Accountability with Empathy
This is the no ego podcasts where we did the drama and entitlement and transform your world place. Wakeman you geyser. You're my people. My people even know you've not had it easy. It's like you are minding. The experience for learning in accountability has four stages commitment. I'm going to go all into this thing instead of just surviving or living through it. I'm going to go all in. I'm going to say what quarantine has to teach me. That's the first stage of accountability is the willingness to agree to. What's in front of you to say? Yes instead of arguing with the circumstances the ability to say I accept. I will be with this. I will practice what this brings me so i. Seven accountability is commitment. I'm all in second step is resilience for. Hey you guys have done. Great Ed resilient staying the course. In spite of barriers the third step is ownership that when we do see notice something of ourselves or others or something that we are participating in life allowing her an ebeling that we meet it with compassion. But we own it because what you can't own you can't change in the fourth pieces continuous learning. So don't want passing judgment on how people have gone through. This is not a test to pass but you can practice the reality based accountability model through this the four factors. Are you all in? Do you find yourself resorting back to just surviving being the victim. Where it's like. Well I waiting for them to do it for me. You're on the sidelines watching critiquing judging no are it binds verb. Can you just go? You know what it is what it is and I'm going to really radically accept this reality. So commitment resilience is staying. The course not overcoming not never sleeping not expending yourself to get everybody through. Resilience is healthy at staying the course in spite of barriers and that is about commitment and dedication as I've talked about these podcast. Not Her ROIC and perseverance. Because that is not resilience. It's not sustainable resilience reveals to us the habits we've had and I always say this is why we practice because when you need it. It's already established. So resilience isn't about brute. Strength and heroics and diving catches resilience as I've said is about connection and being able to ask for help and being able to be vulnerable so it's really revealing to us your commitment your resilience your ownership really getting to know yourself and dark size. What have you been avoiding from all that business? And then the continuous learning. And I'm glad that you brought that up because that's a key topic today. People are grateful for we want to go easy on people know a lot of people think accountability. Should I really be hold people accountable at this time? And that's why I talked about. The stages of the crisis is because in the beginning if people are just worried about safety and basics helped them but after that after we've come a made things work we've connected people. We have them safe. You know and and we've helped. Those who had less reserves than some of us are less privileged like once we stabilize the situation. Great leaders use this time to stretch people and you can be empathetic and call people great months and not let people up the hook and still expectations and tough conversations with compassion. So let's talk about that. Let's take that one in start out with so in the beginning of all of this and potentially at any phase like if one of your employees you know has now a sick member of their family at any phase. The first thing they do is leaders is respond to people's basic needs basic are important in safety and so anytime that changes for your people. It's like what are you need right now and what's happening in you attentive to that but it's shared accountability. It's like okay. Here's where I can connect you and here's some ideas I have and here's how I can adjust for you to get the implies but here's a sure the count ability that's temporary accommodation. I making for you and then you contract like how many days or can you come back with a plan on how you're going to Have a more sustainable way to rectify that situation. So we aren't just accepting people circumstances as the reasons they can't succeed. We are temporarily saying I see you. I recognize you empathetic. And let's make this temporary unique basics. You're trying to do it alone. Can I connect you in? Can we have you connect with the team member? Who's in a similar situation? Who has some best practices that they've discovered but the very next stage? After getting you connected in getting you safe is I got to be really identify. What the priorities are. And what your non-negotiables are even in this time here. The basic said I need. We've got to make it work and we can't let some of our customer needs go where a patient needs in savannah is the like get stuff done. Just fix it when that's done and most people then need that called the greatness where the next stage is like radically. Simplify be intentional. Don't add things back in that. Don't have our. I don't just have temporary solutions. Start to look longer term. How you're going to make this work and the whole innovation piece and then finally how do you cure rate this so that we are better off going forward as other operas we can be? So what happens? A Lotta Times. People think empathy is mich LE exclusive or calling people to great threats and in fact they are marriage empathy. Is I see you I hear you. I'm present for you. An empathy is more about what you sometimes do rather than what you do because empathy is different than sympathy sympathy goes into and I am going to reinforce in you. The victim mind set. Because I'm going to agree with you. This is awful where the victims or something we can do and I now I don't get anything done either in. It's like you know I don't know how they expect us to be productive to collude together and agree with one another that we can't be successful because of our circumstances empathy is just. I see you and given our current reality and the expectations. Let's focus on how we could and great leaders can do this. Empathy accountability thing by continuing to manage energy away from Waikiki. Ons to how we could one of my favorite words in that is given given that we don't have that today. How can we well? We just can't will given that you have kids at home and Have additional demands on your time. How can you have response time? That's within four hours given that in so a lot of people do is. They want to cite their circumstances. As the reasons they can't succeed and our job as leaders is to ten to the person so if they go back and they go you don't understand. I'm completely overwhelmed. Then let's back up. Let's talk about a plan for you to Given that you have this level of anxiety. Then what's your plan to find relief for that like? Are you reaching out? If you've found you know someone on zoom like what are you doing your self care. There's nothing anyone brings up that they can say therefore I can't unless it's totally out of the ordinary adapt or and you guys can use that term but now is the time to start saying. This is how you develop. Resilience is in the moment. You learn to trust yourself that we can and that you have part of that and so I do a lot of like what's your plan or why don't we talk tomorrow. You come back to me with a plan on how you can make this work in if the plan is all try harder. That's not a plan. I can invest in if the plan is you know. I'll just survive if the client doesn't seem like it is going to increase the capability of the person don't invest in the plan. Just say you know why That's hope as a strategy or that's I want something you really can have agency on like what's your part in this. You know it's like why have a partner who doesn't help out and so I can't do this because of them like what's your part in this. And what have you learned about yourself communicating? What you need and I can't get bumped in your personal lives by need you to come up with a plan on how to do that. And the the piece of this is is have flexibility on the non-negotiables Support. Prioritizing is here are the non-negotiables you have to deliver. How you get that done. As long as it matches our values and behavior we would condone how you get that done. Dowse right can give you flexibility right but these are the non-negotiables and it's time a little challenging but it's going to be time where if you call the people through this you'll just have less ready people for the next piece. You're not doing yourself any favors by saving somebody. Through the best motivator. The best thing someone can do is have a direct relationship with the reality and you not interfere in or an able it. And that's why for some people sending them home. That direct relationship with the reality is so scary. If it's a child that you know is now at home. Somebody that's abusively. That's the end of the spectrum but for most of us we got to just kinda sit in the life created for a while. And if it's like chaotic we haven't had boundaries and we don't do things that are self care we just do self soothing and we are on twenty four seven and we take care. We did too much for other people. Wow all of that got reveal dislike. Go home and sit with your current situation How much we had skipped becoming technologically savvy. How much we had skipped like developing communication skills. I've even saw it revealed how lazy people have been about their own engagements. They're like well. Nobody will we really don't have any meetings and scientists haven't really touched any of my colleagues. I'm like well. That's your engagement like why haven't you reached out or creed that for yourself. Like people are like well. You know we had Cappuccino at work and my employer hasn't really sent that to my house. It like reveals to you. How over dependence you are on other folks. How much how much you allow your life to be decided by not what you WanNa do but what other people are calling in from you like. That's what some important so don't waste this time As far as calling people up to greatness in the empathy is I care about you. And how could you even better? How could you have a adopt skill sets that grow in this what I would tell you is that whenever people are in pain and they're my employees my colleagues I start with three areas skillset? They're suffering may be caused by a skill set issue. So are they turn to use an old skill set for a new reality? Lot of US got exposed. That way people are like you know. What do you mean we have to do zoom meetings? It's like I wanted. I had some people even dangerous. I just want to go back in the office. Can't we just get together for a meeting? And like you can zoom not. My team. People have coaching. So it's like. Is it a skill set? And if it's a skill set whatever's gotten revealed about your people's technical savviness about their diversity in their inclusion in their view of the world in their understanding that not all of us are having the same experience and that we are more connected than we thought and some of the else's lack of justice Oliver lack of justice. Like that should be you know skill set. The next piece is approach because skillset is something I can put you. Through a course for so check skill set. The second one's approach the third. Willingness Approach has more to do with like the boundaries that communication skills they vulnerability the asking for help the emotional expensive. Now's the way we move through life like if I do everything and then get exhausted. And Rage of the people around me as a martyr and feel put upon by by environment and. I don't have any choices. That's more the approach part of it. We have similarly highly skilled people that over function see themselves as martyrs and kind of abused the rest of us right. That's the approach part of my using less than modern approach for these times or less than evolved approach for these times try and then the third one is willingness. What's the person's willingness like? Are they arguing with reality? Are they? Just not They just aren't buying in like I choice. They're resisting because they don't want to be revealed as being unskilled they don't WanNa change familiar approach. That feels uncomfortable in scary and has a lot to do with instead of just going towards the familiar and all but even if it's dysfunctions familiar that's so important so for all of us. That's a great question to work with your teams. Like what skillset did you find yourself lacking in what approaches to life in general do you need to change and you know what's your level of willingness right now and those can all be questioned yourself reflections so feed? That doesn't work very well. Especially when people are stressed because hits the ego so instead of the feedback I just state non-negotiables instead of me commenting on how you're dealing with this. That's I just skip that and go to. Here's what we need is organization and then I invite self-reflection so I just astles questions like. Do you find yourself under skilled to be able to work in this new environment because one question. We're asking people on our accountability surveys. Where just seeing the engagement surveys at Voltron Accountability? I've changed some of those answers. We also came up with a cool resiliency survey and I'll be coming out with a whole course of resiliency online but what we found out we ask. People might productivity remains the same independent from environment and. That's a big question like some people are more productive at home. They're like Cy. I get so much done at home. What does that tell you about your boundaries at work? What does that tell you about meetings you accept rather than decline or delegate or what does that tell you right in? So it's really helping people understand for themselves. What skill set. Or what have you changed your approach. In sometimes bizarrely. An upper pretension approach is more tolerance or lowering of standards in things. I have not seen as you like. I actually got intentional unconscious with one company that they were still requiring in quarterly updates to the executive team. That was all about whether the powerpoint had no misspellings and nobody could challenge it and so people were doing all this work. They're like well. What's the value of that Dudley? Leigh religious seemed to update people on these key metrics whether they actually need and it completely took a formal update. They've been doing for fifty years and made it into you. Know casual dress on the couch talking about real issues and what they found by changing their approach that they really uncovered very quickly. What the issues were people percent data and the exact the only ones processing it and now it's like they're getting much more processed work like they're saying if you can in one sentence tell me what you think the next issue is we should be addressing so and then that willingness piece because there are a lot of folks right now that have low willingness and they're like okay. That was okay. I got through it. Let's get back to normal. That willingness piece is a big deal right now because a willing person has good habits. They have cultivated relationship with uncertainty. They've cultivated the ability to be still and to be In an environment or circumstances and be unaffected by that like this is really revealing when I look at people's like lack of willingness is really revealing some adult adulting send maturing some evolving chapters chapters of evolution that we've skipped for some folks which is everything from some grits to we can do hard soft to The ability to be still and the ability to you know when needed Read a good book or sit quietly or not know the future those actually our competencies that come from contemplation but most of us have over developed on the side of productivity and underdeveloped on the side of making sure that I the vessel by which Inspiration can come through and that productivity is like this small part of the entire spectrum in so. I want people noticing your energy as you are noticing. I've got some things that I had the ability to look at just my energy. What depletes my energy what brings me energy so what type of work to police my energy. Just the hard part to venture through or is it something bad I up continually said yes to that. I just need to take off my list at my life less like I'm not what do I hate doing would would never WANNA do? What brings me energy. What's my energy like during a day? And you know how tuned in am I like my Circadian Rhythms? And how am I Really able to manage my energy so when I low in energy could be as simple as drink more water. Get up and you know Jump in place for thirty seconds like am I doing at managing my energy curing my life choosing what I WANNA participate in the law Because a year from now for most of us that life that you'll be tempted to complain about a year from now will be the one you intentionally create a tough full agency full accountability if you just going back to the victim stance and I've gotTa do this because I you know need the cash or whatever without a plan to make that difference the life a year from now that you might complain about is GonNa be the one you had a big opportunity to choose in so I've always believed that a lot of our life we have to do with whether it is than we claim. But this is really going to be the case. I've got a couple of cool questions. I WANNA unpack for us to Ellie sent. Some that had been sent in so hooked. This isn't dated but I think it will allow us to apply in as we're bringing people back to work so this person said I'm a nursing. Administrator for a critical access has full emergency department so those not healthcare critical access. Means small rural probably. Wouldn't be open if there hadn't been some federal programming to help with like building updates and different reimbursement stuff so we're really endanger right now. Folks have losing what those of us in health healthcare call access to instant having to do two hours for a sore throat or heavy general practice person in your community we fought really hard especially in the urban and and in areas were social economically. They don't have The dollars at their disposal. We have fought in healthcare. Really hard to keep at least access available to those folks. So that's what that means as fears mounting with regard to covid nineteen. I worry that my nurses will bake hit their role when they're most needed. We've been proactive preparations. And I've been trying to reassure them every day I would like some help with my communication. Do you ever suggestion for helping me. Quelled their fears while simultaneously calling them into battle. So I apologize. If we got to the slade I've done some things on that but I think is for all of you because any of you helping people return back to work you. They're going to be going through the same anxiety that the nurses have been going through this whole time and everybody else the the environmental services folks in healthcare. They're cleaning rooms and so you have to work These situations as a group and as individuals simultaneously so as a group what a great leader does is just name the elephant in the room. My fear is that many or some of you while you're engaged people out while your hearts are big in your intentions are great. You may win. This gets going from your own anxiety or worry about family just when we need you. The most may be the time that Do decide individually the step down and not be part of the collective kind of solutions. I would just put it out there I would. I would Give people best doubts. These aren't bad people that you'll abandoned ship. It's an acknowledgment that everybody in this room has thought these thoughts and they are considering Do I stay or do I go what I'm here to tell you? Is We have about a thousand more options rights. So people are like. Don't want to be safe. I should say home or do. I want to be unsafe and come in when people are scared. And that's polarity. I was talking about the beginning of this. They get into either or and as a leader we have to introduce perspective in the big word called and in so if your concern est standing say how can we stay safe and you know work in the Ed with cases that as they come in we not only don't know what is wrong with that person but we have a responsibility to quickly separate out the Non Kovic from colgate and sometimes the person making that decision. I mean that's just pure triage staff right so I with a group. The transparent. Speak the obvious non-judgmental normalize it go. I would be a little worried about some of you. Who were just you know rushing into this with no concern about yourself because I want you concerned about yourself so find a way to come to them. Name meant neutral benefit of the doubt normalize it and just say let's to good negative brainstorming tool we teach in the no egos booklets to make the brainstorming. Everybody we're GONNA take fifteen minutes and get super negative. Your your free. We AREN'T GONNA call a BMW driving. Tell me we're going to go round where he give everybody a chance to talk. One sentence goes no story. Just one sentence. We're GONNA go around if you can't think of something we'll come back nobody critique each other's idea what's your main concern just ride it up there. What's your main concern right up there? What has it been covered yet? What do you WANNA ads? The less be careful. That people aren't going into the future aren't a matching aren't stories but just is your consume and you put it up there and I label those right. In front of people. Visually consents riot. I cross it out. Put the word risk in so. Thank you for identify ing disc- Now let's go back unless add some out. Let's take away the fear and add some on logic or some Analysis to this thinking. So let's take a look at this fear and let's look at it. How probable is a Kaz? Sometimes we fear things that may never happen high medium or low and I just looked through each one and we just ballpark. Don't get bogged down in the. If people can't agree that it's low than at least meet him or high. It doesn't matter. Put up there what you're starting to show people in front of them beyond the ego outside the eagles. The Eagles campus said. You're showing them that something's we fear. Aren't that probable. Doesn't mean we should be worried about them. We do the next step. So what would be the impact if this did happen because some things aren't probab- ball but the impact is so high that rescinding to worry about them and so now we look at impact. Some of the things we're really concerned about. Don't have that big impact right and then now that we look at what we have in our environments. Where can we bring our agency to this? Where can we bring our effects so rather than just this is our environment in their victims given? This is what we need and I really need you out work given that. What are ideas that you have that we can do as individuals or a team because otherwise it comes up with all the things for other people to do if you can't get their bring out thinking inside the box another other like these are the tools to be practicing during this time and it's like think about risk unacceptable risk right. We have risk all. The time is an acceptable risk. Is I risk? Can Be mitigated is other risks that can be avoided or transferred. In how can we mitigate that risk up tune including even though? We're not completely certain. Antibodies some people are changing the way their staffing and they're using their their people with antibodies. Whoever recovered on these frontlines to do some of triaging in so they're putting some people in you know more rest of less risk than others it's like innovation comes from the absence of drama and when people are individually whispering in the corners about their biggest fear. That's all drama so the tools bring it out beyond the ego where it's just our reality and let's have agency and work through this reality and so now given that things were able to mitigate and the things that I need to secure for us given this world now we imagine your commitment. That's the group. Staff meet with people individually and ask for their commitment. Can I count on you individually and don't pressure don't blackmail just know who's in? Who's out and but here's the science behind that just like when someone comes on the airplane you guys all remember the things. We used to fly in after September eleventh when they came in on A. I was singing exit. I'll and this fight attended. Came up and she's like ma'am. I need your full attention if the plane crashes. I need to know that you would be willing to open the door next to eight assists in the event of emergency and thinking. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of your time you. The points crashed and I'm still alive in the fires on the inside and you're wondering if I opened up the door next to me. Yeah of course they will like who wouldn't well one. That's coming from someone. High Accountability WHO's a total helper was a lot of healthcare Like of course that was my answer. I'm like why do they have to do that so I called my brother-in-law who's really He was a pilot that time who trained pilots for southwest. What is this ridiculous new thing? He's like cya social scientists. You know this if we leave it ambiguous right we just Kelly L. everybody in the group. I hope you'll all be here. We'll make the safest possible. Do the right thing get it. Got It good. Everybody's GonNa think somebody else will tend to somebody else. Take care of it just like if you buy the exit row and emergency happens. I the flight attendant will tell me what to do or won't we know about the larger group of people. The more likely in individual will take action on heroically is rare. That's why it's on the news when it happens right so what we need to do in the first step of accountability is commitment. Is We need to meet with people individually and just say If we had an outbreak right now and We started searching in the E. D. You listeners in that department. What's your level of commitment and you know? How are you feeling in? Can I count on you and if somebody like my commitments? Low long a scale of one to ten. What do you think your commitment level is? And it's like it's like a two and then. I would say I need to know I really want you on board. We've looked at these risks. Help me understand. What's your plan to increase? Your commitment is the skill thing. Do you need to you know Enhance your skills on innovation assisting innovation is that what is it and it may be like. I have no plans to increase my commitment level. It may be. I have to immune compromise kids at home. I'm a single parent. I like this is not my time and not my assignment. It's too much for me to commit to Okay Lake. We're not here to beat people up. We're here to call them up to greatness but if there's a real reason I can't commit now with they're just like I am not doing that. No then part of it. I need to look at my part. Hell have. I kept a nurse employed. Who is that selective in the work? Here she will be doing. Oh that's right when they didn't WANNA duties hours. I let them do that when they didn't do. These types of patients. I let them do that when they complain about. People coming in with mental health challenges. I put a social worker in so that that nurse would never have to deal with someone who was struggling with some addictions or a Lotta this lack of willingness. Leka stepping up from a town ables unless they have a real situation is revealing to you as a leader. What you've allowed is like are some nurses who are just saying not mean not now and I'm like you've been a nurse for twenty years. This is of course you of course now like what is going on well. I've enable them this whole time so individually. We have to talk about what's your commitment level and like I'm like a six. What's your point to get yourself to a ton what can you do? What can I do you know? Because you want work individually. Maybe something come up in the group. Nobody wants to say. I haven't innovative ways. Should we do one a month and said well it could be that we're doing ten a day so let's have ICU. Come down let's have our regional hospital in. Let's put a Pan Plan in place. And that's how you start working. Not to enable people not to coddle them but to show that billion. What's our plan? And then you know your high committed you make sure they're highly skilled and then you start having them reach down for your next committed to say Janice feels really comfortable in this. She has a lot experience in this type of environments. I'm GonNa pair the two of you. You'RE GONNA be working together on the section. I'm going to put the two of you together and tribally. I want you to see how you can get to be more like Janice in your approach to this you know. Group transparent normalized neutral and then individual is that called a greatness and if somebody has a something to accommodate accommodate them but we don't accommodate fear because fear is false appearing real. I went to the HIV crisis. When I was just first coming out of the social worker and household been a straighter and we didn't know a lot about that disease condition. We didn't know a lot about that but there is some of us who leaned into it and said let's learn what we can protect ourselves. 'cause people need service and there were others that were fuller judgmental ism and just said you know that's a curse or whatever they believed and it was that team that we didn't put high. Kambas and low accountable together because we wanted to focus on the patient. The the injury to the patient is to be taken care of by somebody who's scared of them. That was scared to be present to them so we can't do that. Our customers are all patients but we quickly put together a Dream Team that then broke the curve so put high Komo's with high accountable make life easy. Get people to claim where they are. Somebody's kind of mid committed than have them work with high accountable to convert them possible but if somebody's low and commitment then say you know what it seems like? I need you to take a leave or I have somebody from the ICU. That's wanting to come down. Can you cover there? And they're like well no because I don't that shift and that would be nice days. I'm working harder than you are. Really accommodating what is your feel fear and potentially based on not keeping your skill set up so I'm not going to accommodate that right now I am offering you some solutions and it seems like You're not taking those up in so what I can do for you. Is You know a corner. Public- put you on leave or bowl. That will be unpaid while you've got occasion you can use the. I shouldn't have to use my vacation in the pandemic absolutely correct and one way not to lose your vacation against to take us. Icu position so know. That's your choice in avoid emotional blackmail where people are like. So you're just laying me off without pay. Actually I'm not letting you off I've offered you some really opportunity. Your choosing not to and I don't even know that will be without pay because it seems like unemployment's tested right there on. That might be an option for you. Well if I climb on appointment I had to quit. Yes guy what we tend to do. Is We accommodate? Fear which leaves people believing they're the victims and that you need to work harder at their success than they are and not being insensitive here right if something as the reasonable accommodation that might team knows. I am the first to go. Let me send you my own personal like money to do that. I'm talking about the people who are conditional on a good day in their work. And you've allowed that conditionality. What I love for a lot of us is this is exposing one year bad leadership. But what you've allowed okay. You guys notice your anxiety as now. Another changes coming for many. We're talking about going back out again. Really don't lose what you've gained here so many times. We get a glimpse over the holidays. Which is why we southern New Year's resolution right regardless of your own on a spiritual perspectives or religions that you may practice yielders lot of holidays that happened November December time period. We get time off. We set these big intentions and then we just watched them get blown away by business and other people building your agendas in us not Setting boundaries not being brave us not being courageous in so as you notice your anxiety. Notice that anxieties their piper reason that you want to not give up some of the things you released or gains and have the courage to get conscious. Write down what you've learned. That asked you what this is revealed to you. What you've become grateful for like. Take that and really get conscious and intentional. To the point it can be something really little even though it felt good for instance to get my nails manicured on Every week basis. I really resented the couple of hours. I would be in there and it's like the little things like I don't want to go back to you. Know for some of you. Who Got Gray? I was pre gray if you made it this far. I'm telling you what headband. If you've thought about it good the rest of the way and let your natural self come through. It's like notice what It can be small like that large from me is like I've noticed. What a homebody. I am and how I thought to be intimate with all of you really be available and therefore you. I needed to be out in front of you. I'll give you an and Lebanon you guys up and what I realized is spend about twelve hours to get to euchre like an hour. Where if we can make this intimate and get some Group. Coaching going again. They're smaller are venues. And that I can get like up close and personal but then those twelve hours are myself care which leads to more inspiration in innovation which leads to be more prolific on the courses. I can take which leads to like. I don't have to wait for lung. Ought to bring me in could access it directly. You can use your own. You know team budget to say we're going to do this for our staff like it's really for me. I'm really looking at if you WANNA ask me. Do you love travel. I'm like absolutely I love travel but I'm so good at loving what is that. I'm like how am I love it because I do it site. Choose to love it and now I'm kind of like I love being at home and I love being online. I love this whole thing. I've connected more with people now than ever buy still have a long list of people I got off. I got to reach out to them. I'm I've been pretty busy supporting some of our healthcare workers so we are out of time. I love you'd is do not go back to the normal that not even you loved so go back to let you love but not what you didn't love. Put your stake in the ground. We are the leaders. We have discovered some things. We can design what the likes going forward. We have a better world a better workplace about homeplace. We come to the world. More evolved more skillful more effortless LE- more with more wisdom and more lobs so be good each other. This is the no ego podcasts where we ditched the drama and entitlement in your workplace. I'm fine Wakeman.