Getting Diagnosed with Annie Segarra, Romantic Jealousy and Going Back To School
Szeswith swinging uh-huh uh-huh I'm Alison. I'm a writer director. And one time Miss Hannigan and a summer camp production of Anne and I'm Gabby done I'm a writer by CON by icon. Wink and I travel the world behind Evelyn. No you don't yes I do. You can't lie in the opening. Prove that don't okay. I'm sorry you're not allowed to lie. No I know how much easier it'd be if I could lie in the opening. Well why don't you. I'm running out of ways to describe my Sino and so this is how I have gamed the system so we're just going to live from now on. I mean you know what. Do whatever you feels right to you. And that's the truth and that's the truth and I think we've established that here on this podcast. This is just between between us. A variety show filled with heartfelt advice. Ridiculous Games and brutal honesty. It's in the description. You cannot lie so I built my a hot air balloon in one thousand nine hundred eighty degree turn your mic off. Why does every school do any? I wasn't school. It was summer camp. Yeah A- and I don't know it's just like a good time but I can't sing so I just sort of spoke through my songs. Did you do like a New York accent when you played Miss Hannigan. Don't remember number. I just know that that was the highlight of my acting career that summer because the first term I was A lead role in little abner. Wow them and and then I strolled into any having missed the auditions because I had left in between the terms to to go. Mikhail Ripken with my dad and and they still gave me the lead and people were people. Were upset because you you felt entitled. You can just stroll in Cairo insane. I don't make the decisions. They gave me the role. Why were you just? That was very good. I wanted to be a child actor so bad too and I'm resentful and my parents parents didn't let me do it. I think thank God. They didn't let me do it. I know but but It would my life be that different probably. Yeah well. You're assuming that you would have have been successful that I would have been good at being a child of book stuff versus just going out on a cute. No I was really cute. I would have definitely really been booking excited for this week's episode. We have any cigar. We're going to be asking some tough questions about disability and the long road to diagnosis and and later we'll be discussing going back to school as an adult. But I hid it. Sh- the Laura Italy. God what a beautiful name. What a beautiful place right? Her question is this. How can I handle jealousy? ooh Some more info. I'm twenty three and I've been in a serious relationship for a year now with an awesome guy. I had a huge crush on for months. There is just an issue jealousy. I don't know oh how to handle it. It's not something about someone who I find specifically threatening to our relationship nor is it cost for my boyfriend's behavior since he's nothing but loving and caring and has made one hundred percent unclear. How committed he is to US still? I can't help feeling insecure. I have recurring nightmares about him deciding he wants to date other girls. I even get annoyed when my female. Oh friends are nice to him. Any time this happens. I go and ask my boyfriend for reassurance about his feelings which he's always ready to give but I'm afraid one day he'll get tired of this dynamic. What do I I do? I know I have a history of abandonment issues do trauma from childhood and I'm addressing them therapy. Is there any other advice you can give me on. This therapy is would have been my number one suggestion him. But you're already doing it. I I feel like I am a recovered Jealous Maniac yes short. I'm in recovery from Jealousy. Yeah the area where I used to be super super jealous girlfriend in. I am convinced that they were GonNa meet somebody else or they will lead me for someone in I had to really realize that it had nothing will. Sometimes it had something to do with the guy but overall it was mostly my own issues news and it was about me not having confidence in myself And also not not trusting the words that someone was saying to me. Yeah and so. I think that there's plenty of people who will make you feel jealous. And it's on them and their behavior is inappropriate appropriate and they're pushing boundaries and they're doing things that make you uncomfortable And in that case that's an issue with your partner and your relationship and something you have every right to feel feeling to bring up and maybe you're not compatible exactly but if you know that it is not on your partner at all that this one hundred percent just something that is coming from inside you. Do you really have to look at that and figure out like why. Why do you assume that someone is going to want to leave you? Also also you have to extend the same person hood to them as you extend to yourself. I know we think of ourselves is very complex and complicated people and we don't often extend that same inner life to others so like if you know if you if you're like Oh my God he's constantly thinking about leaving he's constantly thinking that he doesn't want to be with me. But then you know that your not like that or you think about like well. I'm not sitting here constantly thinking about leaving. I'm not if I text a a male friend. I'm not thinking about like how I'm GonNa fuck that friend and leave my boyfriend like you have to extend like the same a bit like way that you look at yourself to him. Maybe he's just sitting on the couch watching TV and I remember sometimes being like Oh my God. He's totally thinking that he wants to. He's so bored with me and he's leaving but like when you're sitting on your couch watching TV you're just sound out watching TV like often. It's not that deep and being jealous is not something that will prevent cheating exactly so like you obsessing about this. This thing isn't going to determine his actions if anything I think you're right. And then it might ultimately drive him away because it isn't fun to be with a partner who constantly needs reassurance and it's also so not fun to have a partner who's accusing you of stop right like. I know that you're saying you're not accusing him. But I would hear it as like what do you think of me right and like you have to just just know that if they choose to do that if they choose to cheat on you if they choose to act inappropriately that's on them you have no control over zone eligible for it and like and and if and when that happens then you will deal with but don't worry about something until it's actually happening. Yeah a relationship could fall apart for any reason. If you're so fixated on like like well I hope he doesn't cheat. I hope he doesn't cheat. There's could be communication breakdowns. There could be some sort of thing where one of you gets a job and suddenly a long distance and it doesn't work. I mean there's just so many reasons that relationships fall apart so worry about those instead opted. That doesn't behoove you to worry about any. I know I have a thing because I don't don't necessarily feel jealousy in this way which is I mean? I feel jealous like I definitely feel jealous of people's exes more than I feel all of like people in their life like I feel like if they're talking to their ex. I'm jealous because that person already has like a place in their life and they already loved them but if it's a new person I'm like well if you're gonNA leave me for new person than you were gonNA leave me anyway. I also think that you have to stop yourself from vocalizing. These fears So like like. That's behavioral therapy is like you. You want to go to him and you want him to reassure you when you want to bring up every single fear that you have and you have to not let yourself do that. You have to self soothe you have to self soothe. It's not on him to fix this feeling in you. And that's the thing I've really worked on like I. You know in the past like if my boyfriend if a boyfriend had brought up a new female coworker. They're sitting next to this girl at work in like whatever I would immediately be like. Let me see a photo of her and now I'm just like okay day like I just I don't let go there in my conversation with him. it'll just be like. Oh she called. Are you guys friends like yeah like she you know like I don't even let it slip that I'm thinking about the possibility of her. Viewing him in a romantic way at all. Yeah because then I'm giving into my anxiety I'm giving into my Dow and my worry and I don't WanNa vocalise it. I think it'd be really great exercise for you Aurora to make a pact with yourself to not bring your jealous feelings for a month Where like you know you are not allowed to express that you feel jealous? You can obviously feel your feelings. You can't control what you feel that you are not allowed to vocalise them or discuss discuss them with anyone else and I wonder if at the end of that month if they'll have left power over you. Oh because if you're not saying them they don't have power right. Oh that's interesting interesting because then it's just like your like this just in my mind. It's not real and all. Yeah and you're not just like giving life to it. Yeah because the more you saying out loud the more you're enforcing in your ahead that's true and then it's also a thing that you guys are talking about an it's an issue that's actually happening right because it's common. It's normal to feel jealous. It's normal to feel jealous. The real problem is is meeting it to be a thing every time. And let's say that this guy does cheat on you then you don't want to be with him anyway right so you have to assume that he is the guy that you like. He is the guy that you love us. The person you think he is and that person wouldn't cheat on you right. So what are you even worrying about you know like ah if that happens then like the only thing to want to want to know so that you can leave. This isn't if he is this person that you think he is than just like stop talking about it. Yeah because it's not doing anyone any good. Yeah you're making a problem where there isn't one I totally get it. Because I I've have like one hundred percent been there and I've I've poked prodded and I've you know all that let's your partner knows that you're insecure and like while partners will. Obviously I love you. If you're insecure it is like it can have the effect of making less desirable. Yeah but on top of that. You're just spinning a problem. Out of thin air. Listen to problem totally. And that's annoying. It's just like annoying. Yeah when a partner does that. This isn't happening. This isn't a thing and again you can not control other. The People Liking Your partner and other people flirting with your sweet. Now you have to trust that your partner will continue to behave appropriately right. Yes like it's not there's no reason and for you to freak out because someone else likes your partner like this medium Hotlanta and if he's not engaging in it there's nothing to worry about yeah we have always like stupid narratives that paint men as dummies who fall. I like stuff all the time like we need to make more like movies. Where men aren't like the victims victims of seduction and responsible for their own action? You know it's like we always painted as like this girl's GonNa take him away and it's like he has to do something he has agency exactly and also I mean maybe there could be a thing where the relationship is going really well and so you're just inventing something. Have you talked about that in therapy. Sometimes when a relationship is going really well and you just aren't anxious person you spin your wheels trying to be like what can I do to cause some sort of this happy exactly and you do deserve to to be this happy Aurora especially in Italy. So beautiful if you'd like to submit your international questions and to just between us at go dot com that's just between us. Pico de at G. DOT COM coming up next. We have an interview with any cigars. So stick around since we I get mouth-watering seasonal recipes and premeasured ingredients delivered right to your door with hellofresh America's because number one meal kit. They make cooking at home fun. 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Virtually the entire twentieth century from silent era weight loss surgery to the black beauty icon of the eighties and nineties. Who built a career after scandal? So join us. Won't you for make me over. New episodes will be released. East End. The you must remember this feed every Tuesday. Subscribe on the Stitcher APP. Or wherever. You find your podcasts Welcome back to just between us. It's time for the juiciest most scandalous controversial missile segment known to Allah podcasting to question this week on the pod. We have any cigar. Who is youtube conscious creator but also a person who talks a lot about disability diagnosis? And that's what we wanted to talk to you about so hello Anne Hi. So you're calling from Miami Yup Miami area now so I think we really wanted to talk about your your long path to diagnosis. 'cause it's tough to get diagnosed in general and it's really tough to get diagnosed when you're a woman And you kind of speak to that a lot through activism. So can you kind of just take us through that journey for you. You good Lord yes so I have a genetic condition meaning so have had it pretty much. My Tire. Life called Eller San Luis Syndrome And there's bunch of different types of ehlers download syndrome and we'll call it. EDS for short My type specifically is called classical Michael Type. How fancy I know? That's what I thought. It was like. How cute classical time like like they're supposed to be violins? Playing that's right. I know it was something that I experienced symptoms of very acutely when I was little like things that Basically the two people who were not inside of my body right everybody else in the world they saw me and they thought that I was just kind of like a Chubby out of shape. Kid like Because my face turn red really fast during physical activity or or because I couldn't hang onto the monkey bars For like more than a second or so like I just couldn't I couldn't do a lot of physical things like that Which everybody including my pe? He coaches were like okay. So you're a Panzi right like your back or whatever But never looked at any of those little small things as like a symptom of something else like I was like a wooded have asthma attacks Asthma attacks I would have so where I felt like my throat was closing and this would always happen. Like right on the like end of a coal ultimately right when I started actually seeking diagnosis. It didn't even happen Until a year ear into this very disabling chronic pain Used to work at a restaurant and I was like on my feet and wearing heels for like six to eight hours a day. That's mean no matter who you are right. But I didn't know that I was actually just talking about it in a recent video. That may let somebody else with my friend. Lolo and I was under the impression that every single person on this planet and also experiences chronic pain and I was just the only person who couldn't handle it so common. How old were you like when I thought that I was at least thirteen and when I was working like this this like turning point of like I should see a doctor when I was like twenty three so ten years you were like? I guess. Everyone's hurting yeah. 'CAUSE 'cause pain is so normalized you know especially for women and and and Anybody that's like not a man we're we're conditioned to believe that What's the what's the phrase Beauty is pain so that phrase so like like all these things I'm like. Oh so we're supposed to be in pain everything is supposed to hurt And I'm just the you know everybody else's right I am a psy- I can't handle anything or whatever eventually what was happening was my my standing limits With the pain felt like is I thought they were like. I thought that was like a cracked bone at the bottom of my And so I just again under that normalization of pain. I I kept doing things like oh I must be too weak to wear heels so let me bed. My boss nuts worth heels anymore aware pretty boots to work like. Please don't make newer heels anymore and like I did as much Adapting a likelihood beyond the exchange of heels is to boots. I asked my boss. Can I use a stool at hostess. Dan and even then what was happening was wow. I can't like it's it's hurting me. Even to just like walk somebody to their table to to given their menus So that's when I started investigating and that was a that was a big process of like I had to go to at least three doctors because the first one was like I don't see anything wrong. Just go home. Put your feet up. followed by a couple of other doctors. Who Like misdiagnose me and signed me up for an operation on my leg to like a fix? The Smith diagnosis diagnosis. They mistake those me With flat feet at reason why they thought I had flat feet feet is because so. EDS connective tissue disorder where it affects. It affects pretty much every part of your body but it the most people notice it I in their joints because their joints are too lax. So the glue. That's supposed to be holding your body together. They it's not holding your joints together properly So they're like that's why they might appear flexible. which is the wrong word? But you know I always use it for simplicity's sake people who are not familiar. So so what happens is like when they do the x ray or standing up so when I stand up the joints my feet. which if you don't know there's a lad of joints it's in your feet? They all kind of collapse into the ground Because the because right the joints are not strong enough to hold their our position they all just kind of bend downward with gravity So the x Ray. It looks like five feet. But if I'm like you you know lying down and taking an x Ray. That's not what the X. Ray is going to look like so they went in and they like they did a bunch of stuff like sliced into my cab and like surgery yeah whisk the thing is like because of that surgery I got more clues like doctors. Here here's the the fun fact about this whole thing is the doctors were never ever ever GonNa frequent help me like I had to do it myself. I had to research it myself. I I took the clues together. I had to be like you know the that. Like what is that. The Internet meme of the guy was like the post. Its on the cork board trying to connect all the dots together. Ah I had to be that person I had to like. Figure it all out by myself when I had that surgery. I got a couple more clues which which is So part of eds can be that anesthesia doesn't really work on you and local anesthesia and pain medicine. Like doesn't really work on you. Like freaking out. So it wasn't an issue of like. I woke up or anything during the seizure. They expected the anesthesia to last me for the night in terms of pain relief but when I woke up I felt everything as though I didn't have any anesthesia. Oh so So I was like I as I slowly waking up I- I slowly started like realizing how high pain levels were to the point that bought by the end of the evening. I was like screaming until I was too tired to scream anymore. More than I was. Just a like this silent shock like. I don't know how like what that's called but I'm still in pain but my body so exhausted of of making noise so I can only just open my eyes and feel the pain okay horrify. There's this thing that the physicians don't like when patients Google or research into their own symptoms because they find it annoying but then there's this thing where women specifically women of Color Colors specifically also disabled people have to work so hard to be listened to and to be heard and to get the right diagnosis. So can you speak a little bit about about that. Duality in my experience. So many especially in vol being like women so many people only benefited from doing doing research on their own. Because it's not like they're doctor was GONNA do it for them. It's not like it's not. We're not living in a world of house. M D where Orion doctors like you come in you say of a problem and your doctors like I will not stop. I figure out what is wrong with you no way. Hey they I tried so. Many doctors be almost just cruelly dismissive of whatever I brought to the table and also there's so many specialists no one is looking at the whole picture. A lot of the time. Yeah you have to like I before before doing this before. Like starting these. He's medical investigations and what was happening in my body I really thought that the world is like the rose by Dr House and you had like a team of people that like You know we're going to try and help you figure out what was wrong But I was like astonished at the just the fact that that I would have a specialist and they're all separated and they don't communicate so we saw there that that for me I was really. My doctors are not going to communicate. Its mind line job. It's it's me the six persons job to like continue to like play Messenger through all these doctors And try to piece the puzzle together Myself Yourself. I found eighty s on my own and then I started to bring that diagnosis to doctors saying. Hey I want to be tested for it and and again I was met with cruel. This mission With doctors saying things like The symptoms that you're describing or not possible I've had doctors. There's just laugh at me and say you know you don't have that And all you do just do a blood work to figure it out in my case. Yes because there's so many different types and unfortunately the most common type it doesn't have a blood test for it yet. You can the only way the most common types The only way to get that one diagnosed diagnosed as hyper mobile. Eds H eds You have to find a doctor that knows about it enough to clinically diagnose. Not right there in the office like just feel like you this Simpson Simpson and like count on a list of like. I think it was twelve. I don't remember And then at the end of the questionnaire INARA go well. That's what you have right. Yeah so this is the thing that you talk about a lot is that is that. There's this idea that doctors are all knowing God's and that civilians peons and that oftentimes doctor will not have even heard of. EDS or their disabilities or there are a lot of diagnoses diagnoses. where the doctor hasn't even heard of this and and I think like the the thing that people are nervous to do is to advocate for themselves? I think people say well if the doctor says that's not it then that's not it and it's like how do you how do you speak up for yourself. How do you tell people that are going through this like how? How do you notice? Speak up for yourself. In my case it was the fact that I was so while research I bet I did have The confidence to kind of be like My doctor occurs wrong period. Such a big journey just to get this big umbrella diagnosis. But there's still so many co morbid conditions burning stuff that's related to it That are undiagnosed but that I experience on a daily basis Like and I I'm not officially diagnosed with pot. which is very annoying? Because that's one of my more disabling conditions boxes pastoral or the static tech of Cardio Syndrome and What it means is that my blood vessels they They don't don't work too gray. And it's part of what limits my ability to stand up or even raise my arms up high or being hot temperatures because it'll ask eh trigger migraines nausea and sometimes fainting spells And so I deal with this on a daily basis but every time I tried to get tested for it I get rejected so Different things a big again against the issues like not finding doctors that like know enough I forgot it to to test before it And and then one of the things that actually scares me is that the test itself could make me sick or one of the first test is Not the first test but one of the test is called the table test. Where you you lie down on the table that tilts up and down and basically like I said the blood vessels they they're kind of swooshing your blood around your body too fast. And that's what makes you so sick and faints a and whatever ever So they'll slip you upside down than right side up upside down right side up and basically make you sick in order to prove that you're sick So and I feel like if I do a test like that I'm like you're gonNA knock me out for a while and and I don't have time for that time to make myself sick To prove to you that that is what I have I can tell you. That's what I have So so I I'm like that was that's one of the bigger ones There's also like cognitive and mental health stuff that that I don't have diagnosis for are and like so. I can still relate to that undiagnosed feeling. How do we fix the relationship between disabled old people and doctors like how do we had? What what is what's missing I rolled my eyes and like oh well well. I think the first thing would be for doctors to be humble enough to take the critique. There's been so many like there's been a few different You know social media campaigns trying to get doctors attention it was a Hashtag. Doctors are Dickhead. I heard yes and that was I saw saw that and I and I saw that there was like equal pushback because I this is not nearly close to what I see you and other other disabled people go through but I talked about on a different podcasts and experience I had in the emergency room where I was basically laughed at ignored for hours while I had like a terrible migraine and and the response that I had someone respond being like Europe fucking pieces shed who doesn't respect doctors and you don't know what doctors go through and you don't know what emergency urgency people like room. People go through and I was like no. I don't but I also know that like I'm in pain on a mattress while a bunch of people stand over me and laugh like yeah so I want to send her stand that the the big problem there is. The power dynamic is how much power doctors doctors have in the lives of person and how they're neglect Is I don't know we don't. We're in a time where the Internet is so new and the Internet has taught us so much especially because of how we communicate with each other social media and through like Hash tags like got and So but what. We're seeing through that information right now. Is that medical neglect is more common than than people who feel safe going to the doctor right And and huge problem it's a power dynamic And it's a conversation that happened so much before the play feel assured enough to say that it's more common than not because when these kinds of Hashtag campaigns come around it you struggled to find one person who does not have a story of some kind of medical trauma that involved. Dr Being neglectful of being dismissive being gas flighty You know And the one doctors the daycares right so that was a I agree. So we're using some vulgarity there but what I thought was really funny was that these conversations have been happening waiting for years on the Internet. And it was only with the vulgarity that I guess some egos were You know knocked around a little and doctors did get get into the conversation but only proved the point right the point because they they then created a Hashtag to humiliate patients cultivations our deck has were they were they wrote stories about how patients annoy them. it's such a vulnerable position position to be going to the doctor and I don't. I don't think that's appreciated. Like even I and speaking of not being believed in stuff I mean I think it would serve People to examine their sexism and racism. Even like I've seen a lot of stuff recently about like fat phobia in terms of people right saying being told to lose weight and exercise and then it turns out they have cancer. Yeah I was just about to say that because that is one of the bigger ones like anything else affect phobias so so like prevalent in the medical field and so so many times and I see it and I see how harmful it is. Somebody will see it in the lives of people that I care about. That are very close to me. I've seen in my own life. How they put you on a scale see a number and then they tell you that in order to be healthy you need to get it down to would different number But nothing else whenever It happened to like relatives of mine. They come to me with stories like that. Ah Okay but did they say anything else about your actual health that they'd like talk about like your cholesterol health or anything else yelling. Having no just a number on the scale and they've decided that you're not healthy but they have to go off like or they're wearing actual symptoms. Yeah Yeah Yeah. And that's the other way. Absolutely is that bill. They so many people who are fat they They are dealing with realize illnesses. The doctors refused to look at because they'll blame any and any Disease either illness or condition on their weight right so it's it's a huge struggle again it's And I'm sure if we were to speak doctors which which I have you know there. There's definitely validity like oh they're burnt out there like right. Industry industry is is like Let's put credit where it's due right. They're they're overworked. Right as a bunch of a bunch of a bunch of elements that like makes mix their mental health and their You know what's going on with them absolutely valid however Some some kind kind of justice needs to be reached for all parties involved because people are sick and dying and dying like needlessly because of the neglect of doctors I was saying I. I was going through the medical system for like three years trying to find diagnosis. Even trying to find it. I found it like. How did you finally get the diagnosis? So I had accepted that I was in so much pain that I couldn't stand up for more than like and then it's a five minutes at a time I said fine I'M GONNA buy myself but you hundred wheelchair. I'm going to get around the world and wheelchair and I will figure out a new life. I will stop working in the Food Service Industry and sign myself a desk job. But if I want to do that I need to figure out my chronic pain in my back so when I went to see like Some kind of a neurosurgeon signing person. I was imploring with them. Like I think it'd be the s ask They were one of the people who set it. All they said your symptoms you're describing it is possible no it if you have that You know and then he had some kind of heaven remember. What the scan was? I'm I x Ray or something of my of my. Si joint and he he was really surprised to see that like essentially like all my joints were extremely far apart and he didn't understand how is walking on my SI joint right with in my joints being so separated Look like I'm walking on the list located hits right So I'm pointing at the scan like Sir Sir Sir I. That is like another dose another clue. That's another symptom of what I'm telling you. I think I have UGH and again. He likes shrugged me off then scare the book Jesus out of me because his follow up to you. Don't have that but here's what I WANNA do. I would like to set you up for an operation to use your joints together So when I heard that I had a huge meltdown in his office just sorta like sobbing and screaming and slamming my my hands on the desk like screaming things. Like you'd rather risk me being horizontal for the rest of my life than listen to me Because because that was scary he'd already given me like some injection. Like I think it was. I think it was steroids. And if it was that I leave steroids. royds break up Collagen the Collagen that I had that it's already defective. It would have been spread apart and it cut me horizontal bed for like ten. They told him that happened. That's one of the things you said. That's not possible with happens but it is if you have defective Paula. Jones your experiences into happened right right so I I was up in all the third. Call me a liar and Well that breakdown led to to a lady doctor coming in And asking why was crying and he continues like he has no shame in like muffing he he rolled his eyes throws up his arms. Up in the air And says she thinks she has ehlers download syndrome. Like I like you know like I have no idea what I'm talking about pretty much. Yeah and it's all your doctor said I never heard of that And she she instead of talking to him. Talk to me and says can you Case offer mad likes to look at us and I'm like through sobbing tears like right right now. And she's like it's okay honey. I got it and finds that he likes just briefly skins the the description of it and that she looks up the scan and the dude the sitting behind this desk in this long white co- and says she could have this now. My God bureaus is fine. I'll send her to geneticists which is what I was asking for the whole time and I finally laid take that then? This process takes a whole `nother year 'cause like to see it takes like half a year than the testament than the test to get. Bread gets like another half a year it was the star and So but finally like you know affirmation geneticist and I have my friggin three three inch binder full of stuff and and then ultimately you know like months and months and months of time went by And and yeah. She gave me the result and she liked. It was so weird because she kind of like skimmed over it or at least that's how I felt Because I just remember like she said it and I I lost the ability to like cognitively process anything so she kept talking and at the stock purview. Like wait wait wait so I have it right away Weird like just kind of a I. Guess the the only way I can describe it for now it's kind of that physical that physical Idea of like pushing a door really really hard and all of a sudden Somebody just kind of unlock the door and you fly through. Yeah did you go into that stupid doctor and tell him I. I don't know I was. I felt for a long time with the idea of doing that. But at the same time didn't really want to like I was in the head face like like I never wanna see your face again So think about that And being chronically overthrowing I have still assign they think about I have so much time to like. Think about everything not to say that. I'm not an extremely busy person because I am a lot of different ways but the isolation in which which I don't have to necessarily interact with people too often because of spending so much time like within the confines of my bedroom walls does leave as me with a bit of space and time to think about certain things And so even with doctors right like like I mentioned before I do try and like see the other side of things And not you know not move forward in my life with like hate in my heart about it. But I'm still eleo lead very angry about things and like you know slamming on the tables and demanding justice etcetera. I think we owe their like. You know the I wanNA see your manager sign off. Thank God you are like that is. I don't think you would have ever gotten the diagnosis diagnosis. It's crazy that that's what you had to do to get hurt. And that's the problem. Yeah I think there definitely needs to be there needs to be communication. There needs to be medical reform. Their needs needs to be so many changes in how we treat our doctors and how we I mean like doctors bosses and hospitals. Yeah We have been. I don't know for doing okay when we're just trying to do. Research advocate tours or selves There needs to be reformed changed and how doctors treat their patients now. They talk to their patients. They're like I don't know that they never had it but sensitivity training having some bedside manner. Right then not condescend and lock your patients. Are you kidding me. I think that's like the most basic the basic respect of a thing for Dr Not roll their eyes at a patient when their patient as saying I am mm suffering right. I can't believe that that's the thing I have to say. I can't believe that like a doctor ever GonNa do that but experienced at a handful a list of doctors who did that to me and my experience isn't isolated. My experience is a an extremely common one and that should be something that doctors Dr Year and are ashamed of and not like an old and I'm sure and I know I know there's these doctors Like I I struggled with talking about this because there are doctors in my family So again like why. I don't want to be like Adl title doctors. That's not that's not the end of the. That's not the finish line here the where we want to get to is that if you are one of the quote unquote good doctors doctors that you hold your peers accountable. That you that you're part of the atmosphere that you're part of the reform and you're part of making sure that patients are no longer harmed by medical neglect. Yes that is one hundred percent true so true that I have to ask if you WANNA play a game show the sharing all that. I mean it was amazing but I just have a strict order of things that we have to play to became show. This game show is called hypotheticals you and Gabby will be the contestants. I'm going to give you a series of hypothetical all situations. You can ask as many questions as you want and then I decide how it all ends our first game is would you stay there is any. Hey there is no way to. Would you stay with this cheater. Your significant other of thirteen years admits while sleep talking that they mixed up the address of craigslist ads and meant to go buy a couch and instead had a casual encounter with the Russian model. When you listen when you confront them about it the next morning they admit to everything in our so relieved you now know the truth? Would you stay with this cheater. They have mixed up addresses before Probably not you wouldn't stay with them I don't know Oh probably not. They said like the lack of trust thing that is also. Wow so they got there. They saw the couch wasn't for sale. But they I thought let me have sex with this person while the perseverance expecting them to have sex with them and they felt like it'd be rude to Tanaka through with. I'm sorry so you'd think someone who who has the fortitude to yell in a doctor's Office to get what she wants and needs would would be with someone who can even be like this. Is the wrong address. You know I have to ask the questions. It's the game I if my problem here is my partners inability to stand up for for themselves in a tough situation so I will be leaving our next game. Are you a terrible parent. Your child is afraid of flying fine but you really want to take them on vacation. Kay So one morning you drug them and get them on the flight. Oh my God. They don't wake up until you land in Bali in God are you a terrible parent. They will have to fly her weight. We don't have drugs in Bali. You couldn't bring them because of Customs. Oh my God how long the trip two weeks no. How long is the plane rows? I have no idea. I don't know ten hours. How old are they they are thirteen? Okay Yeah I can give them. This living fell on the way back. How how did how did you get a drug thirteen year old onto a plane because you just put them in a wheelchair and nobody asked a question? Wow any realistic realistic to you. I don't know pathetic goals so I'm not putting too much pressure on it. Does it seem like that would realistically stickler be the case. Come on no way back. They got away with it for a whole weekend. You know what that's fair after I do your is your kid. Happy to be in Bali. Yeah but the whole time. They're freaking out about having a fly back. I guess you live in Bali. Now you're a good parent and you live in Bali. Now you know what except that he got Sir final game would would you lie or tell the truth after months of having a crush on your co worker an endlessly flirting you to finally make out and it's terrible bowl. They are awful at kissing and have horrible breath when you out on a proper date and you decline they ask. Why do do you lie or tell the truth? Their breasts fish period period. Tell the truth you and tell them they're back kisser in their breasts. Smells like fish. Yes yes why because because you want to protect them from the next person or they're going to keep doing it over and over again. Oh I easy because because your ideas that this person will then go. Oh shoot I should learn how to kiss and also change toothpastes. They wouldn't it be just so devastated. Aided yeah you could have just said we work together I think. And what if you say. Hey Look I'm interested in you but these things we gotta work on these things you know. What a bad kiss with somebody and they smell like fish? You're not gonNA attracted it's an anymore you know you think you can have a really really bad. Make out with someone where they repulsed. You and then you get past that No no we've had this scenario actually. Has the situation like you never had a bucket or your life. I have have you have. I never told them. Now I mean but find having a hypothetical gets to be honest. I didn't realize I was just like I. Just like go. Sit them on foresaw. Hello this is you making up for that so random. If you were ghosted by anti now you know why your breath smells like fish. Thank thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story. Where can people find you? I'm on any Aleni on all things With depth with to ease in the middle all one for Anne and one for Elaine it And on Youtube as any Aleni as well thank you so much for talking to us you really really really appreciate it. It had funding so much having big around after the break. We'll be talking all about going back to school. Welcome back to just between us. It's time for XXXXX XXX man. You really let me hang in there for a second. I wanted to create suspense. And so this topic is actually huge for you. It is you want to discuss So we're recording this on December eleventh. So I made a decision only a few weeks ago that I was actually going to go back to school and get a masters in clinical psychology jeep with a focus on marriage and family therapy so tell us the lead up or tell us the you know the beginning so when I was born born I So this last year in terms of my career has not been what I would want it to be Most days as I hadn't nothing to do I was pulling my hair out. I was making a lot less money that had made in previous years. I went out with a book proposal. I really really loved and as of right now. Nobody has has wanted it. I you know I tried to pitch things. I pitched a movie a bunch I picked. You know like like I was I was trying but it was. It was not working out for me and I was getting more and more depressed and I was getting More and more stir crazy and I really felt like like I was just sort of sitting in my apartment wasting my life and my brain And so I really kind of tackled with this idea of kind of like entitlement element like entitlement that I was going to get a show like because I'm I'm good at writing and I'd had success in the past that like of course this was going to work offer me like of course I deserve a show. I deserved to be successful. And then I had to be like Alison. Actually you don't deserve anything like that's not how life works like yeah. There's plenty of super talented. creatives out there who just like will never even have as much success as I've already had like So much of this is luck so much as timing and I can no longer just sort of like sit around waiting to get that call that will like change my life So I kind of was like all right. What the fuck do I do And and I thought about other jobs that I could get without having to go back to school and that was pretty much advertising. Jor Okay you know because I'm not like I just have a degree in screenwriting. What am I gonNA do right And I kind of tested the waters with that and the more and more I thought about what that day to day work would be like it. Just like wasn't exciting to me wasn't a passion. Yeah like to me that felt like only giving up. Yeah and instead I really need to think about like what it is a different path that also want to go down And obviously mental health has been a part of my life since I was four years old I have dealt with many mental health professionals along the way so many of them have helped me so much. It's something I talk about all the time. It's something I've been writing about more for alleged therapists I love therapists and I part of this journey was that with this book. Proposal was about Oh dating with mental illness and a big issue with it was like me writing it not being a therapist right so like how do you write about mental illness without being an expert on the topic. Okay I have other therapists support for the project but it was always this issue of like but I'm not the expert and so I kind of got to the place where I was like. You know what I think I actually do want to be the expert. uh-huh oh and part of it was my therapist just like being really supportive of this plan and like we talked about it a while ago. Like months ago and she'd recommended A A program at Antioch which is not the one I ended up doing but was basically like look like just like look into it you you know and then like months later I was like sitting there and I was literally thinking about going back to school for to become a therapist and then she said you know you should really. You should really look into that school again. And at the same time I had been thinking that and I was like Oh okay and so I feel like I talk a lot about about on this podcast like waiting until the thing feels right to you. Yeah like you know. Like don't force something and a few months go. It felt like forcing it. I felt like I don't WanNa go to school. Yeah I don't want to study I don't want to have homework. It's it's weird to go back to school sitting in her office on that day when she said that in my body I felt yes really. Yeah I really didn't care about classes or homework or any of that. I mean believe me. I don't WanNa do it but it suddenly felt right to me. It didn't feel a thing. I was forcing and I think that there's a lot going on here in terms of going back to school like one is. It's not full time. It's not like I'm moving onto college. Campus and like goodbye goodbye my career goodbye writing. It's like an evening program which is really important to me and uh-huh it's only two days a week for for most of the year though it's like I can still very much have continued to pursue what I wanted to pursue while also. Oh kind of getting this. This backup plan And also I think figure out a way to combine my two loves in interest like now in theory. I'll be able to write but also right as a mental health expert. Yeah I'll be able to create but also create with this background in knowledge. I'll be able to to speak speak about this stuff. Not just my own experience but as a professional yeah so it felt like something that would really add to what I've already doing instead of like thinking of it like Oh my God. I'm giving up right right right and it's something that you you really care about like. Do you think you would ever be people's therapists. Yes so I ah in theory right now. It's like a mix of things but I am very interested in opening Like a private practice for teenagers. Oh yes so. But that's years away like it's GonNa take forever so yeah yeah yeah a big part of it is like also learning patients. You know that like for years. It's just been like oh I just gotta get like that one call from this network executive right and money and then I get whatever and now it's like oh I know that nothing will come of this for years yet and that is an investments a totally different mindset. And it's like a it's like discipline and patience and also believing in a decision because like I mean I can obviously drop out but it's like it's a big time decision and I think I I feel like I've always been someone who like took risks six and made the tough decision and like when after what she wanted and I felt like that wasn't me anymore that you weren't doing that. Yeah like I felt like because I'd had some success I'd become ham lake Like compliant or I just been entitled or I thought that things were just GonNa happen like I would develop and work on stuff. But it wasn't like hustling I wasn't like hustling Salaam wasn't using my brain to the full extent of my brain and so I was like you know what I think I have to fucking do this. I have to shake things up I have to like I have to take this leap of faith. I have to like force myself to to get into a place that's uncomfortable Because like every time in the past that I've made that decision it's like improve my life. Life Yeah Yeah so this is more I mean going back to school I think is sometimes viewed as as like you said giving up but but it's not it's like my friends of mine in who have gone back to school. It's it's to move forward. It's to make a change in enhance. Yeah I don't know why we view education or continued education or academia as something that isn't worthwhile to pursue like of course it is. I remember when I was like twenty one and my boyfriend was thirty. Yikes but he was great. He was kind of like didn't know exactly what he wanted to do. And and my parents keeping like. Why doesn't he go back to school and he kept saying? Oh a thirties. Like too old to go back to USC really not not right but again like I had this misconception. That like it's too old like you know like in pocket change at any time. But that's what's been so empowering about this decision is once I made the decision. I felt so much calmer I felt so proud proud of myself. I felt like Oh. I'm taking the power back. Yeah like I am no longer just like in this going down this river in this boat in like who knows knows what the fuck is going to happen to me. It's more like oh I bought like a steering wheel you know and like you have control over exactly. Was it like a tough process to to try to figure figure out where you want it to go or what program or no so. That's part of why this worked out for me. It was so easy to lie to this program. La We got a couple of weeks. Like I was like I had to like write an essay and likes to references. And that was it. It was so easy and you didn't take the GRE. nope didn't take Jerry barely had to do anything. But I mean the the hard part is the program itself like. Yeah the hard parts of program itself and the hard part is Not Being afraid of doing the application not being afraid of submitting it right and like trusting being that my brain will wake up and be able to work that way again. That is the thing because like starting to do classes and homework again is it's terrifying. I'm so afraid I honestly I'm not thinking about it that much because I don't WanNA freak myself out. Yeah but part of it is kind of fun like you get a notebook and a book and you go and sit in a classroom. And you're like a nerd take notes. Well that's what everyone's wants been saying to me about graduate schools completely different than college or high school. Because you're in a different place you appreciate learning in a different way. Yeah and you're doing what you WANNA learn about out it's so focused and like specific to your interests and what you want to do and so it's like it's completely unlike college and I'm hoping that that's true true. Yeah I think part of what helped me was not over thinking the decision. Yes and just being like well this this makes sense and so therefore I shall do it instead of like pouring over the course list and being like oh no this classes statistics. Yeah I like. I'm like okay. Well when I have to take satistics I I have to take this ticks. Yeah I think they really have a limited view of who they are as people or what they're capable of doing like I couldn't possibly ably go back to school. I'm not this type of person but like you decide who you are. That's huge. That's really what I was trying to articulate earlier. Was that like whenever I've pushed the boundaries of WHO. I think that I am. That's where I feel like I flourished the most and I feel like I haven't done that in a while I was in a Rut and I had to do something like who the fuck knows tomorrow. I get staffed and I have to like defer my school and I'm maybe like one year I get an opportunity and I ended up not finishing the program like I have to also be okay with that. Yeah I have to be okay with the fact that I don't know what's going to happen but that I'm like I'm at least mixing things up in control taking control and setting myself up to have a backup plan because a lot of people can just like pursue their passion for years and like I think they're fine just like not fine but like they'd rather drive lift. Keep auditioning then figure out a second career. That would take up their life life and I realize I'm not that person like I can't live like that like I need stability and if I'm unable to find stability in The entertainment industry than I need that backup to feel safe and luckily you have something else that you feel passionate about. Yeah like you don't. That was part of it yet. I mean I like super passionate about the years of schooling and clinical hours. I'm going to have to do like I'm not like are you going to be Dr Raskin Skin. No it's not. It's not a doctorate. Oh how much I know about it that I like. Are you a doctor now. I like call you. I'm like I have a rash. You're like I am in school for family family therapy. I'm not a doctor but I just think that it's like I. I'm trying to not be like closed minded about what I can do with this degree. And Yeah Yeah. That's helping me a lot of thinking of it as supplemental versus like completely giving up and changing my life path. Yeah I mean you're not even moving. Yeah I'm not moving just going at night. I my mom says now I could be like Dr Phil. Oh have a show where I'm an actual purse like an expert burder professional again. I can speak to these things that I care about in know about personally on like a more global level. I guess you're learning I. I guess you've experienced the the mental health side of it but now you have to learn like the house in wise in all that of it totally which is which is a different print thing. I guess that's true. I would argue already an expert but thank you But yeah I mean I I think a lot of people are just scared to to make any sort of change because also I think they're worried about the judgment of going back to school And like the the judgment of any change. Right if someone's like want switch careers nine back to school. But if they're like I WANNA do a different from job I think people get stuck in like well but I'm not the type of person who could or I'm not the type of person who does this. I'm not the type of you know like or it's like I was just going going back to school. It's like oh I'm not an adult anymore. Yeah I I'm I'm taking steps backwards. I'm now a kid again. I now you know like it's I'm I'm not just like making money. I'm now like losing money. You know. It's just it feels weird and I have to like I have to just not let myself go there and I for whoever is in. I thought that it would like delay my relationship with Jake and I had to like ask him about then he really. Yeah for some reason. We can possibly get engaged if I'm in school like why not all the time and I was like well. I'm not a real adult famine school so we can't get engaged like that's bullshit and just like a weird rule I'm putting on myself for no reason and and anybody can go to school by the way older. We'll go back to school all the time. I don't know why we judge that. Like oh you want to a accumulate more learning ill like well. This program specifically meant for people who are working fulltime. Oh that's amazing yeah yeah. Why would we disparage that? That's admirable exactly like it was something something that made sense for me and I think that at first it was sort of like Oh really and now it's like Oh cool. Yeah you are you are the master of your our own future you control what like in certain capacities and in certain ways. You have more control than you think you. I think that's a big thing that people have to learn. Is You have more control than you think. And if you're feeling like you have no control do something to reclaim that control And like I you know I went and I. It dropped off a gift with our manager and like we were catching up about stuff news talking about the plans for me for like twenty twenty and in the past I would have been like. Oh Oh my God you have to get that job like if you don't get jobs it's my whole life like I know income nothing like like what is our plan but because now I'm going back to school I was saying there and I was like like okay like yeah. I hope that works out like that'd be cool. I was like I have another plan like longer. Just like a slave to the entertainment industry in in this way that was I completely destroying my psyche. Yeah especially in this industry because you have so little control over what happens next and I think that I can make a difference friends and I think I can live stuff and I think it's actually me rising to my potential instead of just like settling my laziness and I just can't be afraid of the work like I just have to trust that. I'm smart enough to do the work I'm like I'm pumped to do all the reading and pump to do all discussing. I don't want to write papers take tests. Yeah but I bet once you sit down you'll you'll just like breeze through them. Yeah maybe that's sort of what you're like though we'll see I'm scared but I'm just not letting the fear get in the way and that is the message here just between us So Anyway Shoutout Pepperdine for letting me in real quick forward to joining your ranks. What's the what's the mascot at pepperdine could not not tell you you got to look up pepperdine mascot? Why because because then we say go fighting pepper shakers therapists? Oh my God hold on. I'M GONNA look it up pepperdine mascot and it's a Christian school it's Kinda freaks me out. Well either wave yup go go waves. I wish I didn't know that actually really to me go. You WanNa come on and tell us if you're going back to school. I wish I kind of wish I could really why I mean I've always loved learning learning. Is I feel like a privilege brother in a write in America so I've always appreciate it being able to learn. That's the thing I forgot to touch on was like the financial aspect of it and then I'm very lucky that that is not an issue in that my parents will be helping me out. That makes it much like easier suggestion suggestion and I have to pay them back versus like the government that will keep increasing how much I owed them. Yeah the Yeah I. Guess I'm I mean I was using education as a stand in for like bettering yourself in learning more and not necessarily the the educational institutions which will take your money. But I mean I we can always go back to school. You could get a duo lingo APP. You could Start reading books about a certain topic. Could you never. It's never too late to learn some stuff for sure and Like what allison is doing is pursuing a passion which is really awesome like Having having a passion that you can like dedicate a certain amount of time and be around people with the same interests. I think that's really great. Yeah we'll see maybe I'll flunk out. Whoa wow and then you get to be kind of like a leather jacket? You put the collar up. And you're like Amoco of Grad School drop-out Baby. That's a new podcast. It on your Harley or whatever I assume cool dropouts do I have a very nine hundred fifty s view of dropouts. What else did we learn this episode? So Oh my God i Love Anne and I love her her the way that she bravely talks about this stuff and speaks up and tells her story and I just think that so many people feel so disempowered and the way that she talks makes people feel empowered. So I just I learned. I learned so much about what needs to be made better and about medical abuse abuse and medical trauma. Like it's just. You're not alone if you're listening to this. Basically I can't imagine going all those appointments Solo. Yeah having being an advocate with you like a friend or a family member right like I guess I would say like if you can possibly bring someone with you do that APP because it's harder to gaslight to people yes I know yeah that is the thing and sometimes you don't feel comfortable speaking for yourself but you feel comfortable speaking up for other people or other people feel more comfortable speaking for you there should be like advocacy groups that like will accompany you. I think there are two doctors appointments. I think there are people that do that. Yeah that sounds important and like that that would have maybe helped. Yeah it's just so like crazy that people are like no these. These human beings must is be God's when like everyone's a person like people fuck up at their jobs all the time. You can't just assume that someone is GonNa be the be all end all of knowledge on this thing when we're we're all just like flawed people think it's a catch twenty two where you have to have pride to think you can be a doctor and then you're from being a good doctor. Yeah Longer your doctor I soon you look at it as a job and not as passion I mean not everyone even comes into it looking at it right. We're doing something or like. Yeah yeah or then. It's just suddenly like I got A. I want to go home. And that's because an Annie's right it's also also because they're overworked and there's like long hours and you're on call for forever and yeah it's just like not set up for anyone to succeed basically an and and it's also I think like often about people who English isn't their first language and they go to the doctor and they have to advocate for themselves but they they don't you know there's a barrier there too you like I. I think about even like you know how much harder it would be at the doctor to try to describe what was going on and like I'm lucky enough to like. Speak the language of this. It's just like it's just not set up. Well just very scary. What do we whether we rate the episode irate it eleven out of seven evil doctors? Ooh Ooh Evil Dr Voles far with evil funny and I did. I go too far. With a timely Austin powers. Reference went too far back. Yeah I got it okay. Well let's not so shagadellic baby. Yeah I read it. I read it eight out of eight keeping your jealousies to yourselves elves. ooh that was really good advice. Yeah keep it. That's a good thing with anything that you're working on is kind of keep keep it to yourself for a month and see if if it has less power over you. Oh I love that. Thank you seem like you would probably make a good therapist. What what do you rate? It skips she's looking at her papers. I'm GonNa you say I gave it five out of five textbooks or digital textbooks. Whatever they do these days because I wish you luck? I think it's going to be really good. Oh thank you you. You're GonNa do great did you. Have you gotten some really good pens. Okay well there you go very good then. You're fine that's all you need to be a student and I think that's what I'm banking. Thank you so much to any cigar for being our guest just between us. It's hosted by me. Allison Raskin me Gabby done our engineers Justin Asher Brendon. Burns composed are killer theme music producers to meet go other spin and are supervising producers. Josephine Martorana our executive producer. Chris Bannon Bannon just between us is a production of stitcher. I got to learn how to raise my hand again to speak. I can only speak when I raised my hand. Now I guess that is the rule AH stitcher.