Are you tired of being an angry mom? : Natalie Hixson: 173
You're listening to the MOM inspired show episode one hundred and seventy three with Natalie hickson welcome to the MOMS buried show. I'm your host Amber Sandberg and this shows created inspire encourage and add a little extra volunteer day. You guys so I'm excited to have Natalie on the show today. She is a certified professional life coach and she helps discourage Kushtia MOMS overcome anger and Bernau and the reason why I thought it was so important to have her. Come on the show is. I feel like this is a topic that brings on a lot of shame. Or you may feel embarrassed. And you just may feel like can't talk to anybody about this and nobody's dealing with this issue and so you may not ever bring it and I wanted her to come on to talk about her story so that you could possibly relate to it or just know that someone has come out on the other side so that it inspires you gives you encouragement that you might be looking for. You know there's sometimes that you just feel like even if you are really close to friends or a small group or a Bible study you just feel like I don't know if I can talk about this going to feel like I'm the only person who understands what I'm saying and I just know that that feels that feels the worst like where you're standing there and everybody's looking at you like an alien and so I wanted to bring Natalie on the show so that you could hear the story and hear how she overcame this and And just know that you're not alone and so if you know of someone that deals with anger or just feeling so burnt out or overwhelmed and you know just having a hard time like not being able to keep your cool with the kids. Make sure to share this episode with her Because I just feel like it is so easy to be isolated and that's the worst thing could do in this kind of situation so please share this I would greatly appreciate it because I do want to get in the hands of people who desperately need to hear this message so I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. He you guys so you know that I love travel and you don't know that I love travel I do. That's why I ask everyone. Where their favorite vacation spot is and why on every episode as an icebreaker? I am a travel agent and I just wanted to put out there that if you're feeling bogged down or stressed out or you're trying to figure out a trip that you want to take. This is where I come in to play and what is really amazing is that I don't have a fee that I charge how it works. Is that the wholesaler. And the vendor. They pay me so that you're not having to pay me so really I just come and help you take the stress off your back and just help you so that you can have a great time wherever you're going so it's not too late for spring break. I'm still planning spring break trips I'm already starting to plan summer trips. So if you're thinking you want to go on a family trip a girl's trip or you have an anniversary trip. I'm been planning like fortieth birthday trips. Anything I can help you with that so I can book from Alaska to the Caribbean medical cruises. Anything Europe you name it. I can most likely book it for you. So and it's not only just booking. I really kind of sit down and figure out. What is your budget? What are you looking for? What kind of trip do you want? And then we really just narrow it down to what would be best for your needs so I just wanted to put that out there that if you kind of been thinking about a trip like let's get that on the books. Let me help you and all you have to do is just reach out to me you can email me at Amber Sandberg at HK Luxury Travel. Or you can message me on facebook or Instagram You can find me at Amber Sandburg. So if you've been sitting on the idea of going on a vacation don't wait too long. Because the things will start getting booked up and airfare will go up in price or there won't be any availability of what you're looking for so Let me help you plan your next vacation. Natalie thank you so much for coming on the show today. Yeah thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here so I like to ask all my guests the same question. And it's an icebreaker on travel. I am a travel agent so asking people what their favorite vacation spot is. Ny and this can be with or without kids cool. Well I have a tie between two my got it. Yeah I mean without kids trip is New York City and my with kids trip. Is the Cayman Islands Awesome? Okay so do you go to New York City often or is it. You've got one time and you went without the kids and you loved it I've been there five times and all without the kids okay. Okay Yep Yep is there a favorite time of year that you like to go into favorite place that you'd like to stay at I like to try different places in different neighborhood. Twenty now and I think I've been there all seasons and I would say that fall is my favorite for sure. So you're my second guessed that I've had that loves New York City without the kids and fall is her favorite time. So that's why I like to ask that question to see if you kinda say the same thing totally. Yeah Yeah and then so came island you like going with the family. Where did you stay when you're in the Cayman Islands Hustle? My parents ran condos on seven Mile Beach. Plan it's agree spot down there. Private CONDO's private huge pool Private beachfront it's just. It's super like relaxing and chill and quiet. Not that many people there. Yeah that's how nice especially since it's winter right now so I'm in Nashville and it's dropped pretty cold In the past couple of days to in the twenties which is really low for us and I keep thinking you might just want to be in the sun. I'm like booking everyone's spring break and I want to be in the Sun Bird. We're warmer than you right now. And that's crazy where that will be my next question. So where are you from I live in Bozeman Montana. Okay yeah this is really cold for us I'm from Michigan. And we were only a few degrees warmer than them yesterday. Which was really weird. Yeah yeah so I don't know what's happening But Anyway so okay. I I want to ask you all about yourself. So let's let's just jump in to you introducing yourself your first and last name. How many kids you have you just shared with us at your from Montana. And then we'll jump into how you got to where you are today totally. Yes so I'm Natalie Hickson and I am a life coach who helps moms works or destructive anger and burnout and I have three girls sixteen twelve and nine and married my high school sweetheart. So it's kind of a crazy time of life that I love it. I'm loving their ages and I would say in travel respect. We Love Ski. So that's the winter. Yeah yeah so and then some are in Montana is gorgeous. Just can't go wrong here. That's nice yeah awesome As far yeah no go ahead as far as my coaching. I'm I got into that. Just through personal development my own journey. I knew I always wanted to do something helping women and I went to life. Coaching school just to figure out how to do. I do it become a better listener to people to coach people better and it wasn't until a couple years ago that I really figured out my niche and had no idea in my entire life that I would ever think of coaching someone through such a deep personal struggle of my own so it does sound really cool. Yeah it helps when you can come from personal experience when you're helping people for sure for sure area. Yeah so I wanted to have you on because I I do think so. Many moms at some point are struggling more than other times and many MOMS experience with early motherhood when the kids are so dependent on them and I also think that there can also be a shift for MOMS that they realized that kids don't need them as much anymore and then they can have new feelings that they have to work through so you know not everyone. Kind of feels the struggle at the same time Through motherhood like some people having babies young babies is just I duNno. It's like such a blessing. They love it. They get up the morale night. It's so great everything's wonderful. Then you have other mothers that are like I am going to lose my mind and kind of like anger comes and right and they lose themselves and so then you flip it and then you get the MOMS. That are kind of like now. My kids are gone and I don't know what to do. And all these things and so I think that as I've gotten older and my kids are older. They're five and eight and just getting out of the weeds of having infants and toddlers. You know you kind of you could think that. Oh this is GonNa get so much easier but it's just different things that I feel come up and I don't know it just it. It just seemed like a good topic to talk about and I hope that somebody that's out there. That is struggling with us that you know they definitely don't feel alone in this because I think is very easy with social media to feel like everything is amazing and if you have any negative thoughts about anything you feel like you're a bad mom or you have shame and stuff like that so That's really why I wanted you to come on so with you of saying that your story kind of lead you to where you are. I would love for you to share your journey with us and you know how. How did you tie that into becoming a professional Coach helping other moms. Yeah absolutely well my story. I started out. Basically anger was has always been a part of my life and as I was growing up and even into my young adult years. I just assumed that anger the way I processed anger was just the way I did like or Scottish Irish blood. My parents were screamers. They threw things. That's just how anger was was modeled to me in our house. So I married my my high school sweethearts he he's not a screamer so when we got married Our fights like very one sided where it would be me screaming in him closing up and It was really in those first years in marriages. I was like really began to create this awareness around the fact that there was something there but I didn't think there's a way to change it like I knew ahead an anger problem but I figured I was just stuck with it and even to the point. Where is kind of afraid to help kids? 'cause I don't know if I can handle having kids but that didn't stop the desire to have children right or so. So Yeah we had first child and Around the age of two we you can literally see both of us on the floor screaming throwing together. I was very intense. I would scream at her. I would spanker out of anger. I would squeeze Armley. Little bruises on her arm. As she grew older. I would leave. She'd have like little but print like handprints on her but she was in swimming practice. And it'd be afraid to swimmer like senator practice because I didn't want people to know and take my kid away from me and it was so crazy. 'cause I wrestled with this idea like I love my kids but I can't stop screaming at them and hurting them. I don't understand but basically what happened is As she was too you know I created this more awareness and like okay. There's there's really an issue here everybody's still don't know how to deal with it and that there's even a way to When we brought her second our second child home her sister I had a moment where I was nursing her And Enya our oldest was in my going at it like he wasn't yelling but she was screaming and are like door was shut. The I was A and I just couldn't take it anymore and I just screamed at the top of my lungs for you to shut up and sky the baby POPs off. Looks up at me as just like this. Look of Terror Ryan and I'm like such a problem but here's being like at that point. I started associating anger with Enya. So we've got to do something with annual we have to get her We have to have someone help her behavior if she would just stop. I wouldn't get so angry right Totally where my mind was. Yeah so we took her to a therapist and therapists observed her and had her leave the room and she sits down looks at me and Mike. And she's like so any of the perfectly normal child for her age and development and Mike. Well Yeah. Of course you're GONNA think so. You're not at home with her with the door. Shut like Yeah Yup and she looks at me. She's like Natalie. You're the one who needs to be here and I'm just like what. Yeah Yeah I can only imagine. Yeah it was like Okay but deep down inside like as much as I was at shock young kind of offended I sure on. I was really relieved that somebody knew somebody was there and knew that they could help. Pull me out of as I went through four years of therapy with her and I left there be still screaming at my kids and I was just like why I learned so much about me. Learn so much about my past. I learned about Enya and stuff like that but I did not. I still was angry and I couldn't understand But really essentially what happened was therapy. Yeah it helped me understand a lot of where I came from in how I got to where it was but it didn't shift mindset patterns that I was drunk to work through and overcome the actual acts that I had been doing with the screaming and stuff so I continued. She got the ball rolling. I continued on my personal journey and ended up in life coaching school. And and then I started doing some coaching myself. Having a coach myself and started to understand really that the place where I was having to shift those mindset patterns and beliefs about myself. And when you don't feel good about who you are then you can't give anything to your kids writing. Can't give them the love and acceptance that they need. Because you can't give that to yourself so you have to learn to discover how to do that for yourself and an recognize and become aware of the patterns in beliefs that you are carrying that keep taking you down that path of destructive anger. Yeah so what would you say was the biggest turning point to help you to not be angry and also to question How long would you say it took you to not feel so angry? So it took years through counseling. And you're like I'm still angry. And then shifted over to Coaching I'm just curious 'cause you know if somebody's listening to this you know they not not that everyone's the same but you know they may be thinking. Oh my gosh in the same thing and I feel like there's not an end in sight so that's why I wanted to ask that. Yeah you know it did. It took me a long time. It took me ten twelve years to really figure it out but that being said because of what I've come through now and I take my clients on process. That's much quicker. Yes I understand it right I right. He's together I figured out. This is the things that here's the things that are causing it. Here's the things that we have to work through and then there's also individual issues with every person that come up that they have to kind of shed the layers back and work through processed us. It's happened to them. And how do they work through that and build new pattern into their life? Yeah so what would you say the average is for for your clients? Now that you start with that you know. They really start turning the corner with their anger on the process that I take them through is typically three to four Munson and I tell everyone who walks into that. My front door with quotes. Yeah there's call on shorten the the. Here's the thing. Here's the the big I guess? Maybe paradoxes. What you would say that anger is not the problem. Anger is awesome. We actually need anger. We need sadness frustration. We need on disgust and we need all these negative emotions because really what they're there for is to their speed bump there for us to stop check in with ourselves and work through what's going on so we can make a productive decision. But what's happened? Is We feel the anger. We don't know how to process so we tune out and more often than not to now in these in today's world we to not on social media we to known eating drinking. You KNOW DIFFERENT SUBSTANCE WHATEVER. It is We check out and then we let ourselves go. We just basically lose our self control because we don't know how to control in. We think that's the problem So who walks into and a relationship with me I tell them. We're not here to get rid of your anger. We're here to understand how to work with your anger because the anger will help you be productive in the moment but we have to learn how to work through that. Yeah I like that I've also heard too That oh man. I'm totally blanking. Now this happens. It's so frustrating. I know it really. Does you Kinda like Because I'm listening to you too so like I might trying to not you know something else but then I probably should have held onto that. A little bit But I think it's kind of like anger brings a passion and not impassioned liked to get mad but you know what I mean like. It's kind of like when you have indifference. That's more in trouble right like when they talk about. Oh with couples like if they're in different like that's worse than being angry angry. Who's still care so So I know what you're saying about having you need those and it's very easy to just think well those are negative and I don't want any of them and so And I think we grow up. Kind of feeling like yeah. We shouldn't feel all these things So I'm glad that you mentioned that I do want to talk about. I know that you like to talk about recognizing anger. Meaning what is healthy anger? And what is destructive anger? So can you elaborate on that for US absolutely? So there's a normal level of frustration and anger and motherhood and if you raise your voice to your kids. Welcome to motherhood. That's totally animal thing. We have to sometimes to get over the noise. Sometimes we just get frustrated enough. We raise our voice. That is a totally different thing than completely losing yourself in a scream that is rage. Just coming from all parts of you lose your control. You don't it's like how I explain. It is Kinda check out like you'd get to this place for you scream and then you kind of come back to yourself and you're like what just happened There's there's a huge difference there but as far as like what do all these behaviors look like? I call destructive anger screaming and rage Spanking or hitting or physical abuse when you're angry Belittling threatening a checking out leaving your kids and neglecting and then the burnout part is like depression. Checking out tuning out Wanting to leave not wanting to be where you're at Also there's things Rican link. Shut the kids out and just like I remember going into the closet and shutting the door and just there for longtime mostly says afraid I was GonNa really hurt my kids So those kind of things are wait. What destructive anger and burn out with look like healthy anger is you're frustrated There's a pain point. You know when when your child is poking you and Mama Mama Mama Mama time. Roll your phone call. You're trying to like you know either pain or you've asked your kids to do something fifteen times. They still haven't done it. You're trying to get out the door. There's a pain point there. There's a frustration level and there's a way to work through that and you're angry and that's that's okay. There's a way to work through that in a healthy way Whereas the unhealthy way would just be starts screaming belittling threatening telling them why. They're so terrible in what they're doing and I completely went there many times in my when I was experiencing destructive winger. I'm getting in the car on the way to wherever we were headed. And just telling him all the reasons why they were terrible and why we relate because of them and in reality if I would've planned better and if I would have taken the time to take a few deep breaths and realized something uses because it's a very common scenario for MOM's getting out the door and not trying to yell at everybody I use that because so often what happens is worth thinking about the other side wherever we're headed Most likely it somewhere where somebody else is going to be seen us. We're an appointment. We're going to school and yeah there's there's insecurity that if we show up late then we're terrible mom rate or if we show up late then we're in trouble or whatever it is there something wrong with us and that's where a lot of negative emotions come from to is is the fear. The insecurity were not good enough. There's something wrong with us. How many times have one of your kids been upset? And you looked at them and just not even thinking about it. It comes out of your mouth like what's wrong what's wrong with you. You know we associate us. Adults are negative feelings with. There's something wrong with us for feeling this way. And we're not that like were were designed to have these feelings and so We get into this fear of. Oh no you know but if we were to stop calmed down and and not worry about if we get there on time or not. We work through the situation with our kids in a healthy way. Then we have Everyone's being more productive than were calm. there was a frustration point. But we're working through it in a healthy way and all that begins with creating awareness around the triggers that trigger you and an awareness around your patterns and why you get upset. So would you say Did you touch on the anger in a healthy way Is that what you're saying like when we get frustrated with the kids and stuff like yeah and as far as like anger in lake a righteous anger right so if somebody does something that really isn't okay like They're tailgating you and then they run into you. That's righteous anger Your your kids are. Are One of your kids pushes another kid? That's righteous anger like. That's not okay. We don't do that but those are things that where you're going to feel angry. And that's just normal healthy anger right. Yeah but anger all negative emotions are meant to lead us into an action right and when we can recognize that those feelings are there to help us process and work through things and move into a productive than we are Doing recurring healthy anger. Kinda. Leads me to my next question about being triggered and noticing and responding to that Because you're talking about that a little bit. So do you want to go into lake You know what your thoughts on that and how to help moms catch themselves quicker record for sure. One of the things and all listeners can download download this for free on my website. is something. I take clients who was called the trigger tracker. And what they do. Is they after episode of of any negative emotion? But we'll just use. Anger is the example after they exploded their kids and their calmed down and they're they distance themselves a little bit from the situation. I have them go. Fill out the trigger. Tracker in the trigger tracker asked some questions to help them process what happened. And it's things like what was going on for you in the moment. What did you experience? What did you do what needs for? You hadn't been met What what actions did you carry? Ought out and I leave. The the last question is the most important question. How do you want this to go next time? You experience this because that right there is forward thinking we're thinking. How do we want to Work through this the next time. This type of situation comes up on in. What's really cool about? This is your processing. You will connect things and think about being Z. Didn't realize in the first place I had someone. Recently that I talked to just went through the trigger tracker. Who's like I didn't realize that My House being messy and my husband coming home to that and him being upset about it upset with my kids like she's upset with my kids because the house is messy but it had to sit and think about in process. Why does this make me angry? There's connecting the DOTS and win. You understand and you see that. You're bringing awareness to your triggers. Then you're of like oh so the next time you experiences. You're thinking Oh wait a minute. There's more here than just me being upset right now and the more awareness that you can bring around the triggers the more you can stop yourself in start begin to stop yourself in the moment because what happens is when you haven't been working through it and you're just raging in use. Get into that you you lose complete self control but the more you become aware of what your your triggers are and why you get upset in what's going on for you and how anger works then when you start to get angry you start to hear yourself. You start to become aware There were times where I would go completely threw. I'd even follow through. I'm here. The voice says stop. Stop Stop and I would go through with anyways and still get angry. I had self control through the whole thing. I just let myself go through the motions. Yeah when you can create that awareness When I have claimed he was like yeah I still got upset and I knew the whole time. Like that's awesome like that is the zied that you need. Because what's going to happen. Is the more this happens to you. The more you're going to start becoming more aware and have that self control be able to pull back and realize like have to go all the way in this place to really get my point across and then let's talk about the flip side once we've experienced destructive anger. How do we reconnect? How do we resolve and I call it recovery with our kids and what that looked like for me was when in the started for me in therapy. Recognize the fact that I was the adult. I remember that being very clean and therapy like helping me understand. You're the adult here. You're not the child like for calendar makes sense. It just wasn't something like you know. It just don't come out. You don't know what you don't know rate. Don't connect the dots and home anyways. When I would get upset I would get down on any level and look at her. I take her hand would try to touch to hold her in some way. Look at her in the eyes and me take responsibility. I doesn't matter what she did what consequences she might need. The first thing is mommy as sorry for screaming at you. I wrong in that it was okay. That mommy was angry but wasn't okay with how I treated you when I was angry Right now and so me taking responsibility for my actions and then saying how did you feel what was going on for you and helping them put words to their emotions and how they feeling right and so then you reconcile you ask for forgiveness you hug whatever you want to do in that way and then afterwards if there's a consequence it still needs to be to happen with the kids then you can talk about what happened and what. The consequence needs to be But often we just rush into with our anger. We often to start threatening. Say This is the consequence and It doesn't what we're wanting to happen actually doesn't really get fulfilled because kids are just hurt and angry in the moment and so on sequential doesn't really make a difference so if you walk through the recovery with them and then give him not That's really helpful for them. Yeah and my my kids to that. They've all they've been told like if moms ever like really upset and threatens something it doesn't really mean it like Baguette and. Yeah yeah that is really cool and I do think that will really help a lot of people just to kind of hear that you know like what you learn to do and how to come back to the kids and stuff like that You know I think that you when you were talking about the your client realizing when the house is messy and then our husbands upset and then she yells at the kids and then you know i-i net ties into being overwhelmed too and I know that You talk about overwhelm and the relationship between overwhelming anger So how about you share with us your thoughts on that because I do think a lot of things stem from just feeling overwhelmed and then you just lose your mind right and then you're like yelling. I know I know for me that like when when we have Christmas break. And all that and everybody's home and the House is insane. I kind of like what your client was doing when it's Messy. I don't feel on a day-to-day basis. But when they've been home nonstop and like all the labels are out out. Nothings in normal places. The schedule is not normal it. That's when I find that it's a lot easier for me to lose my cool to just be like not that. It needs to look like a museum but it looks the opposite. It's like oh my gosh like everything is insane and so and you're just like there's no control happening here as anyway. I related to that. Not Not because my husband comes home. Upset more me just like okay. Everybody we need to put things back like I'm getting tired of like walking around weird things and all that kind of stuff so To me that that feels overwhelming So I would love for you to share with us. What the relationship is between the two of them? Sure so in my personal experience as I was on my personal journey there were things that I just started naturally doing and I feel like the more you become aware of yourself and start like basically like self love and accepting who you are wanting to become better the more you take responsibility for the things in your life and For me one of the things I had to do was completely organized. My house like I had to go through and just like okay. This is too much we need to purge and we need or gas that was really helpful for me and setting up. A meal plan was really helpful to so those things were were helpful. But again you can have all the systems and stuff in in place if your mindset is not in the right place than it doesn't matter so let's go specifically with what you dealt with over Christmas. What I would say is before Christmas and prepare yourself mentally. There's a lot like it seems easy. It seems cheesy but really there is a lot to be said for preparing ourselves mentally. I can remember one summer. The kids were home of course summer and I had to work was just like oh how to deal with the summer and I finally was like you know what I'm going to. Just let them at it so we put all of the play on the playground Elliott. He goes yeah they they created in my dining room for the whole summer and it was Lego city. Did it drives me crazy? Did but the thing was I initiated it so it was like the responsibility was on me and I was like okay. You know and I would have to you. Know they'd have to tidy up so we could do some cleaning but I still let it keep out in yeah and it was really like it was challenging but in a healthy way for me I had prepared for. I knew what it was going to be like. I knew there was an end in sight. yeah and so that was. That's something I would do that when I have riddles. When they were littler I would set up a whole like little town or my little ponies. Whatever it was and let them at that in and it just it was Hubble. Now we're getting into lake more tactical how to help your sanity with your kids that that was really helpful and like switching out different toys. Yeah on a basket toys. We'd Switzerland but definitely like that kind of stuff if you can try to take responsibility and prepare yourself for some of those events. It will help as well as if you're working through your triggers and becoming more aware and Learning and understanding which I really hope of anything through this that I'd given everyone this knowledge to be able to go. You know what it's okay that I'm angry. I want you to accept that you need to know the angers. Okay Hurting people your anger isn't and so on where when we're trying to work through this. We need to stop breathe. Breathing's huge resets your nervous system. That's always bring it up and began tracking those triggers and working through that in in other things that I have people track are. Where's your hormones if they are out of whack up? They're going to completely mess with you in your anger and your anxiety. Anxiety is a big one PM. Us to So there's like all these things that player you taking care of yourself. Are you taking responsibility for yourself? Yeah I totally agree. And hormones are real and that's what I was saying to like earlier about going through phases you think about being pregnant and those hormones and then postpartum and those hormones and then you know you're breastfeeding and you have those hormones and then you're winning and you come off those hormones and then you get pregnant again or you're not and then you're peri menopause or whatever I mean. There's just like it just like it and everything changes too so you might have been fine. Pms saying like you didn't have issues but then maybe you're getting older and now it's shifted and there's so much that could just be a whole different show that could be like there's so many components to that that. I don't even know if people recognize you know. And so and they just think like their cycles will always be the same and you may not even know shifting you just maybe like why am. I mad or why am I supposed to push shift yet? Another piece to all of this is One thing I'll run into a lot is mom's feeling guilty for asking the husband for help And and I did that for years until I started tracking and recognizing that my hormones. Were really a big deal. I had really for quite a long time. Pms was really a struggle for me. And that's when I noticed I'd be getting better through my working anger but then. Pms Hit and I become Mama Baragan. I'm like what happened. And then I connected the dots and now I'm like my husband and I are both in agreement. I'm PMS scene. And I am struggling with my might anger just the look like kind of a look of desperation him and he's like. I'm on it babe. Don't worry I got it. And he totally gets it like Gil anymore. Because I would rather him step in the children. Yeah yes so. Does that look like walk us through this as we as we end the show. How how does that look like? If you're is it more than like you're at the end of your rope you're gonNA lose your marbles on everybody and he's just like needs it was late takeover dinner so that you're not snapping at everybody and then you go to a different room like what does it look like for you. Yeah totally so I. I'm gotten very aware where I get with my anger so I don't like to be very in a safe zone so if I just start to get frustrated. I know I'm hormonal or something. You know if there's something that's happened that day in a situation or whatever if I'm feeling anxious I basically just go up to him and I'm like are you OK taking over right now because I need a break. And he's just like yeah totally you know and and they're usually it's you know just nice life balance. He's usually in a place where he's Mr Patient. He can handle yes so much given three girls plus a wife. He's got to be. Yeah Yeah Yeah so yeah and then I will. I will do Off I'll go to my room. I will go run in Aaron GonNa Walk and you know usually it's just ten to fifteen minutes. I need any more. Yeah Justic Lake. Recenter myself like okay. It's not the kids it's not him. It's not the situation is. Just here's what's going on from. Yeah yeah and that's the emotions. It's no that's really good. I feel like that will probably help a lot of people because they do think a lot of people just feel they're crazy you know what I mean. And they're like why do I feel this way and I suck 'cause I feel this way. Other people don't feel way and so It's really good that you brought that up even tying in the hormones. Just because I think it's being a woman and all the changes that happen you know ranging from having babies. Peri menopause going Heading menopause. I don't even know That happens earlier in some people. Then what you realize so. That's why I mentioned that but So yeah it can make you kind of just feel like you've lost your mind so Before we end I just wanted to ask you again. Where can you find that Is Is it called the trigger tracker the trigger tracker yet it's at Natalie picks in dot com and if I made is for one night and like to just say the relationship between Enya. She's the one who got the worst of it in. This is really important. Part of the story in our relationship is beautiful mids. She's a teenager. Still get the eye rolls. They'll get a little stark units. Yeah not like a perfect angel but I will tell you because of the communication that we established because of the recovery because of the hard inner work that I did the relationship with my kids is. It's it's just a big blessing and I don't fear teenager hood so I just WanNa throw that out there like I don't care where you're at in your journey with your kids. I have moms who come in to work with me. Who have teenagers and feel like they've completely ruined them avenue and they turn things around so it doesn't matter where you're at if you're sitting there feeling like you're alone in your afraid and you're scared to reach out Because you're afraid someone's going to take your kids away. That's the worst place to be. That's winning need to reach out and find someone you can trust to a friend family member. Whoever it is but don't be alone because you're not like we there's people out there who Deal with destructive of anger and I'm one of them. Yeah no that is really good because it is very easy to just isolate yourself when you feel that way. Yeah for sure. Well Natalie thank you so much for coming on the show. I feel like you're really gonNA open up a Lotta. Women's is to just kind of let them know that they're not alone in the sand that other people really do with us absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. Hey you guys. Have you subscribe to the MOM inspired show? 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