Iyanla, Help My Son: Mickey "Memphitz" Wright
Let me tell you who I am. I am a survivor a teenage Malta a welfare recipient and a woman. I am a teacher life coat minister lawyer and author. I've had my share of breakup gops breakdowns and breakthrough. I did my work and put my life back together piece by piece amion Levin Zand and I am here to help you do your work. This is is a story that began when a mother wrote in about her son. I'll one successful hip hop producer who is still really from the trauma of his father's murder. My Son Is Mickey Wright Aka. Hey a myth hits you would know me as the got assigned and discovered t pain making manashe Walk Laka L._A.. Read took him under his wing got with jive records they gave him his own record label surreal to become in from nothing to all of a sudden I was riding around with puffy and L._A.. Read and to just have everything that I wanted in my house and my cars and then with so many women's like a blur this is a cautionary tale about the falsity and the flash of fame and what happens when you fill your life up with things and then lose all of those things eventually he met one particular woman and that relationship was the demise in his career when allegations of domestic abuse surface everything he had worked for disappeared. Mike achieved all of this success and then all of a sudden start losing it all. It has really messed up. I feel like I'm in a situation. They need help. I want a second chance like everybody else. This is a story about one and get all in thinking that it'll last forever and people who want what they're not ready to have good morning Mama bear how're so you making needs to believe in themselves again. I'm desperately. I've been praying for me and I'm hoping that MS D is that vessel. That's GONNA help him get that second chance. Why did you write well? A lot has gone on in our family and I had I felt the need to write you because with the loss of my husband in two thousand and one he was murdered not just murdered but massacred and disembodied by the Ku Klux Klan a member of them. Get a member of the Ku Klux. Yes Mickey Wright. Junior was only nineteen years old when his father was brutally shot dismembered and burned to death by I a member of the Ku Klux Klan his father was a light of his world. They were a lot closer than he and is born son. Yeah they have a unique relationship always always together so after the death of his father already decided to to move to New York where he went to school to or for music okay. How did you feel about that? I was fine with it because I saw the Fed that it was having on it which is he was just despondent then he wouldn't talk about it at all. He hadn't told anybody he just put it out of his mind like it never happened to this day. He still has not addressed it. I'm just so afraid that if he doesn't he's GonNa self destruct so he didn't discuss his father staff now now and he didn't come back for the trial of the man who was accused of killing his farm no. I didn't want any kids at the trial. So why wouldn't you want. I didn't want them to be right there. In here all of those unsquashed sales because it was all traumatic you know they would use seven. Well and I'm saying you're watching you. Speak this and this was your husband of how many years twenty six twenty six years and you had to hear ear house someone shot him dismembered him and discarded. The body burned it. The body earned it. Hey burnden so that you were never able to have that service. No Oh okay we ain't get his ashes. Nothing and you had to walk through that without your husband about your friend but you didn't want your children to go now. I didn't want them to hear that but Mama. I hear that because our job is to protect our children why but in not doing that they didn't have closure now in needed yeah they still yeah. Let me ask you this then back me into this. Where's your son at now today? He is like a wounded animal that has been cast cast aside. What does that mean well because of his choices? When he got into music he was doing great? It was moving really fast fast like the success that came with a fame that came with the money the women all of that okay it was one particular woman that he got involved with it that caused the demise of everything what happened he married his wife in the X was enraged being scorned woman when she made the allegations. That's when everything hit the fan. She alleged that he beater whereas the scars worded. When did this happen? It didn't happen. She laid a toe. That said that it didn't happen but it was too late already fired then no matter Chris Chris Brown beat us you still working how come you're stunning working. Well I think probably because when he started just doing drugs case alumnus your question. Are you afraid that your son can loses line. Yes I'm afraid the I'm all you know. There's always in the back of my mind. I need to meet your son Okay and find out where he is. Somebody's GONNA end up in your lap. I can take it okay ready well. We get ready to find out after speaking with his mother. It's clear that Mickey Ride Junior is a man who lost his sense of self value on purpose when his father was brutally murdered today he hides behind his Memphis Persona. In order to mask the unhealed on voice pain pain that has shown up in his life as inappropriately bad behavior. I want to say this to you because I know that you come out of the entertainment industry so I I know you probably have a lot of media savvy and <hes> I'm not here to do television okay. I'm here cause your Momma wrote me and said she was worried about you know she did that. My biggest concern right now is that your mother thinks you're going to die physically or spiritually she teach your going die so what's happening right now. Right now. Just <hes> returning our call returning from something that something happened to me early on it kind of like altered my thinking pattern and then something with the death of my father funding die. He was brutally murdered by some white man who hated him because he was a black man about that reality. My father was my he was my say is like my master's like my the guy that taught me how to do anything changed. lightbulb change a tire just my coach and I lost my coach. I lost a little bit of myself because I wasn't a man yet when he is i. I don't like to think about it. So what do you do to keep yourself from thinking about the fact that your father was brutally murdered and dismembered and burned by Ku Klux Klan member simply because he was a black man. What do you do to keep yourself from thinking about drugs? What kind of drugs we ZANEX molly coke? I didn't use to have to do anything to feel like myself. So you have to do drugs to make thank you feel like yourself so let me ask you this. Who are you I think I lost to I was a long time ago? After I felt like the world that I knew Dave up on me and I couldn't believe it and who would that be the world that you knew what would that be. What will I think it would just be? I was just saying the music world that was my first love and there's so many things to get into the music world into leaving Memphis Tennessee with nothing going to New New York and doing what I had to do and scratch and bite my way to the top and I just got all this stuff going on and then all of a sudden I was I was lied on. My ex-girlfriend ruined my life because I simply didn't want to be with this person. Is this is bad. I just I just started losing everything. Are you aware that the way you tell your story makes you victim and that the way you set it up so that you don't have to take responsibility for your victimization is that you stay high. You Ain't in your right mind. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have the dribs and how does how you live in right now on your father I will say it's just killing me to feel like I lost my career as a music executive more of this episode after a short break. Today's episode is supported by Hamama ever heard of micro Greens means. They're the baby versions of leafy Greens and vegetables and according to U._S._D._A.. Studies they're up to forty times more nutritious. Hamama makes it easy for you to grow your own tasty Migraines at home there. Many Indoor Garden takes zero effort even plan killers. I can't mess it up. All you have to do is add water to the trae once plant a seed quilt and a week later. You've got fresh tasty migraines. It's super easy. There's no mass and it doesn't need much light. It's beautiful to watch it. Grow every day and kids love it to grow on your kitchen table or countertop and you'll never be without fresh nutritious Greens for your salad smoothies and sandwiches choose from delicious migraines like Super Salad Mix Hardy Broccoli Spicy dicon radish and more join the Hamama crew and start eating more Greens along with thousands of Hama healthy eaters across the country head to Hamama Dot Com to get your grow kit and use Code Ayala for fifteen percent off. That's Hamama Dot Com H.. A. M. A. M. A. dot com code iyana for fifteen fifteen percent off your starter kit. Juniors still thinks this is about his career. His mind is mourning the loss of a job while his heart and soul a mourning the loss of his father when his father died Mickey lost his footing being and his foundation and now he's attempting to use drugs women and his career to fill that void. It's not the executive ship that you want is the paycheck and the acknowledgement and the perks in recognition and you hear me and you see how temporary that is. I want to tell you what I know about the person who had that stuff the person who had that stuff. What's a person who had no self control got their validation in meaning from the outside Matt from the inside you situation with your ex your job your father? What if those were just things to test your strength? That's your character and if it was a test what grade would you give yourself gotta be be. I give you a s because I think that you now I'm GonNa give you an opportunity to think about it. Stale your doesn't just happen. There was always some level of participation so with this next exercise Mickey will begin to understand the whole that he has has dug for himself. I will also show him exactly why life is giving him an f. and what that F. represents so that he can begin to take responsibility for what he considers to be his failures. Come me for me. Let's go. What do you think is going on about the dig a hole well good? Aren't you astute and intuitive. Go Dig that hole for me. One of the things you're F- Represents in your mind the facade yes it wasn't real hole. You dug for yourself dig Mahal because you wouldn't even give yourself permission to more no daddy's death. I was morning. I just doing it out was suppressing is well. I now we dig and now we dig and come on. Let's go deep. Did you even tell anybody your daddy was missing or dead. I I didn't want to show weakness. Why not is it a week to say? I lost my daddy to someone else's craziness. Does that make sense to you. That's what happens when you smoke unhappy flowers. If you live in a fantasy is a fantasy into the thing that you can ingest the drugs that you ingest and think that you function in your right mind. That is a dern fantasy. Dig me a hole over here. Talk to me about this. I'm fearful of not attaining what I perceived to be a second chance to do what I do which is create because I was lied on. You know what see that right there that take your shoes off. Take us one foot in one foot there because you got to get real clear on how you doug yourself into this baby every time it comes the moment for you to really get clear you call all in somebody else's name. My mother said my ex-girlfriend there but if you go around thinking that somebody else is responsible for the whole and what you find yourself. That's that's GonNa be a problem. It's going to be a problem because I wonder if your daddy was here but he would be thinking about. This is how you live. Your Life wasn't to X. Y.. It wasn't a girlfriend. That's how you've been living telling yourself that somebody else's responsible who dubbed them hoes think about that and you know what think about your fs while you're sitting there I'll be back. I'm taking shovel so you don't escape. I can't trust you like you'd be trying to avoid everything else. I'm not gonNA have it the holes that Mickey has dug for himself itself are the direct result of the choices he's made it is my intention to show those closest to him his mother his sister candace and his cousin Michaela that Bacon not dig him out. Hopefully he will begin to understand that only he can save himself. I'LL MICKEY MEMPHIS company. Hey what are you doing. Bonus plan on dirt. I'll tell you uh what happened. Idea these hoes myself and what are those holes that you have all these F.. Words failure foolishness fiction fear okay. He dug the homes. How do you put himself in that whole system because 'cause I know you know because you've been watching it right? I I have been watching yeah. How does he do that? Don't listen to anyway include himself correct. You know why because he's been tinted attempt elated by the DRIPPIN's isn't it facade and then this is what happens you become a prisoner to the things you become a prisoner to the image and then let me show you what you do mom then you come along and instead gotTa tell him the truth you do what's required to make him feel good not letting them fall okay flat on his face. I want it. You'd stand behind your Mama so she got her back. I want you to tell your mother to depth and variety of drugs that you ingest in your body. Tell Your Mama X.. Molly Ali Coke what's the purpose of the I don't know I don't make me have to throw this tape into don't lie running running from my problems running from Daddy's death running from my ex-girlfriend Brennan for failing at my job I asked him how is how he's living his life as a man a testimony to the legacy of what his father was to him and he can't answer that for me. That's the whole he's standing standing. It don't have nothing to do with ex girlfriend or gold card or car. That's what he's got to talk about and beal handles <music> Mama he going to get out of their way. You get digging out. Okay good. Let's go to y'all dig yourself out so ma how was that for you very thought provoking scary you know and then he was up to no good but not like that and that s a frightening out I think he's aware now that he uses substances to avoid deny feeling the pain same talked about because he doesn't have closure now. I feel like he never mourned. He never had that opportunity really because he's been gone ever since he's never even allowed himself degree yeah so his worst day was what the murder of his father the day he found out. How long was it after that did you did the memorial service? The memorial service wasn't until after we found out about the murderer about three years later and did he come yes he did but it was not a dry in the house so it's just just say an empathetic. That's hard for you. Still now you gotta give that voice what you probably does give a drugs. It's too intense and I can't handle. You don't know that to be true. ooh That's the story you tell yourself. Just like your brother is got the best to you you just hand the with different Momma see what happens no closure wow you're not gonna be able to stay like this all your broken as a mess but it begins with speaking the naked but rotgut troop. He's got to let heartbreak in Saudi you. Maybe you can talk to him about the pain in your heart. Let him know he's not alone and maybe your can heal it together. I promise you you can feel bad and recover. I promise you but you don't know the so you given the pain power over you which is exactly really what he's done. You just gotTa let your heart break. Are you ready to let your heart rate. Is it because you're not ready or is it because you don't think you can handle it. She's in the same situation of your son. She just ain't smoking the weed until you know it that pain steal your you get to choose. I now see that this entire your family is demonstrating the same pattern of suppression denial and Avoidance as Mickey Junior Mickey is not the only one here who needs to heal and in order to remain standing on his own two feet this entire hi of family needs to open their hearts and under the man and father they once knew all right. I'm GONNA leave you ladies and go deal with this gentleman. Okay Gallo dirty socks. Here's my heart pumping this. Is your brain beaten yeah. I want you to be away. I didn't give you anything and give you a tool adding. Give you an instruction. All I said was get out and with what you have in here you did it. You gotta get fats that the same way you doug yourself into this whole you can dig yourself out with who you are but you got to be clear yeah about food. You are and be able to speak it now but Mickey has dug himself out of the turmoil he created he must be willing to take ownership of the choices he has made eight but I suspect before he can do that. He must deal with the unaddressed hurt caused by his father's murder and for Mickey's youngest sister canvas that pain is only just now starting to surface lab. Begin didn't feel the pain of her. Daddy's doesn't have a sound talk to me. Talk to me. I'm not GonNa let you go okay. I don't more just she okay so you do it inside. She does it outside. What does she feel Cain anger? What does she need to say that she isn't saying? She's not okay. This is what your insights and there's not a job big enough or paycheck big enough to cleanness all you got to clean it up by giving giving yourself permission to feel Mama. You gotta Let your kids know. It's okay for them not to be okay. Hey look at me and breathe in that breathing baby. Look at me going you all runners. She's trying to run away and I can't let you out of here. You came here to give your brother support or his own healing but if you don't have it you can't give it but just like an elect talk. I don't like talking about it. What you avoiding? You're avoiding. What would you dare say if you were to tell him? This thing is hurting me but I don't WanNa talk about can't give it sounds just give it to this. Give it sound baby. Give it sal you ain't GonNa break me. I know you can do it and I know you don't have to be more of our conversation. 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New Customers receive an automatic twenty five dollars off at checkout shop in store online or download the APP and get twenty percent off select items with the Promo Code Real. That's the real real dot Com Promo Code real for twenty percent off select items. There are some depths of pain that are absolutely breath and I think the brutal murder of loving giving father husband took their breath away and from what I can see. They haven't taken a breath in sixteen years. And if you ain't breathing you ain't Livin so mama. How has this been for? You and I'm really grateful. We have this opportunity because you know being the Momma Bear. I am yeah I was like how can I help him but that he thinks I'm I've treated market but I've always been just overprotected. Why tell me what that's about? What do you think you're protecting him? From in the beginning it was just the natural instinct of being a mom right after the episode with his father it kicked in all the way but he was nineteen by then he was now but I just you know I was just so broken hearted about everything that had happened. I know I say this <music> and it sounds so easy but mom you got to let him go. GotTa let them fall. Why is it it? I didn't raise the to do what he's doing. You have to retrain yourself about about how to an adult male. Their heart is really with us and there's nothing more devastating to Assam than disappointing his mother so when you to impose your position and your views in your perspective on him you usurp his own ideas so now it's no longer about him following his plan or his vision. It's about him doing what's required so he doesn't disappoint you so he rather just not hear what you had to say. No parent and adult male is very different than parenting in eight-year-old you don't have to any longer play the role of reminding him. You're his mother. He knows you have to be now the elder wise woman counselor coach friend him otherwise who won the thing if they can do know yes ah I don't do that. You got to shift to become the wise woman and one of the things wise women do is they give insight not advice not even correctional optional criticism. You got to give up your opinions does he have does big powerful creative. Creative intelligent man like that can't be dependent. I agree on some weeds. They grow in the bushes and the first thing he has to do. He's got to get cleaned with his daddy. Though I'm seeing signs of improvement with Mickey like many men I sent he is still afraid to be totally vulnerable and as long as he avoids his vulnerability he will not have a voice to speak his pain or tell us to S. really challenging for you to speak your heart and mind because you're still incomplete which was so many conversations that you needed. Did they have whatever that you didn't get to even. Why did you leave? Make conversation until you have it. You're going to be spiritually and emotionally constipated in the to have the conversation talk to your Daddy. You gotTa pull passage passage. You got to move past. It need to tell them what you missed. You need to tell them how you feel cause. You'll never tell your mother but you can tell you daddy dot with so much yeah miss you so much. Come on Brazil. Minute terms need to talk talk to eat was finished which I'm GonNa get you some help to. Your brother needs to ah to Talk D.. Daddy tell him about the stuff that you do that. You need his help with just needs to just need your help 'cause since only so much I can ex- model. She just don't say like you used to say. Make you so proud. None of me fill like I've been hiding all my pain had elway. I don't care I just don't care and I know it wasn't Joe Breathe through it. Let it come up Mickey Smell. Was Your fault leave still may I feel cheated. Yes so I take drugs. Sometimes make me forget about yeah. Look at him the key look you knew this if he was sitting a natural today making what is what is still here. Yeah I'm still here. You weren't as devastated by his death. As you were about your fear of feeling the pain of his death in sixteen years make the -Tupid I've been suffering because what you resist persists same thing for you miss canvas and I want to bring to your awareness that you were able to sit with your brother and honoring his pay when Y'all been so freighted a pain that just wanted you to know that it won't kill you. Tell me what's going on aw they wanted to solve senior discount miss it on Julia really represent senior. It's not too late but now you ready. Sir when I WANNA do okay I'm gonNA give you permission now to go with your sister down. No stands in that backyard to the woods and we don't fight it another minute weep for your Daddy. We've been Wale. pull it up from the soles of your feet Mr Mickey and just let it go all the time you know you are messing up in couldn't help yourself a stop yourself. Weep forint aw so slick move give it sound Mr Mickey. You gotTA give it sound to face over there. Were Yeah what why so many come on look what you got through so far. Ah Why don't you trust yourself that you can get through it. Look what you've gotten yourself through which on Monday pro what makes you think he isn't Tom. Mickey has been burying his feelings for sixteen years but now is the time to dig them up and set himself free repeating complete. I forgive myself for giving us of all. All the ways hurt myself. I'll hurt must have dishonored myself and disrespected myself disrespecting US rather than tell the truth to take a breath. I forgive myself. I forgive myself for not giving myself permission for not giving myself permission to feel the devastation to fill the devastation of my father being murdered father be brass. I forgive myself. I forgive myself so allowing myself to believe allow myself to believe that if I showed my anger and if I showed my anger would dishonor my father my father look at that you just breathe without instructions so let me ask you a question. Do you think your dad is probably Fisher. Tell it let me give you proud of you yeah Mickey. She has done good work in come very far in this process. He has finally been able to give voice to his pain now. It is my prayer that he will be ready for the next step on his healing pat. I have somebody I want you to mean. Mr Mickey Right. Meet Brooks rugs good meeting you taking my car. Dr Brooks is from the Tangle Rehabilitation and Treatment Center. I WANNA give you another F- freedom and I want to offer you know opportunity to be a supportive environment so that as you continue to bring up the feelings that we started uncovering today that you have some port in not self medicating and I want WanNa offer you that the possibility to reset is we have 'cause. You've been doing this right here Mr mackey for sixteen years denying avoiding it learning away from it. Is it hard to accept that you're an addict. I pretty much really feel like I'm not really gonNA. Annoy said I would die if I didn't have we but I'm not GonNa die if I don't have drugs but probably chilling my cell phone insides continuously running from my trauma though so I know it's not addicted to drugs understanding that a lot of trauma and I'm going to go on acknowledge acknowledge that but we want to help you to deal with the trauma without drinking and drugging and it can be done and I know your your program Tango Right Right Tangle is offering him thirty days of in House Street. We want to give you an opportunity to come into residential treatment where you could go on and start a new life. Take a breath. Tell me what you're hearing. I'm hearing that I need help. Whether I want to base it in that's what I heard can bring your mom in okay. Let me get his mom and I want them to meet you too. Of course Iraq spy like jail is no no no no you're going to be living and actually luxury housing right off the late Mama you sit right there so often rehab facility thirty days of Inpatient Rehab so I say since it's coming out let's take the drugs off at deal with it and get it done. We got to lose. I need you to honor your father. In Law completed. I think is wonderful if you know if he can stick it out I I know you. Can I know we can <hes> because Zelano happened. You know if you did this level of pain and trauma for sixteen years. Maybe you can do thirty days to feel better to get free. Every path has led to this moment. Every step you have taken has brought you to this moment of readiness and all you have to do is just surrender. I you mean you're in that means you go wow just like that. No that that rings bells of fear in new but that's okay I want to try to. I'm so proud of Mug Ma so proud of you got it beautiful. Ah Come Out. Give me well done well done.