is green tights, and they just put the screen my my pants on. Yeah. We should do an episode with just boxer shorts. That would be I'm up for that where the tide. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. We'll we'll we'll get cigars where we're underwear. You. See they don't think outside the box here. That's the problem. I have a problem with that. All right, guys. Get his podcast listen to it. He's on you four five times a week five times over worker daily. Thank you hard hard core. And it's good stuff. You're gonna learn something try and make every every episode funny up top where I write the stuff in advance. Even I bring on a bunch of different people. You work really hard. Thank you. You worked really hard. Your show is well produced love your set, and you are an incredibly inventive and creative genius there. You are not it on a shirt. You are I'm gonna I'm gonna listen to this episode. Every damn also not I'll tell you. Dennis Miller told me on a podcast episode. Once he said everytime. I'm feeling low. I'm just gonna call you up. My man. I just tell me what to think about. And so I it's it's a good show. So go get something's off ender heating. Do it. Thanks for being on set. The Rams drinking my whiskey, my redneck whiskey. Good stuff. It's twenty two dollars a bottle. I'm gonna have to drink water with my producer for the next two hours. Drive home. It'll squirt right out of your finger. How Steve hot news Natalie? Of course from my lovely wife. Jay and the puppetmaster over here Mark in candidacy Queen of the is not with us today. She's over there doing work. I love you. Godless, see next time.

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