64. Mary Turner Thomson Finds Out She's Married to a Bigamist, Con Man, and Psychopath
You are listening to the fancy free podcasts where my girlfriends and I tell our most embarrassing funny stories so that we all feel less alone in our imperfections and Ford connection through vulnerability humor. I'm Joanne Jarrett and I'm your host and today I don't know that I've ever been as excited to present aghast to you as I am to present to you Mary Turner, Thompson Mary, and I met on a facebook group and she has an incredible story and an incredible perspective Mary. Thank you so much for being with me today you're very welcome on excited via myself. Oh. goody. Mary is an international bestselling author of the True Crime Memoir, the bigamist which is being relaunched under a new publisher on September fifteenth of this year, which will have passed by the time. This episode is aired so you can run right out by it. She is a motivational speaker as well as a publishing consultant helping other people write, publish, and promote their own books, and she has a background in marketing and Business Advice Mary fill in the Blake's what did I miss about who you are and what you do. Oh Gosh. That's say about fifty five years to explain. On the mom, I worked from home. So lockdown has not been a problem. My life partner is doc. What breed I have to know more about the dark plunged Kakhafi and she's absolutely love of my life. Do you have a picture? We could post in the show notes of your Cockapoo. Yes she's utterly adorable. And what is her name honey? Oh, that's a bit of a joke because when I first dog I so I might actually. Hard name like decay and. Offbeat Boutique or something to make it sound like a good guard dog but it took one look at our though she's honey-coloured. She's such a honey and it was just I could walk through the door and say honey I'm home. Stock. So cute. The love of a pet is care and simple isn't it? Yes. Absolutely is just the most loyal and honest and loving creatures. Yeah. There's nothing like it. It's nothing like the love of a dog. And how old are your kids? My oldest daughter's twenty-one my middle daughter's eighteen and my son is fifteen and are they living with you? Yes. Lockdown together on ESPN. Fantastic. 'cause we will get on WWL and my daughter's boyfriend my eighteen hundred source boyfriend was with a split. We wanted to lock dimes five us. We've been doing poke nights and and watching movies together sticks that it's really good fun. I think it just sounds like a really long slumber party as. Well, as you know, the point of this podcast is to share are not so fancy stories and you have. A massive, not so fancy story and I just can't wait for you to walk my listeners through this. Amazing incredible. Unbelievable. But completely believable when you tell it story, what happened to you? Well yeah, that's A. I'll skim through the basic outline of the story into near two thousand I had a one year old daughter and I was a single mom and I started doing this online dating my friends. All said, you know what could possibly go wrong famous US west they say do it. It'll be fun time site what compulsive girl. As it turned out that the man that I ended up meeting and marrying I'm. A relationship with was a man who told me he was infertile from a pod bite of when he was a child tucked Peterson when we actually got pregnant, it was a bit of a miracle. But if I met him, he told me he was nineteen specialist. He was very very good with computers and how does that an IT company based in Center Square and at and I've been to his office and stuff like that met some of his stuff and then. But two or three months into the relationship I started noticing some oddities in following them up discovered that he wasn't actually just an it guy what he manages to spayed me was he was working for the intelligence services. So he was actually CIA but I'm Sa- comment six and this was verified by lots of different evidence not least the fact that he was carrying a gun in the which is highly illegal. He was paid by money pockets from the. Ministry defense in the UK, those people would verify that was is a wanted to officers met people. You know there was certificates. So as pay packets I mean, how do you know what your partner does for a living right? You go into the RAV meet their work colleagues. You see how they're paid. All these things were actually in evidence, but it was fabricated really wasn't. True. He's American right. So he said he was American CIA. That was what contracting with the intelligence services where you are. Yes. So in the UK m I, six is the international spy agency on 'em. I five is British internal intelligence. Okay. I see. So he was on secondment to my six is specialist area was Israel and Palestine, but he was based in the UK. So, much on you about the Australian Palestinian conflict, the time because I was so fascinated because my husband was working at a lot of people when the heat is coming like a headline think he came home and said, Hey, baby I'm a spy and that's not what it was. He was an IT specialist working for the intelligence services. The closest you can think about it is he was the man in the van is too high seal they spy movies and despite, and then there's the backup crew van doing all the stuff that's what he did. said, he did he persuaded me and the wife and a few of his fiancee said, he did we were together for six years after four years of being together. He started to explain to me that the shadowy people after us if we didn't come up with money, they were going to kidnap the kids and rip it them and send them through the post if we didn't manage came off. Very long story short but basically took me for two hundred thousand pounds left me V six posit debt a tons out I wasn't married to him because although he went through the monitoring spies, he was already married someone else. He was a mess and a call mom and a convicted paedophile on a psychopath does that he has now fourteen children bye-bye six women in two, thousand I when he was first arrested two is in three fiancee's my gosh. Yes not a bit of a bad lad. He was out night the most toxic dangerous person. It wasn't just women news coming as well. He's actively impregnating women to rip them off of money, but he he also was ripping off businesses. So he's ripped off and conned millions of pounds of really big business. He was working for the Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott when he was arrested could see why I wrote a book about it 'cause it's just It took sixty thousand was just explain to people what actually happened. There were enough kernels of truth because he really wasn't it specialist really did have a business but there were a lot of other things going on in the background that he said we're going on that really weren't but there were there was enough evidence that why would you question that's pretty much. It wasn't any of us didn't question him. We did he was. Very. Good at coming up with and fabricating evidence to give you an example when he was imprisoned in the UK and he was deported back to the USA in two thousand nine when he was deported the American Embassy in London, issued him a possible to American possible to be deported back to the says for two days only had a stumped the American embassy and it says I would travel only two days on the date. On this possible reappeared later on, it had certain bit scratched out. So the American Embassy logo on it, it had the dates on it. It says I would travel on the only was scratched out at type diplomatic attache on. US The American embassy leg I to help him. So see people bank accounts and things on this. He's very, very good at what he does. Very, very good. How did you find out? Did you get a phone call? Did you find a letter? How did you find out that he had another family at his other wife Rag me? That's a phone call. You definitely are not expecting. This is such a complicated story I wasn't expecting a phone call from her, but I was expecting phone cokes I knew he'd been arrested but that's no self as a longer story towards the end of my relationship with him. Things were very, very, very frightening. I spent almost a year not sleeping. I had a baby who is only a few months old and was believing that Chaudhary, nasty figures that brought down the twin towers we're actually. Coming to try and keep that my children. Gosh not least having a seven year old a four year old and one year old but I was up every night searching the highest thing haggard here people it was it was pretty frightening. So actually what surprises people is when I call that phone call from the otherwise, they'll expect me to say it was devastating and it was awful on it was this the other actually was a huge relief it was jail free card because it been. Until these horrible people off to me, it was just him. It was just him telling lies and everything that you were afraid that didn't exist I'd lost everything but they like at the same time by that stage. Actually it was a massive relief. It was honestly it like coming out in the Matrix on finding actually the world outside is an awful. It's actually. Better. I've been living in Hell and Michael that phone call didn't destroy my life at eight actually repaired. Wow to a story really is what made you write the book and when it was re released what were the changes that were made? Will the book came out originally in two thousand and seven as been reedited so it's just been remastered a bit. The reason is coming out again in September is because it's been taken on by new publisheh a sound good edit again so has been refreshed. Shall we say? But essentially same burqas since two, thousand seven. But one of the reasons republishing it is because my new book coming out in the winter which they're also taking on on so they're linking them together. So their new one is a sequel. Oh excellent. The bigamist only goes up to two thousand and seven when he was imprisoned and had his appeal. was. LOFTA cool for. The psychopathy is really everything. The I learnt about psychopaths and everything I've learned about him since and how I recovered from Italy as well and how I'm not sitting here laughing with you by love it. Now, it'd be a really good time for you to give your definition of psychopath sociopath and narcissist just because I feel like you're really nice simple way of explaining those things it's very much layman's terms to get the comments coming back still. It's so close to this an easy key to remember psychopaths and sociopaths are effectively the same thing. A psychopath is born with no chemical empathic response to anybody else's pain or to their own but A. Is made usually from abuse between the ages of Sierra and five the any empathy to have his abused out of them essentially after they turn like fifteen sixteen, they are cooked and you know they're not allowed to diagnose till eighteen but once they hit a psychopath associate both are essentially same thing. So at America Canada dot had tech to Harris actually stopping using Tom Psychopath a tool because it doesn't actually make any difference but a psychopath is basically someone who has no chemical empathic response to anybody else's pain they don't care about anybody including themselves so they can damage themselves hurt themselves go to prison they category prison because that's how to happen. That feature? So they care about what they're doing that game right now, a narcissist the hand is a very similar creature except for one Banja difference a narcissist doesn't care about anybody except themselves so says, for instance, they clued the people around them. So the individual children or the partner of the they see them as an extension of themselves. They are included not bubble of somebody they care about but they step out of line and don't do what they're told that Gillis team. Oh, come down they are on the outside they don't care about the missile. Wow. It's like a switch off. Okay. So you wrote the bigamist in kind of the throws of. Revelation when you were finding out all of these things that were actually true about the man that was supposed to be the one person, you could trust the most on this earth. Yeah. I was writing bigamist as he was going on trial side it was very fresh. It's his no-holds-barred absolutely while they believed at the time. I mean it tells you from the very beginning of the book that it's all a calm because it starts off with a phone call from the other wife. So everyone dies will reading threads that this is all a calm but I still tell it. As I didn't know it was a comment time and what I find that when Satra I've just done the audio book and reading it lied somebody is quite extraordinary because the guy who is doing the editing of the audiobook every. So often to drop here go did you hear that scream? Larry was great. It was just me that worry about it. He's like I. Say something you just in the background you've go those. Couple of times. And you're like putdown that they're working. To get that kind of instant reaction from somebody committed this ledge leads reviews of books just saying I couldn't put it down and I actually have occasionally recite lovely year at a supermarket someone walks up to your. You'll Mary Turner Thompson and you go yeah Nigga you kept apple last night this little fist-bump. Like. That's the best thing you can say to another. Brother says, it's rather like watching a train crash in slow motion just call it a waves. It's awfully cutler threw a perch for me of this is what's happened but it was credit be thought it because I don't have any emotional residue with God to it I completely see it for everything as it was people turn around and say, here's the. Pit on it's like I. Know but I can tell you why it happened on what happened and how it happened on how you can soap happening. Ta is quite fun talking about funny stories there. -ociety funny stories Aerobic Joe is tell you something I love to hear them. Yes. When I rang me, it was talked about two hours in the fire and she how about the finance got in the car and she drove up to Edward See me I was later I opened the door and she was there at my door and So he decided I didn't want to take into my high. So we took a cafe instead she and I won't this cafe we turn run to the guy at Barton and Look at each other and this kind of the way you look at somebody you just find is marty husband. Of Shock the guy behind the conscious, it can help you. I tend when someone I said you know, I don't know we've both just find out what my to the same man. He he looked stunned sched at. Buckingham Inside Tonight Sorry. Just two cups of tea. And he said George Sheriff. Paul. Just might take a while. There's so many funny things to do that, and I have a bit of a response mechanism nights dealing with anything unpleasant is to try and see the funny side because there are. There's there's an amazing funny sites, but it happened verbal diarrhea was God's I couldn't stop telling everybody what happened. Probably still am fourteen years is at the bus stop someone say that I got Good Morning I'm married biggest. It was asked what. This fascinating I guess what I'm going through. I love it. I tried to clean funny stories. I could in the book as well because h one thing it's not as a misery memoir. Yes. You're not looking for sympathy net. It is very clear to me that your aim. Now, of course that I it was probably like you said, it was Cathartic. Able to go back and really iron out some of your confusing thoughts around the expenses that you were living through but it's clear to me. Now that you're aim is to educate people on Psychopathy sociopath easy narcissism and how this could really happen to anyone because these people really are it a complete lack for the emotional restraints that the neuro normative people have you know I like that near Normative Now to say it. empathic people yes or your typical what what. So students in two thousand online dating was brand new people is dangerous dangerous stuff. But even then I tried to do my due-diligence as people say I looked up online but his name is will Jordan. So will and Jordan. If you try and Google those two words he end up getting statements like will the country of Jordan? It or will Jordan the baseball basketball player x? So it just it doesn't help couldn't find anything about him. But one of the reasons I couldn't find anything about him is nobody had gone public with the story. Basically people are embarrassed get embarrassed about having been a victim of a crime up buyers by having a victim of calm particularly if it's somebody who's supposed to be your lover or your husband yes. In others a humiliation there there's an embarrassment I the one thing I've never been. Embarrassed of never been embarrassed or humiliated or upset by what happened because I know I did nothing wrong and I know I'm not stupid. I know I'm not particularly Gullible believe people ask me when I first read the book I said that you're gonNA write your name at the very question belies the attitude that I should have been embarrassed and I I was like, yeah, of course now I would die not ashamed a result now become advocate for not victim shaming particularly not victim shaming yourself. So, many people do that and I get letters every day from people who say something similar happened to be an I've never told anyone. I always. Say. You did nothing wrong. Your phone been victim of a crime. It was not your fault. Well, I, love that and I have to tell you my mother-in-law was the victim of a very small and abbreviated con compared to what you were victim of but she ended up getting swindled out of some money and she thought it was because she was getting one of her grandchildren out of trouble and every time ship brings that up she says I just can't believe how stupid I am. I say to her Kathy and that gives me goosebumps Oliver my body just talking about it right now the fact that that happened to you is evidence that you love your Grandchild Matt is all there and it just brings tears to me almost because she really is ashamed that she was conned and it says something so different to me. Yeah. But that's what they do is psychopaths we'll talk. empath and the more empathic. You are the more chance there is of you've been caught because they use your empathy against you. So they used might case use my children to swayed me to give up money in your mother's case it was using her grandchildren together to give up money get. So swamped in the fear that something's going to happen to your children, you don't see rationally what's going on. On It's not stupidity it's not gullibility. It's not anything else is a very, very carefully laid con Yep it's called fraud. It's illegal. The other thing I told my mother-in-law is so this is evidence of two things actually you're great and deep love for your grandchild and the second thing is because she had a race around town and collect up this cash and you have forty five minutes. And all this stuff and she pulled it off I was like Kathy. This is incredible. Look what you were capable of when your grandchild was at risk what are the things I said to my children? I said the one thing they can guarantee that they know parents say that they'd give the shut off the back for the kids on give anything for the kids Cathy proved at right and. So did you announced one thing you can take away from all of this is that you've proved how loyal and loving and a path towards your children and your your loved ones. If you hold onto that pain, if you hold onto the open, I was conned feel embarrassed and everything else. You're actually giving them even more of yourself. Then you gave them the money. Yes that's such an. Interesting point. So talk to me about how you talk to your children about this man because he's a psychopath, he has no empathy no chemical empathic response to other people's pain. So to him, we are all like syms characters. He doesn't have any emotional connection to his children. Any more than he does to is female victims or is business victims for that matter so he is incapable of love. Guilt or a more than that. So when I sat down I, told them what had happened I said he's going to jail when you guys do something wrong I make you sit back and think about it. When you're an adult, you know right from wrong and if you do commit crimes, a judge tells you you need to go and think about it put your prison to do that. So then you he was in the right place Butler said he's about I didn't do the whole. He's a excuse, the language Boston or he's a horrible manner is evil or anything like that because that's not going to help my children absolutely I explained to them. If your father was blind, you wouldn't blame yourself that he can't see you. His psychopathy is not capable of emotion. So it's nothing to do with you that he can't love you. And they get it and they absolutely the grew up being able to talk about it that grew up no bitterness because I've I've participated what a gift to your children that you used restraint because I'm sure I. It took restraint didn't it? I mean or were you just very logical about it from the get-go while I was motivational speaker before all this happened I was working with motivational speakers as well. Business Advisor Marketing Consultant by trade. So I kind of went well I mean, I've either got walk mytalk. Or I've got to stop talking about it because I haven't talked about evasion again in my lifetime if I don't actually live by it, I also had been talking for quite some time to people by the fact that we teach our children by example, if you sit and talk to kids with a cigarette in your hand and say Don't smoke kids the going to spike I mean is that that's that's a simple as they'll go to do what we do not what we say. Yes. So I thought well. I've got a golden opportunity here to actually teach my children how to deal with adversity because whatever I do right now is teaching them how to deal with difficult situation. So would I teach them to lie down cry yourself into a puddle. Never trust anyone do anything again just give up announced. That is absolutely no. Of course not if my children came to me and said, this has happened to me I would say pick yourself up dust yourself time. Go right at Burger Bar to help other people the stand anita protect future victims, and be proud of yourself what you do achieve not what for the things have been done to you I decided to live that advice and Allow myself to forgive myself for being caught because I wouldn't blame a children. If they go cooled, it's great because it gives you the excuse to do good things yourself as parents pretend to sacrifice us out for our children. If you do that while you're doing is teaching children sacrifice themselves. Must Be Very If you want your children to be happy you have to weigh. You have to be happy yourself. I love my kids to bits and therefore I have to love myself to bits so that they will to amazing. Amazing I just love your perspective I. Love It. Thank you. One of my missions in life is to maybe not completely erase that situation of embarrassment, but to shrink it and give it less power because being embarrassed about something is a normal natural response but you don't have to sit in that. You don't have to wallow in it. You don't have to shame yourself as. Quick as you can learn to laugh about it, you kind of get your power back. You get your joy back you gain perspective, and then you can go help other people laugh at their situations and you just kinda create this ripple effect of joy and so I see you so actively doing that. Yeah. Credible should I tell you my most embarrassing story yes in Oh I can't remember what unit it was might be like two, thousand, twelve somewhere that I was staying a Gig at the Edinburgh Festival with a man called Jon Ronson. He wrote a book called the Psychopath Test, which is Woah three despite funny and he wrote it because he met me, we do a live show called a psychopath night together with anyway we were doing. This book signing at the Edinburgh Book Festival on he was signing books. I was signing my book of two hours I signed books. Now people queuing up for two hours to get a signature on a on a piece of paper but more to spend a couple minutes talking to me and asking product questions and stuff sending after this I was am I allowed to swear. that. But. Yes. Often this book signing I was feeling seriously, very, very full of myself. So I worked across the courtyard at into this a lots of different tents that the festival is an international book festival absolutely brilliant Woolworth vesting as I went into the book sale and I was wondering around and I accept a couple of books and I went down on the cube. Sustaining in the queue behind this lady was holding my book the bigamist. site. Still feeling very, very cookie I this the shoulder I said that's my book you what we decided and she turned around and looked me up and down with disdain I went know. What's Behind this woman for the next ten minutes but to the grind to eat me up I was just. All, that sort of huge height of feeling. So arrogant villa myself I was cut off at the bees and I just started feeling site embarrass. Say Funny because they realized afterwards, the I must have come across to her like a complete nut nutcase I mean who expects the author of a book just about to by standing behind your leg some sort of literary stalker. Offering. So instead checking your D-. She just gave you a dressing down. To go hi. For the buck and so my fudge. Golfer. When Her. Okay. So During the ten minutes when you're waiting behind her in the line where you thinking. Should I tell her to look at my picture, but then you see Strange we're just get worse you just get worse and worse. Just, days because of the hip spin at. Of of. Share somewhere in the world as a woman you know from the international who's telling the story to someone else inside you won't believe this the weird thing happened to me. Actually colder known I was. Oh my goodness that is crazy the. Some great times you ever heard of in Rankin. I have heard the name refresh me very famous. Scottish writer. Anyway he was in the Office tent at the Book Festival one year. The wonderful thing about being an author when you get get the office because you get to meet all these amazing authors to me, they're rockstars. Just Fan girling that would be Tho- incredible Jasper I but you have to hide it. Of course you have to play it cool. Thing is about what people generally recognize him so that the name but not necessarily what they look like us I've met people like Jacqueline Wilson. I've met Sean Connery I've met very interesting wolf is I've met the tech that I marcel through various bill but I was standing in the office tent having a glass of wine. Buffet and everything was I took into a few people. In rankin was there and he's got a disabled some and we were chatting away I didn't know it was The he's. Oh. Yes. Really awfully spent ages trying to get a babysitter I couldn't babysitter ended up meeting Spanish goal I'm going to come and Babysit for me. Okay that's that's good and he said well, I said, well, you know it's interesting. Isn't it that we spend our todd telling our children to be wearing a strangers smile. We pay them come into highest. surprised. That they. GotTa go. Go to stages you put that in my head. That's what I realized. That was even rankin. You know dear. My. Gosh. You're not wrong. All these wonderful things I mean I've been on TV I've lost can't how many times I've done about thirty or forty radio shows? I get to go on stage Jon Ronson and talk to audiences a two thousand and make them off about psychopaths do all these things. I. Wouldn't have been able to do. All these things haven't lived through literary so I don't credit him for it, but we are not defined by the awful things happen to us would defined by how we deal with the awful things happen to us. And how we rise Nashes of anything that happens analyze how we end up feeding about ourselves. So I've had that opportunity to rise from ashes and that I will always be grateful for you can't change. The past can change the future because of what you do today. But you can't change the past and you can't affect the future you can only act today. So like that's something that's really important. So many people try and live in the past or you know the anchor to the pasta than embarrassment or the rank the happy things happen to in the past that the night bemoaning don't exist anymore happening. So people living in the past are always going to be a somewhat unhappy people living in the future who just trying to chase their dream? Yes. Have a goal. Yes. I have a dream but have a dream that you're putting into action today because if you're living in the future that nothing is ever good enough right now. So you live in the now forgive yourself all past transgressions and just go. Okay. Well, if I learnt from it, what can I do? Y- There's a lovely thing about if you get knocked back in this world, you could either full over or you can actually deal with it like it's a string of a bow and your the Arrow. Yes you fall back. You're allowed to just throw you further forward than you could ever possibly come before. and. That's the way. I see life we do have awful things happen to us and to to people all the time, the pandemic that has hit. So badly on had people in lockdown. There's so many people I know who are writing books because there are lockdown it they may become international bestselling authors because of the pandemic, not that the pandemic is a good thing. But the people who are making a good thing out of this bad situation. This episode is brought to you today by beauty bioscience I have been using some products from beauty bios, lance for about seven weeks, and I have completed my six week treatment of our forty five. The reversal I ll actually love it. I absolutely had no side effects of redness or flaking, but I did notice the last few weeks. I think I caught a glimpse of a couple of pictures that people had taken a meet one of which is me crawling under our chicken coop to retrieve exit our chickens laid under there but that's another story and I have noticed lately that my skin looks younger just in. General. Also, the quench which is a wonderful moisturizer is billed as a moisturizer when your skins undergoing more stressful situations than usual but I tell you what I love it and you know what I think. My kids are stealing it too because I found the little plastic inner lid off the other day and I would not have left that off. So I am loving these products I think you should check them out. If you go to beauty bio dot com and use the coupon code fancy free you'll get fifteen percent off of everything in your car you definitely have to go check them out beauty dot com. What have you been lovingly that you think the listeners might love to? Well, it'd be watching various things about psychopaths, I I do all the time I'm. Fascinated by this update so I'll be watching killing eve, which I don't know if you've come across the killing eve is one of the best betrayals of a psychopath I've ever seen. It's two women one who's a contract killer on one? WHO's a partition intelligence offset trying to catch up and as absolutely brilliant. It's so good 'cause you often find in films and TV at the. site. Best particularly, ten years ago is getting better than I actually possibly because people like me signing up talk about it, but they used to so to give a a story about a psychopath like the talented Mr Ripley is a story about a psychopath, but the end ends up with him shedding a tear for something if you have somebody who is a psychopath, a such, they would not have those kinds of emotions more likely to be see them practicing and Amirah trying to shut down here. Then you would see in private on the right you know how? When, if Yawn in a group for people the more empathic, you are the more likely you are to you on as well. So psychopath. Were you on other people do oh, interesting Oh that's Oh. That's like a sneaky little litmus test unless they know that they're supposed to. Yon. which they do. Very. Good if making a well. Trained in medicine and so it kind of ruins a lot of things I think now Hollywood, why didn't you just call me up and asked me to consult I wouldn't charge much. Just realistic. There are a lot of people on this earth with medical knowledge in the entertainment is just ruined I, mean sometimes, I can say, okay, Joanne just enjoy it. But sometimes I'm like they're not even pronouncing that word correctly they've just broken the spell for me. It's so frustrating. So I'm sure the thing happens to you when you're watching any kind of piece of entertainment that supposed to be depicting path. Yeah. The Best Betrayal I've seen recently of a psychopath is a horror film. So you have to have a pretty strong stomach tha wanted to watch it, but it's called the House that Jack Built. It's very clever because he's told from the psychopaths point of view. So all the victims around the them and it is like to accept to meek how easily he manages to manipulate the victims. It's not that they're stupid is just the that's from his perspective psychopaths see themselves as predators and the prey on rather light. The Wolf doesn't ready respect the sheep they think of the Morello. FETIG. Will Jordan Mayak's won't stand Ryan somebody else one of his victims in the US and said that he realized messed with the wrong woman when best with me. Yes because I didn't stay silent because I did speak up because I've not been embarrassed because they depend on that they depend on you not calling my a not talking by to knock public he missed radio me going out means that new victims when they do their search online, find my book they find me they find my website that contact. May We talk I put them in touch the other victims we've actually go to facebook rape of his victims. Really Wow, we're able to cut a plot when he goes to court another woman who sees manage to find us you know we get nine ten women writing from all over the world to the judge saying this is also one off. Don't take this lightly you are looking out for each other that is amazing. You are the one who pulled that trigger because no one else was talking. Exactly, that's what they depend on though is that the first rule of any abuser is keeping victims silent if you can stop your victim from talking, then you can carry on as an abuser to go onto the next victim at Cetera. So it's their interests that we stay embarrassed and stay silent and that that worked for him while you're in it because. I remember you saying you were worried about endangering your loved ones. So you kept quiet when you thought you were going through this really terrible terroristic situation. Yes. I was led to believe that if I talked about this, I would put other people at danger again, playing on my empathy to keep me in line if you ever GonNa situation where you feel you. Can't took somebody tests than that in itself should be red flags. That's right. That's time we should talk somewhat about the thing is if you don't talk to people, you can't make sense of what's going on in your head. That's right. It's much more easy to manipulate someone if they're not allowed to talk about it because they can't articulate on actually get get. A grip on what resorts where they are. So it's a very confusing think about how many times that you have explained a problem that you're having to someone else and the minute you explain it it's like the pieces fall into place differently in your head and all the sudden. You might not even need help solving the problem you've solved by speaking about it. Or talk about a dream when you actually start to sell somebody a dream, you suddenly realize what to buy because. It's very, very much the opposite of that. You know you not allowed to talk about him because you're not the only took to buy them. You take on what they're saying you take on their philosophy America mentality around it or the one that tries day is called gas lighting and it's a very, very effective where controlling people. So if you have a feel, you have to say silence about something then find someone talks about it because that's really yeah it. It doesn't have to be a loved one if you're worried about endangering a loved one because you're not sure whether it's true or not. Then find somebody completely objective priest pastor at counselor someone and just so. The bus stop. Yes. You just might make their day. Anybody even just DAB. If you're writing somebody died when you've got to kind of make sense of it. If you're writing something down that. You not even have to share it with anyone else as you ride get dyed guy but that doesn't make sense than you can not relationship better, but it is better to someone because then they generally ask questions you haven't necessarily sort of yes. But if the talked so women, right it data see what happens and. Sometimes that tool just bring around new thoughts. New Perspective. Yeah. Questions in your own mind. Would you be willing to share one surprising thing about you that nobody would be able to tell just by looking can I think about it then tropes? So much of an open book of Osha I play Chess. Actually, I'll tell you the story that is publicly known and I haven't told off, and that is that when I first went public with my story, I had a lot of people commenting how stupidest this woman by like she must be really thick to of believe the story and I looked what? I'm not sure I am not stupid but I actually quite like, no quite how not stupid I am. So I don't know if you've heard of it but an organization called MENSA. Yes. The IQ society. So you can do an Iq tests with Mensa. They only ask you to join Menzer if you're in the top ten of your country. So I thought would be really nice to actually do an IQ testify nights exactly where I fit in all of this and so I did the IQ tests and Nita to say I wasn't in the top two percent. I was in the top one. Zero it's not a sign of intelligence. Let's just be clear about this. Like Iq test it's your ability to solve problems. That is my superpower whatever I have the ability. So problems with wildlife things like chess while like brain teasers and stuff but I really did pick the wrong lady to tango with. All right. Well, tell our listeners where to find. You can find me on facebook just Mary on Thompson. You can find me on twitter on the bigamist book. You can find me on my website, which is Maritime Thompson, dot com on its Thompson without a P.. The dry kind as we save Scotland. People Potency Patera yeah. Marion IRA talking before we started recording night when I hopped on I. Thought she was there and I said hello and then I heard water and I thought Oh my gosh, she's going just going potty but then it turns out she was just partner self something to. The discussion, the going Coty doesn't mean the same to her as it does me tell. What what does it mean on your side of the ocean and also the ocean going potty means you're going mad it means you're going nuts this. This also things are different. What's politically your listeners are but the what trump in Scotland for instance means Fart. House for generations. With any character, it just means art. Is. Quite funny when he's President Fart. Mary this was so much fun. Thank you so so much for being with me and telling your story. Are you very welcome? It's been so much fun. Actually I really enjoyed talking to you. Thank you so much for listening to the fancy free podcast today wasn't Mary Fascinating not only is her story just So unique and so incredible. But her outlook I just find super inspirational and she's so funny. She and I had such a long fun conversation that I definitely will be putting more of Mary out as a bonus episode on either Thursday or Friday make sure your subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening that way it'll pop into your feed win. It is ready. I also wanted to mention to you that I did have permission from my mother-in-law Kathy to tell her story make sure to check out the show notes for today's episode fancy. Free podcasts, dot com slash episodes six four to get all the links we discussed today next week on the show, we have Stacey Simms, who has some really funny stories about her early career as a TV reporter. If you want more connection laughter and sharing, join us in the fancy free facebook group the question of the week this week is, have you ever been conned have a rate week and remember no one is as fancy as they look.