Second-Listen Saturday: The Doctor Will See You Now
Welcome to second. Listen Saturday on parenting roundabout podcast where we share some fun moments past episode for Your weekend listening. Pleasure look for new episodes every Monday through Friday. We thought we would talk today about how one transitions kids from you. For Mom being the person who is in charge of their health to them being in charge of their of their own health which as they get to be teenagers and young adults. They're really supposed to be. You should be going with your twenty-six-year-old to the doctor and talking for her right. That's doing doing that and yet so I thought I'd talk to you guys dear. You have kids who are getting into that age. Where they're supposed to advocate for themselves and where the doctor is supposed to like. Close the door in your face and talk to them about sex and things. Do your kids talk to the doctor or do you still have to be Dr Mom pinging on those appointments? I'm still in the room during the appointment. Happens in the room had habits and I did. I used to always take my two for their annual checkups at the same time because their birthdays are so close together so their annual checkup would be held at the same time but I finally a few years ago. I think I really need to let my like almost teenage daughter not to share her appointment. Was her little brother so that was step. One was let's let's separate the two of them and give them each their own appointment. But I'm still in the room for the appointments and I try. They're pretty good. The doctor and the nurse are pretty good about trying to talk to the kids directly instead of going through me but you know a lot of times the kids just kind of look at me like Like you know. How much milk do you drink in the day? They look at me like what you drink with you. Yeah you are the keeper of the answers. Yeah and and I know that that's probably not the way to go. Yeah I just don't know how you pass that on. I mean my kids are not great communication. They never have been so. I've always been kind of speaking for them. Because if if you bring my son. He's the only one talking to the pediatrician. Nothing would happen or he would talk about her keys for forty five minutes so I kind of have to go in there and make my presentation and even now that they're adults. I have a hard time. I had my daughter go to our GP. And I said you go in there and you talk to him. Here's some paperwork. You can bring to show him. That would give them some information and even then he came out into the waiting room to talk to me so I am obviously not doing a good job of enabling them. How about you Nicole? What are your kids? You does your son. Just take care. That by himself does even go to the doctor. Do you know yeah. He figured I started having him make that step when he was about sixteen seventeen. Yeah so he didn't have a pediatrician. At that time it was just a general family doctor so Anyway so he started taking himself to the doctor. Of course if I needed to be there for anything like permissioner protest or anything that I would show up but on so. He's been doing that on his own and he'd go the doctor regularly just for you know we'd like to keep on top of in the sun down here so I mean I'll just every year and then I still make him go for a check of every year. I don't know when and at what point I will stop reminding him. I probably never will stop reminding him L. That my daughter. Interestingly though When we first met her pediatrician and I just remember thinking. This is so rude but it. The doctor would only talk to my daughter like she. She address me. Because how are you In the started asking my daughter questions and you know talking to her any time I tried to say something should kind of look at me with this died. Look back at my daughter into what has happened over. Time is my daughter now has a very good record with her and is used to talking to scrape she. You know when I do have to the doctor for taking that That stance of of I'm going to encourage my patients to talk with me. And so she's basically trained my daughter to have power station with her. So that is ideal. I wish more doctors did that. I always we always had doctors who had just turned to me and maybe because of my kids had communication issues. But I really really want I mean. I feel like now that they're adults. I WANNA find them a doctor. Who's GONNA listen to them and who's going to be comfortable with that and I haven't and I don't know how you seek that out especially for kids as abilities you know. People who are used to working with kids with disabilities. I feel like often. Just don't take their healthcare seriously. You know it's like well okay. You know it doesn't really matter for her. I don't like that but somebody who's not used to working with people with disabilities doesn't want to have to do the work to understand now. So it's it's really difficult but I would've loved having someplace that is saying mom you sit over there if you want to but I'm GonNa talk to your kid. Yes not happen. That is very very good thing even though as a mom it makes you feel like wait a minute but yeah and that's initially that's how I felt like. Oh my gosh. She's not going to tell her everything. She's going to miss things but you know eventually. Thankfully the pediatrician brought the issues. Out of my daughter and yeah and they were to have that conversation so yeah really thankful for that particular doctor and for group because they all do they all have that loss of having the child speak for themselves right but I was just thinking you know she's GonNa be sixteen. I should probably start gleaning myself away from the Go in by herself. So my daughter's ten years older than that and I'm looking to do that but as I mean. I've had this issue with my kids. Don't want not yeah. So how do you balance that with like okay? I know you want me to be there. But it's for your own sake. You need to try to do it by yourself. I that's hard to with Leslie. If if if they're nervous about being at the doctor in the first place yeah that's true. I feel like you should be able to like email. The doctor with all your comments or like write them out on a piece of paper and send them in with your kid so that you can still be there without physically being there writing dive. Actually the last time I went to I took my son in and I wanted to talk to the doctor about him and and I didn't want my son to hear one so I called I and told the nurse you know. Here's what I WANNA do. I here's what I wanNA talk about so that I don't know how well aware it was. Okay I think the doctor generally got the information that I want to continue. I've done that too. I've told my daughter I'm going to give the doctor this document. Is it okay with you? And she says fine. And when I handed to the doctor kind of point to the part that the Talker to notice that I don't WanNa say out loud. There should be some in our brave new technological world. There should be some way for us to be in the room without being in the room. Yeah I mean I guess more doctors are doing email and yeah you know online communication which are as. It's like a whole thing with logging in knowing your password. All this like you can't just open up an email you know on your desk. Just tap out an email and send all thing where you have to be a member and you have to have a special. Id and Password. And all that. And I know there's patient confidentiality issues too. You know if you've ever tried to neither of you have had. Maybe you have nickel try to deal with the insurance of a young adult and my kids don't want to call and ask about their claims but it's like they have to get on the phone and say yes it's okay you can talk to my mother. I when they say. I'm sorry we can't talk to you about this. I feel like saying you know what great I'll put my kids on the phone. Work this out with them. I'm you're going to be taking to talk to me. Lady enjoy their particular communication but I think any kid and teenager or any young adult is probably not going to be able to articulate to the insurance company. Exactly what they want to talk about. So I am the case manager. I need to get there. Needs TO BE SOME CERTIFICATION FOR MOTHERS AS CASE MANAGERS DALLAS. A legal standing to be able to talk to the doctor directly and be able to talk to the insurance company directly or at least some kind of. Nice you know. Business Carter tidal can do you guys have to. How do your kids feel about going to the doctor do they? Do they go willingly or do you have to push Nicole when you tell your son to keep going to the dermatologist? As he ever say you know what don't feel like it go away I get a lot of that past my health anxiety onto him. I don't seem to have done that. I have passed many other types of anxiety onto my daughter but health anxiety. She's no I don't want to and it's like well I can't really forced you but then how do you say really think you should do this without then making them worried you know? Don't WANNA panic you. But we go to dodgers. This is what we do. This is why we had insurance. It's not a big deal. Oh we had a a real rash of unfortunate el-nessim in our worm and so I think my kids. Obviously they thought they heard about it. So they're all a little bit you. We're all very aware of being preventative. Seven just just sit them down in front of a few episodes of Grey's anatomy in the want to go to the doctor here though. No they're they're they're pretty good. Actually my son'll even book is on appointments if I say it's time for Furrier Dermatologist Hill. Book it himself or yeah so he's ought to say it's time yeah. I mean he's still only twenty right so he hasn't really perform that only twenty speaking of only twenty. This is a topic for another episode. But we'll we'll we'll go out on this. How much do you have to push your husband to go to the Doctor? And would they like you to go to the doctor with them and talk to the doctor for them? Because I'm pretty sure my husband would have. I offered my husband's okay. He's pretty good about it. Actually I have to say Togo. Did they manage the? Will we listen to what the doctor recommends ask another thing? Different Star let has been never wants to go to the doctor for anything. I remember one time. He had the flu and he was really sick and he said okay. Call the doctor and it was the Doctor Day off and I love it like a message on his answering machine take. My husband never wanted to call the doctor and he did today. You have to call me back and it was just called in a prescription deal. This is my big time. I could do it. You're not available. You're messing up my perfect opportunity here.