"Trust Issues" (with Julissa Arce)
Hello and welcome to hysteria. I'm Erin Ryan this week Eliza master, Monaco. And I talk news why the president just got accused of sexual misconduct again. And the nation has responded with shrug and what to do about the latest round of horrors, from the US Mexico border. Then do Lisa ARCE joins Meghan gaily, and grace part in studio to talk about trust in people, and institutions, and in face tune last, but not least the hills will die on. Before we get started today, a little bit of housekeeping, if you want to submit a hill to die on, you can record a thirty second voice memo on your phone, and send it to hysteria crooked dot com. That is also where we get our correspondents. But I'm not the only one who checks that Email address. Caroline also checks it. So send love letters for hate mail to our personal accounts. Please second. I'm feeling very, very haughty about this because I've been accused of lying about merged by various online people. It's here merchants here for hysteria. There are a couple of t shirt options, including muscle tank, which I personally requested their pins tote bags and there's more to come so you can check it out it as at store dot crooked dot com and trying a new thing where I give a shout out to a special group of listeners this week. I want to give a shout out to our listeners who are immigrants. We see you, and we appreciate you. Now, let's get to the show. Hello. Hello, happy debate day. Happy debate dates Huma lady, are you prepared are your loins girded? You know it's funny. It's not until nine o'clock here and my hubs, and I were talking about it this morning. I was like, what should be have for dinner? And he's like, what does it matter? The debate will be on two hours after dinner. We tonight at seven pm that are you saying that feel that feels like an old time to eat dinner? I feel like I was going to be honest with anyone who listens to us. Okay. Normally eat dinner between six and seven because. Hi, I'm diehard on weight. Watchers and just the best way for me to stick my. Oh, interesting. Okay. Well, then I guess I'm the Essel in the exchange will your forty three I will probably will be calling you when I'm forty three Eliza considering how calling this week? You know what that's all here for each other. Yes, it's true. It's true. Bullets get into the news before we get into. Yeah. I just read a Jason chafe. It's quote this morning because he was like, mouthing off about the US women's soccer team. And I, I recall like an Atlantic profile when he said he made that noise in response to the idea of Hillary Clinton presidency. So that is the word of the day. I, let's get into the gene Carroll story, which buried basically since it broke last week. Gene Carroll is an L advice columnist and she has been active in New York media for a very long time. And she said that in the mid nineteen nineties, President Trump raped her in Bergdorf Goodman, dressing room. She described it very. She's just grabbed it with a lot of detail to CNN, and it's, it's really hard to listen to because it sounds like it was a violent attack. She's a twenty second person to accuse the president of sexual assault or misconduct and the second to publicly accused him of rape. And it didn't make the front page of the Saturday. The New York Times, the president getting credibly accused of rape by prominent New York City columnist. It didn't make the front page of the Wall Street Journal did make the front page of the LA times, or the Chicago Tribune, the post put it on a one but didn't lead with it. So listen. What do you think is going on here? Well, also, let us not forget, it was not on any of the Sunday shows except AM with joy Reid great. Right. I've given this a lot of thought because we've talked about it, you know, for the past couple of days and one, you know, all of these, you know, even the newspapers and not making the front page. All those stories posted online. Right. And they're just I feel like that aside, from the women who are really key. Keeping track. It's just like not getting the clicks. So it doesn't get promoted. So it doesn't show up at the top of the feed. And so people aren't talking about it. And I feel like MRs sort of I mean, not the most empathetic thing to say, but I feel like people look at aging and say, she looks okay. She must be okay. So instead of focusing on this, we're going to focus on the devastation, that's happening at the border. Do you know what I mean? Right. And I think that I think that, that in the world of Trump, there's just so fucking much. And I also think it's not surprising people report on surprising news and this isn't surprising because it's number twenty two. That doesn't make it less repulsive or wrong or criminal. But I think that it's like people just aren't fucking surprised by it. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. I think that, that's a kind of a generous read on the media, though. Because you're right. We have we do have limited bandwith to. Process, you know, everything all at once it's impossible for us to put every important news story in the one of our hearts, but at the same time, the president was accused of rape by a woman who has no reason to lie. And by coming forward with this story is only subjecting herself to public scrutiny and ruin and I think that the what's happening at the border. I don't think it's an either or thing. I think it's, it's I think that maybe people justify it by saying that there's a lot of other stuff going on. That is maybe objectively in the in the whole scheme of things. More important than this. But this is pretty fucking important. What is this is really important there I feel like people are being like, we know this is important, but people who don't wanna talk about this for whom. It doesn't do any good. Let's say they're like, right. But the borders catastrophic, yeah, it's a wrong, it shouldn't be on a grade. But I feel like people are putting news on a on a continuum, right? And that's sort of what you have to do in order to survive. Live in this like see of mud that we're in right now. I, I also thinking as I was reading about this, and I was kind of puzzled by the lack of coverage, and then the coverage being about the lack of coverage which is strange folding of reality that it happens in media, one of the things that I was thinking was that, you know, this story was told in conjunction with the release of a book, and I wonder if people are less sympathetic to a woman telling her story, if she stands to profit from it in any way, which is a fucked up thing. But I, I wonder if that is, is something that's may be happening in conversations and edit toil rooms, and at pitch meetings. I think that's I think that's possible. You know, I mean like the she because something that I'd heard from people, and you never have a good answer for because like I mean, we'll one stipulate women don't really fucking lie about rape, you know, but they're like, well, she had a book, why if this was such a existential threat to the. United states. Why didn't she as such a credible person come at not come out with this when it could have stopped him from being president? Yeah. No. That's, that's it's not even like it's not even necessarily the book aspect. I do think that, that's a part of it. But a lot of people were like, well, if he actually fucking raped her in widened, she say something, you know, three years ago right at point. Right. And we never know because we'll one why would people set themselves up, like, you know, my answer to the question was, there was so much shit stacked against him including the pussy grab tape that if you are someone who'd been attacked, you would assume that, that would be enough to do them in, you wouldn't have to put yourself forward to be torn apart and ripped apart as they did with Christine, Blasi Ford, you know? Yeah. And so, I think that, that, that was sort of my counterpoint is that like they had him on tape, and he would bright grab pussy. Nobody would nobody. He would win what's going to win over thought he would win. Nobody in the right mind would put themselves in the position of being subject to that scrutiny, if they didn't think it was necessary for the good of the country, you know. And right. I also think that your, your point about the naysayers saying will like widened. She talk about this win it right before the election. Why didn't you talk about this at the right time? That is always a an objection that comes up when there's a public accusation of sexual misconduct. That makes people uncomfortable. Did she do it? Did you report it at the right time? What was her relationship with the person does she wear? She was she pretty enough because Donald Trump went asked about this accusation said that t started off his answer by saying, first of all, she's not my type, but, like, what who is your rape in type Mr President, what would have fucking weird thing to say? And second of all it didn't happen. That's what he said. And then, and then there is a photo. He also said that he had never met her. And there's a photo of the photo to prove otherwise I mean liar, lies more tonight at ten. But, but there's did you hear he's on his way to the G twenty and he plans on live, tweeting his bait whom I. What are you who are so tired of having a president who treats America like a show that he's running, and that every month is sweeps month? I am so tired of it, but we have to move on, because I guess there's another, there's another story and this one is, is really rough yesterday on social media. There is a photo posted that was did you see the photo Willis? Yeah, I did. It was a really it was bleak photo. It was a photo of a father and daughter who had drowned trying to cross the Rio Grande. And they, they were they were dead. And it was really, really upsetting. But a lot of people were sharing it. And a lot of people were saying that it sort of drives home the seriousness of the migrant rises. But that's only one aspect of what's going on right now. Eliza what where are you with following the migrant story? And what is what are your thoughts on what's happening? So I mean you know, I've I've kept up as much as I can. Can because it is it is. I think that anyone who follows the news has a pretty good idea of what's happening. Right. But the stories of late, I mean, kids without food taught like like, like, you know, kindergartners core taking care of small, children, that were separated, the thousands of children that were documented as unaccompanied, who were in fact, not fucking unaccompanied. Yeah. They're, they're separated them from their families. Still despite the fact that they said that the family separation policy ended a year ago, which I was thinking about this yesterday. Elissa I was thinking about how they were like, okay, so extensively the family separation policy existed because it was supposed to be, and I'm just kind of trying to paraphrase the fuck it up worm, logic of Stephen Miller, but a stencil a policy like that would be public, and as it was known publicly would serve as a public deterrent to people coming to the states. Like it would be something. We'd be hey look what we're. We're doing this awful thing if you come here might happen to you, you'd better, not do it. So like it's public nece was part of the plan, but they were doing it in secret. So it makes me feel like they're separating families like for the love of the game, which is so much more fucked up than I thought that the policy could possibly be, though, to overlook the fact that they said they were going to separate families that these people like are fleeing such trauma. They're coming anyway. And like the that's not part of the calculus in figuring out what to do here, right there. Fleeing trauma, that in a lot of cases US foreign policy was instrumental in start Iraq. So I mean, for example, I have family members from hundred from Hundres my sister is married to a man, whose hundred and his family has to deal with a lot of the issues that we talk about hundreds is not safe right now and his mother's the states, and it's, it's a it's a daily, it's something that weighs on them daily. And it's something that they're genuinely terrified to return to, and I just I don't understand. I don't understand the people making the policies around this, but especially don't understand the people on the ground in forcing them. Like also can we talk about that cut burger who stood before the judges, and explained that people in detention children, specifically a basic need is not stoped toothbrush toothpaste? Well, first of all, was I take issue with your use of the word count burger. She's a cut lettuce wrap at best, she's not really does not have the beauty of powder. She's. Punt Pat Tae, but, like bad petty. She's con spam. God Alpo terrible, the worst the worst person. And I and I know that the word is gendered. I don't think it's gendered. I think everybody can be stable, even themselves. Yeah, but I yes I thought it was it was really really stunning to watch that woman's testimony. How did you feel watching it? I, I was I was. I couldn't believe it. I, I actually rewound it, you know, because I'm so skilled at my DR, and I was watching it, and I was like, she didn't, she couldn't I had to make it louder the judge was like, wait. Are you telling me he was giving her a chance to realize that she was that her soul had been burned and turned into the new smokey is of the new press secretary coming to the White House, and she just wouldn't do it. But it's also pretty unbelievable that it took those that took in the course of this week. It took that woman arguing with judges about how, you know, human basic needs are not being. Clean being able to brush your teeth have water and food and the photo of the father and his baby who was still in her diapers, you know, face down in the water having drowned to to get congress to act. Well, let's talk about action Eliza because, yes, really easy to hear about this, and, you know, the, the amount of cruelty that it takes for people to treat other human beings. This way, much less children. It makes me feel a little bit helpless, sometimes. But there, but there are things to help. First of all, our favorite thing to say is call you Representative onerous, call congress. Call your mayor call your local reps. Tell them you want ice rates to be called off. Tell them you want detention centers to be improved. Use your telephone millennials, it sucks. But this is for a good cause. I swear to God if you pick up your phone, you'll feel good about making the call. You can also report and document raids and arrests you can donate to humanitarian efforts like United, we dream the ACLU. My nephew Joel who is turning three today. Got a donation made in his honor to racist, Texas. Tremendous. I also I also got him like toys and stuff like so he would because that's, that's a mean present to give a three year old if that's all you a three year old. But, you know, you can donate to raise his Texas their organizations that provide legal aid. You can also assist paling paying bail for immigrants who've been separate really cleanliest one. It can cost anywhere from fifteen hundred to eight thousand five hundred dollars but you can donate to bail fund in your city through the national bail fund network, and we'll put this in the show notes. Eliza what are you going to do? Well, I'm very interested in the national bail fund network and I'm also going to I mean I live in New York City, and, you know, build Blasios who takes the stage tonight at the debate. So it's been so weird way. It's so weird. He's been but he has been outspoken about protecting immigrants in New York. And so I really do think the most important thing, people, not most important, one of very, a big basket of important, things people can do is call on their mayors to speak. Get out and say that they're not going to be a part of this sham. The mayor of Chicago did, and some other cities saying that they are going to protect their population. So, you know, that's something that on a very local level is very impactful. Okay. So it's pretty shitty out there, but there's stuff that we can do. And I think the fact that this is a widely known story. And it's generated mass outrage as it well should have is a sign that we are not a country full of total fucking monsters. But we have enough fucking monsters in the White House to sort of run the country so win lose. I guess sweep on live in America. Keep on living. Okay. Let's say it was great to talk to you. We'll talk again next week. Bye bye. Stick around. There's more hysteria after the break. This up hysteria is brought to you by door. Dash, what's the one dish from your favorite restaurant that you can never recreate at home had time? I tried. I tried really I tried. It was bad. Get made fun. It was bad tie, and I get made fun of it every week for trying for me. It's like a good street taco. You can't because there's so many elements to it that you have to, like make us mortgage board. And then you put it together and it's just so much stuff. Yeah, it's always way too much for just one. Can't make a taco bar for one person can't, yeah. There's a restaurant close to my neighborhood is like very really, really good tacos. And if I need it like there's no way, I can make it at home. Yeah, but door dash Jordache connects you to your favorite restaurants in your city. Ordering his easy just use the door dash app and choose what you want to eat, and dasher. Ooh dasher on dad's reindeer reindeer will show up anywhere you are now. Not only is that burger place you love on door dash already but over three hundred ten thousand other amazing restaurants, are to that is a large lost. Ron door desk connects you with door to door delivery in over thirty three hundred cities. I didn't know there were that many cities. Thirty three hundred. That's amazing. Are some of them townships? I don't know. But good job America. All fifty states and Canada order from your local Goto, or choose from your favorite chains like Chipotle, Wendy's and the cheesecake factory. Whoa, whoa. She's factories across the street from my house. But I would still toward acid. Oh, yeah. Sometimes you just can't even go across the street. It's like putting on shoes is like can you order whole cheesecake to right at your door? So I guess you can. Yeah, don't worry about dinner or cheesecake l- dinner or cheesecake come to you with door dash. Right now, our listeners can get five dollars off their first order, fifteen dollars or more when you download the door dash app, and enter promo code hysteria. Let's five dollars off your first order, when you download the door dash app from the app store and enter promo code hysteria. Again, that's promo code hysteria for five bucks off your first order from Georgia. This up hysteria is brought to you by better help. 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Let me introduce our panel this week first off, we have writer comedian. And I don't know what else to say. Wedding planner. Yeah. My wedding planner would take offense to that planned to have a wedding planner. That's a plan. I think you. We went to Palm Springs us weekend. I got to try cake, and that wasn't the most fun. We're getting a fun Feddie cake, and I didn't even know that was an option. Oh my God. High end not even like a make your grandma's making it fun Feddie like a woman in a store is making it is it pronounced feet the I think she did say like confetti like she did have a different name for what's on the box in the grocery store, but we were like it's petty. Oh my God. That's on. So sounds so good say, I want cake. No next up. We have writer, activist actress grace par grace. I also want some fun Feddie cakes Ari. No, it's great. I Rueda talk about cake and not bring cake. I think it is Meghan. That's okay next time. Hi guys, what the fuck is up. This aggressive. Oh, it's, it's an aggressive kind of morning kinda is man. There's so much going. There's two debates coming up to debate, but we don't have a chance to people are going to listen to this after the first debate. That's right. And Muller's testifying seventeen he's testifying on a day that I am going to be joining the hosts pod save America stage in Denver. Colorado be a fun day for everybody. Yes. Could it be a long day? Finally, I am delighted to welcome to hysteria for the first time crooked media contributor and national bestselling author. Julissa. Arce. Woo. Put him the house yet. How are you? I'm great. We were just talking about how the first time I met, you, you had just gotten engaged. And now you're now, you're like an expert on having wedding. Yeah, I really am I had to weddings. Oh, yeah. One of them was to make up for the fact that I didn't have Kingston yet. And the second one was just, you know the wedding the wedding. I don't either. And I always feel like I'm making up for it. Yeah. Every birthday Kington yet a themed birthdays. I, I guess if I have a wedding I'm going to have to just toss an extra one in there. Yeah. You're going to have to have some. I had like pink everything and my first wedding hours. And while my dress was white because. Yeah, you know, tradition tradition. Sure, I wanted to of mariachis bond. Yeah. See no. Whole thing I've ever heard along Instagram. And I was impressed. Thank you. I, I am. I am very impressive. My wedding to match my wedding set to match. Well, I guess since last time we were all in the studio a little bit as happened in my life. Yes. Yeah. I feel like I feel like you know that in the last episode of game of thrones when deniro's gets killed by John snow, and then the next scene is it's like, well a lot happened in these last three weeks. They don't show what happened. And it's like, oh my God, where's that up Assode that? That is that I'm not the only one that's still obsessed with the ending of game. With racism. Talking about so. But I feel like that that's me in. It's like I'm coming back, and I'm like, well, lots of stuff happened to me. I'm I got engaged. I was in Italy. Josh Josh, John as me. Yeah. Okay. His name. Right. Yeah. I do. I mean, I feel like some listeners, even have gone so far. So follow him and on Instagram. He appreciates that. So, but yeah, we got engaged in Italy. It was a complete surprise. I had no idea. It was coming my response to it was, what are you doing? What are you doing? Are you joking right now? Are you joking? And then I realized that he was serious because what kind of an asshole would joke around. I, I know a couple. Rather jokes around about proposing in front of our entire family. And then just segue into asking about the Pacers free agency. Ooh. This was years ago, and they're married and their second child on the way. Okay. Wow around while love is powerful. You can overcome that. Powerful thing but yeah, it was. It was like it was great. It was perfect. And I'm super happy and I'm going to slowly go insane over the next few months planning my wedding. I'm going to be consulting, the two other people here who are either in the process of planning wedding, or have had to fucking successful wedding. I'll give you all my notes. I, I will. I'm going to walk over to your house, we live so close to each other to walk over to your house, and I'm going to bang on your window in the middle of the night, and be like I need help. I'll give you one tip. Now, if I may, okay, you've got to go to the district flour the flour district in downtown LA. Okay. And the flowers will be like ten times cheaper than anywhere else. And you just take them what you want. You show him a picture, and they make them for you at, like one tenth of the price. Well, take you to Mike. Okay. Oh my gosh. Are to sell go to Palm Springs and find a very, very chic older gay man, and pay ten times going to have him. Hold your hand and say you are amazing. No, the guy down lay. He will tell you a muni. When you texted the group's read like picture of the ring, I responded back hysteria just got twice as knowing. Two people planning weddings I keeping like I'm just a really bad person to have brunch with right now. Yeah, I saw about me. I mean, I hope I don't go slowly insane but we'll see. I've seen really powerful women taken down. But what are you most concerned about the planning the actual wedding? I think that a lot of people that I've talked to a lot of my friends who had weddings, always say that costs way, more than you think it's the cost, and I think that there's a there's going to be tension between the sort of party that we wanna throw for our friends and family and the sort of party that is not crazy to throw because it's like we want to do other stuff. We wanna buy a house. You know, we want to go on vacation. And it's I think the sticker shock is going to be the hardest aspect of it also also like picking date that satisfies everybody. Well, I'll we'll get into it. I guess for the next who's who pays for these things, like I thrilled the brothers they've all gotten married, and I feel like it's the wife's. Like the wife's parents pay for very happy to finding okay? Yes. I just so we had to have a very honest conversation and my I was like bliss. And this is what I told the planner I wanted to spend, and my dad goes, no, I was planning to spend half of that. And I go once you meet me in the middle of what I wanted to spend what you wanted to spend, which is an ago, sheeting tactic, I learned from him, so kind of bit him in the ass. And then, so my parents are paying for big chunk, and then CJ, and I are covering the rest, which I think, is a pretty modern way to do it, right. Yeah. I hope I think we're just paying for it. Yeah. Hernandez, pretty much pay for his parents helped a lot. And they took off a lot of things off our hands and they paid a wedding with, like non monetary. No. I mean with both. Okay. Yeah. And then the wedding in Mexico, we had people who helped, but the majority of it would say, like eighty percent of the wedding for Nando, and I paid for it. Okay. We could probably have a whole show on this, and we will bring me back. I it is in the duck. We have a master doc of topics. We're gonna talk about which brings me to today's topic, which do we selected and that topic is trust. So because you're the guest, I'm gonna start with you. When you think about the concept of trust what comes to mind. You know, I think that I think that trust is something that's a built over time. When people show you who the are, who they are. You should believe them, but I also think that trust is a form of self love something that you do because otherwise it would drive you crazy. Live your life, never trusting anyone that's only hurting you also view. Trust us something that is about self love. That's really interesting. But how do you how do you differentiate between? Some somebody who is worth your trust. And somebody who is going to exploit your trust, which I think, is the million dollar question. Yeah. Well, listen, I am a formally documented women of color, and trust was not something that was in my DNA. It's something that I had to work on and go to their before, and like learn to trust, because I do think that, that line is a really fine line of one do trust someone. And when do you protect yourself from something that some something that someone might do to you? Right. But I really think is sort of, like trial and error, and I don't think that there is any right formula for how to Tel Aviv. Entrust someone or not trust them one. Unfortunately, I think it's something that you just have to do by trial and error, and you learn you learn to, like, pick up signals you learn how to let things go that otherwise might lead you. Like not trust someone that you should trust. Because you're just like on high alert all the time, you know, so it is a fine line, and it's it is a million dollar question that I don't have the answer. But we were going to solve it always on this show is we solve things grace, how important to you is is trust in building relationships. You know, I was thinking about what my relationship was to trust when, when we started talking about this topic via Email. And I remember that up until just like a couple years ago, I used to say this phrase all the time, and, like, really brash kinda masculine way, which is if a person doesn't drink. I don't trust them and, and that's been ingrained in my brain for so long. And I think it comes from being as a comedy writer like it's very hyper masculine industry. I grew up with data and brothers and mom who liked drink a lot. It's, it's a big part of my culture, and I really used to feel that alcohol was a way to get to know somebody, and if you get to know somebody with people's guards down. That's the way that you can learn to trust somebody now as time has gone on ESPN. In the last like, you know, nine months to years since a base since I stopped drinking, that's completely shifted. And that's been the biggest shift in my relationship with trust that it used to be where, like, if I could not get blackout with somebody, I would always be a little bit hesitant. And now it's more like if I can get if you're getting blackout, maybe I shouldn't trust. And yeah, and I don't know. I do think it's a hyper masculine reaction to trust like it comes from an old school madman style. Like we need to make asses of ourselves together. So we have, like counter compromise money, other. Yes, exactly. Yeah. That's really interesting. I mean that sort of reminded me of kind of what brings college prince together, and what rings people together in different organizations like in Greeks, there's, like a mutual, like mutual, humiliation leads stab -solutely Meghan. Did you find that that happened for you as a person living in Greek life time about your greatest? Well, in, like a an sweeter way to paint. And I do think there is something to be said. No. I'm still a drinker obviously as just like people's wall so doubt. Yeah. So you do kind of want to be let in and that doesn't always have to be drinking. It can just be I think sometimes when women are just you're like on a road trip with one other person. And you're kind of locked in a place together that can be a good way to have walls come down. But there are people in my life, who I've never seen them be vulnerable, and I do have probably a harder time trusting them and that's not specific to drinking. But I mean, I've already sisters that I blacked out in front of that. I definitely don't trust. Mutually with, you know, the sort of thing is interesting and other element of this, that I was thinking is how my relationship with trust is different with men from women, and I went, I didn't have a short experience, but I did go to Catholic school growing up, and Verdy basically sorority, but like a long period of time, and I feel like this blanket statement, let's unpack this, this is my might be totally wrong here. But I think I might actually have more of a problem trusting women than do men, and I don't. And that's strange because I do I feel so you know, very fiercely feminist and delighted with my female, friendships and family members. But I, I don't know maybe just past experience having been in the kind of Hornets nest of being around women for so long, that I'm a little more skeptical, or that, I understand more nuances, there by actually think there's stereotypes to be like, don't trust other women because like they may back stab you or they may actually be trying to like. Get at a man, but then, you know, the same way of thinking goes for, like, don't trust men because they're trying to sleep with you. And like a lot of it is, like, that's a huge giant thing. But I do think as women were sometimes taught to not trust other and again, I grew up with real brothers. I grew up with like men than I did trust. I grew up understanding that, that men are not to be feared in every situation. So I grew up, I grew up like not trusting just people in general because I think that one of one of the aspects of trust, sometimes people view, that if I can tell you, my deepest darkest secrets that means I trust you raid. And if you if I tell you everything about me, and you don't reciprocate that back, then I don't know that I trust you because now you knew all these things about me, and I don't know anything. Form of rail. But, you know, for me like growing up on documented. It was really hard to tell my secrets to people, right? Like I couldn't tell my closest friends like my best friend in the whole wide. They didn't know didn't know that I was undocumented. Right. Like people, I dated, I would never tell them that I was undocumented. And so, and so I do think that there was this aspect of, I think, maybe some of my friends thinking that I didn't trust them because I wasn't divulging the same kind of information. They were telling me and so, and it wasn't because I didn't trust them is just, you know, I grew up with my mom always telling me the anatomy. Audience. Tell anyone, right. And, and so it took a lot to for me to explain to my friends or try to form close relationships with people without telling them all these very personal things about meaning when was the first time that you told someone that you were dating, did you wait until after you had gotten the process of becoming citizens started or did you do when you're still undocumented? Well, I'll tell you two stories, stories, one again like my mom was always, like, don't tell anyone don't tell anyone. And I, I learned I was trained to lie to a boyfriend before I ever even had a boyfriend. Right. Like you do not tell this thing to anyone, and I remember like in high school, high school party with this guy was dating and the cop showed up, and I just like took running into the backyard, like jumped the fence. He's like chasing after me. Like, why are you so freaked out? You know, like the worst they can happen is we get a ticket and to me. Me, it was like no. Like if I get caught I can get deported. Yeah. I couldn't tell him that. So then he just thought it was over reacting. Right. And of course, like, you know, men always think not always a lot of men women overreact. And so I just let him think I'm overreacting, right? Then in college I, I was like, maybe my mom is wrong. He knew I've been dating this guy for like two years. And like he just drove me thirty minutes to get dock os. And, and he's he he has his cute set is not trust them. You know, like I surely can trust this person. So I told him I don't have papers. What came out of my mouth, and then we talked for a long time, he held my hand, his very sweet. And he says, you know, I you're not alone anymore, and it was such a big sense of relief. Like, oh, Finally, I trust them one and the keep the secret in and then couple years later, we moved to New York. And I find out he's cheating on me. Yeah. So, you know, like any woman might react like I was like, I'm going to show him the true meaning of woman scorned, you know, like so angry and I called him and I found the woman's phone number on a suitcase in his apartment dumb ass. And so I called him and I'm like, I'm going to call her issue. And then he said the one thing I could never imagine anyone saying he said, if you call her I will call. Oh my God. Which was I s was the equivalent of ice now. God fucking off. Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm still like I told his story, my heart is starting to race again, you know, telling all these years later, and, and you better believe that I did not tell anyone else about being undocumented for the longest time, because my mom's voice was in my head being like I told you not to tell anyone and you know, I could just hear my mom's voice him I hadn't. So of course, like fucked me up for a long time. You know, and it's taken a long time to I, I was I was married before. And that's actually how I became a citizen. It was because my ex husband is a US. So obviously I opened up again and trusted again. And, and my trust was met with the right. It was it was it was cared for, and now a marriage wonderful, wonderful man, who I trust. And I love and I you know, he knows everything about me, but it took time to recover from that. And I think when you go through that it takes time to. Cover, and trust people again, and let people into your life again. This is probably cliche. But like when you when you're trust is broken by someone you love. It's even more devastating to like have someone. That was your partner us something against you. When they actually did something wrong, right? You had not done anything. It was like a double whammy, right? Because ones like you betrayed my trust of just like my love trust for you. And you're like cheating on me. But then on top of that, you willing to destroy my life. Can we destroy his? Yeah. What's his name? No. We'll talk harm has gotten him in some way. I don't think I think he's I think he's rich writing with kids. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nobody ever said is rich married and has kids. Subject of all great works of American literature. I'm rich I'm married. I have kids and I'm set, John Cheever sorts short story is he is. Let's let's, let's put it onto university is sad. Just human now. I don't I don't wish bad. I really don't know because. I think that's part of self. Love is to like forgive and move on. And, you know, you, you can't it it's too much to carry with you whole life. Yeah. Got a letter this Christ like, overcoming that is that's herculean. It really is. It really is what you want, like four more wedding. They'll just be kids in Europe. Grace. So you meet people that you trust. You don't trust. Yeah. But sometimes you have to have people that you don't trust in your life because you work for them or you work with them a hem, ladies because you work for them you work with them. You just you can't alienate them, but you don't trust them. So how do you deal with a I in that you don't trust so people that I don't trust who I have to interact with exclusively on social media, thankfully, you can block people. You can meet them without them knowing this is something that I feel like there's a lot of listeners out there who experience where it's like I don't trust this person. I have to see them every day or I'm working on this project with them and a half to follow them so that they, there's just like appearance that you put on thankfully, those methods exist, because there was a time, where that wasn't really couldn't meet people couldn't really mute people. And so these people that you really did not do not believe in who you, you would not put an ounce of faith in. We're just in your face constantly. That's one method, I think, but as far as real life goes, I mean. A lot of it is having a trusted confidante who you can talk to about these feelings of distrust, and then move on, because the problem is, if you bought things in jalousie, you spoke to this in a really way, if you bottled things up it can, it can really fuck you up, there has to be some method of expressing why it is that you feel a lack of trust to somebody, but the difficult thing is restraining yourself from letting that get out in a way that's unproductive to that person. So I find that like this is like we've had some conversations about gossip in the past and how sometimes it's like gossip feel so terrible. But sometimes it's cathartic and sometimes you have to there's a thin line between. What what's defined gossip? And what's something that, that, that is a method of catharsis to allow you to effective tools to affectively handle a lack of trust in one's life, and I find that just like shitting on people to nihil is the way that, that I. Really do. Yeah. I mean, that's a it's so awkward though, if you have somebody in your life that you just like, don't I can't hide my feelings toward people like and sometimes when I'm around people in public, I can keep up a facade of like, I'm, I'm warm. I'm open, I'm happy. But when I run out of energy because I don't think I'm naturally, an expert of extrovert at all. I think I'm naturally introverted. I can turn it on, but it just takes a lot out of me. And when I'm in, when I'm at a party, I'm in public, eventually I just run on energy and I just can't pretend anymore. And so that has led me into some awkward situations where it's like if I just don't trust somebody I'll be at a social event with them. And it'll just be like just not even resting bitch face, like active active bitch face. Like, you know, one word answers not wanting to engage them at all. And I, I wish I had a more effective way of dealing with the fact because thing, the thing is people knowing that you don't trust them, doesn't really accomplish anything. It's. Just a it makes you feel like a moment of victory like, you know, like your character on a TV show, and that's like a don't trust. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's an ad break, but it's like, but it's not really. It's not really productive. So I kind of struggle with being able to balance fact that I definitely don't trust many people, but I also have a very difficult time hiding the fact that I don't trust many people, my distrust of people sort of camouflaged and other way because I'm never like in a group, and I'm like I don't trust her. You know it comes out as like I really shoot shut the fuck up. Never, and I have this conversation, you know, with friends or with CJ. And when you're venting about somebody it like so rarely like you get to the core of it. Like, I think the symptoms are much easier to recognize than like. Oh, actually, this relationship is fundamentally broken because I don't have trust for them because I'm an extremely trusting person. That's just I was raised to trust everybody probably to a fault, and it gives me really, really high expectations. And so when those expectations aren't meant I don't think I have a good job. I don't do a good job of recognizing that it's like broken trust is sort of blame it on other thing. But I do think there's a difference between not liking someone and not trusting someone you know, you can dislike someone instill trust them, and there are people that you can like, you know, think they're fun. And like to soc. Allies with. But they aren't like people in your inner circle that you trust. I do think that there's a difference between. I don't like you and I don't trust you people. I like that. I don't trust. But I don't think there's people I dislike and trust. They are plenty of people that I don't like that. I trust like there's tons of people that I'm like, I would not want to hang out with you. Like, Honora your, you know your. Yeah, exactly. You're honorable. I trust your word trust that. You're going to do what you say you're going to do someone came to mind. I found one finding that those are the only kind of people that I want to hang out with, like. Totally. I would totally have some non alcoholic drinks ending. I winning. Duals. It's too fun for, for Mitt Romney fund fifty cake. It's not a style too. Crazy. Meghan, what you're saying about being raised to trust. People brings up something really interesting. I was thinking about what you said in, in the context of what you said, which is that if you're somebody who's marginalized, you live your entire life, and your default is I can't trust these people in the more marginalized. You are the less, you can the less room, you have to trust institutions or like the police, or teachers, or people that you're supposed to view as authority figure. And I think when you are a white woman or you were raised in a, you know, a no stable community, and you were always the people that the that the that society exists to protect, we have totally different attitudes about what happens. What news stories and what we believe in, we don't believe in I was thinking about this in the context of stories like, what we're seeing at the border right now where we have these stories of children being mistreated on mass, and if you talk to anybody who's ever gone through the immigration system. They're like, oh, yeah. Of course. Yeah, I totally believe that. And I think the further away you get from those marginalized, people, the less credence. They give those accusations. Do not do you know what I'm saying? More the closer, you are fucking rich white guy, the less likely you are to believe that the system is victimizing. People will you had the, you know, you had the you had this group of lawyers recently that went to the border and like Saul these children, like not being base license stations, influence, outbreaks just like the most horrible conditions. And then you have the, the, the former head of I saying, I don't buy that literally, I don't buy that when there are people who are documenting this, there's, like evidence for this, that this is happening. And you're right. You know growing up. I didn't really trust the systems outside of my community. Right. Like I trust it, my community. I trust at my family, and I think because we don't trust the system. We are. It's, it's actually beautiful thing. That happens that you kind of create. Within your community to make things work, right? But yeah, the system's outside in when you have is showing up to people's doors, wearing vast dice. That say police, you know, they don't say is they say police it leads people to believe. Right. Right. And then I was just watching finally watched when they see us and, and to me, while to watch it because I knew that I was going to be heartbroken over like watching this. And for those of you that don't know when they see us as five part series on Netflix. That tells the story of the central park five, the five Latino and block kids who were wrongly accused, and, and imprisoned for raping a white jogger white woman, jogger in central park, and you just watch this and you're like, how can we trust the system when these young people were coerced into admitting crime? They didn't commit. Right. And you watch all these things and yeah, it is really fucking hard to be a person of color in this country right now. And trust the institutions around us. It's hard. Yeah. I mean, and there are instances that come up all the time, like Chicago, the there was like. Secret black site where the police were actually torturing convictions people, and there are, there are places all over the country, where the people who are supposed to be protecting. The public interest are actually only serving the interests of the privilege at the expense of the marginalized, and it's really hard, I think to trust. I think that as a as a white woman, my adulthood, has been a series of realizing that I should not be trusting the institutions that actually benefit the benefit us, which is a which is a kind of tug of war that I think, is a person that's trying to be empathetic citizen that you have to, like overcome at in your brain, like the white women who voted for Trump are trusting the system because the system is supposed to protect them, and it does protect them. But if we're going to be conscientious people we have to disconnect from that. But then you see someone like Dr Ford who is truly, like a beacon of white women, and then you're like, oh, they don't even trust her or the twenty two women who have accused Trump of sex duct. Gracie. Look like you wanted to well, I was just gonna say that. I think I'm thinking back to conversations that I had early on with my parents about a lack of trust in systems and. These conversations constantly led back to either my mom and my dad's saying, well the end of the day, just gotta trust in God and religion tends to be kind of fallback when institutions are failing. I certain communities, of course. I don't know if you guys have an experience with that, too, where it's like, well, of course, you can't trust the systems. But you know you can trust God. He's always there. Jesus that guy. Holy Spirit, there around sure. Bring tongue. Floating and radiating. That's okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I, I don't again like I'm so so interested in religion and not to besmirch the religious by any means. But I wonder if the religious feel more of a sense of calm, about a lack of trust and institutions, because there's always that extra layer of trust. They can rely on something that's more imperceptible than those of us, who do have the more like tangible institution think that's only positive of religion. Mine. Yeah. I like being able to trust something bigger is it almost feels like it's a human need like completely like we need food water shelter all those things, and we also have emotional needs and being able to trust is an emotional need, and I think grace might be onto something that when the system completely fails, you your need can be fulfilled by trusting in, in God or in faith faith, I think is, yeah. That's I mean, that's what got me through when, you know, I was undocumented, like I couldn't tell anyone, but like I could sit and pray and, and, and, and my if you have entire journals that are basically, just like letters to God. Really? Oh, yeah. You still how the publish, and that's really interesting. Have you read a couple of my books? Letters God from. Yeah. I know. I should. Yeah. I mean, that's I think what, what, you know, gets a lot of people through. But I do also think that some people can take, like, really far and just be like, I, I texted a few family members and friends like when, when Trump announced the ice rates that didn't end up happening. But imagine like having to Tex people when I texted, my friends and some family members being like there's some ice play some ice rates plan this weekend. Be careful. You know, just like don't go out to stay home. Go to a friend's house like just be careful, right? And one of the responses came back like. Don't worry got got half us. And I'm like, yes, God does have you. But what if God having you is telling you to be careful? Like, what if that's the way of protecting you like somebody telling you to do something tangible? So I wish that, you know, I respect people's faith and probably Pete. Some people have more faith than I do. Which is why they can like kind of make those kinds of blanket. Siemens for me is always like, yes, got helps us. But also. We have to help ourselves. Right. Oh, God way. So, like you need manageable. You know, like prayer the power for some people believe in some people do not. But this idea of, like, we can't what we can't treat them because that's God will take care of right? And God invented medicine of what you believe take the damn medic exists, for reasons, leaving the prayer solves everything is standing in front of a door that says push and being, like I wanna push the store open up the door open. Like you have to actually do something, I think. Yeah, but I wanted to segue really quickly into another aspect of our lives that demands are trust and betrays it constantly, and that's technology and Jewish. So you brought up technology's role in being able to spread the word about, like ice rates, and being able to reach out to members of your community and, and do it really officially and quickly. But in other ways technology has betrayed our trust. Big time in some countries. Facebook, for example, was used to stir up violence, that was targeting. Civic ethnicities and you can't trust what you see on Instagram because everything is fucking face tune, so Meghan. Do find technology trustworthy. And if not how, how do use invent? It's untrustworthiness. I mean, I don't face to. I don't even know how to do it. I actually liked to be like, listen. I'm gonna throw in a picture of me every now and then just so people know I'm being on. Just see that varicose, vein girl. Did not touch this up. I mean, I think you just have shoe and it's so interesting because all have conversations with friends who still live back in the mid west, and they'll send screen shots, if people like, oh my God, you see this, and it's like you, but that's a lie. And so some of that I'm like, have become so cynical, and that I just don't believe. But, like I just try and use it sort of as a mental exercise of like what is real, what is not, and figure it out that way. But I mean I do find it. So fascinating in warfighting that we're constantly, putting our trust into Airbnb hosts and lift drivers. And like these people that we do not know at all. But because we have an app on our phone. That's connected us. We're like sure. I'll live in your house like it's insane to the point where I feel myself being like I wanna be in a hotel. I know I know what happens. A hotel and you check in, and I know that they have to wash the towels and so I felt myself sort of reverting away from these things because I opened up too much, and like, if you had told our grandparents. Okay, you're just gonna live in people's houses that you've found on the internet. What did you just say? Gary, I wasn't Airbnb host. So I gotta you gotta gotta defend the Airbnb. Have you met all better now? You're like the best one out of all of the VM be host other side. When you had to trust people. Exactly. You know, there is there has to be some sort of trust, because I did have to trust people, and I did Airbnb when I lived in New York and had a two bedroom apartment. And so I was still in the apartment dot when these people were. Yeah. And so you do have, you know, I read the reviews, I ask them questions, I stock them Instagram and Facebook and like before accepted anyone into, like, into my, my place, and whenever I did have guests, I would have my boyfriend stay over, because I felt like I had another person there in case something went bad. But, you know, in terms of technology, I do I do think that we are paying a very high price for the technology that we have. And that's our privacy. We are constantly paying for new technology with our privacy. And I do think that at times that is a very high price to pay to be connected to the world around us, right? To, like, I am definitely that person that has a little black tape on pewter. Pewter that. Oh, easy to have a webcam. No. I don't have it. And I'm like, I feel like I look good. Would be like you know, my stall on sending news with my face what I gotta get. Yeah. Definitely have that. Like I I'm the person that changes my passwords few times a year e-e-e-e-no. You gotta take precautions because because it is really easy for technology to be used against us. Right. When the reality is, you know, we should be the ones controlling technology it should be working for us not against us. And so, but there are precautions. You have to take. Right. Because we can't fully trust them. Do you have like an Amazon echo or a dot or something that's supposed to like a digital assistant? Yeah. I have. Oh, Tom is that's so bad. And I have one in every room in our house, my art or they might be able to solve the criminal. That was good. So that's fun good time and make it easy. It's happening. Good show, actually active Alexa, coming into the courts now like this was a few months ago. So I, I didn't follow up. I don't know what they decided, but they were trying to see if it was admissible like what Alexa, had tracked because there had been like? Hose us twenty gallons. And the guy was like, oh, I left it on it was, like, new you cleaned up. Blood. So kind of I mean, it is technology. This is still in the technology realm, which is like scientific technology discoveries. But I never realized how much I trust it my birth control until I got off of birth control. And I'm like, damn like I really put a lot of trust in and listening for Nanto's family. This is not me. We're having baby. My UD expired. And so we have to come out because it expired. But right now, I'm like inbetween and, and I'm like this is weird like this is the first time in my life like an adult that I haven't had birth control a moon goddess, I mean a little bit. But also, I'm like, also, I'm like, I have to just go to sleep with, like, you know, sweat, pants and shirt and sweater and everything else on, because I don't I don't trust that, you know that I'm gonna know what to do without birth control. Right. But it also showed me how much I did trust before because I never thought about it. While I was on it not ones that I think like oh, sh you know, oh shit like pay right? Just trusted. Yeah. You trust you trust it. And then you have very untrustworthy entity is trying to get in between other women and access to it for very untrustworthy reasons, which is like a whole God told them to do. Got it. They'll be okay. God. Hey though blaming God. Using other excuse, you people who wanna take away our rights. Well, I think we're running out of time for the trust conversation. I think we solved it, we as we solve everything. We're gonna take a quick break. But when we come back the hills will die on. Hysteria is brought to you by the New Yorker, the New Yorker represents the best writing in America today beyond publishing the bus riders in the world, New Yorker holds people in power accountable through rigorous reporting and compelling storytelling. Oh, also, if you guys get the printed edition, this week's cover is really started getting the print edition. Yeah. Really pretty it's a it's a pride cover and it's very geometric and bright colors. And I really, I really like the covers. I mean, which is really superficial thing to love about the New Yorker. But I love the covers for the covers partly for the covers partly for the guilt. Yeah. I like the stack of New Yorkers. It just sits on my coffee table. And it's like read me. I'm Evan Osnos. I need to start using better help to help me with my inside about not reading my magazines. I mean, you know, it's, it's like I, I read at least one thing from the New Yorker every week usually before it, even is like published. And I just like having it at my house, because being able to page through and looking at it kind of like there's a lot of arts listings and New York. So you get a sense of what's going on are typically in the place where like art art happens as opposed to LA where it's just kind of like a little bit of a little bit of a dead zone. 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Wanna get paid to shop. I mean, sure, yes. I mean, I do it anyway, all the time to I wanna get paid to get out of bed. Do I wanna get paid to eat too? I want to get sure get paid to talk. Don't get paid. Well, do I have a job for you? Let me tell you about drop the free app that gives cash rewards for the shopping, you do every day. All you have to do is link your debit card and credit card to the app when you sign up select the stores you shop at most and you'll earn points. Each time you spend there before you know it, you can redeem your points for gift cards at places like Amazon's four Lululemon, and countless more drop is incredibly easy to use and designed for people who want their money to go as far as possible. The more you spend, the more drop gets to know you shop at brands you love and discover new ones you're about to. It's a totally personal shopping experience designed to get you rewarded as quickly as possible. So here's what I like about this. I love credit card with rewards on it. But this is sort of like a double way to kind of double up on it. I spend way too much money. It's four which have talked about before. Yes. And being able to earn extra money by shopping. They're sort of sort of offsets the gilts. Yeah. Like a tiny bit. And that is that tiny bit is what I need to keep going every day, you know what gets you just need. Someone to give me the like, here's five dollars. You need financial information that your life. Exactly. For a limited time, if you had to the app store or Google play and sign up for drop using the code hysteria. You'll receive a five dollar gift card right away. Make sure to link a card to the app when you sign up to redeem your reward. And we're back with the part of the show where we take adamant stances on things that don't actually matter that much. It's the hills, that will die on, let's get started with our listener hill, minus Hillary and the hill, I will, always die on is women who wear their hair down at the gym. As far as I'm concerned if you're doing this, you shouldn't even be at the gym. You cannot do a productive workout with your hair in the way you get sweaty your hers touching your shoulders. It's just gross. And it's gonna get in the way and you're not working hard enough. If your hair's down here, just not you should just own it. When you're at the gym, you're, there speaks comes strong in that is beautiful in what you're who is doing should not matter to you or anyone else. Okay. I am definitely the bitch that goes to soul cycle with my hair down. That's my hair down. My titties out riding on the bike. Help your soul cycle. I mean I just I I what about guys who have long hair who wear their hair down. That happens all the time, the gold's gym in West Hollywood. These guys just like locks and I love it. I say own it. I like it. I don't like it when like soccer players. International soccer players who have long hair. We'll just put a headband on. It's like Alex Morgan would never do that fucking put your hair back in a ponytail man. Where your hair where where you're a member where a man bud wanna wear it lung. And you wanna play soccer put it back in a boating. Sometimes I forget, it's crunchy and I will have to wear my hair down now. But I'll definitely walk in with it flowing. He doesn't like. The people to looks, you know. How about we just like stub judging each other one is your workout. I do feel like it becomes an arms race though. Because it's like at the gym you agree that you're looking less physically attractive. And if somebody's coming in they're all glam doubt. You're like, okay bitch. Now there's. And so, I have to look better. But listen, if you want to compare yourself to me. I mean we're gonna give Barnes you're gonna you're going to up your game. So really hit confidence goals this morning too. Going to do my hill. I is short, but I don't think that you have really if you think you're tough, you're not really tough until you've made a cat swallow a pill that it doesn't want to. Eleanor, my cat has been very sick, which documented on Instagram like in a bunch of fights with people about her being sick, but I have to give her medicine every day. She doesn't like it because cats hate it. When you're trying to save their life because they don't care. So, yeah, the hand that my engagement ring on is all fucked up because she's just not happy with him, but this morning I successfully made her swallow a pill. And I've, you know, I've, I've been an athlete my whole life. I've run a lot. I've done some like pretty big hikes. And that was a huge victory, I think comparable to finishing marathon, I in the Himalayas it felt it felt great. So I think that if you think you're tough you're not really tough until you've made a cat swallow a pill. It doesn't want to swallow. Okay. Megan who look forward to never having to do that. I feel like this is going to be controversial. But I've been seeing people like comment this on photos. And then I've heard people say it in person too. I don't like when people say, a baby is delicious. Oh, yeah. That's kind of weird fair. And I understand being wanna eat. It's cheeks like we've all seen chubby cheek and like I'd bite it. What? Say delicious or like just say like chunk. There's so much like always so cute. It's so squishy delicious like just should be reserved. I just for food. I don't even think it should be in the bedroom like if CJ whatever. Over. Horrified. It's so bizarre. Like just leave it to like Barada. Okay. That's fair. Okay. Grace delicious is a great segue into my hill this week, which is I think that I've uncovered the most on delicious overrated food in our culture. Okay. Go baby corn. Get the. He likes that. The biggest problem bitcoins, the little shits that come from the addle, ninety million people like it, though. I hope to me, it's a flaccid carrot. It's a it's a little lasted little and besmirches the good name of the corn. She's been around for ten thousand years. Thank you indigenous people in Mexico, who first discovered it and its currency and its petroleum. And it's close, and it's all this shit, and baby corn gets to run around talking like it's a corn and it's not baby anything else that's a baby cat, a baby human, a baby carrots. Everyone loves baby care, baby. Corn needs. It needs rebranding needs to get get out of the corn world. How about Korn minus cord ni-nice is fine. What about that scene in big when he eats like a corn on the cob? I love that instead. That one's good. Oh my gosh. My college roommate. One of my college roommates was equally opposed to baby corn. Also a Mexican American released. She was just like fuck baby. She was so aggressively anti baby corn. It tastes like shit. And I love going. It's not good. Besmirching the good name of truly does. Authentic scented. Okay. Julius up bring us home. Okay. So my Hilton today on is cancelling people on the internet is stupid. Blue should not be canceling people on the internet. Unless it's Tommy Laurent because. Because she has shown a pattern of disrespected inappropriate behavior. Yes, that is a from the office memory. Glad office, but canceling people in our, in it's dumb. I was once cancelled Zane that pizza is better than tacos. Which is another hill, owls, Iowa then everybody came out and they're like you're cancels what the nose wheel, cancel you, and I'm like, I, I love pizza. And, you know, people need to give some grace to grow because we're all growing we all make mistakes. We're all just human beings on this earth, trying to make the best that we can out of it. And so let's give people some grace in except county except time because again daily again, she has shown a pattern of disrespected inappropriate behavior. Yes, her, she showed up to one of Megan's comedy shows one time she raised her on what which city. Manhattan beach. She lives down there. Well, she laugh I go and Fox News, sometimes don't cancel me for that. Sometimes I do it and she was coming out of the city when I was coming in. And so I got to hear her mess up like twenty times. And I was like, oh, Hugh, mess up so much. That is actually provide me, some comfort go through that style. Which is always a favorite, but don't cancel people internet, stop it. It's, it's silly show. People grace, let's be better human being. Yeah. I think cancel culture can at its worst. Rob people of growth. Yeah. And it's a kind of cynical thing to do. I think he's worse. Okay. Ladies, Meghan grace, Lisa. Thank you so much for joining me today. Happy, yank you to alyssum Mestre Monica for calling in and breaking down the news. And thank you all for listening. We'll be more hysteria. Sixty. Daria is a product of media. Carolina reston is our producer. Our editor, Sarah Barrett. Kyle Seguin are sound engineer, thanks to our digital team not Melconian and Elisha cone for production support each week.