Kelley O'Hara on Responding to Adversity - On and Off The Field
I have. come to understand that. The freeze this too shall pass is. So Perfect for anything. At least I've come to find. And it's not dwelling on. The negative. It's finding a way. To to control whatever you can't control to change the situation that you're in. Okay welcome back. Welcome to the finding mastery podcast a Michael, Javale and trading training a sport performance psychologist as well as the CO founder of compete to create. And the whole idea behind these conversations is to sit down with people who are extraordinary. Extraordinary in the way that they think extraordinary in what they do, but more importantly in these conversations is to better understand how they've organized their inner life. What did they do to make sense of themselves to make sense of events? And how do they use their mind to excel in life and excelling life is not winning, necessarily excelling in life is living a life of flourishing fulfillment of purpose and meaning be connected and doing all in the same time. At, least for these conversations in rugged and high stakes and high performing environments. Okay. This week's conversation is with Kelli O'Hara and she plays soccer for both the US women's national team and the Utah Royals FC. As a member of the United States Women's national team. She's won two World Cups and an Olympic gold medal. In fact, she's one of three players on the national team. The played every minute for the US in the Olympic Games in two thousand twelve. How epic is that? To contribute in a way where you play every moment. And then prior to that, she attended Stanford University where she won the Hermann Trophy in two thousand nine. And that's awarded to folks who. Are the top in the US. Top Male, top female college players across the nation. So she understands what it means how to do it, and that's really what this conversation about. We cover so much in this conversation. And we get into resiliency equality in inner drive authenticity. An impact. And when I think about. The challenge that's happening across the planet, but certainly in the United States that were currently facing right now. Those Five Principles those are significant now. Resilience, inequality, authenticity, inner drive an impact. Minister big time. Of Fantastic, a tremendous role model for the next generation and I can't wait for you to learn more from her. And before we dive in talk about nutrition for just a second. If you are a longtime listener or community member here finding mastery. You might remember that we had precision nutrition. Partners here in the flat out the industry leader in nutrition science and behavioral change. And I've turned to them time and time again and I'm not the only one I mean. 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Kelly. How are you? I'm good. How are you you know All things considered A. IT'S A. It's a really intense electrified charged emotionally charged time. And many ways of doing really well. It's hard to say that out loud because I know the there's so many people are really suffering. You know the joy in my life right now is that I'm at home, and I'm stable, and no one in my family has co vid and I've been passionate about justice for longtime. And Uncertain Times kind of. My wheelhouse so. For that I feel grateful in excited about the work ahead for all of us, so thank you for asking. Yeah, of course. Okay. So that's me talking a lot and this. This is meant to be more about you, so so really. What is it like to be you right now? Oh Man slightly loaded question. We're back in Utah, so I play for the royals F C which is the club here in Salt Lake City, which part of his cell and We're in the build up training period to. Our I guess you could call it. Many season tournament style season, which we're GONNA play in. Utah, in July, so. I've just been getting back into training Gave back on the field working through. Body making sure things are working right getting feeling like Oh, can I play soccer again? That sort of thing, and then also. Juggling all the things off the field which obviously like you said, there's a lot happening right now in the world to just trying to take care of myself so that I can take care other people Yeah, so I'm good, but it's also. It doesn't come with that. The good doesn't come with a lot of added stress from different things. You, have you understand? The equality, the justice narrative. Yeah you've lived it. You fought for and really when I ask that question. Like how are you doing? I understand like where what you're doing. The good good narrative there. But what is it like to be you? I wear a lot hats. You know. Athlete! PARTNER DAUGHTER SISTER FRIEND TEAMMATE MAY CO worker you know representative of a group of players for national team in terms of our PA so it's kind of like. I feel like I'm trying to make sure. Everyone's okay, 'cause I. I think that's just in my nature so that I think is what adds a lot of stress because. At no point is everyone going to be okay and you have to understand that, but then you have to figure out ways that you can help an impact where you can, but also understand that. You have to just. Handle things. and. Try to make things the best. They can be but know that going to be perfect. Where did that is the balance, isn't it? You know where did that come from for you? That idea that I'm going to take on a lot and I'm going to do it. Primarily in the service of others slash I. WanNa. Make sure that people are okay. light. Two percent difference between those right in if we're not if we're not thoughtful about it, one of them is like mission-minded for the betterment of humanity, and the other one is like codependency, which might happiness depends on their happiness. And when they're not happy. than. I, myself knotted up. And so which side you fall on? And then where does it come from you? Why would say that I I haven't always. Had, this role I think that I've come to step into it more as a veteran player, seen a lot done a lot been involved with a lot and so I think. That experience. has led me to the place of like. I Have I've I've been through what you're going through and I'm GonNa. Try to help you. However I can But I also think that like you said, is it codependency or is it like mission driven and for me? I've just seen that. The impact that we can make individual people, and then as a collective is so important, so I think there's obviously like I. Wouldn't I? I think I'd be lying to say there isn't a little bit of codependency. I think we all have this like I. Want you to be happy because if you're happy, then I'll be happy but at the same time. I tried to remember that. Everyone is not going to be happy all the time, and that's just a fact of life, but if you can try to improve. For. The collective. Like just focus on. That got to stay focused on I think. What was it like growing up because you learned something about how humans work, and how potential works you learn that at a young age, and then a young in the family sometimes. It's not good messaging. It's unhealthy messaging, and actually it's probably a little bit of good a little bit of not good right like that balance, first families, but I want to get a sense of that foundational stuff. And then where did you and then maybe it was there? or where did you come to learn that? Other people's wellness is really important. I think that. In in in my growing up like in my childhood. The way my parents raised me was. You need to like we're not GonNa, be helicopter parents just expect you to be your best and. I think that's what kind of has molded me into the person. That I am right there. Though that's a really strong message, we'RE NOT GONNA. Be overly involved, but but. We expect you to be Your Best Oh. Yeah like mom and Dad. They still tell the story, so I have an older sister younger brother and I was I think I was maybe in middle school. Sister was high school. She's tears with me. Six months with me, brothers, two and half years younger than me so all very close in age, and my parents It was the beginning of the school year, and they're like weeks, but you guys all to get as an that was that was just the end of their. Statement, Mr Beezer average. So why can't we just get BS my parents like? But that's not fair in. An from that. That's what you we expect and. We you guys need to go do that And like I said they weren't. They weren't. Helicopter parents, they just. Do your homework. Get good grades Breach your reach your potential and Like I said. I think that shaped me a lot in in who I am today, because I, it's. Coming from like me. ooh, a really powerful thought, which is, it's not coming so your drive. Is Not coming from an external source. It's coming from an internal place which your parents watered that seed early by a consistency of the message like. Is this your best? And again. I think I've learned a lot I've learned a lot through my twenties, and that was something that I learned I. Say you know they? They instilled that in me that your drive is GonNa, come from within your unique to just live up to your potential and we're not going to micromanage. and. They did that sports too, and I think that again really affected me as a kid they basically said. Do something because you love. If you don't love it, find something you do love and. I've held true to that my whole life, and this idea of being self motivated like you said they watered that, but I think that I didn't come to. Fully appreciate it and understand it until like made. Probably. Mid Twenties like I kind of awakening at the two Thousand Fifteen World Cup and that. Since then I was like well i. kind of always knew that, but then it it reaffirmed what. I think I knew in the back of my head, which was like external factors are. Are Are GonNA come and go, and if you're looking for validation from external factors, if you're looking for motivation from external factors, you're going to be hard. Pressed to find it at times. Therefore, you need to figure out how you find that with within yourself, because you're always gonNA have you and you're always going to have your internal dialogue and and your internal drive and. So that's that's something that I it kind of developed over the years. What led to that breakthrough. Yes, so at the M. Twenty fifty more club I. So my career graduated twenty ten. Twenty twenty or twenty eleven, which the World Cup as like the last player on the roster, someone actually got Lindsay. Tarpley got hurt. I got added. didn't expect play. Didn't I played for fifteen minutes total the tournament I was fine with that I just wanted to be cheerleader part of it twenty twelve rolls around Play every minute of every game of that tournament asthma outside back which I'd been all my life and then. Twenty fifteen rolls around, and I'm probably fourth on the depth chart, third or fourth on the depth chart of outside backs and I didn't see the field until. The quarterfinals. I think and I struggled. A lot like that was probably one of the hardest months. My life mentally and emotionally because. I was at this pinnacle of our wanted to be my career, but I wasn't fulfilling what I wanted to look like which was to be on the field, playing and participating in impacting The team that way but I did a lot of soul-searching in that in those couple weeks. Realize like I can't expect the coach to give me an explanation of. Why. I'm not playing live and seeing the field. I can't expect an in. It's not lean on certain teammates, which did but I. Kind of had this reckoning with myself like you have to self motivate, and you have to practice every single day and play like it's a World Cup final so one you're prepared and to. Like you're just you're on fire like you're prepared. And and you and you want it so and I ended up getting to start quarterfinals ended up going the semifinals going the finals and I don't think that would happen if I hadn't had this internal. Fire that just got. Burning bigger and bigger and pushed me to show that I was like ready and willing and locked in regardless of my. Hierarchy on the depth chart? So the so the clarity was that I wanNA I love said I wanNA. Play I, WANNA participate in on impact like that was that was what you were pursuing. Right okay, so then you didn't. You weren't getting that. It wasn't happening and so there's this little mini crisis right? Okay was an identity crisis, or was it just like I'm not getting what I want them or was an I'd anything like who am I without this? I've definitely gone through. The identity crisis I don't think that was a time. It was an identity crisis. It was more so like I really wanted to go to jail. Who was our head coach at the time as a woman applying and I had to sit like really back in and say this is not the time and place to ask the head coach. WHO's trying to win a World Cup while you're not playing, you're not playing because you're you know you're not in the picture. She doesn't think that you're ready you're. Probably, a number of reasons just now. You don't want to say you weren't good enough. I couldn't say, could you? Like I was good enough, but I love, but you couldn't say it right now, could you? You couldn't even say like you know you wanted to say that, but you couldn't even. You couldn't even let it. come up your mouth. Yes because I think that at that point I was good enough and there had been there. You go rear that I wasn't and I think that and I and I recognize that and I acknowledge those moments because I I wasn't where I needed to be to play at the level that I was potentially going to be playing at, but in that moment I was like I. Know I'm good enough I. Know what I have to offer and I'm GONNA show it in the only format format a half, which is practicing and I went out to every single practice and just. was a crazy person was just on fire because I was like I'm going to show you that when you look down that bench. You know that you can count on me because I'm locked in. Even though I'm not playing right now, you can see it in practice. WHO. Feel good even recount I like I feel like I. Bet you would know this. Kelly, but I measure daily success by how many times my hair stands up because it's that intersection between. The big. Aw, it's like the expression of all like like wow, and it's also at the singularity of like. I'm right there in it as best. I can with those types of moments so. All right. So. Is that the conversation that you had? Is that literally because so often? Kelly people talk about like. Theoretical the. It's almost like a vulnerability refusal to talk about the actual internal narrative, which it's that internal narrative bounced up against the challenge ahead. That really is the inner game right, and so if you don't have awareness, and you don't have a sense of the challenge or your internal skills, the external challenge in the internal skills. Would I mean? What are we doing? We're just kind of robots or something so. Is that what it sounded like in your head like a freak, watch? Here I go like it was like that right? Yeah. It was it was there was a bit of self pity that happened. You know it was like Oh like game. One goes on. You don't get in game. Two happens. You don't get in and you're like Oppenheimer. Maybe what maybe I'll start. Maybe get their game. Their game happens. You don't and you're like. Dang I'm like this is this is the world stage that you live for that. You train your career for an on, not even like I'm here, but it's. It's almost as if I'm not here in. That's not discount like who I am. As a teammate. Cheering people on on the bench and I was trying to do that as much as possible, but it was very much so like I. Want to be on that field, and I'm not and it was. It was changing. Self pity like pouting. I try to do that away from the team alone because. I didn't affect them and how they felt because at the end of the day. We're all GonNa win a World Cup. If we World Cup but it was changing that to be. How do I change? This specific moment. How do I get out of this? Is that was that your question? That was your investigation. This is my state of pity. How do I change it I? Think it was like yeah, this is this is the reality I found myself in. How do I? How do I change it because I don't Wanna I, don't this moment passed me by because I was to? Bombed out or you know what was me. To make something happen because I would have regretted it, even if I, maybe even if I didn't get the chance that I got I think I would have still hopefully been proud of the way that I carried myself in that moment. Okay? Let's take a quick break to talk about viewers. Viewer makes incredibly soft. Really incredibly soft. Incredibly comfortable versatile clothing. 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CLOTHING DOT com forward slash finding mastery and not only get twenty percents off your first purchase, but you also enjoy free shipping on any US. Over seventy five dollars. You also get free returns in there. And Finding Masters also brought to you by master class. masterclass they learn from the best with exclusive access to online classes taught by masters of craft. I, just got done listening to Robin. Roberts newscaster and she was walking through approach to being an authentic communicator in her relationship between listening and exploring and how she goes about it, and it's no doubt that at the center of her approaches, vulnerability, and then being able to listen deeply words into conceptualize it, and then to explore further with other people is awesome I think you'll really enjoy it so whether you're interested in writing or business or conversations or cooking or sports. You know there's a masterclass there for you. And the classes they're shot beautifully. Their instructor Rosser is stacked. Folks like Bob. Iger Ron Howard Serena Williams Frank Gehry, Jimmy Chin Howard Schultz Verner Herzog one of my favorites in the I mean literally it stacked and as a finding Masri listener you get fifteen percent off the annual access pass that includes unlimited access to every masterclass, so go to masterclass dot com slash finding mastery. That's masterclass dot com slash finding mastery for fifteen percent of the annual all access pass. Now. Let's jump right back into this conversation. Are you an introverted or extroverted processor? ooh! I've talked to a sports psychologist before I told him I was an introvert nine not. As. Ball it's being able to to do both gain, energy and clarity both ways. That's exactly right. That's what that's what we as humans want. It's a bit like a light switch. We want to be introverted when it calls Ford and extroverted when it calls it and know how to talk between the two and the idea is like. How do you gather energy best? Is it by processing internally riding listening kind of intimacy intimacy if you will or is it by do gather energy from being around others talking being in the mix, and that's how you think best gather energy, so if you had to say my my true preference is. Really is both for instance during that World Cup I spent a lot of time on in the moments. That I could I would go. Away for a long walk go into like I remember sitting by the lake for an hour. Reading this book about The the history of like existence in that sort of thing and. That! I need that I need alone time I need. Quiet time, but I also do gain a lot from conversation and. Bouncing my thoughts and my feelings, and my opinions off somebody else in having that back and forth because your internal dialogue is always, it's just you and you can. You can kind of add to it by reading in listening and learning, but then at the end of the day. I think that you do have to have some external conversations do journal. At times I journal Yeah I. I get the sense of I would say probably just from our thirty minutes. Here is that you've got a big? You've got more than normal introverted processing more than normal, meaning more than most and so you know which is. In that innovate self. It's a bit rare because most people are extroverted, not because it's a true preference, but because our world in Western culture tends to value that, and so people get kind of nudged into that direction, build that skill, but it might not be the true preference. Okay enough of that you. Burn it. Did you ask him which one of my? Yet when I first exam in this part of my life I was like Oh extroverted. And, then as I double click triple, click thought more about it. I'm much more introverted than I would have thought. And I prefer deep intimate conversations rather than bouncing around. On the surface from. You? Yes, so it's no, it's not lost that. Were engaging in a format words and intimate. You know as opposed to like autumn something else. That's more extroverted although I don't I don't? I'm not great at journaling. More introverted process. I journaled in the past and it's funny when I was a kid. I was like ooh. I don't want to write these things down because like what if I do? I can listen. I'm so embarrassed or like somebody sees this or that sort of thing you know, so. I think that unlike Google doc is probably the best options because it's. because. That's not being monitored at all. Oh there when I was a kid I, there were so many times that you just were. You felt so passionately about something you're. You're so wound up about something and then. You think I mean even now. You look back six months later that that was just A. That wasn't that wasn't that shouldn't have been stressful moment so I think that I've I've I sometimes steer away from it, but I have found actually journaled a lot I journal lot during major tournaments because it is. Important I find the same. During events I want to understand and cataloging Organiz and makes sense. Yeah, and archives in a cool way to okay so. What is your heart want? Oh Gosh does my heart want? I. Think my heart wants or my heart wants. People to feel loved people to feel accepted people to be open, minded And for me to be a person that helps to create that type of world and society. And people feel valued like them today. Everyone just wants to be loved right. I think that. That's. The most important thing. So, you've taken a nontraditional path for intimacy in love, and can you walk through what that's been like for you as a? This a little bit of a double double loaded question, which is. there's great inequity a fight right now for justice and equality, and it's unnecessary. Fight. And so you've lived those shoes, and so in your also white. And so as a white female that has lived the path of. Marginalization in western culture from an intimate relationship standpoint. How, how is that for you? It's it's. An interesting thing because I feel like I. I don't know how to put it. It's it's not that I don't feel like I'm different I. Don't look at myself and saying things like Oh. I'm super different from anyone else because I have. Felt so accepted and. I don't I. Don't know. I don't see myself as like. You say nontraditional on it and it is. Being dating a female but I. I guess I I don't know I've gotten to a place where I don't. Worry about that. Maybe I don't know. So so there's freedom it sounds like there's some freedom in there, but also I you know. As I was asking the question right after right when I got done with the question I said I wonder if my question was offensive. because. It's not meant to be you know, and I wondered if if I tripped into something that you. That got you triggered around the conversations while? No it's that I didn't find it offensive I. Don't talk about my personal relationship. That much I mean in in out of respect for my partner who is in the public eye so and I think that that actually is what's difficult is that people think that I'm not like comfortable or Super, love or or proud of who I am because I am and I'm like. And I'm really thankful that I've come to that place, but. Like. I said I don't talk about it a lot because of. Protecting her. and. So I guess I haven't. I. Don't I don't find your question offensive. But I don't know. Yet no I think you're super clear. Yeah, it's just a part I don't talk about much, but I really love who I am. And I'm in love. And how do you relate as the the white woman piece to being? Alive right now in A. One radical time in history, and to a really important time you know like like how how is it to be a white woman right now? Well! It's interesting because. I feel like I've learned so much just in the past couple of weeks and That has been so enlightening and I'm so thankful obviously how we got to this moment in time is. Her thick. But the fact that and I'm and I'm hopeful that the fact that I have had. Such, Like lightning experience in an awakening and this this realization of our sisters. This still impact so many people and so many people like. Were numb or just didn't are are not aware. That's where thing are just like Oh this is in the past. It's not this is real in. This is scary and this is. Something that has to change So for me as a white person, that's what I've been. Kind of sorting through trying to educate trying to listen trying to understand and then. Twofold, so there's. But then I'm a female and I've been fighting gender. For gender equality for years now and so. I think that I I don't want to have a unique perspective on like what the black community is going through I don't i. don't want that to. Sound insensitive. I have I have a perspective on. Inequality that. I wouldn't have if I wasn't in the position that I am with the national team and being female athlete. In its in it's made me realize like. Systemic sexism is real, therefore like like I know systemic racism Israel, because I've had that experience in a lot of people like. Oh, no, you know they they don't. Maybe. They don't see from my perspective on. The world that I live in an I don't see from. Certain People's perspective of the world that they live however because I live in a place where I have had to fight for quality. I feel it again. I said uniquely have perspective I. I feel like I can be empathetic and I understand I in. It gives me an understanding of like this is so important, and I will never understand how you feel, but I understand that you are feeling something and like this is worth fighting for. Okay so. I wanted to do two things I WANNA get connected to your ancestry. WanNa know. who were the ancestors maybe I? Don't know, but who were the ancestors. Because let me hold on. Let me pause. You're really unique person there's. Is An early I knew you're gonNA. Say That, but but like. You hold a unique position in the Zeitgeist of human potential for sure but. where. What are the influences the ancestral influences whether you know these people are not that occupy space for you. Well, I'm primarily British and Irish according to I think it was either ancestry, or there's another one I think ancestry But then you know have a smattering across of from from Europe. Really my my. Both my parents super athletic. They came from very athletic. Backgrounds. My. MOM's mom grew up in the coal mines in West Virginia had I think they had. There's eight of them. They for them it was education was super important. That's what my mother's grandmother impressed upon them. Eat like the way you get out of. This is education And then I'm a middle child I. Don't know if that's part of it do yet. No, that's all. That's all for short, contextual and then. How about the folks that are no longer with us like the the the people you carry with you that whether they are thought leaders, spiritual leader, political leaders like who is if there was a lineage of how you think and how you feel who is influenced that for you at is actually part of my ancestry. Maybe maybe not like there's a you know how you know how there's like a coaching tree. And maybe your coach buy them but their coach was may be influenced by a second degree coach, and somehow you're connected to them. You know I'm I'm thinking more like. and I don't want to kind of drive down the lane, but who are thought leaders spiritual leaders. Dead or alive that have influenced you and because ancestries a big deal for eastern thinking. A, little bigger than Western thinking, and so I just WANNA. I want to open that up a little bit to see kind of where that. Pass generation influences your current way of life. I think for me. It's been. Female athletes in the the trails that they have blazed. I looked up to the ninety-niners big time and I watched what they were doing and I wanted. To to to do that and to be that These aren't political or spiritual or thought leaders, but in my mind, their sports is culture so for instance Idaho for the first time. My recollection of I watching the Olympics is in ninety six. The gymnastics team Kerri, strug And hurt her ankle and push through, and she landed and she won, and so it was just. Though that was my first instance of seeing females on the TV representing the country. Doing Sport and then the ninety nine is happening so I think those influenced me as a kid. Be Like to do that one day like I remember watching the Olympics in thinking. All. I'll be in the Olympics and I. Didn't I didn't at that point to note before soccer? I just thought that would be. There for something, so I think that. Even though there weren't a female. Than didn't get a lot of. Visibility or recognition when I saw it, I connected to that, and that impacted me in a big way. Okay, let's take a quick break here to talk about. Miro and you know one of the things I miss. From being in an office is whiteboards. I'm a visual thinker and I like to think about systems where I can see it in front of me. And, then I can drill down. Drill down like that's kind of how I use a whiteboard. And they're solving it. So working remotely you know it's got its benefits. It's got its challenges and one of those challenges is collaborating with folks and capturing that that richness of what we're trying to create and solve problems with, and so that's where Miro steps in their an online whiteboard that brings teams and ideas together, and it's like an anytime anywhere thing, so they've designed an infinite canvas that is, it's just designed for brainstorming making mockups and organizing files and. Really managing complex problems. And then you can add dachshund spreadsheets and sticky notes, and all that other important information directly up to Mirrow, so you always have a single real time collaboration hub, and they also integrate with all the platforms you use. Google, drive or dropbox or Jira slack all that stuff. You can even video chat with co workers without ever leaving Miro. So start collaborating for free about that. When you sign up for an account at mirrow dot, com slash mastery. And I just want to say like it's an important note that typically are link ends in slash finding mastery, but this one ends in just the word mastery, so it's Mirrow M. I R. O. dot com slash mastery to sign up for a free account with. Team. Members again mirrow dot com slash mastery. Get on with a systems thinking and get on with that imagery. I love it. In finding mastery is also brought to you by Athletic Greens. Greens is they are whole food supplement that my best estimation and. been digging into this stuff for awhile. It's a whole. It's a complete. I mean they've really rung the bell on what they put into their product, and it's designed to cover the daily nutritional needs of highly active. Get after people. I know that you. If you're not if you're listening to this podcast if you're listening if you're part of the funding, master community, I know you. And, by now I, hope you've had the chance to try it out. 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If we open it up and zoom right into a moment on the world stage Olympics or World Cup. That was memorable and I'd love to go inside that experience with you and understand. What was that like for you? If you pick a moment with zoom into it? What is the moment that comes to mind is it doesn't have to be a good moment or it can be it can. Go anywhere. You want yet for sure. I would assume in to. Two Thousand Eleven World Cup and Like I said I. was brought in last minute as you know A. An Alternate But then was added to the roster because Lindsay. Tarpley got hurt and PIA. The coach at the time said. You're not gonNA apply like you're here for practice here to be. A, cheerleader and I said you got it I can be that person. And then this was happening like in the locker room was this. This is probably the hotel in a meeting before we left for for the cup and. So kind of have assumption of this is how my tournaments GONNA go. This is what I'm GonNa be I'M NOT GONNA. Say the field this woman to use for, and it's our third game in. The group stage or playing Sweden or already through to the next round but we want. We want to beat Sweden so that. We can win our group and come out top seed and we. Were losing I think two zero. Maybe it was one zero. Fifteen minutes left Don Scott. Who is our sports? Scientists conditioning coach at the time. Walked down the bench, her job was to tell people who is going in to go up and she gets to me and she tells me to go warm up and I just looking around. Thinking you, you're not talking to me like you're definitely you messed up. You need to go check. Make sure you have the right player. Different memo. Not Part of the game plan. I go up the whole time. I feel like my pass out to the center we. What's the passing part because I'm so nervous? What were you saying to yourself? I'm not excited I'm nervous. and. What was that dialogue like? Holy Shit, don't pass out before you go into a game. That would be really embarrassing. You're fighting like your funds such lightheadedness that you really were saying. Keep my stuff together here. Don't pass out, yes, I. Way Line about two sub in my heart was through the roof, I could barely breathe and I was like. Just make sure that the circle doesn't closing and you pass it like the cameras going to be on your your subbing into a game. If you collapse right here, that would be really bad. That was going through my head before I went into the game. What was happening that it was such a big moment for you that your heart was pounding out of your. Chest as if it was a threat like a massive threat. There's the framing certainly a fighter flight feeling. It was because I wasn't I wasn't prepared. had only probably had seven or eight caps, which are appearances with the national team and I. It was a high stakes game. Obviously, the team was you feel the stress because we were losing and I was being asked to to go. Help I was like I'm not the person that needs to going out there to help and Yeah so it was just it was purely based on inexperience, and not being ready, and I went to the game. I played the worst fifteen minutes of probably my professional career. I don't pass out, just remember. Yelling Krieger was playing Alec Rigorous Flying I. Think Right back and I was going in as a right mid, so I remember saying giving her some instructions explaining what they wanted us to do so is trying to stay. With it and I. Tried to do as best they could like. I. Said did not do well. We'll cut you through it. I, didn't it didn't I didn't get through it like it was very very bad. I played very. I looked very much out of my element but I think once you to the game. You just start going and. You can't pass out because when you when you're standing there. Waiting to go in I had the potential to pass out, because I was locked up, but once start moving. Yes, I was still nervous. Yes, I was completely out of my element but And felt very overwhelmed, but I just kept going Then after the game I, Dope in control because I, get a picked to have to be drug tested. And teammates. It's down, says she was like what's wrong. I said that was the biggest epic fail of my life, and she just starts laughing, and we have this lighthearted moment, and I just looked at him like it's not funny. This this my career could be over after this and. Go through the drug testing, and we're about to leave and walk out. The door to the right were steps to go up to the field. If you go, you would go to the Vanderbilt Hotel and I. When we left said Hey, can I take a second? I walked up the steps and stood at the top steps on the field. The stadium was empty is quiet. The lights were off in. It was just the soccer field in an I took a moment and. Just. Talk to myself and basically said this is a soccer field. What you? You know how to play soccer even doing it since you're for. Doesn't matter. The stage doesn't matter who's in the stands. How many people are watching on TV? WHAT THE STAKES ARE! It's soccer game and you know how to play soccer, so don't doubt that. and. Filed that away the in the. Memory, bank, then. Went from there and I feel like I learned a very big lesson that day. That is what it agreement with yourself as about. True rate is in the agreement is put my language. You know how to do this. Don't ever turn your back on your history. Like, don't ever abandon your experiences because that's what you did. You abandon your experiences because there was lots of people watching because it was high stakes. Yeah, perceived right like that's A. It's a total relative terms stakes. It's a right, so you perceived to be a defining moment. And I'm not sure I know what the finding moments are and I hear ESPN. Talk about it and Fox sports I hear them talk about defining game defining play defining moment and I'm just calling bs on it like. And one of the things I think. I I would imagine you might agree with that. I don't know I. DON'T WANNA walk you down a path, but A called one of our mutual friends Paul Windsor the under Armor Global Director for high performance as said. WHO's Kelly to? and. He said resilient. That's nice. And that cool and so This is a moment of all the of all the places you have taken this conversation. You went to a moment that called upon resiliency. And so if you were to walk through the mechanics of being resilient because you've had you've had injuries. You've battled through. You know you've had difficult challenging moments. What goes into being at will first of all before we go what goes into it? How do you think about being resilient? Well just to go back on new saying you ask for moment I took you to a moment that had to be resilient and and I asked. Can It be good? Does it need to be good or can it be bad for me I think that? I know that the toughest hardest. Most trying moments are the ones that are the most impactful like you don't. Iron sharpens iron. You don't get to become the best, or you don't get to a level of success without having to go through obstacles and figure out a way to to respond to failure, because like that's just part of life and. It's so and I think that goes back to resiliency. It's how it's not resiliency isn't I'm not I'm not gonNA. Mess Up. I'M GONNA? Try to be perfect. It's I'M GONNA. Come up against obstacles, failures hard times, and it's not those things it's how I respond to those things that create I I am. So is resiliency for you the framing or like okay I. WanNa figure some stuff out so to me to walk that path. There's GonNa be. Alligator pits that haven't been explored yet. There's going to be cliffs that are kind of falling apart on the edges of the path and I need to navigate that framing like I want to go into those places, challenges and setbacks or whatever. Or is it more about and or is it more about the skills that you use to navigate? The footing underneath view the side of the cliff falling. Falling apart like is it more skill or framing, or how do you think about resiliency in that way? I think resiliency is more the skillset. Courage is the ability to go into a difficult situation and the two go hand in hand. So what are the skills that you use when you're in the midst of something, difficult or challenging? and. We're talking about psychological skills at this point. So I don't know if this is a skill might not seem very. Intellectual, but I have. come to understand that. The phrase this too shall pass is. So. Perfect for anything. At least I've come to find. And it's not dwelling on. The negative it's finding a way. To to control whatever you can't control to change the situation that you're in. That so it's a mouthful. You talk about optimism. You talked about acceptance and you talking about being on time with the moving present moment. So this, too shall pass meeting. The this conversation's going to pass something that's emotionally difficult is gonNA pass joy passes, and each moment unfolds like one front of the other, and if we're not on time with Miss Life. And so this too shall pass so if it's going to pass. it's not about like shedding it. It's like being in it to learn from it whether it's joy or sorrow, absolutely I mean. I feel like we are all presented with. Situations and It's for a reason and it's like what what can I learn from this game from this? How can I? Again. Use this. To make a better future for myself for the world. I, my teammates, you know. I've thought about that a lot lately. That's kind of. So the question me is like in your life when you think about your life, what are you pursuing? I mean. I'm pursuing impact I'm pursuing. I think I'm pursuing impact like I'm in my mind I. I'm in a position. Whether I like it or not that I. A lot of people look up to me. And a lot of people. Are inspired by what I what my teammates do. And in the beginning of my career. People would say that like Oh. You're inspiring like. What you do help so many people in I would I kind of brushed it off and say. I'm just playing soccer. I'm just doing what I love and took me awhile to. Understand that there's a responsibility that comes with it, and it's an. It's true like you are in a position where. You have the ability to impact people. You have the ability ability to inspire people and. For me, it's making sure that. that. Don't let that go to waste and. Think? There's so many different ways that you can. You can use your platform for good, so it's just. It's making sure that. Making. Sure that I do that making sure that I. Impact individuals. Communities Team Society the world. For the better. Sounds like like that's you know your pursuit in your purpose lineup? which is impact for for humanity for for others, but I think I hope that everybody feels that way because the. No. Oh you know you have. A platform because you have large social media following like yes, that's true, but I. Just I wish that more people understood the power that they have as individuals whether they're in the public eye, or they're not that like your interactions on a day-to-day basis in how you choose to live, your life impacts the people around you in. It's a ripple effect like that is. That is the world that we live in and I. I understand that I am a spot that I can do really cool things and really special things, and create a lot of change. All so think that. Everyone should feel that empowerment and. And even if it's just in simple interactions with their friends or their family, or you know their classmates I think that. I wish more people felt that way. Yeah, let's hope You wouldn't know this, but I just released a book and yet so I'm Super Jack about it. It's called compete to create. It it yeah, it's it but I talk about this in there, which is you are the pebble in the pond? Whatever size ponders like? That's different for all people, but you're the pebble in the pond. Here's an idea that I talk about that. I'd like to roll out with you is. So the first ripple is like your first community, your your intimate circle, the second as it goes our other folks. There's an echo. That takes place though that pulls people back. In. It's a fear. It's a fear of what people might be thinking about you. And that echo that reverberation that comes back sometimes stops us at the first or not even maybe the first ripple that we could get to. And, can you talk about how you navigate other people's opinions about you? Yeah I mean I kind of talked about in the beginning how? You're never going to please everyone like it's just. It's just a reality of life. And We actually we had a national team call with. Melinda, Gates and she I helped to To moderate it in asked a couple of questions in in one of my questions. Like how do you? You have the ability of the resources to do so much in the world? How do you stay focused on your mission and she said in. Kind of not drown out, but against a focus and. And she said. That early on. Warren Buffet told her. You're going to have to define your bullseye. And I was like Oh, I wrote it down I got so excited. I was like that's such a. that's such a awesome phrase to find your Bullseye. And that's kind of been. I've I've thinking about that a lot and it's like what is my bulls eye end obviously like. I said I wanNA I WANNA. I WANNA. Leave this world better than I found. It I WANNA. Leave national team better than I found on leave you know. This this life better than I found it a society but it's it's how you do that in like what are your passions and I? Think that you do have to define your bullseye, because there's so many things happening in the world that it's impossible to fix all of them. But if you are mission driven, and you have a bullseye, you can continue to just. Focus on that you can. You can feel like you're having impacting I. Don't I don't know I think that. Sometimes, it's like Oh. Oh, you wanna see the fruits of your labor. You WanNa. See this change, but you might not see for a while and I also think that's important too to remember and that. Change. Isn't isn't necessarily going to happen overnight. But if you are putting the work in, you're putting the time in your in your consciously making an effort to. Do the right thing and continue to focus on your bullseye in head towards that I think it's easier to. Not Worry about the criticism and the critique. I was wondering if you're gonNA, come back around because I like the question about other people's opinions, and what yeah, and then you went right into mission bullseye and I was like I see exactly what you're doing. You just supplant the attentional space that you could allocate your resources to either what people think about you or the mission, and you're saying not on a mission mission mission mission. No, it lit pivot. Adjust like stay the course on it. It's not temporary. Game. In and then you said that's how you do it. So, I was wondering if you're gonNA come back and close it because what you did is. It makes sense. It makes exact sense on how you organize your life. So. Let's go a couple of quick quick hits. I want to honor your time. It all comes down to. Oh. A Staying true to yourself. You like that you said that. You really like that I love your grinned. You're like yeah, that's it because I think. Like so many people want you to be so many things and to do it the way they want you to do it. Especially in the position that I'm in but at. You have to respect the fact that I am who I am and I'm going to do it the way I'm GonNa, do it in. That is moving to myself and I would hope that. Everyone would be happy for that would applaud that because I think if everyone stays true themselves like. That's. You, don't you don't want somebody being someone else yourself. There's only. There's only that is authenticity. Stay true to yourself but to do that. You've gotTa Know Yourself. and. Then you've got another core principles that are going to help guide you, and then I think you need mental skills to be able to navigate the deep waters, the dark territories, and it's eight I have it all figured out I. Know I don't know no right where the yeah that's. That would be a joke. This conversation, we'll probably ended at minute three got all the answers. Okay so success is. ooh! How do I define success? There's a there's a simple way to do it, and that's the wins and losses column. And then there's A. There's a life way to do it, and that's like How Am I. Internally in in? How am I? Again, creating change impacting for the better making making the people around me better, which will then ripple to the to everything else. And then the key to success for us. Or achey. Key to success for me is not taking life too seriously. Enjoying the journey and Laughing and smiling like I'm a pretty happy person I think that's it. You gotta you gotTa. GotTa be able to. Find the bright spots an life so. have. You done that in this conversation. I mean have we laughed I laughed no I I. Have you have to like, does it? Does this feel like this? Is this what it looks like Kelly's not taking yourself too seriously. I'm definitely taking myself seriously because I think that this is a serious, you know a lot of what we talked about as a serious serious. but I think with me, so it's a balance. It's like I I like to smile I. Like to be happy, and but that doesn't. That doesn't mean that there's not going to be the hard conversations like ooh. How do I explain this or you know the friction of internal feelings or external feelings, but Maybe I guess a little bit. Yeah. I think that this insight holds true for me like if you don't have joy, peace and. Happiness. You really don't have much to offer nobody. Oh true, it's so true! The intellect will not get us there, no it. I love that you said that I agree i. think that some Serbia because I can try to be intellectuals possible, but at the end of the day. It's like this. It's A. Life is about relationships, community, and and joy like joys very different than happiness, though and I think that that joy is what. Drives me I feel like I'm a very joyful individual and I'm thankful that I able to do that because I. Know that that's not. Sometimes possible for a lot of people joyous joy so important in life. What is a word that comes up right now as a word that you're totally keyed into, call it a favorite word whatever, but it's just a word that comes up. You're like is a good word for me. I like this word right now right now. It's action. Because I feel like. Like. We've talked about so much happening in the world right now so important and it's it's nothing the it nothing changes without action. We can talk all we want in talking conversation. Educating listening is beyond is so important. And I'm not discounting that figuring out ways to take actual steps to create change is. In my in my mind, the way that I can be the most useful. Talk about team the beast. Yeah. A kind of. Pairs, perfectly with what we just talked about so. Tame the Beast Grooming Company that I got on board with last. Fall I have zero of time anymore but it was primarily a male focused grooming company they wanted to start to transition more Unisex and me on board to help with that. There are our core values is creating this. One. We want to revolutionize the shower experience. By creating sustainable ECO friendly options and making people rethink about the way that they purchase and stock showers, bathrooms, and that sort of thing And then on top of it, creating products that are high quality and They they're intense in the sense of they make you feel good in your own skin, so a big draw for me was the sustainability focused the eco-friendly direction that they were taking the company. I studied science technology and society in school with a focus in environmental engineering, so sustainability has always been really important to me, but this was an opportunity to actually. Be Part of. Creating the future I wanNA see in. which is like making decisions based on? Sustainability. Profoundly, products. That's thanks, so it's. Been Awesome and then on top of it, it's the Unisex part which is that in a grooming space. You have a dream beauty. You have sometimes you know. It's one of product is specifically marketed to women. Product specifically marketed to two men and. In working with team, the beast I've come to understand that like. You might have the same almost the exact same product, but the female marketed product is up charged up priced. You Know Multiple X. Amount and it's just another instance of like. It's they call the pink tax base basically And so. I was like I. Care about making products that are quality that that people want to use they work and not. Charging two hundred dollars for face lotion, that's actually five dollars. It costs five dollars to me. You know like I've been part of the art research development process where I'll send the products that I, that I've liked in the past, and and they get you know they kind of break it down and look into them and This is the ingredient profile in. and. It's actually five dollars. I'm like well. I'm an idiot for buying that. Go Look. Awesome, okay in tame the beast dot. COM is that right? Yeah, yeah, it's got a great vibe to a lot of energy behind. The brand tone to it. Okay so working people follow you. Where can they be part of your life pursuit in mission? Where do you WanNa? Send them. You can follow me on Instagram at Kelli O'Hara. They can follow me on twitter. I don't think I've been on twitter and I I. Think I deleted twitter during covid was just like it's too much I don't need to be reading this every day. so I haven't been on twitter for a bit but Mike back on eventually I am starting. podcast hosting podcasts for just women's Sports, which is a digital first media company that is just woman covering just women's sports and. Yet going to be hosting podcast that! kind of going to be like a how I built. This tower got here type Vibe, explaining and giving you insight in kind of behind the scenes. Look at how. The biggest names in sports have gone to the level and the success that have and I've started recording without in. It's been really fun. I am a little bit out of my element, but I like a good challenge, and I've really enjoyed the conversations and become even more of a fan from it, so I'm hoping. It'll be. That'd be great it's. Is it up now? I'm all the players be launching I. THINK WE'RE GONNA. Probably launch early July. Okay? Okay thank you, we great conversation. Yeah, thanks for having me on. My pleasure, okay, so all the best year, so INSTAGRAM podcast and Tame the beast. Again.