Ask Nick - Warning Signs
What is going on everybody? Happy Monday to you. Wall hope your Sunday scares weren't so bad. NFL again if it's not Monday well thanks for a finally given to us you know. I'm sure your life is busy. We appreciate you taking the time Rochelle you have an update. If do you not yet all you people like to hear sometimes some follow ups to some of our callers. Yeah and if you are someone who has called in in the past please even we let us know fan of these follow ups. I mean I'm not saying I'm not what you don't lie awake at night wondering what happens. No okay so do you guys remember. This is one of our craziest colors. We had the doctor who is dating someone and all of a sudden. She started getting weird instagram messages. From someone I remember. Yeah oh a lady not rather. She's very beautiful. What are you why are you is your exactly your doctor but anyways yeah I said this last the episode? Sometimes you get these emails thinking like she can figure out what you just assumed it was like the the X uses X. I thought it was some mentally ill. Oh like turns out the mystery is solved it was the of the guy she wasn't deed she tracks. It's the IP address. So she didn't just let it go move on with their life. She's those Dr C.. Track the IP address to specific building in San Francisco that he confirmed she worked at okay. She's a nurse Okay and she works in administration so she's wondering like she's a nurse. The X.'s X.'s nurse so interesting healthcare community. Yeah so the caller is concerned. She's thinking like she needs to let someone know. This person is obviously mentally unstable. She's concerned that you know. She has access to all of this stuff so She talked to the guy and he says No. No no no. We don't don't want to report it. We don't want to like get involved in. He also was acting like it wasn't a big deal at first when when she told him about it. So she's still talking to this guy I feel like I don't totally remember what you told her. Didn't we tell her to move on from this guy. Ah Yeah you said that like. It didn't start until he started seeing him so he's the common denominator. Get rid of him. Yeah uh so. She's still hanging out with him because she was she was. She seemed like she was pretending she didn't like him. That must pretend like not much exactly so she's still still. She should wear the shirt. I'm wearing well I don't know if it's one of the. Yeah I don't know I don't respect myself situation situation. Yeah let situation is it. I don't know I mean it's drama and it's kind of fairly toxic but it doesn't seem like doc it's not like a situation where he's the I don't respect myself situation as the he's not giving you anything. Yeah but always you know he's Brad crumbling cramming you just kind of leaving little bread crumbs to to keep you a row but never really giving anything you want but you keep chasing him. I don't get that in this situation but this seems like a toxic situation in which she's she's having more fun with it then I think she's putting on reunion tracking the US. Yeah she's she's a she's playing investigator so to speak no she should just hunter killer and call it a day exactly. That was kind of fun you know at. Sometimes we like to just stay. We live in her drama too much. How is it boredom rivard? Have you ever stock someone. No I said that very hesitantly say like well I wouldn't call it that but like all my friend said he's still alive. I'm guilty. I think this is common. I can get down rabbit holes online shove like looking into who someone is dating now or and then suddenly you're on their second cousins like newborns cleaning and you're like why am I here really get you gone that far as this is this guy's that you're thinking about dating or guys you've gone on a date with or exes exes or this. Yeah but like I just think it's a bad habit of like and then you just say okay this not doing this anymore Muslims. You're done that. I spent a while. Yeah sure yeah what is it. Why why you know I thanks only interesting last time of like when you got cheated on you had the thoughts of why are they better than me and I think like I can fall into that sometimes too like? Why is this person good enough and she tried to figure it out? It's not a that's it it's not really. There's nothing really gathered about yourself by looking get someone else's the and the truth is what they are is different. Most of the time you know think also like think about when we okay. Stop Liking someone and then start dating someone else in Ho what we normally do. We end up kind of dating different versions of the same person right so all that person person is probably a different version of you and they're just not annoyed with them yet so if you're looking for reasons what things. They might get annoyed with and I love it when people like well. I can't believe so and so it'd be like they do this and they told me they hate this. You know or who cares yeah. Yeah it's like we go on looking for something to make us upset like you say if you go on looking for that you're gonNA find it and eventually gets ironist. I was making yourself feel bad. Always find what you're trying to find if you're looking to get mad great place to go as the Internet and make sure to check us out tomorrow. Tomorrow we have a special guest for our battery. Capital Rob Mills so fun Mr. ABC Executive of Chart. He's in charge of alternative talk. Tau Programming I think is his official title. Basically he's in charge of the bachelor. How and the head of a relationship with rob from having been the bathroom but on the TV and he he's kind enough to join us So great about rob is he is as much of a fan of the show as the is in kind of in charge of of it all so He'll help us break down of an amazing episode. It's perfect It is an amazing up. So you guys are gonNA enjoy tonight. So ROB joins us on Wednesday Meghan King joins US Who is so kind of to join us? She's been in the news a lot. Obviously she's going through a lot right now with a her divorce and she's been obviously very open and transparent with things going on and she's obviously on real housewives real housewives and We had fun conversation about just. Obviously what's next for her Moving on her dating life is hopefully going to look like and really enjoyed talking to her her so come back on Wednesday and it will be a ton of fun changing the game when it comes to marriage Zola. I I mean and I listen. 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L. or use Promo code via a L. At checkout. That's it's butch box dot com slash V or use. Promo Code V. A. L. L. AT checkout was. Was John All right. How's going hi? I'm Tiffany I'm twenty two years old to twenty two yeah So I wanted to talk about my friends friends today. 'cause I think I just need advice on how to handle questions. She asked me I guess so she has these two guys that she's been talking to. They're both quite older than her. She's twenty two also And these guys are thirty four and thirty six and she's never really done anything before not like she's never been in a relationship if she's never really done anything sexually or whatever she's a virgin. Yeah you. It wasn't go ahead. She's not really hanging out with them. It's all over taxed She met so she actually knows them both from in person but she's never since they've been talking she's never been with them at person makes sense. Sure I mean it doesn't make sal alive and I understand what you're saying. It's because she one of them was her athletic trainer in college so his athletes or the other one was. That's her manager at the place. She worked I think for me. The age difference isn't the biggest thing that's more the way they talk to her. It's like the language would they use is very kind of disrespectful. I think in very forward They'll say things like she because she's tried had to make it clear that like she hasn't really done anything before. And they'll they'll say things like I wouldn't be able to like stick to your boundaries if I was with you 'cause I won't be able to keep my hands off of you things like that. So she she saying hey listen. I'm a she sent me this text. Hey look this is what this one guy said. Hey Look I'm I'm sorry I just know that I'm the kind of person that would violate those boundaries. A second we got together. I wouldn't be intentionally trying to hurt your feelings just the way I am but hey you got my number. I'm I've I've always had the same one hanging out with obviously certainly reading this. We all agree. That sounds a little creepy question. What did she say to him but she saying I like you know what I'm saying there in fairness there's only like this one part here like I mean people had sex all the time and I'm just saying is she saying to him? I like you but I don't want them like what's prompting him to say these things I know like I think so. I feel like she's always kind of had lower self esteem when it comes to guys and I think the fact that they're older guys that are showing interest in her I remember I think he likes that. Yeah my question is like why are you calling in the sense of like what is she doing and what she asking you and what is her. Go out of this US So at first I was kind of pushing her to try to hang out with these guys in person because I thought if she did it in person she would realize is she wasn't super into them or whatever 'cause I feel like it can be different person but she's told me that she wants to have sex with them and I think that's where just because of the things they've said like if she decides she wants to stop or something. I'm just a little worried that maybe they wouldn't respect that. I mean I totally get your concern and I think that's great as a Fred. You know I'm a little nervous to say taken out of context taxed in just completely completely Accused guys as maybe predators of some sort. I mean I agree. That tech sounds creepy. But there's just a lot of a lot of information we don't have that could just be dirty talk sexting or whatever. I don't know if I could handle myself around you. It might be his way of saying I find you really hot and when and when it comes down to it he might be the nicest the most respectful guy. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know him. Yeah I I don't know them either but I have seen like longer conversations between them and none of it even when it's not in the more sexual actual context is it's usually kind of like oh you're scared to have sex like once we start you'll be fine like they're trying to convince her to have sex. Yeah yeah that's weird and the men older men to go woman. There's a word for what what they do to like. Get them ready when they grooming. Yeah yeah there's a grooming thing I'm looking at up because I don't know the sinus mindless I do find that weird. Don't like in my experience. I've done other girl who's younger than me. I'm I'm literally opposite. I'm feel like I'm the one who's just like I don't know like I just I. And they're they seem to be more the pursuers in that instance. I am not saying one's right or wrong. But because the age factor that he had they do due to age alone they have more experience and there's certainly a power dynamic there and the fact that that seems uncomfortable that they seem to be exercising to like Tim. Different people that's also interesting that these two different guys and so why is she. What's going on there you know? Why is it all of a sudden these two you guys that she knows? I mean you know what I'm saying. She is an adult and she's like let's let's not act like she's being kidnapped or anything like she's pursuing these these guys and yeah what they're saying seems a bit creepy but like why she reaching out to these guys you know why you're talking to her and she's sharing these texts with us. She's looping yeah she's telling you know what I'm saying like there's this a lot I don't know I mean I She actually didn't tell me about any of them until like a few months after she'd been talking to them and I kind of had to yank it out of her because I could tell something was going on And I'm the only person she talks to. Which is why I guess I feel some pressure like say the right things would i? What did she say youtube talking and she say hey? I'm talking guys as I like that. I'm thinking about losing my virginity with one or both of them. Is that how it's going or she make or are you getting the sense that she's feeling pressured by them Or you know or does she like this her being a virgin. Do you get the sense that she's tired of being a virgin and she just wants to lose it to somebody or like you know what I'm saying what what's going on here and that's what I really don't know like all of her close friends aren't virgins. I and so I don't know if that's part of it. I really don't know I've never heard her talk about wanting to have sex until she was telling me about these guys so I really don't no does she. Keep it this a secret from other people like. Are you the only person who knows. Do you think yes. She hasn't told like anyone else. Here's the thing I we. There's a lot of information we don't have about these guys. You know I think what what here. Here's what you consider. Yeah I think it's important as a friend to try to get her to open up to you about her sexuality and what she wants and don't make you know listen I. I think it's really cool at your virgin and if you WANNA lose it that's great but make sure that you are comfortable and make sure that you really want and don't let anyone convince you to do before you're ready. I would really bring that point. We try to make her feel very empowered about her virginity and try to make her feel very confident about it. You know okay. Here's another guest. Just please promise me that you're not sharing any of this information with anyone could be in deep trouble. See that's like I just looked up grooming that he's talking to her. So one of the key he tenants is that it secrecy and they bind you secrecy. Also establishing trust all established trust because they worked with her so I mean I think you who she should trust her gut that something's amid. Yeah I mean I'm not familiar with this grooming thing and that does sound weird. Yeah it's weird to set like for example example because this doesn't sound like sexting or anything you know like if you're if I'm if I'm dating anyone right and let's say there are some sexton going on and I hope that we're not sharing it with you know there's just like I've dated people were you know there's been some sexy and it's kind of like you know like you know share this that's right you know. There's that but this whole like I would. I've never said anyone I would be in big trouble for you know what I'm not. That's a red flag. I'm just not familiar with this grooming idea. India it's a thing I think I just think for you as a friend. What you can do is empower maker like just you gotTa make her feel confident in hurt affected? She's still a virgin and then if she wants to lose that's great that she would just make sure that she's ready and end. Maybe I don't know reader in on this grooming concept. I think this might be going on here. I just think she's so lucky to have have you as a friend and someone who cares and like that she was felt she could trust you to tell you like you're being a really good friend and I think that's awesome you. These tax are the guy is coming from the both these guys to see. It seems so random that if this is what's going on this grooming thing that she's found random because they find there's like a type of person who can fall victim to this so to me. I don't think it's weird because if sh- she's probably the perfect type of victim victim for this and that's why this has happened like a lot of times people who had bad experiences. It's not like an isolated experience because she hasn't had any experience I I know I know I know but I'm saying I don't think it's that weird because they can probably tell exactly the right person and so about that one text ex that you just read I asked her what he what she thought about like. Not being able to tell anyone and she said she thought it was because he was her manager manager but he's also mentioned how he has a he had a girlfriend who liked tries to come back in sometimes and so I don't know maybe there is as is not our manager. He's managed anymore right. I mean you know what could he doesn't make sense that he'd be in trouble there too dolls. That doesn't make sense but so that's in her head why he said that but I don't think that's what it while to kind of to Rachelle point. I think you should say hey. Listen I don't know but it doesn't make sense that he like he would be in trouble and not that you should go tell anyone because that's between you and him damn but does it does. Doesn't that concern. You let let let. Let's say look at the possibilities. Well you don't work for him anymore. So he that that that wouldn't get him in trouble. So what does he wise. Why is he keeping this a secret? Either a he's not telling you something or be. It's just a manipulation into tactic on his part. Either way that this sounds not right so you kind of break net down and just encourage. You're like you're saying like like try. Try Finding someone who who isn't in like a different power dynamic than you maybe try dating someone your own age for a while like just encourage her like show her all these things that maybe are adding up on paper and like do it with love like this is like the the age just because she's a version doesn't mean she has like did in another twenty two year old or twenty three year old but I think the important part is is that she should just feel again. I I can't relate because I I wasn't at twenty two of Virgin and you know I lost my virgin yet. Seventeen and it was kind of a timer on my life where I was like in my ready. I don't know I didn't feel pressure to lose my virginity and I don't know if she is feeling pressure right to like all all my friends aren't virgins and I always wanted with and if she is feeling pressure then she could be at risk of putting herself and a A situation that might not be the healthiest to that point because she just wants to get it over with so to that point maker. Don't make her feel like this. Like Hey I don't think it's I think it's cool that you are a virgin kind of thing you know. I WANNA know if this might change anything. 'cause I always forget. But when they were drunk one night like separately One of the guys message message to her and said that he loved her and so she said it back and I think that's part of why she might be a little more like wanting to have sex with them warmed because she thinks that those feelings are there. I mean I don't know if that's the case then she maybe have some maturing because this isn't even just one guy there's two different guys is it just because some guy says I love. You doesn't mean she has to say it back you know and just you know and again I appreciate. Why feel good on her part and then she's getting attention? I I understand that but why why is she first and foremost. Why is she like why these two guys you know what's going on there that she's you know it's not even as it's not even if they were telling the story that case she's dating this one guy and she says she's in love and I have my concerns from autumn understanding these two guys? There's some similarities with their age and their similarities. And the fact they both could be argued that have apart nabet over her and they both doing these. These things You know so like what's going on there that she's doing that you know I don't have an answer but like Sh- make acre feel like you know she doesn't have to feel pressure that's all and like just get yourself in a situation where she's feels more in control. Ask Her ask her. Do you feel like you're in control these situations. That'd be a question cures of she asks because I want to feel like you should. You should be in control And you know and these tough situations when anytime. You're afraid that your friends in a in a toxic situation. The best. The only thing you can do is showman's much love and support. You can and make them feel empowered because in these situations they feel a little like they don't have power they don't have control there. She's probably spending all her time trying to figure out these guys. What do they mean by this? What are they saying? He's the. NFC are being manipulated. So you know you got to try to do it without pushing her away. Don't make feel judged. Don't make her feel stupid. Don't make her feel. You know what I'm saying. These are all like there's a fine line because it can be tough but I think that's where I've been struggling because I'm the only person she talks you. I don't know how much to like. Push back on her about these guys and 'cause because I don't want her to be like she can't talk about it anymore that I'm judging her I think she should a my biggest fear is why is she keeping his. Why are these secrets? The men want them him to be. I honestly think you need to tell like someone like I. I think you should tell her parents or something. But that's just my opinion. I I don't know I. I just skim worried for her but yeah I mean I. I don't know I mean she I just again. This is new to me and she is. She is an adult and she is. She doesn't work for these people at any point she could stop talking to them. I understand they've astronaut to I understand. They've said these things things but you know what I'm saying I don't like does nothing really shopping. Mind like there's just control things that people can do sure but I'm not at the risk of of her going behind her friends back. I mean you know. I don't want to give you advice. Awesome threaten this friendship. If your friends not endangered I think you just just talk to her. The voice your concern. I would what I think you should do is say. Hey listen like this. I don't know why are making this a secret. This shouldn't be the NFL and if she says well they've asked me not to the Knin. That's another again then opportunity for you to say well. They shouldn't be asking you not to and it should concern you that they are asking. Can you to keep a secret. Because you're doing nothing wrong. You know talking to another adult about a potential. Dating situation shouldn't be remain a secret. And and there's a difference between like not you know putting your relationship life I'm blast on social media versus like. Why do you have to keep this a secret and if you do then there's something wrong if there's something wrong that she should walk away you know like you kind of almost have to reverse engineer it and kind of saying you know what I'm saying like try to get some clarity around it because because that to me is the biggest one flag these? This shouldn't be a secret. It shouldn't be taboo and it'd be wrong and if it is and there's something they're not you know you're Kinda fucked up modern fertility monitor fertility. Knowledge is power knowledge is power. I mean I'll tell you what a lot of women I know. Talk about. Obviously having kits just awesome and sometimes of that process what a here can be a stressful. Right yeah yeah thinking that. It might be stressful again. I I don't know this. I have enough of women. Friends that seems to be topic of conversation So do do yourself a favor and take the worry or at least the unknown worry. Yeah out of it as if some money. You don't have to go to the doctor. It's only one hundred thirty nine dollars a lot. It less expensive than normal. Yes a ton and so I did it. You just prick your finger you put it on this piece of paper you send it in and then they send you your results. It's a really nice ice website really easy to use real easy to read and correct me. If I'm wrong feel like a lot of this. It's not black and white right like it. You may get some some information back and says hey yeah this might be more challenging. But here's some things you can do exactly CETERA etc.. So you can be proactive. Some of the things that you might need to do to help you you in your you know maybe just yourself or you and your husband or boyfriend conceive maybe easier than you and then you talk one on one with fertility nurse to review your results and your options for your next up from test. Yeah let me. It's such a great thing right now. Modern fertility is offering our listeners. Twenty dollars off the test. When you go to modern fertility chilly dot com slash v? I L L that means your test will cost one hundred and thirty nine dollars. Instead of the hundreds or thousands it could cost a doctor's office. Get Toy. Hoyas off your fertility test when you go to modern fertility dot com slash afi A. L. L. modern fertility dot com slash V. I a. l. l.. Everyone loves a great Arab Russia for makeup. Yep I know I would you have habit i. Have you know you wear makeup. Everyone it's fine nick. Where's makeup some times when I'm on set? I don't have one at home. We're talking about the convenience of your home. I will say that if I were make abuser. This is what I would do because anytime I felt like I was really getting a professional experience. They airbrush always airbrush when your professional will know you can do it at home even applications even it's four and one so you don't have to put primer on you don't have to put cover. It's all there and it's really small and portable. I have one really easy to use. I'll say this about makeup and men all men and really ever need when it comes to make up as an excuse. I'll tell you. What am I going on the bachelor? You know it was like you get a bunch of these like Bros.. Brose from from Middle America and in the makeup artist like well. Let me put you up by like day to like. Do you think he make up. I mean if you're telling me makeup our makeup I it's fine like what you should wear makeup of the guys every single one with luminous what I also love is that it's a thirty day money back back guarantee one hundred percent color match guarantee and a one year warranty. So if for some reason you get it you don't like it you can send back incredible. Chuck it out ladies as and men for the makeup. Check it out makeup wears. We don't we don't want to make it about your Your Gender No. Luminous air has a limited time offer for for you right. Now go to try self dot com slash V. I A. L. to get sixty percents off your luminous silk airbrush system for in one at rush system mm-hmm that's TRYSOFI DOT COM SLASH L L get smoother fuller and more natural looking foundation coverage visit trysofi dot com slash v. I L. Today I asked like how would you open that conversation. I guess 'cause we've already had so many conversations about it so I don't so how to. I'm not a super direct person. I don't know how to open that does she. I'm curious she's sharing these texts with you. Yes obviously right. How do you have? She shared these texts with you. Yeah right and why should the. Yeah I mean. I'm curious as to why although she must she's confused. She must have some questions if she's asking. You doesn't really ask me questions. She just like when she he sends me those texts. It's not she's not reading it in a weird way. She's happy about that. He thinks they're like good the he so he isn't it. Does she not get attention I think she thinks she doesn't tell her all the time like how pretty she is and how guys like her and she says that we say that. Because we're her friends so I think maybe in her head. She thinks she doesn't. Yeah I mean and again. It's one of those tough situation. Just got to try to be as loving as possible and try to just keep doing that and make her feel comfortable and end. Is that fine line because you know if she send you these texts billick list like listen. I don't know this guy or whatever but this not I'm I'm concerned because it shouldn't be a secret kind of thing and I think that's a good angle but a Also like I don't what what does she wanted like. Why is she trying to either? They do like her. They don't she needs to know that if she wants to hang out With seemingly older guys that she needs to act more mature in that sense and so it's one of those things it's just like you don't get to. She's just that's that's where I'm uncomfortable uncomfortable. 'cause what you're you're painting a picture of a girl Who is maybe a little Not as mature emotionally as maybe some of her peers and and that's fine and that person shouldn't be hanging out with older guys because it must be very confusing. Nt Rochelle's point. Maybe these guys are good at targeting targeting. People like your friends who are not able to do that because there might be twenty three twenty year old women who are like very mature. I've been you know like a guy says that shit and they're like that's fucking weird and they and they're they're not afraid that guy so you're in the tough spotted of doing that so you just have to try to make her see this And and part of it is don't make her feel judged watched. I don't know that's that's all I can say is. It tried to try to make her. You know mention it suggest it without making her feel. I've been there. You know you relate it if you maybe you didn't it'd be like I had this situation once where I felt like this guy did this to me and I realize and I wonder if that might be going on your clearly a babe who wouldn't want of course he likes you. Who wouldn't like you but you know I'm like why is it a secret? Yeah you know. Don't get yourself in a situation where other people you know kind of like that. I mean it's a tough situation. Yeah shot her hand shower her with love and support trying to make her feel judged and just keep giving her examples and and help or ask the right questions to these guys and reach out. If you need more support you know moving forward. Thank you all right. Well thanks for calling. I've I've learned something about this grooming thing uh-huh yeah screw. Thank you take care. How's it going good? How are you good? What's your name? I am Abigail and I'm twenty eight twenty at. How can we hope okay so I sent in a novel so I'm just GonNa give like the high point? Thank you make sure that if you leave thing anything Sir let us know. Yeah okay so I grew up in a really bad had home. Situation and didn't have a lot of support Just because I was always super quiet about it like never told anybody it was always like kind of forced or scared into not saying anything And in high school I did have one really close guy friends who to didn't know like everything that was going on but knew enough. Where like it was just a really safe? He was a really safe place for me like a really comfortable person person For me to talk to and he helped me through a lot of stuff we never dated Never like hooked up or anything like that There was always. I feel like you had feelings to me but I had dated has friend So I knew I was off limits and like Gribben a really small community and things like that so it just would have been weird if we had dated so If I fast forward to college like we went to different colleges I met my now husband freshman year And there is a little period though where we were both single single and kind of separated from high school so in the midst of college actually before I met my husband I got in a really bad like abusive relationship and there was one night we had made plans to Meet up the next day and our hometown and he did But the night before I had been assaulted by this person. so basically. I'm really looking forward to this trip home because I'm like okay. I'm GONNA see like my best friend like everything's GONNA be fine. He's going to continue to be my safe place. And that day that we met He basically professed his love for me which was really like not received. Well by me at all I said a lot of things that I regretted And basically it was just in this place of like. Can I be anything that isn't sexual like to anyone. Can I just have someone that just face. Yeah so oh really really big fight like said things I regret left him on the side of the road like we were on our way to breakfast like it was just bad like get away. Oh you're in a terrible place. Yeah Brig fluently So we eventually like Kinda act like it never happened I went on dating my now husband and he and I stayed like Kinda superficially close I went to a couple of days. Parties Hardee's At his university we kept up over breaks and then he started dating somebody And it was great like we hung out as couples and everything And just really normal but like never really brought up what had happened Between us so I started going through therapy recently not recently for a couple of years And he's come up a lot like if somebody who I think. I feel a lot go for the way that I've handled handled things and then also just somebody that I've kind of realized like I don't WanNa has this superficial relationship with him. I don't have any relationship with with any of my family. And he's kind of like the closest thing to me that I can still kind of hold onto from like childhood high school. But you're worried married right. Yes yeah yes So I did. I brought it up with my husband and I was like I think I'm GonNa call you know so and so and you know basically kind of let him know basically what was going on when we were friends and apologize for for that really. Bad Conversation So I did and it was a really good conversation. We talked for like four hours and and I think I think just getting all of that out in the open and we had decided in that conversation that like once a month or whenever we can like like just call each other on our lunch break and kind of like catch up and decide to be more active friends if that makes sense So we did that a few times and everything was going great It was good to catch up and I was really enjoying like hearing more about his marriage. And you know he's thinking about having kids and stuff like yeah he's married now yes Until a few weeks ago He texted me at like two. Am Emma on a Saturday night three times in a row saying I want. Just the you know mad And I woke up like Sunday morning and I wasn't my phone and I instantly knew that our friendship over I I I just had this feeling in my gut and then like Sir Shit like his wife saw Roy And we had to have this conversation and it turns out. We kind of like decompressed that next Monday during our lunch break and he was like well she's always like had an issue with you anyway which was news to me? I had absolutely no idea That she even knew that he liked me at one point like I feel like we were so sure I never told anybody about that So yeah so that's my my thing is I'm kind of I feel like I know the answer to this dilemma in my mind. It's like you just don't mess for somebody else's marriage and I said if I've lost with her then I've lost with you like I'm not going to fight for something that like isn't in my in like it's not my marriage it's not like she's not okay with me. I'M NOT GONNA first of all go behind her back and talk to you And I've kind of gotten gotten to the point where like I just don't think we can be friends like at all like I don't think there's the world now that yeah I mean says that your overall question whether Dwyer agree with the fact that I don't you don't think you guys can be friends anymore or or not. I guess I'm I'm just wondering if there's a different angle I could be looking at it like and I. I think I'm just surprised that the extent to which this is affected me Just like when it comes to resilience and like brushing things off and dealing with things like I. Hi can deal with pretty much anything at this point but this is really this has really gotten to me. I mean listen. It's hard for me to relate relate in any way Some of the things that you shared I mean I i. I didn't have a troubled childhood like you have and I. I wasn't assaulted in any way and I. I still have great relationships with my parents and I should. I have ten siblings so important to me. So the only thing I can relate in the sense says that when you express the fact that what he was to you as a connection to this childhood and like the like the one bright spot of of your past passed. I can try to appreciate that because of how important it is to me right and so I can totally get why you are trying to hang onto that friendship but unfortunately yeah. You're probably right is that it still doesn't change the fact that he has these feelings for you And it sucks. said he is married now and it sucks that his wife has to deal with this And then he probably wasn't totally honest with her about his feelings for you He was probably trying to mass. That and you know He. I'm sure he has his version right his story about this girl. He was in love with who he tried to be friends with and couldn't and then and then shot his shot and got tragically shut down and then and then you call up apologizing for it and he probably accepted it for what it was at the time is. Hey I'm sorry Ryan treated you but we. We can't help who you love sometimes in how we feelings foreign and he gets drunk and you know what I'm saying so it just fortunately sounds like a bummer situation situation right and you try your best to make it work. Even though deep down it never really had a shot you know and giving your or situation. I understand your motivation. I mean if it was someone else. Let's say you called up and told me the story and you're like yeah you know. He's just a guy been friends with and you you know I had a good childhood and all these things I would feel like it. You GotTa let shit go you know but for you I listen I. I literally can't relate to this this desire of wanting to hang on him for that Una but unfortunately yes I it. It seems like you have exhausted. Did all your options and the reality is he is not your friend. I mean he cares about you as a friend does and he obviously loves you. You and you are married to someone else. And he's married and more importantly forgetting about his marriage because that's not your responsibility. Yeah you don't want you don't think of him that way and unfortunately that's how he thinks of you and so I just kind of have to accept that at and hopefully you have in your life now in your husband your marriage and it will be enough and I understand that. That's sad that you have to say goodbye to that but just I mean if there's a silver lining he does love you. This guy cares about you and while you may not be able to having your life and have them in in a way that you hope to have him as a friend to the this is. It's there's nothing it's just it's kind of one of those kind of beautiful sad love stories. That just didn't work out but still cares about you. He he's really wants the best for you. He's having a hard time expressing it. I feel bad for him because he loves his wife but he just never really you know he cares. Cares about you and and unfortunately you don't feel the same way and sometimes that happens and but yeah. I'm kind of to this place where and I was talking to my. I was talking to my husband about this. And he feels like it's just kind of the fact that regardless us even if even if he hadn't like texted me or something almost that there is no way I ever could have been in life again just because I was like a reminder finder of something that didn't like happen for him or even for her like I think her knowing that I was the girl that like he wanted but didn't get and that's the thing too. It's just like that's and that's the thing too. It's it's entirely possible. Because does he had these feelings for you. Certainly at one point didn't get you and and again he can easily be very much in love with his life wife but then like they have a bad month they get in in a fight and then they're so easy to like. You know reminisce about you and maybe because seamy most time seemingly guys most times our friends you become these the friends. What are their friends? Do they event to each other and sometimes they share their frustrations about the relationships seeming. If it's the opposite sex now you're so understanding you you know unfortunately like any relationship. It's so much easier to get mad at your spouse. You see them all the time you get sick of on the actually the one person rate. You won't get advice. I mean tell people give you the same advice and it sounds great and your husband says look. You're a fucking idiot. What I'm saying so partly because because deep down he has these feelings? It's just he. You're not his platonic friend. He'll never actually see you that way and it's just yeah. I think you just have to try. Try to say goodbye to that. And I'm sorry because I know that's going to feel a loss on your part and and it's not going to be easy but again. Maybe maybe there's a silver lining of saying you're you're at least being the strong one here in the sense that you know for your marriage and you know that he wishes he he could have you in his life. But like you said you just can't allow that for his sake and for his marriages sake And maybe there's a fact that you you are the strong one in this relationship ensure that may that might be empowering. I don't know I'm spitballing here. But so mike what. You don't think 'cause I've gone back trying to like what What could I have done to make this better? And I I keep going back to the point of like could I have. Maybe if she knew more about me and knew like 'cause like I said I've not nothing. No you did nothing wrong. You kinda wondering if I should have asked though if I should after commission commission said hey is it. Okay if I like talk here I mean not here no meaning so now ultimately you're not it's not your marriage to protect the. I mean you didn't have malicious intentions from what I'm hearing. It'd be one thing if you deep down like wanted to come and like you just lied yours up and I'm saying like you made them. I believe that your intentions were different than they are. And then then that's not okay but you didn't have these feelings for him and you were hoping and maybe you know like maybe you were lying yourself deep down always knowing you felt that way like but fine. Whatever like that's still not your responsibility I think you just need to accept except that you know and I don't think you should feel any guilt. You've done nothing wrong. You you tried everything literally everything you even went back and apologize and good for you for doing that and that was probably a really healthy thing that you did. But you've kind of exhausted. Every avenue of salvaging platonic friendship. And unfortunately that's not what what it is and now you now the tough part you is as kind of accepting that and you know in moving forward and and and you know certainly always show show him love in an appropriate way but not in a way that show like not with any kind of friendship or consistency is not confident. I don't think you should trust him with any information. I don't think you should allow yourself to be a person. He confides in certainly about his relationship. Because now you know like now you've really accepted the reality ability and there's no going back so I don't think you've done anything wrong going forward. I think you should just let it go because if you were to say continue to try to be that person and now you now you know that. His wife's not comfortable with it. Now you now you know how he really accept that so now it's not going forward now it's a you know on you to do the right thing. Yeah and I and I am sorry that you are going to lose a friend in in these probably something special to you and and and that sucks but I just want Jadu awed you for you and coming through and you have a beautiful family now and just good for you. That's tough it's only. Don't feel any guilt and you don't not have any responsibility to do anything that you you have you know good for you like it. Sounds like you have a understanding husband. WHO's been willing to talk through with this with you? Not every husband. Martin might do that. They might get immediately jealous and frustrated so it sounds like that's that's great and keep you protect that and that's that's great and maybe just thank your husband for being patient and understanding assuming that he is you know that you're a No I think it's just being sure told you know what I mean. I think I think it's just like I don't know I think it's just a matter of like knowing how much I don't know I think I'm just clearly very fiercely protective of it. We have any way that and he's secure here and that and that's really special and a lot of people I love that I guarantee is a lot of people listening like. Oh God I wish I had a husband talked like I could. I could trust to talk about these things. Yeah and so. That's that's that's you know. It sounds like you've overcome a lot to have this relationship not a lot of people who have gone through what you've gone through and and and been able to have a very healthy communication nation with their husband or wife so there's a therapy man. That's good for you for doing that in sharing. Don't don't feel any feeling any guilt about this. You've done. It's not your job you can't you. Marriages are hard enough. You're doing enough to protect yours. You don't need to protect his. That is on him and he needs to accept that move on so I shouldn't write her an apology. No no no no no okay. That's that's it's their journey. You've done nothing wrong. I know you have nothing to be. Sorry for okay. Well thank you thank you you. Yeah all right great here to buy this might sound cheesy but It reminds me of love. Actually I love the movie love. Actually where the friends in love with cure tonight and then he comes and he says to me your last thing and then he goes on in the movie. It's like oh that's so sweet. But kinda Dick fucking move terrible fucking front. You wanted to tell I get it. I understand the room when you break down. I fuck you do. He couldn't help it. He loved Sir. Well still not okay. How's it going hi? Hi what's your name. My name's Aaron Aaron. I'm twenty three years old and twenty three. How can we hope so I sent sense you guys a email and so my situation is the I have been dating somebody who is not from where I'm from? I'm from a major intercity. And he's from the middle of the country really small towns farmer type of background like family was and so he moved here are and originally he. He came here for work. It was a better opportunity for him but he hates it. Like to the extreme the the noise bothers him. The people everything about it is not for him and so we hit it off really. Oh really quickly and now looks like we can't be together because he's just so unhappy here that it's going to be very very hard for him to be with anyone here and even today there's like an update from the email I sent you. which was that? I told him that he you should go home because it's obvious that he's so unhappy here. It's not worth it. Oh no when you said that too. Did you really mean mean that or were you almost like a reverse psychology. You should go then. No I meant like you're not happy you got what's GonNa make you happy and that like it hurts to say that but I mean I have gone on so many days of my life so many and I have never clicked with anyone so it was really shocking to me. Somebody that you click with and then the reason why you can't really be together just because he's miserable all year and you lost email. She lost her virginity to him yet. Another layer layer. How long has he lived there? A couple months like five four not a long time not a long time. She's an extrovert. He's an introvert. She said he likes to be very quiet. Play Video Games and be in the woods by himself I don't want you to feel might have been a little preemptive review to tell him he should move. He's only been there for a few months. It takes people. I don't don't care if you go from one. Major city to another every city is different situations different. It takes people sometimes. There's a good long time to acclimate. I'm not saying he's an eventually love living there but obviously really like them. You've Lost Virginia with this guy. You've you've are emotionally invested you've expressed that you feel like you've dated a ton and having kicked as the first person you connected with you have a lot invested. And you really like them. And you're really bummed out that right now. It seems like something so simple is not allowing you to a move to move forward but I wou I wonder if sometime. I wonder if indirectly you're kind of adding to this pressure that he has because again it's it's been less than six months from living there. I mean how does how can you. How many friends does he have their? Then you gotTa have some family but this family is moving back definitely gonNA make it harder. Sure but and how old is he young man in a new city. Take some time you know if if I were his friend and he came to me and said regardless of you. Let's say you didn't exist in his life he's like. I'm just really not liking it. I'd be like give it a year at least you've actually given that advice to a lot of people haven't you even if you are visible for a little bit. That's fine live in a city. You're miserable for. It's a good learning experience. This is nothing wrong. Take some risk you know. It's not gonna be necessarily easy especially if he's thinking of just moving back to where he's from he may end up doing that. Like some people aren't meant for a big city and there's nothing wrong with that some people want that but there's a difference between saying that and and the first time of your life you take a real big risk and you change your whole world and environment ear. You'RE NOT GONNA fall in love with it immediately. It's just going to be hard. It's going to be difficult that you're gonNA get sad and you're gonNA lonely and you're gonNA owe. Who are these weird people? Why is it like this and why ever? Why do people talk click this? Why do people like it's an adjustment you know so? I don't think you should be telling him to move right now. He he also had said like many times he wants to go home and like I'm sure he is. I doubt it but with the holidays as just happened and unfortunately it lets you also probably not the person who should tell them to stay. Because you like you're totally biased. You know so I I mean you can tell them to stay but like he. If again if I were his friend our our older brother or I would or coworker. I would say you owe it to yourself. You have nothing to lose by sticking it out making this work because if the worst thing that happens happens you last six more months. You still don't like it. You can still always go back you know and even if you don't love this city you're GonNa you're GonNa have experiences experiences that you'll remember the name of their experiences that he doesn't necessarily have the best time they're still going to be life experiences and there's nothing negative about that so that's just like life advice. I'd give this totally strange guy. As far as you're concerned I mean you know. I'm sorry that sucks. You know you love a guy. His excited about him you lost virginity to him. You're going to have your disguise will always be in your life in a as a memory of nothing else. You Lost Your Virginia. Take that special you know. And and that's if if he does move back if it doesn't work out even know you feel like you've gone out on a million dates and he's the first person and you might have to go on a million more to find another person. You're still only twenty three. You know this is the time of your life that that you're GonNa get you'RE GONNA be glad at some point in your life whenever you meet your guy and even if it's him you're going to be glad at some point that you win on all those dates you are. You'RE GONNA be glad that you have these stories to tell you're going to be glad that you have these memories of bad dates in Weird dudes and stories. You got to have with your friends. You're going to be happy. You have them and they're gonNa be fun and then when you like are older and someone's tell me about at a time in your life in this happy you're going to have things to say you know and so you know it's not feeling that right now because you're sad and bummed and I get why I think part of the warriors that he's been in really bad mood within the last couple like within the last since basically basically Christmas it seemed like something switched of him being really unhappy to be here she was different level. Where you anything more? Because I mean he's happy he's in a Rut. I mean again minus you know not having access to him and he's not even asking for advice but You can pull away a little bit and say listen. You know how I feel about you. I really like you I want you. But but and the reason why said move is because I do I care about you so much. I just want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me kind of thing but you know you could even say advice. I got from someone like just once. You just just stick it out and I'm around. If you WANNA hang out you know but let's try to do some things you know. We're what you don't want to do right if you do hang out with them. And he's grumpy in a bad bad mood. Don't keep pointing out that. He's in a bad mood. You know if it's going to make you frustrated and I get why would God do. You're looking really just get the fuck you know fucking get out of it You know that's only going to make it worse. So just how he needs a support system and he's probably just feeling lonely and discouraged you know how's the job going for him. He liked the actual job. There and I heard stories and they're like like I've never seen anything like it is giving like where I'm from like a really bad because devil. Where's what's Apple? And what's the industry that he's working in. He worked in like a hostile and so it's a lot of people in the medical field that are maybe not that happy that they chose that seals. And they're just like really what's he doing residency. Yeah he can't leave then can you. Can you leave residency not not readiness. Sorry like a like a pack is like a surgical tech a medical tech ultrasound or X.. Ray So in theory he could get a job at a different hospital. I spoke to her about this because I know people at another major Hoffa's yeah yeah and he. He doesn't want to do because he's just like it's still does area and it's still like going to be the same thing sure. Yeah I mean I try and even if I wasn't with him and I were to end it hypothetically I said I want you to be happy here like I want you to like to help you. Let's say I'm not going to hold back but the reality is is maybe maybe a big cities not for him. You know. You can't necessarily change that. I don't think he really knows that answer. Because now he's combining a new city that's not necessarily his speed with an entire work environment that's toxic and he's not having fun. There's no way he would like it you know. But there's he he's not he's not getting an objective picture of of what this experience could be for him. You know so minus your relationship with him again I would just as a friend encouraged him it. Just say listen. What's the worst thing you know you? Don't you know you don't like these people and how they treat you regardless regardless if you were back at your hometown or you stay here. That environment wouldn't be something you'd WanNa stick in we can. We agree on that. You'd be like yeah so like what's the worst thing that could happen if you just give it one more more shot and maybe you might grow on you and maybe not Especially if the reasoning moved out here is because there's better opportunities and he came out so you know is he really willing to quit this easily in less than a year on something you know like if he gives another job and it still doesn't work out you can always is moved then so like the the downside of staying is there's not much and there's a big upside of maybe he just. There's been a lot of people in his situation of stuck it out and been really glad they did a lot of people who you know as a twenty four royal man the young man. He's GonNa move back and it's Kinda like votes. He can always go home and play video games and stay inside. You know so. Try to try if you can to be more of a friend than a girlfriend to him right now and trying to take the pressure off when you get frustrated at Ham try not to express that to him right now you know express it to your friends or give us a call or something a Because you know. Don't make them feel pressure about it or guilt and does that make sense. He's lacking from friends here and he's lacking support system and I can only assume that when he's getting support from you worried if it's even objective you know he needs to stick it out for at least a year so tell him that you know. Just say hey listen. I'm told you to move but like I just you just you never know so just try. Hi What's the worst thing that can happen in a year move back. That's all. We have good experience and if nothing else he needs from a resume standpoint. He doesn't WanNA quit something in six months but it does decide to say you should say make them make the most of of it you know. Don't don't Poo Poo. Don't be like stay but it's going to suck positive mental attitude. You know you create make make the most of it all right. Thanks for calling. I really Shaka all right. We'll take care. Thank you bye-bye how's it going I'm good I'm Shannon. Four twenty four. How can we hope well? Actually this past weekend I sort of lost one of my guy friends We have been very distant for the past month He hasn't really been he usually like tax me. Or whatever and calls me or whatever 'cause we live forty five minutes away and so I don't really see him that much except in the summer But anyway he he's just been really distant with me and I will finally like I. I've been expressing concerns about it. I literally blatantly Austin. Okay okay our friendships dylan a priority and I don't know this. These are just one of the Times where I was just like all right do you you still care about me or whatever. does not what I actually said but I anyway he replied back and it was just like I'm with my girlfriend. Is this emergency and frankly it really hurt coach and Per The reason why I decided it was best if I I'm not friends with him again. John is because I did like him like last year and I think I did a little bit into the summer and I knew that if if I was friends with him For one or it would affect my emotional health because of that and to I knew I would think the girl and be like okay. What does she have it? I don't you know and I if anything. I just want advice on how to deal with a problem like this because I'm I'm to the point where I feel like I'm too afraid to have a guy friend now. Well my you don't you'd never did you know you like That's fine and then you kept trying to come up with all these scenarios and then tell yourself why used to like but now I don our friends you know but the truth does he disliked him the whole time. You know So you know it. It's you just need to be careful in the future not not to do this again. And what I mean by again is not to convince yourself that you're friends with a guy who ultimately like right and so If you meet a guy and you enjoy his company you need to be yourself vulnerable with yourself to admit dwelling him or not right because what people do you guys do it into is that it's easier and safer to just act like a friend with someone that you have an attraction to physical attraction to and you don't really you have to rescue anything because we're just going to hang out we're GONNA be friends you know and then you tell yourself you're just friends and then maybe you have this period where you admit yourself you like them but that you have to not do that again. You know because there's no risk and being friends with the guy with the guy if you are in fact just friends you know and you will know when that's true because you really would like the idea of you guys dating you'll be like Oh God no please I hope I hope they don't like me because I'll feel real you know that's when you know that you are to them because you're really hoping they never be like I love you like what no you know because you are just friends it would be the same thing as you know you're attracted to men you're not attracted to women right. I mean that's fine. If you are so imagine one of your female friends would say I love you. You'd be like Oh we're just friends you know. I'm not an attracted you that way. You should think of it the same way. You know a guy friend even though if you're attracted to guys if he's just a friend is just that a tonic friend. That's like a brother. So just you gotta it'd be careful be honest with honest with yourself and not convince yourself. You're just friends because it's easier to accept and you're afraid of being vulnerable. And you're afraid of emitting to yourself that you like someone that might not like you back. You know that's scary scary to even do it to yourself you know. It's scary to admit to someone that you liked them and then and get rejected but even to yourself to say I really liked them. But I don't think they're gonNA like me. You know we do that a lot sometimes. So yeah I'm going to be honest already knows that I like ten. I still do but I was wondering that myself l. So I guess that's also why I feel weird about it so weird. What do you mean by weird? Uh by weird I mean I know it's doable. But I think it's just what's doable to have have a have a friend that's a guy who's dating someone. Yeah it's doable. But this is not not him. It's not doable with him. Because you don't want it to be your a friend so what you need to do is stop pretending and telling yourself convince yourself that you can be as friend. It is totally okay with admitting yourself that you like him and then you like. You're you're making things way too complicated for yourself and your take on this burden of like you don't have to ensure or you have other friends. He's a he's a guy you liked you know and that's why you got so close with them but you're kind of being dishonest with yourself about the friendship. It's not a friendship Byu you like him and that's okay and I'm sorry he has a girlfriend and maybe he doesn't feel the same way but someone else. Well you know but what you don't want to do. Is that like he's going to you know 'cause he probably likes you as a friend right but he also has a girlfriend. He doesn't think of you the same way that he has his girlfriend. So he'll oh totally be open to the idea of you being okay and being cool with the girlfriend and being a Frat but on his terms right so then what you like. A lot of people in your position often have a habit of doing as being like okay. Well then I can. I do this. I'll do this and then you lie to yourself about your ability to be the type of friend that he is okay. Okay with having even though you're not because you like them and you want him to make you a priority like when you said like am I. Is Our friendship still a priority. You're not meeting in friendship. You mean am I a priority for you the same way you would want to be. Have you know the same way you would want a boyfriend to make you a priority and so you're kind of making confusing for yourself and confusing for him because in fairness like how many friends have you gone to and said I am. I still a priority for you. You know that should come naturally with friends friends but where the guy you liked didn't hear like you kind of use the friendship as an excuse to demand more from him you know. Does that make sense. Yeah I think you're just a little bombed and that's okay because you like. Yeah you're bummed happen. It's a grieving process. When you say you lost your friend and you Kinda the feel like you've got broken up with? I'm assuming when he was like. Hey I'm with my girlfriend. Are you busy now. That really probably hurt and it really hurt. Aw Start admitting that to yourself. There's okay a lot of people are in your shoes in you. You're hurting get your heart broke a little bit and you didn't lose a friend friend. You lost a potential lover. Kind of you know. Boy You have a crush on someone you have connected with you fell and you you know. Half of a relationship is is the emotional connection that friends have you know so you had half of a relationship with a guy. You didn't have the other part. He was never your boyfriend but there is a grieving process. Because you still lost that part but don't confuse it as a platonic friendship and don't lie to yourself and stop trying to make this friendship work. You're torturing in yourself and don't and the future invest too much of yourself into someone who doesn't like you back the same way but to do that. You have to admit to yourself that you like them. Yeah you have you stop pretending. You don't know. People always have a way of admitting I use them but if I now I'm fine we're friends now. Well the only reason why I I have I think that I didn't really like I'm with because they're having time for half an hour them then like yeah. Yeah I'm not attracted to him. You know what I mean but then there's times I think I was I think it was kind of like the idea. India dating him and that was problem. I guess Mike I get listen this Kim Ball I get why it can all be very confusing and make sense that there are days where you do the days of the year down but the point is what he clearly wasn't is a platonic friend. You didn't have interest in end because you weren't sure if he reciprocate the same feelings it is natural for you almost like internally. Try to convince yourself. You don't. I don't know if I really like become you do. I'm telling you that you really do and just imagine imagine not to torture yourself but imagine how it would make you feel if he called you up today and said I love you can be together a really wanna be with you a real just want to spend all my time with you. All I WANNA do is make you the biggest priority ever imagine. Imagine how good that would make you feel now. Don't do that to torture yourself but do that to acknowledge your feelings for him and know that you can't keep hanging out with them in these false pretenses of friendship because that's just going to be torture and I'll say someone in my thirties. You can be friends with men and friends with men who have wise and who have girlfriends. It's totally possible. And you can love them and they can love you. But you are very clear that there's I'm not interested romantically weekly in them at all. Same for me and the flip side of the situation I just share with you. The idea of him professing his love for you would almost be like. Oh my God please it. Would it would give you hives. So it's very black and white. It's one of the two either gives you butterflies or gives you hives it all and it's real simple to imagine. What would your reaction would be? You know. There's no gray area. And then some days they do some days you don't you know and I think in your case it's this year really liked him. You know which is why such a bummer. Sorry you know I just. I don't think I can be with him because of that reason exactly so. Don't torture torture yourself. Position have this habit of we just talked to someone figuring out how I could be with them. And then you'll torture yourself because he'll be friends with you he will then one day you'll wake up at two. Am and I've had guy friends have these types of women in their lives for years and there's a little hook up in between but they're they're only available. You know when so that could happen. You know if you let it happen. He'll let it happen and in some cases not just on him because again he's like we're friends you know so. I think you should walk away. This is a break-up for you and treat it like that you know Stop calling him your friend. And you know mourn you're allowed to mourn you're allowed to be sad you're allowed you're allowed to feel vulnerable and even angry you know but some of that you know but you only make it worse when you pretend that he's a buddy you know you ain't you. There's no reason feel foolish. Sometimes in these cases you feel dumb and you're like Oh. I shouldn't have done that or what. It's fine it's over now you know. Yeah but next next time next boy. You meet if the similar thing happens because you're going to have a pattern. Just admit your if you like them and see if he likes you back and if he does great right and if he doesn't online don't be friend there's no consolation prize with being friends with guys that you have a crush on you know and for some reason we seem to do this. Well you know we can be friends. Okay they're not you'RE NOT GONNA change their mind later. It's not an end. Yeah men do it too. I am so the I think you just need to be honest with yourself and accept it and even if it makes you a little sad in the short term you'll be better off in the long term. Thanks so much for calling in. Hopefully that was helpful. You're going to be okay. I know it's just probably just dumped a lot of truth on you and you know but it's GonNa be it's GonNa be. You're not the first person who have gone through this so yeah no actually journal. The exception not the rule. I know I know I know but she did that. Okay Take Care All right thank you actually are so the exception the tactic she took become his best friend different though. No it's different because jared was it's different I know but that's that's not what's going good thing to do also but She was adorable so door classic classic case this one on one end went on the other. He is not your friend and that's the thing though I'm and I bet she's nice and always there for for have very accommodating and yeah it's a slippery slope of him and he knows probably down. Yeah you know well. She told him she had feelings for him. Yeah and then. She's like an open. I don't let's be friends and then right. Yeah it's I don't really like him. I used to like them. I don't oh now but it's going to be his friend but I'm really really hurt but really hurt and I wanNA know why you're not making us a priority jennings hardly relationships well another episode another fun episode What did we learn heavy EPA? There's heavy we learned about grooming until out from that cops. Yeah me too but good conversations to have trust your friends. Yeah be there for your friends so important anything else. No thanks so much for everyone for again being vulnerable and opening up thanks for your questions. we will see you back tomorrow for a another recap of the bachelor and then join us on our Wednesday today for guests to be determined.