101 - John Boormans Lord of the Rings, Part 2
HUSKIES been making commonsense tools for a long time and for the holidays. They still are like one hundred and twenty-five piece mechanic's tool said just ninety nine bucks now at the Home Depot with pro axis ratchets that feature an arc swing of three quarters of an inch to work in spaces other ratchets can't and it only ninety nine bucks that leaves. Are you all kinds of room in your budget. Husky commonsense tool since one thousand nine hundred eighty four exclusively at the home depot. US only valid through December thirty first once a when a script is written that is so bad no one will fill mid these brave podcasters will bring it to life just so they can market market. This is table reads so the movies comport which means your script Ain't worth the bubble SHINOLA nickel. Td with Sean Be Jeff Lewis and Joshua Baker. Everybody I would like to welcome you to a one hundred I episode. We're no we're ten t one you want eighty one city the one I'm the TD wait hold on a second guys doing the thing. Aw I forgot start video video city one under teddy one. It was jeff cities that made me think about the video Listen to them. So this part of John Boorman's nineteen seventy script for Lord of the rings that that for reasons unknown never got made. I don't see a fantastic script. Why they're kind of railroad in this guy? Yeah I mean fucking architect he put this shit together like the the other guy is the Arkansas the complexity of Bill Bodo. When he's going bill votto you did you say Bill Bodo demand? Yeah I mean. They're both basically the same fucking character. That just took place place five pages apart. I give you the ring I I in the ring the ring I don't want to bring I want the ring. Put It on my Dick. Take differing I want the ring. Okay they could have been the same fucking Garrett. Yeah it could've just been the water. Why did you send it with the old guy? If the young has just going that way just sit with the fucking old dude. FRODO BILBO FRODO proud of out already know to Bilbo shot. I as a previously on table readers so we started much in the same way as the Peter Jackson film but with all context information and characterization removed we get look at the entirety of Middle Earth. Starting from more Orrin going all the way to the shire where Bilbo's birthday is underway. He heads off to Riverdell. And then Frodo throw heads off with Mary. Pippen and Sam roughly twenty minutes later for reasons we never learn and neither do they so far. Here's what we we know about who each character is when we left off the four hobbits not Bilbo is we can safely assume that his twenty minute headstart gives the hundred eleven year old. Hobbit in an insurmountable insurmountable lead are walking the countryside with no idea whatsoever so ever that they are in danger because gandalf literally never told them they were in any fade. In and exterior high open countryside and lane day a dusty lane crosses the brow of a hill and the four hobbits trudge across it. The shadow of a cloud scurries over the sunlit fields race cars cars. The cloud is the new bad guy. Not Second man what. It is to be a cloud in the distance the hobbit see a flurry of dust. That's new bad guy coming towards them. Quick they hurry off the lane pushed through the hedge. Like rabbits are rider sunders towards them. They keep their heads well down and peer through the hedgerow flowers. We're bees and butterflies suck and flutter description to porn and fluttered fluttered. Tell you about the birds and the bees sucking does fluttering. Welcome back to suck and flutter DOT COM and the black right it comes in and ruins every. Let me tell you about the black writers when you're trying to suck and flood and there's a black guy it putting you to share you when you ladies settled down for a nice game was on the copy a callback enough you suck and Florida's Battle of those call backs all right. We're the buck. Oh yeah the writer slows down as he approaches looking from side to side but they see him very indistinctly stinky the bees and thorns and flowers and butterflies remain sharply focused while the rider is a wispy black shape. Beyond the the black sheep sniffles searching like a bloodhound. frodo looks at very tense and flushed. Now they think that they're just going to disneyworld world they don't have any inkling that there endanger because the guy said so the previously on remember the the guy that was me so why when they see a dust cloud of someone riding on the road toward them they like. We need to get these thorny bushes. Now we don't like writer. There was just no anything down again. Go whatever there's there's a black writer I go on vacation right now. Like I don't even have daybreak after we've been at a fucking party all night. I don't need sure I don't even need a bag. Fuck it. Let's go. How bad will just appear on me later when it's needed? Oh there's a black rhino outside. Yeah he's a bird discussed black riders just like though it was not address they may think that Gandalf being a powerful wizard is like you guys go. Hello I'm handled this. But he clearly did not known them unless. Oh they're gone now. I can have a nap par. So asleep by this. Excuse me off all G unit. Keep fucking you up in the Middle Narration blocks. That was me. I interrupted myself. Wasn't you guess. Let him okay. Missiles frodo looks very tencent flush. He raises his hand to where the ring hangs his chest. He touches it. Yeah he does sucking at a dog rose next to it. Does hand appears the ring poised over his finger an effort of will shows on his face and he draws the ring away. Who still have this real tense moment without without ever setting up tents? Why can't he just put the ring on? Don't know the consent. There seemed to be no consequences when he just did it in front of size guys and then jumped into a pile of shit. You think I mean these guys burgers and fries would have done something about it. But this aren't GonNa make me second second. Guess why he. The Thomas and Martha Wayne Murder Scenes in every fucking Batman movie like. I wonder if that's the context that but I mean has anybody went to like a Batman. Wonder what happened has been you think of movies as eternal entry points as well right eternal things. You can't just assume everybody knows what that man's deal is even the nineteen sixty st six series had Adam West in the pilot episode. Go I took on the mantle of the bat because my parents were murdered in front of me. Now let's never mentioned that again because it's really doesn't fit our theme but yeah I'm trying to take out what I know because I know a movie that was was made like forty years after this book and Yang was going to be based on my context here but there isn't but if I take it out and you just have them if someone watches a Batman movie that doesn't have Thomas and Martha Wayne being murdered seventy years from now when maybe DC has gone out of business because we see how they handle their movies and they go back and they watched this movie. They're like why is this guy dressed as a bat. What the fuck is happening? No that's true guys burgers and fries onion ring to rule them. All what I'm saying is that for the Burgers. The first time in my life bad script is making me a better person. It's only making you look be a better person in relationship to your lack of knowledge of the fucking movie and and the books Molyneaux for like I'm somewhat of accountable. A better person comparison. I would rather hang out with you than this script. The comic book movies. I'm like Oh we all know you come out of you come out of the womb knowing who fuck inspire man is like. That's my thought on it but maybe there's like a person to center like well how do you how do you get like. It's like because every year you have to learn the story of how Jesus died ride and saved us from our San Superman took. The Bible is a prelude to Superman. You know I I mean the themes are very similar thirty three years old laser arms fortress of solitude the laser is part of the Bible is my favorite arguably the best he goes up. Upi Bucci is guy you know. He came around and he he resurrected. Laser is right right. Yeah UH rises the guy he brought back to light Zaza La- Zaza right. Yeah laser there is. That's how you pronounce laser the black riders. We're this fucking bad. We're quoting the Bible it's brought to we're trying to fix fallen way back back back to the the second eight uh-huh when sal run our fees were sucking Abi sucking at a dog rose. Yeah I've seen this video. Okay look this guy understands bees as much as he understands Lord of the Rings B.'s. Don't suck on flowers that's not. How were they fucked the flowers right? Yeah they like dig all their booty in it. They basically break flower flower. Doesn't consider them. Yeah Yeah I mean. The flowers are their sex organs I was in botany class one time. We're we black writer. Cali- I saw the hobbits show relief and start off again on their journey but now keeping cautiously to the fields even though they have no hi dear their endanger. This is like if you're running to that guy. This is like you're driving to six flags and you see a car and you're like we need to drive into the bushes races. Roll the windows up. Fuck no that's what they're doing. They've got no reason to fear this man that's true he's got no reason to not put the fucking ringtone when when in Marion Pippen's saw him in the shire they ran to to bag end which is never named and like okay. This is the black guy in the sire. Were Evan neighborhood. And GANDALF's like shadows falling over the a Shire. You guys should go on vacation until this past I'll say here in gentrify the blackout. I moved to take the gold. Ring your press so damn it. Fuck this shit. Sphere by a stream evening on Mossy Bank by a stream stream in the far background a rough thatched cottage nestles into treats the habits have made a fire cooked and eaten each other. Sam is tidying up. His pants. Pippen is lying down in the water. EILLY trying to tickled trout. Frodo and Mary are stretched out right and hosts France. He'll contentment the dip. The fuck off your source yet okay is perennial hoydal title. What is say? I want to hear my mic. Hits it I guess it must be Something to do with eating. They're happy that they're they're foreing or related to dinner or lunch or second. Lunch or elevensies humorous adjective posts. Friend deal can attend to fuck writes that nobody besides the film crew would even see this. Yeah like nobody looks at seventy people just had better vocabulary. who were they trying to impress for this? The architect was trying to impress his professional writer. Friend he's like oh I'm GONNA look up host food the stars the stars cars this RS perennial battle fucking get and how do Put tickling trout and something classy in the same paragraph you belches You're married yeah you remember. It's better feel for more like a habit again. What did you feel like before like Less like a hobbit. They all laugh at poor Mary but they know what he means. You don't bids I don't know if this is a holiday all hard work we've come so we come so far so fast. Take a habit since go lift on. We squeeze the Shire Month into a day in my heavy. Even though we never got any heavy seriously did not pack a bag true Gandalf said you guys should go and they said Oh Kay this all packing a bag. That's all they just got the bag. Whatever go on so upset then pippen answers fat? Mary's complaint. Mary feel the weight less. When you've walked off some of your own house in Helmet that one of you some say it's here some say it's there as it moves around then? Why doesn't stay in one place? Els Very Elfish nevermore driven. Do Well We. That's what looked to know. Well go no further tonight for one. There is tacit agreement. Sam stands up and unrolls his bed blankets looking out at the setting sun when the stones in the west rest is the best when the sun's in the east sought the faced. Mary Mimes eating an enormous breakfast. Sam Prepares froze bed. FRODO was pensive than something makes them shudder. A thought or an intuition commission plaque riders. It's this is not the right Music Post Toil Brandy Brandy on those black writers. It's funny when they've gone. It feels like they would never here when they're here. It feels like they'll never leave and when they do go. You can't remember what they looked like for looks around nervously. The Dell has fallen into twilight meister if you think about them too much they'll never leave you let see you GANDALF's fireworks. You can see them. If you close your eyes. They all follow Pippen's example and squeeze there is close and now they all sit grinning and sighing in a gentle reverie of remembered pleasure. The hobbits are far away in their beloved Shire again. This is rudely interrupted by the chilling sound of geese screaming their eyes open and they look around. A Gust of wind swirls about them the geese shriek and a donkey in a nearby field begins to bray quickly. The hobbits gather up their belongings. It's black writer. I can feel it. Sam picks up a stout stick and serve as the perimeter of their camp. Suddenly a flock of frightened crows cawing over. Hey Oh the braying in donkey appears and crashes through their camp panic. Seizes the hobbits come on anyway and my Mary to you were buried. I'm Sam on my bad anywhere. You literally did Mary. Ann One line down. You know the guy. They've been playing like two. Yeah one two three. I expected it to be about anywhere and off. He runs the others at his heels and soon they were in full flight lake past the little farmyard in the yard a dog howls and across their stumbling. Path appears a black cat. Hissing its shackles high. Jackals it says shackles must be hackles tackles it must have been an auto correct on his typewriter. Ch they wanted yes. They run blindly on caught by the terror at their heels crying out themselves exterior field night over a moonlit plowed field panic stricken the four hobbits fallen stumble forces in sheep. runamuck birds scatter from the trees. Please frodo trips. And falls to his knees but salmon await from the trees and the earth itself begins to resound with the beat of hooves frodo Kroto trips and falls to his knees but Salmon Pip and drag him to his feet. Ahead is a dark menacing forest exterior forest night. They oh God. I hope we get Tom Baum and Dylan the script. WHO's a he's the bomb odil? You'll find out. I hope boy. They plunged into its thickets daring to look back as the hooves beat closer but the woods seems to open to let them pass been closed behind them as they zigzag through the branches branches and brambles they're being chased by analogous to help come up they risk a glance back and see the dark form of the black rider. Enmeshed Ashton dense undergrowth and the flash of a great scimitar cutting away. Through what what the branches seem to fight back thrashing at the Horse The hobbits run on getting further and further away from the rider. They keep running deep into the forest until they can run no more they come to a stop at struggle for breath they look back no sign if their pursuer did you say the trees side Frodo looks around the impenetrable forest surrounding them do the that trees just as there are good and bad habits was just finished. Talking when pippin falls also the ground with a curse and jumps angrily to his feet again. Tripped me up. Mary manages a snorkeling laugh. They don't they ridiculous. Mary goes over to where pippen stands and immediately crashes to the ground himself falling over the same route. He leaps up again clinches his this at the tree which owns the route. Now try stuff with mayow. Cut you down. The forest creeks and groans owns angrily in response. All these characters are fucking morons. They're just all so stupid. There are heroes heroes. I hope the tree eats them. I hope there's like soup or character growth. And they like March back into the Hobbit as their into the Shire is like heroes Like they did in the book like maybe they're actually setting them up up as Tom. Foolery idiots yeah fixes it. There's no direction though. I don't know what they're doing. They're just they're regardless characters and I'm in guidelines world. I don't know what the going on counter. Yeah I mean this is literally like Abbott and Costello hostile. Oh meet Laurel and hardy on the way to the three stooges. It's just buffoonery. There's no into the. I don't know what the end is. When this thought? So they know the answer to Riven Dell and then it's going to be like. Oh Oh good. You're here safely you've brought us the ring that it's we're going to explain now. What if what if the script never explained the ring is I need five percent them getting the Riverdale? Oh Yeah we got the volcano everything we have these giant eagles. They'll just fly the ring down volcano and he just walks out the door that one look. They're throwing turnips own. They they they get past all the ORCS by telling them they're just going to play hide and seek and that they need to. You should go to the tavern. The hard meets back on the menu winks at camera. Sam Laughs at Mary but as he steps back a swooping branch catches him in the back and sends him sprawling. Sam Sam rises and I sat in anger. You black hearted tree may devour you woodworm worm. I read that as wormwood to pulls out his axe which he has an Russia's at the tree his uplifted arm brandishing. It angry tremors run through the forest a low branch knocks the acts. Out of Sam's hand Sam is thrown off balance spins around and goes crashing into the tree. The trunk groans the branches. Toss and quiver. Sam is frightened at the effect of his words. Be Big TRAE. Are you forgive me but please excuse me. I didn't mean it all the plants and my God love me. FRODO GOES TO SAM side. He looks around anxiously at the restless restless tree. It's the black riders fault. Sam is full of remorse. He talks chokes boys big tree. No Fred go to sleep. Photo looks on anxiously as Sam tries to placate the tree. We just read that. And that just fuck doc is this. I wish I knew more about the language of trees like Bilbo. I want to know how to make the would move drink. Water go to sleep big tree. frodo picks up SAMs cadence. Eat US dig. Deep drink. Wallet Goes Asleep. Look Sam the tree is quietening down. Earth dig deep drink Walter Salmon. Frodo continue their chant and Mary and pippen join in. Because that's not ridiculous for the anger of the tree subsides. Yes the leaves begin to flutter softly Marian Pippen look up and the hypnotic flutter of the leaves makes them drowsy. Threes logs US did it. I don't know if I can do this. Oh sorry I have one we. We should get off the ground with these black riders. Prowling about big tree. Gives Seltzer nonstop. Rhyming you bitch. The tree seamstress to respond with a quiver and Salmon Frodo notice Marian Pippen staggering like drunks fighting off sleep Salmon Frodo feel the hypnotic effect active. The fluttering leaves staggering. They managed to grasp Barium Pippen and dragged into the tree. They help them up. The four hobbits climb into the tree sleep overtakes them they sink into the thick soft foliage. which seems to cradle them as his his eyes close fro continues to chance? WHO's Lana Zak? Sam Down a slide. That sounds line. Eat Earth dig deep drink. Four the go-to sleep exterior the big tree. Go to sleep early early morning. Sunlight dappling through the leaves. Sam Shakes frodo awake loot master. FRODO FRODO sits up and squeaks out. Move Right on the edge of the forest. I was sure we would deepen. It's hot pippen. Wakes up at that point well trees can walk can may I wish they could cook. I'm starving they look out at the open country road it is broken and rocky with stunted trees. He's a mist hangs over it. Not at all pleasant. Well we don't know where we are over. We're going so we might as we'll start walking the way. We're point exterior country foggy day. The hobbits walk in silence aimlessly in whatever direction they were facing when they woke up. Because that's what the heroes do so in the midst lies over low over the ground and visibility is getting worse. Sam is startled by something behind him. It's Marcus Aurelius decimates. Take cover as a black writer again. they all fall to the ground finding the shelter of some Lichen covered rocks and I would like like to formerly formerly think Kelly for correcting my pronunciation of the word Lichen which I had not heard out loud oude until she told me how to pronounce it on this very show. Oh were you saying before letting listen Lytton. I only know that because as of David attenborough watching natural shows. Of course liken I I only know everything. Because of David Attenborough the world you attenborough taught me how to fuck. Yeah no shit right like wow. That's fucking deep deep. It's David attenborough. Tom Adila together. Bach David attenborough. The brother of Drastic Park Guy. Yeah Sam Neill. No the Richard Attenborough was was the guy that created addressing park in the movie. Oh you know with his cane with the John John John John had. I had no expense. That actress brothers David Attenborough but he Does the narration on Planet Earth Documentary. Yeah you didn't have. PBS Alabama. What what was it like Billy Dee Williams didn't even though he taught me how to get laid? But I gotTA figure out after that so hand shoots first Surrey Lady Suck. You've got knicks. Wait no no no no no what are you doing. Don't please don't touch. Ah Touch Anyway get by the time. Well they they hide in Bushes Heroes and they talked to the bushes very nicely. So it's just a never ending series of hiding in bushes waiting for is this guy just Dalla Ping encircles fucking knows lame. visit have a bow naked. Like shoot Arrow at these motherfuckers. Like glad chose over this book. Hey don't judge is getting laid in reading this thing about the only thing sexy about this book is s the Black Rider chaser. Bob Is trying to get puts Sam points they watch anxiously and after a moment. Catch a glimpse of a horseman. Drifting ghost is like through the fog he disappears and they wait straining to pierce the fog with there is again. The writer appears fleetingly. This time much closer. You're clicking quiet. He leads the way and they set off at a crawling. Run away from the rider. They can hear the hooves quite distinctly behind them. They begin to imagine writers everywhere. They quicken their pace. Fear verging once again on panic. Sam Collides with the boulder in the frying frying pan on his pack makes a clanging ring in response. A deep voice calls out from behind them. Sure the voice voice flings actually Josh. Can you can read that again him. You always it seems to say the hobbits look at each other in alarm mm-hmm happenings. He can hear US moving. We must hide with discussed. Yeah I don't I don't know what that's about. But athletes he can hear mover. We must flaying. You're afraid of anymore. Like fucking Laura. Now bits they push on running hard hard keeping low. The sound of hooves is close. Behind and again the voices calling say's The hobbit scuttle scuttle away zigzagging among the boulders suddenly they catch a glimpse through the drifting fog of three black writers emerging from behind a knoll role and fanning out making this ameliorer sniffing sniffling sounds as if they are following a sense. The hottest crees on the spot. Then carefully they backtrack tiptoeing through the boulders in silence and fear not knowing what to do they hear a horse galloping towards them they bolt away the horse jumps Iraq coming to a a rearing halt in in front of the terrified hobbits. The writer leaves to the ground. He is a towering figure with a long leathery face and keen blue eyes. Sam Showing Great Bravery ISM showing great bravery draws his long kitchen knife and trembling struts up to the man Black writer same game G. Yes scam jammed. I'M SAM game g Harvard's of the CYA turn and fight and fight fair. If you know how SAM trembles his teeth. Eighth Cheddar a slight smile touches the lips of the man and softens the melancholy of his deep lined. Face he regards the four hobbits which views view is Frodo. The hobbits are stunned that the man should know froze name they exchange looks the snuffing sounds are heard again I am. The man turns to Frodo the only habit who has not spoken. Do you bear it merits bell what I see you do it draws them who all you. Why have you pursued us? If you're not a black writer no question mark the ranger. Oh are we not supposed to be camping here without a permit or you guys need to put your your food as you guys carrying around a lot of food you should put her in a barrel and hang it from a tree pretty far from your camp he signals that they be still will they listen snuffing sounds again approach from all sides. He casts a commanding glance at the hobbits and motions. That they follow him. The the hobbits obey running after the ranger. Why are we going with him? What else can we do? I don't like to look of him. The Shrill who beats the black riders are pursuing them and seem about to engulf them. The hobbits are unable to maintain the rangers pace he sees this glancing glancing back and realizes that further flight is hopeless. He stops holding up one hand. Stand and fight for a moment. The hobbits believed that he means with him. It is open plane and they are very vulnerable the fog drifts about them. The ranger crosses his arms arms and draws to soil. Sit there there. The two broken halves of one sort. How do you draw the broken? A half where you go there with. You broke US swords. I guess you know. So in the book key carries the shards of norse ill with him him at all times and that's his only weapon but it's basically just like the hilt and a little bit of blade and the rest is just like loose loose bits in the thing. That's the sword that broke defeating. Sal Ron and cutting the ring off hand what am I gonNA lose sword. Because in movie movie he does and the shards of our seal are in Rindell Intel the third movie and they reforge it in the books. He carries it with him because he he is the heir of Israel door and the rightful king of Gondar and the sword is his birthright. It's just a knife. It's not a sword anymore. Yeah but what is bad ass is like bite me bid you got a little dagger okay all right all right. Look if you had a sword or a knife say say if you had a knife that you knew for a fact seal team six had cut cut Osama bin Laden's throat with but it broke. You'd be like time to get a new knife. Yes I would go somewhere nice. I'll be like like it belongs. Museum Museum with their. And I'm GonNa get something I'm GonNa get a gun the better I'm GonNa put it on the wall right next to my. Ah My thors hammer or sell it for a real boy sword like fucking us. It's not GonNa get me killed. Ching inheritance doesn't mean shit unless you live long enough to one hand brandishes the original handle title while the other grasp some makeshift handle of leather bound around the blades showed the shoulder make a ring. Duct taped together. He he made a shank out. Say Get us ever lean in the ranger in the tiny hobbits ebbets form a little circle their cutlery pointing out into the fog immediately to writers burst upon them. One has a scimitar. Which side is the air and the other source so sharp it cut through the era? Cut The air And the other bears a long lance the ranger drops to his knee to avoid the blade swings his swords in an arc over his head words. The two black horses lurch away. The hobbits throw themselves to the ground and the rangers horses above them giving some protection from another direction. A black writer charges and the Rangers Horse rears at the oncoming. Who swerves away? The ranger drags there the hobbits to their feet. Get up Haflinger protect your master. He pulls Frodo to his feet but when he releases Assim Frodo sinks to his knees again Frodo is half swooning. Oh this ranges so dreamy. His hand goes to the ring. His Eyes Eyes glaze the black riders charged once again the ranger thrusts out his two swords toward the sound of hooves. FRODO MOANS as they a Gallup together charging in the ring precious the leading horse catches the ranger with its flank ink and hurls him to the ground he crashes into the hobbits. The Rangers Horse rears up causing one writer to swerve away a Scimitar Scimitar slices across their heads. A lance stabs the ground an inch from froze lake. FRODO crawls away into the fog. He has the ring out now. The other hobbits stagger to their feet Sam sees the Frodo has gone he calls out muster master fro the the writers charge again. FRODO can bear it no longer. His face. As agonized he slips on the ring. The writers charged passed between mean Frodo and the others Sam catches a glimpse of Frodo just before the Horse is obscure his view. When they are gone Frodo has disappeared? They've taken in him as Frodo becomes invisible. His perception changes the fog disappears. His vision becomes extremely vivid. He sees the the black riders as they slow and slowdown in turn. Ready to attack again the ranger in the hobbits point their weapons out pathetically into the fog which which no longer exists for Frodo. The world of sound is changed to. He cannot hear the hoof beats nor with the Ranger and Sam or calling out instead. He's assailed by a dense crashing. Clamor of voices all nine riders. Turn clearly they now. Since the area of his presence they charged him in a failing six they seem to come very slowly swerving and lurching as they draw draw in inexorably closer. They grow larger. They ride on towards frodo ignoring the ranger. In the hobbits. There are now twice three times normal size. They reining their horses above Frodo. And each one extends a black gloved fists is towards him on each hand. gleams Garish ring. Nine hands and rings come down toward him and a voice chance hance above all the others is GonNa read. Alan acknowledged nine rings for the mortal men doomed to die by a land has raised descending slowly towards Frodo Frodo sees the blind luminescent skull like faces. The Wall of voices seems to crush him down. Subtle seductive voices voices screaming in pain. Voices singing strange plaintiff songs and Chants Hands Children Wailing and through them all another voice booms struggling to d heard trying to warn Frodo Gandalf Gandalf. The writers movements have become slower and slower. Until the moment that the lands descends on Frodo becomes utterly suspended. The writer stand above frodo frozen in time as frodo struggles in the dimension of sound trying to hear what Gandalf is saying a the sharp evil lands point the moments of of his death is poised above him over me. The ring would gain a power still in greater more the other voices scream down gandalf's voice frodo tears the ring off his finger. The the moment of suspected times released suspended time that makes more sense is released the voices ease the land. Plunges lunges down at him FRODO rolls away from it but not far enough in its point pierces his shoulder. The fog returns Sam spots Frodo and cries out. Yeah so do the other. See Him to catch a glimpse of Lances and Scimitar blindly stabbing improving the Earth about froze crumpled body. Ah desperately searching for Frodo who is now quite visible the ranger swings his sword and runs to froze aid but the writers have gone disappearing into the fog. The Ranger Lifts Frodo into his arms blood seeps from his wound and Frodo is barely conscious the ranger considers for a moment peering into the fog. Then down at the anxious faces of the terrified hobbits the ranger. Galvanizes Elvin is into action. He Sits Frodo on his horse and then bundles the other hobbits up behind him hold on for your life and his Sam puts out his arm around Frodo. The ranger breathes the word into the horse's ear. The river the horse snorts the ranger gives it a mighty slap on the rear and gallops ups off be faster than a sinking hope. What the fuck is a terrible life alantic bearable on the the Horse Bolts? Also away the four hobbits paying on precariously return of his brief word from our our sponsors. What's up dachshund dockets Trevor Thompson the self-appointed looney tunes critic here? And if you like old cartoons and watching online reviewers dissect them then you probably say the same thing I did about a two years ago. Hey what the fuck. Every Saturday morning. I do a brand new commentary of Warner Brothers Short all throughout the month. I do video. Essays examining the history of these cartoons. No catch my videos on YouTube dot com slash wheelhouse too or just use the Hashtag looney tunes credit now. Here's Eric Thousand. The New Voice of Bugs Bunny looney tillage critic borough global which means your script Ain't worth the buffalo shit on a nickel detail reads so here we are and here. The script is happening still I hi. My hope is sinking. That's how fast my horse goes faster than a sinking hope. Our break Did run late in the show because this scene was so long it was not faster than sinking hope. No as much all that was okay then line terrible. It's pretty brutal. And just this introduction of strider strider the ranger airborne spoilers Almost three people or one person one person he has a lot of names. Striker's coup gonNA strider is his ranger name. That he goes by but he's really era. GORN SON OF ERA Thorn King Elisar the rightful heir of gone door. The era of of is still door et CETERA but Still Getting Poon Doc. Still smashing pufus. Read me about this news lineage. And I'm just stares you know we talk about that man and he'll fuck and you I know you. Well let's still Batman script so many you'll be so mad about it. It'd be better. It'd be really but I got the Smash Push Wall Red Batman. It was cool dude. It's like Oh Batman cool. You wouldn't get say baby. Let's go down crying. Alley took it. Batman gathered in the psychology of it. I wouldn't like getting her. Check it out. I'm lucky son of its estrogen. The third of his name like he's got a sword. How long has this is lame? Let's go down crime malleable. Put some bullets in your ovaries to. I'm at about a break. Your Pearl Martha Ovary the best thing about. Tonight's I'm GonNa get you hobbit hole will you said is the thing Shaik's feed in exterior valley. I just I know when to give up playing this character three exterior valley and River Day. The Rangers horse breaks out of the fog and into a valley at the bottom of which runs a river. Okay Hey this is what I wanted to say about about the introduction of Aragon here is they don't have any reason to trust him. He doesn't say who he is. He says what his job is like. And it's not even cop who turns up in his like I'm an elevator repairman. Follow me and you're just like all right I trust this Guy Dandruff. You've already done it. He was like go to Riverdale. Beats him rule. WH- where's it. Established wind is a genus guy and everybody starts shouting his name and then he turns up in like Mike. I'm fucking yeah. No Lady Gaga winter names on the side of my. Oh yeah the lady Gaga was told you to go somewhere you'd be like chased by Serandon does take this ring and go to the town. We just made a way better movie. I WanNa see this movie. We are stuck it out like Las Vegas. The Lady Gaga's shows up with some fireworks. Take this all straight face like. She's walking around the room a ring on the table. Take it put it on that you put it. What is this thinking? I don't know no I can't read her poker face lady Gaga. Is that a fancy baby poker face the fanciest baby my job guys I've got you acknowledge. monsters. Better the flu. This fucking move. Roma the Rangers horse breaks out of the fog into a valley at the bottom which runs or river around them. They now see see the black riders trailing whiffs of Dust Converging on the habits from all direction. These fucking black writers are still happening. They're racing the habits to the river. Sam has difficulty in keeping frozen dead weight from fall fall. It looks like failing really. It's a little bed xeroxing from falling. The wind sweeps the blood from four photos wound back onto him it frosts and darkens. It's gross gross. Gross how are they going to show that Sam sees the river ahead of me going to show. How would they any of that would be a film win sweeping in blood back onto him in frothing and getting better like in seventy shit with a fan you zoom in such interesting? They'd rejected the script. Jeff that's why we're reading. I put me play okay. So little back story story. According to John Berman this was a period where like optical and practical special effects had really fallen into disuse people. Just like we're like well. We had million the thirties. And we just really don't care about special effects forever after that until Lucas comes along seven seven years after this so he says that he came up with all kinds of new methods and technologies to do the special effects for this movie. He devised them himself and eventually used them next. Caliber and czar does. But or you say he also said them he also said I wrote a good script so we can't trust that man he is unreliable. Narrator history will never remember his lying. He did direct deliverance paddle faster. WHOA JEFF hasn't seen deliverance seen? I'm just trying to remember if there was like the character development in that started like yeah change. You changed a lot. Yeah there's lots of character development. You like like chilled pulled out bras. Like Oh this is fun livers based on a book or did he was that original idea. I don't know I don't know be interesting to to see if this guy went from like maybe a city adapter but like when he's trying to form his own stories like a better put that in there ever put all like the Banjo scene and shit like that The character development for the movie started but now everybody just remembers it for any amount and the black rider appears nine year. Darkens is where we were. Sam sees the river ahead and the nine black writers converging from all sides some from the left some from the right some some from behind we know what sides are to step. They all Froth Darken as Mary turns and sees a black writer catching up he waives the frying pans award off. The the light flashes off of the Pan and for a moment. Blinds the writers flux you you look at it waivers and loses stride on the other side of the placid river behind great trees. A light glows news and SAM catches a glimpse of Palace Crystal River Lyndale approaching the river. The Rangers horse slows down while the riders drive their horses. On the Rangers Horse starts to Wade across converging from all directions. The black writers come galloping up to the river almost colliding into each other like a bunch of dirt there is a confusion of rearing black horses than the writers drive. Their mounts into the water deep inhuman cries come from the writers chilling. The blood of the hobbits. Well how do you read this individual salary. Suddenly a wave of water floods the river as if materializing out of the spray mounted elven warriors on ponies. Yeah the color of foam there. Maine's entails flying like the surf about them six Gallup down the center of the river they charge into the black riders Jousting them into the water. Jousting them into the way. We have never seen like that. That used that way. Like I'm GonNa joust you. We've won the competition this day. All except one who had not yet entered the river Frodo falls into the Water Sam plunges after him an Elf jumps down laughing with joy and pulls frodo out Marian Pippen's scrambled toward the bank the elven horsemen their the ponies prancing. Break into cheers of victory. The Dude I saw Sam Marion Pippen barely able to stand up up in the fast running. Water look around in amazement. The bodies of the black riders are dissolving in the water and from the dissolving carcasses issues. A black slime. They did it. Yeah they did. We beat them we won. That's hey beaten us go you just give them a bath jousting contests sue to make any sense. What the fuck is the rest of the script about who are they gonNA fight in Rohan? Yeah where like they were the row. Hurry I'm going to fight. It doesn't matter. Let's get the ring to wherever it's supposed to be capable to do whatever we're supposed to be doing. We've got hundred and forty pages left. Assume most drawn bad load on the first episode beers earlier hangover now howling swords in hand. The ranger is running at incredible speed toward the river. The surviving black writer turns his horse and rears it up against the ranger. Who crashes into the underside of the Horse? Toppling it over into the river holy Shit. The elves cheer her again the Black Rider dissolves into a slimy review lead of dark liquid which flows downstream intact running snake like between the rocks and snake like the liquid remains of the black riders. Coil and wind into each other. ARE THEY GONNA turn into like one massive black writer I they become venom end of thought it was over when they cheered and then they fought another one in the meets here together. Yeah Oh let's fuck that. Yeah Oh shit we missed one SPITS riverdale bid we they're fucking people they're saving are just like around and in the fucking water laughing. They got the Alpha's feed out. They got a lot of work ahead so they got to riverdale two episodes in the it's uh-huh out there is going to take forever because we got it like so part of the show is making it entertaining. What we're reading? Look you guys. They're just clearly really not very clear on the the Tolkien. mythos everybody knows. The Nas- Guler made of cornstarch. They're great for thickening Mu Guy Pan Right. They're they're basically That that stuff that the gastro scientists make at aggregate I fucked Lexington. It's for eggs when you edit this. Just put the right thing. Wow saw John. How did you know that no? I've never heard of that thing when he said here's the thing you're thinking about. We have a an important connection with our listeners. They need to know the real me. Including when I'm looking more on not you you knew a thing existed existed didn't know the name I have no idea what we're talking about to even get to forgetting the name busy too busy banging poon. I'm talking hard ARD. Look you just watch fourteen seasons of of top chef and you'll figure it out oh oh. MSG That's just the list they make they make like balls of liquids that you can pop in your mouth and it's the stuff that makes the membrane now. I'm not you know what he's totally gated. It does. We'll tell everybody on the next episode or they'll tell us on twitter at the table if you tell us what the hell we're talking about I'll send you a pair of so your tweet Yeah we're on twitter at the table. Reads on Instagram. At the table reads. It's on facebook at facebook. Dot Com slash table reads Josh. What do you got? I got an email address emmy at Joshua Baker Dot Com. If you want me to send you a pair of my socks just send me an email. And what if they wanted to. I also do video and some voice over work as well interested in. You forgot to do all this last episode. Because I was so focused on our new patriae on the people can sign up for to get early access to all our episodes with no fucking ads by the way definitely are livestream when we get it to work where we get to watch US record. Live on video two who months before the episode comes out gorgeous. You can't fuck and beat that. Let's before we even do it. We're like a twelve. If you add all of our numbers together exactly and jeff show you his lactation trick. I plan on getting pretty sloshed. The arrested script anything. I'm telling you on that patron Lord of the Tito's this is going to be so I've got the Lord of the Rings Right here. Actually it lives right here in the studio I think between now and next week just going to paste all the pages all over the walls. It's a great idea. I got another. I got another incentive for people to respond responded episode. What you would name your busted as sword and that's what we'll start calling the one that the busted ask guys in our script snare of a busted and also? I forgot to tell people where to find that Patriots and it's patriots dot com slash table. Reads you probably could've guessed it but now you don't have to so next week we'll be back for part three of this Lord Lord of the rings thing table maybe Kelly will be with us maybe not either way until then we will miss you. PODCAST was created by SEAN MC being for more visit table reads podcasts gas dot com to black.